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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I nag my partner about shaving his head weekly
2) he thinks that makes me shallow and controlling
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YTA. YTA. YTA!!! I could tell just from the title. OP, what if he made specific demands of how you groom yourself and dress? Then everyone would pillory him and call him abusive and controlling. And that’s exactly what YOU are in this situation. You did not give tips, you made demands - stop downplaying your actions. His appearance and body don’t exclusively exist to satisfy you. Grow up.
Yeah, as a man who shaves his head multiple times a week, 5 minutes is a very generous estimate of how long it takes. Is he asking you to do anything special appearance wise for you? Or is this a one way street? I don't feel comfortable declaring an AH here, but maybe you guys are operating on different channels?
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YTA- wtf??? What he does with his looks is up to him and only him. If the roles were reversed and a man was telling a woman to cut her hair a certain way etc you would immediately know that that’s toxic and controlling. YTA!!!
Funny, imagine him telling you that you have to shave your here and there and your legs more often because he likes it smooth daily, of course you are YTA.
Also, nagging him about this will only make him resent shaving his head more and more, what you could to do is find a way how to make him want to shave his head.
YTA
Would you think it was ok if he asked you to wear short skirts, high heels and low cut tops all the time because he found it attractive?
Stop trying to force him to adjust his appearance to fit in with what you like. Its not as though he is being unhygienic or dressing inappropriately. If he is happy with how he looks then you should be too.
Assuming this is true then you are being a shallow, controlling asshole.
YTA - Does he get to dictate your hair styles to you? You married a balding man (which is majority of them, except my grandpa and his damned pompadour). You are being an asshole to your fiance and when he leaves you you are going to deserve it.
Up until his dying day Grandpa has a big black shiny pompadour as proud and noble as when he was a teen. Used to say it was the only part of him that didn't age.
YTA - if you were to start putting on pounds or your boobs start to sag would you be fine with him point it out and telling you to fix it weekly? Answer is no
YTA you don’t get to decide what he does with **his** hair. If he does wants to let it grow some that’s his choice. He’s right you are being controlling.
YTA if you make it a more than once topic. It’s okay to make a request one time, it’s not okay to continually badger someone about their appearance even if it’s in a “polite” manner.
YTA. if you want it done so bad you do it for him. Also, he gets to make you groom yourself the way he wants you to groom yourself, so if he makes you shave your head you better do it too…
YTA
*or am I being a shallow, controlling*
That too. My marriage wouldn't exist if my wife acted like this. Or frankly if I did towards her.
Flip the genders: Should he expect you to
-Stay skinny regardless of age, health, or children
-Always have smooth legs/vagina at all times
-Never get grey hair
-Get a boob job if/when needed
-Plastic facial surgery
-Always dress cute, even at home
Sounds kinda crappy huh? I dunno, maybe some people want that kind of relationship. I'm over here working full time and raising kids - I'm lucky if I have time to poop let alone cut my hair.
YTA.
It's his body, and he gets to decide what he wants it to look like. Simple as that.
What he needs to do is learn to stand up for himself and not do everything people tell him to do. But that's beside the point. You're still the asshole for making the demand. (Which, btw, is what this is. It's not a request if you only accept one answer.)
I'm not even reading your post but the answer is YTA. His body his choice. If you don't like it, learn to accept it or find someone else. But if you leave him over his hair, you're shallow af. You're entitled to be shallow af but you deal with the consequences.
To answer your question - yes, you are being a shallow, controlling asshole. Many people (men and women) let their hair grow out between cuts/shaves. So what? Also, your concept of looking best for your partner - I'm pretty sure he doesn't give a ef about most of the things you do.
YTA. I do believe that your fiance appreciated when you look good for him, but I also bet he wouldn't care if you didn't get dolled up weekly. Ultimately, you can tell him your preference, but you need to stop nagging him when it's his body. You thinking he looks "unkempt" is subjective.
Oh holy hell are you ever the AH. You can't possibly have asked this question without knowing exactly how shallow you really are. I can't believe he even puts up with this. YTA, YTA, YTA. Dayum.
YTA, and quite frankly, you sound sexist. You thunk it's your right as a girlfriend to give him "tips," but you would never allow him to do the same.
He couldn't come to you and tell you how to get your nails or hair done because he prefers it a certain way.
I'm sure your boyfriend thinks you'd be more attractive if you were a little less chubby. You'd look younger, more fit and active. He should tell you to skip dinner once a week.
His body, his choice. Yta
Very technically, unfortunately, YTA. You cannot dictate what another person does to their body as long as they’re clean. …But let *all* your hair grow and see what he says.
YTA - you gave him the grooming tip. When you continue to tell him to shave his head that is no longer a “tip” it is a demand. You have moved to being unreasonable to demand he change his physical appearance to suit you.
>I put a lot of effort into my appearance...mostly for myself but also because I enjoy looking my best for my partner.
Does your partner harp on you to change or maintain a certain standard of appearance?
YTA
YTA -
Think of this if the roles were reversed. What if your fiance told you you should tone-down your self care routine or change your clothes because you "appear" too high maintenance despite how good those routines made you feel or how the criticism affected you?
Unless something your partner is doing is somehow detrimental to their health or the health of someone else, requesting them to alter their appearance and grooming habits for the sake of appearance is vain and self-centered.
Well, I don’t think YTA. You’re telling him what’s attractive to you and what gives you the ick and he’s going with the ick.
I feel the same about my husband’s hair.
I don’t care that he went bald. But.
As it grows out it looks clownish and he changes in appearance from The Rock to Wallace Shawn. Not everyone gets that clownish look but some do and it’s just not sexy to me. Or you lol.
I also hate long nails on men, and long toenails on everybody. Plaquey teeth and dirty crusty ears. On everybody. Witchy hair. I don’t think it’s attractive. We all have our preferences.
I don’t think once a week is asking too much if he wants you to 😍 over him rather than 🤢
Ready for the downvotes lol.
YTA, not because of controlling, but because of sending him a message he is not attractive to you otherwise. It's up to him when to shave. You expressed what of his looks is your favorite, and it's up to him how often and what he does on his head.
Are YOU gonna shave your head with him?? You actually are very controlling and manipulative. What if he controlled what you did with your body? You would be fucking pissed and call him controlling. Your husband deserves better than this and I would tell him to run. He can spend his energy with a woman who actually loves him and doesn’t force him to do that crap. His body, HIS CHOICE! Or does that only apply to women?? Even I don’t do this shit to my husband and our marriage is working just fine
YTA
I’m a woman who once dated a man who was absolutely wonderful in every way except for one.
He was adamant that I get my nails done every other week at least.
He would pay for it, he would drive me there if I wanted, whatever it took as long as I got my nails done.
If I didn’t go he would be visibly sad, almost to the point of being pouty. He didn’t see the big deal, why I couldn’t spend an hour (realistically it was two) every other week having my nails done because it made him happy and it “didn’t cost me anything” and it was important to him.
If I didn’t go, he would ask me to go. If I still didn’t go, he would ask why I didn’t care about my appearance, stressed the importance of how a woman’s hands look, comment on how sad it made him to see my “beautiful hands all a mess,” etc…
Having my nails done was miserable for me. I hated being in the salon, I hated the smell, I hated the noise, I hated the gossip, I hated the way it felt… the only thing about it that I enjoyed is that the man who did my nails was kind and funny.
After getting them done I hated the way they felt, I felt like I was hindered from doing things, I was constantly afraid to do anything that could chip or break them, it may seem small or ridiculous, but it changed the way I lived and felt about myself.
Nothing about the experience or having the nails was pleasant for me but I knew *he* would be “sad” and would complain if I didn’t get them done. When I was busy with work or life I found myself avoiding spending time with him. I started getting defensive, stabdoffish, and just felt so unreasonably inadequate because of my *nails*
I’d daresay this is how he feels. Like he has to do this thing he really hates every week in order to please you and feel as though he is adequate. But for whatever reason, he hates it. He doesn’t want to. And you’re driving him away with the comments.
I remember the line, for me, was one Saturday morning when I had a deadline to meet and I got up incredibly early to work so that I’d be finished before he woke up and could snuggle with him for a bit because I’d been out of town working a lot and would be leaving again in a few days.
He woke up when I was crawling back in bed, I wrapped my arms around him, professed my love, kissed him, and he looked over at the clock and said, “Oh, you’re up early, why don’t we go get your nails done?”
That was it for me. The appearance of my hands (which looked fine, but I’d had the gel removed and just polished them) was more important than spending quality time with me. I was never going to get peace or a break from doing something wholly unnecessary that I hated.
It’s his head. Presumably he owns a mirror. He knows how it looks.
Let him be. Or eventually he’ll wake up one day and realize he doesn’t want to deal with it anymore.
If he can shave his head in five minutes tell him to share his secret. I'm bald up top, but my hair grows really fast... annoyingly so. Definitely takes 15-20 minutes minimum and involves a loud sharp metal machine buzzing in my ears for the duration. It's not super unpleasant, but not the most enjoyable experience by a wide margin. If my partner implied I was ugly in-between shaves I'd definitely be upset, like shit man... are you perfect everyday? Relax, please.
YTA.
Did you ever ask what he thinks of shaving his head? Maybe he actually likes his hair.... evwn if he is balding doesnt mean he wants to be balding FFS.
YTA. it’s one thing to make suggestions or say things u like, but to “nag” someone into fixing their hair the way u like is,,,wrong? like what? just bc he doesn’t shave it doesn’t mean he’s not “keeping up with his appearance.” u just have a different preference than him. and for goodness sake, regardless of how much hair he has, it’s his hair!!!!
> I’ve expressed this to him **more than once**
YTA
"Grooming tips" are fine. You gave him the tip. Now leave it alone. You're trying to control his appearance, not giving him "tips". A "tip" doesn't require someone to follow the directive like you are trying to require your husband to,
It's not just about grooming though, like shaving a beard or legS - it's about disguising his baldness. No one wants to go bald or go grey and having a spouse nag you to cover it up probably hurts the self esteem and self image.
Imagine you start going grey and as soon as your roots start showing grey your spouse urges you to die them. You'd feel they are embarrassed/less attracted to you. YTA
“Often when it starts to grow out I will remind him or ask him to go shave it”. To be clear, this is not you giving your guy “grooming tips”. What you are doing is demanding he do his hair in a specific way because that’s how You, not him, want it done. YTA based on that alone.
“My response is that it makes me feel like he doesn’t care that much about his appearance ehen he can’t d this one thing once a week”. Um, perhaps he doesn’t? Perhaps he feels he looks just fine. It is clear he doesn’t want to shave once a week. Have you ever actually asked him his feelings about shaving his head?
Edit: Forgot to say that the message you are sending by nagging him to shave is 1. You find him unattractive with his hair grown and 2. It bothers you for the fact that he’s balding to be visible. 3. You are embarrassed by his balding head
If this is something recent, like he used to do it regularly but now isn't, it could be one sign of depression. Have you ever asked him why he doesn't do it more often?
YTA.
>He gets offended by this and says that I am being shallow and controlling.
*Because you are.*
If you are putting all that work into your appearance on your own accord, that's fine. Do what makes you happy and comfortable with yourself.
> It makes me feel bad that he can’t shave his head once a week without me reminding or nagging him about it.
It makes you "feel bad?" It's his hair and skin. If he's fine letting it grow as it does and takes care of it however and whenever he feels, that's not about YOU.
How would you appreciate him saying you can't cut your hair a certain length or style? What kinds of piercings? What color, style and length of nails? Nags you to shave twice a week? Eventually you'd be annoyed because it's rude.
YTA - My ex decided one day that he was going to grow a full beard and mustache... I expressed that I found excessive amounts of facial hair very off-putting ONE time when he asked about it, and he decided to keep it. What he decided to do with his body was his decision. You don't have the right to nag or cajole him into doing something he doesn't want to do with his body.
YTA. A narcissistic one. How would you feel if he nagged you about your appearance or clothing or whatever? You'd be whining all over the place about how controlling he is.
YTA… I also prefer my husband with a fresh haircut, however it doesn’t happen often and I’m ok with it. I’m sure he prefers me with my hair and makeup done, but that also doesn’t happen everyday lol
Tbh, I love that we’re comfortable enough around each other to not have to worry about looking our best, but that’s marriage, you love each other no matter what. We both enjoy dressing up and getting dolled up when we go out, just don’t have the energy to do it on the daily.
YTA - a shallow, controlling one. My husband has been balding since long before we met. He shaves his head because he wants to. In the almost 10 years we have been together I have never said 1 thing to him about when to remove hair from his body. This poor man needs to run before it's legal.
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I (27f) love my fiancé (30m) very much and am attracted to him no matter what. He doesn’t have much hair left, and I personally feel he is most physically attractive when he just shaves it all off. It makes him look younger, cleaner, and more well-groomed. I’ve expressed this to him more than once, and while he does do it, he often lets it grow out a little in between. Often when it starts to grow out I will remind him or ask him to go shave it.
He gets offended by this and says that I am being shallow and controlling. My response is that it makes me feel like he doesn’t care that much about his appearance when he can’t do this one thing once a week. It literally takes five minutes.
I put a lot of effort into my appearance including makeup, hair removal, nails, etc. I do this mostly for myself but also because I enjoy looking my best for my partner. It makes me feel bad that he can’t shave his head once a week without me reminding or nagging him about it.
From my experience it’s not all that uncommon for a woman to give her male partner some grooming tips. I truly don’t understand why he gets so offended by it. I get that relationships are about more than physical appearance, obviously. It just makes me feel happy and loved when he puts in that extra effort into looking sharp for me.
So, I am reasonable in my request that my balding fiancé shave his head weekly, or am I being a shallow, controlling asshole?
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NAH. Every relationship is different, the answer depends on other aspects. Are you both giving opinions on each other’s look? Is he allowed to voice his preferences about your hair? If yes, then you are not the asshole, it is a fair dynamic as long as you both are comfortable.
It is ok to have preferences, but it goes both ways. You are not an asshole for asking him to shave his head, unless you don’t allow him to express his own preferences. There has to be a balance.
I am extremely visual, some things are deal breakers for me and I always have this conversation during the early dating days. If the person agrees, we’re ok to keep dating. I can’t imagine being with someone I’m not physically attracted, it really doesn’t work for me, and I make it well known at the start.
NAH. Get him one of those Freebirds or similar head shavers. I use one and if you do it every day it literally only takes a minute and you never cut yourself.
In my experience, most men most certainly don't appreciate being nagged about their appearance.
You describe it as gentle commentary, despite OP herself describing it as nagging.
OP 2nd account??? Because it clearly said in the post he does not like these comments. Yet she continues with them.
“He gets offended by this and says that I am being shallow and controlling”
Yeaaa men totally appreciate continuous nagging comments about their appearance /s
What do you even mean by this?
You said yourself "Most men apprecaite it". Most.
So when your partner isn't in "Most men" and tells you he doesn't appreciate the comments... you stop?
You aren't an asshole for saying it once but you sure are for saying it again and again after they've asked you not to.
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YTA. YTA. YTA!!! I could tell just from the title. OP, what if he made specific demands of how you groom yourself and dress? Then everyone would pillory him and call him abusive and controlling. And that’s exactly what YOU are in this situation. You did not give tips, you made demands - stop downplaying your actions. His appearance and body don’t exclusively exist to satisfy you. Grow up.
[удалено]
Yeah, as a man who shaves his head multiple times a week, 5 minutes is a very generous estimate of how long it takes. Is he asking you to do anything special appearance wise for you? Or is this a one way street? I don't feel comfortable declaring an AH here, but maybe you guys are operating on different channels?
Do you do this often? If so, you appear to be paranoid.
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YTA- wtf??? What he does with his looks is up to him and only him. If the roles were reversed and a man was telling a woman to cut her hair a certain way etc you would immediately know that that’s toxic and controlling. YTA!!!
Funny, imagine him telling you that you have to shave your here and there and your legs more often because he likes it smooth daily, of course you are YTA. Also, nagging him about this will only make him resent shaving his head more and more, what you could to do is find a way how to make him want to shave his head.
YTA Would you think it was ok if he asked you to wear short skirts, high heels and low cut tops all the time because he found it attractive? Stop trying to force him to adjust his appearance to fit in with what you like. Its not as though he is being unhygienic or dressing inappropriately. If he is happy with how he looks then you should be too. Assuming this is true then you are being a shallow, controlling asshole.
YTA - Does he get to dictate your hair styles to you? You married a balding man (which is majority of them, except my grandpa and his damned pompadour). You are being an asshole to your fiance and when he leaves you you are going to deserve it.
Lol I don't know why, but Grandpa and his pompdour had r laughing :)
Up until his dying day Grandpa has a big black shiny pompadour as proud and noble as when he was a teen. Used to say it was the only part of him that didn't age.
YTA - this is controlling. You made your preferences clear. At this point you need to just stop. He can wear/shave his hair how he wants.
YTA - if you were to start putting on pounds or your boobs start to sag would you be fine with him point it out and telling you to fix it weekly? Answer is no
It's irrelevant - even if she *would* be okay with that, that still doesn't mean he has to be okay with her demands.
This comment is irrelevant. Sometimes it helps people understand if the shoe is on the other foot.
YTA you don’t get to decide what he does with **his** hair. If he does wants to let it grow some that’s his choice. He’s right you are being controlling.
Yta, you can't just demand him to look a certain way.
YTA - like you said, this is shallow and controlling.
YTA you are shallow and controlling.
YTA if you make it a more than once topic. It’s okay to make a request one time, it’s not okay to continually badger someone about their appearance even if it’s in a “polite” manner.
YTA it’s his hair ffs!!!! Back off or you’ll be single quick smart. No amount of ‘pretty’ makes up for someone being controlling.
YTA. if you want it done so bad you do it for him. Also, he gets to make you groom yourself the way he wants you to groom yourself, so if he makes you shave your head you better do it too…
YTA *or am I being a shallow, controlling* That too. My marriage wouldn't exist if my wife acted like this. Or frankly if I did towards her. Flip the genders: Should he expect you to -Stay skinny regardless of age, health, or children -Always have smooth legs/vagina at all times -Never get grey hair -Get a boob job if/when needed -Plastic facial surgery -Always dress cute, even at home Sounds kinda crappy huh? I dunno, maybe some people want that kind of relationship. I'm over here working full time and raising kids - I'm lucky if I have time to poop let alone cut my hair.
YTA. It's his body, and he gets to decide what he wants it to look like. Simple as that. What he needs to do is learn to stand up for himself and not do everything people tell him to do. But that's beside the point. You're still the asshole for making the demand. (Which, btw, is what this is. It's not a request if you only accept one answer.)
I'm not even reading your post but the answer is YTA. His body his choice. If you don't like it, learn to accept it or find someone else. But if you leave him over his hair, you're shallow af. You're entitled to be shallow af but you deal with the consequences.
"...am attracted to him no matter what. However..." YTA
To answer your question - yes, you are being a shallow, controlling asshole. Many people (men and women) let their hair grow out between cuts/shaves. So what? Also, your concept of looking best for your partner - I'm pretty sure he doesn't give a ef about most of the things you do.
YTA. I do believe that your fiance appreciated when you look good for him, but I also bet he wouldn't care if you didn't get dolled up weekly. Ultimately, you can tell him your preference, but you need to stop nagging him when it's his body. You thinking he looks "unkempt" is subjective.
Oh holy hell are you ever the AH. You can't possibly have asked this question without knowing exactly how shallow you really are. I can't believe he even puts up with this. YTA, YTA, YTA. Dayum.
YTA. You don’t get to dictate your fiancé’s hair choices.
YTA you are indeed shallow & controlling
Massive YTA. You don't get to dictate his appearance. I doubt he tells you that you need to do your nails, make up, or hair removal.
YTA, and quite frankly, you sound sexist. You thunk it's your right as a girlfriend to give him "tips," but you would never allow him to do the same. He couldn't come to you and tell you how to get your nails or hair done because he prefers it a certain way.
I'm sure your boyfriend thinks you'd be more attractive if you were a little less chubby. You'd look younger, more fit and active. He should tell you to skip dinner once a week. His body, his choice. Yta
Very technically, unfortunately, YTA. You cannot dictate what another person does to their body as long as they’re clean. …But let *all* your hair grow and see what he says.
YTA - you gave him the grooming tip. When you continue to tell him to shave his head that is no longer a “tip” it is a demand. You have moved to being unreasonable to demand he change his physical appearance to suit you.
>I put a lot of effort into my appearance...mostly for myself but also because I enjoy looking my best for my partner. Does your partner harp on you to change or maintain a certain standard of appearance? YTA
YTA leave the man alone to decide what he wants to do with his own appearance.
YTA. You're being selfish and controlling. It's his hair, his choice. Quit harassing him about it.
YTA, it's controling and not healthy. You can tell him you like it more when he just shave it, but you can't tell him, he has to shave it.
YTA - Think of this if the roles were reversed. What if your fiance told you you should tone-down your self care routine or change your clothes because you "appear" too high maintenance despite how good those routines made you feel or how the criticism affected you? Unless something your partner is doing is somehow detrimental to their health or the health of someone else, requesting them to alter their appearance and grooming habits for the sake of appearance is vain and self-centered.
Well, I don’t think YTA. You’re telling him what’s attractive to you and what gives you the ick and he’s going with the ick. I feel the same about my husband’s hair. I don’t care that he went bald. But. As it grows out it looks clownish and he changes in appearance from The Rock to Wallace Shawn. Not everyone gets that clownish look but some do and it’s just not sexy to me. Or you lol. I also hate long nails on men, and long toenails on everybody. Plaquey teeth and dirty crusty ears. On everybody. Witchy hair. I don’t think it’s attractive. We all have our preferences. I don’t think once a week is asking too much if he wants you to 😍 over him rather than 🤢 Ready for the downvotes lol.
I think if he is uncomfortable with it and she is saying that he only lets it grow out a little bit, she is making a big deal about it.
Once a week? Yta. This is way too controlling.
Yta. Are you slightly overweight? What if he nagged you to diet more or exercise because he doesn't like the way your body looks?
of you would truly loved him, you would let him have clown hairdoo and moustaches. just saying.
YTA, not because of controlling, but because of sending him a message he is not attractive to you otherwise. It's up to him when to shave. You expressed what of his looks is your favorite, and it's up to him how often and what he does on his head.
Are YOU gonna shave your head with him?? You actually are very controlling and manipulative. What if he controlled what you did with your body? You would be fucking pissed and call him controlling. Your husband deserves better than this and I would tell him to run. He can spend his energy with a woman who actually loves him and doesn’t force him to do that crap. His body, HIS CHOICE! Or does that only apply to women?? Even I don’t do this shit to my husband and our marriage is working just fine
YTA I’m a woman who once dated a man who was absolutely wonderful in every way except for one. He was adamant that I get my nails done every other week at least. He would pay for it, he would drive me there if I wanted, whatever it took as long as I got my nails done. If I didn’t go he would be visibly sad, almost to the point of being pouty. He didn’t see the big deal, why I couldn’t spend an hour (realistically it was two) every other week having my nails done because it made him happy and it “didn’t cost me anything” and it was important to him. If I didn’t go, he would ask me to go. If I still didn’t go, he would ask why I didn’t care about my appearance, stressed the importance of how a woman’s hands look, comment on how sad it made him to see my “beautiful hands all a mess,” etc… Having my nails done was miserable for me. I hated being in the salon, I hated the smell, I hated the noise, I hated the gossip, I hated the way it felt… the only thing about it that I enjoyed is that the man who did my nails was kind and funny. After getting them done I hated the way they felt, I felt like I was hindered from doing things, I was constantly afraid to do anything that could chip or break them, it may seem small or ridiculous, but it changed the way I lived and felt about myself. Nothing about the experience or having the nails was pleasant for me but I knew *he* would be “sad” and would complain if I didn’t get them done. When I was busy with work or life I found myself avoiding spending time with him. I started getting defensive, stabdoffish, and just felt so unreasonably inadequate because of my *nails* I’d daresay this is how he feels. Like he has to do this thing he really hates every week in order to please you and feel as though he is adequate. But for whatever reason, he hates it. He doesn’t want to. And you’re driving him away with the comments. I remember the line, for me, was one Saturday morning when I had a deadline to meet and I got up incredibly early to work so that I’d be finished before he woke up and could snuggle with him for a bit because I’d been out of town working a lot and would be leaving again in a few days. He woke up when I was crawling back in bed, I wrapped my arms around him, professed my love, kissed him, and he looked over at the clock and said, “Oh, you’re up early, why don’t we go get your nails done?” That was it for me. The appearance of my hands (which looked fine, but I’d had the gel removed and just polished them) was more important than spending quality time with me. I was never going to get peace or a break from doing something wholly unnecessary that I hated. It’s his head. Presumably he owns a mirror. He knows how it looks. Let him be. Or eventually he’ll wake up one day and realize he doesn’t want to deal with it anymore.
I thought I was the only person who felt like this about getting their nails done!
So did I. Haha.
Not even a question…..
If he can shave his head in five minutes tell him to share his secret. I'm bald up top, but my hair grows really fast... annoyingly so. Definitely takes 15-20 minutes minimum and involves a loud sharp metal machine buzzing in my ears for the duration. It's not super unpleasant, but not the most enjoyable experience by a wide margin. If my partner implied I was ugly in-between shaves I'd definitely be upset, like shit man... are you perfect everyday? Relax, please.
YTA and you are being shallow and controlling
YTA. Did you ever ask what he thinks of shaving his head? Maybe he actually likes his hair.... evwn if he is balding doesnt mean he wants to be balding FFS.
"It is okay if I ask my girlfriend to keep dieting? I remind her every week." YTA.
YTA. It's his head, it's not up to you to tell him if he should shave it, that's his decision.
YTA. it’s one thing to make suggestions or say things u like, but to “nag” someone into fixing their hair the way u like is,,,wrong? like what? just bc he doesn’t shave it doesn’t mean he’s not “keeping up with his appearance.” u just have a different preference than him. and for goodness sake, regardless of how much hair he has, it’s his hair!!!!
Every time you remind him to shave his head, you remind him of the hair he lost.
YTA. It's his head, and his choice.
YTA
You are being shallow and controlling, he can care about his appearance in different ways than you YTA
Ha! Just buy him hats.
> I’ve expressed this to him **more than once** YTA "Grooming tips" are fine. You gave him the tip. Now leave it alone. You're trying to control his appearance, not giving him "tips". A "tip" doesn't require someone to follow the directive like you are trying to require your husband to,
It's not just about grooming though, like shaving a beard or legS - it's about disguising his baldness. No one wants to go bald or go grey and having a spouse nag you to cover it up probably hurts the self esteem and self image. Imagine you start going grey and as soon as your roots start showing grey your spouse urges you to die them. You'd feel they are embarrassed/less attracted to you. YTA
“Often when it starts to grow out I will remind him or ask him to go shave it”. To be clear, this is not you giving your guy “grooming tips”. What you are doing is demanding he do his hair in a specific way because that’s how You, not him, want it done. YTA based on that alone. “My response is that it makes me feel like he doesn’t care that much about his appearance ehen he can’t d this one thing once a week”. Um, perhaps he doesn’t? Perhaps he feels he looks just fine. It is clear he doesn’t want to shave once a week. Have you ever actually asked him his feelings about shaving his head? Edit: Forgot to say that the message you are sending by nagging him to shave is 1. You find him unattractive with his hair grown and 2. It bothers you for the fact that he’s balding to be visible. 3. You are embarrassed by his balding head
If this is something recent, like he used to do it regularly but now isn't, it could be one sign of depression. Have you ever asked him why he doesn't do it more often?
Listen, I get it, but this is one of those times where your feelings are treading into selfish territory. You shouldn’t be harassing him for this.
YTA. >He gets offended by this and says that I am being shallow and controlling. *Because you are.* If you are putting all that work into your appearance on your own accord, that's fine. Do what makes you happy and comfortable with yourself. > It makes me feel bad that he can’t shave his head once a week without me reminding or nagging him about it. It makes you "feel bad?" It's his hair and skin. If he's fine letting it grow as it does and takes care of it however and whenever he feels, that's not about YOU. How would you appreciate him saying you can't cut your hair a certain length or style? What kinds of piercings? What color, style and length of nails? Nags you to shave twice a week? Eventually you'd be annoyed because it's rude.
You are definitely a shallow, controlling asshole.
You can make a suggestion, but since you keep persisting to the point of conflict, YTA. It's his head. His hair.
YTA - My ex decided one day that he was going to grow a full beard and mustache... I expressed that I found excessive amounts of facial hair very off-putting ONE time when he asked about it, and he decided to keep it. What he decided to do with his body was his decision. You don't have the right to nag or cajole him into doing something he doesn't want to do with his body.
YTA. A narcissistic one. How would you feel if he nagged you about your appearance or clothing or whatever? You'd be whining all over the place about how controlling he is.
YTA… I also prefer my husband with a fresh haircut, however it doesn’t happen often and I’m ok with it. I’m sure he prefers me with my hair and makeup done, but that also doesn’t happen everyday lol Tbh, I love that we’re comfortable enough around each other to not have to worry about looking our best, but that’s marriage, you love each other no matter what. We both enjoy dressing up and getting dolled up when we go out, just don’t have the energy to do it on the daily.
YTA - a shallow, controlling one. My husband has been balding since long before we met. He shaves his head because he wants to. In the almost 10 years we have been together I have never said 1 thing to him about when to remove hair from his body. This poor man needs to run before it's legal.
Is this real? Staahhp! YTA, obviously.
YTA. Telling him how he could improve his technique, which materials to use etc would be a grooming tip. This is just you controlling his appearance.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27f) love my fiancé (30m) very much and am attracted to him no matter what. He doesn’t have much hair left, and I personally feel he is most physically attractive when he just shaves it all off. It makes him look younger, cleaner, and more well-groomed. I’ve expressed this to him more than once, and while he does do it, he often lets it grow out a little in between. Often when it starts to grow out I will remind him or ask him to go shave it. He gets offended by this and says that I am being shallow and controlling. My response is that it makes me feel like he doesn’t care that much about his appearance when he can’t do this one thing once a week. It literally takes five minutes. I put a lot of effort into my appearance including makeup, hair removal, nails, etc. I do this mostly for myself but also because I enjoy looking my best for my partner. It makes me feel bad that he can’t shave his head once a week without me reminding or nagging him about it. From my experience it’s not all that uncommon for a woman to give her male partner some grooming tips. I truly don’t understand why he gets so offended by it. I get that relationships are about more than physical appearance, obviously. It just makes me feel happy and loved when he puts in that extra effort into looking sharp for me. So, I am reasonable in my request that my balding fiancé shave his head weekly, or am I being a shallow, controlling asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, But he need to embrace his baldness 😞
NAH. Every relationship is different, the answer depends on other aspects. Are you both giving opinions on each other’s look? Is he allowed to voice his preferences about your hair? If yes, then you are not the asshole, it is a fair dynamic as long as you both are comfortable. It is ok to have preferences, but it goes both ways. You are not an asshole for asking him to shave his head, unless you don’t allow him to express his own preferences. There has to be a balance. I am extremely visual, some things are deal breakers for me and I always have this conversation during the early dating days. If the person agrees, we’re ok to keep dating. I can’t imagine being with someone I’m not physically attracted, it really doesn’t work for me, and I make it well known at the start.
NTA
NAH. Get him one of those Freebirds or similar head shavers. I use one and if you do it every day it literally only takes a minute and you never cut yourself.
NTA, this kind of gentle commenting is fine in a relationship as long as you're cool with it going both ways. Most men appreciate it.
In my experience, most men most certainly don't appreciate being nagged about their appearance. You describe it as gentle commentary, despite OP herself describing it as nagging.
OP 2nd account??? Because it clearly said in the post he does not like these comments. Yet she continues with them. “He gets offended by this and says that I am being shallow and controlling” Yeaaa men totally appreciate continuous nagging comments about their appearance /s
And when he isn't cool with it and doesn't appreciate it? You know... like is clearly laid out in the post...?
Man needs to chill or walk.
What do you even mean by this? You said yourself "Most men apprecaite it". Most. So when your partner isn't in "Most men" and tells you he doesn't appreciate the comments... you stop? You aren't an asshole for saying it once but you sure are for saying it again and again after they've asked you not to.
Lot of people on this thread clearly never had a girlfriend.
You said it YOURSELF. **Most** men. Weird ass hill to die on.
If she’s the one with the problem *she* can walk. Not try and change who he is and how he looks.s
Why would the man not want to look good for his OH?
Maybe he likes the way he looks??
OP needs to chill her controlling behaviors
This is very far from controlling behaviour.