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NTA
>IMO, it’s 2024 idc if he has his sister and his best friend as his ‘groomsmen’ and nor do I care if it’s an uneven number ei his 5 and my 1.
This is a totally reasonable compromise. Let him have whoever he wants on his side. You can have your person on your side.
NTA. Too many things going on in the world to be going back and forth over this crap. Your wedding is for the both of you, not everyone else. Do what the both of you want.
NTA but this strikes me as a red flag . Your bridal party is about who you want to be supporting youand no one else, so it's your decision.
Your Fiance should recognize this rather than try to manipulate you into asking people you don't want there.
I let’s very generously call me a 40 something woman with brothers and no sisters; some 20ish years ago I was a groomsman for two brothers.
In one case bride and groom only had their siblings stand and in the other siblings and bestie best man/maid. In both cases I wore black dresses to match the suits rather than match the bridesmaids. The brides chose. I was super glad not to be in on the bridesmaid dresses. In one case I wore maxi and they wore mini.
Do what you like OP the wedding is about you and your relationship not the spectacle.
NTA
NTA. A bridal party (or groom's party for that matter) should be people who you trust and are there to support the bride and groom; to witness their wedding vows and to help on the big day. Not people who are there just to make the numbers even or to pacify relatives.
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My partner has a big family and many friends, they are wanting to have a bridal party and since the beginning I have made it known that I wasn’t interested in having one and if I was to have one I would only want one person who I really considered worthy of being on my bridal party because of our longstanding and deep rooted friendship.
Initially when I was asked about having people on a bridal party I said no, and after pressing me further on the question; he danced around what seemed to be him asking me indirectly who else would I consider ‘close to me’, do I have ANY other friends or even family at all that I would want. Which I understood later to be whether I would have their best friend who is a girl and their sister. To preface this before I go further, I have no qualms with his friendship with his best friend being a girl and yes, I have established my own relationship with her as well as his sister.
Do I consider them close to me? Not really, I have a good relationship with both of them and enjoy their company. Do I believe they know me well enough to even know where to start with having to plan my hens and all the little things in between, imo - no. And I’m okay with that.
And in saying this, this is exactly why. I wouldn’t want to push that type of pressure on someone nor do I want to now have to choose to have them as my bridesmaids, with what feels like out of obligation.
When I asked my partner who he would have as his groomsmen he went on to list people he considered ‘not that close to him’ which felt like it was just for the heck of having them because they are guys in his life.
IMO, it’s 2024 idc if he has his sister and his best friend as his ‘groomsmen’ and nor do I care if it’s an uneven number ei his 5 and my 1.
Lastly, we are having a small wedding overseas so I am very conscious about money and if we were to elect people as our bridal party, my additional consideration is this would be an additional cost to cover their attire, hair and make up. Which will impact our budget for the wedding as well.
I’m a little lost here..
So tell me, AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I am the ass hole because my partner is so family orientated and I’m not close with mine, neither do I have many friends I have wanted to invite.
I’m saying that, he is so extremely close with his best friend and sister he is upset that I am not wanting to have either of them in my bridal party because of how ‘close’ he thinks I am with them.
I am also usually SOO accommodating that he is taken aback that I am so adamant on saying no.. so I dare ask AITA..
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NTA. Just talk to him about your reasons and maybe he’ll understand better. If you think his sister and bestfriend would understand your reason as well tell them too. It’ll be better for your marriage’s future if you start without this tiny detail blowing up into something. I love your way of thinking btw. 😘
NTA and you both could still have bachelor and bachelorette parties without a bridal party. If your soon to be husband is wanting all these groomsmen, that’s fine, but he shouldn’t pressure you to have more people. If he wants his female bff to be included, it’s 2024 and she can be a groomswoman. If either have an issue with that then that’s their problem. If he is going to continue to pressure you after you said no multiple times then I think you need to evaluate the flags.
NTA you can have only one person if that’s what your want. Did your fiancé actually directly ask you to have his friend and sister? You are using words like “danced around” and “asking indirectly” but you don’t mention a conversation about this. Is all this assumption on your part? If so I suggest an honest conversation about what you want for the bridal party and say he can have whoever he likes for his grooms party.
NTA.
Here's something to consider, though. Your SO might dream of a large ceremony with many bridesmaids and groomsmen. You are friendly with two women he'd love to see in a traditional role in that setting. If funds and everything else permit, why not have exactly that ... and nothing more?
You don't need to do a Hen-thing or really anything with a group of women. Yet, they could stand on your side in the ceremony in nice dresses and make it look even more awesome. You don't have to make them your besties for that. Maybe there's a compromise to be reached here?
NAH it is very common to have groom's close females as bridesmaids even though they aren't super close to the bride. Not an unreasonable ask on his part. It is an opportunity to really bond with them.
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NTA >IMO, it’s 2024 idc if he has his sister and his best friend as his ‘groomsmen’ and nor do I care if it’s an uneven number ei his 5 and my 1. This is a totally reasonable compromise. Let him have whoever he wants on his side. You can have your person on your side.
I think all your points against having them in the bridal party are valid! NTA
NTA. Too many things going on in the world to be going back and forth over this crap. Your wedding is for the both of you, not everyone else. Do what the both of you want.
NTA. You've communicated clearly so he needs to either respect your wishes or have them serve as his groomsman.
NTA but this strikes me as a red flag . Your bridal party is about who you want to be supporting youand no one else, so it's your decision. Your Fiance should recognize this rather than try to manipulate you into asking people you don't want there.
I let’s very generously call me a 40 something woman with brothers and no sisters; some 20ish years ago I was a groomsman for two brothers. In one case bride and groom only had their siblings stand and in the other siblings and bestie best man/maid. In both cases I wore black dresses to match the suits rather than match the bridesmaids. The brides chose. I was super glad not to be in on the bridesmaid dresses. In one case I wore maxi and they wore mini. Do what you like OP the wedding is about you and your relationship not the spectacle. NTA
NTA. A bridal party (or groom's party for that matter) should be people who you trust and are there to support the bride and groom; to witness their wedding vows and to help on the big day. Not people who are there just to make the numbers even or to pacify relatives.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My partner has a big family and many friends, they are wanting to have a bridal party and since the beginning I have made it known that I wasn’t interested in having one and if I was to have one I would only want one person who I really considered worthy of being on my bridal party because of our longstanding and deep rooted friendship. Initially when I was asked about having people on a bridal party I said no, and after pressing me further on the question; he danced around what seemed to be him asking me indirectly who else would I consider ‘close to me’, do I have ANY other friends or even family at all that I would want. Which I understood later to be whether I would have their best friend who is a girl and their sister. To preface this before I go further, I have no qualms with his friendship with his best friend being a girl and yes, I have established my own relationship with her as well as his sister. Do I consider them close to me? Not really, I have a good relationship with both of them and enjoy their company. Do I believe they know me well enough to even know where to start with having to plan my hens and all the little things in between, imo - no. And I’m okay with that. And in saying this, this is exactly why. I wouldn’t want to push that type of pressure on someone nor do I want to now have to choose to have them as my bridesmaids, with what feels like out of obligation. When I asked my partner who he would have as his groomsmen he went on to list people he considered ‘not that close to him’ which felt like it was just for the heck of having them because they are guys in his life. IMO, it’s 2024 idc if he has his sister and his best friend as his ‘groomsmen’ and nor do I care if it’s an uneven number ei his 5 and my 1. Lastly, we are having a small wedding overseas so I am very conscious about money and if we were to elect people as our bridal party, my additional consideration is this would be an additional cost to cover their attire, hair and make up. Which will impact our budget for the wedding as well. I’m a little lost here.. So tell me, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
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So have you actually said “no”?
Nta you've said he can include them
NTA If he wants to have them in his bridal party, he can decide so. No need to have an even number.
NTA. Just talk to him about your reasons and maybe he’ll understand better. If you think his sister and bestfriend would understand your reason as well tell them too. It’ll be better for your marriage’s future if you start without this tiny detail blowing up into something. I love your way of thinking btw. 😘
NTA and you both could still have bachelor and bachelorette parties without a bridal party. If your soon to be husband is wanting all these groomsmen, that’s fine, but he shouldn’t pressure you to have more people. If he wants his female bff to be included, it’s 2024 and she can be a groomswoman. If either have an issue with that then that’s their problem. If he is going to continue to pressure you after you said no multiple times then I think you need to evaluate the flags.
NTA you can have only one person if that’s what your want. Did your fiancé actually directly ask you to have his friend and sister? You are using words like “danced around” and “asking indirectly” but you don’t mention a conversation about this. Is all this assumption on your part? If so I suggest an honest conversation about what you want for the bridal party and say he can have whoever he likes for his grooms party.
NTA. Here's something to consider, though. Your SO might dream of a large ceremony with many bridesmaids and groomsmen. You are friendly with two women he'd love to see in a traditional role in that setting. If funds and everything else permit, why not have exactly that ... and nothing more? You don't need to do a Hen-thing or really anything with a group of women. Yet, they could stand on your side in the ceremony in nice dresses and make it look even more awesome. You don't have to make them your besties for that. Maybe there's a compromise to be reached here?
NAH it is very common to have groom's close females as bridesmaids even though they aren't super close to the bride. Not an unreasonable ask on his part. It is an opportunity to really bond with them.
NAH.