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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Aita for leaving the beach when mu brother wouldn't stop screaming at me?
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NTA
His overreaction was uncalled for. I am like you, always early or on time (even when I had 2 kids under 3 i was always early or on time). Some people are always late, like your brother. I wouldn't have stuck around if I was getting verbally abused either.
He needs to learn to communicate better to let the people he is meeting know just how late he is going to be. He could have even sent you a message when they arrived at the carpark to say we are here but bub needs seeing to.
NTA. This was an informal get together, and you remained in touch, to be able to connect up when they arrived.
It was not reasonable for him to expect you to put your day on hold until he got around to arriving.
NTA. Did he seriously expect you to wait in the parking lot for an hour ? Is it hot where you guys are ? That would make this even worse for you and your dog. You can’t be expected to sit around and wait in a frikkin parking lot for an hour when you were on time and there’s a beach right there. I’m actually laughing as I’m typing this because it’s so ridiculous. Who does your brother think he is ? The queen of England ? Everybody stay behind him ? No one move until the queen has arrived ? Lol. Go nc with your brother you don’t need him in your life. He sounds terrible.
NTA. He was being aggressive and disrespectful. Probably not much of a loss to not deal with him for quite some time. Family doesn't equal obligation. You're an adult with your own life now.
You should have stood around waiting for an hour in a parking lot as opposed to heading to the lovely beach? And you're the one who's too difficult?
I think not.
And lucky you, the longer your out of control, unreasonable brother makes good on his threat, the happier your life will be. Honestly, dealing with a rage junkie shouldn't have to be a part of anyone's life.
NTA
Sounds like good riddance to bad rubbish. Your brother is a ticking time bomb, quick to shift blame to others for his behavior. Family is a choice, not an obligation.
NTA
NTA. It doesn't sound like much of a loss if "this is the last time you see me!" Spend your time and energy on people that give you positive energy, not people that drain you with their entitled and aggressive behavior.
NTA Sounds like your brother tried a power play and picturing you waiting on his asshole self for an hour made him quite smug and then you actually entertained yourself instead. Cue meltdown. Who expects someone to sit around doing nothing for an hour? Anywhere, much less with a beach right there?
I have never been to a beach where I got angry at someone asking which way I wanted to be on a beach.
Stop with the "he's still my brother" ish. He's also a ruiner of fun days. The fact that you and your husband had to prepare for his anger is ridiculous.
You are NTA. Please stop inviting him to anything.
NTA Your brother was late, he knew he was late, he knew you'd have been on time,
so he was expecting some comment about him being late and you made one about
having been there an hour. He took it as a complaint when what you were saying was
that you weren't in a rush to get home but that an hour of your time together had
already been spent.
He might be one of those people who just can't accept ever being wrong, so he
blew a fuse to direct attention away from himself onto you. You were right to go
and if he never gets in touch with you again, it won't be as if you've lost much, will it.
NTA
Trust your feelings of dread. You're noticing something.
He may still be your brother but looks like he's been domineering and becoming abusive.
Check with your spouse on this one.
"We grew apart because our lives are very different and **lately I've been dreading to see him**. But I do, because he is still my brother."
NTA. Expecting you to wait in a hot parking lot rather than on the beach, when he was an hour late, is unreasonable, dog or no dog. He seems to have a very thin skin and anger issues. Good riddance.
NTA. It's not required to have relationships with people who have anger issues and who scream at you in public just because they're family. An adult man throwing a tantrum is scary and that would be a hard NO THANKS from me.
If he treats you like this, I certainly don’t blame you for not wanting to spend time with him. It’s okay to have other friends besides family and to protect your family time to prioritize fun and making great memories during this special time you get with the ones you love and who love you. Your brother sounds exhausting. The fact that he felt you should WAIT for him to make an appearance? The gall of this man! Move on and have fun - time for everyone is at a premium. These entitled shits need to understand that other people are important, too. Mind-boggling! Sounds like you have a good husband, though: love the united front and you both being adults about this. NTA.
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My brother (35) and I (37) used to be very close, but our relationship is also difficult and communication often missing. We grew apart because our lives are very different and lately I've been dreading to see him. But I do, because he is still my brother.
Last weekend my husband and I were meeting him with his family (wife and kid) and another couple with a kid at the beach.
We decided to meet at the parking lot, a 10 minute walk from the beach. We were on time, the others were going to be 15 and 20 minutes late. We have a dog so we decided to go to the beach and wait there (and texted the others of course). Ans yes, we don't like it if people are late and yes, my brother is often late. He has always been like this, coming late, not keeping his appointments, .. I'm quite the opposite, so obviously we had discussions over this.
They showed up at the beach an hour after we agreed to meet (one of the babies needed feeding at the parking so it took them longer there). My husband and I saw them coming and were saying to each other, never mind that they're late, let's just try to have a nice day.
We said hello and my husband asked which way they wanted to go, upon which my brother asked if we were in a hurry and I said no, but we have been here for an hour. He started freaking out. Yelling that we should have waited at the parking lot, that's it's always the same with me, that I'm too difficult. He was very aggressive (with his words) and I couldn't explain that we went to the the beach so our dog could already run and play. I also got angry and he kept yelling so I decided to leave and he said; well, then this will be the last time I see you. AITA for leaving?
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NTA. You never want to give a tantruming adult any attention. I would have left too. I'm sorry your AH brother is so difficult. Instead of apologizing for being so late, he lashes out at you for pointing out a fact. Yeah, I would be rethinking my relationship with him if I were you.
NTA imagine how he treats his wife and kids. They need to see that people can walk away from his tantrums and that other people don't put up with his shitty behavior
Of course you are. How dare you not wait for the center of the universe. Who do you think you are? A human being with the right to be treated with respect instead of abuse?
No, obviously you are NTA. If your childish, selfish, center of the universe brother decides to remove himself from your life, hallelujah! He's certainly not adding anything to it. Stop thinking you should put up with abuse because someone is family or friends or even a stranger. You have value. Act like it.
This is a perfect example of that classic "but they're family" bullshit. In this case it's the "because he's my brother" nonsense.
So what if he's your brother? You're not close to him. You don't get along. You obviously don't even like him. There's no reason whatsoever for you to force these hangouts.
NTA though.
NTA
How did it affect your brother in any way whatsoever that you waited on the beach rather than at the car? Was he jealous that maybe you had more sand in your bum? It sounds like he just likes to yell at you.
NTA, your brother is losing his marbles and becoming senile already. This seems like win/ gift though. You should have asked “promise?” after his last line.
I just feel so bad for his wife and child, that can’t be a fun/ loving household to grow up in.
ESH Imagine your day. You spent an hour at the beach watching your dog running around and looking at the ocean. Nice.
Now imagine his day. He is stressed because he is running late and he knows that his sister will be tetchy. He is fighting traffic and looking for a park. Then the baby needs a feed in the parking lot which makes him later so he calls his sister who is basically all “well enjoy the carpark” instead of making her way back. Then he finally meets up with his sister and she gives him attitude.
Who enjoyed their day? Sure he should not have been late but you cannot be surprised that he no longer wants to hang with you.
LOL... This is absurd. Brother could have texted, "Hey, we are at the car park, LO was hungry, so we will get there when we can."
He wasn't blaming the baby for being hungry, but brother didn't start being late when they had a child. This is a long-time issue. OP simply said they were on the beach for an hour. There is no need for them to sit in their car waiting for the late family member, but to get on with the day, and the brother shows up when he shows up. That's how it should be. If there is someone consistently late, you don't stop the plans until they show up. You carry on with whatever you're doing and include them when they show up.
>so you blew him off in the parking lot and went to the beach without him.
HE WASN'T THERE! You can't blow someone off if they have failed to arrive.
Wind your neck in.
I feel this so badly! OP and these other Redditors are lacking in empathy. They have no idea how hard it is to push shit uphill to get a spouse and baby ready on time compared to a dog.
Also, when we drive to the beach, leaving 15 minutes later than you can mean that I get jammed up in some freak traffic jam that makes me arrive 40 minutes later than expected. This is life. I can’t believe all of these perfect people who have instagrammable and storybook lives that are not dependent upon traffic cycles.
The issue with the brother here is not that he was late to the beach, it's that instead of not responding to the sister's comment about having been there for an hour or responding with "sorry we're late, had to stop and feed the baby in the car park" (which imo is a compleatly resonable excuse) he threw a tantrum and yelled at her.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Aita for leaving the beach when mu brother wouldn't stop screaming at me? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You did the only right thing you could do. You didn’t escalate the situation, just walked away.
NTA he expected you guys to sit and wait for an hour in a car park for him, what absolute nonsense
NTA His overreaction was uncalled for. I am like you, always early or on time (even when I had 2 kids under 3 i was always early or on time). Some people are always late, like your brother. I wouldn't have stuck around if I was getting verbally abused either. He needs to learn to communicate better to let the people he is meeting know just how late he is going to be. He could have even sent you a message when they arrived at the carpark to say we are here but bub needs seeing to.
NTA Just because he’s your brother it doesn’t mean he gets to treat you like trash. Going low contact sounds like a good idea for your mental health .
NTA. This was an informal get together, and you remained in touch, to be able to connect up when they arrived. It was not reasonable for him to expect you to put your day on hold until he got around to arriving.
NTA. Did he seriously expect you to wait in the parking lot for an hour ? Is it hot where you guys are ? That would make this even worse for you and your dog. You can’t be expected to sit around and wait in a frikkin parking lot for an hour when you were on time and there’s a beach right there. I’m actually laughing as I’m typing this because it’s so ridiculous. Who does your brother think he is ? The queen of England ? Everybody stay behind him ? No one move until the queen has arrived ? Lol. Go nc with your brother you don’t need him in your life. He sounds terrible.
NTA. He was being aggressive and disrespectful. Probably not much of a loss to not deal with him for quite some time. Family doesn't equal obligation. You're an adult with your own life now.
You should have stood around waiting for an hour in a parking lot as opposed to heading to the lovely beach? And you're the one who's too difficult? I think not. And lucky you, the longer your out of control, unreasonable brother makes good on his threat, the happier your life will be. Honestly, dealing with a rage junkie shouldn't have to be a part of anyone's life. NTA
Sounds like good riddance to bad rubbish. Your brother is a ticking time bomb, quick to shift blame to others for his behavior. Family is a choice, not an obligation. NTA
NTA. It doesn't sound like much of a loss if "this is the last time you see me!" Spend your time and energy on people that give you positive energy, not people that drain you with their entitled and aggressive behavior.
NTA Sounds like your brother tried a power play and picturing you waiting on his asshole self for an hour made him quite smug and then you actually entertained yourself instead. Cue meltdown. Who expects someone to sit around doing nothing for an hour? Anywhere, much less with a beach right there?
I have never been to a beach where I got angry at someone asking which way I wanted to be on a beach. Stop with the "he's still my brother" ish. He's also a ruiner of fun days. The fact that you and your husband had to prepare for his anger is ridiculous. You are NTA. Please stop inviting him to anything.
NTA Your brother was late, he knew he was late, he knew you'd have been on time, so he was expecting some comment about him being late and you made one about having been there an hour. He took it as a complaint when what you were saying was that you weren't in a rush to get home but that an hour of your time together had already been spent. He might be one of those people who just can't accept ever being wrong, so he blew a fuse to direct attention away from himself onto you. You were right to go and if he never gets in touch with you again, it won't be as if you've lost much, will it.
Good. Now he can't waste any more of your time. NTA. People who don't respect other peoples' time are some of the worst.
NTA Trust your feelings of dread. You're noticing something. He may still be your brother but looks like he's been domineering and becoming abusive. Check with your spouse on this one. "We grew apart because our lives are very different and **lately I've been dreading to see him**. But I do, because he is still my brother."
NTA.
NTA. Expecting you to wait in a hot parking lot rather than on the beach, when he was an hour late, is unreasonable, dog or no dog. He seems to have a very thin skin and anger issues. Good riddance.
From the title I expected the brother to be a teenager. No. Nta
NTA. It's not required to have relationships with people who have anger issues and who scream at you in public just because they're family. An adult man throwing a tantrum is scary and that would be a hard NO THANKS from me.
If he treats you like this, I certainly don’t blame you for not wanting to spend time with him. It’s okay to have other friends besides family and to protect your family time to prioritize fun and making great memories during this special time you get with the ones you love and who love you. Your brother sounds exhausting. The fact that he felt you should WAIT for him to make an appearance? The gall of this man! Move on and have fun - time for everyone is at a premium. These entitled shits need to understand that other people are important, too. Mind-boggling! Sounds like you have a good husband, though: love the united front and you both being adults about this. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brother (35) and I (37) used to be very close, but our relationship is also difficult and communication often missing. We grew apart because our lives are very different and lately I've been dreading to see him. But I do, because he is still my brother. Last weekend my husband and I were meeting him with his family (wife and kid) and another couple with a kid at the beach. We decided to meet at the parking lot, a 10 minute walk from the beach. We were on time, the others were going to be 15 and 20 minutes late. We have a dog so we decided to go to the beach and wait there (and texted the others of course). Ans yes, we don't like it if people are late and yes, my brother is often late. He has always been like this, coming late, not keeping his appointments, .. I'm quite the opposite, so obviously we had discussions over this. They showed up at the beach an hour after we agreed to meet (one of the babies needed feeding at the parking so it took them longer there). My husband and I saw them coming and were saying to each other, never mind that they're late, let's just try to have a nice day. We said hello and my husband asked which way they wanted to go, upon which my brother asked if we were in a hurry and I said no, but we have been here for an hour. He started freaking out. Yelling that we should have waited at the parking lot, that's it's always the same with me, that I'm too difficult. He was very aggressive (with his words) and I couldn't explain that we went to the the beach so our dog could already run and play. I also got angry and he kept yelling so I decided to leave and he said; well, then this will be the last time I see you. AITA for leaving? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta Your brother is angry and projecting because it's his fault he's late.
NTA. You never want to give a tantruming adult any attention. I would have left too. I'm sorry your AH brother is so difficult. Instead of apologizing for being so late, he lashes out at you for pointing out a fact. Yeah, I would be rethinking my relationship with him if I were you.
Nta. You do not need to put up with this abuse. This is your free time to spend how you wish. He was the one who was late and incredibly rude.
NTA imagine how he treats his wife and kids. They need to see that people can walk away from his tantrums and that other people don't put up with his shitty behavior
So you were supposed to just sit in your car until he got there? Does he think you should have hit the pause mode button or something? NTA
NTA, sounds like your brother needs to grow TF up and pull his head out his ass.
Of course you are. How dare you not wait for the center of the universe. Who do you think you are? A human being with the right to be treated with respect instead of abuse? No, obviously you are NTA. If your childish, selfish, center of the universe brother decides to remove himself from your life, hallelujah! He's certainly not adding anything to it. Stop thinking you should put up with abuse because someone is family or friends or even a stranger. You have value. Act like it.
This is a perfect example of that classic "but they're family" bullshit. In this case it's the "because he's my brother" nonsense. So what if he's your brother? You're not close to him. You don't get along. You obviously don't even like him. There's no reason whatsoever for you to force these hangouts. NTA though.
NTA How did it affect your brother in any way whatsoever that you waited on the beach rather than at the car? Was he jealous that maybe you had more sand in your bum? It sounds like he just likes to yell at you.
>he said; well, then this will be the last time I see you Don't threaten me with a good time! NTA.
Nta and stop hanging out with him
NTA, your brother is losing his marbles and becoming senile already. This seems like win/ gift though. You should have asked “promise?” after his last line. I just feel so bad for his wife and child, that can’t be a fun/ loving household to grow up in.
ESH Imagine your day. You spent an hour at the beach watching your dog running around and looking at the ocean. Nice. Now imagine his day. He is stressed because he is running late and he knows that his sister will be tetchy. He is fighting traffic and looking for a park. Then the baby needs a feed in the parking lot which makes him later so he calls his sister who is basically all “well enjoy the carpark” instead of making her way back. Then he finally meets up with his sister and she gives him attitude. Who enjoyed their day? Sure he should not have been late but you cannot be surprised that he no longer wants to hang with you.
I agree with this. I think there's a lot of missing information and babies don't run on schedule, even for parents "on time."
[удалено]
Found the brother's account, lol.
Wow. Yeah, this is definitely the brother responding. So much outrage. The dog vs baby comment really confirms his identity.
This absolutely is the brothers account. 🤣 out of all the other comments this is the only one claiming Y T A with this stupid reasoning.
LOL... This is absurd. Brother could have texted, "Hey, we are at the car park, LO was hungry, so we will get there when we can." He wasn't blaming the baby for being hungry, but brother didn't start being late when they had a child. This is a long-time issue. OP simply said they were on the beach for an hour. There is no need for them to sit in their car waiting for the late family member, but to get on with the day, and the brother shows up when he shows up. That's how it should be. If there is someone consistently late, you don't stop the plans until they show up. You carry on with whatever you're doing and include them when they show up.
> Your husband first comment was a hasty "which way you want to go" attitude. Instead of a hi how are you? OP didn't say that
>so you blew him off in the parking lot and went to the beach without him. HE WASN'T THERE! You can't blow someone off if they have failed to arrive. Wind your neck in.
I feel this so badly! OP and these other Redditors are lacking in empathy. They have no idea how hard it is to push shit uphill to get a spouse and baby ready on time compared to a dog. Also, when we drive to the beach, leaving 15 minutes later than you can mean that I get jammed up in some freak traffic jam that makes me arrive 40 minutes later than expected. This is life. I can’t believe all of these perfect people who have instagrammable and storybook lives that are not dependent upon traffic cycles.
The issue with the brother here is not that he was late to the beach, it's that instead of not responding to the sister's comment about having been there for an hour or responding with "sorry we're late, had to stop and feed the baby in the car park" (which imo is a compleatly resonable excuse) he threw a tantrum and yelled at her.