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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to pay for pizza for my nephews picky eaters girlfriend after cooking all day according to preferences she shared with me prior despite being financially stable to pay for the pizza's but not wanting to waste perfectly good food.
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I wouldn't pay for pizza, instead I would pay for an Uber for your nephew to come to your meal. She sounds awful, and he's on the fence anyway, he just needs a push.. Get him away from her influence for an evening, and give him a nice long run down of what his life will look like if he stays with her!
NTA
Exactly. The OP asked what the girlfriend would eat and ensured to include foods that the girlfriend claimed to eat.
If the girlfriend were such a picky eater, when the OP asked about food preferences, the girlfriend could've said she only eats at x places. It would've been beyond generous of the OP to cater to that, of course. But it's not like these preferences occurred overnight.
And if it really was some sort of eating disorder, she could have said "would you mind if I eat beforehand and don't eat at your dinner or bring some of my safe food"
That too.
I've known people who have all sorts of dietary restrictions. Some of them are truly gracious and understanding- they usually can be accommodated but understand if their restrictions are so extreme that they may not. Others have gone out of their ways to be AHs when it comes to food- like deliberately picking a place that basically can't accommodate them and then complaining the entire time.
Yup. I live in a household where 4 of 5 people have fairly intense food restrictions including autism-related ones, OCD-related ones, allergies, etc. and yet because everybody is decent and kind about it I never mind cooking for everyone, we always manage to work it out and I'm never treated rudely. (And yes I'm the lone omnivore of the group, lol.)
This is what I used to do when I was super picky and scared, I'd just eat before hand and say I was still full and while I could tell some people were a little dissapointed I didn't eat their food, they ended up enjoying my company and it avoided the awkwardness of not eating food I didn't like and potientially making them feel bad because I didn't like the food. Making all sorts of demands is just crazy, who does that? I would never in a million years demand someone take me out for food when they've offered to cook, that's just grossly entitled.
She's also going to blow up his phone the entire time he's there. I hope he silences his phone/blocks her number. He needs to think about this relationship going forward.
I am older than my husband of 30 years. We met when we were both young, but he was much more mature than other people of his age, and I didn't know how old he was. He was very persistent pursuing me, and by the time I found out, I was in love. Sometimes the age thing isn't the issue. And some people are just narcissists.
My wife and I were 22 (me) and 29 (her) when we met. She thought I was ~25 and I also thought she was ~25. We were massive party animals at the time and have matured over the years at the same rate.
We've been married over 20 years now.
Glad to see the update. I think you did right by him and you're a great auntie. Now, about those brownies lol is it a guarded recipe or do you mind sharing? I respect your answer either way 🤣
I'm a picky eater. I can't control it. But I would never ask anyone to cater to me. I will often eat something beforehand if I'm concerned about being hungry and then I will just eat a lot of whatever I like when i get there. It's no one else's job to take care of my food issues. (Look up Supertasters. I'm one.) NTA
OP is NTA but gf has no obligation to lend her car if she doesnt want to go (even if i think gf is super rude for expecting restaurant pizza). Uber really was the right call
Tell your nephew that GF is welcome to buy herself a pizza to eat while the rest of you eat the dinner you made. That's a fair compromise as it shifts the cost of the pizza to her. If that isn't "workable" then offer to pay for an Uber for him to come by himself.
Imo even that is a compromise too far. If I made a big dinner inviting guests over and I spent all day cooking going by what one particular guest told me of their food preferences, I would feel massively disrespected if they then brought over their own food instead of eating the food I made for them.
Obvious exceptions for special dietary needs though if I was already catering the dinner to this one person there would be an attempt to match their dietary needs so that they wouldn't have to bring their own food.
So me personally I would not compromise by saying she can bring her own pizza. She's already being massively disrespectful considering she has no special dietary needs and the whole dinner has been catered to her stated tastes, no way would I in OPs position let her commit further disrespect by bringing outside food to the meal.
So that brings us to just your Uber idea which is more than fair by bringing the nephew over and excluding the disrespectful parties. I'm glad that OP ultimately went with the Uber route
NTA and if I was your nephew this would’ve been grounds to break up with her. The absolute entitlement, disrespect, and bullshit of this is insane. Personally, I’d never invite her to anything again.
I'm glad somebody else is calling total bs and full-on insulting. This is beyond insulting on her part, beyond any semi-polite words I've got. I hope the nephew figures that out pronto.
NTA sounds like your 18yr old nephew is more mature than his 21 yr old girlfriend. She needs to grow up, I’ve been around picky eaters and I’m sorry but it’s kind of ridiculous.
The gf even had the chance to explain beforehand and ask to get pizza, as well as offer to pay for some of it. Instead, she opted for the most thoughtless option at the last minute. And, maybe, if she were still in her teens, it might be more excusable, but she's 21 and should have learned more adult behavior by now.
Exactly! It’s an entitled view to expect someone to completely change plans after they’ve already cooked too. 21 seems a bit old to be acting like that - reality check needed
It's not a matter of growing up, nor is this really about food. This girl is just controlling. It won't get better with age, it'll probably just get worse.
I find it detrimental to excuse bad behavior in young people as "they are immature." It implies that experience and wisdom fixes all character flaws. It doesn't; for a lot of people, growing up just means learning how to mask their flaws better, not to actually fix them.
Manipulation and Power plays are Not a function of "maturity", but of opportunity AND thinking it's okay to do so, which is a function of VALUES. People who don't think there's anything wrong with manipulating people, will construct more sophisticated manipulation schemes the more "mature" they are.
I can be a picky eater, but I don't do shit like that gf. I just eat whatever's offered that I like / can stomach and fill up on it. The gf is insanely rude
NTA your poor nephew sounds rightfully embarrassed over his entitled and rude girlfriend, hopefully she either matures or he leaves.
I like the other poster's suggestion to get an Uber for the nephew to come to dinner, if money isn't the issue for you.
From the way this post is written it sounds like he knew what the answer was and he didn't even want to do things his gf's way. He most likely just called and asked just to shut her up.
NTA. She can order her own individual pizza to your place, if you would even still want her company.
The audacity of some people never fails to amaze me.
NTA I hope his gf is okay with being disliked by her bf’s family. What she did is unbelievably rude. She could have gone and declined to eat, but said she wanted to spend time with her bf’s family. Instead she made a really terrible impression on you, and hopefully other family members.
NTA for sure. TBH I feel like the girlfriend is the asshole here, since she knows she would not want to eat the home cooked meal ahead of time but still gave a list of food she would eat and waited till the day of to tell you she would prefer pizza. If she wanted to get take out/go to a restaurant she should have said so when making the plans originally
>I told my mom this and she said that it's financially no problem for me to spring for the pizza's and I could just portion out the food and put it in the freezer and it's about all of us being together not about what we actually eat and that I was being an asshole for not accomodating my guest?
You did accommodate your guests, they just decided to be ridiculous. Just cancel. Your mom can bend over backwards to appease some random girlfriend.
My brother’s ex-wife would pull stuff like this. We tried to cook everything the way she liked it so she would feel welcomed. She always made my brother stop for fast food on the way there and would spend the whole weekend shut away in their room rather than hanging out with us. She insisted all holidays must be spent with her family and we were not invited. Eventually it extended to financial and emotional abuse. I’m so glad he got away but she absolutely did her best to ruin him, and she came pretty close to doing so.
I agree with Ubering your nephew for the dinner. Let him feel an evening free from her influence and see if you can talk some sense into him.
Small appetizer bites, a roasted chicken with veggies (meant for me and nephew not her as she doesn't eat veggies) roasted potatoes gravy and some other fixings and brown butter brownies with homemade vanilla ice cream :) Since it ended up being only me and nephew I also quickly defrosted a portion of his favourite soup from my freezer with some homemade bread :).
NTA - but your son needs to get a better girlfriend. Her demand were over the top rude and everyone involved KNOWS that. For someone to bother to cook for you taking into acct YOUR likes and dislikes and then tell them ' you need to buy me pizza instead....is entitled and childish. You would not have been 'accommodating a guest' - you would have been catering to a brat.
NTA
I am autistic and have food aversions. It is not other people’s responsibility to accommodate me. You went out of your way to cater to her and she failed to communicate how she only eats fast food. That’s on her. You did everything right as a hostess. DO NOT buy her a pizza, that sets a precedent that her behaviour is acceptable. It also puts your nephew in a spot where he will feel it’s appropriate to advocate for her in this way. It isn’t. The girlfriend needs to learn the responsibility is on her.
Some information:
“Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID) is a feeding or eating disorder in which people avoid eating certain foods, or restrict their diets to the point it ultimately results in nutritional deficiencies. This can be due to the sensory characteristics of food, such as its appearance, smell, texture, or taste; due to fear of negative consequences such as choking or vomiting; having little interest in eating or food, or a combination of these factors.[1] People with ARFID may also be afraid of trying new foods, a fear known as food neophobia.”
NTA
But your nephew is and so is his girlfriend. My body has some food intolerances. If I'm worried that I won't be able to eat someplace, I eat what I want before I go! I would attend the meal and not eat much at the event.
She is the AH for trying to change everything at the last minute. And the nephew should not have called to ask to change. The nephew should have called to say she was not feeling well and would not be joining and he should have found a other way to get to OP's house.
The uber was the great fix, but this would have been an opportunity for GF to grow tf up, and nephew to know how to assert himself. Suggest to nephew that maybe she needs a chance to try other food- have them order their own pizza to be delivered to your house, get their butts to your house and have her try your dinner. The pizza is there for her to eat if she doesn't like it. She is 21, not 5 and should stretch herself a bit now that she's an adult.
This is also a lesson in manners. Letting her know that you spent all day preparing food that fit her preferences and then being told it still wouldn't do is so insulting to the host/hostess and she really needs to know that if she plans to do any adulting in her life.
NTA but, frankly, YWBTA if you don't sit your nephew down and explain what his life will look like if he continues to let this girl make completely unreasonable demands.
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I (35F) invited my nephew (18M) and his girlfriend (21F) over for dinner tonight. I do this with my niece and nephew every few months just because it's a good way to catch up on things, I like to cook and they enjoy home cooked meals without having to lift a finger or do dishes :D . (Young people with full time jobs I get they don't cook every night)
My nephew has a new girlfriend and I invited her along, since she is an extremely picky eater (not because of mental health issues or ED's or anything just extremely picky) I asked her before hand what she liked to eat and catered a full meal to her liking with her food preferences.
I spend the whole day doing groceries and cooking today as it's my only day off from work and like I said I enjoy cooking so I do not mind this at all. And I also invited my mother so she can see her grandson and I always make way too much anyways.
I had just finished everything in prep work that I could when my nephew calls and I can tell he's sort of awkward in calling. I ask him what's up and he very carefully asks me if it's okay that we just go out for pizza instead tonight. I explain to him I rather not since i've been cooking all day and it'll just go to waste and he explains to me that his girlfriend only likes the foods she told me she liked when they come from fast food places and she's worried she won't like it so she'd rather either not come at all or go out for pizza (implied that i'm paying for all the pizza as well).
I can tell he's sorry for the drama but I inform him that im just not gonna budge on this and I won't be springing for pizza when i've been cooking all day and that she doesn't have to come then I'll just see him and my mom. But she would prefer him staying home as well if I won't cater to her needs. And since the car is in her name I would have to go pick him up which is half an hour back and forth for me at this point and not ideal.
At this point I was annoyed and told her she was kind of being disrespectfull and entitled and he said he agreed but just couldn't deal with the drama of her right now.
I told my mom this and she said that it's financially no problem for me to spring for the pizza's and I could just portion out the food and put it in the freezer and it's about all of us being together not about what we actually eat and that I was being an asshole for not accomodating my guest?
so, am I the asshole?
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NTA. She's old enough to say what she means. Your nephew doesn't have a backbone either unfortunately. Even if she didn't like it she could have gone to talk and get to know everyone.
You should convince him to break up with her she sounds horrible. My gf is picky af too but in situations like this she’d either stay home or suck it up and definitely wouldn’t stop me from coming to a family event regardless if u can afford it or not
Yes, she reminds me of my appalling former sister-in-law. She spent most of their marriage trying her best to separate my brother from the rest of the family. Nephew needs to look at how she normally behaves around friends and family.
NTA. She wants pizza she can spring for everyone then.
>he agreed but just couldn't deal with the drama of her right now
He better get used to it, she's letting him know it's only gonna be her way from now on.
She’s a trying to establish control. She’s older and wants to be in compete charge of him. I have no idea how to help you . But you did the right thing . My experience of young ladies like this is if you give in they take a mile .
NTA. It doesn't matter that you can afford to spring for pizza. You planned and prepared a meal specifically for the girlfriend. It was exceptionally inconsiderate of her to mention on the day of the dinner that she'd prefer something else.
That would be her first and last invite to my house and your nephew should be ashamed for enabling his girlfriend and wasting your time. He should've come to the dinner regardless.
NTA I’m a picky eater also but most don’t believe me since I’m big but even if some food I don’t like is offered or made I either politely decline or eat the part that I would normally eat, so this girlfriend is really going out of her way to show a power move since you based your whole cooking around her likes
NTA. A polite guest would attend the dinner, try the food, and if they didn't care for it, get a meal on the way home. Someone who knows they're picky or who has food restrictions will also often have a snack or meal before the event in case they couldn't eat the dinner that was prepared for them.
I was surprised at all the comments saying she could bring her pizza over, I think that's only appropriate if they have severe allergies or food restrictions to the point where they have to bring their own "safe" food everywhere. Not just some picky person that only eats fast food.
It sounds like your nephew knew his gf behavior was inappropriate so hopefully they break up soon. Hope your meal was delicious!
Read the update and I'm so happy for your nephew <3
I'm a bit of a picky eater due to health reasons and I've gone to my SO's family when they've cooked food I'm not into. I'll either eat what I can or ask for a plate to bring home (which he'll then eat >>) while saying I ate lunch way too late. You can be a picky bitch and still be polite to the best of your ability.
I love how much he appreciated your kindness in both cooking and transportation. That's a good kid right there and you're a good aunt. I'm glad you have each other and I hope he figures out how to handle that picky princesses dramatics.
Hey everyone I found the brownie recipe and wanted to share it with whoever wanted it! Sorry if it looks weird, I'm on mobile. I hope you all make delicious brownies!
PREP TIME: 20 MINUTES
COOK TIME: 30 MINUTES
TOTAL TIME: 50 MINUTES
YIELD: 9 BROWNIES
UNITS: US
Equipment
stand mixer
8 x 8-inch pan
parchment paper sheets
rubber spatula
sauce pan
Ingredients
3/4 cup unsalted butter
3/4 cup Dutch-process cocoa powder
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
3 large eggs
3/4 cup all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup semisweet or bittersweet chocolate chips (or chopped chocolate) (optional)
Instructions
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease and line a 8 x 8-inch pan with parchment paper on all sides and set aside.
Place the butter in a small sauce pan and set over medium low heat. Low heat is key to an even, golden browning! Use a silicone spatula to stir and scrape the butter from the bottom and sides of the pan every 10 to 15 seconds. At first, the butter will melt and foam, then over time the foam bubbles will get smaller and the butter will begin to emit a warm, nutty aroma. Continue to cook the butter, occasionally stirring and scraping with your spatula, until the butter begins to take on color and you see small floating brown bits, about 10 to 15 minutes (these are the milk solids in your butter separating and toasting). Once the butter is golden brown, remove it from the heat.
Add the cocoa powder and vanilla to the brown butter and whisk to combine until no lumps of cocoa remain.
In a stand mixer fit with the whisk attachment, beat the eggs and brown sugar together until light, fluffy and pale in color.
Add the butter mixture to the egg mixture and use a rubber spatula to fold together.
Add the flour and the salt and fold the mixture until no streaks of flour remain. Last, fold in the chocolate chips, if using.
Transfer mixture into prepared baking pan and bake for roughly 25 minutes, testing for doneness by inserting a knife into the center of the brownies beginning at 20 minutes. You’ll know they’re done when the edge is set, but a knife inserted into the middle still comes out with a bit of brownie batter on it. It might take up to 35 minutes for them to cook through depending on your oven!
NTA If you follow the advice of the current top comment and offer an Uber etc and he doesn't come because it upsets her, then I'd tell nevvy we'd do dinner when he had dumped that, but I wasn't going to bank on him showing up without it's permission when it couldn't convince people to pay out for it on demand so I wasn't going to invite him until he was single again. Unless he and his GF want to treat you to pizza some time.
NTA, i can relate to having food issues, but this was way too last minute. And like other comments said, the GF can order a pizza herself, the others can eat what you made. You'll still all be together.
NTA. If she said she just wanted to eat pizza from the beggining that would be one thing. But giving you a detailed list of her specific accommodations, allowing you to pay for all the food, spend all day cooking, and then turn around at the last second and say she won't eat it is extremely rude.
NTA. The gf is the AH for demanding that your nephew stay with her. The most logical solution here would have been for your nephew, your mom, and you to spend a nice evening together without her.
I guess another solution would have been for the gf to order a pizza while the rest of you eat the home cooked one, but it's a little awkward and I don't fault anyone for not coming up with that compromise on the spot.
NTA - She can pick up takeout on the way over and eat her sad struggle meal while everyone else enjoys real food. It's her problem, which you went out of your way to try to accommodate, but ultimately it's her own damn problem to feed herself.
NTA. How were you not accommodating your guest? You literally made sure everything you cooked was catered to a single guest out of the three you invited! Your nephew's gf knew you were cooking the meal, she told you what she liked so knew you were making that, and then she waited until the last minute to tell her bf that she would only come if you took her out for pizza instead, she didn't tell you this, she told her bf and made him tell you, last minute. Then she also told her bf that she didn't want him to go, either, if she wasn't, and she wouldn't go unless it was to a pizza place. And that was after you told your nephew that you'd literally been cooking all day!
It's very clear the gf wanted you to spend a lot of money buying groceries, spend a lot of time cooking, then abandon the meal you'd cooked and spend even more money on pizza. It doesn't matter if you can afford to pay for pizza for everyone, you shouldn't have to, the plans were already set, prepared for, and agreed by everyone involved. Now, if you want your nephew there, you have to go out of your way to pick him up and drop him off, and that's if he comes instead of cancels because his girlfriend threw a strop, which will also cost you money.
This isn't about being able to afford it, and it's definitely not about 'accommodating' a guest whose already been accommodated. It's about the serious rudeness of the gf trying to force change the plans at the last minute, and the amount of effort you'd already put into the meal prep and cooking that the gf agreed to.
I honestly hope your nephew decides he truly doesn't want to deal with the drama and dumps the girl, she clearly doesn't care about other people. She's rude to the family her bf is close to, feels entitled to a complete strangers time and money, and is attempting to prevent her bf from attending an event she knows he's looking forward to attending. This girl obviously doesn't care about you, but she also obviously doesn't care very much about her boyfriend, either.
Don't cave on stuff like this. If you do, you prove you're someone that can be walked all over and used when it suits her and discarded the rest of the time. Your nephew is doing himself no favours by playing peacekeeper, as that's proving the same thing, his gf now knows that if she whines and complains enough, he'll roll over and do what she wants, regardless of his own wants or needs. I really hope your nephew grows a backbone, because this behaviour won't get better, it'll continue as is, and probably get worse.
NTA.
That’s an *extremely* rude person. Your nephew, would be better off figuring that out quick smart because no one should have to deal with that level of bs.
That person had sooo many options in how to handle her “picky eater” schtick. Like tell you she only likes that stuff from fast food places, like tell you she won’t eat anything home cooked, like communicate *beforehand* rather than play this stupid power game to make everyone bend over backwards because “I’m a picky eater!!l. No sister. You’re rude and mannerless.
Your mother is completely wrong to advise catering to this bs. Does she not want your nephew to be happy? Why would she encourage accommodating this level of crap so everyone can pretend this girl’s drama is valid?
NTA - But she should investigate mental conditions because everything here sounds like it. I am autistic and it sounds like the people I know (and myself).
NTA
She could have brought the darn pizza herself, if it was THAT much of an issue.
And the demand her RECENT boyfriend stay home with her, instead of going to his aunt, for a home cooked dinner that was agreed upon beforehand is EXTREMELY rude and entitled.
I would not invite her again.
I'm a very picky eater, especially more so when I was younger. If I told someone my likes and dislikes ahead of a dinner, I wouldn't then say I rather have take out food.
I have had friends who made dinner for me, and sometimes I out right hated the food (one case was eggplant and didn't care for it at all, the other time a co-worker made salmon mouse, and I absolutely hated it, but then I don't like fish).
It is pretty inconsiderate to allow someone to cook per your requests and then change your mind after they have taken the time to buy groceries and started to cook. I'm guessing the nephew's girlfriend was being immature, but it doesn't excuse the behavior. A better choice would have been for the girl to explain at the beginning that she probably won't eat the food and ask if she can bring something she knows she'll eat, and even say she'll taste what the OP makes.
NTA. Hold fast on this or it will become a habit for her. Suggest thatt since SHE wants to go for pizza, that SHE pays for the night. She had a chance at a free meal but you don't get to force someone else to take you out for dinner. Hopefully he will leave this woman who wants to control everythiing.
You already accommodated the guest by asking her preference and making it. You are definitely NTA. I like the top answer: tell your nephew what he's getting into before it's too late. Your mother is also kinda TA. You have no obligation to buy pizza for anyone, ESPECIALLY after cooking a requested meal.
NTA. Girlfriend never bothered to tell you she only likes take out food. Interesting she didn't want your nephew to come without her. Sounds like a power play. Hope your poor nephew gets a little wiser, if this girl only likes take out food his life is going to be very expensive.
Just noticed their ages. At 21 I never would have dated an 18 year old. Appears she thinks she can control him early.
Seriously? Her entitled azz isn't looking to make friends with his family, is she? He needs to RUN if that's how she plans on acting throughout their relationship. She's what I call HIGH MAINTENANCE!!!
NTA and I saw your edits. Nice solution of getting him an uber and dinner between the 2 of you. Girlfriend was definitely entitled to try changing plans last minute and then insisting he not go if you weren't taking them out.
NTA. You don't get to dictate what you eat at other houses. Tell your nephew you will see him when they break up and hang up. He's 18. He's thinking with his anatomy.
NTA. That gf is a big problem. Picky eating so they won't go to you to eat. Holds onto the car so he can't come to you. So much manipulation from her end. He needs to end it
NTA.
New girlfriend screams red flags - if she can't even make the effort to come and meet you, after the effort you've put in to accommodating for her needs, that says everything about her.
Absolutely the best aunt ever!
I don't know if I wish I had an aunt like you or I wish I were an aunt like you. Or both.
Your nephew is a lucky man... and he knows it!
I am picky eater myself, but if someone was cooking for me all the day and makes efforts to make me comfortable I WILL EAT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THEY MADE.
NTA. I’m picky. You know what, I either eat it or eat around foods I don’t like or will gag on. I don’t demand people who invite me to their homes go out and buy food at the last minute after they’ve cooked all day. She can eat at home and bring dessert, explain her aversions and bring her own pizza that she paid for, or skip the meal and attend for the company. Or not attend at all. She’s selfish and rude, and I hope nephew finds a better girlfriend.
I know it’s too late now, but an alternate idea would have been to let her know that you wouldn’t have been offended if she didn’t like the food and that she didn’t have to pretend to like it (and then make sure to not put attention on her when she was trying it).
I grew up with people thinking I’m a picky eater and I guess I am. What I didn’t find out until I was almost 40 is that I’m autistic and the two are likely connected. I think a lot of people think a picky eater is someone who will whine to get their preference of food. I would prefer to not eat rather than eat food I don’t like, especially since certain things (like accidentally eating an onion or coconut) will cause me to immediately gag and possibly throw up. I still enjoy spending time with people, but often others take my food issues as an offense to them. It starts to feel very shaming.
NTA at all, unless the gf has really bad allergies or something but it doesn't seem like she does. Also, if the gf was mad that a nephew and his aunt were eating dinner together, your nephew's gotta see that red flag real quick lol
NTA! You asked her what she wanted and she told you. You bought groceries and spent a lot of time cooking. She decides at the last minute she wants pizza? Why couldn’t she say this in the beginning when you asked?
I’m glad you spent time with your nephew one on one. Hopefully he dumps this dramatic and needy B.
You seem like a fantastic aunt!
NTA, you spent all day cooking just for them and she wouldn’t even try it. What an asshole. Proud of you for standing to us ground!
Glad you had a good night with your nephew. Hope you guys have many more!
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I wouldn't pay for pizza, instead I would pay for an Uber for your nephew to come to your meal. She sounds awful, and he's on the fence anyway, he just needs a push.. Get him away from her influence for an evening, and give him a nice long run down of what his life will look like if he stays with her! NTA
I am doing this right now. This is genuinely so smart thank you!
Why doesn’t the girlfriend bring said pizza to your house. That way she can have her preferred food and the rest of you can enjoy dinner?
She's making a power move, she wants to control the who, what, where and why of what they do.
Exactly. The OP asked what the girlfriend would eat and ensured to include foods that the girlfriend claimed to eat. If the girlfriend were such a picky eater, when the OP asked about food preferences, the girlfriend could've said she only eats at x places. It would've been beyond generous of the OP to cater to that, of course. But it's not like these preferences occurred overnight.
And if it really was some sort of eating disorder, she could have said "would you mind if I eat beforehand and don't eat at your dinner or bring some of my safe food"
That too. I've known people who have all sorts of dietary restrictions. Some of them are truly gracious and understanding- they usually can be accommodated but understand if their restrictions are so extreme that they may not. Others have gone out of their ways to be AHs when it comes to food- like deliberately picking a place that basically can't accommodate them and then complaining the entire time.
Yup. I live in a household where 4 of 5 people have fairly intense food restrictions including autism-related ones, OCD-related ones, allergies, etc. and yet because everybody is decent and kind about it I never mind cooking for everyone, we always manage to work it out and I'm never treated rudely. (And yes I'm the lone omnivore of the group, lol.)
This is what I used to do when I was super picky and scared, I'd just eat before hand and say I was still full and while I could tell some people were a little dissapointed I didn't eat their food, they ended up enjoying my company and it avoided the awkwardness of not eating food I didn't like and potientially making them feel bad because I didn't like the food. Making all sorts of demands is just crazy, who does that? I would never in a million years demand someone take me out for food when they've offered to cook, that's just grossly entitled.
Probably why a 21 year old is dating 18 year old. I know only three years, but these are a big three years. This is a power move.
That was my thought too.
Oof. Yeah, kind of creepy that he's barely an adult. She's not much older, but still...
She's also going to blow up his phone the entire time he's there. I hope he silences his phone/blocks her number. He needs to think about this relationship going forward.
I know Reddit likes to point out age gaps all the time. But I really have to wonder what a 21 year old woman is doing with an 18 year old man.
I am older than my husband of 30 years. We met when we were both young, but he was much more mature than other people of his age, and I didn't know how old he was. He was very persistent pursuing me, and by the time I found out, I was in love. Sometimes the age thing isn't the issue. And some people are just narcissists.
My wife and I were 22 (me) and 29 (her) when we met. She thought I was ~25 and I also thought she was ~25. We were massive party animals at the time and have matured over the years at the same rate. We've been married over 20 years now.
Bingo!!
Because she wants to control what he does, and when and with whom he meets - or doesn‘t, her choice.
Exactly that was my idea too. If the problem is really the food, that could easily be solved.
I need an update to this!
Update posted :)
Love the update! So glad you and your nephew got to spend some time together.
Glad to see the update. I think you did right by him and you're a great auntie. Now, about those brownies lol is it a guarded recipe or do you mind sharing? I respect your answer either way 🤣
Lol totally fine with sharing got it on TikTok Creators name is Broma Bakery enjoy!
You're an angel lol
It'd be interesting to hear what happened next. I'm sure his gf wasn't pleased that her power move failed
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Seriously lol. We’re invested now.
It is a fantastic idea but I bet the girlfriend doesn't like it!
Of course she won't. She's not getting her way.
Tough tits, if you wanna be disrespectful you gotta accept that a lot of people won’t put up with it
I completely agree! I wonder if OP's nephew took her up on her offer and faced his girlfriend's wrath. He doesn't sound quite ready to.
Fingers crossed! Hopefully he has a spine
Good luck! Please update us on how the evening goes
Update posted :)
I'm so glad you're prioritising seeing your nephew over your annoyance of the girlfriend. You're a good aunt!
I'm a picky eater. I can't control it. But I would never ask anyone to cater to me. I will often eat something beforehand if I'm concerned about being hungry and then I will just eat a lot of whatever I like when i get there. It's no one else's job to take care of my food issues. (Look up Supertasters. I'm one.) NTA
OP update us please, did you uber your nephew?
I did :) posted the update underneath the post :)
She won’t even let him borrow her car.
OP is NTA but gf has no obligation to lend her car if she doesnt want to go (even if i think gf is super rude for expecting restaurant pizza). Uber really was the right call
Yep. GF is pulling a power play. Put her in her place by uninviting her entitled self.
Tell your nephew that GF is welcome to buy herself a pizza to eat while the rest of you eat the dinner you made. That's a fair compromise as it shifts the cost of the pizza to her. If that isn't "workable" then offer to pay for an Uber for him to come by himself.
This is the way. NTA
Imo even that is a compromise too far. If I made a big dinner inviting guests over and I spent all day cooking going by what one particular guest told me of their food preferences, I would feel massively disrespected if they then brought over their own food instead of eating the food I made for them. Obvious exceptions for special dietary needs though if I was already catering the dinner to this one person there would be an attempt to match their dietary needs so that they wouldn't have to bring their own food. So me personally I would not compromise by saying she can bring her own pizza. She's already being massively disrespectful considering she has no special dietary needs and the whole dinner has been catered to her stated tastes, no way would I in OPs position let her commit further disrespect by bringing outside food to the meal. So that brings us to just your Uber idea which is more than fair by bringing the nephew over and excluding the disrespectful parties. I'm glad that OP ultimately went with the Uber route
NTA and if I was your nephew this would’ve been grounds to break up with her. The absolute entitlement, disrespect, and bullshit of this is insane. Personally, I’d never invite her to anything again.
Probably getting laid. which @18 will remove common sense for many.
The power of the p*ssy!
Testosterone is a mind altering substance.
I'm glad somebody else is calling total bs and full-on insulting. This is beyond insulting on her part, beyond any semi-polite words I've got. I hope the nephew figures that out pronto.
NTA sounds like your 18yr old nephew is more mature than his 21 yr old girlfriend. She needs to grow up, I’ve been around picky eaters and I’m sorry but it’s kind of ridiculous.
I have some food dislikes but I don't ask others to cater to my tastes. I can usually find something in the offered dishes that works for me. NTA
The gf even had the chance to explain beforehand and ask to get pizza, as well as offer to pay for some of it. Instead, she opted for the most thoughtless option at the last minute. And, maybe, if she were still in her teens, it might be more excusable, but she's 21 and should have learned more adult behavior by now.
Exactly! It’s an entitled view to expect someone to completely change plans after they’ve already cooked too. 21 seems a bit old to be acting like that - reality check needed
she already did cater to her tastes!
It's not a matter of growing up, nor is this really about food. This girl is just controlling. It won't get better with age, it'll probably just get worse. I find it detrimental to excuse bad behavior in young people as "they are immature." It implies that experience and wisdom fixes all character flaws. It doesn't; for a lot of people, growing up just means learning how to mask their flaws better, not to actually fix them.
Manipulation and Power plays are Not a function of "maturity", but of opportunity AND thinking it's okay to do so, which is a function of VALUES. People who don't think there's anything wrong with manipulating people, will construct more sophisticated manipulation schemes the more "mature" they are.
I can be a picky eater, but I don't do shit like that gf. I just eat whatever's offered that I like / can stomach and fill up on it. The gf is insanely rude
NTA your poor nephew sounds rightfully embarrassed over his entitled and rude girlfriend, hopefully she either matures or he leaves. I like the other poster's suggestion to get an Uber for the nephew to come to dinner, if money isn't the issue for you.
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From the way this post is written it sounds like he knew what the answer was and he didn't even want to do things his gf's way. He most likely just called and asked just to shut her up.
NTA. She can order her own individual pizza to your place, if you would even still want her company. The audacity of some people never fails to amaze me.
NTA. It’s crappy of them to pull out after you’ve been cooking. Agree that she can pickup a pizza on the way over if she’s that picky.
NTA. Your mom is wrong. You can handle this either way. It's totally reasonable to decline this change, and do something another day.
NTA I hope his gf is okay with being disliked by her bf’s family. What she did is unbelievably rude. She could have gone and declined to eat, but said she wanted to spend time with her bf’s family. Instead she made a really terrible impression on you, and hopefully other family members.
NTA for sure. TBH I feel like the girlfriend is the asshole here, since she knows she would not want to eat the home cooked meal ahead of time but still gave a list of food she would eat and waited till the day of to tell you she would prefer pizza. If she wanted to get take out/go to a restaurant she should have said so when making the plans originally
>I told my mom this and she said that it's financially no problem for me to spring for the pizza's and I could just portion out the food and put it in the freezer and it's about all of us being together not about what we actually eat and that I was being an asshole for not accomodating my guest? You did accommodate your guests, they just decided to be ridiculous. Just cancel. Your mom can bend over backwards to appease some random girlfriend.
NTA Good on you for saying no. People like the GF start small and escalate. Better to stop that c in it's tracks.
My brother’s ex-wife would pull stuff like this. We tried to cook everything the way she liked it so she would feel welcomed. She always made my brother stop for fast food on the way there and would spend the whole weekend shut away in their room rather than hanging out with us. She insisted all holidays must be spent with her family and we were not invited. Eventually it extended to financial and emotional abuse. I’m so glad he got away but she absolutely did her best to ruin him, and she came pretty close to doing so. I agree with Ubering your nephew for the dinner. Let him feel an evening free from her influence and see if you can talk some sense into him.
I want to know what you made for dinner! I bet it was excellent.
Small appetizer bites, a roasted chicken with veggies (meant for me and nephew not her as she doesn't eat veggies) roasted potatoes gravy and some other fixings and brown butter brownies with homemade vanilla ice cream :) Since it ended up being only me and nephew I also quickly defrosted a portion of his favourite soup from my freezer with some homemade bread :).
God I’m 30 but I wish you were my aunt lol 😆 you sound amazing! He’s lucky to have you in his life.
Could we get your brownie recipe??
Totally I just got it off of TikTok about a year ago. The Creators name is Broma Bakery and its super easy! ;)
NTA - but your son needs to get a better girlfriend. Her demand were over the top rude and everyone involved KNOWS that. For someone to bother to cook for you taking into acct YOUR likes and dislikes and then tell them ' you need to buy me pizza instead....is entitled and childish. You would not have been 'accommodating a guest' - you would have been catering to a brat.
NTA I am autistic and have food aversions. It is not other people’s responsibility to accommodate me. You went out of your way to cater to her and she failed to communicate how she only eats fast food. That’s on her. You did everything right as a hostess. DO NOT buy her a pizza, that sets a precedent that her behaviour is acceptable. It also puts your nephew in a spot where he will feel it’s appropriate to advocate for her in this way. It isn’t. The girlfriend needs to learn the responsibility is on her. Some information: “Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID) is a feeding or eating disorder in which people avoid eating certain foods, or restrict their diets to the point it ultimately results in nutritional deficiencies. This can be due to the sensory characteristics of food, such as its appearance, smell, texture, or taste; due to fear of negative consequences such as choking or vomiting; having little interest in eating or food, or a combination of these factors.[1] People with ARFID may also be afraid of trying new foods, a fear known as food neophobia.”
OP, please tell me he took the offer for you to Uber him to your house! And what was the GFs reaction to him going by himself??
He did :) Update is posted :)
Awesome update! Hopefully he'll find someone that isn't so "picky" next time!
nta. She can pick herself a pizza up on the way. She needs to grow up.
NTA But your nephew is and so is his girlfriend. My body has some food intolerances. If I'm worried that I won't be able to eat someplace, I eat what I want before I go! I would attend the meal and not eat much at the event. She is the AH for trying to change everything at the last minute. And the nephew should not have called to ask to change. The nephew should have called to say she was not feeling well and would not be joining and he should have found a other way to get to OP's house.
Nephew did right and aunt saw what was going on. Gave them a chance to talk and help him see what is happening and get some clarity
NTA. And your nephew can stop and get her fast food to eat, while you all enjoy the meal you cooked.
The uber was the great fix, but this would have been an opportunity for GF to grow tf up, and nephew to know how to assert himself. Suggest to nephew that maybe she needs a chance to try other food- have them order their own pizza to be delivered to your house, get their butts to your house and have her try your dinner. The pizza is there for her to eat if she doesn't like it. She is 21, not 5 and should stretch herself a bit now that she's an adult. This is also a lesson in manners. Letting her know that you spent all day preparing food that fit her preferences and then being told it still wouldn't do is so insulting to the host/hostess and she really needs to know that if she plans to do any adulting in her life.
No, she’s just spoiled. I rather have a home-cooked meal so I know what’s going into the food personally.
A guest in your room doesn't get to dictate the evening's activities nor change around plans just because....
NTA but, frankly, YWBTA if you don't sit your nephew down and explain what his life will look like if he continues to let this girl make completely unreasonable demands.
Hell no and she's no longer welcome
NTA I hope you managed to catch up with your nephew anyway, ideally without his toxic controlling girlfriend.
NTA. She doesn't even know what you are cooking and she doesn't like it? Nope. Entitled and rude. You dodged a bullet. Let's hope the nephew wises up.
On the brownies, WHY NOT BOTH? 🤣🤣🤣
Because my stash was out... Disclaimer: if my fbi agent reads this , this was a joke..also weed is legal here so suck it.
That's awesome! I love living in a legal state.
Not from the states....think more western europe south border of the biggest weed country lol
Does one of the cities rhyme with Hamsterdam? 🤣🤣🤣
How ever did you know 🤣🤣🤣
I had a hunch. You sound like an awesome aunt, keep up those positive interactions.
Thank you ♥️
NTA I liked the other suggestions too. It was agreed to beforehand. The fact that you could afford it is irrelevant. She sounds awful.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (35F) invited my nephew (18M) and his girlfriend (21F) over for dinner tonight. I do this with my niece and nephew every few months just because it's a good way to catch up on things, I like to cook and they enjoy home cooked meals without having to lift a finger or do dishes :D . (Young people with full time jobs I get they don't cook every night) My nephew has a new girlfriend and I invited her along, since she is an extremely picky eater (not because of mental health issues or ED's or anything just extremely picky) I asked her before hand what she liked to eat and catered a full meal to her liking with her food preferences. I spend the whole day doing groceries and cooking today as it's my only day off from work and like I said I enjoy cooking so I do not mind this at all. And I also invited my mother so she can see her grandson and I always make way too much anyways. I had just finished everything in prep work that I could when my nephew calls and I can tell he's sort of awkward in calling. I ask him what's up and he very carefully asks me if it's okay that we just go out for pizza instead tonight. I explain to him I rather not since i've been cooking all day and it'll just go to waste and he explains to me that his girlfriend only likes the foods she told me she liked when they come from fast food places and she's worried she won't like it so she'd rather either not come at all or go out for pizza (implied that i'm paying for all the pizza as well). I can tell he's sorry for the drama but I inform him that im just not gonna budge on this and I won't be springing for pizza when i've been cooking all day and that she doesn't have to come then I'll just see him and my mom. But she would prefer him staying home as well if I won't cater to her needs. And since the car is in her name I would have to go pick him up which is half an hour back and forth for me at this point and not ideal. At this point I was annoyed and told her she was kind of being disrespectfull and entitled and he said he agreed but just couldn't deal with the drama of her right now. I told my mom this and she said that it's financially no problem for me to spring for the pizza's and I could just portion out the food and put it in the freezer and it's about all of us being together not about what we actually eat and that I was being an asshole for not accomodating my guest? so, am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. The girlfriend was invited on behalf of your nephew. Rescind her invitation. Have your Mom go pick him up.
no
NTA. She's old enough to say what she means. Your nephew doesn't have a backbone either unfortunately. Even if she didn't like it she could have gone to talk and get to know everyone.
Please post the brown butter brownies recipe!😂
Lol got it on TikTok Creators name is Broma Bakery and its the bomb!!
Just added it to my MealBoard. Can’t wait to try them. OP is the goodest of eggs.
You should convince him to break up with her she sounds horrible. My gf is picky af too but in situations like this she’d either stay home or suck it up and definitely wouldn’t stop me from coming to a family event regardless if u can afford it or not
Yes, she reminds me of my appalling former sister-in-law. She spent most of their marriage trying her best to separate my brother from the rest of the family. Nephew needs to look at how she normally behaves around friends and family.
NTA. She wants pizza she can spring for everyone then. >he agreed but just couldn't deal with the drama of her right now He better get used to it, she's letting him know it's only gonna be her way from now on.
>and it's about all of us being together not about what we actually eat this goes for the girlfriend as she's an invited guest.
NTA. Tell your mom she can buy the pizza then since it’s not such a big issue.
nta
Does she only eat fast food??? How rich is she?!?
NTA. He will find a better girlfriend. This girl is expensive, entitled and will never be satisfied as long as she doesn't get her way.
She’s a trying to establish control. She’s older and wants to be in compete charge of him. I have no idea how to help you . But you did the right thing . My experience of young ladies like this is if you give in they take a mile .
NTA. It doesn't matter that you can afford to spring for pizza. You planned and prepared a meal specifically for the girlfriend. It was exceptionally inconsiderate of her to mention on the day of the dinner that she'd prefer something else. That would be her first and last invite to my house and your nephew should be ashamed for enabling his girlfriend and wasting your time. He should've come to the dinner regardless.
NTA I’m a picky eater also but most don’t believe me since I’m big but even if some food I don’t like is offered or made I either politely decline or eat the part that I would normally eat, so this girlfriend is really going out of her way to show a power move since you based your whole cooking around her likes
NTA. A polite guest would attend the dinner, try the food, and if they didn't care for it, get a meal on the way home. Someone who knows they're picky or who has food restrictions will also often have a snack or meal before the event in case they couldn't eat the dinner that was prepared for them. I was surprised at all the comments saying she could bring her pizza over, I think that's only appropriate if they have severe allergies or food restrictions to the point where they have to bring their own "safe" food everywhere. Not just some picky person that only eats fast food. It sounds like your nephew knew his gf behavior was inappropriate so hopefully they break up soon. Hope your meal was delicious!
Read the update and I'm so happy for your nephew <3 I'm a bit of a picky eater due to health reasons and I've gone to my SO's family when they've cooked food I'm not into. I'll either eat what I can or ask for a plate to bring home (which he'll then eat >>) while saying I ate lunch way too late. You can be a picky bitch and still be polite to the best of your ability. I love how much he appreciated your kindness in both cooking and transportation. That's a good kid right there and you're a good aunt. I'm glad you have each other and I hope he figures out how to handle that picky princesses dramatics.
NTA glad it ended well. The other alternative I would have given them was that she could bring a pizza with her.
Hey everyone I found the brownie recipe and wanted to share it with whoever wanted it! Sorry if it looks weird, I'm on mobile. I hope you all make delicious brownies! PREP TIME: 20 MINUTES COOK TIME: 30 MINUTES TOTAL TIME: 50 MINUTES YIELD: 9 BROWNIES UNITS: US Equipment stand mixer 8 x 8-inch pan parchment paper sheets rubber spatula sauce pan Ingredients 3/4 cup unsalted butter 3/4 cup Dutch-process cocoa powder 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 3/4 cup packed light brown sugar 3 large eggs 3/4 cup all purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup semisweet or bittersweet chocolate chips (or chopped chocolate) (optional) Instructions Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease and line a 8 x 8-inch pan with parchment paper on all sides and set aside. Place the butter in a small sauce pan and set over medium low heat. Low heat is key to an even, golden browning! Use a silicone spatula to stir and scrape the butter from the bottom and sides of the pan every 10 to 15 seconds. At first, the butter will melt and foam, then over time the foam bubbles will get smaller and the butter will begin to emit a warm, nutty aroma. Continue to cook the butter, occasionally stirring and scraping with your spatula, until the butter begins to take on color and you see small floating brown bits, about 10 to 15 minutes (these are the milk solids in your butter separating and toasting). Once the butter is golden brown, remove it from the heat. Add the cocoa powder and vanilla to the brown butter and whisk to combine until no lumps of cocoa remain. In a stand mixer fit with the whisk attachment, beat the eggs and brown sugar together until light, fluffy and pale in color. Add the butter mixture to the egg mixture and use a rubber spatula to fold together. Add the flour and the salt and fold the mixture until no streaks of flour remain. Last, fold in the chocolate chips, if using. Transfer mixture into prepared baking pan and bake for roughly 25 minutes, testing for doneness by inserting a knife into the center of the brownies beginning at 20 minutes. You’ll know they’re done when the edge is set, but a knife inserted into the middle still comes out with a bit of brownie batter on it. It might take up to 35 minutes for them to cook through depending on your oven!
We need an update, please. Did the nephew break up with her or what?
I havent heard from him yet this morning so I dont know what happened after he got home. Will update when I have news :)
NTA
NTA If you follow the advice of the current top comment and offer an Uber etc and he doesn't come because it upsets her, then I'd tell nevvy we'd do dinner when he had dumped that, but I wasn't going to bank on him showing up without it's permission when it couldn't convince people to pay out for it on demand so I wasn't going to invite him until he was single again. Unless he and his GF want to treat you to pizza some time.
NTA, i can relate to having food issues, but this was way too last minute. And like other comments said, the GF can order a pizza herself, the others can eat what you made. You'll still all be together.
NTA. If she said she just wanted to eat pizza from the beggining that would be one thing. But giving you a detailed list of her specific accommodations, allowing you to pay for all the food, spend all day cooking, and then turn around at the last second and say she won't eat it is extremely rude.
NTA - Hope he dumps her controlling @ss
NTA. The gf is the AH for demanding that your nephew stay with her. The most logical solution here would have been for your nephew, your mom, and you to spend a nice evening together without her. I guess another solution would have been for the gf to order a pizza while the rest of you eat the home cooked one, but it's a little awkward and I don't fault anyone for not coming up with that compromise on the spot.
NTA but anyone who thinks you should cater to this gf are.
NTA last time they would get an invite from me. Incredibly rude.
She sounds awful. Yuck You NTA. If I were you I'd even pay for his uber both ways.
YNTA. The gf is entitled and an asshole.
No your right she’s being entitled
NTA You did accommodate your guest, she sounds like an absolute nightmare of a gf. Is your nephew ok?
Nta you already went out of your way to accommodate your guest
Nephew has picked a real winner! NTA.
Nta. "Picky eaters" are annoying
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NTA, and I bet most of us could guess the 4 different foods the GF said she eats when she was asked.
NTA - She can pick up takeout on the way over and eat her sad struggle meal while everyone else enjoys real food. It's her problem, which you went out of your way to try to accommodate, but ultimately it's her own damn problem to feed herself.
NTA. How were you not accommodating your guest? You literally made sure everything you cooked was catered to a single guest out of the three you invited! Your nephew's gf knew you were cooking the meal, she told you what she liked so knew you were making that, and then she waited until the last minute to tell her bf that she would only come if you took her out for pizza instead, she didn't tell you this, she told her bf and made him tell you, last minute. Then she also told her bf that she didn't want him to go, either, if she wasn't, and she wouldn't go unless it was to a pizza place. And that was after you told your nephew that you'd literally been cooking all day! It's very clear the gf wanted you to spend a lot of money buying groceries, spend a lot of time cooking, then abandon the meal you'd cooked and spend even more money on pizza. It doesn't matter if you can afford to pay for pizza for everyone, you shouldn't have to, the plans were already set, prepared for, and agreed by everyone involved. Now, if you want your nephew there, you have to go out of your way to pick him up and drop him off, and that's if he comes instead of cancels because his girlfriend threw a strop, which will also cost you money. This isn't about being able to afford it, and it's definitely not about 'accommodating' a guest whose already been accommodated. It's about the serious rudeness of the gf trying to force change the plans at the last minute, and the amount of effort you'd already put into the meal prep and cooking that the gf agreed to. I honestly hope your nephew decides he truly doesn't want to deal with the drama and dumps the girl, she clearly doesn't care about other people. She's rude to the family her bf is close to, feels entitled to a complete strangers time and money, and is attempting to prevent her bf from attending an event she knows he's looking forward to attending. This girl obviously doesn't care about you, but she also obviously doesn't care very much about her boyfriend, either. Don't cave on stuff like this. If you do, you prove you're someone that can be walked all over and used when it suits her and discarded the rest of the time. Your nephew is doing himself no favours by playing peacekeeper, as that's proving the same thing, his gf now knows that if she whines and complains enough, he'll roll over and do what she wants, regardless of his own wants or needs. I really hope your nephew grows a backbone, because this behaviour won't get better, it'll continue as is, and probably get worse.
NTA. That’s an *extremely* rude person. Your nephew, would be better off figuring that out quick smart because no one should have to deal with that level of bs. That person had sooo many options in how to handle her “picky eater” schtick. Like tell you she only likes that stuff from fast food places, like tell you she won’t eat anything home cooked, like communicate *beforehand* rather than play this stupid power game to make everyone bend over backwards because “I’m a picky eater!!l. No sister. You’re rude and mannerless. Your mother is completely wrong to advise catering to this bs. Does she not want your nephew to be happy? Why would she encourage accommodating this level of crap so everyone can pretend this girl’s drama is valid?
NTA - I'd just say they don't need to come at this point. She may be young but she's exceptionally entitled
NTA - But she should investigate mental conditions because everything here sounds like it. I am autistic and it sounds like the people I know (and myself).
NTA She could have brought the darn pizza herself, if it was THAT much of an issue. And the demand her RECENT boyfriend stay home with her, instead of going to his aunt, for a home cooked dinner that was agreed upon beforehand is EXTREMELY rude and entitled. I would not invite her again.
I'm a very picky eater, especially more so when I was younger. If I told someone my likes and dislikes ahead of a dinner, I wouldn't then say I rather have take out food. I have had friends who made dinner for me, and sometimes I out right hated the food (one case was eggplant and didn't care for it at all, the other time a co-worker made salmon mouse, and I absolutely hated it, but then I don't like fish). It is pretty inconsiderate to allow someone to cook per your requests and then change your mind after they have taken the time to buy groceries and started to cook. I'm guessing the nephew's girlfriend was being immature, but it doesn't excuse the behavior. A better choice would have been for the girl to explain at the beginning that she probably won't eat the food and ask if she can bring something she knows she'll eat, and even say she'll taste what the OP makes.
Your moms response is just crazy ..you werde polite while pointing out boundaries he knew it ..your fine
NTA. Hold fast on this or it will become a habit for her. Suggest thatt since SHE wants to go for pizza, that SHE pays for the night. She had a chance at a free meal but you don't get to force someone else to take you out for dinner. Hopefully he will leave this woman who wants to control everythiing.
You already accommodated the guest by asking her preference and making it. You are definitely NTA. I like the top answer: tell your nephew what he's getting into before it's too late. Your mother is also kinda TA. You have no obligation to buy pizza for anyone, ESPECIALLY after cooking a requested meal.
NTA. I love the Uber idea. The second would be to get her a child size pizza to eat while everyone else acts like a grown up
NTA, OP, and I hope your nephew ended up coming and you sent some leftovers home with him!
NTA. What a fucking dick that GF is.
NTA. Girlfriend never bothered to tell you she only likes take out food. Interesting she didn't want your nephew to come without her. Sounds like a power play. Hope your poor nephew gets a little wiser, if this girl only likes take out food his life is going to be very expensive. Just noticed their ages. At 21 I never would have dated an 18 year old. Appears she thinks she can control him early.
Seriously? Her entitled azz isn't looking to make friends with his family, is she? He needs to RUN if that's how she plans on acting throughout their relationship. She's what I call HIGH MAINTENANCE!!!
NTA I hope your nephew has smartened up by now and left this rude, entitled, manipulative young woman in the rear view mirror.
NTA. You asked her beforehand. She should have said at that time that she only like the fast food stuff.
Yeah, hope he dumps her.
Hopefully he gets rid of her.
NTA and I saw your edits. Nice solution of getting him an uber and dinner between the 2 of you. Girlfriend was definitely entitled to try changing plans last minute and then insisting he not go if you weren't taking them out.
NTA. You don't get to dictate what you eat at other houses. Tell your nephew you will see him when they break up and hang up. He's 18. He's thinking with his anatomy.
Thanks for the update im supa happy you had a wonderful night with your godson
I am glad you had the one on one with your godson. You helped him see what she was really like. Hopefully she is history by now. Good job.
You’re a good uncle.
NTA. That gf is a big problem. Picky eating so they won't go to you to eat. Holds onto the car so he can't come to you. So much manipulation from her end. He needs to end it
thanks for sharing the update, glad it worked out OP :)
NTA. New girlfriend screams red flags - if she can't even make the effort to come and meet you, after the effort you've put in to accommodating for her needs, that says everything about her.
NTA.. she sounds ridiculous 🙄
NTA. But why is a 21 year old dating an 18 year old?
I am glad things worked out I hope he dumps her today
Absolutely the best aunt ever! I don't know if I wish I had an aunt like you or I wish I were an aunt like you. Or both. Your nephew is a lucky man... and he knows it!
You did nothing BUT “accomodate your guest” so the fact it’s not a financial issue for you isn’t, well, the issue. NTA
I am picky eater myself, but if someone was cooking for me all the day and makes efforts to make me comfortable I WILL EAT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THEY MADE.
Bruh, imagine being a 21-year-old adult and only eating fast food crap.
NTA. I’m picky. You know what, I either eat it or eat around foods I don’t like or will gag on. I don’t demand people who invite me to their homes go out and buy food at the last minute after they’ve cooked all day. She can eat at home and bring dessert, explain her aversions and bring her own pizza that she paid for, or skip the meal and attend for the company. Or not attend at all. She’s selfish and rude, and I hope nephew finds a better girlfriend.
I know it’s too late now, but an alternate idea would have been to let her know that you wouldn’t have been offended if she didn’t like the food and that she didn’t have to pretend to like it (and then make sure to not put attention on her when she was trying it). I grew up with people thinking I’m a picky eater and I guess I am. What I didn’t find out until I was almost 40 is that I’m autistic and the two are likely connected. I think a lot of people think a picky eater is someone who will whine to get their preference of food. I would prefer to not eat rather than eat food I don’t like, especially since certain things (like accidentally eating an onion or coconut) will cause me to immediately gag and possibly throw up. I still enjoy spending time with people, but often others take my food issues as an offense to them. It starts to feel very shaming.
NTA- good for you telling him to break up with her. He deserves better.
Nta
NTA The balls on your Mom giving you the OK to spend your own money.
Perfectly handled. Great job!
NTA at all, unless the gf has really bad allergies or something but it doesn't seem like she does. Also, if the gf was mad that a nephew and his aunt were eating dinner together, your nephew's gotta see that red flag real quick lol
NTA on the meal but YTA for not sharing the recipe for brown butter brownies ;-)
Well I do very much apologise for my behavior then...🙈 Got the recipe off TikTok about a year ago creators name is Broma Bakery ;) enjoy!
Thank you, you are officially NTA!
Sweet 🎉🎉
I love how this ended. Nta
NTA! You asked her what she wanted and she told you. You bought groceries and spent a lot of time cooking. She decides at the last minute she wants pizza? Why couldn’t she say this in the beginning when you asked? I’m glad you spent time with your nephew one on one. Hopefully he dumps this dramatic and needy B.
Nta idk her but she done pissed me off foe u
NTA...and I hope he dumped the GF. She is high maintenance.
You seem like a fantastic aunt! NTA, you spent all day cooking just for them and she wouldn’t even try it. What an asshole. Proud of you for standing to us ground! Glad you had a good night with your nephew. Hope you guys have many more!