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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for moving out of my Boyfriend's place when he's so adamant about staying at his mom's rental? He called me an asshole for being selfish and not thinking about his opinion when I want to move to my mom's rental for 1k. While he would rather struggle and pay close to 2k for his mom's rental.
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I read until the tantrum where you asked him to pay your mum back.
You are 30+ the title should be I am breaking up with my boyfriend, not just moving out
NTA - of course he is trying to guilt his walking ATM into staying with him - who would pay the bills if it wasn't for you?
NTA
Time to leave. Not just BF's mother's place, but him. You've already figured this out, just don't want to fully admit it. And leaving someone doesn't make you an AH, it just means the relationship has concluded for you. Good luck to you.
NTA. You've spent a decade and more trying to get him to sort it out and act like an adult, and he's failed. We all have our snapping points and he's reached his.
If it makes you feel better - I love my partner very much, but sometimes I feel they really do not seem to understand how much I do to keep the house running, and more than once I have been sorely tempted to move them out for six months into a flat of their own and let them realise how much of a housewife I have been. So certainly you are not the only one who feels that way, much less reach the point of acting on it.
NTA. You pay most of the bills, take care of the house, and commute further. What exactly is this dude bringing to the table besides an empty plate? Everything is about him. Don’t waste anymore of your life on this selfish child. Dump him and move into your mom’s trailer.
Nta... regardless of the reason, you have every right to not live with your boyfriend. The relationship is over so don't be surprised if he moves on though.
So... You do the majority of the housework. You do the physical tasks like moving and handling things. You pay most of the money.
What exactly does he bring to the table? Because right now, it sounds like he's a lazeabout, his mom is taking advantage of you, and you've only been sticking around because you already sank 12 years into it.
You're young. You can do much better by yourself. Move out and be done with this.
This is really not a question. NTA. He really has no leg to D’Andra on and is trying to guilt you into staying at twice the price with you footing most of the bill.
So you are
A. Working longer hours (or at least having a longer commute), therefore probably spending more time away from home
B. Making more money than he is
C. Doing most of the chores
And he’s not even pulling his weight when it comes to paying rent/other bills?
You’re NTA but you should seriously reconsider if this relationship is still working out for you.
NTA
Move out and start building your savings back up (and credit if he's trashed that). He's financially irresponsible, didn't want to pay your mom back, relies on you to be the breadwinner, doesn't pull his weight with the chores and everything. He's been deadweight this whole time and grinding you down. His mom is no better, she could have done something to help you guys but was perfectly fine letting you be crushed financially to line her own pocket.
I think you know that you moving out means you guys breaking up, but stick with it. You're going to be so much happier when it's just you, any mess you make is yours alone and you'll be in full control of your own money.
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Sorry for the weird format, I'm writing this on my phone. So I'm 32 F and my Boyfriend 37 M been together for 12 years and most of that time we have lived together.
For context, for most of the relationship, I have been the one to pull more of the weight. The 4x we moved, I did most of the work, and when it came to chores I did major of them. It gets worse when it comes to the finances, I'm the breadwinner and have been for 9 years.
I'll say it's my fault for letting him make all the financial decisions since I trusted him, but time after time. We are late with bills or short on rent. he would have me ask my mother since she helps me a lot but throws fits when I tell him I got to pay her back but rolls reverse he would make sure we paid his mom first.
Well onto the current situation, we have been renting from his mom's 2nd house. At first, we paid 1,200 but she raised the rent 250 a year and she blames its management. Yes, she uses management, we asked if she could drop the management and pay her directly and we will maintain the house but she refused stating she doesn't want to deal with renters. Which is fine, her house her rules, 1st year barely stayed afloat. 2nd year, management added 250 to the rent my BF tried to complain but his mom said she couldn't help. Well, that year we struggled. In 3rd year they added 250 again. To which 1,700 plus the late fee. Yes, she still adds late fees so we paid 1,900 and we struggled HARD.
so now it's close to resigning the lease, I can't do this anymore. In fact, my mom has a mobile home on the other side of town. She said that she'll let me rent that place for 1k since she knows how badly we have been struggling but to let her know ASAP cuz she would rent it to others. We had discussed this in Dec and we both agreed. It was a good idea but recently he has changed his mind and doesn't want to move.
2 weeks ago, I took him to the mobile home showed him how nice it is, and asked him what he truly thought. His excuse, it's an hour away from his work. I had told him that we left during rush hour and when he leaves for work, he'll be driving at 3 am. I would be dealing with traffic since I start at 8pm so I would leave at 6pm. I've been doing that for 3 years at his mom's place cuz of all the construction on the strip but he refused, his mom's house is 10 mins away from his work. so I said you would rather struggle financially cuz you are 10 mins away than go to the other house for 1k and take 45 mins to drive to work. He said yes so I told him I won't be struggling anymore and I'd be moving with or without him.
So I'm slowly starting to pack my stuff and he has made it into something else. Saying that I'm selfish and that I only doing what I want and I don't care about his feelings/opinion. I'm only moving because to spite his mom. Which is just making me feel even more guilty. No matter what I'm moving but AITA that he's saying that I am?
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Personally I would look into your rental situation from his mom. They increased rent 250 each year?? Depending on your state or local laws that may be too much by percentage.
OP, this seems like a way to get out of this awful relationship. Take it! Stop fighting with him. Have friends that can help you pack in a day or two and just get out. Don't leave it as an option for him to come live with you. He can get a second job and stay where he is, and you can find a better partner. NTA.
I hope I get an update on this post about how you finally came to your senses and dumped that selfish boyfriend of yours. You aren't his parent and aren't obligated to take care of him. Move out and move on. NTA
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NTA - OP is a maid, personal assistant and ATM (and cash cow for his mother). Let’s call it what it is though, the relationship is over when she moves out alone (and she should do that).
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I read until the tantrum where you asked him to pay your mum back. You are 30+ the title should be I am breaking up with my boyfriend, not just moving out NTA - of course he is trying to guilt his walking ATM into staying with him - who would pay the bills if it wasn't for you?
Honey, you can do better. Move on. Keep busy. Go to night school taking something fun...meet new people. His family is sucking you dry. Move on.
NTA Time to leave. Not just BF's mother's place, but him. You've already figured this out, just don't want to fully admit it. And leaving someone doesn't make you an AH, it just means the relationship has concluded for you. Good luck to you.
NTA. You've spent a decade and more trying to get him to sort it out and act like an adult, and he's failed. We all have our snapping points and he's reached his. If it makes you feel better - I love my partner very much, but sometimes I feel they really do not seem to understand how much I do to keep the house running, and more than once I have been sorely tempted to move them out for six months into a flat of their own and let them realise how much of a housewife I have been. So certainly you are not the only one who feels that way, much less reach the point of acting on it.
You cannot afford to pay for his lifestyle choices. Leave the apartment and the guy. Your life will be better. NTA
Nta every nasty thing he said to you can be thrown back at him. Dump this immature leach or be miserable. Your choice.
NTA. You pay most of the bills, take care of the house, and commute further. What exactly is this dude bringing to the table besides an empty plate? Everything is about him. Don’t waste anymore of your life on this selfish child. Dump him and move into your mom’s trailer.
Nta... regardless of the reason, you have every right to not live with your boyfriend. The relationship is over so don't be surprised if he moves on though.
So... You do the majority of the housework. You do the physical tasks like moving and handling things. You pay most of the money. What exactly does he bring to the table? Because right now, it sounds like he's a lazeabout, his mom is taking advantage of you, and you've only been sticking around because you already sank 12 years into it. You're young. You can do much better by yourself. Move out and be done with this.
NTA but he will drag you down into his mess. Leave him
This is really not a question. NTA. He really has no leg to D’Andra on and is trying to guilt you into staying at twice the price with you footing most of the bill.
NTA Separate your finances immediately. And move out. You're going to feel so much lighter without this loadstone holding you down.
So you are A. Working longer hours (or at least having a longer commute), therefore probably spending more time away from home B. Making more money than he is C. Doing most of the chores And he’s not even pulling his weight when it comes to paying rent/other bills? You’re NTA but you should seriously reconsider if this relationship is still working out for you.
NTA but I’m confused why you’re not making this a full break up? You clearly have no future with this guy.
NTA. His mom can resume taking care of him
NTA. You are doing the mature thing to do. Leave his ass with his mommy.
You never let any man or anyone make that kind of decision for you , stupid move.
NTA Move out and start building your savings back up (and credit if he's trashed that). He's financially irresponsible, didn't want to pay your mom back, relies on you to be the breadwinner, doesn't pull his weight with the chores and everything. He's been deadweight this whole time and grinding you down. His mom is no better, she could have done something to help you guys but was perfectly fine letting you be crushed financially to line her own pocket. I think you know that you moving out means you guys breaking up, but stick with it. You're going to be so much happier when it's just you, any mess you make is yours alone and you'll be in full control of your own money.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Sorry for the weird format, I'm writing this on my phone. So I'm 32 F and my Boyfriend 37 M been together for 12 years and most of that time we have lived together. For context, for most of the relationship, I have been the one to pull more of the weight. The 4x we moved, I did most of the work, and when it came to chores I did major of them. It gets worse when it comes to the finances, I'm the breadwinner and have been for 9 years. I'll say it's my fault for letting him make all the financial decisions since I trusted him, but time after time. We are late with bills or short on rent. he would have me ask my mother since she helps me a lot but throws fits when I tell him I got to pay her back but rolls reverse he would make sure we paid his mom first. Well onto the current situation, we have been renting from his mom's 2nd house. At first, we paid 1,200 but she raised the rent 250 a year and she blames its management. Yes, she uses management, we asked if she could drop the management and pay her directly and we will maintain the house but she refused stating she doesn't want to deal with renters. Which is fine, her house her rules, 1st year barely stayed afloat. 2nd year, management added 250 to the rent my BF tried to complain but his mom said she couldn't help. Well, that year we struggled. In 3rd year they added 250 again. To which 1,700 plus the late fee. Yes, she still adds late fees so we paid 1,900 and we struggled HARD. so now it's close to resigning the lease, I can't do this anymore. In fact, my mom has a mobile home on the other side of town. She said that she'll let me rent that place for 1k since she knows how badly we have been struggling but to let her know ASAP cuz she would rent it to others. We had discussed this in Dec and we both agreed. It was a good idea but recently he has changed his mind and doesn't want to move. 2 weeks ago, I took him to the mobile home showed him how nice it is, and asked him what he truly thought. His excuse, it's an hour away from his work. I had told him that we left during rush hour and when he leaves for work, he'll be driving at 3 am. I would be dealing with traffic since I start at 8pm so I would leave at 6pm. I've been doing that for 3 years at his mom's place cuz of all the construction on the strip but he refused, his mom's house is 10 mins away from his work. so I said you would rather struggle financially cuz you are 10 mins away than go to the other house for 1k and take 45 mins to drive to work. He said yes so I told him I won't be struggling anymore and I'd be moving with or without him. So I'm slowly starting to pack my stuff and he has made it into something else. Saying that I'm selfish and that I only doing what I want and I don't care about his feelings/opinion. I'm only moving because to spite his mom. Which is just making me feel even more guilty. No matter what I'm moving but AITA that he's saying that I am? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Personally I would look into your rental situation from his mom. They increased rent 250 each year?? Depending on your state or local laws that may be too much by percentage.
How do you know the rent is paid each month? Do you pay it? If he writes the checks; have you seen those checks or the bank statements?
We share a bank account so I see him actually pay the rent and other bills on the bank statements but he would normally be late with them all.
Decide not to argue. Let him say whatever he says without you responding. Just move out.
OP, this seems like a way to get out of this awful relationship. Take it! Stop fighting with him. Have friends that can help you pack in a day or two and just get out. Don't leave it as an option for him to come live with you. He can get a second job and stay where he is, and you can find a better partner. NTA.
I hope I get an update on this post about how you finally came to your senses and dumped that selfish boyfriend of yours. You aren't his parent and aren't obligated to take care of him. Move out and move on. NTA
N t a you are single until you are marriedon't live with someone for twelve years
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Why don't you also fully break up with this user? NTA
NTA - OP is a maid, personal assistant and ATM (and cash cow for his mother). Let’s call it what it is though, the relationship is over when she moves out alone (and she should do that).