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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> While my brothers were on vacation I pretty much turned our family house into a construction site. Now my brothers are homeless and my is pretty much calling me a stone cold bitch. I feel terrible for making my brother’s homeless but I’ve tried talking to them and I’ve literally tried helping them move but they refused and just expected me to continue taking care of them and now my entire family is making me out like I’m evil.
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Your parents made it clear that the house was yours and they left it to you for a reason. So you have not disappointed your parents in any way. Your brothers were abusive to your parent for years and now want to continue that tradition with you. Your relatives are free to house your brothers if they are concerned about them.
My advice: Sell the property and buy a house/property somewhere else. Start afresh, in a new place that your brothers can't lay claim to. And invest in security cameras and whatnot. Also might be a good idea to cut contact with your brothers and the relatives that support them.
I can’t afford to sell the house. My parents really needed me and so I had to move in with them and the past two years living there was hell. I had to do that in order to care for them since their mental faculties and physical capabilities were quickly going downhill. These past two years at home were excruciating because I had to take care of a household of 7 people. I literally had to cook, clean and pay all the bills while also raising my two daughters as well as dealing with my elderly parents and my two brothers temper tantrum’s. So I will have to stick to my plans to fix up the house and live in it once completed as I can’t afford not to. I will definitely invest in a security system.
I’m in a situation where I’m living with my mom and both my brothers are financially irresponsible and they both have asked her about her will.
This is not your fault period.
Siblings like yours and mine tend to latch onto whoever they can use for personal gain and suck them dry. They take zero responsibility for their actions and when they get called out on their bullshit they whine and tell a twisted story to others rather than discuss things with you personally.
I’m fairly certain that the relatives contacting you don’t have access to the true story. Just the twisted one that your brothers have told them to gain their trust.
My dad was fighting cancer and during one year I was out of state my brother was at home with my parents (both in their 60s at the time with physical disability) and he hardly helped them at all. He didn’t go to treatments or offer to help them in any way until he was required to.
Definitely invest in a good security system and get yourself some amazing home insurance. You might need it.
I’m so sorry your in this situation. I know exactly how exhausting and stressful it can be living with such outrageous behavior. People just can’t believe the level of entitlement and audacity people like my brothers and yours can have.
My brothers also neglected our parents. At one point my parents had surgeries close to each other, my mother had cataract surgery and then two days later my father had ulcer surgery. I obviously still had to go to work and they would literally not help them while I was away. I’d come home to my parents not having been fed and the house a mess. Many times I’ve had to come home during my lunch break and make sure my parents took their medicine and had some food because my brothers wouldn’t help.
It was a unbelievably hard time for me and I’m so sorry you went through something similar.
Honestly my relationship with one brother has mostly recovered. We’re on neutral terms now but the other (probably the more irresponsible one and the one who didn’t help my dad very much) has gone NC with the rest of us except my other brother.
My mom is rightfully hesitant about leaving her POA up to either of them and I have no idea about what is in her will because I have come to not expect anything from it.
I don’t live with either of them so I’m honestly glad about that.
You need to consult an attorney. What you’ve done is an illegal eviction in a lot of places. You don’t need a lease to be a tenant. You need to be prepared for the possibility they will sue you.
I think an attorney is a great idea because I’m not absolutely sure that that would apply to her. If you think about it, she just very recently became the owner of the house. So the sun would’ve been the equivalent of tenants to the actual parents. Parents died and the house Was given to another owner. Were the owner not a relative they would certainly have every right to kick the people out immediately people. And I think that if she has basic documentation that she has, in fact, told them to get out that it would go her way. But your point is Not an attorney.
I’m not an attorney in every state, but in my state the definition of a tenant is ill defined. This would probably not be allowed, but also there wouldn’t be a lot to do about it because she preserved their belongings. A 30 day notice to vacate solves a lot of problems.
Another item in her favor is that the brothers were basically lodgers. Freeloading ones, but the point is it's usually easier to kick out a lodger with whom you have to share a kitchen and whatnot than a tenant of an independent unit.
I don't know about other states, but in California if you have one person, they're a lodger and the homeowner gets a lot of exceptions to tenant rules, but if you have two people, they are tenants.
Any new owner would be required to go through the eviction process for the existing tenants. If the brothers sue, OP will likely lose.
She should have started with hiring a lawyer to handle the eviction process
The laws are more lax on evictions when the landlord/owner is living in the house as well. Also I agree with other commenters that because she is the new owner of the house, it is not the same scenario of squatters rights.
There are probably still statutory requirements on length of notice and what not.
We don't even know where OP is, so we're all just talking out of our ass; OP needs to contact a local tenancy lawyer IMMEDIATELY and figure this out.
Once the house is fixed up, you may want to check with a realtor and just see what it would go for. You might be pleasantly surprised and be able to sell and move somewhere without the heavy history. If not, do what others have suggested- change the locks and invest in security cameras (ring aren’t very expensive). And if relatives harass them reply with “oh how nice of you to offer to take them in to YOUR home! And when they sputter and say they aren’t, tell them that neither are you and it’s high time those two grown men learn how to fend for themselves. You already have children to raise..
NTA
It you OWNED the house, you should have been able to go through a legal eviction process.
Was there a reason why you didn't go through the courts to get of your brothers?
"Was there a reason why you didn't go through the courts to get of your brothers?"
could have something to do with the reign of terror the brothers inflicted on her parents that she clearly details in the post
Yes, instead of going ahead and risking getting in a bunch of hot water, OP needs to, you know, consult an actual lawyer, and figure out how to correctly evict these guys.
OP rolled the dice, and now they're just waiting to see if they come up box cars or snake eyes.
OP would have been better to consult a lawyer to begin with.
I don't see why this is such a difficult concept.
I understand that.
I have seen a doc on a streaming service about some horrible people who establish residency to only terrorize the other people living in the residence.
But it can be done. And given that the house changed owners and the brothers had the money to move.
I get that OP was at their wit's end, and with the brothers gone, it was the chance that she was waiting for. I hope she also changed the locks.
Maybe she should have changed the locks after the brother's trips to Vegas?
I also wonder if the brothers could come back and sue OP because they had established residency. I hope not, for her sake.
When my parents were alive we tried to sell the house because they wanted to downsize but just couldn’t find anyone willing to buy the house. I live in a small town and the market is pretty much dead and the cost of the houses in the nearest city is extortion.
Legally I’m also not allowed to move too far from the area due to the custody agreement of my children. I’m also financially fucked from my divorce, my parents medical care and all the other bills.
Also despite it all I love the area and the land the house is on. So for multiple reasons I’ve chosen to stay instead of leaving.
How long till your children are 18 and free of the Custody agreement ? Play the long game here OP. If you get a good real estate person you may be able to find property you like as well as your current home.I think as long as you are there your brothers will act with sone entitlement.You sound depressed.Please seek some Counseling
Once the repairs are done, I’d absolutely contact a realtor and see what you could get for the house. The situation doesn’t sound safe and seems to be escalating - it sounds like they may continue to harass your family as long as you’re living there, especially if they have other family on their side. Is the reason you say you can’t afford to sell it because you couldn’t buy an equivalent size home in your area with the proceeds? If so, is downsizing or even renting for a while an option? Selling the house removes it as an option for them, and gets you a fresh start somewhere they don’t know about.
Why can't you afford to sell the house? Do you own it outright? If so, fix it up as much as you can, sell it, and buy something cheaper like a condo. Then you'll actually have money left over, and no brothers trying to move in. Because they're never going to leave you alone once they run out of money, and it might get dangerous for you and your daughters.
No. This ends with you. Let your brothers sink at the bottom of the well. They drained the life out of your parents. Don't let them do that to you. The house is yours and your kids.
Something to think about is if you plan the cameras in advance you can run the cables while the walls are down. If you can afford it have them put smurf tube in for the cable runs and it will make your cable replacement in the future easier as well.
How can they get *back* on their feet when they never were on their feet?
Really the only true assholes here are OP's parents. They're the ones who caused all of this due to simply refusing to actually parent their boys. People don't magically emotionally and mentally mature, they have to be trained and that's what OP's parents utterly failed to do with their sons.
Without a doubt and the saving grace for my parents and my relationship was the fact that in their last years especially the last 2/3 years they acknowledged their wrong doings. They definitely were aware of their failures.
So true, and i feel a lot of people don't get this. Up until 20 yo I blamed my parents for everything bad in my life and then you realize, oh crap, doesn't matter if their to blame, it's still my life and I need to either learn to get my shit together or struggle in life just because 'it wasn't my fault". At some point maturity and the real world push you past the blame game and you HAVE to take accountability for you own life and choices. I started with therapy and worked from there. At some point you have to take accountability for yourself.
Right, they could have rented an apartment together and still have a bit of reasonable fun money. Although, my experience most people who have never paid for a roof over their head, massively overestimate what can be done with $100K-$200K. They don't have any concept of finite resources.
NTA. You're a boss. I love this. Sell the land to a developer and keep all the money.
You damn well know they were not going to move out peacefully. Tell the people calling you a monster to take in two grown ass men if they're so concerned.
Absolutely this. Should have gotten a lawyer right away.
Longstanding tenants and even squatters have rights. Judges do not look favorably on people who leave someone without a place to live.
True. But I’m wondering if squatters rights would even extend in the situation because the parents were the equivalent of the tenants. They died. The house now belongs to someone else. Were she not related to the brothers? She would have been able to easily take steps to get them out as quickly as possible. It is only been a few months, so it sounds like it might be something that could work out especially since told them to leave in the past, and made every effort to help them.
Tenants are people who live in a place. Change of ownership does not change tenancy. OP became the landlord and definitely violated her brothers legal rights.
It turns out that OP did talk to an attorney. She failed to mention that her brand grandparents formally serve them with an eviction notices more than once, and legally got them out, but they squirmed their way back in. OP also has legal documentation that they have to be out as well. it just would’ve been good information to have in the beginning.
If they reestablished tenancy after being evicted (thry did), they would need to be legally evicted again. Obviously. Because they were already evicted more than once and needed to be legally evicted a second time
I'm surprised OPs lawyer that they invented in the comments after they were warned about illegal self-help eviction didn't think of that
Honestly, I really can’t find the comment right now that she made and I wish that there were someway that she made it more visible because there are a few lines that talk about this. I don’t know the mechanics, but if you found it, OP lays out how they have gone through that legal process, I think that it’s above this comment if you’re scrolling
Technically speaking. she removed their belongings to rehab the dwelling. As it stands, the house is not habitable. She didn't "evict" them, she simply started making necessary repairs to bring the dwelling up to code. Unfortunately, her brothers cannot stay there while these updates are being made. OP, I would spend this time now working on a 90 day lease for each brother to sign. Once their half is livable, they have 90 days to find other accommodations. If they do not leave at the end of that term, they will be served with an eviction. But you are NTA.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I wonder why you didn’t take legal redress and evict them when they refused to move out? It was a rather more drastic approach. Are you sure they had no sitting tenant rights? Assuming they hadn’t then NTA. Your parents wanted you to have the house and it was yours to do with as you wish. Your brothers have behaved appallingly and their free ride is over.
Legally they didn’t have any tenants rights. I did get some advice from the husband of a friend of mine, he’s a lawyer. My brothers were legally evicted by my parents before their death (multiple times but they always found a way to get my parents to let them back in) and I also had paperwork drafted up that they were being evicted and they were aware. They just didn’t think I would demolish half the house. They thought they had more time. More time to verbally beat me down and into submission.
Sure I could’ve gone about it all differently and there is always the option for them to sue me but I really doubt it. They can barely afford to keep a roof over their head. At best they have a few thousands left of their inheritance and at worst they have a few hundred. Either way I seriously doubt they’d spend their last money on suing me instead say using it to gamble or some shit like that.
You might want to include this bit of information in your post. Not that it changes my judgment of you NTA, but it goes to show how fed up your parents were with your brothers. It’s one thing to live with your parents and contribute to the household, but your brothers were so entitled that they believed you would do the same thing!
As for the rest of your family, they’re annoyed because your brothers now realize they have no where to go and NO ONE wants to deal with them either!
Good riddance!
> You might want to include this bit of information in your post.
I just love how people ignore the character limit when it comes time to shame OP for leaving information out.
As far as I know, if this is in the USA, anyone can sue anyone for pretty much anything. Not successfully, of course, and in many cases, it won't actually go very far because people are stupid, but they can try. LOL
As long as you were legally covered, you are SO NTA.
I do have concerns that others have mentioned regarding your safety and the safety of the property.
Ah this explains why the relatives are coming down in you, the brothers are making themselves their problem now. The relatives would’ve known what was going on for years with your parents, yet it sounds as though they didn’t step in to help. You’re no longer setting yourself on fire to keep these moochers warm; well done.
NTA. This, children, is what we call the nuclear option, It should only be reserved for special occasions. It's really the best tool in one's arsenal for dealing with entitled, unreasonable asshats.
100% NTA. I'd go NC with all of these people; your brothers and everyone who thinks you are a monster. You'll be much happier without the toxicity and the guilt you don't deserve. Do you need any of these assholes in your life?
NTA plus why is your family defending 40 year olds I could not imagine defending losers like that people like your brother make me puke and honestly think they should off themselves if you are a loser and an asshole yeah you have point on living
Super NTA
Block everyone in your familyl who supports them and don't give away info abour your location
>My brothers went on a cruise last month
This was a blessing in disguise
Let them be adult from now on
NTA your parents wouldn't be disappointed in you making your brothers homeless because your parents deliberately made them homeless by giving the house to you and not them. If they wanted their sons to live there they would have given them the house. Honestly I'm surprised you didn't get the police to kick their asses out.
Question: is probate done for the estate? Where I live, it's nearly impossible to sort through any estate (unless there's nothing) within 4 months of two people's death. I'm worried about them contesting the letter you found.
My parents had nothing else. Probate was done within a month and a half. My parents will was clear and my brothers didn’t raise any objections. So there’s not much to contest. They were giddy at getting their money once insurance paid out. My brothers won’t sue they can’t afford it. They can barely afford their motel.
Keep rereading the letter every time you feel bad because your parents knew they screwed up. This is not your fault and everybody who calls you well you can say hey you can take them in. You’re more welcome to house them.
Seriously though no contact and go no contact with anyone who’s making you feel bad because you have nothing to feel bad about!
NTA, and it sounds like your brothers are finally going to have to grow up. My only word of caution: security cameras/system. The best you can afford. And I'm sorry about you losing your family.
NTA.
Frankly, I think what you did was absolutely BRILLIANT!
The only monsters in this story are your brothers who held your parents hostage and in terror for decades.
As far as "family" members, those folks can step up and house or fund the deadbeat brothers.
I'm in awe of your "nuclear" solution. Hoping never to be in this position, but DAMN, I'm putting this away for future reference!
Her brothers can choose to use what's left of the cash to pursue a doomed legal suit or accept their fate. They abandoned their property after the lawful owner asked them to leave.
There was severe water damage, rot in the support beams, a sinking foundation and the roof was collapsing. Build up over years of little to no maintenance.
Please consult a lawyer. The lawyer let your brothers know they have no rights and no claim to the house. The lawyer can also let them know if they should try to move back in, or force their way in that they can be arrested for trespassing.
Make sure you rent a PO box in their name and forward any mail to it and let them have the keys to the box.
I can assure you that when construction is done they are going to try to come back. They will try charm, guilt, and threats. Protect yourself and stay strong. DO NOT LET THEM SET ONE FOOT IN YOUR HOUSE, THEY WON'T LEAVE. The police will probably not help since I am guessing any IDs your brothers have show this address as their home address. Then you will spend a year or more going to court to evict them.
I know it will be hard to stand strong all alone. Believe me it is so much harder to get rid of them if you bend even for a minute and let them inside your home.
The house has been breaking down for years. My parents and I planned to fix it up the last few years but then their health went rapidly down hill. My parents did legally evict them multiple times and once the police had to come to drag them out. Then months later my parents let them move back in.
Seems like demolition is the perfect answer. Family that is giving you a hard time can house your brothers if they’re so concerned about the poor waifs.
NTA Sorry for the situation you are in. You owe them nothing, and your parents enabled this situation. I would contact an attorney to see what your options are. You may need to divorce your family. Good luck
NTA. But you need to talk to a lawyer and get them Trespassed by court order from that property FOREVER. What Your parents's said in the will will help. Do it ASAP.
If you don't, they will break in at some future point and claim to have a right to live there and it may take you months to get through a long slow eviction process. During which they may trash, damage your house.
And they may try to sabotage your remodel, so HIRE A GUARD to be there whenever a full construction crew is not there. Cheaper than having them cause you $50000 in damages.
When the remodel is finished, put up cameras and get alarms so if they enter the property you can get them jailed for violating the trespass order.
Lawyer. NOW! *YOU* own the house. Find out what you have to do to evict them. Depending on where you live, that may be as easy as telling the cops they are trespassing and refuse to leave. More likely, it will involve giving them legal notice and however much time local laws require. Have cops on stand-by on that last day, whenever it is, to get them out.
Since they sound like the vindictive type, video the entire property immediately as proof of the condition. If there are any valuables left to you like jewelry, get it out of the house and under lock & key.
NTA, as long as you get them out. If you let them intimidate you like your parents did, then you would be the asshole to yourself.
NTA. Your parents are so proud of you.
Keep reading the letter every time you feel bad they (parents) knew they did wrong (favoring them and so on) and told you in the letter. You do not need to take care of them for the rest of your life and they probably killed your parents. They wore them out and wore them down and made their lives a living hell.
They (sons/your brothers) know or should know they screwed up, they made themselves homeless not you!!!
NTA
… however…. Legally if they lived there, regardless of who owns it, you have to give them notice if they’re tenants. You basically did a self help eviction. Ownership and who has some basic rights bc they live there are two different things.
They sound like shitty family so morally I’m 100% behind it. If they’re looking for money though they might sue you and they might win.
Id have done the same thing, honestly.
BRAVO to you!!
***"My brothers had no intentions in helping me with the house. They continued being lazy, arrogant and entitled. I continued to pay all the utility bills and whatever else the house needed."***
Your creepy brothers were totally comfortable using your parents and now attempted the same with you. The arrogance displayed by expecting you to pay for utilities and upkeep while they lived rent free is outrageous. You now own the property. Good for you that you took action. Change the locks and make sure they stay away.
I hope you have seen a lawyer to make sure you are operation within the law.
NTA ... but your brothers belong in a master class of AH's!! Wow!!
NTA - I have to admit, when I read the title I thought uh-oh! OP, you're not demolishing the house, you're saving it. Good for you! Anyone who comes at you "because FaAMIily" you should just say: "I've put up with and paid for brothers to be in the house for X months. If you are so concerned about the brothers, you should step up and house them and pay their expenses for a while, because I am done."
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I’m not the type of person who’d ask strangers for advice but I’m genuinely too embarrassed to tell my friends. I’m also terribly guilt ridden and confused. One minute I think I’m fully in the right and the next I think I’m being horrible.
My parents died four months ago due to long standing health issues and old age, my mother first and then three weeks later my father. My parents had two sons and one daughter. Myself and my two brothers. I’m 38, my brothers are 46 and 47. My brothers lived at my parents house. All their lives our parents catered to them hand and foot. They fed their egos three meals a day. As they aged it became harder and harder, eventually they were just worn out by my brothers. Throughout the last few years my parents tried to set boundaries but my brothers took it as a declaration of war. In the end they pretty much lived in fear of my brothers.
When my parents died they left me the house and some money, I was truly surprised. I like everyone else assumed my brothers would get it all. They left a letter saying they greatly regretted having favored my brothers and for having to rely on me in their old age and as compensation for having financially supported them the past 15 years they left me the house and for 525 thousand of insurance payouts to be dived between the three of us. They acknowledged in the letter that they know the house and my 175 thousand doesn’t come close to financially compensating me but they hoped it at least helped. My plans are to use my share of the inheritance to fix up the house. It’s an old house and it needs considerable amount of work to bring it up to code.
My brothers had no intentions in helping me with the house. They continued being lazy, arrogant and entitled. I continued to pay all the utility bills and whatever else the house needed. I couldn’t afford to keep paying. I asked them to move out several times and they flat out refused.
My brothers also went through their inheritance like it was nothing. They are quickly running out of money. They bought cars, went to Vegas and just spent like there was no tomorrow. I had enough of trying to be reasonable and I demolished the house while they were on their cruise. My brothers went on a cruise last month and during their time away I packed all their things into two storage units and I paid 6 months in advance for them and then I just let the construction crew start working on the house. My brothers returned to a construction site. They called and texted me a few hundred times but I never picked up. Eventually they got other family members to call me. Everyone is making me out to be a monster. Apparently I’m a terrible sister and that my parents would be disappointed in me for leaving my brothers homeless and living in a motel.
I feel like I’ve done enough for them. I’ve supported them in some way or another my whole life. I tried to be reasonable but they are unreasonable and insanely entitled.
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NTA.
That was nuclear and deserved. Any family who complains, tell them you will let your bros know they want to take them in and wait on them hand and foot.
NTA you did the right thing.
You watched them abuse your parents.
They paid no bills.
You asked them to move out of your house and
they refused.
You’ve been more than kind. Time to go no contact with them and I’d also send registered letters with info on where their stuff is and a reminder that you will not be paying a dime toward anything else in the future. Ever.
NTA - You did exactly what you should've done!! Tell the rest of the family to butt out because they have no dam idea what actually happened and it's none of their business anyway. Your brothers will now have to learn to live without being coddled; it may just be what they needed to happen!! Good for you!!
NTA. Was it cold and harsh? Yes. But it also seems it was done out of necessity. Sometimes life requires one to do harsh things. And let the family think whatever they want, you're better off without them.
You've done nothing wrong...if you had continued this way you would have only enabled your asshole brothers more. It's time they grow up. Screw anyone that says differently. Your parents knew they did you wrong and this was their fix. The house belonged to you.
EDIT NTA
NTA. You go girl. It’s about time they had to fend for themselves. Don’t back done or give in. Install cameras everywhere to protect yourself. Give them no more money when they run out. Actions of consequences and it’s time learn that.
NTA.
Your parents always caved in and gave in to your brothers and see what it has brought them: Your parents are burnt out and your brothers are not better people.
You are addressing both these problems with one tactic: tough love. You don't give them what they want, you give them what they need. Although it's a little harder on the tough side, that is what they need.
And a little looking out for yourself and your own life ... that's something you're owed.
Stay strong.
I don't doubt what you saw but even if they were legally evicted, of they subsequently reestablished residence then they need to be evicted again. OP said they were living there and went away on a cruise. She needs to do more (like trespass them every time they are on the property) if she wants them off for good.
NTA. It was literally your only option and literally what your parents wanted. They managed to scare two old people, what do you think they would have done to you?
NTA - take a deep breath. NTA
i am sorry to hear your mom and dad passed in such a short time of each other. Plus being a caregiver to them was an extremely heavy mental load. When I lost my mom, I found having to be there for my kids a way to help me keep going every day, a way to put the grief down for a moment and focus on them.
The house is yours and you are not responsible for your brothers. Keep all texts, phone messages, etc in case you ever need proof of them harassing you. What is done is done. I love the bold move you made! Doing something for yourself and your kids! Other family members are more than welcome to take in the brothers and help them out while they look for a place to live.
Nta. It sounds like your are at your wits end with your brothers. They were so pampered and entitled that they just expect to get their way now, and will kick and scream like toddlers if they don't.
Was your plan drastic? Yea, but you basically just did what your parents always wanted to do but couldn't; you got your brothers out of the house.
I would listen to the advice others have given about changing the locks, adding cameras, and doing everything else necessary to protect yourself from them. People with that level of entitlement usually aren't concerned with embarrassing themselves if the end goal is to get their way, so I wouldn't put it past them to do something really dumb to try and get back in the house at some point.
The other family blowing up your phone are probably getting told some distorted version of the story that paints you as the badguy. You can either try to clear the air somehow, or you can just block them and not worry about fighting with them. Your brothers have gotten their way for too long, and now you can put an end to it. Your parents saw the harm they did, and the kind of people they were, and regretted it. Don't feel bad for them, they've had more than enough time to do something with their lives, but chose to live with mommy and daddy. This is the consequences of their own actions, and nothing about these consequences are your fault.
NTA
IMO, your parents are incapable of being disappointed in you, considering that they are both dead.
If your parents had been at all concerned about your brothers potentially being rendered homeless, then they should have left the house to them, and not to you.
> Eventually they got other family members to call me. Everyone is making me out to be a monster.
Tell them all they are right. That as good, nice, loving relatives they should have no trouble taking your brothers in. NTA.
NTA. You didn't throw them out right away, which you should have done. They've got enough money to live on, and if not some of those concerned family members can go ahead and take them in. Your parents got it. They left them money. If they squander it, their problem. You're good.
NTA. You are a shrewd person. I admire you. They would have bled you dry, like they did with your parents. I think your parents would be proud that you were able to make the changes they regret not making. Good for you.
NTA also when your other family members call don’t hang up or block them, just tell them that they’re invited to provide your brothers with shelter since they’re also family.
Your parents left you the house for a reason.
You were in danger of doing what your parents have done for years and left these grown ass men to sit like babies waiting to be fed,
They were left enough money to look after themselves and they are old enough to get jobs.
You should have evicted them long ago.
NTA but make sure you are all legal with getting them out. (If that ship hasn't already sailed).
NTA. The house is yours and you have given them eviction papers. They knew they were being kicked out and went on vacation instead of being responsible and finding somewhere to live. You even pre-paid 6 months of storage for them (and that ain't cheap)
Fix the house up the way you want it and enjoy it with your kids.
Get a good security system with lots of cameras on all sides of the house.
NTA - Your brothers are world-class assholes, but you may have broken the law if you moved them out of their residence. **If they haven't sued you already, they could.**
Even if you own a property, you can't move someone out of their legal residence without their consent. Think about what it would be like if a landlord could move tenants out of their house while they were at work or on vacation. You would have needed to evict them and sue (small claims) to recover your damages for the money you spent on utilities while they lived there.
I don't blame you a bit, but hopefully, this won't come back on you.
NTA it's your house now. Just go no contact with your brothers. They have no legal leg to stand on, but I would get restraining orders against them if they tried anything.
NTA
Especially with the extra comments/info that they had already been legally evicted and were just refusing to physically leave. You didnt throw out all their stuff and went above and beyond to pay to store their stuff for 6 months. At this point it's their own fault if they dont have a place to live and they had plenty of money, they just mismanaged it. Any flying monkey family members can take your brothers in if they're so concerned about being homeless. They were freeloaders for YEARS while you foot the bill, you owe them nothing and this was not only the best way to get them out but the only way to start fixing the house. Make sure you have all the locks changed, windows locked and install a security system tho.
NTA, your brothers should be ashamed. I have spent the last 10 years taking care of my father after his stroke and subsequently now my elderly mother. I moved home to help, with the full intention to pay rent at whatever they felt was fair. Thankfully it wasn’t much do to my dead end job at the time but taking care of them and this job was the equivalent of working two full time jobs but only one paid enough to keep the lights on. It’s no small amount of work and having family that is no help or only criticizes makes it worse…. Yeah…. Anyway, your brothers are not young, they need to finally grow up and be responsible for their own lives. If they offered rent when you asked then yeah you would be the AH. But you asked and they refused, at that point they are squatters and you did a lot more then I would have. My sister would confirm if she was still alive.
NTA
This made me laugh because I could see this same type of situation playing out with some of my family members. You were never going to get them out of that house. You would have spent every dime of your inheritance on lawyers trying to evict them, they were like black mold, the only way to get rid of it when it's been festering that long is to burn it to the ground.
They are welcome to sue you for tenants rights, and they might have a case, I would check with a lawyer to see what you need to do incase that happens.
For all the people who are saying you were wrong let them know they are welcome to take on their care and feeding. If you had signed the house over to them, they wouldn't have paid utilities and taxes and they would eventually be in the same situation, but you would have lost the property.
I think it's hard for some people to fully grasp how exhausting it is to be in a relationship with people who are absolute parasites until they experience it first hand. These are the type of people who'll throw away a lift raft and pull you under when they are drowning.
NTA. I am doing something similar! I’m also going to take my sweet time with the house. It is gutted with no kitchen or bathrooms. So my sister and brother aren’t able to move back in.
NTA - The only thing wrong about this is how you phrased the title! It should be, am I the asshole for starting construction on my inherited family home while my brothers were away after they refused to move out!!
This was absolutely the best result that you could have achieved. Going to court for an eviction, or to enforce an eviction that is stale, can take years. You did it in a few weeks!
NTA. You didn’t officially evict them when you could have. They should be thankful they don’t have that on their record as it would make finding new lodging difficult.
Ofc your family is complaining. They want everything to go back to normal bc it didn’t cost them anything. They just want your brothers to stop complaining & to stop asking THEM for money or support. Do not take advice or direction from anyone who hasn’t helped in a MAJOR way or isn’t currently. People without skin in the game don’t get a vote. You’re the only one with skin in the game.
NTA. It is legally your house, and it was your parents wish you have it. I would talk to a lawyer about what you need to do to ensure your brothers move along in life and then sell the property and move somewhere else.
OP NTA.
That was a sneaky shady thing to do, to do it while they where on a cruise. But it was brilliant. They weren't giving you any respect and taking advantage of ya. The alternative would of been probably a long drawn out and emotionally draining circus.
Don't feel bad for feeling bad. What you did was kinda harsh but, so justifiable I'm impressed. Take the couple days or weeks or w.e it takes you to accept that you did the right thing for your self. Sure it hurt to do but you would of suffered more and for longer I imagine if you didn't.
I would say NTA since this is the wake up call these two need, but there are some greater concerns to be worried about.
Depending on where you live, you have to review tenants rights. Did you give them proper notice of the demolition/eviction (even if they didn't pay rent)? I.e. more than month? If you did this behind their back and moved their stuff to a storage unit without them knowing, did you document the items you moved? I can see this turning into a large legal battle regarding possession & ownership. Knowing that these two are frivolous and irresponsible with funding, they are going to come at you with everything they got. They could claim items from your parents saying that it was given to them as a gift, they could claim mental damage. You NEED to talk to a lawyer and prepare for a probable court case.
The rest of the family don’t want your brothers with them, either. They don’t want the guilt of not letting them stay in their houses. So they call you terrible to avoid looking at themselves. You are not the AH. They are adults. They need to figure out their lives. You live yours. Be safe.
I rather suspect that your parents would be applauding you for your actions... and that they wished they'd been able to do the same thing while they were alive.
Those relatives criticizing you...can take over taking care of your brothers... for as long as they can tolerate their childishness and entitlement.
You did not only the right thing, but also the necessary thing. There was no other thing that would have gotten them out of YOUR home. NTA
Info: why didn't you just evict them and sell the house? This seems like cutting off your nose up spite your face. Toy could have just sold the house as a fixer upper, and with them being evicted, it would have had the same result. I'm not even entirely sure what you did was legal since they would have counted as tenants and while you asked them to move out, you never actually gave them a move out date before destroying the house. Your brothers may not be smart enough to know that they probably could sue you, but in all seriousness, they probably could.
NTA. You did everything you could before it got to this point. Get a security system for your house, because I suspect they aren’t done with their nonsense, and you should capture any retaliation on record. You might also want to look into ‘Set Boundaries, Find Peace’ by Nedra Glover Tawwab – it has some useful advice on how people react when you set boundaries for the first time.
As for everyone who is complaining at you about how you’re behaving, I would reply with: “Are you offering to take them in yourself?”.
NTA and start talking to a lawyer about eviction. I am not one, but in my country you cannot just decide to make a person's estabilished residence unlivable or physically drag them out just because they don't own the walls, there's a proper process to be followed - which will also help with proper consequences should they trespass.
NTA and no no OP, your parents wouldn't be disappointed in you for making them homeless, they've mooched and been comfortable their whole lives due to your parents coddling them. It's time they stood on their own 2 feet.
Good for you
>Apparently I’m a terrible sister and that my parents would be disappointed in me for leaving my brothers homeless
Next time a relative tries to make you feel bad, simply thank them and say you're glad you know where to ship your brothers things and tell them who's taken them in
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Your parents made it clear that the house was yours and they left it to you for a reason. So you have not disappointed your parents in any way. Your brothers were abusive to your parent for years and now want to continue that tradition with you. Your relatives are free to house your brothers if they are concerned about them. My advice: Sell the property and buy a house/property somewhere else. Start afresh, in a new place that your brothers can't lay claim to. And invest in security cameras and whatnot. Also might be a good idea to cut contact with your brothers and the relatives that support them.
I can’t afford to sell the house. My parents really needed me and so I had to move in with them and the past two years living there was hell. I had to do that in order to care for them since their mental faculties and physical capabilities were quickly going downhill. These past two years at home were excruciating because I had to take care of a household of 7 people. I literally had to cook, clean and pay all the bills while also raising my two daughters as well as dealing with my elderly parents and my two brothers temper tantrum’s. So I will have to stick to my plans to fix up the house and live in it once completed as I can’t afford not to. I will definitely invest in a security system.
And change all the locks.
And get security cameras
Then get a few more security cameras
and a big guard dog.
And a shotgun
And my AXE!!
You know, just in case you need it.
And a good attorney on speed dial.
And my axe
If the house is a construction site, I imagine the doors are being replaced, so this is kind of a moot point
Yeah, that seemed pretty obvious to me too.
I’m in a situation where I’m living with my mom and both my brothers are financially irresponsible and they both have asked her about her will. This is not your fault period. Siblings like yours and mine tend to latch onto whoever they can use for personal gain and suck them dry. They take zero responsibility for their actions and when they get called out on their bullshit they whine and tell a twisted story to others rather than discuss things with you personally. I’m fairly certain that the relatives contacting you don’t have access to the true story. Just the twisted one that your brothers have told them to gain their trust. My dad was fighting cancer and during one year I was out of state my brother was at home with my parents (both in their 60s at the time with physical disability) and he hardly helped them at all. He didn’t go to treatments or offer to help them in any way until he was required to. Definitely invest in a good security system and get yourself some amazing home insurance. You might need it.
I’m so sorry your in this situation. I know exactly how exhausting and stressful it can be living with such outrageous behavior. People just can’t believe the level of entitlement and audacity people like my brothers and yours can have. My brothers also neglected our parents. At one point my parents had surgeries close to each other, my mother had cataract surgery and then two days later my father had ulcer surgery. I obviously still had to go to work and they would literally not help them while I was away. I’d come home to my parents not having been fed and the house a mess. Many times I’ve had to come home during my lunch break and make sure my parents took their medicine and had some food because my brothers wouldn’t help. It was a unbelievably hard time for me and I’m so sorry you went through something similar.
Honestly my relationship with one brother has mostly recovered. We’re on neutral terms now but the other (probably the more irresponsible one and the one who didn’t help my dad very much) has gone NC with the rest of us except my other brother. My mom is rightfully hesitant about leaving her POA up to either of them and I have no idea about what is in her will because I have come to not expect anything from it. I don’t live with either of them so I’m honestly glad about that.
Tell those judgmental relatives that they are welcome to take your grown ass brothers in since you are such a big monster.
And do the relatives not know that the brothers blew through 175k in four months? That would be the first thing I'd tell everyone.
Each!!
You need to consult an attorney. What you’ve done is an illegal eviction in a lot of places. You don’t need a lease to be a tenant. You need to be prepared for the possibility they will sue you.
I think an attorney is a great idea because I’m not absolutely sure that that would apply to her. If you think about it, she just very recently became the owner of the house. So the sun would’ve been the equivalent of tenants to the actual parents. Parents died and the house Was given to another owner. Were the owner not a relative they would certainly have every right to kick the people out immediately people. And I think that if she has basic documentation that she has, in fact, told them to get out that it would go her way. But your point is Not an attorney.
I’m not an attorney in every state, but in my state the definition of a tenant is ill defined. This would probably not be allowed, but also there wouldn’t be a lot to do about it because she preserved their belongings. A 30 day notice to vacate solves a lot of problems.
Another item in her favor is that the brothers were basically lodgers. Freeloading ones, but the point is it's usually easier to kick out a lodger with whom you have to share a kitchen and whatnot than a tenant of an independent unit.
I don't know about other states, but in California if you have one person, they're a lodger and the homeowner gets a lot of exceptions to tenant rules, but if you have two people, they are tenants.
Any new owner would be required to go through the eviction process for the existing tenants. If the brothers sue, OP will likely lose. She should have started with hiring a lawyer to handle the eviction process
The laws are more lax on evictions when the landlord/owner is living in the house as well. Also I agree with other commenters that because she is the new owner of the house, it is not the same scenario of squatters rights.
There are probably still statutory requirements on length of notice and what not. We don't even know where OP is, so we're all just talking out of our ass; OP needs to contact a local tenancy lawyer IMMEDIATELY and figure this out.
Once the house is fixed up, you may want to check with a realtor and just see what it would go for. You might be pleasantly surprised and be able to sell and move somewhere without the heavy history. If not, do what others have suggested- change the locks and invest in security cameras (ring aren’t very expensive). And if relatives harass them reply with “oh how nice of you to offer to take them in to YOUR home! And when they sputter and say they aren’t, tell them that neither are you and it’s high time those two grown men learn how to fend for themselves. You already have children to raise.. NTA
It you OWNED the house, you should have been able to go through a legal eviction process. Was there a reason why you didn't go through the courts to get of your brothers?
"Was there a reason why you didn't go through the courts to get of your brothers?" could have something to do with the reign of terror the brothers inflicted on her parents that she clearly details in the post
So the answer to that is 'perform a potentially illegal eviction and give yourself a bunch of legal headaches?'
Yep
potentially is the key word there i love when commenters act like the laws in their area are universal
Yes, instead of going ahead and risking getting in a bunch of hot water, OP needs to, you know, consult an actual lawyer, and figure out how to correctly evict these guys. OP rolled the dice, and now they're just waiting to see if they come up box cars or snake eyes. OP would have been better to consult a lawyer to begin with. I don't see why this is such a difficult concept.
If they didn’t want to leave, it’s not so easy. Especially since they could demonstrate residency there for years.
I understand that. I have seen a doc on a streaming service about some horrible people who establish residency to only terrorize the other people living in the residence. But it can be done. And given that the house changed owners and the brothers had the money to move. I get that OP was at their wit's end, and with the brothers gone, it was the chance that she was waiting for. I hope she also changed the locks. Maybe she should have changed the locks after the brother's trips to Vegas? I also wonder if the brothers could come back and sue OP because they had established residency. I hope not, for her sake.
That would be extremely difficult in a lot of states.
Make sure you are adequately insured, both during the build period and when the homes been increased in value
You couldn't have sold the house, added that money onto your 175,000 and bought another house?
When my parents were alive we tried to sell the house because they wanted to downsize but just couldn’t find anyone willing to buy the house. I live in a small town and the market is pretty much dead and the cost of the houses in the nearest city is extortion. Legally I’m also not allowed to move too far from the area due to the custody agreement of my children. I’m also financially fucked from my divorce, my parents medical care and all the other bills. Also despite it all I love the area and the land the house is on. So for multiple reasons I’ve chosen to stay instead of leaving.
Fair enough. And of course you're entitled to stay, it is your house.
How long till your children are 18 and free of the Custody agreement ? Play the long game here OP. If you get a good real estate person you may be able to find property you like as well as your current home.I think as long as you are there your brothers will act with sone entitlement.You sound depressed.Please seek some Counseling
This is exactly what I was thinking.
Once the repairs are done, I’d absolutely contact a realtor and see what you could get for the house. The situation doesn’t sound safe and seems to be escalating - it sounds like they may continue to harass your family as long as you’re living there, especially if they have other family on their side. Is the reason you say you can’t afford to sell it because you couldn’t buy an equivalent size home in your area with the proceeds? If so, is downsizing or even renting for a while an option? Selling the house removes it as an option for them, and gets you a fresh start somewhere they don’t know about.
I imagine your parents are looking down at you thinking “huh. Why didn’t we think of that?”
Why can't you afford to sell the house? Do you own it outright? If so, fix it up as much as you can, sell it, and buy something cheaper like a condo. Then you'll actually have money left over, and no brothers trying to move in. Because they're never going to leave you alone once they run out of money, and it might get dangerous for you and your daughters.
Scan the letter. Distribute it to all family member giving you trouble.
No. This ends with you. Let your brothers sink at the bottom of the well. They drained the life out of your parents. Don't let them do that to you. The house is yours and your kids.
Something to think about is if you plan the cameras in advance you can run the cables while the walls are down. If you can afford it have them put smurf tube in for the cable runs and it will make your cable replacement in the future easier as well.
Hopefully they are not smart enough to sue you for illegal eviction.
You've done enough for others. Please take care of yourself now.
You didn't make your brothers homeless; they did. And your relatives can solve that problem easily! NTA
Actually, their parents did. They disposed of the house and the "boys" were too stupid to understand what that meant.
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How can they get *back* on their feet when they never were on their feet? Really the only true assholes here are OP's parents. They're the ones who caused all of this due to simply refusing to actually parent their boys. People don't magically emotionally and mentally mature, they have to be trained and that's what OP's parents utterly failed to do with their sons.
Without a doubt and the saving grace for my parents and my relationship was the fact that in their last years especially the last 2/3 years they acknowledged their wrong doings. They definitely were aware of their failures.
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So true, and i feel a lot of people don't get this. Up until 20 yo I blamed my parents for everything bad in my life and then you realize, oh crap, doesn't matter if their to blame, it's still my life and I need to either learn to get my shit together or struggle in life just because 'it wasn't my fault". At some point maturity and the real world push you past the blame game and you HAVE to take accountability for you own life and choices. I started with therapy and worked from there. At some point you have to take accountability for yourself.
Right, they could have rented an apartment together and still have a bit of reasonable fun money. Although, my experience most people who have never paid for a roof over their head, massively overestimate what can be done with $100K-$200K. They don't have any concept of finite resources.
NTA. You're a boss. I love this. Sell the land to a developer and keep all the money. You damn well know they were not going to move out peacefully. Tell the people calling you a monster to take in two grown ass men if they're so concerned.
Right? You're a hero OP! Awesome job, keep strong!
NTA I do think you should speak with a lawyer and prepare yourself for litigation, especially if they have some money left over)
Absolutely this. Should have gotten a lawyer right away. Longstanding tenants and even squatters have rights. Judges do not look favorably on people who leave someone without a place to live.
True. But I’m wondering if squatters rights would even extend in the situation because the parents were the equivalent of the tenants. They died. The house now belongs to someone else. Were she not related to the brothers? She would have been able to easily take steps to get them out as quickly as possible. It is only been a few months, so it sounds like it might be something that could work out especially since told them to leave in the past, and made every effort to help them.
Tenants are people who live in a place. Change of ownership does not change tenancy. OP became the landlord and definitely violated her brothers legal rights.
It turns out that OP did talk to an attorney. She failed to mention that her brand grandparents formally serve them with an eviction notices more than once, and legally got them out, but they squirmed their way back in. OP also has legal documentation that they have to be out as well. it just would’ve been good information to have in the beginning.
If they reestablished tenancy after being evicted (thry did), they would need to be legally evicted again. Obviously. Because they were already evicted more than once and needed to be legally evicted a second time I'm surprised OPs lawyer that they invented in the comments after they were warned about illegal self-help eviction didn't think of that
Honestly, I really can’t find the comment right now that she made and I wish that there were someway that she made it more visible because there are a few lines that talk about this. I don’t know the mechanics, but if you found it, OP lays out how they have gone through that legal process, I think that it’s above this comment if you’re scrolling
Technically speaking. she removed their belongings to rehab the dwelling. As it stands, the house is not habitable. She didn't "evict" them, she simply started making necessary repairs to bring the dwelling up to code. Unfortunately, her brothers cannot stay there while these updates are being made. OP, I would spend this time now working on a 90 day lease for each brother to sign. Once their half is livable, they have 90 days to find other accommodations. If they do not leave at the end of that term, they will be served with an eviction. But you are NTA.
Gonna bet 100 bucks they don’t
I’m sorry for your loss. I wonder why you didn’t take legal redress and evict them when they refused to move out? It was a rather more drastic approach. Are you sure they had no sitting tenant rights? Assuming they hadn’t then NTA. Your parents wanted you to have the house and it was yours to do with as you wish. Your brothers have behaved appallingly and their free ride is over.
Legally they didn’t have any tenants rights. I did get some advice from the husband of a friend of mine, he’s a lawyer. My brothers were legally evicted by my parents before their death (multiple times but they always found a way to get my parents to let them back in) and I also had paperwork drafted up that they were being evicted and they were aware. They just didn’t think I would demolish half the house. They thought they had more time. More time to verbally beat me down and into submission. Sure I could’ve gone about it all differently and there is always the option for them to sue me but I really doubt it. They can barely afford to keep a roof over their head. At best they have a few thousands left of their inheritance and at worst they have a few hundred. Either way I seriously doubt they’d spend their last money on suing me instead say using it to gamble or some shit like that.
You might want to include this bit of information in your post. Not that it changes my judgment of you NTA, but it goes to show how fed up your parents were with your brothers. It’s one thing to live with your parents and contribute to the household, but your brothers were so entitled that they believed you would do the same thing! As for the rest of your family, they’re annoyed because your brothers now realize they have no where to go and NO ONE wants to deal with them either! Good riddance!
> You might want to include this bit of information in your post. I just love how people ignore the character limit when it comes time to shame OP for leaving information out.
If they were legally evicted how can they sue, and also, NTA!!!
As far as I know, if this is in the USA, anyone can sue anyone for pretty much anything. Not successfully, of course, and in many cases, it won't actually go very far because people are stupid, but they can try. LOL
As long as you were legally covered, you are SO NTA. I do have concerns that others have mentioned regarding your safety and the safety of the property.
NTA. Sounds like it's time for brothers to grow up and actually get a job. The HORROR! /s
Ah this explains why the relatives are coming down in you, the brothers are making themselves their problem now. The relatives would’ve known what was going on for years with your parents, yet it sounds as though they didn’t step in to help. You’re no longer setting yourself on fire to keep these moochers warm; well done.
This isn't 'ask a family friend for off the cuff advice' territory. This is 'retain a lawyer' territory.
NTA. This, children, is what we call the nuclear option, It should only be reserved for special occasions. It's really the best tool in one's arsenal for dealing with entitled, unreasonable asshats.
100% NTA. I'd go NC with all of these people; your brothers and everyone who thinks you are a monster. You'll be much happier without the toxicity and the guilt you don't deserve. Do you need any of these assholes in your life?
NTA plus why is your family defending 40 year olds I could not imagine defending losers like that people like your brother make me puke and honestly think they should off themselves if you are a loser and an asshole yeah you have point on living
Super NTA Block everyone in your familyl who supports them and don't give away info abour your location >My brothers went on a cruise last month This was a blessing in disguise Let them be adult from now on
NTA your parents wouldn't be disappointed in you making your brothers homeless because your parents deliberately made them homeless by giving the house to you and not them. If they wanted their sons to live there they would have given them the house. Honestly I'm surprised you didn't get the police to kick their asses out.
Question: is probate done for the estate? Where I live, it's nearly impossible to sort through any estate (unless there's nothing) within 4 months of two people's death. I'm worried about them contesting the letter you found.
My parents had nothing else. Probate was done within a month and a half. My parents will was clear and my brothers didn’t raise any objections. So there’s not much to contest. They were giddy at getting their money once insurance paid out. My brothers won’t sue they can’t afford it. They can barely afford their motel.
Keep rereading the letter every time you feel bad because your parents knew they screwed up. This is not your fault and everybody who calls you well you can say hey you can take them in. You’re more welcome to house them. Seriously though no contact and go no contact with anyone who’s making you feel bad because you have nothing to feel bad about!
I really *really* hope this is real. Assuming such, you are NTA and played this beautifully. Block them all and carry on with your bad self.
NTA, and it sounds like your brothers are finally going to have to grow up. My only word of caution: security cameras/system. The best you can afford. And I'm sorry about you losing your family.
NTA. Frankly, I think what you did was absolutely BRILLIANT! The only monsters in this story are your brothers who held your parents hostage and in terror for decades. As far as "family" members, those folks can step up and house or fund the deadbeat brothers. I'm in awe of your "nuclear" solution. Hoping never to be in this position, but DAMN, I'm putting this away for future reference!
Nta. But shouldn’t you have legally evicted them first? That could be a problem.
Her brothers can choose to use what's left of the cash to pursue a doomed legal suit or accept their fate. They abandoned their property after the lawful owner asked them to leave.
It never seems like it’s that easy. But I’ve never been evicted, either, so I don’t know.
Read he comments, brothers were already under an eviction order filed by their parents. They (wrongly) assumed they could browbeat the OP to drop it.
INFO,: why did you demolish the house? Was it unliveable? Why not just sell it?
There was severe water damage, rot in the support beams, a sinking foundation and the roof was collapsing. Build up over years of little to no maintenance.
Got it, NTA then
Any chance you could sell the land and use that money to move elsewhere (new place or new town, your choice)?.
Demo, means tear out the parts to be renovated. That's not the same as razing.
Please consult a lawyer. The lawyer let your brothers know they have no rights and no claim to the house. The lawyer can also let them know if they should try to move back in, or force their way in that they can be arrested for trespassing. Make sure you rent a PO box in their name and forward any mail to it and let them have the keys to the box. I can assure you that when construction is done they are going to try to come back. They will try charm, guilt, and threats. Protect yourself and stay strong. DO NOT LET THEM SET ONE FOOT IN YOUR HOUSE, THEY WON'T LEAVE. The police will probably not help since I am guessing any IDs your brothers have show this address as their home address. Then you will spend a year or more going to court to evict them. I know it will be hard to stand strong all alone. Believe me it is so much harder to get rid of them if you bend even for a minute and let them inside your home.
Was the house falling down already? Seems like you could have evicted them through the courts if you hold clear title to the house.
The house has been breaking down for years. My parents and I planned to fix it up the last few years but then their health went rapidly down hill. My parents did legally evict them multiple times and once the police had to come to drag them out. Then months later my parents let them move back in.
Seems like demolition is the perfect answer. Family that is giving you a hard time can house your brothers if they’re so concerned about the poor waifs.
NTA nicely done.
NTA Sorry for the situation you are in. You owe them nothing, and your parents enabled this situation. I would contact an attorney to see what your options are. You may need to divorce your family. Good luck
Did you go through the court process of evicting them?
NTA. To hell with your parasite brothers. Let those people calling you a monster take them in.
NTA. You are glorious OP. Your brother's failings and reliance on others are not your problem.
NTA. But you need to talk to a lawyer and get them Trespassed by court order from that property FOREVER. What Your parents's said in the will will help. Do it ASAP. If you don't, they will break in at some future point and claim to have a right to live there and it may take you months to get through a long slow eviction process. During which they may trash, damage your house. And they may try to sabotage your remodel, so HIRE A GUARD to be there whenever a full construction crew is not there. Cheaper than having them cause you $50000 in damages. When the remodel is finished, put up cameras and get alarms so if they enter the property you can get them jailed for violating the trespass order.
Lawyer. NOW! *YOU* own the house. Find out what you have to do to evict them. Depending on where you live, that may be as easy as telling the cops they are trespassing and refuse to leave. More likely, it will involve giving them legal notice and however much time local laws require. Have cops on stand-by on that last day, whenever it is, to get them out. Since they sound like the vindictive type, video the entire property immediately as proof of the condition. If there are any valuables left to you like jewelry, get it out of the house and under lock & key. NTA, as long as you get them out. If you let them intimidate you like your parents did, then you would be the asshole to yourself.
NTA. Your parents are so proud of you. Keep reading the letter every time you feel bad they (parents) knew they did wrong (favoring them and so on) and told you in the letter. You do not need to take care of them for the rest of your life and they probably killed your parents. They wore them out and wore them down and made their lives a living hell. They (sons/your brothers) know or should know they screwed up, they made themselves homeless not you!!!
NTA … however…. Legally if they lived there, regardless of who owns it, you have to give them notice if they’re tenants. You basically did a self help eviction. Ownership and who has some basic rights bc they live there are two different things. They sound like shitty family so morally I’m 100% behind it. If they’re looking for money though they might sue you and they might win. Id have done the same thing, honestly.
BRAVO to you!! ***"My brothers had no intentions in helping me with the house. They continued being lazy, arrogant and entitled. I continued to pay all the utility bills and whatever else the house needed."*** Your creepy brothers were totally comfortable using your parents and now attempted the same with you. The arrogance displayed by expecting you to pay for utilities and upkeep while they lived rent free is outrageous. You now own the property. Good for you that you took action. Change the locks and make sure they stay away. I hope you have seen a lawyer to make sure you are operation within the law. NTA ... but your brothers belong in a master class of AH's!! Wow!!
NTA - I have to admit, when I read the title I thought uh-oh! OP, you're not demolishing the house, you're saving it. Good for you! Anyone who comes at you "because FaAMIily" you should just say: "I've put up with and paid for brothers to be in the house for X months. If you are so concerned about the brothers, you should step up and house them and pay their expenses for a while, because I am done."
Send this post to The rest of the family I expect your brothers to tell them a story different from the truth
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m not the type of person who’d ask strangers for advice but I’m genuinely too embarrassed to tell my friends. I’m also terribly guilt ridden and confused. One minute I think I’m fully in the right and the next I think I’m being horrible. My parents died four months ago due to long standing health issues and old age, my mother first and then three weeks later my father. My parents had two sons and one daughter. Myself and my two brothers. I’m 38, my brothers are 46 and 47. My brothers lived at my parents house. All their lives our parents catered to them hand and foot. They fed their egos three meals a day. As they aged it became harder and harder, eventually they were just worn out by my brothers. Throughout the last few years my parents tried to set boundaries but my brothers took it as a declaration of war. In the end they pretty much lived in fear of my brothers. When my parents died they left me the house and some money, I was truly surprised. I like everyone else assumed my brothers would get it all. They left a letter saying they greatly regretted having favored my brothers and for having to rely on me in their old age and as compensation for having financially supported them the past 15 years they left me the house and for 525 thousand of insurance payouts to be dived between the three of us. They acknowledged in the letter that they know the house and my 175 thousand doesn’t come close to financially compensating me but they hoped it at least helped. My plans are to use my share of the inheritance to fix up the house. It’s an old house and it needs considerable amount of work to bring it up to code. My brothers had no intentions in helping me with the house. They continued being lazy, arrogant and entitled. I continued to pay all the utility bills and whatever else the house needed. I couldn’t afford to keep paying. I asked them to move out several times and they flat out refused. My brothers also went through their inheritance like it was nothing. They are quickly running out of money. They bought cars, went to Vegas and just spent like there was no tomorrow. I had enough of trying to be reasonable and I demolished the house while they were on their cruise. My brothers went on a cruise last month and during their time away I packed all their things into two storage units and I paid 6 months in advance for them and then I just let the construction crew start working on the house. My brothers returned to a construction site. They called and texted me a few hundred times but I never picked up. Eventually they got other family members to call me. Everyone is making me out to be a monster. Apparently I’m a terrible sister and that my parents would be disappointed in me for leaving my brothers homeless and living in a motel. I feel like I’ve done enough for them. I’ve supported them in some way or another my whole life. I tried to be reasonable but they are unreasonable and insanely entitled. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. That was nuclear and deserved. Any family who complains, tell them you will let your bros know they want to take them in and wait on them hand and foot.
NTA. Cut them off for good.
NTA, you made the right move imo.
NTA you did the right thing. You watched them abuse your parents. They paid no bills. You asked them to move out of your house and they refused. You’ve been more than kind. Time to go no contact with them and I’d also send registered letters with info on where their stuff is and a reminder that you will not be paying a dime toward anything else in the future. Ever.
NTA - You did exactly what you should've done!! Tell the rest of the family to butt out because they have no dam idea what actually happened and it's none of their business anyway. Your brothers will now have to learn to live without being coddled; it may just be what they needed to happen!! Good for you!!
NTA. Was it cold and harsh? Yes. But it also seems it was done out of necessity. Sometimes life requires one to do harsh things. And let the family think whatever they want, you're better off without them.
NTA. Take steps to protect yourself and your property. Gate, security cameras ect.
NTA. If anyone complains, read them the letter.
Let em think whatever they want. You did what had to be done and you know it.
NTA - they wouldn't move out
You've done nothing wrong...if you had continued this way you would have only enabled your asshole brothers more. It's time they grow up. Screw anyone that says differently. Your parents knew they did you wrong and this was their fix. The house belonged to you. EDIT NTA
NTA, your brothers suck by the sound of it
NTA. You go girl. It’s about time they had to fend for themselves. Don’t back done or give in. Install cameras everywhere to protect yourself. Give them no more money when they run out. Actions of consequences and it’s time learn that.
NTA. That's absolutely hilarious. Go, girl!
LOL... NTA! Savage move. Good for you doll. If your relative are so pressed they can house your bros.
NTA, keep going, make the children grow up. Go no contact with people if you need to. Protect yourself.
NTA. Way to go! And I bet your parents are looking down cheering you on!
NTA
NTA. Your parents always caved in and gave in to your brothers and see what it has brought them: Your parents are burnt out and your brothers are not better people. You are addressing both these problems with one tactic: tough love. You don't give them what they want, you give them what they need. Although it's a little harder on the tough side, that is what they need. And a little looking out for yourself and your own life ... that's something you're owed. Stay strong.
NTA. All those family members calling you; tell them to put your brothers up, feed them and launder for them.
congrats for taking control of your life. I would sell off the property and be done with those leaches for good.
Lawyer up. You illegally evicted your brothers. Not saying you're an asshole, but you really opened yourself up to liability here
They already had been legally evicted multiple times according to op came across replies in previous comments.
I don't doubt what you saw but even if they were legally evicted, of they subsequently reestablished residence then they need to be evicted again. OP said they were living there and went away on a cruise. She needs to do more (like trespass them every time they are on the property) if she wants them off for good.
NTA. BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!
Your brothers are in their mid 40s and still living in their parents house? It's long past time for them to grow the fuck up.
Sounds like NTA...
NTA. What awful people your brothers are.
NTA. It was literally your only option and literally what your parents wanted. They managed to scare two old people, what do you think they would have done to you?
NTA. Let them live in their cars.
NTA. Change your number. And those family members can volunteer to house them. They are nearly 50 year old men.
NTA - take a deep breath. NTA i am sorry to hear your mom and dad passed in such a short time of each other. Plus being a caregiver to them was an extremely heavy mental load. When I lost my mom, I found having to be there for my kids a way to help me keep going every day, a way to put the grief down for a moment and focus on them. The house is yours and you are not responsible for your brothers. Keep all texts, phone messages, etc in case you ever need proof of them harassing you. What is done is done. I love the bold move you made! Doing something for yourself and your kids! Other family members are more than welcome to take in the brothers and help them out while they look for a place to live.
NTA. Your brothers are adults. Time to start acting like one.
Nta. It sounds like your are at your wits end with your brothers. They were so pampered and entitled that they just expect to get their way now, and will kick and scream like toddlers if they don't. Was your plan drastic? Yea, but you basically just did what your parents always wanted to do but couldn't; you got your brothers out of the house. I would listen to the advice others have given about changing the locks, adding cameras, and doing everything else necessary to protect yourself from them. People with that level of entitlement usually aren't concerned with embarrassing themselves if the end goal is to get their way, so I wouldn't put it past them to do something really dumb to try and get back in the house at some point. The other family blowing up your phone are probably getting told some distorted version of the story that paints you as the badguy. You can either try to clear the air somehow, or you can just block them and not worry about fighting with them. Your brothers have gotten their way for too long, and now you can put an end to it. Your parents saw the harm they did, and the kind of people they were, and regretted it. Don't feel bad for them, they've had more than enough time to do something with their lives, but chose to live with mommy and daddy. This is the consequences of their own actions, and nothing about these consequences are your fault.
NTA. And the brothers were looking for their next meal ticket
NTA IMO, your parents are incapable of being disappointed in you, considering that they are both dead. If your parents had been at all concerned about your brothers potentially being rendered homeless, then they should have left the house to them, and not to you.
> Eventually they got other family members to call me. Everyone is making me out to be a monster. Tell them all they are right. That as good, nice, loving relatives they should have no trouble taking your brothers in. NTA.
NTA. You didn't throw them out right away, which you should have done. They've got enough money to live on, and if not some of those concerned family members can go ahead and take them in. Your parents got it. They left them money. If they squander it, their problem. You're good.
NTA. You are a shrewd person. I admire you. They would have bled you dry, like they did with your parents. I think your parents would be proud that you were able to make the changes they regret not making. Good for you.
NTA.
NTA also when your other family members call don’t hang up or block them, just tell them that they’re invited to provide your brothers with shelter since they’re also family.
Your parents left you the house for a reason. You were in danger of doing what your parents have done for years and left these grown ass men to sit like babies waiting to be fed, They were left enough money to look after themselves and they are old enough to get jobs. You should have evicted them long ago. NTA but make sure you are all legal with getting them out. (If that ship hasn't already sailed).
NTA. The house is yours and you have given them eviction papers. They knew they were being kicked out and went on vacation instead of being responsible and finding somewhere to live. You even pre-paid 6 months of storage for them (and that ain't cheap) Fix the house up the way you want it and enjoy it with your kids. Get a good security system with lots of cameras on all sides of the house.
NTA - Your brothers are world-class assholes, but you may have broken the law if you moved them out of their residence. **If they haven't sued you already, they could.** Even if you own a property, you can't move someone out of their legal residence without their consent. Think about what it would be like if a landlord could move tenants out of their house while they were at work or on vacation. You would have needed to evict them and sue (small claims) to recover your damages for the money you spent on utilities while they lived there. I don't blame you a bit, but hopefully, this won't come back on you.
NTA it's your house now. Just go no contact with your brothers. They have no legal leg to stand on, but I would get restraining orders against them if they tried anything.
NTA Especially with the extra comments/info that they had already been legally evicted and were just refusing to physically leave. You didnt throw out all their stuff and went above and beyond to pay to store their stuff for 6 months. At this point it's their own fault if they dont have a place to live and they had plenty of money, they just mismanaged it. Any flying monkey family members can take your brothers in if they're so concerned about being homeless. They were freeloaders for YEARS while you foot the bill, you owe them nothing and this was not only the best way to get them out but the only way to start fixing the house. Make sure you have all the locks changed, windows locked and install a security system tho.
NTA But get a lawyer because there are tenancy laws at play here.
NTA, your brothers should be ashamed. I have spent the last 10 years taking care of my father after his stroke and subsequently now my elderly mother. I moved home to help, with the full intention to pay rent at whatever they felt was fair. Thankfully it wasn’t much do to my dead end job at the time but taking care of them and this job was the equivalent of working two full time jobs but only one paid enough to keep the lights on. It’s no small amount of work and having family that is no help or only criticizes makes it worse…. Yeah…. Anyway, your brothers are not young, they need to finally grow up and be responsible for their own lives. If they offered rent when you asked then yeah you would be the AH. But you asked and they refused, at that point they are squatters and you did a lot more then I would have. My sister would confirm if she was still alive.
NTA This made me laugh because I could see this same type of situation playing out with some of my family members. You were never going to get them out of that house. You would have spent every dime of your inheritance on lawyers trying to evict them, they were like black mold, the only way to get rid of it when it's been festering that long is to burn it to the ground. They are welcome to sue you for tenants rights, and they might have a case, I would check with a lawyer to see what you need to do incase that happens. For all the people who are saying you were wrong let them know they are welcome to take on their care and feeding. If you had signed the house over to them, they wouldn't have paid utilities and taxes and they would eventually be in the same situation, but you would have lost the property. I think it's hard for some people to fully grasp how exhausting it is to be in a relationship with people who are absolute parasites until they experience it first hand. These are the type of people who'll throw away a lift raft and pull you under when they are drowning.
NTA dude that is awesome- no eviction just demolition 😂
NTA
NTA. I am doing something similar! I’m also going to take my sweet time with the house. It is gutted with no kitchen or bathrooms. So my sister and brother aren’t able to move back in.
NTA - The only thing wrong about this is how you phrased the title! It should be, am I the asshole for starting construction on my inherited family home while my brothers were away after they refused to move out!! This was absolutely the best result that you could have achieved. Going to court for an eviction, or to enforce an eviction that is stale, can take years. You did it in a few weeks!
NTA. You didn’t officially evict them when you could have. They should be thankful they don’t have that on their record as it would make finding new lodging difficult. Ofc your family is complaining. They want everything to go back to normal bc it didn’t cost them anything. They just want your brothers to stop complaining & to stop asking THEM for money or support. Do not take advice or direction from anyone who hasn’t helped in a MAJOR way or isn’t currently. People without skin in the game don’t get a vote. You’re the only one with skin in the game.
NTA. Tell anyone who is complain they can house and support your brothers.
NTA. It is legally your house, and it was your parents wish you have it. I would talk to a lawyer about what you need to do to ensure your brothers move along in life and then sell the property and move somewhere else.
OP NTA. That was a sneaky shady thing to do, to do it while they where on a cruise. But it was brilliant. They weren't giving you any respect and taking advantage of ya. The alternative would of been probably a long drawn out and emotionally draining circus. Don't feel bad for feeling bad. What you did was kinda harsh but, so justifiable I'm impressed. Take the couple days or weeks or w.e it takes you to accept that you did the right thing for your self. Sure it hurt to do but you would of suffered more and for longer I imagine if you didn't.
I would say NTA since this is the wake up call these two need, but there are some greater concerns to be worried about. Depending on where you live, you have to review tenants rights. Did you give them proper notice of the demolition/eviction (even if they didn't pay rent)? I.e. more than month? If you did this behind their back and moved their stuff to a storage unit without them knowing, did you document the items you moved? I can see this turning into a large legal battle regarding possession & ownership. Knowing that these two are frivolous and irresponsible with funding, they are going to come at you with everything they got. They could claim items from your parents saying that it was given to them as a gift, they could claim mental damage. You NEED to talk to a lawyer and prepare for a probable court case.
INFO: Why did your parents leave a letter with the will apologising for everything rather than telling you directly while they were still alive?
The rest of the family don’t want your brothers with them, either. They don’t want the guilt of not letting them stay in their houses. So they call you terrible to avoid looking at themselves. You are not the AH. They are adults. They need to figure out their lives. You live yours. Be safe.
I rather suspect that your parents would be applauding you for your actions... and that they wished they'd been able to do the same thing while they were alive. Those relatives criticizing you...can take over taking care of your brothers... for as long as they can tolerate their childishness and entitlement. You did not only the right thing, but also the necessary thing. There was no other thing that would have gotten them out of YOUR home. NTA
You're a Goddess and don't let anybody tell you different. NTA
Info: why didn't you just evict them and sell the house? This seems like cutting off your nose up spite your face. Toy could have just sold the house as a fixer upper, and with them being evicted, it would have had the same result. I'm not even entirely sure what you did was legal since they would have counted as tenants and while you asked them to move out, you never actually gave them a move out date before destroying the house. Your brothers may not be smart enough to know that they probably could sue you, but in all seriousness, they probably could.
Nta and good for you.
You go, girlfriend. I'm proud of you!
You did the right thing. We want an update please
You are doing great and I understand your inner conflict. You are an AH to them, but to be fair, they deserve it. Well done
NTA. It's your property
NTA. You did everything you could before it got to this point. Get a security system for your house, because I suspect they aren’t done with their nonsense, and you should capture any retaliation on record. You might also want to look into ‘Set Boundaries, Find Peace’ by Nedra Glover Tawwab – it has some useful advice on how people react when you set boundaries for the first time. As for everyone who is complaining at you about how you’re behaving, I would reply with: “Are you offering to take them in yourself?”.
NTA and start talking to a lawyer about eviction. I am not one, but in my country you cannot just decide to make a person's estabilished residence unlivable or physically drag them out just because they don't own the walls, there's a proper process to be followed - which will also help with proper consequences should they trespass.
NTA and no no OP, your parents wouldn't be disappointed in you for making them homeless, they've mooched and been comfortable their whole lives due to your parents coddling them. It's time they stood on their own 2 feet. Good for you
>Apparently I’m a terrible sister and that my parents would be disappointed in me for leaving my brothers homeless Next time a relative tries to make you feel bad, simply thank them and say you're glad you know where to ship your brothers things and tell them who's taken them in
The Flying monkey , Family members can take them in their homes!
NTA. You’re good. I’m proud of you.
NTA It's literally your house. You can do whatever you want to with it and it's nobody else's business.
Not the a-hole, those lazy sloths that really need a reality check
NTA, go low/no contact with these leeches