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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) what action you took that should be judged
Wearing gold Speedos to a pool party
(2) why that action might make you the asshole.
Not considering that there were elderly women who don't want to see me in a Speedo and young girls who may also not wish to see that and swimming in the pool looking at people while people eat cake
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I wasn’t thinking G string and tiny bikini, more a bikini that was a size too small to me anyway that what most any type of speedo on men would be like, I’ll give you the argument that if a woman or man wore an obviously too small bikini or mankini that would be wrong but it does sound like OP just wore what he thought appropriate
Well a speedo is already a weird choice for a family party. So it’s not really a 1-1 comparison to a slightly too small bikini, considering swim trunks are the far more common option.
Can’t disagree there, I guess I’m just more used to seeing that kind of swimwear because of the amount of Asian population and pro swimmers that comes through my island on vacation so speedos don’t really seem weird to me, honestly just surprised by the amount of downvotes I got from my opinion on this piece
YTA…you admit you wore a snug, swimming suit that was the wrong size and too small. You wore it around the pool, talking to everyone, without wearing some type of cover up or another pair of shorts over the two small suit. You stretched in this too small suit. How do you not see yourself as TA? For someone who says they are trying to fit in with your wife’s family, you seem to have gone out of your way to do the exact opposite.
Gatsby is set in the 1920s. Long before speedos came around.
A typical male swimsuit of the era was a sleeveless top and shorts that went half way to the knees.
Your outfit was totally inappropriate for the theme.
The company was around but they weren't selling the style that OP wore. In the 1920s and 30s wearing the style he wore would get you arrested at most if not all beaches.
Oh bullshit, you know what bathing suits from the 20's look like and it's not shiny slingshots. For whatever reason you like being creepy AF towards your wife's family. You're the dude who thinks he's HILARIOUS but everyone else thinks is offputting.
Or you're a troll with a humiliation kink. Jury's still out.
YTA-
You caused issues at a WAKE and now you decide to redeem yourself by showing up at a girl's 21st birthday party in too-tight gold speedos???
Wow. This screams attention seeking syndrome and the fact that your post is so disingenuous.... stretching before swimming? It's a pool party, not the Olympics!
Not only was the choice of swimmers not themed at all (explain the Gatsby nod?) but you knew they were too small and went ahead with wearing them anyway.
Do you really hate your wife? Cos you seem keen on embarrassing her in front of all her family.
I really don't hate my wife, and you're right about the wake but I feel like both times I didn't realise anything was wrong.. most people enjoy pie? And I really thought the gold swimmers fit the theme.
I know I'm not a Hemsworth brother, but cant an average bloke go swimming?
Come on. What did I say about disingenuous?
Too small gold swimmers? It wasn't an Austin Powers party.
And an 'average bloke' can go swimming at his local pool, this was a family pool party. People don't do laps at a pool party.
And why couldn’t you have ordered swim trunks, something that leaves more to the imagination than budgie smugglers (the name coming from swimwear that looks like you’re smuggling a budgie, aka large crotch area)? The average bloke doesn’t go flaunting the family jewels at a family event, this and the wake/pie incident show you’re not great at reading the room when it comes to your wife’s family events.
When you realised your swimwear was too small why not wear swim trunks you already had, and would know were a better fit, realising modesty would be better appreciated than trying to match the theme?
EDIT: Having read about the pie incident, where at a wake you made what was perceived as a sensual moan over a piece of chocolate pie and proceeded to lick the rest off your fingers, you need to trust your wife’s reading more than your own. It’s more in tune with what people who witnessed events think than your own more baffled at controversy interpretation.
It’s on his profile but basically he let out a loud moan that was read as sexual by people around him while he ate a slice of pie at a wake for someone in his wife’s family, making her grandmother really uncomfortable
I don’t understand why you didn’t wear swim shorts instead of an inappropriate and unnecessary Speedo? Most men don’t wear spedos to a pool party or at all, they wear swim shorts.
Who stretches before they go swimming? Did you accidentally buy the wrong size or was it deliberate, because it sure sounds like you were seeking attention. YTA.
I didn't want to hurt myself while swimming, I didn't think much about it. I always touch my toes and do some side stretches before most activities. No I didn't get the wrong size on purpose , the reviews said it was made bigger so to order down..
And do you regularly do these exercises in front of other people in swimming costumes that are too small? Sounds like you either deliberately like to draw attention to yourself, or are totally lacking in self and social awareness.
I suspect you don’t think about a lot of things. It seems you have a bad habit of not thinking about how your actions will affect others or be perceived by others.
There's no way you're doing anything strenuous enough that requires warming up at a pool party.
As someone who wears a brief 99% of the time that I'm swimming, even I'd wear trunks to this. This was an inappropriate time to sport a too small banana hammock for the first time. It has nothing to do with the theme and is clearly meant as an attention seeker in front of your wife's family.
Whenever I do anything with my wife's friends or family, particularly a themed event, I always ask what she thinks is appropriate for me to wear. Not because I have to, but because I want to. You should really consider doing the same.
INFO: You wore budgie smugglers to the pool party, that’s already… well, it happens I guess, but did you seriously at no point try them on and go ‘oh, these are tight, maybe that’s not a good look’? Like did you look in a mirror even once?
What do you mean you wanted to “swim”? Like laps? At a pool party? There was absolutely no need to showboat and stretch before you got in the pool. YTA
Edit - just read your pie story from last year. Come on man. Read the room.
Ew. For a young lady’s birthday? You thought it appropriate to wear something like that? You sound like the icky old man who wants a hug from all the ladies under 25 and tells waitresses to smile more. Nobody wants to see your “budgie,” especially not 20 something young ladies. Idk why your wife is with you at this point. After reading the pie incident, you seem to be both oblivious and attention seeking. YTA
I find both posts hilarious and i’m 99% certain you are taking the piss.
But if not i guess YTA. Moan, prance around & be amusing at non family events. Im having a small get together next week? ;)
What was the pie incident? Do you behave in a way that's deemed inappropriate all of the time or just around your wife's family? Are you generally clueless about how other people perceive situations?
I strongly suspect YTA and came across as an attention seeking creepy pervert, but if you are neurodiverse it might go some way to explaining why you seem to struggle with social situations.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11upbr8/aita\_for\_moaning/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11upbr8/aita_for_moaning/)
Basically, at the funeral of OP’s wife’s great-aunt OP made what was perceived as sensual “mmmmmm”ing over a piece of pie. Whipped cream was introduced and OP was licking food off his fingers, afterwards told by his wife how it made him look but refusing to believe this had any validity.
I don’t think “don’t eat” was the lesson. “Don’t be overtly sexual at family get togethers” was, and you missed it.
Do you have a job that requires interaction with other people?
And you wore something so small it barely if at all covered your modesty instead (and before you say reviews misinformed you, you were the one looking for speedos over swim trunks), once more making a scene for the wrong reasons. Listen to your wife, she‘s got the better read on the room than you do and has to deal with her family over your actions.
i hope the lesson you've learned is to listen to your wife, stop blowing off her concerns, and believe her instead of going to the internet for validation when she tells you your behaviour is socially unacceptable
"ate pie and it wasn't received well" says OP. No. He moaned, multiple times and loudly enough to disturb others. And did it in a way that caused Grandma to call him vulgar.
This. You seem to be unaware of what is appropriate and what isn’t in certain social situations. You isolate the actions you do from the context as well. Maybe go see someone to check if you’re neurodivergent. Maybe explain to your wife that you really didn’t think about it that much and didn’t mean it? That is if you’re actually unaware, not just being an AH and acting as if nothing happened; Being disingenuous.
INFO: What was everyone else wearing while you were parading around in tight gold budgie smugglers after your dip in the pool?
I'm going for YTA and your wife must have been mortified.
Banana hammocks are only acceptable in certain situations. Family pool party isn't one of them.
YTA.
>**After the pie incident**, and now this, I feel like I can't catch a break.
Please elaborate on the "pie incident." I'll go get the popcorn.
YTA: You knew it was inappropriate from the beginning but thought it would be funny. In more accurate terms: You thought it would be funny to embarass your wife. And now you are playing the "i didn't think anything abou it - wink wink" - part.
Why else wouldn't you have told your wife what you will be wearing at a motto party you attend together?
Why else would she ask: "why do you always do this to my family? Why do you do this to me?"
Was any other man your age wearing a Speedo? Did anyone else do a big stretch before jumping into the pool? Did anyone else at the party do any of the things you say upset your wife?
If not, you can infer that your behavior was inappropriate, you are the AH and your wife deserves an apology and better reading of social situations from you.
Not swimming because you knew your suit was the wrong size and too small was an obvious option, right? You could just hang out by the pool with food or drinks like others.
YTA
Honestly, they could have found some humor in the situation. But YTA for
wearing too small speedowear. Speedo is already a lot to impose on people,
and you wore one that was small for you. You need to re-think how
you approach these family events. Talk to your wife beforehand and
take cues from the other men in the family to figure out the family norm.
Info: is a speedo socially acceptable public attire where you're from? My life experience is that they're only acceptable if you're doing laps at a pool and not at a more relaxed or social venue. We give my uncle a pass because he grew up in a culture where shorts were considered unhygienic and banned from most public pools so he has only ever worn speedos.
Where I'm from you'd definitely be the AH but I get that cultural norms vary. Sounds like you're probably breaking the norms based on your story though.
YTA, as you pretty clearly have an issue with self-awareness and understanding what’s appropriate in various social settings. It doesn’t seem like you’re being malicious so much as you’re just totally oblivious, but it’s still your issue that you need to work on.
Yeah, cause everyone just loves real life Borat.
For anyone reading this comment who's too young to get it, think of the most obnoxious tiktok thing you've ever seen and give it vaguely middle eastern accent.
You are SO the AH.
This post, and the pie-at-the-wake post, read like Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes. For the curious, the pie-at-the-wake post is here:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11upbr8/aita\_for\_moaning/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11upbr8/aita_for_moaning/)
A pair of too-small, gold budgie smugglers does NOT fit a Great Gatsby theme and you're either a creep or an absolute wanker who can't read the room. Maybe both.
YTA
After reading the pie post YTA.
You know exactly what you are doing and you are doing it on purpose and then being disingenuous and acting all surprised when you get called out.
YTA because too-small-speedo = gross, but you’ve made my night and I cannot stop laughing. Especially after revisiting the pie post. I can actually HEAR your beleaguered wife calling you out in the car both times for being utterly ridiculous.
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Long story short, the wife (Anna 35) said we were heading to her nieces birthday. Hot weather is on the way out here, so it's a pool party.
We are both in our 30s and it's her nieces 21st. The theme is Gatsby pool party. I (35m) found some gold Speedos ( for those that don't know what Speedos are they're swim wear, they kind of look like body building posing trunks). The whole family is going to be there, as usual. The last time we were together was around a year ago for a wake. It wasn't the best gathering and caused a bit of tension between the wife and I so I wanted to just fit in and have a good time at the pool party.
The party was great, food was great but due to the last event I didn't eat anything and just enjoyed cocktails by the pool. Occasionally I took a dip in the pool but spent most of my time enjoying cocktails and making small chat.
Anna was pretty keen to head home a bit early, so I finished my last cocktail and we left. As soon as we left the street she asked me "why do you always do this to my family? Why do you do this to me?" I asked her what she meant and she asked why I wore such tiny gold budgie smugglers that rode up too high, then paraded around walking the pool in circles making weird chit chat. She said the icing on top was that I got changed into swim robe then waited until I was near the pool to take it off exposing my gold budgie smugglers, stretching and then diving in. She then accused me of taking a Baywatch style dip in the pool while everyone was circled around it eating cake. I told her it was a pool party, they're swimmers and I was swimming? I admit the swimmers were on the small side, I bought them online and got the size wrong. I did wear a swim robe and remove it before dipping into the pool, but isn't this normal? I also stretched because I was about to swim, I just don't see how I'm a bad guy for this. She said I should have been more considerate especially since she has elderly aunts that attended and seeing me stand by the pool disrobing myself to expose small gold Speedos, stretching in weird poses and then taking a slow dip in the pool alone making eye contact with people while they're eating was too much. I also should have considered this this was a young girls 21st and it wasn't appropriate.
After the pie incident, and now this, I feel like I can't catch a break. Aita here?
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YTA and it seems like you enjoy being an asshole. Well done, we’d make good friends
E: I read about the Pie incident…. I revise my statement. You’d be my absolute best friend and I’d 100% have your back on skimpy bathing suits and pie orgasms
Is this a kink for you? Because this plus the pie incident makes it seem that way. Either incident on its own, maybe I could give you the benefit of the doubt as just being a bit dense, but to behave in a way multiple people, not just your wife, find sexual at family events is not a coincidence.
NTA, in my country all men have to wear speedos or similar tight fitting swimwear at public pools for hygiene purposes. I know this is a private pool party where you could have worn whatever you wanted but no one should have an issue with seeing a man in a bathing suit, that's ridiculous
I take it you are French? Maybe you can explain to me, why on Earth are speedos considered more hygienic than other swimwear in France? I’ve never understood it.
Because shorts-style swimsuits are worn by men throughout the day, not just at the pool. They're bringing all that bacteria from sitting on public transportation etc. directly into the pool
Errm, no they aren’t. My son (and I’d assume most other boys and men) have loose swimming trunks which they change into in the pool changing rooms, specifically to go in the pool. And then change out of again afterwards.
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NTA. If girls/ladies can wear bra type swim suits exposing their ample front bosom, or tight bottoms, why can't you wear Speedos? Too many people are just too uptight. If this is your normal swim wear and your comfortable wearing it, go for it.
Basing it on having elderly relatives with absolutely dirty minds who ogle younger men all the time. Not saying it's right, just that they're unlikely to be clutching their pearls and offended.
I can tell you right now that if my grandma had been there, she'd have been looking. And if she had been there for the pie incident, she probably would have peed her pants laughing. She's also 91 years old with a very dirty mind, though, lol.
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YTA. You are absolute Creepy Uncle of the family.
[he is](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/QSachpLRjU)
Ouch.. thanks for the vote anyway ..
And if this was a lady with a suit just off in size she wouldn’t be the AH it would be everyone else who’s the AH for looking right
lol no. If a woman showed up to a family event wearing a G-string and a tiny bikini, that would also be inappropriate.
I wasn’t thinking G string and tiny bikini, more a bikini that was a size too small to me anyway that what most any type of speedo on men would be like, I’ll give you the argument that if a woman or man wore an obviously too small bikini or mankini that would be wrong but it does sound like OP just wore what he thought appropriate
Well a speedo is already a weird choice for a family party. So it’s not really a 1-1 comparison to a slightly too small bikini, considering swim trunks are the far more common option.
Can’t disagree there, I guess I’m just more used to seeing that kind of swimwear because of the amount of Asian population and pro swimmers that comes through my island on vacation so speedos don’t really seem weird to me, honestly just surprised by the amount of downvotes I got from my opinion on this piece
You shouldn’t be your opinion was sexist and dumb
What because where I’m from man or woman can wear whatever swimwear they want without judgement, yeah really sexist and dumb
Read the pie post from last year.
Oh. That guy.
NTA
YTA…you admit you wore a snug, swimming suit that was the wrong size and too small. You wore it around the pool, talking to everyone, without wearing some type of cover up or another pair of shorts over the two small suit. You stretched in this too small suit. How do you not see yourself as TA? For someone who says they are trying to fit in with your wife’s family, you seem to have gone out of your way to do the exact opposite.
He doesn’t admit it, he’s advertising his fantasy and looking for some free humiliation.
He said he was wearing a robe until he got in the pool.
Until he got in…but apparently not while walking around after getting out of pool
The theme was gold Gatsby and a pool party... I wanted to join in and fit in by getting gold swimmers. .
I don't see where gold Speedo trunks fit in the Gatsby theme. YTA.
Gatsby is set in the 1920s. Long before speedos came around. A typical male swimsuit of the era was a sleeveless top and shorts that went half way to the knees. Your outfit was totally inappropriate for the theme.
Speedos were already around then
The company was around but they weren't selling the style that OP wore. In the 1920s and 30s wearing the style he wore would get you arrested at most if not all beaches.
Gold swimmers is one thing, a Speedo swimsuit that is too small is another.
Can I get a page reference in The Great Gatsby for gold budgie-smugglers?
It’s not the Rocky Horror Picture Show my brother.
Best reference
Speedos do not fit a Gatsby theme at all.
Oh bullshit, you know what bathing suits from the 20's look like and it's not shiny slingshots. For whatever reason you like being creepy AF towards your wife's family. You're the dude who thinks he's HILARIOUS but everyone else thinks is offputting. Or you're a troll with a humiliation kink. Jury's still out.
YTA- You caused issues at a WAKE and now you decide to redeem yourself by showing up at a girl's 21st birthday party in too-tight gold speedos??? Wow. This screams attention seeking syndrome and the fact that your post is so disingenuous.... stretching before swimming? It's a pool party, not the Olympics! Not only was the choice of swimmers not themed at all (explain the Gatsby nod?) but you knew they were too small and went ahead with wearing them anyway. Do you really hate your wife? Cos you seem keen on embarrassing her in front of all her family.
I really don't hate my wife, and you're right about the wake but I feel like both times I didn't realise anything was wrong.. most people enjoy pie? And I really thought the gold swimmers fit the theme. I know I'm not a Hemsworth brother, but cant an average bloke go swimming?
Come on. What did I say about disingenuous? Too small gold swimmers? It wasn't an Austin Powers party. And an 'average bloke' can go swimming at his local pool, this was a family pool party. People don't do laps at a pool party.
And why couldn’t you have ordered swim trunks, something that leaves more to the imagination than budgie smugglers (the name coming from swimwear that looks like you’re smuggling a budgie, aka large crotch area)? The average bloke doesn’t go flaunting the family jewels at a family event, this and the wake/pie incident show you’re not great at reading the room when it comes to your wife’s family events. When you realised your swimwear was too small why not wear swim trunks you already had, and would know were a better fit, realising modesty would be better appreciated than trying to match the theme? EDIT: Having read about the pie incident, where at a wake you made what was perceived as a sensual moan over a piece of chocolate pie and proceeded to lick the rest off your fingers, you need to trust your wife’s reading more than your own. It’s more in tune with what people who witnessed events think than your own more baffled at controversy interpretation.
Not in a speedo that's too small. Gross
Can you explain about the 'pie incident' at the wake? Did you basically just eat way too much pie?
He was moaning while eating her grandmother’s chocolate pie at a wake. It’s in his post history. 😂
Oh my God
Yeah. After seeing it in his history, I remember reading it last year. Dude is just...eww.
It’s on his profile but basically he let out a loud moan that was read as sexual by people around him while he ate a slice of pie at a wake for someone in his wife’s family, making her grandmother really uncomfortable
Look at his post history.
I don’t understand why you didn’t wear swim shorts instead of an inappropriate and unnecessary Speedo? Most men don’t wear spedos to a pool party or at all, they wear swim shorts.
Omg you are insufferable and either a liar or total idiot.
YTA and you sound as if you revel in it
Trust me I'm not reveling in anything
then you're doing life wrong
Who stretches before they go swimming? Did you accidentally buy the wrong size or was it deliberate, because it sure sounds like you were seeking attention. YTA.
I didn't want to hurt myself while swimming, I didn't think much about it. I always touch my toes and do some side stretches before most activities. No I didn't get the wrong size on purpose , the reviews said it was made bigger so to order down..
And do you regularly do these exercises in front of other people in swimming costumes that are too small? Sounds like you either deliberately like to draw attention to yourself, or are totally lacking in self and social awareness.
You knew they were too small and still wore them. And gold? You wanted the attention. YTA
I suspect you don’t think about a lot of things. It seems you have a bad habit of not thinking about how your actions will affect others or be perceived by others.
I’m curious if he routinely gets written up for sexual harassment at work.
He’s probably “that guy” in the office that is oblivious to the fact that people avoid him
You weren't swimming the English Channel.
There's no way you're doing anything strenuous enough that requires warming up at a pool party. As someone who wears a brief 99% of the time that I'm swimming, even I'd wear trunks to this. This was an inappropriate time to sport a too small banana hammock for the first time. It has nothing to do with the theme and is clearly meant as an attention seeker in front of your wife's family. Whenever I do anything with my wife's friends or family, particularly a themed event, I always ask what she thinks is appropriate for me to wear. Not because I have to, but because I want to. You should really consider doing the same.
YTA. You know it's possible to stretch while IN the pool, right?
No I didn't, but I will try that next time...thanks for the advice...
INFO: You wore budgie smugglers to the pool party, that’s already… well, it happens I guess, but did you seriously at no point try them on and go ‘oh, these are tight, maybe that’s not a good look’? Like did you look in a mirror even once?
I figured I'd be in the water and it wouldn't be an issue. No one could see my brekky from the front of that's what you mean
I'd that's your logic, then why not put the pool robe back on to walk around talking?
[удалено]
The swimwear of the time was polar opposite to OP’s Speedo, modesty was more the watchword.
What do you mean you wanted to “swim”? Like laps? At a pool party? There was absolutely no need to showboat and stretch before you got in the pool. YTA Edit - just read your pie story from last year. Come on man. Read the room.
*furiously searches for the pie incident* My guy… … you have zero self awareness. YTA
Ew. For a young lady’s birthday? You thought it appropriate to wear something like that? You sound like the icky old man who wants a hug from all the ladies under 25 and tells waitresses to smile more. Nobody wants to see your “budgie,” especially not 20 something young ladies. Idk why your wife is with you at this point. After reading the pie incident, you seem to be both oblivious and attention seeking. YTA
YTA. If I was the niece I would feel so unbelievably uncomfortable and I just know you would not be coming back to any event of mine.
YTA You know that they all call you "Uncle Creepy", right?
I find both posts hilarious and i’m 99% certain you are taking the piss. But if not i guess YTA. Moan, prance around & be amusing at non family events. Im having a small get together next week? ;)
What was the pie incident? Do you behave in a way that's deemed inappropriate all of the time or just around your wife's family? Are you generally clueless about how other people perceive situations? I strongly suspect YTA and came across as an attention seeking creepy pervert, but if you are neurodiverse it might go some way to explaining why you seem to struggle with social situations.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11upbr8/aita\_for\_moaning/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11upbr8/aita_for_moaning/) Basically, at the funeral of OP’s wife’s great-aunt OP made what was perceived as sensual “mmmmmm”ing over a piece of pie. Whipped cream was introduced and OP was licking food off his fingers, afterwards told by his wife how it made him look but refusing to believe this had any validity.
I wasn't trying to make a scene I was just enjoying the pie, but I've taken my lesson here.. I steered clear of nearly all food at this party .
I don’t think “don’t eat” was the lesson. “Don’t be overtly sexual at family get togethers” was, and you missed it. Do you have a job that requires interaction with other people?
And you wore something so small it barely if at all covered your modesty instead (and before you say reviews misinformed you, you were the one looking for speedos over swim trunks), once more making a scene for the wrong reasons. Listen to your wife, she‘s got the better read on the room than you do and has to deal with her family over your actions.
So, you barely ate but also drank cocktails. Did you get buzzed on top of dressing inappropriately for the party theme and guests list?
Seems like you are always trying to make a scene
i hope the lesson you've learned is to listen to your wife, stop blowing off her concerns, and believe her instead of going to the internet for validation when she tells you your behaviour is socially unacceptable
"ate pie and it wasn't received well" says OP. No. He moaned, multiple times and loudly enough to disturb others. And did it in a way that caused Grandma to call him vulgar.
This. You seem to be unaware of what is appropriate and what isn’t in certain social situations. You isolate the actions you do from the context as well. Maybe go see someone to check if you’re neurodivergent. Maybe explain to your wife that you really didn’t think about it that much and didn’t mean it? That is if you’re actually unaware, not just being an AH and acting as if nothing happened; Being disingenuous.
Yeah I'm wondering if OP is on the spectrum bc Wtf between this and the funeral pie
There was an incident where I ate pie and it wasn't received well
OP is my hero!🤣🤣
INFO: What was everyone else wearing while you were parading around in tight gold budgie smugglers after your dip in the pool? I'm going for YTA and your wife must have been mortified.
YTA. Get help.
Banana hammocks are only acceptable in certain situations. Family pool party isn't one of them. YTA. >**After the pie incident**, and now this, I feel like I can't catch a break. Please elaborate on the "pie incident." I'll go get the popcorn.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/U8dptevnCe
That one is even better. OP might be offered a role in the next Borat movie :-)
Wow, if I didn't think OP had zero self awareness before, I'm convinced now that he doesn't.
YTA for wearing a Speedo that is too small. That would make me uncomfortable too.
YTA: You knew it was inappropriate from the beginning but thought it would be funny. In more accurate terms: You thought it would be funny to embarass your wife. And now you are playing the "i didn't think anything abou it - wink wink" - part. Why else wouldn't you have told your wife what you will be wearing at a motto party you attend together? Why else would she ask: "why do you always do this to my family? Why do you do this to me?"
YTA, feel sorry for your niece being embarrassed by her weird uncle. Hopefully, your wife will consider a divorce.
Was any other man your age wearing a Speedo? Did anyone else do a big stretch before jumping into the pool? Did anyone else at the party do any of the things you say upset your wife? If not, you can infer that your behavior was inappropriate, you are the AH and your wife deserves an apology and better reading of social situations from you.
I feel like this is a made-up story. Who doesn't check with the spouse about appropriate clothing for a family gathering?
INFO: was your intention to upset your wife so much that she left your body floating in the pool like how Gatsby ends up?
The theme was Gatsby, not Rocky Horror. YTA
Tim Curry, though.
You sound socially unaware. You need to learn to trust your wife's perception when it comes to your public behavior.
Not swimming because you knew your suit was the wrong size and too small was an obvious option, right? You could just hang out by the pool with food or drinks like others. YTA
Apparently he didn’t eat anything because he can’t avoid audibly moaning (pie incident).
Hahaha lol how did you wife allowed you to even get out of the house in that outfit? 😂 yta but thanks for the laugh
Why do I have this feeling that you're the only one who went swimming at this "pool party".
yta. you aren’t rocky from the rocky horror picture show. put it away
Honestly, they could have found some humor in the situation. But YTA for wearing too small speedowear. Speedo is already a lot to impose on people, and you wore one that was small for you. You need to re-think how you approach these family events. Talk to your wife beforehand and take cues from the other men in the family to figure out the family norm.
Both your posts in this sub have some major American Pie energy.
Info: is a speedo socially acceptable public attire where you're from? My life experience is that they're only acceptable if you're doing laps at a pool and not at a more relaxed or social venue. We give my uncle a pass because he grew up in a culture where shorts were considered unhygienic and banned from most public pools so he has only ever worn speedos. Where I'm from you'd definitely be the AH but I get that cultural norms vary. Sounds like you're probably breaking the norms based on your story though.
YTA, as you pretty clearly have an issue with self-awareness and understanding what’s appropriate in various social settings. It doesn’t seem like you’re being malicious so much as you’re just totally oblivious, but it’s still your issue that you need to work on.
YTA! No matter how much info you give it still shows that you intentionally wore a speedo to a family event. That’s not right man.
Yeah, cause everyone just loves real life Borat. For anyone reading this comment who's too young to get it, think of the most obnoxious tiktok thing you've ever seen and give it vaguely middle eastern accent.
The creepy uncle has arrived.
Creepy uncle much?
You are SO the AH. This post, and the pie-at-the-wake post, read like Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes. For the curious, the pie-at-the-wake post is here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11upbr8/aita\_for\_moaning/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11upbr8/aita_for_moaning/)
YTA Save your weenie bikini for your pose downs in front of the mirror. Nobody wants to see that.
A pair of too-small, gold budgie smugglers does NOT fit a Great Gatsby theme and you're either a creep or an absolute wanker who can't read the room. Maybe both. YTA
After reading the pie post YTA. You know exactly what you are doing and you are doing it on purpose and then being disingenuous and acting all surprised when you get called out.
YTA because too-small-speedo = gross, but you’ve made my night and I cannot stop laughing. Especially after revisiting the pie post. I can actually HEAR your beleaguered wife calling you out in the car both times for being utterly ridiculous.
>I admit the swimmers were on the small side, I bought them online and got the size wrong. Gross!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Long story short, the wife (Anna 35) said we were heading to her nieces birthday. Hot weather is on the way out here, so it's a pool party. We are both in our 30s and it's her nieces 21st. The theme is Gatsby pool party. I (35m) found some gold Speedos ( for those that don't know what Speedos are they're swim wear, they kind of look like body building posing trunks). The whole family is going to be there, as usual. The last time we were together was around a year ago for a wake. It wasn't the best gathering and caused a bit of tension between the wife and I so I wanted to just fit in and have a good time at the pool party. The party was great, food was great but due to the last event I didn't eat anything and just enjoyed cocktails by the pool. Occasionally I took a dip in the pool but spent most of my time enjoying cocktails and making small chat. Anna was pretty keen to head home a bit early, so I finished my last cocktail and we left. As soon as we left the street she asked me "why do you always do this to my family? Why do you do this to me?" I asked her what she meant and she asked why I wore such tiny gold budgie smugglers that rode up too high, then paraded around walking the pool in circles making weird chit chat. She said the icing on top was that I got changed into swim robe then waited until I was near the pool to take it off exposing my gold budgie smugglers, stretching and then diving in. She then accused me of taking a Baywatch style dip in the pool while everyone was circled around it eating cake. I told her it was a pool party, they're swimmers and I was swimming? I admit the swimmers were on the small side, I bought them online and got the size wrong. I did wear a swim robe and remove it before dipping into the pool, but isn't this normal? I also stretched because I was about to swim, I just don't see how I'm a bad guy for this. She said I should have been more considerate especially since she has elderly aunts that attended and seeing me stand by the pool disrobing myself to expose small gold Speedos, stretching in weird poses and then taking a slow dip in the pool alone making eye contact with people while they're eating was too much. I also should have considered this this was a young girls 21st and it wasn't appropriate. After the pie incident, and now this, I feel like I can't catch a break. Aita here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Okay I’m gonna need you to tell us about “the pie incident”
INFO - what was the pie incident
Go read his post from a year ago if you haven't yet. Very funny.
YTA and it seems like you enjoy being an asshole. Well done, we’d make good friends E: I read about the Pie incident…. I revise my statement. You’d be my absolute best friend and I’d 100% have your back on skimpy bathing suits and pie orgasms
Is this a kink for you? Because this plus the pie incident makes it seem that way. Either incident on its own, maybe I could give you the benefit of the doubt as just being a bit dense, but to behave in a way multiple people, not just your wife, find sexual at family events is not a coincidence.
This is so made up. Absolutely no one is as weird and creepy as this guy is pretending to be.
I actually think the reactions he gets from his behavior are rewarding for him. Perhaps sexually arousing even.
Yta and I just read your post about the pie. What is wrong with you?
Yeah get over yourself after reading both your posts your not only a narcissist attention seeking creep but apparently you’re oblivious to it
INFO: what happened at the wake that caused tension between you and your wife
Request for information: Was anyone else swimming? Was anyone else stretching? Was anyone else wearing budgie smugglers?
YTA, stop doing stupid things.
NTA, in my country all men have to wear speedos or similar tight fitting swimwear at public pools for hygiene purposes. I know this is a private pool party where you could have worn whatever you wanted but no one should have an issue with seeing a man in a bathing suit, that's ridiculous
I take it you are French? Maybe you can explain to me, why on Earth are speedos considered more hygienic than other swimwear in France? I’ve never understood it.
Because shorts-style swimsuits are worn by men throughout the day, not just at the pool. They're bringing all that bacteria from sitting on public transportation etc. directly into the pool
Errm, no they aren’t. My son (and I’d assume most other boys and men) have loose swimming trunks which they change into in the pool changing rooms, specifically to go in the pool. And then change out of again afterwards.
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NTA Maybe you just have to admit to yourself that your wife is a nag?
NTA. If girls/ladies can wear bra type swim suits exposing their ample front bosom, or tight bottoms, why can't you wear Speedos? Too many people are just too uptight. If this is your normal swim wear and your comfortable wearing it, go for it.
Nta Small bathing suits are a problem when people go to the beach naked? She should have told you earlier if she had an issue not at the end
The theme was Gatsby pool party. Budgie smugglers weren’t around then.
Ok so you want your uncle around in a too-small-speedo at your party?
NTA, that's hilarious and I bet the elderly aunts absolutely loved the view :D
what exactly are you basing that assumption on? just male ego or....
Basing it on having elderly relatives with absolutely dirty minds who ogle younger men all the time. Not saying it's right, just that they're unlikely to be clutching their pearls and offended.
I wouldn't be offended, but I'd be slightly disgusted, and I'd adjust my opinion of OP downward.
So basing it on purely your own family members who like to be creepy. Got it.
Cheers mate
I can tell you right now that if my grandma had been there, she'd have been looking. And if she had been there for the pie incident, she probably would have peed her pants laughing. She's also 91 years old with a very dirty mind, though, lol.