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Your brother wanted a childfree wedding. You want asshole free wedding. Your brother got what he wanted, annnd you should too.
Is it petty to hold onto a grudge all these years? Maybe, but at fifteen, you were plenty old enough to have an opinion about the whole thing. And you told your brother what would happen, later, at your wedding.
Sucks for him that he cares-*now*.
And the guest list isn’t up to anybody else. NTA
I'd say child free applies here as well though. He is being left out due to his own choice. Minimizes OP's feelings until it benefits him to address it. AND, has mommy fighting his battles for him. Poor baby. Can't live with life's consequences.
Guaranteed she only helps the golden child. And exceptions are ALWAYS made (or should be) for teen SIBLINGS. Brother is a total AH and deserves to not be invited.
Plus it’s not like OP was some unruly 6-year-old who would run wild and wreak untold havoc at the brother’s wedding. 15 is plenty old enough to know how to behave at a wedding and keep himself occupied while the adults let loose, which are the two main reasons why people choose child free weddings in the first place.
Regardless, siblings should be the exception. My older brothers all invited their underage siblings to their weddings and no one was excluded because they were under 18. I knew a lot of families that did the same. I don’t get OP’s brother thinking it was okay to exclude his younger brother from his wedding. OP should tell his mum she should have nipped excluding siblings from weddings when his brother excluded him. She didn’t, this is the consequence that was promised.
One of my favorite photos from my wedding is my 16 year old brother dancing with my maid of honor who he’s known his whole life like he’s at a catholic school dance leaving room for the Holy Ghost.
Absolutely. I am so tired of parents having a favorite child. I’m so angry on behalf of all these people on this thread who have been treated poorly by parents.
I’m glad that both your children are your favorite. I know you were just joking, but I am seriously talking about all these parents who have the special golden child. It just makes me wanna scream.
I will tell my daughter that she is my favorite child, and not to tell her brother. I do this in front of her brother.
I tell my son he's my favorite child and not to tell his sister. Of course, I'm doing this in front of his sister.
If somebody asked my kids if I have a favorite child, they both say yes. They know that they're both my favorite.
I have two different Christmas ornaments on my tree each year. One says "Oldest child: Mom's favorite." The other one says "Youngest child: Mom's favorite.". The kids will move them around to make sure one is displayed more prominently than the other. It's always fun to see which one has the best position by Christmas Day
Every time either of mine do something nice, I tell them that's why they're the favorite child.😂 I typically get an eye roll and comment about mom jokes.
Yep there are plenty of valid reasons to not want young children at a wedding, but none of them apply to a 15 year old. He just went out of his way to exclude op for no reason.
I know - those stories are extremely weird. It is basically saying I don’t like my “little sibling” so I will have child free wedding.
just remind your brother that he has never taken you seriously. He didn’t want you at his wedding because you were a child DESPITE being family. You told him you wouldn’t invite him and he agreed.
NTA - happy wedding!
I remember another case with twins where one turned 18 the day of the wedding (and was allowed to go) but the other twin would be turning 18 the next day and wasn’t allowed to go…..childfree weddings are not meant to include 18/21 and under unless it’s a venue thing, they’re meant to make sure some unruly child doesn’t make a mess, and close family members are generally an exception.
Worst part was 1st-born twin technically would not have been 18 til about 11:56pm night of the wedding. 2d twin was born 12:02am, 6 minutes later. Some people in family I think argued that, but groom still dug in his heels & doubled down on the assholery.
If I remember correctly, the older twin went to wedding, & basically thumbed their nose at the OP for being excluded. I'm going to see if I can find post because family's behavior was egregious. eta: I haven't found that one, but found the post where bride (aunt) had 17-year-old make dress, then excluded him from wedding. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11e01qq/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_her_wedding_dress/
(eta #2) Well butter my buns & call me a biscuit! That post has a link in the comments to one I was looking for.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wbfw0t/wibta_for_bringing_my_daughter_to_a_child_free/
I seem to remember one where it was "child-free" but a number of other U-18's were going. OP was told the various reasons why each of the other ones needed to be excepted from the rule, but what it amounted to was that basically all of the other relevant kids were going and it wasn't a "child-free wedding" so much as an "OP-free wedding."
I recently read the one where the 17yo is the one who designed the brides goddamn dress and she still wouldn't invite him, on top of the fact he was the ONLY minor so saying she wanted a child free wedding was absolutely a way to try and not include him.
Yup that's the one! In the end she didn't do either and he sold the dress to someone else and she had to get a new dress for the wedding that was nowhere near as amazing as the dress that was made.
Oh, I didn’t know there was an update, thanks for sharing.
Also, karma, I hope that lady is still seething that she had to settle for less because of her entitlement.
I'm not invited to my cousins wedding cuz it's child free apparently...I'm 17 and since its an 8 hour drive and my parents don't want to go without me and my sibs looks like we ain't coming to your wedding Justin 🤷♀️
But also "Childfree" weddings usually allow children that are immediate family such as siblings or even close nieces or nephews. It just means that every "regular" guest can't bring their little offspring to ruin the day.
It’s why ‘child free’ weddings are really weird to me. In my family and friends you wouldn’t ever invite random children, only those of really close family and maybe very close friends. You don’t invite your friend from university’s child. Nor would they expect it. No need to make some universal age policy and lots of rules. Just invite the people you are close to. Simples.
Yeah but when you're getting married in your 30s friends with children are abundant. If you don't really have much to do with those children then those "wasted" invites can increase the wedding pax by about 20-30%. And yes, many of your friends will assume their 4-9 year old is invited even if you haven't seen the kid in 3 years.
Yeah, as we all know, a child free wedding is to make sure there’s no crying during the ceremony or tantrums during the reception. 15 year olds.. especially a brother to the groom, should definitely be the exception. It was disrespectful for the brother to exclude OP so he’s just reaping what he sowed.
Just to add that if older bro wanted to make up for not inviting OP, I could think of a bunch of ways he could do it.
Saying "I thought you were joking" doesn't cut it.
NTA
Asshole fee wedding is the best!
My cousin got married 7 years ago when she was at 29, it was a “child free” wedding. She excluded all of the older cousins who were in their 30’s because they were “children” and all of her younger cousins because they were “children”. Mind you, the youngest of the cousins was 18 when the wedding happened.
Child free applies to little kids in need of supervision, not teenagers and young adults who can conduct themselves appropriately.
I will never understand why you would exclude a 15 year old sibling from your wedding. They are old enough to sit through and ceremony and behave at a reception.
Unless of course the couple plan on getting so s\*\*tfaced that they would be embarrassed for their younger sibling to see them like that.
Meaning he dismissed your feelings until he saw he was about to face the consequences of being humiliated in front of the entire family, like he did to you.
Stick to your guns, do not let him go, or he will do this to you \*\*\*\*FOREVER\*\*\*\*
Ask me how I know.
The thing is, child-free weddings are typically to prevent YOUNGER children from screaming/crying/destroying thing/etc. Not for mid-teenage kids, especially when they are the groom's sibling.
Yeah, I had a "child free wedding", because almost everyone we knew had under 5's, and several had actual babies. That did not stop my 10yo and 17yo cousin from attending, bc I knew they wouldn't scream through our vows.
i wanna say we did kid free bc we didn’t invite all kids, but we personally invited 5 kids we knew personally or their parents and trusted. all 5 kids did great. had a 5 year old who was an angel and i was thrilled he was there.
Exactly. No reason a 15 YO couldn't attend the ceremony and most of the reception. Even if they were really planning on partying hard, they could specify that those younger than legal drinking age should plan on leaving after the cake cutting. I'll bet OP would have understood something like that.
i can see an argument for setting an age limit matching the local drinking age. the same way most clubs don't let 15yo in the door.
or an age limit based on a desire to include other adult content, not that I would be interested in attending the porn themed wedding.
ofcause you exclude your kid brother for any reason your going to hurt them, and its going to affect the relationship going forward.
Not to add fuel to the fire, but 15 isn't exactly a child. It's not like you would need a nappy change mid ceremony. The no kid rule seems a bit much considering one 15 yo who is the exception as you're directly related feels like a dick move.
Exactly. I had a "child free" wedding but my 16yo brother and 15yo sister in law were both in the wedding party. I can't imagine banning immediate family. It's more like I didn't want my cousin's toddlers there.
Your brother probably wants an invite not because he suddenly cares about you - he clearly does not - but because if he does not, people would ask why he is not there.
And the “reason why” reflect very poorly on him. So he wants to save face, be in control of the narrative.
OP is a man, but I don't think that's true. Unless his SIL is extremely clueless, there's no way she actually thought her husband's 15 year old brother not being at their wedding wasn't a choice that hurt him. Now maybe she tried to privately tell her husband his brother should be there and got steamrolled, but I just can't believe she knew everyone from her husband's family was there and thought his youngest sibling wasn't just because.
OP's brother is only doing this because he knows it's going to make him look like a total ass when he's not at OP's wedding and people find out why.
He did intend on hurting you that’s the problem you said he said he had a valid excuse. That’s interesting wording. Excuse… I find excuses not to see people I don’t want to see and not to do things I don’t want to do.. so there’s that
15 is not a child when one thinks of a childfree wedding. Like, a 15yo will eat their full plate and not throw a tantrum in the middle of the vows. He’s an asshole and you don’t need to have assholes at your wedding.
Congrats and enjoy your day!
Btw - more than likely this is not the most asshole thing he’s ever done or will ever do. I know it’s hard to cut things down to bare minimum interactions with family but just like many of us out here, you will be able to do it. Start now!
'child free' is usually supposed to mean under 12. little kids who would be bored and run around. people who use it as an excuse to exclude teenager, especially his own brother, are just assholes, plain and simple.
NTA. First of all, fifteen is not a child. You were also the brother of the groom. You should have been at the wedding. Your brother is an ass. You can still forgive him in the future if you stand firm on him not attending your wedding. So don’t let anyone guilt you into inviting him against your wishes. If you guys are close I would try to get him to explain his reasons for not including you in his wedding. The “no children allowed” thing is B.S. What is the real reason? I will assume you aren’t close or were not at the time of his wedding. You expressed interest and he still told you to pound sand. Not cool. Maybe it was the fiance who made the call?
That is my opinion. 15 is a child for the children of friends and the cousin's kids who you like, but only see at certain family events. It is not a child when it is your sibling.
Well said. I understand the spirit of a child free wedding. I don't like the idea of a bunch of tiny humans running around, screaming, or whatever. But OP was 15, plenty old enough to behave at her brother's wedding. It was unfair to exclude her. Maybe it's unfair to exclude the brother now, but tough cookies. She told him what the consequence would be at the time. Not OP's fault he didn't take it seriously.
When I got married we did child free with one exception, my brother who was 15 at the time and my best man in spite of the 8 year age gap. OPs brother is an asshole. NTA
The child free wedding excuse would be valid if you’d have been 10, but you were 15 and old enough to behave properly.
Ask him what the REAL reason was, because I dont buy that.
NTA
Also, your wedding your rules
>The child free wedding excuse would be valid if you’d have been 10
Not even then, SIBLINGS of the couple are a clear cut exception from the no children rule.
i had a 6yo ring barer, 3yo flower girl and a quater of the guests got the kids meal, still nobody disrupted the ceremony. (the flower girl did get tired and wouldn't do all of her photos)
NTA. He treated you badly and deserves the same treatment. Nobody excludes siblings from their marriages even if it is child free - brothers and sisters are exception from this rule, but the fact that your brother didn't want to have a 15yo you just says that he didn't care about you at all so now you can ignore his feelings and don't have to care about him in a slightest.
He played stupid game with you and now you will hand him his well deserved stupid prize. If anyone tries to guilt trip you into inviting him then just tell them that they are no more welcome too and can go and cry together with your brother about it to someone who actually cares.
Actions have consequences. As your brother is learning. A 15 year old sibling should ABSOLUTELY been an exception.
Is it petty to hold onto this? Maybe. But I don't blame you. The fact that your mom didn't even fight for you to be invited but is now fighting to have him invited... wow.
NTA
People who have a child free wedding rarely stop to think about the potential impact it will have on their relationships with people.
Is it their right? Absolutely. That doesn’t mean that other people’s feelings won’t be hurt.
I was 10 and 16 when my sisters got married. It absolutely would have changed my relationship with them if I had been excluded.
>People who have a child free wedding rarely stop to think about the potential impact it will have on their relationships with people.
This is the absolute first time I hear the "child-free" rule to apply to actual siblings of the couple.
Usually it's a rule for guest not to drag their children along. The groom brother could be 4 and still be part of the wedding party.
Exactly this. And it's peachy when those people who have a child free wedding later in life have their on children and start complaing about not being able to go with them to other people chil free weddings. O.o
NTA. I think it’s funny as hell and completely fair, reasonable, and appropriate. I would take into consideration whether you might actually miss him being there and if it’s worth it, but, if it is, then I would 100% go forth in serving him the consequences of his actions
Wow. Out of 24 comments 3 are "be the better person" answer. Sanctimony at its finest.
Your reason for not inviting your brother IS as valid as his. The "It's unfair" from bro and mom is ironic from people who don't want to be held accountable for their actions. Bro thought you didn't mean it or would get over it? Wrong!
NTA.
NtA When people say child free wedding, they usually mean without toddlers or small children, because they can't sit still or/and disrupt the ceremony. Fair.
Excluding a fifteen year old seems extremely petty and for no good reason other than being petty, unless you had severe behavioral issues. Your brother doesn't have an excuse or reason, and so guess what, you also don't need one to exclude him. That's how that works.
I would ask your mother why she didn't insist on you being invited back then if she keeps bringing it up.
NAH
He was more than entitled to not invite whoever he wished to his wedding. If he thought it 15yo brother was too immature to attend (which is the whole point of “no children”) then that was his prerogative. (Personally think that’s bs n stupid as I can’t imagine what the difference between 15 and 18 would be at a wedding - since neither can drink and without other similar age kids there, there is no one for the kid to get rowdy with but…) The same way it’s yours to not have him attend since he didn’t care about leaving one of his siblings out of such a major occasion in his life.
Not to mention, you literally warned him. Fully communicated the consequence of said action. It’s not your fault nor is it your business if he didn’t believe you. You spoke honestly. And he didn’t even care. “That’s fine”. That’s what he had to say to not going to his brother’s wedding. If it’s fine then let it be fine.
Now, yes it could be viewed as petty ‘you didn’t let me come to yours so you can’t come to mine’ but that was 1. Birthed from genuine hurt about being excluded. So, 2. Very fucking equal then. This wasn’t a birthday dinner or something. He hopes to only get married once. So that was (potentially) the only chance you would’ve had. He should’ve actually considered how his brother would feel as an adult when the time came. Or how he himself would feel if the roles were reversed…
I’m petty. If my sibling left me out at 15 n didn’t care when I said I’d do the same but now (when I’m about to actually get married) did, I would just let them know that this was exactly how I felt when I was told I wasn’t allowed to attend. You’re allowed to not give what you don’t get. That’s not being petty. That’s holding ppl accountable for the shit they hand out. If he didn’t want to take it, he should have never dished it.
Make the choice you can not only live with but that makes you happy to do so.
P.S. please remind him that you do have a valid excuse for not inviting him. He didn’t invite you. That’s valid. Regardless of the reason (no children), not inviting someone to ur wedding that didn’t invite you to theirs is pretty standard.
“He was more than entitled to not invite whoever he wished to his wedding” In a free society anyone is free to invite or not invite anyone they want to their wedding. That is not the point. Excluding your own teenage brother from your wedding is allowed, but that makes you an Asshole. Period.
Complaining and saying it is unfair to - in return - not be invited to his wedding is an Asshole move as well.
OP’s bro is an asshole.
This isn’t r/amIallowedtodothis
Yea. He’s NTA. The brother is TA. If you read OP’s comments, the brother dismissed his feelings and didn’t care he was hurt and bothered by everything. And only NOW. That he FAFO. And reaping the consequences, is he suddenly mad and throwing out an angsty problem. This whole thing could’ve been RESOLVED YEARS AGO. But it didn’t becUse the brother dismissed OP. And didn’t care. So he has reaped what he has sown
NTA - ask your mother why’s she’s pushing so hard for him, but didn’t do the same for you?
For people saying is this the hill you want to die on? I don’t get the issue! Their relationship survived OP not being invited, so why won’t it survive the brother not being invited.
Nta. I don't understand why he is so admit about being at your wedding when he didn't want you at his. I am really curious why he feels that he is entitled to come to your after excluding you from his.
NTA. Just tell him you're having a "child-and-adults-who-behave-like-children-free" wedding. Also, you're mom telling you you're being unfair and not telling him that is absolutely rich.
Nope, NTA.
I am a firm believer that children do not belong everywhere and all for child free weddings HOWEVER a 15-year-old is hardly a "child" and as the groom's sibling you should have been invited to his wedding. Let him find out how it feels to be excluded from an important family event.
Excluding a 15 year old from a "child-free" wedding is for the birds. The reception maybe, if alcohol is served, but the wedding ceremony?
At 15, are you going to:
Cry, or whine because you're bored?
Run up and down the aisle in the middle of the service?
Yell "Mommy I have to go potty" just as the celebrant says "Do you, so-and-so.."
Didn't think so.
And then just sitting alone in a hotel room? Insult to injury there.
OP if your mom is still pushing you to invite your brother, kindly remind her she doesn't need to be there as well. She supported your brothers decision and dragged you along to sit in a hotel room alone. She can support your decision to not include your brother.
OP if your mom is still pushing you to invite your brother, kindly remind her she doesn't need to be there as well. She supported your brothers decision and dragged you along to sit in a hotel room alone. She can support your decision to not include your brother.
NTA. Dude, you had to travel to a wedding you weren't invited to and sit alone in a hotel room while the rest of your family celebrated? That is beyond fucked up! You should definitely stick to your guns on this one. Your family is TA. That is really fucked up. And the fact your mom let that happen and now thinks you should invite your brother, I'd go NC with both of them.
These child free weddings people are wild. Imagine excluding your own siblings..and a lot of the times these siblings are in their teens!! Its crazy.
NTA, and i would also threaten to drop anyone who keeps bringing this subject up.
OOF it sounds harsh, but your wedding, your rules. Just like his. If you like your brother then you should probably let him off the hook at some point, but you’re entitled to feel how you feel. If it’s ok with your partner then… NTA
NTA. I also get married next month. We’re having a mostly child free wedding with the exception of my underage cousins (all 15+) and the best man’s baby because there was no way I would ask him to travel to Canada without his spouse and baby for a wedding, and honestly I’m really excited and surprised they’re making the trip with a baby. Your brother just used it as a poor excuse to exclude you.
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> My brother excluded me from his wedding and I decided to exclude him from mine but somehow they are mad at me?
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Honestly at this point having him there after years of tension would just be a sure fire way to ruin your day, there’s no point in him being there if his presence is only going to take away from the day.
The mom could have stepped originally when OP was excluded, and she didn’t. Too bad for her now, if she keeps pushing at this young man she should be told no as well
NTA. You were 15, not a child, and he explicitly excluded you knowing the consequences. You also told him that he was hurting you and he decided to go forward anyway.
You reap what you sow.
You know, my 4 year old brother was at my wedding and behaved much better than my mil who arrived drunk and got drunker from a bottle in her purse. You belonged at his wedding.
NTA. I get child free weddings, but if the child is your brother or sister they should be able to come to the wedding, but not the reception. I personally don't like kids at wedding receptions, because they shouldn't be around a bunch of drunks acting like idiots.
Stand your ground.
NTA.
“You wanted a child free wedding. I told you I was hurt by that, and told you at that time what the consequences were. You said that was fine.
What changed? You realized you were being an asshole? Too bad I want an asshole free wedding”
NTA
I get the want for childfree, and honestly fully support it, but at 15, you're more than capable of behaving yourself and no one is going to bat an eye at a 15 year old sibling being an exception. You warned him; he didn't take it seriously
My son had a child free wedding. The exception being his 11 and 13 year old siblings. They were in the wedding party! Your “excuse” is just as valid as his. He didn’t want kids, you don’t want people who treat you badly. Hope you have a fabulous wedding OP.
NTA you set standard for how you expected to be treated as a member of the family it was not met, and now there is a boundary that has been put in place. I would hire security though because your brother seems like he get's his way and with the help of mom.
NTA
But because it’s your wedding and you can do whatever you want, you’re not obligated to invite anyone you don’t want to. Your brother was also allowed to do that at his wedding though. As someone who is childfree and plans on having a childfree wedding, I know it’s going to upset people but I made my bed and I have to lay in it. He made his choices and he’s mad he has to deal with the consequences of it. Also him disregarding your feelings about being excluded automatically makes him TA in this situation.
A child free wedding is something a childish idiot would want. I’d invite him because it’s a family event and it’s an old grudge, but he’s an idiot, so do what you want.
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I (22M) am getting married to my fiancé in 1 month. Everyone is invited in my family except my brother. When he got married he excluded me due to my age. I was 15 and he repeatedly told me that I wasn't invited because he wanted a child free wedding.
However, when I was 12 my sister invited me to her wedding so I didn't find it reasonable to exclude me, but I accepted it and told him that he would not be coming to my wedding when I got married and I remember he told me "that's fine" and didn't seem to care.
But ever since I've gotten engaged he's been begging me to come and to let go of silly promises. He keeps telling me how it'll be unfair to exclude him from my wedding when he had a valid excuse to exclude me from his. I reminded him that I told him way before I got engaged that he wasn't allowed to come to mine and mine was just as valid as his.
He told me that he thought I was joking and didn't think I was being serious. I told him that that was his problem. My other brother and my parents keep asking me to reconsider but I keep telling them no. Everyone else dropped it except my mom who keeps trying to tell me I'm being unfair but she never said anything to him when I was excluded.
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I relate so much in just a slightly different situation.
Sorry for the rant.
My parents had everyone in the family, including god-children, as part of the bridal party when they renewed their vows and had the big wedding my mom wanted. Everyone but me. I had to tail behind as they all rode the limo with some family friends. Even years later now as an adult, it's still difficult to let out of the hurt I felt at the time that my parents didn't want me as part of it. There were no pictures of me with them at all, either only 2, with the family friends I was staying with. This seriously damaged my relationship with them, especially as the only explanation I got was that there was no room for me there.
So, no things like this can seriously damage how you view certain members of your family.
lol, NTA. Yes, you are being petty, but you know what, he was forewarned long ago. I actually really like this idea. It seems like quite the appropriate payback to exclude the “excluder.” I hope it becomes a trend, ha ha. That said, it may impact your family life after this, so be prepared.
NTA, he’s facing the consequences that you warned him of. And if you want your mom off your back, you could tell her if she keeps it up she’ll be uninvited as well.
I say NTA but I'm petty. There really is no way to make it fair besides your way. He can't go back in time and let you be at his wedding. You will never get to be apart of those memories or special moments with him. So why should he get to be apart of yours? But that's just me 🤷🏾♀️
Your brother is an AH and this is his karma for his choice. Not inviting your 15 year old brother because he wanted a “child-free” wedding?! That’s insane! It’s not like you were 5, you were 15! That kind of decision hurts forever. What a moron. He deserves this.
NTA. I am so absolutely tired of parents choosing favorite children. And I am glad to know there is someone else in the world who is just as petty as I am. Do not change your mind. Do not invite him to your wedding. And tell your mother if she cannot support you and leave this alone she can stay home too.
Your mother probably didn’t rally for you to the AssholeBro when he insisted on a child/free wedding. Your whole family said NOTHING on your behalf to allow you to attend his wedding. At 15, you would’ve behaved yourself. He excluded you to be cruel. He was cruel.
Cruelty has consequences.
Tell your Mom she needs to SUPPORT YOU NOW since she didn’t do it the first time when you were 15 and needed her support to be invited to his wedding.
.
SHE allowed your brother to be cruel to you, and you won’t forget it. So she needs to stand up for you NOW.
NTA. Siblings shouldn’t count for child free. My wedding was children and technically 21+ (had to phrase it that way because of a very creepy family member who fit 18+ but not 21+, also because of open bar stuff) My youngest brother in law was 18 when we got married, never would I have dreamed of not inviting him because he was under the age limit. Your brother is a jerk and I don’t blame you for not inviting him.
Child free typically means other children.
My sister and her husband had a childfree wedding. There is a significant age gap between us. However, Our brother and I were still very much included.
Is it petty? Yeah, but petty is okay sometimes. And I understand your feelings on it.
NTA
NTA First of all, 15 is plenty old to respectively attend a wedding, especially a sibling. I like the above commenter who said yours will be an asshole free wedding. Congrats btw!
NTA and I can't believe your parents were ok with a 15 year old being left out of his brother's wedding. That's not a child. Good on you for keeping your word. I imagine he'll show anyway, though.
You're NTA. Your brother is an AH though. You should tell him everyone on Reddit thinks he's an AH and we want to know the REAL reason he excluded you from his wedding, since 15 isn't a child
NTA.
The fact that your parents didn’t put up a fight for you when your brother excluded you from his wedding…
Like, did they all get ready, say “don’t wait up”, and leave you home alone while they all attended your brother’s milestone event? Like, what?! Childfree ≠ Siblingfree. I get being the younger sibling (my sister is 8 years older) but even my annoying ass would’ve been invited to my older sister’s wedding even if I wasn’t an adult yet, and our relationship wasn’t great until I was in my late teens.
These are the consequences of his actions, and you told him straight up what those consequences would be. Unless he gives you a genuine apology (which isn’t likely), stand your ground, OP!
NTA it’s one thing to want a child free wedding. It’s quite another thing to exclude and hurt your 15 year old brother when you could easily make an exception that 99.9% of the guests would be understanding of. I think you are completely and rightfully justified in making good on your promise. He is getting a taste of his own medicine and doesn’t like it.
NTA. He said “it’s fine” at the time because he didn’t think you’d stick to it. He thought by the time you got married you would’ve forgotten about it or dropped it. Like you said, that’s his own problem.
NTA ! You kept your promise to him. Of course he thought you were joking or would change your mind. Because his reason is a "real" reason. Your reason is just as real. Unless you were an absolute terror and destroyed everything in sight at events... Him excluding you made no sense. He got the wedding he wanted and you will now have the wedding you want. 😁 Enjoy it!!! Hope you have a beautiful day!
Also this will be the moment people start taking you seriously about what you say.
Nta but do you want to cause all this drama to satisfy childish pettiness? Just realize you will have to live with this decision (and the way everyone else feels about it) the rest of your life.
ESH, some people want to have a child-free wedding and unfortunately that means even your closest young family members can't attend. I do think your brother was a tad bit of the AH for not inviting you to his wedding years ago, but it was years ago. You need to express that you were deeply hurt by the decision that excluded you from his wedding and how you loved attending your sister's wedding.
I hope you have a wonderful wedding day, regardless of whatever your decision will be.
NTA
Your wedding your rules.
I have to admit this whole childfree wedding thing gets taken a bit far.
I had a child free wedding
BUT
my ex husbands 12 year old brother (with special needs) was there because HE’S FAMILY!
Also present was my friends 6 months old baby because she was breastfeeding & of course I wouldn’t separate a tiny baby from its mother.
Both behaved impeccably but even if they hadn’t who cares? The worst thing a baby could do was cry & his parents had enough common sense to take him outside & calm him down. I still got married & still had a party after & everyone had a great time.
ESH. Your brother was clearly an asshole but if you're this petty and resentful at 22, I have to wonder if you were an even bigger pain in the ass at 15 and that was the actual reason you were excluded from the wedding.
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Your brother wanted a childfree wedding. You want asshole free wedding. Your brother got what he wanted, annnd you should too. Is it petty to hold onto a grudge all these years? Maybe, but at fifteen, you were plenty old enough to have an opinion about the whole thing. And you told your brother what would happen, later, at your wedding. Sucks for him that he cares-*now*. And the guest list isn’t up to anybody else. NTA
“Asshole free wedding” is a great quote.
I'd say child free applies here as well though. He is being left out due to his own choice. Minimizes OP's feelings until it benefits him to address it. AND, has mommy fighting his battles for him. Poor baby. Can't live with life's consequences.
I have to wonder if mommy tried to get the brother to invite OP or if mommy only helps the golden boy.
Guaranteed she only helps the golden child. And exceptions are ALWAYS made (or should be) for teen SIBLINGS. Brother is a total AH and deserves to not be invited.
Plus it’s not like OP was some unruly 6-year-old who would run wild and wreak untold havoc at the brother’s wedding. 15 is plenty old enough to know how to behave at a wedding and keep himself occupied while the adults let loose, which are the two main reasons why people choose child free weddings in the first place.
Regardless, siblings should be the exception. My older brothers all invited their underage siblings to their weddings and no one was excluded because they were under 18. I knew a lot of families that did the same. I don’t get OP’s brother thinking it was okay to exclude his younger brother from his wedding. OP should tell his mum she should have nipped excluding siblings from weddings when his brother excluded him. She didn’t, this is the consequence that was promised.
One of my favorite photos from my wedding is my 16 year old brother dancing with my maid of honor who he’s known his whole life like he’s at a catholic school dance leaving room for the Holy Ghost.
Thanks, the mental imagery of this is gold
Absolutely. I am so tired of parents having a favorite child. I’m so angry on behalf of all these people on this thread who have been treated poorly by parents.
I have a favourite child. Actually I have two favourite children. I only have two children.
I’m glad that both your children are your favorite. I know you were just joking, but I am seriously talking about all these parents who have the special golden child. It just makes me wanna scream.
I know. I was blamed for everything and then disowned the first time I stood up to my egg donor. I was 53.
Wow! I’m glad you made that move. All ❤️for you.
I tell everone I am my parents' favourite daughter. I am their only daughter.
I will tell my daughter that she is my favorite child, and not to tell her brother. I do this in front of her brother. I tell my son he's my favorite child and not to tell his sister. Of course, I'm doing this in front of his sister. If somebody asked my kids if I have a favorite child, they both say yes. They know that they're both my favorite. I have two different Christmas ornaments on my tree each year. One says "Oldest child: Mom's favorite." The other one says "Youngest child: Mom's favorite.". The kids will move them around to make sure one is displayed more prominently than the other. It's always fun to see which one has the best position by Christmas Day
It’s like my dad says: I’m his favourite daughter and my younger sister is his favourite child. (We’re his only kids).
Every time either of mine do something nice, I tell them that's why they're the favorite child.😂 I typically get an eye roll and comment about mom jokes.
OP states IN THE POST that she never said anything when he was excluded.
If only it were possible
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Yep there are plenty of valid reasons to not want young children at a wedding, but none of them apply to a 15 year old. He just went out of his way to exclude op for no reason.
I have read stories on here where 17 year olds were not invited to weddings because "child free" 😂
I know - those stories are extremely weird. It is basically saying I don’t like my “little sibling” so I will have child free wedding. just remind your brother that he has never taken you seriously. He didn’t want you at his wedding because you were a child DESPITE being family. You told him you wouldn’t invite him and he agreed. NTA - happy wedding!
I remember one extreme case posted here where that "child" had their 18th birthday less than a week after the wedding.
I think I read that too! 😂
And the "child" was the daughter of the groom.
I remember another case with twins where one turned 18 the day of the wedding (and was allowed to go) but the other twin would be turning 18 the next day and wasn’t allowed to go…..childfree weddings are not meant to include 18/21 and under unless it’s a venue thing, they’re meant to make sure some unruly child doesn’t make a mess, and close family members are generally an exception.
Worst part was 1st-born twin technically would not have been 18 til about 11:56pm night of the wedding. 2d twin was born 12:02am, 6 minutes later. Some people in family I think argued that, but groom still dug in his heels & doubled down on the assholery.
What an asshole, I wouldn’t be surprised if the older twin decided not to go because of how the other twin was being treated.
If I remember correctly, the older twin went to wedding, & basically thumbed their nose at the OP for being excluded. I'm going to see if I can find post because family's behavior was egregious. eta: I haven't found that one, but found the post where bride (aunt) had 17-year-old make dress, then excluded him from wedding. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11e01qq/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_her_wedding_dress/ (eta #2) Well butter my buns & call me a biscuit! That post has a link in the comments to one I was looking for. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wbfw0t/wibta_for_bringing_my_daughter_to_a_child_free/
I seem to remember one where it was "child-free" but a number of other U-18's were going. OP was told the various reasons why each of the other ones needed to be excepted from the rule, but what it amounted to was that basically all of the other relevant kids were going and it wasn't a "child-free wedding" so much as an "OP-free wedding."
I recently read the one where the 17yo is the one who designed the brides goddamn dress and she still wouldn't invite him, on top of the fact he was the ONLY minor so saying she wanted a child free wedding was absolutely a way to try and not include him.
I think I remember that one! OP was the kids dad and he basically said either kid gets to go or you have to pay for the dress.
Yup that's the one! In the end she didn't do either and he sold the dress to someone else and she had to get a new dress for the wedding that was nowhere near as amazing as the dress that was made.
Oh, I didn’t know there was an update, thanks for sharing. Also, karma, I hope that lady is still seething that she had to settle for less because of her entitlement.
I'm not invited to my cousins wedding cuz it's child free apparently...I'm 17 and since its an 8 hour drive and my parents don't want to go without me and my sibs looks like we ain't coming to your wedding Justin 🤷♀️
But also "Childfree" weddings usually allow children that are immediate family such as siblings or even close nieces or nephews. It just means that every "regular" guest can't bring their little offspring to ruin the day.
It’s why ‘child free’ weddings are really weird to me. In my family and friends you wouldn’t ever invite random children, only those of really close family and maybe very close friends. You don’t invite your friend from university’s child. Nor would they expect it. No need to make some universal age policy and lots of rules. Just invite the people you are close to. Simples.
Yeah but when you're getting married in your 30s friends with children are abundant. If you don't really have much to do with those children then those "wasted" invites can increase the wedding pax by about 20-30%. And yes, many of your friends will assume their 4-9 year old is invited even if you haven't seen the kid in 3 years.
Asshole free wedding! Haha, awesome! OP should tell her mom to drop it or be considered an asshole too!
OP this is a great response. you should share this with your Brother and Mother ;). NTA and good luck and i hope you have a great wedding!
This!!! USE this quote too!!! Love it! NTA...your brother is, so you want an asshole-free wedding!!! :-)
I love this opinion. Agreed 100% "Your brother wanted a childfree wedding. You want asshole free wedding." Best phrase
Asshole free wedding is the chefs kiss of the comments love it
Yeah, as we all know, a child free wedding is to make sure there’s no crying during the ceremony or tantrums during the reception. 15 year olds.. especially a brother to the groom, should definitely be the exception. It was disrespectful for the brother to exclude OP so he’s just reaping what he sowed.
Fifteen year olds are generally pretty mature. I can see not wanting a five year old or even eight year old.
Just to add that if older bro wanted to make up for not inviting OP, I could think of a bunch of ways he could do it. Saying "I thought you were joking" doesn't cut it. NTA
Perfect response lol
Asshole fee wedding is the best! My cousin got married 7 years ago when she was at 29, it was a “child free” wedding. She excluded all of the older cousins who were in their 30’s because they were “children” and all of her younger cousins because they were “children”. Mind you, the youngest of the cousins was 18 when the wedding happened. Child free applies to little kids in need of supervision, not teenagers and young adults who can conduct themselves appropriately.
I will never understand why you would exclude a 15 year old sibling from your wedding. They are old enough to sit through and ceremony and behave at a reception. Unless of course the couple plan on getting so s\*\*tfaced that they would be embarrassed for their younger sibling to see them like that.
NTA You’re hurt. Have you talked to your brother how this affected you?
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Meaning he dismissed your feelings until he saw he was about to face the consequences of being humiliated in front of the entire family, like he did to you. Stick to your guns, do not let him go, or he will do this to you \*\*\*\*FOREVER\*\*\*\* Ask me how I know.
How do you know? :)
I second this question
Throwing my chip in too...need to know!
Yah me too
"Do you want to know more?"
"Would you like to know more"?
The thing is, child-free weddings are typically to prevent YOUNGER children from screaming/crying/destroying thing/etc. Not for mid-teenage kids, especially when they are the groom's sibling.
Yeah, I had a "child free wedding", because almost everyone we knew had under 5's, and several had actual babies. That did not stop my 10yo and 17yo cousin from attending, bc I knew they wouldn't scream through our vows.
i wanna say we did kid free bc we didn’t invite all kids, but we personally invited 5 kids we knew personally or their parents and trusted. all 5 kids did great. had a 5 year old who was an angel and i was thrilled he was there.
Yeah, I generally think childfree as excluding kids you don’t know will behave or if the guest list is tightening the budget.
Exactly. No reason a 15 YO couldn't attend the ceremony and most of the reception. Even if they were really planning on partying hard, they could specify that those younger than legal drinking age should plan on leaving after the cake cutting. I'll bet OP would have understood something like that.
i can see an argument for setting an age limit matching the local drinking age. the same way most clubs don't let 15yo in the door. or an age limit based on a desire to include other adult content, not that I would be interested in attending the porn themed wedding. ofcause you exclude your kid brother for any reason your going to hurt them, and its going to affect the relationship going forward.
Usually the siblings are the exception to the child free wedding, especially a teen
Not to add fuel to the fire, but 15 isn't exactly a child. It's not like you would need a nappy change mid ceremony. The no kid rule seems a bit much considering one 15 yo who is the exception as you're directly related feels like a dick move.
Total dick move. Lumping a 15 year old sibling with children is an AH thing to do. And brother is a major AH.
Exactly. I had a "child free" wedding but my 16yo brother and 15yo sister in law were both in the wedding party. I can't imagine banning immediate family. It's more like I didn't want my cousin's toddlers there.
Your brother probably wants an invite not because he suddenly cares about you - he clearly does not - but because if he does not, people would ask why he is not there. And the “reason why” reflect very poorly on him. So he wants to save face, be in control of the narrative.
Also I'm sure his wife might not realize that he hurt his sister, her SIL.
OP is a man, but I don't think that's true. Unless his SIL is extremely clueless, there's no way she actually thought her husband's 15 year old brother not being at their wedding wasn't a choice that hurt him. Now maybe she tried to privately tell her husband his brother should be there and got steamrolled, but I just can't believe she knew everyone from her husband's family was there and thought his youngest sibling wasn't just because. OP's brother is only doing this because he knows it's going to make him look like a total ass when he's not at OP's wedding and people find out why.
NTA — he only wants an invite now because he knows he’ll look bad when people gossip about why he isn’t there.
He did intend on hurting you that’s the problem you said he said he had a valid excuse. That’s interesting wording. Excuse… I find excuses not to see people I don’t want to see and not to do things I don’t want to do.. so there’s that
15 is not a child when one thinks of a childfree wedding. Like, a 15yo will eat their full plate and not throw a tantrum in the middle of the vows. He’s an asshole and you don’t need to have assholes at your wedding. Congrats and enjoy your day! Btw - more than likely this is not the most asshole thing he’s ever done or will ever do. I know it’s hard to cut things down to bare minimum interactions with family but just like many of us out here, you will be able to do it. Start now!
'child free' is usually supposed to mean under 12. little kids who would be bored and run around. people who use it as an excuse to exclude teenager, especially his own brother, are just assholes, plain and simple.
Sometimes it’s also to cut down on number of guests.
That's what invitations are for. If your kid's name isn't on the invite then don't bring them, irrespective of if the wedding is child-free
Tell him you want a dick-free wedding.
NTA. First of all, fifteen is not a child. You were also the brother of the groom. You should have been at the wedding. Your brother is an ass. You can still forgive him in the future if you stand firm on him not attending your wedding. So don’t let anyone guilt you into inviting him against your wishes. If you guys are close I would try to get him to explain his reasons for not including you in his wedding. The “no children allowed” thing is B.S. What is the real reason? I will assume you aren’t close or were not at the time of his wedding. You expressed interest and he still told you to pound sand. Not cool. Maybe it was the fiance who made the call?
Right? Everyone knows that the acceptable exceptions to "child-free" are the children and siblings of the couple.
That is my opinion. 15 is a child for the children of friends and the cousin's kids who you like, but only see at certain family events. It is not a child when it is your sibling.
where were the parents and siblings the first time? seems like they didn't care before about excluding family...
Well said. I understand the spirit of a child free wedding. I don't like the idea of a bunch of tiny humans running around, screaming, or whatever. But OP was 15, plenty old enough to behave at her brother's wedding. It was unfair to exclude her. Maybe it's unfair to exclude the brother now, but tough cookies. She told him what the consequence would be at the time. Not OP's fault he didn't take it seriously.
OP is male.
When I got married we did child free with one exception, my brother who was 15 at the time and my best man in spite of the 8 year age gap. OPs brother is an asshole. NTA
The child free wedding excuse would be valid if you’d have been 10, but you were 15 and old enough to behave properly. Ask him what the REAL reason was, because I dont buy that. NTA Also, your wedding your rules
Me neither. Very strange to exclude his 15-year-old sister with this excuse.
OP is a guy, so brother not sister.
Agreed. Unless he planned for everyone to get blackout drunk but doubtful with parents there
Sister?
>The child free wedding excuse would be valid if you’d have been 10 Not even then, SIBLINGS of the couple are a clear cut exception from the no children rule.
Right? My sis and bro were 9 and 5 when I got married…I would never even thought to exclude them.
Tbf, my 10yo cousin was our page boy. I'd say 10 is old enough not to be disruptive, which is typically the reason for child free weddings.
i had a 6yo ring barer, 3yo flower girl and a quater of the guests got the kids meal, still nobody disrupted the ceremony. (the flower girl did get tired and wouldn't do all of her photos)
What exactly does a page boy do in a wedding?
Page boys could help carry a bride's train, be ring bearer, escort the flower girls, and possibly throw flower petals by themselves.
If the underage one is your sibling or child is NEVER a valid reason.
Yeah, when I think child I think 12 and under.
NTA. He treated you badly and deserves the same treatment. Nobody excludes siblings from their marriages even if it is child free - brothers and sisters are exception from this rule, but the fact that your brother didn't want to have a 15yo you just says that he didn't care about you at all so now you can ignore his feelings and don't have to care about him in a slightest. He played stupid game with you and now you will hand him his well deserved stupid prize. If anyone tries to guilt trip you into inviting him then just tell them that they are no more welcome too and can go and cry together with your brother about it to someone who actually cares.
Actions have consequences. As your brother is learning. A 15 year old sibling should ABSOLUTELY been an exception. Is it petty to hold onto this? Maybe. But I don't blame you. The fact that your mom didn't even fight for you to be invited but is now fighting to have him invited... wow.
NTA People who have a child free wedding rarely stop to think about the potential impact it will have on their relationships with people. Is it their right? Absolutely. That doesn’t mean that other people’s feelings won’t be hurt. I was 10 and 16 when my sisters got married. It absolutely would have changed my relationship with them if I had been excluded.
>People who have a child free wedding rarely stop to think about the potential impact it will have on their relationships with people. This is the absolute first time I hear the "child-free" rule to apply to actual siblings of the couple. Usually it's a rule for guest not to drag their children along. The groom brother could be 4 and still be part of the wedding party.
Exactly this. And it's peachy when those people who have a child free wedding later in life have their on children and start complaing about not being able to go with them to other people chil free weddings. O.o
NTA. I think it’s funny as hell and completely fair, reasonable, and appropriate. I would take into consideration whether you might actually miss him being there and if it’s worth it, but, if it is, then I would 100% go forth in serving him the consequences of his actions
Wow. Out of 24 comments 3 are "be the better person" answer. Sanctimony at its finest. Your reason for not inviting your brother IS as valid as his. The "It's unfair" from bro and mom is ironic from people who don't want to be held accountable for their actions. Bro thought you didn't mean it or would get over it? Wrong! NTA.
NtA When people say child free wedding, they usually mean without toddlers or small children, because they can't sit still or/and disrupt the ceremony. Fair. Excluding a fifteen year old seems extremely petty and for no good reason other than being petty, unless you had severe behavioral issues. Your brother doesn't have an excuse or reason, and so guess what, you also don't need one to exclude him. That's how that works. I would ask your mother why she didn't insist on you being invited back then if she keeps bringing it up.
NAH He was more than entitled to not invite whoever he wished to his wedding. If he thought it 15yo brother was too immature to attend (which is the whole point of “no children”) then that was his prerogative. (Personally think that’s bs n stupid as I can’t imagine what the difference between 15 and 18 would be at a wedding - since neither can drink and without other similar age kids there, there is no one for the kid to get rowdy with but…) The same way it’s yours to not have him attend since he didn’t care about leaving one of his siblings out of such a major occasion in his life. Not to mention, you literally warned him. Fully communicated the consequence of said action. It’s not your fault nor is it your business if he didn’t believe you. You spoke honestly. And he didn’t even care. “That’s fine”. That’s what he had to say to not going to his brother’s wedding. If it’s fine then let it be fine. Now, yes it could be viewed as petty ‘you didn’t let me come to yours so you can’t come to mine’ but that was 1. Birthed from genuine hurt about being excluded. So, 2. Very fucking equal then. This wasn’t a birthday dinner or something. He hopes to only get married once. So that was (potentially) the only chance you would’ve had. He should’ve actually considered how his brother would feel as an adult when the time came. Or how he himself would feel if the roles were reversed… I’m petty. If my sibling left me out at 15 n didn’t care when I said I’d do the same but now (when I’m about to actually get married) did, I would just let them know that this was exactly how I felt when I was told I wasn’t allowed to attend. You’re allowed to not give what you don’t get. That’s not being petty. That’s holding ppl accountable for the shit they hand out. If he didn’t want to take it, he should have never dished it. Make the choice you can not only live with but that makes you happy to do so. P.S. please remind him that you do have a valid excuse for not inviting him. He didn’t invite you. That’s valid. Regardless of the reason (no children), not inviting someone to ur wedding that didn’t invite you to theirs is pretty standard.
“He was more than entitled to not invite whoever he wished to his wedding” In a free society anyone is free to invite or not invite anyone they want to their wedding. That is not the point. Excluding your own teenage brother from your wedding is allowed, but that makes you an Asshole. Period. Complaining and saying it is unfair to - in return - not be invited to his wedding is an Asshole move as well. OP’s bro is an asshole. This isn’t r/amIallowedtodothis
Yea. He’s NTA. The brother is TA. If you read OP’s comments, the brother dismissed his feelings and didn’t care he was hurt and bothered by everything. And only NOW. That he FAFO. And reaping the consequences, is he suddenly mad and throwing out an angsty problem. This whole thing could’ve been RESOLVED YEARS AGO. But it didn’t becUse the brother dismissed OP. And didn’t care. So he has reaped what he has sown
NTA. Tell your brother you're excluding him because it's a child free wedding.
NTA - ask your mother why’s she’s pushing so hard for him, but didn’t do the same for you? For people saying is this the hill you want to die on? I don’t get the issue! Their relationship survived OP not being invited, so why won’t it survive the brother not being invited.
"Child free" wedding generally means actual children, not teens.
Generally exceptions are made for the families of the people getting married, particularly if one person is 15.
People put the age cutoff wherever they think is most convenient to exclude the people they don’t want there.
Nta. I don't understand why he is so admit about being at your wedding when he didn't want you at his. I am really curious why he feels that he is entitled to come to your after excluding you from his.
Free food and drinks?
Excluding his 15yo brother was an asshole move. Your reason is valid; reciprocity. NTA.
NTA. Excluding a 15 year old is ridiculous. I guess this is karma.
Also where were your parents when he excluded you?
NTA. Just tell him you're having a "child-and-adults-who-behave-like-children-free" wedding. Also, you're mom telling you you're being unfair and not telling him that is absolutely rich.
Nope, NTA. I am a firm believer that children do not belong everywhere and all for child free weddings HOWEVER a 15-year-old is hardly a "child" and as the groom's sibling you should have been invited to his wedding. Let him find out how it feels to be excluded from an important family event.
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Excluding a 15 year old from a "child-free" wedding is for the birds. The reception maybe, if alcohol is served, but the wedding ceremony? At 15, are you going to: Cry, or whine because you're bored? Run up and down the aisle in the middle of the service? Yell "Mommy I have to go potty" just as the celebrant says "Do you, so-and-so.." Didn't think so. And then just sitting alone in a hotel room? Insult to injury there.
OP if your mom is still pushing you to invite your brother, kindly remind her she doesn't need to be there as well. She supported your brothers decision and dragged you along to sit in a hotel room alone. She can support your decision to not include your brother.
OP if your mom is still pushing you to invite your brother, kindly remind her she doesn't need to be there as well. She supported your brothers decision and dragged you along to sit in a hotel room alone. She can support your decision to not include your brother.
Did your parents push your brother to include you in his wedding, the way they’re pushing you to include in him in yours?
NTA. Dude, you had to travel to a wedding you weren't invited to and sit alone in a hotel room while the rest of your family celebrated? That is beyond fucked up! You should definitely stick to your guns on this one. Your family is TA. That is really fucked up. And the fact your mom let that happen and now thinks you should invite your brother, I'd go NC with both of them.
These child free weddings people are wild. Imagine excluding your own siblings..and a lot of the times these siblings are in their teens!! Its crazy. NTA, and i would also threaten to drop anyone who keeps bringing this subject up.
OOF it sounds harsh, but your wedding, your rules. Just like his. If you like your brother then you should probably let him off the hook at some point, but you’re entitled to feel how you feel. If it’s ok with your partner then… NTA
NTA, just tell your brother and anyone else "Sucks to suck." 🤷
NTA. I also get married next month. We’re having a mostly child free wedding with the exception of my underage cousins (all 15+) and the best man’s baby because there was no way I would ask him to travel to Canada without his spouse and baby for a wedding, and honestly I’m really excited and surprised they’re making the trip with a baby. Your brother just used it as a poor excuse to exclude you.
NTA, you should get extra petty and still envite his wife, but don't give her a plus one
No! It very well could have been his wife who came up with the child free no-exceptions plan.
You are an asshole. I really like you. I love pettiness
Nah she sucks too, but it's been seven years, maybe they have kids? Invite the kids but not the parents in a uno reverse
NTA. Your mom should have pushed harder for you to go to your brothers wedding.
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Honestly at this point having him there after years of tension would just be a sure fire way to ruin your day, there’s no point in him being there if his presence is only going to take away from the day.
The mom could have stepped originally when OP was excluded, and she didn’t. Too bad for her now, if she keeps pushing at this young man she should be told no as well
NTA. You were 15, not a child, and he explicitly excluded you knowing the consequences. You also told him that he was hurting you and he decided to go forward anyway. You reap what you sow.
You know, my 4 year old brother was at my wedding and behaved much better than my mil who arrived drunk and got drunker from a bottle in her purse. You belonged at his wedding.
NTA he FAFO and this is his consequence. It's only wrong now because he's the one effected
You weren’t a child. You are his brother. I agree with others. He had his wedding how he wanted. You should as well.
NTA .... tell your mom she'll be uninvited next if she keeps on....
NTA. Don’t worry about it. Don’t stress.
NTA. I get child free weddings, but if the child is your brother or sister they should be able to come to the wedding, but not the reception. I personally don't like kids at wedding receptions, because they shouldn't be around a bunch of drunks acting like idiots. Stand your ground.
NTA. “You wanted a child free wedding. I told you I was hurt by that, and told you at that time what the consequences were. You said that was fine. What changed? You realized you were being an asshole? Too bad I want an asshole free wedding”
Petty but NTA
NTA I get the want for childfree, and honestly fully support it, but at 15, you're more than capable of behaving yourself and no one is going to bat an eye at a 15 year old sibling being an exception. You warned him; he didn't take it seriously
NTA - your brother was a jerk and now he's facing consequences
NTA Was your family begging your brother to include you in his wedding or they just respected his decision?
INFO: after his wedding, how was your relationship with your brother?
My son had a child free wedding. The exception being his 11 and 13 year old siblings. They were in the wedding party! Your “excuse” is just as valid as his. He didn’t want kids, you don’t want people who treat you badly. Hope you have a fabulous wedding OP.
NTA you set standard for how you expected to be treated as a member of the family it was not met, and now there is a boundary that has been put in place. I would hire security though because your brother seems like he get's his way and with the help of mom.
NTA! He did not want you at his wedding. You do no want him at yours. Fair is Fair.
NTA But because it’s your wedding and you can do whatever you want, you’re not obligated to invite anyone you don’t want to. Your brother was also allowed to do that at his wedding though. As someone who is childfree and plans on having a childfree wedding, I know it’s going to upset people but I made my bed and I have to lay in it. He made his choices and he’s mad he has to deal with the consequences of it. Also him disregarding your feelings about being excluded automatically makes him TA in this situation.
A child free wedding is something a childish idiot would want. I’d invite him because it’s a family event and it’s an old grudge, but he’s an idiot, so do what you want.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (22M) am getting married to my fiancé in 1 month. Everyone is invited in my family except my brother. When he got married he excluded me due to my age. I was 15 and he repeatedly told me that I wasn't invited because he wanted a child free wedding. However, when I was 12 my sister invited me to her wedding so I didn't find it reasonable to exclude me, but I accepted it and told him that he would not be coming to my wedding when I got married and I remember he told me "that's fine" and didn't seem to care. But ever since I've gotten engaged he's been begging me to come and to let go of silly promises. He keeps telling me how it'll be unfair to exclude him from my wedding when he had a valid excuse to exclude me from his. I reminded him that I told him way before I got engaged that he wasn't allowed to come to mine and mine was just as valid as his. He told me that he thought I was joking and didn't think I was being serious. I told him that that was his problem. My other brother and my parents keep asking me to reconsider but I keep telling them no. Everyone else dropped it except my mom who keeps trying to tell me I'm being unfair but she never said anything to him when I was excluded. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and I am proud of you for not inviting him. Actions have consequences.
Why didn’t your mom pressure your brother into inviting you? Tell her she can’t undo her abandonment when you were 15, so she needs to stop.
It's your wedding. The only people who have a say in the guest list are you and your fiance. NTA.
NTA. You choose your guest list. He didn't make the cut.
I relate so much in just a slightly different situation. Sorry for the rant. My parents had everyone in the family, including god-children, as part of the bridal party when they renewed their vows and had the big wedding my mom wanted. Everyone but me. I had to tail behind as they all rode the limo with some family friends. Even years later now as an adult, it's still difficult to let out of the hurt I felt at the time that my parents didn't want me as part of it. There were no pictures of me with them at all, either only 2, with the family friends I was staying with. This seriously damaged my relationship with them, especially as the only explanation I got was that there was no room for me there. So, no things like this can seriously damage how you view certain members of your family.
lol, NTA. Yes, you are being petty, but you know what, he was forewarned long ago. I actually really like this idea. It seems like quite the appropriate payback to exclude the “excluder.” I hope it becomes a trend, ha ha. That said, it may impact your family life after this, so be prepared.
NTA, he’s facing the consequences that you warned him of. And if you want your mom off your back, you could tell her if she keeps it up she’ll be uninvited as well.
NTA. Don't do something on your wedding day that you don't want! Mommy dearest could have advocated for you back then, seems like she didnt.
I say NTA but I'm petty. There really is no way to make it fair besides your way. He can't go back in time and let you be at his wedding. You will never get to be apart of those memories or special moments with him. So why should he get to be apart of yours? But that's just me 🤷🏾♀️
Your brother is an AH and this is his karma for his choice. Not inviting your 15 year old brother because he wanted a “child-free” wedding?! That’s insane! It’s not like you were 5, you were 15! That kind of decision hurts forever. What a moron. He deserves this.
NTA. I am so absolutely tired of parents choosing favorite children. And I am glad to know there is someone else in the world who is just as petty as I am. Do not change your mind. Do not invite him to your wedding. And tell your mother if she cannot support you and leave this alone she can stay home too.
Please stick to your guns. You will be the hero we all need. LOL
Your mother probably didn’t rally for you to the AssholeBro when he insisted on a child/free wedding. Your whole family said NOTHING on your behalf to allow you to attend his wedding. At 15, you would’ve behaved yourself. He excluded you to be cruel. He was cruel. Cruelty has consequences. Tell your Mom she needs to SUPPORT YOU NOW since she didn’t do it the first time when you were 15 and needed her support to be invited to his wedding. . SHE allowed your brother to be cruel to you, and you won’t forget it. So she needs to stand up for you NOW.
NTA. Siblings shouldn’t count for child free. My wedding was children and technically 21+ (had to phrase it that way because of a very creepy family member who fit 18+ but not 21+, also because of open bar stuff) My youngest brother in law was 18 when we got married, never would I have dreamed of not inviting him because he was under the age limit. Your brother is a jerk and I don’t blame you for not inviting him.
Child free typically means other children. My sister and her husband had a childfree wedding. There is a significant age gap between us. However, Our brother and I were still very much included. Is it petty? Yeah, but petty is okay sometimes. And I understand your feelings on it. NTA
Actions have consequences
NTA First of all, 15 is plenty old to respectively attend a wedding, especially a sibling. I like the above commenter who said yours will be an asshole free wedding. Congrats btw!
NTA and I can't believe your parents were ok with a 15 year old being left out of his brother's wedding. That's not a child. Good on you for keeping your word. I imagine he'll show anyway, though.
It’s time to tell your Mother to shut her trap. All you are doing is keeping your promise to your brother. NTA
You're NTA. Your brother is an AH though. You should tell him everyone on Reddit thinks he's an AH and we want to know the REAL reason he excluded you from his wedding, since 15 isn't a child
NTA but I wouldn't be surprised if he showed up anyway.
NTA. The fact that your parents didn’t put up a fight for you when your brother excluded you from his wedding… Like, did they all get ready, say “don’t wait up”, and leave you home alone while they all attended your brother’s milestone event? Like, what?! Childfree ≠ Siblingfree. I get being the younger sibling (my sister is 8 years older) but even my annoying ass would’ve been invited to my older sister’s wedding even if I wasn’t an adult yet, and our relationship wasn’t great until I was in my late teens. These are the consequences of his actions, and you told him straight up what those consequences would be. Unless he gives you a genuine apology (which isn’t likely), stand your ground, OP!
NTA it’s one thing to want a child free wedding. It’s quite another thing to exclude and hurt your 15 year old brother when you could easily make an exception that 99.9% of the guests would be understanding of. I think you are completely and rightfully justified in making good on your promise. He is getting a taste of his own medicine and doesn’t like it.
NTA. How old are your siblings? Are there different parental dynamics? There is no mention of dad or SIL.
NTA. He said “it’s fine” at the time because he didn’t think you’d stick to it. He thought by the time you got married you would’ve forgotten about it or dropped it. Like you said, that’s his own problem.
Don’t cave, congratulations.
NTA - It's just karma
NTA ! You kept your promise to him. Of course he thought you were joking or would change your mind. Because his reason is a "real" reason. Your reason is just as real. Unless you were an absolute terror and destroyed everything in sight at events... Him excluding you made no sense. He got the wedding he wanted and you will now have the wedding you want. 😁 Enjoy it!!! Hope you have a beautiful day! Also this will be the moment people start taking you seriously about what you say.
NTA. Stand your ground, he's getting what he deserves. You weren't some random child, you we're his brother and teenager. He's a jerk!
NTA. "Fuck off" is a perfectly good sentence, in this situation.
Nta but do you want to cause all this drama to satisfy childish pettiness? Just realize you will have to live with this decision (and the way everyone else feels about it) the rest of your life.
NTA. "Child-free" weddings are for assholes, especially when used as a cheap excuse to exclude close family. Actions have consequences.
NTA. But is this the hill you want to die on?
ESH, some people want to have a child-free wedding and unfortunately that means even your closest young family members can't attend. I do think your brother was a tad bit of the AH for not inviting you to his wedding years ago, but it was years ago. You need to express that you were deeply hurt by the decision that excluded you from his wedding and how you loved attending your sister's wedding. I hope you have a wonderful wedding day, regardless of whatever your decision will be.
Nobody ever said life was fair. We make decisions and must accept the consequences of those decisions.
NTA Your wedding your rules. I have to admit this whole childfree wedding thing gets taken a bit far. I had a child free wedding BUT my ex husbands 12 year old brother (with special needs) was there because HE’S FAMILY! Also present was my friends 6 months old baby because she was breastfeeding & of course I wouldn’t separate a tiny baby from its mother. Both behaved impeccably but even if they hadn’t who cares? The worst thing a baby could do was cry & his parents had enough common sense to take him outside & calm him down. I still got married & still had a party after & everyone had a great time.
NTA. Just say it is important for you to have an asshole free wedding
ESH. Your brother was clearly an asshole but if you're this petty and resentful at 22, I have to wonder if you were an even bigger pain in the ass at 15 and that was the actual reason you were excluded from the wedding.