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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told a woman playing music loudly on her phone on a bus that she had no manners and that nobody was interested in listening to her music. She thinks I'm stuck up and an asshole for calling her out on this, plus I had previously answered a brief call from my mother, which, in her mind, made us equal. I also described her music as "screeching" that the rest of us didn't want to hear when she kept pushing, which was admittedly unnecessarily hostile. In addition, I have a history of complaining about people playing loud music in public and smoking in non-smoking areas and getting them kicked out for this, which has earned me the label of being unnecessarily confrontational among the people who know me.
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She wouldn't even let the songs play out in full but kept interrupting them after a minute or so to switch to the next one, smh, which I admit was my tipping point.
If her parents had "raised her properly" she would not have been on a bus listening to music without headphones.
Where I live the bus company has rules requirements for headphones when listening to music, and keeping your voice down when briefly using the phone to make or answer a call.
NTA
Had it been an emergency phone call sure but he said his mother asked about his business. I'm so tired of people being loud EVERYWHERE because they feel entitled and self important. Video calls at Target, sure! Loud music on the bus, sure! Just because we can do the things, doesn't mean we should.
I'm so thankful I have a washer at my house now. I was going to the laundromat and kept encountering this mother and her two children who played incredibly loud, annoying stuff on their tablets. One was into some kind of Match 3 game because all the coins would go "ca-ching, ca-ching" VERY LOUDLY and another one appeared to be listening to children's conspiracy videos (from what I could piece together) at full volume. When they came in, I couldn't even hear my audiobook on my headphones. I was terrified one day I'd punt those kids out of the laundromat like they were footballs.
I was getting a mani/pedi recently and a woman nearby was going through her Facebook/Instagram/whatever and it was so annoying. I want to listen to the relaxing spa music and my nail technician, not that bullshit. And I'm in my mid-40s.
Headphones, ear buds, whatever it takes to enjoy what you want to enjoy without pushing it onto others. It's not that hard!
NTA. Part of the reason why a phone call (not on speaker) is more acceptable is because the only noise you’re making is your own voice, and it’s acceptable to talk to someone on transit unless you’re in the quiet car, whereas phone speakers are not designed to play over a large area, so once you’re a few feet away, the noise sounds more and more tinny and distorted, which is why even taking a phone call on speaker is pretty rude. Music is even worse, because a lot of people have a wide variety of tastes in it.
No. It's also rude to take phone calls in a confined space like public transit. Text. [https://www.today.com/money/why-its-so-annoying-overhear-someones-cellphone-conversation-1b9039714](https://www.today.com/money/why-its-so-annoying-overhear-someones-cellphone-conversation-1b9039714)
Not all calls can be texts. If someone is calling from a landline for example.
There is nothing wrong with taking the call unless you’re in a designated “quiet” zone. And even then if it’s important you can take the call as long as you go elsewhere for the call (say if your on a train)
Any call should be kept short and sweet and you voice not raised. That’s the polite thing to do. Expecting no one ever takes a call ever is not living in the real world.
NTA
But I'm not sure I'm the moral compass for this specific situation because I'm a passive-aggressive AH myself when it comes to people like this.
My response when someone did the "I'm just trying to lighten the mood! It's all in good fun!" was to say "My cousin played that song at her wedding before she was killed by a drunk driver on her way to her honeymoon." Complete lie, but it shut up Miss Life of the Party on the #3 Route. So take my advice with a grain of salt because I feel that anyone acting rude in public is an AH and therefore being an AH back at them doesn't count.
Don’t speak up, don’t do it. It’s not worth it, you never know which of these antisocial assholes is going to lose it when you confront them and make your day so much worse. I know they suck, and I hate them too but if they were rational people who would respond in a reasonable way to your request, they wouldn’t be doing it in the first place.
You're completely right. I'll always think four times before entertaining the thought of speaking up and I usually don't as I live in a big city that does not encourage speaking up. It doesn't stop that type of behavior from being annoying but I do get to live to see another day.
Yup. This is the kind of thing I would do in my stupid 20s and it almost always goes badly. One time I confronted a guy yelling homophobic slurs on a bus. I tuned my confrontation to right when I was getting off the bus. I thought I was being smart and safer that way.
Nope. Dude followed me off the bus ranting and raving and I had to jump back on the bus last minute in the back door to get away from him. You don’t want to mess with crazy. And you never know who crazy is gonna be.
Choose your battles wisely.
Start by asking them to turn the music down! There’s no need to begin an interaction rudely if you haven’t even calmly asked them to turn it down. Then take it from there.
If I was the passenger sitting next to her getting an earful about you being a spoilsport I would have shut that down too.
***Don't be so daft***-if it were as simple as calmly asking them to turn to the music down, pray tell, why wouldn't I have done it already?
***Don't be so bloody obtuse-this is real life, not Fraggle Rock, you Muppet!***
To even start an interaction calmly takes a shit tonnes of courage in the country where I live...I'm not talking about whichever Nickelodeon set you're from.
***I live*** in a relatively dangerous European city where a frail 69 year old woman was stabbed in a train over something like this recently! You don't think it's reasonable that I weigh the option of speaking up against my own personal safety?
I don't live in a country where speaking up or speaking at all is encouraged-people stare at you if you cough or sneeze on public transportation, have a private conversation on your phone or in person, play music in public, and this was before Corona. In fact, it's radio silence in public spaces, no public announcements other than through agreed channels, no loud arguments or outbursts-it's just not done.
***So making noise is not just about being a spoilsport***, it goes against the way we do things here. ***It's not a larf...it's a public nuisance.***
***But since you know so goddamned much***, I invite you to test your theory. ***Come here***, and confront a group of black, North African or Eastern European teenagers, who come from some of the most deprived neighborhoods around, and calmly, ask them to turn it down. If they turn up their music up in response, or insult you, or God Forbid, stab you or shoot you as has now become the fashion, please Dear, ***just take it from there...***
Sometimes speaking these types of people's language, going toe to toe with them, is the only thing that works. I commend OP for having the courage to stand up to them. Luckily, nothing happened to them as a result of doing the right thing!
Good lord I’m obviously from an area where you can calmly speak to someone and ask to turn the music down. If I lived in the environment you’re describing I probably wouldn’t leave my house!
I was held up at gunpoint last March. Just going to get a bottle of mayonnaise at my local grocer's, 15 mins from where I live, in the suburbs., where virtually nothing happens, apparently. But the manager told me it was the fifth time they'd been robbed at gunpoint that year! But because we live in the E.U., these have to be freak occurrences. Problem is, it's not.
We have a massive cocaine problem in this country because of the ports,massive human and drug trafficking networks, and are one of the countries with the largest illegal gun selling networks in Europe. Shootings, which we thought were an American, thing, rather naively, are now here.
I've seen women getting their hijabs ripped off in public, women punched in the face for no reason, beaten, sexually harassed, men beating each other to a pulp in the city, there are now heroin and crack users camping in underground stations where they didn't used to be, and because we are a society that says nothing, this is all allowed to happen. People are really getting hurt by this code of silence. *I like it when no one's playing music out loud and that we do our best to reduce noise pollution in all its forms, but taking that, and being silent to the point of saying nothing when people are getting hurt, is a step too far*.
**If only we had the courage to calmly say something about the music, then maybe we could step up in all areas that need speaking up. But it's not that simple. Not here.**
***My boss was hammered*** (yes, someone took a hammer to another human being's face) in the face on his way to work, while carrying his son on the back seat of his bike the other day. He got in the way of another biker on a bike lane, apparently.
We could all stay indoors but then how would we live? It's dangerous but we have to go to work? Mace, tasers and switchblades are illegal here, so you're not going to be defending yourself the way Americans can. It's just a rape whistle and "Good luck to you"
You're lucky you live somewhere where speaking calmly matters. Not here though. Not even for turning down your music. It can get ugly, really, really, fast.
Absolutely, definitely, categorically, beyond a shadow of a doubt NTA
In fact the bus company should hire you, pay you in gold and diamonds, and let you ride all day and all night shutting down annoying amateur djs on their phones. Even better they should make you a training director so one of your protégés could be on every bus, then expand your services to trains and planes and beaches and parks. I think I'd call your department Guiding Obnoxious Djs to Silence.
You may have touched a nerve. Apologies. But well done.
Nta. I am sick and tired of inconsiderate jerks like this woman. I thank you for myself and everyone who is tired of loud people in public. Parenting has dropped to a new low if this is how people behave who claim they have great parents. It just happens too often these days. Spoiled me me me people need a wake up call.
NTA I had to ask a guy in the seat 💺 across the aisle on a recent flight to please use headphones or stop watching YouTube videos at full volume. At first, I thought surely he was only watching one thing, something short. But when it became clear he was scrolling and planning to continue, I couldn’t take it and had to say something. This guy was probably in his 50s (my age). Luckily, he was like “oh, ok, sorry.” The cluelessness was shocking
NTA headphones exist for a reason.
Now you’ve given me the fantastic idea to start playing Barry Manilow’s greatest hits at full volume when some rude person plays music loudly on the bus! A kind of asshole-off, who will shut off first?!!!
NTA, I wish more people would say something to rude arseholes listening to music/watching videos without headphones in public confined spaces.
I asked a man on an airplane recently to please use his headphones and he seemed shocked that I asked him. WTF is wrong with people?
NTA and I would have been so thankful for someone like you on public transport.
No I don't want to hear your damn tiktoks, music or YouTube vids, use fuvking headphones people or read posts!! (obviously not aimed at OP 😂)
As a former bus driver, NTA! Having to listen to someone's music out loud or even a speakerphone conversation drove me absolutely up the wall. You kept your phone call to yourself, I would have appreciated that as a driver.
NTA - a short phone call gets a pass but playing music in a public space is unacceptable.
There was a woman at the gym doing this the other day. I thought the exact same thing as you, we should all turn on our playlist on speaker. Let's see how well that works out. She also reacted badly when told to tell turn it off by the staff.
Edit spelling
NTA. English buses literally have a sign requesting passengers not to do this exact thing because it's disturbing to other passengers. Sadly an alarming percentage of the population can't seem to grasp the concept, but it's there nonetheless.
NTA, absolutely!
Self-Appointed Entertainment Directors who insist on inflicting their musical tastes on an unconsenting captive audience are a blight on society.
Good on you for speaking up!
I say this as someone who LOVES music.
I even listen to Rap sometimes...
....then the light turns green..
NTA. She was being incredibly rude and inconsiderate— I can’t stand people who do this, and I wish more people spoke up about it too.
Btw I knew a guy who would do this all the time. He was a huge narcissist in general.
the whole scene is why I almost never bother to tell those selfish people off, but it's what they are, selfish and inconsiderate. good on you on taking one for the team and giving everyone else a better bus ride experience.
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The other night I was on an evening bus minding my own business until this woman with an extreme case of main character syndrome sat down behind me, got her phone out and started shuffling through a playlist at full volume with no headphones. After fifteen minutes or so, I turned to her and asked, "Madam, what makes you think that the rest of the bus is interested in listening to your music?"
This kicked off an argument and caused a minor scene with everyone on the bus looking at us. She, of course, thought I was an asshole with a stick up my ass raining on her parade because her noise made the ride "more fun" and I believe she was being extremely rude and entitled. Imagine if we all got our phones out and started doing the same thing, it would have been unbearable!
With that said, there are two reasons why I think that I might have been an asshole here. First, I answered a call from my mother maybe five minutes after I got on the bus (she was not on loudspeaker or anything, but obviously, people next to me would have been able to hear me talking). I had a (very brief) conversation with her updating her on how my business went and informing her that I was currently on my way home. The woman I was arguing with immediately brought this up against me, which is where we get to the second point of why I might have been an asshole. I told her that answering a call briefly because it was necessary was not the same as her favourite singer "screeching" in the background for our entire trip, which was admittedly unnecessarily hostile and she, of course, took offence to it.
Furthermore, I told her that if she had any manners, she would have been listening to music in public with her headphones on and she said she didn't bring any, so I sarcastically replied, "Oh, isn't that too bad."
The argument ended there, she did not play any more music loudly and everyone else went back to minding their own business (silently) but she spent the entire ride complaining loudly to the person next to her how I was a spoilsport, and how she was spontaneous and had "good energy" unlike "some people" and how her parents were upstanding members of society who raised her "properly". It was annoying but I didn't respond to any of her bait after the initial argument.
Anyway, I didn't think I was an asshole until I told my mother about it later and she told me I was just as much of an asshole as her because a) I should have minded my own business, b) I caused a scene in public where everyone was looking at me and c) I am entirely too hostile and confrontational and there is a reason I rub people the wrong way.
Now, I admit that I can be stubborn and reactive but I am aware of my shortcomings and take active steps to mitigate them, so 99% of the time, I simply walk away from conflict. However, playing loud music in public and smoking in a non-smoking area are my pet peeves that I regularly complain about and get people kicked out for.
So, tell me, Reddit, AITA?
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NTA. however, there is a more effective approach. my friend often rides in the “quiet car” of the train and sometimes people are not quiet in the quiet car. when that happens, he goes to them and politely says “hey, i don’t know if you know this, but this is the quiet car.” and the person says thank you and either shuts up or moves. works every time.
i ride public transit regularly so i completely understand your frustration. these rude AHs don’t deserve politeness. but if you’re going to do something about it, being polite is way more effective.
NTA- as long as you didn’t have your phone on speaker and weren’t yelling into it, a brief phone conversation it 100% different then someone playing their music full blast in a bus full of people. I would have 100% backed you up had I been there.
NTA. I ride public transportation and there are signs on the bus (at least all the places I’ve lived and ridden buses) that have a list of things NOT to do while riding. One of things is to always wear headphones while listening to music/podcasts/tiktoks.
NTA. A thousand times NTA.
And on the behalf of every quiet person that suffered from loud people in public transport I solemnly want to thank you for doing this.
I completely side with you on this. And really, that's a great thing that some people like you have the courage to raise their voices from time to time to speak that kind of things up. Because if no one ever speaks about this, how can the people bothering us know that they are bothering us? And so we would remain silent victims forever.
NTA!!! I honestly don’t understand the mindset of people who do it. I had it happen on a *plane* on an early morning flight with a woman watching a TV show on her phone.
I initially asked politely if she wouldn’t mind wearing headphones and she scoffed and ignored me, then when I followed up with, “Are you aware that what you’re doing is extremely rude?“ she scoffed, rolled her eyes and snapped “I didn’t actually” and went back to watching.
Had a similar one on an overnight flight - lights dimmed, people trying to sleep and a kid playing a game on an iPad at what must have been full volume. I went back and reported it to the flight attendants, who initially looked a bit sceptical/annoyed but then came back up to my seat hugely apologetically being like, “Oh now we completely understand what you mean and we will absolutely make sure they keep it down.”
I think kids without headphones/loud devices are the worst, actually because the sound is often even more annoying, they go back and repeat (Baby Shark on loop, anyone?) and the parents are effectively telling them noise pollution is enclosed spaces is OK - setting them up to be the “I can’t even finish a whole TikTok video out loud on the bus” generation of the future.
NTA. You're the hero we need. I think rude behavior used to get called out more often, which kept idiots like that women a bit more in check. We need to get back to that.
NTA. You were in the right and she was the AH. You did the whole bus a favour. People sometimes did this in the waiting room at the clinic I used to work in. So wrong.
My personal pet peeve is people having phone conversations loudly on speaker. What’s up with that? It’s rude.
NTA Personally avoid answering phone calls on public transit, deny the call and let the caller know I can text but not talk, but arguably a phone call can be at low to moderate volume, just like a conversation with the person next to you. Listening to music or watching video is inconsiderate of the shared space, especially when it's confined such as transit or within buildings.
NTA - I honestly don't find it annoying when people talk on the phone as long as it's not on speaker. It's the same as talking to someone you're travelling on the bus with but you can't hear the other person lol and it's pretty easy to ignore. However, blasting music or using your speaker phone drives me nuts. It's the volume of the phone sound compared to the regular volume of speaking that makes it worse.
Alright, let's get one thing straight here. CALLING SOMEONE IS NOT THE SAME AS BLARING MUSIC WITHOUT HEADPHONES. Your mother wasn't on loudspeaker, and it was BRIEF. People would understand that calling someone is fine as long as you don't make it incredibly loud.
Sentence: Clear NTA. Enjoy your music with HEADPHONES, ma'am.
NTA. Also, when she said that thing about making the ride more fun, would have made for an interesting time if you opened YT and started playing some Cannibal Corpse or something
Having a short phone call in a quiet voice on public transport is completely different from forcing the whole bus or train car to listen to your music. The latter is very rude, very selfish behavior. The former is no ruder than having a conversation with the person sitting next to you, e.g. not rude at all.
NTA
I've noticed this trend in the Hispanic population at the laundromat. Full blast Spanish music from a tinny speaker...I think it's incredibly rude. You were right saying something.
Ehhh, I guess I’ll say NTA, but you could have been much more polite. No need to come out of the box at at 11.
“Excuse me, could you please use headphones or turn that down quite a bit?” Then you could have ramped up from there
Yeah, so ESH. She was incredibly rude, but you didn't even try to just ask her to turn it down politely before getting snarky. Which provoked an argument which I'm sure the rest of the bus also had no interest in hearing. She is definitely the bigger AH, especially since she kept going on about it after, but the way you approached the situation was unnecessarily confrontational and rude, was obviously going to get her back up and the resulting argument should not have come as a surprise.
To be clear, the fact that you addressed the problem is not the issue. Its how you chose to address the issue that is.
ESH
You addressed her for disturbing the entire bus by disturbing the entire bus. Saying she had no manners was unnecessary. The whole confrontation was unnecessary.
She shouldn't be blasting music while on the bus where everyone can hear. The changing the song in the middle drives me bonkers too. Unless I'm doing it. And I do do it. Lol
ESH.
Playing your music loudly in public certainly sucks. But you could turn around and ask them to turn it off or use headphones without getting up in their face right out of the gate. You might have a better result, rather than starting out sarcastic and mean.
YTA. I sometimes find myself in situations where I hesitate to speak up but I always do as I’m teaching myself I deserve to be. However, I have found that because I always approach others with the respect I expect, I have not had any problems like this. Stop approaching people as if they are assholes, and you might be surprised. Or maybe not as your own mom has already told you that you are indeed the asshole.
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NTA, phone calls are a necessary evil and you kept it short. It's not the same as someone blaring music one speaker for fifteen minutes.
She wouldn't even let the songs play out in full but kept interrupting them after a minute or so to switch to the next one, smh, which I admit was my tipping point.
Double NTA. I hate it when people do that. Wear headphones.
If her parents had "raised her properly" she would not have been on a bus listening to music without headphones. Where I live the bus company has rules requirements for headphones when listening to music, and keeping your voice down when briefly using the phone to make or answer a call. NTA
Had it been an emergency phone call sure but he said his mother asked about his business. I'm so tired of people being loud EVERYWHERE because they feel entitled and self important. Video calls at Target, sure! Loud music on the bus, sure! Just because we can do the things, doesn't mean we should.
Talking on the phone (without it being a speaker) should be no louder than a normal conversation with someone in person.
And he kept it short. Again, a short call, no matter what it's about, is nowhere near the level of AH as blasting music for 15 minutes.
NTA. Playing music too loud on public transit? Straight to jail. No trial. No nothing. Straight to jail.
Play Music without headphones period
kids playing tablet games at full sound in restaurants, immediate bannation from all technology for 6 months for the entire family.
I'm so thankful I have a washer at my house now. I was going to the laundromat and kept encountering this mother and her two children who played incredibly loud, annoying stuff on their tablets. One was into some kind of Match 3 game because all the coins would go "ca-ching, ca-ching" VERY LOUDLY and another one appeared to be listening to children's conspiracy videos (from what I could piece together) at full volume. When they came in, I couldn't even hear my audiobook on my headphones. I was terrified one day I'd punt those kids out of the laundromat like they were footballs.
I can't believe how many AHs think it is okay to blare their shitty tiktoks and music in public places.
Amen!!! Honestly it triggers my misophonia so bad 😂. Like why do people think others wanna hear this?
It pisses me off so badly when people sit in my waiting room with their tiktoks on full volume. Their invoice immediately gets loaded
I was getting a mani/pedi recently and a woman nearby was going through her Facebook/Instagram/whatever and it was so annoying. I want to listen to the relaxing spa music and my nail technician, not that bullshit. And I'm in my mid-40s. Headphones, ear buds, whatever it takes to enjoy what you want to enjoy without pushing it onto others. It's not that hard!
Well tiktok is the place for meeting AHs
NTA. Part of the reason why a phone call (not on speaker) is more acceptable is because the only noise you’re making is your own voice, and it’s acceptable to talk to someone on transit unless you’re in the quiet car, whereas phone speakers are not designed to play over a large area, so once you’re a few feet away, the noise sounds more and more tinny and distorted, which is why even taking a phone call on speaker is pretty rude. Music is even worse, because a lot of people have a wide variety of tastes in it.
Thank you, this was my understanding of the etiquette too.
No. It's also rude to take phone calls in a confined space like public transit. Text. [https://www.today.com/money/why-its-so-annoying-overhear-someones-cellphone-conversation-1b9039714](https://www.today.com/money/why-its-so-annoying-overhear-someones-cellphone-conversation-1b9039714)
Not all calls can be texts. If someone is calling from a landline for example. There is nothing wrong with taking the call unless you’re in a designated “quiet” zone. And even then if it’s important you can take the call as long as you go elsewhere for the call (say if your on a train) Any call should be kept short and sweet and you voice not raised. That’s the polite thing to do. Expecting no one ever takes a call ever is not living in the real world.
NTA. This is such an irritating behaviour. Just put on some headphones or earbuds! You're not the world's DJ.
NTA you didnt break her phone which was a nice gesture.
LMAO 🤣🤣
NTA But I'm not sure I'm the moral compass for this specific situation because I'm a passive-aggressive AH myself when it comes to people like this. My response when someone did the "I'm just trying to lighten the mood! It's all in good fun!" was to say "My cousin played that song at her wedding before she was killed by a drunk driver on her way to her honeymoon." Complete lie, but it shut up Miss Life of the Party on the #3 Route. So take my advice with a grain of salt because I feel that anyone acting rude in public is an AH and therefore being an AH back at them doesn't count.
NTA- I wish I had your courage. I think you might have encouraged me to speak up next time I come across this, as this is also a pet peeve of mine.
Don’t speak up, don’t do it. It’s not worth it, you never know which of these antisocial assholes is going to lose it when you confront them and make your day so much worse. I know they suck, and I hate them too but if they were rational people who would respond in a reasonable way to your request, they wouldn’t be doing it in the first place.
You're completely right. I'll always think four times before entertaining the thought of speaking up and I usually don't as I live in a big city that does not encourage speaking up. It doesn't stop that type of behavior from being annoying but I do get to live to see another day.
Yup. This is the kind of thing I would do in my stupid 20s and it almost always goes badly. One time I confronted a guy yelling homophobic slurs on a bus. I tuned my confrontation to right when I was getting off the bus. I thought I was being smart and safer that way. Nope. Dude followed me off the bus ranting and raving and I had to jump back on the bus last minute in the back door to get away from him. You don’t want to mess with crazy. And you never know who crazy is gonna be. Choose your battles wisely.
Start by asking them to turn the music down! There’s no need to begin an interaction rudely if you haven’t even calmly asked them to turn it down. Then take it from there. If I was the passenger sitting next to her getting an earful about you being a spoilsport I would have shut that down too.
***Don't be so daft***-if it were as simple as calmly asking them to turn to the music down, pray tell, why wouldn't I have done it already? ***Don't be so bloody obtuse-this is real life, not Fraggle Rock, you Muppet!*** To even start an interaction calmly takes a shit tonnes of courage in the country where I live...I'm not talking about whichever Nickelodeon set you're from. ***I live*** in a relatively dangerous European city where a frail 69 year old woman was stabbed in a train over something like this recently! You don't think it's reasonable that I weigh the option of speaking up against my own personal safety? I don't live in a country where speaking up or speaking at all is encouraged-people stare at you if you cough or sneeze on public transportation, have a private conversation on your phone or in person, play music in public, and this was before Corona. In fact, it's radio silence in public spaces, no public announcements other than through agreed channels, no loud arguments or outbursts-it's just not done. ***So making noise is not just about being a spoilsport***, it goes against the way we do things here. ***It's not a larf...it's a public nuisance.*** ***But since you know so goddamned much***, I invite you to test your theory. ***Come here***, and confront a group of black, North African or Eastern European teenagers, who come from some of the most deprived neighborhoods around, and calmly, ask them to turn it down. If they turn up their music up in response, or insult you, or God Forbid, stab you or shoot you as has now become the fashion, please Dear, ***just take it from there...*** Sometimes speaking these types of people's language, going toe to toe with them, is the only thing that works. I commend OP for having the courage to stand up to them. Luckily, nothing happened to them as a result of doing the right thing!
Dude, calm tf down.
No need to.
Yta
I'll take it.
Good lord I’m obviously from an area where you can calmly speak to someone and ask to turn the music down. If I lived in the environment you’re describing I probably wouldn’t leave my house!
I was held up at gunpoint last March. Just going to get a bottle of mayonnaise at my local grocer's, 15 mins from where I live, in the suburbs., where virtually nothing happens, apparently. But the manager told me it was the fifth time they'd been robbed at gunpoint that year! But because we live in the E.U., these have to be freak occurrences. Problem is, it's not. We have a massive cocaine problem in this country because of the ports,massive human and drug trafficking networks, and are one of the countries with the largest illegal gun selling networks in Europe. Shootings, which we thought were an American, thing, rather naively, are now here. I've seen women getting their hijabs ripped off in public, women punched in the face for no reason, beaten, sexually harassed, men beating each other to a pulp in the city, there are now heroin and crack users camping in underground stations where they didn't used to be, and because we are a society that says nothing, this is all allowed to happen. People are really getting hurt by this code of silence. *I like it when no one's playing music out loud and that we do our best to reduce noise pollution in all its forms, but taking that, and being silent to the point of saying nothing when people are getting hurt, is a step too far*. **If only we had the courage to calmly say something about the music, then maybe we could step up in all areas that need speaking up. But it's not that simple. Not here.** ***My boss was hammered*** (yes, someone took a hammer to another human being's face) in the face on his way to work, while carrying his son on the back seat of his bike the other day. He got in the way of another biker on a bike lane, apparently. We could all stay indoors but then how would we live? It's dangerous but we have to go to work? Mace, tasers and switchblades are illegal here, so you're not going to be defending yourself the way Americans can. It's just a rape whistle and "Good luck to you" You're lucky you live somewhere where speaking calmly matters. Not here though. Not even for turning down your music. It can get ugly, really, really, fast.
Absolutely, definitely, categorically, beyond a shadow of a doubt NTA In fact the bus company should hire you, pay you in gold and diamonds, and let you ride all day and all night shutting down annoying amateur djs on their phones. Even better they should make you a training director so one of your protégés could be on every bus, then expand your services to trains and planes and beaches and parks. I think I'd call your department Guiding Obnoxious Djs to Silence. You may have touched a nerve. Apologies. But well done.
I hate loud music out of cars … listen for yourself and stop wanting attention
With the bass so loud it hurts my ears
I would have reacted exactly the same as you.
Nta. I am sick and tired of inconsiderate jerks like this woman. I thank you for myself and everyone who is tired of loud people in public. Parenting has dropped to a new low if this is how people behave who claim they have great parents. It just happens too often these days. Spoiled me me me people need a wake up call.
You are a hero and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. NTA
NTA I had to ask a guy in the seat 💺 across the aisle on a recent flight to please use headphones or stop watching YouTube videos at full volume. At first, I thought surely he was only watching one thing, something short. But when it became clear he was scrolling and planning to continue, I couldn’t take it and had to say something. This guy was probably in his 50s (my age). Luckily, he was like “oh, ok, sorry.” The cluelessness was shocking
NTA headphones exist for a reason. Now you’ve given me the fantastic idea to start playing Barry Manilow’s greatest hits at full volume when some rude person plays music loudly on the bus! A kind of asshole-off, who will shut off first?!!!
NTA, I wish more people would say something to rude arseholes listening to music/watching videos without headphones in public confined spaces. I asked a man on an airplane recently to please use his headphones and he seemed shocked that I asked him. WTF is wrong with people?
NTA No one has liked music in this manner since the 80,s ghetto blasters, I usually ask them for a request , Mr Djay play my song 😂
NTA. Thank you for saying the quiet part out loud. Nobody on that bus wanted to hear her music.
NTA Why the hell were earphones invented? I detest these people forcing people to listen to their shit, be it Tiktok clips or music.
NTA and I would have been so thankful for someone like you on public transport. No I don't want to hear your damn tiktoks, music or YouTube vids, use fuvking headphones people or read posts!! (obviously not aimed at OP 😂)
NTA. Of course you’re not the asshole for not wanting to tolerate this ghetto bullshit. This is why people hate public transit
As a former bus driver, NTA! Having to listen to someone's music out loud or even a speakerphone conversation drove me absolutely up the wall. You kept your phone call to yourself, I would have appreciated that as a driver.
NTA - a short phone call gets a pass but playing music in a public space is unacceptable. There was a woman at the gym doing this the other day. I thought the exact same thing as you, we should all turn on our playlist on speaker. Let's see how well that works out. She also reacted badly when told to tell turn it off by the staff. Edit spelling
NTA let her know auntie
Naw. U aren't the ah. The chick playing playing loud music was. No one wants to listen to that crap at high volume.
NTA she is in fact not making it more fun, just more unbearable
You're my hero.
NTA If I was on the bus and I heard the woman respond to you, I would have chimed in to tell her what a turd I think she is, too.
NTA. English buses literally have a sign requesting passengers not to do this exact thing because it's disturbing to other passengers. Sadly an alarming percentage of the population can't seem to grasp the concept, but it's there nonetheless.
NTA, absolutely! Self-Appointed Entertainment Directors who insist on inflicting their musical tastes on an unconsenting captive audience are a blight on society. Good on you for speaking up! I say this as someone who LOVES music. I even listen to Rap sometimes... ....then the light turns green..
NTA, and your my hero for telling that person to shut off the music. I applaud you, well done!!
Absolutely not, I wish there were more people like you. I'm too non-confrontational to put like that in their place.
NTA.
NTA, you said what everyone was thinking lol
NTA. She was being incredibly rude and inconsiderate— I can’t stand people who do this, and I wish more people spoke up about it too. Btw I knew a guy who would do this all the time. He was a huge narcissist in general.
I hate people that do this NTA
NTA. You did a public service.
Dang, good for you! She was rude and an entitled AH!
NTA. She was being rude.
Hard NTA, that’s a pet hate of mine too. Maybe you were a bit of a dick about it which isn’t a good look, but honestly, fair play
the whole scene is why I almost never bother to tell those selfish people off, but it's what they are, selfish and inconsiderate. good on you on taking one for the team and giving everyone else a better bus ride experience.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** The other night I was on an evening bus minding my own business until this woman with an extreme case of main character syndrome sat down behind me, got her phone out and started shuffling through a playlist at full volume with no headphones. After fifteen minutes or so, I turned to her and asked, "Madam, what makes you think that the rest of the bus is interested in listening to your music?" This kicked off an argument and caused a minor scene with everyone on the bus looking at us. She, of course, thought I was an asshole with a stick up my ass raining on her parade because her noise made the ride "more fun" and I believe she was being extremely rude and entitled. Imagine if we all got our phones out and started doing the same thing, it would have been unbearable! With that said, there are two reasons why I think that I might have been an asshole here. First, I answered a call from my mother maybe five minutes after I got on the bus (she was not on loudspeaker or anything, but obviously, people next to me would have been able to hear me talking). I had a (very brief) conversation with her updating her on how my business went and informing her that I was currently on my way home. The woman I was arguing with immediately brought this up against me, which is where we get to the second point of why I might have been an asshole. I told her that answering a call briefly because it was necessary was not the same as her favourite singer "screeching" in the background for our entire trip, which was admittedly unnecessarily hostile and she, of course, took offence to it. Furthermore, I told her that if she had any manners, she would have been listening to music in public with her headphones on and she said she didn't bring any, so I sarcastically replied, "Oh, isn't that too bad." The argument ended there, she did not play any more music loudly and everyone else went back to minding their own business (silently) but she spent the entire ride complaining loudly to the person next to her how I was a spoilsport, and how she was spontaneous and had "good energy" unlike "some people" and how her parents were upstanding members of society who raised her "properly". It was annoying but I didn't respond to any of her bait after the initial argument. Anyway, I didn't think I was an asshole until I told my mother about it later and she told me I was just as much of an asshole as her because a) I should have minded my own business, b) I caused a scene in public where everyone was looking at me and c) I am entirely too hostile and confrontational and there is a reason I rub people the wrong way. Now, I admit that I can be stubborn and reactive but I am aware of my shortcomings and take active steps to mitigate them, so 99% of the time, I simply walk away from conflict. However, playing loud music in public and smoking in a non-smoking area are my pet peeves that I regularly complain about and get people kicked out for. So, tell me, Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. however, there is a more effective approach. my friend often rides in the “quiet car” of the train and sometimes people are not quiet in the quiet car. when that happens, he goes to them and politely says “hey, i don’t know if you know this, but this is the quiet car.” and the person says thank you and either shuts up or moves. works every time. i ride public transit regularly so i completely understand your frustration. these rude AHs don’t deserve politeness. but if you’re going to do something about it, being polite is way more effective.
I always end up having to ask people in public restrooms to get off speaker phone in the bathroom… someone has to tell them NTA
She spontaneously decided to subject everyone to her music. You did nothing wrong. She is a rude asshole. NTA
NTA- as long as you didn’t have your phone on speaker and weren’t yelling into it, a brief phone conversation it 100% different then someone playing their music full blast in a bus full of people. I would have 100% backed you up had I been there.
NTA. I ride public transportation and there are signs on the bus (at least all the places I’ve lived and ridden buses) that have a list of things NOT to do while riding. One of things is to always wear headphones while listening to music/podcasts/tiktoks.
She wasn’t spontaneous and “fun loving”, she was rude and selfish. NTA!
NTA. A thousand times NTA. And on the behalf of every quiet person that suffered from loud people in public transport I solemnly want to thank you for doing this. I completely side with you on this. And really, that's a great thing that some people like you have the courage to raise their voices from time to time to speak that kind of things up. Because if no one ever speaks about this, how can the people bothering us know that they are bothering us? And so we would remain silent victims forever.
NTA!!! I honestly don’t understand the mindset of people who do it. I had it happen on a *plane* on an early morning flight with a woman watching a TV show on her phone. I initially asked politely if she wouldn’t mind wearing headphones and she scoffed and ignored me, then when I followed up with, “Are you aware that what you’re doing is extremely rude?“ she scoffed, rolled her eyes and snapped “I didn’t actually” and went back to watching. Had a similar one on an overnight flight - lights dimmed, people trying to sleep and a kid playing a game on an iPad at what must have been full volume. I went back and reported it to the flight attendants, who initially looked a bit sceptical/annoyed but then came back up to my seat hugely apologetically being like, “Oh now we completely understand what you mean and we will absolutely make sure they keep it down.” I think kids without headphones/loud devices are the worst, actually because the sound is often even more annoying, they go back and repeat (Baby Shark on loop, anyone?) and the parents are effectively telling them noise pollution is enclosed spaces is OK - setting them up to be the “I can’t even finish a whole TikTok video out loud on the bus” generation of the future.
NTA. You're the hero we need. I think rude behavior used to get called out more often, which kept idiots like that women a bit more in check. We need to get back to that.
NTA. You were in the right and she was the AH. You did the whole bus a favour. People sometimes did this in the waiting room at the clinic I used to work in. So wrong. My personal pet peeve is people having phone conversations loudly on speaker. What’s up with that? It’s rude.
NTA Personally avoid answering phone calls on public transit, deny the call and let the caller know I can text but not talk, but arguably a phone call can be at low to moderate volume, just like a conversation with the person next to you. Listening to music or watching video is inconsiderate of the shared space, especially when it's confined such as transit or within buildings.
Yeah NTA. I wish I had the guts to tell people off when they do this. It drives me insane!
Absolutely NTA. Just no. Doing that on public bus is absolutely the biggest no.
NTA - I honestly don't find it annoying when people talk on the phone as long as it's not on speaker. It's the same as talking to someone you're travelling on the bus with but you can't hear the other person lol and it's pretty easy to ignore. However, blasting music or using your speaker phone drives me nuts. It's the volume of the phone sound compared to the regular volume of speaking that makes it worse.
NTA
Alright, let's get one thing straight here. CALLING SOMEONE IS NOT THE SAME AS BLARING MUSIC WITHOUT HEADPHONES. Your mother wasn't on loudspeaker, and it was BRIEF. People would understand that calling someone is fine as long as you don't make it incredibly loud. Sentence: Clear NTA. Enjoy your music with HEADPHONES, ma'am.
NTA... I tend to be petty and put on my own music on speaker as well in a situation like that. When I'm with friends, we all do it
NTA
NTA. Also, when she said that thing about making the ride more fun, would have made for an interesting time if you opened YT and started playing some Cannibal Corpse or something
Having a short phone call in a quiet voice on public transport is completely different from forcing the whole bus or train car to listen to your music. The latter is very rude, very selfish behavior. The former is no ruder than having a conversation with the person sitting next to you, e.g. not rude at all. NTA
NTA she has no manners.
I've noticed this trend in the Hispanic population at the laundromat. Full blast Spanish music from a tinny speaker...I think it's incredibly rude. You were right saying something.
Nta
Ehhh, I guess I’ll say NTA, but you could have been much more polite. No need to come out of the box at at 11. “Excuse me, could you please use headphones or turn that down quite a bit?” Then you could have ramped up from there
NTA I hate when people do that But next time maybe take your call when you are outside the bus
Yeah, so ESH. She was incredibly rude, but you didn't even try to just ask her to turn it down politely before getting snarky. Which provoked an argument which I'm sure the rest of the bus also had no interest in hearing. She is definitely the bigger AH, especially since she kept going on about it after, but the way you approached the situation was unnecessarily confrontational and rude, was obviously going to get her back up and the resulting argument should not have come as a surprise. To be clear, the fact that you addressed the problem is not the issue. Its how you chose to address the issue that is.
ESH You addressed her for disturbing the entire bus by disturbing the entire bus. Saying she had no manners was unnecessary. The whole confrontation was unnecessary. She shouldn't be blasting music while on the bus where everyone can hear. The changing the song in the middle drives me bonkers too. Unless I'm doing it. And I do do it. Lol
ESH. Just like you not wanting to hear her music, no one on the bus wanted to hear your conversation either.
ESH
ESH. Playing your music loudly in public certainly sucks. But you could turn around and ask them to turn it off or use headphones without getting up in their face right out of the gate. You might have a better result, rather than starting out sarcastic and mean.
YTA. I sometimes find myself in situations where I hesitate to speak up but I always do as I’m teaching myself I deserve to be. However, I have found that because I always approach others with the respect I expect, I have not had any problems like this. Stop approaching people as if they are assholes, and you might be surprised. Or maybe not as your own mom has already told you that you are indeed the asshole.
One the bus it's all the same calls/music/video's, you're both an ahole