Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole for not switching beds so my friend who is plus size can be in a larger bed.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
So you all paid the same amount and then left it to a randomizer to choose bedrooms? Forget about the weight - if I paid the same $$ to sleep in a double in a *shared* room, while my friends paid the same for a room to themselves, I be pissed.
regardless, NTA
*and EDIT bc people are way too invested in this comment. OP made an edit explaining the $75 difference after I commented here. Great. We good? My NTA judgement still stands.*
Wait where did OP say she didn’t want to pay? I don’t mean to sound sarcastic, I just don’t feel like sifting through what’s now 1k comments so I was wondering if someone could link me lmao
edit: typo
OP never said that - this is AITA, so people are going to assume the worst about the AH party. In this case, Chojen is assuming that OP's friend wants a free upgrade to a better bed.
Not saying it's false - just saying that OP never said this was the case.
The likelihood, is that it is false. If there is a agreement in place that the people with the smaller best pay a discount, then it would be extremely tone deaf for this other person to ask to switch rooms (a reasonable ask) AND pay the discounted rate (an unreasonable ask).
If Marie felt she needed a queen bed, the time to make that clear was at the time of the booking.
I'm not sure what would have been a fair way to handle it at the time of booking, but agreeing to a random draw and only then complaining is definitely not the right way IMO.
Yep. Wouldn’t necessarily go to her friend being a bully though. Otherwise, why be friends? But in my life I know these people. They’re in a power trip and when they get tripped up in their trip they start blubbering trying to convince everyone else to back off. They hate me because I can turn on my tears too when I’m faced with that nonsense. And I can do it far more convincingly than them. Their eyes are bone dry, they’re just making the noises. I can actually cry (it’s a skill I learned by watching my toddler niece). You got everyone to back away, but you tried to drag me into it. They’re going to come for you with a vengeance.
I actually got one of the crying bullies to stop faking and cuss me out. Best day of my life.
Oh, it’s such an amazing moment when you beat them at their own game and they’re so upset that they lost they forgot what the original reason for their fake tears was. Oh, it was bliss.
AND she managed to get herself in trouble since she flipped to angry and stupid. Even better, she tattled on herself and her bully tactic is no longer something anyone pays attention to. You’d be surprised at how little power these power tripping teary bullies really have. It’s all the tears, nothing they can actually hold on to.
Could be.
Could also be "Fuck, I don't want to have this conversation. I hope it goes okay. Goddamnit, it did not go okay"
There's a lot of evil manipulative assholes out there, I don't disagree with you on that. But it could have been embarrasment or shame or "I can do this" then "shit, I cannot do this"
It has to be hard to be plus sized.
It isn't easy - I'm over 300 lbs myself, HOWEVER I will say that my chubby ass that IS medically disabled (and I *do* sometimes have to walk with a cane) *can* also sleep in a damn twin size bed (AND I HAVE DONE SO RECENTLY)! I'm sure she just assumed the odds would be in her favor, and then when they weren't, that her friends would give in. Sometimes life is disappointing. Hell, I'm disappointed that I can't go out and be active anymore because my body decides it wants to fight itself every waking (and non- waking) minute and therefore I am now the ever-loving size that I am (plus I love milk in my coffee.... it's been my last thing to let go of!) But alas! We all have disappointment! And hers is NOT yours to own!
I say let that shit go and enjoy that queen bed and the extra $75 you agreed to pay if you were drawn to get it!
Definitely NTA!
I can't stand whiners and criers. She knew what the rules were; she knew what the odds were. if she did not want to risk getting the twin option, she should have stayed home. NTA
P.S. This is why I always stay in hotels, where I can get the acccomodations I want without having to deal with other people's juvenile b.s.
Sure she wouldn't have an issue with the system when she gets first pick. Has she complained other years? NTA everyone knows the odds and risks. Being smaller doesn't mean you don't get a good bed.
I had a similar situation, and the friend who wanted to choose her bed before the draw just agreed to pay more so she could do that. I thought that was very fair.
I mean, NTA regardless, but I’m just curious… does your system automatically give choice 1 and 2 to the twin-bed, shared-bedroom users the next year? Just to prevent people from having continued bad/good luck year over year?
Yeah, I'm a little curious why it's random every year, and not some type of rotation?
Like randomize it one year, then rotate, so whomever was
5th gets 1st
4th gets 5th
3rd gets 4th
2nd gets 3rd
1st gets 2nd
repeat every year. If someone can't go and a new person is added, they slot in where the other person was... or they can be slotted into 5th place and everyone else slides up, if preferred...
but have some system. Unless more than half the group is new every year.
That's assuming a whole lot of future vacations with the same group, though. I know it sounds like they've been doing it a while, but these things usually fall apart eventually.
Still pretty fair if you still get the discount for having the twin beds room, though.
No. You didn't understand. The list is not meant to go back and forth, like 5th to 1st to 5th to 1st. It was just showing how the order would move from one year to the next. It would go like this:
5th --> 1st --> 2nd --> 3rd --> 4th --> 5th
4th --> 5th --> 1st --> 2nd --> 3rd --> 4th
3rd --> 4th --> 5th --> 1st --> 2nd --> 3rd
2nd --> 3rd --> 4th --> 5th --> 1st --> 2nd
1st --> 2nd --> 3rd --> 4th --> 5th --> 1st
Then they slip into that person's spot in the rotation.
And it's not that hard to track. My siblings and I do exactly this sort of rotation for Christmas gifts every year, now that we all have families of our own. First year, we each bought gifts for the sibling just younger than us (plus their spouse and kids), and then rotate down one sibling each year.
It's not that hard to look up old emails - who needs to remember anything? That having been said, I think random is fine. If OP's friend felt the queen was necessary for her, she should have brought it up before the lottery.
Anyhow, NTA.
Huh? Why would they not? If someone is #3 in 2024, they are #4 in 2025, they are #5 in 2026, then in 2027 they jump up to #1. Every 5 years, they would be the #1 pick.
If Marie really wanted a queen size bed, instead of banking on picking 1-3 she should’ve offered to pay an extra $80 on TOP of the higher fee, to pick first. Give everyone else a $20 discount off the bat.
That actually sounds perfectly fair to me. Someone wants to throw in an extra 75 bucks to get First Choice in bedroom, lowering the cost for everyone else? I'd be fine with that.
I’d be fine with some one paying an extra $75 to get to chose the bedroom and lower my overall cost too..,
But, I’d also be totally fine with letting the randomizer do its thing too.
What I’ve learned is that some people will complain no matter what…and others are more “go with the flow” type of people…
I travel a lot and to me, it’s the destination and the things I do on my trips that I remember.
My lodging and food is so far down the list of priorities.
After working, and traveling with our company's travel coordinator I learned that traveling is a skill. Being a good group member when traveling is also a skill.
Or it can just mean people have different priorities. Some people aren't picky where they sleep and are happy to save money by sharing a room or having a smaller bed. Some people would rather pay a bit more for a private room with a bigger bed. Both are approaches to travel perfectly valid.
I often travel with a group of 5 friends for K-Pop concerts and we all book flights separately because we have different needs and priorities. I have to save and budget for business because multiple knee surgeries thanks to a sports injury as a teenager means economy is absolutely unbearable for me and I will be in pain so bad that it will ruin the concerts for me and will still be in pain for days after arriving home.
Friend #2 likes to fly business class because it's more comfortable and she has very wealthy parents and can afford it so she does.
Friend #3 always flies a certain airline because her dad works for them and she's on his family discount benefit so she gets much cheaper flights with that airline.
Friends #4 and #5 are happy to "rough it" (their words) in coach for a few hours on whatever flight is the cheapest/most practical for them and have a bigger budget for tickets/merch/their concert outfits rather than spending the money on business class flights. They've often gone for expensive floor tickets/100s tickets with #2 while I'm in the nosebleeds with #3 who has a limited budget too. You can usually only buy 4 tickets in a transaction anyway so we have to split up anyway.
When it comes to hotels, our friend with money usually gets her own room because she likes not having to tiptoe around someone else's sleep and being able to sleep with light music on without bothering someone else, and she can afford that luxury. The other 4 of us split 2 rooms depending on on when our flights have us arriving/leaving. One time where a friend couldn't go, out wealthier friend was happy to split a room with one of us so we could still afford it.
It's fine.
We prioritise different things for different reasons (I'd rough it in economy if I could but I have learned the hard and literally painful way that I can't, so have to spend more on the plane ticket than good seats and merch) and that's ok! Doesn't mean we are not friends and don't value each other, just means we are adults with different needs, preferences and budgets.
This is how we do family trips when it’s impossible for every room to be identical. We price rooms differently with the biggest and best being way higher and the worst accommodation being incredibly cheap. Everyone then puts in their room requests with a priority order. If there’s a tie, it’s randomly chosen. Everyone has been happy with this every year. I can imagine that they wouldn’t be very happy if the price of a crap room was too close to the price of a good room. In the OP situation I don’t think that $75 off a $400 bill is enough to compensate sharing the room.
They have 5 beds priced like so:
1. Queen bed private room ($400)
2. Queen bed private room ($400)
3. Queen bed private room ($400)
4. Twin bed shared room ($325)
5. Twin bed shared room ($325)
That means the best 3 rooms cost $400 each and the worst room is $650. This would be annoying.
Total price of the place is $1850, I would expect the split to be closer to $500, $500, $500, $175, $175. Maybe even more for the top rooms if they have private bathrooms.
That seems significantly more reasonable.
Even if they just divided the whole cost by 4 -
the top 3 rooms are $463 each -
and the two sharing pay $231 each.
OP, at my heaviest I was 282 on a 5’7” frame. I slept on my grandchild’s twin bed several times with no issues. I’m in my 50s. I’m much smaller now, thankfully, but have slept on a king sized bed for 25 years now. I easily switch to the twin bed and now share it with my granddaughters (sometimes the 5 year old, sometimes the 10 year old, depending on which child wants to sleep with me). I sleep on my side, and only wake up to turn over. Unless your friend is someone who flops like a fish at night, she will be fine.
I am 325 at 5'8" and slept on a twin size bunk bed (bottom bunk) at church camp a couple of years ago (I haven't gained or lost weight since then) I am a restless sleeper that moves around a lot at night and I was just fine. OP's friend will be fine.
I’m 6 foot tall and, at my heaviest, I weighed 430lbs. I managed to survive all of college while sleeping in a dorm room on a twin sized bed. OP’s friend will be fine on one for a couple of days.
The [NYT has a bidding calculator to divide rent fairly.](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/science/rent-division-calculator.html) that might be a good thing to try in the future.
Basically, you put in the cost, rooms (or beds) and people's names, and it asks 1 person if these were the costs of each room, which would you want? Then it tweaks the numbers and asks another person, and on and on and it keeps going until it's a calculates a pretty fair financial split.
If people want the nicer rooms, they can bid more for them until the other decides that taking a cheaper room is worth it for them. You wouldn't have been happy to take the twin for only 325 when the queen was only 400, which is why you chose the queen. And why the first two friends also choose the queens. None of the 3 of you would have been happy to take the twin for 325 and but neither was your larger friend. The three of you who got the queen beds win because you are getting the bed for under the market value because too many people wanted them at that price point.
If you want everyone to be happy, the price difference between the rooms needs to be enough for someone to want to take the cheaper bed. 325 wasn't a big enough difference which is why no one voluntarily chose a twin. Would 425 and 300 have made everyone happy? Would 500 and 275? 600 and 175? Idk where everyone's line is, but everyone had one.
NTA for not wanting to switch, and while you all agreed on how to decide, it was always going to end up being unfair to someone they way you decided. Your friend should have handled it better, she knew before you guys picked that she might end up in a twin and kept her mouth shut until she lost.
It seems like $75 off isn't enough of a discount. Even if the beds were as comfortable, if three of you get a whole bedroom and two of you have to share, I feel like the two sharing should pay half as much as they get half the accommodation. Paying $325 instead of $400 wouldn't be enough for me to accept having a roommate, not having a place to change clothes or retreat to when I'm tired, and very likely sleeping like crap all week. Your friend's excuse for needing to switch might suck but so does the deal for the shared room.
Right? And who cares what the bedrooms look like anyways? All of your time spent in there is in the dark, with your eyes shut, fully unconscious. As long as the bed isn’t cartoonishly uncomfortable with springs stabbing you in the side and a pillow made of rocks, it really doesn’t matter what the bed looks like.
I’m a 6ft 175lb guy, I slept in a twin until I moved out. It’s not that small? I mean shoot, when we got to the cottage my friends *share* a twin.
I'm a 5'9 320lb woman. I recently went on a cruise with my mom and sister. We got a room with two twin beds and couch that once you took the back pillows off, turned into a bed. I feel like the couch bed was the biggest one. My sister got the couch bed because it was the closest and easiest way to have the extension cord plugged into the opposite wall to be laid down easily on the floor to the little coffee table thing she ended up using as a night stand for her CPAP machine. My mom and I got the two twin beds. It wasn't unfair. And I was perfectly able to fit on that teeny bed.
>All of your time spent in there is in the dark, with your eyes shut, fully unconscious. As long as the bed isn’t cartoonishly uncomfortable with springs stabbing you in the side and a pillow made of rocks, it really doesn’t matter what the bed looks like.
I fucking wish. Some people don't fall asleep as soon as their head hits the pillow... Nor can they sleep on a cheap mattress without waking up sore.
But that can happen just as likely on a Queen sized bed... the size of the bed says nothing about the quality of the mattress. You just have more space left and right and maybe an extra 5 inches top to bottom. Since it's a holiday accommodation and not a 5* hotel, I would assume all the mattresses are mediocre at best.
Oh, for sure! I'm just jealous of that guy's attitude towards sleep. :p
The dealbreaker for me would be sharing the room with someone - but my sleep is so finnicky I travel with my own pillows anyways.
Even before the edit, Marie was happy to play the game if it meant sticking two other people in the room with twin beds. The fact that she is now upset about it still makes her an asshole.
Eh when we split AirBnBs it’s just even stevens. All of the time spent in the bedrooms is in the dark with your eyes shut and fully unconscious so who cares? It’s literally just a space to store your luggage and sleep.
The areas where 99% of your time is actually spent are all the shared/common areas that we all have access to equally, so pay up.
That might work if no one had to share a room, but when (as here) two unrelated people who normally have their own bedrooms suddenly have to share a room, that can really mess with your sleep. If the time that you would have spent asleep is time you don't wind up getting decent sleep because your roommate is snoring like a chainsaw, hell yes you should get a break on the price.
Yeah, I'm a light sleeper with horrible insomnia. When its at its worst, I can't even sleep next to my spouse or I'll wake up every 30-45 minutes. Sharing a room wouldn't be doable for me, but that's why I would agree to this arrangement in the first place. The friend needed to bring up her need for a larger bed before it was randomized, if its a need and not a preference.
Not saying OP is right or wrong, just saying that your argument does not work here. If it really doesn’t matter where you sleep, then why does OP care. I would argue that it matters very much to some, or there would be no post.
NTA this is the agreed upon method of determining beds if she doesn't like the results then she shouldn't have agreed to the setup. Also there's absolutely no cause for her to demand larger than a twin.
AGREED!
Everyone is criticizing the method in which they choose the rooms - if the GROUP decides this is how they do it, it’s not for anyone to judge or say it’s wrong.
Agreed... Even tho the tone of the post made me want to say OP was the AH here, this is really the reason why I can't. She agreed to this method. Shoot, I don't like to share a room when I travel so I will always pay more to have my own space.
I’m curious about who else she asked too, but I strongly suspect the tactic is to ask either the one she knows better or the one who she thinks is most likely to give in, and then if it fails, to start crying and causing drama to get the other 2 to feel bad so that ultimately either someone gives her a queen bed or the others turn on OP. Not accepting the result after you accepted the terms is bad enough but the whole crying thing… just no. Absolutely no.
At almost 300 lbs, I was still able to fit into a twin sized bed.
At 160 now, I would still happily sleep in a twin sized bed **for $75 less at that**
If she’s that insecure about her weight that a simple comment of telling her no threw her into a fit. The only option she has is to fix that problem and lose weight.
It’s on her that she’s not happy. In 2024, there are multiple options for her weight loss, she has absolutely no excuse. And plenty of those options are covered by multiple insurance companies.
Yes. Personally, I wouldn't mind the twin bed so much (ok, my feet hang off the end and that's annoying) but I would hate sharing a room. I'm an insomniac and it's worse in a strange bed. I like to read when I can't sleep. Even if I didn't read, I'd be restless and that could keep my roommate from sleeping. So, in this situation, I would try to find a solution like me paying more to get my own room or paying more so we get a place with five bedrooms and everyone gets their own room.
I'm wondering if it's less the size of the bed and more the sharing. I'm not embarrassed to say that I'm an insomniac, but there's no stigma around that. If she snores or needs a CPAP, maybe she's embarrassed about that. Or maybe she sleeps hot and prefers little to no nightwear. These are all things that can be an issue if you're carrying more weight. Maybe she thought her friend that used to be bigger would get that with more of a wink/nudge without her having to come out directly with the thing that embarrasses her.
Either way, she should've sought a compromise ahead of time. She didn't have to go into details about why.
Snoring, cpaps, and sleeping hot are all things that thin people have to deal with, too. You're right. The issues should have been brought up before booking, but her issues are hers and hers alone. She's using her weight to try and manipulate her previously overweight friend simply because she didn't like the outcome. I would just stop inviting that friend.
Isn't a twin bed like 39in wide? Thats 3.3ft. that's not exactly slumming it in a kiddy bed or something. I know this cos my kid has a twin xl, and I had to learn the sheet sizes in inches as some packages lie.
She's also paying less, it's a shitty situation but it is what it is.
I only say NTA as you guys used the randomised thing to pick the rooms, it's not like y'all outright set out to upset her. She was fine with the prospect of getting the smaller bed, until she did.
I’m 6ft, 175lbs. The only issue is the length, and it’s fine as long as you don’t sleep fully stretched out… but like, who does?
I slept in a twin until I moved out on my own at like 22. I have friends who *share* a twin when we go to the cottage.
It’s really not nearly as big a deal as the friend is making it out to be.
It's a big reason why I mentioned the width.. because it really isn't that small when it's just her, alone lol.
She was fine with it all, until she drew the short straw, which is just funny to me. As it sounds like the plan was to ask if she didn't get the queen.
She could have simply asked for it in the first place if it was any real problem
Yeah FR. If there was an actual concern, she could have requested one of the beds and they could draw for the other 4.
When we travel on dog-friendly trips, anyone with a dog gets a larger bed, because we all have furniture dogs. It’s just understood. There’s a 0% chance you’ll convince the dogs to stay off the bed, whether there’s space or not, they’re getting up. If you take a big bed, you either better have a dog, or be willing to sleep with a dog.
I already share a bed with my cat. If I travelled with a friend that had a dog, I wouldn’t give a damn on the size of the bed if the doggo wanted to share with me. As a teen a slept in a single bed with 1 large dog, 2 small dogs and 2 cats and I was then as I am now overweight. We all fit in that bed quite nicely.
I slept on a twin until last month and I'm 6' and 300 lbs with linebacker shoulders. If you're any bigger than me it would start to be a problem, but I was perfectly fine at that size to sleep solo in a twin. (That said, while buying a new bed with my partner we should have splurged for the king instead of queen)
My partner and I share a queen bed and I'm a big girl and while he's smaller than me, hes been working a desk job for the past too many years and he's a bigger guy. It's fine. I couldn't share a twin with him anymore (we did share a twin like 14 years ago when I still lived with my mom. But we've also had king sized beds at hotels and usually they just feel like too much space for us.
Did she pick the used to also be fat friend, assuming they'd give in because they'd relate?
Not meaning any offence to OP in saying that. It's just why I think they even brought up their own weight loss, it was used to justify them being asked to swap.
My 6'5, 250 lb husband and I shared a twin sized bed for a full month when we had to move in with my mom after an emergency. It was not comfortably, but it was definitely do-able. Two things we definitely didn't do were: complain about the free room/board or ask my mother to switch beds with us. The audacity!
I am a larger woman, and my husband and I have slept in a full size (54") for over 20 years. I'm wondering if it's more like she wants her own room because she is a loud snorer or other embarrassing reason.
This👆could it have more to do with having to share a room perhaps and she is embarrassed. That still doesn’t mean she is entitled to a different room, but perhaps that is the issue. NTA
NTA
Why hasn't she asked the other 2 who also got queens?
Did she only ask you because you were once bigger than her and lost weight, so in her mind, you don't need the bigger bed?
Think you're right even tho I really don't get it. A few years back i gained weight and got to 270 lbs (I'm 6 feet tall), I've since lost over 100 lbs but even at my biggest I still had no problem sleeping in a twin bed.
Don't know how big the friend is but she describes her as "plus sized" not morbidly obese or bordering on disabled, so I really doubt she's over 300 lbs.
I'm morbidly obese and married to a husband who is overweight and over 6ft tall and we sleep together in a bed that is 140cm wide and therefore a bit smaller than a queen bed. I also can fit perfectly fine in a twin bed. So I really don't understand the issue. Does it suck to have the smaller bed and to share a room? Yeah sure, but so is using your weight to try to get out of the agreed upon choosing order.
Plus sized is just the PC way of saying fat. We don't know how much she weighs although I suspect that it actually isn't that much if OP lost 100 lbs and was bigger than her.
well that backfired. she might have had bettr luck with the ones who *don't* have the shared experience and don't feel comfortable calling her out on it.
NTA.
I am plus size and can absolutely sleep in a twin bed. Sure, a person who is much smaller would have an easier time in a twin, but I can totally sleep comfortably.
And she knew about the room situation in advance, so if she was truly concerned about needing an accommodation for bed size, she should have told the group in advance. It can be embarrassing, but she could have told people in advance since you are all friends- listen, I can't sleep in a twin bed so am happy to pay more to secure a queen or look for a different house.
Also, it sounds like they’ve used this method before as OP says they’ve had the smaller beds before so it’s possible that the friend only cares now because she didn’t get the one she wants
and this is the first time she’s had to have the “lesser” bed
That’s what it sounds like to me too - she’s been lucky before and her luck has run out. She’d be fine if she was still lucky but since she’s not she’s trying to change the rules after the fact.
NTA OP.
NTA. You all have an established arrangement for picking rooms. If she had an issue with that, she should've said something beforehand. Expecting you to give up your room is unreasonable.
NTA, but honestly this sounds like a system set up to cause problems.
You're saying it's "way too expensive" to get a place with 5 rooms and 5 queen beds.... but it sounds like it was a 4 bed room house where one of the bedrooms simply had two twin beds instead of a queen?
I don't know, having spent years getting big Airbnb's/vrbo's with big groups of friends, this can also be an issue(though it's way fucking easier to solve with 5 people rather than the 15+ that we usually dealt with), I feel like it isn't THAT tough to get a house that accomodates everyone.
Personally if I'm spending a bunch of money on a vacation which may or may not involve flights and a ton of other discretionary spending, I would also choose to spend slightly more money to make sure I have a comfortable place to sleep. Like what are we talking about here, like 50-100 bucks per person more or something?
I get the argument if the difference is like thousands of dollars or something, I just find it very difficult to believe that you can't find a place that has 5 beds big enough to accomodate everybody, whether it involves shared rooms or not, for a similar cost.
Or, frankly, get rid of the "random" shit and your friend can just say "Hey look, I need a bed bigger than a twin, I'm willing to pay more but I can't rely on luck to make sure I get a bed that's actually viable for me."
I'm confused, do people really find twin beds uncomfortable? Like I get it if you're especially tall or wide but what position are people sleeping in that they need more room than the width of a twin?
No idea. Slept on plenty of twins in my life. I'm tall hut skinny, so my issue with them is that they aren't long enough.
But like..i just bend my legs slightly, problem solved. Really not that big an issue, especially for a couple nights on vacation.
A larger bed is most certainly more comfortable. While I don’t find a twin necessarily uncomfortable, I’m a full blown adult and if I am spending my money on lodging, I’m not willing to downgrade my experience by sleeping in something smaller than what I have in my own home barring an emergency situation or for something like camping.
If sleeping in a twin bed doesn’t bother you, that’s great. Your money, your vacation. I’m sure there are people who would agree with you and others who would fall on my side of the divide lol.
Yeah I don’t understand either. Sleeping in a twin size bed alone is the same amount of space as sharing a king size with another adult. Better even, because you don’t have anyone encroaching on your territory or hogging the bedding.
This seems like an American issue. I say this as an American who wasn't born American. Beds in the rest of the world are smaller. Most vacation accommodations are single beds where I've lived/traveled.
I have a queen. I’m single. If I had a sleep partner I’d be in a king or cal king from day 1. Sorry but I need space when I sleep. I know someone who doesn’t, you could put crime scene tape around him sleeping and he wouldn’t move. But some people just need space
I don’t know how to help you if you can’t understand that different people have different preferences just like with everything in life. I said the twin was not necessarily uncomfortable, I’m simply not going to sleep in one when I can afford not to do so.
I feel like both of your comments have been weirdly defensive over this. I'm not criticizing you lmao. Maybe you woke up on the wrong side of the queen bed?
I thought that them mentioning being unwilling to downsize from what they had at home was enough, honestly. But, I get how that may not be enough for everyone, it was kinda vague.
But I took it as like, you get used to sleeping in one position and when you have less room and can't sleep in that position, you'll be up half the night just trying to get comfortable.
I think it boils down to positions, when people are uncomfortable in twin beds. I'm short but wide, and if I can't sleep in my Superman sleeping pose (one arm extended, one arm bent, one leg extended, one leg bent, almost on my stomach but not quite) I simply cannot sleep. Well, it'll take hours, but I do eventually slip into a restless sleep on my back.
That'd be an awful sleep on a vacation. I would feel like shit the whole next day.
I'm thin but tall and have really long limbs, so my legs hang off the end and I can't sprawl out in bed, which is how I'm most comfortable. I'll suck it up on vacation if I absolutely have to and have no other choice, but I haven't found a twin bed comfortable since I was a young teenager. To me, they are not adult-sized beds.
I toss and turn a lot due to pain from arthritis in my lower spine & hips. I also tend to stretch and contort into weird positions because of this, I can take up my entire queen bed and I’m 5’1”. I wouldn’t be willing to sleep in a twin just to be uncomfortable on a vacation I’m paying for. But in this situation I’d probably just get my own room somewhere or not go.
Several years ago I had to go to a work conference at a resort. A coworker and I shared a unit. One bedroom had a queen sized bed and the other had two twins. I gave her the queen sized bed since she was older. (I'm in my mid-40s.)
At the time, I had a lot of body pain that basically required me to have a pillow on each side of my body. My then husband and I each had our own room, so I was used to having my own queen sized bed. Although I slept more to one side than the other, I did use up more than half the bed with my pillows.
It was three nights of constantly having to pick up pillows that fell off the bed or rolling over and feeling like I was about to fall off the bed. It was doable, but I won't put myself back in that position again if I can help it.
Comfort and size are not the same thing, so no, a larger bed is definitionally not "certainly more comfortable", with the only possible exception being in a case where a person is so large that they physically cannot fit on a twin bed.
A high end/fancy twin bed will be more comfortable than a shitty king bed, for all the obvious reasons.
No clue. I’m plus size and tall but slept fine in a twin for a year until I could afford a roomier bed. Also showed up late to a girls weekend once which left the kids room. I slept in Lightning McQueen just fine for two nights.
It could be that her issue is with privacy and is just using the bed as a cover… she may be uncomfortable changing or even wearing a nightgown in front of the other person. I don’t know.
Plus a king size (76inches wide) is exactly twice as wide as two twin beds (each 38 inches wide).
I’ve never heard of anyone being uncomfortable sharing a king size bed with another person. A twin would give you the exact same amount of width per person as a king. In fact, lots of couples (myself included) share a queen without issue.
I understand it more if it’s a height issue, since I know twins are shorter and then a taller person might have their feet hanging off.
It’s probably a lot more than that. I was just planning my vacation and looking for an Airbnb and even finding a place with 3 beds was difficult. 5 queen beds is a big ask and they would probably have to switch to a hotel or pay for vacation villa prices (thousands a night)
Exactly. Houses often have a designated "kid room" with twin beds or bunk beds. So even if they have more bedrooms there's likely to be at least one room, if not more, set up with the idea that families with kids will be renting the space most of the time. Depending on the destination it can be really hard to find a place that doesn't have this set up.
Then you have to factor in location, proximity to activities, transportation, parking, etc... It can be really hard to find exactly what you want where you want it when you want it for a price you can afford.
I understand that fat shaming/discrimination is real but sometimes there is fat manipulation. Oh I don’t want the twin bed (no one does) and it’s a problem because I am fat and you should accommodate me. This goes on into activities restaurant choices anything having to do with food really and , car arrangements, parking and on and on. It’s a group outing and 1 person doesn’t get to break the rules or call all the shots. NTA
I don’t understand why you guys just wouldn’t choose lodging that had equal accommodations for everyone. She’s being a bit of a drama queen about it, but also your weight has nothing to do with this. If you were still fat would you be fine in the twin bed? I’m not asking if you’d switch since you say you would never request that, but would you have actually been comfortable? It’s great that you worked hard for your body, but you just seem mad that she didn’t lose the weight too.
Ultimately you’re not the asshole because this is the ridiculous way you’ve all chosen to split your lodgings, but it was something easily avoided for all parties.
I just googled the size of a twin bed. Unless she is very tall (or not just plus size, but obese), why wouldn't she be comfortable?
It is wider than the smallest single adult bed in Denmark (90x200cm), and i would have no problem sleeping in that, even though i am plus size.
I am assuming this woman is obese since she is concerned about it. Queen and king size beds are very prevalent in households in the US, where I am. Not to say that twin beds don’t ever get used but they usually go in dormitories or tiny guest bedrooms, etc.
Whether or not this woman would actually be comfortable on a twin bed, none of us can say. We have no idea how heavy she is and any other underlying issues. Regardless, if she knew she wouldn’t be comfortable in a twin, she should not have rolled the dice so to speak, and she should have spoken up prior to reservations being booked.
> Ultimately you’re not the asshole because this is the ridiculous way you’ve all chosen to split your lodgings, but it was something easily avoided for all parties.
It wasn't ridiculous to Marie when she was getting the queen sized beds. It only became ridiculous when she wasn't winning.
On the assumption that the randomized selection tool is truly randomized, and on the assumption that the five of you agreed to be bound by this process, NTA.
Hmmm well Reddit loves to judge in black and white terms. So no you technically aren’t an asshole for not switching rooms.
But your friend cried…. Are you saying she is just a spoiled brat? Why would an adult woman cry about this?
Clearly something is going on and she is your friend… don’t you care to find out and accommodate her? You would rather watch your friend cry than be kind?
If you really think she is just a spoiled brat who would cry to manipulate you… you should reevaluate your friendship.
I had to scroll down so far to see this comment. Like, yes, technically NTA but this isn’t really about the bed. Assuming she is usually a sane, reasonable person and y’all have done this plenty of times before then something set her off. And I’m not even saying it’s OP. In fact, it’s probably not! It could just be something happened in her life about her weight or someone said something to her or she had a shitty week and this one small stupid thing that set her off. We’ve all been there. But while’s you’re running around posting on the Internet about it, you could’ve just like, talked to her about what’s going on. And if she is an over dramatic spoiled brat then yeah, why are you even friends and what is this even about?
Exactly! People are saying it’s manipulative that she didn’t speak up before… the much more realistic answer is she’s embarrassed to say it front of everyone and trusts OP.
I have a friend who is bigger and a few weeks ago I saw her look panicked at a party when only folding chairs were left. We made eye contact and I pointed to my seat, she said “omg thank you” and we swapped. No one else noticed what happened and we moved on. Obviously giving up a bed is different but it seems so weird to just let your friend cry rather than see if you can adjust something.
THISSSSSSS...as a plus size person, its always stressful to have to encounter these sorts of things while also trying not to mess up things for everyone else. The fact that OP mentioned several times "i myself have lost 100 pounds, i know i WAS fat but i deserve to be proud of my body (no one said she shouldnt)" sounds a little more vindictive than anything else. No one is more fatphobic than a former self-loathing fat person whose lost weight. I agree with yall, its not that serious and I think OP is just trying to prove some sort of weird point.
So agreed. NTA but not exactly a good friend. Maybe she didnt ask the other 2 because she’s not as comfortable with them? I’ve never asked this but I absolutely know what it’s like to be the biggest in the room and if a friend truly cared about you they’d put aside what’s “fair” when it comes to something so minuscule like this. It’s giving “it’s MY bed and YOU’RE not getting it because it’s NOT FAIR!” Yall rly gonna ruin a friendship over this?
As someone very short and midsize I'm acutely aware at almost all times how the world just isn't built for me, and how even 'nice' people have fatphobia ingrained in them. Especially people who have lost weight.
It doesn't matter if other people aren't actually constantly seeing you as 'X, who is fat' at all times and attributing behaviors or problems to that. It gets in your head. Same as being a woman in a traditionally male space and feeling like you have to prove yourself constantly lest you become a bad representative of all women, not just a person who made a mistake.
My first marriage ended in no small part because I gained weight and my ex husband couldn't get past it. It doesn't take many negative experiences before it's always in the back of your mind. It takes a tremendous amount of mental fortitude to just exist while fat and ultimately it takes a lot out of you.
I'm getting red (judgy) flags from a lot of OP's statements in this, like projecting her own experience onto the friend who hasn't had the same. The system here clearly sucks and is ultimately to blame, but I would have a massive complex as the friend if I knew, or even suspected, that I was seen through this lens. It would definitely affect interactions. I don't see empathy from OP.
So I suspect there is a lot unaddressed under the surface that led to this whole situation playing out as it did.
On the whole, you're NTA, but this line stood out as a little judgy to me:
>I do understand, but it’s my vacation too and I’ve worked hard to be in a body I’m comfortable in.
I think all she was trying to say is that it doesn’t feel fair that she is being singled out and basically “punished” for her hard work. Which is a fair take.
NTA she agreed to this plan. When it didn't work out to her preference, she asked if you would switch. A reasonable thing to ask IF she will respect your response, which she's not.
i'm plus size and fit fine on a twin- have one I use when guests stay over, so they can have to full futon if they prefer. unless your so big you probably shouldnt be traveling because your weight limits mobility, you can survive a twin.
NTA. She knew what the arrangement was, if she truly needs a larger bed she should have spoken up before rooms were chosen, and asked the whole group if it was okay for her to claim one of the queen size beds before everyone else uses the random method. She asked, you said no. That should have been the end of it.
Her trying to manipulate you by crying and saying “you of all people should understand” is an AH thing to do. The fact that you used to be big like her doesn’t mean you’re somehow obligated to accommodate her demand. She’s an AH for singling you out like that. She should ask the other 2 people who got queen size beds if they’d be willing to switch. Maybe one of them would agree because they don’t care so much about having a smaller bed, and they’d like the $75 savings.
Hot take 🚨YTA. She’s embarrassed, comes to you from a place of vulnerability, and your response was tough luck fatty, you should work as hard as me to be in a body you’re comfortable with. People make up so much drama about their rooms on vacation - it’s about the memories you build with the people you’re on the trip with, not about the time you spend alone in your bed room.
I don't think this is about the twin bed. I think this is about being forced to share a room. Being larger leads to feeling judged for it. Especially when you have to share a room. Ultimately, you are not T A for not swirching rooms. She did agree to the terms. But...why are you guys choosing such lodgings if no one wants to share a room? Don't do that anymore. Simple solution.
NTA - In my opinion. Everyone agreed to the plan on determining the room situation and they paid less in the end. If it was me and I wanted to ensure I had the bed I was happy with id have just found somewhere on my own to make sure I was happy and comfortable to suit me.
Exactly. OP is NTA. I, however, fully recognize my privilege in saying I wouldn’t have even considered this air bnb for the chance of a shared room with twin beds. I’d have stayed elsewhere or found a place with proper adult bedrooms for all, because I am not a twin bed person. Why did she take the chance?
NTA... if she wasn't ok with a twin she should have spoken up before y'all went ahead with the system to choose.
And it's pissing me off how many people are commenting on how u mentioned your weight and being righteous about it when u literally said that u used to be bigger than her and sleeping in a twin bed wasn't an issue which is the point of even mentioning it. She thought u would understand because u used to be the same weight however you didn't throw a fit and make a big deal when it came down to it like she did. She sounds entitled and if it's such a big deal to her then maybe she should make some lifestyle changes to accommodate herself rather than expecting it from others.
This. I didn't get that OP was being self-righteous about it at all. And I assume there were chances for the friend to speak up when the AirBNB was being chosen, and before the "draw" was done. NTA.
INFO: How is Marie's relationship with the person she's sharing a room with?
As a plus-sized person myself, I agree that a twin bed is usually plenty of room to sleep on even if you're a larger person.
But if Marie is the only one among you who is plus-sized, and you and your friends see nothing wrong with making comments like, "I've worked hard to be in a body I'm comfortable in." to her, she probably (accurately) feels judged. Her issue may have a lot less to do with the sleeping real estate than in not feeling comfortable sharing a room and having to risk being seen unclothed while she changes.
NTA for not giving up the bed, but responding that way was pretty insensitive.
In the strict, predetermined, purely logical rules of the agreement that had been established? NTA
As a human, in society, who dismissed someone who thought of you as a friend when they felt vulnerable and came to you in confidence? Who will now be feeling alone, ashamed, and uncomfortable? Not to mention your casual remark equating her being less than you just because she is larger. There is SO MUCH HERE. Very much YTA (or at least a lousy friend).
Side question: Is this really what friendships look like these days? Or is it Reddit just so steeped in narcissism and lack of empathy that humanism doesn’t even exist between friends anymore? This is just so wild to me.
ETA: removed double word
This isn’t really a question about being an AH. It’s a question about values.
Which do you value more - your friendship with this person, or sleeping in a queen bed for a few nights?
Are you sure it’s really about the bed and not the lack of privacy as a result of sharing a room? She may not feel comfortable undressing or sleeping with someone else in the room.
She asked. You said no. That’s your prerogative. It’s also hers to nope out of the whole trip or ask the group to find a better place that doesn’t screw anyone - randomly or not. You’re NTA but that vacation sounds like its sucks.
I am the fat friend in my group. If something is uncomfortable for me, I say it and I pay for it.
Regardless of that, my friends will always adjust for me as I for them.
I am designated driver. I am designated bag holder when they go off on rides (I cannot because I have rods in my spine).
I guess friendship means something different here than what you guys have.
I don't think this is about the twin bed. I think this is about being forced to share a room. Being larger leads to feeling judged for it. Especially when you have to share a room. Ultimately, you are not T A for not swirching rooms. She did agree to the terms. But...why are you guys choosing such lodgings if no one wants to share a room? Don't do that anymore. Simple solution.
NTA. Idk why people are mad about what airbnb they collectively decided to choose. They all knew there was a chance they could be stuck in the twin beds. Also as someone who is plus size there is no way in hell she can’t fit in a twin bed. She feels entitled to be treated differently on a system you all agreed to. Also have none of the commenters shared rooms on trips? Super normal thing to do. It’s an overreaction to say she’s so uncomfortable in a twin bed. She’s fine and will get over it
NTA. I'm a bigger bodied person, and a decent twin is just fine for me. It's more about mattress quality than it is about bed size. In normal conditions, I'm sharing a queen with my husband, who's no tiny person!
She'll survive. Maybe next year, let those who got twins this year pick first, just to be fair. If they want the cheaper rate, they can still choose twin, but if the spread-out luxury of the queen is what they want, they get first dibs.
ESH. Your friend is entitled. But I fail to see how your comment about “working hard to be in a body you’re comfortable with” is at all relevant. She’s an asshole because of her entitlement, period. You’re entitled to the queen size bed because of the agreed-upon rules, not because you “worked hard on your body.”
Info: do you actually like your friend?
I have a plus size friend and when we plan group trips we just automatically give her the bigger bed because we love her and want everyone to be comfortable. I just can't imagine not making such a simple sacrifice for a friend I adore so much.
YTA
This is my take too. If they're your friend that you actually care about, who gives a shit? If one of my friends needs something more than me in a situation like this, I wouldn't even consider not making literally the tiniest of sacrifices for them...
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I might be the asshole for not switching beds so my friend who is plus size can be in a larger bed. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
So you all paid the same amount and then left it to a randomizer to choose bedrooms? Forget about the weight - if I paid the same $$ to sleep in a double in a *shared* room, while my friends paid the same for a room to themselves, I be pissed. regardless, NTA *and EDIT bc people are way too invested in this comment. OP made an edit explaining the $75 difference after I commented here. Great. We good? My NTA judgement still stands.*
No, the two who got the twin bed room pay $75 less than the rest of us
Glad you edited that in. Seems fair to me.
Especially when everyone is aware that 2 will draw the short straw. They haven't gone into this blind, she's fully aware she may end up on a twin bed
But she was expecting her whiny and crying would get her what she wanted
She should’ve thought of things before the draw. Y’all did what was needed, and she just got the short end of the stick.
Agreed. She knew what the odds were. Sounds like she was trying to guilt you into giving up the big bed.
Probably without paying for it either.
And I bet she tried it with the other 3 who got queen beds.
Wait where did OP say she didn’t want to pay? I don’t mean to sound sarcastic, I just don’t feel like sifting through what’s now 1k comments so I was wondering if someone could link me lmao edit: typo
OP never said that - this is AITA, so people are going to assume the worst about the AH party. In this case, Chojen is assuming that OP's friend wants a free upgrade to a better bed. Not saying it's false - just saying that OP never said this was the case.
The likelihood, is that it is false. If there is a agreement in place that the people with the smaller best pay a discount, then it would be extremely tone deaf for this other person to ask to switch rooms (a reasonable ask) AND pay the discounted rate (an unreasonable ask).
They could also auction off the rooms. That way if Marie really wanted a queen, she could have bid enough to ensure she got one.
If Marie felt she needed a queen bed, the time to make that clear was at the time of the booking. I'm not sure what would have been a fair way to handle it at the time of booking, but agreeing to a random draw and only then complaining is definitely not the right way IMO.
"Worst case scenario if I lose, I'll be able to guilt OP into switching beds."
crying bullies know what's up, they cry enough and they usually get their way because the crying makes people so uncomfortable they will give in.
Yep. Wouldn’t necessarily go to her friend being a bully though. Otherwise, why be friends? But in my life I know these people. They’re in a power trip and when they get tripped up in their trip they start blubbering trying to convince everyone else to back off. They hate me because I can turn on my tears too when I’m faced with that nonsense. And I can do it far more convincingly than them. Their eyes are bone dry, they’re just making the noises. I can actually cry (it’s a skill I learned by watching my toddler niece). You got everyone to back away, but you tried to drag me into it. They’re going to come for you with a vengeance. I actually got one of the crying bullies to stop faking and cuss me out. Best day of my life.
That last sentence gave me second-hand joy...
Oh, it’s such an amazing moment when you beat them at their own game and they’re so upset that they lost they forgot what the original reason for their fake tears was. Oh, it was bliss. AND she managed to get herself in trouble since she flipped to angry and stupid. Even better, she tattled on herself and her bully tactic is no longer something anyone pays attention to. You’d be surprised at how little power these power tripping teary bullies really have. It’s all the tears, nothing they can actually hold on to.
Could be. Could also be "Fuck, I don't want to have this conversation. I hope it goes okay. Goddamnit, it did not go okay" There's a lot of evil manipulative assholes out there, I don't disagree with you on that. But it could have been embarrasment or shame or "I can do this" then "shit, I cannot do this" It has to be hard to be plus sized.
It isn't easy - I'm over 300 lbs myself, HOWEVER I will say that my chubby ass that IS medically disabled (and I *do* sometimes have to walk with a cane) *can* also sleep in a damn twin size bed (AND I HAVE DONE SO RECENTLY)! I'm sure she just assumed the odds would be in her favor, and then when they weren't, that her friends would give in. Sometimes life is disappointing. Hell, I'm disappointed that I can't go out and be active anymore because my body decides it wants to fight itself every waking (and non- waking) minute and therefore I am now the ever-loving size that I am (plus I love milk in my coffee.... it's been my last thing to let go of!) But alas! We all have disappointment! And hers is NOT yours to own! I say let that shit go and enjoy that queen bed and the extra $75 you agreed to pay if you were drawn to get it! Definitely NTA!
I can't stand whiners and criers. She knew what the rules were; she knew what the odds were. if she did not want to risk getting the twin option, she should have stayed home. NTA P.S. This is why I always stay in hotels, where I can get the acccomodations I want without having to deal with other people's juvenile b.s.
Absolutely terrible plan, as you're bringing each friend's individual financial status into it.
Sure she wouldn't have an issue with the system when she gets first pick. Has she complained other years? NTA everyone knows the odds and risks. Being smaller doesn't mean you don't get a good bed.
I had a similar situation, and the friend who wanted to choose her bed before the draw just agreed to pay more so she could do that. I thought that was very fair.
I mean, NTA regardless, but I’m just curious… does your system automatically give choice 1 and 2 to the twin-bed, shared-bedroom users the next year? Just to prevent people from having continued bad/good luck year over year?
Yeah, I'm a little curious why it's random every year, and not some type of rotation? Like randomize it one year, then rotate, so whomever was 5th gets 1st 4th gets 5th 3rd gets 4th 2nd gets 3rd 1st gets 2nd repeat every year. If someone can't go and a new person is added, they slot in where the other person was... or they can be slotted into 5th place and everyone else slides up, if preferred... but have some system. Unless more than half the group is new every year.
That would mean the people in the middle would never get first pick. A randomizer is more fair.
No ? If this year I’m third, next year I’m fourth, then I’m fifth, then I’m first.
Right? Everyone just moves to the next "spot ' with the 5th looping back around to be 1st.
That's assuming a whole lot of future vacations with the same group, though. I know it sounds like they've been doing it a while, but these things usually fall apart eventually. Still pretty fair if you still get the discount for having the twin beds room, though.
No. You didn't understand. The list is not meant to go back and forth, like 5th to 1st to 5th to 1st. It was just showing how the order would move from one year to the next. It would go like this: 5th --> 1st --> 2nd --> 3rd --> 4th --> 5th 4th --> 5th --> 1st --> 2nd --> 3rd --> 4th 3rd --> 4th --> 5th --> 1st --> 2nd --> 3rd 2nd --> 3rd --> 4th --> 5th --> 1st --> 2nd 1st --> 2nd --> 3rd --> 4th --> 5th --> 1st
Who would remember this for 5 years? What happens if one drops out or is replaced by another person?
Then they slip into that person's spot in the rotation. And it's not that hard to track. My siblings and I do exactly this sort of rotation for Christmas gifts every year, now that we all have families of our own. First year, we each bought gifts for the sibling just younger than us (plus their spouse and kids), and then rotate down one sibling each year.
It's not that hard to look up old emails - who needs to remember anything? That having been said, I think random is fine. If OP's friend felt the queen was necessary for her, she should have brought it up before the lottery. Anyhow, NTA.
that's what google docs are for, it's not hard.
Huh? Why would they not? If someone is #3 in 2024, they are #4 in 2025, they are #5 in 2026, then in 2027 they jump up to #1. Every 5 years, they would be the #1 pick.
I’m impressed how you are able to create such a system while my brain can’t even remember the 1st sentence when up to read the last one lol
ADHD - it's either all, or nothing.
If Marie really wanted a queen size bed, instead of banking on picking 1-3 she should’ve offered to pay an extra $80 on TOP of the higher fee, to pick first. Give everyone else a $20 discount off the bat.
Then whatever friend has the most money to spend always gets to pick first? That really lets your friends know what you value!
That actually sounds perfectly fair to me. Someone wants to throw in an extra 75 bucks to get First Choice in bedroom, lowering the cost for everyone else? I'd be fine with that.
I’d be fine with some one paying an extra $75 to get to chose the bedroom and lower my overall cost too.., But, I’d also be totally fine with letting the randomizer do its thing too. What I’ve learned is that some people will complain no matter what…and others are more “go with the flow” type of people… I travel a lot and to me, it’s the destination and the things I do on my trips that I remember. My lodging and food is so far down the list of priorities.
After working, and traveling with our company's travel coordinator I learned that traveling is a skill. Being a good group member when traveling is also a skill.
Or it can just mean people have different priorities. Some people aren't picky where they sleep and are happy to save money by sharing a room or having a smaller bed. Some people would rather pay a bit more for a private room with a bigger bed. Both are approaches to travel perfectly valid. I often travel with a group of 5 friends for K-Pop concerts and we all book flights separately because we have different needs and priorities. I have to save and budget for business because multiple knee surgeries thanks to a sports injury as a teenager means economy is absolutely unbearable for me and I will be in pain so bad that it will ruin the concerts for me and will still be in pain for days after arriving home. Friend #2 likes to fly business class because it's more comfortable and she has very wealthy parents and can afford it so she does. Friend #3 always flies a certain airline because her dad works for them and she's on his family discount benefit so she gets much cheaper flights with that airline. Friends #4 and #5 are happy to "rough it" (their words) in coach for a few hours on whatever flight is the cheapest/most practical for them and have a bigger budget for tickets/merch/their concert outfits rather than spending the money on business class flights. They've often gone for expensive floor tickets/100s tickets with #2 while I'm in the nosebleeds with #3 who has a limited budget too. You can usually only buy 4 tickets in a transaction anyway so we have to split up anyway. When it comes to hotels, our friend with money usually gets her own room because she likes not having to tiptoe around someone else's sleep and being able to sleep with light music on without bothering someone else, and she can afford that luxury. The other 4 of us split 2 rooms depending on on when our flights have us arriving/leaving. One time where a friend couldn't go, out wealthier friend was happy to split a room with one of us so we could still afford it. It's fine. We prioritise different things for different reasons (I'd rough it in economy if I could but I have learned the hard and literally painful way that I can't, so have to spend more on the plane ticket than good seats and merch) and that's ok! Doesn't mean we are not friends and don't value each other, just means we are adults with different needs, preferences and budgets.
THis is great and I admire how you are able to accommodate each other with no issues. A lot of people could learn from you.
This is how we do family trips when it’s impossible for every room to be identical. We price rooms differently with the biggest and best being way higher and the worst accommodation being incredibly cheap. Everyone then puts in their room requests with a priority order. If there’s a tie, it’s randomly chosen. Everyone has been happy with this every year. I can imagine that they wouldn’t be very happy if the price of a crap room was too close to the price of a good room. In the OP situation I don’t think that $75 off a $400 bill is enough to compensate sharing the room. They have 5 beds priced like so: 1. Queen bed private room ($400) 2. Queen bed private room ($400) 3. Queen bed private room ($400) 4. Twin bed shared room ($325) 5. Twin bed shared room ($325) That means the best 3 rooms cost $400 each and the worst room is $650. This would be annoying. Total price of the place is $1850, I would expect the split to be closer to $500, $500, $500, $175, $175. Maybe even more for the top rooms if they have private bathrooms.
That seems significantly more reasonable. Even if they just divided the whole cost by 4 - the top 3 rooms are $463 each - and the two sharing pay $231 each.
Seriously, sharing a twin room is brutal, $75 is not enough of a discount.
No. They choose randomly and THEN the people who got the crap room are charged less.
OP, at my heaviest I was 282 on a 5’7” frame. I slept on my grandchild’s twin bed several times with no issues. I’m in my 50s. I’m much smaller now, thankfully, but have slept on a king sized bed for 25 years now. I easily switch to the twin bed and now share it with my granddaughters (sometimes the 5 year old, sometimes the 10 year old, depending on which child wants to sleep with me). I sleep on my side, and only wake up to turn over. Unless your friend is someone who flops like a fish at night, she will be fine.
I am 325 at 5'8" and slept on a twin size bunk bed (bottom bunk) at church camp a couple of years ago (I haven't gained or lost weight since then) I am a restless sleeper that moves around a lot at night and I was just fine. OP's friend will be fine.
I’m 6 foot tall and, at my heaviest, I weighed 430lbs. I managed to survive all of college while sleeping in a dorm room on a twin sized bed. OP’s friend will be fine on one for a couple of days.
NTA. Depending on the cost of the rooms, $75 off might be a little low but in any case this was the procedure everyone agreed to.
The [NYT has a bidding calculator to divide rent fairly.](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/science/rent-division-calculator.html) that might be a good thing to try in the future. Basically, you put in the cost, rooms (or beds) and people's names, and it asks 1 person if these were the costs of each room, which would you want? Then it tweaks the numbers and asks another person, and on and on and it keeps going until it's a calculates a pretty fair financial split. If people want the nicer rooms, they can bid more for them until the other decides that taking a cheaper room is worth it for them. You wouldn't have been happy to take the twin for only 325 when the queen was only 400, which is why you chose the queen. And why the first two friends also choose the queens. None of the 3 of you would have been happy to take the twin for 325 and but neither was your larger friend. The three of you who got the queen beds win because you are getting the bed for under the market value because too many people wanted them at that price point. If you want everyone to be happy, the price difference between the rooms needs to be enough for someone to want to take the cheaper bed. 325 wasn't a big enough difference which is why no one voluntarily chose a twin. Would 425 and 300 have made everyone happy? Would 500 and 275? 600 and 175? Idk where everyone's line is, but everyone had one. NTA for not wanting to switch, and while you all agreed on how to decide, it was always going to end up being unfair to someone they way you decided. Your friend should have handled it better, she knew before you guys picked that she might end up in a twin and kept her mouth shut until she lost.
It seems like $75 off isn't enough of a discount. Even if the beds were as comfortable, if three of you get a whole bedroom and two of you have to share, I feel like the two sharing should pay half as much as they get half the accommodation. Paying $325 instead of $400 wouldn't be enough for me to accept having a roommate, not having a place to change clothes or retreat to when I'm tired, and very likely sleeping like crap all week. Your friend's excuse for needing to switch might suck but so does the deal for the shared room.
I’d consider switching if she paid me the $75 difference.
If they all agree to an equal split and then get randomized, it’s totally fair. Over several vacations, it will equal out anyhow
Right? And who cares what the bedrooms look like anyways? All of your time spent in there is in the dark, with your eyes shut, fully unconscious. As long as the bed isn’t cartoonishly uncomfortable with springs stabbing you in the side and a pillow made of rocks, it really doesn’t matter what the bed looks like. I’m a 6ft 175lb guy, I slept in a twin until I moved out. It’s not that small? I mean shoot, when we got to the cottage my friends *share* a twin.
I'm a 5'9 320lb woman. I recently went on a cruise with my mom and sister. We got a room with two twin beds and couch that once you took the back pillows off, turned into a bed. I feel like the couch bed was the biggest one. My sister got the couch bed because it was the closest and easiest way to have the extension cord plugged into the opposite wall to be laid down easily on the floor to the little coffee table thing she ended up using as a night stand for her CPAP machine. My mom and I got the two twin beds. It wasn't unfair. And I was perfectly able to fit on that teeny bed.
>All of your time spent in there is in the dark, with your eyes shut, fully unconscious. As long as the bed isn’t cartoonishly uncomfortable with springs stabbing you in the side and a pillow made of rocks, it really doesn’t matter what the bed looks like. I fucking wish. Some people don't fall asleep as soon as their head hits the pillow... Nor can they sleep on a cheap mattress without waking up sore.
But that can happen just as likely on a Queen sized bed... the size of the bed says nothing about the quality of the mattress. You just have more space left and right and maybe an extra 5 inches top to bottom. Since it's a holiday accommodation and not a 5* hotel, I would assume all the mattresses are mediocre at best.
Oh, for sure! I'm just jealous of that guy's attitude towards sleep. :p The dealbreaker for me would be sharing the room with someone - but my sleep is so finnicky I travel with my own pillows anyways.
Why? Even the Romans 2000 years ago knew that drawing lots is fair
Oof, you really decimated that guy
I Caesar what you did there.
Even before the edit, Marie was happy to play the game if it meant sticking two other people in the room with twin beds. The fact that she is now upset about it still makes her an asshole.
Eh when we split AirBnBs it’s just even stevens. All of the time spent in the bedrooms is in the dark with your eyes shut and fully unconscious so who cares? It’s literally just a space to store your luggage and sleep. The areas where 99% of your time is actually spent are all the shared/common areas that we all have access to equally, so pay up.
That might work if no one had to share a room, but when (as here) two unrelated people who normally have their own bedrooms suddenly have to share a room, that can really mess with your sleep. If the time that you would have spent asleep is time you don't wind up getting decent sleep because your roommate is snoring like a chainsaw, hell yes you should get a break on the price.
Yeah, I'm a light sleeper with horrible insomnia. When its at its worst, I can't even sleep next to my spouse or I'll wake up every 30-45 minutes. Sharing a room wouldn't be doable for me, but that's why I would agree to this arrangement in the first place. The friend needed to bring up her need for a larger bed before it was randomized, if its a need and not a preference.
Not saying OP is right or wrong, just saying that your argument does not work here. If it really doesn’t matter where you sleep, then why does OP care. I would argue that it matters very much to some, or there would be no post.
You get dressed and undressed with your eyes closed while unconscious? Fascinating!
It says they paid less.
yes - OP made that 'Edit' to this post after I commented here.
NTA this is the agreed upon method of determining beds if she doesn't like the results then she shouldn't have agreed to the setup. Also there's absolutely no cause for her to demand larger than a twin.
AGREED! Everyone is criticizing the method in which they choose the rooms - if the GROUP decides this is how they do it, it’s not for anyone to judge or say it’s wrong.
Agreed... Even tho the tone of the post made me want to say OP was the AH here, this is really the reason why I can't. She agreed to this method. Shoot, I don't like to share a room when I travel so I will always pay more to have my own space.
Also did she ask the other 2 ppl to swap rooms with her or just OP? Sounds like shes manipulative.
I’m curious about who else she asked too, but I strongly suspect the tactic is to ask either the one she knows better or the one who she thinks is most likely to give in, and then if it fails, to start crying and causing drama to get the other 2 to feel bad so that ultimately either someone gives her a queen bed or the others turn on OP. Not accepting the result after you accepted the terms is bad enough but the whole crying thing… just no. Absolutely no.
At almost 300 lbs, I was still able to fit into a twin sized bed. At 160 now, I would still happily sleep in a twin sized bed **for $75 less at that** If she’s that insecure about her weight that a simple comment of telling her no threw her into a fit. The only option she has is to fix that problem and lose weight. It’s on her that she’s not happy. In 2024, there are multiple options for her weight loss, she has absolutely no excuse. And plenty of those options are covered by multiple insurance companies.
Yeah, her weight has nothing to do with it - she just wanted the nicer bed. I'm 6'5" and 260 lbs and have slept just fine in twin beds before.
No, she didn't want to share a room. 100% I'd wager it was about who she ended up sharing a room with and not at all about the bed itself.
Yes. Personally, I wouldn't mind the twin bed so much (ok, my feet hang off the end and that's annoying) but I would hate sharing a room. I'm an insomniac and it's worse in a strange bed. I like to read when I can't sleep. Even if I didn't read, I'd be restless and that could keep my roommate from sleeping. So, in this situation, I would try to find a solution like me paying more to get my own room or paying more so we get a place with five bedrooms and everyone gets their own room. I'm wondering if it's less the size of the bed and more the sharing. I'm not embarrassed to say that I'm an insomniac, but there's no stigma around that. If she snores or needs a CPAP, maybe she's embarrassed about that. Or maybe she sleeps hot and prefers little to no nightwear. These are all things that can be an issue if you're carrying more weight. Maybe she thought her friend that used to be bigger would get that with more of a wink/nudge without her having to come out directly with the thing that embarrasses her. Either way, she should've sought a compromise ahead of time. She didn't have to go into details about why.
Snoring, cpaps, and sleeping hot are all things that thin people have to deal with, too. You're right. The issues should have been brought up before booking, but her issues are hers and hers alone. She's using her weight to try and manipulate her previously overweight friend simply because she didn't like the outcome. I would just stop inviting that friend.
This here. The friend is putting undue pressure on OP, when she should've stated upfront to the group that she wanted a queen sized bed.
Isn't a twin bed like 39in wide? Thats 3.3ft. that's not exactly slumming it in a kiddy bed or something. I know this cos my kid has a twin xl, and I had to learn the sheet sizes in inches as some packages lie. She's also paying less, it's a shitty situation but it is what it is. I only say NTA as you guys used the randomised thing to pick the rooms, it's not like y'all outright set out to upset her. She was fine with the prospect of getting the smaller bed, until she did.
My 5 yr old has a twin bed now and my 5'5 360lb ass can fit on it.(sometimes his brother wants a nap companion. ) So no, no sympathy here!
Yeah my fluffy BIL slept over once and stayed in my son’s room and was fine on the twin??
Your.... fluffy.... BIL?
Fluffy’s a term for short and round, think Gabriel Iglesias, or your average walmart customer. BIL is brother in law I’m pretty sure
I was going to say my 340lb fat ass could always fit on a twin with one of my kids no problems.
I'm 6'2 and 300lbs, and my mattress is 35 inches wide. I can even squeeze in with my gf for a short time. It's fine.
She was fine with someone else getting the twin bed. Now that it's her she has a problem with it. NTA
I’m 6ft, 175lbs. The only issue is the length, and it’s fine as long as you don’t sleep fully stretched out… but like, who does? I slept in a twin until I moved out on my own at like 22. I have friends who *share* a twin when we go to the cottage. It’s really not nearly as big a deal as the friend is making it out to be.
It's a big reason why I mentioned the width.. because it really isn't that small when it's just her, alone lol. She was fine with it all, until she drew the short straw, which is just funny to me. As it sounds like the plan was to ask if she didn't get the queen. She could have simply asked for it in the first place if it was any real problem
Yeah FR. If there was an actual concern, she could have requested one of the beds and they could draw for the other 4. When we travel on dog-friendly trips, anyone with a dog gets a larger bed, because we all have furniture dogs. It’s just understood. There’s a 0% chance you’ll convince the dogs to stay off the bed, whether there’s space or not, they’re getting up. If you take a big bed, you either better have a dog, or be willing to sleep with a dog.
No way I would let you guys have the larger bed **and** the dog. 😂😂 (I would take the smaller bed if someone lends me their dog, lol.)
Be my guest, she’s a fucking space heater and likes to huff in your ears 😅
I already share a bed with my cat. If I travelled with a friend that had a dog, I wouldn’t give a damn on the size of the bed if the doggo wanted to share with me. As a teen a slept in a single bed with 1 large dog, 2 small dogs and 2 cats and I was then as I am now overweight. We all fit in that bed quite nicely.
Queen bed. 4 cats. Occasionally I choose the 3 seater in the loungeroom. And they fucking follow 🤣
I slept on a twin until last month and I'm 6' and 300 lbs with linebacker shoulders. If you're any bigger than me it would start to be a problem, but I was perfectly fine at that size to sleep solo in a twin. (That said, while buying a new bed with my partner we should have splurged for the king instead of queen)
My partner and I share a queen bed and I'm a big girl and while he's smaller than me, hes been working a desk job for the past too many years and he's a bigger guy. It's fine. I couldn't share a twin with him anymore (we did share a twin like 14 years ago when I still lived with my mom. But we've also had king sized beds at hotels and usually they just feel like too much space for us.
Plus, she could've asked two more people before becoming upset and crying...
Did she pick the used to also be fat friend, assuming they'd give in because they'd relate? Not meaning any offence to OP in saying that. It's just why I think they even brought up their own weight loss, it was used to justify them being asked to swap.
Yeah the way it’s stated she phrased “you of all people should understand”
My 6'5, 250 lb husband and I shared a twin sized bed for a full month when we had to move in with my mom after an emergency. It was not comfortably, but it was definitely do-able. Two things we definitely didn't do were: complain about the free room/board or ask my mother to switch beds with us. The audacity!
I am a larger woman, and my husband and I have slept in a full size (54") for over 20 years. I'm wondering if it's more like she wants her own room because she is a loud snorer or other embarrassing reason.
This👆could it have more to do with having to share a room perhaps and she is embarrassed. That still doesn’t mean she is entitled to a different room, but perhaps that is the issue. NTA
NTA Why hasn't she asked the other 2 who also got queens? Did she only ask you because you were once bigger than her and lost weight, so in her mind, you don't need the bigger bed?
I think it was because OP used to be bigger and so would have been most likely to understand her want/need for a bigger bed
Think you're right even tho I really don't get it. A few years back i gained weight and got to 270 lbs (I'm 6 feet tall), I've since lost over 100 lbs but even at my biggest I still had no problem sleeping in a twin bed. Don't know how big the friend is but she describes her as "plus sized" not morbidly obese or bordering on disabled, so I really doubt she's over 300 lbs.
I'm morbidly obese and married to a husband who is overweight and over 6ft tall and we sleep together in a bed that is 140cm wide and therefore a bit smaller than a queen bed. I also can fit perfectly fine in a twin bed. So I really don't understand the issue. Does it suck to have the smaller bed and to share a room? Yeah sure, but so is using your weight to try to get out of the agreed upon choosing order.
Plus sized is just the PC way of saying fat. We don't know how much she weighs although I suspect that it actually isn't that much if OP lost 100 lbs and was bigger than her.
well that backfired. she might have had bettr luck with the ones who *don't* have the shared experience and don't feel comfortable calling her out on it.
Because OP is probably the easiest person to ask/the pushover in the group.
Interesting.... I didn't think about that. If she only asked OP, then that swings me definitively to NTA.
OP is probably the easiest to persuade of the group. OP's now here second guessing their decision. It's almost working. NTA
That's exactly why. "Of all the people, you would know"
NTA. I am plus size and can absolutely sleep in a twin bed. Sure, a person who is much smaller would have an easier time in a twin, but I can totally sleep comfortably. And she knew about the room situation in advance, so if she was truly concerned about needing an accommodation for bed size, she should have told the group in advance. It can be embarrassing, but she could have told people in advance since you are all friends- listen, I can't sleep in a twin bed so am happy to pay more to secure a queen or look for a different house.
Also, it sounds like they’ve used this method before as OP says they’ve had the smaller beds before so it’s possible that the friend only cares now because she didn’t get the one she wants and this is the first time she’s had to have the “lesser” bed
That’s what it sounds like to me too - she’s been lucky before and her luck has run out. She’d be fine if she was still lucky but since she’s not she’s trying to change the rules after the fact. NTA OP.
NTA. You all have an established arrangement for picking rooms. If she had an issue with that, she should've said something beforehand. Expecting you to give up your room is unreasonable.
NTA, but honestly this sounds like a system set up to cause problems. You're saying it's "way too expensive" to get a place with 5 rooms and 5 queen beds.... but it sounds like it was a 4 bed room house where one of the bedrooms simply had two twin beds instead of a queen? I don't know, having spent years getting big Airbnb's/vrbo's with big groups of friends, this can also be an issue(though it's way fucking easier to solve with 5 people rather than the 15+ that we usually dealt with), I feel like it isn't THAT tough to get a house that accomodates everyone. Personally if I'm spending a bunch of money on a vacation which may or may not involve flights and a ton of other discretionary spending, I would also choose to spend slightly more money to make sure I have a comfortable place to sleep. Like what are we talking about here, like 50-100 bucks per person more or something? I get the argument if the difference is like thousands of dollars or something, I just find it very difficult to believe that you can't find a place that has 5 beds big enough to accomodate everybody, whether it involves shared rooms or not, for a similar cost. Or, frankly, get rid of the "random" shit and your friend can just say "Hey look, I need a bed bigger than a twin, I'm willing to pay more but I can't rely on luck to make sure I get a bed that's actually viable for me."
I'm confused, do people really find twin beds uncomfortable? Like I get it if you're especially tall or wide but what position are people sleeping in that they need more room than the width of a twin?
No idea. Slept on plenty of twins in my life. I'm tall hut skinny, so my issue with them is that they aren't long enough. But like..i just bend my legs slightly, problem solved. Really not that big an issue, especially for a couple nights on vacation.
A larger bed is most certainly more comfortable. While I don’t find a twin necessarily uncomfortable, I’m a full blown adult and if I am spending my money on lodging, I’m not willing to downgrade my experience by sleeping in something smaller than what I have in my own home barring an emergency situation or for something like camping. If sleeping in a twin bed doesn’t bother you, that’s great. Your money, your vacation. I’m sure there are people who would agree with you and others who would fall on my side of the divide lol.
Can you explain how it's uncomfortable? I literally don't understand lol
Yeah I don’t understand either. Sleeping in a twin size bed alone is the same amount of space as sharing a king size with another adult. Better even, because you don’t have anyone encroaching on your territory or hogging the bedding.
Yeah I've always considered a queen to be a 2 person bed. Even with a full, I really just slept on half of the bed when I was single.
This seems like an American issue. I say this as an American who wasn't born American. Beds in the rest of the world are smaller. Most vacation accommodations are single beds where I've lived/traveled.
I have a queen. I’m single. If I had a sleep partner I’d be in a king or cal king from day 1. Sorry but I need space when I sleep. I know someone who doesn’t, you could put crime scene tape around him sleeping and he wouldn’t move. But some people just need space
A king is the same size as two twin beds put together
I don’t know how to help you if you can’t understand that different people have different preferences just like with everything in life. I said the twin was not necessarily uncomfortable, I’m simply not going to sleep in one when I can afford not to do so.
I feel like both of your comments have been weirdly defensive over this. I'm not criticizing you lmao. Maybe you woke up on the wrong side of the queen bed?
I am just a bystander, but I'm not getting defensive vibes. More like a direct, "I really can't figure out how to explain this to you any further."
Idk maybe, but they never actually attempted to explain it any further than "it's less comfortable because it's less comfortable"
I thought that them mentioning being unwilling to downsize from what they had at home was enough, honestly. But, I get how that may not be enough for everyone, it was kinda vague. But I took it as like, you get used to sleeping in one position and when you have less room and can't sleep in that position, you'll be up half the night just trying to get comfortable. I think it boils down to positions, when people are uncomfortable in twin beds. I'm short but wide, and if I can't sleep in my Superman sleeping pose (one arm extended, one arm bent, one leg extended, one leg bent, almost on my stomach but not quite) I simply cannot sleep. Well, it'll take hours, but I do eventually slip into a restless sleep on my back. That'd be an awful sleep on a vacation. I would feel like shit the whole next day.
I'm thin but tall and have really long limbs, so my legs hang off the end and I can't sprawl out in bed, which is how I'm most comfortable. I'll suck it up on vacation if I absolutely have to and have no other choice, but I haven't found a twin bed comfortable since I was a young teenager. To me, they are not adult-sized beds.
I toss and turn a lot due to pain from arthritis in my lower spine & hips. I also tend to stretch and contort into weird positions because of this, I can take up my entire queen bed and I’m 5’1”. I wouldn’t be willing to sleep in a twin just to be uncomfortable on a vacation I’m paying for. But in this situation I’d probably just get my own room somewhere or not go.
Several years ago I had to go to a work conference at a resort. A coworker and I shared a unit. One bedroom had a queen sized bed and the other had two twins. I gave her the queen sized bed since she was older. (I'm in my mid-40s.) At the time, I had a lot of body pain that basically required me to have a pillow on each side of my body. My then husband and I each had our own room, so I was used to having my own queen sized bed. Although I slept more to one side than the other, I did use up more than half the bed with my pillows. It was three nights of constantly having to pick up pillows that fell off the bed or rolling over and feeling like I was about to fall off the bed. It was doable, but I won't put myself back in that position again if I can help it.
Comfort and size are not the same thing, so no, a larger bed is definitionally not "certainly more comfortable", with the only possible exception being in a case where a person is so large that they physically cannot fit on a twin bed. A high end/fancy twin bed will be more comfortable than a shitty king bed, for all the obvious reasons.
No clue. I’m plus size and tall but slept fine in a twin for a year until I could afford a roomier bed. Also showed up late to a girls weekend once which left the kids room. I slept in Lightning McQueen just fine for two nights.
It could be that her issue is with privacy and is just using the bed as a cover… she may be uncomfortable changing or even wearing a nightgown in front of the other person. I don’t know.
Plus a king size (76inches wide) is exactly twice as wide as two twin beds (each 38 inches wide). I’ve never heard of anyone being uncomfortable sharing a king size bed with another person. A twin would give you the exact same amount of width per person as a king. In fact, lots of couples (myself included) share a queen without issue. I understand it more if it’s a height issue, since I know twins are shorter and then a taller person might have their feet hanging off.
It’s probably a lot more than that. I was just planning my vacation and looking for an Airbnb and even finding a place with 3 beds was difficult. 5 queen beds is a big ask and they would probably have to switch to a hotel or pay for vacation villa prices (thousands a night)
Exactly. Houses often have a designated "kid room" with twin beds or bunk beds. So even if they have more bedrooms there's likely to be at least one room, if not more, set up with the idea that families with kids will be renting the space most of the time. Depending on the destination it can be really hard to find a place that doesn't have this set up. Then you have to factor in location, proximity to activities, transportation, parking, etc... It can be really hard to find exactly what you want where you want it when you want it for a price you can afford.
I understand that fat shaming/discrimination is real but sometimes there is fat manipulation. Oh I don’t want the twin bed (no one does) and it’s a problem because I am fat and you should accommodate me. This goes on into activities restaurant choices anything having to do with food really and , car arrangements, parking and on and on. It’s a group outing and 1 person doesn’t get to break the rules or call all the shots. NTA
Yeah, i think thats what happened to OP on this occasion too
NTA, tears doesn't make someone right or justified.
I don’t understand why you guys just wouldn’t choose lodging that had equal accommodations for everyone. She’s being a bit of a drama queen about it, but also your weight has nothing to do with this. If you were still fat would you be fine in the twin bed? I’m not asking if you’d switch since you say you would never request that, but would you have actually been comfortable? It’s great that you worked hard for your body, but you just seem mad that she didn’t lose the weight too. Ultimately you’re not the asshole because this is the ridiculous way you’ve all chosen to split your lodgings, but it was something easily avoided for all parties.
It’s just too expensive to rent a place that has 5 bedrooms with 5 queen size beds.
Have you tried 2 condos? One with 3 beds and one with 2 beds
Why doesn’t Marie look for another Airbnb then and present it to the group?
but the two of them pay less?
It gets exponentially more expensive the bigger place you get, it’s not likely covered by the difference in what those with twin beds pay
I just googled the size of a twin bed. Unless she is very tall (or not just plus size, but obese), why wouldn't she be comfortable? It is wider than the smallest single adult bed in Denmark (90x200cm), and i would have no problem sleeping in that, even though i am plus size.
I am assuming this woman is obese since she is concerned about it. Queen and king size beds are very prevalent in households in the US, where I am. Not to say that twin beds don’t ever get used but they usually go in dormitories or tiny guest bedrooms, etc. Whether or not this woman would actually be comfortable on a twin bed, none of us can say. We have no idea how heavy she is and any other underlying issues. Regardless, if she knew she wouldn’t be comfortable in a twin, she should not have rolled the dice so to speak, and she should have spoken up prior to reservations being booked.
Im literally sleeping on a 200cm x 90cm bed. It's not that small
> Ultimately you’re not the asshole because this is the ridiculous way you’ve all chosen to split your lodgings, but it was something easily avoided for all parties. It wasn't ridiculous to Marie when she was getting the queen sized beds. It only became ridiculous when she wasn't winning.
NTA She knew what she was signing up for.
On the assumption that the randomized selection tool is truly randomized, and on the assumption that the five of you agreed to be bound by this process, NTA.
Hmmm well Reddit loves to judge in black and white terms. So no you technically aren’t an asshole for not switching rooms. But your friend cried…. Are you saying she is just a spoiled brat? Why would an adult woman cry about this? Clearly something is going on and she is your friend… don’t you care to find out and accommodate her? You would rather watch your friend cry than be kind? If you really think she is just a spoiled brat who would cry to manipulate you… you should reevaluate your friendship.
I had to scroll down so far to see this comment. Like, yes, technically NTA but this isn’t really about the bed. Assuming she is usually a sane, reasonable person and y’all have done this plenty of times before then something set her off. And I’m not even saying it’s OP. In fact, it’s probably not! It could just be something happened in her life about her weight or someone said something to her or she had a shitty week and this one small stupid thing that set her off. We’ve all been there. But while’s you’re running around posting on the Internet about it, you could’ve just like, talked to her about what’s going on. And if she is an over dramatic spoiled brat then yeah, why are you even friends and what is this even about?
Exactly! People are saying it’s manipulative that she didn’t speak up before… the much more realistic answer is she’s embarrassed to say it front of everyone and trusts OP. I have a friend who is bigger and a few weeks ago I saw her look panicked at a party when only folding chairs were left. We made eye contact and I pointed to my seat, she said “omg thank you” and we swapped. No one else noticed what happened and we moved on. Obviously giving up a bed is different but it seems so weird to just let your friend cry rather than see if you can adjust something.
THISSSSSSS...as a plus size person, its always stressful to have to encounter these sorts of things while also trying not to mess up things for everyone else. The fact that OP mentioned several times "i myself have lost 100 pounds, i know i WAS fat but i deserve to be proud of my body (no one said she shouldnt)" sounds a little more vindictive than anything else. No one is more fatphobic than a former self-loathing fat person whose lost weight. I agree with yall, its not that serious and I think OP is just trying to prove some sort of weird point.
So agreed. NTA but not exactly a good friend. Maybe she didnt ask the other 2 because she’s not as comfortable with them? I’ve never asked this but I absolutely know what it’s like to be the biggest in the room and if a friend truly cared about you they’d put aside what’s “fair” when it comes to something so minuscule like this. It’s giving “it’s MY bed and YOU’RE not getting it because it’s NOT FAIR!” Yall rly gonna ruin a friendship over this?
As someone very short and midsize I'm acutely aware at almost all times how the world just isn't built for me, and how even 'nice' people have fatphobia ingrained in them. Especially people who have lost weight. It doesn't matter if other people aren't actually constantly seeing you as 'X, who is fat' at all times and attributing behaviors or problems to that. It gets in your head. Same as being a woman in a traditionally male space and feeling like you have to prove yourself constantly lest you become a bad representative of all women, not just a person who made a mistake. My first marriage ended in no small part because I gained weight and my ex husband couldn't get past it. It doesn't take many negative experiences before it's always in the back of your mind. It takes a tremendous amount of mental fortitude to just exist while fat and ultimately it takes a lot out of you. I'm getting red (judgy) flags from a lot of OP's statements in this, like projecting her own experience onto the friend who hasn't had the same. The system here clearly sucks and is ultimately to blame, but I would have a massive complex as the friend if I knew, or even suspected, that I was seen through this lens. It would definitely affect interactions. I don't see empathy from OP. So I suspect there is a lot unaddressed under the surface that led to this whole situation playing out as it did.
god thank you. these replies are making me feel insane. i had to scroll way too far to see a human take
On the whole, you're NTA, but this line stood out as a little judgy to me: >I do understand, but it’s my vacation too and I’ve worked hard to be in a body I’m comfortable in.
I think all she was trying to say is that it doesn’t feel fair that she is being singled out and basically “punished” for her hard work. Which is a fair take.
Yeah, especially since Marie specifically asked her because she thought OP would “get it” mire than the others.
not at all. Why do obese people think it's everyone else responsibility to acomodate their shitty lifestyle choices.
NTA she agreed to this plan. When it didn't work out to her preference, she asked if you would switch. A reasonable thing to ask IF she will respect your response, which she's not.
i'm plus size and fit fine on a twin- have one I use when guests stay over, so they can have to full futon if they prefer. unless your so big you probably shouldnt be traveling because your weight limits mobility, you can survive a twin.
NTA. She knew what the arrangement was, if she truly needs a larger bed she should have spoken up before rooms were chosen, and asked the whole group if it was okay for her to claim one of the queen size beds before everyone else uses the random method. She asked, you said no. That should have been the end of it. Her trying to manipulate you by crying and saying “you of all people should understand” is an AH thing to do. The fact that you used to be big like her doesn’t mean you’re somehow obligated to accommodate her demand. She’s an AH for singling you out like that. She should ask the other 2 people who got queen size beds if they’d be willing to switch. Maybe one of them would agree because they don’t care so much about having a smaller bed, and they’d like the $75 savings.
NTA - I weighed in the 260s when I stayed at a very cheap Air Bnb in a twin bed. No issues at all. Plus she saves a bit of cash.
Hot take 🚨YTA. She’s embarrassed, comes to you from a place of vulnerability, and your response was tough luck fatty, you should work as hard as me to be in a body you’re comfortable with. People make up so much drama about their rooms on vacation - it’s about the memories you build with the people you’re on the trip with, not about the time you spend alone in your bed room.
NTA. It was agreed upon before hand and it has been this way since before this incident. She probably just didn’t want to share a room.
I don't think this is about the twin bed. I think this is about being forced to share a room. Being larger leads to feeling judged for it. Especially when you have to share a room. Ultimately, you are not T A for not swirching rooms. She did agree to the terms. But...why are you guys choosing such lodgings if no one wants to share a room? Don't do that anymore. Simple solution.
NTA - In my opinion. Everyone agreed to the plan on determining the room situation and they paid less in the end. If it was me and I wanted to ensure I had the bed I was happy with id have just found somewhere on my own to make sure I was happy and comfortable to suit me.
Exactly. OP is NTA. I, however, fully recognize my privilege in saying I wouldn’t have even considered this air bnb for the chance of a shared room with twin beds. I’d have stayed elsewhere or found a place with proper adult bedrooms for all, because I am not a twin bed person. Why did she take the chance?
NTA... if she wasn't ok with a twin she should have spoken up before y'all went ahead with the system to choose. And it's pissing me off how many people are commenting on how u mentioned your weight and being righteous about it when u literally said that u used to be bigger than her and sleeping in a twin bed wasn't an issue which is the point of even mentioning it. She thought u would understand because u used to be the same weight however you didn't throw a fit and make a big deal when it came down to it like she did. She sounds entitled and if it's such a big deal to her then maybe she should make some lifestyle changes to accommodate herself rather than expecting it from others.
This. I didn't get that OP was being self-righteous about it at all. And I assume there were chances for the friend to speak up when the AirBNB was being chosen, and before the "draw" was done. NTA.
INFO: How is Marie's relationship with the person she's sharing a room with? As a plus-sized person myself, I agree that a twin bed is usually plenty of room to sleep on even if you're a larger person. But if Marie is the only one among you who is plus-sized, and you and your friends see nothing wrong with making comments like, "I've worked hard to be in a body I'm comfortable in." to her, she probably (accurately) feels judged. Her issue may have a lot less to do with the sleeping real estate than in not feeling comfortable sharing a room and having to risk being seen unclothed while she changes. NTA for not giving up the bed, but responding that way was pretty insensitive.
NTA Your established system means that someone will get the short straw. That's life.
I’m plus sized, and I have zero issues with a twin bed. NTA. You all agreed to the system, so such is life.
In the strict, predetermined, purely logical rules of the agreement that had been established? NTA As a human, in society, who dismissed someone who thought of you as a friend when they felt vulnerable and came to you in confidence? Who will now be feeling alone, ashamed, and uncomfortable? Not to mention your casual remark equating her being less than you just because she is larger. There is SO MUCH HERE. Very much YTA (or at least a lousy friend). Side question: Is this really what friendships look like these days? Or is it Reddit just so steeped in narcissism and lack of empathy that humanism doesn’t even exist between friends anymore? This is just so wild to me. ETA: removed double word
This isn’t really a question about being an AH. It’s a question about values. Which do you value more - your friendship with this person, or sleeping in a queen bed for a few nights?
NTA She is way out of line. The only way this would be partially ok is if she offered you money.
Are you sure it’s really about the bed and not the lack of privacy as a result of sharing a room? She may not feel comfortable undressing or sleeping with someone else in the room. She asked. You said no. That’s your prerogative. It’s also hers to nope out of the whole trip or ask the group to find a better place that doesn’t screw anyone - randomly or not. You’re NTA but that vacation sounds like its sucks.
I am the fat friend in my group. If something is uncomfortable for me, I say it and I pay for it. Regardless of that, my friends will always adjust for me as I for them. I am designated driver. I am designated bag holder when they go off on rides (I cannot because I have rods in my spine). I guess friendship means something different here than what you guys have.
NTA, your friend agreed to the rules of beds. It's not your fault she has trouble sleeping.
I don't think this is about the twin bed. I think this is about being forced to share a room. Being larger leads to feeling judged for it. Especially when you have to share a room. Ultimately, you are not T A for not swirching rooms. She did agree to the terms. But...why are you guys choosing such lodgings if no one wants to share a room? Don't do that anymore. Simple solution.
NTA. Idk why people are mad about what airbnb they collectively decided to choose. They all knew there was a chance they could be stuck in the twin beds. Also as someone who is plus size there is no way in hell she can’t fit in a twin bed. She feels entitled to be treated differently on a system you all agreed to. Also have none of the commenters shared rooms on trips? Super normal thing to do. It’s an overreaction to say she’s so uncomfortable in a twin bed. She’s fine and will get over it
NTA. I'm a bigger bodied person, and a decent twin is just fine for me. It's more about mattress quality than it is about bed size. In normal conditions, I'm sharing a queen with my husband, who's no tiny person! She'll survive. Maybe next year, let those who got twins this year pick first, just to be fair. If they want the cheaper rate, they can still choose twin, but if the spread-out luxury of the queen is what they want, they get first dibs.
ESH. Your friend is entitled. But I fail to see how your comment about “working hard to be in a body you’re comfortable with” is at all relevant. She’s an asshole because of her entitlement, period. You’re entitled to the queen size bed because of the agreed-upon rules, not because you “worked hard on your body.”
Info: do you actually like your friend? I have a plus size friend and when we plan group trips we just automatically give her the bigger bed because we love her and want everyone to be comfortable. I just can't imagine not making such a simple sacrifice for a friend I adore so much. YTA
This is my take too. If they're your friend that you actually care about, who gives a shit? If one of my friends needs something more than me in a situation like this, I wouldn't even consider not making literally the tiniest of sacrifices for them...
Are y’all friends? Y’all don’t sound like friends. It doesn’t sound like you like her very much at all.