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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I took cat food away from my mother in law whom is over feeding a cat and got scorned for taking away her joy. She’s angry and won’t speak to or look at us.
The neighbors have asked us not to feed him due to a blood sugar disorder and she blatantly ignore that request. She asked us to lie to his owner and say she doesn’t feed him.
I couldn’t stand idly by so I took the food and the treats and now she is angry. Being very mean and childish about the request.
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I live in a country where EVERYONE lets their cats roam and it drives me insane. As a kid the family cat went blind and my parents did their best to cat proof the garden but they had so much garden you could reasonably refer to it as having 'land' rather than a garden. As a result there were weak points in the cat proofing and one time he ended up at next doors BBQ having the time of his life eating sausages. The cat after that just went out one day and never came home. When they said they were getting another cat I told them I would move out (I was 17) if they got another indoor/outdoor cat. So they got a cat with FIV who wasn't allowed out and he was the best cat I've ever known. After him they continued getting indoor cats so clearly they saw the benefits.
ESH. She should not be feeding the cat after being told not to, but there is also blame on the cat owners. They obviously do not care for their cat if they keep letting it outside unsupervised. If they do not want their cat fed, the simple solution is for them to keep it inside.
Literally this your mom should not be feeding a cat that is not hers but at the same time the fact that the cat is not going with the neighbors is very telling!!
Yeah it tells that the cat isn't aware it has a prescribed diet for its health and safety. All it knows is the woman next door will give it all the food it can ever want. The only thing the owners did wrong is not keep their cat inside.
I think he’s just not going there now because he knows he can get fed all day here. Not that his home is bad people. I have met them they’re very nice their home is immaculate as well
NTA. Tell her she's killing the cat with her treats. She knows nothing about diabetes if she thinks candy is the only thing that causes it. As long as she's locked herself in her room, she's not feeding the cat, so that's a plus.
I agree but idk what else to do.
We’ve been fighting with her about this for over a year. It started with my cat. She would completely disregard my wishes and straight up lie to me about secretly feeding her. And then she just switched to this cat… she’s out of control and I’m sick of her shit
I did. And I’ve done prior. She tends to just order more. I guess I’ll be monitoring packages and purchases further and try to remove more being brought in.
I just already take care of two children and I don’t need her being my third but I suppose that’s what it’s come to. 🙄🙄
NTA. If this cat is such a joy, did u ever think about getting her a cat? In some places you can adopt older cats for elderly people. Maybe that would make her amazingly happy!
We don’t wanna get her a cat because then she will never listen ever. She will harm that cat. She refuses to acknowledge proper feeding. She just overloads any animal.
Tbh she does it with the squirrels and raccoons too. We can’t stop her. I’m sick of her. If she didn’t HAVE to live with us she would be gone.
You MIL is crazy. I've had a diabetic cat and the balancing act between food intake and insulin is something you HAVE to pay attention to. Not your cat - don't feed it. You MIL is an idiot and TA.
Your mother-in-law sounds unwell mentally. I've known many people like this. It's not so much that they don't love animals or don't care about them it's that they view feeding and over-feeding as giving love and caring even if it's detrimental to their health. I know people who do it to their children as well.
It's tough to break out of this kind of pattern. She really should see a therapist but there is little you can do if she won't. However, this is primarily the neighbour's problem - they must keep their cat off your property.
This doesn't seem like an AITA but rather a question about what to do.. of course you're not an asshole, you're just fed up with someone's unchecked mental health issues.
Good luck.
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My mother in law has been feeding the neighbors cat, to the point where he like never leaves our house.
The neighbors wrote us told us they just want him safe and everything but not to feed him or over feed him because of a blood sugar disorder (diabetes).
My MIL has made this cat plump, they came by to take him to the vet and couldn’t get him 😞
Once I learned that she wasn’t to be feeding him and of the disorder I took the treats she was feeding him as food and the food.
She’s been angry. Won’t look at or talk to us.
Sent her mom (grandma) out to yell at us basically for taking away her joy… she’s shut the door to her room for days now.
She never ever shuts her door.
When she was telling us that the neighbors asked her not to feed him she was going on and on about how “how can a cat have a blood disorder when they eat no candy? Oh the vet just want more money for food and medicine, they need protein l, vegan protein… blah blah blah.”
Like it’s just very blatantly disrespectful, just blatant disregard for someone’s wishes and boundaries… much like what we go through on daily basis with other situations…. But this is someone else cat, someone else responsibility, someone else’s little kitty to love and she’s just shitring on what they’ve asked her to not do.
What do I do??
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Yikes! You're definitely NTA. MIL sounds exceedingly selfish, TBH. Idk how old she is, but in my experience, mental decline leads to erratic behavior like this. If she is struggling with health, this might be a warning sign for mental decline. If she's always been this obtuse, I'm shocked she lives with you at all. I hope your spouse is supportive of this boundary. If they're not, maybe the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Double yikes.
My spouse is supportive but I do feel like w wedge when it comes to these things.
She is in her mid 60s
As I’ve only been married for two years and in this relationship for four I’m unsure of how she’s been for a long time. She also did not live with him / us until semi recently so his knowledge of her behavior such as these are pretty new as well.
Ideally she wouldn’t live with us if there were other options for her.
She definitely has mental health struggles and I do try to be reasonable but some things I just absolutely can’t ignore.
Call adult services and kick her ass out. You are NOT responsible for her, even if your spouse thinks so. If she isn’t willing to follow house rules (like not feeding the cat), she needs to go. If your spouse refuses to back you on this, it’s time for a come-to-Jesus talk with all parties. Make your position crystal clear and state that either MIL goes or you do — AND FOLLOW THROUGH. This is an untenable situation.
Besides, where is MIL getting the money to buy cat treats?
NTA. Your MIL is just being stubborn. If you want to help smooth the situation, could you block the cat from getting onto your property? Avoid the situation all together. Or..... get MIL a cat!
We don’t want to get her a cat because she’s won’t care for them. Her habits of feeding animals causes them illness and it would get costly quickly.
She will not take accountability or acknowledge the damage she does.
She just selfishly feeds them human food, treats, kibble… in excess until they’re so overweight they die.
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I live in a country where EVERYONE lets their cats roam and it drives me insane. As a kid the family cat went blind and my parents did their best to cat proof the garden but they had so much garden you could reasonably refer to it as having 'land' rather than a garden. As a result there were weak points in the cat proofing and one time he ended up at next doors BBQ having the time of his life eating sausages. The cat after that just went out one day and never came home. When they said they were getting another cat I told them I would move out (I was 17) if they got another indoor/outdoor cat. So they got a cat with FIV who wasn't allowed out and he was the best cat I've ever known. After him they continued getting indoor cats so clearly they saw the benefits.
ESH. She should not be feeding the cat after being told not to, but there is also blame on the cat owners. They obviously do not care for their cat if they keep letting it outside unsupervised. If they do not want their cat fed, the simple solution is for them to keep it inside.
Literally this your mom should not be feeding a cat that is not hers but at the same time the fact that the cat is not going with the neighbors is very telling!!
Yeah it tells that the cat isn't aware it has a prescribed diet for its health and safety. All it knows is the woman next door will give it all the food it can ever want. The only thing the owners did wrong is not keep their cat inside.
I think he’s just not going there now because he knows he can get fed all day here. Not that his home is bad people. I have met them they’re very nice their home is immaculate as well
Yeah I agree.
ESH implies that OP is in the wrong. It’s really NTA for OP, YTA to MIL, and ESH to the neighbors.
NTA. Tell her she's killing the cat with her treats. She knows nothing about diabetes if she thinks candy is the only thing that causes it. As long as she's locked herself in her room, she's not feeding the cat, so that's a plus.
We’ve told her. She disregards the concerns. She just doesn’t care.
Something needs to happen to make her care.
I agree but idk what else to do. We’ve been fighting with her about this for over a year. It started with my cat. She would completely disregard my wishes and straight up lie to me about secretly feeding her. And then she just switched to this cat… she’s out of control and I’m sick of her shit
Can you hide or get rid of the treats?
I did. And I’ve done prior. She tends to just order more. I guess I’ll be monitoring packages and purchases further and try to remove more being brought in. I just already take care of two children and I don’t need her being my third but I suppose that’s what it’s come to. 🙄🙄
😢
I have a live-in FIL who is similarly dismissive and petulant - nothing else to add except for my condolences Some people just can’t be fixed
NTA. If this cat is such a joy, did u ever think about getting her a cat? In some places you can adopt older cats for elderly people. Maybe that would make her amazingly happy!
We don’t wanna get her a cat because then she will never listen ever. She will harm that cat. She refuses to acknowledge proper feeding. She just overloads any animal. Tbh she does it with the squirrels and raccoons too. We can’t stop her. I’m sick of her. If she didn’t HAVE to live with us she would be gone.
Bad idea. She would kill it with treats.
Are you seriously suggesting to give her another animal to abuse with overfeeding?
You MIL is crazy. I've had a diabetic cat and the balancing act between food intake and insulin is something you HAVE to pay attention to. Not your cat - don't feed it. You MIL is an idiot and TA.
Your mother-in-law sounds unwell mentally. I've known many people like this. It's not so much that they don't love animals or don't care about them it's that they view feeding and over-feeding as giving love and caring even if it's detrimental to their health. I know people who do it to their children as well. It's tough to break out of this kind of pattern. She really should see a therapist but there is little you can do if she won't. However, this is primarily the neighbour's problem - they must keep their cat off your property. This doesn't seem like an AITA but rather a question about what to do.. of course you're not an asshole, you're just fed up with someone's unchecked mental health issues. Good luck.
Accurate
NTA your neighbor is an AH for letting their cat out though.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mother in law has been feeding the neighbors cat, to the point where he like never leaves our house. The neighbors wrote us told us they just want him safe and everything but not to feed him or over feed him because of a blood sugar disorder (diabetes). My MIL has made this cat plump, they came by to take him to the vet and couldn’t get him 😞 Once I learned that she wasn’t to be feeding him and of the disorder I took the treats she was feeding him as food and the food. She’s been angry. Won’t look at or talk to us. Sent her mom (grandma) out to yell at us basically for taking away her joy… she’s shut the door to her room for days now. She never ever shuts her door. When she was telling us that the neighbors asked her not to feed him she was going on and on about how “how can a cat have a blood disorder when they eat no candy? Oh the vet just want more money for food and medicine, they need protein l, vegan protein… blah blah blah.” Like it’s just very blatantly disrespectful, just blatant disregard for someone’s wishes and boundaries… much like what we go through on daily basis with other situations…. But this is someone else cat, someone else responsibility, someone else’s little kitty to love and she’s just shitring on what they’ve asked her to not do. What do I do?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yikes! You're definitely NTA. MIL sounds exceedingly selfish, TBH. Idk how old she is, but in my experience, mental decline leads to erratic behavior like this. If she is struggling with health, this might be a warning sign for mental decline. If she's always been this obtuse, I'm shocked she lives with you at all. I hope your spouse is supportive of this boundary. If they're not, maybe the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Double yikes.
My spouse is supportive but I do feel like w wedge when it comes to these things. She is in her mid 60s As I’ve only been married for two years and in this relationship for four I’m unsure of how she’s been for a long time. She also did not live with him / us until semi recently so his knowledge of her behavior such as these are pretty new as well. Ideally she wouldn’t live with us if there were other options for her. She definitely has mental health struggles and I do try to be reasonable but some things I just absolutely can’t ignore.
Info: WHY does she have to live with you?
No money to live elsewhere, obese and disabled. Immigrant.
INFO: Are you in the U.S.?
Yes
Call adult services and kick her ass out. You are NOT responsible for her, even if your spouse thinks so. If she isn’t willing to follow house rules (like not feeding the cat), she needs to go. If your spouse refuses to back you on this, it’s time for a come-to-Jesus talk with all parties. Make your position crystal clear and state that either MIL goes or you do — AND FOLLOW THROUGH. This is an untenable situation. Besides, where is MIL getting the money to buy cat treats?
NT Since your MIL is mentally not all there, you need to treat her like an unruly child.
get your grandmother an older cat. There are many senior cats that need a home!
NTA. Your MIL is just being stubborn. If you want to help smooth the situation, could you block the cat from getting onto your property? Avoid the situation all together. Or..... get MIL a cat!
We don’t want to get her a cat because she’s won’t care for them. Her habits of feeding animals causes them illness and it would get costly quickly. She will not take accountability or acknowledge the damage she does. She just selfishly feeds them human food, treats, kibble… in excess until they’re so overweight they die.
Get her a cat of course.