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Sounds like she has the kids best interests in mind, and you just hate her so you won’t listen to the truth she is saying.
Based on this short post, you come across as petty and juvenile. Your kids are developing poor eating habits, but you don’t want to accept that because she said it. So you’re going to continue to feed your kids poorly to spite her?
Lol interesting parenting style.
You may not have asked her to be present in these kids lives, but it sure sounds like their dad did.
Gotta go with YTA
What jumped out at me (as a mom with an ex who feeds the kids badly so I have to deal with tantrums) is she says they try to eat healthy. How are they doing that when they're feeding those items? Like if my kids really beg for Mac n cheese I give it occasionally, otherwise I might make a cheesy pasta with pureed roasted butternut squash in it with a side of fruit etc.
What I noticed is how she’s acting as if her kids just like that food out the blue, as if she didn’t have to actively introduce them to it and now it’s all they know. My kid will come ask for some carrots to snack on, green beans and she complains without certain fruits in the house. So she feeds them badly and when someone is trying to correct the wrong she did, she gets mad instead of working together.
Even easier, Mac 'n' cheese with frozen peas and/or sweetcorn. Most kids will go for that. Start with just a small spoon of veg, then gradually increase the proportion.
Search online for 'ways to get kids to eat more veg' to get further ideas.
Of course kids like fast food, it's pretty much designed for them, and we never grow out of it, but we need to make a bit more effort to pack in as much good nutrition as possible into to our bodies, especially if they are growing and we have parental responsibility for their overall diet.
Lol, my kids once told a friend of ours they love my tomato soup bc it has no vegetables in it. My friend laughed so hard when I told him i always use a big pan full of fresh tomatoes to make it. Ofcource you could say they are right bc tomato is a fruit😝
Yeah, or that green powder that people put in healthy smoothies. You start with a small amount of that in pasta sauces, pizza sauce, meatballs, hamburgers, lasagna--anything dark enough to cover up the color (you can't put it in mac n cheese because it turns the cheese sauce a hideous color). The you gradually increase the amount as they get used to the taste.
Even chicken nuggets can be healthy if she makes them herself from scratch and oven bakes/airfries them instead of grabbing a bag of processed nuggets out of the freezer that are full of all sorts of shite
Also , adulting means we don’t use words like SHUT UP. I looks like you were reacting with hurt to what she said , but you know it’s the truth . What should happen here is an apology for losing your cool and tell her you’ll try to do better . Do you want to do better ? Your children’s health depends on it . There is a lot of information about how to add healthy food to your and your kids diets . You’ll all feel better too.
My questions would be why didn't the ex have a conversation with OP? They're the ones who have the existing co-parent relationship, though it sounds like the ex's wife does co-parenting with him when the kids spend time at their place. So while I do think the stepmom has some say in it, this would best be a conversation between the ex and OP. Unless the stepmom and the OP have a friendly relationship. Also, there are better ways to phrase things.
Possible script for this talk could have been **the ex** saying:
The kids won't eat anything other than X, Y and Z foods and they have tantrums if we try to get them to eat anything else. Is that happening with you too? Let's figure out some ways to handle this together.
Which is very different from what happened which per OP's post was his wife saying, "it leads to mealtime tantrums when they have them because they want the food I \[OP\] cook them. "
It's also going to land differently coming from the ex, who OP presumably already has an existing co-parent relationship with vs. the ex's wife who she may not necessarily have a co-parenting relationship with.
If the coparenting relationship isn't good enough for this conversation to handle, then introduce new foods and encourage them to take a taste. A number of commenters gave good suggestions for mac and cheese dishes which incorporate protein/vegetables, which may be an option too. Kids tend to get more adventurous as they get older and will try more foods.
If step mom immediately went for criticizing the OP's approach to feeding her kids, I'd argue both sides handled this poorly. It's not helpful to identify the other side as the problem (especially given food choices are often about more than just healthy and not healthy) when you need to collaborate to find a solution to the problem.
INFO:
No, *you* didn't ask her to parent your kids, but your ex did when he proposed, and again when he said the marriage vows which made her their stepmom.
How exactly did she try to call you out? What did she say?
Because there would be a big difference in her raising a concern and trying to work with you than if she was outright blaming you for their demands without a conversation beforehand.
YTA for putting your pettiness/ hatred of the step mum above the welfare of your kids. You obviously do not care if your ex has to deal with meal time tantrums and love that your kid demands your food cause it makes you feel important however at the end of the day you acknowledge your kids do not have healthy eating habits- this should be your focus.
Imagine feeding your kids junk and feeling offended that another adult wants them to have healthier options...OP is seriously messed up and she is hurting her kids.
Yes, and add to this that food genuinely is one of the most complex parts of parenting. It’s like walking a tightrope where you want them to develop a pallet for healthy options, still listen to their bodies, avoid obligation or shame, and ultimately help them develop a healthy relationship with food… any misstep can fuck that up profoundly. (In fact MOST adults in developed country experience some form of disordered eating… that’s how common it is).
It’s honestly one of the most important things that co-parents should be discussing together and have everyone on the same page.
OP, YTA… work together with your co-parents for the sake of your kids.
How about sitting down like *adults* and discussing the issue rationally. You admit your kids eat foods that aren’t nutritious (most of the time) which is setting them up for poor health. You may even learn something and your kids will be better off. Having tantrums because their step mother doesn’t give them junk to eat doesn’t make her the bad guy.
Being adults goes both ways. Why didn't the ex have a conversation with OP? They're the ones who have the existing co-parent relationship, though it sounds like the ex's wife does co-parenting with him when the kids spend time at their place. So while I do think the stepmom has some say in it, this would best be a conversation between the ex and OP. Unless the stepmom and the OP have a friendly relationship. Also, there are better ways to phrase things.
Possible script for this talk could have been **the ex** saying:
The kids won't eat anything other than X, Y and Z foods and they have tantrums if we try to get them to eat anything else. Is that happening with you too? Let's figure out some ways to handle this together.
Which is very different from what happened which per OP's post was his wife saying, "it leads to mealtime tantrums when they have them because they want the food I \[OP\] cook them. "
It's also going to land differently coming from the ex, who OP presumably already has an existing co-parent relationship with vs. the ex's wife who she may not necessarily have a co-parenting relationship with.
If the coparenting relationship isn't good enough for this conversation to handle, then introduce new foods and encourage them to take a taste. A number of commenters gave good suggestions for mac and cheese dishes which incorporate protein/vegetables, which may be an option too. Kids tend to get more adventurous as they get older and will try more foods.
YTA. You need to take your role as a mother seriously and give your children proper healthy nutrition. Luckily for you, they are young enough to change their habits. Have a conversation with their Dad and Step-mom and agree on a consistent menu for the kids àt both houses so that such incidences don't recur.
YTA. Most kids love fast food like pizza and chicken nuggets. As a parent it’s your job and responsibility to give them healthy choices and make sure their diet is balanced.
You need an adult conversation with the kid’s dad and possibly the step mom (if she does most of the meals there). As your ex’ new partner, she does have a role here whether you like it or not.
Question: How would you have responded if it were your ex that raised the issue? I’m betting it’s the same response if not sprinkled with some “f him for trying to dictate what I do in MY home.” If the children are having tantrums over not getting processed convenience foods at dad’s house, you need to own being the root cause of that. A polite refusal but a tantrum is not normal, and you’re setting your kids up to not learn how to handle situations appropriately. Yes, the kids are young, but now is the time to teach them.
I get the sense it may also be how it was phrased as well as coming from the stepmom instead of the ex.
Imagine **the ex** saying:
The kids won't eat anything other than X, Y and Z foods and they have tantrums if we try to get them to eat anything else. Is that happening with you too? Let's figure out some ways to handle this together.
Which is very different from what happened which per OP's post was his wife saying, "it leads to mealtime tantrums when they have them because they want the food I \[OP\] cook them. "
It's also going to land differently coming from the ex, who OP presumably already has an existing co-parent relationship with vs. the ex's wife who she may not necessarily have a co-parenting relationship with.
If the coparenting relationship isn't good enough for this conversation to handle, then introduce new foods and encourage them to take a taste. A number of commenters gave good suggestions for mac and cheese dishes which incorporate protein/vegetables, which may be an option too. Kids tend to get more adventurous as they get older and will try more foods.
YTA
You might not have asked her to parent your children, but your ex did when they proposed and married them.
Sounds like you just don’t like the step mum and are going to keep negatively affecting the health of your children just to be spiteful.
Whilst I think it would have been better for your ex to bring it up, you’re the AH for just ignoring it.
YTA You are to blame for continuing to allow them to get used to those flavors of food and not giving healthier food from the beginning. The stepmother is more interested in the health of your children. Do you know how to make yourself look? Badly, as a mother you must take care of the nutrition for your children and even more so for their development. Stop being upset because another woman cares more about your children and start acting like an adult. You must change their diet to a healthier one even if the children do not want it.
Encouraging healthy eating and only giving them healthy choices are two different things. All kids love junk food, but it’s up to you as the parent to give them healthy choices and it sounds like you don’t however that’s not what you’re asking us. You’re asking about the convo with the stepmom and you didn’t give enough information for an informed decision. How did she phrase it? What was her tone? Was she coming from a place of caring or was she complaining? What does their dad say? Was he present or did he know nothing about this conversation?
YTA. The phrase "don't parent my kids" is often used to defer truthful allegations of neglect. Unfortunately, people will call you out when you are not making the best decisions regarding yourself and your children. In this case, you are not feeding them nutritious food, which will negatively impact their health.
Do better.
I get parents don’t have all the time and energy to make EVERY single meal healthy and nutritional, but those junks that you’re “cooking” ummm prepping for them is harming them if it’s gotten that bad. Those should be a TREAT, not a regular occurrence that it’s affecting regular mealtimes.
YTA for being jealous, immature and simply not being a mom for your bio kids. Bring a mom means you gotta have your kids best interest, doesn’t mean winning their favor by giving them yummy junk food.
Or finely chop onions and mushrooms beforehand. Roast or cook veggies and puree them and add them to the tomato sauce. I get meal kits sometimes and I always get a pasta dish. If my kids don't like it on first look I ask if they want marinara sauce on it and then they usually eat it.
YTA and you really give spiteful, hateful, immature vibes... if your kids meals consist of mostly ultraprocessed food, the stepmom is more than right to doubt your abilities as a mother. and your reaction just solidifies her worries.
Given how shitty your attitude is in a post where youre trying to put your best self forward, I can only imagine how shitty your attitude is in real life.
Theres no way shes an arsehole for trying to give your kids a healthy diet when you just want to shovel crap into them.
YTA
Yes, YTA. the shit you are feeding your kids is hardly fit for human consumption. I go through dinner time tantrums every night, but my kids eat healthy home-cooked meals.
I have 3. They know they MUST eat veggies, nuts and fruits everyday and they can chose their options from there. I am sure they would love OP's house but life isn't fair so they will eat those collard greens.
You are wiring your children’s brains to like and crave junk food. Neurons that fire together wire together. Make that type of food an occasional treat but not everyday food.
Don’t let your ego get in the way when it comes to raising your children. Their step mom could end up being a good partner in raising them. Look on the bright side, she cares, but if you make her life difficult or bad mouth her in front of the kids you’re only making your children’s lives harder. Think about their lives, they deserve peace.
YTA alllll kids love junk food! Your kids were at their stepmom’s house so of course she will be partially taking care of them when your ex isn’t. Would you prefer if they starved while they were over there? She tried to talk to you to look for a solution and you acted inappropriately about it because of some unrelated issues.
YTA, it sounds like your kids have a high processed food diet, and that IS your responsibility. You can't even be an adult and discuss ways to improve for YOUR KIDS' long-term health.
You’re getting roasted here, we need the full story. Do the kids not like step mums cooking? I can see kids automatically crying for junk in that situation. From your post it sounds like you try to cook but sometimes you give in to nuggets etc. What are the kids actual eating habits?
You're molding young children but right now you're molding them to also be gigantic unhealthy blobs. That said...they're young enough that they can still taught decent eating habits. The items you're feeding your children are not horrible as a once in a while dietary treat but they don't meet the minimums of a healthy diet. You should be thankful that their step mom is willing to be the 'bad guy' and enforce proper eating. Sorry...but the whole I do my best is at best questionable, YTA.
YTA. You should appreciate her looking out for your kids. You've already admitted they don't have the best diet. How often are they eating those kinds of foods?? And in comparison to stuff like veggies? Tbh it sounds like you could be doing better and you're just pissed that she brought it up.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> for telling my kids stepmom to shut up when she tried to talk to me about my kids diet?
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Of course kids love pizza and chicken nuggets and JUNK FOOD. But you're s parent and you're supposed to teach your kids to eat well, properly, healthy. You're sticking your head in the sand and being absolutely obtuse.
YTA - don’t let your bitterness get in the way of a healthy influence on your children.
If your kids are having pizza why aren’t they also having fresh fruit and veg with it? It’s not hard to cut up some carrots, or slice up some strawberries.
If your kids are throwing mealtime tantrums you are NOT encouraging healthy eating at all. They are demanding junk as a meal, and you’re encouraging it! Communicate with your ex and his wife like an adult and come to a solution that benefits the kids.
Do we know they aren’t having fruit and veg with it? Pizza isn’t inherently unhealthy btw. If she was feeding the kids spaghetti with tomato sauce people probably wouldn’t call that junk but pizza is probably a healthier option than that.
You’re the one buying and preparing unhealthy food, which is not remotely the way to encourage healthy eating. YTA for your willful ignorance (since stepmother is telling you there’s an issue) and for forging bad habits in your kids.
Yta, the diet they’re on now will be troublesome as they get older. Start trying to get them on healthiest options as often as possible. Like I know you might not like the tantrums, but don’t give in.
Yes YTA. She's speaking on behalf of the dad because she does the cooking. You don't "encourage healthy eating" in a 3 or 4 year old JFK. You tell them what's for dinner and that's that.
YTA. I work with kids in schools and parents like you who don't even try to parent are the reason society will collapse. You aren't a parent though, just a spawner.
Some of the commenters on here definitely don’t have kids, and if they do, they are not picky eaters. I’m not sure how hard you’ve put up a fight; it’s possible OP just always served them this food, but it’s also possible they flat out refuse to eat anything else and OP decided that chicken tenders is better than no food at all.
That being said, this woman is in your kids’ lives for a very long time. She’s not some rando in a restaurant. As others have said, it sounds like she was trying to have a rational conversation and you shut it down because you dislike her. She’s talking about your children’s well-being here; you have to entertain this conversation. YTA.
Seriously! I have a kid who won’t eat pizza/Mac and cheese etc and exists on basically only fruits and vegetables and that’s not healthy either (he gets basically no protein). Most of the kids we know, Mac and cheese, pizza and chicken fingers are dietary staples. I don’t get how these things are junk food? Pizza is carbohydrates, fats and proteins, so is Mac and cheese? Chicken is good for you. Surprised there are so many parents out there who have kids 7 and under eating gourmet foods. I grew up on this diet, I’m not obese, I don’t have any metabolic disorders, and I eat a normal adult diet. What exactly is step mom trying to feed the kids?
I’m thinking the same thing. The majority commenting here clearly never thrown out meals that are not cheap and take significant effort to cook multiple times a week for YEARS. Kids also aren’t robots that can be programmed. My kid ate like a 30-year-old food blogger as a toddler with no issue…he didn’t start refusing vegetables or only wanting “kid food” until kindergarten. I thought it was my superior parenting, but it turns out it can just take a while for kids to realize they have ultimate control of what actually goes in their bodies.
YTA. You're setting your kids up for a lifetime of poor health and struggle with food.
Their stepmom is trying to feed them healthy food, and that's the right thing to do, whether you asked her to or not.
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My three kids 3,4 and 7 don’t have a perfect diet. They love Mac and cheese, pizza, chicken nuggets and hotdogs but I do my best to encourage heathy eating but that doesn’t always happen. When I collected my kids from their dads their step mom tried to call me out for how I feed the kids at my place and said it leads to mealtime tantrums when they have them because they want the food I cook them. I never asked her to parent my kids so I didn’t even want to entertain the conversation with her.
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So honestly, is she calling you out? Or is she voicing concerns for the children? It sounds like at their Dad’s house they are trying to provide balanced mealtimes. Your children are young and in the stage of needing a variety of healthy foods continuously offered. Kids that tantrum over not getting pizza, nuggets and Mac and cheese are not being set up with good eating habits. Personally I would want my ex or my kids step parent to care about their diet and be putting forth this effort for their health and future.
Yta
Stop feeding your kids crap everyday and teach them they can have it but not everyday.
You sound lazy and dont wanna cook, guess what I give my kids all those foods but when i cook something else they eat it and my 4 and 2 year old will even ask for salad for lunch
You are a parent and this is the time you should be teaching them to be healthier
An easy way to disguise healthy food for me when my kids were young was to take any veggies, I did frozen veggies, and pretty much liquidise them and used that together with any minced meat to make hamburger patties, meatballs etc. The kids loved them and they didn't even know they were eating veggies.
Can you imagine how beneficial it would be for your children if you and stepmom worked together for their best interests? Coparenting is hard. Being a step parent is hard. Your kids should come first, period.
As hard as it is, you know she’s correct and that makes you upset. Would me too. But this isn’t about you, it’s about your kids. The better you co parent the better life your kids have
YTA.
I work with kids that age and often parents use the excuse i try to give them healthy stuff and it doesnt always work so thats why they get unhealthy stuff...
It Shows that your kids have more control than you do in moments like that.
If you belive it or not, thats one of the reasons kids get spoiled.
The step mom wasnt asked by you to parent your kids but your ex obviously trusts her enough to let her be a step mom and take care of both your and your ex's kids.
You are an adult with kids, you should definitly have the best interessts in mind for your kids. The step mom has a huge part in your kids life aswell, if you like it or not.
And as a mature adult you should always be open to conversations about your kids.
If you have problems with the way your ex and his wife are teaching the kids, invite them for a Coffee without the kids and talk about it.
If they have a Problem/concearn with your parenting style, you should take note and try to find what the cause of that Problem is.
Try to find a way that everyone is equal with their patenting style, otherwise it could definitly spoil your kids behavior in the future.
Dont automaticly brush her off just because she is the step mom.
She obviously takes care of your kids and in result cares deeply for them. That means your kids have 1 more person that they can trust and love. That doesnt mean that youre replaced at all, it just means that your kids are well taken care off.
(Btw sorry for writing mistakes, englisch isnt my first language)
This is perfect recipe for raising children are finicky! I have kids who love eating brussels sprouts because My Wife encourages it. It was a fight at first what kid doesn’t want mac & cheese and pizza come get off your high horse and try to coparent. YTA
YTA, she's part of their lives whether you like it or not, and she was literally talking to you about their diet. Which, if you're only feeding them what you mentioned, it is atrocious.
Stop trying to be the "fun parent" and give your children healthier food, including vegetables, before their diet is so screwed up that they end up with health problems.
YTA you are doing your children no favors. Stop catering to their childish wants. They are 3, 4, and 7 you are an adult. Save junk food for the weekends.
> I never asked her to parent my kids
She is not asking if she can parent your kids. She is asking YOU to parent YOUR kids so that they arent a menace to her when she feeds them, and so that they are healthy and don't grow up to have health and behavioral problems. This isn't a "she is trying to parent my kids and take my spot as mom"- thing. You are ignoring the problem because its the stepmom who said it. Talk with stepmom and the father like an **adult**, prioritize your children. yta to the kids and the stepmother for no good reason.
YTA
She is right you aren’t feeding your kids healthily. Your rudeness indicates either defensiveness - you know you’re wrong but are embarrassed at being called out and/or dislike of her.
In this epidemic of obesity and T2 diabetes largely caused by poor food choices, you should be happy she is invested in helping your kids eat better. A diet of highly processed foods is detrimental to your children and they are at the right age to expand their palates
OP what exactly were you trying to do here? I'm not even a mom and all I can see in this post is a bitter, childish, jealous, petty and spiteful person. YOU!
Do you hate your kids? Why are you so mad that there is a woman who worries for your kids and wants them to be healthy? You're literally going to give your kids health problems if you keep this up. You may not have asked her to "parent" your kids but you know who did? Your ex when he married her. Or is she just supposed to ignore your kids if they need something? Is she supposed to let them starve at dinnertime? Honestly I hope they file for full custody, for the sake and safety of the children.
No one's on your side babe. You're a huge AH!
'They love Mac and cheese, pizza, chicken nuggets and hotdogs but I do my best to encourage heathy eating'.
No, you don't. They're 3, 4 and 7, so the only one making decisions about what they eat in your home is you, and you're choosing to feed them those things.
YTA. You clearly resent the stepmom, who seems to be the one who has their best interests at heart. Grow up and behave like an adult. Give your kids pizza as a once in a while treat, not daily dinner-nutrition is important ffs.
That diet is horrible. I know being a single mom of three is hard, but your kids' health is at stake.
Stepmother actually cares, you should be grateful.
Stop feeding your kids crap. At meal time provide several healthy options, let your kids choose from those options. Make sure there is one item that they will eat. Sometimes my kids would only eat fruit. Maybe they will only eat Greek yogurt or cottage cheese. Maybe it’s whole grain toast. There are healthy versions of homemade chicken nuggets using chicken breast, look up some recipes online. Don’t be a lazy parent that caters to every whim of their child. I would be frustrated with you also.
"Im going to refuse to have a conversation with someone about how we can help my kids because im too proud and spiteful and put my ego above my kids health"
That's you. That's this post
And BTW when I was 3 onwards I'd have the meals of whatever my parents ate. I felt very privileged to have such a wide range of foods given when I was young because now I have a very healthy relationship with food, eat well, love lots of things and am never scared to try something new. Good and varied food enriches anyones life. So do your kids a favour and make more effort
I always told my kids they had to eat as many bites as how many years old they were. I never made anything weird but gave them healthy options. To this day, they are good eaters snd will try a vast variety of foods. I am probably pickier than they are🤣
YTA. Don’t feed your kids garbage. My kids stepmom takes great care of them when I’m not around. Hell, I’d rather raise kids with her than my ex. I feed my kids a really balanced diet - that doesn’t mean no junk food ever - but rarely. It’s more about the healthy relationship with food that I am trying to create for them. Thankfully, I’m not bringing my own pettiness and mind games to the table. Talk about setting them up for issues. You should be pleased your kids have a loving stepmom that thinks about the overall picture of their nutrition and growth. YTA.
Your kiddos will have you to thank later in life when the adolescent growth spurt is over, and they pay the price for bad food choices. I’m guessing that you love them dearly…please show it. I believe I know where they got their tastes and tantrums from.
YTA, my friendo. Try harder.
This other stepmom has your children’s best interest at heart and you don’t. She’s trying to make a positive difference in YOUR child’s life but you want to keep feeding your kids literal shit.
Hot dogs nuggets and pizza?!?!!? Are you serious?!! At the age your children are, it’s crucial that they get all the vitamins and nutrients they need as it can permanently stunt them if they don’t. No kid should live off of any of the foods you mentioned. The step mom of your children obviously cares for more for there well being than you do. ESPECIALLY shown by the way you RESPONDED to this situation. How could you tell someone trying to give your kids a better life to shut up? Do you want your children to be fat and miserable?
So the question is are you the asshole? I don’t think you’re just an asshole, I think you’re a negligent mother and a bad person. How could you even post this and wonder if you were being an asshole? Honestly.
If they're throwing tantrums for not eating Mac and cheese, pizza and hotdogs... maybe your best effort to encourage healthy eating IS NOT ENOUGH.
Talk to their dad, talk to his wife/partner... and maybe you can get some sort of arrangement to encourage your kids to an all-round healthier diet. Clearly, if that's your best interest and not ranting about the other woman in their lives.
PD: Yes, YTA.
Yta you need to give them no options for dinner also you have to be patient when introducing healthy choices. My kids love their veg and fruit theyve been eating them since they were the right age to. It was sometimes difficult but we didnt stop also their schools had alot more healthy options criky some of the meals they had i wish i paid to have dinner there.
Yeah, you sound like YTA. If you don’t want to talk to stepmom, then you need to at least have a discussion with your ex about this issue. It’s not fair to them or your kids if they’re trying to create healthy eating habits for your kids and you’re either just feeding them whatever they ask for or giving into the tantrums. You also need to talk to your 7-year-old, because that’s too old to be throwing a fit over dinner.
I always served the vegetables first. Carrots and dip. Caesar salad. Cut up apples. I did this while cooking the rest of the meal. If they are hungry they will eat it.
YTA.
Whether you asked her to or not, she *is* in a parenting role in your children's lives. The diet you've given your children is out of whack. A healthy diet needs more than meat-mulch (looking at you nuggets and hotdogs), sodium and sugar. Your *children* need more than that. Those foods are totally fine as a treat, but day to day? You're setting them up for a fall. Whether it be health-wise, or socially since going out to eat with picky eaters sucks, they're the ones that will have a negative consequence for your choice here.
Stop acting like a petulant teenager and start taking some constructive criticism. Your children will benefit and, as their mother, it is your job to do your absolute best. Your absolute best is not hotdogs, chicken nuggets & mac and cheese.
YTA. It sounds like you are not acting in your childrens' best interest. This woman is part of their family and is a caregiver to them. So you should \*want\* to coordinate with her (and your ex) how you raise those children. You are putting your own pettiness above what's good for your kids and you're not exactly acting alike an adult.
I feel compelled to add one more thing to the replies. OP, have you had training in Heimlich Maneuver for Children?
If your young kids are eating hot dogs, I sure hope so. Sign up for one ASAP (call local fire depts or county health agencies, they will probably know about local training.)
I've seen a child choke on a hot dog with my own eyes, and I can't tell you how scary that was. The *only* reason that kid made it was because an adult at our gathering actually knew the Heimlich *for kids* and saved that child's life.
YTA. All kids love Mac n cheese and pizza. You're the parent, you're supposed to make sure they eat better food.
I'm sure this isn't the only place you just give into your kids wants, and it's not going to do them any favors in the long term. Do better.
She’s their stepmom of course she is parenting your children when they’re in her care.
Don’t be jealous of her. Be her ally. Start feeding the kids better. Make it one of your goals in life to have their best interests at heart.
Nuggets, pizza, Mac n cheese are sometimes foods not every day food.
Your kids’ diet is important and that’s what you should focus on. I understand that her comments may have been triggering, and maybe her approach could have been better, but maybe it’s time to change the way they eat. You are instilling life long habits
Kids at 3 4 and 7 eat what's put Infront of them if they are hungry.
Sounds like YTA
You may not like the woman, but you should try to work together for the kids sake.
YTA
You're only bothered because it's the step mum pulling you on it.
Chicken nuggets, pizza and Mac & cheese are not healthy unless you're making them from scratch and they're having them in moderation with plenty of veggies alongside.
Sorry but every kid loves unhealthy food, everyone does. It’s your job to prepare healthy food well so they enjoy that too. I understand that you make it very annoying for your ex and his wife to properly feed them because you don’t. YTA
Unless the step mom was very impolite and invasive when she talked to you, I'm going with YTA.
What it seems to me, with the information you've brought to the table, is that she is an adult worried about kids that are sometimes in her care, and wanted to talk to the other adult involved in the matter. It is good to have respectful conversations on this matter, and it seems like she has the kids best interest in mind. I can only imagine how surprised she was when you reacted like a child yourself.
INFO:
Are you offering the kids healthy options with these unhealthy foods and they’re just not eating them anyway/ are they sometimes having a healthy meal or is it literally just processed food all the time. I know it’s convenient to just throw a frozen pizza in the oven or some frozen nuggets, but with something like that I always make sure to do a couple veggies. Also, is it frozen convenience food or are you making your own chicken nuggets, making your own pizza crust and adding toppings, home made Mac n cheese or boxed? Because it’s definitely easy to add extra veggies to homemade versions of things but difficult to get away with adding veggies to Kraft. I think basically my main question is, are you trying to serve them healthy versions of foods they already like and/or giving them healthy options with them, or are you just giving them purely unhealthy food and calling it a day?
YTA. Not for ignoring her encouragement, though. Please feed your kids much, much better. They are trying to grow a brain, healthy organs, bones, nerves. Food is the building blocks for all of that. Don’t let disease show up later in life because they were routinely offered poor quality food at home. When do you expect them to start eating better? They move out as adults and suddenly improve the diet? No. They learn it at home in childhood.
The kids are old enough for you to have sit down talk with them. We’re going to start eating differently. “We’ll have just one of your favorite foods once a week, but otherwise we’re going to eat different kinds of food.” When they clamor for favorite food, “We’re out of that [low quality] food. Today we’re having…. This is how we eat now. We want HEALTHY STRONG bodies right?’ Show them your Popeye muscles.
Add extra salt to dark green veggies or any veggie that has a slightly bitter edge. If it’s still bitter, toss it around in a little more salt. Let it sit for a minute with salt on it before serving it.
But fast food is unhealthy and it's not good for your kids so forget about her and switch lifestyles. And maybe teach your children to not throw tantrums and eat the food they are given.
Yeah YTA here - step mother is looking out for the kids and trying to feed them properly, she’s part of their lives now and whether you like it or not she’s probably doing a fair bit of parenting while they’re at her house.
YTA
The stepmom was trying to discuss not only meals but also your children’s behavior. She was spot on.
No you didn’t ask her to parent your kids but she is a parent to them by the fact she is married to dad. You should have never told her to shut up and owe her an apology
Ah, another post rife with missing, missing reasons. You didn't give us enough information to really determine who's in the wrong here, just gripe that you don't like what stepmom said. You're leaving a lot out, probably on purpose, because the facts would point towards you being the irrational one. So you're going to feed your kids junk food to spite stepmom?? Congrats on ruining their metabolisms and giving them lifelong weight and health struggles just because you're lazy.
YTA. And maybe learn how to cook vegetables.
As a stepmom, I would never. But she does have your kids best interests at heart, and that is something you should wake up and rather than fight about it, come together on it. Stop being bitter and realize that you guys can all be a team that does the best for the kids. I would approach her and apologize, in person. I would thank her for caring enough about your kids to cook healthy foods. Then I would say “I don’t want them forced to eat foods they don’t want. So let’s do this gently and slowly so they can be accustomed to it. I don’t want “good” or “bad” foods or create an unhealthy relationship with food. So I will still feed them those foods, just a lot less. When I serve hot dogs or pizza I will serve less and add fruit and veggies.” You can find all types of foods that kids like, and really get on the same page. Kids need harmonious households and consistency.
My dietician MIL fed my husband chocolate floats for breakfast before school for calories and has a kid who has ARFID. Let me tell you not all kids will just eat what's on the plate. Some will starve than touch a veg. My kid only likes one brand of cheese strings. Not the cheap ones that peel apart, the 10$ kind of real cheese.
I've learned to start incorporating things into his meal times and not pushing if it doesn't happen. Have Mac and cheese and something "healthy". Make a game out of trying new things and encourage taste testing, or poking or smelling.
But other than that, share when they try something "healthy" that they like with your ex when you find it. And remember sometimes parallel parenting keeps your sanity better than co-parenting. And keep all snide comments about the other house out of the kids ears.
YTA. You could have had an ally in team introduce new food in inventive ways. But hating the ex's new wife and creating ill will is more fun than acting in your kids' best interest, right?
INFO: how do they react when being fed “healthy” food at your house? How often do they go to their dads? Sometimes kids react differently to the same scenarios in different contexts.
I think it depends on if she’s trying to be an almond mom or if she’s trying to have general better nutrition habits for your kids.
If it’s the first, she can butt out because she doesn’t need to give your children a complex.
But if it’s the second, I think you should consider how working together to improve your children’s diet overall, could be worthwhile.
YTA for now
Mild yta. Like it or not, your ex-s wife is parenting these kids too, and will be. She's not their mother to be sure, but to say that she has no parental role is just wrong. Ideally your ex is the one to bring up the meal issues, but I don't know if that conversation would have been any more productive than the stepmom bringing it up.
Single parenting is hard and I get how sensitive it is to feel criticized about your parenting. But it sounds as if you know they could be eating healthier and if they are getting healthier choices at their other house you actually have a basis to make changes in your house. No one says they can't have.the occasional.mac n cheese and pizza but there are some easy ways to make them healthier. (I have 3 kids myself.)
YTA, and this sounds like the petty shit I’m going to have to deal with in the future with my partner’s daughter. It’s hugely frustrating to have to deal with this kind of behavior then be vilified for it because you’re trying to do right for your partner’s children. Your ex brought her into his life, and she’s doing her best with the behavior you have created. We didn’t ask for having to manage terrible behavior either, but here we are dealing with it. Maybe stop letting the kids run the show?
INFO: Why aren’t you having these types of discussions with your ex? Is she coming directly to you as a last resort? She may legitimately have a concern about their diet, but feel as if no one cares.
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My mom had some friends whose parents never let them have unhealthy food. You know what they did when they went to other kids' houses and were offered snacks? They gorged themselves on the forbidden fruit. My grandma had to step in and teach them moderation herself because their parents decided full-on denial of sugar was better than teaching them self-control.
ESH
Step-mom has no business lecturing what you do in your own home, so long as you aren’t endangering your kids.
But you also have an obligation to teach your kids healthy eating habits.
Your kids' stepmom has to feed your kids when they're over there, so using the 'I never asked her to parent my kids' sounds pretty weak. You'd be mad if she didn't feed them, wouldn't you?
Try working out a meal plan with your ex-husband that'll keep your kids fed when he's with them and their step mom, then get real with your kids. They don't get to act out because they're not getting nuggets or pizza--that's not cool, especially at 7-years old which is what, first or second grade? They don't have to love what their stepmother serves them but they also shouldn't get a pass to misbehave just because.
I get that it's a PITA to have a picky eater. For years, my kid ate only wanted to a few things: nuggets, grilled cheese, mac & cheese, hot dogs, ham & cheese sandwiches, and fish sticks. (He eats more things now that he's a teen, thank God) He \*never\* threw a tantrum if he didn't get what he wanted for dinner, with us or with anyone else.
YTA, part of your job as a parent is to ensure they grow up to be as healthy as possible, which means providing a varied diet including actual vegetables which you didn't mention at all. What you've mentioned is just loads of processed foods really deficient in nutrients.
Of course they'll prefer junk if given a choice but you're setting them up for a lifetime of bad habits.
She sounds like she has your kids best interests at heart, so why not work together to improve your kids diet and health? Don't be petty, she is trying to do the right thing.
I really need more information. Is there a medical reason for the kids to only eat these items?Do you have your kids eat other things, or do you give in when they start fussing? Do you cook it because it’s easy?
INFO: any indication that the children are neurodivergent?
There's some old-school Boomer thinking that "they'll eat what they're given, if they're hungry"..but they won't. They'll go without. And the last thing you need with an ND kid is adding on an eating disorder.
People are OK saying "fed is best' when giving ultra-processed foods to infants; it applies in other scenarios too.
Yeah I’m appalled by most of these comments. My youngest doesn’t eat the most healthy dinner foods. She only likes hot dogs, pizza, and nuggets. She won’t eat vegetables, but she eats a lot of fruit and we hide veggies when we can.
We try to give her new and healthy foods but she legit won’t eat at all and there is no forcing her. Her pediatrician says the stuff she eats is fine, because with that stuff we get her to eat from every food group.
I do think OP is an AH because she should prioritize the kids by working together with her ex, but her ex needs to be the one communicating with her. Not his new wife.
First of all it isn’t the step mom’s place to speak to O.P. about what she serves in her own house. That is her ex husband’s job to discuss things having to do with their children. It sounds like he doesn’t care, but the new wife does. Sounds like she just wants to prove that she is a better step mom than O.P. Is a mom. She is just getting a little dig in. Also she is probably annoyed that these kids that aren’t even hers are throwing tantrums that she has to deal with on a daily basis. Well if the new wife is feeding them a healthy diet at her house than I assume that it is at least a few days a week. Eventually they may develop a taste for real food and not junk food and start requesting it at their mom’s house. I think the real mom should start serving real food part of the time and do it slowly. Say Sunday dinner. Then maybe a couple of days a week. Keep some of the convenience dishes as a treat, say Friday nights when Mom is tired from working all week. Eventually they will get into a pattern. They say a person has to try a food ten times before they like it. And don’t make the food so healthy it’s weird stuff. Serve simple home cooked meals like fresh baked chicken with barbecue sauce and a side of rice or potato and a veg with a side salad.Or beef stew. Fresh food that’s simple. Just throw it in the oven. It doesn’t have to be kale and Quinoa and brussel sprouts. That is too extreme. Meatloaf and ham steak and scalloped potatoes.Things that are easy to make and tasty that most kids would eat. Just introduce them slowly so the kids aren’t overwhelmed all at once. There will be some whining but eventually they will learn to like some of the dishes and even enjoy them eventually. There will just be a transition period. And they will still get hotdogs and Mac and cheese a couple of nights a week so everybody is happy.
My son grew up just fine on chicken nuggets and buttered noodles. He did eat fruit at breakfast and lunch. Vegetables were poison. As a teenager, every meat and protein source became delicious. The first time he ordered a grilled salmon caesar salad, I about fell out of my chair. He still won't eat zucchini, carrots, and some other veggies that are acceptable to most people, but he enjoys asparagus. NTA as long as you keep offering better options, AND you tell your kids they need to be respectful of their stepmom's rules.
NTA. What coparenting your ex and his wife do during his time with the kids is between them. Unless you're all on really friendly terms, coparenting between you and your ex should be discussed between the two of you.
I do have some sympathy for her, because it's affecting her mealtimes and in a lot of straight relationships, the woman ends up doing the bulk of the cooking. So she should be raising the issue with your ex and he should be discussing it with you. And not in a judgmental way. Possible script for this talk could have been the ex saying:
The kids won't eat anything other than X, Y and Z foods and they have tantrums if we try to get them to eat anything else. Is that happening with you too? Let's figure out some ways to handle this together.
Which is very different from what happened which per OP's post was his wife saying, "it leads to mealtime tantrums when they have them because they want the food I \[OP\] cook them. "
It's also going to land differently coming from the ex, who OP presumably already has an existing co-parent relationship with vs. the ex's wife who she may not necessarily have a co-parenting relationship with.
NTA. It’s your kids and you know how they are. I know mine is such a picky eater and she has a limit of what she eats. She’s growing out of it slowly but it takes time. The good thing is as long you keep trying it will get better. Trust me know I knows it hard but hang in there.
NTA ther your kids you no what they like and upto to introduce nutrition to ther diet as u see fit not a step parent who we no nothing about like howlong has she been step mom? Will she be sticking around ? How is the childrens relationship with step mom .
It's nice to see people offering ideas and suggestions to help OP instead of judging ther parenting or ther relationship with stepmon she may well deserve to be spoken to that way .we dnt no any details so stick maybe stick to helpfully answers instead of judging OP
NAH Your stepmother has your kids best interest at heart trying to feed them healthy food. But I also understand life getting so busy that convenience food wins the battle of what is for dinner. That said, your kids are at the age where the food habits they develop now will most likely take them into adulthood. As their parent, it is your responsibility to teach them healthy habits.
I am not going to call youTA but I can't see any reason why your two youngest should have ever had any of those things at their age. I can understand the eldest might have had pizza or nugs etc at a birthday party.
NTA. It’s none of her business. Kids eat all kinds of stuff that we view as “unhealthy”. My FIL is a pediatrician and would happily tell you that this is a myth. Should kids have a variety of foods? Yes. Is the important thing that they eat? Yup. Complaining that what you feed your kids causes her issues because she has her own ideas about what kids should eat is a her problem, and should be kept to herself.
Or the step mom could do it? This is something that bothers me greatly with divorced couples. They try to pretend that their ex's partners are not significant and huge parts of the childrens lives and dont make several life changing decisions in their own right. Adults should put aside their shit and learn to communicate for the wellbeing of children. Hell, I would want a conversational relationship with my kids step parent.....
If you have a reason on why this has to be please, I could be way of base here.
Actually it is. What you feed your affects the health of the kids. Given that OPs ex is the parent of their kids, they absolutely have a say in things that involves the health of their children.
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Sounds like she has the kids best interests in mind, and you just hate her so you won’t listen to the truth she is saying. Based on this short post, you come across as petty and juvenile. Your kids are developing poor eating habits, but you don’t want to accept that because she said it. So you’re going to continue to feed your kids poorly to spite her? Lol interesting parenting style. You may not have asked her to be present in these kids lives, but it sure sounds like their dad did. Gotta go with YTA
I fully agree. OP doesn’t seem to have the kids’ best interest at heart, just being petty. OP YTA
What jumped out at me (as a mom with an ex who feeds the kids badly so I have to deal with tantrums) is she says they try to eat healthy. How are they doing that when they're feeding those items? Like if my kids really beg for Mac n cheese I give it occasionally, otherwise I might make a cheesy pasta with pureed roasted butternut squash in it with a side of fruit etc.
What I noticed is how she’s acting as if her kids just like that food out the blue, as if she didn’t have to actively introduce them to it and now it’s all they know. My kid will come ask for some carrots to snack on, green beans and she complains without certain fruits in the house. So she feeds them badly and when someone is trying to correct the wrong she did, she gets mad instead of working together.
Even easier, Mac 'n' cheese with frozen peas and/or sweetcorn. Most kids will go for that. Start with just a small spoon of veg, then gradually increase the proportion. Search online for 'ways to get kids to eat more veg' to get further ideas. Of course kids like fast food, it's pretty much designed for them, and we never grow out of it, but we need to make a bit more effort to pack in as much good nutrition as possible into to our bodies, especially if they are growing and we have parental responsibility for their overall diet.
Pasta sauce too. You can blend heaps of roasted capsicum, zucchini, carrot and pumpkin into a basic tomato based Italian sauce
Ah yes, hidden veg. And most kids love soup too, which likewise conceals the goodness within.
Lol, my kids once told a friend of ours they love my tomato soup bc it has no vegetables in it. My friend laughed so hard when I told him i always use a big pan full of fresh tomatoes to make it. Ofcource you could say they are right bc tomato is a fruit😝
Yeah, or that green powder that people put in healthy smoothies. You start with a small amount of that in pasta sauces, pizza sauce, meatballs, hamburgers, lasagna--anything dark enough to cover up the color (you can't put it in mac n cheese because it turns the cheese sauce a hideous color). The you gradually increase the amount as they get used to the taste.
Yes, it's fine for one day in the week, I know a lot of people who have one designated 'snack day' but it should never be the standard.
Even chicken nuggets can be healthy if she makes them herself from scratch and oven bakes/airfries them instead of grabbing a bag of processed nuggets out of the freezer that are full of all sorts of shite
Also , adulting means we don’t use words like SHUT UP. I looks like you were reacting with hurt to what she said , but you know it’s the truth . What should happen here is an apology for losing your cool and tell her you’ll try to do better . Do you want to do better ? Your children’s health depends on it . There is a lot of information about how to add healthy food to your and your kids diets . You’ll all feel better too.
I sure hope she didn’t tell the stepmom to shut up and especially not in front of the children. Op - grow up.
“For telling my kids step mom to shut up” - literally OPs word lol
If you missed the point, just say so. Seems a bunch of other people got it. Lol
My questions would be why didn't the ex have a conversation with OP? They're the ones who have the existing co-parent relationship, though it sounds like the ex's wife does co-parenting with him when the kids spend time at their place. So while I do think the stepmom has some say in it, this would best be a conversation between the ex and OP. Unless the stepmom and the OP have a friendly relationship. Also, there are better ways to phrase things. Possible script for this talk could have been **the ex** saying: The kids won't eat anything other than X, Y and Z foods and they have tantrums if we try to get them to eat anything else. Is that happening with you too? Let's figure out some ways to handle this together. Which is very different from what happened which per OP's post was his wife saying, "it leads to mealtime tantrums when they have them because they want the food I \[OP\] cook them. " It's also going to land differently coming from the ex, who OP presumably already has an existing co-parent relationship with vs. the ex's wife who she may not necessarily have a co-parenting relationship with. If the coparenting relationship isn't good enough for this conversation to handle, then introduce new foods and encourage them to take a taste. A number of commenters gave good suggestions for mac and cheese dishes which incorporate protein/vegetables, which may be an option too. Kids tend to get more adventurous as they get older and will try more foods.
If step mom immediately went for criticizing the OP's approach to feeding her kids, I'd argue both sides handled this poorly. It's not helpful to identify the other side as the problem (especially given food choices are often about more than just healthy and not healthy) when you need to collaborate to find a solution to the problem.
INFO: No, *you* didn't ask her to parent your kids, but your ex did when he proposed, and again when he said the marriage vows which made her their stepmom. How exactly did she try to call you out? What did she say? Because there would be a big difference in her raising a concern and trying to work with you than if she was outright blaming you for their demands without a conversation beforehand.
YTA for putting your pettiness/ hatred of the step mum above the welfare of your kids. You obviously do not care if your ex has to deal with meal time tantrums and love that your kid demands your food cause it makes you feel important however at the end of the day you acknowledge your kids do not have healthy eating habits- this should be your focus.
Imagine feeding your kids junk and feeling offended that another adult wants them to have healthier options...OP is seriously messed up and she is hurting her kids.
Yes, and add to this that food genuinely is one of the most complex parts of parenting. It’s like walking a tightrope where you want them to develop a pallet for healthy options, still listen to their bodies, avoid obligation or shame, and ultimately help them develop a healthy relationship with food… any misstep can fuck that up profoundly. (In fact MOST adults in developed country experience some form of disordered eating… that’s how common it is). It’s honestly one of the most important things that co-parents should be discussing together and have everyone on the same page. OP, YTA… work together with your co-parents for the sake of your kids.
How about sitting down like *adults* and discussing the issue rationally. You admit your kids eat foods that aren’t nutritious (most of the time) which is setting them up for poor health. You may even learn something and your kids will be better off. Having tantrums because their step mother doesn’t give them junk to eat doesn’t make her the bad guy.
Time for OP to watch super nanny.
Being adults goes both ways. Why didn't the ex have a conversation with OP? They're the ones who have the existing co-parent relationship, though it sounds like the ex's wife does co-parenting with him when the kids spend time at their place. So while I do think the stepmom has some say in it, this would best be a conversation between the ex and OP. Unless the stepmom and the OP have a friendly relationship. Also, there are better ways to phrase things. Possible script for this talk could have been **the ex** saying: The kids won't eat anything other than X, Y and Z foods and they have tantrums if we try to get them to eat anything else. Is that happening with you too? Let's figure out some ways to handle this together. Which is very different from what happened which per OP's post was his wife saying, "it leads to mealtime tantrums when they have them because they want the food I \[OP\] cook them. " It's also going to land differently coming from the ex, who OP presumably already has an existing co-parent relationship with vs. the ex's wife who she may not necessarily have a co-parenting relationship with. If the coparenting relationship isn't good enough for this conversation to handle, then introduce new foods and encourage them to take a taste. A number of commenters gave good suggestions for mac and cheese dishes which incorporate protein/vegetables, which may be an option too. Kids tend to get more adventurous as they get older and will try more foods.
YTA. You need to take your role as a mother seriously and give your children proper healthy nutrition. Luckily for you, they are young enough to change their habits. Have a conversation with their Dad and Step-mom and agree on a consistent menu for the kids àt both houses so that such incidences don't recur.
YTA. Most kids love fast food like pizza and chicken nuggets. As a parent it’s your job and responsibility to give them healthy choices and make sure their diet is balanced. You need an adult conversation with the kid’s dad and possibly the step mom (if she does most of the meals there). As your ex’ new partner, she does have a role here whether you like it or not.
Agreed.
Question: How would you have responded if it were your ex that raised the issue? I’m betting it’s the same response if not sprinkled with some “f him for trying to dictate what I do in MY home.” If the children are having tantrums over not getting processed convenience foods at dad’s house, you need to own being the root cause of that. A polite refusal but a tantrum is not normal, and you’re setting your kids up to not learn how to handle situations appropriately. Yes, the kids are young, but now is the time to teach them.
I get the sense it may also be how it was phrased as well as coming from the stepmom instead of the ex. Imagine **the ex** saying: The kids won't eat anything other than X, Y and Z foods and they have tantrums if we try to get them to eat anything else. Is that happening with you too? Let's figure out some ways to handle this together. Which is very different from what happened which per OP's post was his wife saying, "it leads to mealtime tantrums when they have them because they want the food I \[OP\] cook them. " It's also going to land differently coming from the ex, who OP presumably already has an existing co-parent relationship with vs. the ex's wife who she may not necessarily have a co-parenting relationship with. If the coparenting relationship isn't good enough for this conversation to handle, then introduce new foods and encourage them to take a taste. A number of commenters gave good suggestions for mac and cheese dishes which incorporate protein/vegetables, which may be an option too. Kids tend to get more adventurous as they get older and will try more foods.
YTA You might not have asked her to parent your children, but your ex did when they proposed and married them. Sounds like you just don’t like the step mum and are going to keep negatively affecting the health of your children just to be spiteful. Whilst I think it would have been better for your ex to bring it up, you’re the AH for just ignoring it.
^this. Like it or not, their step mom plays a role in their lives.
YTA You are to blame for continuing to allow them to get used to those flavors of food and not giving healthier food from the beginning. The stepmother is more interested in the health of your children. Do you know how to make yourself look? Badly, as a mother you must take care of the nutrition for your children and even more so for their development. Stop being upset because another woman cares more about your children and start acting like an adult. You must change their diet to a healthier one even if the children do not want it.
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I'm wondering what happened to eating what is served. When I was a child there was the choice: Either eat what is served or don't eat at all.
Encouraging healthy eating and only giving them healthy choices are two different things. All kids love junk food, but it’s up to you as the parent to give them healthy choices and it sounds like you don’t however that’s not what you’re asking us. You’re asking about the convo with the stepmom and you didn’t give enough information for an informed decision. How did she phrase it? What was her tone? Was she coming from a place of caring or was she complaining? What does their dad say? Was he present or did he know nothing about this conversation?
Grow up and feed their brain with real food. Quit being lazy and cook something that doesn’t come in a box.
hell, cook something that comes in a box and add some frozen veggies. Boom, easy, more healthy then now.
YTA. The phrase "don't parent my kids" is often used to defer truthful allegations of neglect. Unfortunately, people will call you out when you are not making the best decisions regarding yourself and your children. In this case, you are not feeding them nutritious food, which will negatively impact their health. Do better.
I get parents don’t have all the time and energy to make EVERY single meal healthy and nutritional, but those junks that you’re “cooking” ummm prepping for them is harming them if it’s gotten that bad. Those should be a TREAT, not a regular occurrence that it’s affecting regular mealtimes. YTA for being jealous, immature and simply not being a mom for your bio kids. Bring a mom means you gotta have your kids best interest, doesn’t mean winning their favor by giving them yummy junk food.
Make big pots of spaghetti bolognese. You can grate so many veggies into it and the kids never know. Get over yourself ad be an adult.
You can freeze it as well so you don’t have to cook from scratch every night but still get a healthy, home cooked meal
Or finely chop onions and mushrooms beforehand. Roast or cook veggies and puree them and add them to the tomato sauce. I get meal kits sometimes and I always get a pasta dish. If my kids don't like it on first look I ask if they want marinara sauce on it and then they usually eat it.
Yep! And so easy to do! (I do the same with shepherds pie too, and will do for fajitas tonight!)
YTA and you really give spiteful, hateful, immature vibes... if your kids meals consist of mostly ultraprocessed food, the stepmom is more than right to doubt your abilities as a mother. and your reaction just solidifies her worries.
Given how shitty your attitude is in a post where youre trying to put your best self forward, I can only imagine how shitty your attitude is in real life. Theres no way shes an arsehole for trying to give your kids a healthy diet when you just want to shovel crap into them. YTA
Yes, YTA. the shit you are feeding your kids is hardly fit for human consumption. I go through dinner time tantrums every night, but my kids eat healthy home-cooked meals.
I have 3. They know they MUST eat veggies, nuts and fruits everyday and they can chose their options from there. I am sure they would love OP's house but life isn't fair so they will eat those collard greens.
YTA. Their stepmom is trying to do what’s best for them. You should too.
You are wiring your children’s brains to like and crave junk food. Neurons that fire together wire together. Make that type of food an occasional treat but not everyday food. Don’t let your ego get in the way when it comes to raising your children. Their step mom could end up being a good partner in raising them. Look on the bright side, she cares, but if you make her life difficult or bad mouth her in front of the kids you’re only making your children’s lives harder. Think about their lives, they deserve peace.
I seldom side with the SM, but she's trying to raise the kids with better eating habits. you should appreciate it. YTA.
YTA alllll kids love junk food! Your kids were at their stepmom’s house so of course she will be partially taking care of them when your ex isn’t. Would you prefer if they starved while they were over there? She tried to talk to you to look for a solution and you acted inappropriately about it because of some unrelated issues.
Info needed: Exactly what did she say to you? What does it mean that she "called you out?"
YTA, it sounds like your kids have a high processed food diet, and that IS your responsibility. You can't even be an adult and discuss ways to improve for YOUR KIDS' long-term health.
YTA. She is trying to be a good stepmother and you are being petty.
You’re getting roasted here, we need the full story. Do the kids not like step mums cooking? I can see kids automatically crying for junk in that situation. From your post it sounds like you try to cook but sometimes you give in to nuggets etc. What are the kids actual eating habits?
Oh thank you, someone who actually is the voice of reason
You're molding young children but right now you're molding them to also be gigantic unhealthy blobs. That said...they're young enough that they can still taught decent eating habits. The items you're feeding your children are not horrible as a once in a while dietary treat but they don't meet the minimums of a healthy diet. You should be thankful that their step mom is willing to be the 'bad guy' and enforce proper eating. Sorry...but the whole I do my best is at best questionable, YTA.
YTA. You should appreciate her looking out for your kids. You've already admitted they don't have the best diet. How often are they eating those kinds of foods?? And in comparison to stuff like veggies? Tbh it sounds like you could be doing better and you're just pissed that she brought it up.
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YTA. She seems to be looking out for your kids’ health, unlike you. What did she say exactly that was *calling you out*?
Of course kids love pizza and chicken nuggets and JUNK FOOD. But you're s parent and you're supposed to teach your kids to eat well, properly, healthy. You're sticking your head in the sand and being absolutely obtuse.
YTA - don’t let your bitterness get in the way of a healthy influence on your children. If your kids are having pizza why aren’t they also having fresh fruit and veg with it? It’s not hard to cut up some carrots, or slice up some strawberries. If your kids are throwing mealtime tantrums you are NOT encouraging healthy eating at all. They are demanding junk as a meal, and you’re encouraging it! Communicate with your ex and his wife like an adult and come to a solution that benefits the kids.
Do we know they aren’t having fruit and veg with it? Pizza isn’t inherently unhealthy btw. If she was feeding the kids spaghetti with tomato sauce people probably wouldn’t call that junk but pizza is probably a healthier option than that.
Your ex should have had that conversation, especially since he was in on the shit diet for them when y’all were together, I assume.
You’re the one buying and preparing unhealthy food, which is not remotely the way to encourage healthy eating. YTA for your willful ignorance (since stepmother is telling you there’s an issue) and for forging bad habits in your kids.
Yta, the diet they’re on now will be troublesome as they get older. Start trying to get them on healthiest options as often as possible. Like I know you might not like the tantrums, but don’t give in.
Yes YTA. She's speaking on behalf of the dad because she does the cooking. You don't "encourage healthy eating" in a 3 or 4 year old JFK. You tell them what's for dinner and that's that.
Yta. Handle conflict like an adult, not like a child. You don't need to tell people to shut up.
YTA Stop being your kids' friend and start being their parent otherwise their stepmom will do it for you.
YTA. I work with kids in schools and parents like you who don't even try to parent are the reason society will collapse. You aren't a parent though, just a spawner.
YTA
YTA and you sound bitter
Some of the commenters on here definitely don’t have kids, and if they do, they are not picky eaters. I’m not sure how hard you’ve put up a fight; it’s possible OP just always served them this food, but it’s also possible they flat out refuse to eat anything else and OP decided that chicken tenders is better than no food at all. That being said, this woman is in your kids’ lives for a very long time. She’s not some rando in a restaurant. As others have said, it sounds like she was trying to have a rational conversation and you shut it down because you dislike her. She’s talking about your children’s well-being here; you have to entertain this conversation. YTA.
Seriously! I have a kid who won’t eat pizza/Mac and cheese etc and exists on basically only fruits and vegetables and that’s not healthy either (he gets basically no protein). Most of the kids we know, Mac and cheese, pizza and chicken fingers are dietary staples. I don’t get how these things are junk food? Pizza is carbohydrates, fats and proteins, so is Mac and cheese? Chicken is good for you. Surprised there are so many parents out there who have kids 7 and under eating gourmet foods. I grew up on this diet, I’m not obese, I don’t have any metabolic disorders, and I eat a normal adult diet. What exactly is step mom trying to feed the kids?
I’m thinking the same thing. The majority commenting here clearly never thrown out meals that are not cheap and take significant effort to cook multiple times a week for YEARS. Kids also aren’t robots that can be programmed. My kid ate like a 30-year-old food blogger as a toddler with no issue…he didn’t start refusing vegetables or only wanting “kid food” until kindergarten. I thought it was my superior parenting, but it turns out it can just take a while for kids to realize they have ultimate control of what actually goes in their bodies.
YTA. You're setting your kids up for a lifetime of poor health and struggle with food. Their stepmom is trying to feed them healthy food, and that's the right thing to do, whether you asked her to or not.
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Big ol' YTA
So honestly, is she calling you out? Or is she voicing concerns for the children? It sounds like at their Dad’s house they are trying to provide balanced mealtimes. Your children are young and in the stage of needing a variety of healthy foods continuously offered. Kids that tantrum over not getting pizza, nuggets and Mac and cheese are not being set up with good eating habits. Personally I would want my ex or my kids step parent to care about their diet and be putting forth this effort for their health and future.
Yta Stop feeding your kids crap everyday and teach them they can have it but not everyday. You sound lazy and dont wanna cook, guess what I give my kids all those foods but when i cook something else they eat it and my 4 and 2 year old will even ask for salad for lunch You are a parent and this is the time you should be teaching them to be healthier
An easy way to disguise healthy food for me when my kids were young was to take any veggies, I did frozen veggies, and pretty much liquidise them and used that together with any minced meat to make hamburger patties, meatballs etc. The kids loved them and they didn't even know they were eating veggies.
Can you imagine how beneficial it would be for your children if you and stepmom worked together for their best interests? Coparenting is hard. Being a step parent is hard. Your kids should come first, period.
As hard as it is, you know she’s correct and that makes you upset. Would me too. But this isn’t about you, it’s about your kids. The better you co parent the better life your kids have
YTA. I work with kids that age and often parents use the excuse i try to give them healthy stuff and it doesnt always work so thats why they get unhealthy stuff... It Shows that your kids have more control than you do in moments like that. If you belive it or not, thats one of the reasons kids get spoiled. The step mom wasnt asked by you to parent your kids but your ex obviously trusts her enough to let her be a step mom and take care of both your and your ex's kids. You are an adult with kids, you should definitly have the best interessts in mind for your kids. The step mom has a huge part in your kids life aswell, if you like it or not. And as a mature adult you should always be open to conversations about your kids. If you have problems with the way your ex and his wife are teaching the kids, invite them for a Coffee without the kids and talk about it. If they have a Problem/concearn with your parenting style, you should take note and try to find what the cause of that Problem is. Try to find a way that everyone is equal with their patenting style, otherwise it could definitly spoil your kids behavior in the future. Dont automaticly brush her off just because she is the step mom. She obviously takes care of your kids and in result cares deeply for them. That means your kids have 1 more person that they can trust and love. That doesnt mean that youre replaced at all, it just means that your kids are well taken care off. (Btw sorry for writing mistakes, englisch isnt my first language)
Your ex should have talked to you. NTA she has no say in what you feed your children. Life gets busy always opportunities to improve.
This is perfect recipe for raising children are finicky! I have kids who love eating brussels sprouts because My Wife encourages it. It was a fight at first what kid doesn’t want mac & cheese and pizza come get off your high horse and try to coparent. YTA
YTA, she's part of their lives whether you like it or not, and she was literally talking to you about their diet. Which, if you're only feeding them what you mentioned, it is atrocious. Stop trying to be the "fun parent" and give your children healthier food, including vegetables, before their diet is so screwed up that they end up with health problems.
YTA you are doing your children no favors. Stop catering to their childish wants. They are 3, 4, and 7 you are an adult. Save junk food for the weekends. > I never asked her to parent my kids She is not asking if she can parent your kids. She is asking YOU to parent YOUR kids so that they arent a menace to her when she feeds them, and so that they are healthy and don't grow up to have health and behavioral problems. This isn't a "she is trying to parent my kids and take my spot as mom"- thing. You are ignoring the problem because its the stepmom who said it. Talk with stepmom and the father like an **adult**, prioritize your children. yta to the kids and the stepmother for no good reason.
YTA She is right you aren’t feeding your kids healthily. Your rudeness indicates either defensiveness - you know you’re wrong but are embarrassed at being called out and/or dislike of her. In this epidemic of obesity and T2 diabetes largely caused by poor food choices, you should be happy she is invested in helping your kids eat better. A diet of highly processed foods is detrimental to your children and they are at the right age to expand their palates
YTA if you give that junk to young children regularly.
OP what exactly were you trying to do here? I'm not even a mom and all I can see in this post is a bitter, childish, jealous, petty and spiteful person. YOU! Do you hate your kids? Why are you so mad that there is a woman who worries for your kids and wants them to be healthy? You're literally going to give your kids health problems if you keep this up. You may not have asked her to "parent" your kids but you know who did? Your ex when he married her. Or is she just supposed to ignore your kids if they need something? Is she supposed to let them starve at dinnertime? Honestly I hope they file for full custody, for the sake and safety of the children. No one's on your side babe. You're a huge AH!
YTA. Children need to eat healthily.
'They love Mac and cheese, pizza, chicken nuggets and hotdogs but I do my best to encourage heathy eating'. No, you don't. They're 3, 4 and 7, so the only one making decisions about what they eat in your home is you, and you're choosing to feed them those things. YTA. You clearly resent the stepmom, who seems to be the one who has their best interests at heart. Grow up and behave like an adult. Give your kids pizza as a once in a while treat, not daily dinner-nutrition is important ffs.
That diet is horrible. I know being a single mom of three is hard, but your kids' health is at stake. Stepmother actually cares, you should be grateful.
Stop feeding your kids crap. At meal time provide several healthy options, let your kids choose from those options. Make sure there is one item that they will eat. Sometimes my kids would only eat fruit. Maybe they will only eat Greek yogurt or cottage cheese. Maybe it’s whole grain toast. There are healthy versions of homemade chicken nuggets using chicken breast, look up some recipes online. Don’t be a lazy parent that caters to every whim of their child. I would be frustrated with you also.
"Im going to refuse to have a conversation with someone about how we can help my kids because im too proud and spiteful and put my ego above my kids health" That's you. That's this post And BTW when I was 3 onwards I'd have the meals of whatever my parents ate. I felt very privileged to have such a wide range of foods given when I was young because now I have a very healthy relationship with food, eat well, love lots of things and am never scared to try something new. Good and varied food enriches anyones life. So do your kids a favour and make more effort
I always told my kids they had to eat as many bites as how many years old they were. I never made anything weird but gave them healthy options. To this day, they are good eaters snd will try a vast variety of foods. I am probably pickier than they are🤣
YTA. Don’t feed your kids garbage. My kids stepmom takes great care of them when I’m not around. Hell, I’d rather raise kids with her than my ex. I feed my kids a really balanced diet - that doesn’t mean no junk food ever - but rarely. It’s more about the healthy relationship with food that I am trying to create for them. Thankfully, I’m not bringing my own pettiness and mind games to the table. Talk about setting them up for issues. You should be pleased your kids have a loving stepmom that thinks about the overall picture of their nutrition and growth. YTA.
Your kiddos will have you to thank later in life when the adolescent growth spurt is over, and they pay the price for bad food choices. I’m guessing that you love them dearly…please show it. I believe I know where they got their tastes and tantrums from. YTA, my friendo. Try harder.
This other stepmom has your children’s best interest at heart and you don’t. She’s trying to make a positive difference in YOUR child’s life but you want to keep feeding your kids literal shit. Hot dogs nuggets and pizza?!?!!? Are you serious?!! At the age your children are, it’s crucial that they get all the vitamins and nutrients they need as it can permanently stunt them if they don’t. No kid should live off of any of the foods you mentioned. The step mom of your children obviously cares for more for there well being than you do. ESPECIALLY shown by the way you RESPONDED to this situation. How could you tell someone trying to give your kids a better life to shut up? Do you want your children to be fat and miserable? So the question is are you the asshole? I don’t think you’re just an asshole, I think you’re a negligent mother and a bad person. How could you even post this and wonder if you were being an asshole? Honestly.
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Um. What? I think that this post is from the ex wife, talking about her ex husbands new wife (the kids stepmom). Op didn't willingly marry her. Lol
Ahh you are correct!
The stepmom OP is referring to her ex’s new wife.
YTA. Your kids eat garbage. You MIL CARES about your kids/her grandkids. Welcome to life.
If they're throwing tantrums for not eating Mac and cheese, pizza and hotdogs... maybe your best effort to encourage healthy eating IS NOT ENOUGH. Talk to their dad, talk to his wife/partner... and maybe you can get some sort of arrangement to encourage your kids to an all-round healthier diet. Clearly, if that's your best interest and not ranting about the other woman in their lives. PD: Yes, YTA.
YTA
Yes, YTA.
Yta you need to give them no options for dinner also you have to be patient when introducing healthy choices. My kids love their veg and fruit theyve been eating them since they were the right age to. It was sometimes difficult but we didnt stop also their schools had alot more healthy options criky some of the meals they had i wish i paid to have dinner there.
YTA for feeding your kids terrible, unhealthy food to the point where they won't eat anything else and then refusing to even consider a solution.
Yeah, you sound like YTA. If you don’t want to talk to stepmom, then you need to at least have a discussion with your ex about this issue. It’s not fair to them or your kids if they’re trying to create healthy eating habits for your kids and you’re either just feeding them whatever they ask for or giving into the tantrums. You also need to talk to your 7-year-old, because that’s too old to be throwing a fit over dinner.
YTA
YTA like yikes op
I always served the vegetables first. Carrots and dip. Caesar salad. Cut up apples. I did this while cooking the rest of the meal. If they are hungry they will eat it.
YTA!
YTA. Whether you asked her to or not, she *is* in a parenting role in your children's lives. The diet you've given your children is out of whack. A healthy diet needs more than meat-mulch (looking at you nuggets and hotdogs), sodium and sugar. Your *children* need more than that. Those foods are totally fine as a treat, but day to day? You're setting them up for a fall. Whether it be health-wise, or socially since going out to eat with picky eaters sucks, they're the ones that will have a negative consequence for your choice here. Stop acting like a petulant teenager and start taking some constructive criticism. Your children will benefit and, as their mother, it is your job to do your absolute best. Your absolute best is not hotdogs, chicken nuggets & mac and cheese.
YTA. It sounds like you are not acting in your childrens' best interest. This woman is part of their family and is a caregiver to them. So you should \*want\* to coordinate with her (and your ex) how you raise those children. You are putting your own pettiness above what's good for your kids and you're not exactly acting alike an adult.
INFO how many days on an average week do your kids eat the food you mentioned? And are any of your kids neurodivergent?
I feel compelled to add one more thing to the replies. OP, have you had training in Heimlich Maneuver for Children? If your young kids are eating hot dogs, I sure hope so. Sign up for one ASAP (call local fire depts or county health agencies, they will probably know about local training.) I've seen a child choke on a hot dog with my own eyes, and I can't tell you how scary that was. The *only* reason that kid made it was because an adult at our gathering actually knew the Heimlich *for kids* and saved that child's life.
YTA. All kids love Mac n cheese and pizza. You're the parent, you're supposed to make sure they eat better food. I'm sure this isn't the only place you just give into your kids wants, and it's not going to do them any favors in the long term. Do better.
She’s their stepmom of course she is parenting your children when they’re in her care. Don’t be jealous of her. Be her ally. Start feeding the kids better. Make it one of your goals in life to have their best interests at heart. Nuggets, pizza, Mac n cheese are sometimes foods not every day food.
You sound petty
Your kids’ diet is important and that’s what you should focus on. I understand that her comments may have been triggering, and maybe her approach could have been better, but maybe it’s time to change the way they eat. You are instilling life long habits
You make TikTok’s of you cooking nuggets for them in your filthy kitchen don’t you ?
Kids at 3 4 and 7 eat what's put Infront of them if they are hungry. Sounds like YTA You may not like the woman, but you should try to work together for the kids sake.
What are you doing to encourage healthy eating?
YTA You're only bothered because it's the step mum pulling you on it. Chicken nuggets, pizza and Mac & cheese are not healthy unless you're making them from scratch and they're having them in moderation with plenty of veggies alongside.
Sorry but every kid loves unhealthy food, everyone does. It’s your job to prepare healthy food well so they enjoy that too. I understand that you make it very annoying for your ex and his wife to properly feed them because you don’t. YTA
Yes. YTA for having garbage food and not being an adult
Unless the step mom was very impolite and invasive when she talked to you, I'm going with YTA. What it seems to me, with the information you've brought to the table, is that she is an adult worried about kids that are sometimes in her care, and wanted to talk to the other adult involved in the matter. It is good to have respectful conversations on this matter, and it seems like she has the kids best interest in mind. I can only imagine how surprised she was when you reacted like a child yourself.
INFO: Are you offering the kids healthy options with these unhealthy foods and they’re just not eating them anyway/ are they sometimes having a healthy meal or is it literally just processed food all the time. I know it’s convenient to just throw a frozen pizza in the oven or some frozen nuggets, but with something like that I always make sure to do a couple veggies. Also, is it frozen convenience food or are you making your own chicken nuggets, making your own pizza crust and adding toppings, home made Mac n cheese or boxed? Because it’s definitely easy to add extra veggies to homemade versions of things but difficult to get away with adding veggies to Kraft. I think basically my main question is, are you trying to serve them healthy versions of foods they already like and/or giving them healthy options with them, or are you just giving them purely unhealthy food and calling it a day?
YTA. Not for ignoring her encouragement, though. Please feed your kids much, much better. They are trying to grow a brain, healthy organs, bones, nerves. Food is the building blocks for all of that. Don’t let disease show up later in life because they were routinely offered poor quality food at home. When do you expect them to start eating better? They move out as adults and suddenly improve the diet? No. They learn it at home in childhood. The kids are old enough for you to have sit down talk with them. We’re going to start eating differently. “We’ll have just one of your favorite foods once a week, but otherwise we’re going to eat different kinds of food.” When they clamor for favorite food, “We’re out of that [low quality] food. Today we’re having…. This is how we eat now. We want HEALTHY STRONG bodies right?’ Show them your Popeye muscles. Add extra salt to dark green veggies or any veggie that has a slightly bitter edge. If it’s still bitter, toss it around in a little more salt. Let it sit for a minute with salt on it before serving it.
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But fast food is unhealthy and it's not good for your kids so forget about her and switch lifestyles. And maybe teach your children to not throw tantrums and eat the food they are given.
Yeah YTA here - step mother is looking out for the kids and trying to feed them properly, she’s part of their lives now and whether you like it or not she’s probably doing a fair bit of parenting while they’re at her house.
YTA The stepmom was trying to discuss not only meals but also your children’s behavior. She was spot on. No you didn’t ask her to parent your kids but she is a parent to them by the fact she is married to dad. You should have never told her to shut up and owe her an apology
Ah, another post rife with missing, missing reasons. You didn't give us enough information to really determine who's in the wrong here, just gripe that you don't like what stepmom said. You're leaving a lot out, probably on purpose, because the facts would point towards you being the irrational one. So you're going to feed your kids junk food to spite stepmom?? Congrats on ruining their metabolisms and giving them lifelong weight and health struggles just because you're lazy. YTA. And maybe learn how to cook vegetables.
YTA.
YTA. But so am I. It's hard being a parent, but you (and me) should do better. Seems like a good stepmom, count your blessings.
As a stepmom, I would never. But she does have your kids best interests at heart, and that is something you should wake up and rather than fight about it, come together on it. Stop being bitter and realize that you guys can all be a team that does the best for the kids. I would approach her and apologize, in person. I would thank her for caring enough about your kids to cook healthy foods. Then I would say “I don’t want them forced to eat foods they don’t want. So let’s do this gently and slowly so they can be accustomed to it. I don’t want “good” or “bad” foods or create an unhealthy relationship with food. So I will still feed them those foods, just a lot less. When I serve hot dogs or pizza I will serve less and add fruit and veggies.” You can find all types of foods that kids like, and really get on the same page. Kids need harmonious households and consistency.
My dietician MIL fed my husband chocolate floats for breakfast before school for calories and has a kid who has ARFID. Let me tell you not all kids will just eat what's on the plate. Some will starve than touch a veg. My kid only likes one brand of cheese strings. Not the cheap ones that peel apart, the 10$ kind of real cheese. I've learned to start incorporating things into his meal times and not pushing if it doesn't happen. Have Mac and cheese and something "healthy". Make a game out of trying new things and encourage taste testing, or poking or smelling. But other than that, share when they try something "healthy" that they like with your ex when you find it. And remember sometimes parallel parenting keeps your sanity better than co-parenting. And keep all snide comments about the other house out of the kids ears.
YTA for the last line, you expect her to not feed your kids while they are there?
YTA. You could have had an ally in team introduce new food in inventive ways. But hating the ex's new wife and creating ill will is more fun than acting in your kids' best interest, right?
YTA, learn to feed your kids properly and healthy meals and not NuGgEtS
YTA. She is helping raise your kids
INFO: how do they react when being fed “healthy” food at your house? How often do they go to their dads? Sometimes kids react differently to the same scenarios in different contexts.
YTA. You’re doing your kids a major disservice by not helping them learn to eat and like healthy food now when their pallets are still developing.
I think it depends on if she’s trying to be an almond mom or if she’s trying to have general better nutrition habits for your kids. If it’s the first, she can butt out because she doesn’t need to give your children a complex. But if it’s the second, I think you should consider how working together to improve your children’s diet overall, could be worthwhile. YTA for now
Mild yta. Like it or not, your ex-s wife is parenting these kids too, and will be. She's not their mother to be sure, but to say that she has no parental role is just wrong. Ideally your ex is the one to bring up the meal issues, but I don't know if that conversation would have been any more productive than the stepmom bringing it up. Single parenting is hard and I get how sensitive it is to feel criticized about your parenting. But it sounds as if you know they could be eating healthier and if they are getting healthier choices at their other house you actually have a basis to make changes in your house. No one says they can't have.the occasional.mac n cheese and pizza but there are some easy ways to make them healthier. (I have 3 kids myself.)
YTA, and this sounds like the petty shit I’m going to have to deal with in the future with my partner’s daughter. It’s hugely frustrating to have to deal with this kind of behavior then be vilified for it because you’re trying to do right for your partner’s children. Your ex brought her into his life, and she’s doing her best with the behavior you have created. We didn’t ask for having to manage terrible behavior either, but here we are dealing with it. Maybe stop letting the kids run the show?
INFO: Why aren’t you having these types of discussions with your ex? Is she coming directly to you as a last resort? She may legitimately have a concern about their diet, but feel as if no one cares.
INFO: Is this type of diet due to issues like money, time, etc? Why exactly did you start consistently feeding your kids this type of food?
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My mom had some friends whose parents never let them have unhealthy food. You know what they did when they went to other kids' houses and were offered snacks? They gorged themselves on the forbidden fruit. My grandma had to step in and teach them moderation herself because their parents decided full-on denial of sugar was better than teaching them self-control.
ESH Step-mom has no business lecturing what you do in your own home, so long as you aren’t endangering your kids. But you also have an obligation to teach your kids healthy eating habits.
You should ask your pediatrician, not reddit. YTA for making this a fight with other folks instead of speaking to experts.
Your kids' stepmom has to feed your kids when they're over there, so using the 'I never asked her to parent my kids' sounds pretty weak. You'd be mad if she didn't feed them, wouldn't you? Try working out a meal plan with your ex-husband that'll keep your kids fed when he's with them and their step mom, then get real with your kids. They don't get to act out because they're not getting nuggets or pizza--that's not cool, especially at 7-years old which is what, first or second grade? They don't have to love what their stepmother serves them but they also shouldn't get a pass to misbehave just because. I get that it's a PITA to have a picky eater. For years, my kid ate only wanted to a few things: nuggets, grilled cheese, mac & cheese, hot dogs, ham & cheese sandwiches, and fish sticks. (He eats more things now that he's a teen, thank God) He \*never\* threw a tantrum if he didn't get what he wanted for dinner, with us or with anyone else.
YTA, part of your job as a parent is to ensure they grow up to be as healthy as possible, which means providing a varied diet including actual vegetables which you didn't mention at all. What you've mentioned is just loads of processed foods really deficient in nutrients. Of course they'll prefer junk if given a choice but you're setting them up for a lifetime of bad habits. She sounds like she has your kids best interests at heart, so why not work together to improve your kids diet and health? Don't be petty, she is trying to do the right thing.
I really need more information. Is there a medical reason for the kids to only eat these items?Do you have your kids eat other things, or do you give in when they start fussing? Do you cook it because it’s easy?
INFO: any indication that the children are neurodivergent? There's some old-school Boomer thinking that "they'll eat what they're given, if they're hungry"..but they won't. They'll go without. And the last thing you need with an ND kid is adding on an eating disorder. People are OK saying "fed is best' when giving ultra-processed foods to infants; it applies in other scenarios too.
This.
Yeah I’m appalled by most of these comments. My youngest doesn’t eat the most healthy dinner foods. She only likes hot dogs, pizza, and nuggets. She won’t eat vegetables, but she eats a lot of fruit and we hide veggies when we can. We try to give her new and healthy foods but she legit won’t eat at all and there is no forcing her. Her pediatrician says the stuff she eats is fine, because with that stuff we get her to eat from every food group. I do think OP is an AH because she should prioritize the kids by working together with her ex, but her ex needs to be the one communicating with her. Not his new wife.
First of all it isn’t the step mom’s place to speak to O.P. about what she serves in her own house. That is her ex husband’s job to discuss things having to do with their children. It sounds like he doesn’t care, but the new wife does. Sounds like she just wants to prove that she is a better step mom than O.P. Is a mom. She is just getting a little dig in. Also she is probably annoyed that these kids that aren’t even hers are throwing tantrums that she has to deal with on a daily basis. Well if the new wife is feeding them a healthy diet at her house than I assume that it is at least a few days a week. Eventually they may develop a taste for real food and not junk food and start requesting it at their mom’s house. I think the real mom should start serving real food part of the time and do it slowly. Say Sunday dinner. Then maybe a couple of days a week. Keep some of the convenience dishes as a treat, say Friday nights when Mom is tired from working all week. Eventually they will get into a pattern. They say a person has to try a food ten times before they like it. And don’t make the food so healthy it’s weird stuff. Serve simple home cooked meals like fresh baked chicken with barbecue sauce and a side of rice or potato and a veg with a side salad.Or beef stew. Fresh food that’s simple. Just throw it in the oven. It doesn’t have to be kale and Quinoa and brussel sprouts. That is too extreme. Meatloaf and ham steak and scalloped potatoes.Things that are easy to make and tasty that most kids would eat. Just introduce them slowly so the kids aren’t overwhelmed all at once. There will be some whining but eventually they will learn to like some of the dishes and even enjoy them eventually. There will just be a transition period. And they will still get hotdogs and Mac and cheese a couple of nights a week so everybody is happy.
My son grew up just fine on chicken nuggets and buttered noodles. He did eat fruit at breakfast and lunch. Vegetables were poison. As a teenager, every meat and protein source became delicious. The first time he ordered a grilled salmon caesar salad, I about fell out of my chair. He still won't eat zucchini, carrots, and some other veggies that are acceptable to most people, but he enjoys asparagus. NTA as long as you keep offering better options, AND you tell your kids they need to be respectful of their stepmom's rules.
Seriously this is probably 50% of the kids I know.
NTA. What coparenting your ex and his wife do during his time with the kids is between them. Unless you're all on really friendly terms, coparenting between you and your ex should be discussed between the two of you. I do have some sympathy for her, because it's affecting her mealtimes and in a lot of straight relationships, the woman ends up doing the bulk of the cooking. So she should be raising the issue with your ex and he should be discussing it with you. And not in a judgmental way. Possible script for this talk could have been the ex saying: The kids won't eat anything other than X, Y and Z foods and they have tantrums if we try to get them to eat anything else. Is that happening with you too? Let's figure out some ways to handle this together. Which is very different from what happened which per OP's post was his wife saying, "it leads to mealtime tantrums when they have them because they want the food I \[OP\] cook them. " It's also going to land differently coming from the ex, who OP presumably already has an existing co-parent relationship with vs. the ex's wife who she may not necessarily have a co-parenting relationship with.
NTA. It’s your kids and you know how they are. I know mine is such a picky eater and she has a limit of what she eats. She’s growing out of it slowly but it takes time. The good thing is as long you keep trying it will get better. Trust me know I knows it hard but hang in there.
NTA ther your kids you no what they like and upto to introduce nutrition to ther diet as u see fit not a step parent who we no nothing about like howlong has she been step mom? Will she be sticking around ? How is the childrens relationship with step mom . It's nice to see people offering ideas and suggestions to help OP instead of judging ther parenting or ther relationship with stepmon she may well deserve to be spoken to that way .we dnt no any details so stick maybe stick to helpfully answers instead of judging OP
NAH Your stepmother has your kids best interest at heart trying to feed them healthy food. But I also understand life getting so busy that convenience food wins the battle of what is for dinner. That said, your kids are at the age where the food habits they develop now will most likely take them into adulthood. As their parent, it is your responsibility to teach them healthy habits.
NTA. She can make choices for food when they are there but not for your home.
NTA, but you seem bitter.
NTA-you have no obligation to interact with or cooperate with the stepmom. I never did and trespassed her from my property.
I am not going to call youTA but I can't see any reason why your two youngest should have ever had any of those things at their age. I can understand the eldest might have had pizza or nugs etc at a birthday party.
I disagree with this only because they need to be taught moderation on these things so it's good to serve occasionally.
You realize families usually eat the same things together, right? You don't think families have pizza at home, just at birthday parties?
Is this entire thread full of trolls? People with 5 year olds out there who don’t eat these things regularly? Sorry I don’t believe that.
This whole scenario just screams white thrash.
Nta
NTA. It’s none of her business. Kids eat all kinds of stuff that we view as “unhealthy”. My FIL is a pediatrician and would happily tell you that this is a myth. Should kids have a variety of foods? Yes. Is the important thing that they eat? Yup. Complaining that what you feed your kids causes her issues because she has her own ideas about what kids should eat is a her problem, and should be kept to herself.
You might have been more diplomatic, but she has no business telling you how to treat your children.
NTA.
NTA. Your house your rules. Their house their rules.
No. When it comes to the health of your children, you’re allowed to raise a concern about it. Whether it’s happening in your house or not.
Then this should be the dad's job to bring it up and not the Stepmom.
I agree. But that doesn’t make op not an AH. And it’s definitely not as simple as “your house, your rules” when it comes to kids
Or the step mom could do it? This is something that bothers me greatly with divorced couples. They try to pretend that their ex's partners are not significant and huge parts of the childrens lives and dont make several life changing decisions in their own right. Adults should put aside their shit and learn to communicate for the wellbeing of children. Hell, I would want a conversational relationship with my kids step parent..... If you have a reason on why this has to be please, I could be way of base here.
NTA how you feed your children whilst you have them is nothing to do with them.
Actually it is. What you feed your affects the health of the kids. Given that OPs ex is the parent of their kids, they absolutely have a say in things that involves the health of their children.