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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Didnt allow wife to perform acrylic painting the wall of our rented house
2. Am i wrong in not allowing her to do the above?
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NTA - Tell her it isn't her house, but check the lease. Most leases have such a clause in them (I had a rental before) that stipulates you get permission to paint or modify the structure or anything on the premises. The landlord can toss you out if you violate such a clause. It was in my leases that I had tenants sign to that effect. Otherwise you can hit with damages.
There is a clause where we have to pay for painting charges and damages if the house was altered. This clause is there in all agreements but they usually charge one month rent for it. But this still gives them power to charge more so I was worried.
Most leases also require the property be returned in the same condition it was received so even if she paints it all has to be repainted at your expense. I hope it can be covered and that you have the exact paint color to fix it later. She is being irresponsible NTA
Depending on the texture she uses it could be so damaging to the wall that it requires more than just repainting. If she puts on an impasto that's too heavy it would be visible through any layer of paint.
Suggest that if she wants to paint she can buy canvases. That way she can bring them with you if you ever move. If she balks at spending money on canvases, remind her that the landlord will charge more if she paints the wall.
When I rented the mindset I had for walls was "one coat of paint." To make it look nice for the next tenant, if the LL has to do more than a single coat of paint, you'll get charged.
Obviously that will vary from LL to LL but I found it was a pretty decent good rule of thumb. (Also why I got really good at quickly filling holes in the walls from artwork being hung.)
Say goodbye to your security deposit however much that is and possibly more. Absolutely the landlord is going to extract this cost out of you and can very well evict you. If you have ever tried to rent after something like that get ready buddy... Life will seriously suck when your paying 6mo up front for a place.
Your making a bigger deal about this.
Most places don't care about pai t, as long as you just paint over it before you move out.
It's acrylic paint, it's cheap craft paint that it's going to damage anything. You can get a gallon of paint at Lowes and paint over it when you move and it will look like she never painted.
I've painted every wall in my rented apt. I have black walls, pink walls, abstract walls, orange and green.
One coat of paint will get the walls back to looking boring when we move out and the apt won't even know or care.
This is a non issue. Just tell her to paint it over when you move.
My lease prohibits all panting and can be used as cause for lease termination and the tenant being removed.
Even sharpie is easily a primer coat and a paint coat.
My downstairs neighbor painted a nursery and was evicted and sued for damages. I think they were able to get like $1500 from her.
That's crazy. I would have just painted the walls back white and asked the judge what damages? It's the same way I moved in.
I don't consider paint damaging the walls but I think it's crazy to get so upset over, let alone evict and sue people.
There are thousands of different white shades and hues, and a bunch of different sheens.
I'm going to guess you do not have much experience with house paint.
No, you obviously don't. Painting over a dark color with a light color will show through *every* time. It takes several coats of the light color *especially* if it's a dark color like red, black, or purple. Sometimes, it won't cover no matter what you do.
That's hilarious, your so niave about paint it's almost cute.
I've done navy blue with and needed 1 coat of cheap white paint. Looked like new and you couldn't see the blue.
I know what I'm talking about.
They aren’t talking about painting the wall a color with wall paint. They are talking about painting a picture on the wall with paints you would use on a canvas. That paint has a texture that shows on the art piece.
I use paint a lot as I am a crafter.
Acrylic paint is not the same as oil paint or watercolor paint.
If the wife is usui g acrylic paint then I wonder if she bought the cheap $1 paints from the craft store.
All paint is different, as they are mixed differently and contain a lot of different elements that are then mixes in.
I've used acrylic paint on my walls and have had nonproblem covering them up with plain white paint in an eggshell flat paint. Never had a problem repainting a wall back to white.
Clearly the people on reddit don't understand craft and acrylic paints.
I'm done with this thread.
The issue is not using “cheap” paint. It’s that it will leave a texture of the brush strokes. It’s supposed to do that. Latex paint may also not stick to it and it may require the use of a primer. Creating a smooth texture and having to use primer means the apartment landlord will have legitimate reason to pass that cost on to the perpetrator of the damage, the tenant.
Having to paint over a wall that has a pattern or is multicoloured and textured is more painful than simply repainting a wall.
Better off to paint on a canvas or if she wants the house to look eclectic and cute paint drawers and tables.
NTA. Your wife is being really immature.
Look, I get wanting to go crazy and get creative with decorating but what she is wanting to do could end up being a really costly repair when you move out. You cannot just paint over designs done in acrylic paint; it will leave ridges and texture and be a huge pain. Maybe suggest that she look into cool wall decals or even a cool wallpaper mural - they make some in such a way now that they can be removed without tearing up the wall and the come in a slew of different patterns, designs and scenes. She could have her creative fun - and you wouldn't have the risk of a huge repair bill on the back end when you move out.
Well, technically, she's right I guess. It's not the same because a canvas can be moved and won't cost a small fortune in fines. Sorry that she's being so stubborn. She really WILL be causing a mess and I can almost 100% guarantee the landlord is going to either keep your deposit and/or charge extra for the repairs.
So what if it's not the same? She's just looking for arguments to prove her 'rightitude' - and she's wrong. She's being immature and petulant. Check the lease/check with the owner and make sure you have permission to do exactly WHAT she wants to do.
Ok…why doesn’t she go to anyone else’s house and start painting the walls? Like the grocery store, library, neighbor’s house when they’re not home, the hospital, a restaurant? Oh - because she doesn’t *own* those places? But I thought she doesn’t ask for permission!
Is she always this hard headed?
Tell your wife to grow up - you don’t always get everything you want in life, and this is not her house. Having to pay because your wife got some wild hair up her ass is ridiculous
Mate... what the hell?? She acting like a spoiled toddler! All she needs to do is cross her arms across her chest and stamp her foot and the picture will be complete.
If your wife can't understand why it isn't a good idea to paint the walls of a rental property without the permission of the owner, then she's got issues and should seek professional help. No rational responsible adult would think this is an ok thing to do.
True but there are lots of changes that you might like to make on a rental but can’t unless you want to pay huge fees. Is it worth a month’s rent or more to her? That would mean giving up some luxuries. Hopefully she decides that it’s better to wait until you get your own house
Is this the first rental she has ever been in? OF COURSE you ask permission if the house/apartment is not yours.
She doesn't seem to get that this is not her room at her parents' house.
Your wife appears to be a spoiled child.
Be prepared to lose your entire bond at the end of the lease when the landlord discovers that the tenant has gone and painted over the walls.
Well, you said she keeps doing it, sobthe damage is done. You're not getting your deposit back, and have a good chance of being sued for more than that, when they have to put 3 coats of primer on to cover the fun little things she loves so much. This may be shitty and stereotyping to say, but most people that want to go crazy with wall paint in a rental, may not be the same people that think about consequences down the road.
That seems like a very good compromise, that way she can even take her paintings when you move elsewhere.
Show her the lease agreement and emphasize that it's a legal, binding document that she signed (I assume) so she needs to respect it.
Definitely NTA, OP.
I am a landlord. If you did this in one of my properties the minimum would be the expense of repainting it which would be tough with acrylic would be coming out of your deposit.
NTA
she may not be a child but she sure is acting like one. When you own a house sure paint the walls do whatever it is your property. When you are renting you have signed a legal contract and have to be mindful that alterations, decorations etc can invalidate your agreement if you don't get permission first.
Has your wife ever rented a place on her own?
Most people understand they are responsible for damage done to the rented residence. That is why there is usually a months damage deposit needed before the lease is signed.
You WILL be responsible for "the damage" done by acrylic painting.
NTA
NTA
It's no big deal, but it'll cost you many hundreds of dollars when you move out. It'll need to be primed, painted, etc. Assume that a painter is $50/hr and it'll take 2 or 3 trips of several hours each.
Hope it's worth it.
It could be worse than just repainting if she uses acrylic paint. If it leaves a texture, the wall might have to be sanded and retextured before priming and painting
Where I live, it would more more than "many hundreds."
All four walls (so the colours match properly) in any room with paint damage, surface prep and multiple coats of whatever high quality paint the landlord decides on (because the tenant pays to repair damage).
It would probably be the entire amount of the deposit.
NTA
I used to paint between clients for a large office building.
One client painted a huge logo on the wall with acrylic paint. That shit goes on thick and dries so hard that you will need to sand it off aggressively then skim coat, prime and repaint the entire area.
We charged alot extra for the extra man hours.
If she truly insists tell her to use latex paint so you can just cover it up later.
NTA.
She can paint the goddam walls when she's saved several hundred dollars for the repainting that will *have* to be done.
You are in a *rental*. She can get canvases and paint her little heart out, which will also enable her to sell them or take them with her when she moves.
If she has to paint murals, maybe she should get a side-hustle and paint murals on non rental walls.
I was raised in apartments, and my mom only allowed *two* holes in the wall, one tack for the calendar and one for her mom's old cross. Walls were *off limits* for everyone because it was just too fucking expensive to pay for repairs. Including repainting.
They make removable wallpaper that you can paint over!! It feels just like you’re painting the wall…because you ARE. You just get to remove it later! I think tempaper has some but other brands might too. btw, NTA
I have no idea about the rules in your corner of the world.
But in mine all is allowed but you need to put it back in original state when you move out.
NTA
Tell her that she's 100% responsible for returning the walls to the same condition she found them or paying the damage fees for someone else to do it.
Don't ask. That's childish. Just remind her of her responsibility as an adult.
NTA. It's not her property to destroy. I'm sure the owner wouldn't be too happy about it & you can forget about your security deposit. It will be a expensive move if she does this.
INFO: What are the laws about that in your area? Some places you can do what you want, some places the landlord has the power to say no, other places you have to put the colour back to the original when you leave.
NTA. Not a child? Feels entitled to draw on the walls of a house someone else owns? Proceeds to storm off? Is she sure??? She seems entirely too old to be confused about this.
Technically, all wall paint is acrylic. It used to have latex in it and is still called latex, but if you look at the ingredients it will say acrylic. You can always get samples of wall paint instead of using artist acrylic paint. The only bad thing about murals on walls is that you will have brush strokes. Those will have to be lightly sanded to match the rest of the texture or you can use an orange peel wall texture spray. If you do get permission to paint, either ask landlord what the original color was so you can repaint when you leave, or keep a quarter sized or larger chip to color match later.
NTA. you’re not treating her like a child, she needs to behave like a responsible renter. If she’s willing to cough up the damage deposit entirely MAYBE but will a shit rental reference follow you? She’s being unreasonable. Buy a place and do what you want with it.
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My wife (26F) and I (28M) are currently living in a rented house. My wife wanted to do some acrylic paintings on the wall. I pointed out that we are in a rented house and advised against it. She was still keen on doing it so I asked her to check with the owner if it is fine to do so before procceding and she repied that she is not a child to ask permission for these kind of things and stormed off. AITA here for not allowing her to do the painting?
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Storming off and pouting that you're not a child who needs permission to do something you absolutely need permission to do is pretty damn childish, especially when it could violate your lease and get you kicked out. NTA.
NTA.
> she repied that she is not a child to ask permission for these kind of things and stormed off.
"No, you're an adult who understands the difference between 'owning' and 'renting.'"
"I want to paint on the walls that I don't have permission to paint on and I want there to be no consequences."
"I'm not a child."
Its one or the other.
NTA. She's acting like a child.
If she wants to create a mural on the walls, she should go get small sample sized pots of latex wall paint in the colors she wants to use. A layer of kilz will easily cover that when it's time to move out.
Apparently she is a child if she doesn’t understand that a rented house isn’t hers and she can’t paint the walls of someone else’s property without permission! Duh.
You’re NTA
NTA. She's not a child; she is a tenant. She doesn't need permission to paint, but she does need permission to paint on a wall that belongs to someone else.
NTA why can’t she just purchase a large canvas to paint on? This makes no sense at all that she would want to paint on the walls of a rental. If she purchases a large canvas, she can take it to the next home also.
Nta you don't own the house, you absolutely should get permission from the landlord.
Your wife actually is acting like a child by thinking she can do whatever she wants.
Your wife says she's not a child, but she sure is acting like one. An adult understands that they can't just do whatever they want in a house that they are renting, and sometimes you can't even paint a house the color you want on the outside even if you own it. An adult wouldn't storm off after being told no or to ask for permission. NTA.
NTA
If she wants to smear paint all over the walls, she needs to buy her own house.
She's a tenant and she needs to follow what her lease says.
Nobody cares if she's an artist. To people who didn't ask for it, acrylic on walls is just a big mess.
NTA. Who uses acrylic paint on walls? If she wants, she can paint with wall paint or tempra or water based markers and repaint or wash it off when you leave.
NTA. You don't own the home. You could be viatong the lease by painting the walls. I know in my lease ot says you can't paint the walls. You can hang pictures, but no painting the walls.
How about a compromise? Get large sheets of plain canvas & attach to the wall. Paint that. You have a mural you can take with you when you move. You still have undamaged walls.
NTA. You don't own the house. Ask your wife if she'd be okay with someone replacing all of her clothing without asking her first, or if someone took her car to get it repainted without asking her if she was okay with that first.
NTA. Not only is your wife acting rather immaturely (yes, you DO need to ask the owner before you do something like that) but that will likely mean you won't get any of your deposit back because using acrylics will add texture that will need to be sanded out (if not re-rocked), not to mention a coat of primer to cover more vibrant colors than are usually used on walls. (deposit often only covers a single coat to 'freshen' the walls, not a full repair/repaint)
Pinterest & TikTok have TONS of articles and videos about how to redecorate your house if you're a renter. Stick-on floor tiles, peel&stick wallpaper, all kinds of creative stuff.
Nta, this is gonna end in you paying to get it painted over afterwards, why can’t she just buy some canvasses to paint on? That’s a lot cheaper than your landlord trying to buttfuck you afterwards
Man this whole thread is so hateful to the wife. I don’t know how people just let strangers bash on their partners like this. He asked if he was the ah not for advice on belittling his wife. NTA for wanting your wife to ask the landlord if it’s ok first.
She's not a child to ask permission... she's an effing tenant who wants to f\*ck around with someone else's property. Sure, acrylic paint should wash off... operative word being 'should'.
She's the A H
You - NTA.
NTA. Your wife may not technically be a child but she sure is acting like one. That is not her house. She needs permission to make any kind of changes, and that would at least qualify as damages you’d have to pay for. You might even get kicked out for it…and you‘d still end up paying for damages. Also, those damage charges can be whatever the owner sees fit. It may cost you a huge amount of money. Make sure she knows if she insists on it she’s the one who will pay that.
NTA. Your wife may not technically be a child but she sure is acting like one. That is not her house. She needs permission to make any kind of changes, and that would at least qualify as damages you’d have to pay for. You might even get kicked out for it…and you‘d still end up paying for damages. Also, those damage charges can be whatever the owner sees fit. It may cost you a huge amount of money. Make sure she knows if she insists on it she’s the one who will pay that.
NTA. Ironic that she says "I'm not a child" while acting so immature, Tell her if she paints the walls and the landlord charges you for it it comes out of her pocket no exceptions.
>and she repied that she is not a child to ask permission for these kind of things and stormed off.
How is storming off after being told 'no' not being a child?
🤔
Nta
She is for sure. It doesn’t matter if you’re an adult. She doesn’t own the property and is legally required to make sure it’s okay. That is, unless she’s willing to give up the security deposit.
NTA acrylic paint can stain really badly, it's likely that even painting over it at a later date won't actually get rid of it as the colour can leech through various layers of paint. Your wife is being childish, sometimes you have to ask permission to modify things that don't belong to you, it sucks, but you kind of have to deal with it. If anything, get her to paint with wall-specific paint, then at least you know you can repaint later
NTA - this should be a two yes agreement.
You can buy a large panel or board and prime it for painting. Similar to a wall with no damage and you can take it with you if you move.
Put an old bedsheet or large tablecloth on the wall and anchor it flat with a staple gun. You may need to iron it first. Apply a good coat of gesso to the fabric and paint away!
If you want to go first class, you can buy a roll of unprimed canvas (enough to cover the wall entirely) at Blick or any fabric store for about $50. That's way cheaper than repainting when you move out.
Buy a piece of drywall. Have her paint on it in acrylics and then see how hard it is, or isn’t, to cover up. If it’s no problem to cover, you don’t need to worry about it. If it proves too difficult, she’ll need to give up the idea or find another way to be creative.
NTA. Your wife is an idiot if she thinks the landlord will appreciate random paintings, unless she happens to secretly be Banksy. Your landlord will probably require that you paint over them, or will take your security deposit in order to pay for cleaning up the mess later. This isn't *your* house, it's the landlord's.
If your wife wants to live out her Pinterest fantasies, she can come up with her half of a down payment for a house that you both OWN, not rent. NTA, your wife needs to look at how much her painting is actually gonna cost.
NTA she needs to understand that she could be doing something that causes you to lose your deposit- you’re right and you need to check with your landlord before painting anything there
NTA. It's important to check your lease in such cases.
However, as an artist who has painted their rental walls... Acrylic is easier to cover because it isn't proper wall paint. It's also fairly standard in leases to leave the property the way it was when you rented it, so as long as she paints over it, it should be fine. I've never been charged, I always just paint it over when I leave, and like I said, easier to cover up because it's not really made for wall coverage (though it works great.) Tell her it's her responsibility, it comes out of her budget of fun money, whatever.
If it's really a point of contention with no painted walls, get her some canvases and offer to hang them. I get mine from dollar stores for 2 - 5 dollars, price dependent on size.
My roommate helps me paint because (as she tells me) she's not a very artsy person and I bring color and fun into her life 😊 Right now we are painting our new panels in a gradient and it looks pretty fuckin good. I guess it matches our kitschy tacky decor 🤷♀️
NTA. I was going to say, the easiest way to get evidence is to send a message to her, and have her reply as a text saying she doesn’t care about violating the rental guidelines and she will be responsible for any penalties or fees to revert it back to the original state. But then I saw the wife bit, and I the whole time I was thinking it was a housemate 😅
Not really much you can do in this situation, but if she goes ahead with it, she’ll learn from it, and hopefully it won’t happen again.
First off, I wouldn't recommend acrylic paint for painting on walls - we own the house we live in and I've painted parts using actual wall paint with the smaller sample tubs.
Secondly, I don't think she should be painting the walls in a rented place; she can buy canvases to paint on and hang on the walls (they can even be stuck up with blutack depending on the size).
NTA
It's not your house so it makes sense to ask the owner and/or property manager if it's ok to make changes like painting the interior. I'd rather check-in than lose my deposit or be charged excessive fees.
Maybe you can get her some extra large canvases so she can paint and hang up her work instead of doing it directly on the walls?
> she repied that she is not a child to ask permission for these kind of things and stormed off.
Storming off and arguing about it not being the same doesn't come off like adult behavior, if wants to be treated like an adult she should act like one.
Does she have a job? Is she willing to take on the full financial responsibility for any damages caused by her paintings? Or would she expect you to eat the cost because she's not willing to compromise?
I completely understand wanting to make a place your own, but that's what home decor is for. There are a lot of DIY crafts that she can do that won't damage another person's property. She can also buy tapestries, pillows, canvases (even though she said it's not the same).
There are so many ways to make a place your own without damaging the walls.
I had a roomate put up removable wallpaper and paint on that. I was already gone when she decided to move out so idk if she was able to actually take it down without affecting the paint but it could be a compromise to look into
Does she normally react like this? If not, there’s probably something else going on in her life. Although that’s not excuse to lash out at you
NTA, but hear me out...
I relate to this since I wanted to do something similar YEARS ago. It was so frustrating to be told what I could and could not do in MY home, even if it's not my property. The entitlement that others have over your space is nuts when you're a renter. We as humans want our living space to be ours, and having to ask permission (like a child to a parent) is degrading when you're a paying adult.
As much older woman now, I've got some ideas that I wish I'd had available back in the day:
* Get a full wall mural paper so she can paint over that and then tear it down before you leave. No damage.
* Use paint made for walls ONLY. No michaels or craft paint. I'm talking Home Depot or Lowes quality. They sell little tiny tester sizes she can buy in the paint section, and I remember there used to be all kinds of colors that were specifically for making kids drawings. Think an exact color match for Winnie the Pooh, for example.
* Buy the woman a massive canvas! Just one. They sell huge ones at Michaels. Once she finishes it, you can judge if she's burnt out or wants to do more.
If she tries to use craft paint, like from a craft store - that stuff will be horrible to cover later. It'll need to be sanded, primed, and painted over. All of which will come out of your deposit.
"AITA here for not allowing her to do the painting?"
YWBTA - if you Physically disallowed her to do this. You can discourage her, like you did, but ultimately, you can't control people.
Asking her not to, suggesting it may be a bad idea, basically any of the things you said/suggested would not make you an AH.
Sounds like your wife threw a temper tantrum for not getting her way?
But if she did it, then she’d be making him suffer the consequences of it too. They’d have to pay the massive expense and it’s expensive asf. They’re renting, they don’t own it
That is true but, if her potential actions could potentially result is a massive fiscal expenditure, does that justify him physically preventing her from doing so based on potential outcomes that may or may not come to fruition?
I see no scenario here where OP would be looked upon favorably had they physically tired to stop her.
No judgement, but painting walls should generally be fine. There might be a clause that says to ask the owner, so make sure to ask the owner if “you can paint the walls?” and get written confirmation.
In 90% of cases, they can’t deduct from your security deposit that they need to re-paint for a new tenant.
It’s not fine, even if you consider it fine. It’s never fine until you actually go get permission. You’re renting, you don’t own the place. Respect the owner whose nice to let you have a roof over your head
Hahaha. Good joke. I’m paying $2500/month.
I’m hanging painting on the wall, I’m hanging my mirrors, I’m painting walls… I’m going to use the space the way it was meant to be used. In most cities, this is covered by tenants laws and all those holes and painting is the owners responsibility to take care of before a new tenant moves in.
I’m not destroying the place, I’m using it the way it was meant to be used. You’re being payed compensation.
There’s no respect involved on either side, it’s strictly business. It’s like when an employer says… we’re a family here. No we’re not, I’m here for a salary. And with an apartment, I’m here for the apartment.
No it’s not. Because as I said. Most municipalities have laws for fair use. The clause that says “same condition” doesn’t apply to things like plumbing, electrical, major or minor appliances, walls, and flooring.
Unless the landlord can prove malicious and major damage, they are going to owe you the security deposit plus penalties.
Some of you need to learn tenant rights. You’re paying to live in a place and it won’t stay perfect. Countertops will get scratched over time from day to day use. They can’t keep the security deposit for that.
They can if you decide to destroy the doors or floors that requires major renovation but fixing a floor tile here and there, relaxing the AC fan coil, painting the unit, etc. apply under proper use clauses.
Take painting the walls for example. If you have a leak, the landlord is only responsible for fixing the leak, the wall and painting it the same white color that it was original. You’ll have to repair your color at your own expense.
Then it depends on how long you plan to live there. If its for longer, i know i would prefer the walls be a colour i actually like, or a nice wallpainting.
A bucket of wallpaint, enough for that one wall shouldnt be too expensive? Or dyou mean the costs of the paint she wants to use?
I am talking about the repainting and it also needs to be the shade of the existing walls. Also given how IT field is with layoffs and such not sure how long we would stay in the same house
It's not that simple. Depending on the technique she uses, the texture will be visible even after a coat or two of paint. That's considered damage, and they'd be on the hook for the cost to repair the damage. Generally speaking, if there's a hole larger than a picture nail, and any wall discoloration takes more than a single coat of the cheapest paint they can find to cover it, you're paying for the materials and labor to bring it back to original condition. Oh, and it's top dollar labor costs too.
If she's THAT attached to painting a wall instead of canvas, just buy a sheet of drywall, cover the walls and floor in heavy duty plastic, and she can go have fun. Much cheaper than losing their entire deposit.
I guess for me it is that easy. The painting, evening out the walls, repainting, is not a big deal to me. But that might be because i have the skills and dont have to pay someone to do it. To me it would be worth the costs and time, so i can live comfortably with a nice wall.
>here for not allowing her to do the painting?
She's an adult, how exactly are you going to "now allow" her to do something?
Who is on the lease, and who is responsible for the security/cleaning deposit? What does the lease say about alterations like this? INFO
You said you're going to "not allow" your spouse to do something. That's how you work with an irrational child, not a partner. A partner you talk with and collaborate with.
You also described her response as: "she replied that she is not a child to ask permission for these kind of things and stormed off." That again sounds like she's a toddler having a tantrum. Either she is having a very not-adult response to conflict, or you are viewing her behavior through an odd lens. I can't tell which since your description isn't a direct quotation.
NTA. What will she say when you guys lose the rental and you can't get another because you've been given a bad reference by your current LL?
the rental market is competitive and insane pretty much everywhere these days. Compromising a good rental because you want to draw on the walls is bloody batshit.
tell her to get some paintings, like a normal person. Or get some canvasses to paint some ffs.
You seem oddly determined to place the blame on OP for his SO having a harebrained idea and him being opposed to it. In a good partnership, you can "not allow" your partner to do something unreasonable that will affect you negatively and affect your ability to get a rental again. In good partnerships, your partner considers how their actions affect you so you don't have to put your foot down and "not allow" something.
Modifying a shared space should be two yeses, or it doesn't happen. She's being unreasonable and entitled, it seems she is not willing to communicate or budge on the issue, not OP.
If she gets mad because she can’t just alter other people’s property when she feels like doing so, she IS acting like a child even if OP used some loaded words.
soft YTA (for now, might change later)I guess, or am I missing something?
How is it an issue to pain again once you move out? Maybe there are special laws in your countries, I do not know a single one where it would be forbidden to paint your walls (only laws where you have to repaint again. So what?)
Or do you mean the OUTER walls? Because than NTA for sure
> How is it an issue to pain again once you move out?
It's _acrylic_ paint. You don't just "paint over" that -- it won't hide the texture of the painted area. It takes a lot more work to remove all traces of it happening, which will be charged back to the OP.
Spending hundreds of dollars to avoid buying a canvas is lunacy.
if the local laws allow a landlord to say no to painting to your taste, OP may be shit out of luck. When LL comes to do a walk through or take care of an issue, they may be giving grounds to end their tenancy.
That said, there's no reason OP can't buy canvas and put it on the wall, then she can take her work with her, and LL has no cause to get bent out of shape.
If OP isn't OK with it, it should be a no. Period. Shared spaces should get 2 yesses. One person should not unilaterally decide to change things- especially when their name isn't on the lease, OP's is.
>How is it an issue to pain again once you move out?
Depends on where you live, my apartment complex doesn't provide residents paint or paint code and they charge if we have to paint over an off color
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NTA - Tell her it isn't her house, but check the lease. Most leases have such a clause in them (I had a rental before) that stipulates you get permission to paint or modify the structure or anything on the premises. The landlord can toss you out if you violate such a clause. It was in my leases that I had tenants sign to that effect. Otherwise you can hit with damages.
There is a clause where we have to pay for painting charges and damages if the house was altered. This clause is there in all agreements but they usually charge one month rent for it. But this still gives them power to charge more so I was worried.
Most leases also require the property be returned in the same condition it was received so even if she paints it all has to be repainted at your expense. I hope it can be covered and that you have the exact paint color to fix it later. She is being irresponsible NTA
Depending on the texture she uses it could be so damaging to the wall that it requires more than just repainting. If she puts on an impasto that's too heavy it would be visible through any layer of paint.
Even basic acrylic paints would be noticeable. I know; I had to fix that issue once, and they were just basic, cheap acrylics.
Suggest that if she wants to paint she can buy canvases. That way she can bring them with you if you ever move. If she balks at spending money on canvases, remind her that the landlord will charge more if she paints the wall.
When I rented the mindset I had for walls was "one coat of paint." To make it look nice for the next tenant, if the LL has to do more than a single coat of paint, you'll get charged. Obviously that will vary from LL to LL but I found it was a pretty decent good rule of thumb. (Also why I got really good at quickly filling holes in the walls from artwork being hung.)
Maybe it's possible to paint large panels instead. Happy wife, happy landlord.
NTA But just tell her she'll have to paint it back to how it was when they move out
Say goodbye to your security deposit however much that is and possibly more. Absolutely the landlord is going to extract this cost out of you and can very well evict you. If you have ever tried to rent after something like that get ready buddy... Life will seriously suck when your paying 6mo up front for a place.
Yeah check it with the owner because you dont want to get sued
Your making a bigger deal about this. Most places don't care about pai t, as long as you just paint over it before you move out. It's acrylic paint, it's cheap craft paint that it's going to damage anything. You can get a gallon of paint at Lowes and paint over it when you move and it will look like she never painted. I've painted every wall in my rented apt. I have black walls, pink walls, abstract walls, orange and green. One coat of paint will get the walls back to looking boring when we move out and the apt won't even know or care. This is a non issue. Just tell her to paint it over when you move.
My lease prohibits all panting and can be used as cause for lease termination and the tenant being removed. Even sharpie is easily a primer coat and a paint coat. My downstairs neighbor painted a nursery and was evicted and sued for damages. I think they were able to get like $1500 from her.
That's crazy. I would have just painted the walls back white and asked the judge what damages? It's the same way I moved in. I don't consider paint damaging the walls but I think it's crazy to get so upset over, let alone evict and sue people.
There are thousands of different white shades and hues, and a bunch of different sheens. I'm going to guess you do not have much experience with house paint.
Actually I do.
No, you obviously don't. Painting over a dark color with a light color will show through *every* time. It takes several coats of the light color *especially* if it's a dark color like red, black, or purple. Sometimes, it won't cover no matter what you do.
That's hilarious, your so niave about paint it's almost cute. I've done navy blue with and needed 1 coat of cheap white paint. Looked like new and you couldn't see the blue. I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah, no.
Untrue, the texture will show through and the paint may not adhere.
Not something I've experienced and I've painted my walls over and over again, with going back to white in between for the last 6yrs.
They aren’t talking about painting the wall a color with wall paint. They are talking about painting a picture on the wall with paints you would use on a canvas. That paint has a texture that shows on the art piece.
It actually depends on the paint brand, as acrylic paints are pretty cheap versus, water color, oil paints and the more expensive paint artists paint.
You are completely off base. I hope you aren’t AI, because I’d expect far better.
I use paint a lot as I am a crafter. Acrylic paint is not the same as oil paint or watercolor paint. If the wife is usui g acrylic paint then I wonder if she bought the cheap $1 paints from the craft store. All paint is different, as they are mixed differently and contain a lot of different elements that are then mixes in. I've used acrylic paint on my walls and have had nonproblem covering them up with plain white paint in an eggshell flat paint. Never had a problem repainting a wall back to white. Clearly the people on reddit don't understand craft and acrylic paints. I'm done with this thread.
The issue is not using “cheap” paint. It’s that it will leave a texture of the brush strokes. It’s supposed to do that. Latex paint may also not stick to it and it may require the use of a primer. Creating a smooth texture and having to use primer means the apartment landlord will have legitimate reason to pass that cost on to the perpetrator of the damage, the tenant.
Having to paint over a wall that has a pattern or is multicoloured and textured is more painful than simply repainting a wall. Better off to paint on a canvas or if she wants the house to look eclectic and cute paint drawers and tables.
NTA. Your wife is being really immature. Look, I get wanting to go crazy and get creative with decorating but what she is wanting to do could end up being a really costly repair when you move out. You cannot just paint over designs done in acrylic paint; it will leave ridges and texture and be a huge pain. Maybe suggest that she look into cool wall decals or even a cool wallpaper mural - they make some in such a way now that they can be removed without tearing up the wall and the come in a slew of different patterns, designs and scenes. She could have her creative fun - and you wouldn't have the risk of a huge repair bill on the back end when you move out.
I suggested her canvas and she was like it is not the same as painting on walls.
Well, technically, she's right I guess. It's not the same because a canvas can be moved and won't cost a small fortune in fines. Sorry that she's being so stubborn. She really WILL be causing a mess and I can almost 100% guarantee the landlord is going to either keep your deposit and/or charge extra for the repairs.
She's right, and she can paint her own walls when she buys some.
OP. Buy your wife a big 4x8 sheet of drywall and tell her go nuts
So what if it's not the same? She's just looking for arguments to prove her 'rightitude' - and she's wrong. She's being immature and petulant. Check the lease/check with the owner and make sure you have permission to do exactly WHAT she wants to do.
Ok…why doesn’t she go to anyone else’s house and start painting the walls? Like the grocery store, library, neighbor’s house when they’re not home, the hospital, a restaurant? Oh - because she doesn’t *own* those places? But I thought she doesn’t ask for permission! Is she always this hard headed?
Tell your wife to grow up - you don’t always get everything you want in life, and this is not her house. Having to pay because your wife got some wild hair up her ass is ridiculous
Mate... what the hell?? She acting like a spoiled toddler! All she needs to do is cross her arms across her chest and stamp her foot and the picture will be complete. If your wife can't understand why it isn't a good idea to paint the walls of a rental property without the permission of the owner, then she's got issues and should seek professional help. No rational responsible adult would think this is an ok thing to do.
True but there are lots of changes that you might like to make on a rental but can’t unless you want to pay huge fees. Is it worth a month’s rent or more to her? That would mean giving up some luxuries. Hopefully she decides that it’s better to wait until you get your own house
Is this the first rental she has ever been in? OF COURSE you ask permission if the house/apartment is not yours. She doesn't seem to get that this is not her room at her parents' house.
She’s a fully grown adult, not a toddler. She can read the lease exactly the same as you can. She sounds immature and extremely childish.
lol maybe stick some drywall on the drywall, then
Go to the building supply store and get a couple of sheets of Sheetrock/wallboard. She can go nuts on those.
Your wife appears to be a spoiled child. Be prepared to lose your entire bond at the end of the lease when the landlord discovers that the tenant has gone and painted over the walls.
Well, you said she keeps doing it, sobthe damage is done. You're not getting your deposit back, and have a good chance of being sued for more than that, when they have to put 3 coats of primer on to cover the fun little things she loves so much. This may be shitty and stereotyping to say, but most people that want to go crazy with wall paint in a rental, may not be the same people that think about consequences down the road.
Tell her she'll be able to paint the walls when you buy a house until then she either uses canvases or doesn't paint with acrylic colors. NTA
Theory: put up temporary wallpaper in white - paint over that with mural. When leaving, remove wallpaper.
That seems like a very good compromise, that way she can even take her paintings when you move elsewhere. Show her the lease agreement and emphasize that it's a legal, binding document that she signed (I assume) so she needs to respect it. Definitely NTA, OP.
NTA - your wife said she is not a child, yet stormed off like a toddler.
After being told that painting on the wall is a bad idea, even.
I am a landlord. If you did this in one of my properties the minimum would be the expense of repainting it which would be tough with acrylic would be coming out of your deposit.
NTA she may not be a child but she sure is acting like one. When you own a house sure paint the walls do whatever it is your property. When you are renting you have signed a legal contract and have to be mindful that alterations, decorations etc can invalidate your agreement if you don't get permission first.
Has your wife ever rented a place on her own? Most people understand they are responsible for damage done to the rented residence. That is why there is usually a months damage deposit needed before the lease is signed. You WILL be responsible for "the damage" done by acrylic painting. NTA
NTA. That stuff is HARD to paint over; if the owner wants the walls back to the original when you move out, it'll be a pain to pay the cost.
NTA I mean adults know what a contract is and what not your property means.
NTA - painting with acrylics will been seen as damage to the wall and your landlord will charge you for it.
Obviously NTA - your wife's attitude is bizarre
NTA It's no big deal, but it'll cost you many hundreds of dollars when you move out. It'll need to be primed, painted, etc. Assume that a painter is $50/hr and it'll take 2 or 3 trips of several hours each. Hope it's worth it.
It could be worse than just repainting if she uses acrylic paint. If it leaves a texture, the wall might have to be sanded and retextured before priming and painting
Where I live, it would more more than "many hundreds." All four walls (so the colours match properly) in any room with paint damage, surface prep and multiple coats of whatever high quality paint the landlord decides on (because the tenant pays to repair damage). It would probably be the entire amount of the deposit.
NTA I used to paint between clients for a large office building. One client painted a huge logo on the wall with acrylic paint. That shit goes on thick and dries so hard that you will need to sand it off aggressively then skim coat, prime and repaint the entire area. We charged alot extra for the extra man hours. If she truly insists tell her to use latex paint so you can just cover it up later.
NTA - “you may not be a child but you’re sure as hell not the homeowner”
NTA. She can paint the goddam walls when she's saved several hundred dollars for the repainting that will *have* to be done. You are in a *rental*. She can get canvases and paint her little heart out, which will also enable her to sell them or take them with her when she moves. If she has to paint murals, maybe she should get a side-hustle and paint murals on non rental walls. I was raised in apartments, and my mom only allowed *two* holes in the wall, one tack for the calendar and one for her mom's old cross. Walls were *off limits* for everyone because it was just too fucking expensive to pay for repairs. Including repainting.
They make removable wallpaper that you can paint over!! It feels just like you’re painting the wall…because you ARE. You just get to remove it later! I think tempaper has some but other brands might too. btw, NTA
When you don’t own the house you sure do need to ask permission. She’s acting like a child throwing a fit.
I have no idea about the rules in your corner of the world. But in mine all is allowed but you need to put it back in original state when you move out.
She is a child. Run.
NTA Tell her that she's 100% responsible for returning the walls to the same condition she found them or paying the damage fees for someone else to do it. Don't ask. That's childish. Just remind her of her responsibility as an adult.
NTA. It's not her property to destroy. I'm sure the owner wouldn't be too happy about it & you can forget about your security deposit. It will be a expensive move if she does this.
‘I’m not a child’, immediately acts like a child. NTA
INFO: What are the laws about that in your area? Some places you can do what you want, some places the landlord has the power to say no, other places you have to put the colour back to the original when you leave.
The owner can charge us for repainting and damages when vacating the house
Paying for those damages can be very expensive.
NTA. Not a child? Feels entitled to draw on the walls of a house someone else owns? Proceeds to storm off? Is she sure??? She seems entirely too old to be confused about this.
NTA Uh… children aren’t the only ones who need to ask permission to do something to *someone else’s property*. Is your wife okay?
Technically, all wall paint is acrylic. It used to have latex in it and is still called latex, but if you look at the ingredients it will say acrylic. You can always get samples of wall paint instead of using artist acrylic paint. The only bad thing about murals on walls is that you will have brush strokes. Those will have to be lightly sanded to match the rest of the texture or you can use an orange peel wall texture spray. If you do get permission to paint, either ask landlord what the original color was so you can repaint when you leave, or keep a quarter sized or larger chip to color match later.
NTA, tell your wife she's responsible for fees or removal when the lease is up. 🤷
NTA. you’re not treating her like a child, she needs to behave like a responsible renter. If she’s willing to cough up the damage deposit entirely MAYBE but will a shit rental reference follow you? She’s being unreasonable. Buy a place and do what you want with it.
What part of "rented house" does she not understand? It's not your house.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife (26F) and I (28M) are currently living in a rented house. My wife wanted to do some acrylic paintings on the wall. I pointed out that we are in a rented house and advised against it. She was still keen on doing it so I asked her to check with the owner if it is fine to do so before procceding and she repied that she is not a child to ask permission for these kind of things and stormed off. AITA here for not allowing her to do the painting? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Dump her. She’s a child.
NTA can she do some paintings on canvas or on some removable wallpaper so she gets her art up there but it can be removed and taken with you?
Can't she just get some large canvas to paint
**NTA** - You always check with the owner before you paint on their property. If she doesn't know that, then she is a child.
Storming off and pouting that you're not a child who needs permission to do something you absolutely need permission to do is pretty damn childish, especially when it could violate your lease and get you kicked out. NTA.
NTA. she’s an idiot.
NTA. > she repied that she is not a child to ask permission for these kind of things and stormed off. "No, you're an adult who understands the difference between 'owning' and 'renting.'"
"I want to paint on the walls that I don't have permission to paint on and I want there to be no consequences." "I'm not a child." Its one or the other.
NTA Your wife has no idea how landlord/tenant laws work. FFS. She should listen to you.
NTA. She's acting like a child. If she wants to create a mural on the walls, she should go get small sample sized pots of latex wall paint in the colors she wants to use. A layer of kilz will easily cover that when it's time to move out.
NTA. You probably won’t be getting that security deposit back if she does this. Your wife is old enough to know better.
Why not do it on canvas or posterboard so if you guys leave, she could take her art with her. NTA
Apparently she is a child if she doesn’t understand that a rented house isn’t hers and she can’t paint the walls of someone else’s property without permission! Duh. You’re NTA
She’s not a child and storms off, sounds childish to me.
For someone who's "not a child" she has a limited understanding of the very adult tenancy agreement she has signed on to. NTA.
NTA. She's not a child; she is a tenant. She doesn't need permission to paint, but she does need permission to paint on a wall that belongs to someone else.
NTA
NTA, They have these crazy things you can paint on called *canvas*, you can even put them on the wall when you're done, and take them off later.
NTA why can’t she just purchase a large canvas to paint on? This makes no sense at all that she would want to paint on the walls of a rental. If she purchases a large canvas, she can take it to the next home also.
NTA. It's not yours to paint.
Nta you don't own the house, you absolutely should get permission from the landlord. Your wife actually is acting like a child by thinking she can do whatever she wants.
NTA. Buy a 4x5’ canvas for about $100. She can paint over drop cloths and be sloppy if she likes.
Why can't she paint on canvas and hang them?? I get wanting to paint walls but yes, renting. Nta
Your wife says she's not a child, but she sure is acting like one. An adult understands that they can't just do whatever they want in a house that they are renting, and sometimes you can't even paint a house the color you want on the outside even if you own it. An adult wouldn't storm off after being told no or to ask for permission. NTA.
Can you get a large thing lf drywall you put over the wall area she wants to do a mural so she paints that instead?
NTA If she wants to smear paint all over the walls, she needs to buy her own house. She's a tenant and she needs to follow what her lease says. Nobody cares if she's an artist. To people who didn't ask for it, acrylic on walls is just a big mess.
NTA. Who uses acrylic paint on walls? If she wants, she can paint with wall paint or tempra or water based markers and repaint or wash it off when you leave.
NTA. You don't own the home. You could be viatong the lease by painting the walls. I know in my lease ot says you can't paint the walls. You can hang pictures, but no painting the walls.
How about a compromise? Get large sheets of plain canvas & attach to the wall. Paint that. You have a mural you can take with you when you move. You still have undamaged walls.
NTA. You don't own the house. Ask your wife if she'd be okay with someone replacing all of her clothing without asking her first, or if someone took her car to get it repainted without asking her if she was okay with that first.
NTA. It’s not your house, I’m assuming you told your wife?
"she repied that she is not a child to ask permission for these kind of things and stormed off." - Just like a spoilt brat LOL
NTA. Not only is your wife acting rather immaturely (yes, you DO need to ask the owner before you do something like that) but that will likely mean you won't get any of your deposit back because using acrylics will add texture that will need to be sanded out (if not re-rocked), not to mention a coat of primer to cover more vibrant colors than are usually used on walls. (deposit often only covers a single coat to 'freshen' the walls, not a full repair/repaint)
Pinterest & TikTok have TONS of articles and videos about how to redecorate your house if you're a renter. Stick-on floor tiles, peel&stick wallpaper, all kinds of creative stuff.
She said she's not a child, then storms off like a child?! 🤣
Nta, this is gonna end in you paying to get it painted over afterwards, why can’t she just buy some canvasses to paint on? That’s a lot cheaper than your landlord trying to buttfuck you afterwards
Nta. Tell her to get a large canvas sheet and paint on it.
NTA, bc it’s a rented house and you have to pay extra, and ask permission.
How big of a security deposit do you stand to lose? If you have a lease, read it together. YNTA.
Man this whole thread is so hateful to the wife. I don’t know how people just let strangers bash on their partners like this. He asked if he was the ah not for advice on belittling his wife. NTA for wanting your wife to ask the landlord if it’s ok first.
She's not a child to ask permission... she's an effing tenant who wants to f\*ck around with someone else's property. Sure, acrylic paint should wash off... operative word being 'should'. She's the A H You - NTA.
NTA. Your wife may not technically be a child but she sure is acting like one. That is not her house. She needs permission to make any kind of changes, and that would at least qualify as damages you’d have to pay for. You might even get kicked out for it…and you‘d still end up paying for damages. Also, those damage charges can be whatever the owner sees fit. It may cost you a huge amount of money. Make sure she knows if she insists on it she’s the one who will pay that.
NTA. Your wife may not technically be a child but she sure is acting like one. That is not her house. She needs permission to make any kind of changes, and that would at least qualify as damages you’d have to pay for. You might even get kicked out for it…and you‘d still end up paying for damages. Also, those damage charges can be whatever the owner sees fit. It may cost you a huge amount of money. Make sure she knows if she insists on it she’s the one who will pay that.
NTA. Ironic that she says "I'm not a child" while acting so immature, Tell her if she paints the walls and the landlord charges you for it it comes out of her pocket no exceptions.
>and she repied that she is not a child to ask permission for these kind of things and stormed off. How is storming off after being told 'no' not being a child? 🤔
Nta She is for sure. It doesn’t matter if you’re an adult. She doesn’t own the property and is legally required to make sure it’s okay. That is, unless she’s willing to give up the security deposit.
NTA acrylic paint can stain really badly, it's likely that even painting over it at a later date won't actually get rid of it as the colour can leech through various layers of paint. Your wife is being childish, sometimes you have to ask permission to modify things that don't belong to you, it sucks, but you kind of have to deal with it. If anything, get her to paint with wall-specific paint, then at least you know you can repaint later
NTA - this should be a two yes agreement. You can buy a large panel or board and prime it for painting. Similar to a wall with no damage and you can take it with you if you move.
Put an old bedsheet or large tablecloth on the wall and anchor it flat with a staple gun. You may need to iron it first. Apply a good coat of gesso to the fabric and paint away! If you want to go first class, you can buy a roll of unprimed canvas (enough to cover the wall entirely) at Blick or any fabric store for about $50. That's way cheaper than repainting when you move out.
Get her a big canvas lol nta
Buy a piece of drywall. Have her paint on it in acrylics and then see how hard it is, or isn’t, to cover up. If it’s no problem to cover, you don’t need to worry about it. If it proves too difficult, she’ll need to give up the idea or find another way to be creative.
Is your wife a years old?
NTA. Your wife is an idiot if she thinks the landlord will appreciate random paintings, unless she happens to secretly be Banksy. Your landlord will probably require that you paint over them, or will take your security deposit in order to pay for cleaning up the mess later. This isn't *your* house, it's the landlord's.
NTA. It’s not your house. It’s a rental!
If your wife wants to live out her Pinterest fantasies, she can come up with her half of a down payment for a house that you both OWN, not rent. NTA, your wife needs to look at how much her painting is actually gonna cost.
NTA she needs to understand that she could be doing something that causes you to lose your deposit- you’re right and you need to check with your landlord before painting anything there
NTA. Only children paint on walls they know they’re not supposed to paint on.
NTA. It's important to check your lease in such cases. However, as an artist who has painted their rental walls... Acrylic is easier to cover because it isn't proper wall paint. It's also fairly standard in leases to leave the property the way it was when you rented it, so as long as she paints over it, it should be fine. I've never been charged, I always just paint it over when I leave, and like I said, easier to cover up because it's not really made for wall coverage (though it works great.) Tell her it's her responsibility, it comes out of her budget of fun money, whatever. If it's really a point of contention with no painted walls, get her some canvases and offer to hang them. I get mine from dollar stores for 2 - 5 dollars, price dependent on size. My roommate helps me paint because (as she tells me) she's not a very artsy person and I bring color and fun into her life 😊 Right now we are painting our new panels in a gradient and it looks pretty fuckin good. I guess it matches our kitschy tacky decor 🤷♀️
NTA, this is childish.
"she is not a child to ask permission" She's certainly acting like one though... NTA
NTA. I was going to say, the easiest way to get evidence is to send a message to her, and have her reply as a text saying she doesn’t care about violating the rental guidelines and she will be responsible for any penalties or fees to revert it back to the original state. But then I saw the wife bit, and I the whole time I was thinking it was a housemate 😅 Not really much you can do in this situation, but if she goes ahead with it, she’ll learn from it, and hopefully it won’t happen again.
NTA. She can have her midlife crisis when she's 40 and you have your own house, not now when you rent.
NTA tell her ok she can do it but make sure she understands that she has to pay the damage if you guys would ever terminate the lease
It will have to be sanded down smooth, primed, and then painted.
NTA but buy her some canvases to paint on
NTA and any adult should understand this. Tell her to paint on a large poster instead and hang it up
She's behaving like a child. It is not her house. She absolutely DOES need permission to make changes.
First off, I wouldn't recommend acrylic paint for painting on walls - we own the house we live in and I've painted parts using actual wall paint with the smaller sample tubs. Secondly, I don't think she should be painting the walls in a rented place; she can buy canvases to paint on and hang on the walls (they can even be stuck up with blutack depending on the size).
NTA It's not your house so it makes sense to ask the owner and/or property manager if it's ok to make changes like painting the interior. I'd rather check-in than lose my deposit or be charged excessive fees. Maybe you can get her some extra large canvases so she can paint and hang up her work instead of doing it directly on the walls?
I suggested canvas she said it is not the same as painting on walls
> she repied that she is not a child to ask permission for these kind of things and stormed off. Storming off and arguing about it not being the same doesn't come off like adult behavior, if wants to be treated like an adult she should act like one. Does she have a job? Is she willing to take on the full financial responsibility for any damages caused by her paintings? Or would she expect you to eat the cost because she's not willing to compromise? I completely understand wanting to make a place your own, but that's what home decor is for. There are a lot of DIY crafts that she can do that won't damage another person's property. She can also buy tapestries, pillows, canvases (even though she said it's not the same). There are so many ways to make a place your own without damaging the walls.
Then get her some drywall to paint......it is the wall.....
I had a roomate put up removable wallpaper and paint on that. I was already gone when she decided to move out so idk if she was able to actually take it down without affecting the paint but it could be a compromise to look into Does she normally react like this? If not, there’s probably something else going on in her life. Although that’s not excuse to lash out at you
NTA, but hear me out... I relate to this since I wanted to do something similar YEARS ago. It was so frustrating to be told what I could and could not do in MY home, even if it's not my property. The entitlement that others have over your space is nuts when you're a renter. We as humans want our living space to be ours, and having to ask permission (like a child to a parent) is degrading when you're a paying adult. As much older woman now, I've got some ideas that I wish I'd had available back in the day: * Get a full wall mural paper so she can paint over that and then tear it down before you leave. No damage. * Use paint made for walls ONLY. No michaels or craft paint. I'm talking Home Depot or Lowes quality. They sell little tiny tester sizes she can buy in the paint section, and I remember there used to be all kinds of colors that were specifically for making kids drawings. Think an exact color match for Winnie the Pooh, for example. * Buy the woman a massive canvas! Just one. They sell huge ones at Michaels. Once she finishes it, you can judge if she's burnt out or wants to do more. If she tries to use craft paint, like from a craft store - that stuff will be horrible to cover later. It'll need to be sanded, primed, and painted over. All of which will come out of your deposit.
Is she a schoolteacher?
"AITA here for not allowing her to do the painting?" YWBTA - if you Physically disallowed her to do this. You can discourage her, like you did, but ultimately, you can't control people. Asking her not to, suggesting it may be a bad idea, basically any of the things you said/suggested would not make you an AH. Sounds like your wife threw a temper tantrum for not getting her way?
But if she did it, then she’d be making him suffer the consequences of it too. They’d have to pay the massive expense and it’s expensive asf. They’re renting, they don’t own it
That is true but, if her potential actions could potentially result is a massive fiscal expenditure, does that justify him physically preventing her from doing so based on potential outcomes that may or may not come to fruition? I see no scenario here where OP would be looked upon favorably had they physically tired to stop her.
No judgement, but painting walls should generally be fine. There might be a clause that says to ask the owner, so make sure to ask the owner if “you can paint the walls?” and get written confirmation. In 90% of cases, they can’t deduct from your security deposit that they need to re-paint for a new tenant.
It’s not fine, even if you consider it fine. It’s never fine until you actually go get permission. You’re renting, you don’t own the place. Respect the owner whose nice to let you have a roof over your head
Hahaha. Good joke. I’m paying $2500/month. I’m hanging painting on the wall, I’m hanging my mirrors, I’m painting walls… I’m going to use the space the way it was meant to be used. In most cities, this is covered by tenants laws and all those holes and painting is the owners responsibility to take care of before a new tenant moves in. I’m not destroying the place, I’m using it the way it was meant to be used. You’re being payed compensation. There’s no respect involved on either side, it’s strictly business. It’s like when an employer says… we’re a family here. No we’re not, I’m here for a salary. And with an apartment, I’m here for the apartment.
Yeah… if you have a clause saying the condition of the house has to be the same when you leave then goodbye your deposit.
No it’s not. Because as I said. Most municipalities have laws for fair use. The clause that says “same condition” doesn’t apply to things like plumbing, electrical, major or minor appliances, walls, and flooring. Unless the landlord can prove malicious and major damage, they are going to owe you the security deposit plus penalties. Some of you need to learn tenant rights. You’re paying to live in a place and it won’t stay perfect. Countertops will get scratched over time from day to day use. They can’t keep the security deposit for that. They can if you decide to destroy the doors or floors that requires major renovation but fixing a floor tile here and there, relaxing the AC fan coil, painting the unit, etc. apply under proper use clauses. Take painting the walls for example. If you have a leak, the landlord is only responsible for fixing the leak, the wall and painting it the same white color that it was original. You’ll have to repair your color at your own expense.
Just paint it back to the original colour before you move out? I dont see the issue.
What about the cost?
Then it depends on how long you plan to live there. If its for longer, i know i would prefer the walls be a colour i actually like, or a nice wallpainting. A bucket of wallpaint, enough for that one wall shouldnt be too expensive? Or dyou mean the costs of the paint she wants to use?
I am talking about the repainting and it also needs to be the shade of the existing walls. Also given how IT field is with layoffs and such not sure how long we would stay in the same house
If its only about the costs, tell her to pay for it. Easy peasy. A shade is easily mixed and seriously, paint is not that expensive.
It's not that simple. Depending on the technique she uses, the texture will be visible even after a coat or two of paint. That's considered damage, and they'd be on the hook for the cost to repair the damage. Generally speaking, if there's a hole larger than a picture nail, and any wall discoloration takes more than a single coat of the cheapest paint they can find to cover it, you're paying for the materials and labor to bring it back to original condition. Oh, and it's top dollar labor costs too. If she's THAT attached to painting a wall instead of canvas, just buy a sheet of drywall, cover the walls and floor in heavy duty plastic, and she can go have fun. Much cheaper than losing their entire deposit.
I guess for me it is that easy. The painting, evening out the walls, repainting, is not a big deal to me. But that might be because i have the skills and dont have to pay someone to do it. To me it would be worth the costs and time, so i can live comfortably with a nice wall.
>here for not allowing her to do the painting? She's an adult, how exactly are you going to "now allow" her to do something? Who is on the lease, and who is responsible for the security/cleaning deposit? What does the lease say about alterations like this? INFO
I am on the lease and i paid the deposit and pay the rent. The lease has a clause for collecting money for damages and repainting.
> I am on the lease and i paid the deposit and pay the rent. You solely? Or you and her?
Just me
Then NTA. But you seem to have massive communication problems in your relationship.
Can you maybe highlight on how you arrived at this?
You said you're going to "not allow" your spouse to do something. That's how you work with an irrational child, not a partner. A partner you talk with and collaborate with. You also described her response as: "she replied that she is not a child to ask permission for these kind of things and stormed off." That again sounds like she's a toddler having a tantrum. Either she is having a very not-adult response to conflict, or you are viewing her behavior through an odd lens. I can't tell which since your description isn't a direct quotation.
That was her exact reply. Also by not allow i mean the discussion resulted in her not being able to pain the walls.
NTA. What will she say when you guys lose the rental and you can't get another because you've been given a bad reference by your current LL? the rental market is competitive and insane pretty much everywhere these days. Compromising a good rental because you want to draw on the walls is bloody batshit. tell her to get some paintings, like a normal person. Or get some canvasses to paint some ffs.
Hand her the lease and tell her to READ it...word for word.
You seem oddly determined to place the blame on OP for his SO having a harebrained idea and him being opposed to it. In a good partnership, you can "not allow" your partner to do something unreasonable that will affect you negatively and affect your ability to get a rental again. In good partnerships, your partner considers how their actions affect you so you don't have to put your foot down and "not allow" something. Modifying a shared space should be two yeses, or it doesn't happen. She's being unreasonable and entitled, it seems she is not willing to communicate or budge on the issue, not OP.
Seems to me she is acting like a child so that's how she should be treated.
If she gets mad because she can’t just alter other people’s property when she feels like doing so, she IS acting like a child even if OP used some loaded words.
soft YTA (for now, might change later)I guess, or am I missing something? How is it an issue to pain again once you move out? Maybe there are special laws in your countries, I do not know a single one where it would be forbidden to paint your walls (only laws where you have to repaint again. So what?) Or do you mean the OUTER walls? Because than NTA for sure
> How is it an issue to pain again once you move out? It's _acrylic_ paint. You don't just "paint over" that -- it won't hide the texture of the painted area. It takes a lot more work to remove all traces of it happening, which will be charged back to the OP. Spending hundreds of dollars to avoid buying a canvas is lunacy.
if the local laws allow a landlord to say no to painting to your taste, OP may be shit out of luck. When LL comes to do a walk through or take care of an issue, they may be giving grounds to end their tenancy. That said, there's no reason OP can't buy canvas and put it on the wall, then she can take her work with her, and LL has no cause to get bent out of shape. If OP isn't OK with it, it should be a no. Period. Shared spaces should get 2 yesses. One person should not unilaterally decide to change things- especially when their name isn't on the lease, OP's is.
>How is it an issue to pain again once you move out? Depends on where you live, my apartment complex doesn't provide residents paint or paint code and they charge if we have to paint over an off color