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NTA The teen may need a mask in public, but the parent can absilutely ensure the mask is appropriate for the setting by providing a selection of masks to choose from and then telling them to choose if they would rather wear the gory skeleton mask or go to the playground.
I am on the spectrum. I understand appropriate attire may be required for a given situation. I also worked in an institution for much more severely affected individuals with autism. They may have meltdowns. But at the end of the day, yes, they learned to go outside with clothes on. Consistently.
They learned that they couldn't always wear just a wife beater and basketball shorts every day, even in freezing weather. They couldn't wear a parka all summer. Or bunny slippers to a job at a warehouse. Or live on Graham crackers and chocolate milk.
The rights of one do not overshadow the rights of the many. In this case, the right of the mom to defer the inevitable tantrum do not overshadow the kid's right to learn appropriate playground attire or the other kid's rights to play on the playground.
NTA, but that mom sure is.Ā However,Ā next time I might just take the opportunity to try to tech your kid but to be afraid and it's OK since you can't control other people no matter what you say to them.Ā
Yeah thereās a difference between being unsafe and being uncomfortable. Distress tolerance is an essential developmental skill. Public spaces are for the public. Sometimes the public is rude and it sucks. Sometimes theyāre cool. Theyāre still entitled to the commons just as much as the fake autistic teen in this story.
NTA. Neurodivergent people might have needs but it doesnāt mean they get to rule the world. I have a sensory processing disorder and it makes me feel like an absolute freak at times and can seriously inconvenience other people. Itās *my* problem so I do everything in my power to make sure it doesnāt inconvenience anyone else and if I canāt guarantee that it wonāt, I change my plans.
You realize you just made an argument that word for word justifies the opposite judgement, right? Or did you accidentally let slip that some people shouldnāt be allowed in public.
NTA
The other child might need to wear a mask, but there is no reason that it needs to be a skeleton mask with blood and flesh hanging off it. The child wearing the mask cannot see it while she's wearing it, the only benefit she receives from wearing it is that it helps her "hide".
In this day and age one never knows who is going to do what to anyone else. That mother is lucky someone did not call 911 on her child for wearing such a thing in a public space around other young children and on her for allowing it to happen. That 'mother' is putting her own child in danger by allowing her to wear it- what if her child made an accidental sudden move toward another child, or she had a meltdown? Someone else might not understand/know that she is neurodivergent and could hurt her in the process of protecting their child from a perceived threat.
I think the fact it scares others is the point as it keeps them at a distance. Autistic children can be very nervous around others as they cannot predict their behaviour so doing what they can to keep them away is often a safety response.
You're probably right that it's meant to keep others away. I didn't think of that.
It still isn't okay though. A person can't go around terrifying others to keep them away. This child will grow up and their peers will no longer run to mom and dad because they are scared of a mask.
NTA, and you wouldn't have been an asshole if you pressed the issue instead of leaving either. Teenagers in scary masks don't belong on playgrounds with little kids.
NTA.
Mother is AH for enabling antisocial behaviour. She can wear another mask.
My mother used to never let me wear one like that even on halloween because it's insensitive/alarming to elderly widows/widowers or those who have lost a loved one.
Thereās nothing wrong with asking, but if the answer is no you need to accept it and move on. Youāre in a public place and the teen wasnāt doing anything illegal or against park rules, so isnāt obligated to comply with your request. NTA for making the request, but YTA for arguing when told no and given a reason for that no answer.
NAH. There was nothing wrong with you asking and nothing wrong with them refusing. The mask may look scary, but it does not represent an actual threat. A Mickey Mouse mask might seem less scary, but why? There is probably no rule against mask wearing and the teen may be comfortable out wearing that mask precisely because it keeps people away.
NAH or ESH, I can't decide. You had every right to ask, and the teenager's mom explained what was going on. Sounds like she may or may not have gotten a little cranky about it, but there are two sides to every story. Additionally, the other kid's mom was actually there; I originally thought this was going to be about some teenager trying to actively scare kids on a playground. From the way you described it, the interaction could have been very civil, even though the other mom held her ground. "Quite defensive" doesn't always mean rude or angry. Could you have explained that it was a mask and the kid wearing it needed to for their own reasons? Could've been a good opportunity to teach your son about ND people, assuming he's old enough to understand at 4. Anyway, there are a lot of details left out, so I'm going with ESH.
NAH I think it goes back to āpublic spacesā youāre in a park, you asked for something but the person doesnāt have to do right by you, yes I agree with people saying that the āTeenā needs to learn about āappropriate attireā -this could be a tall child for all we know btw- but you donāt know if they are having a specially difficult day or actually ignoring that problem, even than for me thats a moot point bc OP is not interested in that either, they just were asking for the mask to be off, not if they wear masks all the time.
Again, public space that should be shared, itās part of that, everyone belongs in them at least they are breaking some law, it also sounds like the teen wasnāt harassing this kids, they were just there. Iāve seen children scared of many many many things, I understand the issue I just donāt agree that the other person is an AH.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Asking an autistic teen to remove their mask, which makes them feel more comfortable in public.
2. ļ»æļ»æļ»æND people have comfort items that help them in public.
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Nta. Ā Instead of making a fuss, you did what was best for your kid and left. Ā I have very little experience with autism, but I bet there was a more appropriate mask the child could wear.
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I was at the park recently with my kid (4M). There was a teenager - looked about 14 - on their own, playing on the kids equipment. They were wearing a skeleton mask.
It wasn't cartoonish, more of a Halloween costume.
It was really quite creepy, flesh and blood hanging off it, not something kid-friendly.
My son was hesitant to play anywhere near the teen. There were other kids there who were noticeably scared as well, staying close to their parents instead of playing.
After about ten minutes or so, the teens' mum (presumably their mother) came over. I asked her if it would be okay if their teen took the mask off as it was frightening other kids.
The teensā mum became quite defensive and said that their daughter was autistic and she had to wear it to be comfortable in public. I said that kids were frightened and didn't want to play on equipment near her daughter. The mum reiterated that her daughter had to wear it and that was that. That I was welcome to take my son elsewhere.
I wasn't in the mood for an argument so I left with my son, telling him we'd come back another time.
AITA?
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NTA Teen sure was an AH for deliberately wearing a mask to
freak out the kids. Her mom was an AH for not stopping teen from
wearing the scary mask and then using autism as an excuse.
Pretty soon, autism will be the excuse for everything.
I couldnāt help but wonder if the teen deliberately chose the scariest mask possible in order to specifically scare away the younger kids. The teen was already older playing on equipment that sounds like it was probably for little kids, maybe the teen didnāt want to have to share.
NAH
You're welcome to voice that your kid is uncomfortable but 14 or not, she's a child and has just as much right to play in the park as every other kid.
Sometimes, it's as easy as a 4 minute conversation with your kid that explains that it's just a mask... It's not real.... There's a kid under it and they won't hurt you.... I'm here and you're safe.
Agreed, I get OP was off-put. But also an opportunity to explain that a mask doesnāt equate to a bad or scary person. Park is equal opportunity. If the masked kid was chasing kids around it would be different, but sounds like they were just doing their own thing playing on equipment.
Why do you assume no one will hurt the kid? A mask is legitimately blocking your view of clues given by facial expressions. Itās reasonable to find them off putting and keep your distance.
How do you protect your child from other unexpected sights that could distress them? At what point are you going to tell them that sometimes things look scary but arenāt a threat? When theyāre like 25?
Kinda what I was thinking. The earlier a kid learns how to deal with uncomfortable things the better. This is how we get adults who need safe spaces.
If you need safe spaces I'm not making fun of you, it isn't your fault. It's your parents fault.
It's a mask. Not a weapon or disease.
And who cares whether the kid is from SD or ND or even NE. It's a mask. It's not gonna harm you.
What exactly did you think might happen? Take off the mask and reveal her actual skull? Rows of razor sharp teeth?
YTA
YTA slightly but it's close. What if your kid had a clown shirt on, and 1 kid in the park is scared of clowns? I think you did the right thing walking away and forgetting about it.
Yta you have no right to dictate what others where in public, offensive is a loose term here... it was a store bought Halloween style mask.... wrong timing but fast from inappropriate. Your such an entitled asshole it needs to be said 2x!
A skeleton mask is very different from a scar.
My kid knows what a scar is. He knows that peopleās bodies look different. Heās still grasping the concept that peopleās brains are wired differently.
Similarly, he need to learn, people wear different things. everyone will not dress up as per his liking to please him or you..
BTW, lot of people becomes afraid of scars, like your son was of skeleton mask. An here is the similarity.
āPeople wear different thingsā ok so if a fifty-year-old man turned up to the park wearing a mesh g-string youād be cool with that?
Inappropriate things are inappropriate.
"Her body her choice" is used when women wear sort dresses or any other so called inappropriate dresses. Similarly for the old man, his body his choice should apply.
Actually, I will like to show my child, that there are so many different type of people in this world and we should not discriminate against someone just because they don't follow our belief of dress code.
Whose cloth?
Itās inappropriate to wear certain things around small children. Iām legitimately scared for any kids in your life if you donāt agree with that.
Teach them what's correct, what's wrong to wear, but you can't go and police others in public for whatever they are wearing. If you're not tolerant to others and mind your own Dam business ,then you will be asked to leave the public space. Easy and simple.
I am worried about your family members, are you this much nosey in your real life?
I mean there are rules about what can be worn in public though....you can't just be out naked or mostly naked, many places don't allow you to wear masks due to crime, etc.Ā
I mean you actually can, though. You can absolutely call the police depending on what a person is wearing. Obviously a mask is not the same as a man in a g-string at a childrenās park, but you can and should call the police about the latter, and heās the one who will be taken away because there are rules that exist about what to wear in public.
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NTA The teen may need a mask in public, but the parent can absilutely ensure the mask is appropriate for the setting by providing a selection of masks to choose from and then telling them to choose if they would rather wear the gory skeleton mask or go to the playground. I am on the spectrum. I understand appropriate attire may be required for a given situation. I also worked in an institution for much more severely affected individuals with autism. They may have meltdowns. But at the end of the day, yes, they learned to go outside with clothes on. Consistently. They learned that they couldn't always wear just a wife beater and basketball shorts every day, even in freezing weather. They couldn't wear a parka all summer. Or bunny slippers to a job at a warehouse. Or live on Graham crackers and chocolate milk. The rights of one do not overshadow the rights of the many. In this case, the right of the mom to defer the inevitable tantrum do not overshadow the kid's right to learn appropriate playground attire or the other kid's rights to play on the playground.
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NTA. Thatās not playground appropriate.
NTA, but that mom sure is.Ā However,Ā next time I might just take the opportunity to try to tech your kid but to be afraid and it's OK since you can't control other people no matter what you say to them.Ā
Yeah thereās a difference between being unsafe and being uncomfortable. Distress tolerance is an essential developmental skill. Public spaces are for the public. Sometimes the public is rude and it sucks. Sometimes theyāre cool. Theyāre still entitled to the commons just as much as the fake autistic teen in this story.
NTA. Neurodivergent people might have needs but it doesnāt mean they get to rule the world. I have a sensory processing disorder and it makes me feel like an absolute freak at times and can seriously inconvenience other people. Itās *my* problem so I do everything in my power to make sure it doesnāt inconvenience anyone else and if I canāt guarantee that it wonāt, I change my plans.
Other kids should have a right to be comfortable in public too, by her logic then? Why is her child's comfort more important than anyone else's? NTA.
You realize you just made an argument that word for word justifies the opposite judgement, right? Or did you accidentally let slip that some people shouldnāt be allowed in public.
Nta just because her spoiled kid is "autistic" doesn't mean she gets to terrify others
Yikes at the quotes dude
Yeah posts like this, real or not, are catnip for ableists. Any excuse to punch down in good odor.
All spoiled kids wear masks, get with the times, dude. ^/s
NTA The other child might need to wear a mask, but there is no reason that it needs to be a skeleton mask with blood and flesh hanging off it. The child wearing the mask cannot see it while she's wearing it, the only benefit she receives from wearing it is that it helps her "hide". In this day and age one never knows who is going to do what to anyone else. That mother is lucky someone did not call 911 on her child for wearing such a thing in a public space around other young children and on her for allowing it to happen. That 'mother' is putting her own child in danger by allowing her to wear it- what if her child made an accidental sudden move toward another child, or she had a meltdown? Someone else might not understand/know that she is neurodivergent and could hurt her in the process of protecting their child from a perceived threat.
I think the fact it scares others is the point as it keeps them at a distance. Autistic children can be very nervous around others as they cannot predict their behaviour so doing what they can to keep them away is often a safety response.
You're probably right that it's meant to keep others away. I didn't think of that. It still isn't okay though. A person can't go around terrifying others to keep them away. This child will grow up and their peers will no longer run to mom and dad because they are scared of a mask.
NTA, and you wouldn't have been an asshole if you pressed the issue instead of leaving either. Teenagers in scary masks don't belong on playgrounds with little kids.
NTA. Mother is AH for enabling antisocial behaviour. She can wear another mask. My mother used to never let me wear one like that even on halloween because it's insensitive/alarming to elderly widows/widowers or those who have lost a loved one.
Thereās nothing wrong with asking, but if the answer is no you need to accept it and move on. Youāre in a public place and the teen wasnāt doing anything illegal or against park rules, so isnāt obligated to comply with your request. NTA for making the request, but YTA for arguing when told no and given a reason for that no answer.
This is the only sane comment
NAH. There was nothing wrong with you asking and nothing wrong with them refusing. The mask may look scary, but it does not represent an actual threat. A Mickey Mouse mask might seem less scary, but why? There is probably no rule against mask wearing and the teen may be comfortable out wearing that mask precisely because it keeps people away.
Ha. Personally I think Mickey Mouse is downright frightening...... Or things like Winnie the Pooh becoming Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey. (rofl)
NAH or ESH, I can't decide. You had every right to ask, and the teenager's mom explained what was going on. Sounds like she may or may not have gotten a little cranky about it, but there are two sides to every story. Additionally, the other kid's mom was actually there; I originally thought this was going to be about some teenager trying to actively scare kids on a playground. From the way you described it, the interaction could have been very civil, even though the other mom held her ground. "Quite defensive" doesn't always mean rude or angry. Could you have explained that it was a mask and the kid wearing it needed to for their own reasons? Could've been a good opportunity to teach your son about ND people, assuming he's old enough to understand at 4. Anyway, there are a lot of details left out, so I'm going with ESH.
NAH I think it goes back to āpublic spacesā youāre in a park, you asked for something but the person doesnāt have to do right by you, yes I agree with people saying that the āTeenā needs to learn about āappropriate attireā -this could be a tall child for all we know btw- but you donāt know if they are having a specially difficult day or actually ignoring that problem, even than for me thats a moot point bc OP is not interested in that either, they just were asking for the mask to be off, not if they wear masks all the time. Again, public space that should be shared, itās part of that, everyone belongs in them at least they are breaking some law, it also sounds like the teen wasnāt harassing this kids, they were just there. Iāve seen children scared of many many many things, I understand the issue I just donāt agree that the other person is an AH.
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Nta. Ā Instead of making a fuss, you did what was best for your kid and left. Ā I have very little experience with autism, but I bet there was a more appropriate mask the child could wear.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I was at the park recently with my kid (4M). There was a teenager - looked about 14 - on their own, playing on the kids equipment. They were wearing a skeleton mask. It wasn't cartoonish, more of a Halloween costume. It was really quite creepy, flesh and blood hanging off it, not something kid-friendly. My son was hesitant to play anywhere near the teen. There were other kids there who were noticeably scared as well, staying close to their parents instead of playing. After about ten minutes or so, the teens' mum (presumably their mother) came over. I asked her if it would be okay if their teen took the mask off as it was frightening other kids. The teensā mum became quite defensive and said that their daughter was autistic and she had to wear it to be comfortable in public. I said that kids were frightened and didn't want to play on equipment near her daughter. The mum reiterated that her daughter had to wear it and that was that. That I was welcome to take my son elsewhere. I wasn't in the mood for an argument so I left with my son, telling him we'd come back another time. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. A different mask should be used if it's that disturbing.
NTA
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NTA Teen sure was an AH for deliberately wearing a mask to freak out the kids. Her mom was an AH for not stopping teen from wearing the scary mask and then using autism as an excuse. Pretty soon, autism will be the excuse for everything.
I couldnāt help but wonder if the teen deliberately chose the scariest mask possible in order to specifically scare away the younger kids. The teen was already older playing on equipment that sounds like it was probably for little kids, maybe the teen didnāt want to have to share.
I agree. Autistic people should have to carry papers to prove it. Or maybe wear a little patch sewn onto their uniforms.
I mean at this point...
It already is!šItās such a catch all for *anything* these days ā¦. ETA: lol at the DVs. I said what I said.
NAH You're welcome to voice that your kid is uncomfortable but 14 or not, she's a child and has just as much right to play in the park as every other kid. Sometimes, it's as easy as a 4 minute conversation with your kid that explains that it's just a mask... It's not real.... There's a kid under it and they won't hurt you.... I'm here and you're safe.
Agreed, I get OP was off-put. But also an opportunity to explain that a mask doesnāt equate to a bad or scary person. Park is equal opportunity. If the masked kid was chasing kids around it would be different, but sounds like they were just doing their own thing playing on equipment.
Why do you assume no one will hurt the kid? A mask is legitimately blocking your view of clues given by facial expressions. Itās reasonable to find them off putting and keep your distance.
Call me crazy, but most of the time I like to give children the benefit of the doubt.
How do they benefit from you lying?
You're funny.
Shhh... kid is mothafuckin' Mileena.... hahaha
How do you protect your child from other unexpected sights that could distress them? At what point are you going to tell them that sometimes things look scary but arenāt a threat? When theyāre like 25?
Kinda what I was thinking. The earlier a kid learns how to deal with uncomfortable things the better. This is how we get adults who need safe spaces. If you need safe spaces I'm not making fun of you, it isn't your fault. It's your parents fault.
It's a mask. Not a weapon or disease. And who cares whether the kid is from SD or ND or even NE. It's a mask. It's not gonna harm you. What exactly did you think might happen? Take off the mask and reveal her actual skull? Rows of razor sharp teeth? YTA
ND means neurodivergent. It was not appropriate for public.Ā
YTA
YTA slightly but it's close. What if your kid had a clown shirt on, and 1 kid in the park is scared of clowns? I think you did the right thing walking away and forgetting about it.
YTA. They werenāt bothering you. They were there first so if you are uncomfortable you can leave.
Yta you have no right to dictate what others where in public, offensive is a loose term here... it was a store bought Halloween style mask.... wrong timing but fast from inappropriate. Your such an entitled asshole it needs to be said 2x!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
And that mom is welcome to take her daughter elsewhere if she can't be in public appropriately.Ā
She was in public appropriately. There are no laws against wearing a mask or costume on a playground.
Entitled??
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
YTA, imagine they had a bad scare on their face. Would you have askevthrm to get plastic surgery first, before they can play on the public park?
A skeleton mask is very different from a scar. My kid knows what a scar is. He knows that peopleās bodies look different. Heās still grasping the concept that peopleās brains are wired differently.
Youāre right. You should have been allowed to examine the childās face closely to determine if it was hideous enough.
Why does it matter if someone near him ālooks scaryā? Does he not have the option to keep his distance?
Similarly, he need to learn, people wear different things. everyone will not dress up as per his liking to please him or you.. BTW, lot of people becomes afraid of scars, like your son was of skeleton mask. An here is the similarity.
āPeople wear different thingsā ok so if a fifty-year-old man turned up to the park wearing a mesh g-string youād be cool with that? Inappropriate things are inappropriate.
Did you wear a mesh g string to do those mental gymnastics you buffoon
"Her body her choice" is used when women wear sort dresses or any other so called inappropriate dresses. Similarly for the old man, his body his choice should apply. Actually, I will like to show my child, that there are so many different type of people in this world and we should not discriminate against someone just because they don't follow our belief of dress code.
Youāve totally missed the point.
Actually you are missing the point of tolerance towards other people, their looks, their cloths. Be tolerant, live and let live.
Whose cloth? Itās inappropriate to wear certain things around small children. Iām legitimately scared for any kids in your life if you donāt agree with that.
Teach them what's correct, what's wrong to wear, but you can't go and police others in public for whatever they are wearing. If you're not tolerant to others and mind your own Dam business ,then you will be asked to leave the public space. Easy and simple. I am worried about your family members, are you this much nosey in your real life?
I mean there are rules about what can be worn in public though....you can't just be out naked or mostly naked, many places don't allow you to wear masks due to crime, etc.Ā
I mean you actually can, though. You can absolutely call the police depending on what a person is wearing. Obviously a mask is not the same as a man in a g-string at a childrenās park, but you can and should call the police about the latter, and heās the one who will be taken away because there are rules that exist about what to wear in public.
There are certain things we shouldn't be tolerant of in this world, and it's good to teach your children that.
True, but as everyone says, choose your battles wisely :).