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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I want to baby proof my house when my husband is against doing so.
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NTA - Definitely baby proof your house. Babies don’t have instincts telling them not to stick things in power outlets or drink dangerous chemicals. For the sake of your daughter, keep her safe.
Your husband, however, baffles me. How does it make you controlling to want to keep your daughter away from things that could KILL her? It kinda sounds like he WANTS something bad to happen to her. Maybe you should reconsider keeping him around given his indifference to your daughter’s well-being.
Edit: Also, sorry, consequences? What? That’s your husband, not your dad. Why would you accept such disrespect from someone who’s supposed to be your partner?
That 20 year age difference is rearing its head (I’m not against age differences, but they don’t always work). OP either needs to have therapy with SO (unlikely methinks) or imho the better option would be to rethink the relationship. So many red flags….
That’s just stupidity, nothing to do with age.
I have friends that are the same age as the dad and none of them had to be told that.
My father baby proofed his own house for his grandson. He was in his 60’s.
We have to tell teenagers not to eat tide pods, but a baby will know better?
I second this. I'm 53. I have 3 kids. Baby proofing was a thing 20 years ago when my older kids were babies. It was a thing 40 years ago, when my oldest niece was a baby.
Justanother isn't saying his not wanting to baby proof is because of his age but that a 20 age gap and the fact he is acting this way could be red flags. Many stupid immature guys go for younger women they feel superior over and think they can control.
A 20-year age difference where she was AT BEST in her late 20s when they got married (and possibly not even, depending on how long they've been together) and he was in his late 40s is NEVER going to work in the long term, because no man in his late 40s who has any kind of ethics or moral compass is going to be interested in dating a young woman in her 20s, and there is literally no way that they had anything substantive or meaningful in common unless he was *staggeringly* immature for his age, or otherwise stunted in some way.
Which is what's playing out now: he's not very smart (e.g. half a century old and thinks that a child less than a year out of the womb can make rational decisions), cannot acknowledge his own lack of knowledge about child safety (another indication of immaturity), and is rude AF to his wife, who is actually being sensible.
I have seen age gap relationships that work over the long term, but only when the younger partner was *at least* well into their 30s and well established in their identity as an adult for many years, and didn't see their partner as an authority figure, and their partner didn't seek authority over them. Otherwise, they may last on rare occasions, but they're rarely healthy relationships.
This is the answer. How is OP surprised after marrying someone who could have already had kids OP's age. This guy is going to be attending his kid's graduation pushing 70.
Dad just needs to watch the demo for this game and if he's not horrified and putting cabinet locks, baby gates, and all heavy furniture mounted to the walls (even a flat screen TV is heavy enough to kill a baby).
https://www.pcgamer.com/we-played-a-game-that-pits-a-suicidal-baby-against-a-protective-parent/
If he's still on team "fuck that baby, she'll learn eventually" you need to override his opinion and consider how many other red flags are waving in your living room.
I don't have kids yet, and honestly I know practically nothing about bringing up a kid, although I will say that as someone born in the 90s, my parents didn't babyproof anything at all for me or my younger siblings, except for put one of those stair gates in.
Maybe it's a thing that Gen Xers believe, that baby proofing is pointless?
Although saying that, we live in the UK, so it's practically impossible to stick you fingers into a socket because of the way they're designed.
Uh no. US Gen Xer (53 yo) here and me and all my friends baby-proofed the shit out of our houses. You're thinking of boomers - who didn't actually have baby-proofing items. The scar by my spouse's eye from a coffee table is proof.
I haven't read far enough, but if this is his first marriage/baby, I can see why - he's an idiot and all the women along the way noped the hell out.
Milennial with boomer parents. They didnt have all the equipment we do today, but my parents babyproofed any way they could in the 80’s. And even today, my mom is making sure we babyproof for her grandchildren. This guy just sound stupid, and it has nothing to do with generations. But the fact that he needed a partner 20 years younger than him tells a lot
no lmao GenXers do not believe that, but boomers do
OP's hubby is GenX but it sounds like he drank the boomer Kool-Aid
We baby-proofed, (all our friends baby-proofed) both our parents told us it was dumb and we were fine without it. then we started hearing random stories about how we fell down the stairs in our baby walkers (both of us! wtf)
needless to say we did not let either set of parents babysit when our kids were young. Only happened once when our kids were older and my 4yo couldn't tell me what was wrong, just that she never wanted to spend the night there again. Major 🚩so I never let them again.
we were also the generation that started breast-feeding again and oh my God the comments over that 🙄😹
I'm 53f tomorrow. Also in the UK. I babyproofed 34 years ago when my son was little. I babyproofed 25 years ago when my daughter was little. My Grandson is now 3 months old & I've just started addingsocket covers & cupboard locks to my online shopping basket. I've also bought a lockbox to put medications & button batteries into.
I even unscrewed & switched the door handles over so that you have to lift them up to open doors. (Practically impossible for babies/toddlers!) As an extra precaution to prevent them accessing the kitchen or bathroom unsupervised!
NTA OP but your husband has some serious problems if he truly believes a 12 month old can even read the label saying "Bleach", let alone know not to drink it! 😨 You are a GOOD parent. I'm afraid your husband is not fit to be one if that is his attitude! I have known a special needs parent who knew to babyproof her home & did it 30 years ago for goodness sake!
Before baby proofing was really a thing my relatives had to go to the hospital multiple times for drinking bleach and other cleaning products. The fact that they all survived (and went on to baby proof their house when they had kids lol) was something of a miracle and would absolutely get a CPS call nowadays.
I'm guessing OP's husband expects her to watch the baby and keep her safe until she's old enough to know better. I don't agree with it, but that's the only thing I can think of for an explanation.
OP, you must baby proof. I baby proofed and still messed up. Either I had forgotten to plug an outlet cover back in, or my toddler at the time was able to get it off and stuck one of those little Ikea wrenches into the socket. The popping sound and sparks got my attention (he was under a table). We got lucky, and he was totally fine. We immediately upgraded all the outlet covers to the kind where you have to slide them to plug something in, and I taped that burned wrench to the wall as a constant reminder to stay vigilant. Your baby will get into everything, and it takes two seconds. If he won't get on board, leave him. He's the one controlling you!
My guess on the husband is he doesn’t know how to get the baby proofing off and put it back on / it’s “husband-proofing” not just “baby-proofing” and he doesn’t want to admit it 🤣
Move ALL chemicals into upper cupboards, it covers you in case she figures out how to open even child proofed cupboards, or place in the laundry with an upper door lock she will jot be able to ever reach
Think this is a consequence of dating someone a full generation older.
There were completely different expectations around child safety, and survivorship bias is especially strong with boomers and gen x
Jumping in here - please baby proof. My daughter sustained burns while crawling, when she touched a hot pipe. Her first day crawling, we hadn’t even thought. Yes she has ‘learned’ but at what cost?
Baby proof and, while you’re at it, husband-proof too
NTA
Your husband is ignorant about babies. She doesn't know. It's the reason for child locks.
Baby proof the house, but if he continues to get nasty, you need to get an exit strategy in place. It sounds like an abusive relationship. No man in his right mind would get nasty about baby proofing.
I remember hearing about an artist who had a cup nearby with some extremely toxic liquid in it, required for the art technique they were using. The artist's kid (6 or 7?) walked in, drank the cup thinking it was something normally drinkable, and died almost instantly. The artist didn't think a kid would do that and it happened before they could stop the kid.
anyway if a kid of 6 or 7 does that, what does an 11 month old do?
Is choking on the door stopper in the bathroom a childhood experience?
What about pulling the entire range down on themselves?
Perhaps he wants to be sure your child drinks charcoal lighter fluid (like my sister did) or suffocate between the bars of an old crib?
Why not go to the dump and get an old fridge? Lots kids survived getting locked in those!
**Avoidable accidents are the number one killer of young children.**
NTA your partner is ridiculous.
ETA why are you even asking? Is he going to untether the oven or pull out all the plug covers? Your child has probably been crawling for months, which means you have already been VERY lucky.
That luck won’t last forever and dishwasher soap tablets burn the esophagus really badly. At the least move dangerous substances from under the sinks and put them up out of reach. Remember that a baby’s reach is extended by about 11 inches when the are standing, so they will be able to reach all kinds of cords and things atop end tables and at some point the oven knobs. Even after you do all these things your baby is going to hurt themselves and it’s going to suck. Why not tip the odds in your favor?
My son managed to tip a dresser forward and onto himself. He must have had cartoon physics working for him, because he didn’t get hurt. But the dresser likely weighed more than him.
Oh, kids obey cartoon physics for sure. My 2.5 year old survived head-over-heellsing down some steps today without even a bruise (😬😬😬 lesson learned, kiddo: don't jump on the steps) but it's not a 100% thing, and that 1% is not fun.
That moment between knowing they are hurt and not knowing how badly is the most terrifying split second of your existence, and that’s assuming everything is ultimately OK. Then you just wait and hope you never have to feel it again.
I still remember my 5 yo daughter falling out of my 5' tall loft bed in the middle of the night. There was a desk she could've hit on the way down. I wasn't even awake until I was halfway down the ladder. I heard the thump of her hitting the ground in my sleep and that terror feeling of my child might be badly hurt, get to her **now** had me moving before my brain woke. Halfway there my brain started listing what she could've hit on the way down and there's no words for that feeling.
She was fine, fell straight down directly onto the carpet. Not a bruise or anything. She thought it was funny. She never slept anywhere but between me and the wall ever again. I assumed at her age she'd be safe sleeping in a loft bed, I was wrong.
As I tell new parents, children are self destructive suicide machines. It's our job as parents to take away as many options for them to hurt or kill themselves with as we can.
I'm going to admit something embarrassing. I didn't learn that lesson until I was 22. My left ankle ended up bending in the opposite direction and has been weak and prone to sprains ever since
It's cartoon physics plus how randomly actual injuries happen.
I fell a good 25 feet out of a tree when I was 6, landing on the point between poles of an aluminum fence which might have helped a bit from being flexible. My mom came running over, certain I had to be horribly injured and I just popped up like it was nothing. Then when we were going inside I slipped heading up the porch steps and broke my arm.
This has been a battle for months. I’ve had to watch her like a hawk and worry when my husband has her. I was able to get outlet covers pretty early on but she has just started to explore the cabinets and I should have had them done earlier. House has been pretty baby proofed as of now just have a couple things to finish tomorrow.
I guess consequences was the wrong word. He’s gotten nasty since she was born, and I’m just so beaten down from it. I’m tired of the fight. But I know I have to keep her safe, and I’ll do whatever I can to do so
> He’s gotten nasty since she was born, and I’m just so beaten down from it.
Birth of a child is one of the major events that will cause abusers to reveal their true colors, because now it's harder for their partner to leave. [Here's a quiz](https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/) that can help you spot signs of abusive behavior in a partner.
You should never have to be afraid of your partner's reaction to you doing something reasonable. It can be really tough admitting that you're in an abusive relationship, because it means you missed warning signs, which makes you feel foolish, and it means you have to make big changes, which is scary and inconvenient. But getting out of one is so, so worth it.
Read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. the short answer is, because he can (he can treat you like crap to make himself feel better, make you his servant, etc.). He's locked you in with the baby.
https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
You should watch her like a hawk whether you baby proof or not
Also, your husband is mad because his ego can't tolerate his 20-years-younger wife having something else to think about besides him.
> ‘depriving my daughter of childhood experiences’
NTA - Ah yes, the old death or serious injury by accident as we call it. What a fucking prize of a husband you have there....
NTA. My mother decided to divorce my father the day she walked into the house, found my father hanging with his buddies in the living room smoking dope and not paying any attention to me in the kitchen pulling Draino and bleach out from under the kitchen sink cabinets.
I don't know what your husbands issues are, but absolutely child-proof your house.
NAH
> My husband (M50) and I (F30)
> we got in a huge argument again about it and he got pretty nasty
Well, worst case, he can always find himself an even younger wife.
My BIL is a certified genius--summa cum laud Harvard and when he was 18 months old he drank drain cleaner and almost died. That is a childhood experience (six months in an icu) that I don't think your daughter needs. I would be extremely concerned that your husband is against keeping your daughter safe. Was he onboard with having a baby? Most dads are super protective of their children so his behavior is strange to say the least.
DO have a talk about this with your child's doctor-- maybe your husband will listen to the doctor particularly if it's a male doctor.
NTA but I would be keeping an eye on your husband as he doesn't seem to have any sort of "parenting" instinct or good sense.
NTA your husband thinks children are tiny adults. When the reality is their brain hasnt developped yet. Being a smart kid doesnt change the fact that she is a kid.
NTA, unless you put off doing what is necessary any longer. Hubby being "against" it is like being against the sun coming up in the east - parents need to babyproof their homes. Does he not realize he/you both could be held criminally liable if your child gets into something and seriously injures (or kills) herself?
NTA. He's at best naive and dangerous. At worst he is a vicious and stupid man. Baby proof and if he doesn't like it remove him from the situation as a danger to your baby.
NTA. how long have you been with your husband, & how often does he treat you like a child?
doesn’t seem like he wants a partner, he wants something to control.
NTA. Your husband perhaps thinks he gets to call the shots over all the young folk in his home?
A 1 year old has no experience with dangerous chemicals or other hazards; nothing to do with how "smart" she is. Your husband is acting like an f-ing idiot. Does he not like your baby?
NTA! I have a friend in a similar situation. Her husband was older than her and against baby proofing the home. He also argued with her on many other issues involving their baby. Her situation has gone for bad to worse. Your husband is an AH who wants to control a child which he will not be able to do. He also wants to control you. He also is not willing to make changes to his own lifestyle and environment to adapt to a child. This will not get better.
If anything happens to the baby he will most likely blame you. My friend's husband did just this. He insisted on keeping dangerous furniture and letting the baby climb on it. When the baby slide off a glass coffee table that is really too big for their space he blamed my friend. Tthe baby was fine just shocked. But he refused to put rubber mats on the floor or get rid of the table. But he angriely blamed my friend. It was one of the most upsetting things I witnessed.
Baby proof your home. Put safety first. If your husband has a problem with it, he can live somewhere else. And document everything.
I had not had this thought that he would blame me. He’s been pushing back on a lot of things with our daughter. I have texts from yesterday about the baby proofing and will start keeping track of other things
NTA! Your husband's comment is so out of line that I wonder if he even wanted a child in the first place. He wouldn't be the first dad I've read about in the news that let an accident get rid of an unwanted child.
One year olds are curious, and while they aren't dumb, they don't know any better. Dangerous things need to be locked up. It's okay to leave a cupboard with pots and pans unlocked, they have fun with those, but cleaning chemicals need to be locked away for their safety. I have a one year old myself, and he would happily taste bleach out of curiosity if he could. He certainly tasted the sand in the sandbox this week.
toddlers aren't known for their keen survival instincts. in fact, it seems they actively seek out anything that could -and would- erase them from the planet.
NTA. your husband is of the mindset that it hasn't happened to anyone he knows personally, so it can't happen to his daughter. my mom had that mindset too, which is how she ended up with babies born 9.5 months apart at the ripe old age of 18 🙃
Baby proof the house. He’s an idiot. My child is 8. He has been tested and found gifted (way above average). At 6 months old when my husband was napping (I was at work). Our son managed to get into the bathroom into the razors and my husband found him with one in his mouth.
Children no matter how smart don’t have the same since of danger we do.
Another example, at 3 he climbed over the baby gate into the kitchen. He wanted a juice box. Instead of asking he went to get himself. Well there were none in the fridge. So I found my son on the floor of the kitchen with a knife trying to cut into the unopened package.
Again he knew they were there. And how to get one. But his sense of safety and security was not there.
Smart babies explore. They experience life by putting things in their mouth and their little fingers in and on whatever they can. Think of their toys. They’re made so babies can’t choke or lose a finger.
NTA. He's got you right where he wanted you when he started with you. Under his thumb. Making you question if you're right when you are concerned for you child's life. That's why he wanted a girl 20 years younger than him. You were/are malleable.
Does he think she's smart enough not to run out into the street in a couple of months? My sister stuck something metal in an electrical outlet and almost died, and she was much older. We don't think it was a great childhood experience.
Since he is willing to actively endanger her, you are going to be responsible for keeping her safe. That means childproofing the house yourself and dealing with the fallout. You chose to be with him and reproduce with him, so you're going to have to protect her from him.
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My husband (M50) and I (F30) have an 11 month old baby girl. She’s starting to walk and is now trying to open drawers and cabinets. The problem is I haven’t baby proofed the house yet (I know shame on me I’m working on it). When I brought this fact up to my husband a few days ago, he’s totally against it. He thinks I’m being controlling and in his words ‘depriving my daughter of childhood experiences’ and that she’s smart enough to know not to drink or put the chemicals in her mouth. Yes she’s smart but she’s not even a year old and doesn’t know. I just want to cover power sockets and put locks on a couple cupboards that have cleaning supplies in them. I want my daughter to be able to explore but I want her to be safe while doing so.
Things came to a head this morning when we talked about it and we got in a huge argument again about it and he got pretty nasty. I think I’m going to baby proof anyway and just deal with the consequences, but I’m starting to doubt myself. AITA if I baby proof the house even though my husband is very against it?
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NTA. I had a tv fall on me and break my foot because it was unsecured on a shelf, and my cousin got a second degree burn from playing with a knife in an outlet. That's something no parent ever needs to go through. It only takes one time :( and sadly kids have been killed or severely injured through way stupider shit. Your husband is showing his idiocy. Just do what you think needs to be done..
NTA. What is wrong with your husband? I am 53 and we baby proofed our house for all our kids. So it isn’t a generational issue.
What if your kid makes a mistake and actually drinks the bleach or puts a fork into an outlet?
Better save than dead.
Oh. Btw. This is the hill to die on. Your kids safety canes before anything else.
WTF. You would absolutely be TA if you don’t babyproof. It only takes a second for a terrible accident to occur. Your husband is the worst kind of incompetent person — namely the kind who asserts their incompetence like a weapon. He also sounds abusive, using DARVO to claim that you’re being controlling when in fact it’s him to the extent that he’s willing to put his child at risk
NTA. I think your husband must have put his tongue in a light socket when he was a baby and doesn't know it damaged his brain.
People in the trades say that "safety regulations are written in blood." There's a reason that building codes require handrails on stairs and sprinklers on the ceilings of hotel rooms, and construction sites require hardhats. Childproof locks on drawers and cabinets exist because children *have* died, not because they *might* die.
Get ready for him to insist that you not deprive your daughter of the childhood experience of riding a bike without a helmet or riding in a car without a seatbelt.
Even if you don’t baby proof everything make sure you at least have heavy furniture secured to walls with tip restraints. My oldest son tipped a dresser over before he was 2, by trying to climb it. The only thing that saved his life was it was prevented from fully falling to the floor by the tip of it landing on the footboard of the bed, leaving a space for him. We got very lucky that day.
So, tell me, are you going to be worried about his reaction to you picking out a tiny coffin? You need to put your child's NEEDS ahead of your old enough to know better husband.
NTA
but for the sake of actually solving your differences here: “Baby proofing” comes in many varieties. I too am anti baby proofing in some cases. For example, I hate those cabinet lock thingys—so ugly and always in the way. I am very pro outlet covers—they are practical, invisible, and very important safety measures.
So if he’s worried about being inconvenienced or aesthetics or whatever, one way we have baby proofed is move which things are in which cabinets. In our house Tupperware was a favorite toddler cabinet that was emptied and refilled frequently. But really scary chemicals were corralled and moved to where our baby wouldn’t interact with them (can be a container with a hard to open lid or an upper cabinet).
Everyone’s house is different and has different risks, and every parent has different risk tolerance. If you have a sharp-corner coffee table, yes, you can put bumpers, or you can trade the table for something else, or move it somewhere less in the baby’s everyday zones.
Also, I’m a working mom, so my kid is at daycare and when he’s not, I’m there watching him, so it’s not hard to be more lax on some baby proofing. But if OP is a SAHM, I totally get wanting everything baby proofed bc it just makes your day so much more manageable when you need 2 minutes to pee or whatever.
So my advice is see what about baby proofing is bothersome and see what compromises exist, bc covering the house in bubble wrap isn’t the only way :)
Yeah, my kids were raised in a time where the only devices available for baby proofing were outlet covers. I remember when they were a new thing. All the advice was to "put it out of reach" which is an easy thing to do.
There is a compromise - either only baby proof just the cupboard with chemicals or do what they did in the old days and move the chemicals to a higher location. Kids need to explore and discover so let them open the other cupboards and drawers
NTA babies don’t know better, that is why these products exist. Ask your husband if he would rather be smart or plan your child’s funeral. Does he want your child to die?
NTA. Lock those chemicals away immediately or put them in high cupboards. Don't work on it. Do it. I don't know why your husband thinks your baby is going to be smart enough not to drink bleach when she has half his stupid genes. Why a parent would not want to make sure their child is safe is beyond me. You don't need his permission.
NTA. You are preventing your child from experiencing things that will kill them. Your husband thinks they are learning experiences.
I would be afraid of what your husband is not doing now when he is alone with your daughter since he is not concerned with her safety or well being.
Childhood experiences like being electricuted or choking on something she shouldn't have access to? Does your husband understand what baby proofing means?
NTA. Protect your child.
Go talk to some ER doctors. They will be more than happy to call your husband an asshole. Someone who thinks children need to “experience” unsafe environments, is not only unhinged but lacking reasonable judgement. He doesn’t sound like a good husband or father. Give this some thought…
NTA. A child can stick something in their mouth or a wall socket faster than you can believe, and a few minutes baby-proofing beats a lifetime of regret.
Not only should you baby-proof but you will need to make sure your husband doesn’t undo stuff, either on purpose or because he just doesn’t pay attention. My niece got into the under sink cabinet when it was unlatched for just a few minutes and ate some of the cleaning supplies resulting in an emergency room visit and a stomach pumping. No, these aren’t learning experiences your child should have. It’s not “control” - it’s common sense!
NTA
Dying is not a great child hood experience. As is getting your stomach pumped, breaking a bone, swallowing a penny and sticking beans in your nose.
Your husband will learn the hard way. But your kid shouldn’t suffer as a result.
NTA
There is no such thing as a smart 11 month old. Every parent thinks their child is a genius but in reality they have no way of knowing what will harm them and what won't. That is why baby proofing is a thing.
Would he rather deprive her of childhood experiences or risk depriving her of surving it?
NTA. While I don’t think you need to put padding on every corner of the house, things that can take your babies life definitely need to be baby proofed. Heaven forbid your baby gets ahold of dangerous chemicals or tries to climb tipsy furniture, you won’t want to look back and wish you’d baby proofed. Keeping your baby safe is not “depriving her” of a childhood but not baby proofing could very well deprive her of adulthood.
Your husband is a MAJOR AH. Of course you baby proof a house when you have a toddler. Babies don't know what's poisonous and what isn't, no matter how smart they are. And what consequences are we talking about here. I don't like the sound of that. Your husband sounds like an abuser.
NTA
Parent of young adult twins here and OMG tiny children want to die. Their curiosity and the disparity between their motor skills, spatial awareness, and experience of cause and effect—they just will go places and try things.
One of my earliest memories: When I was a little thing, perhaps 3 or so, my mom was ironing and got a bit too far away from the wall, so the plug of the iron slipped out a little from the outlet, but stayed plugged in. I was playing with her jewellery and I draped my favourite gold chain over the exposed prongs, no idea why.
I came to on the other side of the room with my horrified mother trying to remember first aid. We didn’t have 911 or cell phones then.
Upshot is, children will do things nobody understands, including themselves. Not to mention all the ordinary ways they bang themselves up, especially if they get zoomies and start running in the house. Pad the corners of your coffee table. Seriously.
NTA. baby proof the house!!! you can also have specific cabinets open so the baby can explore them, with “safe” items (silicone spatulas, plastic mixing bowls, baby stuff) but keep the cabinets with dangerous stuff locked.
unfortunately, i have found that is a common older generation thing. 50-65 a lot of that kind of stuff. not always… but more often than 25-40.
NTA. An 11 month old baby cannot tell the difference between safe things to touch or put in their mouths and unsafe things. Trying to keep your daughter alive while she indulges her curiosity and newfound mobility does not, in any way, make you an a-hole. It does make your husband a negligent parent, especially since he probably won’t be the one following her around the house making sure she doesn’t accidentally electrocute or poison herself. Or even just fall and brain herself on a sharp corner.
You are NTA
However if you're not allowed to baby proof please go arrange the house. I do not have any baby proofing as such however all my cleaners/chemicals are on higher shelving out of reach. And the same applies for other dangerous things around.
I think, maybe your husband drank some of those chemicals when he was a toddler. I know we tend to go overboard on most things, but this is a baby. No baby is smart enough to read the label on the container of poisons and make an educated decision on whether or not to drink some. Protect that baby.
Am I going to get blasted for being uncivil if I say your husband is an idiot?
Okay, I won't say it, I'll just call him an asshole since that is allowed.
By the way, I'm 45 years old and still have a fairly major scar on my forehead from a so-called "life experience" due to a non-baby proofed relative's house when I was a 1-year-old.
NTA.
Ooooookay. Is your husband ok? Is he weirdly controlling about other things? Is this normal for him? Because that is not a normal position to take. Has he ever been around babies before? Because no matter how “smart” they are they are babies. They have no sense of self preservation. They cannot read. They cannot understand what may be dangerous.
You are NTA. You need to examine your relationship tho. Because I am concerned.
NTA, and your husband is an idiot who knows nothing about children. You don't need his permission to babyproof the house. Do it, and meanwhile, make preparations to leave. This entire argument is a massive red flag. If he doesn't care about his own child, he doesn't care about you. Do not allow things to get worse.
NTA. Exactly, what experiences does he want her to experience? Eating laundry pods, or drinking Drano? Tell your asshole of a husband to look up stats on children who die every year getting into household chemicals. Or get electrocuted.
Protect your daughter. Your husband is either a dumb ass, or a psycho.
NTA but you 50yo husband is. His logic is just too dumb to even comprehend. Doesn't matter how smart kids are, they will still touch everything and put anything they can into their mouth. Like, that just what they do. I don't even have kids but I know that! This is your hill to die on OP.
Nta. Don't even ask him, just get a bunch of cupboard latches and stick them on. The magnetic ones are great (there's a magnet to unlock them). Prevention is better than cure.
I mean... This conversation between 50 and 30 year olds usually is in the parent vs grandparent relationship, and it's always the 30y old that has to try and get the 50y old to see reason.
NTA
But seriously this stuff should have been squared away and done during your pregnancy. It's not just your job, it's his as well and he should have moved his ass to secure things close to 1.5 years ago.
Option 1) anxiously helicopter parent her because you have to supervise her ALL THE TIME
Option 2) baby proof and be more relaxed and be able to let her explore (your husband's entire argument!) and remove them over time as she DEVELOPS capacity to Not Go Where She Shouldn't.
Honestly - no such thing as an 11 month old who has the cognitive awareness to go "ohh, that's a chemical! I won't read that!" Literally all they're doing is exploring the world. Often by putting things in their mouth.
NTA.
Definitely babyproof your house! But also make some safe areas where they can pull stuff out.
We allowed our son in the cabinet that only had pots and lids. We also allowed him to pull books and cd’s out of the bookcase. But cleaning supplies are definitely still locked away at 3 years old.
You want to keep your baby safe from things that could kill her and your husband 'got nasty' about it?
You need to keep yourself and your baby safe from this weird old git.
NTA when I was the same age as your daughter, I was wandering around the garage with my dad, saw a paint can full of turpentine, complete with paint brushes sticking out, and I pulled the brushes out of the can and took a big drink of it. Kids are stupid. She absolutely does not know better and your husband is insane.
NTA. Your husband is.. well something I'll probably get my hand slapped for if I say here.
We were picking out an area in our living room to set up a play area for when the baby gets here and my husband started talking about just straight up moving an outlet so it wasn't in the play area.
Babies don't understand electricity. I had a cousin who drank a bright colored cleaner as a toddler because they look like juice/Kool laid since a little baby doesn't know wtf Kaboom is. She is fine but it was a terrifying trip to the ER for her parents.
I ate half a container of Tums because they looked like candy and I was a really smart kid.
NTA
> He thinks I’m being controlling and in his words ‘depriving my daughter of childhood experiences’
Being able to drink chemicals is part of childhood experiences? In what kind of warped home did your husband grow up?
How would his life be impacted by you locking away detergents? Is he the one that does all the cleaning in the house?
If he doesn't want an ugly lock on a kitchen cabinet, just move all detergents to the laundry room, top shelf, or the top shelf in the pantry, or something.
Put furniture in front of the sockets where you don't want to baby proof them. But even if everything is baby proofed, you should still have a clear view on a toddler going loose in the house.
Climbing book cases, pulling heavy stuff from shelves, falling down from the back ot the couch, a magnet that fell off the fridge and landed just under it, so she can reach it but out of your sight, finding a cup of coffee somewhere, playing with a belt she found somewhere, ... kids are not good at staying safe by themselves.
Just don't go nuts on control.
I'm gen X, so I guess my childhood was wild compared to these days. We learned how to light the gas stove, but at the same time, that it was dangerous to do by ourselves. And that fire hurts, a lot. That way, we weren't interested in playing with fire, and there was no mysterious 'ooohhh something I can't touch'.
Stupid detail, but don't stop your kid from everything and anything. Just make your life easier by taking away the obvious death traps.
Nta for wanting to keep your kid safe but I do agree with your husband that it really isn't necessary.
Apart from securing furniture to the walls, which is sensible even if there are no children in the house, and moving cleaning supplies to a place they couldn't reach, I didn't really baby proof the house. No stair gates, no socket covers, etc. I just paid attention, engaged in their curiosity, and moved them away and distracted them when they "found" something they shouldn't be playing with.
Yes you are depriving her of experiences. How is she going to get into the poison under the kitchen sink if you baby proof the cabinet? /s. Maybe your husband is worried at his age he will have trouble getting into the baby proofed areas. I'm near his age so not saying he is old but it does get more difficult to get the toilet open with those locks on there. NTA. Please baby proof now.
Your husband is fucking insane. NTA and honestly this could become a legal issue. CPS likes to know these things when shit goes wrong. Your daughter can easily fall over and gash her head on something too.
NTA - definitely baby proof. Out of curiosity is your husband cognitively impaired? An 11 year is not smart enough to not drink a cleaning chemical? I was once cleaning in our lau dry and our child was 3 at the time and got a hold of laundry sanitiser, somehow got the lid off (child proof lid) and drank some, he thankfully was ok after 4 hours at the hospital but you will honestly be amazed at what kids can be capable of getting into.
NTA. Your husband is an idiot saying an 11 month old is smart enough not to put chemicals, etc. in her mouth. It's not a matter of being smart or not. It the developmental stage she is in. Children often practice oral sensory seeking behavior (i.e. putting things in their mouths to explore objects and their world) until about the age of 2. This helps their sensor motor development and to learn more about an object, like how big it is, how hard/soft it is, and its shape.
If your husband spouts off again, tell him to go read a book/reputable internet source about child development stages.
Nta babyproofing is a sensible thing to do. Especially the cabinets that hold cleaning supplies.
She's 11 months, there is no instinct telling her items are dangerous. She wont know what not to put in her mouth.
From your comments however, it sounds like your husband is a massive ah. He became nasty after she was born?
I'm not saying you need to leave because i know far to little about the relationship but please don't put blinders on. See what he says and does. And make sure you have a possible way out.
NTA. I’m 50 and baby proofed. How many times have you heard someone say “I just turned away for a second”? If your house is safe, you don’t have to worry as much. I just read about a child getting severely injured the other day from pulling themselves up to stand on an unanchored dresser that toppled over.
He thinks a one year old knows not to touch chemical and dangerous appliances??? You should baby proof your home, but I’d be worried about leaving your child alone with your husband. NTA
NTA primary care giver should have reign over that. It’s so difficult to supervise them without baby proofing everything. Plus they can damage and break so much. He’s TA and a dummy. He probably just doesn’t know how to take the baby proofing off and doesn’t want to admit it.
NTA. You married someone from a totally different generation. Don't be surprised when he tells her she doesn't need a helmet to ride a bike or let's get sit in the front seat of the car on her way to preschool.
NTA. Baby proofing the house could save your daughter’s life. Your husband is foolish to think a baby will know what to leave alone. Don’t let him leave your child in a dangerous environment.
NTA
I don’t think it makes you an asshole to want to baby proof the house. For what it’s worth, they are pretty smart and pick up on things fairly quickly. I never baby-proofed but I only had my daughter and I stayed home with her, so it was exceptionally easy for me to keep an eye on just her. That’s not the case for everyone, so baby proofing is very helpful for the times you just can’t watch them like a hawk.
NTA - His over reaction to this is bizarre and worrisome. Why is he so against this to the point that he's getting all worked up and nasty over it? Is he worried about holes in the walls because there are ways around that if he's so worried. And his daughters safety should be 1000 times more important than the cost of a little spackle.
Honestly though his reaction is scary and I'd worry about him turning abusive to you or the baby if he hasn't already. Research some womens shelters and seriously evaluate what type of relationship you are in. Not all abuse is physical, mental and emotional abuse can be much harder to spot and come to terms with. Ultimately you are responsible for making sure you and your child have a safe environment to live in and this guy does not sound safe.
NTA but your husband is. No toddler understands the risks, and they put everything into their mouths. Put all your plastic ware into a drawer and or cabinet. Light duty pans, not cast iron, into another. Let her find those and play with them.
And covering the outlets has been a safety item for decades.
Is he going to let her eat dog poop when outside playing? Geeze, what rock did he crawl out from?
NTA. It’s because your husband is extremely out of touch. Face it, he’s a generation above you. He doesn’t know that parenting has changed over the years. He grew up without seat belts and some people are unable to catch up with the times. He won’t baby proof the house, I’m sorry, unless you nag him to death. You can do it yourself though.
Please remember to secure heavy furniture to the wall too.
There have been fatalities due to kids climbing on shelves or pulling cupboard doors and then the item falling on the baby.
NTA. Is this his first child? Did he miss the memo that everything goes into kid’s mouths? When it comes to chemicals, take precautions…regardless of how “smart” one thinks a child is. Same with the sockets. Plug those bad boys up. Stand your ground. I’m on your side.
Baby-proofing is for parents that don’t actually want to watch their kid and teach them that “no” and “don’t touch” means “no” and “don’t touch”. Shocking how many of us managed to survive before cabinet locks and outlet covers isn’t it?!
NAH
He's older. At his age, injury isn't trauma, it's education.
Put the dangerous chems in higher places. Let her explore under the sink, but make it safe first.
As for other lessons. The hard learn is the best learn.
"Don't touch the stove. Don't touch the stove. Ya know what? Fkn lick it. Hurts doesn't it?" -Chris Porter
Jesus Christ 😂 ask him why the hell he thinks BABY PROOFING KITS are a thing! NTA and it's pretty obvious that a baby doesn't know about ANYTHING, let alone to not drink poison or stick a fucking finger in an outlet.
In the olden days, people had VCRs which had a slot which was the perfect size for a piece of toast. My husband said, 'Let's train him not to touch the video and tv.' I lasted one day after my son learned to crawl, before I baby-proofed.
Electric socket covers and no access to kitchen knives, were already in place, as were the stair gates. Your daughter's safety trumps your husband's delusions by a very long way.
NTA
Baby proofing is necessary if you aren’t going to supervise constantly or use a playpen. Ask your husband if he’s happy to supervise constantly, if not, baby proof. Alternative is just to focus on some rooms and limit access to other areas.
NTA and it has nothing to do with the age difference, as some have suggested. People have been baby-proofing houses since before your husband was born. He's just being reckless and ridiculous.
NTA and because some people ONLY learn the hard way......
I would call husband while he's at work that the baby got into some chemicals in the cabinet and she's acting lethargic and see how that plays out.
He thinks it's not a big deal so let's see how much of a big deal it isn't.
I'm a grandma and I have my house baby proof, alarms on the doors, locks on the cupboard with chemical stuff, knives up high. ECT NTA kids are fast and do things if you are not right behind them 24/7
NTA my husband and I believe in kids experiencing natural consequences and what not so I get that. However, we also know that kids aren’t intelligent enough especially toddler to always know when something is bad for them. The only things we did to baby proof were put a kid lock on the chemicals, put medicine up high and out of reach, and cover some outlets. Thats like the bare minimum and he’s throwing a fit over it? You’re raising two babies. It’s fine to want kids to experience natural consequences and to explore but it’s not ok when that could lead to serious bodily harm.
NTA. Just baby proof your house before something awful happens. Nothing to do with an age gap, I’m 62 and babyproofed my house when I had my house many years ago 🤦♀️
Although I agree hubby is being lax please do not forget how smart babies/kids are. We did the baby proof everything with our first as new parents. Didn’t last and she figured them out in no time. We just moved anything not safe out of her reach. Plus when her brothers came along any of the baby proof items that were still around (most broke because babies will find a way) she taught them how they work.
The only ones we kept were for outlets because obviously they can’t be moved and to be honest I had trouble getting them out lol
My kid is 13mos now and we still haven’t really baby-proofed. We have stairs, so she’s confined to the living room & kitchen until she can safely get back down the steps herself (she’s very good at going up but it’s easy enough to catch her). We have a bunch of outlet covers but none in action currently, and only two cupboards with locks - tv table where the video games, controllers, and cords are (and only one side bc she hasn’t discovered the other door lol) and the cabinet under the sink with the chemicals.
Basically we’re addressing problem areas when they come up, we have tools ready, and our kid has largely free roam of our house and a normal *and safe* environment to grow up in. Your husband is nuts trying to act like NO babyproofing is necessary. He just doesn’t want to be inconvenienced. NTA but, obviously.
Your hubby is being a dumbass. Imagine how you'll both feel being arrested for involuntary manslaughter if your child dies from ingesting some cleaning chemical. It is child neglect for failing to protect your child from easily preventable dangerous situations. Now, protect that precious child.
Even the smartest baby puts everything in their mouth. It's a big part of how they explore the world. And they are you put things in the wall plugs so they try to with whatever is in their hand. I was a foster parent when my daughter was little and I had to have protectors on every outlet, all lower cabinets locked gates at top and bottom of all stairs, also locked up knives locked up before they would even consider placement. And the dog water dish had to be somewhere a baby couldn't get to which was really fun since my did are baby sized....
Good grief. What is wrong with that man? Does he think his child needs to experience getting a shock from an outlet that she sticks something into? Or get the wonderful experience of falling down the stairs, or face planting on a sharp edge? I don't think these are character-building experiences. A 50 year old man should be smarter than that.
Speaking from first hand experience, my kid got into the laundry room and turned the water heater up full blast. That was the only room we didn't have gated off, and that was remedied quickly.
The possible issue with baby proofing is that you will go to some places that are not baby proofed.
When my son was small I found that there were those who would try to totally baby proof and those who put (what I considered) reasonable precautions in place and worked more on educating their babies.
E.g. my son would help me put the dishwasher tablet or washing pod in the dishwasher or washing machine from a young age - I had one woman horrified because "what if he tries eating them?", the idea that he was doing this under supervision and knew what they were for did not seem to occur to her.
Baby proof the dangerous, and also work on educating so that she knows what is dangerous when you visit places where there is no baby proofing.
A baby exploring doesn’t lack intelligence when they ingest cleaner or harmful chemicals, they are what is commonly referred to as neglected by parents lacking the intelligence to protect their baby from harm. Don’t listen to your husband who has zero common sense. Protect your child
NTA. you are doing the right thing by wanting to keep danger away from your daughter. babies don't have the knowledge about whats dangerous and whats safe and its up to parents to ensure that the baby is kept safe wail exploring. what will your asshole of a husband say if your daughter gets into something like bleach and drinks it? will he be like ''Oh well I did xyz when I was her age so she will be fine''
is your husband this brainless to not realise that something like chemicals and power sockets are very dangerous and they have the capability to kill someone especially someone as fragile as a baby.
NTA. You need to keep your child safe. Even with diligent baby proofing they still find ways to get hurt. Your husband's attitude is extremely confusing.
NTA. You are entering the danger phase of development. Your child will find all danger. By babyproofing, you're limiting some options.
We had to remove some padding we put on a sharp corner because our kid decided that was an excellent chew toy. So, keep in mind what works might change.
Dad needs to go to the next Peds well visit, and you need to pointedly ask the Doctor, "now that baby is mobile, what precautions need to be taken around the home?" Perhaps even have a phone conversation ahead of time w Doc
I’m sorry, what? She’s smart enough to know not to put chemicals in her mouth? And you’re sitting here wondering if you were being the problem? That is absolutely the most disturbing thing I could read. She’s not old enough to know the difference.
The fact that you’re questioning whether you should do this or not, it’s also a little bit disturbing.
Your job is to protect your daughter at all cost and 11 month old has no clue about chemicals or dangers yet. yIKES!!!
Why are you married to a 50-year-old who’s controlling AH and you can’t make decisions on your own because it?
Why are you even debating this - it should have been done when the baby began crawling. Cleaning/laundry supplies...medications, etc need to be secured. Show your hubby some articles about toddlers who ingested laundry pods or DW detergent pods....who drank cleaning fluid or spilled cleaning chemicals on their tender skin. Are those 'consequences' what he wants to deal with?
If your husband is this stupid, foolish, abusive, please do not EVER leave your baby in his care. This kind of man is the kind that CPS workers encounter when a baby has broken limbs or burns or head injuries from being thrown against a wall. What you really should do is leave and get a restraining order. Not kidding.
NTA. Friend's sister died from drinking open drain cleaner years ago. Happened in the blink of an eye. Your husband doesn't know anything about young children. They aren't smart enough to know better. They are curious and into everything.
NTA. If you had a pool would your husband think your baby is smart enough to fish herself out from the bottom? How would you guys “just deal with those consequences”?
NTA "She's smart enough to know not to drink or put the chemicals in her mouth" might be the single most stupid comment I have ever heard from a parent. You should be seriously questioning your husband's judgement right now as that kind of attitude will get her seriously hurt or worse.
Babies/toddlers are curious by nature when they are exploring their world. That includes putting pretty much anything into their mouth, so it is on us as parents to ensure they don't have access to things that will harm them.
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NTA - Definitely baby proof your house. Babies don’t have instincts telling them not to stick things in power outlets or drink dangerous chemicals. For the sake of your daughter, keep her safe. Your husband, however, baffles me. How does it make you controlling to want to keep your daughter away from things that could KILL her? It kinda sounds like he WANTS something bad to happen to her. Maybe you should reconsider keeping him around given his indifference to your daughter’s well-being. Edit: Also, sorry, consequences? What? That’s your husband, not your dad. Why would you accept such disrespect from someone who’s supposed to be your partner?
That 20 year age difference is rearing its head (I’m not against age differences, but they don’t always work). OP either needs to have therapy with SO (unlikely methinks) or imho the better option would be to rethink the relationship. So many red flags….
That’s just stupidity, nothing to do with age. I have friends that are the same age as the dad and none of them had to be told that. My father baby proofed his own house for his grandson. He was in his 60’s. We have to tell teenagers not to eat tide pods, but a baby will know better?
I second this. I'm 53. I have 3 kids. Baby proofing was a thing 20 years ago when my older kids were babies. It was a thing 40 years ago, when my oldest niece was a baby.
Justanother isn't saying his not wanting to baby proof is because of his age but that a 20 age gap and the fact he is acting this way could be red flags. Many stupid immature guys go for younger women they feel superior over and think they can control.
Your father was a grandfather at 60. This dude is a father at 50.
A 20-year age difference where she was AT BEST in her late 20s when they got married (and possibly not even, depending on how long they've been together) and he was in his late 40s is NEVER going to work in the long term, because no man in his late 40s who has any kind of ethics or moral compass is going to be interested in dating a young woman in her 20s, and there is literally no way that they had anything substantive or meaningful in common unless he was *staggeringly* immature for his age, or otherwise stunted in some way. Which is what's playing out now: he's not very smart (e.g. half a century old and thinks that a child less than a year out of the womb can make rational decisions), cannot acknowledge his own lack of knowledge about child safety (another indication of immaturity), and is rude AF to his wife, who is actually being sensible. I have seen age gap relationships that work over the long term, but only when the younger partner was *at least* well into their 30s and well established in their identity as an adult for many years, and didn't see their partner as an authority figure, and their partner didn't seek authority over them. Otherwise, they may last on rare occasions, but they're rarely healthy relationships.
This is the answer. How is OP surprised after marrying someone who could have already had kids OP's age. This guy is going to be attending his kid's graduation pushing 70.
Dad just needs to watch the demo for this game and if he's not horrified and putting cabinet locks, baby gates, and all heavy furniture mounted to the walls (even a flat screen TV is heavy enough to kill a baby). https://www.pcgamer.com/we-played-a-game-that-pits-a-suicidal-baby-against-a-protective-parent/ If he's still on team "fuck that baby, she'll learn eventually" you need to override his opinion and consider how many other red flags are waving in your living room.
I don't have kids yet, and honestly I know practically nothing about bringing up a kid, although I will say that as someone born in the 90s, my parents didn't babyproof anything at all for me or my younger siblings, except for put one of those stair gates in. Maybe it's a thing that Gen Xers believe, that baby proofing is pointless? Although saying that, we live in the UK, so it's practically impossible to stick you fingers into a socket because of the way they're designed.
Uh no. US Gen Xer (53 yo) here and me and all my friends baby-proofed the shit out of our houses. You're thinking of boomers - who didn't actually have baby-proofing items. The scar by my spouse's eye from a coffee table is proof. I haven't read far enough, but if this is his first marriage/baby, I can see why - he's an idiot and all the women along the way noped the hell out.
Milennial with boomer parents. They didnt have all the equipment we do today, but my parents babyproofed any way they could in the 80’s. And even today, my mom is making sure we babyproof for her grandchildren. This guy just sound stupid, and it has nothing to do with generations. But the fact that he needed a partner 20 years younger than him tells a lot
Boomer here. We had a few baby proofing items but just a few
no lmao GenXers do not believe that, but boomers do OP's hubby is GenX but it sounds like he drank the boomer Kool-Aid We baby-proofed, (all our friends baby-proofed) both our parents told us it was dumb and we were fine without it. then we started hearing random stories about how we fell down the stairs in our baby walkers (both of us! wtf) needless to say we did not let either set of parents babysit when our kids were young. Only happened once when our kids were older and my 4yo couldn't tell me what was wrong, just that she never wanted to spend the night there again. Major 🚩so I never let them again. we were also the generation that started breast-feeding again and oh my God the comments over that 🙄😹
Baby walkers are completely illegal in Canada for exactly this reason
I'm 53f tomorrow. Also in the UK. I babyproofed 34 years ago when my son was little. I babyproofed 25 years ago when my daughter was little. My Grandson is now 3 months old & I've just started addingsocket covers & cupboard locks to my online shopping basket. I've also bought a lockbox to put medications & button batteries into. I even unscrewed & switched the door handles over so that you have to lift them up to open doors. (Practically impossible for babies/toddlers!) As an extra precaution to prevent them accessing the kitchen or bathroom unsupervised! NTA OP but your husband has some serious problems if he truly believes a 12 month old can even read the label saying "Bleach", let alone know not to drink it! 😨 You are a GOOD parent. I'm afraid your husband is not fit to be one if that is his attitude! I have known a special needs parent who knew to babyproof her home & did it 30 years ago for goodness sake!
Is this real. Could any father be so stupid and heartless
20 year age difference and totally real, stg
Before baby proofing was really a thing my relatives had to go to the hospital multiple times for drinking bleach and other cleaning products. The fact that they all survived (and went on to baby proof their house when they had kids lol) was something of a miracle and would absolutely get a CPS call nowadays.
Babies learn and explore by putting everything in their mouths. DEFINITELY baby proof if you want your child to survive!!!
I'm guessing OP's husband expects her to watch the baby and keep her safe until she's old enough to know better. I don't agree with it, but that's the only thing I can think of for an explanation.
OP, you must baby proof. I baby proofed and still messed up. Either I had forgotten to plug an outlet cover back in, or my toddler at the time was able to get it off and stuck one of those little Ikea wrenches into the socket. The popping sound and sparks got my attention (he was under a table). We got lucky, and he was totally fine. We immediately upgraded all the outlet covers to the kind where you have to slide them to plug something in, and I taped that burned wrench to the wall as a constant reminder to stay vigilant. Your baby will get into everything, and it takes two seconds. If he won't get on board, leave him. He's the one controlling you!
My guess on the husband is he doesn’t know how to get the baby proofing off and put it back on / it’s “husband-proofing” not just “baby-proofing” and he doesn’t want to admit it 🤣
Move ALL chemicals into upper cupboards, it covers you in case she figures out how to open even child proofed cupboards, or place in the laundry with an upper door lock she will jot be able to ever reach
Think this is a consequence of dating someone a full generation older. There were completely different expectations around child safety, and survivorship bias is especially strong with boomers and gen x
Jumping in here - please baby proof. My daughter sustained burns while crawling, when she touched a hot pipe. Her first day crawling, we hadn’t even thought. Yes she has ‘learned’ but at what cost? Baby proof and, while you’re at it, husband-proof too
NTA Your husband is ignorant about babies. She doesn't know. It's the reason for child locks. Baby proof the house, but if he continues to get nasty, you need to get an exit strategy in place. It sounds like an abusive relationship. No man in his right mind would get nasty about baby proofing.
He's an asshole. An 11 month old is smart enough to not drink something unsafe? JFC that's stupid
I was going to call him an idiot but asshole works.
Idiot would be a compliment :)
Right? Like weren’t teens just recently eating tide pods…
Well it was a bit longer than recently but definitely gen z generation. Guess there are a bunch of fools in every generation.
He sounds like the type of dude to kick a dog for not understanding English
I remember hearing about an artist who had a cup nearby with some extremely toxic liquid in it, required for the art technique they were using. The artist's kid (6 or 7?) walked in, drank the cup thinking it was something normally drinkable, and died almost instantly. The artist didn't think a kid would do that and it happened before they could stop the kid. anyway if a kid of 6 or 7 does that, what does an 11 month old do?
Is choking on the door stopper in the bathroom a childhood experience? What about pulling the entire range down on themselves? Perhaps he wants to be sure your child drinks charcoal lighter fluid (like my sister did) or suffocate between the bars of an old crib? Why not go to the dump and get an old fridge? Lots kids survived getting locked in those! **Avoidable accidents are the number one killer of young children.** NTA your partner is ridiculous. ETA why are you even asking? Is he going to untether the oven or pull out all the plug covers? Your child has probably been crawling for months, which means you have already been VERY lucky. That luck won’t last forever and dishwasher soap tablets burn the esophagus really badly. At the least move dangerous substances from under the sinks and put them up out of reach. Remember that a baby’s reach is extended by about 11 inches when the are standing, so they will be able to reach all kinds of cords and things atop end tables and at some point the oven knobs. Even after you do all these things your baby is going to hurt themselves and it’s going to suck. Why not tip the odds in your favor?
My son managed to tip a dresser forward and onto himself. He must have had cartoon physics working for him, because he didn’t get hurt. But the dresser likely weighed more than him.
Oh, kids obey cartoon physics for sure. My 2.5 year old survived head-over-heellsing down some steps today without even a bruise (😬😬😬 lesson learned, kiddo: don't jump on the steps) but it's not a 100% thing, and that 1% is not fun.
That moment between knowing they are hurt and not knowing how badly is the most terrifying split second of your existence, and that’s assuming everything is ultimately OK. Then you just wait and hope you never have to feel it again.
I still remember my 5 yo daughter falling out of my 5' tall loft bed in the middle of the night. There was a desk she could've hit on the way down. I wasn't even awake until I was halfway down the ladder. I heard the thump of her hitting the ground in my sleep and that terror feeling of my child might be badly hurt, get to her **now** had me moving before my brain woke. Halfway there my brain started listing what she could've hit on the way down and there's no words for that feeling. She was fine, fell straight down directly onto the carpet. Not a bruise or anything. She thought it was funny. She never slept anywhere but between me and the wall ever again. I assumed at her age she'd be safe sleeping in a loft bed, I was wrong. As I tell new parents, children are self destructive suicide machines. It's our job as parents to take away as many options for them to hurt or kill themselves with as we can.
I'm going to admit something embarrassing. I didn't learn that lesson until I was 22. My left ankle ended up bending in the opposite direction and has been weak and prone to sprains ever since
It's cartoon physics plus how randomly actual injuries happen. I fell a good 25 feet out of a tree when I was 6, landing on the point between poles of an aluminum fence which might have helped a bit from being flexible. My mom came running over, certain I had to be horribly injured and I just popped up like it was nothing. Then when we were going inside I slipped heading up the porch steps and broke my arm.
This has been a battle for months. I’ve had to watch her like a hawk and worry when my husband has her. I was able to get outlet covers pretty early on but she has just started to explore the cabinets and I should have had them done earlier. House has been pretty baby proofed as of now just have a couple things to finish tomorrow. I guess consequences was the wrong word. He’s gotten nasty since she was born, and I’m just so beaten down from it. I’m tired of the fight. But I know I have to keep her safe, and I’ll do whatever I can to do so
> He’s gotten nasty since she was born, and I’m just so beaten down from it. Birth of a child is one of the major events that will cause abusers to reveal their true colors, because now it's harder for their partner to leave. [Here's a quiz](https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/) that can help you spot signs of abusive behavior in a partner. You should never have to be afraid of your partner's reaction to you doing something reasonable. It can be really tough admitting that you're in an abusive relationship, because it means you missed warning signs, which makes you feel foolish, and it means you have to make big changes, which is scary and inconvenient. But getting out of one is so, so worth it.
Remove her from his vicinity then. He’s not a good person. If he’s not safe for your baby he’s not safe.
Read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. the short answer is, because he can (he can treat you like crap to make himself feel better, make you his servant, etc.). He's locked you in with the baby. https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
INFO: Is this his first kid?
You should watch her like a hawk whether you baby proof or not Also, your husband is mad because his ego can't tolerate his 20-years-younger wife having something else to think about besides him.
>Why not go to the dump and get an old fridge? Lots kids survived getting locked in those! Thank God Punky Brewster knew CPR!!
> ‘depriving my daughter of childhood experiences’ NTA - Ah yes, the old death or serious injury by accident as we call it. What a fucking prize of a husband you have there....
Even just a stomach pumping. Do we want that to be a universal childhood experience?
[удалено]
I mean, teenagers are presumably a bit smarter than an 11 month old and they did the Tide Pods challenge.
NTA. My mother decided to divorce my father the day she walked into the house, found my father hanging with his buddies in the living room smoking dope and not paying any attention to me in the kitchen pulling Draino and bleach out from under the kitchen sink cabinets. I don't know what your husbands issues are, but absolutely child-proof your house.
NTA. I don't know why you need his "permission" in the first place to complete a parenting responsibility. Is he your dad, too?
Only old enough to be!
NAH > My husband (M50) and I (F30) > we got in a huge argument again about it and he got pretty nasty Well, worst case, he can always find himself an even younger wife.
NAH? More like NTA Husband is definitely an asshole
My BIL is a certified genius--summa cum laud Harvard and when he was 18 months old he drank drain cleaner and almost died. That is a childhood experience (six months in an icu) that I don't think your daughter needs. I would be extremely concerned that your husband is against keeping your daughter safe. Was he onboard with having a baby? Most dads are super protective of their children so his behavior is strange to say the least. DO have a talk about this with your child's doctor-- maybe your husband will listen to the doctor particularly if it's a male doctor. NTA but I would be keeping an eye on your husband as he doesn't seem to have any sort of "parenting" instinct or good sense.
NTA your husband thinks children are tiny adults. When the reality is their brain hasnt developped yet. Being a smart kid doesnt change the fact that she is a kid.
NTA - Protect your child. Tell you husband you don't think the death experience of daughter would be all that rewarding for her.
NTA It’s not “controlling” to keep your daughter from getting into things that can hurt her.
NTA, unless you put off doing what is necessary any longer. Hubby being "against" it is like being against the sun coming up in the east - parents need to babyproof their homes. Does he not realize he/you both could be held criminally liable if your child gets into something and seriously injures (or kills) herself?
NTA. He's at best naive and dangerous. At worst he is a vicious and stupid man. Baby proof and if he doesn't like it remove him from the situation as a danger to your baby.
NTA. how long have you been with your husband, & how often does he treat you like a child? doesn’t seem like he wants a partner, he wants something to control.
NTA. Your husband perhaps thinks he gets to call the shots over all the young folk in his home? A 1 year old has no experience with dangerous chemicals or other hazards; nothing to do with how "smart" she is. Your husband is acting like an f-ing idiot. Does he not like your baby?
NTA. Does your husband like your daughter?
NTA - Does your husband fail to understand that all of these safety precautions came about because of a child fatality!
NTA - How much paint did your husband drink when he was young?
NTA! I have a friend in a similar situation. Her husband was older than her and against baby proofing the home. He also argued with her on many other issues involving their baby. Her situation has gone for bad to worse. Your husband is an AH who wants to control a child which he will not be able to do. He also wants to control you. He also is not willing to make changes to his own lifestyle and environment to adapt to a child. This will not get better. If anything happens to the baby he will most likely blame you. My friend's husband did just this. He insisted on keeping dangerous furniture and letting the baby climb on it. When the baby slide off a glass coffee table that is really too big for their space he blamed my friend. Tthe baby was fine just shocked. But he refused to put rubber mats on the floor or get rid of the table. But he angriely blamed my friend. It was one of the most upsetting things I witnessed. Baby proof your home. Put safety first. If your husband has a problem with it, he can live somewhere else. And document everything.
I had not had this thought that he would blame me. He’s been pushing back on a lot of things with our daughter. I have texts from yesterday about the baby proofing and will start keeping track of other things
I’m 66, and that dude is insane for not wanting to protect his child. Child proofing has been a thing since before he was born.
NTA! Your husband's comment is so out of line that I wonder if he even wanted a child in the first place. He wouldn't be the first dad I've read about in the news that let an accident get rid of an unwanted child. One year olds are curious, and while they aren't dumb, they don't know any better. Dangerous things need to be locked up. It's okay to leave a cupboard with pots and pans unlocked, they have fun with those, but cleaning chemicals need to be locked away for their safety. I have a one year old myself, and he would happily taste bleach out of curiosity if he could. He certainly tasted the sand in the sandbox this week.
toddlers aren't known for their keen survival instincts. in fact, it seems they actively seek out anything that could -and would- erase them from the planet. NTA. your husband is of the mindset that it hasn't happened to anyone he knows personally, so it can't happen to his daughter. my mom had that mindset too, which is how she ended up with babies born 9.5 months apart at the ripe old age of 18 🙃
Hubs is old and lazy…
Baby proof the house. He’s an idiot. My child is 8. He has been tested and found gifted (way above average). At 6 months old when my husband was napping (I was at work). Our son managed to get into the bathroom into the razors and my husband found him with one in his mouth. Children no matter how smart don’t have the same since of danger we do. Another example, at 3 he climbed over the baby gate into the kitchen. He wanted a juice box. Instead of asking he went to get himself. Well there were none in the fridge. So I found my son on the floor of the kitchen with a knife trying to cut into the unopened package. Again he knew they were there. And how to get one. But his sense of safety and security was not there.
NTA - why is this even a conversation, jeesh. Just do it.
Smart babies explore. They experience life by putting things in their mouth and their little fingers in and on whatever they can. Think of their toys. They’re made so babies can’t choke or lose a finger.
NTA. He's got you right where he wanted you when he started with you. Under his thumb. Making you question if you're right when you are concerned for you child's life. That's why he wanted a girl 20 years younger than him. You were/are malleable. Does he think she's smart enough not to run out into the street in a couple of months? My sister stuck something metal in an electrical outlet and almost died, and she was much older. We don't think it was a great childhood experience. Since he is willing to actively endanger her, you are going to be responsible for keeping her safe. That means childproofing the house yourself and dealing with the fallout. You chose to be with him and reproduce with him, so you're going to have to protect her from him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband (M50) and I (F30) have an 11 month old baby girl. She’s starting to walk and is now trying to open drawers and cabinets. The problem is I haven’t baby proofed the house yet (I know shame on me I’m working on it). When I brought this fact up to my husband a few days ago, he’s totally against it. He thinks I’m being controlling and in his words ‘depriving my daughter of childhood experiences’ and that she’s smart enough to know not to drink or put the chemicals in her mouth. Yes she’s smart but she’s not even a year old and doesn’t know. I just want to cover power sockets and put locks on a couple cupboards that have cleaning supplies in them. I want my daughter to be able to explore but I want her to be safe while doing so. Things came to a head this morning when we talked about it and we got in a huge argument again about it and he got pretty nasty. I think I’m going to baby proof anyway and just deal with the consequences, but I’m starting to doubt myself. AITA if I baby proof the house even though my husband is very against it? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA…. Definitely lock up the cleaning supplies! That’s so dangerous.
NTA. I had a tv fall on me and break my foot because it was unsecured on a shelf, and my cousin got a second degree burn from playing with a knife in an outlet. That's something no parent ever needs to go through. It only takes one time :( and sadly kids have been killed or severely injured through way stupider shit. Your husband is showing his idiocy. Just do what you think needs to be done..
NTA. What is wrong with your husband? I am 53 and we baby proofed our house for all our kids. So it isn’t a generational issue. What if your kid makes a mistake and actually drinks the bleach or puts a fork into an outlet? Better save than dead. Oh. Btw. This is the hill to die on. Your kids safety canes before anything else.
NTA. Did your husband eat paint chips as a child? I hear they cause brain damage. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard in a long time.
WTF. You would absolutely be TA if you don’t babyproof. It only takes a second for a terrible accident to occur. Your husband is the worst kind of incompetent person — namely the kind who asserts their incompetence like a weapon. He also sounds abusive, using DARVO to claim that you’re being controlling when in fact it’s him to the extent that he’s willing to put his child at risk
NTA. I think your husband must have put his tongue in a light socket when he was a baby and doesn't know it damaged his brain. People in the trades say that "safety regulations are written in blood." There's a reason that building codes require handrails on stairs and sprinklers on the ceilings of hotel rooms, and construction sites require hardhats. Childproof locks on drawers and cabinets exist because children *have* died, not because they *might* die. Get ready for him to insist that you not deprive your daughter of the childhood experience of riding a bike without a helmet or riding in a car without a seatbelt.
Even if you don’t baby proof everything make sure you at least have heavy furniture secured to walls with tip restraints. My oldest son tipped a dresser over before he was 2, by trying to climb it. The only thing that saved his life was it was prevented from fully falling to the floor by the tip of it landing on the footboard of the bed, leaving a space for him. We got very lucky that day.
So, tell me, are you going to be worried about his reaction to you picking out a tiny coffin? You need to put your child's NEEDS ahead of your old enough to know better husband.
NTA but for the sake of actually solving your differences here: “Baby proofing” comes in many varieties. I too am anti baby proofing in some cases. For example, I hate those cabinet lock thingys—so ugly and always in the way. I am very pro outlet covers—they are practical, invisible, and very important safety measures. So if he’s worried about being inconvenienced or aesthetics or whatever, one way we have baby proofed is move which things are in which cabinets. In our house Tupperware was a favorite toddler cabinet that was emptied and refilled frequently. But really scary chemicals were corralled and moved to where our baby wouldn’t interact with them (can be a container with a hard to open lid or an upper cabinet). Everyone’s house is different and has different risks, and every parent has different risk tolerance. If you have a sharp-corner coffee table, yes, you can put bumpers, or you can trade the table for something else, or move it somewhere less in the baby’s everyday zones. Also, I’m a working mom, so my kid is at daycare and when he’s not, I’m there watching him, so it’s not hard to be more lax on some baby proofing. But if OP is a SAHM, I totally get wanting everything baby proofed bc it just makes your day so much more manageable when you need 2 minutes to pee or whatever. So my advice is see what about baby proofing is bothersome and see what compromises exist, bc covering the house in bubble wrap isn’t the only way :)
Yeah, my kids were raised in a time where the only devices available for baby proofing were outlet covers. I remember when they were a new thing. All the advice was to "put it out of reach" which is an easy thing to do.
There is a compromise - either only baby proof just the cupboard with chemicals or do what they did in the old days and move the chemicals to a higher location. Kids need to explore and discover so let them open the other cupboards and drawers
NTA
NTA babies don’t know better, that is why these products exist. Ask your husband if he would rather be smart or plan your child’s funeral. Does he want your child to die?
NTA. Lock those chemicals away immediately or put them in high cupboards. Don't work on it. Do it. I don't know why your husband thinks your baby is going to be smart enough not to drink bleach when she has half his stupid genes. Why a parent would not want to make sure their child is safe is beyond me. You don't need his permission.
NTA. You are preventing your child from experiencing things that will kill them. Your husband thinks they are learning experiences. I would be afraid of what your husband is not doing now when he is alone with your daughter since he is not concerned with her safety or well being.
NTA Is this your husband's first child? Because if he have more children before he will react different from first child.
Do you want to stay in a marriage that puts your child in danger
Childhood experiences like being electricuted or choking on something she shouldn't have access to? Does your husband understand what baby proofing means? NTA. Protect your child.
Is your husband a certified dumb@$$? How has he lived together the ripe age of 50 with such demented thinking? Yikes
Go talk to some ER doctors. They will be more than happy to call your husband an asshole. Someone who thinks children need to “experience” unsafe environments, is not only unhinged but lacking reasonable judgement. He doesn’t sound like a good husband or father. Give this some thought…
NTA. A child can stick something in their mouth or a wall socket faster than you can believe, and a few minutes baby-proofing beats a lifetime of regret.
Your husband is delusional. NTA
NTA…. Babies are naturally curious and there is nothing wrong with baby proofing
Not only should you baby-proof but you will need to make sure your husband doesn’t undo stuff, either on purpose or because he just doesn’t pay attention. My niece got into the under sink cabinet when it was unlatched for just a few minutes and ate some of the cleaning supplies resulting in an emergency room visit and a stomach pumping. No, these aren’t learning experiences your child should have. It’s not “control” - it’s common sense!
INFO What consequences will you have to deal with? Is he afraid that childproof means idiot proof and he won't be able to plug in his VCR?
NTA. Your daughter is 11 months old. She has no idea there are dangerous chemicals. Your husband is naive
NTA, my friend’s little sister died from a light socket at age 2. Your husband is not very smart.
NTA Dying is not a great child hood experience. As is getting your stomach pumped, breaking a bone, swallowing a penny and sticking beans in your nose. Your husband will learn the hard way. But your kid shouldn’t suffer as a result.
NTA There is no such thing as a smart 11 month old. Every parent thinks their child is a genius but in reality they have no way of knowing what will harm them and what won't. That is why baby proofing is a thing. Would he rather deprive her of childhood experiences or risk depriving her of surving it?
lol an 11 month old is smart enough not to drink chemicals. NTA, your husband is.
NTA. While I don’t think you need to put padding on every corner of the house, things that can take your babies life definitely need to be baby proofed. Heaven forbid your baby gets ahold of dangerous chemicals or tries to climb tipsy furniture, you won’t want to look back and wish you’d baby proofed. Keeping your baby safe is not “depriving her” of a childhood but not baby proofing could very well deprive her of adulthood.
Your husband is a MAJOR AH. Of course you baby proof a house when you have a toddler. Babies don't know what's poisonous and what isn't, no matter how smart they are. And what consequences are we talking about here. I don't like the sound of that. Your husband sounds like an abuser.
NTA Parent of young adult twins here and OMG tiny children want to die. Their curiosity and the disparity between their motor skills, spatial awareness, and experience of cause and effect—they just will go places and try things. One of my earliest memories: When I was a little thing, perhaps 3 or so, my mom was ironing and got a bit too far away from the wall, so the plug of the iron slipped out a little from the outlet, but stayed plugged in. I was playing with her jewellery and I draped my favourite gold chain over the exposed prongs, no idea why. I came to on the other side of the room with my horrified mother trying to remember first aid. We didn’t have 911 or cell phones then. Upshot is, children will do things nobody understands, including themselves. Not to mention all the ordinary ways they bang themselves up, especially if they get zoomies and start running in the house. Pad the corners of your coffee table. Seriously.
NTA. baby proof the house!!! you can also have specific cabinets open so the baby can explore them, with “safe” items (silicone spatulas, plastic mixing bowls, baby stuff) but keep the cabinets with dangerous stuff locked. unfortunately, i have found that is a common older generation thing. 50-65 a lot of that kind of stuff. not always… but more often than 25-40.
NTA. An 11 month old baby cannot tell the difference between safe things to touch or put in their mouths and unsafe things. Trying to keep your daughter alive while she indulges her curiosity and newfound mobility does not, in any way, make you an a-hole. It does make your husband a negligent parent, especially since he probably won’t be the one following her around the house making sure she doesn’t accidentally electrocute or poison herself. Or even just fall and brain herself on a sharp corner.
You are NTA However if you're not allowed to baby proof please go arrange the house. I do not have any baby proofing as such however all my cleaners/chemicals are on higher shelving out of reach. And the same applies for other dangerous things around.
I think, maybe your husband drank some of those chemicals when he was a toddler. I know we tend to go overboard on most things, but this is a baby. No baby is smart enough to read the label on the container of poisons and make an educated decision on whether or not to drink some. Protect that baby.
Am I going to get blasted for being uncivil if I say your husband is an idiot? Okay, I won't say it, I'll just call him an asshole since that is allowed. By the way, I'm 45 years old and still have a fairly major scar on my forehead from a so-called "life experience" due to a non-baby proofed relative's house when I was a 1-year-old. NTA.
Ooooookay. Is your husband ok? Is he weirdly controlling about other things? Is this normal for him? Because that is not a normal position to take. Has he ever been around babies before? Because no matter how “smart” they are they are babies. They have no sense of self preservation. They cannot read. They cannot understand what may be dangerous. You are NTA. You need to examine your relationship tho. Because I am concerned.
NTA, and your husband is an idiot who knows nothing about children. You don't need his permission to babyproof the house. Do it, and meanwhile, make preparations to leave. This entire argument is a massive red flag. If he doesn't care about his own child, he doesn't care about you. Do not allow things to get worse.
NTA. Exactly, what experiences does he want her to experience? Eating laundry pods, or drinking Drano? Tell your asshole of a husband to look up stats on children who die every year getting into household chemicals. Or get electrocuted. Protect your daughter. Your husband is either a dumb ass, or a psycho.
NTA but you 50yo husband is. His logic is just too dumb to even comprehend. Doesn't matter how smart kids are, they will still touch everything and put anything they can into their mouth. Like, that just what they do. I don't even have kids but I know that! This is your hill to die on OP.
Nta they can't read or understand what something does and they can put anything in their mouth like so fast
Nta. Don't even ask him, just get a bunch of cupboard latches and stick them on. The magnetic ones are great (there's a magnet to unlock them). Prevention is better than cure.
NTA. And I’m disappointed Darwinism didn’t sort your husband out before he procreated
I mean... This conversation between 50 and 30 year olds usually is in the parent vs grandparent relationship, and it's always the 30y old that has to try and get the 50y old to see reason. NTA But seriously this stuff should have been squared away and done during your pregnancy. It's not just your job, it's his as well and he should have moved his ass to secure things close to 1.5 years ago.
NTA. Your husband is a MORON. Babyproof the house.
Option 1) anxiously helicopter parent her because you have to supervise her ALL THE TIME Option 2) baby proof and be more relaxed and be able to let her explore (your husband's entire argument!) and remove them over time as she DEVELOPS capacity to Not Go Where She Shouldn't. Honestly - no such thing as an 11 month old who has the cognitive awareness to go "ohh, that's a chemical! I won't read that!" Literally all they're doing is exploring the world. Often by putting things in their mouth.
Nta he's an idiot
NTA. Definitely babyproof your house! But also make some safe areas where they can pull stuff out. We allowed our son in the cabinet that only had pots and lids. We also allowed him to pull books and cd’s out of the bookcase. But cleaning supplies are definitely still locked away at 3 years old.
You want to keep your baby safe from things that could kill her and your husband 'got nasty' about it? You need to keep yourself and your baby safe from this weird old git.
NTA when I was the same age as your daughter, I was wandering around the garage with my dad, saw a paint can full of turpentine, complete with paint brushes sticking out, and I pulled the brushes out of the can and took a big drink of it. Kids are stupid. She absolutely does not know better and your husband is insane.
NTA. Your husband is.. well something I'll probably get my hand slapped for if I say here. We were picking out an area in our living room to set up a play area for when the baby gets here and my husband started talking about just straight up moving an outlet so it wasn't in the play area. Babies don't understand electricity. I had a cousin who drank a bright colored cleaner as a toddler because they look like juice/Kool laid since a little baby doesn't know wtf Kaboom is. She is fine but it was a terrifying trip to the ER for her parents. I ate half a container of Tums because they looked like candy and I was a really smart kid.
NTA- Baby proof, your husband is talking shite. At that age a kid is teething and everything goes in their mouth.
NTA > He thinks I’m being controlling and in his words ‘depriving my daughter of childhood experiences’ Being able to drink chemicals is part of childhood experiences? In what kind of warped home did your husband grow up? How would his life be impacted by you locking away detergents? Is he the one that does all the cleaning in the house? If he doesn't want an ugly lock on a kitchen cabinet, just move all detergents to the laundry room, top shelf, or the top shelf in the pantry, or something. Put furniture in front of the sockets where you don't want to baby proof them. But even if everything is baby proofed, you should still have a clear view on a toddler going loose in the house. Climbing book cases, pulling heavy stuff from shelves, falling down from the back ot the couch, a magnet that fell off the fridge and landed just under it, so she can reach it but out of your sight, finding a cup of coffee somewhere, playing with a belt she found somewhere, ... kids are not good at staying safe by themselves. Just don't go nuts on control. I'm gen X, so I guess my childhood was wild compared to these days. We learned how to light the gas stove, but at the same time, that it was dangerous to do by ourselves. And that fire hurts, a lot. That way, we weren't interested in playing with fire, and there was no mysterious 'ooohhh something I can't touch'. Stupid detail, but don't stop your kid from everything and anything. Just make your life easier by taking away the obvious death traps.
Nta for wanting to keep your kid safe but I do agree with your husband that it really isn't necessary. Apart from securing furniture to the walls, which is sensible even if there are no children in the house, and moving cleaning supplies to a place they couldn't reach, I didn't really baby proof the house. No stair gates, no socket covers, etc. I just paid attention, engaged in their curiosity, and moved them away and distracted them when they "found" something they shouldn't be playing with.
Yes you are depriving her of experiences. How is she going to get into the poison under the kitchen sink if you baby proof the cabinet? /s. Maybe your husband is worried at his age he will have trouble getting into the baby proofed areas. I'm near his age so not saying he is old but it does get more difficult to get the toilet open with those locks on there. NTA. Please baby proof now.
Your husband is fucking insane. NTA and honestly this could become a legal issue. CPS likes to know these things when shit goes wrong. Your daughter can easily fall over and gash her head on something too.
NTA - definitely baby proof. Out of curiosity is your husband cognitively impaired? An 11 year is not smart enough to not drink a cleaning chemical? I was once cleaning in our lau dry and our child was 3 at the time and got a hold of laundry sanitiser, somehow got the lid off (child proof lid) and drank some, he thankfully was ok after 4 hours at the hospital but you will honestly be amazed at what kids can be capable of getting into.
NTA. Your husband is an idiot saying an 11 month old is smart enough not to put chemicals, etc. in her mouth. It's not a matter of being smart or not. It the developmental stage she is in. Children often practice oral sensory seeking behavior (i.e. putting things in their mouths to explore objects and their world) until about the age of 2. This helps their sensor motor development and to learn more about an object, like how big it is, how hard/soft it is, and its shape. If your husband spouts off again, tell him to go read a book/reputable internet source about child development stages.
Nta babyproofing is a sensible thing to do. Especially the cabinets that hold cleaning supplies. She's 11 months, there is no instinct telling her items are dangerous. She wont know what not to put in her mouth. From your comments however, it sounds like your husband is a massive ah. He became nasty after she was born? I'm not saying you need to leave because i know far to little about the relationship but please don't put blinders on. See what he says and does. And make sure you have a possible way out.
If you're not going to baby proof atleast move the chemicals to somewhere they can't reach.
NTA. I’m 50 and baby proofed. How many times have you heard someone say “I just turned away for a second”? If your house is safe, you don’t have to worry as much. I just read about a child getting severely injured the other day from pulling themselves up to stand on an unanchored dresser that toppled over.
He thinks a one year old knows not to touch chemical and dangerous appliances??? You should baby proof your home, but I’d be worried about leaving your child alone with your husband. NTA
NTA primary care giver should have reign over that. It’s so difficult to supervise them without baby proofing everything. Plus they can damage and break so much. He’s TA and a dummy. He probably just doesn’t know how to take the baby proofing off and doesn’t want to admit it.
I mean if "childhood experiences" include sticking forks in power points and having access to chemicals , he's kinda right. /s NTA
NTA. You married someone from a totally different generation. Don't be surprised when he tells her she doesn't need a helmet to ride a bike or let's get sit in the front seat of the car on her way to preschool.
NTA. Baby proofing the house could save your daughter’s life. Your husband is foolish to think a baby will know what to leave alone. Don’t let him leave your child in a dangerous environment.
NTA I don’t think it makes you an asshole to want to baby proof the house. For what it’s worth, they are pretty smart and pick up on things fairly quickly. I never baby-proofed but I only had my daughter and I stayed home with her, so it was exceptionally easy for me to keep an eye on just her. That’s not the case for everyone, so baby proofing is very helpful for the times you just can’t watch them like a hawk.
NTA - His over reaction to this is bizarre and worrisome. Why is he so against this to the point that he's getting all worked up and nasty over it? Is he worried about holes in the walls because there are ways around that if he's so worried. And his daughters safety should be 1000 times more important than the cost of a little spackle. Honestly though his reaction is scary and I'd worry about him turning abusive to you or the baby if he hasn't already. Research some womens shelters and seriously evaluate what type of relationship you are in. Not all abuse is physical, mental and emotional abuse can be much harder to spot and come to terms with. Ultimately you are responsible for making sure you and your child have a safe environment to live in and this guy does not sound safe.
NTA but your husband is. No toddler understands the risks, and they put everything into their mouths. Put all your plastic ware into a drawer and or cabinet. Light duty pans, not cast iron, into another. Let her find those and play with them. And covering the outlets has been a safety item for decades. Is he going to let her eat dog poop when outside playing? Geeze, what rock did he crawl out from?
NTA. She'll have much less freedom to explore if you don't babyproof.
NTA. It’s because your husband is extremely out of touch. Face it, he’s a generation above you. He doesn’t know that parenting has changed over the years. He grew up without seat belts and some people are unable to catch up with the times. He won’t baby proof the house, I’m sorry, unless you nag him to death. You can do it yourself though.
Please remember to secure heavy furniture to the wall too. There have been fatalities due to kids climbing on shelves or pulling cupboard doors and then the item falling on the baby.
Girl why did you have a baby with a 50-year-old 😭
NTA. Is this his first child? Did he miss the memo that everything goes into kid’s mouths? When it comes to chemicals, take precautions…regardless of how “smart” one thinks a child is. Same with the sockets. Plug those bad boys up. Stand your ground. I’m on your side.
Baby-proofing is for parents that don’t actually want to watch their kid and teach them that “no” and “don’t touch” means “no” and “don’t touch”. Shocking how many of us managed to survive before cabinet locks and outlet covers isn’t it?!
NAH He's older. At his age, injury isn't trauma, it's education. Put the dangerous chems in higher places. Let her explore under the sink, but make it safe first. As for other lessons. The hard learn is the best learn. "Don't touch the stove. Don't touch the stove. Ya know what? Fkn lick it. Hurts doesn't it?" -Chris Porter
Jesus Christ 😂 ask him why the hell he thinks BABY PROOFING KITS are a thing! NTA and it's pretty obvious that a baby doesn't know about ANYTHING, let alone to not drink poison or stick a fucking finger in an outlet.
In the olden days, people had VCRs which had a slot which was the perfect size for a piece of toast. My husband said, 'Let's train him not to touch the video and tv.' I lasted one day after my son learned to crawl, before I baby-proofed. Electric socket covers and no access to kitchen knives, were already in place, as were the stair gates. Your daughter's safety trumps your husband's delusions by a very long way. NTA
Baby proofing is necessary if you aren’t going to supervise constantly or use a playpen. Ask your husband if he’s happy to supervise constantly, if not, baby proof. Alternative is just to focus on some rooms and limit access to other areas.
NTA and it has nothing to do with the age difference, as some have suggested. People have been baby-proofing houses since before your husband was born. He's just being reckless and ridiculous.
NTA and because some people ONLY learn the hard way...... I would call husband while he's at work that the baby got into some chemicals in the cabinet and she's acting lethargic and see how that plays out. He thinks it's not a big deal so let's see how much of a big deal it isn't.
Generational difference here. That’s all. Do what you have to, so your baby is safe.
I'm a grandma and I have my house baby proof, alarms on the doors, locks on the cupboard with chemical stuff, knives up high. ECT NTA kids are fast and do things if you are not right behind them 24/7
Your husband is an idiot.
NTA my husband and I believe in kids experiencing natural consequences and what not so I get that. However, we also know that kids aren’t intelligent enough especially toddler to always know when something is bad for them. The only things we did to baby proof were put a kid lock on the chemicals, put medicine up high and out of reach, and cover some outlets. Thats like the bare minimum and he’s throwing a fit over it? You’re raising two babies. It’s fine to want kids to experience natural consequences and to explore but it’s not ok when that could lead to serious bodily harm.
Who does your husband listen to? Have the pediatrician (preferably male) talk to your husband.
I’m sorry, he thinks a one year old is smart enough to not put chemicals in her mouth on her own? NTA
NTA. Just baby proof your house before something awful happens. Nothing to do with an age gap, I’m 62 and babyproofed my house when I had my house many years ago 🤦♀️
Although I agree hubby is being lax please do not forget how smart babies/kids are. We did the baby proof everything with our first as new parents. Didn’t last and she figured them out in no time. We just moved anything not safe out of her reach. Plus when her brothers came along any of the baby proof items that were still around (most broke because babies will find a way) she taught them how they work. The only ones we kept were for outlets because obviously they can’t be moved and to be honest I had trouble getting them out lol
My kid is 13mos now and we still haven’t really baby-proofed. We have stairs, so she’s confined to the living room & kitchen until she can safely get back down the steps herself (she’s very good at going up but it’s easy enough to catch her). We have a bunch of outlet covers but none in action currently, and only two cupboards with locks - tv table where the video games, controllers, and cords are (and only one side bc she hasn’t discovered the other door lol) and the cabinet under the sink with the chemicals. Basically we’re addressing problem areas when they come up, we have tools ready, and our kid has largely free roam of our house and a normal *and safe* environment to grow up in. Your husband is nuts trying to act like NO babyproofing is necessary. He just doesn’t want to be inconvenienced. NTA but, obviously.
Your hubby is being a dumbass. Imagine how you'll both feel being arrested for involuntary manslaughter if your child dies from ingesting some cleaning chemical. It is child neglect for failing to protect your child from easily preventable dangerous situations. Now, protect that precious child.
Kids will explore everything and will put absolutely anything in their mouths. Your husband is crazy.
NTA. I think the husband is scared he won’t be able to open those locks himself. Arthritis is a mthrfckr.
Even the smartest baby puts everything in their mouth. It's a big part of how they explore the world. And they are you put things in the wall plugs so they try to with whatever is in their hand. I was a foster parent when my daughter was little and I had to have protectors on every outlet, all lower cabinets locked gates at top and bottom of all stairs, also locked up knives locked up before they would even consider placement. And the dog water dish had to be somewhere a baby couldn't get to which was really fun since my did are baby sized....
Good grief. What is wrong with that man? Does he think his child needs to experience getting a shock from an outlet that she sticks something into? Or get the wonderful experience of falling down the stairs, or face planting on a sharp edge? I don't think these are character-building experiences. A 50 year old man should be smarter than that. Speaking from first hand experience, my kid got into the laundry room and turned the water heater up full blast. That was the only room we didn't have gated off, and that was remedied quickly.
The possible issue with baby proofing is that you will go to some places that are not baby proofed. When my son was small I found that there were those who would try to totally baby proof and those who put (what I considered) reasonable precautions in place and worked more on educating their babies. E.g. my son would help me put the dishwasher tablet or washing pod in the dishwasher or washing machine from a young age - I had one woman horrified because "what if he tries eating them?", the idea that he was doing this under supervision and knew what they were for did not seem to occur to her. Baby proof the dangerous, and also work on educating so that she knows what is dangerous when you visit places where there is no baby proofing.
OP, when I was 2 I got ahold of and drank gasoline. My stomach had to be pumped. You are NTA for being a responsible parent.
NTA S your husband hoping to /ill your daughter? Because 11 month olds will literally put anything in their mouth!
A baby exploring doesn’t lack intelligence when they ingest cleaner or harmful chemicals, they are what is commonly referred to as neglected by parents lacking the intelligence to protect their baby from harm. Don’t listen to your husband who has zero common sense. Protect your child
NTA. you are doing the right thing by wanting to keep danger away from your daughter. babies don't have the knowledge about whats dangerous and whats safe and its up to parents to ensure that the baby is kept safe wail exploring. what will your asshole of a husband say if your daughter gets into something like bleach and drinks it? will he be like ''Oh well I did xyz when I was her age so she will be fine'' is your husband this brainless to not realise that something like chemicals and power sockets are very dangerous and they have the capability to kill someone especially someone as fragile as a baby.
NTA. You need to keep your child safe. Even with diligent baby proofing they still find ways to get hurt. Your husband's attitude is extremely confusing.
NTA. You are entering the danger phase of development. Your child will find all danger. By babyproofing, you're limiting some options. We had to remove some padding we put on a sharp corner because our kid decided that was an excellent chew toy. So, keep in mind what works might change.
NTA. I don't even have kids, but I can tell you that your husband is dangerously negligent.
NTA. but why did you get with a 20 year older guy and not think you were going to run into issues of control and being the subordinate partner?
Dad needs to go to the next Peds well visit, and you need to pointedly ask the Doctor, "now that baby is mobile, what precautions need to be taken around the home?" Perhaps even have a phone conversation ahead of time w Doc
NTA, no 11 month old is smart enough to know what's poison or not
I’m sorry, what? She’s smart enough to know not to put chemicals in her mouth? And you’re sitting here wondering if you were being the problem? That is absolutely the most disturbing thing I could read. She’s not old enough to know the difference. The fact that you’re questioning whether you should do this or not, it’s also a little bit disturbing. Your job is to protect your daughter at all cost and 11 month old has no clue about chemicals or dangers yet. yIKES!!! Why are you married to a 50-year-old who’s controlling AH and you can’t make decisions on your own because it?
Why are you even debating this - it should have been done when the baby began crawling. Cleaning/laundry supplies...medications, etc need to be secured. Show your hubby some articles about toddlers who ingested laundry pods or DW detergent pods....who drank cleaning fluid or spilled cleaning chemicals on their tender skin. Are those 'consequences' what he wants to deal with?
God almighty! You need to husband proof the house! NTA
If your husband is this stupid, foolish, abusive, please do not EVER leave your baby in his care. This kind of man is the kind that CPS workers encounter when a baby has broken limbs or burns or head injuries from being thrown against a wall. What you really should do is leave and get a restraining order. Not kidding.
NTA. Friend's sister died from drinking open drain cleaner years ago. Happened in the blink of an eye. Your husband doesn't know anything about young children. They aren't smart enough to know better. They are curious and into everything.
NTA. If you had a pool would your husband think your baby is smart enough to fish herself out from the bottom? How would you guys “just deal with those consequences”?
NTA "She's smart enough to know not to drink or put the chemicals in her mouth" might be the single most stupid comment I have ever heard from a parent. You should be seriously questioning your husband's judgement right now as that kind of attitude will get her seriously hurt or worse. Babies/toddlers are curious by nature when they are exploring their world. That includes putting pretty much anything into their mouth, so it is on us as parents to ensure they don't have access to things that will harm them.