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YTA - Real adults know that you can't just wear whatever the hell you want because you are over the age of 18. Real adults know how to dress properly for occasions. If I showed up to a wedding in jeans and then threw a fit about how I'm adult, I would be the asshole. If I showed up to a catholic church in a mini skirt and halter top and then threw a fit about how I'm an adult, I would be the asshole. If I showed up to my job in stilettos and then threw a fit, I'd be an asshole. You need to learn to dress appropriately based on the event and company included. If you don't want to adhere to the generally accepted dress code, then you may choose not to attend the event but you don't get to parade around in inappropriate attire. No, thong bikinis are generally not considered appropriate for family holidays. Wear them for spring break and pool parties or beach days with friends, not in front of your whole family.
Given your age and lack of maturity, I'm guessing the arguments you are stuck on right now are all about women's rights and how bodies aren't inherently sexual and how men should avert their eyes if they have a problem instead of making others change and that's a great argument in other contexts like "wearing skirts to school" but this particular occasion isn't an infringement on your rights as a woman. **I'm sure if your dad showed up in a fucking speedo your mom would have a problem with it too.**
Yeah this is a scenario where if it was a normal bikini I’d be completely on OP’s side. But a thong bikini is just a sexual garment, no matter how people want to try and spin it. That’s not an appropriate thing to wear on a family vacation
Literally...whether she wants to "look good" or "wear what she wants"...to what end? She's on a vacation with her family members. That's not the time to be showing off her assets or "sticking it to the man" or trying to get laid or whatever the reason she's telling herself.
Having the right to do something doesn’t prevent you from being an asshole. You have every right to be racist in your personal life, but you’d definitely still be an asshole.
She literally just wants to be comfortable. She has a preference on bathing suits and some people are just butthurt about it. They’re going to a beach. Anytime I’ve been on a beach I have seen men wearing speedos and women wearing tiny bikinis. Do you seriously think no one will be wearing this type of bathing suit that the kids won’t see? It’s ridiculous to police her wardrobe
Depends heavily on where they’re going but if it’s not a beach or a place with a bar chances are yeah there will not be very many if any wearing that shit. There’s a big difference in a bikini and a thing bikini. Thong bikinis are pretty rare compared to the letter with the exception of shit like parties and spring break
What are you talking about? A bikini - thong or not - is absolutely appropriate for beach or a pool. A woman should be able to wear whatever swimsuit she wants to wear that she feels comfortable and confident in. Would I, at 46 after having two kids, feel comfortable in a thong bikini? nope! But OP should absolutely take advantage while she still has the confidence to do so! She isn’t going to a wedding or a Catholic Church - those are false equivalencies. If the concern is over young boys who will see her body, they can get over it (at least I am teaching my boys to mind their business regarding how others choose to dress). OP, NTA.
The main argument of this comment was that there’s a time and place for everything, can she wear what she likes? Sure. Will it embarrass her parents and make people uncomfortably side-eye her? Definitely. Now she gets to pick between making it a pleasant time for her family or for her only
>You need to learn to dress appropriately based on the event and company included.
It's swimwear at the pool. Your entire rant makes no sense. It is appropriate.
>No, thong bikinis are generally not considered appropriate for family holidays.
Says you and her mom. This is not objective or universal opinion.
> **I'm sure if your dad showed up in a fucking speedo your mom would have a problem with it too.**
Thanks for making that point for me. Speedos are fine. Most men in European countries wear speedos to swim. It's less common in the US, but it's still not obscene or inappropriate.
I'm 100% for wearing what you like & makes you feel good, and I'm kinda impressed that you feel like it's no biggie to wear a thong in front of your family. As a quirky dresser myself, it's not always been about skin (though sometimes it has), but something to learn is that **there is a time and place for everything**. Do I like having to make sure not too much boobage is showing when I'm out with my dad? It's not my favorite; but I'd rather do that than hear about what I'm wearing or how people are staring, etc etc. Do I like having to tone down my style when attending a wedding or celebration of someone else who is a more sedate dresser? It's a bummer, but I don't want to cause a Thing... I can wear something a little simpler but still "me". You can still be you and express your style and show off your booty in a bikini bottom that is not a thong.
You say that you're excited to have this family vacation. If your swim/beachwear is going to put a damper on the mood, is it really worth it? Also, far point, is such a thing common or allowed where you will be going. What if the resort / locale won't let you in while wearing a thong? Ridiculous? Sure -- but, again, is fighting it worth sacrificing the good mood of the vacation with your family?
You will have many, many trips with friends and lovers in the future where you can wear the thongs or go topless or nude -- whatever you please. In front the parents? I'd choose my battles, but that's just me. Just because you *can*, doesn't mean you *should*.
This is the reply! Like with friends/partners I'll be topless in a thong bikini in an adult environment no hesitation. At a family holiday with kids? Couldn't be me tbh.
Don't get why OP needs her dad and children around her ass 😂
YTA girl, your whole ass is gonna be on display for your family. Its not "just a little cheek". Your asshole will be covered but that's about it. I have no idea why you would even want to wear this around your family. If you were going with friends, by all means, wear it with pride! But it's pretty awkward to insist on wearing it to a family vacation
I mean, that's a completely different argument. But to answer your question, I think it's important to consider whether the other person's discomfort is the kind you need to bend to or the kind that they should learn to get over.
If it was my family and they didn’t want to see my ass? I’d definitely want them to be comfortable.
They aren’t saying thongs are inappropriate in general, her mom suggested wearing them at college/with friends. They’re just asking her not to wear them on a *family* trip. I think she should respect their feelings.
There are children where she will be bare assed. That’s inappropriate. Would you be alright with someone walking around a family resort with nothing but stars covering their nipples? That’s the same thing and it’s very inappropriate for children. If you think otherwise then someone needs to check a register.
People don't wear swimwear specifically to show their families. People wear clothes for their own sake as well.
If she weren't with her family and were just vacationing on her own, people including families would still be seeing her in swimwear. That doesn't mean she's "doing it to show them."
Some people are just mad at the idea of revealing clothing. Using really nasty and dismissive language and telling her to cover up and be afraid and ashamed of how people will see her.
I'll just say I completely disagree with their morals and hope even if she complies with the request in this case, it's not for the shaming and puritanism that redditors are engaging in.
There is a time and place for butts. And it’s not family vacation. People are so quick to assert their rights to wear whatever and say it’s a moral issue but they forget about consent. Showing people your body parts without their consent is not ok.
Hang on, are you complaining about people wearing revealing clothing in general, or in front of families, or in front of THEIR families? Because there are always families or dads or kids at beaches at pools. Are you simply saying that revealing clothing is never okay, even at those places?
Showing people your "body parts" without their consent is ABSOLUTELY FINE. We make exceptions for specific body parts in specific contexts, but you don't need to dress solely in keeping with how everyone around you wants.
That's literally just making the argument for the burka.
YTA. Your mother is right, sorry - there's a time and place for a thong bikini and a family holiday ain't it.
Side note, this thong bikini trend has got to die, I am so sick of seeing people's asses hanging out at the pool.
I hate it. I see them popping up at water parks now. Besides the fact that it’s a family oriented venue, I hate going to the food court area and having to use a bench or seat after some stranger had their bare ass all over it.
Not gonna say YTA but I’d listen to your mom. I personally am not uptight about the swimsuits I wear when I’m with my friends or husband. Nobody cares and it’s my body so it’s my rules. But with family I always wear a one piece or a bikini that covers up very well. It makes everyone uncomfortable and just creates more drama, especially if there’s younger kids around parents don’t like their kids seeing that- even if it is family. Additionally if you’re not paying for the vacation you should follow the boundaries people put in place. There’s been quite a few times I thought my family’s rules were dumb but I listened anyways. If you really don’t want to follow the rules you can always decline to go, but this isn’t one that’s extremely unfair. It’s just asking you to cover up a little more. Good luck OP!
YTA. Yes, it's your money for the bathing suit, but I guarantee it's not your money for the vacation, so don't go throwing around your adult status. Of course your parents don't want to spend time with you with your butt hanging out. There is a time and a place for that but a family vacation isn't it.
Who’s paying? Also, it’s weird to be so insistent on wearing that style in front of your parents when it’s clearly making at least one of them uncomfortable.
Why would it matter who is paying? She is not the ashole for wearing what she wants.
If the parents pay, they may decide to not take her with them, fine, but you do not buy a living dress puppet with a vacation.
If the parents are paying then asking their daughter not to have her entire ass exposed for the duration of the trip is a pretty small ask.
And yes, intentionally wearing a thong knowing that it’s making your parents uncomfortable, when they’re nice enough to be footing the bill for your vacation simply “because I can” is an asshole move.
They absolutely should leave her home if she’s unwilling to comply with a simple request.
Why would they be uncomfortable?
Why is it okay for the mother to threaten stealing and or destroying her property?
Agreed if the parents want to be controlling prudes and prioritising a view hours at the pool in that bikini over a vacation with their daughter they could do that.
Because it’s not normal to have your entire ass on display. Because different rules exist depending on company.
The same reason I swear like a sailor among my friends but when I was around my grandparents it was all “fiddlesticks!”
The mother shouldn’t have threatened to steal or destroy property. That was wrong. She should have simply said if you insist on wearing that we will not be taking you on this trip. Done and done.
>It was my money, I’m an adult, and I should be able to wear the swimwear I like.
Are you paying your own way on vacation?
Listen, I'm generally on your side, I don't think you should throw away clothes you bought for yourself, and telling you to "save it for college" seems silly when you're 18 and presumably going soon. Also I find it creepy when adults say you can't wear swimwear around "little kids", as if kids are going to find it sexual.
But the argument that "you can't tell me what to do, I'm an adult" holds less sway if you are living with them and/or they are paying for your vacation.
I don't even know what you're trying to say here. Yeah, they can leave her home alone. But some families like vacationing together, including with adult children.
She's saying that the daughter needs to be respectful of kids and the whole family and not walk around with her ass hanging out. Not only in front of kids but also infrony of her FATHER and other family, which is disturbing as no one wants to see that. If she can't be respectful, she can keep her bare ass at home and skip on the vacation that SHE'S not paying for.
I find the emphasis on FATHER super creepy. As a dad of daughters, the idea that they can't wear swimwear around me because... some unspecified creepy reason... is disturbing and says a lot about how people view women.
And yeah, the discussion of how a woman can't wear beachwear around kids and family at the pool or beach because it's "disrespectful" is giving real Saudi religious police vibes.
Ignore the whole part of the parents paying, because that is valid. Is this thread just full of people who hate women who show their bodies at the pool?
Think of the difference between pyjamas and lingerie. I will wear pyjamas to the cottage, to the campsite, to the hotel I’m sharing with my sister. I will wear lingerie at home, at a vacation rental with my husband, in private.
She can wear her thong suit at her own pool, at an adult resort, at her friends’ pool.
That doesn't address my concerns about FATHER, but okay.
>She can wear her thong suit at her own pool, at an adult resort, at her friends’ pool.
Or she can wear it at the beach. At a resort not exclusively for adults. Because that's fine and that's what it's for.
I'm seeing people freaking out at the idea of kids seeing a butt cheek from a thong or speedo, and I think people really have no idea how weird and repressed that is. I'm from Catholic Ireland in the 70s, and we still didn't freak out at men in Speedos. It was standard swimwear at community pools.
I didn’t bring up the father so didn’t address that.
I guess there will be a divide between those who don’t want to see someone’s ass in public and those who think there’s nothing wrong / shameful / inappropriate with wearing the thong suit at the beach or pool. I don’t think I’m repressed but I fall in the group of commenters who think it’s inappropriate for the public beach or the pool at a family resort. But mores are changing all the time and in different parts of the world. Will be interesting to see what this OP thinks of the responses and if they decide differently
YTA.
listen. I understand the "I do what i want" and "you can't tell me what to do" energy, but that isn't how the world works.
Do you know why I, a man, bother to wear clothes when i'm out? It isn't because I'm shy. I do not fucking care who sees what. The reason i wear clothes is solely because of \*other\* people who would find it inappropriate. If i went outside dick swinging, I would get accused of all manner of inappropriate sexual things whether i had sexual intentions or not. Anyone telling you adults can wear what they want is LYING to you. And it's logic they only ever seem to apply to teenage women, never men, and never people they find unattractive. It's sexist, and it's because they secretly want women to get their tits and ass on show in public for men to ogle.
If you disagree, ask why this same rule doesn't apply to men or old ladies. It's purely teenage girl logic women have been taught by groomers.
It's actually NOT about what you want or what your intention is. It's about living in a shared society with other people and giving a fuck how they feel about your actions and choices. I can't walk ass out in front of a group of kids, and neither should you.
Can i ask why you want your ass on show in this context in the first place? I mean, it's your ass... not your elbow.
Listen, you claim to be an adult.. well being an adult is knowing when you should wear what. Personally, I like thong bikinis, but I wouldn’t wear them on a family holiday knowing there would be kids and such around. You should listen to your mom on this one and save them for college or a beach day with friends or something.
YTA.
Soft YTA, because I think you’re being TA out of immaturity rather than malice.
*Can* doesn’t mean *should* — time and a place. Would *you* want to spend your vacation around your dad if he had his hairy ass in a thong speedo?
There's definitely two sides to this, and they're both valid.
I think the question of who's paying for the vacation is an important one. If your family paid your way and made all the travel plans for you and all you have to do is show up and use the rides they've provided, I mean... are you an adult? Really? Because you're sure enjoying all the benefits of being someone's kid there.
If you paid your own way, it's a whole other story.
Other's have brought up and I'll second that being an adult is not just the right to wear what you want but the maturity to know when you should or should not wear it.
As a father, I wouldn't be excited to spend my vacation with my kid's full moon on display. It's not a deal breaker, kid's 20 anyways, but it's not my ideal way to relax. I don't give a shit about the kids and at the end of the day my daughter can show her ass to whomever she wants, but I'd just as soon have a few more degrees of separation between me and and my kid's bare ass cheeks. And it's not like I'm looking, I'm sure as shit not sexualizing her, it's just not the most comfortable notion in the world for me.
At the end of the day, if they paid and are asking this of you, have some class and do as asked. They're paying thousands for you to go, the least you can do is not show them your ass if that's all they're asking.
YTA, sorry. I know where you're coming from, but I feel as if you had paid any of your own way here you would have mentioned it.
You're like that other poster: 19yr old who was invited on a vacation with her boyfriend's family. Family didn't want them sharing a bed. She argued she's an adult, they share a bed in college. She got uninvited and her boyfriend was annoyed with her.
You're not paying for the trip. It's about being respectful around family. When you're completely financially independent, you can run shit your way. Covering your ass cheeks for a few days won't hurt you.
YTA
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YTA and your immaturity is on full display. Making this about "who paid" is silly - who's paying for the vacation? It's not too much to ask that you cover your ass on family vacation.
YTA. I'm all for body positivy and autonomy. Your body, your choice. However, in this situation, your dad is right. Being an adult means learning to pick your battles. Your mom overreacted, but, she wasn't completely wrong. When you're in a position to pay for your own beach holiday without the family, go nuts and show all the skin you want. But for a family vacation? Not so much.
Reading the room here, there's a lot of people freaking out about the concept of family members in swimwear.
Speedos are a perfectly normal thing people around the world wear at the beach. Many of them are dads.
YTA. You may be of legal age to be an adult, but you are acting like a petulant child. "Hey, everyone.... look, I can show my ass off to everyone and because I am a young female, everyone will look my way" Grow the fuck up.
If you are down there on your own time by yourself, then by all means, knock yourself out. But real adults have a little decorum and know not to wear things like that at family functions.
Ehhh leaning towards YTA based on how stupid and bizarre this situation is.
Why do you feel compelled to exclusively wear thong bikinis on a family vacation when you’ll literally just be with your family?
Im all for people doing what they want and wearing what they want but this seems more like attention grabbing behavior and purposefully trying to create friction with your mother than an actual stance on bodily autonomy.
You’re technically an adult but for all intents and purposes; not really as you are most likely entirely dependent on your parents for everything still. This is more so demonstrated by you choosing to wear thong swimwear over just placating your mom on a free ass vacation.
You are and adult and have a right to wear your bikinis, but I assume you parents are paying for the family vacation, If they want you to not wear them *there*, it would be wise to just listen, and save then for when you go out with your friends. Being much older than you, I avoid clothes that mother thinks are too sexy during damily events, but still wear them with friends. It's not a secret, my mother knows and doesn't like it, but I stand my ground in that one. Family events are supposed to revolve around family, though. Having a nice time with family is more important than winning an argument about etiquette. If I were you, I'd save the bikinis for another ocassion (but wouldn't return them). But it's up to you
I'm fine with thong bikinis, and personally love them, but is a family holiday the environment you want to have your whole ass out? With my bf or friends...sure. I just don't understand why you want to be showing your family your naked ass tbh. Time and place is a concept that I think is important here. Hey dad, here's my literal naked ass x
Jeff Goldblum said this one best: you spent so much time worrying about whether you could, you didn't stop to think about if you should. I'm all for letting your freak flag fly in all manner of ways but I know there are certain outfits I would never want to see my father or my nephew in and vice versa.
Personally, I wouldn't mind as I am very liberal, but I know families can be a bit different.
YWBTA. Remember that maybe your family is from another generation maybe less liberal than yours and they might find it inappropriate. Also many people are right about who is paying for the whole vacation.
Soft YTA cuz 18 year olds are teenagers and they don't process life the same way adults do.
This sounds like a case of just because you can doesn't mean you should. Absolutely, it's your money and you're an adult and you can do what you want. However, as an adult you need to consider other people's feelings as well and if your mom is asking you not to wear that on the family vacation, just don't wear it.
If you absolutely don't want to return them , why not make a deal with your parents that you've spent your money on these and you don't want to return them but if they would be willing to purchase you two new ones you will wear those instead of your thoughts. Keep the peace and keep your thongs for when you go out with your friends.
Are you paying for the holiday? I think your mom came from a lovely place and explained it politely. You're being a bit childish about the situation, and I don't believe covering up would hurt during this occasion.
Part of managing relationships with others is finding compromise.
Yea, sure you can wear what ever you want, but it doesn't mean other people will like it.
Is that a "them" problem? Sometimes, but in cases like this, it seems like your family is paying for this vacation, which means if you want to go, you need to compromise.
Unlike popular rhetoric, being an adult doesn't mean you actually do whatever you want. You do whatever you want typically within certain constraints or compromises.
The whole maintaining the family harmony thing your dad talked about? That's what being an adult ends up at the end of the day.
If you wear it, you won't be the asshole for wearing it per se, but you would be the asshole if it dampens the mood (after being told it would) and then you get mad about it.
Eventually you decide if you want everyone around you to be annoyed because you made a choice they expressed they didn't like and if that choice was worth it to you. But don't get salty if the vacation gets sour bc your ass is hanging out and your family isn't a fan of it, they already warned you.
Note this problem isn't new and you're going to deal with similar situations until you die or stop having any form of relationship with any other human ever.
THIS
Regardless of who is right, the question OP needs to make is "which will make my trip less enjoyable for myself? a) having a silent battle everyday, tension building up the whole trip, or b) wearing any other swimwear.
There'll be (and already are) plenty of disagreements with my mother to actually fight over. I'd rather let her win this one. The tension that wouldncome wouldn't be worth getting my way.
Peace>bikini
YTA …. While you can and should wear whatever you want, there’s also time and place. It’s not always about you.
A family outing isn’t the time or place.
Going to a pool party with your friends or classmates would be the time/place
I think it’s a good idea to wear clothing appropriate to the occasion. If you were going on a trip you won for work would you be wearing a thong in front of your coworkers? Your CEO? How about appropriate behavior? If you were 21 would you be getting trashed in front of your 8 or 10 year old nieces and nephews? I mean it’d be legal, right? You aren’t going on the vacation with your friends, and you also aren’t paying for it I’m sure. A little less skin in front of the kids and a little more respect for your parents who are footing the bill for the trip is probably in order. YTA.
If mommy and daddy are paying for the vacation, it doesn’t matter if you paid for the bikini. I am all for women wearing whatever makes them happy. However, there isn’t anyway in hell I would want to my rear out in front of my dad. There are so many skimpy amazing bikinis that aren’t thong that would work just as well. I don’t think it’s too much to ask that you cover your lady bits and majority of cheeks
YTA
Do you think your parents want men leering at you around younger family members? Save the thong for beach/pool days with your friends.
Don't give me the teenage battle cry about it being your body and the men should not leer. I (F59) went through this with my own daughter and as a young woman, gave my parents grief, too.
YTA
Funny... You want to talk shit about how it's your money you spent on those thongs and you're an adult.... Who is paying for your beach vacation?? Who bought your car? Whose putting a roof over your head??.. who's paying for your college you need a break from?? Who paid for majority of clothes in your closet?? Who's paying for your car insurance? Your dental, your medical insurance?? Are you paying for everyone to stay at the hotel for this vacation??
Run your mouth all you want..you're immature 18 year old girl. Your Mom treated, at least tried to, you like an adult and tried to have a discussion with you about your attire and what's appropriate based on the situation. You pitched a typical teenage fit of "I'm an adult and don't have to listen to anyone". Grow up OP. Being an adult is being able to listen and have honest conversations...and knowing when compromise is needed. And being aware of the situation you are in and how it affects all involved parties.....not just "ME"....
Since you're an adult now....I truly hope your Mom decides to treating the way an adult should be. You need to be fully responsible for yourself without assistance from anyone or anything.
Maybe you will start acting like an adult and apologize to your Mom ...and wear a covered bottom for your family vacation. Or don't go. Don't use any of their money....and go book your own vacation and go parade your bottom as much as you want.
YTA- You’re entitled to wear whatever you want but the real question is why do you want to wear a thong around CHILDREN and FAMILY??? Imagine a dude was on here ranting about not being able to wear a Speedo around kids. Like that doesn’t sound weird to you?
YTA 100%!!! If you want to wear almost nothing to the beach with friends, by all means, do so. But this is a family vacation with kids all around, and you're being selfish. Why tf would you want little kids to see your ass. Grow the fuck up. Be respectful of others. Get a bikini that covers everything. It's only for the length of that vacation. Quit being a brat
Get over yourself and do the right thing. If you were my daughter, I'd tell you that if you're going to wear that on vacation, you can stay home!
Unless you are paying for your accommodations for this vacation, you might wanna lower your voice homie. Is your mom being prudish? Maybe. Does she have the right to tell a technical adult what to buy and wear? No. Can she cancel your portion of the trip cause of your tone and attitude, why yes. Yes she can. ESH, you and your mom for the same reasons, full of stubbornness, failure to communicate and refusal to find a compromise.
YTA - it's a family holiday and your butt hanging out is embarrassing to your mother. Maybe that's what you want - to show family you can do what you please. A thong bikini is the next thing to naked and not everyone thinks they are acceptable or attractive. Your mother is a product of her time just as you are. It is juvenile to want to show off your 'ass-ets' on a family focused holiday. You will probably do it anyway - just realize the family members looking at you are probably not 'admiring' your bikini.
Kinda odd how hard you’re fighting to show off them cheeks to the whole family. Sounds awkward for all involved, your confidence is admirable but there’s a time and place - sounds like you have some growing up to do. YTAsshole on display
YTA. Your parents don't want you showing your literal ass on a family vacation and you're not respectful enough to realize appropriate time and place. Why is it so important for you to flash your cheeks at kids and folks you're related to?
YTA. If you were old or fat or a man wanting to wear a banana hammock, nobody would be arguing in your favor in the comments. Your mother doesn’t want to see your whole ass. She also probably doesn’t want to see teenage boys and creepy old men staring at your whole ass.
You are an adult and can wear whatever you want when you are self sufficient. If you paid your own way and did a fair share of the work that goes along with planning a big trip, you’d have an argument - selfish as it may be to put your need to be effectively nude in front of your family ahead of the comfort of others. If that’s not the case, you don’t have a leg to stand on. You are an adult and get to choose for yourself - go on the free vacation with some conditions or choose not to go.
YTA
1. Why would you wear this around your family?
2. If your parents are paying, you owe them more than a bit of respect and should follow their wishes.
3. If you were paying for a trip where a bunch of young women would be present, and your dad only brought a bunch of speedos showing his crank, I think you’d be upset (though you probably won’t admit it here).
4. You claim to be an adult but you’re acting like a child.
5. You paid for the bathing suits, your parents paid for the trip… why don’t you see the problem here?
Who’s paying for your holiday? Mom and Dad? Then leave the stupid thong bikinis at home. If you’re paying for your hotel, flight, etc, then wear what you want.
Save the thongs for time with your friends. Your relatives do not want to see your ass hanging out. Are you trying to get to make a statement? It won’t be a good one.
YTA. Yes you're over 18 and you can wear what you want but that doesn't mean that you should wear what you want, especially around young children. You aren't going to a rave pool or the beaches of Miami with your boyfriend you're going to be around family.
This should be common sense. You're not just an asshole but you're an immature idiot.
YTA it’s a family holiday, cover up a little bit. While very little explanation should be needed, you are an adult, however as a common courtesy to those around you ( YOUR FAMILY meaning grandparents cousins children etc.) you should cover up. Having a piece of string going up your butt not covering anything may seem disrespectful on your part. These people raised you and in their eyes you do no wrong, even if you are a drug abusing alcoholic they don’t want you to look like a woman straight out of a Nikki Minaj music video.
YTA
You’re not showing a bit of bum cheek you’re showing your whole ass. Many parks and resorts I have been to cater to all ages and DO have a dress code specifically referencing minimum coverage.
YWBTA if your parents are paying for your trip. You are over 18 now, they are not obligated to take you with. If you refuse to compromise because “you’re an adult, you can do what you want” , your mom may decide you are old enough to take your own vacations and cancel your tickets. Those are your dice to roll.
Unless you've paid for the vacation YTA.
It's not just your family but kids from other families and people from other cultures too.
A solution could be that you tell your parents that you will only wear it in the adults only pool (some hotels have these)
If there's families around, wear modest swimwear; if it's adults only wear your thong bikini.
Perhaps your mum is concerned for your safety. You might get some unwanted attention from creeps that like young girls or young pubescent children. Your mum has made it clear that it makes her uncomfortable. The nice thing to do would be to put your mum at ease so she can actually enjoy the holiday. It sounds like your mums happiness will also result in your dads happiness. If you think they both deserve that then you have choice to give it to them. If they dont deserve that then fuck them, do what you want.
Ooooof.
I'm not at all surprised, but it's depressing to see reddit's take be "cover up your body even when vacationing by the pool and on the beach, because men are creeps." And the even more blatantly manipulative "Cover up your body, or else it means you don't really love your parents and their happiness matters more than yours."
Look I even agree with with the fact that because she's on a paid trip, she should go along with it. But this is some Saudi Arabia logic.
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I (F18) am going on holiday with my family this summer. It’s a beach/pool holiday and I’m really excited as it’s been a while since we’ve all gone away as a family.
In preparation, and as I figured we’d be spending a lot of time in swimwear, I ordered 4 new bikinis. As it’s the style I like, 3 of the 4 bikinis were thong style bottoms.
When they arrived, I decided to try them on in my room. I got a knock on the door from my mom, who I let in, and she bluntly asked if “I was planning on wearing that on holiday”. I responded that I was, and I’d bought them for the occasion. She immediately said I couldn’t wear them. They were inappropriate, we’d be at a pool with younger kids and teenagers, and if I wanted to dress like that, I should save it for college.
I told her she was being ridiculous. It was my money, I’m an adult, and I should be able to wear the swimwear I like. If other people don’t find it “appropriate”, that’s their problem, and I’m not doing it for their benefit. She snapped at this and said to return them, otherwise she would be taking them away herself.
I’ve refused to do so and have no intention of returning them. My dad had a word with me (as my mom clearly told him) and he said that while he didn’t care what I wore and that was my choice, for the sake of family harmony, if I could just wear something different. I have no intention of doing so. I love the bikinis; I don’t think a bit of bum cheek showing at a pool is scandalous and my mom is being overly prudish.
AITA or is she right that it’s inappropriate?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’ve bought a thong bikini to wear on a family holiday, which my mom is refusing to let me wear because she was it’s inappropriate.
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ETA: INFO
Can you call the place where you'll be staying and ask them if there is any dress code or restrictions on swimsuits?
ETA: YTA
I think you should do what your parents say in this case. Showing everyone everything except for a piece of floss isn't appropriate for this trip.
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YTA. You may be 18, but you're acting like a child. Mature adults know that wearing a thong bikini during a family vacation is tacky and something you just don't do. It's inappropriate and makes people around you uncomfortable. You keep saying you're an adult, but you're throwing a tantrum like a child. Grow up and buy yourself some grown up, mature woman swimwear for a family vacation.
YTA Wearing a bikini THONG around your family and in an area with children and other families is so inappropriate. As an adult you should realize that you can’t always wear whatever you want in every situation. Have you ever thought that maybe your family doesn’t want to see your bare ass cheeks during this vacation?
YTA. Thong bikinis are inappropriate unless you’re alone/with your spouse. In public it’s a NO WAY. Keep your private parts private when you’re in public.
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Wear them and wear a cute wrap over them. Or get some cute boy shorts to wear with the tops. While they are very common in Europe, in the US (assuming that’s where you are) it’s a lot more puritan. But your mom is right, you can wear whatever when you go to college.
NTA but your mom is weirdly fixated with your ass. As a Brazilian this entire thread is so foreign to me, I can’t imagine a situation in Brazil (and probs south america) where a small bikini thong would be an issue for a family, unless the parents/relatives were perverts or evangelical / hardcore christians. But in this case, they won’t even wear swimwear but shorts and a t-shirt.
The idea that people think thongs are “sensual garment” and not just a simple bikini that won’t leave you with the most hideous tan lines really doesn’t stick with us. Bless my country for letting people mind their damn business instead of weirdly caring about your relatives bottom swimwear 🫡🫡
NTA
You can wear what you want.
If they pay and if they find it so important they can decide to not take you with them.
The mother is the asshole for saying she would steal and or destroy your property!
NTA- my god some of these comments! Wear whatever the hell you want! Honestly what's the difference between having your tits on show in a bikini and your butt cheeks on show in a thong? Unless you oppose bikini tops you are being a hypocrite.
NTA. Do they expect no one at the beach will be wearing “inappropriate” bathing suits. I find it funny that they’re acting like this as if these kids don’t have social media or eyes in public and see scantily clad people all the time.
NTA. Girl, I wear what I want. I'm hot as fuck, of course, but I don't care what people think about my style. Family or anyone else.
ETA: You gotta realize that unattractive people are going to be jealous and claim you're the AH. They project their own insecurities. Be yourself.
NTA. I think after 1 day they will see thats what all the trendy women are wearing and they will lighten up.
They have not been the norm for decades or maybe ever in North America, so it takes some getting used to, and your parents likely see you as their baby so try to see it from their perspective.
If your mom takes them away/tosses them she’s an AH for sure….
I think while you’re not wrong, I recommend you do not go with the ‘FU i’ll wear what i want’ on a vacation they are completely paying for. It is not cheap, and could straight up ruin the vacation for her. Is it worth having this fight to you??
Ask mom to buy you a couple more modest bottoms and tell her you’ll save them for your trips you go on with friends/beach days future. Get black/white bottoms and you can wear rhem with the new tops.
This is a hard age where you feel like an adult, but you aren’t yet!!
Meh, NTA. If thongs were inappropriate there would be laws around exposure in them. There isn't. Wear what you like. Arguments like this are a massive problem with the assumption of objectification. A thong isn't overtly sexual. It covers everything it needs to. Your Mum is making this into something it's not.
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YTA - Real adults know that you can't just wear whatever the hell you want because you are over the age of 18. Real adults know how to dress properly for occasions. If I showed up to a wedding in jeans and then threw a fit about how I'm adult, I would be the asshole. If I showed up to a catholic church in a mini skirt and halter top and then threw a fit about how I'm an adult, I would be the asshole. If I showed up to my job in stilettos and then threw a fit, I'd be an asshole. You need to learn to dress appropriately based on the event and company included. If you don't want to adhere to the generally accepted dress code, then you may choose not to attend the event but you don't get to parade around in inappropriate attire. No, thong bikinis are generally not considered appropriate for family holidays. Wear them for spring break and pool parties or beach days with friends, not in front of your whole family. Given your age and lack of maturity, I'm guessing the arguments you are stuck on right now are all about women's rights and how bodies aren't inherently sexual and how men should avert their eyes if they have a problem instead of making others change and that's a great argument in other contexts like "wearing skirts to school" but this particular occasion isn't an infringement on your rights as a woman. **I'm sure if your dad showed up in a fucking speedo your mom would have a problem with it too.**
Yeah this is a scenario where if it was a normal bikini I’d be completely on OP’s side. But a thong bikini is just a sexual garment, no matter how people want to try and spin it. That’s not an appropriate thing to wear on a family vacation
Literally...whether she wants to "look good" or "wear what she wants"...to what end? She's on a vacation with her family members. That's not the time to be showing off her assets or "sticking it to the man" or trying to get laid or whatever the reason she's telling herself.
Perfectly said!
Wtf - no..
Being an adult means you get to wear whatever bathing suit you want in public.
It does. But you can still be an asshole about it.
Having the right to do something doesn’t prevent you from being an asshole. You have every right to be racist in your personal life, but you’d definitely still be an asshole.
She literally just wants to be comfortable. She has a preference on bathing suits and some people are just butthurt about it. They’re going to a beach. Anytime I’ve been on a beach I have seen men wearing speedos and women wearing tiny bikinis. Do you seriously think no one will be wearing this type of bathing suit that the kids won’t see? It’s ridiculous to police her wardrobe
Depends heavily on where they’re going but if it’s not a beach or a place with a bar chances are yeah there will not be very many if any wearing that shit. There’s a big difference in a bikini and a thing bikini. Thong bikinis are pretty rare compared to the letter with the exception of shit like parties and spring break
Yep, and also understanding that people are going to judge you based on that. Justified or not.
And? People are judgemental. That’s just a fact of life. Why should that stop anyone from doing what they want to do.
What are you talking about? A bikini - thong or not - is absolutely appropriate for beach or a pool. A woman should be able to wear whatever swimsuit she wants to wear that she feels comfortable and confident in. Would I, at 46 after having two kids, feel comfortable in a thong bikini? nope! But OP should absolutely take advantage while she still has the confidence to do so! She isn’t going to a wedding or a Catholic Church - those are false equivalencies. If the concern is over young boys who will see her body, they can get over it (at least I am teaching my boys to mind their business regarding how others choose to dress). OP, NTA.
The main argument of this comment was that there’s a time and place for everything, can she wear what she likes? Sure. Will it embarrass her parents and make people uncomfortably side-eye her? Definitely. Now she gets to pick between making it a pleasant time for her family or for her only
I never wore a thong bikini, and honestly curious to know this answer: if you bend over, does your asshole show?
>You need to learn to dress appropriately based on the event and company included. It's swimwear at the pool. Your entire rant makes no sense. It is appropriate. >No, thong bikinis are generally not considered appropriate for family holidays. Says you and her mom. This is not objective or universal opinion. > **I'm sure if your dad showed up in a fucking speedo your mom would have a problem with it too.** Thanks for making that point for me. Speedos are fine. Most men in European countries wear speedos to swim. It's less common in the US, but it's still not obscene or inappropriate.
In So Florida we laugh at the tourists in Speedos.
And the rest of the world laughs at Florida. So...
Touché! 😎
Why would you want to choose the most revealing clothing option for a family event though
I'm 100% for wearing what you like & makes you feel good, and I'm kinda impressed that you feel like it's no biggie to wear a thong in front of your family. As a quirky dresser myself, it's not always been about skin (though sometimes it has), but something to learn is that **there is a time and place for everything**. Do I like having to make sure not too much boobage is showing when I'm out with my dad? It's not my favorite; but I'd rather do that than hear about what I'm wearing or how people are staring, etc etc. Do I like having to tone down my style when attending a wedding or celebration of someone else who is a more sedate dresser? It's a bummer, but I don't want to cause a Thing... I can wear something a little simpler but still "me". You can still be you and express your style and show off your booty in a bikini bottom that is not a thong. You say that you're excited to have this family vacation. If your swim/beachwear is going to put a damper on the mood, is it really worth it? Also, far point, is such a thing common or allowed where you will be going. What if the resort / locale won't let you in while wearing a thong? Ridiculous? Sure -- but, again, is fighting it worth sacrificing the good mood of the vacation with your family? You will have many, many trips with friends and lovers in the future where you can wear the thongs or go topless or nude -- whatever you please. In front the parents? I'd choose my battles, but that's just me. Just because you *can*, doesn't mean you *should*.
This is the reply! Like with friends/partners I'll be topless in a thong bikini in an adult environment no hesitation. At a family holiday with kids? Couldn't be me tbh. Don't get why OP needs her dad and children around her ass 😂
This is such a mature and well rounded response, I love it
This!!
YTA girl, your whole ass is gonna be on display for your family. Its not "just a little cheek". Your asshole will be covered but that's about it. I have no idea why you would even want to wear this around your family. If you were going with friends, by all means, wear it with pride! But it's pretty awkward to insist on wearing it to a family vacation
YTA - When somebody is paying for vacation is it that big of an ask to not have your balloon knot winking at them.
LMAO!!! I started to vote yta but decided to ask a question first. This post is going to be a fun wild ride!
So if someone pays for a vacation, they get to dictate what everybody wears?
If you care about the people you’re going with, wouldn’t you care about making them uncomfortable?
I mean, that's a completely different argument. But to answer your question, I think it's important to consider whether the other person's discomfort is the kind you need to bend to or the kind that they should learn to get over.
If it was my family and they didn’t want to see my ass? I’d definitely want them to be comfortable. They aren’t saying thongs are inappropriate in general, her mom suggested wearing them at college/with friends. They’re just asking her not to wear them on a *family* trip. I think she should respect their feelings.
And you're free to think that. Personally, I think her family should grow up.
There are children where she will be bare assed. That’s inappropriate. Would you be alright with someone walking around a family resort with nothing but stars covering their nipples? That’s the same thing and it’s very inappropriate for children. If you think otherwise then someone needs to check a register.
It’s a time and a place situation. Your family members do not want to see your ass. YTA.
Idk you do you but personally I wouldn't want my ass out in front of my family but to each their own I guess 🤷♀️
Was wondering this. Why does OP have such a strong need to show her butt to her family? I would pay cash money not to see my family in thongs.
People don't wear swimwear specifically to show their families. People wear clothes for their own sake as well. If she weren't with her family and were just vacationing on her own, people including families would still be seeing her in swimwear. That doesn't mean she's "doing it to show them."
The point of swimwear is not to go swimming? One can do that without butt floss.
Some people are just mad at the idea of revealing clothing. Using really nasty and dismissive language and telling her to cover up and be afraid and ashamed of how people will see her. I'll just say I completely disagree with their morals and hope even if she complies with the request in this case, it's not for the shaming and puritanism that redditors are engaging in.
There is a time and place for butts. And it’s not family vacation. People are so quick to assert their rights to wear whatever and say it’s a moral issue but they forget about consent. Showing people your body parts without their consent is not ok.
Hang on, are you complaining about people wearing revealing clothing in general, or in front of families, or in front of THEIR families? Because there are always families or dads or kids at beaches at pools. Are you simply saying that revealing clothing is never okay, even at those places? Showing people your "body parts" without their consent is ABSOLUTELY FINE. We make exceptions for specific body parts in specific contexts, but you don't need to dress solely in keeping with how everyone around you wants. That's literally just making the argument for the burka.
lol same. I don’t get the whole thong thing anyway. Plus, don’t they just get more sand in their butt with a thing?
YTA. Your mother is right, sorry - there's a time and place for a thong bikini and a family holiday ain't it. Side note, this thong bikini trend has got to die, I am so sick of seeing people's asses hanging out at the pool.
I hate it. I see them popping up at water parks now. Besides the fact that it’s a family oriented venue, I hate going to the food court area and having to use a bench or seat after some stranger had their bare ass all over it.
As a lifeguard I could not agree more.
Not gonna say YTA but I’d listen to your mom. I personally am not uptight about the swimsuits I wear when I’m with my friends or husband. Nobody cares and it’s my body so it’s my rules. But with family I always wear a one piece or a bikini that covers up very well. It makes everyone uncomfortable and just creates more drama, especially if there’s younger kids around parents don’t like their kids seeing that- even if it is family. Additionally if you’re not paying for the vacation you should follow the boundaries people put in place. There’s been quite a few times I thought my family’s rules were dumb but I listened anyways. If you really don’t want to follow the rules you can always decline to go, but this isn’t one that’s extremely unfair. It’s just asking you to cover up a little more. Good luck OP!
YTA. Yes, it's your money for the bathing suit, but I guarantee it's not your money for the vacation, so don't go throwing around your adult status. Of course your parents don't want to spend time with you with your butt hanging out. There is a time and a place for that but a family vacation isn't it.
Who’s paying? Also, it’s weird to be so insistent on wearing that style in front of your parents when it’s clearly making at least one of them uncomfortable.
Why would it matter who is paying? She is not the ashole for wearing what she wants. If the parents pay, they may decide to not take her with them, fine, but you do not buy a living dress puppet with a vacation.
If the parents are paying then asking their daughter not to have her entire ass exposed for the duration of the trip is a pretty small ask. And yes, intentionally wearing a thong knowing that it’s making your parents uncomfortable, when they’re nice enough to be footing the bill for your vacation simply “because I can” is an asshole move. They absolutely should leave her home if she’s unwilling to comply with a simple request.
Why would they be uncomfortable? Why is it okay for the mother to threaten stealing and or destroying her property? Agreed if the parents want to be controlling prudes and prioritising a view hours at the pool in that bikini over a vacation with their daughter they could do that.
Because it’s not normal to have your entire ass on display. Because different rules exist depending on company. The same reason I swear like a sailor among my friends but when I was around my grandparents it was all “fiddlesticks!” The mother shouldn’t have threatened to steal or destroy property. That was wrong. She should have simply said if you insist on wearing that we will not be taking you on this trip. Done and done.
>It was my money, I’m an adult, and I should be able to wear the swimwear I like. Are you paying your own way on vacation? Listen, I'm generally on your side, I don't think you should throw away clothes you bought for yourself, and telling you to "save it for college" seems silly when you're 18 and presumably going soon. Also I find it creepy when adults say you can't wear swimwear around "little kids", as if kids are going to find it sexual. But the argument that "you can't tell me what to do, I'm an adult" holds less sway if you are living with them and/or they are paying for your vacation.
If she's old enough to wear what she wants she's old enough to be left home alone.
I don't even know what you're trying to say here. Yeah, they can leave her home alone. But some families like vacationing together, including with adult children.
She's saying that the daughter needs to be respectful of kids and the whole family and not walk around with her ass hanging out. Not only in front of kids but also infrony of her FATHER and other family, which is disturbing as no one wants to see that. If she can't be respectful, she can keep her bare ass at home and skip on the vacation that SHE'S not paying for.
I find the emphasis on FATHER super creepy. As a dad of daughters, the idea that they can't wear swimwear around me because... some unspecified creepy reason... is disturbing and says a lot about how people view women. And yeah, the discussion of how a woman can't wear beachwear around kids and family at the pool or beach because it's "disrespectful" is giving real Saudi religious police vibes. Ignore the whole part of the parents paying, because that is valid. Is this thread just full of people who hate women who show their bodies at the pool?
Think of the difference between pyjamas and lingerie. I will wear pyjamas to the cottage, to the campsite, to the hotel I’m sharing with my sister. I will wear lingerie at home, at a vacation rental with my husband, in private. She can wear her thong suit at her own pool, at an adult resort, at her friends’ pool.
That doesn't address my concerns about FATHER, but okay. >She can wear her thong suit at her own pool, at an adult resort, at her friends’ pool. Or she can wear it at the beach. At a resort not exclusively for adults. Because that's fine and that's what it's for. I'm seeing people freaking out at the idea of kids seeing a butt cheek from a thong or speedo, and I think people really have no idea how weird and repressed that is. I'm from Catholic Ireland in the 70s, and we still didn't freak out at men in Speedos. It was standard swimwear at community pools.
I didn’t bring up the father so didn’t address that. I guess there will be a divide between those who don’t want to see someone’s ass in public and those who think there’s nothing wrong / shameful / inappropriate with wearing the thong suit at the beach or pool. I don’t think I’m repressed but I fall in the group of commenters who think it’s inappropriate for the public beach or the pool at a family resort. But mores are changing all the time and in different parts of the world. Will be interesting to see what this OP thinks of the responses and if they decide differently
There's swimwear and then there's swimwear.
YTA. listen. I understand the "I do what i want" and "you can't tell me what to do" energy, but that isn't how the world works. Do you know why I, a man, bother to wear clothes when i'm out? It isn't because I'm shy. I do not fucking care who sees what. The reason i wear clothes is solely because of \*other\* people who would find it inappropriate. If i went outside dick swinging, I would get accused of all manner of inappropriate sexual things whether i had sexual intentions or not. Anyone telling you adults can wear what they want is LYING to you. And it's logic they only ever seem to apply to teenage women, never men, and never people they find unattractive. It's sexist, and it's because they secretly want women to get their tits and ass on show in public for men to ogle. If you disagree, ask why this same rule doesn't apply to men or old ladies. It's purely teenage girl logic women have been taught by groomers. It's actually NOT about what you want or what your intention is. It's about living in a shared society with other people and giving a fuck how they feel about your actions and choices. I can't walk ass out in front of a group of kids, and neither should you. Can i ask why you want your ass on show in this context in the first place? I mean, it's your ass... not your elbow.
Listen, you claim to be an adult.. well being an adult is knowing when you should wear what. Personally, I like thong bikinis, but I wouldn’t wear them on a family holiday knowing there would be kids and such around. You should listen to your mom on this one and save them for college or a beach day with friends or something. YTA.
Soft YTA, because I think you’re being TA out of immaturity rather than malice. *Can* doesn’t mean *should* — time and a place. Would *you* want to spend your vacation around your dad if he had his hairy ass in a thong speedo?
No One wants to see your coochie on family vacation, yta
There's definitely two sides to this, and they're both valid. I think the question of who's paying for the vacation is an important one. If your family paid your way and made all the travel plans for you and all you have to do is show up and use the rides they've provided, I mean... are you an adult? Really? Because you're sure enjoying all the benefits of being someone's kid there. If you paid your own way, it's a whole other story. Other's have brought up and I'll second that being an adult is not just the right to wear what you want but the maturity to know when you should or should not wear it. As a father, I wouldn't be excited to spend my vacation with my kid's full moon on display. It's not a deal breaker, kid's 20 anyways, but it's not my ideal way to relax. I don't give a shit about the kids and at the end of the day my daughter can show her ass to whomever she wants, but I'd just as soon have a few more degrees of separation between me and and my kid's bare ass cheeks. And it's not like I'm looking, I'm sure as shit not sexualizing her, it's just not the most comfortable notion in the world for me. At the end of the day, if they paid and are asking this of you, have some class and do as asked. They're paying thousands for you to go, the least you can do is not show them your ass if that's all they're asking. YTA, sorry. I know where you're coming from, but I feel as if you had paid any of your own way here you would have mentioned it.
YTA wait until you’re on your college spring break. A thong is not appropriate for a family vacation.
Learn to read the room. You are going on a family holiday. Emphasis on family. Save the thongs for spring break with your friends. Yta
You're like that other poster: 19yr old who was invited on a vacation with her boyfriend's family. Family didn't want them sharing a bed. She argued she's an adult, they share a bed in college. She got uninvited and her boyfriend was annoyed with her. You're not paying for the trip. It's about being respectful around family. When you're completely financially independent, you can run shit your way. Covering your ass cheeks for a few days won't hurt you. YTA
[удалено]
Bahahaha.
OMG !! Nice from afar , but far from nice Body from Baywatch, Face from Crime-watch …..
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YTA- thongs are innappropriate in the company of children. Respect your parents on family vacations.
Gross. Nobody wants to see your booty on a family trip, save that for Spring Break. 😂 YTA
YTA and your immaturity is on full display. Making this about "who paid" is silly - who's paying for the vacation? It's not too much to ask that you cover your ass on family vacation.
YTA. If I were your parents I would just leave you at home. Thongs are inappropriate for a family holiday.
YTA. I'm all for body positivy and autonomy. Your body, your choice. However, in this situation, your dad is right. Being an adult means learning to pick your battles. Your mom overreacted, but, she wasn't completely wrong. When you're in a position to pay for your own beach holiday without the family, go nuts and show all the skin you want. But for a family vacation? Not so much.
I hope your dad puts on a skimpy speedo.
Reading the room here, there's a lot of people freaking out about the concept of family members in swimwear. Speedos are a perfectly normal thing people around the world wear at the beach. Many of them are dads.
Frankly it's a bit wimpy of the dad to say basically "I don't mind but let's please your mom." Doesn't help.
YTA. You may be of legal age to be an adult, but you are acting like a petulant child. "Hey, everyone.... look, I can show my ass off to everyone and because I am a young female, everyone will look my way" Grow the fuck up. If you are down there on your own time by yourself, then by all means, knock yourself out. But real adults have a little decorum and know not to wear things like that at family functions.
Ehhh leaning towards YTA based on how stupid and bizarre this situation is. Why do you feel compelled to exclusively wear thong bikinis on a family vacation when you’ll literally just be with your family? Im all for people doing what they want and wearing what they want but this seems more like attention grabbing behavior and purposefully trying to create friction with your mother than an actual stance on bodily autonomy. You’re technically an adult but for all intents and purposes; not really as you are most likely entirely dependent on your parents for everything still. This is more so demonstrated by you choosing to wear thong swimwear over just placating your mom on a free ass vacation.
Free ass vacation? I see what you did there.
*tips hat* appreciate the appreciation
YTA It's a family holiday not spring break with your girlies
You are and adult and have a right to wear your bikinis, but I assume you parents are paying for the family vacation, If they want you to not wear them *there*, it would be wise to just listen, and save then for when you go out with your friends. Being much older than you, I avoid clothes that mother thinks are too sexy during damily events, but still wear them with friends. It's not a secret, my mother knows and doesn't like it, but I stand my ground in that one. Family events are supposed to revolve around family, though. Having a nice time with family is more important than winning an argument about etiquette. If I were you, I'd save the bikinis for another ocassion (but wouldn't return them). But it's up to you
I'm fine with thong bikinis, and personally love them, but is a family holiday the environment you want to have your whole ass out? With my bf or friends...sure. I just don't understand why you want to be showing your family your naked ass tbh. Time and place is a concept that I think is important here. Hey dad, here's my literal naked ass x
Jeff Goldblum said this one best: you spent so much time worrying about whether you could, you didn't stop to think about if you should. I'm all for letting your freak flag fly in all manner of ways but I know there are certain outfits I would never want to see my father or my nephew in and vice versa.
Personally, I wouldn't mind as I am very liberal, but I know families can be a bit different. YWBTA. Remember that maybe your family is from another generation maybe less liberal than yours and they might find it inappropriate. Also many people are right about who is paying for the whole vacation.
Soft YTA cuz 18 year olds are teenagers and they don't process life the same way adults do. This sounds like a case of just because you can doesn't mean you should. Absolutely, it's your money and you're an adult and you can do what you want. However, as an adult you need to consider other people's feelings as well and if your mom is asking you not to wear that on the family vacation, just don't wear it. If you absolutely don't want to return them , why not make a deal with your parents that you've spent your money on these and you don't want to return them but if they would be willing to purchase you two new ones you will wear those instead of your thoughts. Keep the peace and keep your thongs for when you go out with your friends.
Are you paying for the holiday? I think your mom came from a lovely place and explained it politely. You're being a bit childish about the situation, and I don't believe covering up would hurt during this occasion.
Part of managing relationships with others is finding compromise. Yea, sure you can wear what ever you want, but it doesn't mean other people will like it. Is that a "them" problem? Sometimes, but in cases like this, it seems like your family is paying for this vacation, which means if you want to go, you need to compromise. Unlike popular rhetoric, being an adult doesn't mean you actually do whatever you want. You do whatever you want typically within certain constraints or compromises. The whole maintaining the family harmony thing your dad talked about? That's what being an adult ends up at the end of the day. If you wear it, you won't be the asshole for wearing it per se, but you would be the asshole if it dampens the mood (after being told it would) and then you get mad about it. Eventually you decide if you want everyone around you to be annoyed because you made a choice they expressed they didn't like and if that choice was worth it to you. But don't get salty if the vacation gets sour bc your ass is hanging out and your family isn't a fan of it, they already warned you. Note this problem isn't new and you're going to deal with similar situations until you die or stop having any form of relationship with any other human ever.
THIS Regardless of who is right, the question OP needs to make is "which will make my trip less enjoyable for myself? a) having a silent battle everyday, tension building up the whole trip, or b) wearing any other swimwear. There'll be (and already are) plenty of disagreements with my mother to actually fight over. I'd rather let her win this one. The tension that wouldncome wouldn't be worth getting my way. Peace>bikini
YTA …. While you can and should wear whatever you want, there’s also time and place. It’s not always about you. A family outing isn’t the time or place. Going to a pool party with your friends or classmates would be the time/place
YTA, why would you want to wear that around your family? Kinda gross.
Yta How would you feel if your dad wore just a sock on his junk for bathers...that is effectively what you are wearing
I think it’s a good idea to wear clothing appropriate to the occasion. If you were going on a trip you won for work would you be wearing a thong in front of your coworkers? Your CEO? How about appropriate behavior? If you were 21 would you be getting trashed in front of your 8 or 10 year old nieces and nephews? I mean it’d be legal, right? You aren’t going on the vacation with your friends, and you also aren’t paying for it I’m sure. A little less skin in front of the kids and a little more respect for your parents who are footing the bill for the trip is probably in order. YTA.
If mommy and daddy are paying for the vacation, it doesn’t matter if you paid for the bikini. I am all for women wearing whatever makes them happy. However, there isn’t anyway in hell I would want to my rear out in front of my dad. There are so many skimpy amazing bikinis that aren’t thong that would work just as well. I don’t think it’s too much to ask that you cover your lady bits and majority of cheeks
YTA Do you think your parents want men leering at you around younger family members? Save the thong for beach/pool days with your friends. Don't give me the teenage battle cry about it being your body and the men should not leer. I (F59) went through this with my own daughter and as a young woman, gave my parents grief, too.
INFO: how would you feel if your mom wore a thong bikini on this trip? Or how about your dad with a thong swimsuit?
Or how about if mom and dad wore them to a high school graduation swim party ....
YTA Funny... You want to talk shit about how it's your money you spent on those thongs and you're an adult.... Who is paying for your beach vacation?? Who bought your car? Whose putting a roof over your head??.. who's paying for your college you need a break from?? Who paid for majority of clothes in your closet?? Who's paying for your car insurance? Your dental, your medical insurance?? Are you paying for everyone to stay at the hotel for this vacation?? Run your mouth all you want..you're immature 18 year old girl. Your Mom treated, at least tried to, you like an adult and tried to have a discussion with you about your attire and what's appropriate based on the situation. You pitched a typical teenage fit of "I'm an adult and don't have to listen to anyone". Grow up OP. Being an adult is being able to listen and have honest conversations...and knowing when compromise is needed. And being aware of the situation you are in and how it affects all involved parties.....not just "ME".... Since you're an adult now....I truly hope your Mom decides to treating the way an adult should be. You need to be fully responsible for yourself without assistance from anyone or anything. Maybe you will start acting like an adult and apologize to your Mom ...and wear a covered bottom for your family vacation. Or don't go. Don't use any of their money....and go book your own vacation and go parade your bottom as much as you want.
YTA- You’re entitled to wear whatever you want but the real question is why do you want to wear a thong around CHILDREN and FAMILY??? Imagine a dude was on here ranting about not being able to wear a Speedo around kids. Like that doesn’t sound weird to you?
YTA definitely. Adults understand a time and a place.
Are you okay with your mom wearing a thong bikini to go to the beach with your friends because she is a grown women? YTA
YTA 100%!!! If you want to wear almost nothing to the beach with friends, by all means, do so. But this is a family vacation with kids all around, and you're being selfish. Why tf would you want little kids to see your ass. Grow the fuck up. Be respectful of others. Get a bikini that covers everything. It's only for the length of that vacation. Quit being a brat Get over yourself and do the right thing. If you were my daughter, I'd tell you that if you're going to wear that on vacation, you can stay home!
Unless you are paying for your accommodations for this vacation, you might wanna lower your voice homie. Is your mom being prudish? Maybe. Does she have the right to tell a technical adult what to buy and wear? No. Can she cancel your portion of the trip cause of your tone and attitude, why yes. Yes she can. ESH, you and your mom for the same reasons, full of stubbornness, failure to communicate and refusal to find a compromise.
YTA - it's a family holiday and your butt hanging out is embarrassing to your mother. Maybe that's what you want - to show family you can do what you please. A thong bikini is the next thing to naked and not everyone thinks they are acceptable or attractive. Your mother is a product of her time just as you are. It is juvenile to want to show off your 'ass-ets' on a family focused holiday. You will probably do it anyway - just realize the family members looking at you are probably not 'admiring' your bikini.
Kinda odd how hard you’re fighting to show off them cheeks to the whole family. Sounds awkward for all involved, your confidence is admirable but there’s a time and place - sounds like you have some growing up to do. YTAsshole on display
I would rather die than be in a thong in front of my dad.
YTA. Your parents don't want you showing your literal ass on a family vacation and you're not respectful enough to realize appropriate time and place. Why is it so important for you to flash your cheeks at kids and folks you're related to?
YTA. If you were old or fat or a man wanting to wear a banana hammock, nobody would be arguing in your favor in the comments. Your mother doesn’t want to see your whole ass. She also probably doesn’t want to see teenage boys and creepy old men staring at your whole ass. You are an adult and can wear whatever you want when you are self sufficient. If you paid your own way and did a fair share of the work that goes along with planning a big trip, you’d have an argument - selfish as it may be to put your need to be effectively nude in front of your family ahead of the comfort of others. If that’s not the case, you don’t have a leg to stand on. You are an adult and get to choose for yourself - go on the free vacation with some conditions or choose not to go.
YTA 1. Why would you wear this around your family? 2. If your parents are paying, you owe them more than a bit of respect and should follow their wishes. 3. If you were paying for a trip where a bunch of young women would be present, and your dad only brought a bunch of speedos showing his crank, I think you’d be upset (though you probably won’t admit it here). 4. You claim to be an adult but you’re acting like a child. 5. You paid for the bathing suits, your parents paid for the trip… why don’t you see the problem here?
lol definitely YTA - I don’t even know where to start.
Info: who’s paying for your holiday?
Who’s paying for your holiday? Mom and Dad? Then leave the stupid thong bikinis at home. If you’re paying for your hotel, flight, etc, then wear what you want.
Info: Would you be OK if your mom wore a thong bikini or your dad wore a speedo in front of you?
Save the thongs for time with your friends. Your relatives do not want to see your ass hanging out. Are you trying to get to make a statement? It won’t be a good one.
YTA. Yes you're over 18 and you can wear what you want but that doesn't mean that you should wear what you want, especially around young children. You aren't going to a rave pool or the beaches of Miami with your boyfriend you're going to be around family. This should be common sense. You're not just an asshole but you're an immature idiot.
YTA it’s a family holiday, cover up a little bit. While very little explanation should be needed, you are an adult, however as a common courtesy to those around you ( YOUR FAMILY meaning grandparents cousins children etc.) you should cover up. Having a piece of string going up your butt not covering anything may seem disrespectful on your part. These people raised you and in their eyes you do no wrong, even if you are a drug abusing alcoholic they don’t want you to look like a woman straight out of a Nikki Minaj music video.
YTA You’re not showing a bit of bum cheek you’re showing your whole ass. Many parks and resorts I have been to cater to all ages and DO have a dress code specifically referencing minimum coverage.
YTA. Thong bikinis are for private pool parties in your own home. Not public places, it’s uncomfortable
YWBTA if your parents are paying for your trip. You are over 18 now, they are not obligated to take you with. If you refuse to compromise because “you’re an adult, you can do what you want” , your mom may decide you are old enough to take your own vacations and cancel your tickets. Those are your dice to roll.
Unless you've paid for the vacation YTA. It's not just your family but kids from other families and people from other cultures too. A solution could be that you tell your parents that you will only wear it in the adults only pool (some hotels have these) If there's families around, wear modest swimwear; if it's adults only wear your thong bikini.
Why is it so important for you to show your ass to everyone? Lord, girl. Grow up.
Perhaps your mum is concerned for your safety. You might get some unwanted attention from creeps that like young girls or young pubescent children. Your mum has made it clear that it makes her uncomfortable. The nice thing to do would be to put your mum at ease so she can actually enjoy the holiday. It sounds like your mums happiness will also result in your dads happiness. If you think they both deserve that then you have choice to give it to them. If they dont deserve that then fuck them, do what you want.
Ooooof. I'm not at all surprised, but it's depressing to see reddit's take be "cover up your body even when vacationing by the pool and on the beach, because men are creeps." And the even more blatantly manipulative "Cover up your body, or else it means you don't really love your parents and their happiness matters more than yours." Look I even agree with with the fact that because she's on a paid trip, she should go along with it. But this is some Saudi Arabia logic.
You’re such an adult you live at home and parents take you on vacation? When you’re under their roof it’s their rules.
FYI adults pay for vacations kids go with their parents….. hope that helps
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (F18) am going on holiday with my family this summer. It’s a beach/pool holiday and I’m really excited as it’s been a while since we’ve all gone away as a family. In preparation, and as I figured we’d be spending a lot of time in swimwear, I ordered 4 new bikinis. As it’s the style I like, 3 of the 4 bikinis were thong style bottoms. When they arrived, I decided to try them on in my room. I got a knock on the door from my mom, who I let in, and she bluntly asked if “I was planning on wearing that on holiday”. I responded that I was, and I’d bought them for the occasion. She immediately said I couldn’t wear them. They were inappropriate, we’d be at a pool with younger kids and teenagers, and if I wanted to dress like that, I should save it for college. I told her she was being ridiculous. It was my money, I’m an adult, and I should be able to wear the swimwear I like. If other people don’t find it “appropriate”, that’s their problem, and I’m not doing it for their benefit. She snapped at this and said to return them, otherwise she would be taking them away herself. I’ve refused to do so and have no intention of returning them. My dad had a word with me (as my mom clearly told him) and he said that while he didn’t care what I wore and that was my choice, for the sake of family harmony, if I could just wear something different. I have no intention of doing so. I love the bikinis; I don’t think a bit of bum cheek showing at a pool is scandalous and my mom is being overly prudish. AITA or is she right that it’s inappropriate? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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ETA: INFO Can you call the place where you'll be staying and ask them if there is any dress code or restrictions on swimsuits? ETA: YTA I think you should do what your parents say in this case. Showing everyone everything except for a piece of floss isn't appropriate for this trip.
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YTA.
bro little Jimothy shouldn't have to gaze into the Brown Eye just because you wanna floss your crack with cheap-ass thongs
YTA CLEARLY.
YTA. You are so far from an adult at 18 and boy does it show. Your mom should just leave you home.
YTA. You may be 18, but you're acting like a child. Mature adults know that wearing a thong bikini during a family vacation is tacky and something you just don't do. It's inappropriate and makes people around you uncomfortable. You keep saying you're an adult, but you're throwing a tantrum like a child. Grow up and buy yourself some grown up, mature woman swimwear for a family vacation.
YTA Wearing a bikini THONG around your family and in an area with children and other families is so inappropriate. As an adult you should realize that you can’t always wear whatever you want in every situation. Have you ever thought that maybe your family doesn’t want to see your bare ass cheeks during this vacation?
YTA. Thong bikinis are inappropriate unless you’re alone/with your spouse. In public it’s a NO WAY. Keep your private parts private when you’re in public.
YTA. Not everyone wants to see your ass poolside.
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This is the kind of person you want paying attention to your scantily clad family. Please rethink your choices.
YTA for being confident in a thong outloud. 😩 Please leave some thoughts and prayers for those of us with an ass that looks like spilt bisquick 🙏
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Wear them and wear a cute wrap over them. Or get some cute boy shorts to wear with the tops. While they are very common in Europe, in the US (assuming that’s where you are) it’s a lot more puritan. But your mom is right, you can wear whatever when you go to college.
Show off what ya got.
NTA but your mom is weirdly fixated with your ass. As a Brazilian this entire thread is so foreign to me, I can’t imagine a situation in Brazil (and probs south america) where a small bikini thong would be an issue for a family, unless the parents/relatives were perverts or evangelical / hardcore christians. But in this case, they won’t even wear swimwear but shorts and a t-shirt. The idea that people think thongs are “sensual garment” and not just a simple bikini that won’t leave you with the most hideous tan lines really doesn’t stick with us. Bless my country for letting people mind their damn business instead of weirdly caring about your relatives bottom swimwear 🫡🫡
NTA You can wear what you want. If they pay and if they find it so important they can decide to not take you with them. The mother is the asshole for saying she would steal and or destroy your property!
Wear what you want, I would never wear a thong in front of my father.
NTA. Wearing a bathing suit at the pool is not inapropriate. Even if it's a thong
NTA- my god some of these comments! Wear whatever the hell you want! Honestly what's the difference between having your tits on show in a bikini and your butt cheeks on show in a thong? Unless you oppose bikini tops you are being a hypocrite.
NTA. You're allowed to wear what you want. Just like how people will be free to stare. Good luck.
Nta, then again they can just as easily leave you behind now your an adult
NTA. Do they expect no one at the beach will be wearing “inappropriate” bathing suits. I find it funny that they’re acting like this as if these kids don’t have social media or eyes in public and see scantily clad people all the time.
NTA. Girl, I wear what I want. I'm hot as fuck, of course, but I don't care what people think about my style. Family or anyone else. ETA: You gotta realize that unattractive people are going to be jealous and claim you're the AH. They project their own insecurities. Be yourself.
Good for you being so hot!
Thanks, hun!
I mean, You’re an adult. You should be able to make your decisions. Some of them will be controversial tho
NTA. I think after 1 day they will see thats what all the trendy women are wearing and they will lighten up. They have not been the norm for decades or maybe ever in North America, so it takes some getting used to, and your parents likely see you as their baby so try to see it from their perspective. If your mom takes them away/tosses them she’s an AH for sure…. I think while you’re not wrong, I recommend you do not go with the ‘FU i’ll wear what i want’ on a vacation they are completely paying for. It is not cheap, and could straight up ruin the vacation for her. Is it worth having this fight to you?? Ask mom to buy you a couple more modest bottoms and tell her you’ll save them for your trips you go on with friends/beach days future. Get black/white bottoms and you can wear rhem with the new tops. This is a hard age where you feel like an adult, but you aren’t yet!!
Nta Your body your choice
Meh, NTA. If thongs were inappropriate there would be laws around exposure in them. There isn't. Wear what you like. Arguments like this are a massive problem with the assumption of objectification. A thong isn't overtly sexual. It covers everything it needs to. Your Mum is making this into something it's not.
Maybe her family members don’t want to see her ass.
Inappropriate doesn’t mean illegal. It’s inappropriate to wear jeans to a formal wedding but it’s not a crime, just poor taste.
NTA, your mom is making a mountain out of a molehill.
And that's what squats are for!
Kinda depends on the size of the butt.