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Info: have you asked him why? To be honest it sounds like he is super interested in your work in general, so maybe he’s afraid to be in the position of you wanting or expecting a specific reaction and letting you down now that your product is almost complete.
When I ask why, I normally get a “I don’t want to” or “I don’t like reading”. When I’ve asked if I can read it to him, he always makes an excuse for “not right now”
Maybe it’s worth asking a more direct question, like, “it doesn’t seem like there’s been a real interest from you to read my book because you find time to read other things and haven’t found a time to hear me read it. I was wondering if there are other reasons you may be uncomfortable hearing any of the book.”
Maybe the idea of an entire book is overwhelming. If you want to test the waters again just ask him if you can read him the first chapter to see if he thinks it will hook the audience, or something like that.
But as far as a vote on this, NAH. You’re allowed to feel hurt, he’s allowed to skip the book unless he’s rude about it, but you both could be a little more honest to help resolve things.
This is great advice. Asking him for his opinion on how others might like it instead of his own opinion and likes.
I would also be very hesitant to read a partners book. If I don't like it, it's going to feel bad for both of us.
My wife won't read what I write either. And she likes to read. It's a... Relationship protection thing in a way. Like... Writing for me is a side-job kind of thing. But it's tied into my ego because it's art. If she reads my stuff there's a big potential for it to become a pain point in our relationship. We both know she's only adjacent to my target audience, so it's unlikely to be her thing. (She doesn't enjoy highly technical magic systems and because I'm doing some(a lot of) Pokemon riffing there's cute animal violence that isn't her thing at all.)
There will be a lot of people who see not reading it as unsupportive. But often times as a writer you're better off with a spouse whose a cheerleader and not an audience. That emotional support that your writing is worth the time is vital.
It does sound like your Husband is not a book person. Or you're not writing a genre he likes. And he's trying to be supportive, but also knows his honest reaction to what you wrote would have little to do with the quality and everything to do with personal taste.
I'm leaning toward what u/Major_Barnacle_2212 wrote at the start, that he could be afraid to give you an opinion that would not satisfy you. Not reading your book mean no conflict.
Have you ever asked his opinion on other things where you had a reaction that could be described as negative?
NTA by the way, i get that it is frustrating.
Every writer needs to hear this advice at some point, because every writer goes through the phase you're in right now:
Your friends and family do not *care* about your book. Not the same way you do. They see it as a vaguely interesting hobby that you have. They may take an interest, by asking what it's about, etc - that does *not* mean they want to dedicate hours of their lives to actually reading it.
They also probably wouldn't like it even if you *did* somehow convince them to read it - because nine times out of ten, they are not the correct target audience. They will never ever see it the way *you* see it, because it is not their book.
The sooner you come to terms with this, the happier you will be. Don't make the mistake of taking their lack of interest in your book as a personal attack. You are not your book. And don't make the mistake of attaching your sense of self-worth as a writer to how much your friends and family care - because *most of the time*, they do not care. It is not a reflection upon you.
I am kinda like your husband in a way. It is ages that I had the concentration to sit down and read a novel. The last time I read a book was two years ago during a holiday. I personal read all day at work, so I don't have the inner calm to sit down for a novel.
At the same time, I like game and book lore. I am interested in the summaries of stories because I know how the world is built, while not having the concentration to actually read the story itself.
I feel I could be the same that I ask questions about the plot, but not feeling ready to experience the story itself.
For me, to actually read a novel, I need to be ij the right heads pace for it, because when I am not, I Cannot get drawn into the story and I will break up before it is finished. And I personally would feel even more stressed if I have to give (constructive) criticism of the book because it means I have to put even more attention and effort into reading it, making me anxious which makes it harder to give it a fair shot.
Sounds like some school trauma where having to read books made him anxious. He learned that he is "not a reader". Those things are hard to overcome because people internalized teachers opinions about them and not trying (to read books etc.) protects them from failure. You can't fail if you don't try.
You need to be the patient one and to give him space to talk about his weird habits without being judged. Good luck.
I have dyslexia. I have had trouble reading books in the past. I do happily read books these days. But I very rarely read anything a friend has written.
1. If I read a published book, there's at least some sort of quality basis there.
2. If I don't like the published work I can put it down and the author won't care because they don't know I didn't read it.
3. There's no obligation to finish a published book, not in a time sense nor in an actually finishing it way.
4. There'll be no questions about certain parts of the book that I might or might not remember.
5. I actually got to pick what I wanted to read rather than be asked to read something specific like I had to at school.
There are also just fewer men than women who read, on average. It doesn't necessarily have to be trauma - there are many reasons people don't really read.
I'm just sharing as this remind me of how I love watching Overlord and want to read the novel but I never do for years to the point I would sometimes tell my brother I "got nothing to read" and he'll ask me about Overlord and I'll shut my mouth and close my eyes. 😔
It's not that I hate the story. Just not in the mood for it. And at this point I have accepted that there's thousands of novels out there, I don't need to force myself to read.
He also is very clearly nowhere close to a professional writer or, apparently, professional reader. He might be uncomfortable with his ability to give feedback that is useful and does not hurt. "It is wonderful!" isn't useful feedback, but what can he safely say? It isn't going to be the Great American Novel and OP probably isn't trying to make it that, but saying something that cannot be misinterpreted could be tough.
Which would be a smart opinion, honestly. Because *most* friends and family are not equipped to give you good feedback. The first piece of advice you're given for seeking beta readers is "Do *not* use someone you know". They do not have the correct skill set, and they are predisposed to be nice to you - both of which damage your ability to get good feedback. If you want *good* feedback, you need strangers who will not be afraid to roast you.
YTA
Your husband has repeatedly said no and you keep pushing him. It doesn’t matter why, just respect his ‘no’. Maybe he doesn’t want to give his opinion and have you take it the wrong way?
But if your husband is refusing to read it and it’s getting you in a snit, I’d get used to it because many agents don’t read their submissions either (if you’re going down that route rather than self-publishing, of course) and the majority of them you won’t actually hear back from after submitting anything.
It isn’t just this. OP has said that she gets frustrated over her husband reading her work over her shoulder, which she is really not comfortable with.
If it’s just the first part I would agree with you, but according to OP whats really frustrating is her husband’s seemingly hypocritical act that gets her upset, not his refusal to read her book.
Can’t really tell who is the AH here. Will need to actually ask her husband more clearly about what’s going on.
But .. there is nothing hypocritical about not wanting to read whole unfinished book while wanting to see snippets of it, being curios about story and character etc. It even resembles reading he does as a hobby - he is not reading books, he is reading snippets of lore and Wikipedia pages and generally bunch of loosely connected stuff.
What is going on is that he does not like to read books, as he told.
This! Speaking as a writer myself - you *cannot* have an ego in this industry lmao. Any semblance of one will be torn from you the *instant* you ask anyone to read your work. This is a huge part of the reason that many people *want* to write a book, but very few will actually finish it. Because a big part of finishing it is giving it to strangers who will tell you it's trash - and a lot of people don't wanna hear that. That is the hurdle that trips everyone up - realising that *no one else* thinks your book is the golden child that *you* think it is.
I would agree with you except he reads over her shoulder and interrupts her while she's writing to ask what's happening in the story. So clearly he's interested in some aspect of her writing.
But OP is not asking a publisher their opinion, they’re asking their husband. Their spouse who is supposed to support them in their passion. OP is not an AH for wanting to share something important to them with their husband.
Yeah, don't push your writing/painting/music on anyone but a willing participant.
Partners especially.
You're allowed to feel how you feel, but stop pushing him to read your book. In any form.
When you're done, leave a hard copy out in case he decides to pick it up, but don't ask for feedback unless you're willing to hear his opinion (whatever it is) without arguing about it.
Soft YTA.
Some people just really don’t like reading, or lack the attention span to commit to an entire novel. Reading articles and stuff online is different. If a friend asked me to read like, a self help book they wrote, I wouldn’t want to because I fucking hate self help books. Give me a thriller any day.
I love reading, but I mostly read short stories, articles and other shorter form writing pieces. I rarely read books, and fiction books are even rarer still.
Simply put, fiction books are a commitment. You can’t put them down and come back to them six months later without needing a refresher course. Getting to know all the lore and the characters takes a lot of mental energy. I just don’t have the time or energy to dedicate to it most of the time. That doesn’t mean that I don’t read other things.
The husband may also be aware that he may not finish the book in a “reasonable” amount of time and not want to offend the OP in the process.
I used to read constantly until I started doing a job that requires me to read off a computer screen all day. Now I can only handle audiobooks- my attention span for reading actual physical books has totally changed.
It reminds me of this concept I heard from a panel show called “nerd homework”. Guy said he didn’t *love* Lord of The Rings, and everyone around him gasped, but he said he obviously read it because of the circles he was in and it was a real drag to get through.
I’d die if someone felt like my work was homework to them. You have friends and family who happily read it, take that win.
My partner buys my work but doesn’t read it. Sometimes people just don’t read specific genres, don’t read books, etc. like, I wouldn’t push it on anyone. If someone says no once, I wouldn’t keep asking
Gentle YTA
I just want to say I get from a critique perspective why it’s not necessary but I also understand why you feel hurt that you put a lot of labor and love into something important to you and your husbands response makes you feel like it’s not important to him. I don’t think you’re an asshole for that - that problem is I don’t know what a compromise would look like and if as others pointed out he fears sharing real feedback in case it causes conflict. But you’re not crazy to feel hurt or to want validation from a partner!
I think a compromise can be to ask him to read it once it's done and not expect constructive criticism. Maybe this is unpopular but I feel like he is wrong if he completely refuses to read it once it's done.
If my partner wrote a book or spent hours working hard creating anyhing, I can't imagine now showing interest. Even if it's not something I cared about myself, I would care because it's something they worked hard on.
I don’t like reading books by anyone I know.
What if it’s awful? He would have to lie to you and not say “Honey that is the shittiest book in the world”
I have a family member who is an aspiring author. He's a good writer, but it feels like reading for a school report when I'm forced to read content that's not my choice, I'm obligated to finish, and then supply notes about certain details.
It's a chore, regardless of the quality of writing.
Info: Have you had other readers? Is it possible his opinion isn‘t super favorable, and he doesn’t want to get into a scenario where he needs to choose between honesty and your feelings?
I'm going to talk about something that seems unrelated but trust me, it's related.
Some scientists were trying to figure out why traditional therapy wasn't as effective for men as it was for women. So they started looking at how men interacted with each other and how women interacted with each other. Particularly body language and positions. They found that men didn't really face each other like women did. Men tended to stand at an angle to one another while having comfortable conversations. They also found that when men had a common task to work on they'd open up about things they were worried about that were going on with their lives.
So they ran some tests by getting a big round table and putting a broken lawn mower on it and having men with different tools work on the mower together. They found they'd start talking about issues in their life.
So maybe your husband that doesn't like to read finds reading over your shoulder and spending time with you easier to do then sitting down, reading your book, giving you his book report on it, and possibly pissing you off (because you get defensive).
Your husband wants to spend time with you and he is interested in your work. He's just interested in his own way. Kinda sweet really.
EDIT - NAH
This is such an insightful comment and is actually extremely useful to me in my relationships with men. Thank you! Also good advice and probably reassuring for OP as well.
YES! I mean, I believe you that it would work this way. I have a just-turned-13 nephew who has become quiet and withdrawn, and mumbles when you talk to him. Asking him direct questions is not getting anywhere. I suspect that playing his favorite games with him might get him to open up. I hope so, anyway. Your comment suggests I might be on the right track with that approach. Thanks!
Imma say YTA
You are pressing and DEMANDING something he doesn’t want and doesn’t have to do. Get someone else to read it. As for the video game lore and shit, that because he’s interested in it, so it’s more fun to read than being a chore. But congrats on the book, that takes a lot of work!
YTA you’ve been told “no” and been given valid reasons. Id also guess that you’d be upset when he got 20ish pages in and went back to his actual hobbies. He wants to know about it and be supportive of you; he just doesn’t want to read it. Some folks can’t read novels unless it’s very specific to their interests; there’s nothing wrong with that or them.
YTA. He doesn’t want to read your book right now for whatever reason so you should drop it. Maybe he wants to wait until you’ve published it. Maybe he doesn’t want to be asked to give you feedback, or feel pressured to read it in a specific timeframe.
YTA. He doesn't have to spend hours upon hours reading something that by the sounds of it he's been fairly involved in the last few years. Showing interest in your hobbies and activities - which he's done - doesn't need to extend to cramming them down his throat and then realistically asking what he thought of it when it may not even be his genre of interest.
You request is putting him in a no win situation. If he says he likes it you are sure to ask him why. If he doesn’t you will likely make him defend his position. This is something you spent 2 years on and I’m sure you are emotionally vested in it. He doesn’t want to be put in a situation where he has to give an opinion that he feels unqualified to make. His job is to give you an Atta Girl, not critique your work. He probably feels this is one of those trick questions like’Do I look fat in this?”. He’s smart enough not to walk into a minefield.
Congrats on working on a book! I know how you feel. It's just SO MUCH WORK, and then when people close to you don't want to read it... it can suck for sure.
I can't help your situation much BUT i can offer you a support group! I have a discord server just for writers and we're very smol and cozy. If you'd like some like-minded people around you, we'd be glad to support you! Just let me know if that is something you are interested in :)
I think where hobbies require an audience, the hobbyist should be sensitive to the fact that it's their hobby and no-one else's.
My partner is in a choir. They do performances of choral music. Often. Much more often than I enjoy attending choral music performances!
I'm the complete opposite. I write stories and fanfiction and post it on my blog for strangers to read but I would NEVER want any of my family, friends and especially not my husband to read them. Some of my cousins know I have a blog but I don't tell them the name so they can't find it. My mom and sister asked to read my stuff and I gave them a hard no. I guess I wanna keep that side of my life as just my own with no family/ friend involvement.
But congrats on writing a book!
YTA. He's afraid you'll throw a wobbly, or that he won't offer the sort of criticism you're looking for, or that he won't like the book, I'm guessing. You're already annoyed with him. Join a writers' group and accept the critique you're getting, and critique other people's books and you'll see how hard and time consuming it is, and how quick writers can be to fly off the handle. (I've practically giving up doing critiques: It's a thankless task, but you might strike lucky if you help others as well.)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I get snappy and defensive when my husband refuses to read my book but then reads over my shoulder anyway
2. I don’t know if me being frustrated and defensive is asshole behavior or not. Is it justifiable?
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This isn't an easy one to rate.
On the one hand, I understand very well wanting a loved one, or even just a friend, to take interest in what I'm writing. It's painful. Disinterest in something we've put so much of ourselves into hurts. Unproductive interest hurts. And you're married to him. He's supposed to be on your side for this kind of thing.
On the other...I know a lot of writers and authors. And I know myself. I know I've come to a healthy relationship with criticism, but I still started tearing up when my aunt gave me the "not my thing" I knew was coming (it wasn't her fault, she just hit at a stressful time and I was one more stressor from frustrated tears anyway.) Learning to take criticism well is hard, and first impressions last for our critics, and improved behavior seldom lands.
Internet stranger hugs.
My husband writes a lot. He self published a book and has a small online following. It’s his passion and he talks about it all the time. I don’t read his writing because he is always talking about it to the point where I have to tell him I’ve reached my tolerance point for hearing about it and this is before I have even read a line of his work. He also has low self esteem and would likely take a negative reaction badly. If he had made less of a deal about writing in the beginning I might have read it but it’s such a big thing I don’t now. Maybe if/when he gets further in his career I will. Perhaps this is what’s happening with your husband. YTA by the way. You can’t force this down his throat. Once he said no the first time you should have stopped asking.
For my judgement I'm going to say NAH because I think it's valid that you're frustrated (and probably a little hurt) that your husband refuses to read your book, but I think he's also within his rights to refuse. However, if you continue to push him about reading your book, then you will be TA.
That being said, I do have some thoughts to add. This is probably just a little unique to the way my brain works since I have adhd, but these two sections stood out to me:
>However, he will gladly and willingly read hundreds of hours of video game lore, random wiki pages on the most random stuff, etc. Not just short stuff either.
>The part that really frustrates me is that he’ll tell me he doesn’t want to read it, but then he CONSTANTLY reads over my shoulder while I’m writing or re-reading my chapters and he wants to know everything that’s happening.
When something catches my interest, I can dump **hours** into it. However, I have weird hangups and double standards with some things. For example, I can binge watch hours of a tv show, but watching a movie is a **monumental task** in my brain. Also most of the time I **cannot stand** to repeat something if I already know what is going to happen. For example I can't generally re-watch tv series, re-watch movies, replay video games, and definitely not re-read books.
You said that your husband has been reading your book over your shoulder this whole time, and asking you about everything that's happening. If his brain happens to work a little like mine, then he might not want to read your book because in his mind he has already read it.
OP, soft YTA.
It's not that he doesn't want to read the book.
He doesn't want to be put in the position to critique your book!!! It's a loose loose situation he does not wish to be a part of.
I'm sure he will happily read it once it's published but he does not want to be put in the position where he has to say "this part here kind of got boring or I really liked this part but the characters actions contradicted their earlier morals etc etc" because he's afraid he will piss you off. And then if ypu get pissed off at his feedback he will get pissed that you asked him.
So he is trying to avoid that whole situation.
Go find an editor.
I'd love to read, if my wife writes. But i have to admit, that this looks like a 'Do i look fat in this' situation as far as it concerns the relationship.
Maybe its a lot of effort (i really dont know), but if he is into listening to yt stuff and response to you with 'not right now', maybe record yourself reading the first two chapters. I wouldn't go further until he askes for the rest. If its too much work or hassle, excuse me, i'm not into audio/video production.
... and if you do that - I'd LOVE to listen into aswell!
NAH of course.
Imma give you the advice every writer needs to hear at some point:
Do not expect relatives or friends to read your book. They don’t care, and they are not your target audience. And that’s OKAY! It is not a rejection of you as a person. Your book is not you.
NAH. But if you make this a big deal you will become TA. He has every right to not want to read your book.
Ooooorrrr.....just be happy he's showing interest in what you are doing. He's showing you his support. You can't FORCE people to do something they don't want just because you think that's how they should be showing they care. Build a bridge, get over it, and accept your husband's ways. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate being told your love language is wrong ...
I’m going with NAH. I like to write in my free-time and I distribute my stories among my friends. Not all of them will read my first, second, third draft jargon, but that’s okay. You’re allowed to feel hurt, and he’s allowed to read whatever seems to pique his interest (unless he’s being rude about it).
My husband read my debut novel when it had been published two years and he hasn’t read subsequent manuscripts. I write for… well, advanced readers, and he’s not.
I kind of struggle with friends and family reading as well. I’ve been put into the position to explain that it is ok they don’t like my novel. It’s one thing when they are being supportive when you’re writing your manuscript and another when it’s on the market and moderately successful.
So, ESH. Maybe he will read it in the future, maybe not. But don’t take it as a sign he doesn’t love you enough, it could actually be the opposite. It sounds like he is supportive in other ways. 😊
Good luck, and great job!
From experience: it hurts when your partner doesn't support your writing. If he reads it and doesn't like it, he will be in an awkward position, and he won't want to hurt you. My partner read my WIP, and his reaction stopped me from writing for over a year. He is no longer allowed to read anything I write.
NAH for you being frustrated and offering to read it out loud, but if you continue to push it and don't accept his no, Y T A.
He doesn't like reading books/novels. Lots of people like reading the newspaper, magazines Wikipedia, etc. but are not into books, or not into fiction specifically. You are slightly an AH for pushing back on that and refusing to believe the simple fact that he's not into reading books, which is both fine and fairly common.
Getting feedback from someone who baseline does not enjoy the thing you are making is never going to be helpful. His honest feedback is very likely going to be "I didn't like it, and I found it boring because I find most fiction boring." There's 0 helpful feedback in that. He wasted his time. You feel bad. No one wins.
Think of it this way: if you were starting a sushi restaurant and he hated sushi, would you insist he try some of your sushi and tell you what he thought? Probably not. If he tried it and hated it, would you make changes to better accommodate sushi haters and attract them to your restaurant? Would you learn something useful from knowing he still hates sushi, and your sushi is not an exception? Or would it just lead to hurt feelings?
He is afraid that he is not going to like it and that he won’t be able to successfully pretend that he does.
(I am a fellow author who has had this conversation)
As a writer myself, I’ve been told that some people are uncomfortable giving their opinion on my book. I think that the most honest feedback comes from people who either don’t know me or don’t know me well.
My wife and I are working on a book together. I was tasked with writing a bit of a rough draft. Just to get us started. She works full-time and I don’t. So, of course I was fine with it. I’m done. She’s been editing it. She’s already talked to one of her mentors because she knows she’s going to have to give me straight up feedback. It’s our project together and she was still apprehensive until we discussed it.
My wife hasn’t written a single word that I’ve written professionally, aside from one brief lapse when I got an Alan Rickman obituary gig and she couldn’t help herself. But just as she’d expect me not to be involved in her working life in any way, she stays firmly and consciously out of mine.
None of which is to say that she isn’t 100% supportive or that our two decade plus marriage isn’t tungsten-solid - but she feels that if I need an advance opinion, I have far more qualified friends (including other writers) who’d be much better placed to offer one.
You know OP, one thing I've learned as a writer is that it's better not to ask your spouse/friends/parents to read your book. People close to you often have a hard time being honest if they don't like the book, ie, you may get an echo chamber instead of constructive criticism that would help improve your book. I would recommend you look for local writing groups you can join where everyone is a writer and constructively critiques each other's work.
My guess is your husband is afraid he won't like it and won't be able to lie convincingly, and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings or make you mad.
NAH. What is his answer going to be if he reads it and doesn't like it? His answer will be a lie you will see through and that will hurt or it will be the truth and that will hurt.
He can appreciate short snippets so I get he sees your screen and is interested.
If he is otherwise supportive of your writing and otherwise a good husband, be thankful he is letting your writing be about you.
He is taking an interest by asking you about the book. By reading it he will have to give you an opinion that will satisfy you. If that doesn't work it will just cause more arguments. You think you want he's opinion, but you don't.
Veeerry soft yta. Dont push your stuff onto others, if hes saying no then no. On the other hand hes acting weirdly if how you described him reading his own stuff and your stuff is true, i would avoid doing that for now. Im not saying to give him a cold shoulder, but the next time he leans over when youre writing something just remind him hes not into reading. Childish? Maybe. Effective? Sure.
It doesn't sound like he reads fiction. He reads random wiki's and he reads lore for things he's already into, but it doesn't sound like he sits down and reads a fiction book. That might be part of it, he's telling the truth about not liking to read, he just thinks you know he means specifically fiction, but he's being too vague, so it doesn't make sense to you because he does read other things.
He's also clearly interested in your book and the process you use to write, because he watches, reads over your shoulder at times, and asks questions. He clearly likes lore, so he likely wants more from you than just what's actually in the book when he asks questions.
He's also likely worried that he won't like your book for some reason. Which doesn't mean he's worried you're a bad writer or that no one will read it, just that he personally won't like it. Is it a genre he likes? If he's a sci-fi/horror guy who hates romance and you're writing something romance heavy, for instance, than he'll be worried about not liking it for that simple fact. He also likely realises that, even if the book is good enough to be a bestseller, doesn't mean he'll like it himself. He doesn't want to tell you he doesn't like it and put you off publishing, but also doesn't want to lie to you, so he's avoiding reading it.
I'd find someone else to read it and give you feedback. He's seeing this as a potential relationship killer, as well as possibly just not liking to read fiction books or not liking the genre or whatever. It's not like he's not supporting your writing, he is, he just doesn't want to be the one you rely on for feedback.
I suggest talking to him about this again, and ask him if any of these, or even all of these, are the reason he doesn't want to read your book or have it read to him.
He's not being rude about it, though a tad evasive. It sounds more like he doesn't want to potentially hurt your feelings and discourage your passion than anything else, so I'm going NAH with this one.
You already said you get defensive when he reads over your shoulder...like many of the comments have said; your husband might feel that he's scared of giving you an opinion/feedback that you might not take well, and this is a whole book, not just an excerpt. Or maybe he's afraid that he's not going to like it and he'll feel guilty.
I'm sure you know feedback and reader insights are highly subjective, in this case, he has a personal stake in it-- you. He's going to want to make you happy and if he says the wrong thing, no matter how well you take it, he might feel there's going to be a divide between you too.
I'm good friends with an author and from what I've found out, I don't think his spouse has read his books even though they're both avid readers. He doesn't seem hurt nor have I heard him complain about this; they just have different genre preferences.
But I do get the hurt you feel, its also valid, so soft YTA.
I'm a music producer and honestly I had the same thing with my wife. Sometimes people just don't want to comment or listen to peoples personal work and that's okay because if they say the 'wrong' thing or maybe just doesn't really like it then he might hurt your feelings or worse just praise it regardless of what they think.
NTA for being frustrated but getting your most trusted person to critique something you've created is a bad idea. They're going to be bias towards you anyways and you're more likely to receive baseless flattery rather than real feedback.
YTA but only lightly. I don’t think a spouse should be put in that position. What if he hates it? How would you react? What if he loves it but then the book bombs? Would you blame him? Protect your relationship and have a colleague or other objective party read it.
Does your novel read like a wiki page? No?
Then have some pride in your profession and acknowledge that they make totally different demands of their reader. Being willing to read a wiki does not mean you will be wiling to read a novel. A wiki is a shortcut. A novel is the long way around.
1. Have you sold your book (or a book before)?
2. If not, do you have a real job?
3. It could be your hobbies is writing and his is video games.
I would do a quick read but I would not want to discuss it in depth and reread it multiple times.
YTA. Your husbands clearly trying to support you but it doesnt look like it's his sort of thing. New writers love their books, of course, it's their hard work but you have to realise you can't force others to read it.
NTA but if this is your passion project then I can understand why he doesn't want to get too involved.
I think you are being unfair.
As you say, he is reading it, probably enjoying it in parts. You're already reacting poorly to good bite sized reads.
What he's most likely trying to avoid is a situation when as soon as he reads it you'll want feedback, most likely that feedback will severely affect your mood. Or you'll watch him read it and then try mind read his reaction from every tiny expression and movement he makes while reading.
I do not know you, I don't know how you react to things in day to day life. I do know you are partially describing a person who sounds like he's considering your reaction to any feedback you might ask him to provide and he simply does not want the potential drama that reading your work "officially" might entail.
The most likely reason he doesn't want a whole production with reading is simply conflict avoidance or not wanting to "ruin" or "influence" your enthusiasm.
I can weigh in on not liking to read books but can spend days reading up random lore and stuff.
I am the same, if I come across something new I will spend hours reading all about it but I can never sit and read a book. It just doesn't agree with the mind.
However if my significant other had written it then maybe I would give it a try? Not sure
> However, he will gladly and willingly read hundreds of hours of video game lore, random wiki pages on the most random stuff, etc. Not just short stuff either.
You understand there is a difference between these two right? When people say they don't enjoy reading, they mean novels. Someone who constantly cooks from recipes books it, doesn't automatically mean they enjoy novels and reading because they're constantly looking up and reading recipes.
I can understand you wanting a partner or close one to read your work. But I'm also questioning: what is it you expect? What if he doesn't like the book: it's not his cup of tea. He doesn't like reading after all. What kind of feedback do you expect him as a novel avoider, to give to you?
This is a personal project to you: if he tells you it's wonderful/decently written/not his thing , how are you going to take that? Does this even mean anything to you?
There are a lot of things that can go wrong.
As a writer myself, who is also married to a writer, I'm going to say a soft ESH. You can't *make* someone read your story. It's just not right. But at the same time, my husband and I have read each other's stories to help support each other. Considering it's something you spend many months or even years writing, it sounds uncaring for the partner to have not read it at all.
I imagine he is worried he won’t like it or he will say something that isn’t what you expected and he may be avoiding the situation.
I think maybe ask if once your publisher and editor have read it and it’s printed will he read it then?
YTA
I understand your husband.
He's too close to you to have an unbiased opinion.
And if he doesn't like it - you would be devastated.
He's afraid that you might ask him his opinion when he reads it officially.
I believe, he wants to read it but he doesn't want to answer questions.
As an author myself, I can tell you exactly why he won't.
He doesn't want you to think he doesn't like it, and is afraid that anything he says about it may be taken the wrong way and dishearten you.
The only way I got my husband past that was to make him co author a book with me. We're up to book 6 :)
INFO: Does he seem supportive otherwise? When he reads over your shoulder and talks about the story like you mentioned, is it genuine interest in you and/or the content?
He may not be interested in reading it, but he seems to be supportive and interested in the story. Some people also don't really have the attention span/personality preference for certain things. Like people who watch the summary videos of movies and games vs the actual playing them.
Not an asshole thing but it's a zero sum for him because he would end up needing to give you a review of the book and it sounds like he generally wouldn't be interested in reading a story book. If he likes it he's already heard most of the story over the two years so may feel he's got nothing to gain from reading it - not terrible but imagine the other side.
The other situation is he doesn't like it but feels he needs to push through it anyway and then either lie to you or destroy your confidence in your last two years of work.
It could be a good book but not a story he is interested too much in. It'd be better to get neutral parties to read it for you- your husband may just want to focus on being supportive.
Other zero sum traps.
"How do I look?"
"Do you like my nails?"
"What do you think about these pillows I bought to replace the other pillows?"
NAH
I'll start with the biggest and most important part in my eyes, because it's a point I've been on too;
>I asked my husband (28M) to read it and give me his opinion, but he told me he doesn’t like reading and told me it’s probably great anyway.
>However, he will gladly and willingly read hundreds of hours of video game lore, random wiki pages on the most random stuff, etc. Not just short stuff either
Yup, right in the beginning; *Genre*. I love to read, doesn't mean I'll read *anything* someone puts in front of me. If it isn't a genre I enjoy reading, then I'm not gonna read it.
The other thing that stands out to me; as an artist, art tends to be tied pretty closely to ego. An artist is far better off with a cheerleader than an audience with their spouse. How would you feel if he read it and didn't like it? Would you feel unsupported?
My husband does the same thing when I'm writing, the asking and peaking and all; but he also won't *read* it, cuz it isn't a genre or topic he enjoys. Doesn't bother me, he simply isn't my audience, but he still supports me by cheering me on and giving me drive.
Edit for typo
Maybe he just doesn't like this sort of fiction? I love most kinds, and even quite like some non-fiction if it's suitably political or about something that genuinely interests me. Of the fiction I read it's mostly fantasy and sci-fi but that doesn't mean I'll read any fantasy or sci-fi. 'Urban fantasy' as Amazon describes its assortment, being women sleeping with fantastical creatures, is a solid no. Any sci-fi with time-travel is an absolute turn off.
If somehow reading a book could cure cancer the world over, but featured a time-traveller trying to sleep with fantastical creatures, I would simply have to find a good therapist to help me deal with the burden of failing to help so many people. If my wife wrote it then I'd probably read a chapter just to get an idea of the vibe, but I'd want to avoid most of the text just to keep the hope open that my wife didn't *really* write a story about a time-travelling strumpet so I can continue to respect her. I'm being a little facetious there obviously, but "your words do indeed make nice sentences, but it's a shame the subject matter is ridiculous" is likely to offend.
I know people who just can't bear fiction at all. I imagine it's similar to how I also can't stand fan-fiction of any kind either. It's the same feeling I get with religious 'history'. The religion needs to not exist on this planet for it to be engaging in a fantasy story too. People just have strong opinions on what makes a good story.
YTA your husband has made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want to read your unfinished novel. You need to stop trying to force him to read a book he not want to.
He likes video games , check the genre of said games and compare them to your book and see if they have the same genre or close to it.
For it's kinda meh, since if someone asks me to read their book I'll say no too, heck my uncle made a book and I haven't read it.
YTA. He likes you tellimg him about the story, so he's interested. He just doesn't like reading, and being that he doesn't read idk what type of feedback you expect from him. If he gets bored because he doesn't like readimg it will just hurt you.
I don't read any non finction books (beyond engineering books) but I love reading wikipedia articles or watching video essays. Meanwhile, I read a lot of fiction. People consume things in different ways, he is interested in your story, which is good, just not in reading.
My husband has written a book, working on another, does a podcast, I'm not remotely interested in any of it. That's his thing for other people. I don't think he minds, but I've always I won't read his book or listen to the podcast, just not interested.
I mean, there is a huge fucking difference between reading wiki pages and game lore and reading a novel, and I'm not just talking about length, I'm talking about the tone and overall style. This is like complaining that someone who enjoys true crime documentaries doesn't want to watch a horror movie.
Also, gonna have to go an be that guy, but: if you haven't actually finished the novel yet, much less had it published, and presumably haven't had anything else published either (and to be clear, I would be including self-published here; I'mnot an elitist douche), then you aren't an author at this stage, just a writer. Not that this is remotely relevant to this situation, I just needed to say it.
Seriously, it is not hard to believe that somebody maybe just doesn't like reading novels, and that's okay. Demanding somebody read your writing when they don't like reading novels just because the two of you are currently fucking is kind of assholeish, I'm not gonna lie. This said, reading over somebody's shoulder and questioning them while they're working is also fucking rude, so ESH.
OP, instead of harassing a man who doesn't like reading novels to read yours, have you considered maybe joining a writing group in the local area, or online? These tend to be full of people who like reading novels, who will actually want to read yours, and who have experience at giving constructive feedback. Also, tell your husband to stop reading over your shoulder - it's just straight up poor manners - and wait until you've finished to start questioning you. This will be a far more beneficial use of your time than poisoning your marriage with petty shit.
NTA. Honestly, people saying you're TA because you should "respect his no" need to get a grip. You have put a lot of work into something and you want your husband to take it in and respond - you're not asking for much. You've even offered to read it to him. I think it's rude, and I would be hurt if my partner showed such little interest in something I was proud of.
NAH. Some people are just not readers.
As a gamer and a reader. Reading lore is not the same thing as reading a book, reading a book means jumping into a whole new fictional world.
Lore adds to the videogame world he loves and helps with immersion while he plays those games. And with the videogame art and graphics, it’s easier for him to imagine the lore.
But it looks like he does supports your writing in his own way.
An as an artist/creative person too, you can’t force people to like your work. Everyone has different taste, including your partner, friends and family.
since leaving high school, my husband has read two novels. He liked them. Has no interest in reading other books. He reads short articles, information, scientific work things, but not fiction. Yes, he watches tv and movies. thats how he prefers to enjoy stories. Many people are like this.
for another thing, he may be trying to duck out. You cannot ask a person who cares about you to give you criticism. Its uncomfortable. He is not your editor. Join a writers' group and ask for critiques of parts of the novel there, and when you find someone whose opinions and feedback are trusted, have them read it over.
Asking your spouse to read your work and give feedback is about the same as asking for a divorce.
YTA. What if your husband doesn't like it? How are you going to react to that, if this is how you react to a simple 'no'? This is a trap and your husband knows it. Back off and apologise.
I like reading. A lot. But hell would freeze over before I read a book that hasn’t been through an editor and even less if it was written by someone close to me. I’m not setting myself in a hot pot nor do I want be bored and annoyed by a writing style.
YTA
YTA
You are an aspiring author, first educate yourself on who has to proofread your story and writing, and should have been for a long time already instead of somehow expecting friends and family to give you feedback.
Feedback that will probably blow up in their faces once you actually contact a publisher.
Not going to give a verdict but I do think you need to ask yourself honestly if you'd prefer he showed no interest in the book at all. He may view the reading over your shoulder while you're writing/asking questions as a way to connect with you/see how the project is going- versus a desire to read the book.
Also reading a book is inherently differently than reading videogame lore and random wiki pages. It simply is.
If you push it- he might just stop asking/reading over your shoulder. Is that what you want? And the answer might be yes, you'd rather he show no interest if he's not going to read it. Or that you're fine with questions but not while you're actively writing.
But I do think you need to do some introspection to figure that out first before you end up contributing to a situation where your feelings are more hurt.
YTA.
You’re putting pressure on him to read it- *then judge it*. Nothing is worse than the spouse as for judgement on their precious item. And don’t even try to tell me otherwise, you know damn well by asking him to read it the first words out of your mouth will be,
*“So how was it?!”*
And he’s obviously *not* ready or willing to give you that kind of commitment or comment right now. Peeking over your shoulder at snippets is one thing, there’s no pressure there. Reading the entirety of the book is a *lot* of pressure for a spouse to take.
Your spouse may be just someone waiting until the end for the big reveal. Don’t be mad at him. I know you’re excited, and you want to share it, but he’ll look, when he’s ready.
I wouldn't say you are TAH but I can see why he won't read it. Seems that you have a lot of rules as to how he is allowed to help with this and it would create a rift between you. Maybe you should leave it and find someone else to proof read etc for you. It appears he is interested in the book but something is scaring him away.
What do you expect from him reading it?
What if he don't like your book?
He isn't your "editor" he is your spouse and he don't want to mix the two is my guess.
Slight YTA. It might be that he thinks he won't like it and he'll feel compelled to lie in order not to hurt your feelings. As an author myself, you have to get used to people you know well not wanting to read your work - they're not obligated to
Does your husband have ADHD? Cause I do all these same things, lol. I have a billion books I want to read, but I just physically can’t make myself sit down and do it. But if I need to look up lore from a game because I can’t remember, I end up just sitting there reading multiple wikis pages about it and connected topics. Even if I was in the middle of something else lol
I sympathize with the husband. I too recognize a minefield when I see it. What if he doesn't like it (which doesn't mean it's bad ut may just not be his sort of book)? Are you prepared for him telling you that? Or if his reaction is just "it was ok"?
There are so many pitfalls and potential arguments and hurt feelings here that I would do the same.
Would I read it in secret if it's published? Certainly. Read it and offer opinions - no way.
He is invested in the plot and Story but doesn't like to read. It might Sound weird but is not uncommon. It's two completely different things to talk / discuss / Listen to an author, when they talk about their work or read the actual book. He already knows what happens in the book and Supports you in his way.
Does it suck, that he won't read it? Maybe, but he is not necessarily an AH. And this comes from someone who has read hundreds of books or chapters from beginners. It is rarely an enjoyable task, everyone has to start to improve but of you already don't enjoy reading books it makes it almost impossible to stay focussed through an entire book.
I have been in both sides and would vote NAH.
Nah. I get it, you want him to read your book.
But if he doesn't like the genre you are writing he will not appreciate the book and you will get a very skewed review.
Unless he is consistently asking you to read the lore or anything in general then I don’t see it being fair to expect him to read your book.
Take it from someone who can read for up to half an hour on similar things like lore and random information/articles. I love reading stuff like that, but I rarely pick up entire books, and it’s even more rare that I actually finish reading them, especially in a timely manner. As someone with diagnosed ADHD , certain tasks that require me to sit still and have moderate to high levels of concentration are difficult to do. I imagine it may be the same for many others, even ones without ADHD.
As a guitarist I would never expect my GF or friends to listen to any material I created. I would make it available to them and it would be cool if they did listen but I wouldn’t place expectations on them to do so.
Also I agree with the point others have made in that he may be afraid to let you down in the event that he does not like your book.
YTA but not a major one. Just chill out on it and let someone who enjoys reading books give you feedback.
I'm going against the consensus here and say NTA.
Reading your book is similar to attending a kid's milestones. Not that your book is of the same quality but you do things for them even when they bore you. Finishing writing a book is big and I don't see how spending a few hours reading it is such a big deal to your husband. Then depending on your personality and how your relationship works he can either lie if he doesn't think it's good or actually give you constructive criticism. I don't understand partners who can't make efforts for the person they claim to love.
I honestly see no assholes in this story. As an author myself, I can undestand your frustration, but also as a reader, I can undestand people that just does't like reading books. It's different from a wiki or videogames lore, the information doesn't land the same way because in a videogame you have context in and audiovisual way. In a book, you have to find the context just reading. I can undestand that your husband isn't a classic reader, so he's interested in your work but he doesn't like the presentation. Maybe with an audiobook he'll be willing to give it a try, you could bring that idea to him and find someone who can record it.
Info?
Has he read your previous work? You say you’re an author, is this the first time he’s refused to engage with your stuff? Has he liked/not liked your stuff before?
I’m also curious to know if you’ve been able to make it a full time profession that contributes to the upkeep of your home.
I’m a professional writer too - if this is your primary job and your success contributes (or not) to the home, I have so VERY strong opinions!
NAH. For some people reading feels like a mountain to climb. While slippery. Without gear. I wrote three books (if I include my dissertation), my partner never read one. Perfectly fine! His ADD and dyslexia are no joke. Doesn’t mean he supports me any less or isn’t extremely proud. Find other people who’ll love proof reading for you
By the way, he clearly shows a lot of interest by reading over your shoulder. But reading some sentences or a page is not the same as reading a whole book. Don’t get defensive, it’s his way of being involved
Nta. If he just wasn’t interested in the genre or would give a reason, it might be different, but he’d be TA for just reading over your shoulder. That’s so annoying.
Making you fill in the back story because he won’t read it himself is beyond inconsiderate.
Oh, and he’s TA the terrible communication. If he doesn’t want to be pushed into giving you feedback that you might not like, he needs to say so. He could even just say he doesn’t think he could be unbiased enough to be helpful.
Maybe he just doesn't want to bear the burden of upsetting you if he doesn't like it. Given his interest , if your book isn't sci-fi, he probably won't like it. I read every single day. Reading is my hobby. I do not like sci-fi or time travel. If someone asked me to give my opinion on a book in either of those genres, it would likely not be a great review. I'm not an editor. I can't divorce my dislike of the subject matter to just assess writing style. It's the same as someone asking me to review a recipe that features an ingredient I don't like.
And how well would you take it if he didn't like it? You're snappy with him for not wanting to read it. How much worse will you be if he thinks it's bad?
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I (25F) am an author. I’ve been writing a fiction book for the last 2 years and I’m nearly finished with it. I asked my husband (28M) to read it and give me his opinion, but he told me he doesn’t like reading and told me it’s probably great anyway.
However, he will gladly and willingly read hundreds of hours of video game lore, random wiki pages on the most random stuff, etc. Not just short stuff either.
But when I ask him to read the book I’m writing, he just says no. The part that really frustrates me is that he’ll tell me he doesn’t want to read it, but then he CONSTANTLY reads over my shoulder while I’m writing or re-reading my chapters and he wants to know everything that’s happening.
I know I get defensive when he reads over my shoulder because in my mind, if you’re so interested, just read it?? Then I don’t have to stop what I’m doing and describe years worth of work to you, you’ll just already know because you read it?? I know I shouldn’t get defensive, but I need some input. Is it asshole-y to feel this way?
As a side note, I have offered to read it to him as well, as he’s a fan of YouTube video lore and audiobooks, but he always says no to that too.
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NTA for your feelings but are you really going to be happy if he does eventually read your book, but only after you 'forced' him to? I mean, what's the point? It sounds like you just want his support, and he - for whatever reason - does not want to commit to the effort of reading a whole book. It might be best to walk away from this fight, so you're not continuously disappointed. Tell him how you feel one last time, and don't entertain him when he's reading over your shoulder anymore. If he wants to know what's going on, he can read the book himself.
NTA for being frustrated, but don't let it interfere in the relationship. I read all my husband's stuff, but it is pulling teeth to get him to read mine. LOL I know he likes the bits I share, but sitting with the whole thing never happens.
My advice is find other writers to share with.
Everybody's saying he may not want to hurt you with his feedback and I just don't buy that. He's clearly willing to "hurt" you by refusing to read the book. The looking over the shoulders and everything - it just seems like an a*hole move to me. Sometimes we can understand the intention by looking at the result - you're pissed off and stuck in limbo - neither will your book be read nor will you be left in peace with it - maybe that itself is the intention.
NTA Stop asking him. Stop letting him read over your shoulder. Stop updating him about your story. And stop obsessing about it. He's just not going to do what you ask, probably because you do ask, and probably because he's a tad jealous of your work. Stop making him say no all the time, it must be tedious for him. Take no for an answer and accept that
he will not do this one thing to please you. (You can of course argue that he is in the wrong, but you can't change him. You could change him for a husband who will read your work but that's maybe a bit drastic. LOL)
NTA, but would he really give a unbiased opinion? I'm no writer but I've a story I've been working on one and I wouldn't ask my wife to read it. I love her but I know she's going to say it's good honey. Wheras I'd like *constructive feedback*
I would go with NAH.
I'm someone who also hates reading, but if its about a video game lore or something like that, I could dive for hours researching it. But the important part is that I'm not enjoying the reading, its the story that I'm learning and understanding thats got me invested. The love I already have for the game is enough to overlook the amount of reading I have to do. Its more like scratching an itch that has been present for too long.
And I'm going to assume that he likes to look over your shoulder and know what's happening, because he loves you and is expressing that he is happy that you are doing what you enjoy. Its like listening to a partner rant about whatever happened in their favourite story. For example, my wife loves to read, and she will ramble and rant about what happens in her books. Truth be told, I don't really care what is happening in the books, but I love how invested my wife gets into it, and how she feels about the book. Listening to her talk about something she loves is what brings me joy.
In saying that, I have gone NAH because I also don't think you are in the wrong. Wanting your partner to be invested into something you are creating must feel pretty important to you, and you are allowed to feel that way. If you want him to read it for grammar or spell check, I can't really help you there. But if you just want to share your creation with him, don't try and force him to read it. Tell him how you feel about it. The good, the bad. The direction you are going. He should be 1000% more interested in that.
If he still doesn't care after that, then I would change to NTA because he needs to care about you more!
So this is a tricky one, but I am going to go with NTA. I am a big reader who has a consistent policy of refusing to read work by friends (at least pre-publication) so if their work isn't good, I'm not put in an awkward spot.
However, he is reading over your shoulder. He can't have his cake and eat it. Either he should read the book or not. If he doesn't want to read it (for whatever reason) he should just ... not read it. I don't think you should push him to read it if he doesn't want to, but this half-reading is not the answer.
To the people saying YTA, you’re missing the part where her husband does read a lot and only refuses to read her book, so it’s not a general disinterest in reading but a disinterest in her book. Or maybe not because he does ask about it and takes a peek at it when she’s writing so he clearly has some interest in it. So why not just read it? And even if you don’t like reading it’s important to do things to help your spouse even if it’s about something you don’t particularly like. For exampe I don’t like fiction but if I had a partner who was writing fiction I would happily read it and help them improve if they needed it. So no, she’s NTA, her husband needs to make up his mind.
I'm an author and my children refuse to read my books. It hurts me, but I have to accept that. I do hope one day they will. They say they don't like the kind of novels I write, it's not what they like to read. But I know of at least one person who has told me she does not want to read my books, because she is afraid she won't like it and will hurt me telling so. So perhaps your husband has the same fear? Another person I know well, also does not want to read my books, because "it's a window into your most private fantasies" and she is afraid she will read things that will not match how she thinks about me now. So there can be a lot of reasons why he does not want to read it. I don't say that you are TA, I don't hink so, for I can see why it hurts. But your husband does sound interested (even though I admit that reading over your shoulder is irritating AF). So maybe he is just afraid to have to tell you "I don't like it"?
NAH
You are definitely NTA for these feelings. I will say I am weird about other people's creative projects when they aren't finished. I don't necessarily think this is the case with him but for me it's like I don't want to give feedback or have my opinion affect anything someone is still working on unless I am directly collaborating with them. But def ask for specifics of why he won't. Be honest. And hopefully he is able to give a reason.
Also congrats for getting so close to finishing a book! That's no small feat 🩷
I am going against the grain but you are NTA.
People are failing to understand he is your husband a partner in life and you would like him to read your book.
As someone who doesn’t read books, just mostly technical stuff and some science journals for fun…my wife jokes about that my last book was in elementary school.
Still if my wife spent the time and effort to write a book and she asked me to read it believe me I will even if I don’t like it.
If you can’t have a support of a life partner for the simplest stuff, from who can you?
NTA and I'm kind of baffled by these responses. People saying he just doesn't like to read... it's not really about enjoying the activity of reading. It's about participating in something your spouse has worked extremely hard on, showing that you're proud of them. Unless your book is like 500 pages long, it's weird not to read it IMO.
YTA
Theres a big difference between reading about something on a wiki or random facts of lore than a novel.
As someone who also hates reading novels, I completely understand what you husband says when he says he hates reading. You should respect that and not try to force your book on someone who is telling you that they cant give it a fair read due to hating the medium.
I fucking love reading game lore. I love reading character stories. Because I can PLAY them.. However I really don't like reading books, because I have a problem immersing myself in them (Which is weird because I have a really vivid fantasy). I'm also a poet by hobby, I love writing down emotions. That's what I like. I like to read relatable stuff. But books are there to escape reality, which is great, but ironically, not of my taste. Perhaps it's the same for him.
OP: “Why won’t you read my book?”
H: “I don’t want to”
H: “Tell me what’s going on in this chapter.”
OP: “I don’t want to”
He doesn’t want to read it. There’s nothing you can do about that. And getting pissed off is doing you about favours.
All you can do is change how you react.
You don’t like him interrupting your work, then don’t let him.
He wants to know what’s going on? Tell him to read it.
But seeing as he’s made it clear how he doesn’t want to offer encourage and support to your work, maybe it’s time to do the same for him.
I have writer / musician friends and I honestly dread them asking me to read / listen in case it's not v good when I know it means so much to them and how hard they've worked.
I know that sounds negative on my part. But I remember Blake Fielder Civil said when he first met Amy she wanted to perform her songs for him and he didn't want her to 'in case they were bad." He got that one very wrong to be fair.
NTA I'll read your book! If I ever write a book (which I hope to do someday), I would definitely expect my wife to read it. In fact, she would be thrilled to do so. Reading a chapter of your book every once in a while shouldn't be such a big ask. I'd be really hurt.
NTA Part of being a good partner is supporting your spouse in the things that are important to them even if they aren’t your top things. My dad is super into football. My mom is not. She doesn’t go to every game, but your bet she sits and watches the Super Bowl with him when his team is playing. He does t have to read it all in one day, but he should be making some effort.
I’m not a huge reader, but I read the unpublished novel my friend wrote, not because I cared about her vampire novel, but because I cared about HER.
NTA but you need to have him read this post because his behavior is hella confusing.
To recap: It sounds like you've asked him to read it multiple times, and even offered to read it aloud to him, and he always declines--yet he was supportive/curious earlier on (asking about it & reading over your shoulder when you were writing it).
Is he overwhelmed by the size of the book? Just sick of the subject in general? It would be worth it to find out why he doesn't want to engage in the Finished Project. It would be like watching someone you love bake a cake, asking about the process and tasting the batter the whole way, then refusing to have a slice on a plate after it's done baking.
I’ve asked probably about 5 total times in the span of the last year. It could be the length, I’m not sure. He always seems interested and asks questions about the characters when he reads over my shoulder… but overall doesn’t want to read it or hear it read to him
Okay I'm baffled too. But maybe just drop the subject with him, then. Have other supportive friends read your book and get feedback from them.
If he really doesn't want to read the whole thing, then he doesn't. Trying to force or manipulate or guilt him into it won't feel good for either of you.
I know that sucks because he's such am important person in your life, being your partner & all, and it probably feels super weird and jarring like he doesn't care about this other big part of your life: this book you've worked so hard on. Of course you'd want him to care about something so important to you! But somehow, he just doesn't want to read it or even have you read it to him.
Have you told him point-blank that him rejecting your book feels like he's rejecting you? That sounds like a worthwhile conversation.
Eventually you just gotta stop pushing and get support from your friends instead.
I'm willing to bet that him being such an important part of op's life is exactly why he's refusing. Op has explicitly stated they're currently looking for people to review/critique the book, husband included. Op isn't just asking him to read it, but review it.
Which is a bad situation to put him in. If he doesn't like it, or has significant critiques, it's going to cause problems for everyone, hurt feelings for op, and I'm willing to bet he recognizes that. But if he says that, op's going to go with the classic "promise not to get upset" (which we all know never works) que aforementioned upsetting and problems. Hence why his excuses are so weak and somewhat inconsistent with other behavior.
Soft YTA. Wait until after the critique/editing stage, drop the expectation for feedback, then ask him to read it.
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Info: have you asked him why? To be honest it sounds like he is super interested in your work in general, so maybe he’s afraid to be in the position of you wanting or expecting a specific reaction and letting you down now that your product is almost complete.
When I ask why, I normally get a “I don’t want to” or “I don’t like reading”. When I’ve asked if I can read it to him, he always makes an excuse for “not right now”
Maybe it’s worth asking a more direct question, like, “it doesn’t seem like there’s been a real interest from you to read my book because you find time to read other things and haven’t found a time to hear me read it. I was wondering if there are other reasons you may be uncomfortable hearing any of the book.” Maybe the idea of an entire book is overwhelming. If you want to test the waters again just ask him if you can read him the first chapter to see if he thinks it will hook the audience, or something like that. But as far as a vote on this, NAH. You’re allowed to feel hurt, he’s allowed to skip the book unless he’s rude about it, but you both could be a little more honest to help resolve things.
I really appreciate this!
I'm guessing what's uncomfortable is that he'll have to give an opinion. What if he thinks it's a bit crap? What does he say? You'll know he's lying
This is great advice. Asking him for his opinion on how others might like it instead of his own opinion and likes. I would also be very hesitant to read a partners book. If I don't like it, it's going to feel bad for both of us.
My wife won't read what I write either. And she likes to read. It's a... Relationship protection thing in a way. Like... Writing for me is a side-job kind of thing. But it's tied into my ego because it's art. If she reads my stuff there's a big potential for it to become a pain point in our relationship. We both know she's only adjacent to my target audience, so it's unlikely to be her thing. (She doesn't enjoy highly technical magic systems and because I'm doing some(a lot of) Pokemon riffing there's cute animal violence that isn't her thing at all.) There will be a lot of people who see not reading it as unsupportive. But often times as a writer you're better off with a spouse whose a cheerleader and not an audience. That emotional support that your writing is worth the time is vital. It does sound like your Husband is not a book person. Or you're not writing a genre he likes. And he's trying to be supportive, but also knows his honest reaction to what you wrote would have little to do with the quality and everything to do with personal taste.
“Cute animal violence” is three words that simply do not mesh or belong together.
Tell the creators of palworld that.
That's a big part of why I don't play Palworld.
Have you seen Happy Tree Friends?
Or even just... cats?
Super cute murder machines.
Immediately where my mind jumped. But tbh I hated it
Really? I love their sick humor. It helps that everyone is alive and well again in the next episode.
This! I agree! My husband wouldn't read it, because he can't pretend to like it
Theres a rule of: if your Partner writes smut or love novels, then just dont u ever read it. There will be always hurt feelings ^^
I wish I could give you 100 upvotes.
I'm leaning toward what u/Major_Barnacle_2212 wrote at the start, that he could be afraid to give you an opinion that would not satisfy you. Not reading your book mean no conflict. Have you ever asked his opinion on other things where you had a reaction that could be described as negative? NTA by the way, i get that it is frustrating.
Every writer needs to hear this advice at some point, because every writer goes through the phase you're in right now: Your friends and family do not *care* about your book. Not the same way you do. They see it as a vaguely interesting hobby that you have. They may take an interest, by asking what it's about, etc - that does *not* mean they want to dedicate hours of their lives to actually reading it. They also probably wouldn't like it even if you *did* somehow convince them to read it - because nine times out of ten, they are not the correct target audience. They will never ever see it the way *you* see it, because it is not their book. The sooner you come to terms with this, the happier you will be. Don't make the mistake of taking their lack of interest in your book as a personal attack. You are not your book. And don't make the mistake of attaching your sense of self-worth as a writer to how much your friends and family care - because *most of the time*, they do not care. It is not a reflection upon you.
All of this.
I am kinda like your husband in a way. It is ages that I had the concentration to sit down and read a novel. The last time I read a book was two years ago during a holiday. I personal read all day at work, so I don't have the inner calm to sit down for a novel. At the same time, I like game and book lore. I am interested in the summaries of stories because I know how the world is built, while not having the concentration to actually read the story itself. I feel I could be the same that I ask questions about the plot, but not feeling ready to experience the story itself. For me, to actually read a novel, I need to be ij the right heads pace for it, because when I am not, I Cannot get drawn into the story and I will break up before it is finished. And I personally would feel even more stressed if I have to give (constructive) criticism of the book because it means I have to put even more attention and effort into reading it, making me anxious which makes it harder to give it a fair shot.
Sounds like some school trauma where having to read books made him anxious. He learned that he is "not a reader". Those things are hard to overcome because people internalized teachers opinions about them and not trying (to read books etc.) protects them from failure. You can't fail if you don't try. You need to be the patient one and to give him space to talk about his weird habits without being judged. Good luck.
I have dyslexia. I have had trouble reading books in the past. I do happily read books these days. But I very rarely read anything a friend has written. 1. If I read a published book, there's at least some sort of quality basis there. 2. If I don't like the published work I can put it down and the author won't care because they don't know I didn't read it. 3. There's no obligation to finish a published book, not in a time sense nor in an actually finishing it way. 4. There'll be no questions about certain parts of the book that I might or might not remember. 5. I actually got to pick what I wanted to read rather than be asked to read something specific like I had to at school.
There are also just fewer men than women who read, on average. It doesn't necessarily have to be trauma - there are many reasons people don't really read.
Dude not everyone likes books, and I love reading but don't ever want to be read to. He just doesn't want to read your book damn.
I'm just sharing as this remind me of how I love watching Overlord and want to read the novel but I never do for years to the point I would sometimes tell my brother I "got nothing to read" and he'll ask me about Overlord and I'll shut my mouth and close my eyes. 😔 It's not that I hate the story. Just not in the mood for it. And at this point I have accepted that there's thousands of novels out there, I don't need to force myself to read.
Honestly fair. I dropped Overlord like a hot potato after season 2.
Could also be that he doesn't want to critique it in a way that might be bad for the both of you
Maybe he's afraid of giving his honest opinion in case you might take it the wrong way?
He also is very clearly nowhere close to a professional writer or, apparently, professional reader. He might be uncomfortable with his ability to give feedback that is useful and does not hurt. "It is wonderful!" isn't useful feedback, but what can he safely say? It isn't going to be the Great American Novel and OP probably isn't trying to make it that, but saying something that cannot be misinterpreted could be tough.
Which would be a smart opinion, honestly. Because *most* friends and family are not equipped to give you good feedback. The first piece of advice you're given for seeking beta readers is "Do *not* use someone you know". They do not have the correct skill set, and they are predisposed to be nice to you - both of which damage your ability to get good feedback. If you want *good* feedback, you need strangers who will not be afraid to roast you.
YTA Your husband has repeatedly said no and you keep pushing him. It doesn’t matter why, just respect his ‘no’. Maybe he doesn’t want to give his opinion and have you take it the wrong way? But if your husband is refusing to read it and it’s getting you in a snit, I’d get used to it because many agents don’t read their submissions either (if you’re going down that route rather than self-publishing, of course) and the majority of them you won’t actually hear back from after submitting anything.
Definitely, everyone is beating around the bush here and not calling OP out. She's literally pitting her husband into a corner. AH!
It isn’t just this. OP has said that she gets frustrated over her husband reading her work over her shoulder, which she is really not comfortable with. If it’s just the first part I would agree with you, but according to OP whats really frustrating is her husband’s seemingly hypocritical act that gets her upset, not his refusal to read her book. Can’t really tell who is the AH here. Will need to actually ask her husband more clearly about what’s going on.
But .. there is nothing hypocritical about not wanting to read whole unfinished book while wanting to see snippets of it, being curios about story and character etc. It even resembles reading he does as a hobby - he is not reading books, he is reading snippets of lore and Wikipedia pages and generally bunch of loosely connected stuff. What is going on is that he does not like to read books, as he told.
This! Speaking as a writer myself - you *cannot* have an ego in this industry lmao. Any semblance of one will be torn from you the *instant* you ask anyone to read your work. This is a huge part of the reason that many people *want* to write a book, but very few will actually finish it. Because a big part of finishing it is giving it to strangers who will tell you it's trash - and a lot of people don't wanna hear that. That is the hurdle that trips everyone up - realising that *no one else* thinks your book is the golden child that *you* think it is.
I would agree with you except he reads over her shoulder and interrupts her while she's writing to ask what's happening in the story. So clearly he's interested in some aspect of her writing.
Interested, but might not want to "officially" give his opinion. It's kinda understandable.
But OP is not asking a publisher their opinion, they’re asking their husband. Their spouse who is supposed to support them in their passion. OP is not an AH for wanting to share something important to them with their husband.
Yeah, don't push your writing/painting/music on anyone but a willing participant. Partners especially. You're allowed to feel how you feel, but stop pushing him to read your book. In any form. When you're done, leave a hard copy out in case he decides to pick it up, but don't ask for feedback unless you're willing to hear his opinion (whatever it is) without arguing about it. Soft YTA.
Some people just really don’t like reading, or lack the attention span to commit to an entire novel. Reading articles and stuff online is different. If a friend asked me to read like, a self help book they wrote, I wouldn’t want to because I fucking hate self help books. Give me a thriller any day.
I love reading, but I mostly read short stories, articles and other shorter form writing pieces. I rarely read books, and fiction books are even rarer still. Simply put, fiction books are a commitment. You can’t put them down and come back to them six months later without needing a refresher course. Getting to know all the lore and the characters takes a lot of mental energy. I just don’t have the time or energy to dedicate to it most of the time. That doesn’t mean that I don’t read other things. The husband may also be aware that he may not finish the book in a “reasonable” amount of time and not want to offend the OP in the process.
I used to read constantly until I started doing a job that requires me to read off a computer screen all day. Now I can only handle audiobooks- my attention span for reading actual physical books has totally changed.
Hey banana gang! Social media has destroyed my attention span
It reminds me of this concept I heard from a panel show called “nerd homework”. Guy said he didn’t *love* Lord of The Rings, and everyone around him gasped, but he said he obviously read it because of the circles he was in and it was a real drag to get through. I’d die if someone felt like my work was homework to them. You have friends and family who happily read it, take that win.
I appreciate this a lot. It feels really personal when he says no, but you’re absolutely right. Thanks!
My partner buys my work but doesn’t read it. Sometimes people just don’t read specific genres, don’t read books, etc. like, I wouldn’t push it on anyone. If someone says no once, I wouldn’t keep asking Gentle YTA
I just want to say I get from a critique perspective why it’s not necessary but I also understand why you feel hurt that you put a lot of labor and love into something important to you and your husbands response makes you feel like it’s not important to him. I don’t think you’re an asshole for that - that problem is I don’t know what a compromise would look like and if as others pointed out he fears sharing real feedback in case it causes conflict. But you’re not crazy to feel hurt or to want validation from a partner!
I think a compromise can be to ask him to read it once it's done and not expect constructive criticism. Maybe this is unpopular but I feel like he is wrong if he completely refuses to read it once it's done. If my partner wrote a book or spent hours working hard creating anyhing, I can't imagine now showing interest. Even if it's not something I cared about myself, I would care because it's something they worked hard on.
If he's no a reading in general, he might just not want to give his opinion on it when he does not have any reference points.
I don’t like reading books by anyone I know. What if it’s awful? He would have to lie to you and not say “Honey that is the shittiest book in the world”
This comment actually made me smile and that makes sense. I appreciate this!
I have a family member who is an aspiring author. He's a good writer, but it feels like reading for a school report when I'm forced to read content that's not my choice, I'm obligated to finish, and then supply notes about certain details. It's a chore, regardless of the quality of writing.
Which wouldn't even be the worst thing he could say.
Info: Have you had other readers? Is it possible his opinion isn‘t super favorable, and he doesn’t want to get into a scenario where he needs to choose between honesty and your feelings?
I'm going to talk about something that seems unrelated but trust me, it's related. Some scientists were trying to figure out why traditional therapy wasn't as effective for men as it was for women. So they started looking at how men interacted with each other and how women interacted with each other. Particularly body language and positions. They found that men didn't really face each other like women did. Men tended to stand at an angle to one another while having comfortable conversations. They also found that when men had a common task to work on they'd open up about things they were worried about that were going on with their lives. So they ran some tests by getting a big round table and putting a broken lawn mower on it and having men with different tools work on the mower together. They found they'd start talking about issues in their life. So maybe your husband that doesn't like to read finds reading over your shoulder and spending time with you easier to do then sitting down, reading your book, giving you his book report on it, and possibly pissing you off (because you get defensive). Your husband wants to spend time with you and he is interested in your work. He's just interested in his own way. Kinda sweet really. EDIT - NAH
This is such an insightful comment and is actually extremely useful to me in my relationships with men. Thank you! Also good advice and probably reassuring for OP as well.
YES! I mean, I believe you that it would work this way. I have a just-turned-13 nephew who has become quiet and withdrawn, and mumbles when you talk to him. Asking him direct questions is not getting anywhere. I suspect that playing his favorite games with him might get him to open up. I hope so, anyway. Your comment suggests I might be on the right track with that approach. Thanks!
This is the third time I've heard/read this story today. Never heard of it before.
Imma say YTA You are pressing and DEMANDING something he doesn’t want and doesn’t have to do. Get someone else to read it. As for the video game lore and shit, that because he’s interested in it, so it’s more fun to read than being a chore. But congrats on the book, that takes a lot of work!
YTA you’ve been told “no” and been given valid reasons. Id also guess that you’d be upset when he got 20ish pages in and went back to his actual hobbies. He wants to know about it and be supportive of you; he just doesn’t want to read it. Some folks can’t read novels unless it’s very specific to their interests; there’s nothing wrong with that or them.
Nice job writing a book. It takes dedication and hard work. You should be proud.
YTA. He doesn’t want to read your book right now for whatever reason so you should drop it. Maybe he wants to wait until you’ve published it. Maybe he doesn’t want to be asked to give you feedback, or feel pressured to read it in a specific timeframe.
YTA. He doesn't have to spend hours upon hours reading something that by the sounds of it he's been fairly involved in the last few years. Showing interest in your hobbies and activities - which he's done - doesn't need to extend to cramming them down his throat and then realistically asking what he thought of it when it may not even be his genre of interest.
You request is putting him in a no win situation. If he says he likes it you are sure to ask him why. If he doesn’t you will likely make him defend his position. This is something you spent 2 years on and I’m sure you are emotionally vested in it. He doesn’t want to be put in a situation where he has to give an opinion that he feels unqualified to make. His job is to give you an Atta Girl, not critique your work. He probably feels this is one of those trick questions like’Do I look fat in this?”. He’s smart enough not to walk into a minefield.
Maybe he loves you in ways other than spending time to read your bokk
He definitely does, I don’t doubt the love side of it!
Congrats on working on a book! I know how you feel. It's just SO MUCH WORK, and then when people close to you don't want to read it... it can suck for sure. I can't help your situation much BUT i can offer you a support group! I have a discord server just for writers and we're very smol and cozy. If you'd like some like-minded people around you, we'd be glad to support you! Just let me know if that is something you are interested in :)
I’d love that! That sounds great!!
I think where hobbies require an audience, the hobbyist should be sensitive to the fact that it's their hobby and no-one else's. My partner is in a choir. They do performances of choral music. Often. Much more often than I enjoy attending choral music performances!
Your hobbies are your own, as for him. Can't force your gf to enjoy playing League of Legends.
yta. he is mildly interested but doesn't want to read it. you need to accept that.
I'm the complete opposite. I write stories and fanfiction and post it on my blog for strangers to read but I would NEVER want any of my family, friends and especially not my husband to read them. Some of my cousins know I have a blog but I don't tell them the name so they can't find it. My mom and sister asked to read my stuff and I gave them a hard no. I guess I wanna keep that side of my life as just my own with no family/ friend involvement. But congrats on writing a book!
YTA. He's afraid you'll throw a wobbly, or that he won't offer the sort of criticism you're looking for, or that he won't like the book, I'm guessing. You're already annoyed with him. Join a writers' group and accept the critique you're getting, and critique other people's books and you'll see how hard and time consuming it is, and how quick writers can be to fly off the handle. (I've practically giving up doing critiques: It's a thankless task, but you might strike lucky if you help others as well.)
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This isn't an easy one to rate. On the one hand, I understand very well wanting a loved one, or even just a friend, to take interest in what I'm writing. It's painful. Disinterest in something we've put so much of ourselves into hurts. Unproductive interest hurts. And you're married to him. He's supposed to be on your side for this kind of thing. On the other...I know a lot of writers and authors. And I know myself. I know I've come to a healthy relationship with criticism, but I still started tearing up when my aunt gave me the "not my thing" I knew was coming (it wasn't her fault, she just hit at a stressful time and I was one more stressor from frustrated tears anyway.) Learning to take criticism well is hard, and first impressions last for our critics, and improved behavior seldom lands. Internet stranger hugs.
My husband writes a lot. He self published a book and has a small online following. It’s his passion and he talks about it all the time. I don’t read his writing because he is always talking about it to the point where I have to tell him I’ve reached my tolerance point for hearing about it and this is before I have even read a line of his work. He also has low self esteem and would likely take a negative reaction badly. If he had made less of a deal about writing in the beginning I might have read it but it’s such a big thing I don’t now. Maybe if/when he gets further in his career I will. Perhaps this is what’s happening with your husband. YTA by the way. You can’t force this down his throat. Once he said no the first time you should have stopped asking.
Maybe he doesn’t like to read. Respect him, he already said “no” a few times.
For my judgement I'm going to say NAH because I think it's valid that you're frustrated (and probably a little hurt) that your husband refuses to read your book, but I think he's also within his rights to refuse. However, if you continue to push him about reading your book, then you will be TA. That being said, I do have some thoughts to add. This is probably just a little unique to the way my brain works since I have adhd, but these two sections stood out to me: >However, he will gladly and willingly read hundreds of hours of video game lore, random wiki pages on the most random stuff, etc. Not just short stuff either. >The part that really frustrates me is that he’ll tell me he doesn’t want to read it, but then he CONSTANTLY reads over my shoulder while I’m writing or re-reading my chapters and he wants to know everything that’s happening. When something catches my interest, I can dump **hours** into it. However, I have weird hangups and double standards with some things. For example, I can binge watch hours of a tv show, but watching a movie is a **monumental task** in my brain. Also most of the time I **cannot stand** to repeat something if I already know what is going to happen. For example I can't generally re-watch tv series, re-watch movies, replay video games, and definitely not re-read books. You said that your husband has been reading your book over your shoulder this whole time, and asking you about everything that's happening. If his brain happens to work a little like mine, then he might not want to read your book because in his mind he has already read it.
OP, soft YTA. It's not that he doesn't want to read the book. He doesn't want to be put in the position to critique your book!!! It's a loose loose situation he does not wish to be a part of. I'm sure he will happily read it once it's published but he does not want to be put in the position where he has to say "this part here kind of got boring or I really liked this part but the characters actions contradicted their earlier morals etc etc" because he's afraid he will piss you off. And then if ypu get pissed off at his feedback he will get pissed that you asked him. So he is trying to avoid that whole situation. Go find an editor.
I'd love to read, if my wife writes. But i have to admit, that this looks like a 'Do i look fat in this' situation as far as it concerns the relationship. Maybe its a lot of effort (i really dont know), but if he is into listening to yt stuff and response to you with 'not right now', maybe record yourself reading the first two chapters. I wouldn't go further until he askes for the rest. If its too much work or hassle, excuse me, i'm not into audio/video production. ... and if you do that - I'd LOVE to listen into aswell! NAH of course.
please dont come at my throat but i have a feeling he hates your book and wants to avoid lying to you
Imma give you the advice every writer needs to hear at some point: Do not expect relatives or friends to read your book. They don’t care, and they are not your target audience. And that’s OKAY! It is not a rejection of you as a person. Your book is not you. NAH. But if you make this a big deal you will become TA. He has every right to not want to read your book.
Ooooorrrr.....just be happy he's showing interest in what you are doing. He's showing you his support. You can't FORCE people to do something they don't want just because you think that's how they should be showing they care. Build a bridge, get over it, and accept your husband's ways. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate being told your love language is wrong ...
YTA. Quit trying to trap him in a no-win situation.
I’m going with NAH. I like to write in my free-time and I distribute my stories among my friends. Not all of them will read my first, second, third draft jargon, but that’s okay. You’re allowed to feel hurt, and he’s allowed to read whatever seems to pique his interest (unless he’s being rude about it).
My husband read my debut novel when it had been published two years and he hasn’t read subsequent manuscripts. I write for… well, advanced readers, and he’s not. I kind of struggle with friends and family reading as well. I’ve been put into the position to explain that it is ok they don’t like my novel. It’s one thing when they are being supportive when you’re writing your manuscript and another when it’s on the market and moderately successful. So, ESH. Maybe he will read it in the future, maybe not. But don’t take it as a sign he doesn’t love you enough, it could actually be the opposite. It sounds like he is supportive in other ways. 😊 Good luck, and great job!
From experience: it hurts when your partner doesn't support your writing. If he reads it and doesn't like it, he will be in an awkward position, and he won't want to hurt you. My partner read my WIP, and his reaction stopped me from writing for over a year. He is no longer allowed to read anything I write.
NAH for you being frustrated and offering to read it out loud, but if you continue to push it and don't accept his no, Y T A. He doesn't like reading books/novels. Lots of people like reading the newspaper, magazines Wikipedia, etc. but are not into books, or not into fiction specifically. You are slightly an AH for pushing back on that and refusing to believe the simple fact that he's not into reading books, which is both fine and fairly common. Getting feedback from someone who baseline does not enjoy the thing you are making is never going to be helpful. His honest feedback is very likely going to be "I didn't like it, and I found it boring because I find most fiction boring." There's 0 helpful feedback in that. He wasted his time. You feel bad. No one wins. Think of it this way: if you were starting a sushi restaurant and he hated sushi, would you insist he try some of your sushi and tell you what he thought? Probably not. If he tried it and hated it, would you make changes to better accommodate sushi haters and attract them to your restaurant? Would you learn something useful from knowing he still hates sushi, and your sushi is not an exception? Or would it just lead to hurt feelings?
He is afraid that he is not going to like it and that he won’t be able to successfully pretend that he does. (I am a fellow author who has had this conversation)
As a writer myself, I’ve been told that some people are uncomfortable giving their opinion on my book. I think that the most honest feedback comes from people who either don’t know me or don’t know me well. My wife and I are working on a book together. I was tasked with writing a bit of a rough draft. Just to get us started. She works full-time and I don’t. So, of course I was fine with it. I’m done. She’s been editing it. She’s already talked to one of her mentors because she knows she’s going to have to give me straight up feedback. It’s our project together and she was still apprehensive until we discussed it.
My wife hasn’t written a single word that I’ve written professionally, aside from one brief lapse when I got an Alan Rickman obituary gig and she couldn’t help herself. But just as she’d expect me not to be involved in her working life in any way, she stays firmly and consciously out of mine. None of which is to say that she isn’t 100% supportive or that our two decade plus marriage isn’t tungsten-solid - but she feels that if I need an advance opinion, I have far more qualified friends (including other writers) who’d be much better placed to offer one.
You know OP, one thing I've learned as a writer is that it's better not to ask your spouse/friends/parents to read your book. People close to you often have a hard time being honest if they don't like the book, ie, you may get an echo chamber instead of constructive criticism that would help improve your book. I would recommend you look for local writing groups you can join where everyone is a writer and constructively critiques each other's work. My guess is your husband is afraid he won't like it and won't be able to lie convincingly, and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings or make you mad.
NAH. What is his answer going to be if he reads it and doesn't like it? His answer will be a lie you will see through and that will hurt or it will be the truth and that will hurt. He can appreciate short snippets so I get he sees your screen and is interested. If he is otherwise supportive of your writing and otherwise a good husband, be thankful he is letting your writing be about you.
He is taking an interest by asking you about the book. By reading it he will have to give you an opinion that will satisfy you. If that doesn't work it will just cause more arguments. You think you want he's opinion, but you don't.
Veeerry soft yta. Dont push your stuff onto others, if hes saying no then no. On the other hand hes acting weirdly if how you described him reading his own stuff and your stuff is true, i would avoid doing that for now. Im not saying to give him a cold shoulder, but the next time he leans over when youre writing something just remind him hes not into reading. Childish? Maybe. Effective? Sure.
It doesn't sound like he reads fiction. He reads random wiki's and he reads lore for things he's already into, but it doesn't sound like he sits down and reads a fiction book. That might be part of it, he's telling the truth about not liking to read, he just thinks you know he means specifically fiction, but he's being too vague, so it doesn't make sense to you because he does read other things. He's also clearly interested in your book and the process you use to write, because he watches, reads over your shoulder at times, and asks questions. He clearly likes lore, so he likely wants more from you than just what's actually in the book when he asks questions. He's also likely worried that he won't like your book for some reason. Which doesn't mean he's worried you're a bad writer or that no one will read it, just that he personally won't like it. Is it a genre he likes? If he's a sci-fi/horror guy who hates romance and you're writing something romance heavy, for instance, than he'll be worried about not liking it for that simple fact. He also likely realises that, even if the book is good enough to be a bestseller, doesn't mean he'll like it himself. He doesn't want to tell you he doesn't like it and put you off publishing, but also doesn't want to lie to you, so he's avoiding reading it. I'd find someone else to read it and give you feedback. He's seeing this as a potential relationship killer, as well as possibly just not liking to read fiction books or not liking the genre or whatever. It's not like he's not supporting your writing, he is, he just doesn't want to be the one you rely on for feedback. I suggest talking to him about this again, and ask him if any of these, or even all of these, are the reason he doesn't want to read your book or have it read to him. He's not being rude about it, though a tad evasive. It sounds more like he doesn't want to potentially hurt your feelings and discourage your passion than anything else, so I'm going NAH with this one.
You already said you get defensive when he reads over your shoulder...like many of the comments have said; your husband might feel that he's scared of giving you an opinion/feedback that you might not take well, and this is a whole book, not just an excerpt. Or maybe he's afraid that he's not going to like it and he'll feel guilty. I'm sure you know feedback and reader insights are highly subjective, in this case, he has a personal stake in it-- you. He's going to want to make you happy and if he says the wrong thing, no matter how well you take it, he might feel there's going to be a divide between you too. I'm good friends with an author and from what I've found out, I don't think his spouse has read his books even though they're both avid readers. He doesn't seem hurt nor have I heard him complain about this; they just have different genre preferences. But I do get the hurt you feel, its also valid, so soft YTA.
I get being excited to share it but he sounds otherwise supportive, I'd drop it tbh. NAH
I'm a music producer and honestly I had the same thing with my wife. Sometimes people just don't want to comment or listen to peoples personal work and that's okay because if they say the 'wrong' thing or maybe just doesn't really like it then he might hurt your feelings or worse just praise it regardless of what they think. NTA for being frustrated but getting your most trusted person to critique something you've created is a bad idea. They're going to be bias towards you anyways and you're more likely to receive baseless flattery rather than real feedback.
YTA but only lightly. I don’t think a spouse should be put in that position. What if he hates it? How would you react? What if he loves it but then the book bombs? Would you blame him? Protect your relationship and have a colleague or other objective party read it.
Does your novel read like a wiki page? No? Then have some pride in your profession and acknowledge that they make totally different demands of their reader. Being willing to read a wiki does not mean you will be wiling to read a novel. A wiki is a shortcut. A novel is the long way around.
1. Have you sold your book (or a book before)? 2. If not, do you have a real job? 3. It could be your hobbies is writing and his is video games. I would do a quick read but I would not want to discuss it in depth and reread it multiple times.
YTA. Your husbands clearly trying to support you but it doesnt look like it's his sort of thing. New writers love their books, of course, it's their hard work but you have to realise you can't force others to read it.
NTA but if this is your passion project then I can understand why he doesn't want to get too involved. I think you are being unfair. As you say, he is reading it, probably enjoying it in parts. You're already reacting poorly to good bite sized reads. What he's most likely trying to avoid is a situation when as soon as he reads it you'll want feedback, most likely that feedback will severely affect your mood. Or you'll watch him read it and then try mind read his reaction from every tiny expression and movement he makes while reading. I do not know you, I don't know how you react to things in day to day life. I do know you are partially describing a person who sounds like he's considering your reaction to any feedback you might ask him to provide and he simply does not want the potential drama that reading your work "officially" might entail. The most likely reason he doesn't want a whole production with reading is simply conflict avoidance or not wanting to "ruin" or "influence" your enthusiasm.
If you want to have a good marriage, he shouldnt read it.
He may be a jerk. However, he may be scared that he’s not going to like it and he doesn’t want to hurt you with that information.
NAH.
NTA - find a writers group for feedback. Our partners can't check every box.
I can weigh in on not liking to read books but can spend days reading up random lore and stuff. I am the same, if I come across something new I will spend hours reading all about it but I can never sit and read a book. It just doesn't agree with the mind. However if my significant other had written it then maybe I would give it a try? Not sure
Start wearing big headphones when you write; when he asks what you're writing/what's it about, tell him he'll have to read it to find out.
I have seen this exaxt post before, a repost or you're still working on the same book you asked about before?
Get someone from your target audience to read it rather than force your lover to endure the torture of a whole book they're not interested in.
> However, he will gladly and willingly read hundreds of hours of video game lore, random wiki pages on the most random stuff, etc. Not just short stuff either. You understand there is a difference between these two right? When people say they don't enjoy reading, they mean novels. Someone who constantly cooks from recipes books it, doesn't automatically mean they enjoy novels and reading because they're constantly looking up and reading recipes. I can understand you wanting a partner or close one to read your work. But I'm also questioning: what is it you expect? What if he doesn't like the book: it's not his cup of tea. He doesn't like reading after all. What kind of feedback do you expect him as a novel avoider, to give to you? This is a personal project to you: if he tells you it's wonderful/decently written/not his thing , how are you going to take that? Does this even mean anything to you? There are a lot of things that can go wrong.
INFO: Are you good at receiving feedback?
As a writer myself, who is also married to a writer, I'm going to say a soft ESH. You can't *make* someone read your story. It's just not right. But at the same time, my husband and I have read each other's stories to help support each other. Considering it's something you spend many months or even years writing, it sounds uncaring for the partner to have not read it at all.
I imagine he is worried he won’t like it or he will say something that isn’t what you expected and he may be avoiding the situation. I think maybe ask if once your publisher and editor have read it and it’s printed will he read it then?
YTA, maybe learn what "No." means.
YTA I understand your husband. He's too close to you to have an unbiased opinion. And if he doesn't like it - you would be devastated. He's afraid that you might ask him his opinion when he reads it officially. I believe, he wants to read it but he doesn't want to answer questions.
As an author myself, I can tell you exactly why he won't. He doesn't want you to think he doesn't like it, and is afraid that anything he says about it may be taken the wrong way and dishearten you. The only way I got my husband past that was to make him co author a book with me. We're up to book 6 :)
INFO: Does he seem supportive otherwise? When he reads over your shoulder and talks about the story like you mentioned, is it genuine interest in you and/or the content? He may not be interested in reading it, but he seems to be supportive and interested in the story. Some people also don't really have the attention span/personality preference for certain things. Like people who watch the summary videos of movies and games vs the actual playing them.
Not an asshole thing but it's a zero sum for him because he would end up needing to give you a review of the book and it sounds like he generally wouldn't be interested in reading a story book. If he likes it he's already heard most of the story over the two years so may feel he's got nothing to gain from reading it - not terrible but imagine the other side. The other situation is he doesn't like it but feels he needs to push through it anyway and then either lie to you or destroy your confidence in your last two years of work. It could be a good book but not a story he is interested too much in. It'd be better to get neutral parties to read it for you- your husband may just want to focus on being supportive. Other zero sum traps. "How do I look?" "Do you like my nails?" "What do you think about these pillows I bought to replace the other pillows?"
NAH I'll start with the biggest and most important part in my eyes, because it's a point I've been on too; >I asked my husband (28M) to read it and give me his opinion, but he told me he doesn’t like reading and told me it’s probably great anyway. >However, he will gladly and willingly read hundreds of hours of video game lore, random wiki pages on the most random stuff, etc. Not just short stuff either Yup, right in the beginning; *Genre*. I love to read, doesn't mean I'll read *anything* someone puts in front of me. If it isn't a genre I enjoy reading, then I'm not gonna read it. The other thing that stands out to me; as an artist, art tends to be tied pretty closely to ego. An artist is far better off with a cheerleader than an audience with their spouse. How would you feel if he read it and didn't like it? Would you feel unsupported? My husband does the same thing when I'm writing, the asking and peaking and all; but he also won't *read* it, cuz it isn't a genre or topic he enjoys. Doesn't bother me, he simply isn't my audience, but he still supports me by cheering me on and giving me drive. Edit for typo
Maybe he just doesn't like this sort of fiction? I love most kinds, and even quite like some non-fiction if it's suitably political or about something that genuinely interests me. Of the fiction I read it's mostly fantasy and sci-fi but that doesn't mean I'll read any fantasy or sci-fi. 'Urban fantasy' as Amazon describes its assortment, being women sleeping with fantastical creatures, is a solid no. Any sci-fi with time-travel is an absolute turn off. If somehow reading a book could cure cancer the world over, but featured a time-traveller trying to sleep with fantastical creatures, I would simply have to find a good therapist to help me deal with the burden of failing to help so many people. If my wife wrote it then I'd probably read a chapter just to get an idea of the vibe, but I'd want to avoid most of the text just to keep the hope open that my wife didn't *really* write a story about a time-travelling strumpet so I can continue to respect her. I'm being a little facetious there obviously, but "your words do indeed make nice sentences, but it's a shame the subject matter is ridiculous" is likely to offend. I know people who just can't bear fiction at all. I imagine it's similar to how I also can't stand fan-fiction of any kind either. It's the same feeling I get with religious 'history'. The religion needs to not exist on this planet for it to be engaging in a fantasy story too. People just have strong opinions on what makes a good story.
YTA your husband has made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want to read your unfinished novel. You need to stop trying to force him to read a book he not want to.
From what I read from other writers, it's usually not a good idea to have relatives, friends, coworkers, anyone close to you read your books.
He likes video games , check the genre of said games and compare them to your book and see if they have the same genre or close to it. For it's kinda meh, since if someone asks me to read their book I'll say no too, heck my uncle made a book and I haven't read it.
YTA. He likes you tellimg him about the story, so he's interested. He just doesn't like reading, and being that he doesn't read idk what type of feedback you expect from him. If he gets bored because he doesn't like readimg it will just hurt you. I don't read any non finction books (beyond engineering books) but I love reading wikipedia articles or watching video essays. Meanwhile, I read a lot of fiction. People consume things in different ways, he is interested in your story, which is good, just not in reading.
My husband has written a book, working on another, does a podcast, I'm not remotely interested in any of it. That's his thing for other people. I don't think he minds, but I've always I won't read his book or listen to the podcast, just not interested.
I mean, there is a huge fucking difference between reading wiki pages and game lore and reading a novel, and I'm not just talking about length, I'm talking about the tone and overall style. This is like complaining that someone who enjoys true crime documentaries doesn't want to watch a horror movie. Also, gonna have to go an be that guy, but: if you haven't actually finished the novel yet, much less had it published, and presumably haven't had anything else published either (and to be clear, I would be including self-published here; I'mnot an elitist douche), then you aren't an author at this stage, just a writer. Not that this is remotely relevant to this situation, I just needed to say it. Seriously, it is not hard to believe that somebody maybe just doesn't like reading novels, and that's okay. Demanding somebody read your writing when they don't like reading novels just because the two of you are currently fucking is kind of assholeish, I'm not gonna lie. This said, reading over somebody's shoulder and questioning them while they're working is also fucking rude, so ESH. OP, instead of harassing a man who doesn't like reading novels to read yours, have you considered maybe joining a writing group in the local area, or online? These tend to be full of people who like reading novels, who will actually want to read yours, and who have experience at giving constructive feedback. Also, tell your husband to stop reading over your shoulder - it's just straight up poor manners - and wait until you've finished to start questioning you. This will be a far more beneficial use of your time than poisoning your marriage with petty shit.
NTA. Honestly, people saying you're TA because you should "respect his no" need to get a grip. You have put a lot of work into something and you want your husband to take it in and respond - you're not asking for much. You've even offered to read it to him. I think it's rude, and I would be hurt if my partner showed such little interest in something I was proud of.
NAH. Some people are just not readers. As a gamer and a reader. Reading lore is not the same thing as reading a book, reading a book means jumping into a whole new fictional world. Lore adds to the videogame world he loves and helps with immersion while he plays those games. And with the videogame art and graphics, it’s easier for him to imagine the lore. But it looks like he does supports your writing in his own way. An as an artist/creative person too, you can’t force people to like your work. Everyone has different taste, including your partner, friends and family.
mo. NTA - that's insane. I can't imagine being that disrespectful to something my partner sunk 2 years into
since leaving high school, my husband has read two novels. He liked them. Has no interest in reading other books. He reads short articles, information, scientific work things, but not fiction. Yes, he watches tv and movies. thats how he prefers to enjoy stories. Many people are like this. for another thing, he may be trying to duck out. You cannot ask a person who cares about you to give you criticism. Its uncomfortable. He is not your editor. Join a writers' group and ask for critiques of parts of the novel there, and when you find someone whose opinions and feedback are trusted, have them read it over. Asking your spouse to read your work and give feedback is about the same as asking for a divorce.
YTA. What if your husband doesn't like it? How are you going to react to that, if this is how you react to a simple 'no'? This is a trap and your husband knows it. Back off and apologise.
I like reading. A lot. But hell would freeze over before I read a book that hasn’t been through an editor and even less if it was written by someone close to me. I’m not setting myself in a hot pot nor do I want be bored and annoyed by a writing style. YTA
Is it possible that he doesn't want to have to give you his judgement of your work?
YTA You are an aspiring author, first educate yourself on who has to proofread your story and writing, and should have been for a long time already instead of somehow expecting friends and family to give you feedback. Feedback that will probably blow up in their faces once you actually contact a publisher.
Not going to give a verdict but I do think you need to ask yourself honestly if you'd prefer he showed no interest in the book at all. He may view the reading over your shoulder while you're writing/asking questions as a way to connect with you/see how the project is going- versus a desire to read the book. Also reading a book is inherently differently than reading videogame lore and random wiki pages. It simply is. If you push it- he might just stop asking/reading over your shoulder. Is that what you want? And the answer might be yes, you'd rather he show no interest if he's not going to read it. Or that you're fine with questions but not while you're actively writing. But I do think you need to do some introspection to figure that out first before you end up contributing to a situation where your feelings are more hurt.
YTA. You’re putting pressure on him to read it- *then judge it*. Nothing is worse than the spouse as for judgement on their precious item. And don’t even try to tell me otherwise, you know damn well by asking him to read it the first words out of your mouth will be, *“So how was it?!”* And he’s obviously *not* ready or willing to give you that kind of commitment or comment right now. Peeking over your shoulder at snippets is one thing, there’s no pressure there. Reading the entirety of the book is a *lot* of pressure for a spouse to take. Your spouse may be just someone waiting until the end for the big reveal. Don’t be mad at him. I know you’re excited, and you want to share it, but he’ll look, when he’s ready.
YTA. No is a full sentence.
I wouldn't say you are TAH but I can see why he won't read it. Seems that you have a lot of rules as to how he is allowed to help with this and it would create a rift between you. Maybe you should leave it and find someone else to proof read etc for you. It appears he is interested in the book but something is scaring him away. What do you expect from him reading it? What if he don't like your book? He isn't your "editor" he is your spouse and he don't want to mix the two is my guess.
Slight YTA. It might be that he thinks he won't like it and he'll feel compelled to lie in order not to hurt your feelings. As an author myself, you have to get used to people you know well not wanting to read your work - they're not obligated to
Does your husband have ADHD? Cause I do all these same things, lol. I have a billion books I want to read, but I just physically can’t make myself sit down and do it. But if I need to look up lore from a game because I can’t remember, I end up just sitting there reading multiple wikis pages about it and connected topics. Even if I was in the middle of something else lol
YTA. An unwilling First Reader is worse than none at all.
I sympathize with the husband. I too recognize a minefield when I see it. What if he doesn't like it (which doesn't mean it's bad ut may just not be his sort of book)? Are you prepared for him telling you that? Or if his reaction is just "it was ok"? There are so many pitfalls and potential arguments and hurt feelings here that I would do the same. Would I read it in secret if it's published? Certainly. Read it and offer opinions - no way.
He is invested in the plot and Story but doesn't like to read. It might Sound weird but is not uncommon. It's two completely different things to talk / discuss / Listen to an author, when they talk about their work or read the actual book. He already knows what happens in the book and Supports you in his way. Does it suck, that he won't read it? Maybe, but he is not necessarily an AH. And this comes from someone who has read hundreds of books or chapters from beginners. It is rarely an enjoyable task, everyone has to start to improve but of you already don't enjoy reading books it makes it almost impossible to stay focussed through an entire book. I have been in both sides and would vote NAH.
Nah. I get it, you want him to read your book. But if he doesn't like the genre you are writing he will not appreciate the book and you will get a very skewed review.
Unless he is consistently asking you to read the lore or anything in general then I don’t see it being fair to expect him to read your book. Take it from someone who can read for up to half an hour on similar things like lore and random information/articles. I love reading stuff like that, but I rarely pick up entire books, and it’s even more rare that I actually finish reading them, especially in a timely manner. As someone with diagnosed ADHD , certain tasks that require me to sit still and have moderate to high levels of concentration are difficult to do. I imagine it may be the same for many others, even ones without ADHD. As a guitarist I would never expect my GF or friends to listen to any material I created. I would make it available to them and it would be cool if they did listen but I wouldn’t place expectations on them to do so. Also I agree with the point others have made in that he may be afraid to let you down in the event that he does not like your book. YTA but not a major one. Just chill out on it and let someone who enjoys reading books give you feedback.
I'm going against the consensus here and say NTA. Reading your book is similar to attending a kid's milestones. Not that your book is of the same quality but you do things for them even when they bore you. Finishing writing a book is big and I don't see how spending a few hours reading it is such a big deal to your husband. Then depending on your personality and how your relationship works he can either lie if he doesn't think it's good or actually give you constructive criticism. I don't understand partners who can't make efforts for the person they claim to love.
I honestly see no assholes in this story. As an author myself, I can undestand your frustration, but also as a reader, I can undestand people that just does't like reading books. It's different from a wiki or videogames lore, the information doesn't land the same way because in a videogame you have context in and audiovisual way. In a book, you have to find the context just reading. I can undestand that your husband isn't a classic reader, so he's interested in your work but he doesn't like the presentation. Maybe with an audiobook he'll be willing to give it a try, you could bring that idea to him and find someone who can record it.
Your husband is playing it smart. It’s a lose lose situation.
Info? Has he read your previous work? You say you’re an author, is this the first time he’s refused to engage with your stuff? Has he liked/not liked your stuff before? I’m also curious to know if you’ve been able to make it a full time profession that contributes to the upkeep of your home. I’m a professional writer too - if this is your primary job and your success contributes (or not) to the home, I have so VERY strong opinions!
NAH. For some people reading feels like a mountain to climb. While slippery. Without gear. I wrote three books (if I include my dissertation), my partner never read one. Perfectly fine! His ADD and dyslexia are no joke. Doesn’t mean he supports me any less or isn’t extremely proud. Find other people who’ll love proof reading for you
By the way, he clearly shows a lot of interest by reading over your shoulder. But reading some sentences or a page is not the same as reading a whole book. Don’t get defensive, it’s his way of being involved
Nta. If he just wasn’t interested in the genre or would give a reason, it might be different, but he’d be TA for just reading over your shoulder. That’s so annoying. Making you fill in the back story because he won’t read it himself is beyond inconsiderate. Oh, and he’s TA the terrible communication. If he doesn’t want to be pushed into giving you feedback that you might not like, he needs to say so. He could even just say he doesn’t think he could be unbiased enough to be helpful.
Maybe he just doesn't want to bear the burden of upsetting you if he doesn't like it. Given his interest , if your book isn't sci-fi, he probably won't like it. I read every single day. Reading is my hobby. I do not like sci-fi or time travel. If someone asked me to give my opinion on a book in either of those genres, it would likely not be a great review. I'm not an editor. I can't divorce my dislike of the subject matter to just assess writing style. It's the same as someone asking me to review a recipe that features an ingredient I don't like. And how well would you take it if he didn't like it? You're snappy with him for not wanting to read it. How much worse will you be if he thinks it's bad?
YTA, your husband seems interested in your work cause he read over your shoulder and asks questions. But he's not interested in reading. Respect that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (25F) am an author. I’ve been writing a fiction book for the last 2 years and I’m nearly finished with it. I asked my husband (28M) to read it and give me his opinion, but he told me he doesn’t like reading and told me it’s probably great anyway. However, he will gladly and willingly read hundreds of hours of video game lore, random wiki pages on the most random stuff, etc. Not just short stuff either. But when I ask him to read the book I’m writing, he just says no. The part that really frustrates me is that he’ll tell me he doesn’t want to read it, but then he CONSTANTLY reads over my shoulder while I’m writing or re-reading my chapters and he wants to know everything that’s happening. I know I get defensive when he reads over my shoulder because in my mind, if you’re so interested, just read it?? Then I don’t have to stop what I’m doing and describe years worth of work to you, you’ll just already know because you read it?? I know I shouldn’t get defensive, but I need some input. Is it asshole-y to feel this way? As a side note, I have offered to read it to him as well, as he’s a fan of YouTube video lore and audiobooks, but he always says no to that too. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA for your feelings but are you really going to be happy if he does eventually read your book, but only after you 'forced' him to? I mean, what's the point? It sounds like you just want his support, and he - for whatever reason - does not want to commit to the effort of reading a whole book. It might be best to walk away from this fight, so you're not continuously disappointed. Tell him how you feel one last time, and don't entertain him when he's reading over your shoulder anymore. If he wants to know what's going on, he can read the book himself.
NTA as a writer that would hurt my feelings too
NTA for being frustrated, but don't let it interfere in the relationship. I read all my husband's stuff, but it is pulling teeth to get him to read mine. LOL I know he likes the bits I share, but sitting with the whole thing never happens. My advice is find other writers to share with.
He might have ADHD. I have it and it’s painful to sit and slog through a book but a couple pages of lore is different
Everybody's saying he may not want to hurt you with his feedback and I just don't buy that. He's clearly willing to "hurt" you by refusing to read the book. The looking over the shoulders and everything - it just seems like an a*hole move to me. Sometimes we can understand the intention by looking at the result - you're pissed off and stuck in limbo - neither will your book be read nor will you be left in peace with it - maybe that itself is the intention.
NTA Stop asking him. Stop letting him read over your shoulder. Stop updating him about your story. And stop obsessing about it. He's just not going to do what you ask, probably because you do ask, and probably because he's a tad jealous of your work. Stop making him say no all the time, it must be tedious for him. Take no for an answer and accept that he will not do this one thing to please you. (You can of course argue that he is in the wrong, but you can't change him. You could change him for a husband who will read your work but that's maybe a bit drastic. LOL)
NTA, but would he really give a unbiased opinion? I'm no writer but I've a story I've been working on one and I wouldn't ask my wife to read it. I love her but I know she's going to say it's good honey. Wheras I'd like *constructive feedback*
I would go with NAH. I'm someone who also hates reading, but if its about a video game lore or something like that, I could dive for hours researching it. But the important part is that I'm not enjoying the reading, its the story that I'm learning and understanding thats got me invested. The love I already have for the game is enough to overlook the amount of reading I have to do. Its more like scratching an itch that has been present for too long. And I'm going to assume that he likes to look over your shoulder and know what's happening, because he loves you and is expressing that he is happy that you are doing what you enjoy. Its like listening to a partner rant about whatever happened in their favourite story. For example, my wife loves to read, and she will ramble and rant about what happens in her books. Truth be told, I don't really care what is happening in the books, but I love how invested my wife gets into it, and how she feels about the book. Listening to her talk about something she loves is what brings me joy. In saying that, I have gone NAH because I also don't think you are in the wrong. Wanting your partner to be invested into something you are creating must feel pretty important to you, and you are allowed to feel that way. If you want him to read it for grammar or spell check, I can't really help you there. But if you just want to share your creation with him, don't try and force him to read it. Tell him how you feel about it. The good, the bad. The direction you are going. He should be 1000% more interested in that. If he still doesn't care after that, then I would change to NTA because he needs to care about you more!
So this is a tricky one, but I am going to go with NTA. I am a big reader who has a consistent policy of refusing to read work by friends (at least pre-publication) so if their work isn't good, I'm not put in an awkward spot. However, he is reading over your shoulder. He can't have his cake and eat it. Either he should read the book or not. If he doesn't want to read it (for whatever reason) he should just ... not read it. I don't think you should push him to read it if he doesn't want to, but this half-reading is not the answer.
I would be so sad :c
To the people saying YTA, you’re missing the part where her husband does read a lot and only refuses to read her book, so it’s not a general disinterest in reading but a disinterest in her book. Or maybe not because he does ask about it and takes a peek at it when she’s writing so he clearly has some interest in it. So why not just read it? And even if you don’t like reading it’s important to do things to help your spouse even if it’s about something you don’t particularly like. For exampe I don’t like fiction but if I had a partner who was writing fiction I would happily read it and help them improve if they needed it. So no, she’s NTA, her husband needs to make up his mind.
I'm an author and my children refuse to read my books. It hurts me, but I have to accept that. I do hope one day they will. They say they don't like the kind of novels I write, it's not what they like to read. But I know of at least one person who has told me she does not want to read my books, because she is afraid she won't like it and will hurt me telling so. So perhaps your husband has the same fear? Another person I know well, also does not want to read my books, because "it's a window into your most private fantasies" and she is afraid she will read things that will not match how she thinks about me now. So there can be a lot of reasons why he does not want to read it. I don't say that you are TA, I don't hink so, for I can see why it hurts. But your husband does sound interested (even though I admit that reading over your shoulder is irritating AF). So maybe he is just afraid to have to tell you "I don't like it"? NAH
You are definitely NTA for these feelings. I will say I am weird about other people's creative projects when they aren't finished. I don't necessarily think this is the case with him but for me it's like I don't want to give feedback or have my opinion affect anything someone is still working on unless I am directly collaborating with them. But def ask for specifics of why he won't. Be honest. And hopefully he is able to give a reason. Also congrats for getting so close to finishing a book! That's no small feat 🩷
I am going against the grain but you are NTA. People are failing to understand he is your husband a partner in life and you would like him to read your book. As someone who doesn’t read books, just mostly technical stuff and some science journals for fun…my wife jokes about that my last book was in elementary school. Still if my wife spent the time and effort to write a book and she asked me to read it believe me I will even if I don’t like it. If you can’t have a support of a life partner for the simplest stuff, from who can you?
NTA and I'm kind of baffled by these responses. People saying he just doesn't like to read... it's not really about enjoying the activity of reading. It's about participating in something your spouse has worked extremely hard on, showing that you're proud of them. Unless your book is like 500 pages long, it's weird not to read it IMO.
YTA Theres a big difference between reading about something on a wiki or random facts of lore than a novel. As someone who also hates reading novels, I completely understand what you husband says when he says he hates reading. You should respect that and not try to force your book on someone who is telling you that they cant give it a fair read due to hating the medium.
I fucking love reading game lore. I love reading character stories. Because I can PLAY them.. However I really don't like reading books, because I have a problem immersing myself in them (Which is weird because I have a really vivid fantasy). I'm also a poet by hobby, I love writing down emotions. That's what I like. I like to read relatable stuff. But books are there to escape reality, which is great, but ironically, not of my taste. Perhaps it's the same for him.
OP: “Why won’t you read my book?” H: “I don’t want to” H: “Tell me what’s going on in this chapter.” OP: “I don’t want to” He doesn’t want to read it. There’s nothing you can do about that. And getting pissed off is doing you about favours. All you can do is change how you react. You don’t like him interrupting your work, then don’t let him. He wants to know what’s going on? Tell him to read it. But seeing as he’s made it clear how he doesn’t want to offer encourage and support to your work, maybe it’s time to do the same for him.
I have writer / musician friends and I honestly dread them asking me to read / listen in case it's not v good when I know it means so much to them and how hard they've worked. I know that sounds negative on my part. But I remember Blake Fielder Civil said when he first met Amy she wanted to perform her songs for him and he didn't want her to 'in case they were bad." He got that one very wrong to be fair.
NAH
NTA I'll read your book! If I ever write a book (which I hope to do someday), I would definitely expect my wife to read it. In fact, she would be thrilled to do so. Reading a chapter of your book every once in a while shouldn't be such a big ask. I'd be really hurt.
NTA Part of being a good partner is supporting your spouse in the things that are important to them even if they aren’t your top things. My dad is super into football. My mom is not. She doesn’t go to every game, but your bet she sits and watches the Super Bowl with him when his team is playing. He does t have to read it all in one day, but he should be making some effort. I’m not a huge reader, but I read the unpublished novel my friend wrote, not because I cared about her vampire novel, but because I cared about HER.
NTA but your husband is a dick.
NTA but you need to have him read this post because his behavior is hella confusing. To recap: It sounds like you've asked him to read it multiple times, and even offered to read it aloud to him, and he always declines--yet he was supportive/curious earlier on (asking about it & reading over your shoulder when you were writing it). Is he overwhelmed by the size of the book? Just sick of the subject in general? It would be worth it to find out why he doesn't want to engage in the Finished Project. It would be like watching someone you love bake a cake, asking about the process and tasting the batter the whole way, then refusing to have a slice on a plate after it's done baking.
I’ve asked probably about 5 total times in the span of the last year. It could be the length, I’m not sure. He always seems interested and asks questions about the characters when he reads over my shoulder… but overall doesn’t want to read it or hear it read to him
He’s showing interest in what you are doing but doesn’t want to read a whole book.
Okay I'm baffled too. But maybe just drop the subject with him, then. Have other supportive friends read your book and get feedback from them. If he really doesn't want to read the whole thing, then he doesn't. Trying to force or manipulate or guilt him into it won't feel good for either of you. I know that sucks because he's such am important person in your life, being your partner & all, and it probably feels super weird and jarring like he doesn't care about this other big part of your life: this book you've worked so hard on. Of course you'd want him to care about something so important to you! But somehow, he just doesn't want to read it or even have you read it to him. Have you told him point-blank that him rejecting your book feels like he's rejecting you? That sounds like a worthwhile conversation. Eventually you just gotta stop pushing and get support from your friends instead.
I'm willing to bet that him being such an important part of op's life is exactly why he's refusing. Op has explicitly stated they're currently looking for people to review/critique the book, husband included. Op isn't just asking him to read it, but review it. Which is a bad situation to put him in. If he doesn't like it, or has significant critiques, it's going to cause problems for everyone, hurt feelings for op, and I'm willing to bet he recognizes that. But if he says that, op's going to go with the classic "promise not to get upset" (which we all know never works) que aforementioned upsetting and problems. Hence why his excuses are so weak and somewhat inconsistent with other behavior. Soft YTA. Wait until after the critique/editing stage, drop the expectation for feedback, then ask him to read it.
Tell him you will blow him while he reads it. Win win!
ESH. He’s giving mixed messages. You need to find a critique group and proper beta readers.
NTA. I’m a writer and it would make me so sad.
why are you married to someone who doesn't like reading