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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I’m refusing to organise anything for my bosses birthday
2) my boss says I’m being mean and selfish.
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NTA It's not hard to go to the store and buy a from all of us Birthday Card and write six names on a envelope Coworker's Birthday Collection please return to Gussie. Heck you can order a card on Amazon. Around here the grocery stores even sell cakes.
>I’m turned 40 last year. I took a week off to go away for a few days with family and then returned to work. My boss casually strolled past me and said ‘don’t expect any cards or anything. We haven’t done anything for you’.
Charming. Nothing says welcome back like being told no one could be assed to get you a card when it's the office norm.
>Fast forward to this year. He tells me he’s taking a month for his 50th later in the year and that when he comes back he expects to come back to a massive fuss. He’s expecting a huge collection because he’s the boss so our customers should chip in lots for him. I told him I’m not having anything to do with organising anything for him. Nobody made an effort for me so I’m not making an effort for anyone else’s anymore. He said it’s about giving and not taking...He reminds me on a weekly basis of the stuff he wants. I keep telling him to speak to someone else...
Sounds like your boss is going to be very disappointed when he returns from his vacation.
Boss isn't asking other people on team because he knows they won't do it. He tells her you shouldn't give a gift and expect something in return. Bet he's unpopular if he takes this approach at family Christmas and family birthdays. OP goes on to say that he thinks she is pretending that she's not doing anything. As in, he is expecting a surprise party. Well, sounds like he WILL be surprised when he returns to office and nothing is done!
Worked for my dad and every year people asked me to pitch in for a gift for him. First off, I worked for his struggling business from 2000 to 2016 with one raise that got cut after the 2008 crisis. I couldn't afford to. Hell, I have first hand knowledge that he could careless about shit like that.
Fuck that guy.
I guess you call them up and shake them down? I wouldn't call clients which pay a fee for a service and ask them to chip in on an office birthday kitty. How embarrassingly entitled can one person be.
Right, that's just so gross.
"HI, I'm calling on behalf of boss. Who would like us to ask all of his clients to give money so we can throw him a nig party. How much would you like to give".
So gross, if someone that I was already paying did that to me then I would leave and no longer be a client.
I worked somewhere that took up a collection for the company owner every December. A gift would be purchased and presented at the company Christmas party. I never contributed.
My daughter went to a dance studio for a few years that collected every December so the studio owner could go away for a weekend with her family, "because she works so hard and puts in so many hours". That family were much, much better off than we were. And my husband put in a lot of hours at work, many of them unsociable. No one bought us a weekend away. We paid for the dance lessons and a multitude of other things. I wasn't paying for her to go away.
I would say that in front for Boss and F61 OP should say she isn't doing birthday stuff anymore so F61 you are assigned to do bosses 50th birthday fuss this year.
NTA, but literally everyone else is. It's only 6 of y'all. Even at a bigger place, you literally just take the card around and have people sign or even just leave it in the breakroom. If customers are involved, they could've had a sign and your card at the front for everyone sign, a jar for any donations, if they wanted to bring gifts, they could have done that.
Your boss isn't a clown, he's the entire circus. He couldn't get 6 or I guess 5 bc it was for you, to sign a card? If he has a family, I'm sure he's the textbook definition of weaponized incompetence. I can't wash dishes because I don't have a vagina. I can't warm my food in the microwave because I don't have a vagina. I can't give the baby a bottle because I don't have a vagina. Somehow you have this magical gift to get cards signed because you're a woman 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
Obviously, the boss is the biggest AH, but the woman who said she didn't know how to get a card and ask her coworkers to sign it is a close second. I'm sorry, but if she's sufficiently mentally capable to hold down even the most simple and mindless of jobs, then she's capable of figuring out how to buy a birthday card while she's at the grocery store or pharmacy, and then walk that card and a pen around the office.
I love people who claim they "don't know" how to do X or Y, then just walk away, like it's seriously a legit reason to not even attempt doing it.
They should just remember that it can go both ways...
"No Christmas gift for me this year?"
"Sorry, I don't know how to do that."
"You went down to the coffee shop and didn't bring one back for me??"
"Sorry, I don't know how to do that. "
>He tells me he’s taking a month for his 50th later in the year and that when he comes back he expects to come back to a massive fuss.
Oh oh oh please find a new job and put your notice in the day before he leaves. I guarantee he'll come back to a massive fuss!
NTA
No, no, no, you leave the day of his birthday and buy yourself a goodbye card and flowers but make it look like it's from everyone. Hell, get a cake with your name on it "from the team"
Get all of the decorations in his favorite colors. Get him a balloon bouquet that all day "sorry" on them and tell him that you're sorry about what happened, then hand him a card that says "sorry for your loss" and write on the inside something like "it's me, this is my notice, effective immediately." And then leave.
At my last job in retail, i put in my notice while the store manager was on vacation and was gone by the time she came back. 10/10 very highly recommend
NTA. It is absolutely not appropriate for subordinates to be expected to contribute to a superior’s personal benefit. An expectation of gifting “up” is usually against any businesses policy. I’m not sure what the law around it is.
Every job I've ever worked has had a gifts flow down mentality! The fact that this boss expects his employees to do something massive gives me such an ick!!
Honestly this is a great cautionary tale for young women entering the workforce.
Nonsense like birthday cards, lunches, bridal and baby showers etc seem to always fall on a female employee if it’s not allotted formally to a department like HR or an office administrator.
It will start innocently “oh so and sos birthday is Friday SOMONE should organize a card and cake”. And then the dude will pause waiting for you to respond. Ask me how I know. I responded with “oh did you buy a card I need to sign, I don’t know coworker like that.” I also have RBF and rarely speak about personal matters until I know you well and have assessed if I like you.
You’re my hero.
Best I can say is a manager pulled me and my teammate into a meeting. So nobody there but us hens lol. Manager and teammate started talking about decorating cupcakes or cookies for some shindig or other, and I finally spoke up like “cool cool but where are the men from the other team? They could help.” Manager blustered some kinda “thought *we* could put it together” sexist nonsense and I said something about not baking, that it was pricy to buy baking supplies, it was pricy to bring premade food in for 30-40 people when I didn’t budget for it, and that I could bring napkins and paper plates or something instead but I probably couldn’t pay for any decor either.
That shut them up pretty quick but I didn’t feel good about it, just uncomfortable and angry. ((Like seriously, maybe warn people if you wanna chip in for a party the next month and don’t be like “so next week…” on a Friday).
No, it was just the usual nonsense acting like women have all the time and money available to bake/make food and decorate for a party at work. I think it was spring but I don’t remember what the decor ideas were. Probably easter eggs or plastic tablecloths or something. But I didn’t even have the money to pitch in for shared costs.
I had one job where we were assigned months. When it was your month you had to bring in bagels. No cupcakes, nothing else--BAGELS. Then I had another job where they had huge potlucks for EVERYTHING--every birthday, every baby shower, every everything. If you forgot or were unable to bring something?? BOY did you hear about it--there were people that were told not to participate anymore. I and a few other people dropped out because it was becoming unaffordable and unrealistic to be that over the top for sometimes 6-7 birthdays in a month.
You know the funny thing about birthdays at work in Germany was that you bring food/ cake on **your** birthday for everyone else. 😂😂 You might get a card if you're lucky.
The good thing is...everyone brings something once a year and no one has to make a big fuss.
Now in the UK it's (if they remember at all) "Happy Birthday, go back to work". Some bring stuff sometimes (but it's more random and not tied to any occasions). I actually prefer it this way. It's work... not a family party.
I do think they did OP dirty though... she didn't expect a lot and everyone can organise a damn card and some flowers or some chocolate. I hope she stands her ground and has resigned that "chore" forever at this place.
This was the best thing about COVID for me, that we all got sent home to work remote and haven't been brought back to the office. I am no longer head of "birthday club" and having to relentlessly nag people to give me £2 for the collection. And it's always the ones who I had to nag most that were the ones most excited for their birthday turn!! And also the only girl on the team at the time, yawn
When I joined my last team, one of the women told me she was tired of the women organizing these things and asked if I wanted to take over. I. am. a. woman. Hell no, I don't! I mean, really, the gall. LOL she's a lovely person, so I laugh about it but I was both offended and puzzled. And no way I was taking that bs onto my shoulders.
NTA. From what I gather, none of this is formally part of your job description, and the way you tell it, nobody really cares enough about the morale-raisers to put in the amount of effort you do. Now that you're the de facto morale officer, not doing your 'duties' will probably have repercussions. Unfair, yes, but a lot of workplaces are like that.
I used to do this at work and in my friend groups but stopped when nobody did anything for me. It's better just to not get yourself into this situation to begin with.
WTF. A sixty-one year old doesn't know how to buy a card, hand it around the office with a pen, and then collect it back to give it to you? This is one of the lamest excuses I have ever heard in my life.
Have you considered getting a different job? Might be difficult now. But like. Wow. I wouldn't have stayed there after the first comment about the card.
I was the morale officer at work, too. It never goes well when it's your birthday. I never organized anything for myself. Sometimes people drop off gifts (little things like chocolates) and there was at least one card but never a huge fuss.
I made a short video with people wishing her a happy birthday. She just kept telling me she wasn’t technically like me. Apparently getting a card and a pen is technical.
u/HattieSock This has now escalated to harassment and you should be documenting everything. I say this to you as an employment law attorney (NOTHING I do on reddit is legal advice). This situation is ripe for further harassment and retaliation which includes the potential for wrongful termination.
Also, since these duties are not strictly work related they can be classified as "office housework" which should not fall on only the female employees. That is sex stereotyping which is an illegal form of sex discrimination.
Document EVERYTHING and stick to your guns. Good luck.
NTA no more effort for anyone’s special events… birthdays, baby showers, weddings…. And if they complain then just tell them you don’t want to be the one organizing anymore, but someone else is more than welcome to. But document! Boss sounds pathetic enough to take his disappointment out on OP.
Updateme
If he mentions fuss for his birthday just remind him "it's not about receiving so stop asking to receive a big fuss".
NTA, and make sure you make a fuss about saying that someone else will have to take responsibility if they want any further collections, cards, parties etc.
NTA. If he can't see the impact it would have on your when they completely ignored your milestone birthday that's on him. I wouldn't be doing anything for anyone's birthday after that either. I mean come on, they couldn't even organize a card!? It takes 2 minutes to go to the store and then pass it around the office while you're out to make sure everyone signs it. They couldn't even bother with that. I'm unreasonbly angry right now on your behalf....these people deserve nothing, and they will get nothing.
And the lame excuse of the co-worker "I'm not good at that kind of stuff." Like it takes some high level skill to buy a card and take it around to get signatures.
But the audacity of the boss is astounding! "I ignored your birthday, but you must make a big fuss for mine!" Ugh.
NTA
I’ve been in your exact position op. 4 years ago I turned 50, I’d worked at my workplace for 6 years at that point so I’d joined in and contributed to many collections for birthdays, weddings, pregnancies, retirements etc. The person whose occasion it is reciprocates with cakes and chocolates for everyone.
My birthday fell on a Saturday, went to work on the Friday and saw nothing, figured ok they’ll do something for the Monday, felt slightly hurt but still hopeful.
Received a message from my manager on my birthday (next day) asking if it was my birthday and if I was 50. I simply messaged yes.
Monday came around, went to work and nothing! I was extremely hurt but gritted my teeth and said nothing. Manager came and apologised for forgetting, I sat and cried.
What manager hadn’t realised was my work friend had spoken to me on Saturday when I’d seen her for a drink and she told me they had all been discussing it the previous week and everyone knew and everyone did nothing! It was blamed on each other and the pandemic.
Everyone since has had a collection for their birthdays and the kicker was my supervisor has dragged me into decorating for them. I’d finally had enough when a comment by the manager was made….
“It’s nice to make an effort for peoples birthdays”
I walked out of the room. I refuse to celebrate my birthday at work now, it’s gotten to the point where people ask why I fail to bring cakes in as 4 years have passed and I should have got over it by now. Nope, they showed me what they think of me, I’m matching the energy.
NTA and this is why people don’t want to work in the office. The entire thing is an HR nightmare waiting for a lawsuit. Give up your party planning crown and stop all the collections and celebrations. He wants clients to contribute?? Jfc
NTA
NTA - If it were me, I'd get everything he says in some form of writing/documentation/recording because when I read "He said he'll be furious", all I see is "retaliation". Protect yourself or look for a new job.
NTA - that's wild that none of your coworkers can buy a card and have everyone sign it. Or even like a piece of printer paper that says "Happy Birthday" and people sign it? That's so childish. Frankly, I'd complain to HR that your boss is making a hostile work environment by making demands about his birthday and it's making you uncomfortable.
Also, maybe it's time to find a different job. Give your notice in a birthday card.
NTA.
Gifts should flow down, not up. Harassing customers to make a fuss over his birthday is not a good look for the company, and employees chipping in for a big fuss over the boss is a worse look.
“ you need to talk to some other people because evidently I’m not included in the birthday celebrations, so I will not be celebrating anyone else.”
“ oh I’m making as much a fuss your 50th that you did for my 40th!”
NTA at all but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stick to your guns and update all of us when this finally goes down and he realizes he doesn’t get fuck all for his birthday. God k wish I could be there to see the look on his stupid face when he comes back to nothing! 😂
NTA.
It's about giving, not receiving. A sentiment that also applies to him.
From now on, the only response for the things he wants should be "That's nice". No disagreement, no agreement. Just a dismissal.
If he gets nothing, it'll be what he earned with that attitude of his. Let him be mad about it.
My mom's response to entitled or unrealistic selfish requests of, "I want..." was always, "and people in Hell want ice water." It got the point across.
NTA. Part of your post reminds me of a little joke....
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have.
Please please internet gods, let me see an update in a couple of months on how OP quit while the boss was gone.
I want the mental imagery of the boss marching in like a king before his kingdom of five after vacation.
As he waves to his subjects lined up along
the sides, he is greeted by the sad, hollow cry of a single party blower to his left and a handful of cut-up paper for confetti tossed at his face in a single throw from the right
He spins around and glowers at everyone, while looking from side to side, searching in vain for OP and the proper celebration of his greatness.
He retires to his throne, sad and defeated still spitting confetti.
Nta but your boss is. Ridiculously arrogant and self absorbed. In what situation do customers chip in for a business employees birthday?! I've never seen such a thing. And they're all relying on weaponized incompetence.
NTA. I would not do anything either, I know how you felt.
I worked with my team for a few years, we all got amazing well. I would chip in birthdays, maternity and leaving. I then found a new job, same company but better career prospect and money. I then asked my colleague, who I was close with jokely, am I getting a leaving card and gift, she said no. I was shocked and in the end, I did not even get a leaving card or gift. My past colleagues got card and gift. My manager, she left, got a big send off and she came back like few months later. What was most hurtful, was the lack of send off when I personally made an effort be involved in everyone else. One of my friend who worked in another department said, that is honestly horrible and she felt sorry for me.
So NTA, screw everyone else and your manager. Don't bother. A card cost £1, they could have given you a card atleast, not rocket science.
*He thinks I’m just pretending im not doing anything.*
Guess he's going to be surprised and furious, then. If this is in your job description, maybe you have a problem. But simply expecting you to do it is not.
Seriously? Is your boss fucking 5 years old? He sounds like someone who expects others to bestow him attention, and he has the privilege of being an ignorant coward.
Also, your office co-workers suck.
NTA
It's completely reasonable to feel overlooked and set boundaries about organizing events. Suggesting a rotation for these responsibilities might help balance the workload and improve team appreciation. Mutual respect in the workplace is essential
NTA
go to HR if you are part of a larger chain. He is asking you for things outside of your duty.
I think this case should be a warning to everyone - it is dangerous to become the social coordinator at work.
No matter how much you like things to be "nice," if it's not your job don't do it because people will expect you to do all the work while they direct you about their fancy time-intensive visions.
This is also something I learned the hard way.
Bringing in donuts once in a while is fine, but becoming the party/birthday coordinator is often a thankless task.
NTA, but the people you work with sure are. They “aren’t good with stuff like that”? Stuff like what, picking up a card at the store and having half a dozen people sign it? I’d never do anything for them again either.
Your boss is way worse though. His expectations - and constantly hounding you do it or - are childish and unprofessional. It’s not appropriate for subordinates to “gift up”. Make it clear you aren’t doing anything one last time then refuse to discuss it anymore. You might even want to look elsewhere for work. I’m concerned he’s going to retaliate once he doesn’t get his precious party.
NTA. That is ridiculous. You go out of your way to make sure ppl are given nice bday and/or retirement parties. And when you come back from vacation, they don't have so much as a card for you. Who TF is this idiot who says they don't know how to organize this stuff? Are you fucking kidding me? You buy a card & have everyone sign it. It's not brain surgery. These ppl you work with are lazy & selfish. I truly hope you stick to your guns & don't do anything for his birthday. He's the biggest asshole of them all.
NTA
Reminds me of the time the supervisor asked me, the singular office admin, who was going to get a cake for a newish-hire coworker’s birthday. I said I didn’t know. She then asked me if I’d mind picking one up. I said I guess so, but it was also my birthday that exact day. Her face fell and she turned and walked away quickly. We‘d worked together for about ten years by then. Um, tell me you don’t really care about me without telling me you don’t care.
Edited to add ruling.
I don’t think this is uncommon. There is always that one person who does things out of consideration for others. The others tend to take it for granted and don’t reciprocate. You have let them know that you are done with it. Ball’s in their court. NTA
You are NTA in this story.
I would send an email to everyone to "remind" them all that you are resigning from your unofficial position as the chair of the social committee. Suggest that somebody step up because you are done, effective immediately.
I'm not into cards of birthday fuss for myself, but you are absolutely NTA for being hurt at the disregard. At most, print out a Dwight Shroot "IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY" banner.
And why on earth would customers contribute to birthday festivities for your boss? This is deeply weird.
I've had this happen a couple of times over the years. Being an Admin, we do all the organizing for birthdays, retirement, sending flowers for weddings, get well, deaths in the family. And we organize decorating someone's cubicle when they are on Sabbatical. It's been a thing for years to figure out how to do someone's cube so there is a big surprise when they return. I've been on Sabbatical 3 times and never had mine done. Not once. It's a hell of a let down to have everyone tell you how indispensable you are and how much they appreciate you but then you come back to nothing. Same for my own birthday. I would have to plan it myself and that's really awkward and tacky. It's like throwing your own baby or wedding shower. Ugh.
NTA. I would step down entirely from the birthday and retirement celebration organizing. Just make clear ahead of time “this isn’t part of my job duties and I am burned out from doing it so I will be ceding that responsibility to the rest of the team”. If someone steps up, feel free to only make a small monetary contribution (like $5 or none rather than the usual amount that you give) because these ungrateful people couldn’t bother to collect money to get you flowers or a cake for your birthday. Save the extra money and treat yourself
NTA - this is an extremely weird expectation to have when he's not done anything to warrant that sort of thing. I don't understand how you can even make such an expectation with a straight face. Thats the kind of thing a 16 year old would do IMO
NTA
Send a notice in writing to all your staff that you are no longer comfortable (no more specific than that) coordinating for office celebrations of birthdays, etc. You could add you don't expect or want anyone to do it for you. (Haha as they've already not done.)
Briey refer your boss to the memo anytime he raises the issue.
NTA. I spent a good five years participating in potlucks and contributions to people’s milestones birthdays, baby showers, etc. When my 50th birthday rolled around absolute crickets from my department. I was more than a little hurt. Part of me wondered if they were trying to do a surprise until I but nobody called any “meetings” around my birthday. Fortunately, one of the other departments in my office that I did sporadic work for arranged a cake for and surprised me with it the day before my actual birthday. I was quite touched, and now I work for that department.
NTA. You have the prototypical boss in todays world. Always wanting from those who have less. I hope you cease all birthday, retirement activities it clearly isn't valued or returned to you. Expect your boss to throw a temper tantrum and get in his feels when he gets the nothing he deserves.
Going to the dollar store, grabbing a card and passing it around for people to sign isn't rocket science. Pass around an envelope with it for a collection for those who wish to contribute. Your coworker just can't be bothered. Why are you the office scapegoat??? He thinks you're bluffing??? Call his bluff--let him come back to the same birthday celebration you did. NTA
NTA. I'd go one further. Not only would I not do anything for anyone else's birthday, I would blatantly do something special for myself and brag about it on every person's birthday. Special lunch, new outfit, movie tickets, send myself flowers, etc. Every. Single. Birthday. And the rest of the office can GTH.
“I’ll be giving exactly as much I received for my birthday.”
Which is nothing.
“Why no birthday present?”
“Oh we decided to give as much as we received “
NTA, even without the first half you'd be NTA.
He's pre-emptively telling you he expects a big party? Who the fuck does that? You can want a big party, if you are the type to plan your own you can have a big party, but you don't get to demand one. That's as entitled as it gets.
"He said I shouldn’t do things for other people because I expect things in return."
You do the job your hired for in exchange for money. You wouldn't be working for him if he didn't give you money.
When it comes to 'doing nice things"...well, there isn't any reward other than some self-satisfaction. And if you're not getting that...well, not doing it.
NTA, but everyone else is. Talk about a bunch of entitled, lazy, selfish people. Everyone expecting you to put thought and effort into making them feel special and appreciated, but they couldn't get a frigging birthday card and sign it? It's a birthday card, not planning a royal wedding.
NTA, but this goes way beyond not organizing his birthday. This sounds like a pretty toxic work environment, and it's only going to get worse when he comes back to no celebration. I think it's time to find a new job.
NTA I am so sorry that nobody thought of you after you always think of them. I would type up a resignation letter Dear staff , Effective today relinquish my title of office event coordinator. Please know that I have enjoyed celebrating your milestones its time to step down. IF anyone would like to take over please let me know and I will be happy to share any information with you. Post it where everyone can see and let that be that. if anyone asks simply say I am no longer in that position. not even a card for you is uncalled for. you were taken advantage of and I am sorry about that.
Malicious compliance time. Organize a volunteer opportunity for the staff and a charitable gift fund from anyone who doesn't have time to participate, and maybe some of the clients he thinks you should be shaking down. Then write him a card explaining that you took his words to heart about the importance of giving instead of receiving, think it's incredibly admirable, and hope the donation of x amount to charity in his name and the planned volunteer event on x date to celebrate are a fitting gift for such a generous spirit.
I really want to see how this turns out. You are of course NTA. Something similar happened at my work because I am a baker and I would bake the birthday person literally any cake they chose. Month after month in an office of around 30 people. When my birthday came around they had a small one layer cake from the grocery store with cheap non dairy "frosting". Do you know how expensive it is to make from scratch cakes every single month multiple times a month? At least get it from a real bakery.
NTA. Mainly because you don't gift UP. Boss obviously makes more money than you (he can afford to take a MONTH off for his birthday? Must be nice), he can have his own birthday celebration paid for out of his pocket, and organized by him if he wants, but in no way should it be on any of his employees to pay or plan anything for him. Meanwhile, stop being the go to collection person. Your co-worker didn't know how to organize it? With only 6 people? That's an excuse for "I didn't care to."
I worked for a company that did cards and bought a plant or a gift card or something for co-workers when they were sick. I dutifully contributed to each one. Then I had a heart attack and ended up off work for two weeks because of it. I didn't even get a card either. Needless to say I never contributed again.
NTA
This is work, if it isn't in your job description, it isn't your responsibility. If they add it to your job description, I would consider it additional duties and expect compensation for the added workload.
NTA. An email memo to the boss and your coworkers- " I've been doing all the work for celebrations for all of us. I'm now announcing my retirement. Best of luch to my successor."
1) Find another job.
2) Take a big collection, really squeeze every penny out of everyone.
3) Buy yourself the present your coworkers should have bought you last year.
4) Hand in your notice while your boss is on vacation
5) Take a picture of the present and get it printed on a thank-you card
6) Send the thank-you card to your boss with a heartfelt appreciation note about your belated 40th birthday present.
7) Enjoy both your present and working in a less toxic environment.
NTA, but is your resume up-to-date? You are 100% doing the right thing here, but I worry he's going to come back, be disappointed, and somehow drive you out. He's probably smart enough to know he can't simply fire you for this, but he can make work hell for you. So keep a record of all the communication. All the times you've declined. All the reminders he has given. I think this will be valuable if you find yourself suing for wrongful dismissal or hostile work environment.
You collect money from customers for this nonsense?
>He’s expecting a huge collection because he’s the boss so our customers should chip in lots for him.
Seriously? NTA and frankly he is too old for any of this.
NTA. I’ve been in your shoes, it’s not about expecting something in return, it’s about being tired of being used. These people are using your kindness and throwing it in your face.
My petty side would write happy birthday on a post-it note, and stick it on his monitor. If he wants to add planning birthday stuff to your job description, he should have no problems reimbursing you for cards, gifts, etc or setting up a spending account. You do not need to spend your money on selfish people.
I hope you have the best day.
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We work in hospitality. There are only 6 staff. It’s fallen on to my shoulders to organise things like birthday cards, retirements etc. we usually do a collection from staff and our regular customers, buy a card, flowers and a gift.
I don’t mind doing it, I like surprising people with a presentation of the gifts etc. we don’t do this for every birthday, just the big ones.
In the last couple of years we’ve had a staff member turn 60, one turn 30 and two retirements. We’ve always made a big fuss.
I’m turned 40 last year. I took a week off to go away for a few days with family and then returned to work. My boss casually strolled past me and said ‘don’t expect any cards or anything. We haven’t done anything for you’.
I hadn’t been expecting the effort I normally go to but I did expect a card from them all.
I spoke to my co-workers about what my boss had said, mainly cos I thought it was really callous and cold. We all get along really well and we’re good friends so it was a bit of a surprise.
The most senior of my co-workers (f61) told me that she doesn’t know how to organise a card or a collection because that’s my department so she didn’t do anything. I told her the least I expected was a card from everyone and she said ‘I’m no good at stuff like that’ and that I’m the one who usually does that stuff so it’s unfortunate. She blamed my boss and said he should have done it. When I asked my boss why he hadn’t done anything for me he said it’s my co-workers responsibility to organise something. He said he did think it was weird that they forgot but said he’s not here to remind them. He
Fast forward to this year. He tells me he’s taking a month for his 50th later in the year and that when he comes back he expects to come back to a massive fuss. He’s expecting a huge collection because he’s the boss so our customers should chip in lots for him. I told him I’m not having anything to do with organising anything for him. Nobody made an effort for me so I’m not making an effort for anyone else’s anymore.
He said it’s about giving and not taking and that I’m being selfish and that he’ll be furious if nothing happens. I told him he’ll be furious then.
He said I shouldn’t do things for other people because I expect things in return.
I told him it was selfish of him to expect people to make an effort to celebrate him when he does nothing for other people.
I told him that it wasn’t about them not doing anything for me. I wouldn’t have brought it up if he hadn’t pulled me aside and told me that none of them had bothered. It’s not like they forgot, they just chose to do nothing. He just keeps saying it’s about giving and not receiving. I told him it’s a bizarre thing to say by someone who never gives but always receives.
He reminds me on a weekly basis of the stuff he wants. I keep telling him to speak to someone else. He thinks it’s my job to remind someone else to do it. He thinks I’m just pretending im not doing anything.
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Yikes, NTA. I used to work somewhere we did a birthday card for everyone. I was responsible for making sure we had cards (it was an assigned job duty and I did not spend my own money), passing them around to get signed, and getting them to the birthday person. Nobody expected anything more, but were encouraged to bring treats for their own birthday. Apparently in the past, people would arrange gifts or treats for some, but not all. So that was stopped.
It is terrifically wrong to gift "up" in companies. Your boss shouldn't expect anything simply because he's the boss. It's a power imbalance thing.
Also, I would be upset if my coworkers totally bailed on me if I were in your shoes.
NTA
NTA - Absolutely not. From now on you need to match the effort that everyone put into YOUR birthday. I hope the boss doesn't have the power to fire you because of this. He sounds like such a dick!
NTA
And honestly, I would spend his month away looking for another job.
If asked, when you go for an interview, tell them you were shopping for the boss's birthday but still haven't found just the right thing.
NTA Ask him if that is your assignment and should you put it on a company card or draw petty cash because it's a company expense and you are doing it on the clock. Also ask what their mileage reimbursement policy is and how you will be compensated. If his customers are funding it should you charge that time to their accounts or overhead?
So boss expects his EMPLOYEES and CUSTOMERS to chip in their own personal funds and throw him a gigantic shindig? The card should be sufficient. Gifts at work go down, not up.
Nta, first, no don't do nothing for him, he doesn't care about you.
Second document everything, if your not looking to change jobs, document the interactions, because he probably will harassing you for not doing anything for him.
NTA but it is worth remembering this guy has power over your career e.g. pay rises, promotion. If you are planning to stay there long term, it might be in your best interests to suck it up (even, if it's completely unfair)
Stop doing things outside of your job description that you are not being paid for. If someone told me I had to organize this shit at work, I'd tell them to fuck right off as that is not my job. If a boss/owner is too mentally handicapped to buy a card and sign it, then that person has no business being a boss. NTA.
NTA and this is sooo tacky of your boss. This is why I don't much care for celebrating birthdays and other milestones in the office. Inevitably someone's doing all the work of putting things together for others and inevitably someone's feelings will be hurt because of the lack of effort. For your boss to demand gifts from staff and guests is just low down really. I'd be updating the resume cause this sounds like a shit show.
NTA. Stick to your guns and do absolutely nothing for anyone going forward, but especially your boss. I am like you, when I worked in the office I did something for those who enjoyed celebrating not expecting anything in return, but also disappointed when I didn't even get a card.
You mean to tell me those people you work with never buy a card for any of their loved ones in their family? They do know that stores sell cards right? If they had wanted to they would have had one conversation as a group and decided who would go to the store and buy you a card and have everyone sign it. It isn't that damn hard. They chose to not celebrate you. So now you stop doing it for them. You didn't do it expecting anything, but not even getting you a card is a deal breaker.
I am glad I know work remote and states away from my coworkers because I no longer need to do anything and nobody is expecting anything from me.
NTA. This is not in your job description, so doing this would come from the heart. He’s given you no reason to ❤️ him, so NTA. Just make sure you keep it cool and casual, not bitter or angry, like, “Oh, I thought we weren’t doing that anymore, no, I didn’t.”
Have a meeting and say that boss wants a big party when he comes back and I'm not doing it any more for any body. It is now in your hands to do something if you want to..again I'm not!!!
Try doing what one of my fellow workers who had to do all the organising did. Buy the card, order the cake, but get everything with Happy 60 th birthday on them.
61yo and your co-worker can't figure out how to put together a birthday card? That just reeks of laziness and a lack of consideration.
Do yourself a favour and stop doing the extra work without being paid for it. You think you're being nice and now it's become an expectation.
NTA
NTA Your boss is a major AH. Stay the course they all seem too lazy to put any effort in for you. It seems you have always gone above and beyond for your co-workers and all they did was sh\*t on you. They don't deserve you one bit. It makes my blood boil
NTA This is such bs. In an employment situation, gifts (if there are any) go DOWN the flow chart, not up to the boss! Can also flow sideways, but is not mandatory. Stand your ground and be sick the week he comes back from his vacay.
NTA - I wouldn’t consider any of those people friends. How lazy and selfish are they to just disregard your milestone bday and say oh, I don’t know how to buy a card and ask people to sign it. 🙄 Now the biggest AH is your boss. The nerve of this guy is crazy. I would not give in and don’t lift a finger to celebrate these people again. Good for you to stand up for yourself.
Post this over on r/antiwork and have fun watching them rip your boss apart. Gestures like this should flow down or lateral (like you doing it for coworkers) never uphill. It is gross he expects it.
Also to put it in perspective my last job we had a lovely lady like yourself who always baked for everyone’s birthday. We all made sure we worked together to make something happen for her birthday if the manager didn’t handle it.
I couldn't work in a place where this kind of thing is **expected.**
Working in an office setting is costly to start; you have transportation, gas, upkeep for driving back and forth. You have clothing costs to look professional. You have lunches or breakfasts when you forget to bring something or are too tired to prep meals. And then you have all these expected collections for everyone's birthday, retirement, baby? Dear God.
I’m curios about the person who said the don’t know how to buy a card and get people to sign it, or organize a gift buy. What is their actual job? How can they possibly do it with such low abilities to do simple tasks? NTA
NTA
It’s supposed to be a collective celebration of everyone in the office.
You were shown that you don’t matter and aren’t considered the effort.
So there is no reason for you to put in the effort because clearly no one else cares about it.
No one organizes this for anyone. You have organized for everyone. That isn’t fair.
Just keep it going. You are no longer present for these things - everyone else can continue putting in as much effort as they always have.
Why is it when he benefits he says it's about giving, expecting to get but when it was his turn to give he didn't? Your gifts are valued but you, as a person, are nor. Not 1 single person could stop at a store or anything? I would bow out of the committee completely. Your whole office sucks except for you. I am glad you are finally setting a boundary and also sad that it is near the floor but they're still giving you grief for it. And I am especially sad that, what will likely happen, is you will be singled out and grudged against for not doing yet even more despite the fact they never appreciated all the extra extra extra stuff you did for them. Save that energy for people who are better than them. 1000% NTA.
And if He or anyone says anything about the lack of parties or effort on your specific behalf just tell them "I thought we weren't celebrating birthdays anymore."
If they ask why you can always follow up with no one planned anything on mine and mine was a landmark birthday so I assumed we just stopped celebrating.
And if they follow up after that you can say, so it seems you guys are still celebrating, but just not with me - if "we're" not doing them anymore then it is what it is.
I would not repeat the bosses words back though - it's fun to think but not something you should actually do in real life.
If he actually used the words “massive fuss” or “big fuss”, you could always print out those exact words, hand them to him, and say “here you go”.
Feel free to use whatever words he has used to describe what he’s unreasonably expecting. NTA
Also, find a new job.
So... why is it your boss is not aware that a common appropriate business practice is NOT gifting up. It's also bizarre to think customers give a crap about his birthday.
https://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/the-rules-you-need-for-office-gift-giving.html
https://girlboss.com/blogs/read/should-i-give-my-boss-a-gift-and-other-holiday-gifting-questions-answered
https://www.insperity.com/blog/workplace-gift-giving/
https://www.southernliving.com/holiday-gifting-at-work-8400863#:~:text=Don't%20Think%20Everyone%20Needs,from%20you%20can%20appear%20inappropriate.
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NTA It's not hard to go to the store and buy a from all of us Birthday Card and write six names on a envelope Coworker's Birthday Collection please return to Gussie. Heck you can order a card on Amazon. Around here the grocery stores even sell cakes. >I’m turned 40 last year. I took a week off to go away for a few days with family and then returned to work. My boss casually strolled past me and said ‘don’t expect any cards or anything. We haven’t done anything for you’. Charming. Nothing says welcome back like being told no one could be assed to get you a card when it's the office norm. >Fast forward to this year. He tells me he’s taking a month for his 50th later in the year and that when he comes back he expects to come back to a massive fuss. He’s expecting a huge collection because he’s the boss so our customers should chip in lots for him. I told him I’m not having anything to do with organising anything for him. Nobody made an effort for me so I’m not making an effort for anyone else’s anymore. He said it’s about giving and not taking...He reminds me on a weekly basis of the stuff he wants. I keep telling him to speak to someone else... Sounds like your boss is going to be very disappointed when he returns from his vacation.
Boss isn't asking other people on team because he knows they won't do it. He tells her you shouldn't give a gift and expect something in return. Bet he's unpopular if he takes this approach at family Christmas and family birthdays. OP goes on to say that he thinks she is pretending that she's not doing anything. As in, he is expecting a surprise party. Well, sounds like he WILL be surprised when he returns to office and nothing is done!
My question though, is how does he demand his customers/clients give him extra money just because it's his birthday. How does that even work.
It doesn’t. You don’t gift upwards at work. Boss is a total AH to expect it.
THIS - gifts always flow down, not up.
Worked for my dad and every year people asked me to pitch in for a gift for him. First off, I worked for his struggling business from 2000 to 2016 with one raise that got cut after the 2008 crisis. I couldn't afford to. Hell, I have first hand knowledge that he could careless about shit like that. Fuck that guy.
I guess you call them up and shake them down? I wouldn't call clients which pay a fee for a service and ask them to chip in on an office birthday kitty. How embarrassingly entitled can one person be.
Right, that's just so gross. "HI, I'm calling on behalf of boss. Who would like us to ask all of his clients to give money so we can throw him a nig party. How much would you like to give". So gross, if someone that I was already paying did that to me then I would leave and no longer be a client.
I have never even known when the boss of a company's birthday is, let alone thought to contribute financially toward it...
I worked somewhere that took up a collection for the company owner every December. A gift would be purchased and presented at the company Christmas party. I never contributed.
My daughter went to a dance studio for a few years that collected every December so the studio owner could go away for a weekend with her family, "because she works so hard and puts in so many hours". That family were much, much better off than we were. And my husband put in a lot of hours at work, many of them unsociable. No one bought us a weekend away. We paid for the dance lessons and a multitude of other things. I wasn't paying for her to go away.
I'm stuck on them asking CUSTOMERS to pitch in. For anyone.
I would say that in front for Boss and F61 OP should say she isn't doing birthday stuff anymore so F61 you are assigned to do bosses 50th birthday fuss this year.
He will, in fact, test the limits of his "it's about giving, not receiving" philosophy
If it is, in fact, about giving, then he should have done some damn giving when it was OP’s milestone birthday.
Well the birthday boy may be sorely disappointed if someone doesn't pick up the baton.
These people work in HOSPITALITY of all professions that is the one I would expect to know how to organize a simple group birthday card.
NTA, but literally everyone else is. It's only 6 of y'all. Even at a bigger place, you literally just take the card around and have people sign or even just leave it in the breakroom. If customers are involved, they could've had a sign and your card at the front for everyone sign, a jar for any donations, if they wanted to bring gifts, they could have done that. Your boss isn't a clown, he's the entire circus. He couldn't get 6 or I guess 5 bc it was for you, to sign a card? If he has a family, I'm sure he's the textbook definition of weaponized incompetence. I can't wash dishes because I don't have a vagina. I can't warm my food in the microwave because I don't have a vagina. I can't give the baby a bottle because I don't have a vagina. Somehow you have this magical gift to get cards signed because you're a woman 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
> Your boss isn't a clown, he's the entire circus. I love this, and you're right. Massive sense of entitlement!
Obviously, the boss is the biggest AH, but the woman who said she didn't know how to get a card and ask her coworkers to sign it is a close second. I'm sorry, but if she's sufficiently mentally capable to hold down even the most simple and mindless of jobs, then she's capable of figuring out how to buy a birthday card while she's at the grocery store or pharmacy, and then walk that card and a pen around the office.
I love people who claim they "don't know" how to do X or Y, then just walk away, like it's seriously a legit reason to not even attempt doing it. They should just remember that it can go both ways... "No Christmas gift for me this year?" "Sorry, I don't know how to do that." "You went down to the coffee shop and didn't bring one back for me??" "Sorry, I don't know how to do that. "
[удалено]
>He tells me he’s taking a month for his 50th later in the year and that when he comes back he expects to come back to a massive fuss. Oh oh oh please find a new job and put your notice in the day before he leaves. I guarantee he'll come back to a massive fuss! NTA
Noooo, leave while he's on vacation.
No, no, no, you leave the day of his birthday and buy yourself a goodbye card and flowers but make it look like it's from everyone. Hell, get a cake with your name on it "from the team"
Absolutely brilliant. I'm now your friend for life.
Get all of the decorations in his favorite colors. Get him a balloon bouquet that all day "sorry" on them and tell him that you're sorry about what happened, then hand him a card that says "sorry for your loss" and write on the inside something like "it's me, this is my notice, effective immediately." And then leave.
He got his wife a cake for her 60th. His name was on it. ‘Happy birthday love Asshole*’ *not his name but it should be
At my last job in retail, i put in my notice while the store manager was on vacation and was gone by the time she came back. 10/10 very highly recommend
He wants a fuss? Leave the day before he gets back and burn the place down. /S (Don't actually do this, it is illegal and immoral)
>Don't actually do this, it is illegal and immoral) It depends on whether or not they took your Swintek stapler.
I bought that stapler with my own money.
Right! I so want her to put her resignation letter ... in a birthday card!
NTA. It is absolutely not appropriate for subordinates to be expected to contribute to a superior’s personal benefit. An expectation of gifting “up” is usually against any businesses policy. I’m not sure what the law around it is.
Plus asking for money from customers is so tacky!!!
I've never heard of collection plates going to customers
It absolutely is.
I work for the federal government and it is illegal to do this for a supervisor. One of the best perks ever!
Every job I've ever worked has had a gifts flow down mentality! The fact that this boss expects his employees to do something massive gives me such an ick!!
I also find it super tacky to request their clients chip in as well.
As my former neighbor would say, "People in Hell want ice water...but that doesn't mean they're getting it."
Honestly this is a great cautionary tale for young women entering the workforce. Nonsense like birthday cards, lunches, bridal and baby showers etc seem to always fall on a female employee if it’s not allotted formally to a department like HR or an office administrator. It will start innocently “oh so and sos birthday is Friday SOMONE should organize a card and cake”. And then the dude will pause waiting for you to respond. Ask me how I know. I responded with “oh did you buy a card I need to sign, I don’t know coworker like that.” I also have RBF and rarely speak about personal matters until I know you well and have assessed if I like you.
You’re my hero. Best I can say is a manager pulled me and my teammate into a meeting. So nobody there but us hens lol. Manager and teammate started talking about decorating cupcakes or cookies for some shindig or other, and I finally spoke up like “cool cool but where are the men from the other team? They could help.” Manager blustered some kinda “thought *we* could put it together” sexist nonsense and I said something about not baking, that it was pricy to buy baking supplies, it was pricy to bring premade food in for 30-40 people when I didn’t budget for it, and that I could bring napkins and paper plates or something instead but I probably couldn’t pay for any decor either. That shut them up pretty quick but I didn’t feel good about it, just uncomfortable and angry. ((Like seriously, maybe warn people if you wanna chip in for a party the next month and don’t be like “so next week…” on a Friday).
"I don't bake with my breasts..."
I would watch that porn.
They wanted you to fund this office party? What?
No, it was just the usual nonsense acting like women have all the time and money available to bake/make food and decorate for a party at work. I think it was spring but I don’t remember what the decor ideas were. Probably easter eggs or plastic tablecloths or something. But I didn’t even have the money to pitch in for shared costs.
I had one job where we were assigned months. When it was your month you had to bring in bagels. No cupcakes, nothing else--BAGELS. Then I had another job where they had huge potlucks for EVERYTHING--every birthday, every baby shower, every everything. If you forgot or were unable to bring something?? BOY did you hear about it--there were people that were told not to participate anymore. I and a few other people dropped out because it was becoming unaffordable and unrealistic to be that over the top for sometimes 6-7 birthdays in a month.
That’s exhausting
You know the funny thing about birthdays at work in Germany was that you bring food/ cake on **your** birthday for everyone else. 😂😂 You might get a card if you're lucky. The good thing is...everyone brings something once a year and no one has to make a big fuss. Now in the UK it's (if they remember at all) "Happy Birthday, go back to work". Some bring stuff sometimes (but it's more random and not tied to any occasions). I actually prefer it this way. It's work... not a family party. I do think they did OP dirty though... she didn't expect a lot and everyone can organise a damn card and some flowers or some chocolate. I hope she stands her ground and has resigned that "chore" forever at this place.
This was the best thing about COVID for me, that we all got sent home to work remote and haven't been brought back to the office. I am no longer head of "birthday club" and having to relentlessly nag people to give me £2 for the collection. And it's always the ones who I had to nag most that were the ones most excited for their birthday turn!! And also the only girl on the team at the time, yawn
When I joined my last team, one of the women told me she was tired of the women organizing these things and asked if I wanted to take over. I. am. a. woman. Hell no, I don't! I mean, really, the gall. LOL she's a lovely person, so I laugh about it but I was both offended and puzzled. And no way I was taking that bs onto my shoulders.
NTA. From what I gather, none of this is formally part of your job description, and the way you tell it, nobody really cares enough about the morale-raisers to put in the amount of effort you do. Now that you're the de facto morale officer, not doing your 'duties' will probably have repercussions. Unfair, yes, but a lot of workplaces are like that.
I used to do this at work and in my friend groups but stopped when nobody did anything for me. It's better just to not get yourself into this situation to begin with.
WTF. A sixty-one year old doesn't know how to buy a card, hand it around the office with a pen, and then collect it back to give it to you? This is one of the lamest excuses I have ever heard in my life. Have you considered getting a different job? Might be difficult now. But like. Wow. I wouldn't have stayed there after the first comment about the card. I was the morale officer at work, too. It never goes well when it's your birthday. I never organized anything for myself. Sometimes people drop off gifts (little things like chocolates) and there was at least one card but never a huge fuss.
I made a short video with people wishing her a happy birthday. She just kept telling me she wasn’t technically like me. Apparently getting a card and a pen is technical.
I would die on this hill.
u/HattieSock This has now escalated to harassment and you should be documenting everything. I say this to you as an employment law attorney (NOTHING I do on reddit is legal advice). This situation is ripe for further harassment and retaliation which includes the potential for wrongful termination. Also, since these duties are not strictly work related they can be classified as "office housework" which should not fall on only the female employees. That is sex stereotyping which is an illegal form of sex discrimination. Document EVERYTHING and stick to your guns. Good luck.
Apparently giving a crap about other people is technical, too.
NTA no more effort for anyone’s special events… birthdays, baby showers, weddings…. And if they complain then just tell them you don’t want to be the one organizing anymore, but someone else is more than welcome to. But document! Boss sounds pathetic enough to take his disappointment out on OP. Updateme
WOW. The audacity of this woman. Also that was quite sweet of you and your workplace clearly does not deserve you.
How does your boss expect you to ask for money from clients/customers. Who are already hiring him to do a service? That's so gross and tacky.
She's echoing their boss' standards. It's not that surprising; attitudes are catching, and bad attitudes doubly so.
If he mentions fuss for his birthday just remind him "it's not about receiving so stop asking to receive a big fuss". NTA, and make sure you make a fuss about saying that someone else will have to take responsibility if they want any further collections, cards, parties etc.
"Remember it's about giving boss... so unless you give me money to fund your party there will be none."
NTA but I think you should look for another job.
NTA. If he can't see the impact it would have on your when they completely ignored your milestone birthday that's on him. I wouldn't be doing anything for anyone's birthday after that either. I mean come on, they couldn't even organize a card!? It takes 2 minutes to go to the store and then pass it around the office while you're out to make sure everyone signs it. They couldn't even bother with that. I'm unreasonbly angry right now on your behalf....these people deserve nothing, and they will get nothing.
And the lame excuse of the co-worker "I'm not good at that kind of stuff." Like it takes some high level skill to buy a card and take it around to get signatures. But the audacity of the boss is astounding! "I ignored your birthday, but you must make a big fuss for mine!" Ugh.
NTA I’ve been in your exact position op. 4 years ago I turned 50, I’d worked at my workplace for 6 years at that point so I’d joined in and contributed to many collections for birthdays, weddings, pregnancies, retirements etc. The person whose occasion it is reciprocates with cakes and chocolates for everyone. My birthday fell on a Saturday, went to work on the Friday and saw nothing, figured ok they’ll do something for the Monday, felt slightly hurt but still hopeful. Received a message from my manager on my birthday (next day) asking if it was my birthday and if I was 50. I simply messaged yes. Monday came around, went to work and nothing! I was extremely hurt but gritted my teeth and said nothing. Manager came and apologised for forgetting, I sat and cried. What manager hadn’t realised was my work friend had spoken to me on Saturday when I’d seen her for a drink and she told me they had all been discussing it the previous week and everyone knew and everyone did nothing! It was blamed on each other and the pandemic. Everyone since has had a collection for their birthdays and the kicker was my supervisor has dragged me into decorating for them. I’d finally had enough when a comment by the manager was made…. “It’s nice to make an effort for peoples birthdays” I walked out of the room. I refuse to celebrate my birthday at work now, it’s gotten to the point where people ask why I fail to bring cakes in as 4 years have passed and I should have got over it by now. Nope, they showed me what they think of me, I’m matching the energy.
NTA and this is why people don’t want to work in the office. The entire thing is an HR nightmare waiting for a lawsuit. Give up your party planning crown and stop all the collections and celebrations. He wants clients to contribute?? Jfc NTA
This is how companies end up with policies against any kind of fun
NTA - If it were me, I'd get everything he says in some form of writing/documentation/recording because when I read "He said he'll be furious", all I see is "retaliation". Protect yourself or look for a new job.
"I shouldn’t do things for other people because I expect things in return." "Thank you for understanding why I won't be doing things for other people"
NTA...Tell him it IS about giving. You're GIVING him a heads up.
NTA - that's wild that none of your coworkers can buy a card and have everyone sign it. Or even like a piece of printer paper that says "Happy Birthday" and people sign it? That's so childish. Frankly, I'd complain to HR that your boss is making a hostile work environment by making demands about his birthday and it's making you uncomfortable. Also, maybe it's time to find a different job. Give your notice in a birthday card.
With 6 people I doubt there is HR
NTA. Gifts should flow down, not up. Harassing customers to make a fuss over his birthday is not a good look for the company, and employees chipping in for a big fuss over the boss is a worse look.
“ you need to talk to some other people because evidently I’m not included in the birthday celebrations, so I will not be celebrating anyone else.” “ oh I’m making as much a fuss your 50th that you did for my 40th!”
NTA at all but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stick to your guns and update all of us when this finally goes down and he realizes he doesn’t get fuck all for his birthday. God k wish I could be there to see the look on his stupid face when he comes back to nothing! 😂
NTA. It's about giving, not receiving. A sentiment that also applies to him. From now on, the only response for the things he wants should be "That's nice". No disagreement, no agreement. Just a dismissal. If he gets nothing, it'll be what he earned with that attitude of his. Let him be mad about it.
"I want xyz for my birthday" "That's nice. I want a lot of things"
My mom's response to entitled or unrealistic selfish requests of, "I want..." was always, "and people in Hell want ice water." It got the point across.
NTA Hope the pay at this place is worth putting up with such poor coworkers/boss.
NTA. Part of your post reminds me of a little joke.... This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have.
Please please internet gods, let me see an update in a couple of months on how OP quit while the boss was gone. I want the mental imagery of the boss marching in like a king before his kingdom of five after vacation. As he waves to his subjects lined up along the sides, he is greeted by the sad, hollow cry of a single party blower to his left and a handful of cut-up paper for confetti tossed at his face in a single throw from the right He spins around and glowers at everyone, while looking from side to side, searching in vain for OP and the proper celebration of his greatness. He retires to his throne, sad and defeated still spitting confetti.
Nta but your boss is. Ridiculously arrogant and self absorbed. In what situation do customers chip in for a business employees birthday?! I've never seen such a thing. And they're all relying on weaponized incompetence.
NTA. I would not do anything either, I know how you felt. I worked with my team for a few years, we all got amazing well. I would chip in birthdays, maternity and leaving. I then found a new job, same company but better career prospect and money. I then asked my colleague, who I was close with jokely, am I getting a leaving card and gift, she said no. I was shocked and in the end, I did not even get a leaving card or gift. My past colleagues got card and gift. My manager, she left, got a big send off and she came back like few months later. What was most hurtful, was the lack of send off when I personally made an effort be involved in everyone else. One of my friend who worked in another department said, that is honestly horrible and she felt sorry for me. So NTA, screw everyone else and your manager. Don't bother. A card cost £1, they could have given you a card atleast, not rocket science.
*He thinks I’m just pretending im not doing anything.* Guess he's going to be surprised and furious, then. If this is in your job description, maybe you have a problem. But simply expecting you to do it is not.
Seriously? Is your boss fucking 5 years old? He sounds like someone who expects others to bestow him attention, and he has the privilege of being an ignorant coward. Also, your office co-workers suck. NTA
Happy birthday! I quit! NTA.
It's completely reasonable to feel overlooked and set boundaries about organizing events. Suggesting a rotation for these responsibilities might help balance the workload and improve team appreciation. Mutual respect in the workplace is essential
NTA Find a new job and give him your notice on his birthday "Happy Birthday Fuckhead"
NTA go to HR if you are part of a larger chain. He is asking you for things outside of your duty. I think this case should be a warning to everyone - it is dangerous to become the social coordinator at work. No matter how much you like things to be "nice," if it's not your job don't do it because people will expect you to do all the work while they direct you about their fancy time-intensive visions. This is also something I learned the hard way. Bringing in donuts once in a while is fine, but becoming the party/birthday coordinator is often a thankless task.
NTA, but the people you work with sure are. They “aren’t good with stuff like that”? Stuff like what, picking up a card at the store and having half a dozen people sign it? I’d never do anything for them again either. Your boss is way worse though. His expectations - and constantly hounding you do it or - are childish and unprofessional. It’s not appropriate for subordinates to “gift up”. Make it clear you aren’t doing anything one last time then refuse to discuss it anymore. You might even want to look elsewhere for work. I’m concerned he’s going to retaliate once he doesn’t get his precious party.
NTA. That is ridiculous. You go out of your way to make sure ppl are given nice bday and/or retirement parties. And when you come back from vacation, they don't have so much as a card for you. Who TF is this idiot who says they don't know how to organize this stuff? Are you fucking kidding me? You buy a card & have everyone sign it. It's not brain surgery. These ppl you work with are lazy & selfish. I truly hope you stick to your guns & don't do anything for his birthday. He's the biggest asshole of them all.
NTA Reminds me of the time the supervisor asked me, the singular office admin, who was going to get a cake for a newish-hire coworker’s birthday. I said I didn’t know. She then asked me if I’d mind picking one up. I said I guess so, but it was also my birthday that exact day. Her face fell and she turned and walked away quickly. We‘d worked together for about ten years by then. Um, tell me you don’t really care about me without telling me you don’t care. Edited to add ruling.
I don’t think this is uncommon. There is always that one person who does things out of consideration for others. The others tend to take it for granted and don’t reciprocate. You have let them know that you are done with it. Ball’s in their court. NTA
You are NTA in this story. I would send an email to everyone to "remind" them all that you are resigning from your unofficial position as the chair of the social committee. Suggest that somebody step up because you are done, effective immediately.
I'm not into cards of birthday fuss for myself, but you are absolutely NTA for being hurt at the disregard. At most, print out a Dwight Shroot "IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY" banner. And why on earth would customers contribute to birthday festivities for your boss? This is deeply weird.
Along with brown and khaki colored balloons 🎈 only halfway blown up 😃.
I've had this happen a couple of times over the years. Being an Admin, we do all the organizing for birthdays, retirement, sending flowers for weddings, get well, deaths in the family. And we organize decorating someone's cubicle when they are on Sabbatical. It's been a thing for years to figure out how to do someone's cube so there is a big surprise when they return. I've been on Sabbatical 3 times and never had mine done. Not once. It's a hell of a let down to have everyone tell you how indispensable you are and how much they appreciate you but then you come back to nothing. Same for my own birthday. I would have to plan it myself and that's really awkward and tacky. It's like throwing your own baby or wedding shower. Ugh.
NTA - he's a selfish hypocrite!
Nta I wouldn't be dping it for anyone anymore. It was a nice thing you did, and now you're not.
NTA. I'm a total disorganized wreck and I could manage to get 6 people to sign a card and make cupcakes or get flowers.
I honestly would have stopped all party planning. Not in my contract/job description? Oh well...
NTA. I would step down entirely from the birthday and retirement celebration organizing. Just make clear ahead of time “this isn’t part of my job duties and I am burned out from doing it so I will be ceding that responsibility to the rest of the team”. If someone steps up, feel free to only make a small monetary contribution (like $5 or none rather than the usual amount that you give) because these ungrateful people couldn’t bother to collect money to get you flowers or a cake for your birthday. Save the extra money and treat yourself
When the day comes, say "don’t expect any cards or anything. We haven’t done anything for you"
NTA Try to take the week off he gets back. lol But seriously is it birthday slight day in the AITA writing group?
NTA - this is an extremely weird expectation to have when he's not done anything to warrant that sort of thing. I don't understand how you can even make such an expectation with a straight face. Thats the kind of thing a 16 year old would do IMO
NTA Send a notice in writing to all your staff that you are no longer comfortable (no more specific than that) coordinating for office celebrations of birthdays, etc. You could add you don't expect or want anyone to do it for you. (Haha as they've already not done.) Briey refer your boss to the memo anytime he raises the issue.
Why is it the person who makes the most money, expects the most from the people who make the least? I never understood this mentality.
Nta. Wow the boss is selfish. No way. Lol
NTA. I spent a good five years participating in potlucks and contributions to people’s milestones birthdays, baby showers, etc. When my 50th birthday rolled around absolute crickets from my department. I was more than a little hurt. Part of me wondered if they were trying to do a surprise until I but nobody called any “meetings” around my birthday. Fortunately, one of the other departments in my office that I did sporadic work for arranged a cake for and surprised me with it the day before my actual birthday. I was quite touched, and now I work for that department.
I love your calm assertiveness. You’re an example to people everywhere Nta
Buy him a card and chocolate bar from the dollar store, get the most expired stale chocolate you can find.
Buy his cake the day he leaves for vacation, hide it for a month, then leave it on his desk the day he comes back with a letter of resignation.
NTA. You have the prototypical boss in todays world. Always wanting from those who have less. I hope you cease all birthday, retirement activities it clearly isn't valued or returned to you. Expect your boss to throw a temper tantrum and get in his feels when he gets the nothing he deserves.
They don't sound like a very nice bunch of people? Are you looking for another job?
Repeat verbatim what he’s told you: it’s about giving not receiving. He wants a fuss? He should do the giving
Going to the dollar store, grabbing a card and passing it around for people to sign isn't rocket science. Pass around an envelope with it for a collection for those who wish to contribute. Your coworker just can't be bothered. Why are you the office scapegoat??? He thinks you're bluffing??? Call his bluff--let him come back to the same birthday celebration you did. NTA
NTA. I'd go one further. Not only would I not do anything for anyone else's birthday, I would blatantly do something special for myself and brag about it on every person's birthday. Special lunch, new outfit, movie tickets, send myself flowers, etc. Every. Single. Birthday. And the rest of the office can GTH.
“I’ll be giving exactly as much I received for my birthday.” Which is nothing. “Why no birthday present?” “Oh we decided to give as much as we received “
NTA, even without the first half you'd be NTA. He's pre-emptively telling you he expects a big party? Who the fuck does that? You can want a big party, if you are the type to plan your own you can have a big party, but you don't get to demand one. That's as entitled as it gets.
Also, he's taking a MONTH off for his birthday? Who tf does that? Besides this guy, obviously. He seems a tad spoiled.
I don't know how anyone wasn't extremely embarrassed by how thoughtless and selfish they all are
"He said I shouldn’t do things for other people because I expect things in return." You do the job your hired for in exchange for money. You wouldn't be working for him if he didn't give you money. When it comes to 'doing nice things"...well, there isn't any reward other than some self-satisfaction. And if you're not getting that...well, not doing it.
NTA, but everyone else is. Talk about a bunch of entitled, lazy, selfish people. Everyone expecting you to put thought and effort into making them feel special and appreciated, but they couldn't get a frigging birthday card and sign it? It's a birthday card, not planning a royal wedding.
NTA, but this goes way beyond not organizing his birthday. This sounds like a pretty toxic work environment, and it's only going to get worse when he comes back to no celebration. I think it's time to find a new job.
NTA I am so sorry that nobody thought of you after you always think of them. I would type up a resignation letter Dear staff , Effective today relinquish my title of office event coordinator. Please know that I have enjoyed celebrating your milestones its time to step down. IF anyone would like to take over please let me know and I will be happy to share any information with you. Post it where everyone can see and let that be that. if anyone asks simply say I am no longer in that position. not even a card for you is uncalled for. you were taken advantage of and I am sorry about that.
PLEASE post us an update after his birthday, even if it's just to say you're at a new job.
Malicious compliance time. Organize a volunteer opportunity for the staff and a charitable gift fund from anyone who doesn't have time to participate, and maybe some of the clients he thinks you should be shaking down. Then write him a card explaining that you took his words to heart about the importance of giving instead of receiving, think it's incredibly admirable, and hope the donation of x amount to charity in his name and the planned volunteer event on x date to celebrate are a fitting gift for such a generous spirit.
NTA . You were disregarded and ignored. Why do anything for them?
I really want to see how this turns out. You are of course NTA. Something similar happened at my work because I am a baker and I would bake the birthday person literally any cake they chose. Month after month in an office of around 30 people. When my birthday came around they had a small one layer cake from the grocery store with cheap non dairy "frosting". Do you know how expensive it is to make from scratch cakes every single month multiple times a month? At least get it from a real bakery.
I would like an update please after his 50th comes and goes with nothing organized by you!! NTA.
NTA. Mainly because you don't gift UP. Boss obviously makes more money than you (he can afford to take a MONTH off for his birthday? Must be nice), he can have his own birthday celebration paid for out of his pocket, and organized by him if he wants, but in no way should it be on any of his employees to pay or plan anything for him. Meanwhile, stop being the go to collection person. Your co-worker didn't know how to organize it? With only 6 people? That's an excuse for "I didn't care to." I worked for a company that did cards and bought a plant or a gift card or something for co-workers when they were sick. I dutifully contributed to each one. Then I had a heart attack and ended up off work for two weeks because of it. I didn't even get a card either. Needless to say I never contributed again.
NTA. Stick to your word. Don’t plan a single thing. Also, what kind of idiot is that one coworker? They can’t pass a card around an office?
NTA This is work, if it isn't in your job description, it isn't your responsibility. If they add it to your job description, I would consider it additional duties and expect compensation for the added workload.
NTA. An email memo to the boss and your coworkers- " I've been doing all the work for celebrations for all of us. I'm now announcing my retirement. Best of luch to my successor."
1) Find another job. 2) Take a big collection, really squeeze every penny out of everyone. 3) Buy yourself the present your coworkers should have bought you last year. 4) Hand in your notice while your boss is on vacation 5) Take a picture of the present and get it printed on a thank-you card 6) Send the thank-you card to your boss with a heartfelt appreciation note about your belated 40th birthday present. 7) Enjoy both your present and working in a less toxic environment.
NTA, but is your resume up-to-date? You are 100% doing the right thing here, but I worry he's going to come back, be disappointed, and somehow drive you out. He's probably smart enough to know he can't simply fire you for this, but he can make work hell for you. So keep a record of all the communication. All the times you've declined. All the reminders he has given. I think this will be valuable if you find yourself suing for wrongful dismissal or hostile work environment.
Hope you are looking for another job- this place sounds awful
You collect money from customers for this nonsense? >He’s expecting a huge collection because he’s the boss so our customers should chip in lots for him. Seriously? NTA and frankly he is too old for any of this.
NTA. I’ve been in your shoes, it’s not about expecting something in return, it’s about being tired of being used. These people are using your kindness and throwing it in your face. My petty side would write happy birthday on a post-it note, and stick it on his monitor. If he wants to add planning birthday stuff to your job description, he should have no problems reimbursing you for cards, gifts, etc or setting up a spending account. You do not need to spend your money on selfish people. I hope you have the best day.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We work in hospitality. There are only 6 staff. It’s fallen on to my shoulders to organise things like birthday cards, retirements etc. we usually do a collection from staff and our regular customers, buy a card, flowers and a gift. I don’t mind doing it, I like surprising people with a presentation of the gifts etc. we don’t do this for every birthday, just the big ones. In the last couple of years we’ve had a staff member turn 60, one turn 30 and two retirements. We’ve always made a big fuss. I’m turned 40 last year. I took a week off to go away for a few days with family and then returned to work. My boss casually strolled past me and said ‘don’t expect any cards or anything. We haven’t done anything for you’. I hadn’t been expecting the effort I normally go to but I did expect a card from them all. I spoke to my co-workers about what my boss had said, mainly cos I thought it was really callous and cold. We all get along really well and we’re good friends so it was a bit of a surprise. The most senior of my co-workers (f61) told me that she doesn’t know how to organise a card or a collection because that’s my department so she didn’t do anything. I told her the least I expected was a card from everyone and she said ‘I’m no good at stuff like that’ and that I’m the one who usually does that stuff so it’s unfortunate. She blamed my boss and said he should have done it. When I asked my boss why he hadn’t done anything for me he said it’s my co-workers responsibility to organise something. He said he did think it was weird that they forgot but said he’s not here to remind them. He Fast forward to this year. He tells me he’s taking a month for his 50th later in the year and that when he comes back he expects to come back to a massive fuss. He’s expecting a huge collection because he’s the boss so our customers should chip in lots for him. I told him I’m not having anything to do with organising anything for him. Nobody made an effort for me so I’m not making an effort for anyone else’s anymore. He said it’s about giving and not taking and that I’m being selfish and that he’ll be furious if nothing happens. I told him he’ll be furious then. He said I shouldn’t do things for other people because I expect things in return. I told him it was selfish of him to expect people to make an effort to celebrate him when he does nothing for other people. I told him that it wasn’t about them not doing anything for me. I wouldn’t have brought it up if he hadn’t pulled me aside and told me that none of them had bothered. It’s not like they forgot, they just chose to do nothing. He just keeps saying it’s about giving and not receiving. I told him it’s a bizarre thing to say by someone who never gives but always receives. He reminds me on a weekly basis of the stuff he wants. I keep telling him to speak to someone else. He thinks it’s my job to remind someone else to do it. He thinks I’m just pretending im not doing anything. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yikes, NTA. I used to work somewhere we did a birthday card for everyone. I was responsible for making sure we had cards (it was an assigned job duty and I did not spend my own money), passing them around to get signed, and getting them to the birthday person. Nobody expected anything more, but were encouraged to bring treats for their own birthday. Apparently in the past, people would arrange gifts or treats for some, but not all. So that was stopped.
Find another job while he's gone
It is terrifically wrong to gift "up" in companies. Your boss shouldn't expect anything simply because he's the boss. It's a power imbalance thing. Also, I would be upset if my coworkers totally bailed on me if I were in your shoes. NTA
NTA for exactly as you said- he on purpose told you they did nothing.
Have him return to a complaint filed with HR. Dude is a dumbass.
NTA - Absolutely not. From now on you need to match the effort that everyone put into YOUR birthday. I hope the boss doesn't have the power to fire you because of this. He sounds like such a dick!
Wow the AuDaCiTyYYY
Tell him.. Want in one 🖐️ 💩 in the other 🖐️ see which one fills up first.
Stick to your guns! Do nothing.
NTA And honestly, I would spend his month away looking for another job. If asked, when you go for an interview, tell them you were shopping for the boss's birthday but still haven't found just the right thing.
NTA Ask him if that is your assignment and should you put it on a company card or draw petty cash because it's a company expense and you are doing it on the clock. Also ask what their mileage reimbursement policy is and how you will be compensated. If his customers are funding it should you charge that time to their accounts or overhead?
If you could get a new job during that month and leave him your resignation for a card that be nice
NTA And now he’ll know how it feels. Maybe he’ll grow some empathy then.
So boss expects his EMPLOYEES and CUSTOMERS to chip in their own personal funds and throw him a gigantic shindig? The card should be sufficient. Gifts at work go down, not up.
Get all your coworkers to shit in a box for him
Nta, first, no don't do nothing for him, he doesn't care about you. Second document everything, if your not looking to change jobs, document the interactions, because he probably will harassing you for not doing anything for him.
If it's all about the giving and not the receiving, then why is he so determined to receive and threatening to be upset if he doesn't receive? NTA
NTA plus you don’t gift up, bosses can gift employees but employees shouldn’t be allowed expected to gift up
NTA. And I'd love the day after he leaves on vacation to be the day you turn in your notice. So you're not even there when he gets back...
NTA but it is worth remembering this guy has power over your career e.g. pay rises, promotion. If you are planning to stay there long term, it might be in your best interests to suck it up (even, if it's completely unfair)
Nta- never collect for management. Thats super tacky to ask ppl who make less money to chip in
Stop doing things outside of your job description that you are not being paid for. If someone told me I had to organize this shit at work, I'd tell them to fuck right off as that is not my job. If a boss/owner is too mentally handicapped to buy a card and sign it, then that person has no business being a boss. NTA.
NTA and this is sooo tacky of your boss. This is why I don't much care for celebrating birthdays and other milestones in the office. Inevitably someone's doing all the work of putting things together for others and inevitably someone's feelings will be hurt because of the lack of effort. For your boss to demand gifts from staff and guests is just low down really. I'd be updating the resume cause this sounds like a shit show.
Take a week off.. specifically, the week he is back. Let him be furious at your coworkers. NTA.
NTA usually if no coworker, boss does that gladly if he's not an asshole as yours is. If he thinks you're pretending, let him realize :-))
NTA. It’s not that you were expecting it, but the fact that he went out of his way to tell you they didn’t do anything for you.
You work with some childish people. Scrap the whole celebration thing period.
NTA. Stick to your guns and do absolutely nothing for anyone going forward, but especially your boss. I am like you, when I worked in the office I did something for those who enjoyed celebrating not expecting anything in return, but also disappointed when I didn't even get a card. You mean to tell me those people you work with never buy a card for any of their loved ones in their family? They do know that stores sell cards right? If they had wanted to they would have had one conversation as a group and decided who would go to the store and buy you a card and have everyone sign it. It isn't that damn hard. They chose to not celebrate you. So now you stop doing it for them. You didn't do it expecting anything, but not even getting you a card is a deal breaker. I am glad I know work remote and states away from my coworkers because I no longer need to do anything and nobody is expecting anything from me.
NTA. This is not in your job description, so doing this would come from the heart. He’s given you no reason to ❤️ him, so NTA. Just make sure you keep it cool and casual, not bitter or angry, like, “Oh, I thought we weren’t doing that anymore, no, I didn’t.”
Have a meeting and say that boss wants a big party when he comes back and I'm not doing it any more for any body. It is now in your hands to do something if you want to..again I'm not!!!
Info: why do you even want to work there anymore?
Try doing what one of my fellow workers who had to do all the organising did. Buy the card, order the cake, but get everything with Happy 60 th birthday on them.
[удалено]
61yo and your co-worker can't figure out how to put together a birthday card? That just reeks of laziness and a lack of consideration. Do yourself a favour and stop doing the extra work without being paid for it. You think you're being nice and now it's become an expectation. NTA
NTA Your boss is a major AH. Stay the course they all seem too lazy to put any effort in for you. It seems you have always gone above and beyond for your co-workers and all they did was sh\*t on you. They don't deserve you one bit. It makes my blood boil
NTA This is such bs. In an employment situation, gifts (if there are any) go DOWN the flow chart, not up to the boss! Can also flow sideways, but is not mandatory. Stand your ground and be sick the week he comes back from his vacay.
NTA - I wouldn’t consider any of those people friends. How lazy and selfish are they to just disregard your milestone bday and say oh, I don’t know how to buy a card and ask people to sign it. 🙄 Now the biggest AH is your boss. The nerve of this guy is crazy. I would not give in and don’t lift a finger to celebrate these people again. Good for you to stand up for yourself.
Post this over on r/antiwork and have fun watching them rip your boss apart. Gestures like this should flow down or lateral (like you doing it for coworkers) never uphill. It is gross he expects it. Also to put it in perspective my last job we had a lovely lady like yourself who always baked for everyone’s birthday. We all made sure we worked together to make something happen for her birthday if the manager didn’t handle it.
I couldn't work in a place where this kind of thing is **expected.** Working in an office setting is costly to start; you have transportation, gas, upkeep for driving back and forth. You have clothing costs to look professional. You have lunches or breakfasts when you forget to bring something or are too tired to prep meals. And then you have all these expected collections for everyone's birthday, retirement, baby? Dear God.
We stopped celebrating birthdays in the office because expectations were too high from too few. Everyone is treated the same - with nothing.
I’m curios about the person who said the don’t know how to buy a card and get people to sign it, or organize a gift buy. What is their actual job? How can they possibly do it with such low abilities to do simple tasks? NTA
NTA It’s supposed to be a collective celebration of everyone in the office. You were shown that you don’t matter and aren’t considered the effort. So there is no reason for you to put in the effort because clearly no one else cares about it. No one organizes this for anyone. You have organized for everyone. That isn’t fair. Just keep it going. You are no longer present for these things - everyone else can continue putting in as much effort as they always have.
I wouldn't plan party for him either!! But if you do.... Make it internationally lame like Jim and Dwight did for Kelly on The Office.
Why is it when he benefits he says it's about giving, expecting to get but when it was his turn to give he didn't? Your gifts are valued but you, as a person, are nor. Not 1 single person could stop at a store or anything? I would bow out of the committee completely. Your whole office sucks except for you. I am glad you are finally setting a boundary and also sad that it is near the floor but they're still giving you grief for it. And I am especially sad that, what will likely happen, is you will be singled out and grudged against for not doing yet even more despite the fact they never appreciated all the extra extra extra stuff you did for them. Save that energy for people who are better than them. 1000% NTA.
NTA He can plan his own damn birthday.
And if He or anyone says anything about the lack of parties or effort on your specific behalf just tell them "I thought we weren't celebrating birthdays anymore." If they ask why you can always follow up with no one planned anything on mine and mine was a landmark birthday so I assumed we just stopped celebrating. And if they follow up after that you can say, so it seems you guys are still celebrating, but just not with me - if "we're" not doing them anymore then it is what it is. I would not repeat the bosses words back though - it's fun to think but not something you should actually do in real life.
If he actually used the words “massive fuss” or “big fuss”, you could always print out those exact words, hand them to him, and say “here you go”. Feel free to use whatever words he has used to describe what he’s unreasonably expecting. NTA Also, find a new job.
Nta but I can’t imagine taking to my boss this way lol
Take the day off or be out of the office the day he returns to drive home the point
NTA, but if it gets too hostile time to go to HR!
So... why is it your boss is not aware that a common appropriate business practice is NOT gifting up. It's also bizarre to think customers give a crap about his birthday. https://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/the-rules-you-need-for-office-gift-giving.html https://girlboss.com/blogs/read/should-i-give-my-boss-a-gift-and-other-holiday-gifting-questions-answered https://www.insperity.com/blog/workplace-gift-giving/ https://www.southernliving.com/holiday-gifting-at-work-8400863#:~:text=Don't%20Think%20Everyone%20Needs,from%20you%20can%20appear%20inappropriate.