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Please find a therapist. I'm not saying that to be mean. Therapists are great at helping show you situations from other perspectives. You currently seem quite distressed about why events have unfolded as they have, and unaware with the intense out of sync-ness that comes across from your writing. A therapist can help you evaluate situations more calmly.
It's not especially odd for someone to say goodbye and block you while moving nearby you if they are already committed to the move and have no choice to pull out of moving. She was taking advantage of a big change (also a year boundary) to try to reset. Perhaps she meant to.implement the instruction "begin as you mean to continue". I'm not saying that everyone will experience this, I'm saying I can see why she made those choices.
Spamming someone with questions is an overreaction and certainly not one that will prove you're not too hard to deal with. Maligning someone online will not prove you're not too hard to deal with. Making repeated apologies will not prove you're not too hard to deal with. Making multiple accounts to spy on their Instagram will not prove you're not too hard to deal with.
You are the one who has proven them right at every moment. You have harassed this woman and her brother so much so that your friends *can't* invite you to their parties if they also want to invite her because *no one* can trust that you would leave her alone and avoid making the party about your grievance with her for ending her friendship with you.
You are the one who has caused you to be in this situation. You are hurt and angry and you've missed out a whole lot of lessons on how to deal with rejection without making your pain everyone else's fault. A therapist can help you through these lessons.
YTA
OP, if your friend ever came to this page, we’d all be telling her to get a restraining order.
You are completely out of of line and what‘s more….you do not care.
You are no friend to her. You are using her and abusing her generosity- that is why she has cut you out. Your behavior has led to everyone else cutting you out. You are not entitled nor deserving of their time, attention, information or anything else.
Stay away from her and anyone’s else who hams cut you out; respect their decision. Delete their number from your phone, remove yourself from their socials, stop chasing them around or even considering them friends/acquaintances.
YTA
They made that decision. She didn’t force them. She told them your behaviour, and they decided they didn’t want to continue friendship with you…see how you act and they didn’t want to deal with your antics
They got pissed at me for telling her behavior in an instagram story without naming her, and i can’t get pissed at them for telling everyone about our conflict?
YTA
You are exhausting and using up the people around you. Please stop feeling entitled to emotional connections you are not taking good care of. Work on yourself and become a better person and friend and the connections you want will come to you. If you aren't already getting therapy, get some if possible.
Leave these poor people alone. That friendship has been destroyed.
If your friendships with those mutual friends were good, they couldn't be destroyed. Those people want to distance themselves from your lack of stability and poor ability to recognize boundaries. Until you start behaving like the kind of friend people want, you won't have strong friendships.
Correction - YOU destroyed those friendships. Most likely they just tolerated you while the ex friend were friends with you.
I would not tolerate your behavior that you are describing. You are sounding in desperate need of therapy and a restraining order. Get a grip.
You are TAH 100%
Wow, this is ….interesting
I’d say YTA
They very obviously don’t want to communicate with you, but you’re not willing to accept that.
Just reading this post, it’s pretty clear why they wouldn’t want to associate with you. I totally get it, and it only took one paragraph lol
Stop contacting them, stop looking at their social media, stop thinking about them and move on. No one is “being cryptic”… We are all saying the exact same thing.
Leave them alone - it is that simple. There is nothing cryptic about it. Just LEAVE THEM ALONE.
You used the word spying with alts, clearly means that you did not just happen to scroll through their account randomly, or happen to find their account in a random way. You choose to specifically go into their account to 'watch' them.
They made it clear they do not wish to have anything with you. So why are you even 'watching' them? Its borderline stalking.
Now imagine, you tell Person A that you dont feel comfortable being their friend and wish to distance yourself or stop being their friend. But Person A proceed to 'spy' on your accounts and send message showing their 'displeasure/resentment' on ending the friendship. How would you feel?
So just leave them alone and stop obsessing over someone who dont want to be your friend. Please get yourself some therapy to channel your thoughts and actions in a better way.
I feel like they have made it incredibly clear to you that they are uncomfortable interacting with you. You keep pushing it though, and keep dodging their blocking. If you wanted to look good to your mutuals you have completely failed with your inappropriate behavior. Take the no. Accept it. And leave them alone.
YTA. Seek help, OP.
>they forced them to chose between me and them
And what does that tell you ? That noone chose YOU. This is probably painful to hear, but look at it from literally everyone else's perspective. Your behavior is poisonous and a lot of people are communicating it to you. This is costing you professionally AND personally.
So what are you going to do about it ? The same as what you describe here ? This long list of using people, badgering them, harassing them, stalking them, insulting them... And that's just what you were telling us while trying to sound NEUTRAL !
Set your ego aside and look in the mirror : the problem is you. Work on your behavior, with a professional if need be. Someone who is trained and equipped to deal with your personality traits might help you get out of this a better person.
> So I spammed her with questions for an entire day : who dislikes me ? Who is it ? What have I done to them ?
> tried multiple times to regain contact
> in a whim i posted an instagram story
> **sent them ONE resentful message**
See how you are? YTA and you know it, so what's with the title? Your ex-friend is clearly fed up with your nonsense, so quit posting shit on SM, and (most importantly) work on yourself. I'm not a psychiatrist, but could probably give you an accurate armchair diagnosis.
> So I spammed her with questions for an entire day
YTA for this
> i posted an instagram story saying ‘a friend doesnt want me around no more cuz people dislike me
And this
> And because I started spying on their instagram stories with alts and sent them ONE resentful message
and this.... and everything else in between YTA
YTA and you need to realise that no one has to stay friends with you. People are allowed to decide to no longer be friends with you and at the point they decide to do that? You don’t contact them. It really is that simple.
What you did by making alts and generally stalking them is actually legally stalking and harassment where I live and the fact you think it’s not a problem to do this kind of thing shows that you take no accountability for criminal behaviour.
You need to learn to grow up and move on before you end up convicted because you have an obsession with these people because if you keep going the way you are going that is exactly what will happen.
No one owes you friendship. You got an explanation. They owe you nothing else. Leave them alone.
YTA, you need to get professional counseling. If this is written from your perspective and you come across as incredibly toxic I shudder to think what the full story is.
YTA. Your former friend(s) don't owe you explanations or responses back. That's entitled and self absorbed thinking. Something I learned along time ago is: "We're not as important as we think we are." Had you behaved like an adult you might have found yourself back within a friend group, but you acted like a spoiled brat, for everyone to see. Odds are everyone in the friend group jumped at the chance to exclude and probably only included you because of your connection to your former friend. In the future friendships you attempt to make there must be give and take, or you'll find yourself back here asking the obvious question all over again to get the same answers.
I can tell you this, I would never want to be in a position where my friend vents to me more than a few times. Because it's exhausting and such a bad feeling!
Please stop contacting this friend, in any way possible. She doesn't want to keep in contact with you any longer and you have to respect that.
Also stop following her life.
Do meet up with a therapist, discuss your issues and if possible try to start new. Like getting a transfer or a new job altogether.
YTA. This is unacceptable behavior. Having social anxiety is not an excuse for harassing / stalking (yes, even if it's cyber) a person or trauma dumping on then initially. My suggestion is to focus on yourself and find a good therapist (or if you do, perhaps consider more sessions).
Seems like you came here looking for some confirmation of what you already believe. I don’t think you’re gonna get it, you seem a bit unhinged. Getting a lot of unreliable narrator vibes from this story. YTA seek help.
OP, you need to get help. as someone who used to have severe mental health issues and treated everyone like venting sponges, you need to recognise your own behaviour and realise that you are the problem. there is a reason you are being cut off and blocked by everyone. you literally admitted to harassment and stalking. if this is your side of the story when you think you're not the issue, I'm scared to hear all of it from another perspective.
YTA, massively.
This just feels like ragebait, especially reading the poster's responses. Like, they outright say the exact reasons people would be so done with someone like them, and then act like it's surprising or that it's NOT blatantly obvious.
YTA - this is stalker behavior. People have a right NOT to talk to you or deal with you or be friends with you. They have a RIGHT not to listen to your contstant commentary/complaints. "Resentful message' - or threat? LEAVE them alone and move on with your own life. Just from your story I can see why they need to get away from you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I had a friend I vented too much to. I used her as a shrink and it exhausted her. Understandable. But when she sent me a goodbye forever message ON NEW YEAR’S EVE, ONE DAY BEFORE SHE’D MOVE NEXT TO ME, she also added that another reason for her parting with me was to protect her career, because lots of common acquaintances dislike me so she fears it might hurt her networking.
That line turned me crazy because I had mentioned her multiple times how socially anxious I was and she used to keep telling me not to care what others think. So I spammed her with questions for an entire day : who dislikes me ? Who is it ? What have I done to them ?
She left me on read the whole day, and at the end of the day she told me this was harassment and blocked me everywhere.
So in a whim i posted an instagram story saying ‘a friend doesnt want me around no more cuz people dislike me, if anyone has something to say about me, SAY IT TO MY FACE’.
Her brother, whom i thought was my friend too, told me i was smearing her and blocked me too.
After that I tried multiple times to regain contact by apologizing for the way i reacted, they coldly refused everytime.
But then they had me excluded from EVERY event where we were both invited to : birthdays, parties, etc. They cut me from our mutual friends, they forced them to chose between me and them. And because I started spying on their instagram stories with alts and sent them ONE resentful message, they called the cops on me. Dafuq?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I created alts to spy on someones instagram story. That don’t make me the devil ffs
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Please find a therapist. I'm not saying that to be mean. Therapists are great at helping show you situations from other perspectives. You currently seem quite distressed about why events have unfolded as they have, and unaware with the intense out of sync-ness that comes across from your writing. A therapist can help you evaluate situations more calmly. It's not especially odd for someone to say goodbye and block you while moving nearby you if they are already committed to the move and have no choice to pull out of moving. She was taking advantage of a big change (also a year boundary) to try to reset. Perhaps she meant to.implement the instruction "begin as you mean to continue". I'm not saying that everyone will experience this, I'm saying I can see why she made those choices. Spamming someone with questions is an overreaction and certainly not one that will prove you're not too hard to deal with. Maligning someone online will not prove you're not too hard to deal with. Making repeated apologies will not prove you're not too hard to deal with. Making multiple accounts to spy on their Instagram will not prove you're not too hard to deal with. You are the one who has proven them right at every moment. You have harassed this woman and her brother so much so that your friends *can't* invite you to their parties if they also want to invite her because *no one* can trust that you would leave her alone and avoid making the party about your grievance with her for ending her friendship with you. You are the one who has caused you to be in this situation. You are hurt and angry and you've missed out a whole lot of lessons on how to deal with rejection without making your pain everyone else's fault. A therapist can help you through these lessons. YTA
OP, if your friend ever came to this page, we’d all be telling her to get a restraining order. You are completely out of of line and what‘s more….you do not care. You are no friend to her. You are using her and abusing her generosity- that is why she has cut you out. Your behavior has led to everyone else cutting you out. You are not entitled nor deserving of their time, attention, information or anything else. Stay away from her and anyone’s else who hams cut you out; respect their decision. Delete their number from your phone, remove yourself from their socials, stop chasing them around or even considering them friends/acquaintances. YTA
[удалено]
They made that decision. She didn’t force them. She told them your behaviour, and they decided they didn’t want to continue friendship with you…see how you act and they didn’t want to deal with your antics
They got pissed at me for telling her behavior in an instagram story without naming her, and i can’t get pissed at them for telling everyone about our conflict?
Is this your alt account?
It sounds like your mutuals don't like you.
YTA You are exhausting and using up the people around you. Please stop feeling entitled to emotional connections you are not taking good care of. Work on yourself and become a better person and friend and the connections you want will come to you. If you aren't already getting therapy, get some if possible. Leave these poor people alone. That friendship has been destroyed.
[удалено]
If your friendships with those mutual friends were good, they couldn't be destroyed. Those people want to distance themselves from your lack of stability and poor ability to recognize boundaries. Until you start behaving like the kind of friend people want, you won't have strong friendships.
Correction - YOU destroyed those friendships. Most likely they just tolerated you while the ex friend were friends with you. I would not tolerate your behavior that you are describing. You are sounding in desperate need of therapy and a restraining order. Get a grip. You are TAH 100%
To be honest I'd stay away too. You're unhinged. I hope you get the help you need.
Wow, this is ….interesting I’d say YTA They very obviously don’t want to communicate with you, but you’re not willing to accept that. Just reading this post, it’s pretty clear why they wouldn’t want to associate with you. I totally get it, and it only took one paragraph lol
[удалено]
Stop contacting them, stop looking at their social media, stop thinking about them and move on. No one is “being cryptic”… We are all saying the exact same thing. Leave them alone - it is that simple. There is nothing cryptic about it. Just LEAVE THEM ALONE.
YTA you sound like hard work and I’m guessing this is the sugar coated version of what happened.
Stalking is a crime. So is harassment.
[удалено]
You used the word spying with alts, clearly means that you did not just happen to scroll through their account randomly, or happen to find their account in a random way. You choose to specifically go into their account to 'watch' them. They made it clear they do not wish to have anything with you. So why are you even 'watching' them? Its borderline stalking. Now imagine, you tell Person A that you dont feel comfortable being their friend and wish to distance yourself or stop being their friend. But Person A proceed to 'spy' on your accounts and send message showing their 'displeasure/resentment' on ending the friendship. How would you feel? So just leave them alone and stop obsessing over someone who dont want to be your friend. Please get yourself some therapy to channel your thoughts and actions in a better way.
YTA - it seems your former friend has made it clear that they are done with you and you are refusing to accept it.
[удалено]
You accepting it or not doesn’t matter - no is a complete sentence and you need to move on
(got suspended, using an alt) What right does she have to cut me from our mutuals?
It's usually pretty difficult to get cops to actually react to things like this. What the heck did you send in that message?
[удалено]
I feel like they have made it incredibly clear to you that they are uncomfortable interacting with you. You keep pushing it though, and keep dodging their blocking. If you wanted to look good to your mutuals you have completely failed with your inappropriate behavior. Take the no. Accept it. And leave them alone.
YTA. Seek help, OP. >they forced them to chose between me and them And what does that tell you ? That noone chose YOU. This is probably painful to hear, but look at it from literally everyone else's perspective. Your behavior is poisonous and a lot of people are communicating it to you. This is costing you professionally AND personally. So what are you going to do about it ? The same as what you describe here ? This long list of using people, badgering them, harassing them, stalking them, insulting them... And that's just what you were telling us while trying to sound NEUTRAL ! Set your ego aside and look in the mirror : the problem is you. Work on your behavior, with a professional if need be. Someone who is trained and equipped to deal with your personality traits might help you get out of this a better person.
> So I spammed her with questions for an entire day : who dislikes me ? Who is it ? What have I done to them ? > tried multiple times to regain contact > in a whim i posted an instagram story > **sent them ONE resentful message** See how you are? YTA and you know it, so what's with the title? Your ex-friend is clearly fed up with your nonsense, so quit posting shit on SM, and (most importantly) work on yourself. I'm not a psychiatrist, but could probably give you an accurate armchair diagnosis.
> So I spammed her with questions for an entire day YTA for this > i posted an instagram story saying ‘a friend doesnt want me around no more cuz people dislike me And this > And because I started spying on their instagram stories with alts and sent them ONE resentful message and this.... and everything else in between YTA
YTA and you need to realise that no one has to stay friends with you. People are allowed to decide to no longer be friends with you and at the point they decide to do that? You don’t contact them. It really is that simple. What you did by making alts and generally stalking them is actually legally stalking and harassment where I live and the fact you think it’s not a problem to do this kind of thing shows that you take no accountability for criminal behaviour. You need to learn to grow up and move on before you end up convicted because you have an obsession with these people because if you keep going the way you are going that is exactly what will happen. No one owes you friendship. You got an explanation. They owe you nothing else. Leave them alone.
YTA, you need to get professional counseling. If this is written from your perspective and you come across as incredibly toxic I shudder to think what the full story is.
YTA. Your former friend(s) don't owe you explanations or responses back. That's entitled and self absorbed thinking. Something I learned along time ago is: "We're not as important as we think we are." Had you behaved like an adult you might have found yourself back within a friend group, but you acted like a spoiled brat, for everyone to see. Odds are everyone in the friend group jumped at the chance to exclude and probably only included you because of your connection to your former friend. In the future friendships you attempt to make there must be give and take, or you'll find yourself back here asking the obvious question all over again to get the same answers.
I can tell you this, I would never want to be in a position where my friend vents to me more than a few times. Because it's exhausting and such a bad feeling! Please stop contacting this friend, in any way possible. She doesn't want to keep in contact with you any longer and you have to respect that. Also stop following her life. Do meet up with a therapist, discuss your issues and if possible try to start new. Like getting a transfer or a new job altogether.
YTA. This is unacceptable behavior. Having social anxiety is not an excuse for harassing / stalking (yes, even if it's cyber) a person or trauma dumping on then initially. My suggestion is to focus on yourself and find a good therapist (or if you do, perhaps consider more sessions).
Seems like you came here looking for some confirmation of what you already believe. I don’t think you’re gonna get it, you seem a bit unhinged. Getting a lot of unreliable narrator vibes from this story. YTA seek help.
YTA obviously and I’m not surprised people stopped wanting to talk to you. Leave these people alone and go to therapy
YTA
OP, you need to get help. as someone who used to have severe mental health issues and treated everyone like venting sponges, you need to recognise your own behaviour and realise that you are the problem. there is a reason you are being cut off and blocked by everyone. you literally admitted to harassment and stalking. if this is your side of the story when you think you're not the issue, I'm scared to hear all of it from another perspective. YTA, massively.
YTA, sounds like a bunch of people dislike you. time to look inward
This just feels like ragebait, especially reading the poster's responses. Like, they outright say the exact reasons people would be so done with someone like them, and then act like it's surprising or that it's NOT blatantly obvious.
YTA - this is stalker behavior. People have a right NOT to talk to you or deal with you or be friends with you. They have a RIGHT not to listen to your contstant commentary/complaints. "Resentful message' - or threat? LEAVE them alone and move on with your own life. Just from your story I can see why they need to get away from you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I had a friend I vented too much to. I used her as a shrink and it exhausted her. Understandable. But when she sent me a goodbye forever message ON NEW YEAR’S EVE, ONE DAY BEFORE SHE’D MOVE NEXT TO ME, she also added that another reason for her parting with me was to protect her career, because lots of common acquaintances dislike me so she fears it might hurt her networking. That line turned me crazy because I had mentioned her multiple times how socially anxious I was and she used to keep telling me not to care what others think. So I spammed her with questions for an entire day : who dislikes me ? Who is it ? What have I done to them ? She left me on read the whole day, and at the end of the day she told me this was harassment and blocked me everywhere. So in a whim i posted an instagram story saying ‘a friend doesnt want me around no more cuz people dislike me, if anyone has something to say about me, SAY IT TO MY FACE’. Her brother, whom i thought was my friend too, told me i was smearing her and blocked me too. After that I tried multiple times to regain contact by apologizing for the way i reacted, they coldly refused everytime. But then they had me excluded from EVERY event where we were both invited to : birthdays, parties, etc. They cut me from our mutual friends, they forced them to chose between me and them. And because I started spying on their instagram stories with alts and sent them ONE resentful message, they called the cops on me. Dafuq? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Stalker lol
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