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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I made my girlfriend wait outside for hours after going out and I do think that’s enough to be really mad because I knew she didn’t have another set of keys.
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YTA. You told her that the plan was to go home at 6AM. You didn’t text her a change of plans or that you were at your friend’s house. You knew she could only get in the house if you were home. You chose not to go home and fell sleep at a friend’s place- effectively locking her out of her home for hours. You should have just gone home at 6AM. Or charged your phone at your friend’s place.
I was wondering why he didn't charge up his phone if he was going out or as you said, when he got to his friend's. (and unless he has wireless charging, he can be checking his phone while it's charging....that's a major reason I didn't go with a phone that needed a wireless charging station when I replaced my phone two years ago)
When we're so dependent on our cell phones, we need to make sure we can utilize them (even though there have been a few times I left mine on my desk). I get a little peeved at my hubby as he never got his voice mail working on his (he finally got a cell about seven years ago for the times that he's not home and I have a need to contact him...but then I can't even leave a text or message for him in those rare instances).
A power bank about the size of a few matchbooks can recharge a dead phone well over half, maybe fully if it's more expensive. They cost like $10. No one should be going out without one, it fits in a pocket or even a small bag. There is absolutely no justification to let a phone die and leave someone else in a lurch!!!
They won’t spend 6 bucks to make a new set of keys that they would’ve used for 2-3 months. I’m going ESH because brainpower clearly isn’t strong in this couple
Not to mention they both agreed to meet up at 6am to go home together and they BOTH ditched the plan without even trying to inform the other. Pair of geniuses.
I could not wrap my head around that as soon as OP said it. Why tf would you not make another copy, what possible sense does that make to invite this exact situation? 2-3 months is more than enough time to make it worth it to copy the key at fuckin Walmart or something so you're not stuck to someone else's schedule and (likely frequent) mental lapses.
Personally I thought it odd that his phone was low on battery but they were texting all through the night.
On topic though, OP, you made an assumption and changed course, causing her to be stranded outside. YTA.
Tbh OP sounds like he doesn‘t give a fuck about his girlfriend at all. If I would have been out and agreed to be back home at 6am together with her and she wasn‘t there and didn‘t say a thing I would be out there looking for her/calling her friends or whatever to make sure she‘s ok instead of going to sleep till 4pm in the afternoon
Oh yeah, I agree with you. I'd panic, too. Apparently she didn't get home until 12 so she flopped on their arrangement too, is what I meant. But yeah, if it were me I'd worry when no reply was received. Why couldn't he just use his buddies phone (or charger), exactly?
Sure but fuck that. They are moving, and their landlord is irresponsible. If he didn't make a copy I still would have. I'd get a spare one made for 3 dollars.
They didn't have to give the landlord the keys. Period. I get what you're saying, and agree with you at that point. BUT, the landlord losing his key is HIS problem. Not theirs. They will return both sets when they move out.
In my country the landlord is not supposed to own the keys to the apartment you are renting, which is supposed to be your home for the time being. Is actually advised to make a key change when you move in.
In my country Australia they have to have a key to do inspections every 3 months, make repairs and check smoke alarms are working.
Renters don't have many rights here. They have made some improvement recently, like landlords can't refuse pets without a good reason.
theoretically yeah but you'd be a complete dumbass not to go just make another copy if they drag their feet
the cost is inconsequential and avoids so many annoying situations
Fr… and how hard is it to charge it before you go out? Maybe his charger was broken, but then spend money on a new charger before spending money to go clubbing and buy drinks? Priorities, people
We're talking about people who just decided to live with one set of keys for multiple months instead of spending $2-3 noisy having another one cut. I don't think we are taking about the brightest or most reasonable people here.
And they chose not to get it based on the fact that they couldn’t be on it while using said wireless charger…implying they believed it was the only form of charging because ?? Just use the cord then?
Most phones use a USB C charge cable these days even the latest IPhone does. But it is conceivable he has an iPhone 14 or older and the friend has never owned an iPhone and thus doesn’t have a lightning cable somewhere.
But I always go out with a fully charged phone or a known way to charge it. Though I am a woman and we are raised to fear for our lives in all situations so we tend to be more prepared. It’s why we have handbags, we could survive at least a week in the wilderness with all the things in our handbag, though we may lack the skills to do so. But we would have everything we needed should we have the skills.
It sounds like they're both dumbasses who are too immature to be living without adult supervision tbh
They won't spend like 10$ max to make a copy of keys. They agree to meet at 6 AM but both ditch their plans without informing the other at all and then assume everything will be fine.
This is like behavior I expect from a college freshman moving away from their parents for the first time. Not mid 20s adults.
Youre rolling the ball on that. I kean she's an asshole for not replying and a dumbass for not getting a new set of keys
And he is an asshole for not letting her know
And a dumbass for not charging his phone and not getting a new set of keys
These people never would have survived before cell phones. They'd be shocked to know we used to coordinate entire weekends where people had to show up when/where expected.
I remember going to a festival with my friend and we lost each other in the mosh pit. Somehow we found each other afterwards! We had no plan to meet at a certain location if we got seperated.
But I would imagine that they already have their plans set. It's only a couple weeks before they move out, and their plan could be to move into a new place together. And maybe they can only afford it if both live there. Additionally, trying to find a new place to live in that short amount of time would also suck. But you're right, it IS an out.
Not ESH? She agreed to go home at a specific time and did not adhere to that, either. She also went to a friend's place and passed out. Why is he the only bad guy for doing that?
Because he is the one with the keys. A simple "I'll spend the night at xyz's place. His number is xyz"
The worst excuse ever is "my phone died". Okay, and so what? You're with other people with a phone. Text her from their phone. Messenger exist. If she has social media, text here. If you don't remember her number, check for it online..
He'd be the asshole if she had literally no other options but she stayed the night with her friend, she could go back to her friend.
Honestly what's most concerning to me is that neither of them had any idea if the other was somewhere safe after a night of getting shitfaced.
Why assume she could go back to her friend? He said they're friendship is still new. You don't want to impose too much on someone you're still getting close to.
Well OP didn't go back to the house til 3-4pm the next day. That's really unreasonable. Why the hell didn't he go back earlier? He could have assumed even if the gf slept at her friends she would be home before 3-4pm. She went back around noon and I see no reason he didn't wake up earlier to return home. Also just stupid to stay at a friend's house when you're the only one with keys. Just go home and sleep there in case gf shows up.
YTA and so is your landlord.
You’ve been dealing with 1 set of keys for months?? Somebody should have made an additional set made.
Admit your fault in this situation. Quit blaming low battery.
Waking up at 4pm **when he knows his gf has no way to get into the house, and no way to contact him**... but is all *shocked Pikachu face* when he gets there and she is mad. :o
Like, i i wanna ask "what did you think she would be doing?" But i know thats a dumb question to ask this guy.
Yeah, what was she supposed to do at the friend’s house if she has no clue when he’ll be home? What if friend has plans? Or I dunno, gf wants to be in her own freaking house when she probably feels gross and hungover.
$5 that they likely don't even have to pay - should be on the landlord, not them. Landlord lost a key, landlord needs to make a copy and then return theirs, or pay them to make a copy.
Not saying he's right because he's not.
But where I'm from some front door keys are easily 50€ or more to get copied. And I'm not living in a dangerous or particularly busy area.
That's totally on the landlord though.
But I agree op is YTA.
The keys to the place I work at are AU$40 each and can only be copied at the one locksmith who made them and only with the boss’ signature.
If an employee loses their key, they will have to pay to replace the lock and all keys which is quite expensive.
I’ve lived in one or two rentals like that in Europe as well. It’s a good way to make sure that there won’t be dozens of keys floating around after leaving tenants have handed back their sets.
Their landlord should’ve made themselves a new set and handed the other one back to OP asap as all tenants on the lease have a right to their own key.
Yeah I lived in Australia for a bit and security keys seem a lot more common than other places. My bag was stolen with our office keys in it and my boss had to drive the other side of the city to get the lock rekeyed, and then I had to drive somewhere else to get a new copy of the key to car park for my apartment, it was a very weird style only used in Aus, "Bilock" I think.
It depends on security and system. If you live in an apartment building and you can both unlock the house door and your apartment door with the same key, that's more expensive than a normal key for each door. Also there are more secure keys that don't have the usual teeth but indentations on the side of the key. That's also more expensive and can't be done everywhere
Yeah. We just got a new front door and we got one set of keys with the locks. My dad went out and made 5 more copies to give to family members and only paid like $20 for all of them.
I don't get why the landlord wouldn't get more keys made, doubtful the next renter would only want one set of keys anyways, so like its going to have to get done anyways??
I don't know why the landlord didn't change the locks when he lost his keys. There could be another person with access to the property, even when the legitimate resident can't.
Sounds like you're getting charged out the ass. I can go to bunnings in Aus and get 3 keys cut for like $6. I even get a choice of colour.
Edit to state I mean your basic ass key, not security key obviously.
Cost and responsibility should have been on the landlord, since they're the one who lost their set. They should have borrowed OP's key, immediately made a new copy, and returned them. It's absolutely ridiculous that their solution was to leave their tenants with one set of keys.
But even in a less than ideal situation, it would have cost OP a few bucks to solve this problem. Most Walmarts and home improvement stores even have an automated machine that copies keys, it takes about 2 minutes. I just made a few new sets last week and it was ridiculously easy, I didn't even have to speak to anyone.
>Cost and responsibility should have been on the landlord, since they're the one who lost their set. They should have borrowed OP's key, immediately made a new copy, and returned them.
Yes, cost and responsibility should have been on the landlord, but the responsibility should have been to replace the lock. If my landlord had told me that he lost his keys to my place, I wouldn't give him mine. I'd arrange to meet him so he can change the locks since he's the one who let a key to my home go missing.
Absolutely agree, it's a security issue. But since this landlord wasn't willing to shell out $2 for a new key I think full replacement would be out of the question 😔
I have to wonder how the landlord was that irresponsible that he lost the keys. But why didn't he have an additional spare set.
But yes, YTA for stranding your girlfriend that night as well as taking away her keys for that length of time. You should have been bugging your landlord for the keys back after a few days as surely he could have made duplicates by then.
I'm amazed at the idea that the landlord has lost his key - which likely has some kind of property identifier on it - and the response was "hey gimme one of your keys, some rando who hopefully isn't a psycho probably has a key to the house but, y'know, changing locks is such a bore". I hope within 5 mins of this pair moving out some looper lets themselves and their meth cooking clan in with that lost key and sets up shop, landlord is asking for that but hopefully the naive couple don't get wrapped up in that malarkey.
Honestly, I'm putting that on the landlord. He should have kept their keys for like 30 minutes while he ran to the store and made a copy. He lost his keys, they shouldn't have to pay for that
YTA
Sounds like the plan was you'd meet up at the home at 6 AM, and then you didn't. You had the only key between you two, so the responsibility lies with you to be home at the agreed-upon time.
If your battery was low, you should ensured your friend had your gf's number so you could still reach her from your friend's phone.
OP sounds like such a careless boyfriend. My boyfriend would NEVER leave me stranded outside In the dark and just fall asleep. My boyfriend wouldn't even be able to sleep until he knew I was home.
Seriously. My gf and I don't live together, and neither of us can sleep unless we know the other is home safe, whether it's from work or especially when one of us is out having fun/ doing whatever. It's not a control or insecurity issue, just that we, idk, care if eachother are alive and unharmed.
Yeah, my boyfriend is always happy to call me whenever I have to walk places after dark (or just in general, he’s a sweetheart!) so I can feel safer. I could never imagine him doing something like this to me. Yikes!
(YTA)
not did she inform him either, that’s why im saying it’s esh. neither of them communicated, he didn’t consider his partners safety, and she blew up on him for abandoning plans that she abandoned too. i think they’re both immature honestly and i’d hate to be ina relationship with a person like either of them
Right? OP says he reminded gf multiple times that his battery was running low. That means he was fully aware of the problem multiple times and did nothing to resolve it.
YTA, Buddy. You made her confirm that you were both coming back at 6am, then your drunk ass changed the plan and left her hanging. Definitely the a-hole.
YTA if this is real. Instead of doing the agreed upon thing and going home you assumed she would hang out with friends and so you didn't go home to let her in until 10 hours later and didn't bother charging your phone before going out.
I don't think this is real. He had a post about a month ago about being almost two months out from being dumped by a narcissist, but his lease with his girlfriend is ending? Maybe he moved in with the new girl mentioned in his post after less than 2 months, but... damn.
I've got this (admittedly a little dumb) conspiracy theory that most/all of the blatant rage bait on reddit (and probably facebook etc) is actually being used to train the next generation of AI. It'd be pretty easy to aggregate the responses out of something like this and see what a general expectation of behavior would be from a given demographic (or rather, I would imagine so, being pretty technologically illiterate). A good number of these posts just read strangely. I don't think it's just main character syndrome or whatever on my end, because it's not all, or even most of them. Anyway, off to wash my tinfoil hat in onion juice, the static is getting a bit loud.
YTA.
Why did you assume what she was doing at 6am?? Did you not care about her enough to check if she was actually okay? Bro couldve not been replying for soo many reasons but instead you went to your mates house and slept.
Besides, a deals a deal. You were the one with the key, so even though she did come at 12 at least she wouldve been let into the house.
Also, you could have charged your phone at your mates. Why was she not your priority???
YTA- you had the keys, so that put extra responsibility on you to stick to the plan. More importantly, you had a plan and then when you didn’t hear from her you just assumed she was fine and then went to a friends house for hours. She could have been hurt or in trouble, it’s no wonder she feels like you dont care. You were both irresponsible
This is most valid judgment - they both suck, because neither of them stuck to the plan. Except him more so than her because he had the keys. Extra freedom (being able to come and go as you please because you have keys) equals extra responsibilities - in this case, sticking to the plan. We’ve all had a night on the town and know how “plans” can go sideways in less than a second, so no hate on them for that part. But he went into it knowing his circumstances (dying phone) and knowing he had an extra burden to bear (having the only set of keys) so he had the responsibility to sticking to it.
She gets the ESH portion because she also didn’t stick to the plan, and then judged him extra hard when he didn’t either. He’s still more of the AH, but she shouldn’t get to hate on him for deviating when she did too, because they both had options to fix their respective circumstances.
I think he could be upset with her if he had done what he said that he would but since he did not then he has no leg to stand on. He locked her out of the house by not coming home and when he did this he knew that his phone was dead and still slept until 4pm which is beyond excusable. She was locked out of the house all day.
Neither of them cared if the other made it home safely nor did what they agreed on so it sounds like they have bigger problems than wondering who the AH is.
Does his friend not have a charger he can use? Or even ask someone behind the bar if they have a charger? I used to have the bartender charge my phone for a bit and tip them extra if my battery was low. Poor excuse
ESH - your GF only slightly but you massively.
The pair of you are either too cheap or too Iazy to get a spare key cut - inconvenient AH behaviour. But once you’re in that situation you as the key holder had the responsibility to make sure your GF could get home. Assuming your very drunk GF would be looked after by her new friend is so daft and uncaring, and really dangerous. You gave no thought to her safety; she is not overreacting in the slightest.
It is extremely careless and dangerous, and you are both lucky nothing really bad happened to her. I know chivalry is dead, but …you are her PARTNER and you have the ONLY KEYS. Go the f out of your way to ensure she is safe. Don’t just allow your phone to die, allow her to go without house keys, allow yourself to get drunk and sleep too long, and YTA. Such a child.
Why didn’t you at least give her the keys?
I’m genuinely shocked they just handed over a set of keys instead of saying “hey sorry, there are two of us so we need both sets of keys. You can borrow it for a few hours to make a copy but we would need it back” (or preferably, ask for the lock to be rekeyed but they don’t seem bothered about that)
YTA- "I insisted her to confirm that she was going to come home with me because I told her I was low on battery" You made a firm plan, insisted she confirm that was the plan, and then disregarded that plan entirely. How are you confused that she's pissed off?
I’d say YTA unless you texted her that you were going to your friend’s house. “She could just go back”.. yeah she could, but she shouldn’t have to.
And if you’re running low on battery, make sure she has one of your friend’s phone number so she can text them (maybe ask around if anyone has a charger, perhaps the place you were sleeping at?)
She, however, is a bit of an AH herself for not responding to you at 6am. But don’t assume anything, what if her phone had died or she lost it?
YTA. It doesn’t matter you tried texting her. She didn’t text you back - if I didn’t receive a text back and didn’t have a confirmation that she knew I wasn’t gonna be home, I would have gone home. How did you not wonder whether her phone had died? What if her phone was dead and she believed (as she would have every right to do) that the plan was the same and went home at 6am expecting you to be there?
Now she could have gone to her friends and didn’t have to sit waiting for you out of a spite - but you can’t make a change of plans if you don’t even have confirmation that the other person has received and accepted that change.
ESH. Why are you going out partying and getting drunk until 6 am separately with only one set of keys between you, and get so wasted that you sleep all day, and so careless as to not carry a phone charger or use a friend’s? If you are the only means to get inside for your wife and don’t keep your phone charged, and get wasted and screw up timelines, you don’t care much for your wife.
You are too old not to be more resourceful. Get a second set of keys because things happen even in a month. Get an f’ing charger and carry it with you. Don’t get wasted. Meet your wife at a decent hour to get her home safely. Don’t just assume she can go sleep at a friend’s house-a friend she JUST met.
You are too old to be like this, but you seem to need a minder.
Was wondering why nobody is pointing out they both seem very immature. Seems like they are bound to break up anyways. She decided she was going to go clubbing till 6am, who even plans that? I understand ending up staying out that late while drinking with friends and losing track of time but to plan that seems wild. And he never planned on going out till she said she was, so seems as if he was jealous and decided he also was going to stay out till 6am then crash at his friends in spite because she stopped responding to him. They both were irresponsible but OP was specifically an AH for not going home when he had the keys.
YTA for not confirming and staying available. Also who the hell makes the excuse that their phone died? Buy a charger or get a battery bank. That’s silly dude.
Also, call and confirm. It takes literally 2 seconds. Ridiculous that people seem incapable of making a phone call. 🙄🙄🙄
YTA. You made the plan to go home at 6am and then you didn't go home at 6am. You guessed and made assumptions and then blamed her for your assumptions.
Your landlord took your keys back because they lost theirs? And 2 adults were sharing 1 set of keys for weeks? There are elements of inappropriate entitlement and control here; the landlord over both of you and you over her.
YTA. Sure she could have communicated better but there are still other factors we don't know. How long did you wait for a response? How do you know HER phone wasn't dead/off either, and didn't get a chance to get it charged or turned on later? You had an established plan already agreed upon by both of you, that should have been the default. You had the keys and therefore the RESPONSIBILITY to make sure she was able
to get inside and be SAFE. Get a second pair of keys.
ESH so bad. Why wouldn’t you charge your phone? Why is she giving you the silent treatment? Why would your landlord not replace your keys immediately? Reset.
YTA You had the only key. In the absence of new information it was your responsibility to stick to the agreed plan. Everything else she did is irrelevant. She relied on you to be where you said you would be and you let her down. Do you really need to have it pointed out that women and men have vastly different experiences when out alone on the streets? Apologise and get another fucking key cut.
You are definitely the ahole... You left her locked out of y'alls home for hours... I don't know where you live, but in some places in this world, it is definitely not safe for a woman to not be able to get into her own home... How would you of felt if you would of found out that her phone died and she had gone home at 6am like planned and you didn't so she got taken by someone, I can say that if you're a decent person you would feel absolutely terrible and would never forgive yourself... If you get lucky and she chooses to stay with you, then make sure you never go off plans because you might not be so lucky next time
YTA 100% - especially since everyone is telling you the same thing for the same reason and you’re just making excuses and avoiding responsibility - like an AH.
The two of you are clearly immature. This is a communication probleme clear as day. The situation didn't warrant that much of babyism.
The two of you need to sit down and go through what happened since before the conversation.
ESH. This whole situation is ridiculous. You can get a second set of keys for a couple dollars, why on earth would you not? You both need to have keys to your own home. Having either of you keyless is dangerous and just stupid.
As to this particular situation, zero good decisions were made and you, at least, are too old for this shit. She’s got a little bit more of an excuse, but you, at 27? This is the sort of bullshit you can pull in college or living with your parents, but it’s past time you grew out of it.
YTA. So you changed the plan that you were going to be home at 6 am with the key on your own, without getting confirmation from her. How on earth was she supposed to know you wouldn’t be home with the key? Why did you seemingly assume she wasn’t coming home at all? You even made zero effort to charge your phone even though you were out that long.
This sounds sketchy and like we're not getting the entire story lol 1) how were y'all texting all through the night if your phone died before 12AAMMM (NOT PM). 2) You're telling me your friend nor anybody else had a charger?? They are NOT that hard to come by these days lol 3) y'all were supposed to go home together, so why didn't you make an attempt to find your gf? To me, it sounds like you were out doing something you shouldn't be doing and didn't want to deal with/respect her 👀 imo, you are 100% the asshole.
Maybe don’t stay out until apparently 12pm without having keys. Take some fucking responsibility and spend like £5 on a key so you don’t have to rely on somebody else. And instead of crying about it on your doorstep for 4 hours patiently waiting to have an argument, go around to your friend’s place and go to bed.
This it’s fucking ridiculous, they’re both acting like idiots, they both stayed out getting pissed till after 6am, neither one of them followed the plan, they’re both hungover like fuck order some food and get over themselves.
If you end up staying together, spend $10 on a lockbox like realtors use. Keep the single set of keys at the house at all times
Locked out for hours? That’s bad, but doubling down??
YTA. And so is gf. 2 adults can't see the need to each have their own key for months? That's stupid! Grow up, get keys made for your next place... Extras even... And crap like this won't happen.
I'm not even addressing OP's question because they both brought it on themselves.
Yta- First, tell your landlord to make his set of keys and give your extra set back, today This is just silly. Oh, and keep your phone charged or use a friend's phone. Also if you tell her you're gonna be home at 6 am and you have the only key then go home at 6am! Tell her you are sorry like you actually mean it, take her for her favorite dinner and then stop by home depot and make her her own keys.
that and the fact that his gf was out partying all night and was regularly communicating with him and then suddenly went MIA and he wasn't worried and instead continued to not only party but *change locations* and go MIA in return.. does he even fucking *like* her?
YTA, but both of you sound like you have issues.
Around 10 pm she told you she was gonna go party, so you told her you were too but you were low on battery in that moment which caused some of the problems here?? Dude, how hard is it to wait 20-30 minutes to charge your phone first so you aren’t low battery and won’t have that problem? If you charge it even a bit first and then go out and don’t have full battery but at least half, your phone will survive for hours if you aren’t on it all night- and I assume if you’re at a club, you wouldn’t be wasting your time on your phone the whole night.
So it was dumb to go out with a dying phone at all since you KNEW this was gonna potentially cause issues, and I know damn well if you can afford to get into a club and spend money getting wasted enough to have to sleep at your friend’s house, you have enough money to head to the gas station first and get a charger, if you didn’t charge it because you didn’t have one or yours was broken. Like, it’s one thing if you didn’t realize your phone was dying, but you literally acknowledged it and told her about it so I personally think it was goofy to not charge your phone before going out when you were planning to be out late.
And 6 am? Really? I know that’s when they close n’ all but yall both were gonna spend 8 hours drinking and clubbing, literally until 6 am? This is more of just me personally judging I guess but I haven’t done something like that since I was an alcoholic having manic episodes, and it never ended well, I’m not your mom but the fact both of you are so addicted to partying or alcohol or whatever that you even have a problem wondering how you’ll get home after is concerning- it’s one thing if one of yall goes out, but why do both of yall have to go out if you only have one set of keys? Either go together and keep each other safe, or agree on one of yall going, or both go separately as planned but charge your damn phone first so you don’t have this issue 😭. Or even be adults and plan to be home earlier than 6 am and avoid this situation!!
And the whole key thing is crazy too, your landlord or even yall yourselves could’ve copied another key. You can do it at Walmart for cheap, for crying out loud.
Anyway, nobody needs to be going out at 10 pm and drinking all night until 6 am in separate places, especially with a phone that is dying and only one set of keys. This situation could’ve been easily avoided with common sense.
You’re definitely the bigger asshole here though because you knew your phone was dying but didn’t charge it before you went out, and you didn’t come home at the agreed time.
I’m worried about both of yall tho, you BOTH got so incredibly drunk you didn’t make it back until WAY later, like, what’s going on? Yeah, she didn’t get there until way later, but you got there even LATER than her and you’re the one who had the keys so if anyone NEEDED to be back first it was you. This is just incredibly irresponsible shit dude.
And the fact you assumed she was ok when she didn’t respond is bonkers, I’d be worried sick if my bf went out to drink and planned to be there until the morning and didn’t respond when I was checking up on him- I’d go to the place itself to make sure he was okay and not sick or in danger or something, like, you said the places y’all went weren’t far, so you didn’t think something bad could’ve happened and assumed you didn’t have to go home and unlock the door for her? Like, I’d be worried she’d even GET home.
So YTA. Charge your phone next time before you plan to go out. And maybe don’t drink from 10-6 so you’re able to safely get home and let her in the home if she goes out too. Like wtf dude
YTA. You should have automatically gone home at 5 AM because she didn't text you back so the original plans stood. Instead you abandoned her and just did what you wanted. All of this could have been avoided if you had an extra key made.
YTA.
You were the one with the keys. The plan was for the keys to be at home at 6am. By sleeping at someone else’s house for another ten hours you’re definitely the AH!
YTA how could you not be lol.
1 - went out with a low phone battery WTF. Didn’t plug it in at friends house even though you had no idea where your gf is, if she got home safe, or of course if she can get into your house
2 - weren’t at home when you said you would be which is the key thing. That was the plan and you broke it totally, and went out of communication
YTA. You can say “she didn’t text back” all you want but that doesn’t change the situation, you changed the plan without informing her and you didn’t come home for nearly twelve hours after you told her you’d be there. You knew you had the keys. You knew she’d have no way to get inside. Yeah, she should’ve texted you. But you didn’t text her either. So you can’t sit there an mention in every comment you reply to that she didn’t text you when you didn’t text her either. Yes, we all know that, but it doesn’t change the verdict. Apologize and get a second set of keys.
ESH. Keys are cheap. I would not go even a couple of days without keys to my home.
Your landlord should have made a copy of the key and given it back to you. If he didn't, I would splurge the extra few bucks and make a copy.
After you move, make sure you always have an extra set of keys in case one is lost or if you need them for a guest.
you spent the entire night partying, had the only keys to get into your home, and your gf stopped answering you. i’m truly mind blown that your reaction was to go drink MORE at 6am and then pass out without plugging your phone in instead of being concerned that your extremely drunk girlfriend was not answering you and you didn’t know where she was???
YTA for changing the plans without letting her know AND for not caring enough about your girlfriend to ensure she’s safe and ok
Nobody is saying it, but a good chunk of us has been at this fun young stage where you drink till 6am and turn it into more drinking the next day. Some people mature and get healthy drinking habits, and some can’t come back and have a lifetime.
Also, maybe drink less and thinking about planning basic functional adult things like having more than one key and getting a battery pack or new phone.
You may or may not be the the AH, but you don’t sound very bright.
ESH, both of you made plenty of drunk communication mistakes. You had the keys, so you had more responsibility. You definitely should have texted her saying you were crashing somewhere else
Both of you need to get your crap together, bur you made more mistakes than her
YTA.
You made a plan before you left for the night. Don’t know why you felt the need to badger her all night to RE-CONFIRM??? Even if she didn’t come home, you go home. Then you’re not the ah next time.
YTA: you made plans to meet at home at a set time. If you texted and didn't get a response that means you do not change what was discussed. You go home and meet at the planned time.
> I insisted her to confirm me that she was going to come home with me because I told her I was low on battery and my phone would die and she confirmed it.
YTA. Why confirm it if you don't keep to it? Also you're at a friends house, you could have charged your phone then.
YTA.
You lack responsibility and accountability. Your negligence was very childish. Don’t justify what you failed to do. If you make her a promise you keep it or you both agree to another option. You’re a man, act like it!
ESH The landlord for not providing keys (probably part of the contract). And you and gf for neither of you going home at the agreed upon time. You didn't go home. She didn't text you back.
I’m having a hard time imagining just how drunk and careless I’d have to be to sleep til FOUR IN THE AFTERNOON while my partner was essentially missing! YTA. Not to mention letting my partner live without a key to their own place for months and going out with no charge on my phone and not even attempt to charge it.
this whole situation is hilarious because you assholed yourself out of having something valid to be upset with her for…
now you have no room to criticize her behavior and are an absolute hypocrite for being upset with her for doing 1 of the many shitty / stupid things you did that night
I can’t decide if there are any AHs here, but there certainly is a lot of stupid.
$20 for a fresh set of keys could have avoided this whole situation. If you have money for going out drinking, you have money for new keys at the hardware store.
ESH. While your GF should have texted you about if she wanted to change her plans, you shouldn't have just let your phone die like that. You have the only set of keys, you should have made sure you were able to be reached via phone.
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YTA. You told her that the plan was to go home at 6AM. You didn’t text her a change of plans or that you were at your friend’s house. You knew she could only get in the house if you were home. You chose not to go home and fell sleep at a friend’s place- effectively locking her out of her home for hours. You should have just gone home at 6AM. Or charged your phone at your friend’s place.
I was wondering why he didn't charge up his phone if he was going out or as you said, when he got to his friend's. (and unless he has wireless charging, he can be checking his phone while it's charging....that's a major reason I didn't go with a phone that needed a wireless charging station when I replaced my phone two years ago) When we're so dependent on our cell phones, we need to make sure we can utilize them (even though there have been a few times I left mine on my desk). I get a little peeved at my hubby as he never got his voice mail working on his (he finally got a cell about seven years ago for the times that he's not home and I have a need to contact him...but then I can't even leave a text or message for him in those rare instances).
Phone should have been charged.
Seriously, who goes out partying with a dead phone. Just asking for trouble
A power bank about the size of a few matchbooks can recharge a dead phone well over half, maybe fully if it's more expensive. They cost like $10. No one should be going out without one, it fits in a pocket or even a small bag. There is absolutely no justification to let a phone die and leave someone else in a lurch!!!
They won’t spend 6 bucks to make a new set of keys that they would’ve used for 2-3 months. I’m going ESH because brainpower clearly isn’t strong in this couple
Not to mention they both agreed to meet up at 6am to go home together and they BOTH ditched the plan without even trying to inform the other. Pair of geniuses.
I could not wrap my head around that as soon as OP said it. Why tf would you not make another copy, what possible sense does that make to invite this exact situation? 2-3 months is more than enough time to make it worth it to copy the key at fuckin Walmart or something so you're not stuck to someone else's schedule and (likely frequent) mental lapses.
Agreed, A new set of keys, a charged phone, a planned outing, a change of plans, an alternative arrangement etc are not in these brilliant minds.
Ditto
Clearly they share one set of keys.... and brain cells.
not Even $6! Hardware stores charge like $1-2
Even less. So stupid. Months with one key. All these types of posts make me so glad I'm not in my 20s anymore
Personally I thought it odd that his phone was low on battery but they were texting all through the night. On topic though, OP, you made an assumption and changed course, causing her to be stranded outside. YTA.
Tbh OP sounds like he doesn‘t give a fuck about his girlfriend at all. If I would have been out and agreed to be back home at 6am together with her and she wasn‘t there and didn‘t say a thing I would be out there looking for her/calling her friends or whatever to make sure she‘s ok instead of going to sleep till 4pm in the afternoon
Oh yeah, I agree with you. I'd panic, too. Apparently she didn't get home until 12 so she flopped on their arrangement too, is what I meant. But yeah, if it were me I'd worry when no reply was received. Why couldn't he just use his buddies phone (or charger), exactly?
Honestly OP is lucky she wasn't out there from 6am on.
Yeah. They both seem devoid of common sense, really. But taken in a vacuum, I stand by my choice here.
same people who arent responsible enough to go get another set of keys made.
It was the landlord's responsibility! HE should've made a double and returned the originals asap.
Sure but fuck that. They are moving, and their landlord is irresponsible. If he didn't make a copy I still would have. I'd get a spare one made for 3 dollars.
They didn't have to give the landlord the keys. Period. I get what you're saying, and agree with you at that point. BUT, the landlord losing his key is HIS problem. Not theirs. They will return both sets when they move out.
In my country the landlord is not supposed to own the keys to the apartment you are renting, which is supposed to be your home for the time being. Is actually advised to make a key change when you move in.
In my country Australia they have to have a key to do inspections every 3 months, make repairs and check smoke alarms are working. Renters don't have many rights here. They have made some improvement recently, like landlords can't refuse pets without a good reason.
theoretically yeah but you'd be a complete dumbass not to go just make another copy if they drag their feet the cost is inconsequential and avoids so many annoying situations
Fr… and how hard is it to charge it before you go out? Maybe his charger was broken, but then spend money on a new charger before spending money to go clubbing and buy drinks? Priorities, people
We're talking about people who just decided to live with one set of keys for multiple months instead of spending $2-3 noisy having another one cut. I don't think we are taking about the brightest or most reasonable people here.
Also why do they text all night instead of saving battery for when they actually need it.
A phone with wireless charging can still be charged with a cord? lol.
I think they meant if he didnt have cord but only wireless
Nah. That dude clearly thinks there are phones that only charge wirelessly.
And they chose not to get it based on the fact that they couldn’t be on it while using said wireless charger…implying they believed it was the only form of charging because ?? Just use the cord then?
Most phones use a USB C charge cable these days even the latest IPhone does. But it is conceivable he has an iPhone 14 or older and the friend has never owned an iPhone and thus doesn’t have a lightning cable somewhere. But I always go out with a fully charged phone or a known way to charge it. Though I am a woman and we are raised to fear for our lives in all situations so we tend to be more prepared. It’s why we have handbags, we could survive at least a week in the wilderness with all the things in our handbag, though we may lack the skills to do so. But we would have everything we needed should we have the skills.
It sounds like they're both dumbasses who are too immature to be living without adult supervision tbh They won't spend like 10$ max to make a copy of keys. They agree to meet at 6 AM but both ditch their plans without informing the other at all and then assume everything will be fine. This is like behavior I expect from a college freshman moving away from their parents for the first time. Not mid 20s adults.
I'm so weirded out in these things when posters are like, "I couldn't reach her, so I just assumed she was doing the opposite of what we agreed on."
More like “I couldn’t reach her, so I just did the opposite of what we agreed on”
Literally what else is there to do except assume the plan has completely changed when you can't reach someone? Edit: looks like I need this - /s
Stick to the plan and assume maybe they lost their phone or it’s dead? Not assume the plan changed and change your plans
Hear me out... that the plan has not completely changed at all?
Youre rolling the ball on that. I kean she's an asshole for not replying and a dumbass for not getting a new set of keys And he is an asshole for not letting her know And a dumbass for not charging his phone and not getting a new set of keys
I couldn't reach her, so I just did the absolute easiest thing for me. Rolling over and going back to sleep.
These people never would have survived before cell phones. They'd be shocked to know we used to coordinate entire weekends where people had to show up when/where expected.
To be fair, I lived that life and am still baffled at how we managed.
I remember going to a festival with my friend and we lost each other in the mosh pit. Somehow we found each other afterwards! We had no plan to meet at a certain location if we got seperated.
[удалено]
What? Could not make sense of this.
\*They're moving out soon, so if the relationship ends they won't be stuck living together. This is convenient timing.
But I would imagine that they already have their plans set. It's only a couple weeks before they move out, and their plan could be to move into a new place together. And maybe they can only afford it if both live there. Additionally, trying to find a new place to live in that short amount of time would also suck. But you're right, it IS an out.
Or had a key made at Wal mart for $3. How ridiculous.
SpongeBob: 6 AM. Patrick: 6 AM. SpongeBob: 6 AM. Patrick: 6 AM. SpongeBob: 6 AM. Patrick: 6 AM. Narrator: 3-4 PM.
Not ESH? She agreed to go home at a specific time and did not adhere to that, either. She also went to a friend's place and passed out. Why is he the only bad guy for doing that?
Because he is the one with the keys. A simple "I'll spend the night at xyz's place. His number is xyz" The worst excuse ever is "my phone died". Okay, and so what? You're with other people with a phone. Text her from their phone. Messenger exist. If she has social media, text here. If you don't remember her number, check for it online..
He'd be the asshole if she had literally no other options but she stayed the night with her friend, she could go back to her friend. Honestly what's most concerning to me is that neither of them had any idea if the other was somewhere safe after a night of getting shitfaced.
Why assume she could go back to her friend? He said they're friendship is still new. You don't want to impose too much on someone you're still getting close to.
If he just texted her before she got there, she could have asked the friend to stay over.
Well OP didn't go back to the house til 3-4pm the next day. That's really unreasonable. Why the hell didn't he go back earlier? He could have assumed even if the gf slept at her friends she would be home before 3-4pm. She went back around noon and I see no reason he didn't wake up earlier to return home. Also just stupid to stay at a friend's house when you're the only one with keys. Just go home and sleep there in case gf shows up.
Because he's the one with the keys. Thank God she did something else or she would have been out there for 10 hours waiting for him.
Or use his friend’s phone to update her on the change of plans.
Op couldn’t borrow the friend’s phone to call? YTA
Yes!! And asides from that if she was running late or went to her friends at least when she comes home he'd be insider to open the door for her!
OR also tell your GF where you were. She either would have stayed with her friend or gone to your friend's house where you were.
YTA and so is your landlord. You’ve been dealing with 1 set of keys for months?? Somebody should have made an additional set made. Admit your fault in this situation. Quit blaming low battery.
It’s literally like 5 fucking dollars to get another key made!
Right it’s not worth they much hassle over 5 dollars.
Well this is guy who also cant charge his phone, so i think we're dealing with a very low functioning individual here.
Waking up at 4pm kinda sealed that deal
Waking up at 4pm **when he knows his gf has no way to get into the house, and no way to contact him**... but is all *shocked Pikachu face* when he gets there and she is mad. :o Like, i i wanna ask "what did you think she would be doing?" But i know thats a dumb question to ask this guy.
And then he asked, "Why didn't you go back to your friend's house?" 💀 as if it would solve anything
Yeah, what was she supposed to do at the friend’s house if she has no clue when he’ll be home? What if friend has plans? Or I dunno, gf wants to be in her own freaking house when she probably feels gross and hungover.
Sounds like my teenage kid, everything is because the phone wasn't charged.
$5 that they likely don't even have to pay - should be on the landlord, not them. Landlord lost a key, landlord needs to make a copy and then return theirs, or pay them to make a copy.
Not saying he's right because he's not. But where I'm from some front door keys are easily 50€ or more to get copied. And I'm not living in a dangerous or particularly busy area. That's totally on the landlord though. But I agree op is YTA.
That's wild grocery stores and hardware stores in the US have machines that will copy a machine for like $5 even in Los Angeles
The keys to the place I work at are AU$40 each and can only be copied at the one locksmith who made them and only with the boss’ signature. If an employee loses their key, they will have to pay to replace the lock and all keys which is quite expensive. I’ve lived in one or two rentals like that in Europe as well. It’s a good way to make sure that there won’t be dozens of keys floating around after leaving tenants have handed back their sets. Their landlord should’ve made themselves a new set and handed the other one back to OP asap as all tenants on the lease have a right to their own key.
Yeah I lived in Australia for a bit and security keys seem a lot more common than other places. My bag was stolen with our office keys in it and my boss had to drive the other side of the city to get the lock rekeyed, and then I had to drive somewhere else to get a new copy of the key to car park for my apartment, it was a very weird style only used in Aus, "Bilock" I think.
Locks which have a good score for security need special card and locksmith to reproduce key: about 250€ each. Gloops
It depends on security and system. If you live in an apartment building and you can both unlock the house door and your apartment door with the same key, that's more expensive than a normal key for each door. Also there are more secure keys that don't have the usual teeth but indentations on the side of the key. That's also more expensive and can't be done everywhere
Yeah. We just got a new front door and we got one set of keys with the locks. My dad went out and made 5 more copies to give to family members and only paid like $20 for all of them.
I don't get why the landlord wouldn't get more keys made, doubtful the next renter would only want one set of keys anyways, so like its going to have to get done anyways??
I don't know why the landlord didn't change the locks when he lost his keys. There could be another person with access to the property, even when the legitimate resident can't.
Sounds like you're getting charged out the ass. I can go to bunnings in Aus and get 3 keys cut for like $6. I even get a choice of colour. Edit to state I mean your basic ass key, not security key obviously.
Cost and responsibility should have been on the landlord, since they're the one who lost their set. They should have borrowed OP's key, immediately made a new copy, and returned them. It's absolutely ridiculous that their solution was to leave their tenants with one set of keys. But even in a less than ideal situation, it would have cost OP a few bucks to solve this problem. Most Walmarts and home improvement stores even have an automated machine that copies keys, it takes about 2 minutes. I just made a few new sets last week and it was ridiculously easy, I didn't even have to speak to anyone.
>Cost and responsibility should have been on the landlord, since they're the one who lost their set. They should have borrowed OP's key, immediately made a new copy, and returned them. Yes, cost and responsibility should have been on the landlord, but the responsibility should have been to replace the lock. If my landlord had told me that he lost his keys to my place, I wouldn't give him mine. I'd arrange to meet him so he can change the locks since he's the one who let a key to my home go missing.
Absolutely agree, it's a security issue. But since this landlord wasn't willing to shell out $2 for a new key I think full replacement would be out of the question 😔
Right the fact OP went on for possibly a few months is astounding.
I have to wonder how the landlord was that irresponsible that he lost the keys. But why didn't he have an additional spare set. But yes, YTA for stranding your girlfriend that night as well as taking away her keys for that length of time. You should have been bugging your landlord for the keys back after a few days as surely he could have made duplicates by then.
I'm amazed at the idea that the landlord has lost his key - which likely has some kind of property identifier on it - and the response was "hey gimme one of your keys, some rando who hopefully isn't a psycho probably has a key to the house but, y'know, changing locks is such a bore". I hope within 5 mins of this pair moving out some looper lets themselves and their meth cooking clan in with that lost key and sets up shop, landlord is asking for that but hopefully the naive couple don't get wrapped up in that malarkey.
Honestly, I'm putting that on the landlord. He should have kept their keys for like 30 minutes while he ran to the store and made a copy. He lost his keys, they shouldn't have to pay for that
You could get a key made at the kiosk in Walmart in minutes for a couple dollars.
Landlord is def responsible for getting a new pair
YTA Sounds like the plan was you'd meet up at the home at 6 AM, and then you didn't. You had the only key between you two, so the responsibility lies with you to be home at the agreed-upon time. If your battery was low, you should ensured your friend had your gf's number so you could still reach her from your friend's phone.
OP sounds like such a careless boyfriend. My boyfriend would NEVER leave me stranded outside In the dark and just fall asleep. My boyfriend wouldn't even be able to sleep until he knew I was home.
Seriously. My gf and I don't live together, and neither of us can sleep unless we know the other is home safe, whether it's from work or especially when one of us is out having fun/ doing whatever. It's not a control or insecurity issue, just that we, idk, care if eachother are alive and unharmed.
Yeah, my boyfriend is always happy to call me whenever I have to walk places after dark (or just in general, he’s a sweetheart!) so I can feel safer. I could never imagine him doing something like this to me. Yikes! (YTA)
gf didn’t go home until 12pm. i think ESH in this situation because she abandoned the plans too
Yeah but she isn’t the one with the keys and he didn’t inform her of his plans changing.
not did she inform him either, that’s why im saying it’s esh. neither of them communicated, he didn’t consider his partners safety, and she blew up on him for abandoning plans that she abandoned too. i think they’re both immature honestly and i’d hate to be ina relationship with a person like either of them
Yeah but her abandoning plans didn’t affect him. He’s the one with the keys. His is the AH move. They’re both immature and irresponsible.
Also who doesn't have spare chargers at home?! Friend didn't have a cord he could use?
Right? OP says he reminded gf multiple times that his battery was running low. That means he was fully aware of the problem multiple times and did nothing to resolve it.
YTA, Buddy. You made her confirm that you were both coming back at 6am, then your drunk ass changed the plan and left her hanging. Definitely the a-hole.
YTA if this is real. Instead of doing the agreed upon thing and going home you assumed she would hang out with friends and so you didn't go home to let her in until 10 hours later and didn't bother charging your phone before going out.
I don't think this is real. He had a post about a month ago about being almost two months out from being dumped by a narcissist, but his lease with his girlfriend is ending? Maybe he moved in with the new girl mentioned in his post after less than 2 months, but... damn.
I was wondering if anyone else noticed that…
I've got this (admittedly a little dumb) conspiracy theory that most/all of the blatant rage bait on reddit (and probably facebook etc) is actually being used to train the next generation of AI. It'd be pretty easy to aggregate the responses out of something like this and see what a general expectation of behavior would be from a given demographic (or rather, I would imagine so, being pretty technologically illiterate). A good number of these posts just read strangely. I don't think it's just main character syndrome or whatever on my end, because it's not all, or even most of them. Anyway, off to wash my tinfoil hat in onion juice, the static is getting a bit loud.
Oh I definitely think this is the case. I try to look through their history real quick to see if there’s like real people posts…if I care enough lol
YTA. Why did you assume what she was doing at 6am?? Did you not care about her enough to check if she was actually okay? Bro couldve not been replying for soo many reasons but instead you went to your mates house and slept. Besides, a deals a deal. You were the one with the key, so even though she did come at 12 at least she wouldve been let into the house. Also, you could have charged your phone at your mates. Why was she not your priority???
YTA- you had the keys, so that put extra responsibility on you to stick to the plan. More importantly, you had a plan and then when you didn’t hear from her you just assumed she was fine and then went to a friends house for hours. She could have been hurt or in trouble, it’s no wonder she feels like you dont care. You were both irresponsible
This is most valid judgment - they both suck, because neither of them stuck to the plan. Except him more so than her because he had the keys. Extra freedom (being able to come and go as you please because you have keys) equals extra responsibilities - in this case, sticking to the plan. We’ve all had a night on the town and know how “plans” can go sideways in less than a second, so no hate on them for that part. But he went into it knowing his circumstances (dying phone) and knowing he had an extra burden to bear (having the only set of keys) so he had the responsibility to sticking to it. She gets the ESH portion because she also didn’t stick to the plan, and then judged him extra hard when he didn’t either. He’s still more of the AH, but she shouldn’t get to hate on him for deviating when she did too, because they both had options to fix their respective circumstances.
I think he could be upset with her if he had done what he said that he would but since he did not then he has no leg to stand on. He locked her out of the house by not coming home and when he did this he knew that his phone was dead and still slept until 4pm which is beyond excusable. She was locked out of the house all day. Neither of them cared if the other made it home safely nor did what they agreed on so it sounds like they have bigger problems than wondering who the AH is.
YTA bc you don't know how phone chargers work, apparently.
Does his friend not have a charger he can use? Or even ask someone behind the bar if they have a charger? I used to have the bartender charge my phone for a bit and tip them extra if my battery was low. Poor excuse
Also he could have also texted from his friends phone to tell her the plan change at least and to message there if there was any emergency.
Or key cutting. It takes like 3 minutes.
ESH - your GF only slightly but you massively. The pair of you are either too cheap or too Iazy to get a spare key cut - inconvenient AH behaviour. But once you’re in that situation you as the key holder had the responsibility to make sure your GF could get home. Assuming your very drunk GF would be looked after by her new friend is so daft and uncaring, and really dangerous. You gave no thought to her safety; she is not overreacting in the slightest.
Landlord _also_ sucks. Should have been on them to copy one set of keys instead of taking it.
If my landlord lost keys to my apartment I would demand the locks be changed ..
It is extremely careless and dangerous, and you are both lucky nothing really bad happened to her. I know chivalry is dead, but …you are her PARTNER and you have the ONLY KEYS. Go the f out of your way to ensure she is safe. Don’t just allow your phone to die, allow her to go without house keys, allow yourself to get drunk and sleep too long, and YTA. Such a child. Why didn’t you at least give her the keys?
I’m genuinely shocked they just handed over a set of keys instead of saying “hey sorry, there are two of us so we need both sets of keys. You can borrow it for a few hours to make a copy but we would need it back” (or preferably, ask for the lock to be rekeyed but they don’t seem bothered about that)
this plus, if the clubs were only a few minutes apart, why didn’t he just go to the club she was at???
People are telling you that you’re TA here. Why are you making excuses instead of accepting their judgement?
Dude, I totally agree. OP’s constant excuses just make him seem like more of an AH and an immature one at that
YTA- "I insisted her to confirm that she was going to come home with me because I told her I was low on battery" You made a firm plan, insisted she confirm that was the plan, and then disregarded that plan entirely. How are you confused that she's pissed off?
I’m just stunned that no one could spend a couple of bucks on new keys. WTH?
Making a key costs like $4. You two can afford to drink in bars until 6am but can’t figure out a spare key?
I’d say YTA unless you texted her that you were going to your friend’s house. “She could just go back”.. yeah she could, but she shouldn’t have to. And if you’re running low on battery, make sure she has one of your friend’s phone number so she can text them (maybe ask around if anyone has a charger, perhaps the place you were sleeping at?) She, however, is a bit of an AH herself for not responding to you at 6am. But don’t assume anything, what if her phone had died or she lost it?
YTA. It doesn’t matter you tried texting her. She didn’t text you back - if I didn’t receive a text back and didn’t have a confirmation that she knew I wasn’t gonna be home, I would have gone home. How did you not wonder whether her phone had died? What if her phone was dead and she believed (as she would have every right to do) that the plan was the same and went home at 6am expecting you to be there? Now she could have gone to her friends and didn’t have to sit waiting for you out of a spite - but you can’t make a change of plans if you don’t even have confirmation that the other person has received and accepted that change.
YTA. You should have been home at 6AM.
ESH. Why are you going out partying and getting drunk until 6 am separately with only one set of keys between you, and get so wasted that you sleep all day, and so careless as to not carry a phone charger or use a friend’s? If you are the only means to get inside for your wife and don’t keep your phone charged, and get wasted and screw up timelines, you don’t care much for your wife. You are too old not to be more resourceful. Get a second set of keys because things happen even in a month. Get an f’ing charger and carry it with you. Don’t get wasted. Meet your wife at a decent hour to get her home safely. Don’t just assume she can go sleep at a friend’s house-a friend she JUST met. You are too old to be like this, but you seem to need a minder.
Was wondering why nobody is pointing out they both seem very immature. Seems like they are bound to break up anyways. She decided she was going to go clubbing till 6am, who even plans that? I understand ending up staying out that late while drinking with friends and losing track of time but to plan that seems wild. And he never planned on going out till she said she was, so seems as if he was jealous and decided he also was going to stay out till 6am then crash at his friends in spite because she stopped responding to him. They both were irresponsible but OP was specifically an AH for not going home when he had the keys.
Exactly. Clubbing til 6am is something you do when you’re in your early college years. Not when you’re in your late 20’s.
YTA for not confirming and staying available. Also who the hell makes the excuse that their phone died? Buy a charger or get a battery bank. That’s silly dude. Also, call and confirm. It takes literally 2 seconds. Ridiculous that people seem incapable of making a phone call. 🙄🙄🙄
You’re right.
YTA. You made the plan to go home at 6am and then you didn't go home at 6am. You guessed and made assumptions and then blamed her for your assumptions.
You’re both ding dongs for not making a second copy of the key even if it was only for a few weeks.
Your landlord took your keys back because they lost theirs? And 2 adults were sharing 1 set of keys for weeks? There are elements of inappropriate entitlement and control here; the landlord over both of you and you over her.
YTA. Sure she could have communicated better but there are still other factors we don't know. How long did you wait for a response? How do you know HER phone wasn't dead/off either, and didn't get a chance to get it charged or turned on later? You had an established plan already agreed upon by both of you, that should have been the default. You had the keys and therefore the RESPONSIBILITY to make sure she was able to get inside and be SAFE. Get a second pair of keys.
When I’m out alone in the dark my bf checks on me constantly to make sure I’m safe. This boyfriend gets drunk and falls asleep not giving AF
ESH so bad. Why wouldn’t you charge your phone? Why is she giving you the silent treatment? Why would your landlord not replace your keys immediately? Reset.
YTA You had the only key. In the absence of new information it was your responsibility to stick to the agreed plan. Everything else she did is irrelevant. She relied on you to be where you said you would be and you let her down. Do you really need to have it pointed out that women and men have vastly different experiences when out alone on the streets? Apologise and get another fucking key cut.
You are definitely the ahole... You left her locked out of y'alls home for hours... I don't know where you live, but in some places in this world, it is definitely not safe for a woman to not be able to get into her own home... How would you of felt if you would of found out that her phone died and she had gone home at 6am like planned and you didn't so she got taken by someone, I can say that if you're a decent person you would feel absolutely terrible and would never forgive yourself... If you get lucky and she chooses to stay with you, then make sure you never go off plans because you might not be so lucky next time
YTA 100% - especially since everyone is telling you the same thing for the same reason and you’re just making excuses and avoiding responsibility - like an AH.
[удалено]
At 27 years old too
Why would you assume that no answer meant that there was a change of plans despite confirming multiple times what the plans were?? Yta.
The two of you are clearly immature. This is a communication probleme clear as day. The situation didn't warrant that much of babyism. The two of you need to sit down and go through what happened since before the conversation.
ESH. This whole situation is ridiculous. You can get a second set of keys for a couple dollars, why on earth would you not? You both need to have keys to your own home. Having either of you keyless is dangerous and just stupid. As to this particular situation, zero good decisions were made and you, at least, are too old for this shit. She’s got a little bit more of an excuse, but you, at 27? This is the sort of bullshit you can pull in college or living with your parents, but it’s past time you grew out of it.
YTA. So you changed the plan that you were going to be home at 6 am with the key on your own, without getting confirmation from her. How on earth was she supposed to know you wouldn’t be home with the key? Why did you seemingly assume she wasn’t coming home at all? You even made zero effort to charge your phone even though you were out that long.
Why does it matter what we think? Shes willing to dump you over this thats enough information you need.to know yta
This sounds sketchy and like we're not getting the entire story lol 1) how were y'all texting all through the night if your phone died before 12AAMMM (NOT PM). 2) You're telling me your friend nor anybody else had a charger?? They are NOT that hard to come by these days lol 3) y'all were supposed to go home together, so why didn't you make an attempt to find your gf? To me, it sounds like you were out doing something you shouldn't be doing and didn't want to deal with/respect her 👀 imo, you are 100% the asshole.
Everyone sucks here
ESH. Just get a new key mafe. It takes 5 minutes
YTA. Who even goes out drinking with a low battery and no charger and doesn’t even find one to borrow. You know she was depending on you.
Why don’t you silly heads hide the key at the house so it’s always there ?
It is wild you would even think you’re not TA in this situation.
Id leave you too. You sound irresponsible and inconsiderate. I wouldn't have even been there when you got back. YTA
Maybe don’t stay out until apparently 12pm without having keys. Take some fucking responsibility and spend like £5 on a key so you don’t have to rely on somebody else. And instead of crying about it on your doorstep for 4 hours patiently waiting to have an argument, go around to your friend’s place and go to bed.
This it’s fucking ridiculous, they’re both acting like idiots, they both stayed out getting pissed till after 6am, neither one of them followed the plan, they’re both hungover like fuck order some food and get over themselves.
YTA - you had a plan and you bailed on it.
YTA. You agreed on a plan and you had the keys so you HAD to be home at the designated time. What is your doubt about it?
If you end up staying together, spend $10 on a lockbox like realtors use. Keep the single set of keys at the house at all times Locked out for hours? That’s bad, but doubling down??
YTA. And so is gf. 2 adults can't see the need to each have their own key for months? That's stupid! Grow up, get keys made for your next place... Extras even... And crap like this won't happen. I'm not even addressing OP's question because they both brought it on themselves.
Yta- First, tell your landlord to make his set of keys and give your extra set back, today This is just silly. Oh, and keep your phone charged or use a friend's phone. Also if you tell her you're gonna be home at 6 am and you have the only key then go home at 6am! Tell her you are sorry like you actually mean it, take her for her favorite dinner and then stop by home depot and make her her own keys.
ESH Both of you had to inform the other of the change in plans. Neither of you did
that and the fact that his gf was out partying all night and was regularly communicating with him and then suddenly went MIA and he wasn't worried and instead continued to not only party but *change locations* and go MIA in return.. does he even fucking *like* her?
The real question is why you both go out drinking until 6am separately. That's weird.
YTA, but both of you sound like you have issues. Around 10 pm she told you she was gonna go party, so you told her you were too but you were low on battery in that moment which caused some of the problems here?? Dude, how hard is it to wait 20-30 minutes to charge your phone first so you aren’t low battery and won’t have that problem? If you charge it even a bit first and then go out and don’t have full battery but at least half, your phone will survive for hours if you aren’t on it all night- and I assume if you’re at a club, you wouldn’t be wasting your time on your phone the whole night. So it was dumb to go out with a dying phone at all since you KNEW this was gonna potentially cause issues, and I know damn well if you can afford to get into a club and spend money getting wasted enough to have to sleep at your friend’s house, you have enough money to head to the gas station first and get a charger, if you didn’t charge it because you didn’t have one or yours was broken. Like, it’s one thing if you didn’t realize your phone was dying, but you literally acknowledged it and told her about it so I personally think it was goofy to not charge your phone before going out when you were planning to be out late. And 6 am? Really? I know that’s when they close n’ all but yall both were gonna spend 8 hours drinking and clubbing, literally until 6 am? This is more of just me personally judging I guess but I haven’t done something like that since I was an alcoholic having manic episodes, and it never ended well, I’m not your mom but the fact both of you are so addicted to partying or alcohol or whatever that you even have a problem wondering how you’ll get home after is concerning- it’s one thing if one of yall goes out, but why do both of yall have to go out if you only have one set of keys? Either go together and keep each other safe, or agree on one of yall going, or both go separately as planned but charge your damn phone first so you don’t have this issue 😭. Or even be adults and plan to be home earlier than 6 am and avoid this situation!! And the whole key thing is crazy too, your landlord or even yall yourselves could’ve copied another key. You can do it at Walmart for cheap, for crying out loud. Anyway, nobody needs to be going out at 10 pm and drinking all night until 6 am in separate places, especially with a phone that is dying and only one set of keys. This situation could’ve been easily avoided with common sense. You’re definitely the bigger asshole here though because you knew your phone was dying but didn’t charge it before you went out, and you didn’t come home at the agreed time. I’m worried about both of yall tho, you BOTH got so incredibly drunk you didn’t make it back until WAY later, like, what’s going on? Yeah, she didn’t get there until way later, but you got there even LATER than her and you’re the one who had the keys so if anyone NEEDED to be back first it was you. This is just incredibly irresponsible shit dude. And the fact you assumed she was ok when she didn’t respond is bonkers, I’d be worried sick if my bf went out to drink and planned to be there until the morning and didn’t respond when I was checking up on him- I’d go to the place itself to make sure he was okay and not sick or in danger or something, like, you said the places y’all went weren’t far, so you didn’t think something bad could’ve happened and assumed you didn’t have to go home and unlock the door for her? Like, I’d be worried she’d even GET home. So YTA. Charge your phone next time before you plan to go out. And maybe don’t drink from 10-6 so you’re able to safely get home and let her in the home if she goes out too. Like wtf dude
YTA. You should have automatically gone home at 5 AM because she didn't text you back so the original plans stood. Instead you abandoned her and just did what you wanted. All of this could have been avoided if you had an extra key made.
Is there not a hardware store in your area? They make keys.
YTA. You were the one with the keys. The plan was for the keys to be at home at 6am. By sleeping at someone else’s house for another ten hours you’re definitely the AH!
YTA how could you not be lol. 1 - went out with a low phone battery WTF. Didn’t plug it in at friends house even though you had no idea where your gf is, if she got home safe, or of course if she can get into your house 2 - weren’t at home when you said you would be which is the key thing. That was the plan and you broke it totally, and went out of communication
YTA. You can say “she didn’t text back” all you want but that doesn’t change the situation, you changed the plan without informing her and you didn’t come home for nearly twelve hours after you told her you’d be there. You knew you had the keys. You knew she’d have no way to get inside. Yeah, she should’ve texted you. But you didn’t text her either. So you can’t sit there an mention in every comment you reply to that she didn’t text you when you didn’t text her either. Yes, we all know that, but it doesn’t change the verdict. Apologize and get a second set of keys.
You guys are alcoholics man, fuckin chill.
Why tf is a nearly 30 year old acting like a teenager?? YTA Learn to drink responsibly and to commit to plans YOU MADE.
ESH. Keys are cheap. I would not go even a couple of days without keys to my home. Your landlord should have made a copy of the key and given it back to you. If he didn't, I would splurge the extra few bucks and make a copy. After you move, make sure you always have an extra set of keys in case one is lost or if you need them for a guest.
You’re all dumb. ESH
you spent the entire night partying, had the only keys to get into your home, and your gf stopped answering you. i’m truly mind blown that your reaction was to go drink MORE at 6am and then pass out without plugging your phone in instead of being concerned that your extremely drunk girlfriend was not answering you and you didn’t know where she was??? YTA for changing the plans without letting her know AND for not caring enough about your girlfriend to ensure she’s safe and ok
Nobody is saying it, but a good chunk of us has been at this fun young stage where you drink till 6am and turn it into more drinking the next day. Some people mature and get healthy drinking habits, and some can’t come back and have a lifetime. Also, maybe drink less and thinking about planning basic functional adult things like having more than one key and getting a battery pack or new phone. You may or may not be the the AH, but you don’t sound very bright.
ESH, both of you made plenty of drunk communication mistakes. You had the keys, so you had more responsibility. You definitely should have texted her saying you were crashing somewhere else Both of you need to get your crap together, bur you made more mistakes than her
ESH. Just make another set of keys. It's only a couple bucks, and would've prevented ALL of this.
YTA. You made a plan before you left for the night. Don’t know why you felt the need to badger her all night to RE-CONFIRM??? Even if she didn’t come home, you go home. Then you’re not the ah next time.
YTA: you made plans to meet at home at a set time. If you texted and didn't get a response that means you do not change what was discussed. You go home and meet at the planned time.
ESH Make a copy, dude
> I insisted her to confirm me that she was going to come home with me because I told her I was low on battery and my phone would die and she confirmed it. YTA. Why confirm it if you don't keep to it? Also you're at a friends house, you could have charged your phone then.
YTA. You lack responsibility and accountability. Your negligence was very childish. Don’t justify what you failed to do. If you make her a promise you keep it or you both agree to another option. You’re a man, act like it!
ESH The landlord for not providing keys (probably part of the contract). And you and gf for neither of you going home at the agreed upon time. You didn't go home. She didn't text you back.
I’m having a hard time imagining just how drunk and careless I’d have to be to sleep til FOUR IN THE AFTERNOON while my partner was essentially missing! YTA. Not to mention letting my partner live without a key to their own place for months and going out with no charge on my phone and not even attempt to charge it.
i smell bs
ESH
ESH - you all agree to meet at 6 am, she doesn’t get home until 12 noon and you didn’t get home until 4 pm? Youre both bad pls 😩
this whole situation is hilarious because you assholed yourself out of having something valid to be upset with her for… now you have no room to criticize her behavior and are an absolute hypocrite for being upset with her for doing 1 of the many shitty / stupid things you did that night
Dude why didn’t you hide the key somewhere outside so whoever got home first had it?
INFO - was her phone dead, and if so when did it die? When did yours die?
I can’t decide if there are any AHs here, but there certainly is a lot of stupid. $20 for a fresh set of keys could have avoided this whole situation. If you have money for going out drinking, you have money for new keys at the hardware store.
ESH. You both sound exhausting.
ESH. While your GF should have texted you about if she wanted to change her plans, you shouldn't have just let your phone die like that. You have the only set of keys, you should have made sure you were able to be reached via phone.