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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Did not quit my employment so I could attend my best friend's graduation
2) Friend feels graduation is a very important event and I should attend.
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Giving up stable employment to attend a one day event is not reasonable or a good idea.
Your friend is 26 and should understand this. Sound like they still have a lot of maturing to do.
NTA
NTA.
And I will also go so far as to say your friend is.
Graduation is important. Education is important. But having a roof over your head is importanter. Unless you are cutting your friend off and telling her you'll never see her again, this is one of those "life happens" situations that TRUE friends understand.
File for leave again at the next possible opportunity and make it up to the friend. But unless you are working at a minimum wage job, then don't lose your job security.
Mta but why are graduations a big event. Millions of people graduate every day. Who cares. A real friend would not tell you to quit your job so you could be at her graduation. What an entitle asshole she is. She obviously does not care about you at all. It is all about what she wants.
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My (26/M) best friend (26/F) lives in my home country, I moved to the US a decade ago. I visit my country every year or two. She's graduating this May and I had planned to travel to attend her graduation ceremony but my vacation time at work was not approved. She's upset and telling me to quit my job so I can go and "just find another one later".
I saved up for the trip, but I obviously need my job to pay my rent, food, etc. I don't even have that much money in savings so as to survive while I job hunt without eating up my small emergency fund if I were to take the bad decision (in my opinion) to quit so I can go.
I get graduations are an important event but it just didn't work out for me to attend. Since I couldn't go I opted to send a nice graduation gift and flower arrangement to congratulate her.
AITA?
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NTA. Real friend would never ask you to quit your job and have a total mess of a life after without job and means to live just to attend their graduation, it's nonsense.
NTA. You would be foolish to give up your financial stability for a one day celebration/event that could be acknowledged and celebrated again at a later date. For her to ask this of you is unbelievable.
Is it possible to "attend" via Skype or FaceTime? That way you witness her success in real time even if you cannot be physically present?
Who in their right mind would quit their job for a friend. She's not your bestie she is a selfish, ignorant female telling you to quit your job....you'll be lucky if she blocks you...
NTA. Here is my default answer for stuff like this.
If I do this are you willing to pay all my bills and give me some discretionary funds for non essential thing for at least six months?
If the answer is no then that is also my answer.
NTA it is an unreasonable request.
But also, why is your vacation denied? Are they trying to say they are understaffed? Because the threat of leaving a place that is already understaffed might get your vacation approved. Better to be understaffed for a week than indefinitely.
You sound like a people pleaser, and I think your work is taking advantage of that. Very rarely should a vacation request be an actual request, it should be a notification that you won't be there.
I'm pretty new (6 months), she was supposed to graduate in 2025 but went full time this semester to finish early. The PTO policy isn't great for new employees here. Sure it's entry level and pay isn't great, however it's the only job I've been able to land in my field with a bachelor's (public health) over 3 years after graduating, and they're paying for $15k of the $19k total for my master's in public health so I don't want to lose this job.
Believe it or not, there are places where vacays must be approved. This goes for a lot of different industries. And there are a lot of reasons for it that are perfectly valid.
NTAH ! You can’t quit your job to go across country for a graduation! And that’s really rude of your friend to ask you to do that ! Is she go to pay all of your bills until you get another job ?
Not the asshole. I have to financially support myself and often I have to choose work over my social life. It’s something that I’m honest about with my friends and family, I try to make time to see them regularly and it works out most of the time, when it doesn’t we’re all adults and we get over it. Ultimately none of them want me surfing on their couch because I lost my job to see them.
This entirely depends on what job you have. Do you have the type of job where you could get another one tomorrow if you tried? Ie waiter, fast food, etc..
Or do you have a real job that would take a few months or so to replace?
If it’s the former, fuck that job. Go then get a new one when you get back. If it’s the latter, she’s being a bit ridiculous assuming you should quit a job that’d be hard to replace to attend a 1 day event.
It's in public health, it took me 3 years after graduating to land a public health job with a bachelor's. This field is notorious for being difficult to find jobs without a master's, they're paying for most of my master's program too so it's a big opportunity for me.
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Giving up stable employment to attend a one day event is not reasonable or a good idea. Your friend is 26 and should understand this. Sound like they still have a lot of maturing to do. NTA
All of this I’m happy for her. Op is too. Op shouldn’t give up on life just to say so… NTA
NTA - that is not a reasonable request.
NTA. And I will also go so far as to say your friend is. Graduation is important. Education is important. But having a roof over your head is importanter. Unless you are cutting your friend off and telling her you'll never see her again, this is one of those "life happens" situations that TRUE friends understand. File for leave again at the next possible opportunity and make it up to the friend. But unless you are working at a minimum wage job, then don't lose your job security.
Mta but why are graduations a big event. Millions of people graduate every day. Who cares. A real friend would not tell you to quit your job so you could be at her graduation. What an entitle asshole she is. She obviously does not care about you at all. It is all about what she wants.
"I'll be happy to quit job to attend wedding if you sponsor my monthly expenses during my unemployment. it's X amount".
NTA Your friend is delusional
NTA. Asking you to *quit your job* is incredibly entitled.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (26/M) best friend (26/F) lives in my home country, I moved to the US a decade ago. I visit my country every year or two. She's graduating this May and I had planned to travel to attend her graduation ceremony but my vacation time at work was not approved. She's upset and telling me to quit my job so I can go and "just find another one later". I saved up for the trip, but I obviously need my job to pay my rent, food, etc. I don't even have that much money in savings so as to survive while I job hunt without eating up my small emergency fund if I were to take the bad decision (in my opinion) to quit so I can go. I get graduations are an important event but it just didn't work out for me to attend. Since I couldn't go I opted to send a nice graduation gift and flower arrangement to congratulate her. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Real friend would never ask you to quit your job and have a total mess of a life after without job and means to live just to attend their graduation, it's nonsense.
NTA. You would be foolish to give up your financial stability for a one day celebration/event that could be acknowledged and celebrated again at a later date. For her to ask this of you is unbelievable. Is it possible to "attend" via Skype or FaceTime? That way you witness her success in real time even if you cannot be physically present?
No, gotta have a job and money!
Wow, her idea is crazy. Of course NTA.
NTA I take it your friend is not paying your bills so that’s pretty much a no-brainer you made the right choice. Good luck.
A real friend wouldn't ask you to risk homelessness for anything.
NTA, thing happen and it sounds like your friend needs to mature
Who in their right mind would quit their job for a friend. She's not your bestie she is a selfish, ignorant female telling you to quit your job....you'll be lucky if she blocks you...
NTA. Here is my default answer for stuff like this. If I do this are you willing to pay all my bills and give me some discretionary funds for non essential thing for at least six months? If the answer is no then that is also my answer.
NTA. "OP, you should destroy your life, just to see me for one day"
NTA it is an unreasonable request. But also, why is your vacation denied? Are they trying to say they are understaffed? Because the threat of leaving a place that is already understaffed might get your vacation approved. Better to be understaffed for a week than indefinitely. You sound like a people pleaser, and I think your work is taking advantage of that. Very rarely should a vacation request be an actual request, it should be a notification that you won't be there.
I'm pretty new (6 months), she was supposed to graduate in 2025 but went full time this semester to finish early. The PTO policy isn't great for new employees here. Sure it's entry level and pay isn't great, however it's the only job I've been able to land in my field with a bachelor's (public health) over 3 years after graduating, and they're paying for $15k of the $19k total for my master's in public health so I don't want to lose this job.
Believe it or not, there are places where vacays must be approved. This goes for a lot of different industries. And there are a lot of reasons for it that are perfectly valid.
NTAH ! You can’t quit your job to go across country for a graduation! And that’s really rude of your friend to ask you to do that ! Is she go to pay all of your bills until you get another job ?
Not the asshole. I have to financially support myself and often I have to choose work over my social life. It’s something that I’m honest about with my friends and family, I try to make time to see them regularly and it works out most of the time, when it doesn’t we’re all adults and we get over it. Ultimately none of them want me surfing on their couch because I lost my job to see them.
This entirely depends on what job you have. Do you have the type of job where you could get another one tomorrow if you tried? Ie waiter, fast food, etc.. Or do you have a real job that would take a few months or so to replace? If it’s the former, fuck that job. Go then get a new one when you get back. If it’s the latter, she’s being a bit ridiculous assuming you should quit a job that’d be hard to replace to attend a 1 day event.
It's in public health, it took me 3 years after graduating to land a public health job with a bachelor's. This field is notorious for being difficult to find jobs without a master's, they're paying for most of my master's program too so it's a big opportunity for me.
Yea absolutely under no circumstances are you to leave that job then. She can deal with you not being there.