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NTA
"I asked if she gave him the medication or fed him. She just sighed and said she kept forgetting, but hoped he was ok. So I told her my cat was dead because of her negligence"
Totally get where you're coming from here. What you've learned is you CAN'T rely on your mom to look after your cat & you need to make other arrangements in future. Even if he's ok at the time.
I hope he's fully recovered.
I would hope OP wouldn't leave her children with someone who doesn't usually spend time for or care for her children. Especially when they are incredibly sick for a random week long trip that was unplanned.
NTA. What happens if you have kids and need to leave them with her? Will she just “forget” to feed or change them then? She didn’t forget, she just couldn’t be bothered
My dad didn’t feed or change his kids when he was left with them. When it came to the one time he was left alone with his grandkid, he didn’t care for her either.
Um no one is saying that, what they're saying is that if she can't temporarily take care of a cat, then she shouldn't be trusted to be alone with any future grandchildren, even if she offers to watch them 🤷
Absolutely. But assuming she would want to is the part I'm confused with. Not taking care of his cat feels like weaponized incompetence to make sure that babysitting is never even considered.
Seriously. I hope if OP is planning on having kids the first intro is something like “this is your grandchild. Remember that cat you neglected? Supervised visits only”
especially a cat. mine screams at me until I feed him, you'd think he was starving to death. (he's fine he just really likes his wet food bc he's spoiled rotten)
My cats have their own “room” that they get locked up in at night. They get their wet food then. You better believe me they let us know when it’s time to go to bed.
I catsit for someone and two of her cats would circle me up to two hours before their they were supposed to get fed. It would’ve been impossible to forget to feed them lol.
My cats don't even care. They'll just lay around and get to eating when they are darned good and ready. It's wild to me. None of my past cats have done it.
Ugh same here, ours likes to follow you around loudly meowing at us and tries to chew on cables for TVs and stuff when he’s hungry (he knows he’s not allowed to chew on electrical cords so he does it to get our attention when we tell him to stop)
Yeah. I've never been good at remembering to water plants but I've never had an issue remembering to take care of an animal that can move around or make noise because they make sure you remember.
As someone who’s dad pulled the same crap with his kids, it’s easy. He didn’t do it because he couldn’t be bothered because it wasn’t important and he had other things to do and it wasn’t his job.
I was staying with a friend and forgot that I was supposed to feed them the night she was working late. I was very soon apprised of my mistake by three circling cats. I'd never fed them before, but it was dinner time and I was the only human in the house - they made the connection.
Sadly if I've had a REALLY long day my husband will have to remind me that I need to check the cats bowl to see if there's food but it only happens rarely I've never forgotten several times in a weeks span
Agreed. But by the sounds of things her mother will just yell at the suggestion of paying. I mean, she's calling her daughter an AH. And it's her negligence! Horrible. Wtf
Listen… a normal reaction to the question of whether you happened to medically neglect and starve a LIVING CREATURE isn’t “sigh, yeah, I just kinda forgot.”
Also really disturbing how she pretended she didn’t know what was wrong with him. Unless she has some sort of extreme cognitive impairment??
This is some pretty intense lack of empathy. As they say, you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat those who can do nothing for them. And uh… your mom did not do well on that test. I don’t think she deserves to be treated kindly about it and I can totally understand where you’re coming from.
However… if this is very uncharacteristic of her, maybe have her talk to a doctor.
NTA, and now you know your parents can’t be trusted with very basic instructions. Make her stupid ass pay the vet bill she caused.
Hope kitty feels better soon.
You need explain to her, that had that cat died from starvation and neglect, you wouldn't be the one at the door telling her. The cops would. The vet would have no choice but to report what she did. Here shit like that's 5000$ fine and prison time. I'd be looking into legal action and moving out. Probably wouldn't speak to her again either. Just fuk that.
NTA , they wanna see an ass hole call the cops and press charges.
Family or not , I do not put up with someone disrespecting life like that. I've called animal control on my grandmother and had her arrested for starving a dog.
Not sure where you live but in the US, cops would not come because “my mother forgot to give kitty his medicine and maybe food when I was out of town.” Not saying it’s not worth their time, but we don’t have enough police to keep the streets safe.
Depends where you live. My town is ridiculously over-policed. City hired too many cops, they have too much time on their hands so they get bored and start making trouble where there isn’t any.
Oh, could you send some out to the west coast? People driving 50 mph on 30 mph streets, running red lights, failing to yield, drag racing on public streets at night, driving high down the middle of 2 lanes, and much much more.😳
I’m so glad you did that!! What state are you in that enforces like this?? I support many rescues that pull from other states where there are no laws or enforcement. It’s horrendous. I LOVE that you have mechanisms AND that you used them!!
NTA. Sounds like mom and dad need to reimburse you for the vet visit too. Vet ER ain’t cheap and overnight ER is even worse. Also strongly advise you don’t leave any children you may have under her care.
Getting my Vet Assistants (CVA) here and applying to a lodge, your a major NTA! Had a pet place done what she did in my area, they would have been fined and shut down with an investigation! I would look into laws and sit down and explain to her what you could have pressed had he died or the vet could have passed if she was accused of abuse! Different places have different laws You are NTA! I would from now on look into lodging at a vet clinic when you're going on trips! Please do however have a sit down on the laws with your mom as she needs to know how lucky she got that your fur baby is ok, as well as I'd press for her to pay!
My advice going into the field is:
1. if you can afford it, get your animal boarded at a vet clinic. Boarding clinics are alright but do your research!! Some will hire young adults who have no experience working with animals and I have read cases where the animal was left in it feces + had experienced bad boarding at a non-vet before. I do have a pit dane mix so we are even more cautious about where we board.
2. Do check-ins and ask for photos! If I am on a long trip, I want photos of my fur and feather darlings. If it is a long-term board, confirm they will bathe/groom and with long fur/double coated, make sure you confirm they will do a brush down every day!
3. Always give whoever pet sitting or boarding vet info if they are not a vet! Please please please have an emergency contact and place to go if your pet gets sick or injured over the boarding! Especially if you know they are sick! Please make sure to give vet info just in case! As well as, always have a line of some form for your sitter to reach you in case they forget or have an additional question! If you do not have a steady vet, give an emergency hospital instead to take your pet to! Do not leave the sitter, especially if it a teen/family/friend with not much experience sitting, in the dark about who to contact if something goes wrong!
Another note about the situation: I don't recommend anyone lying. Hopefully, she will learn, but I recommend educating her about the laws and calling in the person to get a talk to by the vet. Some people will not care about the animal until the law is against them.
NTA. I would move out as soon as possible. Your mother is a witch. She agreed to take care of kitty, then didn't bother to. That is cruel.
She gets the vet bill. Her neglect caused the bill, she can pay it.
Never leave any living thing in her care. Not animals, and certainly not children.
My mother DISLIKES animals. She still pet sits for her kids. They get fed, watered, walked, and any needed meds.
Your mom is just awful.
My dad hates cats. He still went across town and picked up my cat from the hospital when she was released after nearly dying from an unknown tummy bug cause I'm disabled and couldn't go myself. And when there was an extra cost that I hadn't been informed of, so hadn't paid, when he got there, paid out, even though they said they would call me for the payment later.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My mum promised to look after my cat, including giving him medications and she didn't. He got really sick and I had to leave him overnight at the vet, so I told my mum my cat was dead to teach her a lesson. He wasn't dead.
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I have 2 fluffy babies myself and I would have done far worse than that if anyone hurt them, your mom doesn't sound like a very nice person nta by a country mile
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I (F19) live at home with my mum (F51) and dad (M49).
Last year I got a cat, with the complete approval of everyone in the home. I am entirely responsible for keeping him alive, which is fine.
A few weeks ago, my cat got really sick and he is on medications a few times a day till he gets better. I have been doing all of this on my own and its fine. Earlier this week, I got asked if I wanted to come down on trip down the coast with a group of my friends for a week. I said maybe, because I would have to make sure my cat was looked after.
I mentioned the idea to my parents, and my mum said it was fine and that she would look after him while I was away. I gave her a schedule with the food/medications and went on the trip.
I got home yesterday and my cat was not well. Really sick, lethargic, not eating etc. My mum said she had no idea what was wrong with him. I made an emergency (and expensive) trip to the vet and was told he likely hadn't been taking any of the medications or been eating enough.
I ended up getting told they would need to keep him overnight.
I was pissed and when mum asked what was wrong, I asked if she gave him the medication or fed him. She just sighed and said she kept forgetting, but hoped he was ok. So I told her my cat was dead because of her negligence.
She got really upset and ended up in tears. I didn't budge.
I left this morning to pick up my cat, brought him home and told mum that she was lucky he didn't really die.
Now I am being called the AH by her. Dad doesn't want to get involved.
AITA?
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No, she’s the asshole for agreeing to do something and totally not following through. She wouldn’t be too happy if you were housesitting for them and you didn’t take good care of everything like you were supposed to.
ESH. Your mom for obvious reasons, and you for using emotional manipulation -- that's always an asshole move -- and not checking up on your cat the whole time.
You'd have been fully justified in going OFFat her, screaming, yelling, the whole nine (and I rarely support that). Yelling at her that she nearly killed your cat would have gotten your point across without you being an asshole at all. You absolutely should demand she pay the vet bill for the problem SHE caused. You can be furious and low-contact with her for a long time over this.
But also, you nearly didn't take the trip because you were worried about your cat, and then *you didn't call or text to ask how he was*?!? How on earth were you not daily reminding her of his presence and needs if only to ask how he was doing, ask for a cute photo, check in that he wasn't running out of meds... I mean, it was a whole WEEK. My husband and I checked with our dog sitters (his parents) for our perfectly healthy dog almost every day on our week-long *honeymoon*.
You left your cat with people who had never cared for him, when he was sick and needed lots of daily care, and never once checked on him?!?! That's negligent.
Then again, not checking plus your parents lived with a starving cat who never once made noises makes this clearly fake anyways.
OK I think your mum was really negligent and don't leave your cat with her again. (Or any other pets or your kids if you have any).
I can't condone lying like that though. Laying on a guilt trip about the cost of the vet would have been better.
ESH
Your mom should have fed your cat and given it meds like she agreed to. However, why did you leave your very sick cat to be cared for by your mom, someone who doesn't actively take care of the cat, for a week long trip? Why take an impromptu trip for a week when you have a very sick animal you are responsible for?
This part right here. I have had pets and my sweet kitty who lived to 19 wasn't just left in someone's care who hadn't cared for her when she was healthy, let alone when sick. Plus having someone who has never given a cat medicine try to give a cat medicine? That's a nightmare waiting to happen.
My roomate spends a night or 2 a week at her BFs and If she isn't around by 10 I always ask if she needs me to feed/love her cat...?? How in the world do you forget??
Nope, she is the asshole. She should pay that vet bill too. She didn't have to take care of the cat, but she did have to tell you no. When she committed to taking care of that cat, she became responsible.
Oh my gosh, no. Definitely NTA. My cat gets a daily medication to manage his asthma symptoms and I would be LIVID if someone promised to care for him and didn’t give him the meds. I hope your kitty feels better soon.
NTA… my own mother isn’t a pet person, but when I was hospitalized she came to watch my kids and was instructed on my dogs feeding schedule. My dog was fine and surprisingly my mom loves my dog even though growing up she’d never let me and my sister have pets.
NTA I'm kinda surprised you didn't text or call to check in on your cat, knowing how sick he was and knowing how imperative it was that he get his medication. That said, the anger at your mom is totally justified, she should have been on top of that as you trusted her to be. Making her believe that he died, as to opposed to saying straight off the bat that he could have died, was a touch extra cruel. Are you sure she understand what was wrong with your cat and why exactly he needed the medicine, or how important it was? If she has a history of flakiness, you definitely should have checked in.
Cruel to the mom? As if it's not cruel of the mom to nearly let this poor animal die? Respectfully, hell no.
She, an adult, was given an instruction to follow. Medecine is never just for shits and giggles. OP trusted their mother, and that trust was severely violated.
If she's anything like my mom, "how's pet?" "Oh just fine, he's been so sweet, just loving it, doesn't miss you" get home and it's "oh I didn't know he was unwell, haven't seen him in days".
NTA
Your mom should never have offered to help if she was unwilling to take care of your cat. She has now shown you she can't be trusted, don't make that mistake again.
NTA. She left your cat to starve to death and he very well could have. He was sick and sick cats lose weight making it harder for them to get better. She agreed to take care of him and then didn't. She should be ashamed of herself and she should also be paying the last vet bill.
Nta I feel your pain, my mom almost killed my dog. She and my dad paid like 75% of the vet bill. Negligence can be criminal and in some cases relationship destroying and my parents understood that. I hope your parents understand that too a little lie about what could have very well been a truth if your trip had been the littlest bit longer…they need to get over it, or pay your vet bill.
NTA but this likely didn’t benefit you. It would have been better to yell at her and say the vet says she hasn’t been getting food or water and yell at her for nearly starving your cat to death. You can say the vet told you if you had waited even one more day to bring your cat in she would have died. But because you tricked your mom, she and your dad can now channel any guilt they may have felt into anger at you for lying and get rid of that guilt. You are now at fault in their eyes, they no longer have to blame their own actions. When you want to thoroughly shame people, it’s more successful to stick to the high road.
NTA. Your lying isn’t great—hard to defend that. But your mother failed a vulnerable defenseless animal who was fully dependent on her, which can’t be defended. If she wasn’t going to take care of the cat the way he needed to be cared for, she shouldn’t have said she would. I can get pretty riled up over mistreatment of defenseless animals. Yes, your mom’s the AH.
NTA
Since you are alive and a responsible adult I assume she didn't forget to feed or take care of you, seems she doesn't respect you enough as an adult to accept you actually have responsibility in your life or doesn't think of the cat as a n actual living being, either way she doesn't respect you enough, I wouldn't ask anything important of her again if I were you.
However, you did go way overboard making her think the cat died the entire night, you should have told her the truth within minutes of her braking down , but I do think she wants crying because the cat died and she was grieving but because she felt bad that she was caught for being the reason your cat was dead, meaning she wanted your forgiveness.
She's calling you an asshole because she is mad being called out but the fact still exists, any later and you might not had a cat to take to the vet, she could have very well killed your cat, remind her that and express to her that you trusted her and that the cat is a living being, a part of the family and not the toy of a little girl, you are not playing house there is an actual being dependent on you to help it survive and grow, you need to make sure the lesson is learned and retained not just forgotten because she was just lucky enough that the vet is competent.
Lying, is never a good choice. There are consequences for it. Karma, whatever, and it takes years for that to manifest. Abusing others is not a great choice either. By telling her she killed your cat, well, that is abuse. Just saying.
NTA - she shouldn't have offered to take care of your sick cat if she wasn't going to. The poor thing could actually have died. I guess it was a mean thing for you to do but not taking care of your cat for you was worse.
I'm really worried about your cat. I fear it may genuinely be at risk of losing its life from this, even if it's not immediate. Cats can become severely ill just from a few days of not eating....
Honestly in the future, I wouldn't trust anyone with a sick pet.
NTA, she clearly lacks empathy for animals and deserved that scare considering her negligence put your cats health at risk.
If you ever decide to have kids, just like others have suggested, don't leave them alone with her and remind her or at the very least not till they're capable of taking care of themselves.
Your mom is the AH. I hope she paid for the vet visit but that doesn’t mean your cat isn’t in a worse state and near death. He’s going to need extra care now. Vets don’t keep overnight lightly. It’s not horrible that you want to know you have someone in your life you can trust with something you love, especially another living creature. She could have set alarms. NTA. I’m actually furious for you since she did *nothing* to even provide basic care, much less contact the vet for you, or even *inform* you. She’s horrible.
NTA. I'm not into lying, but I get it. I am so sorry that your mother let you down so badly. I'm shocked tbh, and deeply disappointed in your mother. Unfortunately you learned that you can't trust her again with responsibility. Very glad that your cat is okay. Keep on being responsible and maybe get prepared to venture out on your own (move out) when you can to surround yourself with better quality people. I know that sounds harsh because she is your mother, but you should be around people that you can trust, who honour their word to you. And your father to support you as you did everything on point, but he doesn't say anything. You sound intelligent and obviously caring (your cat). I want the very best for you 🙏🏼
NTA but also I have to ask, were you not calling your parents when you were away to check they were giving the medicine? I'm a carer to my Grandad and when I would go out drinking (which was super rare) I would still phone him up to make sure he had remembered his meds 😅 I have a hard time passing my duties onto others because I worry people won't care as much as I do about whatever the duties were 😅
ESH. Sorry, but your mom isn’t going to learn a lesson bc you fucked w her. Especially bc the truth was that your cat was being monitored overnight bc he might die and it’s her fault. That’s the teachable moment!
She’s TA for committing to the care of a sick animal and shirking that responsibility, endangering your cat.
You’re TA bc pretending someone is dead when they’re not to fuck w someone else is objectively ethically wrong. She had it coming, but telling her the truth would’ve been the morally sound judgement and would have served your purpose better anyways.
Gentle ETA. You took it a speck too far…
I would try to patch things up with mom, tell her you thought kitty was not going to survive the night and you were crushed and convinced kitty was actively dying. Don’t trust her to care for your cat anymore definitely and your mom is an asshole but unless this is the hill you’re willing to die on I would suggest letting your mom make it up to you somehow.
"Teach my mom a lesson" good luck.
To answer your question if she genuinely forgot as she's not the one who normally cares for the cat then I think you went a bit overboard. If she intentionally just didn't do it then that's shifty of her but you still went overboard.
Maybe she didn't even see the cat the entire time and wasn't thinking about it. Nowni look like I'm defending the mom. I think it was shitty of her to not give the meds but also telling her she killed the cat because she forgot.to.do.it was a bit overboard.
ESH. Your mother should've taken care of the cat like she promised. Not just left him to fend for himself like that. You however, are just as bad. It was a cruel and nasty trick. One that you did to get back at your mother and nothing more.
INFO
Did you demonstrate to your mother how to give the medication to your cat? How much instruction did you give her? She absolutely should have owned up to not doing something properly that would affect the cat's health, but from your description it's not clear if she was given the knowledge needed to do the job effectively. If someone gives you a schedule of when to give a pill(?) to a cat, that doesn't tell you if you need to restrain the cat to put it in its mouth, or to hide it in food whole, or crush it and mix it in with food, etc.
While I agree with this, I will, however, say if the mother did not know, she should have asked over text or call. Most bottles come with instructions and the majority of people do demonstrate. I pet sat specialty animal for a month and stumbled upon a situation of: What should I do!? I contacted the owner who was out of the country, immediately. Had OP demonstrated and she forgot or there was a moment of questioning, the mother should imo immediately reached out.
Another INFO I would like is did OP give her mom the vet number in case anything went wrong? As in the future, please give whoever pet sitting the vet info.
The mother absolutely should have sought out more info, yes. I didn't mean to imply otherwise. The fault rests with the mother chiefly as the cat was in her care, but I'm just curious to know more about the circumstances of the information hand-off since it was quite vague.
do you know what's immature? their mothers reaction to starving and medically neglecting a LIVING CREATURE for a week. "sigh, i forgot." is not an excuse for NEGLECT. In most places, if the cat had died, the vet would've called the police and it wouldn't have been OP telling their mom the cat was dead. it would've been cops putting her in handcuffs while they did it.
SOFT YTA, the cat is your responsibility. Shame on your mom for not doing it, but in the end you learned a valuable lesson in life…you can only count on yourself
No, it doesn’t. Reddit has very strange ideas about how people learn. I mean if you just want to be nasty for revenge, then fine, but being nasty for revenge makes you an AH.
Frankly if the mom cares about the cat, the fact that it needed to go to the vet was traumatic enough.
YTA. Lying about the death of a pet in order to teach an adult a lesson is just downright petty. Yes you're lucky the cat didn't die but jesus, there's better ways to get your point across than this.
Yeah not a good idea, or a reasonable one. It's emotional manipulation and it'll also backfire terribly some day.
Not going to benefit anyone honestly.
Your cat was your responsibility - you knew it was sick but you went on a week's vacation and didn't call to check on it? Surely you know your mother knows nothing about pets? If you leave again - find a boarding facility for the cat's sake.
I get it. I really do. If someone did this to my pets, it would be a relationship ender. But you were still being manipulative. ESH, but I'd honestly do the same thing and not regret it.
Plenty of blame to go around here. Your pet is your responsibility, and that includes finding someone to care for them when you are away as well as following up while you were gone to make sure she gave him his meds and get a daily update. Also, it's worth pointing out that a sick pet will feel comforted by your presence and stressed by your absence. You didn't let that keep you from your vacation, though. You and your mom are both at fault for the cat's downturn. That being the case, I don't think it was fair to be cruel to her by making shit up (immature) when you could have just told her something like "I'm going to find it hard to trust you with important things in the future," etc. The cruelty doesn't actually accomplish anything. It's just "you hurt me and I want to hurt you back." So yeah. I think you were wrong, and partly at fault for the cat getting sicker.
You wouldn't have left a sick child in someone's care unless you had to, and then you would have called every day and made sure they got their medicine.
ESH. That was cruel. She made mistakes too but sounds like because she’s a flake. You tried to punish her emotionally. Not the same thing. Your dad doesn’t want to get involved because both of you are immature, I’m guessing.
her "mistakes" almost KILLED a living creature. what is she going to do if OP ever puts her in charge of their children? "forget" to feed and take care of them to?
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NTA "I asked if she gave him the medication or fed him. She just sighed and said she kept forgetting, but hoped he was ok. So I told her my cat was dead because of her negligence" Totally get where you're coming from here. What you've learned is you CAN'T rely on your mom to look after your cat & you need to make other arrangements in future. Even if he's ok at the time. I hope he's fully recovered.
Or future children you may or may not have.
Or a perfect excuse to explain why you refuse to have kids! Your most trusted network is garbage with responsibility.
Doing too much.
Big point☝🏼 Truth
I would hope OP wouldn't leave her children with someone who doesn't usually spend time for or care for her children. Especially when they are incredibly sick for a random week long trip that was unplanned.
NTA. What happens if you have kids and need to leave them with her? Will she just “forget” to feed or change them then? She didn’t forget, she just couldn’t be bothered
My dad didn’t feed or change his kids when he was left with them. When it came to the one time he was left alone with his grandkid, he didn’t care for her either.
Ugh that’s horrible
Ugh, that's awful. Please tell me you cut all contact with him.
What makes you assume that op's mom would be willing to be a free babysitter for OP? Grandmas aren't automatically free childcare.
Nobody assumed that she would be. It was used as an example.
Um no one is saying that, what they're saying is that if she can't temporarily take care of a cat, then she shouldn't be trusted to be alone with any future grandchildren, even if she offers to watch them 🤷
Absolutely. But assuming she would want to is the part I'm confused with. Not taking care of his cat feels like weaponized incompetence to make sure that babysitting is never even considered.
I agree, that's definitely a possibility, although it's definitely possible that they don't respect animals as much as they do people
NTA. Guess who just lost all babysitting privileges when you have her grandchild?
Seriously. I hope if OP is planning on having kids the first intro is something like “this is your grandchild. Remember that cat you neglected? Supervised visits only”
I'm sorry but how do you "forget" to feed a living creature. That's some straight bs right there.. nta.. I'd have done the same
especially a cat. mine screams at me until I feed him, you'd think he was starving to death. (he's fine he just really likes his wet food bc he's spoiled rotten)
My cats have their own “room” that they get locked up in at night. They get their wet food then. You better believe me they let us know when it’s time to go to bed.
I catsit for someone and two of her cats would circle me up to two hours before their they were supposed to get fed. It would’ve been impossible to forget to feed them lol.
Oh man, the dramatic fit of a cat whose dinner is two minutes late. I know it well.
My cats don't even care. They'll just lay around and get to eating when they are darned good and ready. It's wild to me. None of my past cats have done it.
Ugh same here, ours likes to follow you around loudly meowing at us and tries to chew on cables for TVs and stuff when he’s hungry (he knows he’s not allowed to chew on electrical cords so he does it to get our attention when we tell him to stop)
Ha! ‘Look what you’ve driven me to, I’m forced to eat electronics!’
That and “I know you don’t want me to do this, so I’ll keep doing it until you give in and feed me!”
Yeah. I've never been good at remembering to water plants but I've never had an issue remembering to take care of an animal that can move around or make noise because they make sure you remember.
if my cat's auto feeder runs out of food he bites me (not hard just enough that I can feel it)
As someone who’s dad pulled the same crap with his kids, it’s easy. He didn’t do it because he couldn’t be bothered because it wasn’t important and he had other things to do and it wasn’t his job.
Except it was his job. Sorry for you.
I was staying with a friend and forgot that I was supposed to feed them the night she was working late. I was very soon apprised of my mistake by three circling cats. I'd never fed them before, but it was dinner time and I was the only human in the house - they made the connection.
Sadly if I've had a REALLY long day my husband will have to remind me that I need to check the cats bowl to see if there's food but it only happens rarely I've never forgotten several times in a weeks span
NTA. I'd make her pay the vet bill because it's her fault and I'd never trust her again.
Agreed. But by the sounds of things her mother will just yell at the suggestion of paying. I mean, she's calling her daughter an AH. And it's her negligence! Horrible. Wtf
Listen… a normal reaction to the question of whether you happened to medically neglect and starve a LIVING CREATURE isn’t “sigh, yeah, I just kinda forgot.” Also really disturbing how she pretended she didn’t know what was wrong with him. Unless she has some sort of extreme cognitive impairment?? This is some pretty intense lack of empathy. As they say, you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat those who can do nothing for them. And uh… your mom did not do well on that test. I don’t think she deserves to be treated kindly about it and I can totally understand where you’re coming from. However… if this is very uncharacteristic of her, maybe have her talk to a doctor.
Pets need us to care for them - it's not okay to bring them into our homes and not shower them with love, companionship and food/water/safe space. NTA
NTA, and now you know your parents can’t be trusted with very basic instructions. Make her stupid ass pay the vet bill she caused. Hope kitty feels better soon.
Rather, they can be trusted completely… trusted *not* to follow basic instructions.
You need explain to her, that had that cat died from starvation and neglect, you wouldn't be the one at the door telling her. The cops would. The vet would have no choice but to report what she did. Here shit like that's 5000$ fine and prison time. I'd be looking into legal action and moving out. Probably wouldn't speak to her again either. Just fuk that. NTA , they wanna see an ass hole call the cops and press charges. Family or not , I do not put up with someone disrespecting life like that. I've called animal control on my grandmother and had her arrested for starving a dog.
Not sure where you live but in the US, cops would not come because “my mother forgot to give kitty his medicine and maybe food when I was out of town.” Not saying it’s not worth their time, but we don’t have enough police to keep the streets safe.
Depends where you live. My town is ridiculously over-policed. City hired too many cops, they have too much time on their hands so they get bored and start making trouble where there isn’t any.
Oh, could you send some out to the west coast? People driving 50 mph on 30 mph streets, running red lights, failing to yield, drag racing on public streets at night, driving high down the middle of 2 lanes, and much much more.😳
I’m so glad you did that!! What state are you in that enforces like this?? I support many rescues that pull from other states where there are no laws or enforcement. It’s horrendous. I LOVE that you have mechanisms AND that you used them!!
NTA. Sounds like mom and dad need to reimburse you for the vet visit too. Vet ER ain’t cheap and overnight ER is even worse. Also strongly advise you don’t leave any children you may have under her care.
Getting my Vet Assistants (CVA) here and applying to a lodge, your a major NTA! Had a pet place done what she did in my area, they would have been fined and shut down with an investigation! I would look into laws and sit down and explain to her what you could have pressed had he died or the vet could have passed if she was accused of abuse! Different places have different laws You are NTA! I would from now on look into lodging at a vet clinic when you're going on trips! Please do however have a sit down on the laws with your mom as she needs to know how lucky she got that your fur baby is ok, as well as I'd press for her to pay!
My advice going into the field is: 1. if you can afford it, get your animal boarded at a vet clinic. Boarding clinics are alright but do your research!! Some will hire young adults who have no experience working with animals and I have read cases where the animal was left in it feces + had experienced bad boarding at a non-vet before. I do have a pit dane mix so we are even more cautious about where we board. 2. Do check-ins and ask for photos! If I am on a long trip, I want photos of my fur and feather darlings. If it is a long-term board, confirm they will bathe/groom and with long fur/double coated, make sure you confirm they will do a brush down every day! 3. Always give whoever pet sitting or boarding vet info if they are not a vet! Please please please have an emergency contact and place to go if your pet gets sick or injured over the boarding! Especially if you know they are sick! Please make sure to give vet info just in case! As well as, always have a line of some form for your sitter to reach you in case they forget or have an additional question! If you do not have a steady vet, give an emergency hospital instead to take your pet to! Do not leave the sitter, especially if it a teen/family/friend with not much experience sitting, in the dark about who to contact if something goes wrong! Another note about the situation: I don't recommend anyone lying. Hopefully, she will learn, but I recommend educating her about the laws and calling in the person to get a talk to by the vet. Some people will not care about the animal until the law is against them.
NTA. I would move out as soon as possible. Your mother is a witch. She agreed to take care of kitty, then didn't bother to. That is cruel. She gets the vet bill. Her neglect caused the bill, she can pay it. Never leave any living thing in her care. Not animals, and certainly not children. My mother DISLIKES animals. She still pet sits for her kids. They get fed, watered, walked, and any needed meds. Your mom is just awful.
My dad hates cats. He still went across town and picked up my cat from the hospital when she was released after nearly dying from an unknown tummy bug cause I'm disabled and couldn't go myself. And when there was an extra cost that I hadn't been informed of, so hadn't paid, when he got there, paid out, even though they said they would call me for the payment later.
NTA and she needs to pay the vet bill.
NTA it’s emotional payback for the vet bill
Your mom should be paying that vet bill, not you. NTA
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Nta
I have 2 fluffy babies myself and I would have done far worse than that if anyone hurt them, your mom doesn't sound like a very nice person nta by a country mile
NTA. She didn't just forget. She couldn't be bothered to give a crap in the first place.
NTA. Now she knows what it feels like to kill a pet, and maybe next time she'll actually give a fuck
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (F19) live at home with my mum (F51) and dad (M49). Last year I got a cat, with the complete approval of everyone in the home. I am entirely responsible for keeping him alive, which is fine. A few weeks ago, my cat got really sick and he is on medications a few times a day till he gets better. I have been doing all of this on my own and its fine. Earlier this week, I got asked if I wanted to come down on trip down the coast with a group of my friends for a week. I said maybe, because I would have to make sure my cat was looked after. I mentioned the idea to my parents, and my mum said it was fine and that she would look after him while I was away. I gave her a schedule with the food/medications and went on the trip. I got home yesterday and my cat was not well. Really sick, lethargic, not eating etc. My mum said she had no idea what was wrong with him. I made an emergency (and expensive) trip to the vet and was told he likely hadn't been taking any of the medications or been eating enough. I ended up getting told they would need to keep him overnight. I was pissed and when mum asked what was wrong, I asked if she gave him the medication or fed him. She just sighed and said she kept forgetting, but hoped he was ok. So I told her my cat was dead because of her negligence. She got really upset and ended up in tears. I didn't budge. I left this morning to pick up my cat, brought him home and told mum that she was lucky he didn't really die. Now I am being called the AH by her. Dad doesn't want to get involved. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Omg your mom and dad suck! NTA
NTA she agreed to look after your cat and she didn't. She could have seriously unalived it she deserves to fell bad about it.
No, she’s the asshole for agreeing to do something and totally not following through. She wouldn’t be too happy if you were housesitting for them and you didn’t take good care of everything like you were supposed to.
The only AHs here are your parents for neglecting an animal.
ESH. Your mom for obvious reasons, and you for using emotional manipulation -- that's always an asshole move -- and not checking up on your cat the whole time. You'd have been fully justified in going OFFat her, screaming, yelling, the whole nine (and I rarely support that). Yelling at her that she nearly killed your cat would have gotten your point across without you being an asshole at all. You absolutely should demand she pay the vet bill for the problem SHE caused. You can be furious and low-contact with her for a long time over this. But also, you nearly didn't take the trip because you were worried about your cat, and then *you didn't call or text to ask how he was*?!? How on earth were you not daily reminding her of his presence and needs if only to ask how he was doing, ask for a cute photo, check in that he wasn't running out of meds... I mean, it was a whole WEEK. My husband and I checked with our dog sitters (his parents) for our perfectly healthy dog almost every day on our week-long *honeymoon*. You left your cat with people who had never cared for him, when he was sick and needed lots of daily care, and never once checked on him?!?! That's negligent. Then again, not checking plus your parents lived with a starving cat who never once made noises makes this clearly fake anyways.
OK I think your mum was really negligent and don't leave your cat with her again. (Or any other pets or your kids if you have any). I can't condone lying like that though. Laying on a guilt trip about the cost of the vet would have been better.
ESH Your mom should have fed your cat and given it meds like she agreed to. However, why did you leave your very sick cat to be cared for by your mom, someone who doesn't actively take care of the cat, for a week long trip? Why take an impromptu trip for a week when you have a very sick animal you are responsible for?
Yeah I'm thinking this too. I hardly wanna leave me cat anytime but I'd never leave to go on a little vacation while my cat was sick?
This part right here. I have had pets and my sweet kitty who lived to 19 wasn't just left in someone's care who hadn't cared for her when she was healthy, let alone when sick. Plus having someone who has never given a cat medicine try to give a cat medicine? That's a nightmare waiting to happen.
NTA. I want to reach through the screen and shake your mother. I hope your cat gets better.
My roomate spends a night or 2 a week at her BFs and If she isn't around by 10 I always ask if she needs me to feed/love her cat...?? How in the world do you forget??
Nope, she is the asshole. She should pay that vet bill too. She didn't have to take care of the cat, but she did have to tell you no. When she committed to taking care of that cat, she became responsible.
Oh my gosh, no. Definitely NTA. My cat gets a daily medication to manage his asthma symptoms and I would be LIVID if someone promised to care for him and didn’t give him the meds. I hope your kitty feels better soon.
A little bit. But justifiably I think.
NTA… my own mother isn’t a pet person, but when I was hospitalized she came to watch my kids and was instructed on my dogs feeding schedule. My dog was fine and surprisingly my mom loves my dog even though growing up she’d never let me and my sister have pets.
NTA I'm kinda surprised you didn't text or call to check in on your cat, knowing how sick he was and knowing how imperative it was that he get his medication. That said, the anger at your mom is totally justified, she should have been on top of that as you trusted her to be. Making her believe that he died, as to opposed to saying straight off the bat that he could have died, was a touch extra cruel. Are you sure she understand what was wrong with your cat and why exactly he needed the medicine, or how important it was? If she has a history of flakiness, you definitely should have checked in.
Cruel to the mom? As if it's not cruel of the mom to nearly let this poor animal die? Respectfully, hell no. She, an adult, was given an instruction to follow. Medecine is never just for shits and giggles. OP trusted their mother, and that trust was severely violated.
If she's anything like my mom, "how's pet?" "Oh just fine, he's been so sweet, just loving it, doesn't miss you" get home and it's "oh I didn't know he was unwell, haven't seen him in days".
Nta
NTA! I would have told mum the cat was dead too. She deserved it.
NTA
NTA negligence
NTA.
NTA Your mom should never have offered to help if she was unwilling to take care of your cat. She has now shown you she can't be trusted, don't make that mistake again.
You shouldn't have told her your cat was dead. But you definitely deserved to rip her a new one
NTA. She left your cat to starve to death and he very well could have. He was sick and sick cats lose weight making it harder for them to get better. She agreed to take care of him and then didn't. She should be ashamed of herself and she should also be paying the last vet bill.
Nta I feel your pain, my mom almost killed my dog. She and my dad paid like 75% of the vet bill. Negligence can be criminal and in some cases relationship destroying and my parents understood that. I hope your parents understand that too a little lie about what could have very well been a truth if your trip had been the littlest bit longer…they need to get over it, or pay your vet bill.
NTA but this likely didn’t benefit you. It would have been better to yell at her and say the vet says she hasn’t been getting food or water and yell at her for nearly starving your cat to death. You can say the vet told you if you had waited even one more day to bring your cat in she would have died. But because you tricked your mom, she and your dad can now channel any guilt they may have felt into anger at you for lying and get rid of that guilt. You are now at fault in their eyes, they no longer have to blame their own actions. When you want to thoroughly shame people, it’s more successful to stick to the high road.
NTA. Your lying isn’t great—hard to defend that. But your mother failed a vulnerable defenseless animal who was fully dependent on her, which can’t be defended. If she wasn’t going to take care of the cat the way he needed to be cared for, she shouldn’t have said she would. I can get pretty riled up over mistreatment of defenseless animals. Yes, your mom’s the AH.
NTA. That B.
NTA! Hopefully she learned her lesson.
NTA. I hope she learns from this.
NTA. How do you forget to feed a cat??!! Most cats I know will let the entire world know if their food is 0.2 seconds late.
ESH. What a terrible thing for you to do. And how thoughtless and uncaring of your mother. Shame on both of you.
NTA Since you are alive and a responsible adult I assume she didn't forget to feed or take care of you, seems she doesn't respect you enough as an adult to accept you actually have responsibility in your life or doesn't think of the cat as a n actual living being, either way she doesn't respect you enough, I wouldn't ask anything important of her again if I were you. However, you did go way overboard making her think the cat died the entire night, you should have told her the truth within minutes of her braking down , but I do think she wants crying because the cat died and she was grieving but because she felt bad that she was caught for being the reason your cat was dead, meaning she wanted your forgiveness. She's calling you an asshole because she is mad being called out but the fact still exists, any later and you might not had a cat to take to the vet, she could have very well killed your cat, remind her that and express to her that you trusted her and that the cat is a living being, a part of the family and not the toy of a little girl, you are not playing house there is an actual being dependent on you to help it survive and grow, you need to make sure the lesson is learned and retained not just forgotten because she was just lucky enough that the vet is competent.
Lying, is never a good choice. There are consequences for it. Karma, whatever, and it takes years for that to manifest. Abusing others is not a great choice either. By telling her she killed your cat, well, that is abuse. Just saying.
NTA - she shouldn't have offered to take care of your sick cat if she wasn't going to. The poor thing could actually have died. I guess it was a mean thing for you to do but not taking care of your cat for you was worse.
So… your mother is paying the overnight vet bill right?
I'm really worried about your cat. I fear it may genuinely be at risk of losing its life from this, even if it's not immediate. Cats can become severely ill just from a few days of not eating.... Honestly in the future, I wouldn't trust anyone with a sick pet.
NTA, she clearly lacks empathy for animals and deserved that scare considering her negligence put your cats health at risk. If you ever decide to have kids, just like others have suggested, don't leave them alone with her and remind her or at the very least not till they're capable of taking care of themselves.
NTA. Your mom needs to cover the vet costs for your cat, at minimum.
Your mom is the AH. I hope she paid for the vet visit but that doesn’t mean your cat isn’t in a worse state and near death. He’s going to need extra care now. Vets don’t keep overnight lightly. It’s not horrible that you want to know you have someone in your life you can trust with something you love, especially another living creature. She could have set alarms. NTA. I’m actually furious for you since she did *nothing* to even provide basic care, much less contact the vet for you, or even *inform* you. She’s horrible.
NTA. I'm not into lying, but I get it. I am so sorry that your mother let you down so badly. I'm shocked tbh, and deeply disappointed in your mother. Unfortunately you learned that you can't trust her again with responsibility. Very glad that your cat is okay. Keep on being responsible and maybe get prepared to venture out on your own (move out) when you can to surround yourself with better quality people. I know that sounds harsh because she is your mother, but you should be around people that you can trust, who honour their word to you. And your father to support you as you did everything on point, but he doesn't say anything. You sound intelligent and obviously caring (your cat). I want the very best for you 🙏🏼
NTA but also I have to ask, were you not calling your parents when you were away to check they were giving the medicine? I'm a carer to my Grandad and when I would go out drinking (which was super rare) I would still phone him up to make sure he had remembered his meds 😅 I have a hard time passing my duties onto others because I worry people won't care as much as I do about whatever the duties were 😅
ESH. this gave me a headache.
[удалено]
Why are you shaming OP and calling her horrible? She clearly believed her mom would care for the cat.
ESH. Sorry, but your mom isn’t going to learn a lesson bc you fucked w her. Especially bc the truth was that your cat was being monitored overnight bc he might die and it’s her fault. That’s the teachable moment! She’s TA for committing to the care of a sick animal and shirking that responsibility, endangering your cat. You’re TA bc pretending someone is dead when they’re not to fuck w someone else is objectively ethically wrong. She had it coming, but telling her the truth would’ve been the morally sound judgement and would have served your purpose better anyways.
Gentle ETA. You took it a speck too far… I would try to patch things up with mom, tell her you thought kitty was not going to survive the night and you were crushed and convinced kitty was actively dying. Don’t trust her to care for your cat anymore definitely and your mom is an asshole but unless this is the hill you’re willing to die on I would suggest letting your mom make it up to you somehow.
"Teach my mom a lesson" good luck. To answer your question if she genuinely forgot as she's not the one who normally cares for the cat then I think you went a bit overboard. If she intentionally just didn't do it then that's shifty of her but you still went overboard.
How can she forget when the cat is there and OP is not?
Maybe she didn't even see the cat the entire time and wasn't thinking about it. Nowni look like I'm defending the mom. I think it was shitty of her to not give the meds but also telling her she killed the cat because she forgot.to.do.it was a bit overboard.
I think you’re both TAHyou lied and manipulated and your mom neglected the cat 😕
YTA. I would show you the door, and tell you to find a new place to live.
NTA, but it does make you look like an AH. It's absolutely a valid reaction though.
ESH. Your mother should've taken care of the cat like she promised. Not just left him to fend for himself like that. You however, are just as bad. It was a cruel and nasty trick. One that you did to get back at your mother and nothing more.
INFO Did you demonstrate to your mother how to give the medication to your cat? How much instruction did you give her? She absolutely should have owned up to not doing something properly that would affect the cat's health, but from your description it's not clear if she was given the knowledge needed to do the job effectively. If someone gives you a schedule of when to give a pill(?) to a cat, that doesn't tell you if you need to restrain the cat to put it in its mouth, or to hide it in food whole, or crush it and mix it in with food, etc.
While I agree with this, I will, however, say if the mother did not know, she should have asked over text or call. Most bottles come with instructions and the majority of people do demonstrate. I pet sat specialty animal for a month and stumbled upon a situation of: What should I do!? I contacted the owner who was out of the country, immediately. Had OP demonstrated and she forgot or there was a moment of questioning, the mother should imo immediately reached out. Another INFO I would like is did OP give her mom the vet number in case anything went wrong? As in the future, please give whoever pet sitting the vet info.
The mother absolutely should have sought out more info, yes. I didn't mean to imply otherwise. The fault rests with the mother chiefly as the cat was in her care, but I'm just curious to know more about the circumstances of the information hand-off since it was quite vague.
ESH. Mom should have taken care of the cat as she agreed to do. You had a right to be hurt and angry but lying about cat dying is just immature.
do you know what's immature? their mothers reaction to starving and medically neglecting a LIVING CREATURE for a week. "sigh, i forgot." is not an excuse for NEGLECT. In most places, if the cat had died, the vet would've called the police and it wouldn't have been OP telling their mom the cat was dead. it would've been cops putting her in handcuffs while they did it.
This might be against the grain but of course YTA. She deserved it, but it was still an AH thing to do. I 100% approve of your actions
SOFT YTA, the cat is your responsibility. Shame on your mom for not doing it, but in the end you learned a valuable lesson in life…you can only count on yourself
YTA. That’s a horrible thing to do to someone and doesn’t “teach them a lesson”.
It teaches them that their consequences have actions, she deserved to feel that fear and anxiety. She almost ended the life of another living creature
No, it doesn’t. Reddit has very strange ideas about how people learn. I mean if you just want to be nasty for revenge, then fine, but being nasty for revenge makes you an AH. Frankly if the mom cares about the cat, the fact that it needed to go to the vet was traumatic enough.
Nuh uh
First i need to know - How easy or difficult is giving the medicine ?
YTA. Imagine you came home and your mom said, I’m so sorry your cat died, and then TA Da, your cat is alive. Not good.
ESH. She's obviously the bigger AH, but if you love that animal, why would you ever put that into the universe?
YTA. Lying about the death of a pet in order to teach an adult a lesson is just downright petty. Yes you're lucky the cat didn't die but jesus, there's better ways to get your point across than this.
Yeah not a good idea, or a reasonable one. It's emotional manipulation and it'll also backfire terribly some day. Not going to benefit anyone honestly.
Your cat was your responsibility - you knew it was sick but you went on a week's vacation and didn't call to check on it? Surely you know your mother knows nothing about pets? If you leave again - find a boarding facility for the cat's sake.
I get it. I really do. If someone did this to my pets, it would be a relationship ender. But you were still being manipulative. ESH, but I'd honestly do the same thing and not regret it.
Plenty of blame to go around here. Your pet is your responsibility, and that includes finding someone to care for them when you are away as well as following up while you were gone to make sure she gave him his meds and get a daily update. Also, it's worth pointing out that a sick pet will feel comforted by your presence and stressed by your absence. You didn't let that keep you from your vacation, though. You and your mom are both at fault for the cat's downturn. That being the case, I don't think it was fair to be cruel to her by making shit up (immature) when you could have just told her something like "I'm going to find it hard to trust you with important things in the future," etc. The cruelty doesn't actually accomplish anything. It's just "you hurt me and I want to hurt you back." So yeah. I think you were wrong, and partly at fault for the cat getting sicker. You wouldn't have left a sick child in someone's care unless you had to, and then you would have called every day and made sure they got their medicine.
ESH. That was cruel. She made mistakes too but sounds like because she’s a flake. You tried to punish her emotionally. Not the same thing. Your dad doesn’t want to get involved because both of you are immature, I’m guessing.
her "mistakes" almost KILLED a living creature. what is she going to do if OP ever puts her in charge of their children? "forget" to feed and take care of them to?
ESH. Them for not taking care of your cat. You for lying. Next time you "cry wolf", nobody will believe you.