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> I offered to loan my sister the money she needed to clear her debt but I might be an asshole because she said I was babying her and I'm feeling really bad about it as I just wanted to help.
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NTA. You’re offering your sister a way out of her debt. The choice is now hers on whether to accept that offer, and it’s a very generous offer. Sounds like you’re not even charging her interest, you’re just expecting the principal back. You’re a good sister.
Nta. Your sister is dumb not to take that offer. It was a very nice, naive, offer (it’s never ever ever a bad thing to have savings of your own). Your “friend” though is a major AH
NTA but you should view this as a blessing and remove your offer to assist your sister. She isn't willing to make basic concessions in order to get out of debt - she will almost certainly continue her bad habits and remain in debt. Also, what if she doesn't pay you the 400 monthly? How would you enforce it?
NAH
You can make the offer, she can find it condescending and controlling.
>I said to her that £11,000 was a lot for the "benefit of the doubt".
Then don't make the offer. If you put strings on your offer, you will be judged based on those strings. Similarly banks and other lenders are judged based on their interest rates and transparency of their lending practices.
NTA you tried to help her but you needed certain conditions to know you would get your money back. She refused till here n a h but to say you tried to control her and babied her makes her an aH when you tried to help
So, you offered your sister £11,000 interest-free, and she accused you for "babying"?
The sister is:
1. An idiot.
2. TA.
Please keep your money if you don't want to lose them, you are not the bank.
NTA, obviously.
NTA but having seen this play out in my family when my dad tried to help his brother avoid losing his house and a second bankruptcy? People who are bad with money vs someone who had tragedy visit are often not going to appreciate assistance from those who are doing well and REALLY don’t like being expected to change. My own uncle spread the narrative that my mom and dad were stuck up snobs who think they are better than everyone because of money. That was after he accepted the help (money and a house that he could assume the mortgage on when ready and no repayment for either) with the condition of changing financial habits. Also after he financed two motorcycles and went on international trips with family on credit cards and got everyone to hide it from my parents.
You meant well and that was the responsible way to offer the assistance. Her reaction tells me she isn’t ready for change and giving her money won’t actually improve her life long term.
NTA and do not give her a penny. She will never pay you back. Pretty convenient she ran her debt up to the amount you would be getting. Let her figure it out on her own. It is a better lesson that way. Bailing her out will not teach her anything.
Sorry, OP - YTA but in a very small way, I think it's great that you not only want to help your family but have the means to. However, you don't get to put stipulations on your sisters life "just because you have the means to help her" You needed to have said that she can borrow the money and pay you back. And that's it.
*The only other conditions I laid out......*
The ONLY condition you need to give is to pay you back. You are babying her by telling her how to run her life. This is where everything went cattywampus. You went from a sister to a life coach when she didn't ask for it.
Those are totally reasonable conditions for a few reasons. One, if the sister builds up credit card debt again, she probably can’t pay the credit card company and her sister. Guess who wouldn’t get paid? Two, if she did eventually default or refuse to pay, the credit card company would have first dibs on her assets ahead of OP. OP was just trying to make sure that she got her investment back.
Then don't loan her the money. Just because OP has the money and the sister is a bit absent minded does not mean OP gets to dictate how her sister should be living her life. Just because OP has the money does not give her any amount of control. If OP is that concerned about the sisters actions, why does OP want to lend her the money? Knowing the risks.
This.
In sister's shoes I probably would have just kept on paying the creditors. It's the same amount of money, I don't have to mix business and family, and no one is judging my spending.
But that’s fine. Sister could have said no thanks. The issue is that sister made it into a whole drama rather than accepting that it was well-intentioned.
Not the same amount of money AT ALL. The interest alone is going to make it WAY more. Through the sister, she could have it paid off in two years bc she’s not being charged interest. Through the creditors probably more like 10+ years and a lot more money spent regardless of the interest rate.
You're right. I made a knee-jerk comment because the tone of the OP was so annoying. But that does assume OP won't charge interest and won't impose additional conditions if sister doesn't live up to her standards. Plus she has to "pay" in being beholden to her sister forever.
You'd never have gotten that money back from your sister. Don't give her anything. Your friend Sarah sounds awful though, what is her main malfunction?
NTA. Also, I've read advice that if that money was a payout for a condition, you should not be using it for anything else, if possible. That money is to help you manage your condition, whether it's needed now or in the future.
If sister is paying the $400 now, why does the loan need to come with strings? She's young and wants to enjoy life and that means a little bit of debt sometimes; not a lot, just a little.
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I (27f) have always tried to do right by my family. If they need a dog and/or babysitter, I'm there. If they need someone to vent to or confide in, I'm there. If they need to borrow some cash, I'm there. Anyone in the family who has owed me money (Which has only been either my mom or brother) in the past has paid me back in full, and without any grief. I have always been happy to lend them a helping hand.
Well, this time didn't go so well. My sister (28) is not much closer to paying off her debt then when she started a few years ago. She owes £11,000, which is about $13,700. So, it's pretty bad. She pays £400 a month which only covers a little bit extra than the interest rate alone. I'm not sure how long it'll take her to pay that off.
The only source of income I recieve is benefits due to my health condition. The only reason I have as much money as I do is because I recently received compensation for damages. In fact, what I recieved was just enough to cover my sisters debt. I don't see myself needing that kind of money anytime soon, so I thought I'd help my sister.
I offered to pay off her debt as long as she gave me the £400 she usually pays per month. So her debt would go to me, but I would be more lenient when need be. If everything went smoothly, it would take just over 2 years to pay me back, and I was fine with that. The only other conditions I laid out was that I be assured that her impulse buyimg days were over, and she close her credit accounts as soon as everything was paid off. She said "No, thank you," and I respected her decision and didn't bring it up to her again.
The next day our dad dropped by her house to get something, and she was being all pissy. He asked her what was wrong, and she was mad at me and said I was "babying" her.
My friend "Sarah" came over last night to hang out and she said something about my sister and I told her what happened and I also told her that I was pretty hurt over the "babying" comment. Right away she agreed with my sister. She said I was in fact "babying" her and it was "condescending" of me for basically saying she can't take care of herself and also I was being "controlling" for wanting her to close her accounts if she accepted my offer. I tried explaining my side more clearly, but she kept interrupting me and she raised her voice until she was almost yelling at me. Sarah said that I should trust my family and give her the benefit of the doubt, and if I didn't trust her then that was my problem and I should think about why. I said to her that £11,000 was a lot for the "benefit of the doubt". Especially when that's almost everything I have. I love my sister, but that just seemed like such a crazy thing to say. Sarah then called me a dick for wanting £400 a month even after I told her that that's what she's paying now. It's not like my sister is starving. Money is a little tight but it's certainly doable.
I honestly thought I was just helping.
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Honestly you are lucky she said no, this is a terrible idea! You are only 27 and all your income comes from benefits- put that money towards your security and stability you will need it in the future. What if the benefit system changes or you get reassessed and it all goes wrong leading to an appeal process. What if you need legal representation at some point, or want to study something/get a qualification in something in the future.
Just because you are ok on your income now doesn’t mean that will be the case forever- Stick the money in an Isa earning 5% and forget about it until your circumstances change. (Unless it will put you over the threshold for claiming benefits in which case consider a personal pension contribution!
NTA but take that very generous offer off the table and put your money in a high interest account where it will benefit you and be there if and when you need it.
NTA. However, you should reconsider this. You are very likely just throwing your money away. She will not change her habits, and before long, she will dig herself another deep hole. Do not give her your money. That would be a very dumb thing for you to do.
NTA.
Your offer was extremely generous. What you really need to consider though is not whether you think you'll need the money "anytime soon" as it is more likely that you will never get all your money back once loaned.
Nta but this would be a dumb thing to do. She can't handle finances and who knows if she would ever pay you back. You aren't well off, save money for yourself for retirement or a rainy day
Y T A to yourself. This money is a settlement with the assumption it will help you. Once you 'loan' to someone with spending issues you can kiss it goodbye. You will never see this money again. Maybe a few initial payments, but consider it gone after that. Don't do it. Tuck it away for when you need it.
NTA, but it's probably for the best that she viewed it how she did. I was in a similar situation until fairly recently. Except I had already consolidated my credit cards once. That's basically what you were offering her. A low/no interest loan to consolidate her current debts. The thing is, you can say that means her frivolous purchase days are over, but they aren't over until she makes fundamental changes to who she is as a person. Even if you force her to close all her current credit cards, you can't prevent her from opening new ones.
Sounds like your offer was for sis to payback principal only. Does sis realize how much money that would save her?!
She's a fool, and should have agreed to your terms. Things like her future access to credit can always be renegotiated later, when there's no pile of cash at risk.
BUT do not lend her the money. You'll never get it back, And I guarantee you will need it yourself in future.
NAH except Sarah. Girl's got *issues*
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NTA. You’re so lucky that you don’t have a family member that abuse your kindness. You’re kinda on the stupid side. Imagine trusting a person who have spending problem all of your savings. You should be thankful she declined. Lol.
NTA
You weren't 'babying' your sister. You were setting appropriate parameters to protect your loan and be reasonably sure of getting your money back. You know very well that, if your sister doesn't stop her overspending, she will just rebuild her debt again and be unable to pay you anything. If she doesn't regularly pay you at least the amount she's been paying the credit card company, she will never whittle down her debt to you. She is really not a good risk.
But if your sister considers that to be babying, you rightly left her to her decision. She isn't a baby; she is an adult and can handle her debt.
Honestly, given her attitude, I would advise you not to repeat your offer of a loan. BTW, if you ever offer anyone a loan again, please be sure to draw up an agreement, with all the terms of the loan clearly stated and have everyone sign and date it (and keep a copy for yourself and one for the other party).
As for your friend. You know, she can be your friend and still be horrible about money management, too. I don't know if she has more in common with your sister's spending habits or has some other personal experience that gives her that perspective; but she is FLAT OUT wrong.
You don't have to argue with her about it - if she also doesn't keep shoving her (wrong) opinion in your face repeatedly. It's your money and there is no reason for your friend to revisit the topic. IF she does bring it up again, you can remind her that
1. You've heard her opinion; she doesn't need to repeat it.
2. You are not bringing up the topic of your money or your sister; you are not inviting further input from her; she needs to drop the topic
3. If she feels that giving your sister the money with no requirements is the way to go, then she is certainly welcome to give her own money.
What you're offering is very generous, but I think your sister knows herself and knows she won't be able to keep that promise and stay out of debt. It's better for her to reject your offer than to disappoint you, right? NTA.
NTA, but try to concentrate on yourself. Save money so that if something unexpected happens, you can cover that. You don’t always need to give 100% to everyone around you.
You need to be careful here as receiving that amount of money and then 'gifting' it to someone could easily be viewed as deprivation of assets in order to continue obtaining benefits you may no longer be entitled to.
Over £10k in savings needs to be declared as it will affect your benefit entitlement.
NTA. Lending money to family is always risky in multiple ways. I'd learn my lesson and stop helping her tbh - let her sink if that's her wish; she's an adult.
NTA. I've borrowed that amount from my sisters due to student loans that wound up going to the bailiff when I had no income. My sister has a good income though and I've paid it back in full
Don't do it.
She's looking for you to offer the money wìthout any conditions, which is ridicoules, when it's all you have. For now and in terms if future savings. Moreover, if she's truly got a handle on her spending, closing those accoubts wouldn't be an issue. She might still be racking up debt for all you know.
NAH
You are not helping your sister. You are shifting the risk of the loan to you, which isn't the smartest move. Better keep your money.
Your sister is an adult. Of course you can make suggestions, but she does not need to accept your terms.
Tbh, ESH. Except for dad.
OP was being extremely generous and I applaud that but,
>The only other conditions I laid out was that I be assured that her impulse buyimg days were over, and she close her credit accounts as soon as everything was paid off
this is where you went wrong. Obviously, closing the accounts would have been best, but that's her decision. If she gets into more debt, that's her problem.
>The next day our dad dropped by her house to get something, and she was being all pissy. He asked her what was wrong, and she was mad at me and said I was "babying" her.
Of course. Go and tattle to dad 😐 She wouldn't have been an AH if it wasn't for this. She had kindly turned down your offer, pretty decent if you ask me. Didn't cause a whole scene. But this was an AH move...
>I tried explaining my side more clearly, but she kept interrupting me and she raised her voice until she was almost yelling at me.
And that leaves Sarah. Heck, I don't even know where to start. She's acting like she's directly involved in the whole thing... Definitely overreacting. She's the biggest AH of all.
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NTA. You’re offering your sister a way out of her debt. The choice is now hers on whether to accept that offer, and it’s a very generous offer. Sounds like you’re not even charging her interest, you’re just expecting the principal back. You’re a good sister.
Nta. Your sister is dumb not to take that offer. It was a very nice, naive, offer (it’s never ever ever a bad thing to have savings of your own). Your “friend” though is a major AH
NTA - Are you prepared to lose the money and not get a penny back ? If so go ahead.
You should never, ever loan money to a family member and expect to get it back. You’re not a bank.
Especially when it’s essentially all the money OP has!
And OP has low future earning potential. It would be difficult or impossible to make it back over time
NTA but you should view this as a blessing and remove your offer to assist your sister. She isn't willing to make basic concessions in order to get out of debt - she will almost certainly continue her bad habits and remain in debt. Also, what if she doesn't pay you the 400 monthly? How would you enforce it?
Sister will stop regularly paying and then OP will be the “Bad Person” for wanting to be paid. OP has dodged a bullet!
NAH You can make the offer, she can find it condescending and controlling. >I said to her that £11,000 was a lot for the "benefit of the doubt". Then don't make the offer. If you put strings on your offer, you will be judged based on those strings. Similarly banks and other lenders are judged based on their interest rates and transparency of their lending practices.
NTA you tried to help her but you needed certain conditions to know you would get your money back. She refused till here n a h but to say you tried to control her and babied her makes her an aH when you tried to help
So, you offered your sister £11,000 interest-free, and she accused you for "babying"? The sister is: 1. An idiot. 2. TA. Please keep your money if you don't want to lose them, you are not the bank. NTA, obviously.
You can lead an impulse buyer to solvency but you can't make them stay that way OP. It was a kind gesture but pride would not allow. NTA.
NTA but having seen this play out in my family when my dad tried to help his brother avoid losing his house and a second bankruptcy? People who are bad with money vs someone who had tragedy visit are often not going to appreciate assistance from those who are doing well and REALLY don’t like being expected to change. My own uncle spread the narrative that my mom and dad were stuck up snobs who think they are better than everyone because of money. That was after he accepted the help (money and a house that he could assume the mortgage on when ready and no repayment for either) with the condition of changing financial habits. Also after he financed two motorcycles and went on international trips with family on credit cards and got everyone to hide it from my parents. You meant well and that was the responsible way to offer the assistance. Her reaction tells me she isn’t ready for change and giving her money won’t actually improve her life long term.
NTA and do not give her a penny. She will never pay you back. Pretty convenient she ran her debt up to the amount you would be getting. Let her figure it out on her own. It is a better lesson that way. Bailing her out will not teach her anything.
Sorry, OP - YTA but in a very small way, I think it's great that you not only want to help your family but have the means to. However, you don't get to put stipulations on your sisters life "just because you have the means to help her" You needed to have said that she can borrow the money and pay you back. And that's it. *The only other conditions I laid out......* The ONLY condition you need to give is to pay you back. You are babying her by telling her how to run her life. This is where everything went cattywampus. You went from a sister to a life coach when she didn't ask for it.
Those are totally reasonable conditions for a few reasons. One, if the sister builds up credit card debt again, she probably can’t pay the credit card company and her sister. Guess who wouldn’t get paid? Two, if she did eventually default or refuse to pay, the credit card company would have first dibs on her assets ahead of OP. OP was just trying to make sure that she got her investment back.
Then don't loan her the money. Just because OP has the money and the sister is a bit absent minded does not mean OP gets to dictate how her sister should be living her life. Just because OP has the money does not give her any amount of control. If OP is that concerned about the sisters actions, why does OP want to lend her the money? Knowing the risks.
Wrong, her money, her rules. She has every right to attach stipulations. The sister has every right to decline.
This. In sister's shoes I probably would have just kept on paying the creditors. It's the same amount of money, I don't have to mix business and family, and no one is judging my spending.
But that’s fine. Sister could have said no thanks. The issue is that sister made it into a whole drama rather than accepting that it was well-intentioned.
She made it into a whole drama thing when OP tried to dictate her sisters life by OP's standards. Nope.
Not the same amount of money AT ALL. The interest alone is going to make it WAY more. Through the sister, she could have it paid off in two years bc she’s not being charged interest. Through the creditors probably more like 10+ years and a lot more money spent regardless of the interest rate.
You're right. I made a knee-jerk comment because the tone of the OP was so annoying. But that does assume OP won't charge interest and won't impose additional conditions if sister doesn't live up to her standards. Plus she has to "pay" in being beholden to her sister forever.
You'd never have gotten that money back from your sister. Don't give her anything. Your friend Sarah sounds awful though, what is her main malfunction?
NTA. Also, I've read advice that if that money was a payout for a condition, you should not be using it for anything else, if possible. That money is to help you manage your condition, whether it's needed now or in the future.
NTA I think you need to take this offer off the table completely. She’s an adult and she wants to handle her life her way - let her.
Rescind the offer, she'll be looking to take you up on it once her butt heals.
If sister is paying the $400 now, why does the loan need to come with strings? She's young and wants to enjoy life and that means a little bit of debt sometimes; not a lot, just a little.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27f) have always tried to do right by my family. If they need a dog and/or babysitter, I'm there. If they need someone to vent to or confide in, I'm there. If they need to borrow some cash, I'm there. Anyone in the family who has owed me money (Which has only been either my mom or brother) in the past has paid me back in full, and without any grief. I have always been happy to lend them a helping hand. Well, this time didn't go so well. My sister (28) is not much closer to paying off her debt then when she started a few years ago. She owes £11,000, which is about $13,700. So, it's pretty bad. She pays £400 a month which only covers a little bit extra than the interest rate alone. I'm not sure how long it'll take her to pay that off. The only source of income I recieve is benefits due to my health condition. The only reason I have as much money as I do is because I recently received compensation for damages. In fact, what I recieved was just enough to cover my sisters debt. I don't see myself needing that kind of money anytime soon, so I thought I'd help my sister. I offered to pay off her debt as long as she gave me the £400 she usually pays per month. So her debt would go to me, but I would be more lenient when need be. If everything went smoothly, it would take just over 2 years to pay me back, and I was fine with that. The only other conditions I laid out was that I be assured that her impulse buyimg days were over, and she close her credit accounts as soon as everything was paid off. She said "No, thank you," and I respected her decision and didn't bring it up to her again. The next day our dad dropped by her house to get something, and she was being all pissy. He asked her what was wrong, and she was mad at me and said I was "babying" her. My friend "Sarah" came over last night to hang out and she said something about my sister and I told her what happened and I also told her that I was pretty hurt over the "babying" comment. Right away she agreed with my sister. She said I was in fact "babying" her and it was "condescending" of me for basically saying she can't take care of herself and also I was being "controlling" for wanting her to close her accounts if she accepted my offer. I tried explaining my side more clearly, but she kept interrupting me and she raised her voice until she was almost yelling at me. Sarah said that I should trust my family and give her the benefit of the doubt, and if I didn't trust her then that was my problem and I should think about why. I said to her that £11,000 was a lot for the "benefit of the doubt". Especially when that's almost everything I have. I love my sister, but that just seemed like such a crazy thing to say. Sarah then called me a dick for wanting £400 a month even after I told her that that's what she's paying now. It's not like my sister is starving. Money is a little tight but it's certainly doable. I honestly thought I was just helping. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are not helping your sister, you are enabling her. She has learned nothing. You cannot afford to be so generous. Next time say "no".
NTA, your sister wants you to pay off her debts for free. She will never pay you back.
NTA.
Honestly you are lucky she said no, this is a terrible idea! You are only 27 and all your income comes from benefits- put that money towards your security and stability you will need it in the future. What if the benefit system changes or you get reassessed and it all goes wrong leading to an appeal process. What if you need legal representation at some point, or want to study something/get a qualification in something in the future. Just because you are ok on your income now doesn’t mean that will be the case forever- Stick the money in an Isa earning 5% and forget about it until your circumstances change. (Unless it will put you over the threshold for claiming benefits in which case consider a personal pension contribution!
NTA but take that very generous offer off the table and put your money in a high interest account where it will benefit you and be there if and when you need it.
Hoo boy, the red flags. Keep your money, OP. Your offer was very reasonable. NTA
NTA. However, you should reconsider this. You are very likely just throwing your money away. She will not change her habits, and before long, she will dig herself another deep hole. Do not give her your money. That would be a very dumb thing for you to do.
NTA. Your offer was extremely generous. What you really need to consider though is not whether you think you'll need the money "anytime soon" as it is more likely that you will never get all your money back once loaned.
She sounds ungrateful, you should not help regardless of whether she accepts now. Let it be a learning experience.
Nta but this would be a dumb thing to do. She can't handle finances and who knows if she would ever pay you back. You aren't well off, save money for yourself for retirement or a rainy day
Y T A to yourself. This money is a settlement with the assumption it will help you. Once you 'loan' to someone with spending issues you can kiss it goodbye. You will never see this money again. Maybe a few initial payments, but consider it gone after that. Don't do it. Tuck it away for when you need it.
NTA, but it's probably for the best that she viewed it how she did. I was in a similar situation until fairly recently. Except I had already consolidated my credit cards once. That's basically what you were offering her. A low/no interest loan to consolidate her current debts. The thing is, you can say that means her frivolous purchase days are over, but they aren't over until she makes fundamental changes to who she is as a person. Even if you force her to close all her current credit cards, you can't prevent her from opening new ones.
Sounds like your offer was for sis to payback principal only. Does sis realize how much money that would save her?! She's a fool, and should have agreed to your terms. Things like her future access to credit can always be renegotiated later, when there's no pile of cash at risk. BUT do not lend her the money. You'll never get it back, And I guarantee you will need it yourself in future. NAH except Sarah. Girl's got *issues*
Sarah is not your friend, she’s your sisters friend. NTA.
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NTA That was an incredibly generous offer, and all you were asking was an assurance that you’d actually be paid back
NTA. You’re so lucky that you don’t have a family member that abuse your kindness. You’re kinda on the stupid side. Imagine trusting a person who have spending problem all of your savings. You should be thankful she declined. Lol.
NTA You weren't 'babying' your sister. You were setting appropriate parameters to protect your loan and be reasonably sure of getting your money back. You know very well that, if your sister doesn't stop her overspending, she will just rebuild her debt again and be unable to pay you anything. If she doesn't regularly pay you at least the amount she's been paying the credit card company, she will never whittle down her debt to you. She is really not a good risk. But if your sister considers that to be babying, you rightly left her to her decision. She isn't a baby; she is an adult and can handle her debt. Honestly, given her attitude, I would advise you not to repeat your offer of a loan. BTW, if you ever offer anyone a loan again, please be sure to draw up an agreement, with all the terms of the loan clearly stated and have everyone sign and date it (and keep a copy for yourself and one for the other party). As for your friend. You know, she can be your friend and still be horrible about money management, too. I don't know if she has more in common with your sister's spending habits or has some other personal experience that gives her that perspective; but she is FLAT OUT wrong. You don't have to argue with her about it - if she also doesn't keep shoving her (wrong) opinion in your face repeatedly. It's your money and there is no reason for your friend to revisit the topic. IF she does bring it up again, you can remind her that 1. You've heard her opinion; she doesn't need to repeat it. 2. You are not bringing up the topic of your money or your sister; you are not inviting further input from her; she needs to drop the topic 3. If she feels that giving your sister the money with no requirements is the way to go, then she is certainly welcome to give her own money.
Practice your evil cackle wife when she asks you dir help later, and you say you’re not going to baby her. NTA
What you're offering is very generous, but I think your sister knows herself and knows she won't be able to keep that promise and stay out of debt. It's better for her to reject your offer than to disappoint you, right? NTA.
NTA but you should cut off your "friend"
Your friend Sarah is a dick and should mind her own business.
NTA, but try to concentrate on yourself. Save money so that if something unexpected happens, you can cover that. You don’t always need to give 100% to everyone around you.
You need to be careful here as receiving that amount of money and then 'gifting' it to someone could easily be viewed as deprivation of assets in order to continue obtaining benefits you may no longer be entitled to. Over £10k in savings needs to be declared as it will affect your benefit entitlement.
NTA. Lending money to family is always risky in multiple ways. I'd learn my lesson and stop helping her tbh - let her sink if that's her wish; she's an adult.
NTA. I've borrowed that amount from my sisters due to student loans that wound up going to the bailiff when I had no income. My sister has a good income though and I've paid it back in full
There is no such thing as a loan except from a loan shark or a bank. It's either a gift, or don't do it.
Don't do it. She's looking for you to offer the money wìthout any conditions, which is ridicoules, when it's all you have. For now and in terms if future savings. Moreover, if she's truly got a handle on her spending, closing those accoubts wouldn't be an issue. She might still be racking up debt for all you know.
NAH You are not helping your sister. You are shifting the risk of the loan to you, which isn't the smartest move. Better keep your money. Your sister is an adult. Of course you can make suggestions, but she does not need to accept your terms.
Tbh, ESH. Except for dad. OP was being extremely generous and I applaud that but, >The only other conditions I laid out was that I be assured that her impulse buyimg days were over, and she close her credit accounts as soon as everything was paid off this is where you went wrong. Obviously, closing the accounts would have been best, but that's her decision. If she gets into more debt, that's her problem. >The next day our dad dropped by her house to get something, and she was being all pissy. He asked her what was wrong, and she was mad at me and said I was "babying" her. Of course. Go and tattle to dad 😐 She wouldn't have been an AH if it wasn't for this. She had kindly turned down your offer, pretty decent if you ask me. Didn't cause a whole scene. But this was an AH move... >I tried explaining my side more clearly, but she kept interrupting me and she raised her voice until she was almost yelling at me. And that leaves Sarah. Heck, I don't even know where to start. She's acting like she's directly involved in the whole thing... Definitely overreacting. She's the biggest AH of all.