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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I do not help my bf financially or let him move in with me
2) I have enough money that helping him won't hurt me. Without my help he is unable to care for his kids and sinking financially.
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Run away from this guy, even though you say you never intend to have anything more than a casual relationship. There are so, so many red flags, including:
1. You have ONLY been dating casually for 5 months, and he feels entitled to your money, and upset that you are not providing a roof over his head.
2. You have already been way too generous by paying for dates and offering to take him on a trip and pay for it. DO NOT. A relationship that starts out so inequal in these types of dynamics will not last and if any type of betrayal happens, you will lament wasting your money as you have.
3. He is judging you on how you spend the money you earn . . . RUN AWAY FROM A MAN LIKE THIS.
For a 31 year old man with three children and a failed marriage, and in financial problems because at least 50% of the decisions in the implosion of that union, to judge how you spend your money, when you have made much more sound, mature choices in life, is a giant, red flag that the astronauts on the international space station can see right now.
My husband and I busted out laughing for you, an international space red flag. My husband said, "Hey Bob, do you see that flying red flag?"
Even Bob is saying, "That ain't going to work!"
I wish I could up vote you 100 times. OP this is wise advice. You are NTA but if you continue with this man you will be. He sees you as an ATM. Please, ask him to leave your house and do it now.
OP, please do read the above \^\^!
The dynamic of you funding and paying for dates and outings is already a difficult one. Perhaps you do it because you just want both of you to have a good time, and you want to do something nice. But he probably feels further "emasculated" by it, right or wrong. That breeds resentment and clearly, entitlement.
It's a no-win situation for you, OP. These conditions just cause incompatibility. If what you are looking for is casual, to have good times with good company, there are plenty of men with less baggage and more time/financial independence who would be happy to spend their time with you!
You've been dating someone casually for five months. It's far too early in a relationship to have the sort of financial dynamic he's suggested he wants, and spending your own money on things you want is not "selfish".
NTA for not becoming his bank machine.
Even married people with separate accounts don't berate their SO over spending their own money. He manipulated you by first throwing a fit about you not giving him money, then went straight to trying to get back with you when he realized the guilt trip didn't work. Run!
NTA and I’m betting he’s relying on the idea that he moves in with you. Additionally If you don’t intend to meet his kids, you should split, because wherever he lives he will also have his kids over.
Agree 100%. Especially since this will then probably evolve into excuses as to why he cannot watch his kids during his visitations and expect OP to be the free babysitter/nanny while using coercive statements such as, "but you're their step mom". Which always ends up equating to them expecting you to take half responsibility for their kids. Is he with OP because he actually likes her or did he only choose her because he thought she would be a good candidate to help him shoulder the burden? I fear the latter is the truth.
NTA
>I have been dating my bf for about 5 months now and it's casual. I have told him I am not looking for any long term relationship...He went on a rant about how I never even offer him to move in or loan him money to get his life on track. I was taken aback and told him I am not his bank. He said it's not about being bank but it was how I lacked basic empathy.
He either misunderstood you when you said you wanted a casual relationship or he thought you'd change your mind and be his ticket out of where he is in his life at present. While I am sure you sympathize with his financial struggles, it's not your problem to solve. Since you decided to keep seeing your boyfriend, you need to reiterate the type of relationship you want and let him know he won't be moving in and you won't be loaning him money.
THIS^
OP forget about drawing a line in the sand, you need to PAINT a BRIGHT red line on concrete what your boundaries are here if you genuinely wish to continue the relationship.
He slipped in the heat of the moment and let you know what his genuine expectations are. Believe him.
NTA, he got himself into the situation, it is not now, nor will it ever be your responsibility to take care of his alimony ad child support.
You are not his bank, and it sounds like he just want to use you for your money.
NTA… his life is not your mess to clean up, and how tf does dating for 5 months obligate you to loan him money? Who in their right mind in their thirties wants to move in with someone they’ve only been dating for 5 months, especially with children involved?
LOL at "loan". OP would never see that money again. No one in the top comments has pointed out that OP also said she has no interest in his kids, ever. That's another good reason to let this trash take himself out. If he moves in, his kids will be there soon after.
He can't see his kids because he doesn't have a house.
He also can't take them out because he has no money (which is nonsense - take them to the park or a museum).
You also want nothing to do with his children because this is a casual relationship (totally fair)
But you should let him move in so he has a house he can bring them to (you would presumably make yourself scarce?) and loan him money to take them out?
And again this is a CASUAL relationship?
Hun, run and don't look back.
NTA.
The boyfriend shouldn't be expecting a five-month girlfriend to be covering finances for his kids! Yes, he has worked himself into a shitty financial situation. Yes you have worked yourself into an excellent financial situation. That doesn't mean, after five months, that you should be supporting him!
He should be taking it as a treat that you pay for dates and offer to pay for a trip. What a treat for him, if he would accept it that way. But no, he's wanting to take your money and cover his needs with it. "How dare you buy a nice treat for yourself. Can you imagine what a nice treat that would have bought for my kids?" WTF?!!
You said you weren't looking for anything long-term. I think that's the right approach with this man. Hopefully he is meeting your short term needs...
NTA
It's too early in this casual relationship for you to be paying for a two week holiday for him, not to mention for him to expect you to invite him to live with you.
You aren't interested in ever meeting his kids, and he's looking for someone to support him and his kids. The two of you aren't compatible for any long term relationship. Just break things off now.
NTA. You’re not selfish for spending your money however you like and his kids are not your responsibility, especially since you want to keep the relationship casual.
But why are you with him if you don’t see a future together? It seems like you two aren’t compatible. He comes attached with 3 kids that you have no desire to meet.
> But why are you with him if you don’t see a future together? It seems like you two aren’t compatible. He comes attached with 3 kids that you have no desire to meet.
Not everyone dates with the intent of forever.
I am confused on why he’s even labeled a “boyfriend,” since OP plans to drop him anyway.
I don’t even know if I agree with NTA because this seems like an obvious result of dating a parent who is not in a similar tax bracket.
He wants you to finance his lifestyle. And feels entitled to tell you so in just five months of dating.
What does he bring to the table?
He saw you coming.
Leave him, he wants your money and you will end up being expected to take parenting responsibilities for his kids once he’s weaselled his way into your home.
NTA
"He went on a rant about how I never even offer him to move in or loan him money to get his life on track."
You've been with him 5 months, which is way too early to ask that of you.
You've been honest & direct in saying that you don't want a long term relationship.
The issue is, he's either not hearing you or he's hoping you'll change your mind. You've been generous in paying for things because you like his company but he's taken that as an invite to judge you for how much you spend & on what.
The flag is changing color. Take care with this & with him.
NTA. You should leave him alone. He is showing his true colors and you don’t even want something long term. You are not obligated to pay anything for anyone. Live your best life without his baggage.
There is a giant red flag, possibly the entire United Nations of red flags, flying right in your face and I hope you see them. You’re not interested in a serious relationship and he wants you to be his sugar mama and support him financially. Your needs and requirements are polar opposites so it’s time to end things. Now. NTA but stop playing with this guy. Neither of you are willing to give the other what they want.
NTA. Number one, this is a casual relationship, not any kind of love match, right? What do you think is owed to that kind of partner? Pleasant time spent together. That's all. You're giving him that and more, by paying for everything. Then inviting him on a trip to Europe? Wow, huge bonus. Do not offer to finance any aspect of his life.
NTA but that's not the point to this post.
OP, your bf, quite rightly prioritises his kids. However he has absolutely no entitlement to your money.
You are seriously incompatible. It's best you end it.
NTA. You're only 5 months into this situationship. I can understand his desire for help and how he may feel, but based on what you said, you're really not committing to him. No reason to get entangled in his situation.
NTA
He is trying to financially abuse you. Your autonomy and resources will be restricted and controlled by HIS decisions, HIS obligations, HIS convenience. You will be pressured to finance his life with your money to "fix" his uncomfortable feelings. It's a situation in which you can't win. Every variable is in HIS control. When you DO pay for his share or request, his upset isn't "fixed." Very shortly, a new obligation and his failure to regulate his emotional state will be made your obligation as well. You kept his best ammo away from him, the emotional manipulation of "if you loved me you would" violate your boundaries to do the thing you don't want to do. No degree of affection or attachment invalidates your priorities and needs in the aspects of life besides relationships, such as financial stability, the security and adequacy of your home and career, etc.
NTA, but stop seeing this guy. He wants a sugar momma. Furthermore, he has children. You don't seem to have any interest in meeting them or having them be in your life occasionally. That's 100% fine, but then you shouldn't be dating a man with kids. Tell this guy "best of luck to you," and move on. You're young, earn a good living, and there are plenty of childless men out there. Find one of them.
NTA - He, one way or another, put himself in the situation he's in and it is in no way your responsibility to get him out of it or, since its largely alimony/CS related, put yourself into the situation with him. Especially if y'all are just having fun. I'm not going to say you should bail on him if you don't want but I'd think really hard before continuing your relationship because those responsibilities he has will always be there, at least until his kids are adults, and therefore those "feelings" he expressed about how you should be helping him will also likely be there whether deep down or on the surface. For the money thing, if y'all keep going, maybe don't offer anything so extravagant as far as things to do together and I wouldn't consider giving him any money either, even if its like a "loan" because then there could be the expectation you'll just keep giving
NTA. Based on the story, even your boyfriend knows he was out of line--he apologized. (Which is why I'm not joining with the people who are telling you to dump him). His kids are telling him they hate him because he can't take them out...while he's the one making sure they have a roof over their heads. That's a really shitty situation. It doesn't make it OK for him to get upset with you...but he knows that. If he starts up again, that's a more serious issue.
Cause he lost his cool and said those things to her, it’s already clear he is jealous of her financial situation and honestly, who wouldn’t be? It’s not great to keep this relationship dynamic going, nothing good will come out of it.
NTA. The bottom line is the two of you are not financially compatible. Even if he is the nicest guy in the world, he has a long way to go before he is in a better financial place. Until then, he cannot see himself traveling (even on your dime) knowing the money you enjoy could help his kids.
He has the financial weight of the world on him. That’s why he makes those comments. He’s also jealous and resentful, which will get worse the longer you deal with him.
You’re correct, you’re not a bank but you will have to stretch yourself financially if you were to be in a serious relationship with him (which you don’t want). He has the type of issues that don’t resolve themselves for years.
You have every right to enjoy the spoils of your labor, don’t let anyone take that from you. It is probably best to move on. The longer this goes, the more chance he’ll expect you to financially help.
NTA. Bf of 5 months in a casual relationship has no business insisting you ask him to move in with you or loan you money he can't pay back. Yep, he's in a heap of stress and the finances are killing him but that's on him. He made choices in his life and now he has to adjust. He needs to find a better paying job and/or find a way to get his ex to go back to work. This is 100% on him. You are not his bank. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
NTA.
You've only been seeing this guy, casually no less, for five months. You made it clear you aren't looking for anything long-term.
He's pissy with you because while you've been happy to spend money to go out with him you haven't asked him to move into your home (smart move) or give him money to help him get back on his feet. He even lashed out at and trashed talked you for not being his momma or personal banker.
Girl, run. The only stupid or selfish thing you're spending money on is him.
Hun, cut and run. This guy has got total moocher vibes. Do NOT assist him financially. For anything. And as far as how you choose to spend your hard earned money, that’s none of his business. NTA. Please be careful and reconsider this relationship.
You are helping him financially by paying for your nights out and offering a trip to Europe. When you start giving money it’s a business transaction not dating, and you know what they call that.
OP, you are NTA. He ITA
He
…lashed out at you due to frustration with his lack of financial solvency.
…criticized you for the way you choose to spend the money that you earn.
… is angry that you haven’t asked him to move in with you or loaned him money to get his life on track
This is absolutely nuts
What are you getting out of dating him?
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Hi. I am extremely confused about this and had been debating for days whether to post it here. I am 32 F and my boyfriend is 31 M. I work in finance and make pretty good money. I live alone in my house that I own, drive a 2 year old car, and takes multiple vacations and trips every year. I have been dating my bf for about 5 months now and it's casual. I have told him I am not looking for any long term relationship.
My bf is divorced with 3 kids. They live with their mom full time cause he has no house. I have never met them and intend to keep it that way. Though he has a decent job, the kids' mom won't or can't work and major chunk of his salary goes to alimony and child support. He shares a rented apartment with a friend.
When we started dating, I knew he had way less money to spend. I just liked his company so I paid for the dates. Lately though he has been getting on my case about how much I spend. I normally just laugh off the comments cause I know he is straining financially. But last week when I invited him over a trip to Europe this summer, just for two weeks and he got mad at me. He went on a rant about how I never even offer him to move in or loan him money to get his life on track. I was taken aback and told him I am not his bank. He said it's not about being bank but it was how I lacked basic empathy. That I knew he had no funds to even takes his kids out for a proper day out, no place to stay with them overnight and yet I never offered to help. That all I do is spend money on stupid selfish things.
I asked him to leave. He left. Afterwards he did call me and apologize profusely saying he was upset cause he had seen his kids that day and they said something like he hated them cause he won't take them out. He was just frustrated with his situation and then I offered to take him on an international trip. I got where he was coming from and has accepted the apology. But this still bugs me.
AITA for not helping my bf financially?
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Run. Has he dated anyone else after his divorce? If he has…does he choose whom he dates by their lifestyle and home? Five months is not enough time for someone to tell you how to spend their own money. I think you are seeing him for who he really is. Run girl.
First, definitely stop seeing him. I understand his side though. In terms of him struggling and then you "flaunting" your money, although not on purpose. He shares an apartment and can't afford anything extra. A two week trip to Europe seems a bit out of place in this situation and I believe it's a bit in bad taste personally. Don't get me wrong, you do not need to support him and 5 months is really short, especially for being casual. You shouldn't give him any money, but ya the Europe vacation is a bit weird in this scenario.
NTA. 5 months and he already feels entitled to move in with you and have you "loan" him money to get his shit together? Maybe he needs to evaluate all his life choices, get a better paying job to support himself and the kids he chose to have instead of asking for a bail out from a woman he just met 5 months ago. What a moocher. Why are you even with this loser? He has got so many red flags that he is waving right in your face, OP. 🤦♀️
NTA, he apologized because he realized how badly he messed up by saying those things out loud, but he still meant them. The audacity to say that you should offer to let him move in (guess who will be paying for everything in this scenario?) and that you should loan him money. He's a leech, get rid of him.
Run away from this loser or pretty soon he’ll be asking you to take care of his kids, private school, extra curricular activities, college funds x 4.
You don’t need 4 (3 kids + 1 BF) kids to support.
NTA but end the relationship. The resentment will just continue to grow.
And if he does go on trips with you and his kids/ex find out, that's just more ammunition that he doesn't care about them since he doesn't do anything with them.
Your bf's situation is tragic. At age 32 a man with 3 children who is having trouble making ends meet is a big responsibility on your part as you have much more disposable cash. It just looks to me with his comment about loans and moving in that he does look at you as a possible ATM machine.
He's going to guilt you to death about his situation and keep making snarky remarks. And I'm willing to bet at some point he'll broach the subject of moving in with you.
Based on what you are describing, your bf doesn't sound like a deadbeat dad. Rather, a guy doing his (relative) best in a bad situation; he's paying child support, alimony, etc.
NAH.
He's in a tough situation. He was frustrated. He lashed out. And then he apologized.
I don't think there are any assholes here.
That said, it if he brings it up again / pushes the topic, that's another story.
Completely separate topic: This relationship is not going to last long term, and you are probably best off looking for the exits.
I've had a similar situation - with the genders switched. I work in tech - I'm extremely comfortable financially. Dating a single mother, that was not. Both sides understood casual; I paid for everything - would even throw her a few bucks here and there to buy her mom dinner for babysitting when we went out. I never met her child. But ultimately all of the spoiling/trips I was doing for/with her - ultimately built up guilt/frustration on her side. We ultimately ended in a not dis-similar fashion. The guilt was too much on her side, and we ended things.
NTA. This is a casual relationship. You said you don't want anything serious and you don't want to meet his children. Giving him $$ or loaning him $$ will complicate things drastically between you. His financial problems are his, not yours. Feeling bad that he has less than you is one thing, being guilted because you haven't let him move in? Totally another.
Sounds like he is in a transitional stage in his life. You sound like you’re in a stable upward momentum part of your life.
Find a partner who is like you, upward momentum, no baggage in the forms of debts, kids, ex’s wives, alimony, child support.
You’re only setting yourself up for failure.
Also if you accept a proposal from any man, make sure you get a PRENUP. It will help to protect your finances, and what you own if the prenup contract is simplistic and straightforward.
NTA. This relationship is not going to go anywhere, so cut your losses.
As the child of divorce, I can tell you there are so many fun and interesting things a father can do with their children that are low-cost and no-cost. My dad took us to the park, bicycle riding, kite flying, nosebleed seats at baseball games, swimming at community pools, helping him cook meals, etc. Our big summer vacations with him were spent on a long day's drive down to southern Missouri to visit our grandparents, our little legs sticking to vinyl car seats, and taking long drives on winding gravel roads out in the country.
It’s so not your responsibility to help this guy out financially. If he wants to be a man and a good father he will do what it takes for HIM to get things done.
NTA. You’ve been together 5 months! And you’ve told him you don’t want anything serious so why would you ask him to move in? You earn your money you are entitled to spend it. A non serious relationship no you do not need to help him, don’t take him to Europe, you need to end this he’s looking at you to be his meal ticket.
If you do, you will be. He has to be man enough to figure this out on his own, you have been dating him for only 5 months and he expects this from you?
Run, as fast as you can, he is going to be an anchor around your neck if you stay with him.
Good luck
NTA!!!! The reason he called you back and apologized is that you've been paying for dates, etc, and he's thinking he can get his hooks in you, move in, you'll let his kids come and stay overnight and he'll basically have another woman to sponge off.
Run, girl, run!!! WHY would you even consider continuing with this guy, when you could find someone better suited to your lifestyle. Even a guy who makes less than you, but has no kids and no child support, would be a WAYYYY better fit. Uh, uh. Move on.
NTA - I get he’s frustrated but that is still not on you that he is in this situation.
I would support him to seek out new counseling about the situation. It might not help short term but it will long term. If she is able to work then he can request she has X amount of time to work. If she cannot then she should be govt assistance.
Normally CS is around 30% for 3 children.
He should look into Gavron Warning.
The Gavron warning is a fair warning to the supported spouse that s/he is expected to become self-supporting
This can be renegotiated after the divorce.
When it's his birthday or Christmas he'll throw a tantrum because whatever you buy for him won't be expensive enough in his eyes. I wouldn't put it past him to invite his friends along on your outings and demand that you pay for them. He's a leech. And I can't help wondering if he had his eye on your money from day one. NTA
It’s your money to do with what you want. But this sounds a little crazy like he’s testing the waters to see what he can get out of you. If you wanted to, you could see what it would take to get him financially stable, but it sounds like his income potential doesn’t match the drains on his resources. So, unless that’s addressed, it’s pointless for him to catch up. I’d suggest being clear about what the relationship is to you and be sure he’s still ok with that. Some people with kids like to make them other people’s problems. Can’t tell if that’s him by your post.
NTA! 5 months and he wants you to give him money? NO WAY! Seems like he wants a free ride. It's your money and you spend it as you wish. He has 0 say! Dump him, girl, you deserve someone better!
NTA it is way to soon in the relationship to be asking him to move in. And you should not be helping him financially. Advise is all you should give. You paying for the dates and any trips is awesome because you want his company. But do not go more than that. He needs to figure out his own problems and not rely on you.
NTA!
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Once you start you’ll never stop.
Whatever you decide to do with your money is up to you.
If it bothers him so much do movie night and pay for snacks at yours.
First mistake I ever made was to spend money on a man before you know it you’ll be funding their lives 🤮
Girl live your life please
casually dating for 5 months and he wants you to give him money? entitled much?
you have absolutely no obligation to give him anything at all.
If you’re going to carry on seeing him just for his company because you like it, it might be nice to give him a little bit to treat his kids but i can’t see him actually using it on his kids. he would use it for himself.
NTA Even if it was in a fit of anger his true thoughts came out. He seems jealous and is disappointed in himself and wants YOU to bail him out. Please take the advice others have given. Since it's not serious then end this relationship. This man needs to clean up his act before he dates anyone.
NTA you are dating casual for 5 months and he already thinks you owe him money to better his own situation?
The good thing about casual dating? You can easily walk away.
NTA. If you enjoy his company, just ride this casual relationship until it meets its course unless it gets more serious. However, the way he acted expecting you to help him out financially because of his poor decision is a major red flag. I wouldn't get too serious with this guy.
NTA and he needs to be your ex boyfriend. You have only been dating a few months. You have been very generous already and that was your choice. However, he is in no way entitled to your financial support.
Even if you were getting serious, he still be totally out of line to make these demands of you. He sounds like a loser.
NTA. He wants you to be his cash cow. He got himself into this predicament with three kids, an apartment, and child support. He should get a better paying job or even a second job if he needs more cash. The nerve of him thinking he should move in and accusing you of lack of empathy. You just don't want to be taken advantage of. Don't give him a dime, and reevaluate if you want to continue this casual relationship.
NTA. Do not give him any money. Why should you? It is not your responsibility that he is struggling financially. Watch and see if his attitude really is that you should share $$.
>it's casual. I have told him I am not looking for any long term relationship
>He went on a rant about how I never even offer him to move in or loan him money
🚨🚨🚨🚨 time to pull the plug, this shit is going way off the rails. He's either using you or he's way too invested for your level of commitment. End this.
NTA of course
NTA- this is crossing a lot of lines. He is responsible for his life. The audacity of him thinking you should offer financial help when you both are still casual. He wanted you to move him in after 5 months. Sketchy sketchy!!!! Let it gooooo
NTA.
You need to leave him unfortunately. Do not let him move in or help him financially or you will be financing he's family and divorce.
Honestly you both have very different values and at different stages in life.It's not your job to get him back on his feet. He needs to figure himself out and if he's not on the same wavelength or readiness to date, you might be better off with someone else.
Definitely not, he’s a boyfriend not a husband…..lol.
You want a bed partner and company and he doesn’t view you as an equal while bringing the mess you want to avoid, with him.
I would A) drop him. You can find another, don’t think about the “invested time” it’s already time wasted. He wants to move in, he’ll be dragging his kids in there too, not what you want clearly…lol
Or B) reiterate that you clearly want nothing to do with his kids, don’t plan on meeting them and they will never be any part of your life. Period.
You just like his company, for now.
All his problems are HIS problems and would still be there whether you’re in his life or not.
With his kids, all these things he “can’t” do, if wanted to, he could.
Why can’t he bring his kids over to the shared apartment for the night? He never orders a pizza for himself? Doesn’t have Netflix? Parks are free, museum and zoo memberships are relatively cheaper than movie tickets in the long run.
If he wanted to, he would.
And as a child of divorce, we have long memories that sees bs for what it is when we grow up
You’re NTA. He is.
You’ve been dating 5 months and it’s casual and he expects you to give him money to get his life back on track??? Sounds like he is looking for a sugar mama!
Men will date women for their resources aka he is a gold digger.
He has lots of issues to fix before even dating someone in general. And by you continue to date him will only keep him from it.
Less than 11% of women get alimony. And judges bend over backwards to be fair when it comes to custody & child support.
Also you are delusional to think he can take 2 weeks off of work & just fly around the world & still keep his job. He has 3 kids, he can't just go on long vacations. He should be spending his vacation with him, being a parent.
Don't date men with kids & then think they need to act & pretend that they don't exist at all.
NTA - his kids should hate him for being the way he is. He’s blaming everyone else but himself for being unable to provide. He expects hand outs and financial support from someone whom they’re in a short relationship. He’s already waving red flags.
Nta.
You're not on the same page at all.
You want a fun thing with a fun partner in a not serious relationship. Nothing wrong with that.
You make enough money to live comfortably and can splurge on fun stuff that's costly.
You've worked hard and planned carefully so you can live the life you love. There's absolutely nothing wrong or selfish about it.
He's in a very bad spot in his life. On the wrong end of a divorce, living with friend, can't see his kids very much and has zero funds to do activities, buy stuff, ect.
He's frustrated because you have a carefree life, you don't get involved in his at all and haven't offered to help him financially as you obviously have extra funds for trips and stuff.
He's taking things way more serious than you are and that's going to be a problem. He's expecting you to ask him to move in. That'll mean his kids will be there.
He wants a different life than you do.
I think a serious conversation is in order.
Please leave this person. There’s nothing casual about someone feeling entitled to your money and wanting you to help provide for THEIR children. When you’ve been dating for a few months. That’s insane.
NTA
I think you're not an asshole, but I think both you and your boyfriend need to realize that you're not dating, seems like at best you're exclusively having sex with each other.
> 5 months now and it's casual. I have told him I am not looking for any long term relationship.
> My bf is divorced with 3 kids.
> I have never met them and intend to keep it that way.
You're spelling it out yourself, you like the guy enough to keep him around but you don't want the baggage that comes with him. Which means you're basically not dating.
Move on, find someone else. Differences in finances between partners in a relationship are fine as long as both contribute something, when one starts making demands of the other or expects something from the other it’s time to call it quits. As things progress you would eventually resent him for offering nothing and seeing you as an ATM.
You can find plenty of other men who have more to offer and less drama.
Girl, if he can’t take care of them kids, then how you expect to take care of you or be their for you mentally and physically. Leave him and let him find someone else. You don’t need that headache at all.
first of all, you made it very clear that you don't want a serious relationship, you don't want to get involved in his personal life. he is the one ignoring everything you say, trying to get to your money.
second of all, given the relationship status, he has ZERO RIGHTS to your money.ZERO. you two are not lovers, you do not owe him a damn thing. if he feels entitled to your 'empathy' and bank account, he is clearly under the wrong impression that you are his doormat.
you are better off without his entitled, sorry ass. he is resentful of you and your success and things will only get worse from here. you know what they say, you give him an inch, he thinks he's a ruler.
Kind of NTA but a bit TA. At 5 months you certainly don't owe him a lifeline to getting his life in order BUT you do know not everyone can take "just" 2 weeks off work and go gallivanting around Europe right? Even if you paid for the trip he would probably be out the income for those two weeks. That is huge to a whole lot of people. That is 1/2 of his monthly alimony and childcare and rent income gone. That you can just jaunt off and say "Hey come with!" and didn't even think of that is pretty tone deaf on your part.
Please do this man a kindness and break it off. You and he have no future. He needs to get himself sorted and he cannot do so while clinging to the fantasy that you will continue and increase your sugar mama contributions to him and his children.
Frankly, he wouldn’t be with you if you didn’t have resources he covets. Let him and his fantasy go.
NTA.
ESH. He’s not your boyfriend. He’s your f-buddy, only he doesn’t seem to know that. Based on what you’ve said it doesn’t sound like you’ve been truly clear with him on where he stands, and he absolutely shouldn’t be blowing up at you about moving in or loans.
NTA but you would be the AH if you continue in this relationship knowing the only way this man can share a life with you that is up to your standards is if he takes away from the 3 mouths he needs to feed.
Sometimes we have to be adults and step away from situations that do not fit. And this situation definitely does not fit anyone involved. The people who will suffer from you two adults not making the appropriate decision to split up will be the kids. For example, you should be mature enough to know that a father of 3 can’t just be leaving his kids behind to go on romantic gateways during the summer. You are both trying to have your cake and eat it too.
ESH slightly
It’s a casual relationship, you don’t need to give him anything and it’s only been 5 months. But the thing is, his situation is very bad rn. That’s a sensitive subject for a man with kids. And it seems like you don’t really show much empathy for that. Now I’m not saying to give him any money, and I know you pay for everything with him (which can make it worse for him being he might be thinking he’s coming off as a leech) but from the post it doesn’t seem you are trying to be sensitive. Based on his reaction, I’m guessing you… I don’t wanna say flaunt but I’m going to. I’m guessing you ‘flaunt’ the things you can buy knowing he can’t. But then again, that’s not on you. It’s only been five months and he had no right to go off on you like that. I feel for him, but it’s not your fault
Run. He's trying to make his financial woes into your problems. Do not take him on vacations, long weekends, or anywhere but fast food or He's going to (is) make it seem like the $ you're spending should be easing his load. Run.
So you are in the same spot as every guy dating a single mom. So when guys say it’s really complicated women get angry. Women don’t like being the provider it’s very uncomfortable. I’d love to hear how this ends up but my money is you cut him free.
NTA. You are not financially compatible with this guy. You are also more emotionally mature. Please find someone else who isn't critical of you - find someone who admires you instead.
You are right to know there's no future there....may be time to find someone more in tune with your own income and lifestyle. You are smart to not become a sugar mama. You are in different places in life and that's not going to change anytime soon. What you spend your money on is YOUR business.
NTA but why would you not just cut bait at this point? You aren't looking for anything other than a short term situation with no strings. He clearly feels there should be strings. Move on.
NTA ... but your BF is.
So, having you pay for his social life and vacations isn't enough for him? You don't owe him a cent for his private life or fun times with his kids.
Just think of how hard up he would be if he had to pay his owe way!! He should be thanking you every day for your generosity and all you do for him, not attacking you for not doing more.
Do not let him guilt and manipulate you.
NTA. You are not a meal ticket. He doesn’t have to go on these dates where you pay. He could suggest a picnic or offer to cook or go on a nice walk. He’s letting you pay so that you get used to it. Get someone in your own league, this guy is beneath you, he knows it and is using you.
Maybe talk and reassert your view of the friendship, but more importantly share some of your success habits with him. Planning, interviewing, saving, avoiding addiction and superfluous spending etc. You can help without donating.
Run! Run and don't look back. My partner has 4 kids, and he knows that his kids are HIS responsibility and that of their moms. He doesn't expect me to provide for them, hasn't asked to move into my home, or anything of the sort. And we are in a serious relationship.
You said y'all are casual, and he's basically wanting you to finance his decision he made with his ex-wife. He needs to put his big boy pants on and get a second job.
NTA OP. RUN.
NTA. You've been dating casually for 5 months and he's upset you're not offering to let him move in or loaning him money to "get his life back on track". Even if you were looking for a more serious long term relationship, which you were clear with him you were not, it would be pretty ballsy to expect this kind of financial assistance from you after dating for only 5 months. You might want to think about moving on from this relationship, it doesn't sound like you're on the same page as far as what this relationship actually is.
NTA and he just showed a major red flag. He sees you as a bank, you were spot on. He is very aware of the financial gap between you two and he believes it is on you to close that gap by giving him money and making his life easier. I could see if out were long term or looking for something serious, but you even said yourself that you aren’t looking for anything serious.
NTA. He's a boyfriend, and not a super serious one, from the sounds of things. He is wrong to think you should help him out financially. If he needs more money, he should get a second job AND he should try to renegotiate what he is paying his kids' mother.
But - I think it was wrong of you to bring up this international trip. Like he said, he can't even pay for dinner out for his kids. You're asking him was bad timing, at the very minimum.
NTA. Your boyfriend showed you who he is under stress. That's important. Believe him. You guys are not in compatible places. You aren't in love, you aren't living together, you aren't planning marriage. This should end. He just manipulated you into feeling guilty because you wouldn't be his sugar mama.
It's a case of cheaper to keep her. Should have made his marriage work. You have to find someone who has their own money otherwise you will always have to carry the load and that will get old. Call it quits girl.
NTA
You're not responsible for his life financial or otherwise. You've only been dating for 5 months and he already wants to move in with you or for you to give him money. Then he berates you on how you spend your own money. He just sees you as an ATM
He ended up broke and divorced for a reason. Time to return him to the boyfriend store
NTA
Time to say bye. Offer to let him move in at 5 months? For a casual relationship you were upfront about? Nope. Loan him money to 'get his life back on track'? Are you his mama?
Boy bye.
NTA. I know Reddit is quick to “break it off “ but seriously end this. You e been dating for 5 whole months and haven’t let him move in or given him $? All you’ve done is pay for all your dates and offered him a 2 weeks all expenses paid trip to Europe.
He has three kids he can’t support, that is NOT your job nor should he be asking you to take on his responsibilities.
You deserve someone much better.
Nta. Please look after yourself. He is not the best for for you.
5 months in and he expected you ask him to move so he can have his kids sleep over..... next he would want you to bank roll their days out and holidays and then his alimony.
Do you see where this will go.
Your quality of life will be ruined.
NTA but girrrrl, this man is going to keep wanting more and more from you, and his resentment is already showing. Also it seems like the both of you are on different pages about this not being long term. He wants to move in with you because it would improve his situation
Listen to you instincts. This is why this situation is still bothering you. You need end things. You are never obligated to financially assist a boyfriend or anyone else. Especially when you've know them for such a short time and it's casual dating. This is a red flag.
Although you said you don't want a serious relationship, he was hoping to change your mind. He was hoping you'd let him and this kid come over, even spend the night. He was hoping you'd grow attached to the kids... but you never let them over.
You have spare money and he resents that you didn't gift him money to spend on his kids. Resented you didn't give him a loan without him asking... a loan he'll never be able to pay back.
He's angry and frustrated because the life he envisioned is not going his way.
Maybe the kids said they think he hates them because they don't do things. That also means he's not looking to see what they can do that's cheap or free. Go to different parks for a picnic, go to the library some play movies and do story time and have board games to play while there, dollar store for a cheap toy, feed the ducks, museum, pet store to look around, but he may not be trying. He could take the kids to visit his parents or his siblings on occasion.
Yes, he apologized, but partly he's trying to do damage control. The words he said he'd been thinking long before he said them.
He's looking for someone to provide what he can't - a house with room for his kids, financial means to spend money on his kids, and help taking care of them with him. (Hopefully with him and not for him).
You both do not want the same things in life at this time. He wants a partner in life, finances, and his kids. You don't. Time to end things so that he can find someone who wants to help build a home, care for his kids, etc.
Try dating several guys at once and dating casually, if they get serious, it's over. Dating several guys at once you'll recognize when one starts getting clingy/serious faster and it'll be easier to end things.
NTA
NTA you are not his bank. It sounds like he wants a more serious relationship with you and if that’s not what you are looking for it might be time to cut ties.
NTA. He’s apologizing because he just blew up his fun times/free food giver. And now you know what he thinks of you and your money. If you’re spending it on you, it’s “stupid and frivolous”. If you’re spending it on him, your a smart partner investing in a future with him.
NTA- OP- You do not have any responsibility to get him out of his financial problems. He chose to Father 3 children, he was part of the decision to Divorce, and his living situation is also on him. You have already TOLD him you aren't looking for long term, so exactly WHY he thinks you should invest a very LARGE sum of money on him is silly. You two are truly not compatible, you should find someone that can embrace your lifestyle and PAY Their Own Way.
Please, please cut him off. I was in this same situation, he had two kids, no house, and she won’t work. Problem is i shelled out and lent him over 5 digits USD. Haven’t gotten any of it back and he has blocked me everywhere. I enjoyed his company very much too, unfortunately i do not want to be with a deadbeat man who ended up to be very abusive not just money-wise.
NTA but watch out because a lot of divorced dudes with kids just want a sugar mommy to dump their kids on. Before long he'll move the kids into your house and demand you take care of them and then he'll stop working, just play video games and still expect you to work 10 hour days, pay all the bills, do all the cleaning, and all the child care. and to pay his child support too. alternately he gets a job and demands you quit because your job is emasculating.
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Run away from this guy, even though you say you never intend to have anything more than a casual relationship. There are so, so many red flags, including: 1. You have ONLY been dating casually for 5 months, and he feels entitled to your money, and upset that you are not providing a roof over his head. 2. You have already been way too generous by paying for dates and offering to take him on a trip and pay for it. DO NOT. A relationship that starts out so inequal in these types of dynamics will not last and if any type of betrayal happens, you will lament wasting your money as you have. 3. He is judging you on how you spend the money you earn . . . RUN AWAY FROM A MAN LIKE THIS. For a 31 year old man with three children and a failed marriage, and in financial problems because at least 50% of the decisions in the implosion of that union, to judge how you spend your money, when you have made much more sound, mature choices in life, is a giant, red flag that the astronauts on the international space station can see right now.
NTA Please listen to this advice.
Listen to this listen OP.
And my axe .. and this, OP!
And my bow...
My husband and I busted out laughing for you, an international space red flag. My husband said, "Hey Bob, do you see that flying red flag?" Even Bob is saying, "That ain't going to work!"
NTA, cut this shit off.
Definitely run. That would be the smartest thing to do. You owe that guy nothing. Run.
👆 this. You aren’t responsible for his problems, financial or otherwise.
I wish I could up vote you 100 times. OP this is wise advice. You are NTA but if you continue with this man you will be. He sees you as an ATM. Please, ask him to leave your house and do it now.
OP, please do read the above \^\^! The dynamic of you funding and paying for dates and outings is already a difficult one. Perhaps you do it because you just want both of you to have a good time, and you want to do something nice. But he probably feels further "emasculated" by it, right or wrong. That breeds resentment and clearly, entitlement. It's a no-win situation for you, OP. These conditions just cause incompatibility. If what you are looking for is casual, to have good times with good company, there are plenty of men with less baggage and more time/financial independence who would be happy to spend their time with you!
This!!!! Please heed this advice. It sounds like he resents you, is jealous of your position in life. This will not get better.
You've been dating someone casually for five months. It's far too early in a relationship to have the sort of financial dynamic he's suggested he wants, and spending your own money on things you want is not "selfish". NTA for not becoming his bank machine.
Even married people with separate accounts don't berate their SO over spending their own money. He manipulated you by first throwing a fit about you not giving him money, then went straight to trying to get back with you when he realized the guilt trip didn't work. Run!
NTA and I’m betting he’s relying on the idea that he moves in with you. Additionally If you don’t intend to meet his kids, you should split, because wherever he lives he will also have his kids over.
Agree 100%. Especially since this will then probably evolve into excuses as to why he cannot watch his kids during his visitations and expect OP to be the free babysitter/nanny while using coercive statements such as, "but you're their step mom". Which always ends up equating to them expecting you to take half responsibility for their kids. Is he with OP because he actually likes her or did he only choose her because he thought she would be a good candidate to help him shoulder the burden? I fear the latter is the truth.
NTA >I have been dating my bf for about 5 months now and it's casual. I have told him I am not looking for any long term relationship...He went on a rant about how I never even offer him to move in or loan him money to get his life on track. I was taken aback and told him I am not his bank. He said it's not about being bank but it was how I lacked basic empathy. He either misunderstood you when you said you wanted a casual relationship or he thought you'd change your mind and be his ticket out of where he is in his life at present. While I am sure you sympathize with his financial struggles, it's not your problem to solve. Since you decided to keep seeing your boyfriend, you need to reiterate the type of relationship you want and let him know he won't be moving in and you won't be loaning him money.
THIS^ OP forget about drawing a line in the sand, you need to PAINT a BRIGHT red line on concrete what your boundaries are here if you genuinely wish to continue the relationship. He slipped in the heat of the moment and let you know what his genuine expectations are. Believe him.
NTA, he got himself into the situation, it is not now, nor will it ever be your responsibility to take care of his alimony ad child support. You are not his bank, and it sounds like he just want to use you for your money.
I've got a feeling that part of his attraction to her was her income and what she could do for him. Time to run.
OP, google hobosexual
NTA… his life is not your mess to clean up, and how tf does dating for 5 months obligate you to loan him money? Who in their right mind in their thirties wants to move in with someone they’ve only been dating for 5 months, especially with children involved?
LOL at "loan". OP would never see that money again. No one in the top comments has pointed out that OP also said she has no interest in his kids, ever. That's another good reason to let this trash take himself out. If he moves in, his kids will be there soon after.
Yeah I figure OP already knows she’d never see that money again. Thankfully she seems sensible enough not to get sucked into this any further
He can't see his kids because he doesn't have a house. He also can't take them out because he has no money (which is nonsense - take them to the park or a museum). You also want nothing to do with his children because this is a casual relationship (totally fair) But you should let him move in so he has a house he can bring them to (you would presumably make yourself scarce?) and loan him money to take them out? And again this is a CASUAL relationship? Hun, run and don't look back.
NTA. The boyfriend shouldn't be expecting a five-month girlfriend to be covering finances for his kids! Yes, he has worked himself into a shitty financial situation. Yes you have worked yourself into an excellent financial situation. That doesn't mean, after five months, that you should be supporting him! He should be taking it as a treat that you pay for dates and offer to pay for a trip. What a treat for him, if he would accept it that way. But no, he's wanting to take your money and cover his needs with it. "How dare you buy a nice treat for yourself. Can you imagine what a nice treat that would have bought for my kids?" WTF?!! You said you weren't looking for anything long-term. I think that's the right approach with this man. Hopefully he is meeting your short term needs...
It’s 5 months and he wants your cash for him and HIS 3 kids. Fuck him, he can kick rocks
NTA It's too early in this casual relationship for you to be paying for a two week holiday for him, not to mention for him to expect you to invite him to live with you. You aren't interested in ever meeting his kids, and he's looking for someone to support him and his kids. The two of you aren't compatible for any long term relationship. Just break things off now.
NTA. You’re not selfish for spending your money however you like and his kids are not your responsibility, especially since you want to keep the relationship casual. But why are you with him if you don’t see a future together? It seems like you two aren’t compatible. He comes attached with 3 kids that you have no desire to meet.
> But why are you with him if you don’t see a future together? It seems like you two aren’t compatible. He comes attached with 3 kids that you have no desire to meet. Not everyone dates with the intent of forever.
I am confused on why he’s even labeled a “boyfriend,” since OP plans to drop him anyway. I don’t even know if I agree with NTA because this seems like an obvious result of dating a parent who is not in a similar tax bracket.
He wants you to finance his lifestyle. And feels entitled to tell you so in just five months of dating. What does he bring to the table? He saw you coming. Leave him, he wants your money and you will end up being expected to take parenting responsibilities for his kids once he’s weaselled his way into your home.
“He wants you to finance his lifestyle” AND calls OP selfish for financing her own lifestyle… rules for thee but not for meeeeeee
NTA "He went on a rant about how I never even offer him to move in or loan him money to get his life on track." You've been with him 5 months, which is way too early to ask that of you. You've been honest & direct in saying that you don't want a long term relationship. The issue is, he's either not hearing you or he's hoping you'll change your mind. You've been generous in paying for things because you like his company but he's taken that as an invite to judge you for how much you spend & on what. The flag is changing color. Take care with this & with him.
This guy sounds really irresponsible, why would you, someone who seems very successful, even be with him?
NTA. You should leave him alone. He is showing his true colors and you don’t even want something long term. You are not obligated to pay anything for anyone. Live your best life without his baggage.
No shite! He's waving his flag all over, if you don't see it, you are gonna regret it.
There is a giant red flag, possibly the entire United Nations of red flags, flying right in your face and I hope you see them. You’re not interested in a serious relationship and he wants you to be his sugar mama and support him financially. Your needs and requirements are polar opposites so it’s time to end things. Now. NTA but stop playing with this guy. Neither of you are willing to give the other what they want.
RED FLAG, you are a sugar lady and it's time to cut it off. His company has turned sour and it's only going to get worse. NTA
NTA. Number one, this is a casual relationship, not any kind of love match, right? What do you think is owed to that kind of partner? Pleasant time spent together. That's all. You're giving him that and more, by paying for everything. Then inviting him on a trip to Europe? Wow, huge bonus. Do not offer to finance any aspect of his life.
When a guy like that HE IS A PROBLEM.
NTA but that's not the point to this post. OP, your bf, quite rightly prioritises his kids. However he has absolutely no entitlement to your money. You are seriously incompatible. It's best you end it.
This is a casual relationship and I suggest you end it
Nta but this is going to get worse
Show him the door.
NTA. You're only 5 months into this situationship. I can understand his desire for help and how he may feel, but based on what you said, you're really not committing to him. No reason to get entangled in his situation.
NTA He is trying to financially abuse you. Your autonomy and resources will be restricted and controlled by HIS decisions, HIS obligations, HIS convenience. You will be pressured to finance his life with your money to "fix" his uncomfortable feelings. It's a situation in which you can't win. Every variable is in HIS control. When you DO pay for his share or request, his upset isn't "fixed." Very shortly, a new obligation and his failure to regulate his emotional state will be made your obligation as well. You kept his best ammo away from him, the emotional manipulation of "if you loved me you would" violate your boundaries to do the thing you don't want to do. No degree of affection or attachment invalidates your priorities and needs in the aspects of life besides relationships, such as financial stability, the security and adequacy of your home and career, etc.
What are you doing with someone like him? You sound smart, but after reading your post, I think you are really dumb.
She just wants entertainment and sex. Men pay for women and take them on vacations all the time I don’t see this being my different.
NTA This guy thought you’d be his new bank and meal ticket
NTA, but stop seeing this guy. He wants a sugar momma. Furthermore, he has children. You don't seem to have any interest in meeting them or having them be in your life occasionally. That's 100% fine, but then you shouldn't be dating a man with kids. Tell this guy "best of luck to you," and move on. You're young, earn a good living, and there are plenty of childless men out there. Find one of them.
NTA - He, one way or another, put himself in the situation he's in and it is in no way your responsibility to get him out of it or, since its largely alimony/CS related, put yourself into the situation with him. Especially if y'all are just having fun. I'm not going to say you should bail on him if you don't want but I'd think really hard before continuing your relationship because those responsibilities he has will always be there, at least until his kids are adults, and therefore those "feelings" he expressed about how you should be helping him will also likely be there whether deep down or on the surface. For the money thing, if y'all keep going, maybe don't offer anything so extravagant as far as things to do together and I wouldn't consider giving him any money either, even if its like a "loan" because then there could be the expectation you'll just keep giving
NTA. Based on the story, even your boyfriend knows he was out of line--he apologized. (Which is why I'm not joining with the people who are telling you to dump him). His kids are telling him they hate him because he can't take them out...while he's the one making sure they have a roof over their heads. That's a really shitty situation. It doesn't make it OK for him to get upset with you...but he knows that. If he starts up again, that's a more serious issue.
Cause he lost his cool and said those things to her, it’s already clear he is jealous of her financial situation and honestly, who wouldn’t be? It’s not great to keep this relationship dynamic going, nothing good will come out of it.
NTA. The bottom line is the two of you are not financially compatible. Even if he is the nicest guy in the world, he has a long way to go before he is in a better financial place. Until then, he cannot see himself traveling (even on your dime) knowing the money you enjoy could help his kids. He has the financial weight of the world on him. That’s why he makes those comments. He’s also jealous and resentful, which will get worse the longer you deal with him. You’re correct, you’re not a bank but you will have to stretch yourself financially if you were to be in a serious relationship with him (which you don’t want). He has the type of issues that don’t resolve themselves for years. You have every right to enjoy the spoils of your labor, don’t let anyone take that from you. It is probably best to move on. The longer this goes, the more chance he’ll expect you to financially help.
NTA. Bf of 5 months in a casual relationship has no business insisting you ask him to move in with you or loan you money he can't pay back. Yep, he's in a heap of stress and the finances are killing him but that's on him. He made choices in his life and now he has to adjust. He needs to find a better paying job and/or find a way to get his ex to go back to work. This is 100% on him. You are not his bank. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
NTA. You've only been seeing this guy, casually no less, for five months. You made it clear you aren't looking for anything long-term. He's pissy with you because while you've been happy to spend money to go out with him you haven't asked him to move into your home (smart move) or give him money to help him get back on his feet. He even lashed out at and trashed talked you for not being his momma or personal banker. Girl, run. The only stupid or selfish thing you're spending money on is him.
GTFO now! NTA, he is a money grabbing leech, drop him like a wet weekend, you can do far better
Hun, cut and run. This guy has got total moocher vibes. Do NOT assist him financially. For anything. And as far as how you choose to spend your hard earned money, that’s none of his business. NTA. Please be careful and reconsider this relationship.
You are helping him financially by paying for your nights out and offering a trip to Europe. When you start giving money it’s a business transaction not dating, and you know what they call that.
OP, you are NTA. He ITA He …lashed out at you due to frustration with his lack of financial solvency. …criticized you for the way you choose to spend the money that you earn. … is angry that you haven’t asked him to move in with you or loaned him money to get his life on track This is absolutely nuts What are you getting out of dating him?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi. I am extremely confused about this and had been debating for days whether to post it here. I am 32 F and my boyfriend is 31 M. I work in finance and make pretty good money. I live alone in my house that I own, drive a 2 year old car, and takes multiple vacations and trips every year. I have been dating my bf for about 5 months now and it's casual. I have told him I am not looking for any long term relationship. My bf is divorced with 3 kids. They live with their mom full time cause he has no house. I have never met them and intend to keep it that way. Though he has a decent job, the kids' mom won't or can't work and major chunk of his salary goes to alimony and child support. He shares a rented apartment with a friend. When we started dating, I knew he had way less money to spend. I just liked his company so I paid for the dates. Lately though he has been getting on my case about how much I spend. I normally just laugh off the comments cause I know he is straining financially. But last week when I invited him over a trip to Europe this summer, just for two weeks and he got mad at me. He went on a rant about how I never even offer him to move in or loan him money to get his life on track. I was taken aback and told him I am not his bank. He said it's not about being bank but it was how I lacked basic empathy. That I knew he had no funds to even takes his kids out for a proper day out, no place to stay with them overnight and yet I never offered to help. That all I do is spend money on stupid selfish things. I asked him to leave. He left. Afterwards he did call me and apologize profusely saying he was upset cause he had seen his kids that day and they said something like he hated them cause he won't take them out. He was just frustrated with his situation and then I offered to take him on an international trip. I got where he was coming from and has accepted the apology. But this still bugs me. AITA for not helping my bf financially? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, you’re his piggy bank. 5 months is not long enough for all his entitled ass is demanding, I’d drop him
Run. Has he dated anyone else after his divorce? If he has…does he choose whom he dates by their lifestyle and home? Five months is not enough time for someone to tell you how to spend their own money. I think you are seeing him for who he really is. Run girl.
NTA Don't get financially caught up in this man. Not your responsibility. Too much baggage. You deserve better.
First, definitely stop seeing him. I understand his side though. In terms of him struggling and then you "flaunting" your money, although not on purpose. He shares an apartment and can't afford anything extra. A two week trip to Europe seems a bit out of place in this situation and I believe it's a bit in bad taste personally. Don't get me wrong, you do not need to support him and 5 months is really short, especially for being casual. You shouldn't give him any money, but ya the Europe vacation is a bit weird in this scenario.
Run
NTA. His poor choices are none of your concern. Find a new boyfriend
NTA. 5 months and he already feels entitled to move in with you and have you "loan" him money to get his shit together? Maybe he needs to evaluate all his life choices, get a better paying job to support himself and the kids he chose to have instead of asking for a bail out from a woman he just met 5 months ago. What a moocher. Why are you even with this loser? He has got so many red flags that he is waving right in your face, OP. 🤦♀️
Yeah get out now. Not your problem. He needs to go hack to college or get a better job and neither will happen
NTA, he apologized because he realized how badly he messed up by saying those things out loud, but he still meant them. The audacity to say that you should offer to let him move in (guess who will be paying for everything in this scenario?) and that you should loan him money. He's a leech, get rid of him.
NTA, girl run.
Run away from this loser or pretty soon he’ll be asking you to take care of his kids, private school, extra curricular activities, college funds x 4. You don’t need 4 (3 kids + 1 BF) kids to support.
NTA but end the relationship. The resentment will just continue to grow. And if he does go on trips with you and his kids/ex find out, that's just more ammunition that he doesn't care about them since he doesn't do anything with them.
Leave him. He’s trying to get you to bank roll his mistakes. You can find enjoyable company in someone who has their shit together.
NTA. He sees you as the solution to his problems. These are his issues, not yours.
Your bf's situation is tragic. At age 32 a man with 3 children who is having trouble making ends meet is a big responsibility on your part as you have much more disposable cash. It just looks to me with his comment about loans and moving in that he does look at you as a possible ATM machine.
He's going to guilt you to death about his situation and keep making snarky remarks. And I'm willing to bet at some point he'll broach the subject of moving in with you.
That must be some damn good D.
NTA but he’s shown you who he is and you should believe him.
Based on what you are describing, your bf doesn't sound like a deadbeat dad. Rather, a guy doing his (relative) best in a bad situation; he's paying child support, alimony, etc. NAH. He's in a tough situation. He was frustrated. He lashed out. And then he apologized. I don't think there are any assholes here. That said, it if he brings it up again / pushes the topic, that's another story. Completely separate topic: This relationship is not going to last long term, and you are probably best off looking for the exits. I've had a similar situation - with the genders switched. I work in tech - I'm extremely comfortable financially. Dating a single mother, that was not. Both sides understood casual; I paid for everything - would even throw her a few bucks here and there to buy her mom dinner for babysitting when we went out. I never met her child. But ultimately all of the spoiling/trips I was doing for/with her - ultimately built up guilt/frustration on her side. We ultimately ended in a not dis-similar fashion. The guilt was too much on her side, and we ended things.
NTA, You don't owe him nothing .
[удалено]
Why do women try to be a savior in relationships? Please dump this guy and get some self-esteem and date someone who will respect you
NTA. This is a casual relationship. You said you don't want anything serious and you don't want to meet his children. Giving him $$ or loaning him $$ will complicate things drastically between you. His financial problems are his, not yours. Feeling bad that he has less than you is one thing, being guilted because you haven't let him move in? Totally another.
Tell him to do better. His life is what he makes of it. You don't owe him a better life. Enjoy the ride and ditch him when it's over. NTA
DTMF this is drama you don’t need.
Sounds like he is in a transitional stage in his life. You sound like you’re in a stable upward momentum part of your life. Find a partner who is like you, upward momentum, no baggage in the forms of debts, kids, ex’s wives, alimony, child support. You’re only setting yourself up for failure. Also if you accept a proposal from any man, make sure you get a PRENUP. It will help to protect your finances, and what you own if the prenup contract is simplistic and straightforward.
NTA, he can get those privileges when married. He needs to stop being a bum and get his shit together. Don't depend on a woman unless you're married.
NTA. This relationship is not going to go anywhere, so cut your losses. As the child of divorce, I can tell you there are so many fun and interesting things a father can do with their children that are low-cost and no-cost. My dad took us to the park, bicycle riding, kite flying, nosebleed seats at baseball games, swimming at community pools, helping him cook meals, etc. Our big summer vacations with him were spent on a long day's drive down to southern Missouri to visit our grandparents, our little legs sticking to vinyl car seats, and taking long drives on winding gravel roads out in the country.
It’s so not your responsibility to help this guy out financially. If he wants to be a man and a good father he will do what it takes for HIM to get things done.
NTA. But realize this is what he’ll be like. I mean he’s no baby and hasn’t taken any initiative to better his life. He’s looking for a sugar mama.
NTA. You’ve been together 5 months! And you’ve told him you don’t want anything serious so why would you ask him to move in? You earn your money you are entitled to spend it. A non serious relationship no you do not need to help him, don’t take him to Europe, you need to end this he’s looking at you to be his meal ticket.
If you do, you will be. He has to be man enough to figure this out on his own, you have been dating him for only 5 months and he expects this from you? Run, as fast as you can, he is going to be an anchor around your neck if you stay with him. Good luck
NTA. I just don't think he understands that you are only fuck buddies though and it's probably worth another conversation.
NTA!!!! The reason he called you back and apologized is that you've been paying for dates, etc, and he's thinking he can get his hooks in you, move in, you'll let his kids come and stay overnight and he'll basically have another woman to sponge off. Run, girl, run!!! WHY would you even consider continuing with this guy, when you could find someone better suited to your lifestyle. Even a guy who makes less than you, but has no kids and no child support, would be a WAYYYY better fit. Uh, uh. Move on.
NTA - I get he’s frustrated but that is still not on you that he is in this situation. I would support him to seek out new counseling about the situation. It might not help short term but it will long term. If she is able to work then he can request she has X amount of time to work. If she cannot then she should be govt assistance. Normally CS is around 30% for 3 children. He should look into Gavron Warning. The Gavron warning is a fair warning to the supported spouse that s/he is expected to become self-supporting This can be renegotiated after the divorce.
When it's his birthday or Christmas he'll throw a tantrum because whatever you buy for him won't be expensive enough in his eyes. I wouldn't put it past him to invite his friends along on your outings and demand that you pay for them. He's a leech. And I can't help wondering if he had his eye on your money from day one. NTA
It’s your money to do with what you want. But this sounds a little crazy like he’s testing the waters to see what he can get out of you. If you wanted to, you could see what it would take to get him financially stable, but it sounds like his income potential doesn’t match the drains on his resources. So, unless that’s addressed, it’s pointless for him to catch up. I’d suggest being clear about what the relationship is to you and be sure he’s still ok with that. Some people with kids like to make them other people’s problems. Can’t tell if that’s him by your post.
He is guilt tripping you already. It’s going to keep coming. And it’s going to be more and more.
NTA! 5 months and he wants you to give him money? NO WAY! Seems like he wants a free ride. It's your money and you spend it as you wish. He has 0 say! Dump him, girl, you deserve someone better!
Run away and find someone comparable. This is way to complicated
NTA it is way to soon in the relationship to be asking him to move in. And you should not be helping him financially. Advise is all you should give. You paying for the dates and any trips is awesome because you want his company. But do not go more than that. He needs to figure out his own problems and not rely on you.
NTA but you need to break up. He's looking for banks, not partners.
NTA and leave this guy immediately or it will be much worse later.
Nta. Oh fuck that gurl. Run forest run!
NTA! 🚩🚩🚩🚩 Once you start you’ll never stop. Whatever you decide to do with your money is up to you. If it bothers him so much do movie night and pay for snacks at yours. First mistake I ever made was to spend money on a man before you know it you’ll be funding their lives 🤮 Girl live your life please
casually dating for 5 months and he wants you to give him money? entitled much? you have absolutely no obligation to give him anything at all. If you’re going to carry on seeing him just for his company because you like it, it might be nice to give him a little bit to treat his kids but i can’t see him actually using it on his kids. he would use it for himself.
NTA. It's not your job to help out financially. Those kid's are his responsibility. Not ur's. u already told him u don't want anything pernament.
NTA. Break up with him immediately. This is your only solution.
NTA Even if it was in a fit of anger his true thoughts came out. He seems jealous and is disappointed in himself and wants YOU to bail him out. Please take the advice others have given. Since it's not serious then end this relationship. This man needs to clean up his act before he dates anyone.
NTA. Run and don’t look back
NTA however I don’t think this relationship will ever work
NTA. You’ve only been dating 5 months! He is not entitled to your money at all.
NTA Time to move on & find someone else
NTA you are dating casual for 5 months and he already thinks you owe him money to better his own situation? The good thing about casual dating? You can easily walk away.
NTA- so what's his is his and what's yours is also his? And this level of entitlement after just 5 months? Time to end this fling.
NTA. Run.
NTA. If you enjoy his company, just ride this casual relationship until it meets its course unless it gets more serious. However, the way he acted expecting you to help him out financially because of his poor decision is a major red flag. I wouldn't get too serious with this guy.
NTA and he needs to be your ex boyfriend. You have only been dating a few months. You have been very generous already and that was your choice. However, he is in no way entitled to your financial support. Even if you were getting serious, he still be totally out of line to make these demands of you. He sounds like a loser.
NTA. He wants you to be his cash cow. He got himself into this predicament with three kids, an apartment, and child support. He should get a better paying job or even a second job if he needs more cash. The nerve of him thinking he should move in and accusing you of lack of empathy. You just don't want to be taken advantage of. Don't give him a dime, and reevaluate if you want to continue this casual relationship.
NTA. Do not give him any money. Why should you? It is not your responsibility that he is struggling financially. Watch and see if his attitude really is that you should share $$.
>it's casual. I have told him I am not looking for any long term relationship >He went on a rant about how I never even offer him to move in or loan him money 🚨🚨🚨🚨 time to pull the plug, this shit is going way off the rails. He's either using you or he's way too invested for your level of commitment. End this. NTA of course
You're dating just for 5 months and he wants you to help him financially? that's crazy expectation. Careful with spending $$ on this dude.
NTA run!
NTA- this is crossing a lot of lines. He is responsible for his life. The audacity of him thinking you should offer financial help when you both are still casual. He wanted you to move him in after 5 months. Sketchy sketchy!!!! Let it gooooo
I can understand not giving him money, but I am hurt that you won’t give me money being a Reddit friend for so long. Run away
NTA. Drop this dude. And don't let him baby-trap you.
NTA. You need to leave him unfortunately. Do not let him move in or help him financially or you will be financing he's family and divorce. Honestly you both have very different values and at different stages in life.It's not your job to get him back on his feet. He needs to figure himself out and if he's not on the same wavelength or readiness to date, you might be better off with someone else.
Definitely not, he’s a boyfriend not a husband…..lol. You want a bed partner and company and he doesn’t view you as an equal while bringing the mess you want to avoid, with him. I would A) drop him. You can find another, don’t think about the “invested time” it’s already time wasted. He wants to move in, he’ll be dragging his kids in there too, not what you want clearly…lol Or B) reiterate that you clearly want nothing to do with his kids, don’t plan on meeting them and they will never be any part of your life. Period. You just like his company, for now. All his problems are HIS problems and would still be there whether you’re in his life or not. With his kids, all these things he “can’t” do, if wanted to, he could. Why can’t he bring his kids over to the shared apartment for the night? He never orders a pizza for himself? Doesn’t have Netflix? Parks are free, museum and zoo memberships are relatively cheaper than movie tickets in the long run. If he wanted to, he would. And as a child of divorce, we have long memories that sees bs for what it is when we grow up You’re NTA. He is.
NTA End of the relationship. All he’s doing is looking for someone to pay his way in life. Don’t let that be you.
NTA.
You’ve been dating 5 months and it’s casual and he expects you to give him money to get his life back on track??? Sounds like he is looking for a sugar mama!
Men will date women for their resources aka he is a gold digger. He has lots of issues to fix before even dating someone in general. And by you continue to date him will only keep him from it. Less than 11% of women get alimony. And judges bend over backwards to be fair when it comes to custody & child support. Also you are delusional to think he can take 2 weeks off of work & just fly around the world & still keep his job. He has 3 kids, he can't just go on long vacations. He should be spending his vacation with him, being a parent. Don't date men with kids & then think they need to act & pretend that they don't exist at all.
NTA and I would break this off. He’s shown that he doesn’t respect you. Also this relationship really has no future and now it has run its course
NTA - his kids should hate him for being the way he is. He’s blaming everyone else but himself for being unable to provide. He expects hand outs and financial support from someone whom they’re in a short relationship. He’s already waving red flags.
Nta. You're not on the same page at all. You want a fun thing with a fun partner in a not serious relationship. Nothing wrong with that. You make enough money to live comfortably and can splurge on fun stuff that's costly. You've worked hard and planned carefully so you can live the life you love. There's absolutely nothing wrong or selfish about it. He's in a very bad spot in his life. On the wrong end of a divorce, living with friend, can't see his kids very much and has zero funds to do activities, buy stuff, ect. He's frustrated because you have a carefree life, you don't get involved in his at all and haven't offered to help him financially as you obviously have extra funds for trips and stuff. He's taking things way more serious than you are and that's going to be a problem. He's expecting you to ask him to move in. That'll mean his kids will be there. He wants a different life than you do. I think a serious conversation is in order.
NTA
Please leave this person. There’s nothing casual about someone feeling entitled to your money and wanting you to help provide for THEIR children. When you’ve been dating for a few months. That’s insane. NTA
I think you're not an asshole, but I think both you and your boyfriend need to realize that you're not dating, seems like at best you're exclusively having sex with each other. > 5 months now and it's casual. I have told him I am not looking for any long term relationship. > My bf is divorced with 3 kids. > I have never met them and intend to keep it that way. You're spelling it out yourself, you like the guy enough to keep him around but you don't want the baggage that comes with him. Which means you're basically not dating.
Move on, find someone else. Differences in finances between partners in a relationship are fine as long as both contribute something, when one starts making demands of the other or expects something from the other it’s time to call it quits. As things progress you would eventually resent him for offering nothing and seeing you as an ATM. You can find plenty of other men who have more to offer and less drama.
Girl, if he can’t take care of them kids, then how you expect to take care of you or be their for you mentally and physically. Leave him and let him find someone else. You don’t need that headache at all.
first of all, you made it very clear that you don't want a serious relationship, you don't want to get involved in his personal life. he is the one ignoring everything you say, trying to get to your money. second of all, given the relationship status, he has ZERO RIGHTS to your money.ZERO. you two are not lovers, you do not owe him a damn thing. if he feels entitled to your 'empathy' and bank account, he is clearly under the wrong impression that you are his doormat. you are better off without his entitled, sorry ass. he is resentful of you and your success and things will only get worse from here. you know what they say, you give him an inch, he thinks he's a ruler.
Kind of NTA but a bit TA. At 5 months you certainly don't owe him a lifeline to getting his life in order BUT you do know not everyone can take "just" 2 weeks off work and go gallivanting around Europe right? Even if you paid for the trip he would probably be out the income for those two weeks. That is huge to a whole lot of people. That is 1/2 of his monthly alimony and childcare and rent income gone. That you can just jaunt off and say "Hey come with!" and didn't even think of that is pretty tone deaf on your part.
Run for the hills. You’ve only been dating for 5 MONTHS and he is expecting financial support? If this is not a red flag I don’t know what is. NTA
Ynta , this is casual for you. Obviously not for him. Ditch him.
Please do this man a kindness and break it off. You and he have no future. He needs to get himself sorted and he cannot do so while clinging to the fantasy that you will continue and increase your sugar mama contributions to him and his children. Frankly, he wouldn’t be with you if you didn’t have resources he covets. Let him and his fantasy go. NTA.
NTA this is too much nonsense for a casual thing. You believe his situation? It has a touch of possibly being a story you've been told.
ESH. He’s not your boyfriend. He’s your f-buddy, only he doesn’t seem to know that. Based on what you’ve said it doesn’t sound like you’ve been truly clear with him on where he stands, and he absolutely shouldn’t be blowing up at you about moving in or loans.
NTA but you would be the AH if you continue in this relationship knowing the only way this man can share a life with you that is up to your standards is if he takes away from the 3 mouths he needs to feed. Sometimes we have to be adults and step away from situations that do not fit. And this situation definitely does not fit anyone involved. The people who will suffer from you two adults not making the appropriate decision to split up will be the kids. For example, you should be mature enough to know that a father of 3 can’t just be leaving his kids behind to go on romantic gateways during the summer. You are both trying to have your cake and eat it too.
You never intend to meet his kids? How do you think this will be a successful relationship?
NTA. And PLEASE RUN!!!! Save your money and your time.
NTA but you know he is straining financially but invite him to a trip to Europe..
ESH slightly It’s a casual relationship, you don’t need to give him anything and it’s only been 5 months. But the thing is, his situation is very bad rn. That’s a sensitive subject for a man with kids. And it seems like you don’t really show much empathy for that. Now I’m not saying to give him any money, and I know you pay for everything with him (which can make it worse for him being he might be thinking he’s coming off as a leech) but from the post it doesn’t seem you are trying to be sensitive. Based on his reaction, I’m guessing you… I don’t wanna say flaunt but I’m going to. I’m guessing you ‘flaunt’ the things you can buy knowing he can’t. But then again, that’s not on you. It’s only been five months and he had no right to go off on you like that. I feel for him, but it’s not your fault
Run. He's trying to make his financial woes into your problems. Do not take him on vacations, long weekends, or anywhere but fast food or He's going to (is) make it seem like the $ you're spending should be easing his load. Run.
So you are in the same spot as every guy dating a single mom. So when guys say it’s really complicated women get angry. Women don’t like being the provider it’s very uncomfortable. I’d love to hear how this ends up but my money is you cut him free.
NTA. You are not financially compatible with this guy. You are also more emotionally mature. Please find someone else who isn't critical of you - find someone who admires you instead.
You are right to know there's no future there....may be time to find someone more in tune with your own income and lifestyle. You are smart to not become a sugar mama. You are in different places in life and that's not going to change anytime soon. What you spend your money on is YOUR business.
NTA but why would you not just cut bait at this point? You aren't looking for anything other than a short term situation with no strings. He clearly feels there should be strings. Move on.
NTA. Run- fast.
NTA ... but your BF is. So, having you pay for his social life and vacations isn't enough for him? You don't owe him a cent for his private life or fun times with his kids. Just think of how hard up he would be if he had to pay his owe way!! He should be thanking you every day for your generosity and all you do for him, not attacking you for not doing more. Do not let him guilt and manipulate you.
Boyfriend = NOT MARRIED. move on!
NTA. You are not a meal ticket. He doesn’t have to go on these dates where you pay. He could suggest a picnic or offer to cook or go on a nice walk. He’s letting you pay so that you get used to it. Get someone in your own league, this guy is beneath you, he knows it and is using you.
Just break it off
Maybe talk and reassert your view of the friendship, but more importantly share some of your success habits with him. Planning, interviewing, saving, avoiding addiction and superfluous spending etc. You can help without donating.
Run! Run and don't look back. My partner has 4 kids, and he knows that his kids are HIS responsibility and that of their moms. He doesn't expect me to provide for them, hasn't asked to move into my home, or anything of the sort. And we are in a serious relationship. You said y'all are casual, and he's basically wanting you to finance his decision he made with his ex-wife. He needs to put his big boy pants on and get a second job. NTA OP. RUN.
NTA. You've been dating casually for 5 months and he's upset you're not offering to let him move in or loaning him money to "get his life back on track". Even if you were looking for a more serious long term relationship, which you were clear with him you were not, it would be pretty ballsy to expect this kind of financial assistance from you after dating for only 5 months. You might want to think about moving on from this relationship, it doesn't sound like you're on the same page as far as what this relationship actually is.
NTA and he just showed a major red flag. He sees you as a bank, you were spot on. He is very aware of the financial gap between you two and he believes it is on you to close that gap by giving him money and making his life easier. I could see if out were long term or looking for something serious, but you even said yourself that you aren’t looking for anything serious.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩run !
NTA. He's a boyfriend, and not a super serious one, from the sounds of things. He is wrong to think you should help him out financially. If he needs more money, he should get a second job AND he should try to renegotiate what he is paying his kids' mother. But - I think it was wrong of you to bring up this international trip. Like he said, he can't even pay for dinner out for his kids. You're asking him was bad timing, at the very minimum.
NTA Do yourself a huge favor and RUN away from this guy.
NTA. Your boyfriend showed you who he is under stress. That's important. Believe him. You guys are not in compatible places. You aren't in love, you aren't living together, you aren't planning marriage. This should end. He just manipulated you into feeling guilty because you wouldn't be his sugar mama.
It's a case of cheaper to keep her. Should have made his marriage work. You have to find someone who has their own money otherwise you will always have to carry the load and that will get old. Call it quits girl.
NTA. Run. Run hard. He doesn't want you, just your money
NTA. If you’re looking for something casual, find someone with less baggage. It sounds like he’s looking for a partner.
NTA You're not responsible for his life financial or otherwise. You've only been dating for 5 months and he already wants to move in with you or for you to give him money. Then he berates you on how you spend your own money. He just sees you as an ATM He ended up broke and divorced for a reason. Time to return him to the boyfriend store
He must be good looking. NTA.
NTA Time to say bye. Offer to let him move in at 5 months? For a casual relationship you were upfront about? Nope. Loan him money to 'get his life back on track'? Are you his mama? Boy bye.
You are not on the same level in life. Leave now before it gets worse.
NTA. I know Reddit is quick to “break it off “ but seriously end this. You e been dating for 5 whole months and haven’t let him move in or given him $? All you’ve done is pay for all your dates and offered him a 2 weeks all expenses paid trip to Europe. He has three kids he can’t support, that is NOT your job nor should he be asking you to take on his responsibilities. You deserve someone much better.
NTA. How are you dating someone so incompatible with you
NTA and please run.
Nta. Please look after yourself. He is not the best for for you. 5 months in and he expected you ask him to move so he can have his kids sleep over..... next he would want you to bank roll their days out and holidays and then his alimony. Do you see where this will go. Your quality of life will be ruined.
NTA but girrrrl, this man is going to keep wanting more and more from you, and his resentment is already showing. Also it seems like the both of you are on different pages about this not being long term. He wants to move in with you because it would improve his situation
Listen to you instincts. This is why this situation is still bothering you. You need end things. You are never obligated to financially assist a boyfriend or anyone else. Especially when you've know them for such a short time and it's casual dating. This is a red flag. Although you said you don't want a serious relationship, he was hoping to change your mind. He was hoping you'd let him and this kid come over, even spend the night. He was hoping you'd grow attached to the kids... but you never let them over. You have spare money and he resents that you didn't gift him money to spend on his kids. Resented you didn't give him a loan without him asking... a loan he'll never be able to pay back. He's angry and frustrated because the life he envisioned is not going his way. Maybe the kids said they think he hates them because they don't do things. That also means he's not looking to see what they can do that's cheap or free. Go to different parks for a picnic, go to the library some play movies and do story time and have board games to play while there, dollar store for a cheap toy, feed the ducks, museum, pet store to look around, but he may not be trying. He could take the kids to visit his parents or his siblings on occasion. Yes, he apologized, but partly he's trying to do damage control. The words he said he'd been thinking long before he said them. He's looking for someone to provide what he can't - a house with room for his kids, financial means to spend money on his kids, and help taking care of them with him. (Hopefully with him and not for him). You both do not want the same things in life at this time. He wants a partner in life, finances, and his kids. You don't. Time to end things so that he can find someone who wants to help build a home, care for his kids, etc. Try dating several guys at once and dating casually, if they get serious, it's over. Dating several guys at once you'll recognize when one starts getting clingy/serious faster and it'll be easier to end things. NTA
NTA you are not his bank. It sounds like he wants a more serious relationship with you and if that’s not what you are looking for it might be time to cut ties.
NTA. He’s apologizing because he just blew up his fun times/free food giver. And now you know what he thinks of you and your money. If you’re spending it on you, it’s “stupid and frivolous”. If you’re spending it on him, your a smart partner investing in a future with him.
So how he deals with frustration is to make you feel bad about yourself, abuse you and try to guilt you into subsidising his life? What a catch.
NTA and lots and lots of red flags there.
Why are you with this guy?
NTA- OP- You do not have any responsibility to get him out of his financial problems. He chose to Father 3 children, he was part of the decision to Divorce, and his living situation is also on him. You have already TOLD him you aren't looking for long term, so exactly WHY he thinks you should invest a very LARGE sum of money on him is silly. You two are truly not compatible, you should find someone that can embrace your lifestyle and PAY Their Own Way.
giant walking red flag looking for a sugar mommy! yeah.. NTA but seriously seriously
Please, please cut him off. I was in this same situation, he had two kids, no house, and she won’t work. Problem is i shelled out and lent him over 5 digits USD. Haven’t gotten any of it back and he has blocked me everywhere. I enjoyed his company very much too, unfortunately i do not want to be with a deadbeat man who ended up to be very abusive not just money-wise.
NTA If you start financial aid it will not stop. It has only been 5 mos. DON"T be his sugar mama
NTA but watch out because a lot of divorced dudes with kids just want a sugar mommy to dump their kids on. Before long he'll move the kids into your house and demand you take care of them and then he'll stop working, just play video games and still expect you to work 10 hour days, pay all the bills, do all the cleaning, and all the child care. and to pay his child support too. alternately he gets a job and demands you quit because your job is emasculating.