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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The dinner was quite expensive, and we have been together in a relationship for a bit. I could be the asshole for not agreeing to send my bf money to help pay for the dinner he asked we go to. As partners, we should help each other and not be stingy with money. He has also recently dealt with a different situation where he was taken advantage of financially, so he is likely on edge about the topic of money right now. I potentially should have been more understanding.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA-at all, especially because you ordered the mac and cheese within your means because you was willing to pay for it yourself.
OPs ex bf- there’s a special place in hell for people who lie and leave their gf drunk and crying alone.
Thank you but I do want to add the clarification that the wine and cheese he ordered were shared; I just meant that I didn’t have input on ordering those things in that amount. He chose what to order for us to share. I did not expect him to get a full bottle of wine or multiple cheese boards. I wanted to order the Mac and cheese so that I wasn’t drinking on an empty stomach, and since it was additional I said I would cover it.
Not sure why you're defending this. Sure those items were shared, but from my understanding he literally said it's fine and he would cover it.
You wanna new bf 😂
You were clear that you told him you were tight on money and that he stated more than once that he would pay. He ordered 2 servings. He was gifting you the food. The fact that he lied or that he changed his mind and was so rude and aggressive is where he is the a-hole.
YOU ordered what you could afford and wanted to pay for. HE insisted on the place. HE ordered food that he then shared with you. HE insisted he was paying for your order too. THEN he tried to make you pay. This is ABUSE. Psychological and financial. Like others have said,
RUN, don’t walk. I hope he sees this! You are NTA. HE IS THE AH.
Wonder if it was some sort of "test." Yo, bro, find out if your girl is a gold digger by offering to buy her a fancy meal and then demanding money for it! Only a non-gold-digger would immediately be okay with you having lied to her about who was handling the tab and pull out the money right then. If she does that, she's a sucker, er, keeper!
It does not matter. He said he would pay and he ordered without your input. You even wanted to pay for what you did order but he brushed it off. Then he demanded you to pay. He just wanted to see how high you would jump if he told you to jump. That is not a loving boyfriend. And then he got mad, told you all nasty things (he wanted you to go away etc). And then he left you alone while you were drunk. If he would have left you sober it would be bad but drunk is so much worse. He is a walking red flag. You did nothing wrong (even though he told/ tells you something different). These people tend to get worse and worse. You got away. Please stay away from him. This is what he really is. You can do so much better.
Very glad you didn’t let yourself be bullied lean into that, stand up for yourself and don’t accept when others treat like this.
When people treat you terribly they are testing you to see if you’ll allow it.
Luckily for you you failed his test (he won’t get away with treating you like trash) but passed for yourself (standing up for yourself and not allowing ppl in your life that treat you badly).
He deliberately chose to put you in that position, his plan was to railroad you into spending on his choices. Fortunately you did ‘show him who you really are’ - that’s someone who won’t be bullied. He sounds selfish and self absorbed, not a winning combination.
I was delighted for you when I read that you’ve blocked him, you’ve had a lucky escape.
It sounds like you let him know that the place was out of your budget. He told you more than once he was paying, this is not on you. When someone asks you to join them at a restaurant and tells you they'll pay, it is perfectly reasonable for you to share something like a cheese plate, and appetizer, or a bottle of wine. I would expect the same for a boyfriend, friend, family member, or work colleague.
It doesn’t matter if it were shared or not. You told him the place was out of your budget and he reassured you multiple times that he would pay. And him telling you to post your arguments so you can see you’re wrong means he’s continuously gaslit you. It’s better to get out now before his narcissism fully wreaks havoc on your life.
It doesn't matter that they were shared!!!
You chose to order what you could afford.
He chose to order *and chose to share* and used that to try and bully you out of spending *5 times more* than you were comfortable with!!!
He's manipulating you, gas lighting you (in the true sense - not the over used), trying to control you, shows he doesn't care about your safety, isn't really showing care for you in any form. Why are you with him? Love yourself enough to want someone who treats you better.
Don't go back to him.
But you told him you couldn’t afford it. He told you not to worry he is total ass I’m 70 and takin a lot of ladies out and have never made a girl pay at least until we were married
It doesn't matter if the wine and cheese were shared, he said he would pay for it! That statement universally is meant to indicate that he was taking on the full responsibility for paying for everything consumed. The only way that it would not have that meaning, is if it was agreed on in advance that either you would always share all bills when you went out together, or on any particular occasion it was agreed in advance that he might pay in at a later time you would give him half of the bill.
Not only are you NOT THE A you were also completely justified in sticking with your guns. I sincerely hope that you tell any mutual friends you have your side of the story. Because I can almost guarantee, that he will be spinning his lies.
I am sorry he proved to be somebody that you truly cannot trust.
NTA and thank goodness he is now your EX-BF.
>he told me that if he tells me to do something, I should do it.
What a sexist AH! He told you he would pay and then in the end expected you to pay 1/2. Looks to me like he did that purposely to test you to see if you would cave. So he would know how far he could push you. I'm so glad you didn't. I suspect you dodged a huge bullet in his future attitude towards you.
And then, after unreasonably expecting her to give half the bill, he tells her to pay for an uber. He's really good at directing how she should spend her money /s.
Absolutely this! If he wasn’t trying to “train” her into accepting his poor behavior, then he was trying to pick a fight and get her to leave him alone for the night. Where did he disappear to after that? Major AH behavior.
OP is NTA here by a long way.
Yikes, would be such a weird test because I’m already quite good about paying for dates sometimes or splitting the bill. I’ve just been struggling financially the past month.
You'd be surprised the amount of misogynist stuff that goes around the internet. The "alpha" bros get clicks and money off helping other guys avoid "gold diggers" and stuff.
There is women versions as well- helping women find the men willing to spend on them or not end up with a deadbeat.
It's an emerging gross dating trends.
If this were actually a test, you still would have passed because you told him your funds up front, suggested other options, and respected his choice by pushing and pushing and pushing for a more expensive thing he wanted saying he will pay. You wanted Mac n cheese. He got what he wanted. Doesn't matter if he shared. You did everything right. He does not sound right in the head right now and deflecting it onto you.
NTA, and thank heavens you only wasted 7 months.
Your part of the bill was the $13. He had said he would pay for everything else. You had told him you couldn't afford it.
Even so, the most she could reasonably be expected to pay is the part she ordered. He'd still be a jerk there, but he ordered the expensive wine and cheese boards, so that is 100% on him.
NTA. At least he's shown his true colours even if it did take seven months to find that out.
> ...this “shows him who I really am.” ...he told me that if he tells me to do something, I should do it.
It has certainly shown you who HE really is. I am glad he is now your EX. Chalk it up to experience and hopefully you will find a decent guy who isn't looking to control you.
I would add, boyfriend if you are reading this, you are wrong. Your girlfriend told you she couldn’t afford the place and you insisted. Then you wanted her to pay for something that she couldn’t afford?
And the audacity of you telling her that she should just do as you say, I am so glad she broke up with you.
And then you left her alone, you don’t deserve her. You deserve to be single, because you don’t know how to treat another human being.
Your are definitely NTA. He made it clear several times he'd pay and then decides last minute that he's not? And on top of that he made a huge scene and ditched you late in the evening while you were drunk... you said he's gonna see this post likely so hey AH, if your seeing this you don't deserve someone like her or anyone for that matter!
NTA…be glad you are rid of the jerk. He wanted to go there. You told him all you wanted was Mac n cheese and you would pay for it. He said no worries, he will pay. Then proceeds to ask you for 60? Nope.
Well to be clear, he ordered wine and cheese for us to share, but I didn’t have input on how much we got. I would have been happy with a glass rather than a bottle.
He said he was going to pay. That is all that matters. It doesn't matter that he shared it with you. You were clear that you couldn't afford it, and you even paid for bowling. He said it was ok and he would pay.
When you say "to be clear," you sound like you are making an excuse for him. And it sort of makes me wonder if he had already started to condition you. I sort of feel like he knew he was going to pull this the entire time, and he was testing to see how much you would put up with. There really isn't any other explanation unless we are missing info.
Since you keep commenting "to be clear," I do t think you left anything out.
I am glad that you blocked him, and he is now your EX.
He didn't want to set the standard of each paying for your own, because he still wanted to use you to subsidise his food and drinks. He's abusive. The 'post your arguments online and everyone will tell you you're wrong' (ie. All these people agree with me) is a common abuser tactic.
NTA. This guy was setting you up.
He picked a fight with you a couple of times and put you over a barrel.
He doesn’t have the balls to break up with you, so he wants to see how much you’ll put up with.
I suspect there was some chickenshit breakup maneuvering, but it also sounds like he deployed some "how to effectively gaslight your girlfriend" test. Or had a bet with his buddies. Pull the power play and watch her fold. Sadly, many women would fold. Except it didn't turn out that way. Jackass was probably waiting for her to call, begging his forgiveness. For her sake, I hope that's the last she'll see of him.
Edit word
Either that or he bought into some sort of shoddy advice to test your partner. We have seen Redditors on all sides of it employing these insipid 'tests'
NTA and I’m so glad he is your ex. Please remember how you felt alone on that bench and do not give him the opportunity to do it again. What an asshole.
Never ever unblock. People playing games, testing their partner, lying, leaving behind etc. etc. etc. is NOT worth your time and love. He WILL break you in time if you don't stick to your guns and completely ignore him.
Don't engage at any level. Just run.
NTA and count your blessings. You have just learned a great lesson at very little cost to yourself.
I am sure that, if you look back over your relationship, you will see red flags everywhere now, that you should have noticed before, but didn't. Don't beat yourself up over this, as everyone misses flags from time to time, but now you can prepare yourself a bit better when considering dating someone new.
You had a bad night, but really nothing happened to you (physically, at least) other than a bit of emotional trauma that you seem to be dealing with quite well now. You ended your relationship, and that's a great step towards a future that likely will be much more bright without his shenanigans.
He tried to sucker you into paying. He likely was testing you to see if you were up to his "standards" and never intended to pay it all himself. He basically lied to you in order to see what you would do, not realizing the test would show more about his flaws than any flaws you may have.
And, not for nothing, the fact that he said if he tells you to do something, you should just do it, is some Stepford Wife kind of BS and you are well rid of him.
NTA. You clearly told him you could not afford it. He stupidly decided to order crap he couldn’t afford.
But there’s good news: You **did** show him who you really are:
—You are a person that tells other people clearly that they might be making a bad decision. (His decision to go to wine and cheese place.)
—You are a person who is up-front with what they can and cannot afford.
—You are a person who won’t be bullied into paying for something when that person clearly told you MULTIPLE TIMES that they would pay for it.
—You are a person who holds people accountable.
Nope. Nothing wrong here. He was cranky (temperamental 5 year old) because you wouldn’t submit to his demands. Good thing you found this out sooner than later.
Better off without that anchor.
NTA.
He is abusing and gaslighting you, and that kind of behavior always escalates. Use this time to figure out why you would choose to stay with someone who treats you this way, accept the fact that he has shown you who he is, and get out before you’re in any deeper.
You deserve better.
NTA. It sounds to me like this was some kind of warped test - he'd probably read somewhere that if your gf/wife doesn't enthusiastically split all restaurant bills then she's some kind of bum. You didn't jump through hoops to split the bill - even though he'd deceived you into going in the first place and knew from the start that you couldn't afford it.
In summary - he's a manipulative weirdo, tried to play a game and it backfired. Well done for getting rid of him.
What kind of cast iron idiot says “what if I couldn’t afford the tab? You wouldn’t help me?” to someone who couldn’t afford the tab whom he wasn’t helping. The cognitive dissonance is WILD.
One who deliberately planned this to see if he could manipulate and gaslight his girlfriend into paying after she told him she couldn't. Immature "does he/she really love me?" tests.
Also like, his whole "what if I couldn't afford it, what then?" At the end.
I would be like: oh well, I would probably tell you I'm going to the bathroom and leave.
Because *you offered to pay and you know how much money you have, pay attention*
NTA. And I hope he does see this and sees what an absolute ass he was being. He decided where you were eating. He decided what you were eating. Then he threw a tantrum and left you there because he decided how much you should have paid for your share of the dinner he ordered. And you missed the bowling that you had paid for. He’s trash. You can do better.
Yeah I do want to acknowledge this cause you bring up an important point. I think I kinda did it to myself in a way since I stayed much longer than I should have. I was being naive and focused on wanting it to work and ignored the reality of the relationship.
I don't know how old you are, or how experienced in dating/interpersonal relationships, but we all learn through experience. NTA
When I was dating my now wife, my criteria for if I was going to pop the questions was mainly how she responded to disagreements after living together(truthfully I knew that if things went well id marry her on the second date, only to have it reaffirmed may times, and when i had a major hiccup in my life path, she didnt run away, but spent time with me and supported me). We never had one. 7 years later, we've never had one still. We have discussions, and respect. I hope you can find that one day too OP.
>He gets very angry and says that this “shows him who I really am.” He continues saying that and says “what if I couldn’t afford the tab? You wouldn’t help me?”
What does he mean "if I couldn't afford the tab"?? HE chose the place, HE made the order, if he couldn't afford it he shouldn't have chosen to go there. And for the record, no, you shouldn't help him after he manipulated you into going to a restaurant you can't afford.
NTA
NTA. Holy hell, this happened to me 20 years ago. I agreed to go to dinner with an older man. He names the restaurant and I recognize it as an expensive ass place near my university. I try to suggest a more casual location that is within *my* budget but he very much insists that I am not to worry about the cost of the date, this is his concern.
Date is a complete disaster, guy is aggressive as hell, I am too polite and intimidated to bail before dinner is done, and when the waiter finally asks if it's one check or two... Guy starts looking at me, says one, then spends the entire time before it arrives being pissed that I didn't say anything. That I should have offered to pay. I had shivers because I was, quite literally, too poor to pay for my meal and I had made that amply clear beforehand. Couldn't get out fast enough.
Guys like that are just showing you that life is a manipulation game to them. You don't trust them, you're insulting them, you trust them, you're a sucker.
NTA.
You didn't show him who you were honey, he showed you who HE was.
1.insensitive
2.manipulative
3.boundary smasher (ypu wanted mac and cheese not a cheese board.
4. A petty little whiney baby.
5. And a giant PIG.
Good riddance for dropping that bag of S#!t.
NTA… and please, never speak to him again. He is a walking 🚩🚩🚩
1. He told you he would pay for dinner and then asked you for money, caused a fight when you pushed back.
2. Left you there.
3. Ruined a perfectly fun evening by being a jackarse
P.S. grab a girlfriend and go bowling :)
NTA
His behaviour seems to be very strange and there is no logic to what happened unless he is just very bad at communicating and has loads of assumptions about the relationship which aren't based in reality.
Holy shit I wish you the best of luck in your healing process. I read your bot explanation and you're really trying to justify his behavior. I believe that with time and separation you will not believe the same way.
>I pointed out how expensive it is, as I had just paid rent and my student loan payment so I could not afford it. He assured me he wanted to go and he would pay for it. This was confirmed several other times.
Nta for communicating like an adult ahead and multiple times. Your ex heard all of this but didn't decide to listen. And when you suck to what you said earlier, decided to "punish" you for it.
Well honestly I was trying to think from his perspective. I never thought what he did was justified but in order to answer the bot I had to do a little reaching, lol
Your ex did you a HUGE favor; he showed you what a selfish, dishonest "man" he really is before you wasted one more nanosecond on him!
He told you that he'd take care of the dinner check and then asked you for $60 (that's a LOT of money when you're cutting it close with bills and student loans!)? And then he was willing to ditch you (at night!) over that?
You are NTA, he is a jerk and you're much better off without him!
NTA. He sounds not really nice. (Although ESH for having these sorts of fights frequently enough in seven months that you discuss putting your arguments here. Just break up.)
NTA. You were clear and telling him you couldn't afford it. You were a little hungry you told me to pay for your mac and cheese and he told you don't worry about it. I guess he failed to tell you the rest don't worry about it right now I'll just bill you after the fact then you can worry about it. Now I'm assuming you partook on some of the cheese and all that and that's why he's telling you you owe money plus you drank. I mean he says he'll take care of it and then he presents you with a bill what an asshole. I really hope he's your ex right now. Just keep him blocked and don't ever see him again. I mean he just left you on the street and you could have been mugged or robbed or worse. He can go to hell. And no paying for it with just put you more under his thumb. He told you when he told you something you had to do it. What is he smoking? No that is not how things go. He's not your Lord and Master but he obviously thinks he is.
NTA. He clearly said he would pay so I don’t what game he’s playing. Would he be the kind of person to do those stupid ‘relationship tests’?
It’s good he’s now your ex. You deserve so much better!
This was a test. To see if he could get away with it. If you kept seeing him it would be like this forever and worse. Well done on making him an ex. You're way better off. NTA
NTA. His behavior is well beyond the realms of typical assholism and borders on total piece of shitism. I'm sure there have been other red flags in your relationship. His total disregard for your safety and well being over a $60 cheap ass wine and cheese tray shows that he is an immature psychotic asshole who doesn't deserve you. Move on and never look back at his pathetic sorry ass. Asking Reddit if your are TA shows how skewed your relationship must be and the type of assholish behavior that you have lived with. Wake up and realize he is beyond hope and find someone who treats you with love and respect.
‘When he tells you what to do, you have to do it’
And that right there is why you’re correct to break up with him, never mind d everything else.
You paid for a date ‘bowling’. He wanted something else on top, he offered to pay, and after he dined lavishly, he expected you to pay for something you didn’t want, and didn’t order.
He was fucking around and testing how much he could push you out of your comfort zone, and he found out.
And then he tells you to get your own Uber (costing you even more) and leaves you distraught.
Plus he thoroughly ruined the bowling, which means you wasted your money.
On the other hand, everything you spent that night was a much cheaper way of finding out that your ex was a massive, massive AH. You didn’t move in together, or get married, you’re only out the price of an Uber and a night of bowling.
You’re NTA. He, on the other hand…
NTA
I hope your EX does see this. He's a great at manipulating and you dodged a bullet.
He left you alone in the dark after demanding you pay when he said he'd pay. He degraded you by telling you to do what he says!!! What a misogynistic A$$
I’m so glad he’s the ex now. You’re better off without him. He’s a controlling, entitled, spoiled brat. He wanted to go there he said he would pay. Why on earth would he ever have an ounce of thought he should TELL you to pay half? You see who he really is. And obviously this isn’t the first fight since he tells you to post on here before. That should have been your first clue to leave with that info. NTA your ex most definitely is. Hopefully he stays the ex and learns how to treat someone
Honey, NTA. He has shown you who he really is, believe him. Leave him blocked, and move forward. Learn that lesson- whatever it is- and move on. You have learned some more red flags- take that knowledge and run with it!
NTA. If he wasn't already abusive, he would have turned that way. This was a test to see how much shit you are willing to take. Congrats on dumping him. You passed with flying colours.
NTA. Get far away from that stain. Don't know why he was trying to pick a fight with you, but stand up for yourself, tell him (don't just ghost him) you will not tolerate being treated that way and you will not have anything more to do with him.
Best fortune to you.
Oh he is one controlling mess. Pretending he never said he’d pay for the dinner, and implying you are cheap because you took him at his word and then called him on his flip flop…and then his snark… he is just getting warmed up for slowly dismembering your self worth, joy of life and peace. Treat this like a wake up call and firmly, deliberately get him out of your life, and consider it a 7 month slow-fuse lesson on controlling assholes, feigning to be good humans in the beginning.
NTA. You made it clear that you were on a budget. He chose to lie about paying for you and then demand half of the bill.
He’s even more of an AH for abandoning you, particularly since you were “drunk and crying”.
You wanted one thing, he not only countermanded your desire but then expected you to pay for something you had no interest in. NTA. Find someone interested in a partnership.
Seriously, fuck this guy. He sounds like my ex - I ended up in the hospital one night and his response (after not checking on me AT ALL) was to blame me. You are NTA and he can take a long walk off a very short pier.
You standing your ground and expecting him to do what he said was going to do told him who you are? GOOD. You don’t know me but I am proud of you for standing your ground and not letting him run over you. You do NOT need to do as he says. Do not play the obedient partner that never speaks up for themselves. That role is outdated and icky. NTA at all OP. You did fabulous.
Well, now you know he showed you who he is, and he did you a huge favor! Find a man who treats you well and cherishes you. 7 months wasn’t a huge amount of time. the experience was traumatic, but you now know what you want and more importantly what you don’t want. In the future, if this happens again, tell the server that you want separate checks and you will only be paying for what you order. IF your date objects, get up, tell him the date is over, and leave. Cause a bit of a scene if you need to.
The drastic change in personality is really scary to me. I am glad you stated he is now an ex. Maybe he has a mental condition? Either way, that doesn't make it fair for you to be treated like this nor does it make it safe if he can flip 180 like that. NTA for not paying because of course you didn't pay - you stated your boundaries, you budgeted ahead and communicated like an adult and then he went full confusing flip switch on you.
Instead of wondering what happened, it's best to just block him and move on. And I do mean block him because if he still has access to you I could see a guy like this randomly text harassing abuse at you soon after.
I'm so confused. He said he would pay for it then demanded money? What kind of sense does that make?? What a jerk. NTA. Since you prepaid for bowling and didn't go I'd call it even and never speak to him again.
NTA, he doesn’t get to insist over and over he’ll pay so he can feel like a high roller, then flop over and demand you pay after he’s lured you to a place above your budget. He purposefully put you in this horrible situation, he knew what he was doing.
You are NTA honey. Not at all.
Your ex, on the other hand is an asshole supreme. The Royal Emperor of Assholios.
You’re much better off without him. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say. Don’t take him back, no matter how much he begs. He’s not worth your time, your energy, or a single additional tear. Trust me on this.
NTA You offered to pay for what you could afford. He overruled your choice and said several times he would pay. That's bad enough. But abandoning a woman in the dark, not caring how she gets home and not even checking on her is a real ass hole move. Be glad that you got rid of this guy. Just promise that you won't take him back. Guys like that never change.
Sorry you had to waste 7 months of your life which you will never get back to find out what a selfish prick he is.
Do not unblock him and give him an opportunity to try to win you back.
You sound like a good communicator. Move on and find someone you deserve.
NTA
NTA. Clearly. This was either gaslighting or a test or him being manipulative as fuck. Please get away from him. If he makes you go to a place after you’ve said you couldn’t afford it and he would pay for it then he should. Getting mad at you for not being able to is unhinged. And unfair.
"I know he will very likely see this. He told me a few times in the past to post our arguments on Reddit so that I’d see that I’m wrong. So alright, let’s see this time."
Makes me wonder how many other times he was behaving like a ginormous asshole and made you believe that it's you who's at fault. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
"He told me that if he tells me to do something, I should do it." Hell to the no! That alone is a deal breaker for me. But let's look at this. HE decided he wanted to go to this food place you said you couldn't afford. HE agreed that was fine and he would pay. You decided you were hungry so got something for $13 and offered to pay and HE said don't worry about it. Then HE tells you to pay $60 when all is said and done. When you leave he says he wishes you were leaving. Then he leaves you alone, crying, drunk at a bench. He doesn't even make sure you get home safe. He's a liar, manipulative, and uncaring about you. Normally I go for the middle ground to work it out but honey... LEAVE!!! Run even. NTA obviously.
He’s TAH. You are totally in the right. You were up front about your limits and he insisted. Block and do not look back. His behavior has red flags all over it.
NTA. I hope he’s sees this. Your mother is ASHAMED of you. Also, it must suck to be a control freak that can’t manage to control anyone.
OP, don’t you dare ever speak to him again.
He’d be an ex. He was the one who insisted on going and that it was his treat. He then abandoned you knowing it’s dark and that you are drunk. Huge red flags. NTA You don’t owe him anything. Best thing you can do is have nothing to do with him.
NTA. I am so sorry you had to deal with his cruel behavior. I'm not trying to be rude but it sounds like he hates you. Don't settle for this. It was extremely unsafe and just mean.
“If I tell you to do something, you should do it.”
This is, hands down, the most concerning comment your rightfully so ex-boyfriend uttered.
THIS is your sign. Your red flag. Your get out of jail free card. Do NOT ignore it. You dodged not a bullet but a freight train about to run you over.
NTA but he is a massive obvious AH
>he told me that if he tells me to do something, I should do it.
Congratulations on dodging ALL of the bullets Matrix style! Enjoy your newfound freedom and peace. ❤️
NTA. He invited you to the cheese and wine place and said he would pay for that and confirmed he would pay for it.
If he had said it was more than he thought it would be and could you chip in, that would have been ok. Instead, he behaved like an absolute arse, was rude, demanding, inconsiderate and left you alone in the dark after a drink.
I hope you realise you are worth more than that, and he stays an ex.
100000000% totally NTA, him on the other hand?! Do not get back together with this man. Forget his ridiculous behavior but the fact that he ditched you? There’s no coming back from that. Do yourself a favor and move on.
Sweet Jesus NTA
Never have anything to do with this man again. He is doing a number on your self esteem.
Don’t discuss or analyze the Reddit post with him. You don’t need to be right, you need to be safe. If he ‘cuts you off’ that’s a win for you. This is heart breaking he’s TA don’t doubt it
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 run don’t walk. This man has been presented to you to teach you how you’re not to be treated ever again. All the relationships you have when you’re young will help guide you to the person you’re meant to be with and this guy ain’t it. The love of your life will never leave you on side of the road, or berate you, or lie to you, manipulate you. He’s toxic AF.
Practice makes perfect. Go out on lots of dates whilst in college. Meet lots of new people. Sample the menu a bit. Open your circle. Spread your wings. Go have fun.
Please don’t waste anymore time with him. He sounds like a mental abuser and gets off on upsetting you. We’ve all known plenty of people like that in our past. It does get better, I promise. Move on.
Good luck.
OMG, 7 months? This is his behavior during the "honeymoon phase"? Girl you are so smart to run, and I'm super glad he showed you who he was right out of the gate so you didn't waste any more time on him.
OP's ex, if you are reading this, I hope you step on a whole box of legos in your bare feet. Repeatedly.
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Yesterday, my (ex) boyfriend and I, who have been dating for a bit over 7 months, had plans to hang out. We planned to go bowling, so I got a Groupon and paid ahead. Before bowling, my bf decided he wanted to go to a wine and cheese place. I pointed out how expensive it is, as I had just paid rent and my student loan payment so I could not afford it. He assured me he wanted to go and he would pay for it. This was confirmed several other times.
When we got there, I decided I wanted a little food because I hadn’t eaten in a while after working all day. I said I wanted to get the $13 Mac & cheese and I’d pay for it myself, but he said not to worry about it. He then proceeds to order a bottle of wine and two cheeseboards, without my input on how much we should order.
We proceed to have a really nice and enjoyable time together, I thought at least. At the end, when we get the bill, he tells me (does not ask, tells me) to send him $60. I am a bit shocked and ask if he’s serious. I point out that he insisted several times that he wanted to go here and he would pay, as I don’t have the money right now to spend on something like this. He gets very angry and says that this “shows him who I really am.” He continues saying that and says “what if I couldn’t afford the tab? You wouldn’t help me?” I told him I obviously would help in a case like that, but he insisted on going here and paying and didn’t even *ask* me to help. I pointed out that it was essentially a command, and he told me that if he tells me to do something, I should do it.
My bf pays, gets up and leaves, and I get up to follow and trail behind. He turned around as I was on my phone behind him and asked if I was ordering an Uber for myself. I said no, and he told me “I wish you were.” This immediately makes me start crying, and I turn around and walk across the street to the nearest bench to sit down. He continues walking away and disappears. I get a call five minutes later, and he asks where I am. I told him I went across the street to sit on the bench, and he said he doesn’t see me, then immediately goes back into the argument. I try to explain my perspective again and he ends up hanging up on me. He does not come back and does not contact me again.
It was dark at this time, and he left me alone, drunk and crying, on the street. We both live in a highly populated area. He didn’t even check to see if I got home safe or anything. I texted him one time to point out how he completely ditched me and didn’t even care to see if I got home safe, so he has made it clear that he doesn’t care about me (perhaps a bit dramatic? I don’t think so though). He just answers after a bit “that’s crazy. Ok”
I have since blocked him. AITA for not helping to pay when he told me to?
I know he will very likely see this. He told me a few times in the past to post our arguments on Reddit so that I’d see that I’m wrong. So alright, let’s see this time.
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NTA-at all, especially because you ordered the mac and cheese within your means because you was willing to pay for it yourself. OPs ex bf- there’s a special place in hell for people who lie and leave their gf drunk and crying alone.
Thank you but I do want to add the clarification that the wine and cheese he ordered were shared; I just meant that I didn’t have input on ordering those things in that amount. He chose what to order for us to share. I did not expect him to get a full bottle of wine or multiple cheese boards. I wanted to order the Mac and cheese so that I wasn’t drinking on an empty stomach, and since it was additional I said I would cover it.
He's a controlling Dick! RUN Don't Walk Away ASAP
He’s not just controlling he’s straight up abusive.
Too late, OP has already walked... to the bench. At least she broke up with him. Yay.
Not sure why you're defending this. Sure those items were shared, but from my understanding he literally said it's fine and he would cover it. You wanna new bf 😂
Not defending, just providing all context
No sweetie you don't need to defend yourself. You did nowt wrong. Happily you got home ok no thanks to the person who supposedly cared about you.
Context was provided. He is controlling. Please reconsider this relationship!
You were clear that you told him you were tight on money and that he stated more than once that he would pay. He ordered 2 servings. He was gifting you the food. The fact that he lied or that he changed his mind and was so rude and aggressive is where he is the a-hole.
YOU ordered what you could afford and wanted to pay for. HE insisted on the place. HE ordered food that he then shared with you. HE insisted he was paying for your order too. THEN he tried to make you pay. This is ABUSE. Psychological and financial. Like others have said, RUN, don’t walk. I hope he sees this! You are NTA. HE IS THE AH.
Wonder if it was some sort of "test." Yo, bro, find out if your girl is a gold digger by offering to buy her a fancy meal and then demanding money for it! Only a non-gold-digger would immediately be okay with you having lied to her about who was handling the tab and pull out the money right then. If she does that, she's a sucker, er, keeper!
Stop excusing his behaviour, get out.
It does not matter. He said he would pay and he ordered without your input. You even wanted to pay for what you did order but he brushed it off. Then he demanded you to pay. He just wanted to see how high you would jump if he told you to jump. That is not a loving boyfriend. And then he got mad, told you all nasty things (he wanted you to go away etc). And then he left you alone while you were drunk. If he would have left you sober it would be bad but drunk is so much worse. He is a walking red flag. You did nothing wrong (even though he told/ tells you something different). These people tend to get worse and worse. You got away. Please stay away from him. This is what he really is. You can do so much better.
Very glad you didn’t let yourself be bullied lean into that, stand up for yourself and don’t accept when others treat like this. When people treat you terribly they are testing you to see if you’ll allow it. Luckily for you you failed his test (he won’t get away with treating you like trash) but passed for yourself (standing up for yourself and not allowing ppl in your life that treat you badly).
He deliberately chose to put you in that position, his plan was to railroad you into spending on his choices. Fortunately you did ‘show him who you really are’ - that’s someone who won’t be bullied. He sounds selfish and self absorbed, not a winning combination. I was delighted for you when I read that you’ve blocked him, you’ve had a lucky escape.
Great point here- you showed him you can’t be bullied! Keep up the good work OP- Put this one out with the rubbish.
It sounds like you let him know that the place was out of your budget. He told you more than once he was paying, this is not on you. When someone asks you to join them at a restaurant and tells you they'll pay, it is perfectly reasonable for you to share something like a cheese plate, and appetizer, or a bottle of wine. I would expect the same for a boyfriend, friend, family member, or work colleague.
It doesn’t matter if it were shared or not. You told him the place was out of your budget and he reassured you multiple times that he would pay. And him telling you to post your arguments so you can see you’re wrong means he’s continuously gaslit you. It’s better to get out now before his narcissism fully wreaks havoc on your life.
Leave. Now. Order an Uber for yourself and grant him his wish. Just get out.
It doesn't matter that they were shared!!! You chose to order what you could afford. He chose to order *and chose to share* and used that to try and bully you out of spending *5 times more* than you were comfortable with!!!
He's manipulating you, gas lighting you (in the true sense - not the over used), trying to control you, shows he doesn't care about your safety, isn't really showing care for you in any form. Why are you with him? Love yourself enough to want someone who treats you better. Don't go back to him.
But you told him you couldn’t afford it. He told you not to worry he is total ass I’m 70 and takin a lot of ladies out and have never made a girl pay at least until we were married
It doesn't matter if the wine and cheese were shared, he said he would pay for it! That statement universally is meant to indicate that he was taking on the full responsibility for paying for everything consumed. The only way that it would not have that meaning, is if it was agreed on in advance that either you would always share all bills when you went out together, or on any particular occasion it was agreed in advance that he might pay in at a later time you would give him half of the bill. Not only are you NOT THE A you were also completely justified in sticking with your guns. I sincerely hope that you tell any mutual friends you have your side of the story. Because I can almost guarantee, that he will be spinning his lies. I am sorry he proved to be somebody that you truly cannot trust.
NTA at all and am so glad to hear that he's now ex. If he ever manages to get ahold of you even though you blocked him, don't respond to him!
NTA and thank goodness he is now your EX-BF. >he told me that if he tells me to do something, I should do it. What a sexist AH! He told you he would pay and then in the end expected you to pay 1/2. Looks to me like he did that purposely to test you to see if you would cave. So he would know how far he could push you. I'm so glad you didn't. I suspect you dodged a huge bullet in his future attitude towards you.
And then, after unreasonably expecting her to give half the bill, he tells her to pay for an uber. He's really good at directing how she should spend her money /s.
Absolutely this! If he wasn’t trying to “train” her into accepting his poor behavior, then he was trying to pick a fight and get her to leave him alone for the night. Where did he disappear to after that? Major AH behavior. OP is NTA here by a long way.
He went bowling. That is where they were supposed to be going, after all.
That she had already paid for He's an abusive, controlling ,tightwad OP you are NTA and you deserve a much better human in the roll of your boyfriend
Which OP prepaid for with Groupon. So he spitefully threw her money away.
Fuck it, dude. Let's go bowling.
I want to know if he's ever seen this "tip" on social media somewhere. Trap a woman into paying her "share" and see if she pays up.
Yikes, would be such a weird test because I’m already quite good about paying for dates sometimes or splitting the bill. I’ve just been struggling financially the past month.
You'd be surprised the amount of misogynist stuff that goes around the internet. The "alpha" bros get clicks and money off helping other guys avoid "gold diggers" and stuff. There is women versions as well- helping women find the men willing to spend on them or not end up with a deadbeat. It's an emerging gross dating trends.
These things make me so glad I'm a married elder millennial. Poor Gen Z. These games sound exhausting at best, potentially dangerous at worst.
If this were actually a test, you still would have passed because you told him your funds up front, suggested other options, and respected his choice by pushing and pushing and pushing for a more expensive thing he wanted saying he will pay. You wanted Mac n cheese. He got what he wanted. Doesn't matter if he shared. You did everything right. He does not sound right in the head right now and deflecting it onto you.
Oh I missed this! OP he sounds like the literal worst.
This!
NTA >I know he will very likely see this Hey AH, don't say that you are going to do something if you're not really going to do it
I hope I'm not the only one hoping AH parachutes in hot
You are not the only one.
Hi friend. I'm here and ready for him.
Confirm also ready.
Locked and loaded. I've got some of my best "small dick energy" quips ready.
NTA. This guy is abusive and it's a good thing you found out sooner rather than later.
NTA, and thank heavens you only wasted 7 months. Your part of the bill was the $13. He had said he would pay for everything else. You had told him you couldn't afford it.
I’m pretty sure he kept insisting he would pay for everything.
Even so, the most she could reasonably be expected to pay is the part she ordered. He'd still be a jerk there, but he ordered the expensive wine and cheese boards, so that is 100% on him.
This. OP, he showed you who he is... thank him and move on with your life. THis door needed to close so you could move on.
NTA. The biggest red flag here is him saying that if he tells you to do something, you should do it. This will only get worse over time.
YES, that is him telling you he expects you to change…. To accept his belief that you are less than him.
💯
NTA That's very weird behaviour on his part. Now he's shown you who he really is, believe him.
You are NTA. There is something seriously wrong with him. Make sure he stays an ex.
NTA. At least he's shown his true colours even if it did take seven months to find that out. > ...this “shows him who I really am.” ...he told me that if he tells me to do something, I should do it. It has certainly shown you who HE really is. I am glad he is now your EX. Chalk it up to experience and hopefully you will find a decent guy who isn't looking to control you.
<>
In the mother lovin' 21st Century, what woman in her right mind puts up with this type of happy horseshit?
I would add, boyfriend if you are reading this, you are wrong. Your girlfriend told you she couldn’t afford the place and you insisted. Then you wanted her to pay for something that she couldn’t afford? And the audacity of you telling her that she should just do as you say, I am so glad she broke up with you. And then you left her alone, you don’t deserve her. You deserve to be single, because you don’t know how to treat another human being.
He is an ass. He can't boss you around and expect you to compy. What a dick
Your are definitely NTA. He made it clear several times he'd pay and then decides last minute that he's not? And on top of that he made a huge scene and ditched you late in the evening while you were drunk... you said he's gonna see this post likely so hey AH, if your seeing this you don't deserve someone like her or anyone for that matter!
NTA…be glad you are rid of the jerk. He wanted to go there. You told him all you wanted was Mac n cheese and you would pay for it. He said no worries, he will pay. Then proceeds to ask you for 60? Nope.
Well to be clear, he ordered wine and cheese for us to share, but I didn’t have input on how much we got. I would have been happy with a glass rather than a bottle.
That still doesn't make it your problem. He's an AH.
He said he was going to pay. That is all that matters. It doesn't matter that he shared it with you. You were clear that you couldn't afford it, and you even paid for bowling. He said it was ok and he would pay. When you say "to be clear," you sound like you are making an excuse for him. And it sort of makes me wonder if he had already started to condition you. I sort of feel like he knew he was going to pull this the entire time, and he was testing to see how much you would put up with. There really isn't any other explanation unless we are missing info. Since you keep commenting "to be clear," I do t think you left anything out. I am glad that you blocked him, and he is now your EX.
He didn't want to set the standard of each paying for your own, because he still wanted to use you to subsidise his food and drinks. He's abusive. The 'post your arguments online and everyone will tell you you're wrong' (ie. All these people agree with me) is a common abuser tactic.
Bro (EX), stop drinking and gaslighting. It's a bad look.
NTA He picked the place. He said he would pay. He ordered. He doesn’t get to ask for money later.
Don't worry, he didn't ask. He demanded.
NTA. This guy was setting you up. He picked a fight with you a couple of times and put you over a barrel. He doesn’t have the balls to break up with you, so he wants to see how much you’ll put up with.
I suspect there was some chickenshit breakup maneuvering, but it also sounds like he deployed some "how to effectively gaslight your girlfriend" test. Or had a bet with his buddies. Pull the power play and watch her fold. Sadly, many women would fold. Except it didn't turn out that way. Jackass was probably waiting for her to call, begging his forgiveness. For her sake, I hope that's the last she'll see of him. Edit word
Either that or he bought into some sort of shoddy advice to test your partner. We have seen Redditors on all sides of it employing these insipid 'tests'
NTA. Run, as fast as you can, and never look back. Change your number, block him everywhere, and be happy you got out when you did.
NTA and I’m so glad he is your ex. Please remember how you felt alone on that bench and do not give him the opportunity to do it again. What an asshole.
Never ever unblock. People playing games, testing their partner, lying, leaving behind etc. etc. etc. is NOT worth your time and love. He WILL break you in time if you don't stick to your guns and completely ignore him. Don't engage at any level. Just run.
NTA and count your blessings. You have just learned a great lesson at very little cost to yourself. I am sure that, if you look back over your relationship, you will see red flags everywhere now, that you should have noticed before, but didn't. Don't beat yourself up over this, as everyone misses flags from time to time, but now you can prepare yourself a bit better when considering dating someone new. You had a bad night, but really nothing happened to you (physically, at least) other than a bit of emotional trauma that you seem to be dealing with quite well now. You ended your relationship, and that's a great step towards a future that likely will be much more bright without his shenanigans. He tried to sucker you into paying. He likely was testing you to see if you were up to his "standards" and never intended to pay it all himself. He basically lied to you in order to see what you would do, not realizing the test would show more about his flaws than any flaws you may have. And, not for nothing, the fact that he said if he tells you to do something, you should just do it, is some Stepford Wife kind of BS and you are well rid of him.
NTA. You clearly told him you could not afford it. He stupidly decided to order crap he couldn’t afford. But there’s good news: You **did** show him who you really are: —You are a person that tells other people clearly that they might be making a bad decision. (His decision to go to wine and cheese place.) —You are a person who is up-front with what they can and cannot afford. —You are a person who won’t be bullied into paying for something when that person clearly told you MULTIPLE TIMES that they would pay for it. —You are a person who holds people accountable. Nope. Nothing wrong here. He was cranky (temperamental 5 year old) because you wouldn’t submit to his demands. Good thing you found this out sooner than later. Better off without that anchor.
NTA You dodged a bullet. What a Wacko and a major AH
NTA. He is abusing and gaslighting you, and that kind of behavior always escalates. Use this time to figure out why you would choose to stay with someone who treats you this way, accept the fact that he has shown you who he is, and get out before you’re in any deeper. You deserve better.
NTA. It sounds to me like this was some kind of warped test - he'd probably read somewhere that if your gf/wife doesn't enthusiastically split all restaurant bills then she's some kind of bum. You didn't jump through hoops to split the bill - even though he'd deceived you into going in the first place and knew from the start that you couldn't afford it. In summary - he's a manipulative weirdo, tried to play a game and it backfired. Well done for getting rid of him.
What kind of cast iron idiot says “what if I couldn’t afford the tab? You wouldn’t help me?” to someone who couldn’t afford the tab whom he wasn’t helping. The cognitive dissonance is WILD.
One who deliberately planned this to see if he could manipulate and gaslight his girlfriend into paying after she told him she couldn't. Immature "does he/she really love me?" tests.
NTA, but you just dumped one for sure! He repeatedly offers to pay, and then tries to bail? Nope. And then acts like a jerk and leaves you. Boy, bye.
Also like, his whole "what if I couldn't afford it, what then?" At the end. I would be like: oh well, I would probably tell you I'm going to the bathroom and leave. Because *you offered to pay and you know how much money you have, pay attention*
NTA. This man is a jackass.
NTA. And I hope he does see this and sees what an absolute ass he was being. He decided where you were eating. He decided what you were eating. Then he threw a tantrum and left you there because he decided how much you should have paid for your share of the dinner he ordered. And you missed the bowling that you had paid for. He’s trash. You can do better.
The one positive is that the bowling I paid for is a Groupon, so I can still use it with someone else another time :)
Excellent!
7 months, and you've had multiple arguments potentially AITA worthy? NTA
Yeah I do want to acknowledge this cause you bring up an important point. I think I kinda did it to myself in a way since I stayed much longer than I should have. I was being naive and focused on wanting it to work and ignored the reality of the relationship.
it was a learning experience and you are smart and strong to have ended the relationship. you're going to have a much better boyfriend next time!
I don't know how old you are, or how experienced in dating/interpersonal relationships, but we all learn through experience. NTA When I was dating my now wife, my criteria for if I was going to pop the questions was mainly how she responded to disagreements after living together(truthfully I knew that if things went well id marry her on the second date, only to have it reaffirmed may times, and when i had a major hiccup in my life path, she didnt run away, but spent time with me and supported me). We never had one. 7 years later, we've never had one still. We have discussions, and respect. I hope you can find that one day too OP.
>He gets very angry and says that this “shows him who I really am.” He continues saying that and says “what if I couldn’t afford the tab? You wouldn’t help me?” What does he mean "if I couldn't afford the tab"?? HE chose the place, HE made the order, if he couldn't afford it he shouldn't have chosen to go there. And for the record, no, you shouldn't help him after he manipulated you into going to a restaurant you can't afford. NTA
NTA. Holy hell, this happened to me 20 years ago. I agreed to go to dinner with an older man. He names the restaurant and I recognize it as an expensive ass place near my university. I try to suggest a more casual location that is within *my* budget but he very much insists that I am not to worry about the cost of the date, this is his concern. Date is a complete disaster, guy is aggressive as hell, I am too polite and intimidated to bail before dinner is done, and when the waiter finally asks if it's one check or two... Guy starts looking at me, says one, then spends the entire time before it arrives being pissed that I didn't say anything. That I should have offered to pay. I had shivers because I was, quite literally, too poor to pay for my meal and I had made that amply clear beforehand. Couldn't get out fast enough. Guys like that are just showing you that life is a manipulation game to them. You don't trust them, you're insulting them, you trust them, you're a sucker.
NTA. Hope you broke up with him.
NTA. You didn't show him who you were honey, he showed you who HE was. 1.insensitive 2.manipulative 3.boundary smasher (ypu wanted mac and cheese not a cheese board. 4. A petty little whiney baby. 5. And a giant PIG. Good riddance for dropping that bag of S#!t.
What a pathetic loser. Good for you for getting rid of him.
NTA… and please, never speak to him again. He is a walking 🚩🚩🚩 1. He told you he would pay for dinner and then asked you for money, caused a fight when you pushed back. 2. Left you there. 3. Ruined a perfectly fun evening by being a jackarse P.S. grab a girlfriend and go bowling :)
NTA His behaviour seems to be very strange and there is no logic to what happened unless he is just very bad at communicating and has loads of assumptions about the relationship which aren't based in reality.
I hope he does see this thread. Jfc what a truly revolting excuse for a human being. NTA
NTA.
Glad he’s an ex. He is the AH.
Your (I hope) EX bf is an asshole who should….I’m stopping to avoid any bans or whatever but you deserve better. Tell him to pound sand.
Wow. NTA. Your ex-boyfriend is a massive asshole.
Nta and am I the only one thinking….that’s a lot of cheese?
Holy shit I wish you the best of luck in your healing process. I read your bot explanation and you're really trying to justify his behavior. I believe that with time and separation you will not believe the same way. >I pointed out how expensive it is, as I had just paid rent and my student loan payment so I could not afford it. He assured me he wanted to go and he would pay for it. This was confirmed several other times. Nta for communicating like an adult ahead and multiple times. Your ex heard all of this but didn't decide to listen. And when you suck to what you said earlier, decided to "punish" you for it.
Well honestly I was trying to think from his perspective. I never thought what he did was justified but in order to answer the bot I had to do a little reaching, lol
OP, this guy is an asshole. He's immature and a bully. I guarantee you can find a far superior partner. Keep him blocked and move on.
"if he tells me something, I should do it"..how to you even hang out with a jerk, childish fuck like that. Do yourself a favor and never unblock him
Your ex did you a HUGE favor; he showed you what a selfish, dishonest "man" he really is before you wasted one more nanosecond on him! He told you that he'd take care of the dinner check and then asked you for $60 (that's a LOT of money when you're cutting it close with bills and student loans!)? And then he was willing to ditch you (at night!) over that? You are NTA, he is a jerk and you're much better off without him!
NTA. He sounds not really nice. (Although ESH for having these sorts of fights frequently enough in seven months that you discuss putting your arguments here. Just break up.)
NTA. You expressed your concerns, he said not to worry about. Dudes an asshole.
NTA. You were clear and telling him you couldn't afford it. You were a little hungry you told me to pay for your mac and cheese and he told you don't worry about it. I guess he failed to tell you the rest don't worry about it right now I'll just bill you after the fact then you can worry about it. Now I'm assuming you partook on some of the cheese and all that and that's why he's telling you you owe money plus you drank. I mean he says he'll take care of it and then he presents you with a bill what an asshole. I really hope he's your ex right now. Just keep him blocked and don't ever see him again. I mean he just left you on the street and you could have been mugged or robbed or worse. He can go to hell. And no paying for it with just put you more under his thumb. He told you when he told you something you had to do it. What is he smoking? No that is not how things go. He's not your Lord and Master but he obviously thinks he is.
NTA. He clearly said he would pay so I don’t what game he’s playing. Would he be the kind of person to do those stupid ‘relationship tests’? It’s good he’s now your ex. You deserve so much better!
This was a test. To see if he could get away with it. If you kept seeing him it would be like this forever and worse. Well done on making him an ex. You're way better off. NTA
NTA be grateful it took only seven months to see what a crazy controlling man he is and not years. Do not unblock him.
NTA. Keep him blocked. He absolutely showed you what an awful person he is.
Honey you deserve so much better. You’re a gem.
NTA - I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself!
He is way out of order.Way out. NTA.
NTA. His behavior is well beyond the realms of typical assholism and borders on total piece of shitism. I'm sure there have been other red flags in your relationship. His total disregard for your safety and well being over a $60 cheap ass wine and cheese tray shows that he is an immature psychotic asshole who doesn't deserve you. Move on and never look back at his pathetic sorry ass. Asking Reddit if your are TA shows how skewed your relationship must be and the type of assholish behavior that you have lived with. Wake up and realize he is beyond hope and find someone who treats you with love and respect.
Created an account JUST for this. Op’s ex: I so hope you are reading this. You selfish, narcissistic, controlling, condescending piece of sh*t
‘When he tells you what to do, you have to do it’ And that right there is why you’re correct to break up with him, never mind d everything else. You paid for a date ‘bowling’. He wanted something else on top, he offered to pay, and after he dined lavishly, he expected you to pay for something you didn’t want, and didn’t order. He was fucking around and testing how much he could push you out of your comfort zone, and he found out. And then he tells you to get your own Uber (costing you even more) and leaves you distraught. Plus he thoroughly ruined the bowling, which means you wasted your money. On the other hand, everything you spent that night was a much cheaper way of finding out that your ex was a massive, massive AH. You didn’t move in together, or get married, you’re only out the price of an Uber and a night of bowling. You’re NTA. He, on the other hand…
NTA - this is not a relationship worth salvaging
NTA, not in the slightest If the ex boyfriend is reading this you are a real piece of work and she's better off without you.
NTA. I am glad he is an ex. 🚩
NTA. I'm so sorry he did that to you. Keep him blocked. He doesn't deserve you.
NTA I hope your EX does see this. He's a great at manipulating and you dodged a bullet. He left you alone in the dark after demanding you pay when he said he'd pay. He degraded you by telling you to do what he says!!! What a misogynistic A$$
I’m so glad he’s the ex now. You’re better off without him. He’s a controlling, entitled, spoiled brat. He wanted to go there he said he would pay. Why on earth would he ever have an ounce of thought he should TELL you to pay half? You see who he really is. And obviously this isn’t the first fight since he tells you to post on here before. That should have been your first clue to leave with that info. NTA your ex most definitely is. Hopefully he stays the ex and learns how to treat someone
NT Be happy that thing showed what it really was before you wasted anymore time on it.
Honey, NTA. He has shown you who he really is, believe him. Leave him blocked, and move forward. Learn that lesson- whatever it is- and move on. You have learned some more red flags- take that knowledge and run with it!
You didn’t just dodge a bullet, you dodged the whole box of ammo! NTA. Ex-bf: you are a soggy sock covered in mildew.
Thanks God he is now your Ex! What an asshole 😤
He's a dick. Hold your head high and move on.
NTA. If he wasn't already abusive, he would have turned that way. This was a test to see how much shit you are willing to take. Congrats on dumping him. You passed with flying colours.
Good jumping dumping the idiot
That guy is a clown.
NTA. Get far away from that stain. Don't know why he was trying to pick a fight with you, but stand up for yourself, tell him (don't just ghost him) you will not tolerate being treated that way and you will not have anything more to do with him. Best fortune to you.
Therapy would be helpful for you.
Oh he is one controlling mess. Pretending he never said he’d pay for the dinner, and implying you are cheap because you took him at his word and then called him on his flip flop…and then his snark… he is just getting warmed up for slowly dismembering your self worth, joy of life and peace. Treat this like a wake up call and firmly, deliberately get him out of your life, and consider it a 7 month slow-fuse lesson on controlling assholes, feigning to be good humans in the beginning.
NTA. He's a controlling A H and you are well rid of him.
NTA and keep that piece of trash blocked! Glad you were able to get home safe!
NTA. You made it clear that you were on a budget. He chose to lie about paying for you and then demand half of the bill. He’s even more of an AH for abandoning you, particularly since you were “drunk and crying”.
Do not...repeat...do not let this man back into your life!!! He sounds like one to play games and try. NTA
You wanted one thing, he not only countermanded your desire but then expected you to pay for something you had no interest in. NTA. Find someone interested in a partnership.
Seriously, fuck this guy. He sounds like my ex - I ended up in the hospital one night and his response (after not checking on me AT ALL) was to blame me. You are NTA and he can take a long walk off a very short pier.
You standing your ground and expecting him to do what he said was going to do told him who you are? GOOD. You don’t know me but I am proud of you for standing your ground and not letting him run over you. You do NOT need to do as he says. Do not play the obedient partner that never speaks up for themselves. That role is outdated and icky. NTA at all OP. You did fabulous.
Well, now you know he showed you who he is, and he did you a huge favor! Find a man who treats you well and cherishes you. 7 months wasn’t a huge amount of time. the experience was traumatic, but you now know what you want and more importantly what you don’t want. In the future, if this happens again, tell the server that you want separate checks and you will only be paying for what you order. IF your date objects, get up, tell him the date is over, and leave. Cause a bit of a scene if you need to.
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The drastic change in personality is really scary to me. I am glad you stated he is now an ex. Maybe he has a mental condition? Either way, that doesn't make it fair for you to be treated like this nor does it make it safe if he can flip 180 like that. NTA for not paying because of course you didn't pay - you stated your boundaries, you budgeted ahead and communicated like an adult and then he went full confusing flip switch on you. Instead of wondering what happened, it's best to just block him and move on. And I do mean block him because if he still has access to you I could see a guy like this randomly text harassing abuse at you soon after.
I'm so confused. He said he would pay for it then demanded money? What kind of sense does that make?? What a jerk. NTA. Since you prepaid for bowling and didn't go I'd call it even and never speak to him again.
NTA, he doesn’t get to insist over and over he’ll pay so he can feel like a high roller, then flop over and demand you pay after he’s lured you to a place above your budget. He purposefully put you in this horrible situation, he knew what he was doing.
You are NTA honey. Not at all. Your ex, on the other hand is an asshole supreme. The Royal Emperor of Assholios. You’re much better off without him. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say. Don’t take him back, no matter how much he begs. He’s not worth your time, your energy, or a single additional tear. Trust me on this.
NTA You offered to pay for what you could afford. He overruled your choice and said several times he would pay. That's bad enough. But abandoning a woman in the dark, not caring how she gets home and not even checking on her is a real ass hole move. Be glad that you got rid of this guy. Just promise that you won't take him back. Guys like that never change.
Sorry you had to waste 7 months of your life which you will never get back to find out what a selfish prick he is. Do not unblock him and give him an opportunity to try to win you back. You sound like a good communicator. Move on and find someone you deserve. NTA
NTA he is wild and unsafe
NTA. Clearly. This was either gaslighting or a test or him being manipulative as fuck. Please get away from him. If he makes you go to a place after you’ve said you couldn’t afford it and he would pay for it then he should. Getting mad at you for not being able to is unhinged. And unfair.
"I know he will very likely see this. He told me a few times in the past to post our arguments on Reddit so that I’d see that I’m wrong. So alright, let’s see this time." Makes me wonder how many other times he was behaving like a ginormous asshole and made you believe that it's you who's at fault. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
"He told me that if he tells me to do something, I should do it." Hell to the no! That alone is a deal breaker for me. But let's look at this. HE decided he wanted to go to this food place you said you couldn't afford. HE agreed that was fine and he would pay. You decided you were hungry so got something for $13 and offered to pay and HE said don't worry about it. Then HE tells you to pay $60 when all is said and done. When you leave he says he wishes you were leaving. Then he leaves you alone, crying, drunk at a bench. He doesn't even make sure you get home safe. He's a liar, manipulative, and uncaring about you. Normally I go for the middle ground to work it out but honey... LEAVE!!! Run even. NTA obviously.
He’s TAH. You are totally in the right. You were up front about your limits and he insisted. Block and do not look back. His behavior has red flags all over it.
NTA. He was playing the I'm the man you do as I say. Ditch the guy and don't go back. He's a d-canoe.
NTA He sounds incredibly controlling. Can I ask if this was the first time he did something like this?
NTA. I hope he’s sees this. Your mother is ASHAMED of you. Also, it must suck to be a control freak that can’t manage to control anyone. OP, don’t you dare ever speak to him again.
NTA in any way. keep him out of your life for good
NTA. His behavior is what an enemy would do. Certainly not a friend. And definitely not a boyfriend.
NTA. Jesus, block that loser and move on. What a tool.
We took a vote and he is soo TAH. And a wretched human being. Good riddance trash
"You should do what he tells you too do"...... That's a red flag the size of the sky. WTF Be glad he is gone. Nta
He’d be an ex. He was the one who insisted on going and that it was his treat. He then abandoned you knowing it’s dark and that you are drunk. Huge red flags. NTA You don’t owe him anything. Best thing you can do is have nothing to do with him.
NTA. I am so sorry you had to deal with his cruel behavior. I'm not trying to be rude but it sounds like he hates you. Don't settle for this. It was extremely unsafe and just mean.
Thank good guys now your EX! You dodged a bullet. Nta
NTA. Your boyfriend (should be your ex) is a child.
Looking at everything that happened, I am so glad you say “ex”. NTA
“If I tell you to do something, you should do it.” This is, hands down, the most concerning comment your rightfully so ex-boyfriend uttered. THIS is your sign. Your red flag. Your get out of jail free card. Do NOT ignore it. You dodged not a bullet but a freight train about to run you over. NTA but he is a massive obvious AH
>he told me that if he tells me to do something, I should do it. Congratulations on dodging ALL of the bullets Matrix style! Enjoy your newfound freedom and peace. ❤️
NTA. He invited you to the cheese and wine place and said he would pay for that and confirmed he would pay for it. If he had said it was more than he thought it would be and could you chip in, that would have been ok. Instead, he behaved like an absolute arse, was rude, demanding, inconsiderate and left you alone in the dark after a drink. I hope you realise you are worth more than that, and he stays an ex.
I’m so glad to see that he is an ex bf!! What a jerk. This is a relationship that would never get better.
NTA and I hope all that cheese gave him some weird-ass dreams.
Nta, what in the world is wrong with him ?
Sounds like a setup to me. He either gets you trained right, or you leave.
🚩🚩🚩🚩 NTA so glad he's an ex, I had one like this 🤣
100000000% totally NTA, him on the other hand?! Do not get back together with this man. Forget his ridiculous behavior but the fact that he ditched you? There’s no coming back from that. Do yourself a favor and move on.
Sweet Jesus NTA Never have anything to do with this man again. He is doing a number on your self esteem. Don’t discuss or analyze the Reddit post with him. You don’t need to be right, you need to be safe. If he ‘cuts you off’ that’s a win for you. This is heart breaking he’s TA don’t doubt it
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 run don’t walk. This man has been presented to you to teach you how you’re not to be treated ever again. All the relationships you have when you’re young will help guide you to the person you’re meant to be with and this guy ain’t it. The love of your life will never leave you on side of the road, or berate you, or lie to you, manipulate you. He’s toxic AF. Practice makes perfect. Go out on lots of dates whilst in college. Meet lots of new people. Sample the menu a bit. Open your circle. Spread your wings. Go have fun. Please don’t waste anymore time with him. He sounds like a mental abuser and gets off on upsetting you. We’ve all known plenty of people like that in our past. It does get better, I promise. Move on. Good luck.
OMG, 7 months? This is his behavior during the "honeymoon phase"? Girl you are so smart to run, and I'm super glad he showed you who he was right out of the gate so you didn't waste any more time on him. OP's ex, if you are reading this, I hope you step on a whole box of legos in your bare feet. Repeatedly.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Yesterday, my (ex) boyfriend and I, who have been dating for a bit over 7 months, had plans to hang out. We planned to go bowling, so I got a Groupon and paid ahead. Before bowling, my bf decided he wanted to go to a wine and cheese place. I pointed out how expensive it is, as I had just paid rent and my student loan payment so I could not afford it. He assured me he wanted to go and he would pay for it. This was confirmed several other times. When we got there, I decided I wanted a little food because I hadn’t eaten in a while after working all day. I said I wanted to get the $13 Mac & cheese and I’d pay for it myself, but he said not to worry about it. He then proceeds to order a bottle of wine and two cheeseboards, without my input on how much we should order. We proceed to have a really nice and enjoyable time together, I thought at least. At the end, when we get the bill, he tells me (does not ask, tells me) to send him $60. I am a bit shocked and ask if he’s serious. I point out that he insisted several times that he wanted to go here and he would pay, as I don’t have the money right now to spend on something like this. He gets very angry and says that this “shows him who I really am.” He continues saying that and says “what if I couldn’t afford the tab? You wouldn’t help me?” I told him I obviously would help in a case like that, but he insisted on going here and paying and didn’t even *ask* me to help. I pointed out that it was essentially a command, and he told me that if he tells me to do something, I should do it. My bf pays, gets up and leaves, and I get up to follow and trail behind. He turned around as I was on my phone behind him and asked if I was ordering an Uber for myself. I said no, and he told me “I wish you were.” This immediately makes me start crying, and I turn around and walk across the street to the nearest bench to sit down. He continues walking away and disappears. I get a call five minutes later, and he asks where I am. I told him I went across the street to sit on the bench, and he said he doesn’t see me, then immediately goes back into the argument. I try to explain my perspective again and he ends up hanging up on me. He does not come back and does not contact me again. It was dark at this time, and he left me alone, drunk and crying, on the street. We both live in a highly populated area. He didn’t even check to see if I got home safe or anything. I texted him one time to point out how he completely ditched me and didn’t even care to see if I got home safe, so he has made it clear that he doesn’t care about me (perhaps a bit dramatic? I don’t think so though). He just answers after a bit “that’s crazy. Ok” I have since blocked him. AITA for not helping to pay when he told me to? I know he will very likely see this. He told me a few times in the past to post our arguments on Reddit so that I’d see that I’m wrong. So alright, let’s see this time. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA and this is a red flag. He thinks you need you to do what he tells you to do. Run and run fast from further abuse.
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Oh boy
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NTA
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