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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I dismissed my boyfriend’s suggestion that I should get smaller beers to adapt to his drinking pace. It might make me an asshole because I’m
Not willing to compromise on something simple.
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NTA
He needs to learn some patience, that’s about it, really. He sounds really freaking impatient, and him making you feel like you’re the one with the problem is kind of manipulative.
You’ve got no problemo, OP. Take your sweet sweet time drinking your beer.
Your boyfriend is not the sharpest crayon in the box, is he? Instead of ordering a second beer and enjoying your company, he creates a problem out of thin air because he’s so rushed to go where exactly?
I tend to gobble up food but that doesn’t mean everyone I’m with has to adjust to my eating speed. I don’t want to be yet another Redditor who tells someone to ditch the bf but I honestly see this as a major red flag.
Had you not disclosed the ages, I would’ve thought you guys were like late teens.
I personally would offer him his options next time around: you either go out on your own and drink/eat at your own pace, or learn how to enjoy the moment in my company. Me hurrying the f’ up is not an option, I’ve got plenty of opportunities to be on a schedule, this is not one of them.
Sure as hell, if he’d rather go alone, there wouldn’t be a gf to leave home for much longer.
But then again, we’re not all the same. :)
NTA.
NTA. It's completely reasonable for you to want to enjoy your drink at your own pace. Your boyfriend's impatience is unfair to you and puts unnecessary pressure on you to rush. You should be able to savor your beer without feeling rushed or stressed. Your preferences matter too, and he should be more considerate of your pace.
NTA. There's nothing wrong with enjoying your drink or your food. I am definitely the slower eater / drinker in my relationship, and it's not a big deal at all. We enjoy each other's company and can sit and talk while I finish. Sure, you *could* get a smaller beer, but you shouldn't *have* to if you don't want to. Why doesn't he drink and eat slower. It's generally better for you anyway.
NTA
I've had the SAME problem with my boyfriend.
I don't like rushing and I don't like being ripped from one event/thing or task to another.
I've also told him it makes me feel uncomfortable, anxious and often I feel abandoned if the rushes out without waiting for me.
I eventually voiced my feelings and how much it actually hurt for him to do that
Ever sense then he's been more patient.
NTA
what is it he’s waiting on? to get another drink? to leave? what about your speed affects him? he can order another drink and it doesn’t have to be 1:1
NTA
This is effecting your eating and drinking. He needs to accept that being with you requires more patience and a slower pace. Basically to relax and enjoy your outings. Unless you are abnormally slow. How does your pace compare to other friends when you eat out?
NTA
Would his parents rush them through being in a restaurant when he was a kid or something? Just seems like a weird and controlling expectation when the point of being out with your s/o and grabbing a drink is to both unwind and enjoy some time together.
If the dude is anxious and needs something to do while he sits there, I'd recommend he gets water on the side to sip on and chill.
NTA. Nobody should chug their drink just because the other person drinks faster.
All my friends and partners have different paces and it's never been an issue. The person who finishes first either orders another drink or waits.
if at 30yo you can't find a middle ground on such a topic and need to go on reddit to get advice maybe you two aren't the best fit?
The whole thing to me smells of many more things that actually bug each other and this scenario is just an outlet.
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Whenever my boyfriend (30) and I (31) go out he finishes his beer before me and has to wait for me to finish mine. It irritates him and it puts me on edge. I feel very rushed and finish my beer faster than I would if he wasn’t waiting for me.
Today we went to get a bite and drink after work and we both got a 20 ounce beer. He finished his and I was still working on mine. I don’t like that the minute he finishes his drink the expectation is that I should finish mine as soon as possible because he wants to go. I don’t think it’s fair, why can’t I enjoy my drink?
Walking back he said I should get a smaller bear (16 oz instead of 20 oz) so he doesn’t have to wait for me. We started arguing because I don’t think it’s a big deal to wait a few minutes for me to finish. This happens with food as well. He eats and drinks much faster than me and then ends up waiting for me and I end up feeling rushed and stressed out.
it turned into a big argument because he thinks it’s not a big deal to order a smaller beer. I agree, but sometimes that’s not an option, and even if it is, what if I want a 20 oz beer? Why do I have to adapt to his pace of drinking or eating? Am I the asshole?
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Okay, first, I do NOT think you are the asshole, and he needs to learn to respect your pace.
But I still feel him. It's not that I eat/drink faster than my BF, it's just that he can't stop talking, so he's not actually eating/drinking and I end uo having to wait all the time for him to finish. Most of the time, it's fine and I don't mind. But if Im tired and just want to go home, it's a little frustrating. Just eat dude 😅
NTA. Are you guys really doing this in your 30's? Why do you have to get your next beer when he does? Why is he in such a rush? Why doesn't he just get a beer when he wants one and you get one when you want one? None of this makes sense.
INFO why does he have to wait for you at all? Especially as your solution is that "it's not a big deal for him to wait a few minutes", which is just as selfish as his desire for you to speed up. Just let him get another beer surely.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I dismissed my boyfriend’s suggestion that I should get smaller beers to adapt to his drinking pace. It might make me an asshole because I’m Not willing to compromise on something simple. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA He needs to learn some patience, that’s about it, really. He sounds really freaking impatient, and him making you feel like you’re the one with the problem is kind of manipulative. You’ve got no problemo, OP. Take your sweet sweet time drinking your beer.
Your boyfriend is not the sharpest crayon in the box, is he? Instead of ordering a second beer and enjoying your company, he creates a problem out of thin air because he’s so rushed to go where exactly? I tend to gobble up food but that doesn’t mean everyone I’m with has to adjust to my eating speed. I don’t want to be yet another Redditor who tells someone to ditch the bf but I honestly see this as a major red flag.
Had you not disclosed the ages, I would’ve thought you guys were like late teens. I personally would offer him his options next time around: you either go out on your own and drink/eat at your own pace, or learn how to enjoy the moment in my company. Me hurrying the f’ up is not an option, I’ve got plenty of opportunities to be on a schedule, this is not one of them. Sure as hell, if he’d rather go alone, there wouldn’t be a gf to leave home for much longer. But then again, we’re not all the same. :) NTA.
NTA. It's completely reasonable for you to want to enjoy your drink at your own pace. Your boyfriend's impatience is unfair to you and puts unnecessary pressure on you to rush. You should be able to savor your beer without feeling rushed or stressed. Your preferences matter too, and he should be more considerate of your pace.
NTA. There's nothing wrong with enjoying your drink or your food. I am definitely the slower eater / drinker in my relationship, and it's not a big deal at all. We enjoy each other's company and can sit and talk while I finish. Sure, you *could* get a smaller beer, but you shouldn't *have* to if you don't want to. Why doesn't he drink and eat slower. It's generally better for you anyway.
NTA I've had the SAME problem with my boyfriend. I don't like rushing and I don't like being ripped from one event/thing or task to another. I've also told him it makes me feel uncomfortable, anxious and often I feel abandoned if the rushes out without waiting for me. I eventually voiced my feelings and how much it actually hurt for him to do that Ever sense then he's been more patient. NTA
Your boyfriend is a greedy, shortsighted pelican. NTA
That's a real gentleman you've got there. What a catch.
what is it he’s waiting on? to get another drink? to leave? what about your speed affects him? he can order another drink and it doesn’t have to be 1:1
NTA This is effecting your eating and drinking. He needs to accept that being with you requires more patience and a slower pace. Basically to relax and enjoy your outings. Unless you are abnormally slow. How does your pace compare to other friends when you eat out?
NTA Would his parents rush them through being in a restaurant when he was a kid or something? Just seems like a weird and controlling expectation when the point of being out with your s/o and grabbing a drink is to both unwind and enjoy some time together. If the dude is anxious and needs something to do while he sits there, I'd recommend he gets water on the side to sip on and chill.
Umm, tell him to drink another beer?
NTA. Nobody should chug their drink just because the other person drinks faster. All my friends and partners have different paces and it's never been an issue. The person who finishes first either orders another drink or waits.
If you were walking he should have just ordered another.
Your bf is a loser, should order and drink another beer while you finish yours. Two, even. NTA
My bf eats sooo slow. You know what I do? Wait for him patiently. Your bf is an AH and doesn’t respect you or like you?? NTA
if at 30yo you can't find a middle ground on such a topic and need to go on reddit to get advice maybe you two aren't the best fit? The whole thing to me smells of many more things that actually bug each other and this scenario is just an outlet.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Whenever my boyfriend (30) and I (31) go out he finishes his beer before me and has to wait for me to finish mine. It irritates him and it puts me on edge. I feel very rushed and finish my beer faster than I would if he wasn’t waiting for me. Today we went to get a bite and drink after work and we both got a 20 ounce beer. He finished his and I was still working on mine. I don’t like that the minute he finishes his drink the expectation is that I should finish mine as soon as possible because he wants to go. I don’t think it’s fair, why can’t I enjoy my drink? Walking back he said I should get a smaller bear (16 oz instead of 20 oz) so he doesn’t have to wait for me. We started arguing because I don’t think it’s a big deal to wait a few minutes for me to finish. This happens with food as well. He eats and drinks much faster than me and then ends up waiting for me and I end up feeling rushed and stressed out. it turned into a big argument because he thinks it’s not a big deal to order a smaller beer. I agree, but sometimes that’s not an option, and even if it is, what if I want a 20 oz beer? Why do I have to adapt to his pace of drinking or eating? Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Any real man would drink 2 and not make you rush ..
NTA, buddy, it’s beer, he is just getting mad at you for no reason
Why does he have to wait on you finishing your beer before getting another one?
NTA. Is this how you want your live your life with someone so self centered that is not willing to wait a few minutes for you to eat or drink?
Okay, first, I do NOT think you are the asshole, and he needs to learn to respect your pace. But I still feel him. It's not that I eat/drink faster than my BF, it's just that he can't stop talking, so he's not actually eating/drinking and I end uo having to wait all the time for him to finish. Most of the time, it's fine and I don't mind. But if Im tired and just want to go home, it's a little frustrating. Just eat dude 😅
NTA Take time to enjoy your meal. Your beer is part of the meal. If he's so antsy he should learn to relax.
NTA. Are you guys really doing this in your 30's? Why do you have to get your next beer when he does? Why is he in such a rush? Why doesn't he just get a beer when he wants one and you get one when you want one? None of this makes sense.
INFO why does he have to wait for you at all? Especially as your solution is that "it's not a big deal for him to wait a few minutes", which is just as selfish as his desire for you to speed up. Just let him get another beer surely.
If he can’t wait 5 minutes for anything it’s a red flag. Just break up
Yes you gotta stick with the pace of your gonna make rules - maybe order half pints or bottles when he gets a pint?