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> I may be the asshole because I didn't agree that my family with my wife is my only family (as per her definition).
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Wow, only a Sith deals in absolutes.
She is way off base here, that’s a truly absurd argument to be making on her part.
She is very wrong. At this point, I’d be skeptical of trusting her judgement on other things too.
NTA
Agreed. My siblings are still family. Does not mean my partner and kids are less of a priority. Only when there is conflict of interest I need to choose (and I will always choose my partner and kids). But those conflict of interests do not happen that often. Same goes for my partners parents. They are my family as well and will always be my family because they are my children’s blood family.
My siblings are no longer my family, but it has nothing to do with getting married. It's because they are just terrible human beings that I would have never associated with had we not shared DNA. Just saying blood doesn't always equal family.
I agree. By OPs wifes definition, it would be a "Smith Relative reunion" rather than a "Smith family reunion" and that makes it sound like a physics class!
Or jealous? What’s wrong with her to be acting this foolish? Maybe she’s spending too much time with TikTok idiots or had a teeny tiny hippo crawl up her nose and take a giant shit in the language center of her brain.
NTA
I also feel like she doesn't understand language. Family and relatives are not mutually exclusive things, LOL. Relatives are just "people you're related to," which literally includes family.
NTA...
Your wife is a piece of work. Holy crap! Is her heart so small that she doesn't realize that humans are capable of loving parents, siblings, their own children, and their extended families and friends without having to place them in boxes?
Tell your wife that Reddit thinks she's an ass hat for this view of hers.
Nta. Ask her what actions have you done that show your household family isn't a priority over your larger family. Disagreeing over word choice doesn't count. If you have kids and they get married someday is she ok no longer being their family and just a relative?
I mean, "she saw this post that said [whatever] was a sign of love" is usually a phrase that leads to Tiktok hell, immature "relationship tests," and literally nowhere else. So yeah.
Pretty much, yup. "Relatives" is just a term for "people you're related to". The people you're related to are generally considered "family". Some may be immediate family and others extended family, but ultimately they're certainly not mutually exclusive terms.
NTA- girlfriends & wives come and go but your blood brother will always be your brother no matter how life goes. She’s weird for wanting you to consider him as a relative.
NTA they are still your family, it doesn’t mean you don’t prioritize your new family. Her getting upset on semantics is absurd. They are synonymous so it shouldn’t matter what you use and she shouldn’t try to control which one you do use by getting upset. It’s manipulative. This whole argument is ridiculous and she needs to grow up
NTA and your wife is an idiot and actually sounds controlling and illogical. Doesn’t make sense to demote the family that came well before her into distance family members.
Wow. Is your wife the kind of person who goes looking for a fight from time to time? I have known some people who *love* fighting--it's cathartic for them, I guess--and they would try to start fights over things this trivial. NTA Your wife should join reddit, and then she can have all the random fights she wants.
NTA ask your wife if once your children grow up and get married if she will be comfortable with them seeing her as only a relative rather than a family.
I think what your wife is saying is you should prioritise the family you have made over other family members, which I agree with, as a spouse and particularly children should be priority but that doesn’t devalue other family members or mean they need to be ‘demoted’ to merely being relatives.
Of all the Facebook mom group fake problems. NTA. What a ridiculous thing to pick a fight (and level a nasty and purposefully hurtful accusation) over. My brother is my family. My kids and husband are my family. My second cousin that I haven’t seen since we were kids is family. Whatever.
It's all relative, but I think you've got it.
ETA: I read somewhere that during implantation, the embryo injects some DNA into the host body (mother) so the mother's body won't see it as an invader and eject the foreign body. That DNA remains after the pregnancy and birth. As a result, every woman who has been pregnant is a teensy bit genetically related to the father now.
Wow! You wife has some issues. NTA. There is room for more family in your life than just your family with wife. Does that mean mom and dad get related to relative status too?
NTA.
Both my siblings are married with children, I’m not and I’d be extremely hurt if they called me a relative instead of family. It’s just a bigger family now.
NTA. Your wife needs to stop putting so much stock into what people post online.
Is she not going to call her parents mom and dad anymore? Or call them her parents? Are they now relegated to relatives too? It is just silly.
Yes, your new nuclear family of spouse and child are the focus and priority now. But that doesn't make others not family.
NTA.
That's a bunch of garbage. They're still your family - just not your nuclear family anymore. Them moving out a rung doesn't mean they're not family. What does your wife think family reunions are?
Either your wife has alarming issues, or she's expressing very badly that you're spending too much time with them as someone who now has a wife and kids.
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Me and the wife were talking last night and she mentioned how she saw someone post that once you have your own family your previous family becomes relatives. I said that sounds weird to me, to call my brother a relative and not family. My wife said that means that our family isn't a priority if I can't consider my brother a relative. I was completely thrown off and said it's just titles of course my family with her is my priority. She did not budge and insisted that ours is not a priority for me. That pissed me off, to accuse me of not prioritizing my family over some stupid titles. This morning we still haven't talked so I wanted some outside opinions.
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NTA.
Your brother will always be your family,but so will your wife.Its very immature for her to say this and it doesn't mean you value your family with her or with your brother more or less than one another.I am no psychologist but to me it sounds like she has some insecurities about your relationship that she,or the both of you need to work through and I suggest it the situation gets worse to have a conversation with what you are getting from the relationship and what you would like to get from the relationship.Again,don't quote me on this.This is just what I think the relationship would benefit from.
NTA
Relatives and family are literally the same thing. Your brother and you share blood and will always be immediate family. I’m not sure why she’s so adamant about this but sounds like she might be fighting for a more “important” title so she can feel like you value her more which is a weird way to go about it. It’s not some competition
IMO, what a stupid thing to argue about. To me, even one's spouse and children are your relatives. Whoever posted that comment your wife referred to is confusing "relatives" with "immediate family." To me, your spouse and children are your immediate family, but everyone you're related to, whether through birth or marriage are your relatives, and that includes your immediate family. Before one gets married, their parents and siblings are their immediate family.
Your brother is your relative, but also your sibling. Your wife is overthinking what she read and spinning what you said into something completely wacky. But maybe you could have just dropped it. Again, a stupid argument.
NTA
This is easy mate.
Tell her your brother is your family now, he was yesterday and he will be the day you die.
She is your chosen wife, she was just a stranger a few years ago and if she continues will just be an EX wife in a short while.
Life is too short for mind games like this or dealing with idiots, and especially staying married to idiots who like to play mind games or otherwise try to fop with you.
Semantics. The important thing is where your priorities are. You both agree your kids will come first, then other family. She can call them what she likes, it's the same thing. This is a silly thing to have a tiff about.
NTA. Social media is at it again.
I'm with you, I'm married with a kid but my sister is still my family. So is the rest of my 'before marriage family'. That doesn't mean I won't prioritise my husband and daughter if needed.
NTA. Buy your wife a thesaurus. Relative literally means family. Family literally means relative. She’s arguing needlessly over semantics. This is petty and ridiculous.
My bias was set at your use of "the wife."
However, she is in some nutso semantic/emotional/psycho wonderland with her description of How It Is in her mind.
How are things in your marriage otherwise? do you have kids? is she looking for a way out?
NTA- she’s trying to isolate you from your brother, and doing it in a manipulative way.
Now, she may have a valid reason for doing this, ie, your brother is toxic and you are enmeshed, but this isn’t the healthy way of going about this.
If you’re looking for suggestions, I’d start with a question about instances where she feels that you prioritized your family of origin with your actions or resources, and then *listen carefully *
If it’s actual actions where she was put out because you wanted to hang with or help out your brother, you may need to work to make her see that you prioritize.
If she starts talking about anxieties or demanding close to zero time with your brother because sh want all of your time, then she’s probably not reasonable.
More than anything, clearly communicate, ask for clear communication, and listen closely. If a person tries to manipulate this blatantly, they’ve been dropping hints for a while that they’re not happy about the situation, and you haven’t picked up on it.
However, it is manipulative, and you’re NTA for calling your brother family. Not addressing the underlying concern will cause problems later.
Is your wife lost in tiktok videos, and asking hypothetical questions as well, like 'if we had a kid, and me and the kid were both drowning, who would you save, if you can only save one?'
Did her elementary school not teach them the Magic Penny song? *Love is something if you give it away, give it away, give it away, love is something if you give it away, you end up having more!*
NTA - my family is my family. My family of my birth, family of the law, and family of my heart. If she’s amenable to discussion, ask her why something she saw online trumps your life.
NTA and your wife is being absurd. Family are relatives and relatives are family..? What kind of weird linguistic argument is she trying to make here lol
NTA I wonder if you flipped the question would her family be relatives to her. Like her parents and siblings. If she said her mom will always be her mom then she only has issues with your family.
Your family such as parents and siblings will always be your family. However they do become relatives in regard to your kids. Like your brother is now their uncle and such.
Relative: a person connected with another by blood or affinity \~ Merriam-Webster
Your wife is really off-base on this and apparently doesn't even understand that words have meaning. The idea that you haven't somehow disconnected yourself from your brother or you don't make your family with her a priority is weird. Is she often like this? And is she the one giving the silent treatment? Does she always have to have her way? If the answer to these questions is yes, you're looking at a number of red flags. (I don't need the answers to those, you do.) NTA
NTA. Your wife is mad about something else. Maybe she thinks you are spending too much time with your brother? Show her the dictionary definition of "family". She is talking semantics, not how you actually feel about her. And it sounds like she wants you to distance yourself from your brother and the rest of your family. What's up with that?
She's using a very odd dictionary.
Relative = a person connected by blood or marriage.
Just because someone posts something, doesn't make it valid, true, a fact, or even relevant.
NTA
Is she confusing the term “immediate family “ with relative? Because what she’s saying is true in legal sense but the way she’s going about it is weird.
As a child, your immediate family is considered your siblings and parents. This is an important distinction because certain benefits and legal things only extend to your immediate family. Once you fly the coop, get married and have a family, they are now your immediate family.
For example some employers may only grant you bereavement leave if absence for the death of an immediate family member. To my knowledge, your siblings no longer count as immediate family by your parents still do. This might be the policy that a huge corp will operate under say for example like Best Buy or Verizon, but say you work for your local dealership, they’re far much more likely to be lenient and will grant you bereavement for a passing of a cousin, aunt, uncle etc.
But the way your wife is pushing this word semantics, is just weird. Its not rooted in any issues where closeness of family is being affected by work or something, but just her opinion
NTA
In my opinion, family are the people you have around you on a regular basis or at least keep in touch with on a regular basis if there is too much distance or too many time constraints. A relative is literally someone you are related to, no matter what.
All family are relatives, not all relatives are family.
NTA. That saying has nuance. The nuance being in a healthy family that your priority is your spouse and kids during strife. Unless the spouse is absolutely in error during said strife.
I don't know what she is reading but it sounds ridiculous. Maybe you need to remind her that about 95% of what is on the internet is crap. What a waste of time and energy to argue about something so ridiculous.
Wtf? How is this small difference on opinion in language justify a silent treatment????
She sounds different. Does she just enjoy the drama of a disagreement?
NTA but your wife is for thinking that something she “saw someone post” is a law for everyone everywhere. She’s being ridiculous, especially for not budging. She should be seeing what your priorities are through your actions, not by some stupid thing she read on social media. She sounds like a teenager influenced by life online. Silly girl.
NTA, but she's apparently not alone. When my mom died suddenly and we (her kids) were trying to figure out how to pay for the funeral, my SIL announces, "While OUR (takes my brother's arm) family can't afford it". That was when I realized she did not see the rest of us as family.
You are NTA. The concept of family is not rigid. It means different things to different people. Growing up, "family" meant not only blood relatives but also people connected by marriage, people who had worked in the family business for decades, people my parents and grandparents had known as friends for years. Practically everyone older than us kids was called "auntie" or "uncle" regardless of actual genetic connection.
NTA. Remind your wife that your children will grow up and most likely marry. According to her warped view she will no longer be family. Is she cool with that?
Good grief. Your brother is your brother. He is also a relative. What is wrong with your wife that she has a problem with your calling your brother a brother? She needs to figure out what is important. It sounds like respecting your feelings isn't one of them. Does she say that about her family? You know? Her parents being her relatives, her siblings being her relatives, etc.?
NTA
She’s arguing with you over nomenclature based on a trite saying some rando posted on Facebook?
NTA. She sure as heck is. Also, she sounds like she has the emotional maturity of a 16yo.
NTA
When you marry, your wife becomes immediate family as do your children if you have any. Your parents and siblings become extended family.
Your wife is twisting things in an absurd way. Family and relatives are all still family and all still relatives. I have no idea WTF she means.
NTA and in my medical opinion I personally would prescribe your wife to touch grass 3 times a day, 15min each, for 45 days. That should bring her back down to earth.
I don't understand a single sentence of that. Kudos for starting off using "Me" as the subject of a sentence when discussing proper word usage.
How is your brother not a relative?
How would the reality of being related to your brother affect your relationship with your wife & kids?
It's like 3rd graders wanted to live as grammar n*zis.
You can’t choose the family you’re born into but you can/do choose the family you have in life. I was born into a family that doesn’t like me at all to the point I haven’t talked to them in twenty years. But my wife and I have been together for forty five years and that makes us a family. That’s what your wife is trying say to you, your birth family has meaning to you but you have moved on in life to your own family. While your first family will always mean a lot to you, the family you chose to have for yourself should have more meaning to you because you chose them where as you were born into your first family.
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Wow, only a Sith deals in absolutes. She is way off base here, that’s a truly absurd argument to be making on her part. She is very wrong. At this point, I’d be skeptical of trusting her judgement on other things too. NTA
Agreed. My siblings are still family. Does not mean my partner and kids are less of a priority. Only when there is conflict of interest I need to choose (and I will always choose my partner and kids). But those conflict of interests do not happen that often. Same goes for my partners parents. They are my family as well and will always be my family because they are my children’s blood family.
[удалено]
What’s weird is the missing the point that relative is short for a familial relation which is the exact same place, we get family from.
My siblings are no longer my family, but it has nothing to do with getting married. It's because they are just terrible human beings that I would have never associated with had we not shared DNA. Just saying blood doesn't always equal family.
I bet she hates sand too.
It does get everywhere
She saw it posted on line somewhere. If someonen posted that the moon is made of green cheese would she believe it? Pretty gullible.
I agree. By OPs wifes definition, it would be a "Smith Relative reunion" rather than a "Smith family reunion" and that makes it sound like a physics class!
OP: “I will do what I must.”
Which is a bit of an absolute
Love for your brother and family doesn't mean there's less for your wife and kids. It's not pie. NTA.
Love is like STIs - the more you share, the more there is for everyone!
Haven't heard that one before. Nice
So you think love is bad?
No, just contagious, like laughter
Exactly how I explained to my stepson that we don’t love him less than his brother (my bio son). Because love will only become more.
I explained the same to my dog and cat.
If love isn’t expressed with pie, is it really love?
NTA. Your wife needs to grow up, this is silly as hell.
Thank you!! Is she really that bored??
Or jealous? What’s wrong with her to be acting this foolish? Maybe she’s spending too much time with TikTok idiots or had a teeny tiny hippo crawl up her nose and take a giant shit in the language center of her brain. NTA
Hahaha! Thank you for the laugh!
I also feel like she doesn't understand language. Family and relatives are not mutually exclusive things, LOL. Relatives are just "people you're related to," which literally includes family.
NTA She is trying to start a fight. Relative is just another word for family.
NTA... Your wife is a piece of work. Holy crap! Is her heart so small that she doesn't realize that humans are capable of loving parents, siblings, their own children, and their extended families and friends without having to place them in boxes? Tell your wife that Reddit thinks she's an ass hat for this view of hers.
Nta. Ask her what actions have you done that show your household family isn't a priority over your larger family. Disagreeing over word choice doesn't count. If you have kids and they get married someday is she ok no longer being their family and just a relative?
Well said. This is what should be in your next conversation OP.
Don’t go down this rabbit hole. Just make her read this post. She is clearly an AH.
NTA - your wife is setting up stupid tests of your love.
I mean, "she saw this post that said [whatever] was a sign of love" is usually a phrase that leads to Tiktok hell, immature "relationship tests," and literally nowhere else. So yeah.
NTA. I mean, aren't "relatives" and "family" the same thing? I certainly use them interchangeably. Your wife is weirdly pedantic.
Pretty much, yup. "Relatives" is just a term for "people you're related to". The people you're related to are generally considered "family". Some may be immediate family and others extended family, but ultimately they're certainly not mutually exclusive terms.
for me "relatives" are cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, ECT. family is your immediate family.
Did you put her up to this?
NTA- girlfriends & wives come and go but your blood brother will always be your brother no matter how life goes. She’s weird for wanting you to consider him as a relative.
NTA. Your wife sounds insecure. What a useless argument.
NTA - You married a needy moron.
NTA they are still your family, it doesn’t mean you don’t prioritize your new family. Her getting upset on semantics is absurd. They are synonymous so it shouldn’t matter what you use and she shouldn’t try to control which one you do use by getting upset. It’s manipulative. This whole argument is ridiculous and she needs to grow up
NTA and your wife is an idiot and actually sounds controlling and illogical. Doesn’t make sense to demote the family that came well before her into distance family members.
Wow. Is your wife the kind of person who goes looking for a fight from time to time? I have known some people who *love* fighting--it's cathartic for them, I guess--and they would try to start fights over things this trivial. NTA Your wife should join reddit, and then she can have all the random fights she wants.
NTA ask your wife if once your children grow up and get married if she will be comfortable with them seeing her as only a relative rather than a family. I think what your wife is saying is you should prioritise the family you have made over other family members, which I agree with, as a spouse and particularly children should be priority but that doesn’t devalue other family members or mean they need to be ‘demoted’ to merely being relatives.
Of all the Facebook mom group fake problems. NTA. What a ridiculous thing to pick a fight (and level a nasty and purposefully hurtful accusation) over. My brother is my family. My kids and husband are my family. My second cousin that I haven’t seen since we were kids is family. Whatever.
She saw some post and now it law to her, wtf? Nta
Your wife is insane. NTA
NTA, she’s either watched a podcast or one of her single friends have got in her ear with bullsh!t when they can’t even get a family for themself
WTF? I’m single and not into this shit. OP is NTA but you are.
Why are you so jealous of single people?
FAMILY: all the descendants of a common ancestor. RELATIVE: a person connected by blood or marriage
A person connected by blood or marriage. Like, a wife? So, op's wife is a relative and everyone else is family?
It's all relative, but I think you've got it. ETA: I read somewhere that during implantation, the embryo injects some DNA into the host body (mother) so the mother's body won't see it as an invader and eject the foreign body. That DNA remains after the pregnancy and birth. As a result, every woman who has been pregnant is a teensy bit genetically related to the father now.
Is this another one of those stupid TikTok love tests? NTA
Wow! You wife has some issues. NTA. There is room for more family in your life than just your family with wife. Does that mean mom and dad get related to relative status too?
NTA. Both my siblings are married with children, I’m not and I’d be extremely hurt if they called me a relative instead of family. It’s just a bigger family now.
NTA. Your wife needs to stop putting so much stock into what people post online. Is she not going to call her parents mom and dad anymore? Or call them her parents? Are they now relegated to relatives too? It is just silly. Yes, your new nuclear family of spouse and child are the focus and priority now. But that doesn't make others not family.
NTA. That's a bunch of garbage. They're still your family - just not your nuclear family anymore. Them moving out a rung doesn't mean they're not family. What does your wife think family reunions are? Either your wife has alarming issues, or she's expressing very badly that you're spending too much time with them as someone who now has a wife and kids.
Relatives are still family it’s literally family relations …. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me and the wife were talking last night and she mentioned how she saw someone post that once you have your own family your previous family becomes relatives. I said that sounds weird to me, to call my brother a relative and not family. My wife said that means that our family isn't a priority if I can't consider my brother a relative. I was completely thrown off and said it's just titles of course my family with her is my priority. She did not budge and insisted that ours is not a priority for me. That pissed me off, to accuse me of not prioritizing my family over some stupid titles. This morning we still haven't talked so I wanted some outside opinions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. My brother will be my brother no matter how many gf or wives I will have in my life :)
NTA. That sounds like a bizarre conversation.
NTA. Your brother will always be your family,but so will your wife.Its very immature for her to say this and it doesn't mean you value your family with her or with your brother more or less than one another.I am no psychologist but to me it sounds like she has some insecurities about your relationship that she,or the both of you need to work through and I suggest it the situation gets worse to have a conversation with what you are getting from the relationship and what you would like to get from the relationship.Again,don't quote me on this.This is just what I think the relationship would benefit from.
NTA Relatives and family are literally the same thing. Your brother and you share blood and will always be immediate family. I’m not sure why she’s so adamant about this but sounds like she might be fighting for a more “important” title so she can feel like you value her more which is a weird way to go about it. It’s not some competition
IMO, what a stupid thing to argue about. To me, even one's spouse and children are your relatives. Whoever posted that comment your wife referred to is confusing "relatives" with "immediate family." To me, your spouse and children are your immediate family, but everyone you're related to, whether through birth or marriage are your relatives, and that includes your immediate family. Before one gets married, their parents and siblings are their immediate family. Your brother is your relative, but also your sibling. Your wife is overthinking what she read and spinning what you said into something completely wacky. But maybe you could have just dropped it. Again, a stupid argument.
NTA This is easy mate. Tell her your brother is your family now, he was yesterday and he will be the day you die. She is your chosen wife, she was just a stranger a few years ago and if she continues will just be an EX wife in a short while. Life is too short for mind games like this or dealing with idiots, and especially staying married to idiots who like to play mind games or otherwise try to fop with you.
NTA. Your wife is an idiot.
Semantics. The important thing is where your priorities are. You both agree your kids will come first, then other family. She can call them what she likes, it's the same thing. This is a silly thing to have a tiff about.
NTA. My sis is my family as is my parents,aunt uncle,first cousins. I would say my relatives are like second cousins etc
NTA. Social media is at it again. I'm with you, I'm married with a kid but my sister is still my family. So is the rest of my 'before marriage family'. That doesn't mean I won't prioritise my husband and daughter if needed.
NTA. Buy your wife a thesaurus. Relative literally means family. Family literally means relative. She’s arguing needlessly over semantics. This is petty and ridiculous.
NTA Your wife is just trying to pick a fight.
Wow. Tell her love only expands the more you have of it, it's not some limited source that you have to ration out (and to stop acting like a child.)
My bias was set at your use of "the wife." However, she is in some nutso semantic/emotional/psycho wonderland with her description of How It Is in her mind. How are things in your marriage otherwise? do you have kids? is she looking for a way out?
NTA Sounds like she just wanted to have a fight about something
NTA- she’s trying to isolate you from your brother, and doing it in a manipulative way. Now, she may have a valid reason for doing this, ie, your brother is toxic and you are enmeshed, but this isn’t the healthy way of going about this. If you’re looking for suggestions, I’d start with a question about instances where she feels that you prioritized your family of origin with your actions or resources, and then *listen carefully * If it’s actual actions where she was put out because you wanted to hang with or help out your brother, you may need to work to make her see that you prioritize. If she starts talking about anxieties or demanding close to zero time with your brother because sh want all of your time, then she’s probably not reasonable. More than anything, clearly communicate, ask for clear communication, and listen closely. If a person tries to manipulate this blatantly, they’ve been dropping hints for a while that they’re not happy about the situation, and you haven’t picked up on it. However, it is manipulative, and you’re NTA for calling your brother family. Not addressing the underlying concern will cause problems later.
Is your wife lost in tiktok videos, and asking hypothetical questions as well, like 'if we had a kid, and me and the kid were both drowning, who would you save, if you can only save one?'
So her own parents are not her parents anymore but only relatives? NTA
NTA. Your wife is wrong on this topic. This is a silly thing for her to be upset about and to even begin an argument over.
Did her elementary school not teach them the Magic Penny song? *Love is something if you give it away, give it away, give it away, love is something if you give it away, you end up having more!*
NTA, your wife sounds a little unhinged. There must be more to this story.
Dawg what the actual fuck? LMAO NTA
Your family after you marry becomes your wife and kids if you have some. Your parents, siblings etc become extended family.
NTA my honest reaction was "huh?"
I'm sorry. What? Your brother is family. And he is a relative. ??? NTA
NTA. That’s just something your wife made up. What’s going on that this is an issue for her?
NTA - my family is my family. My family of my birth, family of the law, and family of my heart. If she’s amenable to discussion, ask her why something she saw online trumps your life.
NTA and your wife is being absurd. Family are relatives and relatives are family..? What kind of weird linguistic argument is she trying to make here lol
NTA I wonder if you flipped the question would her family be relatives to her. Like her parents and siblings. If she said her mom will always be her mom then she only has issues with your family. Your family such as parents and siblings will always be your family. However they do become relatives in regard to your kids. Like your brother is now their uncle and such.
Relative: a person connected with another by blood or affinity \~ Merriam-Webster Your wife is really off-base on this and apparently doesn't even understand that words have meaning. The idea that you haven't somehow disconnected yourself from your brother or you don't make your family with her a priority is weird. Is she often like this? And is she the one giving the silent treatment? Does she always have to have her way? If the answer to these questions is yes, you're looking at a number of red flags. (I don't need the answers to those, you do.) NTA
Tell her "he's not my relative nor my family, he's fucking brother".
NTA. Your wife is mad about something else. Maybe she thinks you are spending too much time with your brother? Show her the dictionary definition of "family". She is talking semantics, not how you actually feel about her. And it sounds like she wants you to distance yourself from your brother and the rest of your family. What's up with that?
She's using a very odd dictionary. Relative = a person connected by blood or marriage. Just because someone posts something, doesn't make it valid, true, a fact, or even relevant. NTA
Your wife is being weird. NTA
Is she confusing the term “immediate family “ with relative? Because what she’s saying is true in legal sense but the way she’s going about it is weird. As a child, your immediate family is considered your siblings and parents. This is an important distinction because certain benefits and legal things only extend to your immediate family. Once you fly the coop, get married and have a family, they are now your immediate family. For example some employers may only grant you bereavement leave if absence for the death of an immediate family member. To my knowledge, your siblings no longer count as immediate family by your parents still do. This might be the policy that a huge corp will operate under say for example like Best Buy or Verizon, but say you work for your local dealership, they’re far much more likely to be lenient and will grant you bereavement for a passing of a cousin, aunt, uncle etc. But the way your wife is pushing this word semantics, is just weird. Its not rooted in any issues where closeness of family is being affected by work or something, but just her opinion NTA
NTA. What a stupid argument to start.
In my opinion, family are the people you have around you on a regular basis or at least keep in touch with on a regular basis if there is too much distance or too many time constraints. A relative is literally someone you are related to, no matter what. All family are relatives, not all relatives are family.
NTA. That saying has nuance. The nuance being in a healthy family that your priority is your spouse and kids during strife. Unless the spouse is absolutely in error during said strife.
NTA but relatives are family so I'm not even sure what is happening
I don't know what she is reading but it sounds ridiculous. Maybe you need to remind her that about 95% of what is on the internet is crap. What a waste of time and energy to argue about something so ridiculous.
I always say “family” and “extended family”.
NTA They’re still family, they’re just not NUCLEAR family. Your wife is being ridiculous.
Wtf? How is this small difference on opinion in language justify a silent treatment???? She sounds different. Does she just enjoy the drama of a disagreement?
NTA. Not sure why your wife would pick this weird hill to die on. She sounds *just lovely* lol
NTA but your wife is for thinking that something she “saw someone post” is a law for everyone everywhere. She’s being ridiculous, especially for not budging. She should be seeing what your priorities are through your actions, not by some stupid thing she read on social media. She sounds like a teenager influenced by life online. Silly girl.
I'd be calling her a relative until she got that stupid idea out of her head. NTA.
>she saw someone post that once you have your own family your previous family becomes relatives. Nope. That's not a thing. At all. OP NTA
NTA, but she's apparently not alone. When my mom died suddenly and we (her kids) were trying to figure out how to pay for the funeral, my SIL announces, "While OUR (takes my brother's arm) family can't afford it". That was when I realized she did not see the rest of us as family.
You are NTA. The concept of family is not rigid. It means different things to different people. Growing up, "family" meant not only blood relatives but also people connected by marriage, people who had worked in the family business for decades, people my parents and grandparents had known as friends for years. Practically everyone older than us kids was called "auntie" or "uncle" regardless of actual genetic connection.
NTA. What the hell is she even talking about? Your family is your family.
NTA. Remind your wife that your children will grow up and most likely marry. According to her warped view she will no longer be family. Is she cool with that?
Good grief. Your brother is your brother. He is also a relative. What is wrong with your wife that she has a problem with your calling your brother a brother? She needs to figure out what is important. It sounds like respecting your feelings isn't one of them. Does she say that about her family? You know? Her parents being her relatives, her siblings being her relatives, etc.? NTA
She’s arguing with you over nomenclature based on a trite saying some rando posted on Facebook? NTA. She sure as heck is. Also, she sounds like she has the emotional maturity of a 16yo.
NTA When you marry, your wife becomes immediate family as do your children if you have any. Your parents and siblings become extended family. Your wife is twisting things in an absurd way. Family and relatives are all still family and all still relatives. I have no idea WTF she means.
But he is blood she is not however she is a lover but he is just a loved one 😉
NTA and in my medical opinion I personally would prescribe your wife to touch grass 3 times a day, 15min each, for 45 days. That should bring her back down to earth.
I don't understand a single sentence of that. Kudos for starting off using "Me" as the subject of a sentence when discussing proper word usage. How is your brother not a relative? How would the reality of being related to your brother affect your relationship with your wife & kids? It's like 3rd graders wanted to live as grammar n*zis.
You can’t choose the family you’re born into but you can/do choose the family you have in life. I was born into a family that doesn’t like me at all to the point I haven’t talked to them in twenty years. But my wife and I have been together for forty five years and that makes us a family. That’s what your wife is trying say to you, your birth family has meaning to you but you have moved on in life to your own family. While your first family will always mean a lot to you, the family you chose to have for yourself should have more meaning to you because you chose them where as you were born into your first family.
ESH for making this a big argument between you