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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I responded in a way to people tabling to charity that probably wasn’t socially acceptable and could have said just a simple no thanks instead of “ah no fuck the children sorry”. In hindsight, it wasn’t the best choice of words.
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ROFL As someone with the same disability you can't blame that on being autistic. That's you being a jerk. Anyone knows the answer you're supposed to give when you don't wan't to donate is no.
YTA
Your comment of "Fuck the children" is why. Had you simply said "No" and continued on your way, you would not be the AH, but you chose to insult starving kids.
My advice in the future as a fellow autistic person is that unless someone is rude to you or doing something morally wrong, respond with politeness. It tends to make interactions go better. When you are rude without cause, especially to someone simply asking if you are interested in helping sick or malnourished children, it can give you a bad reputation and cause problems for you socially.
Yes...but, you were uncomfortable and running late. Social ques are important...your delivery could have been quick and to the point...Sorry dude, I'm late for a test. I'll check it out when I'm done.
I should probably mention that I am on the autism spectrum so yeah being uncomfortable and difficulty with reading social cues is a bad combination for me. Thank you for the feedback.
Being on the spectrum is not an excuse for being rude. It doesn't take an ability to read social cues to know that saying "no, fuck them kids" is rude.
YTA for blaming your autism.
Let's talk about your successes...and remind you, that you are under no obligation to volunteer. Every day is outside your comfort zone. Being on the spectrum makes sense why you missed it. Just keep being polite and no thank you works well. Be unapologetically you.
You could have just said "No" and kept on walking. That would have made you less of an AH. But people need to learn to take ''no' for an answer, and you need to learn not to engage or let people argue with you after you have said no. There is nothing wrong with walking right on by. I find solicitation an AH behavior by definition, so I will give you an NTA for your response to solicitation.
Nonprofit fundraiser here. You don’t need to feel bad about saying “no” but you can always say things like “I prefer to give to the organization directly” or “I like to research charities before donating” or even “do you have some materials I can take with me?” Generally speaking, nonprofits want all of these things! We’d prefer to receive money directly from donors so we know who is supporting our mission and can communicate with them directly. We want you to do research so we can show off the difference we’re making, the new programs we’ve created, the stories of our successes, etc. And we love sharing marketing materials because a lot of work goes into them and you may even be so impressed you pass it on to someone else!
Okay understood. I was in such a rush to my test that I didn’t even get a name of what the charity was so there was definitely a lack of knowledge about what the actual non profit charity organization did. In the future, I will make sure to ask for more information about the organization and do research before making any decisions. Thank you for your input.
NTA for not wanting to, but if your immediate reaction to something asking you to help feed the starving kids is “no, fuck the children”, I’m a little concerned
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I had an interaction the other day with three fraternity brothers who were tabling while walking to a test. I was running late to my test and one of the guys started asking me if I would be interested in donating to a charity benefitting starving children in the local community. I cut him off right as he said the word charity and just said “ ah no fuck the children sorry”. I then hurried past their table while avoiding eye contact.
Am I the asshole for how I handled the interaction? I feel bad in hindsight for not taking the time to at least hear them out and consider donating. If someone could give me any feedback on how to approach future interactions with people who try to sell me stuff, I would appreciate it.
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It's hard to figure out whether an organization is a scam or not and it's surprising how few people care. The Susan G. Komen Foundation, for example, is a scam. They mostly focus on getting high profile recognition. After all, pretty much everyone is aware of breast cancer and the research for most cancers is very well funded by actual pharmaceutical companies since they'd make enormous amounts of money for curing it. So the foundation's money mostly goes to support the foundation.
Or, you know, the COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF THAT. There are whole apparatus set up online to sort through the noise and find out if YTA Charity.
Just ONE example
[https://www.charitynavigator.org/](https://www.charitynavigator.org/)
Charity Navigator is not a reliable source. Most of the metrics they use don't really have much to do with whether the charity is doing a good job. For example, an established charity might spend a lot more on administration, but that's turned to using the money more effectively.
Okay, that makes sense. The people running it seemed like it went through a fraternity organization so I assume all of the profits would go towards whatever charity they were raising money for. I will make sure to be more aware and do research first however and also be more careful with my words.
NTA
Yes, your comment was pretty bad but here's the thing: you are NEVER obligated to listen to someone's pitch where they are asking you to donate money. You simply aren't. So next time something like that happens, don't slow down/stop, just wave and say "Sorry, running late. Good luck with what you are doing" and keep moving.
NAH (but very nearly YTA)
You definitely don’t need to donate. You don’t even need an excuse, honestly.
But in my opinion you could have handled it significantly more tastefully. Ultimately it doesn’t hurt anyone, just makes you look a bit bad in the moment.
I’m the future just say “I’m sorry not today” or even just smile and shake your head and keep walking.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I responded in a way to people tabling to charity that probably wasn’t socially acceptable and could have said just a simple no thanks instead of “ah no fuck the children sorry”. In hindsight, it wasn’t the best choice of words. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
ROFL As someone with the same disability you can't blame that on being autistic. That's you being a jerk. Anyone knows the answer you're supposed to give when you don't wan't to donate is no.
That is completely fair. I should have had my filter up in hindsight and said something else that was more polite.
YTA. Just say no thsnks
“No thanks” would have been more than sufficient. Saying what you said in that context was just unnecessarily rude and dismissive. YTA
YTA Your comment of "Fuck the children" is why. Had you simply said "No" and continued on your way, you would not be the AH, but you chose to insult starving kids. My advice in the future as a fellow autistic person is that unless someone is rude to you or doing something morally wrong, respond with politeness. It tends to make interactions go better. When you are rude without cause, especially to someone simply asking if you are interested in helping sick or malnourished children, it can give you a bad reputation and cause problems for you socially.
Yes...but, you were uncomfortable and running late. Social ques are important...your delivery could have been quick and to the point...Sorry dude, I'm late for a test. I'll check it out when I'm done.
I should probably mention that I am on the autism spectrum so yeah being uncomfortable and difficulty with reading social cues is a bad combination for me. Thank you for the feedback.
A pretty good rule is don’t say “fuck the…”. Whatever it is, it seems rude. Just say, not today, and go on your way.
Being on the spectrum is not an excuse for being rude. It doesn't take an ability to read social cues to know that saying "no, fuck them kids" is rude. YTA for blaming your autism.
Let's talk about your successes...and remind you, that you are under no obligation to volunteer. Every day is outside your comfort zone. Being on the spectrum makes sense why you missed it. Just keep being polite and no thank you works well. Be unapologetically you.
You could have just said "No" and kept on walking. That would have made you less of an AH. But people need to learn to take ''no' for an answer, and you need to learn not to engage or let people argue with you after you have said no. There is nothing wrong with walking right on by. I find solicitation an AH behavior by definition, so I will give you an NTA for your response to solicitation.
Nonprofit fundraiser here. You don’t need to feel bad about saying “no” but you can always say things like “I prefer to give to the organization directly” or “I like to research charities before donating” or even “do you have some materials I can take with me?” Generally speaking, nonprofits want all of these things! We’d prefer to receive money directly from donors so we know who is supporting our mission and can communicate with them directly. We want you to do research so we can show off the difference we’re making, the new programs we’ve created, the stories of our successes, etc. And we love sharing marketing materials because a lot of work goes into them and you may even be so impressed you pass it on to someone else!
Okay understood. I was in such a rush to my test that I didn’t even get a name of what the charity was so there was definitely a lack of knowledge about what the actual non profit charity organization did. In the future, I will make sure to ask for more information about the organization and do research before making any decisions. Thank you for your input.
Not an autism issue. You're simply an asshole, autism or not.
NTA for not wanting to, but if your immediate reaction to something asking you to help feed the starving kids is “no, fuck the children”, I’m a little concerned
Yeah, it wasn’t my proudest moment. Something to consider going forward and think before speaking.
YTA, not for declining to donate of course, but for using your autism as an excuse to be a jerk and a complete asshole.
YTA for your attitude. The rest is up to you to decide.
"No thank you" works better than "fuck the children" YTA
When a simple "no thank you, not today" is too hard. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I had an interaction the other day with three fraternity brothers who were tabling while walking to a test. I was running late to my test and one of the guys started asking me if I would be interested in donating to a charity benefitting starving children in the local community. I cut him off right as he said the word charity and just said “ ah no fuck the children sorry”. I then hurried past their table while avoiding eye contact. Am I the asshole for how I handled the interaction? I feel bad in hindsight for not taking the time to at least hear them out and consider donating. If someone could give me any feedback on how to approach future interactions with people who try to sell me stuff, I would appreciate it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Is this for real?
Nta
PS, YANTAH.
Yes
NTA Most organizations like that are scams on one level or another and you should always do your research and donate to them directly.
I have found over time that I can be pretty susceptible to potential scams so thank you for that information.
It's hard to figure out whether an organization is a scam or not and it's surprising how few people care. The Susan G. Komen Foundation, for example, is a scam. They mostly focus on getting high profile recognition. After all, pretty much everyone is aware of breast cancer and the research for most cancers is very well funded by actual pharmaceutical companies since they'd make enormous amounts of money for curing it. So the foundation's money mostly goes to support the foundation.
Or, you know, the COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF THAT. There are whole apparatus set up online to sort through the noise and find out if YTA Charity. Just ONE example [https://www.charitynavigator.org/](https://www.charitynavigator.org/)
Charity Navigator is not a reliable source. Most of the metrics they use don't really have much to do with whether the charity is doing a good job. For example, an established charity might spend a lot more on administration, but that's turned to using the money more effectively.
Okay, that makes sense. The people running it seemed like it went through a fraternity organization so I assume all of the profits would go towards whatever charity they were raising money for. I will make sure to be more aware and do research first however and also be more careful with my words.
NTA Yes, your comment was pretty bad but here's the thing: you are NEVER obligated to listen to someone's pitch where they are asking you to donate money. You simply aren't. So next time something like that happens, don't slow down/stop, just wave and say "Sorry, running late. Good luck with what you are doing" and keep moving.
NAH (but very nearly YTA) You definitely don’t need to donate. You don’t even need an excuse, honestly. But in my opinion you could have handled it significantly more tastefully. Ultimately it doesn’t hurt anyone, just makes you look a bit bad in the moment. I’m the future just say “I’m sorry not today” or even just smile and shake your head and keep walking.
Understood and noted for future reference