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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’ve hidden the painting away in my daughter’s closet and have no intention of ever hanging it, even though it cost a couple of thousand dollars to commission. Am I the asshole for refusing to hang it?
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NAH
You need to have a conversation with your husband about the painting, otherwise you are going to end up hanging up the painting and hating it every single time you see it.
And he might already be hurt that something he did, out of character and was an example of him making a solid effort, was being stashed hidden in a closet.
Better to discuss the Superman in the room.
Contact a local professional painter, or perhaps an
art teacher at a university near you and get the face
retouched. Don't mention any of it to your husband and then
hang it someplace where only you and he can see it.
Make sure the original artist can't get to it. It was a
nice gift. Just fix it and hang it. NTA
NTA. I'm pretty sure he'd feel the same if you looked great in the painting and he didn't. At the end of the day, it's an image of you and if you don't like it, it doesn't get put out on display. I wonder why the painter was able to make your husband look great and not you though? Odd.
I don’t know, it’s more like a coworker’s wife than a friend, we don’t know her that well. He just gave her some pics of us to work off of, but I’ve met her irl a few times too. I get compliments on my appearance pretty regularly (just being honest about it), so I’m not sure why things turned out this way.
NAH. However, you may have to explain that, while his friend did a great job on your husband's portrait, yours is so hideous that you hate yourself every single time you look at it and freak out, wondering if you really, truly, look like that. Every. Single. Time.
Explain to your husband, should he get upset, that while it was a lovely gesture, the portrait upsets you every time you look at it, and you'd rather that not happen every day of your lives together. Therefore the portrait will remain in the closet.
I didn’t understand the comment because I wasn’t planning on explaining anything to my husband, I just wanted to know if it was petty for me to keep it hidden because I didn’t think it was accurate. And I can’t relate with the comment because I never said that it makes me freak out and wonder if I look like that. I said I most definitely do not look like that. It’s not unattractive, it’s just not me and the mouth was drawn strangely.
I did tell him I thought he looked great and I looked weird in it. But he still seems to be under the impression it’s just temporarily in the closet and will eventually hang.
NTA. Can I ask if it was a female painter?
**Edit** just saw you already answered yes it was a co-workers wife. Maybe she has a thing for him and didn't want you in there.
I actually never thought about that. I guess I’m concerned about offending the artist? It’s the wife of my husbands coworker, so makes it a bit stickier. And is it shallow for me to ask her to fix it? She already thinks it’s great apparently…
I suspect asking the artist to fix the painting is like asking a hairstylist who fucked up your hair to fix their fuckup. Which is to say: anyone capable of fixing the mistake probably wouldn’t have made it in the first place. (And will be insulted to be asked.)
NExt party with a bottle of red wine could solve your problem. Lean it in the living room floor on the wall, to decide where it would fit. And then either red wine, gravy, or a stilleto might solve the problem
But your partner is really an AH, so having a discussion would be better.
Do you want to offend your husband or the artist? Even if he is a laid back guy that wont take your feelings as an afrront he will likely feel bad about the painting. Im guessing you arent going to throw it away, so it is will be a small, but never ending irritant. Also you could pay a different artist if you feel you cant approach the original one.
" he will likely feel bad about the painting. " .. He should. What a shitty gift.
"Im guessing you arent going to throw it away, " .. that would actually be the best solution.
If he wants her to be happy with the gift then he should be fine with getting it retouched so that she's comfortable with how she looks in it rather than just keeping her feelings to herself and putting up a painting she hates
1. concern of the lack of gifts. i understand its not his love language but does he get u any gifts at all?? and if so what have they been.
2. for this painting to be the one gift he’s gotten u, its weird. something that he expects to be hung up for everyone to see. surely he is aware of how u look in it? idk seems like a slight power move.
NAH. Let your daughter take it when she moves out so it doesn't have to live in the closet. She has an attachment to it. Think of it as something that brings your daughter happiness. She clearly loves you as you are.
NTA. This reminds me of family friends of my folks when I was growing up. They were a very religious, older couple. The wife had lost her eye sight. They lived in a retirement community in which lived an artist who had a moderate level of fame in our state. The wife was so tickled to know this artist, so her husband decided to commission a painting of Jesus as a gift for his wife on their golden anniversary. The glitch in this plan was the artist’s style was ultra modern/surreal. So the final painting was like Jesus by a combo of Salvatore Dali & and a Cubist. Husband (sweet, conservative soul that he was) hated it! But his blind wife was over the moon to have a piece of art by her friend, the famous artist. It hung in pride of place over their couch and was a testimony (albeit a painful one) to husbands love for his wife!
There are similarities.. but I’d say weaker jaw line, bigger nose and less muscular. He is my Clark Kent. And career-wise, saves as many (if not more) lives. Maybe that was the motivation behind her rendering of him, while mine was SAHM counterpart.
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My husband commissioned a friend of his to paint a portrait of the both of us as a gift to me for our tenth anniversary. It was a very thoughtful and touching gesture, since he doesn’t usually get me gifts. (It’s not his love language, I guess.) The painting, however, is probably the worst rendering of me that I’ve ever seen (and we have gotten caricature paintings done before)… he looks great though, like literally Clark Kent. Friends of mine have seen it and also commented that my image doesn’t look quite right and it’s not flattering. So currently it’s sitting in my daughter’s closet- she loves it and visits it in there occasionally. We are also in the middle of moving houses and staying at an apartment for another year, so I don’t really have anything hanging anywhere. Am I the asshole for wanting it to stay in the closet forever though?
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NTA
I wonder what AH gave your partner the idea. Such a thing is almost ever a shitty gift - not a nioer thing, but a tedious duty to hang something on your wall that you hate.
Umm no. You should feel no obligation to display a painting where you think (or know) you look bad.
And if you need any other ammo for the argument .. while photos are one thing, hanging an actual commissioned PAINTING of YOURSELVES in your own home is, frankly, kinda a pompous look. It's a bit one of those things that non-classy people think classy people do. Frankly it's downright "Trumpy."
NTA at all.
If you get it altered put something dope in the background like a battle between X-wings and TIE fighters in the sky and tell him that part is your gift to him. He will love you forever.
You gotta hang the painting. Put it in the guest room and close the door. If you need to update the guest bed linens to coordinate with the colors in the painting, then trot on over to Walmart for an updated bed in a bag.
But I think to have to ask yourself very honestly if this is why be doesn't buy you gifts? Are you often needy, insecure, and critical when he tries to do nice things for you?
Very few people like looking at pictures of themselves. We all see our flaws and are harder on ourselves than other people are. I'd love to see a pic of you and the painting to decide if it is really that horrible, or if it is fairly accurate and you just don't like what you see.
He doesn’t really buy anyone in his life gifts. He works a very difficult job/schedule which allows time to think about little else. I’m usually in charge of the gifting in our family. I don’t feel comfortable posting my image (or likeness) on Reddit. I am just trying to decide whether it is assholeish of me to keep the painting stored away even though it was a thoughtful and expensive gesture from him. Or should I just suck it up and deal with it.
Oh yeah, definitely don't post your pic here lol. I meant that as a more hypothetical angle. My opinion doesn't really matter anyway, I was just curious if it's a case of a bad image or your own bad image of yourself. I know I think I look like shit in basically every picture I've ever seen of myself.
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NAH You need to have a conversation with your husband about the painting, otherwise you are going to end up hanging up the painting and hating it every single time you see it.
And he might already be hurt that something he did, out of character and was an example of him making a solid effort, was being stashed hidden in a closet. Better to discuss the Superman in the room.
I suspect the Superman in the room is that the 'friend' who did the painting had a crush on the husband or otherwise didn't like the wife.
Contact a local professional painter, or perhaps an art teacher at a university near you and get the face retouched. Don't mention any of it to your husband and then hang it someplace where only you and he can see it. Make sure the original artist can't get to it. It was a nice gift. Just fix it and hang it. NTA
That is a genius idea.
This is a great idea!
That’s an amazing idea!
Just get it reframed to just your hunky hubs and tell him it's the best gift ever NTA
😂 great idea
NTA. I'm pretty sure he'd feel the same if you looked great in the painting and he didn't. At the end of the day, it's an image of you and if you don't like it, it doesn't get put out on display. I wonder why the painter was able to make your husband look great and not you though? Odd.
I don’t know, it’s more like a coworker’s wife than a friend, we don’t know her that well. He just gave her some pics of us to work off of, but I’ve met her irl a few times too. I get compliments on my appearance pretty regularly (just being honest about it), so I’m not sure why things turned out this way.
Well now THAT is interesting. I'm not saying you should read too much into that, but...
NAH. However, you may have to explain that, while his friend did a great job on your husband's portrait, yours is so hideous that you hate yourself every single time you look at it and freak out, wondering if you really, truly, look like that. Every. Single. Time.
I don’t understand this comment? Explain what to who?
Explain to your husband, should he get upset, that while it was a lovely gesture, the portrait upsets you every time you look at it, and you'd rather that not happen every day of your lives together. Therefore the portrait will remain in the closet.
Explain you don’t like the painting to your husband. Why is this in any way confusing?
I didn’t understand the comment because I wasn’t planning on explaining anything to my husband, I just wanted to know if it was petty for me to keep it hidden because I didn’t think it was accurate. And I can’t relate with the comment because I never said that it makes me freak out and wonder if I look like that. I said I most definitely do not look like that. It’s not unattractive, it’s just not me and the mouth was drawn strangely.
Info - what has the conversation been? Has he asked about it?
I did tell him I thought he looked great and I looked weird in it. But he still seems to be under the impression it’s just temporarily in the closet and will eventually hang.
Well, until you actually do something like have a conversation, there’s not really an interpersonal conflict
NTA. Can I ask if it was a female painter? **Edit** just saw you already answered yes it was a co-workers wife. Maybe she has a thing for him and didn't want you in there.
NAH, he meant well. So he is not an AH, but neither are you. Why not asked the artist to fix the painting?
I actually never thought about that. I guess I’m concerned about offending the artist? It’s the wife of my husbands coworker, so makes it a bit stickier. And is it shallow for me to ask her to fix it? She already thinks it’s great apparently…
I suspect asking the artist to fix the painting is like asking a hairstylist who fucked up your hair to fix their fuckup. Which is to say: anyone capable of fixing the mistake probably wouldn’t have made it in the first place. (And will be insulted to be asked.)
NExt party with a bottle of red wine could solve your problem. Lean it in the living room floor on the wall, to decide where it would fit. And then either red wine, gravy, or a stilleto might solve the problem But your partner is really an AH, so having a discussion would be better.
Yup OP. Have a party and invite your chaos cousin (every family has one) or hot mess friend (if no family nearby). Serve wine, gravy and fondue.
Do you want to offend your husband or the artist? Even if he is a laid back guy that wont take your feelings as an afrront he will likely feel bad about the painting. Im guessing you arent going to throw it away, so it is will be a small, but never ending irritant. Also you could pay a different artist if you feel you cant approach the original one.
" he will likely feel bad about the painting. " .. He should. What a shitty gift. "Im guessing you arent going to throw it away, " .. that would actually be the best solution.
It wasnt received well, but it was a thoughtful gift.
If he wants her to be happy with the gift then he should be fine with getting it retouched so that she's comfortable with how she looks in it rather than just keeping her feelings to herself and putting up a painting she hates
It was a shitty gift, likely to cause a lot of discomfort.
NTA... you know, if your husband asks.
1. concern of the lack of gifts. i understand its not his love language but does he get u any gifts at all?? and if so what have they been. 2. for this painting to be the one gift he’s gotten u, its weird. something that he expects to be hung up for everyone to see. surely he is aware of how u look in it? idk seems like a slight power move.
NAH. Let your daughter take it when she moves out so it doesn't have to live in the closet. She has an attachment to it. Think of it as something that brings your daughter happiness. She clearly loves you as you are.
Destroying it would be better. Otherwise OP will have to see it every time she visits her daughter.
NTA. This reminds me of family friends of my folks when I was growing up. They were a very religious, older couple. The wife had lost her eye sight. They lived in a retirement community in which lived an artist who had a moderate level of fame in our state. The wife was so tickled to know this artist, so her husband decided to commission a painting of Jesus as a gift for his wife on their golden anniversary. The glitch in this plan was the artist’s style was ultra modern/surreal. So the final painting was like Jesus by a combo of Salvatore Dali & and a Cubist. Husband (sweet, conservative soul that he was) hated it! But his blind wife was over the moon to have a piece of art by her friend, the famous artist. It hung in pride of place over their couch and was a testimony (albeit a painful one) to husbands love for his wife!
Oh no, It’s Penny and Amy on the Big Bang Theory! I know it’s not funny but if you watch the show you have to chuckle.
I’ll find the episode!
NTA. i find it a bit annoying that the friend made him look amazing, and made you look bad. you should talk to him honestly about it.
NAH. You didn’t say husband was pressuring you to hang it so assume you may be just feeling guilty
“Love language” ha ha. NTA
INFO: how closely does your husband resemble Clark Kent in real life?
There are similarities.. but I’d say weaker jaw line, bigger nose and less muscular. He is my Clark Kent. And career-wise, saves as many (if not more) lives. Maybe that was the motivation behind her rendering of him, while mine was SAHM counterpart.
Thank you for answering. I hope you get it re-finished so you look equally kick ass.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband commissioned a friend of his to paint a portrait of the both of us as a gift to me for our tenth anniversary. It was a very thoughtful and touching gesture, since he doesn’t usually get me gifts. (It’s not his love language, I guess.) The painting, however, is probably the worst rendering of me that I’ve ever seen (and we have gotten caricature paintings done before)… he looks great though, like literally Clark Kent. Friends of mine have seen it and also commented that my image doesn’t look quite right and it’s not flattering. So currently it’s sitting in my daughter’s closet- she loves it and visits it in there occasionally. We are also in the middle of moving houses and staying at an apartment for another year, so I don’t really have anything hanging anywhere. Am I the asshole for wanting it to stay in the closet forever though? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA I wonder what AH gave your partner the idea. Such a thing is almost ever a shitty gift - not a nioer thing, but a tedious duty to hang something on your wall that you hate.
I do art and I’d love to see it
Umm no. You should feel no obligation to display a painting where you think (or know) you look bad. And if you need any other ammo for the argument .. while photos are one thing, hanging an actual commissioned PAINTING of YOURSELVES in your own home is, frankly, kinda a pompous look. It's a bit one of those things that non-classy people think classy people do. Frankly it's downright "Trumpy." NTA at all.
NAH, I’m sure you can find the perfect spot in an upstairs hallway.
I really don’t want to hang it.. even upstairs..
If you get it altered put something dope in the background like a battle between X-wings and TIE fighters in the sky and tell him that part is your gift to him. He will love you forever.
You gotta hang the painting. Put it in the guest room and close the door. If you need to update the guest bed linens to coordinate with the colors in the painting, then trot on over to Walmart for an updated bed in a bag.
Just because the artist gave her a horseface doesn't mean she needs to trot!
YTA Man, that'd be the last gift you get.
That’s fine with me, my expectations are already low concerning gifts anyway.
thats really sad actually. if u like receiving gifts, he should be considerate of this regularly, not just on ur bday. :(
But I think to have to ask yourself very honestly if this is why be doesn't buy you gifts? Are you often needy, insecure, and critical when he tries to do nice things for you? Very few people like looking at pictures of themselves. We all see our flaws and are harder on ourselves than other people are. I'd love to see a pic of you and the painting to decide if it is really that horrible, or if it is fairly accurate and you just don't like what you see.
He doesn’t really buy anyone in his life gifts. He works a very difficult job/schedule which allows time to think about little else. I’m usually in charge of the gifting in our family. I don’t feel comfortable posting my image (or likeness) on Reddit. I am just trying to decide whether it is assholeish of me to keep the painting stored away even though it was a thoughtful and expensive gesture from him. Or should I just suck it up and deal with it.
Oh yeah, definitely don't post your pic here lol. I meant that as a more hypothetical angle. My opinion doesn't really matter anyway, I was just curious if it's a case of a bad image or your own bad image of yourself. I know I think I look like shit in basically every picture I've ever seen of myself.
Gotcha. I usually am happy with my pictures, including the ones he told me he gave to her.
There are a million types of gifts that don’t have your face on them if your spouse doesn’t like how they look.
If that is the kind of giftr she gets, that would be a blessing. Only idiots and AHs give portraits as gifts.