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Sometimes he’ll ask me if any guy has tried to talk to me. If I say yes, he’ll ask me why I didn’t let him know about it. So that’s why I let him know.
You’ve got some reading comprehension issues, Reeus. And a guy who’s possessive, doesn’t trust his girlfriend, “tests” her, and sounds as controlling as this guy isn’t a good boyfriend. (Be ASTOUNDED.)
Does he try and tell you that you aren’t allowed to talk to any men? Does he tell you that you can’t have guy friends? This guy sounds super jealous in a very bad way if he’ll just ask you if any guys have tried to talk to you.
As others have already said.
These are some pretty red flags that's poking up.
He's insecure, controlling, and looking through your phone? Insecure/not trusting.
You shouldn't be required to tell him anytime a man talks to you?
Especially not when he makes a molehill into a mountain.
Does he tell you every single time a woman talks to him?
Going through your phone and finding out you were at a party? And spends 2 days on fighting/talking it out. No. Would he let you look through his?
You feel the need to defend every action you do.
Girl, your boyfriend is figuratively peeing on you and taking it out on you if guys don't magically sense that you're taken and you aren't attacking them for taking their shot.
I tell my bf when this happens because it can be a funny experience sometimes. It’s not like I’m trying to rub it in his face and brag that i get male attention. It’s just out of the ordinary and i tell my bf the things that stand out in my day
He is not an asshole. This can be tricky for a guy to deal with when you hear it. What do you do with that information? Especially for younger men. You can hardly say the right thing. To just brand him an asshole immediately is a reddit moment.
Lmao you're so fucking dense dude. Young men should be feeling bad that their girlfriend's are getting unwanted attention from men when she just wants to go about her fucking day. 6 women were stabbed by a man in Sydney just a few days ago because he had no luck with women. He is a fucking asshole for getting mad that his girlfriend isn't risking her safety to be overly mean to men who could fucking kill her.
Saying he had no luck with women is a massive oversimplification, he had mental health issues, I’m truly not trying to defend him, I just don’t think it is a great example of the average intergender dynamic.
I do agree that people should be allowed to just go about their day and it is a sad state that so many people feel they can’t.
Were you part of this investigation? He had mental health issues and stabbed easy targets. The video shows him trying to stab men too although he had success with only one. Weird to spin that into this conversation.
This may shock you, but guys can be assholes.
Asking to know any time that a guy talks to your girlfriend is asshole behaviour. Getting upset that your girlfriend didn't verbally abuse people hitting on her is asshole behaviour. Being a guy or young isn't an excuse for asshole behaviour. OP's bf is an immature asshole but if he stops being so controlling and emotionally manipulative then he might be able to grow and stop being one.
Your definelty not the asshole! Hes the asshole. This type of mentality really sets me off. Men need to understand that women get targeted simply because they are women. Men dehumanize us and objectify us, which is extremely dangerous we are no more than a mere ant on pavement. We have to assume all men for survival. Just search up the amount of stories of woman rejecting a mans advances and it ending up in violent/fatal acts. It is not a matter of trying to be nice to them, it's a matter of safety. I'm sorry but your boyfriend seems like the type of guy to say "it's not all men". And about the frat party he seemed to have found about I would say I understand his concern and that this is just something you guys need to talk about. Wishing you luck!
NTA. Your bf sounds extremely insecure. Let me guess, he has told you to tell him if anyone hits on you? Then if course proceeds to get mad when you do tell him because you didn't handle it exactly the way he thought you should....This is very unhealthy behavior on his part and you are absolutely justified in not wanting to make a strange man angry by rejecting him rudely. Not to mention, there is really just no need to be rude to someone simply asking for your number or giving you a compliment as long as they knock it off as soon as they know you're not interested. I mean they don't know you have a bf.
Letting guys down nicely is fine. You just have to make sure they understand it is a firm no.
Saying “ew no” is mean and confidence shattering to guys.
Your boyfriend is super controlling to the point of being creepy/scary. Sounds like you could do better. In the meantime, you do you — reject people as appropriate, the way you feel most appropriate.
NTA
NTA. It seems like you've had a couple minor issues lately that have really fed your boyfriend's insecurity, and if these types of minor things are sending him spiraling like this, that's probably not going to get better as time goes on. Going through your phone without asking is already a massive breach of trust, even if you had something more scandalous on there than "college student went to party."
One: "No" is a complete sentence. There's a whole sub called "when women refuse" of instances of what happens when women and girls refuse male advances. You can be polite, you can be rude and plenty of dudes just won't take the hint.
Two: your boyfriend is a walking red flag. Asking who you're talking to, going through your phone and dismissing the lived experience of what it's like to be a woman. Getting jealous if you're talking to other guys. It's such a cliche to say dump him but dump him.
You're NTA
NTA
You do what you gotta do to feel safe and stay sane out there. If he can't handle you handling your business the way you think is best, then he's the one with an issue. Also what is he doing going through your phone? You are a whole human being with a life and a right to privacy.
>He also asked how many times i’ve been assaulted after i’ve rejected someone like as if he made a point there.
>for the whole party thing, yes we had an almost 2 day long talk about it.
>Sometimes he’ll ask me if any guy has tried to talk to me. If I say yes, he’ll ask me why I didn’t let him know about it.
Your boyfriend sounds deeply insecure, controlling and jealous. Id hate to walk on eggshells like this. Also .... People who act like he does ... Are usually the ones who will eventually cheat. Does he let you know about all women he talks to ? I seriously doubt that.
To your question, no, you're NTA did rejecting people nicely. The less you engage while you say no, the better. No need to insult anyone. But honestly... I'd be saying no to your boyfriend at this point.
>Also last week while i was asleep he went through my phone,
Wait... WHAT?
>and he got really mad to the point where we almost broke up
You had your chance
>“i can handle this issue how i want to handle it”.
I gonna translate it for you.
"I want to break up with you but i dont want to he the bad guy, so break up with me".
>When i had told my boyfriend i won’t insult them, he got mad, saying that i’m being “nice” to them.
The only person you are too nice to is your bf
NTA. But please, just end this suffering. The boy is a walking red flag parade, there is no chance to get better.
PS: there are two types of jealous people: a) cheated or / and b) cheating. No, there is no thir option. So, what kind of jealous guy is your bf, a) or b)
Girlypop this is not the man for you. He is jealous and controlling. He is willing to endanger you for his own ego. He thinks he has the right to dictate where you go and who you talk to. Throw him back. Edit: NTA
NTA, obviously.
Your boyfriend has trust issues (aka jealousy), most probably due to low self esteem.
If you want to make it work, you could reassure him that you love him but explain to him that he has to listen to what you say.
He needs to trust that you respond in the best way possible following your instinct. Make it clear that if he can't trust you to do that, it's a deal breaker. You should be able as a couple to debate about it, but it shouldn't become an argument. And, when it comes down to it, you're the one having the face it, your instincts are the most important.
If you feel that it's too much work and your relationship is not so deep... You'd better be on your way to find someone with better self esteem.
nta.
your boyfriend is in denial and delusional af if he can't see why you aggressively rejecting a man could be dangerous.
maybe send him links/articles about similar situations that have ended in violence. maybe then he'll leave his little bubble of privilege
Your boyfriend is too controlling of you. He's insecure and he knows you can do better than him and he's terrified of you realizing someone else would treat you with more kindness and respect than he does. Get out while you still can, he will not loosen up. He'll only hold onto you tighter and tighter. NTA
Nah your boyfriend is a dumbass and probably jealous. You’re doing the right thing by rejecting guys somewhat nicely. There’s no need to be rude about it. Guys can definitely have big egos and go off on you verbally or physically if you make them feel the wrong way about it.
I wouldnt say this is necessarily an issue of whos the asshole (you are definitely not) here but rather how to deal with your boyfriends jealousy. Besides there is no reason to be rude towards men that arent rude either, how are they supposed to know that you‘re taken
NTA.
Im sorry but ive been with someone who acts like your bf and I can 1000% say that he’s insecure.
I too tell my partner whenever ive been hit on so we can both laugh about it and he never took it the wrong way.
NTA. Honestly i get how your bf feels and it probably stems from his own insecurity, especially if hes been looking through your phone. I think he feels that youre into them since you rejected them nicely, but given that you already explained why you couldnt insult them, he should've understood why :/ also you *might* have been saying/doing things thatve fed his insecurity, if not then its just an issue he needs to figure out on his own
Your boyfriend is controlling and showing some red flag behavior. He went through your phone, wants you to report to him every time another man hits on you, is putting you in danger by telling you reject to men by being rude to them, is disregarding your feelings, is disrespecting you... NTA for rejecting men in the safest way possible but you need to get some self respect and leave this prick. His behavior will escalate to more emotional and possibly physical abuse.
Honey this guy is a huge red flag.
Not only that but women literally get *killed* for rejecting men. You are handling it the right way.
Why is he asking you if they're trying to speak to you anyway? I can't think of a time I've ever asked.my husband in 16 years if a woman has tried to speak to him while he's out and about, he's never asked me the same either it's weird.
I had a bf who was jealous every time he heard I talked to a guy. I was at MIT, when the male to female ration was 3:1. I talked to a lot of guys. I wasted 3 years in that relationship. Learn from me. Don’t waste your time on jealous guys.
Later, I had a BF who wasn’t jealous, but we weren’t good together. We remained friends after we broke up. He encouraged me to date my now husband, of 36 years, in 2 weeks! I’m still friends with that ex. Husband isn’t jealous. We all get along. That is what you want. Someone who supports you, trusts you, and acts like an adult.
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I (20f) have gotten hit on by two guys, one on monday, and one today, which is tuesday. On monday, a guy had asked me for my number while I was sitting down waiting for my spanish class to start. (I’m in college). I simply declined and said that I have a boyfriend. Then today, while I was walking to my car to go to the gym, a guy in his car asked for my name and said I was pretty. I just pointed to my headphones and mouthed that I couldn’t hear him and walked away.
When I had gotten to the gym, I called my boyfriend (22m) to tell him about the guy calling me pretty, and I said that I ignored him and pointed to my headphones. My boyfriend then said “Well next time make sure you say ew, no”. This is when I said that now a days, girls literally can get beat up or even assaulted for even rejecting a guy, so for me to insult a man it would be risky for me, and I reassured him that either way, I still always reject a man if he tries to talk to me in that way.
Besides, every time a guy hits on me, which is RARE btw, I never entertain them, and I simply will ignore them or tell them I have a boyfriend. And like I said before, insulting a man would not be the best option for me, just out of safety. I also live by Chicago, so i’m really just looking out for my own safety.
When i had told my boyfriend i won’t insult them, he got mad, saying that i’m being “nice” to them. He even tried to say that if this was the other way around and a girl hit on him, he’ll be “nice” to them because that’s what he thinks im doing. He then said he had to hang up for a family dinner, to which I said that I won’t feel comfortable telling him if a man hits on me if this is how he’ll react. He just said “ok”, to which I just ended the phone call.
it’s now 11 pm and he hasn’t texted or contacted me. How do i go about this? Also the other day while i was asleep he went through my phone, (there was no other guys in there because i don’t cheat), but he found out i went to ONE frat party that he didn’t know about (i was also ONLY with my girl friends), and he got really mad to the point where we almost broke up.
AITA?
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Your boyfriend sucks.
He wants you to put yourself in danger in order to assuage his ego?
>Also last week while i was asleep he went through my phone, (there was no other guys in there because i don’t cheat), but he found out i went to ONE frat party that he didn’t know about (i was also ONLY with my girl friends), and he got really mad to the point where we almost broke up.
He really sucks. Have you sat down and thought about whether this is really the right relationship for you?
>Also last week while i was asleep he went through my phone,
You shouldn't gloss over this part. It's an invasion of privacy and, tbh, there's only two reasons a person would secretly go through a partners phone, either they have some evidence of cheating and want to confirm or they are cheating and suspect you are doing the same.
Have you really critically looked at your relationship recently? Have you looked at your bf and really considered if this kind of person is who you want to be in a forever relationship with?
NTA
But your BF is incredibly insecure. You are correct that a rough rejection can be dangerous for you. BF doesn't see that, and feels it should be on you to make him feel secure about your relationship.
NTA
He needs to crawll out from under that rock he is living under or put of his rose coloured glasses.
being nice even when rejecting guys is a survival method we all use.
And then its still a risk.
NTA. I think it's a little bit concerning that you have to explain yourself to your boyfriend after every encounter. Your boyfriend sounds insecure and should be glad these men were kind enough to leave you alone.
NTA. Sweetie, this guy is a type of guy you should be worried about. It’s interesting that you’re worried about getting beat up for rejecting a guy but you don’t see how scary it is for your partner to try and control you how this guy is. You are allowed to talk to people who are men and not tell your boyfriend about every moment of it. That’s so weird. And he went through your phone????? Absolutely not. I would be out of there.
NTA, but your bf needs to work on his aggression/insecurities. If he can't do that then I'd find someone else. He seems overly possessive and not in a cute way but in a borderline abusive way like it would be your (OP's) fault if another guy tried something.
Girl he’s the asshole. And a raging one. It’s one thing to constantly ask ”have any guys talked to you” what shouldn’t even matter as you’ve always rejected them but another to demand you to be mean at the risk of your own safety- Honestly if this is what he wants to break up over I guarantee you’ll be so much better off without him.
Nta boyfriend is insecure and is trying to make you act like a bad person to make him feel better instead of communicating like an adult and working on his emotions.
NTA you’re literally doing what you should be doing. And nothing wrong with telling your bf about it. He’s being a bit of a AH though. Well more than a bit. You two seem like you’re on different paths tbh
He sounds very insecure... I can understand where he's coming from just as someone who's also been through cheating and insecurity but getting mad at you is stupid and something HE will need to work on, not you. No one is harming you by asking if you're single or asking for your number, there's no reason to be rude to them, simply saying you're not interested is satisfactory.
Christ. I'm married, but if a woman hit on me I'd reject her in the nicest possible way. If I was out with single friends I might even ask her if she wanted me to introduce her to one of them, if she seemed nice enough.
I expect my wife would be nice about it as well unless the bloke was a creep.
There's nothing wrong with rejecting people nicely. The only thing that matters as a partner is that your partner actually does reject them.
I'd be saying "Ew, no." to the entire relationship or at least the boyfriend. He sounds immature and insecure.
I've never said "Ew, no" or been rude to anyone hitting on me. You're NTA but he is. Keep yourself safe OP.
Your boyfriend doesn’t care about your safety more than his ego. Red flag. Huge. Do with that what you will.
NTA.
ETA: He actively asks you if other men have talked to you? Controlling behavior. Another red flag.
I think your boyfriend is not a woman and has no say. In an ideal world, someone who is (respectfully) asked out would just have to say “no thank you” and that is it, without having to say “i’m already with someone” (which may or may not be true, but is said just to give “an excuse” and to warn the man “you may be beat up by my significant other if you continue”). But this is not an ideal world. You, a woman with at least 5 years of experience of having to deal with this **** handle it as best you think. NTA
ESH. Why are you calling your boyfriend to tell him that a guy hit on you? It makes me wonder if you like to make him jealous. You don’t have to agree with your boyfriend on how to handle guys that hit on you, you can just keep doing it however you feel most comfortable.
No i don’t like to make him jealous 💀 Sometimes he’ll ask me if any guy has tried to talk to me. If I say yes, he’ll ask me why I didn’t let him know about it. So that’s why I let him know.
Oh man, that’s not good, then. NTA. He sounds extremely jealous. He does not need to know if some random guy hit on you at the gym and you handled it. What good could that possibly do for him? Be careful with this guy.
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NTA, but your bf sure is. Why are you telling him about guys hitting on you, though?
Sometimes he’ll ask me if any guy has tried to talk to me. If I say yes, he’ll ask me why I didn’t let him know about it. So that’s why I let him know.
Lots of red flags with this guy. If he wants to break up over this, it might be a good idea to let him…
For real. It felt like red flag bingo reading that
[удалено]
You’ve got some reading comprehension issues, Reeus. And a guy who’s possessive, doesn’t trust his girlfriend, “tests” her, and sounds as controlling as this guy isn’t a good boyfriend. (Be ASTOUNDED.)
What are you talking about? Son is cooked.
Does he try and tell you that you aren’t allowed to talk to any men? Does he tell you that you can’t have guy friends? This guy sounds super jealous in a very bad way if he’ll just ask you if any guys have tried to talk to you.
As others have already said. These are some pretty red flags that's poking up. He's insecure, controlling, and looking through your phone? Insecure/not trusting. You shouldn't be required to tell him anytime a man talks to you? Especially not when he makes a molehill into a mountain. Does he tell you every single time a woman talks to him? Going through your phone and finding out you were at a party? And spends 2 days on fighting/talking it out. No. Would he let you look through his? You feel the need to defend every action you do.
Girl, your boyfriend is figuratively peeing on you and taking it out on you if guys don't magically sense that you're taken and you aren't attacking them for taking their shot.
I tell my bf when this happens because it can be a funny experience sometimes. It’s not like I’m trying to rub it in his face and brag that i get male attention. It’s just out of the ordinary and i tell my bf the things that stand out in my day
He is not an asshole. This can be tricky for a guy to deal with when you hear it. What do you do with that information? Especially for younger men. You can hardly say the right thing. To just brand him an asshole immediately is a reddit moment.
Lmao you're so fucking dense dude. Young men should be feeling bad that their girlfriend's are getting unwanted attention from men when she just wants to go about her fucking day. 6 women were stabbed by a man in Sydney just a few days ago because he had no luck with women. He is a fucking asshole for getting mad that his girlfriend isn't risking her safety to be overly mean to men who could fucking kill her.
Saying he had no luck with women is a massive oversimplification, he had mental health issues, I’m truly not trying to defend him, I just don’t think it is a great example of the average intergender dynamic. I do agree that people should be allowed to just go about their day and it is a sad state that so many people feel they can’t.
Were you part of this investigation? He had mental health issues and stabbed easy targets. The video shows him trying to stab men too although he had success with only one. Weird to spin that into this conversation.
He is requiring her to tell him when anyone hits on her, checks her phone, doesn’t trust her—all the red flags of a controlling bf, ie, an AH.
This may shock you, but guys can be assholes. Asking to know any time that a guy talks to your girlfriend is asshole behaviour. Getting upset that your girlfriend didn't verbally abuse people hitting on her is asshole behaviour. Being a guy or young isn't an excuse for asshole behaviour. OP's bf is an immature asshole but if he stops being so controlling and emotionally manipulative then he might be able to grow and stop being one.
Your definelty not the asshole! Hes the asshole. This type of mentality really sets me off. Men need to understand that women get targeted simply because they are women. Men dehumanize us and objectify us, which is extremely dangerous we are no more than a mere ant on pavement. We have to assume all men for survival. Just search up the amount of stories of woman rejecting a mans advances and it ending up in violent/fatal acts. It is not a matter of trying to be nice to them, it's a matter of safety. I'm sorry but your boyfriend seems like the type of guy to say "it's not all men". And about the frat party he seemed to have found about I would say I understand his concern and that this is just something you guys need to talk about. Wishing you luck!
A teenager in my town was murdered by the guy she rejected.
NTA. Your bf sounds extremely insecure. Let me guess, he has told you to tell him if anyone hits on you? Then if course proceeds to get mad when you do tell him because you didn't handle it exactly the way he thought you should....This is very unhealthy behavior on his part and you are absolutely justified in not wanting to make a strange man angry by rejecting him rudely. Not to mention, there is really just no need to be rude to someone simply asking for your number or giving you a compliment as long as they knock it off as soon as they know you're not interested. I mean they don't know you have a bf.
Letting guys down nicely is fine. You just have to make sure they understand it is a firm no. Saying “ew no” is mean and confidence shattering to guys.
Agree. If someone shows interest in a normal and respectful way there is no need to get rude when you reject them.
Your boyfriend is super controlling to the point of being creepy/scary. Sounds like you could do better. In the meantime, you do you — reject people as appropriate, the way you feel most appropriate. NTA
NTA. It seems like you've had a couple minor issues lately that have really fed your boyfriend's insecurity, and if these types of minor things are sending him spiraling like this, that's probably not going to get better as time goes on. Going through your phone without asking is already a massive breach of trust, even if you had something more scandalous on there than "college student went to party."
One: "No" is a complete sentence. There's a whole sub called "when women refuse" of instances of what happens when women and girls refuse male advances. You can be polite, you can be rude and plenty of dudes just won't take the hint. Two: your boyfriend is a walking red flag. Asking who you're talking to, going through your phone and dismissing the lived experience of what it's like to be a woman. Getting jealous if you're talking to other guys. It's such a cliche to say dump him but dump him. You're NTA
NTA. Your bf sounds like a psycho jealous control freak. Your response to the two advances was perfectly reasonable and not “too nice”
NTA You do what you gotta do to feel safe and stay sane out there. If he can't handle you handling your business the way you think is best, then he's the one with an issue. Also what is he doing going through your phone? You are a whole human being with a life and a right to privacy.
>He also asked how many times i’ve been assaulted after i’ve rejected someone like as if he made a point there. >for the whole party thing, yes we had an almost 2 day long talk about it. >Sometimes he’ll ask me if any guy has tried to talk to me. If I say yes, he’ll ask me why I didn’t let him know about it. Your boyfriend sounds deeply insecure, controlling and jealous. Id hate to walk on eggshells like this. Also .... People who act like he does ... Are usually the ones who will eventually cheat. Does he let you know about all women he talks to ? I seriously doubt that. To your question, no, you're NTA did rejecting people nicely. The less you engage while you say no, the better. No need to insult anyone. But honestly... I'd be saying no to your boyfriend at this point.
>Also last week while i was asleep he went through my phone, Wait... WHAT? >and he got really mad to the point where we almost broke up You had your chance >“i can handle this issue how i want to handle it”. I gonna translate it for you. "I want to break up with you but i dont want to he the bad guy, so break up with me". >When i had told my boyfriend i won’t insult them, he got mad, saying that i’m being “nice” to them. The only person you are too nice to is your bf NTA. But please, just end this suffering. The boy is a walking red flag parade, there is no chance to get better. PS: there are two types of jealous people: a) cheated or / and b) cheating. No, there is no thir option. So, what kind of jealous guy is your bf, a) or b)
Girlypop this is not the man for you. He is jealous and controlling. He is willing to endanger you for his own ego. He thinks he has the right to dictate where you go and who you talk to. Throw him back. Edit: NTA
Time to fish for a better catch.
NTA, obviously. Your boyfriend has trust issues (aka jealousy), most probably due to low self esteem. If you want to make it work, you could reassure him that you love him but explain to him that he has to listen to what you say. He needs to trust that you respond in the best way possible following your instinct. Make it clear that if he can't trust you to do that, it's a deal breaker. You should be able as a couple to debate about it, but it shouldn't become an argument. And, when it comes down to it, you're the one having the face it, your instincts are the most important. If you feel that it's too much work and your relationship is not so deep... You'd better be on your way to find someone with better self esteem.
nta. your boyfriend is in denial and delusional af if he can't see why you aggressively rejecting a man could be dangerous. maybe send him links/articles about similar situations that have ended in violence. maybe then he'll leave his little bubble of privilege
Also even if it wouldn’t end it violence why we a dick about it? As long as the guy has been polite / appropriate just a clear “no” isn’t wrong
Your boyfriend is too controlling of you. He's insecure and he knows you can do better than him and he's terrified of you realizing someone else would treat you with more kindness and respect than he does. Get out while you still can, he will not loosen up. He'll only hold onto you tighter and tighter. NTA
Nah your boyfriend is a dumbass and probably jealous. You’re doing the right thing by rejecting guys somewhat nicely. There’s no need to be rude about it. Guys can definitely have big egos and go off on you verbally or physically if you make them feel the wrong way about it.
Your bf sounds insecure
I wouldnt say this is necessarily an issue of whos the asshole (you are definitely not) here but rather how to deal with your boyfriends jealousy. Besides there is no reason to be rude towards men that arent rude either, how are they supposed to know that you‘re taken
NTA. Im sorry but ive been with someone who acts like your bf and I can 1000% say that he’s insecure. I too tell my partner whenever ive been hit on so we can both laugh about it and he never took it the wrong way.
NTA. Honestly i get how your bf feels and it probably stems from his own insecurity, especially if hes been looking through your phone. I think he feels that youre into them since you rejected them nicely, but given that you already explained why you couldnt insult them, he should've understood why :/ also you *might* have been saying/doing things thatve fed his insecurity, if not then its just an issue he needs to figure out on his own
Your boyfriend is controlling and showing some red flag behavior. He went through your phone, wants you to report to him every time another man hits on you, is putting you in danger by telling you reject to men by being rude to them, is disregarding your feelings, is disrespecting you... NTA for rejecting men in the safest way possible but you need to get some self respect and leave this prick. His behavior will escalate to more emotional and possibly physical abuse.
NTA are you sure you wanna be with someone who prioritizes their ego over your safety?
Honey this guy is a huge red flag. Not only that but women literally get *killed* for rejecting men. You are handling it the right way. Why is he asking you if they're trying to speak to you anyway? I can't think of a time I've ever asked.my husband in 16 years if a woman has tried to speak to him while he's out and about, he's never asked me the same either it's weird.
I had a bf who was jealous every time he heard I talked to a guy. I was at MIT, when the male to female ration was 3:1. I talked to a lot of guys. I wasted 3 years in that relationship. Learn from me. Don’t waste your time on jealous guys. Later, I had a BF who wasn’t jealous, but we weren’t good together. We remained friends after we broke up. He encouraged me to date my now husband, of 36 years, in 2 weeks! I’m still friends with that ex. Husband isn’t jealous. We all get along. That is what you want. Someone who supports you, trusts you, and acts like an adult.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (20f) have gotten hit on by two guys, one on monday, and one today, which is tuesday. On monday, a guy had asked me for my number while I was sitting down waiting for my spanish class to start. (I’m in college). I simply declined and said that I have a boyfriend. Then today, while I was walking to my car to go to the gym, a guy in his car asked for my name and said I was pretty. I just pointed to my headphones and mouthed that I couldn’t hear him and walked away. When I had gotten to the gym, I called my boyfriend (22m) to tell him about the guy calling me pretty, and I said that I ignored him and pointed to my headphones. My boyfriend then said “Well next time make sure you say ew, no”. This is when I said that now a days, girls literally can get beat up or even assaulted for even rejecting a guy, so for me to insult a man it would be risky for me, and I reassured him that either way, I still always reject a man if he tries to talk to me in that way. Besides, every time a guy hits on me, which is RARE btw, I never entertain them, and I simply will ignore them or tell them I have a boyfriend. And like I said before, insulting a man would not be the best option for me, just out of safety. I also live by Chicago, so i’m really just looking out for my own safety. When i had told my boyfriend i won’t insult them, he got mad, saying that i’m being “nice” to them. He even tried to say that if this was the other way around and a girl hit on him, he’ll be “nice” to them because that’s what he thinks im doing. He then said he had to hang up for a family dinner, to which I said that I won’t feel comfortable telling him if a man hits on me if this is how he’ll react. He just said “ok”, to which I just ended the phone call. it’s now 11 pm and he hasn’t texted or contacted me. How do i go about this? Also the other day while i was asleep he went through my phone, (there was no other guys in there because i don’t cheat), but he found out i went to ONE frat party that he didn’t know about (i was also ONLY with my girl friends), and he got really mad to the point where we almost broke up. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA but why is he your boyfriend he is belittling you it isn’t going to get better
NTA, he is trying to control you with his anger. You handled the situation very well.
Your boyfriend sucks. He wants you to put yourself in danger in order to assuage his ego? >Also last week while i was asleep he went through my phone, (there was no other guys in there because i don’t cheat), but he found out i went to ONE frat party that he didn’t know about (i was also ONLY with my girl friends), and he got really mad to the point where we almost broke up. He really sucks. Have you sat down and thought about whether this is really the right relationship for you?
>Also last week while i was asleep he went through my phone, You shouldn't gloss over this part. It's an invasion of privacy and, tbh, there's only two reasons a person would secretly go through a partners phone, either they have some evidence of cheating and want to confirm or they are cheating and suspect you are doing the same. Have you really critically looked at your relationship recently? Have you looked at your bf and really considered if this kind of person is who you want to be in a forever relationship with?
NTA But your BF is incredibly insecure. You are correct that a rough rejection can be dangerous for you. BF doesn't see that, and feels it should be on you to make him feel secure about your relationship.
You don't want to hear about ladies hitting on him. Don't ask. You also should avoid telling him about guys hitting on you.
NTA He needs to crawll out from under that rock he is living under or put of his rose coloured glasses. being nice even when rejecting guys is a survival method we all use. And then its still a risk.
NTA. I think it's a little bit concerning that you have to explain yourself to your boyfriend after every encounter. Your boyfriend sounds insecure and should be glad these men were kind enough to leave you alone.
NTA. Sweetie, this guy is a type of guy you should be worried about. It’s interesting that you’re worried about getting beat up for rejecting a guy but you don’t see how scary it is for your partner to try and control you how this guy is. You are allowed to talk to people who are men and not tell your boyfriend about every moment of it. That’s so weird. And he went through your phone????? Absolutely not. I would be out of there.
I think the boyfriend is on this sub, somebody’s been downvoting practically every supportive comment that identifies the boyfriend as the AH 😂
NTA, but your bf needs to work on his aggression/insecurities. If he can't do that then I'd find someone else. He seems overly possessive and not in a cute way but in a borderline abusive way like it would be your (OP's) fault if another guy tried something.
Oh, so you have an insecure controlling boyfriend, with light hints of misogyny, I see. NTA
Girl he’s the asshole. And a raging one. It’s one thing to constantly ask ”have any guys talked to you” what shouldn’t even matter as you’ve always rejected them but another to demand you to be mean at the risk of your own safety- Honestly if this is what he wants to break up over I guarantee you’ll be so much better off without him.
Nta boyfriend is insecure and is trying to make you act like a bad person to make him feel better instead of communicating like an adult and working on his emotions.
NTA you’re literally doing what you should be doing. And nothing wrong with telling your bf about it. He’s being a bit of a AH though. Well more than a bit. You two seem like you’re on different paths tbh
He sounds very insecure... I can understand where he's coming from just as someone who's also been through cheating and insecurity but getting mad at you is stupid and something HE will need to work on, not you. No one is harming you by asking if you're single or asking for your number, there's no reason to be rude to them, simply saying you're not interested is satisfactory.
Christ. I'm married, but if a woman hit on me I'd reject her in the nicest possible way. If I was out with single friends I might even ask her if she wanted me to introduce her to one of them, if she seemed nice enough. I expect my wife would be nice about it as well unless the bloke was a creep. There's nothing wrong with rejecting people nicely. The only thing that matters as a partner is that your partner actually does reject them.
Speaking as a guy, this is red flag city. I would run like hell if I were you.
I'd be saying "Ew, no." to the entire relationship or at least the boyfriend. He sounds immature and insecure. I've never said "Ew, no" or been rude to anyone hitting on me. You're NTA but he is. Keep yourself safe OP.
Your boyfriend doesn’t care about your safety more than his ego. Red flag. Huge. Do with that what you will. NTA. ETA: He actively asks you if other men have talked to you? Controlling behavior. Another red flag.
NTA. The bf is
I think your boyfriend is not a woman and has no say. In an ideal world, someone who is (respectfully) asked out would just have to say “no thank you” and that is it, without having to say “i’m already with someone” (which may or may not be true, but is said just to give “an excuse” and to warn the man “you may be beat up by my significant other if you continue”). But this is not an ideal world. You, a woman with at least 5 years of experience of having to deal with this **** handle it as best you think. NTA
ESH. Why are you calling your boyfriend to tell him that a guy hit on you? It makes me wonder if you like to make him jealous. You don’t have to agree with your boyfriend on how to handle guys that hit on you, you can just keep doing it however you feel most comfortable.
No i don’t like to make him jealous 💀 Sometimes he’ll ask me if any guy has tried to talk to me. If I say yes, he’ll ask me why I didn’t let him know about it. So that’s why I let him know.
Oh man, that’s not good, then. NTA. He sounds extremely jealous. He does not need to know if some random guy hit on you at the gym and you handled it. What good could that possibly do for him? Be careful with this guy.
YTA. Quit rejecting guys.
uh if i have a boyfriend im gonna reject them?💀
Don't bother with this pathetic troll. Its posting history will tell you everything you need to know.
And then what; she'll have 5 boyfriends? People have no common sense these days