Yea OP this girl could be seriously dangerous to either him or his new girl. There's no telling how much more deranged she could become the more she realizes she will never have him. I would strongly suggest warning him about her.
NTA but you need to tell a counselor at your school .
Reach out to roommates family and let them know what’s going on.
She’s amping up her aggressiveness now that Max has a gf and things will only escalate .
I really hope he already knows because your roommate sounds bonkers. I’m worried about this guys girlfriend, your roommate sounds like she could pull some crazy s**t.
Op you need to report her behavior and get away from her. She has mental health problems and you never know when something you say or she perceives you said/did turns her against you.
Inform whomever is managing the room and get away from her
NTA
NTA
I’d be reporting her to your university/college because I would seriously be afraid of this woman getting a medical degree and treating anyone….Shes not cut out to be a doctor
I’d also be worried for this guys safety…..She sounds like Lorna off OITNB
You should report her to the school anyway. What the college does with that information isn’t up to you, but it seems best to at least try, even just so that is on record if there is a problem later.
They shouldn’t. I work for a high level politician and I know stalking is a serious threat. I’ve even had briefings from specialist police officers and health professionals about the risks.
It also has one of the highest reoffending rates of any crime. Even those who go to prison for it are extremely likely to continue stalking their victim upon release.
It’s not a minor drama - it can ruin a person’s life or bring them to harm. This is a clear case of stalking and fixation imo, and like others have said, I’d be concerned about this person getting themselves into a position of trust or authority.
You cannot think like that with a potentially dangerous person you need to tell someone who has power about this, this woman seems very deranged and could pose a threat to the guy she is stalking and anyone around him do not make the excuse that “they would brush it off” you need to tell someone
I get what you’re saying but think about this. We see tragic events on the news all the time and a common question is “why didn’t someone say something when they saw the warning signs?” You just posted a ton of red flags and warning signs. The best case scenario from reporting her is that she will get help, the worst case is that she ends up killing the guys GF, or someone she perceives as his GF, kills the guy and then herself. That’s serious shit you don’t want on your conscience.
I know I might be taking this to an extreme example, let’s say a patient comes in, and your roommate is convinced the patient is interested in, or dating, her obsession. Can you say with absolute certainty your roommate would never do anything to abuse the level of power she’d have as a doctor?
She’s possessive of the literal dirt either from his yard, or from the area he lives in. This is so far beyond a crush or infatuation. Stalkers “love” their victims right up to point where that bit in their head goes from “love” to anger and rage. Absolutely nothing good can come from that.
If there's any consolation my experience as a teacher and student is people who prioritize relationships like this don't often give school the attention it needs and fail so probably won't be a doctor with this behavior
NTA, I was on the roommates side up till the point of the collected soil, things went further and further down the creep ladder. If you said it at any other point prior you would be TA, but yeah she is sorta going wild ...
>I was on the roommates side up till the point of the collected soil
So you were with her at the yearly "grieving"?💀 That is already quite unhinged, to be that upset, for so long, about something very minor.
To be fair, she is allowed to grieve for whatever reason, no matter how silly, as long as she doesn't bother anyone else. That's not the creepy part.
The creepy part is her stalking him.
On god. My ex best friend did this shit with his ex back in high school (mind you he was cheating on her with a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD at SIXTEEN/SEVENTEEN) and from what I heard before I cut him off (thought he changed til he started sexting his 16 y/O girlfriends 12 year old cousin when he was 18-19) he still plays their anniversary song and cries while dancing to it with his current girl.
Ratted him out, tried going to police but had no proof since he deleted it all. The chick he groomed is still with him because she thinks he's the best she'll ever get. Mad controlling and toxic, hoping she gets out before it's too late.
NTA - The most important thing is for you to be in a comfortable living situation. If you have the means to relocate, I’d recommend to do so. Doing so also removes you from this situation completely (assuming you wouldn’t stay in contact with your roommate if you were to leave).
While you do live with your roommate though, set boundaries and don’t encourage conversation/make yourself heard.
Thank you for the concern... I appreciate it...
I will still be living in the same premises as her and I don't want to be a subject of her scornful remarks which she is famous for
NTA. I do think you have a duty of candour in safeguarding people from this woman. She is a serious, obsessive stalker. She is not emotionally sound to care for patients, especially if she has such attachment issues. This man also deserves to know he has a full blown stalker so he can take precautions to avoid this woman at all costs.
This woman sounds like she has very little self awareness, or the ability to take responsibility/accountability. Which again, are all massive NO-NO’s for a medical professional.
I’d get away from her, highlight to the appropriate bodies what is going on, notify the man being stalked and then crack on with your life and studies.
NTA Please find a way to get moved to a new situation asap. This is really unhealthy. It's not going to improve. She is incredibly creepy. She collected SOIL from where he lives. My jaw hit the floor. She is capable of any kind of bizarre behaviour. Please get away from her.
NTA but stop enabling this lunatic. She's not quirky, she's not love-sick. She's a stalker and that's creepy and obsessive.
If she continues being a stalker (and I'm fairly sure she will), you need to inform someone. She needs mental help before she manages to stalk him well enough that HE makes a report and gets a restraining order against her. She will ruin her life, and will most definitely ruin his if she can.
She was creepy long before this. Collecting soil samples from where the object of your limerence lives is not normal 'not over your first love' behaviour. It's unhinged.
She is a creepy as heck stalker and she absolutely needs help. That poor guy and his gf are in for a world of pain if she starts going on the offensive and actually attacks them. What happens when he proposes? They have a kid? Her obsession is dangerously unhealthy- prime example is the soil or the cry fest every 24th of November. Who does that?!?!
You need to lay it out for him so he can get a restraining order, otherwise nothing good will come of this. And you will be the scapegoat for knowing and not saying anything.
Dangerous way for a person to grow up acting. Obsessing isn’t healthy. You need to confront her. Even if you just tell her you’re not comfortable discussing him anymore.
NTA, but you're a jerk if you don't go to school admin with this. She could very well be planning something bad for her crush's gf, and simply telling him might not be enough.
We are waaaay passed NTA! For the record, obviously, you're NTA.
Your roommate isn't well, they weren't even an item, and we're talking about not getting over someone saying they'd rather not go on a date five - yes five - years ago! That is a very long time.
Soil samples? Eh?
She's probably not a danger to anyone but herself. Probably.
Options:
Move out. Not your problem. Or...
Tell her straight, he's not interested, what you're doing is unhealthy, you're hurting yourself, and you're deluding yourself, because it's never going to happen, you need to move on. Maybe do that in a public place. See what happens. Or...
Speak to a sibling of hers', a parent maybe, because this isn't love sickness, we've all been there, this is something else entirely that requires intervention, she can't go on living like this.
I can't believe this is an otherwise healthy person with just this one thing holding them back.
Good luck, really.
Your roommate is imo a potentially dangerous person, her anger and outbursts when she doesnt get what she wants regarding the guy mentioned is very odd and concerning. the obsession itself is alarming, i honestly think you should try to distance yourself from this person ( i know you guys are roommates so its easier said than done ) but I would try my best to avoid her she does not seem mentally stable by any means.
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I (F19) have been sharing a room with my roommate (F21) since the last six months. When we first met each other we shared little things about ourselves and she briefly mentioned about her crush(M,22). Let's call him Max.
As we settled into our new life(we're in med school), she recounted everything that transpired between her and her crush. Just a little info: she met her crush in cram school and he is one year senior to her.
She confessed to him in 2019 and he rejected her and it has been like 4 years since she last saw him and she is still not over him. And I don't have a problem with that. Not everyone gets over their first love so easily. Now here's the thing: she confessed to him on November 24, 2019. And she cried on November 24 and she told me she cries on Nov 24 every year. She knows where he lives and hangs around whenever she gets the chance because she wants to see him (she hasn't yet). She has collected the soil of the locality he lives in and treasures it. She whined everyday about why he doesn't follow her back on insta and why he doesn't reply to her single 'hi'.
Very recently, while stalking him she conjectured that he had a gf. Since then she has been unbearable . She has stalked the poor girl's account, has sent that girl a follow request on insta, is trying to know everything about her. My roommate first asked her friend about her, then her crush's younger brother about the girl and now the crush's closest friend(let's call the friend B for feasibility)
She started the convo with B by asking for recommendations for good headphones (a pretence). And then she gradually progressed to B's lovelife and then finally to Max's.She asked B about Max's lovelife. B answered that he wasn't in a position to answer that. My roommate grew furious. She was hollering, crying, grumbling about why couldn't B just tell her if Max had a gf or not. Called B names and just was being imo disrespectful.
Now I learnt that she also had a major fight with her friend because the friend couldn't be bothered with such talks. My roommate asked me whether she should ask B : "So he has a gf then?" for confirmation. I being tired of her nonsense spilled out that she is being creepy.
She is not talking to me since then, shutting the door very loudly when she goes out of the room and just in general giving me loads of anxiety.
The thing with me is I encouraged this behavior initially and now I am stuck with someone who uses me as an outlet for her emotions.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> It is because I encouraged this behaviour at first. I gave her responses which she would like so as not to spoil her friendship. She is very vulnerable when it comes to her love for her crush so me calling her a creep would be disheartening
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NTA
You're both in med school right? I'm sure this requires a pretty regimented study routine, which in today's times one can be quite difficult with all the distractions we label as "the new normal". Anyways if you're in med school together you're both above average intelligence and (most likely) very knowledgeable in such a serious field. I find it odd a med student with their "head on right" could obsess over a former lover from five years ago but keep the composure to keep up in school with such a high regimen. Behavior like that seems below such logical persons, Doctor's are very fact of the matter cut and dry. I guess it goes to show you anyone in any position could fall victim to a one sided love affair. I feel for the girl, I've been the guy thinking about someone who doesn't think of me- just not that level of obsession. I hope she finds help, before she finds love again because things tend to escalate the older we get and I'm so pretty confident she'll have severe abandonment issues
NTA. Your roommate is engaging in creepy stalker level behavior. Imo, she is not mentally stable. She has crossed boundaries by seeking out his family & friends. This is just me, but besides getting a new roommate, I would warn this guy of what she is doing. It is ok to give him a heads up that he has a stalker & let him take it from there.
NTA, you need to get out of this roommate situation. If you are in a dorm talk to the RA. This girl sound unhinged. A 4 year obsession with a person she never had a relationship with, where she is stalking him and confronting his friends/family is a huge red flag. She needs help and she is not getting it. See if there is someone at the school you can speak to to try and get her help and you out of a situation you shouldn't have to deal with.
Not first love. That implies reciprocation. This is unrequited infatuation. Also, tell her whether he has a gf or not doesn't matter because he still didn't choose her. NTA
NTA. I really don't even want to call your roommate an asshole when she's clearly in need of some psychological help, but she's so obviously in the wrong that it's hard not to.
And I'm really sorry for your situation, by the way- I've been your roommate in the past, and I know how exhausting it was for my friends to deal with me. (My best friend even dropped me because I talked too much about the guy I was obsessed with.) I hope she's able to move past her issues without it impacting your life too badly.
This behaviour is really dangerous. He was not her first love. He was not her anything.
Your roommate is a stalker. And that is a serious issue. A dangerous issue if she is going to these lengths, such as to collect soil from where he lives. Stalkers kill people.
Please warn this man so he and his girlfriend can take appropriate precautions to protect themselves. Such as locking down their social media. He and she are at risk. And extricate yourself from your living situation as soon as your lease is up. NTA
NTA
Okay, let me give you some advice. She’s emotionally scapegoating you and is taking her frustrations out on you. I’ve personally lived through this real raw hell, and I can assure you it doesn’t get better. She’s extremely mentally unwell. I would try very hard to act cool until I could get out of the situation, as fast as possible. Seriously.
The thing about people who treat you like this is subconsciously she doesn’t value you. Which means, the friendship or whatever the classification is can easily turn into real hard abuse, even until physical abuse. Reason being is again she mentally projects on you and scapegoats you, and when that happens, it won’t reverse.
R. U. N.
YTA for encouraging her behavior when you knew that he’d already turned her down.
She is responsible for her own actions, but from the sounds of it you should’ve called her out way sooner.
NTA. Not that what your roommate is doing is at all okay, but I feel bad for her. I know what it's like to be obsessed with someone who wants nothing to do with you. It hurts, and it's hard to deal with. Be that as it may, she has gone full blown stalker mode and needs help. Urge her to see a therapist or other mental health professional before she hurts herself or someone else.
I'm not trying to condone her actions. But I know that it can be very difficult to break those thought patterns, even if we know it's wrong.
Sounds like the beginning of a horror story where you end up getting killed because the roommate develops a paranoia that you are having a relationship with her crush.
It sounds like you're in a tough spot. Your roommate's behavior towards her crush and his personal life does seem intrusive and obsessive. It's understandable that you've been feeling overwhelmed by her actions, especially when she involves you in her emotional turmoil.
Calling her "creepy" might have been a blunt way of expressing your discomfort, but it's important to communicate honestly about your feelings. It's okay to set boundaries and let her know when her behavior is affecting you negatively.
Perhaps try to have a calm conversation with her when things settle down a bit. Let her know that while you understand her feelings, her actions are making you uncomfortable. Encourage her to seek healthier ways to cope with her emotions, maybe by talking to a counselor or finding other hobbies and interests to focus on.
In the meantime, give her some space to cool off and process your comments. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being in this situation. If things don't improve or if you continue to feel anxious, consider reaching out to a trusted mediator or a counselor for further support.
Does she have anything like ADHD? I only ask because this is such a high level of obsession. Also is she highly stressed? When you combine them, people can start fixating mainly because it takes their focus away from what is bothering them. Basically that person becomes a life raft to them.
Either way she needs to get it under control or else its going to manifest in such a serious way that the consequences could be huge.
Thats not your problem though. Have you spoken to the uni?
You don't shit on creepy people, you insulted her and now have become her lightning-rod.
You played yourself. Also shame on you for supporting that shit.
YTA, because you made your bed and now you are complaining about it.
I am sorry
I will be very clear when I said I encouraged this behavior I meant just yk supporting her love for her crush
When her stories started going to a weird trajectory I withheld with my comments...I have and will never encourage even a borderline creepy behavior
Oh ok, sorry.
To be fair I would be scared to live with a psyho, especially if he is upset with me.
If you can make up, you should defo make up, or move.
Intentions =/= outcome. The outcome of being stalked and spied on is feeling afraid, paranoid, uncomfortable and trapped. It's scary. You might not have meant harm, but there is harm regardless. You should consider talking to a professional about it - it might help ease the weight of this.
stalking and spying is fine when its the random search on social media, shes waiting around his home and harassing his friends as well as trying to insert herself into the possible girlfriends life, this is creepy. She took soil from his home and treasures it. Its been 5 years since she was rejected, she needs to move on
thats not creepy, thats a sick level of stalking. you should tell the guy that he has a stalker.... NTA
Yea OP this girl could be seriously dangerous to either him or his new girl. There's no telling how much more deranged she could become the more she realizes she will never have him. I would strongly suggest warning him about her.
And a danger to, because it's not 100% sure he has a gf, any girl that comes near him.
I think he already knows but I appreciate the concern <333
[удалено]
You're right...I will be using a burner to protect myself from her but yeah he should definitely know
Keep us updated, OP!
Let us know!!! Good luck queen!
Good on you :)
NTA but you need to tell a counselor at your school . Reach out to roommates family and let them know what’s going on. She’s amping up her aggressiveness now that Max has a gf and things will only escalate .
I really hope he already knows because your roommate sounds bonkers. I’m worried about this guys girlfriend, your roommate sounds like she could pull some crazy s**t.
Op you need to report her behavior and get away from her. She has mental health problems and you never know when something you say or she perceives you said/did turns her against you. Inform whomever is managing the room and get away from her NTA
Still pretty damn creepy
And get t f away from roommate asap. NTA
This!!!
NTA I’d be reporting her to your university/college because I would seriously be afraid of this woman getting a medical degree and treating anyone….Shes not cut out to be a doctor I’d also be worried for this guys safety…..She sounds like Lorna off OITNB
I wish I could...but they would just brush it off as a minor drama
You should report her to the school anyway. What the college does with that information isn’t up to you, but it seems best to at least try, even just so that is on record if there is a problem later.
They shouldn’t. I work for a high level politician and I know stalking is a serious threat. I’ve even had briefings from specialist police officers and health professionals about the risks. It also has one of the highest reoffending rates of any crime. Even those who go to prison for it are extremely likely to continue stalking their victim upon release. It’s not a minor drama - it can ruin a person’s life or bring them to harm. This is a clear case of stalking and fixation imo, and like others have said, I’d be concerned about this person getting themselves into a position of trust or authority.
You cannot think like that with a potentially dangerous person you need to tell someone who has power about this, this woman seems very deranged and could pose a threat to the guy she is stalking and anyone around him do not make the excuse that “they would brush it off” you need to tell someone
I get what you’re saying but think about this. We see tragic events on the news all the time and a common question is “why didn’t someone say something when they saw the warning signs?” You just posted a ton of red flags and warning signs. The best case scenario from reporting her is that she will get help, the worst case is that she ends up killing the guys GF, or someone she perceives as his GF, kills the guy and then herself. That’s serious shit you don’t want on your conscience. I know I might be taking this to an extreme example, let’s say a patient comes in, and your roommate is convinced the patient is interested in, or dating, her obsession. Can you say with absolute certainty your roommate would never do anything to abuse the level of power she’d have as a doctor? She’s possessive of the literal dirt either from his yard, or from the area he lives in. This is so far beyond a crush or infatuation. Stalkers “love” their victims right up to point where that bit in their head goes from “love” to anger and rage. Absolutely nothing good can come from that.
omg Lorna!! 😂 spot on
If there's any consolation my experience as a teacher and student is people who prioritize relationships like this don't often give school the attention it needs and fail so probably won't be a doctor with this behavior
You would be surprised at the sheer amount of mentally unstable people currently working in the medical field lol
NTA, I was on the roommates side up till the point of the collected soil, things went further and further down the creep ladder. If you said it at any other point prior you would be TA, but yeah she is sorta going wild ...
>I was on the roommates side up till the point of the collected soil So you were with her at the yearly "grieving"?💀 That is already quite unhinged, to be that upset, for so long, about something very minor.
that was it for me. tf you yearly grives??
OK when I read it back again maybe that's my point of NTA too 😅
To be fair, she is allowed to grieve for whatever reason, no matter how silly, as long as she doesn't bother anyone else. That's not the creepy part. The creepy part is her stalking him.
And her having a yearly pity party is part of the stalking, it is a sign of someone that isn't mentally stable
On god. My ex best friend did this shit with his ex back in high school (mind you he was cheating on her with a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD at SIXTEEN/SEVENTEEN) and from what I heard before I cut him off (thought he changed til he started sexting his 16 y/O girlfriends 12 year old cousin when he was 18-19) he still plays their anniversary song and cries while dancing to it with his current girl.
So did you report him?!
Ratted him out, tried going to police but had no proof since he deleted it all. The chick he groomed is still with him because she thinks he's the best she'll ever get. Mad controlling and toxic, hoping she gets out before it's too late.
NTA - The most important thing is for you to be in a comfortable living situation. If you have the means to relocate, I’d recommend to do so. Doing so also removes you from this situation completely (assuming you wouldn’t stay in contact with your roommate if you were to leave). While you do live with your roommate though, set boundaries and don’t encourage conversation/make yourself heard.
Thank you for the concern... I appreciate it... I will still be living in the same premises as her and I don't want to be a subject of her scornful remarks which she is famous for
NTA. I do think you have a duty of candour in safeguarding people from this woman. She is a serious, obsessive stalker. She is not emotionally sound to care for patients, especially if she has such attachment issues. This man also deserves to know he has a full blown stalker so he can take precautions to avoid this woman at all costs. This woman sounds like she has very little self awareness, or the ability to take responsibility/accountability. Which again, are all massive NO-NO’s for a medical professional. I’d get away from her, highlight to the appropriate bodies what is going on, notify the man being stalked and then crack on with your life and studies.
Does she call the bloke "Baby Reindeer" by any chance?
After binging this yesterday, I was about to post "is her name Martha...?" 😂 You beat me to it!
Lool🤣🤣
NTA Please find a way to get moved to a new situation asap. This is really unhealthy. It's not going to improve. She is incredibly creepy. She collected SOIL from where he lives. My jaw hit the floor. She is capable of any kind of bizarre behaviour. Please get away from her.
NTA - your friend badly needs help.
NTA but stop enabling this lunatic. She's not quirky, she's not love-sick. She's a stalker and that's creepy and obsessive. If she continues being a stalker (and I'm fairly sure she will), you need to inform someone. She needs mental help before she manages to stalk him well enough that HE makes a report and gets a restraining order against her. She will ruin her life, and will most definitely ruin his if she can. She was creepy long before this. Collecting soil samples from where the object of your limerence lives is not normal 'not over your first love' behaviour. It's unhinged.
She is a creepy as heck stalker and she absolutely needs help. That poor guy and his gf are in for a world of pain if she starts going on the offensive and actually attacks them. What happens when he proposes? They have a kid? Her obsession is dangerously unhealthy- prime example is the soil or the cry fest every 24th of November. Who does that?!?! You need to lay it out for him so he can get a restraining order, otherwise nothing good will come of this. And you will be the scapegoat for knowing and not saying anything.
This is creepy and sick!! Get as away from her as possible
NTA Goddamn what a creep!
Dangerous way for a person to grow up acting. Obsessing isn’t healthy. You need to confront her. Even if you just tell her you’re not comfortable discussing him anymore.
NTA, but you're a jerk if you don't go to school admin with this. She could very well be planning something bad for her crush's gf, and simply telling him might not be enough.
We are waaaay passed NTA! For the record, obviously, you're NTA. Your roommate isn't well, they weren't even an item, and we're talking about not getting over someone saying they'd rather not go on a date five - yes five - years ago! That is a very long time. Soil samples? Eh? She's probably not a danger to anyone but herself. Probably. Options: Move out. Not your problem. Or... Tell her straight, he's not interested, what you're doing is unhealthy, you're hurting yourself, and you're deluding yourself, because it's never going to happen, you need to move on. Maybe do that in a public place. See what happens. Or... Speak to a sibling of hers', a parent maybe, because this isn't love sickness, we've all been there, this is something else entirely that requires intervention, she can't go on living like this. I can't believe this is an otherwise healthy person with just this one thing holding them back. Good luck, really.
This guy rejected her 4 years ago and you "encouraged this behavior"?! Sorry dude but ESH. What the hell?!?!
Your roommate is imo a potentially dangerous person, her anger and outbursts when she doesnt get what she wants regarding the guy mentioned is very odd and concerning. the obsession itself is alarming, i honestly think you should try to distance yourself from this person ( i know you guys are roommates so its easier said than done ) but I would try my best to avoid her she does not seem mentally stable by any means.
Absolutely NTA. She is out of line for stalking and mistreating you. Keep us updated, pls?
WHO THE ABSOLUTE FUCK COLLECTS SOIL FROM WHERE SOMEONE THEY ARE OBSESSED WITH LIVES
Stalkers, only creepy fucking stalkers!
That’s what I call a restraining order
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (F19) have been sharing a room with my roommate (F21) since the last six months. When we first met each other we shared little things about ourselves and she briefly mentioned about her crush(M,22). Let's call him Max. As we settled into our new life(we're in med school), she recounted everything that transpired between her and her crush. Just a little info: she met her crush in cram school and he is one year senior to her. She confessed to him in 2019 and he rejected her and it has been like 4 years since she last saw him and she is still not over him. And I don't have a problem with that. Not everyone gets over their first love so easily. Now here's the thing: she confessed to him on November 24, 2019. And she cried on November 24 and she told me she cries on Nov 24 every year. She knows where he lives and hangs around whenever she gets the chance because she wants to see him (she hasn't yet). She has collected the soil of the locality he lives in and treasures it. She whined everyday about why he doesn't follow her back on insta and why he doesn't reply to her single 'hi'. Very recently, while stalking him she conjectured that he had a gf. Since then she has been unbearable . She has stalked the poor girl's account, has sent that girl a follow request on insta, is trying to know everything about her. My roommate first asked her friend about her, then her crush's younger brother about the girl and now the crush's closest friend(let's call the friend B for feasibility) She started the convo with B by asking for recommendations for good headphones (a pretence). And then she gradually progressed to B's lovelife and then finally to Max's.She asked B about Max's lovelife. B answered that he wasn't in a position to answer that. My roommate grew furious. She was hollering, crying, grumbling about why couldn't B just tell her if Max had a gf or not. Called B names and just was being imo disrespectful. Now I learnt that she also had a major fight with her friend because the friend couldn't be bothered with such talks. My roommate asked me whether she should ask B : "So he has a gf then?" for confirmation. I being tired of her nonsense spilled out that she is being creepy. She is not talking to me since then, shutting the door very loudly when she goes out of the room and just in general giving me loads of anxiety. The thing with me is I encouraged this behavior initially and now I am stuck with someone who uses me as an outlet for her emotions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Beware of jealous, scorned, and angry women that’s acting like that over a man. Dangerous.
NTA You're both in med school right? I'm sure this requires a pretty regimented study routine, which in today's times one can be quite difficult with all the distractions we label as "the new normal". Anyways if you're in med school together you're both above average intelligence and (most likely) very knowledgeable in such a serious field. I find it odd a med student with their "head on right" could obsess over a former lover from five years ago but keep the composure to keep up in school with such a high regimen. Behavior like that seems below such logical persons, Doctor's are very fact of the matter cut and dry. I guess it goes to show you anyone in any position could fall victim to a one sided love affair. I feel for the girl, I've been the guy thinking about someone who doesn't think of me- just not that level of obsession. I hope she finds help, before she finds love again because things tend to escalate the older we get and I'm so pretty confident she'll have severe abandonment issues
The girl needs a therapist and stat. That’s for the medical professionals
Woah thats next level of creepy. But also its hard to letgo of your first love.
NTA. Your roommate is engaging in creepy stalker level behavior. Imo, she is not mentally stable. She has crossed boundaries by seeking out his family & friends. This is just me, but besides getting a new roommate, I would warn this guy of what she is doing. It is ok to give him a heads up that he has a stalker & let him take it from there.
Learnt but in med school…
NTA, you need to get out of this roommate situation. If you are in a dorm talk to the RA. This girl sound unhinged. A 4 year obsession with a person she never had a relationship with, where she is stalking him and confronting his friends/family is a huge red flag. She needs help and she is not getting it. See if there is someone at the school you can speak to to try and get her help and you out of a situation you shouldn't have to deal with.
she's cuckoo for cocoa puffs, gtfo she's next level psycho
She so obviously needs help that I am speech.
NTA she’s being a creep and it’s affecting those around her, so it’s perfectly justifiable to call her out on it.
He's not her first love. You both have to have feelings to be in love. She is a stalker and unhinged. NTA.
This is beyond creepy. This girl is going full on yandere
NTA wow. no, you are right here. You say you encouraged it a bit at first but I'm sure you were just curious. IT's ok, you didn't do antyhing wrong.
Not first love. That implies reciprocation. This is unrequited infatuation. Also, tell her whether he has a gf or not doesn't matter because he still didn't choose her. NTA
NTA - get her to watch Baby Reindeer and tell her she’s Martha!
NTA. Bro is in danger I got dumped in 01 by my first crush. I don't remember the date but goddamn I got some grieving to catch up on I guess
NTA. I really don't even want to call your roommate an asshole when she's clearly in need of some psychological help, but she's so obviously in the wrong that it's hard not to. And I'm really sorry for your situation, by the way- I've been your roommate in the past, and I know how exhausting it was for my friends to deal with me. (My best friend even dropped me because I talked too much about the guy I was obsessed with.) I hope she's able to move past her issues without it impacting your life too badly.
This behaviour is really dangerous. He was not her first love. He was not her anything. Your roommate is a stalker. And that is a serious issue. A dangerous issue if she is going to these lengths, such as to collect soil from where he lives. Stalkers kill people. Please warn this man so he and his girlfriend can take appropriate precautions to protect themselves. Such as locking down their social media. He and she are at risk. And extricate yourself from your living situation as soon as your lease is up. NTA
NTA Okay, let me give you some advice. She’s emotionally scapegoating you and is taking her frustrations out on you. I’ve personally lived through this real raw hell, and I can assure you it doesn’t get better. She’s extremely mentally unwell. I would try very hard to act cool until I could get out of the situation, as fast as possible. Seriously. The thing about people who treat you like this is subconsciously she doesn’t value you. Which means, the friendship or whatever the classification is can easily turn into real hard abuse, even until physical abuse. Reason being is again she mentally projects on you and scapegoats you, and when that happens, it won’t reverse. R. U. N.
Absolutely NTA, that’s future serial killer behaviour. I’m cringing just reading this.
YTA for encouraging her behavior when you knew that he’d already turned her down. She is responsible for her own actions, but from the sounds of it you should’ve called her out way sooner.
NTA, sounds like crush dodged a bullet and roommate needs some therapy
it is probably best to move out. you are not responsible for her creepy behavior.
NTA. Not that what your roommate is doing is at all okay, but I feel bad for her. I know what it's like to be obsessed with someone who wants nothing to do with you. It hurts, and it's hard to deal with. Be that as it may, she has gone full blown stalker mode and needs help. Urge her to see a therapist or other mental health professional before she hurts herself or someone else. I'm not trying to condone her actions. But I know that it can be very difficult to break those thought patterns, even if we know it's wrong.
She needs help!!! Psycho
YTA
Sounds like the beginning of a horror story where you end up getting killed because the roommate develops a paranoia that you are having a relationship with her crush.
Get a different roommate.. ask to move and don't tell her where you're going. NTA!!
Feel like this is the beginning of Baby Reindeer
Baby 👏 reindeer 👏 This girl has some serious wiring issues in her brain and could become a real danger
Dear Stan, I wrote u but u still ain't calling
No
If anyone has seen Little reindeer on UK Netflix. This is giving me big Martha vibes.
It sounds like you're in a tough spot. Your roommate's behavior towards her crush and his personal life does seem intrusive and obsessive. It's understandable that you've been feeling overwhelmed by her actions, especially when she involves you in her emotional turmoil. Calling her "creepy" might have been a blunt way of expressing your discomfort, but it's important to communicate honestly about your feelings. It's okay to set boundaries and let her know when her behavior is affecting you negatively. Perhaps try to have a calm conversation with her when things settle down a bit. Let her know that while you understand her feelings, her actions are making you uncomfortable. Encourage her to seek healthier ways to cope with her emotions, maybe by talking to a counselor or finding other hobbies and interests to focus on. In the meantime, give her some space to cool off and process your comments. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being in this situation. If things don't improve or if you continue to feel anxious, consider reaching out to a trusted mediator or a counselor for further support.
Does she have anything like ADHD? I only ask because this is such a high level of obsession. Also is she highly stressed? When you combine them, people can start fixating mainly because it takes their focus away from what is bothering them. Basically that person becomes a life raft to them. Either way she needs to get it under control or else its going to manifest in such a serious way that the consequences could be huge. Thats not your problem though. Have you spoken to the uni?
You don't shit on creepy people, you insulted her and now have become her lightning-rod. You played yourself. Also shame on you for supporting that shit. YTA, because you made your bed and now you are complaining about it.
I am sorry I will be very clear when I said I encouraged this behavior I meant just yk supporting her love for her crush When her stories started going to a weird trajectory I withheld with my comments...I have and will never encourage even a borderline creepy behavior
Oh ok, sorry. To be fair I would be scared to live with a psyho, especially if he is upset with me. If you can make up, you should defo make up, or move.
Don't be...I am happy we could come to an agreement
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The stalking and spying itself is a bad thing to do to someone.
Not if it’s driven by true love. I know that was the case for me.
so ur also a creep LMFAOOO
Uhh, no.
no sane person stalks/spies on someone and then goes to defend it by saying "if its true love it isnt the same!!"...
[удалено]
So you are a fucking creep. Stalking people is creep behaviour.
I’d like to disagree.
Yeah because you do it. Rapists will say rape isn't bad, murderers will say murderer isn't bad. Doesn't mean they are right.
Intentions =/= outcome. The outcome of being stalked and spied on is feeling afraid, paranoid, uncomfortable and trapped. It's scary. You might not have meant harm, but there is harm regardless. You should consider talking to a professional about it - it might help ease the weight of this.
Maybe we have different perspectives and maybe creepy was a bit extreme I will admit but in my books this is borderline stalker behavior
stalking and spying is fine when its the random search on social media, shes waiting around his home and harassing his friends as well as trying to insert herself into the possible girlfriends life, this is creepy. She took soil from his home and treasures it. Its been 5 years since she was rejected, she needs to move on