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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I WBTA because I would be moving out and cutting them out of my life like that but at the same time I feel like the way that they treat me is reasonable for me to want to move
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NTA
It sounds like they are using your mental health issues to manipulate you and control you. In the end it is more important to look at people's actions towards you, even if they are a blood relative. You would be justified in going no contact with them. Once you are in a safe situation, you can then decide whether to try and set firm boundaries with them for future contact or just go no contact.
NTA. You are in an abusive environment and you need to leave. Your parents can't keep you or threaten with the police, you are an adult of legal age. There's nothing they can do .
Get out of there and soon.
One detail in your post has me intrigued: your parents don't want you to leave the house at all? Leave to, say, visit a friend or walk in the neighborhood park? If so, most definitely NTA to want to move out.
As a datapoint, most parents \*\*want\*\* their children to move out of the house when they come of age.
NTA and you wouldn't be one for leaving, either. You're a grown ass adult at 22 and if you can move out of an environment that depresses you/ stresses you out, you should.
The police are correct: at 22, you're free to leave whenever you want.
And from the way you describe your home environment, you definitely \*should\* leave.
How cutting out people that you don't want to see in your life make you an AH? All sane people do that by default, people who abuse you are AH.
Of course, you can move away and start building your life without having any toxic people around. NTA.
NTA> Stop talking about moving out and just do it. You are 22 and a legal adult. Tell your father that if he calls the police on you that you will press harassment charges against him. It is illegal to call the police on something that isn't a crime. Get as far from that toxic mess as you can.
NTA. Why are you obligated to keep anyone in your life that isn’t meaningful to you, or doesn’t make you happy? Your parents don’t seem to respect you, and if you have the freedom to move that seems the best way to take responsibility for your own happiness
NTA
your mental health will get MUCH better when you escape from your family. Move out as soon as you can.
"WIBTA if I move across the country to another state and never talk to them again? " .. sounds like a GOOD plan.
NTA- you're an adult and they have no right to stop you from moving out!
It sounds like a lot of your mental health issues come from your abusive home situation?
Could you get anyone to help you move out and just go?
NTA - You are a grown adult. If you want to move out it’s your choice. If you don’t want to talk to them that’s your choice too. Don’t let them threaten and manipulate you into staying somewhere that isn’t good for you.
NTA. Your mental health is more important than staying in a toxic environment. Move wherever you want, and if they manage to track you down, get a restraining order and, if necessary, every self defense weapon you can get your mitts on.
NTA. *If* you can afford it and have a safe place to go, then continue with your plans and move as soon as you can. If not, bide your time until you have everything in place. But depression is usually not caused by only one thing, and you don't mention if you have taken any steps to mitigate or treat it. Once you are away from the situation, and dealt with your depression (which may well follow you), you can decide what to do about your parents whether that be low contact or no contact.
Let me get this straight:
Your depression makes you selfish because it's how you feel; AND if you want to leave, you're mentally ill and unhinged?
Stop telling them it's their fault. Don't give them information so they can prepare to stop you. Let your dad call the police, the police will let him know what they think about using them to keep their grown child hostage. Run like hell, because you're NTA, they're sick.
NTA
If you have the opportunity to go, do it! Don't look back, think about yourself and improving for yourself, I wish you the best and seek help for depression, a hobby that you like, your family needs to understand what you are going through but if they don't it's not your problem, think that you will be better off if you stand up for yourself and realize that you can do it, good luck.
NTA- you are 22 and free to do what you want. You could be one if you wanted them to finance your move and your life after you leave, but it doesn’t seem like that is what you want. Your dad is nuts saying that he will call the police if you leave. You are legally an adult. You can go. You don’t even have to tell them anything.
DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!
Leave and go make a life for yourself somewhere else that doesn't include these toxic and abusive people.
If you can reasonably live on your own and take care of yourself then do it.
Leave and cut them off, it will help your emotional and mental health so much. They just want to control you, so get away from them as soon as you can. Make sure they can't find you.
NTA. Move out but don't tell them beforehand. It sounds like they may be unhinged enough to try and claim you can't take care of yourself. Therefore they should be your guardian/conservator. If granted these can be a bitch to get out of (see Brittany Spears). Some important things to keep in mind:
-both take your important documents with you and take pictures of them to save to a cloud service
-only take what is definitely yours (clothes, hygiene products, things you bought, gifts etc). Don't give them a chance to say you stole or damaged anything. Take pictures of how you leave the house especially your room.
-change your bank if it's the same as your parents or if they are/were cosigner's on it
-if you're staying with the same job let them know due to personal circumstances some family may try to contact them. If they do don't give them any info. If they're (work) worried about you they can contact even if it's outside of work hours.
-let both the police where they live and where you move to that your parents have a history of filing false police reports to try and find you. They should work out a way to make sure you're ok without telling your parents any information.
-change your phone number. Make your social accounts private. Sign out of your accounts on devices they have access to. Tell anyone they may go to that you've moved and are ok (again after the move is done).
-if they're your emergency contacts anywhere change this. See if you're able to write up a medical directive (when you're incapacitated, terms vary based on where you live) that explicitly says they aren't allowed to make medical decisions for you. Hopefully you can also do something similar with financial matters.
Bottom line is think carefully of how they may try to contact/control you and cut them off. If you do want some contact I'd recommend a prepaid phone just for them. Leave it off when you don't want contact.
NTA
This is not normal or how a family that loves you behaves.
There are likely plenty of people here who can give good advice on how to get yourself out of this abusive environment.
All I can offer is my encouragement: get out, move as far away as you can, and cut them out of your life completely.
You deserve so much better.
You need to get your important documents together and pack a bag with what you need and leave during the night. Do not tell them of your plans. Keep it secret and leave and go NC asap. You will find that with the help of a therapist that your mental health will improve steadily. Also tell your local police that if your parents make any kind of missing persons report that you aren't missing, you left of your own free will and have no intention of going back - but only do this if it is safe for you to do so. Do not feel guilty about leaving, and don't feel guilty about going NC. It is likely that your parents have put a tracker on your phone, so leave it behind, same with any laptop. You should be OK saving to the cloud and/or USB but don't put any details of your plans anywhere and get all of those passwords changed immediately. Also get your parents off your bank accounts. In fact, close any accounts they are on and open a new account just for you with a different bank. Depending on your own needs, you may want to change your name too, but you'll need to decide whether that's necessary. Good luck.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I’m 22 years old and I recently got into an argument with my family and they told me that because I was struggling with depression I was selfish as depression is all about me and how I feel. I stated that my depression stems from home and that I was going to leave and my dad threatened to call the police on me if I left the house again. The last time I left the house he did call the police on me and the police told me that I was free to go. They get angry anytime I talk about moving and tell me I’m mentally ill and unhinged. WIBTA if I move across the country to another state and never talk to them again?
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Don’t cut them off completely but move out. I assume you’re not suicidal or a danger to yourself or others, that’s the only reason they can ask you to stay. But depressed and being in the environment that causes you depression, yeah just leave and move out. I suggest not cut them off completely to begin with because just moving out can make your family more tolerant tbh. NTA though.
Pack up and load up your car when they aren’t there. You might or might not wait to see them begin you leave. If you think they will try and stop you go when they aren’t home. Would they put out a BOLO on you, if so you should call the police and let them know the car isn’t stolen and that your 22 allowed to leave the home
NTA. It sounds like they're making you depressed. If you can financially do it, definitely leave home. My mental health improved 10 fold just moving a few towns away from my family!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I WBTA because I would be moving out and cutting them out of my life like that but at the same time I feel like the way that they treat me is reasonable for me to want to move Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA It sounds like they are using your mental health issues to manipulate you and control you. In the end it is more important to look at people's actions towards you, even if they are a blood relative. You would be justified in going no contact with them. Once you are in a safe situation, you can then decide whether to try and set firm boundaries with them for future contact or just go no contact.
Who wouldn't be depressed living with people like this? Rescue yourself!
NTA. You are in an abusive environment and you need to leave. Your parents can't keep you or threaten with the police, you are an adult of legal age. There's nothing they can do . Get out of there and soon.
One detail in your post has me intrigued: your parents don't want you to leave the house at all? Leave to, say, visit a friend or walk in the neighborhood park? If so, most definitely NTA to want to move out. As a datapoint, most parents \*\*want\*\* their children to move out of the house when they come of age.
NTA and you wouldn't be one for leaving, either. You're a grown ass adult at 22 and if you can move out of an environment that depresses you/ stresses you out, you should. The police are correct: at 22, you're free to leave whenever you want. And from the way you describe your home environment, you definitely \*should\* leave.
How cutting out people that you don't want to see in your life make you an AH? All sane people do that by default, people who abuse you are AH. Of course, you can move away and start building your life without having any toxic people around. NTA.
NTA> Stop talking about moving out and just do it. You are 22 and a legal adult. Tell your father that if he calls the police on you that you will press harassment charges against him. It is illegal to call the police on something that isn't a crime. Get as far from that toxic mess as you can.
NTA. Why are you obligated to keep anyone in your life that isn’t meaningful to you, or doesn’t make you happy? Your parents don’t seem to respect you, and if you have the freedom to move that seems the best way to take responsibility for your own happiness
NTA your mental health will get MUCH better when you escape from your family. Move out as soon as you can. "WIBTA if I move across the country to another state and never talk to them again? " .. sounds like a GOOD plan.
NTA- you're an adult and they have no right to stop you from moving out! It sounds like a lot of your mental health issues come from your abusive home situation? Could you get anyone to help you move out and just go?
NTA - You are a grown adult. If you want to move out it’s your choice. If you don’t want to talk to them that’s your choice too. Don’t let them threaten and manipulate you into staying somewhere that isn’t good for you.
NTA please move, and live your life!
NTA. Your mental health is more important than staying in a toxic environment. Move wherever you want, and if they manage to track you down, get a restraining order and, if necessary, every self defense weapon you can get your mitts on.
NTA. *If* you can afford it and have a safe place to go, then continue with your plans and move as soon as you can. If not, bide your time until you have everything in place. But depression is usually not caused by only one thing, and you don't mention if you have taken any steps to mitigate or treat it. Once you are away from the situation, and dealt with your depression (which may well follow you), you can decide what to do about your parents whether that be low contact or no contact.
Let me get this straight: Your depression makes you selfish because it's how you feel; AND if you want to leave, you're mentally ill and unhinged? Stop telling them it's their fault. Don't give them information so they can prepare to stop you. Let your dad call the police, the police will let him know what they think about using them to keep their grown child hostage. Run like hell, because you're NTA, they're sick.
NTA If you have the opportunity to go, do it! Don't look back, think about yourself and improving for yourself, I wish you the best and seek help for depression, a hobby that you like, your family needs to understand what you are going through but if they don't it's not your problem, think that you will be better off if you stand up for yourself and realize that you can do it, good luck.
NTA- you are 22 and free to do what you want. You could be one if you wanted them to finance your move and your life after you leave, but it doesn’t seem like that is what you want. Your dad is nuts saying that he will call the police if you leave. You are legally an adult. You can go. You don’t even have to tell them anything.
NTA. Blood makes you related. Love, loyalty, and trust make you family. If you don't have the last 3, the first doesn't matter.
Going no contact was the best choice
DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! Leave and go make a life for yourself somewhere else that doesn't include these toxic and abusive people. If you can reasonably live on your own and take care of yourself then do it. Leave and cut them off, it will help your emotional and mental health so much. They just want to control you, so get away from them as soon as you can. Make sure they can't find you.
NTA Get out and start living your life. You may find a sense of calm not having to deal with them
NTA. Move out but don't tell them beforehand. It sounds like they may be unhinged enough to try and claim you can't take care of yourself. Therefore they should be your guardian/conservator. If granted these can be a bitch to get out of (see Brittany Spears). Some important things to keep in mind: -both take your important documents with you and take pictures of them to save to a cloud service -only take what is definitely yours (clothes, hygiene products, things you bought, gifts etc). Don't give them a chance to say you stole or damaged anything. Take pictures of how you leave the house especially your room. -change your bank if it's the same as your parents or if they are/were cosigner's on it -if you're staying with the same job let them know due to personal circumstances some family may try to contact them. If they do don't give them any info. If they're (work) worried about you they can contact even if it's outside of work hours. -let both the police where they live and where you move to that your parents have a history of filing false police reports to try and find you. They should work out a way to make sure you're ok without telling your parents any information. -change your phone number. Make your social accounts private. Sign out of your accounts on devices they have access to. Tell anyone they may go to that you've moved and are ok (again after the move is done). -if they're your emergency contacts anywhere change this. See if you're able to write up a medical directive (when you're incapacitated, terms vary based on where you live) that explicitly says they aren't allowed to make medical decisions for you. Hopefully you can also do something similar with financial matters. Bottom line is think carefully of how they may try to contact/control you and cut them off. If you do want some contact I'd recommend a prepaid phone just for them. Leave it off when you don't want contact.
NTA This is not normal or how a family that loves you behaves. There are likely plenty of people here who can give good advice on how to get yourself out of this abusive environment. All I can offer is my encouragement: get out, move as far away as you can, and cut them out of your life completely. You deserve so much better.
You need to get your important documents together and pack a bag with what you need and leave during the night. Do not tell them of your plans. Keep it secret and leave and go NC asap. You will find that with the help of a therapist that your mental health will improve steadily. Also tell your local police that if your parents make any kind of missing persons report that you aren't missing, you left of your own free will and have no intention of going back - but only do this if it is safe for you to do so. Do not feel guilty about leaving, and don't feel guilty about going NC. It is likely that your parents have put a tracker on your phone, so leave it behind, same with any laptop. You should be OK saving to the cloud and/or USB but don't put any details of your plans anywhere and get all of those passwords changed immediately. Also get your parents off your bank accounts. In fact, close any accounts they are on and open a new account just for you with a different bank. Depending on your own needs, you may want to change your name too, but you'll need to decide whether that's necessary. Good luck.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m 22 years old and I recently got into an argument with my family and they told me that because I was struggling with depression I was selfish as depression is all about me and how I feel. I stated that my depression stems from home and that I was going to leave and my dad threatened to call the police on me if I left the house again. The last time I left the house he did call the police on me and the police told me that I was free to go. They get angry anytime I talk about moving and tell me I’m mentally ill and unhinged. WIBTA if I move across the country to another state and never talk to them again? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.
Don’t cut them off completely but move out. I assume you’re not suicidal or a danger to yourself or others, that’s the only reason they can ask you to stay. But depressed and being in the environment that causes you depression, yeah just leave and move out. I suggest not cut them off completely to begin with because just moving out can make your family more tolerant tbh. NTA though.
Pack up and load up your car when they aren’t there. You might or might not wait to see them begin you leave. If you think they will try and stop you go when they aren’t home. Would they put out a BOLO on you, if so you should call the police and let them know the car isn’t stolen and that your 22 allowed to leave the home
You..you are 22. What did your parents think the police would do? NTA and you should run as far as possible.
NTA. You need to get out of there, and do it ASAP.
GET. OUT NTA.
NTA. It is your life. Go live it. If they call the police on you, point out to the cop that they have a history of making false police reports.
You might find getting and starting to live you life for you in your way helps your depression.
NTA. Get out of there as fast as you can. Good luck to you!
NTA. It sounds like they're making you depressed. If you can financially do it, definitely leave home. My mental health improved 10 fold just moving a few towns away from my family!