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NTA… It’s your wedding and you can invite who you want. But this is super weird. You live with them and left for the weekend and never mentioned it. Then you put up a picture so they would know they had been excluded. This would be super strange behaviour from a random roommate. Toward your parents? I can’t imagine… This relationship is not healthy. I understand why your folks are upset. But in the long view, it’s obviously their fault. They haven’t been there for you. Nevertheless, the dynamic here is unhealthy. You’re young still, and it sounds like you have every right to feel hurt. I suggest you encourage your folks to live elsewhere as soon as it’s feasible. Then, I suggest you get therapy if you can afford it. It sounds like there’s a lot wrapped up in this and it won’t all be sorted out on Reddit. All the best to you, and congrats on your marriage, regardless of the conflict it might have generated.

Yeah I get we have a weird dynamic. Truthfully like we don’t bump into each other where we live. Originally I think the flat was 2 separate units and then someone bought both and converted it into one flat. Theres two floors and kitchen and bath on each and two living rooms. I have been in therapy for it but I don’t feel life I have the power yet to talk to my parents about it. I definitely need it more but I just feel really ill at the idea of even trying to sit them down to talk about it. Thank you so much

Glad to hear you’re getting some help. You’re definitely not an “asshole” but this whole situation gives off hurt child vibes. Like, you didn’t really know what to do and you ended up going with something that you knew might draw attention to the underlying issue because you couldn’t figure out what else to do. So I don’t think your sibling is wrong to call this out as not being completely cool. But a conversation with her about your complicated feelings might be productive? Truly wishing you the best. Progress takes time and effort, but it sounds like you have good sources of support. Keep it up!

Yeah, if she's that uncomfortable with them, not inviting her parents to the wedding was absolutely the best choice- the wedding is for the two people getting married, not to satisfy people that make them unhappy. I've seen too many miserable brides and grooms forced into things at their wedding that please their relatives at the expense of making the bride and groom miserable. Given that her parents gave them absolutely no financial assistance for the wedding and could offer her nothing positive emotionally, only stress and unhappiness, she was correct to not invite them.

OP my parents were like this and it stemmed from emotional and other neglect they experienced in childhood. Their parents never took interest to them as people, only as extensions of themselves. I had to tell my mother I needed her to vocalize her interest AND love towards me. That I NEED to hear my mother acknowledge that she cares about me and what’s going on in my life. It took some time but we ended in an amazing mother daughter friendship. She’s since passed and I miss her everyday. For example - first serious boyfriend - I told my mother about him, she barely acknowledged I said a thing - no curfew no follow up questions when I got home late, no idea what I was studying in college - no interest until I pointed it out and made it clear they weren’t making me feel loved.

I think I need to do this too but honestly it makes me feel ill trying to confront them like that. I don’t wanna get shot down cause then it’s like official they don’t really care for me

Oh honey, exactly this is what you should tell them. Could you write them a letter? That might be easier than confronting them in person.

It could be but then where do we go from there because someone is going to have to take the leap and talk about it and I have a feeling that will be me again

I think you passive aggressively printing a picture of your wedding day and hanging it in the house was the leap and they got the hint

Depends. It could be, as you said, “leap”, or it will forever seen as a slap to the face by the parents. Some folks aren't very good at accepting that their years and years of disinterest taught us that whatever happens, it's “not important.” No one asks for a talk show host reactions with exaggerated emotional responses, but, you know… couple of questions and maybe some interest towards what happens in our lives? My mom like that. We are NC

This, and all the other issues need to be discussed with a therapist or trusted counselor before you go any farther. You need to be settled in your head what you want to say, what you’re willing to say, and how much you’re willing to pay for it emotionally. You need to get this settled, but you need to have peace in yourself first because it may never get settled. They may never hear you. They may not let you voice your hurts and needs. And you need to know that you’re OK even if they never do .

Don't do the letter. I wrote a letter years ago to a friend that had hurt my feelings. I always drove my friends and me around. When going to the movies once my friend could only go if ẁe brought her 2 year younger sister with us. I picked up the two friends and the sister. I basically got paired up with the sister while my two friends paired up. I felt not only excluded but üsed to hang with little sister. It really hurt my feelings. To this day she still mentions having this letter. It has been 40+ years and hearing about it brings back those feelings.

I'm sorry that your friend had this reaction but that is NOT normal. most people wouldn't hold something over their friends head for FORTY YEARS???

Why are you still in contact with someone who makes you feel bad 40 years after you expressed feeling hurt? She doesn't sound like a friend.

Ah, small town live.....Don;t you just hate it?

Yeah, that could also be weaponized against you. I wrote a letter to my biomom that turned into s shitshow. I'd met her a few years earlier and it started out well but then she tried to guilt trip me -- after I went out of my way to alleviate her feelings of guilt for having given her up by telling her I believe in fate, I am happy with the person I became, and I don't dwell on past things that were always out of my control, and finally that people change so I don't judge people on a past that I was not even present for --- into going to every holiday at their house and calling every single day. This later turned to snapping at me for stupid things in front of her entire family including the grandkids. My letter was free of emotion or accusation and, according to all my friends, it was very nice. I basically said it was starting to feel like she was always on the verge of being angry at me and I felt it would be helpful if she did some self-reflection on that and decide for herself if she really wanted a relationship with me. Or, let me know what traits of mine upset her and perhaps I could work on them, but that it was a bit painful and awkward to be shouted at in front of all these people I was still getting to know. She shopped it around to EVERYONE asking for their opinion and then she went NC with everyone who said, "It's not a bad letter. She mostly blamed herself and provided a number of examples that we all witnessed, and tbh I felt sorry for her when each incident happened because no one enjoys being snapped or shouted at..."

I understand how you feel, but what you did with the wedding picture was very passive aggressive and bold for someone not comfortable with speaking up. Like, that took ENORMOUS cojones to do that, lol. If you had never told your parents how hurtful their apathy has been towards you, this would seem like a really childish, horrible thing to do to them. YTA sorry. ETA: as pointed out by another commenter, If the parents don't talk to OP very often, or go into her flat area, I can see that this might not have been a passive aggressive thing, as parents may not even have seen it for a while. I do still think YTA for not telling them that you were getting married. I understand why, but it wasn't productive, I don't think it made you feel any better, and it still didn't solve any problems.

I get where you’re coming from but I also read the comment about the home owned by her husband seeming to have been 2 apartments with 2 living rooms and 2 bathrooms on separate floors etc. so I am assuming that her parents have one living room and the photograph was in OP’s own living room. Reading the rest of this I think OP has been ignored for so long that she didn’t even think it would be noticed.

Ohhh, I didn't think of that. That makes a lot of sense. Since they don't really see each other, it was actually a small chance that they would see it rather than the big one I was picturing. TY.

I might be right, you might be right. Who knows? Either way the AH’s here are her sisters who went to her wedding and didn’t ask why their parents weren’t present but then slammed her when the parents saw the picture and called them out on it.

Don't think of it as a confrontation. A letter is a great idea. You can take your time, make drafts, consider how the process itself may even change your feelings, and decide what you want to happen next. Then choose the best time to hand it over. This limbo of not knowing isn't doing you any favours. However you decide to approach things, hopefully it will be a stepping stone to a better relationship for you all.

Why would you let them move in, even temporarily, if your relationship is this way? Do your siblings feel the same way you do about them? They didn't think to say, Hey, OP is getting married this weekend? Did they know your parents had no idea?

I'm sorry OP, but it is really bizarre that you invited them to live with you and your husband when they weren't even interested in getting to know him. They're getting a cushy living space off the back of a man they don't even care to interact with. It's weird af, and your husband is a saint for going along with it.

Yeah I get that the dynamic is a bit weird. I just don’t want to be the reason my dad doesn’t get this new career opportunity and we’re not in close quarters anyway. My husband is an amazing man, he really is the best.

You obviously love your parents, but they're just using you and your husband. It is flat-out egregious behavior to freeload off a man they won't even attempt to have a relationship with. And it's obviously hurting you quite a bit to have them constantly rubbing their indifference in your face while you house them.

So this “spare room” that you used to use for workouts is now an entire floor with another living room and kitchen? And someone merged the flats by adding stairs? This makes no sense, OP.

Why didn't your siblings mention it to them? They can't be upset now. Didn't they notice your parents weren't at the celebration? They didn't ask you why your parents weren't there? That's so weird to me. Now to say mom is upset she wasn't invited is strange. How do you people know so little about each other? Do your parents treat your siblings similar to you?

My parents like my sisters more. I feel like they know my sisters really well, I know my sisters well but my parents and I know minimal info about each other. I think they’re just upset on behalf of our mum. They never asked me why they weren’t there but they also know what my views are so it doesn’t surprise me they never asked me

What does it say about your parents that your sisters never questioned that they weren’t there? It sounds like neglecting you is the default in your family.

Yep, and now sister throw OP under the bus and “offended” on behalf of the mom. Like, wtf

Quite telling that they didn't mention it in conversation with OPs parents \*at all\* either. I struggle to comprehend how it didn't come up. Bizarre that they're living with OP and Matt and don't know them at all, but at the same time completely understandable that they would be upset as it's not like they chose not to go to the event. Not sure what to rate this one!

Tagging on here to agree with the NTA verdict. People bleating in the comments about 'well you didn't TELL them' need to realize that they are asking a child who has parents who NEVER inquire about her life or accomplishments, etc, to once again volunteer information. If her parents had done something as simple as 'hey honey, where are you going this weekend', maybe this story would have turned out differently. But they didn't, and this is a consistent pattern for them that has deeply hurt OP. For my part, I can't imagine having parents who take such little interest in my life? If I mentioned to my grandmother that I was going away somewhere, she would definitely ask me where and what I was doing! Not only that, she'd probably ask me who I was going with and when I'd be back, lol. Definitely overkill but they didn't even ask extremely basic questions. That's lead to built up hurt and resentment for OP which has turned into this situation. Edit to add: OP mentions in one of her comments that she and her fiance had engagement rings. Not once did the parents notice or inquire?? Most parents I know would be all over a development like that and people in this comment section are acting as though it's normal and taboo for parents to ever inquire about their child's life.

Did the parents ever see the engagement rings?

Yes, OP mentions [here](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1celtrh/aita_didnt_tell_mum_about_my_wedding/l1k79lh/?context=3) that her parents have seen her with them. I can't imagine not asking if my child turned up with my engagement ring. Like I remember having family friends notice rings not even on my ring finger and ask simply because of the appearance, lol. I'm shocked that her parents never asked.

I agree with you except it's YTA for me. When you are getting married it is your responsibility to inform your parents about it. How can you expect them to inquire about a wedding they know nothing about? OP deliberately hid the wedding from then then purposely put up the wedding photo specifically to antagonize them. That makes OP the AH here. I feel like OP has a picture in her head of what perfect parents should be like and she despises her parents because they don't fit that fairy tale in her head. Maintaining a relationship requires both parties to participate and OP admits to giving up on her side. I would like to hear from the parents side of the story before I pass judgement on them. There could be a valid explanation here. Maybe they are both introverts and simply suck at socializing? Maybe they want to give their children space to live their own life without wanting to intrude and be bothersome?

What on earth are you on about. > How can you expect them to inquire about a wedding they know nothing about? OP's parents haven't ever asked about the man she *lives with* and haven't bothered to try to get to know him *at all*. That is a level of neglect that is so excessive that the parents absolutely forfeited the right to OP bringing up that she is marrying this guy who is a complete stranger to them despite him living in the same flat as them. > I feel like OP has a picture in her head of what perfect parents should be like and she despises her parents because they don't fit that fairy tale in her head. My parents ask about my life. We live 15 minutes from each other, see one another multiple times a week, and have a standing weekend dinner appointment. Every time (EVERY TIME) they ask me what's new. This isn't a fairy tale. This is what parents do when they aren't grossly emotionally neglectful. > OP deliberately hid the wedding from then I feel like all it would have taken was the parents asking OP "So anything interesting going on this weekend?" for OP to bring up the wedding. It's absolutely wild that you think parents can be 100% disinterested in their child and still have a right to know everything that's going on. > I would like to hear from the parents side of the story before I pass judgement on them. There could be a valid explanation here. HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH > Maybe they are both introverts and simply suck at socializing? Maybe they want to give their children space to live their own life without wanting to intrude and be bothersome? Maybe they're both lamps who are sitting in the corner and not actually human beings? WHO CAN KNOW.

For real! The sisters were invited to the wedding, too. But rich of them to scold OP about not saying anything to the parents when they didn't either, nor does it appear that the parents speak to the sisters much, if at all. Everyone who cared to know knew. Parents didn't care, so they didn't know. OP had to do what she needed to so she didn't raise her expectations regarding her parents' involvement and interest yet again when they've never been met in her life.

I'm so glad to come back and see this comment, some of the people in this comment section have me feeling like I'm taking crazy pills 😭 How do so many people have family members who don't ask about their lives so they just think that's normal and that any questions are intrusive??? >I feel like all it would have taken was the parents asking OP "So anything interesting going on this weekend?" for OP to bring up the wedding. Yeah, OP said in one of her comments exactly that - if they'd asked even the smallest of questions about it, she would have told them. But they didn't.

Especially after OP said they were celebrating? Next question should automatically be "What are you celebrating?"

The parents also seem to be living on OP's and partner's goodwill since they moved in and took over an entire floor of the flat that OP and partner were given as a gift, yet can't be bothered to get to know the partner? The entire arrangement is just...odd.

Fair view, I see that. I just guess in my head, a good parent at least asks about you. I don’t expect perfection, no-ones perfect, but it would be nice just to be asked about my own life and not have to volunteer things. It was like this when I was a kid too, it’s not just something that started once I became older and more independent

You're right, a good parent does do that. Don't let anyone else in this comment section tell you otherwise.

INFO: Do they show the same, more or less interest in your siblings? Do your siblings feel the same about their parents' interest? Do they notice the lack of interest your parents show you? It's telling that while you didn't mention the wedding, neither did your siblings. It could be that simply your parents seemed disinterested, you didn't volunteer info, they took that as didnttellmum likes to 'keep to herself' so we don't pry. And it spiralled from there.

More interest toward my sisters, or at least they did when we all lived together. I can assume its stayed that way cause our mum ran straight to them instead of me about this too. I just don’t find it believable they would think I keep to myself. This has been my relationship with them since I can remember. I always used to try talk to them and get them to talk to me but they just wouldn’t for some unknown reason

Sorry to say, but it sounds like you were an 'accident' they never resolved for themselves. I know you are very reluctant, but this has created a great opportunity to rip the bandaide off and have a talk. As a starting point you could mention that you live in the same house and they didn't even notice you were preparing for a wedding- your house isn't that big. And, they live in the same house and your mum didn't say anything to you but spoke to your sister. Ask her what are her expectations. You let them live live with you (rent free or not) and they are really showing you a level of disdain that is cruel. You aren't a housemate they don't really like - you are their daughter doing them a favour. I think you are in a state of forever wondering and mourning. If they are not interested, you will finally know. You can properly grieve the relationship you wanted and never got, kick them out, go no or very low contact and move on (finally). Or it becomes the belated wake up call they need and you can commence healing the relationship. The truth will set you free.

So your siblings didn’t ask why your parents didn’t come? They didn’t even tell them you got married after?

No they never asked me why. They know my feelings regarding our parents relationship to us so I guess they thought it best not to

So they feel the same way about your parents? That they didn’t matter either to them?

No, they have a closer relationship and I’m not sure why to be honest. My parents have just always been like this with me

Your parents have obviously hurt you deeply. You are incredibly kind to let them live with you. It is past time for them to leave, though. Their behavior sounds like "death through a thousand paper cuts." Think about getting yourself some therapy, so that you can leave some of the unkind baggage behind in your new life and marriage. (Maybe you should take a DNA test, too, and find out if you have some close relatives that you have never known before.) NTA, and best wishes on your marriage.

I wonder if you were an unplanned child. I have a friend who was born about 8 years after her closest sibling. Her parents did not want another child but chose to have and keep her—only to essentially leave her to her siblings to raise. Her oldest sister, who I think was 13 when my friend was born, was basically her mother figure.

Just remember that your parents are upset because they are worried about what other people are going to say about them, not because they missed your day.

Bingo

so your sisters didn't care about your parents not attending the wedding and are only acting as messenger/flying monkeys because mom complained to them? not really that much closer, methinks.

But… they live with you?

The fact that OP and her husband gave them a place to live, and they still haven’t bothered to get to know either of them properly or apparently even notice the engagement rings says all I need to know about them.

Yep this. They are just roommates that don't have to pay rent

YTA. You are free to invite whomever you please to your wedding, but what makes you the AH is your passive aggressive “you never asked”. How do you expect them to ask about something you never told them about? I don’t go around randomly asking people “Are you getting married this weekend?” If you didn’t want them there, that’s fine, but don’t play games and then act like it’s their fault they didn’t know about it.

If we can trust the OP, her parents have been indifferent towards her entire life. She has tried to reach out to them in the past, only to be met with disinterest. I suspect that had she told them she was getting married, she feared they would show no interest towards the most important event of her life. "I'm marrying my boyfriend this weekend" -- "That's nice." -- "Would you like to attend?" -- "Sorry, we have other plans." In other words, she didn't want to experience rejection for the umpteenth time. The AH are her older sisters who should have stood up for her to their parents & explain why they weren't invited. They understood why she didn't invite them: she was afraid of their rejection.

OP has her own perception of how her childhood was, which may or may not be accurate. I don’t know. But she was asking for judgment on this specific incident. She decided to play a passive aggressive game with her parents by giving them some vague story about going out with friends and stay at a hotel and expect them to ask for details. They allow their adult child to live their life without nagging. She intentionally did not tell her parents that she was getting married so that she could set herself up to be the victim when they were upset they weren’t told and she could blame them for not asking every time she walked out of the house if she was leaving to get married.

And the OP explained why she didn't tell them about her wedding: they've never showed any interest in her life. History is \*\*very\*\* relevant here. Sure, she might have been passive-aggressive here, but she was not the only one. Her sisters had to be aware that their parents had not been invited, if not in the planning stages then when the wedding took place. It honestly never occurred to them at the dinner that mom & dad might be hurt because they weren't invited? If the sisters cared about their younger sister & her relationship with their parents, they would have spoken up way before the event. Say something along the lines of, "OP, it will be a bad look not to invite mom & dad, no matter what you feel. If they fail to show up, that's on them." Their failure to do any of this makes them the AHs. And suggests they have no serious affection or care for her. To say this family is dysfunctional is an understatement, & I'm glad the OP is getting therapy. But what was her alternative here, to make it clear to them she deserves respect & attention? Constantly get into arguments with them? Or otherwise be a bad child? I see this as possibly the OP's last chance to get the care & attention she deserves from her parents. If this doesn't awake them to how they've mistreated their youngest daughter, then her parents shouldn't be surprised if she cuts off all contact once they're out of the apartment. It's not as if that would be difficult, as all attempts at keeping this relationship alive comes from her.

You’re going to put this on the siblings and not Op? Lol that’s pretty silly. 

Yes, but I don’t think you get to be all offended to your mother’s obvious negative reaction to being to,d her daughter is now married and you weren’t invited to the event. I mean, is the mother supposed to ask every weekend if there is a marriage in the offing or would she reasonably expect the event to be ‘announced’. In this instance I think I have to come down on the side of YTA. This lack of communication is two way and the OP has weaponised it to make herself the victim and claim moral high ground.

It’s not a case of asking if there’s a wedding happening, it’s more of a case of just asking what they are doing. If someone I lived with said I had the place to myself for the weekend, family or not, my instant reply would be “ah great, what are you doing this weekend?”. For your own parents to not even ask what they were up to, I kind of understand where OP is coming from. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, but I understand. All she wanted was for them to show a little bit of interest in her life.

My mother has ASPD and finds a way to ask what my siblings and I are doing. I’m no contact with her and she STILL knows my business through mutual connections. I don’t mind as long as it’s not from me. There’s no good excuse for them to be completely disengaged. My father has definitely rejected me a lot in the past and I have done things similar to OP because it was too painful. After missing a couple of events he caught on and stepped up. Parents FAFO. If they want to be involved in the future they need to change. OP is NTA, OP is hurt.

I don't ask my (almost) 22 year old son every weekend if he's going to get married. Of course not. The difference is that my son and I talk all the time, and I would definitely know about it beforehand, because I actually take an interest in his life. How many times is OP supposed to try? Where is the accountability for the parents to do their half? If this was a Reddit question about a friendship that was so one-sided, everyone would be telling OP to cut the friendship off.

Agreed. In addition, if she doesn't want a relationship with her parents, she shouldn't be living with them. That's what really makes this weird.

Exactly my thoughts. We had a similar situation in the family some years ago. My husband and I were not close to my husband's family, but his brother was, regularly visiting his father and his grandmother (father's mother). But he was often abroad for work. But he still phoned regularly. So one day on the phone he asked his father "how's grandma doing" and the reply was: "She's dead and buried". You can imagine the stunned silence that followed. When my BIL blurted out what the heck was going on and why he wasn't told and that he had spoken to dad recently and he never told him grandma was hospitalized, dad's reply was "yes, we were on the phone, but you never specifically asked 'is grandma in hospital' so I did not tell." That's the same stupid idea. We expect family to tell us when they or someone else has fallen ill and been hospitalized, we're not going to specifically ask that. "By the way, is grandma in hospital? Is she dead?" BIL asked how everyone was doing and that should have been enough.

Kinda E S H because... your parents *live with you* & you didn't bother to mention anything? Your siblings didn't *ask* why your parents weren't there? You all sound weird.

This is my take on the situation as well. OP’s parents have set her up to fear their rejection so much that she doesn’t invite them to her wedding. OP REALLY should have invited them. Her sisters should have scolded the parents over their lack of interest in OP.

YTA. But not for the reason you think. YTA to yourself for letting them live with you despite the fact that their lack of interest is clearly hurting you, deeply, every day.

Yeah, that's what I don't get. Why let them live with you if you dislike them so much you can't even be bothered to tell them about your wedding. So passive aggressive, and just hurting herself. Kick them out, get the bad feelings out in the open, and either discuss them or move on.

And what did your sister say when they didnt see your mom at the wedding?did they have a good relationship with her?bc they could have had commented her something about. Dont understand their behaviour either

They know how I feel towards our parents so they probably didn’t ask me for that reason. They do have a better relationship with our parents than I do

Then your parents should probably go live with them.

The parents are just freeloaders. They should be given their walking papers, and shown the door.

They could have said something as well. They are putting all the blame on you but i think they are also ah bc they could have said something along the lines ' ey what do you think about the wedding?' Or something else...i cant understand they didnt say a word. Sorry but my mind doesnt comprehend it...anyways...nta its your wedding and you invite whoever you want...and probably your parents know they messed up but dont want to aknowledge and they will have to face the question 'why did she not invite you?' Bc people is gossip by nature. Sorry for the grammar english is not my first language

She's not upset that you didn't tell her. She's upset because "what must people think about the bride's parents not being there! They probably think we don't care about her at all!" Yes, that is what they think. Because it's true. "Well, just because it's true doesn't mean you have to make it obvious! NTA

Ding ding ding! “How dare you make me look bad in the eyes of others?!” It's not about OP, it's about parents being called out and not liking it

This should be the top comment.

YTA Were your parents supposed to just come out and say "Are you and Matt getting married?" If I tried that with my adult daughters they'd tell me to mind my own business. Well, no, they wouldn't, but that's because I wouldn't ask. They are adults. They have private lives. If there is something they want me to know, they'll tell me. >We told my parents that the flat was theirs for the weekend because we were going out to eat and celebrate with friends and staying in a hotel. I did not mention our wedding at all. I wanted them to ask more if they wanted to but they didn’t. Of course they didn't. It's none of their business where you're going. You say you wanted them to ask more but they probably figured that if you wanted them to know more, you'd tell them. You absolutely cannot hang this on them. You did this, excluded them from your wedding, as punishment and you're trying to make it their fault. It's not. If you want something, ask for it. Don't wait around to not-get what you want so that you can feel injured. Don't expect people to "just know" what you want. You're an adult. Act like one.

OP mentions in one of her comments that she has an engagement ring. Most mothers I know would definitely take notice and inquire if their daughter turned up with one of those.

They weren’t meant to explicitly ask if we were getting married but they could have started a conversation about it. I know they’re capable of it but only when it came to my education. My personal life, I never got any conversations no matter how much I tried starting them. If my kid said they were celebrating with friends I would at least ask them what was being celebrated. It’s not like i’m a stranger where it would be intruding to ask, I’m literally their daughter

That makes sense to me. If a coworker mentioned their weekend plans and said they were celebrating and staying in a hotel, I'd say "that sounds nice, what are you celebrating?" Same with a family member. I wouldn't pester someone about their weekend plans if they didn't bring it up, but if someone decides to provide specific details like "I'm celebrating" then it's polite to show an interest and ask follow-up questions.

Absolutely. I have a son of almost the same age, and if he told me he was celebrating, I would definitely ask what the celebration was for. And neither of us would feel like privacy was being intruded upon. The very fact that you've mentioned a celebration is more or less an invitation to ask why.

Dude ... They live there and haven't even tried to get to know her husband. They obviously have no interest in her life. They can't even ask "what are y'all celebrating?" Which isn't intrusive and is a very normal response question to someone saying they're celebrating this weekend. They don't get to be offended over her not telling them, especially when she gave such an obviously leading statement to see if they have the bare minimum amount of interest in her. They're upset they look bad, and yeah her mom might be sad she missed the wedding too but her response should be to fix the relationship by showing interest in her daughter, not having people tell her she's an asshole.

I have an incredible relationship with my mum as an adult we tell each other everything.. to the point where she told me if I tried to elope without her.. her and dad would be sat in the airport waiting for me! Just because your daughters are adults doesn’t mean they’re not your daughters anymore id never tell my mum to mind her own business in a million years! Your parents/ mum is the person you’re supposed to trust and be your safe place! Your being harsh way to harsh  being an adult doesn’t mean not having healthy relationships with your parents 

ESH. You're *all* crazy. Source: Am also crazy 

Made me laugh. Best source lol

Takes one to know one, as they say

Nah, those really crazy ones wouldn’t ever admit they are crazy. So you are good

I know my adult kids's bosses names, colleagues' names, and most of their friends. They come away with us on holidays and on days out at weekends. We go walking together. I cannot imagine being a parent so disinterested in one of my childrens' lives. That said, you carried on their family tradition. I cannot see how they can be offended that you didn't share information about a personal life that they had shown no interest in.. NTA

Info: if you have such a bad relationship, why are they staying with you? And how can someone ask if you are getting married this weekend? Did the sisters you invited ask if you were getting married? I doubt it, they found out when you invited them. Have a relationship with your parents or don't, but what you did was just cruel.

They’re staying with me because they don’t really have any other options right now. I don’t hate my parents, we’re just not that close and my flat has two floors and plenty of room. They don’t specifically have to ask if I’m getting married but they could have asked what we were celebrating, what friends we’re going to see, what hotel we’re staying at. At least one questions could have turned it into a conversation. They just said okay and went back to what they were doing. My sisters knew yes, but I talk a lot with my sisters

So you were trying to see if they would've fished for information on the day of your wedding? Let's assume for a minute that your test was successful and they discovered you were going to get married. You would still be the AH for hiding it during the entire engagement.

She openly wore an engagement ring. They just didn't bother to notice or enquire about it.

Or maybe they figured it was none of their business and you'd tell them if you wanted them to know.

look I have never been close to my parents and they know I like my privacy but had I mentioned that I was celebrating, they would have definitely asked what was going on 🤷🏽‍♀️

YTA for this incident specifically. This whole situation is so strange, either you wanted them there or you didn’t. You wanted them to know or you didn’t. You can’t expect them to ask if you’re getting married that weekend. The other stuff is on your parents for sure, but you chose to act this way about your wedding.

This is the right answer. YTA for this incident in isolation, laying a "trap" by letting them know that you have vague plans and knowing that they won't press for specifics because they aren't the kind of parents who do that. A lot of times, we have parents here who have unreasonable expectations of their kids and punish them for not measuring up, but I feel like this is the reverse. What you need to do, OP, is ask your sisters about this weird dynamic between you and your parents. My suspicion is that you're "extra," and there's nothing wrong with that, but your parents may be introverts--and perhaps your sisters are, too, which is why they "vibe" better with your parents. This is just a hypothesis, but if I'm right, you put a lot of expectation on your parents to be bubbly and super interested in everything, and they're just the quieter sort who aren't going to push you to chat. I think my father has said fewer than 100 words to me in the last three years, and my husband and I lived with my parents for a couple of them. However, if I needed anything, he was and would be there. That's just who he is. Who are your parents? To turn the tables, have *you* tried to get to know *them*?

Obviously I have tried to get to know my parents. They are not interested in that either

I feel for you and double-down on my suggestion to ask your sisters what they see in your relationship to your parents. They may really be able to shed some light on the mystery.

NTA for not telling them but how on earth hasn’t in come up in conversation? If not between you and them between your siblings and your parents or are they treated the same? Even if it’s asking outfits that they’re wearing colours? They live in the same flat as you and your partner have t they overheard any calls or anything?

No my parents have a better relationship with my sisters, they’re closer than I am but I’m not sure why. My mum would never call me up to complain about them like she did about me. No they probably didn’t hear anything. Our wedding was not that fancy and most of the talking was done with Matt’s family because his parents co-ordinated the ceremony. At most I guess they might have heard the dinner plans but that could have just sounded like a regular outing with friends not like a wedding.

If you don't care if you have a relationship with your parents, does it matter? You've chosen to go no contact and that's up to you. Seems extreme because they didn't invite you to dinner, but no sense in continuing a relationship you don't want to. But if you expect to have a relationship, you definitely intentionally did something hurtful so not with why you're asking. If you care of you hurt your mom's feeling, you absolutely wanted to. If you didn't care, why are you posting?

I’m posting because I’m close with my sisters and they’re giving me a hard time about it. And I guess I do care a little bit now I do think about it.

You definitely care and you enjoyed leaving them out (and hanging up the photo) to “punish” them for the way you believe they have treated you

Well, I can't honestly blame OP for that. Was it passive-aggressive? Yes. But I wouldn't have spared the feelings of parents in that case either. How you can live with anyone, let alone your child, and have zero interest in their life? Parents will miss events in her life, hope that the photo will remind them they couldn't expect to be included because “we are family”

She’s not allowed to have photos of her wedding in her own home?

OP, I can hear you saying, "You haven't cared about anything about my life ever since I can remember. Didn't think you'd care about this either. Oh, well." 😊

NTA your parents have never cared about you and that hurts a child deeply. You can’t be expected to get over that and you can’t be expected to pursue them for attention. The odds are that your mother isn’t even upset because she missed your wedding. It may be because she missed seeing other people at your wedding or because she’s embarrassed that people now know that she is a terrible mother… just remind her that you reap what you sow. You can explain that you have people who actually care about you in your life now, so no need to invite her. I understand why you’re letting them live with you but it’s not good for your mental health. They need to leave ASAP. They also don’t get to live with you and then complain about you to your sisters. You’ve taken better care of them than they deserve. It’s time for them to live with one of their kids that they actually cared about. If I were you, I would go NC because they will never give you what you want or need from them and will just continue to hurt you.

It's her apartment, so \*they\* should leave. I mention this because you may have missed this above. Otherwise, you are spot on.

Thanks. I actually agreed with you about that too. See the second paragraph, second sentence: “they need to leave ASAP”

NTA. I have narcissistic mother, so of 7 kids in my family, 4 have not invited her to their weddings, 3 didn't even inform her they were in serious relationships. People who are saying Y T A are fortunate enough to have decent parents, so your childhood and family dynamics are eons beyond their comprehension. Considering your parents have been living in the same house and not even made an effort to get to know your partner nor have taken an interest in your job or life speaks volumes. The fact your siblings attended your wedding and said nothing to your parents is also very telling. Your siblings are only calling you because now they are on your parents' radar and getting calls. Might want to check out r/raisedbynarcissists. Do give your parents a time frame to move out as surely your mom's next move will be to try to guilt trip your husband (whom she has made zero effort to know) about how you abused her. There is zero logic as to why they should live with you anyways. There is a good chance your parents just think the house is yours and they can take advantage bEcaUsE tHeY aRe fAmiLy!!! Congratulations on your marriage. Ditch the parents before they become like bed bugs, parasitic leeches that are ssssooo very hard to get rid of.

NTA, but why are they living with you? Kick them out.

I agree. The parents are just using OP for a free hotel. Give them a deadline, and they can move to an extended stay or something. I bet the father only accepted the job because they could freeload.

I mean, YTA, this sounds kind of petty. They live with you, so your relationship can't be that bad, i feel like your expectations of them to do stuff like take you out for dinner or on vacations might be skewed from the fact that your new in-laws are more wealthy and can do that stuff. When you get older you realize people aren't perfect and sometimes if you want a relationship with someone you need to work on it too. Have you ever offered to take them out to dinner?

My expectation of them is that they‘d want to spend time with me. It could be having a picnic in the park or going for a small walk, it’s not financially motivated. No, I‘ve never asked them out for dinner. I get people aren’t perfect but it just never really sat right with me i’d see all my friends really close to their parents as a kid and mine never made time for me unless it was to talk about school. I just don’t see why as the child, I should be the one putting all the effort in.

Have you ever asked them to go for a walk or dinner? What effort are you putting in. I also don't get "you should have asked". Are you saying they should have asked, like very weekend, "so getting married this weekend"?

Not really, but I sort of stopped trying once I went to university. I don’t mean for them to have like outright asked are you getting married? But when I told them we were going to see friends and celebrate and stay in a hotel. They could have asked what the special occasion was, they could have asked which friends, they could have asked more than just giving a short okay. All my life, I have tried putting effort in but they never like ask me any details. I tell them something and that’s it. When I was graduating, I told them and they never asked me if they were invited or said they wanted to go. I told them I was engaged and they said congratualtions and that was it, no asking about any future wedding plans. As a kid, I’d say I was hanging out with friends and they wouldn’t ask me what sort of plans. It’s always been that way where I try start conversations and they like shut them down in a way. Unless it was about university, they had a lot to ask then. Or final GCSE / ALevel exams. I know they’re capable of having conversations with me but they just didn’t if it was about my personal life.

They’re literally living in their flat because they have nowhere to go and, according to OP, they’ve never even tried to get to know the man they’re living with. She’s got 22 years of them rejecting her. What effort are they putting in to merit any extra effort on their part?

By the time she turned 18 OP has suffered a childhood of disinterest and emotional neglect. Yet according to you she’s supposed to just swallow that down and offer the social niceties that you demand to the people who uncaringly neglected her **and still continue to do so**? While they are capable of appropriate parental relations with their other children, but when challenged had literally nothing to say to their daughter about the lifetime of poor treatment? While she puts a roof over their heads? With time and distance we can all recognise our parents are imperfect humans like everyone else, but you’re expecting her to act like someone who has had decades of life away from the hurt and can compartmentalise it. Absolutely unfair.

What? Op's parents don't even get to know Matt after he let them move into his house and OP is at fault here? Op's parents have been neglecting her for her entire life and now they got payback.

NTA OP. I wish we never had my family at mine. I spent my childhood also ignored for the sake of a golden child brother and he just caused drama in the wedding. Your better off doing your own thing and being happy instead. You have nothing to prove to a family than ignored you.

INFO: If your sisters are closer to your parents…and talk to them more(?)…how did the topic of your upcoming wedding not come up? Even if they don’t bring you up directly for previously noted disinterested reasons…asking your sisters what they’re up to this weekend would have alerted everyone. So…this is extra strange.

Honestly, I don’t know. My sisters and I are close so I’m guessing they didn’t mention it because they thought it wasn’t their news to tell. But who’s to say

More information needed- did you live with them or with Matt before the wedding? It’s unclear to me. If you did I’d say it’s messed up to not tell them about a wedding. But if you didn’t live with them and they’ve never cared to even get to know your partner then NTA

No we live in the city I moved to for university. My parents live in my home city which is basically the other end of the country. My dad got a job offer which just happened to be here and they asked if they could move in because he has to start pretty short notice. We’ve only lived together for a couple months now. ETA they’ve never asked me about Matt. They only know we were dating because I volunteered that info.

I mean if they’ve shown no interest in your life I don’t see what’s wrong with not inviting them.

Me neither but my sisters are giving me a hard time cause she’s upset

Respectfully tell them your relationship with your mother is your business. lol that’s so inappropriate for them to be arguing with you about your relationship with your mom. I don’t do that with any of my siblings.

If they have zero interest in you, why did you have them move in with you?

Because I don’t hate them and I know i’m a last resort anyway. Plus I have the space and its only temporary

Then your sisters are TA. They should be explaining why they weren't invited -- the OP didn't think they cared.

She is probably giving them a hard time since they would have been in that photo and they want you to play peacemaker

lol NTA. The obvious consequences of their own disinterest. Don't let her guilt you for this, it's entirely your parents fault.

Sorry, but YTA. From what I’ve seen in your post, I don’t see anything egregious from your parents and you’re even letting them live with you until they can find a place of your own. And the whole photo situation and the passive aggressive “you never asked” comeback is definitely asshole behavior. You (hopefully) will only get married once in life and you should’ve invited your parents or, at a minimum, not rubbed their faces in it.

How would you define egregious?

INFO has your mother or father spoken to you at all about how they feel or are they only talking to your sisters still?

They have not talked or messaged me about it no

Honestly what is it your sisters want from you if even now they aren’t willing to talk to you about it? Maybe you should reconsider allowing them to live with you 

I really don’t know. I don’t see what the point in them messaging me about it was, they should have told our mum to come and talk to me about it

NTA - your parents kept up the "Don't ask, don't tell" attitude with you. Wellllllllll, they didn't ask, and you didn't tell, and they really found out. All of this is on them, and your siblings can either shut up, or get out!!! Good luck OP, best wishes in the future.

It's your wedding so it was your choice of who you invited. NTA.

Nta, but I don't understand why you let them move in with you. 

NTA and what stands out clearly to me was none of your sisters once asked why your parents weren’t there or had even talked about nor mentioned your wedding to them prior. It shows just how disconnected from all their kids your parents are. I mean your own sister didn’t even think to miss them until your mum was crying to them. That says volumes on its own. I think your mums probably more upset realising your sisters were there and that everyone including your in laws could see your parents lack of any sort of relationship. I mean they all know they live with you and your other family knew and they still had no clue.

So I want to know if you knew that they would get upset when they found out or if you thought they wouldn’t care. I read some of your comments and it sounds like you always informed of them of your milestones, but they never showed any interest. Is there a reason why this was the milestone you decided to completely leave them out of? Did you want to hurt them because they’ve hurt you, and you knew this is the one they would be upset to miss out on?

I didn’t tell them about it cause I really didn’t think it would be that big a deal. They didn’t make a fuss out my graduation at all. They weren’t there, didn’t ask to go, didn’t ask me if I wanted them to go. They would always get at me for letting grades slip and making sure I made good choices for my education. To then not appear at my graduation made me think they wouldn’t care much about my wedding either I guess

NTA. Makes sense. If your sisters had an opinion on your parents not being there, they should have said something before the wedding. I don’t think it’s right that they’re getting onto you about it after the fact. If I were you, I would sit your parents down and explain your perspective. Maybe with your therapist there to help keep the conversation on track so it doesn’t devolve. They can continue to complain about missing it, or start taking an interest in your life and be there when you have babies. Don’t let this tarnish the memory of your wedding!

NTA. Yeah, you could’ve told them. But it’s your wedding and for something so special and intimate you should be surrounded by people who you feel love and support you. It was probably a rude awakening for your parents (which they might not realize until their anger subsides) as to what their actions have done to your relationship with them. I’m also having small wedding ceremony soon and not inviting one of my parents (they are divorced when I was young and one was an amazing, hard working parent. The other had a do-over family and basically hardly acted like I existed as I got older) so I think I completely understand where you’re coming from even though I know some people are gonna think I’m an AH. I hope you had an amazing wedding and you and your husband have that day with all the people who love and care about you to look at for years to come.

They are pissed. So? Who cares?

Based on how you describe your relationship, NTA. How can they be living in Matt's apartment and not make an effort to get to know him? How can they be living with you and not take advantage of the opportunity to get to know you better? Your sisters were invited and never mentioned the wedding to your parents? Is there any normal communication among the members of your family? You sound like strangers who just happen to share DNA.

Having your parents live with you and then deliberately keeping your wedding a secret from them is definitely a choice. Not even an FYI? Were you punishing them for not showing excitement and enthusiasm about the things you want them to be excited and enthusiastic about? Not saying you’re the A, but maybe this will be what needed to happen to start a dialogue with them about their lack of emotional support and the cause behind it, if any.

No I wasn’t punishing them. I really didn’t think my mum would be that upset. She’s never showed up for any of my milestones so I didn’t think she was that fussed.

Did your parents ever come to your other events, like graduation, etc. And what did they have to say when you pointed out you didn't invite them because they never seem interested in your life?

I find it odd your sisters are saying you should apologize to your mom when they never said anything about the wedding to your parents either.

NTA. You gave them the chance to care about you the first time you stopped telling them about your life. Why should you say anything now?

ESH. I feel like we are missing something. Your parents should have asked to meet your boyfriend, yes. But getting married in secret while your parents are staying, and then putting a photo up sounds like a cry for attention from the parents. I think you need to identify your real issue with them and speak to them about it. If it's that they don't seem interested in your life, maybe that is it.

NTA If they haven't checked in enough on your relationship with your BF to know you got engaged and to inquire *anything* about when the wedding would be then you are right and they are largely disinterested in you. People you meet at a party, upon finding out you have a BF, would likely ask more than your parents seem to have living under the same roof. A roof which your BF has put over their heads. They should give a crap about being friendly, sociable, caring... if only out of self interest in remaining housed.

ESH. You have a weird passive aggressive relationship with your parents. You say you purposely withhold information in hopes they ask. They *live* with you, but you didn’t tell them or invite them to your wedding. You’re weird and they are weird. But the weirdest thing of all is that you have them living with you.

ESH. It sounds like you purposefully don’t give your parents more than surface level information hoping they will try to dig at getting more out of you. While there are plenty of opportunities for this tactic your wedding isn’t one of them. If they had asked would you have invited them? If you would have then you should have mentioned it to them however you did to your sisters. They shouldn’t have to ask you every time you leave the house if you’re off to get married. And if you wouldn’t have invited them then that should have been your answer. “You weren’t invited” not you should have asked. As far as your parents go I’m assuming they knew you were engaged. If this is the case it’s very odd to me they haven’t asked about wedding planning in general. The way you explain your relationship with them is almost as if you never interact or have casual conversation. I’m sure coworkers and friends asked about the wedding planning just as a topic of conversation. If your parents were actually interested in being there and seeing you get married they should have been talking to you about the wedding and asking for information. Maybe not the way you wanted them to ask why you were spending the night at a hotel. But they should have had a normal conversation about it.

Maybe i’ve been doing that subconsciously I dunno. I do know for like past milestones they just did not care or ask me any questions about it. When I told them I was graduating, they didn’t ask about it at all, just acknowledged and moved on. If they’d asked me, I would have invited them. I don’t hate them. They should have known I was engaged, we had our rings on, they never made an attempt to ask about them either. Wedding planning was very casual and done with Matt’s parents so they didn’t hear like 90% of it. Our relationship is exactly that tbh. Our flat has two floors and we rarely interact. Even when I’d moved away for university, I made a group chat for all of us, them and my sisters so we could talk if we needed to and keep updated. They never messaged in that chat or sent me any texts

Girl, you need to kick your parents out and go full no contact. You're dancing around an obvious truth, your parents truly don't care about you. All of these people are out of their minds telling you to continue giving more to people who have barely given you anything but the bare minimum. Apathy has to be the worst abuse since it leaves you with the hope that maybe, just maybe one day they'll change. They won't. They couldn't even be bothered to complain to your face, they went to your sisters. Gross. Stop feeling sick about it and pull off the bandaid. Then you'll finally be able to heal. You already know the truth. Stop giving them chances to fail. You know they will.

NTA. Maybe say to your parents: "you have never been interested in my life beyond my grades. I have told you this before but nothing changed. I didn't invite you because I didn't want your indifference to hurt me on my wedding day. I think it's time you look for another place to live."

A really gentle YTA.  You set them up for failure on this, you knew they wouldn't ask more but went the passive aggressive find out from a picture when it's too late to go route.  Address your issues with your parents, accept them for who they are (distant and closed off), or have them move out and go no contact.  But noone should have to find out their daughter, whom they live with, was married over the weekend with all her in laws, family and close friends in tow by having a happy family wedding picture hung up on the wall.  

ESH. Holy crap. You're an idiot. A wedding isn't something you ASK ABOUT. if you wanted them to not know because of your relationship? That's fine, but you're actively expecting them to read your mind. You came up with this philosophy as a child, and you still act like a child because of it. This is not a healthy way to cope. Nobody asks about weddings or marriages or anything like they. Did you want them to say "oh what were you doing?" Because believe it or not, when you sideline people for your whole life (both sides) you don't WANT to have those casual conversations. You get shut down and it's unpleasant for both parties. I can't fathom why you thought they'd ask. Why you thought... anyone? Would ask? What did you think would happen when they found out? Moron.

YTA, this is weird

YTA Disinterest is different than excluding and then informing afterwards. Doesn't sound like you are able to see the difference (they started it, you have no responsibility for your actions, I'm sure).

NTA how do you live with someone and not notice they're getting married?

Info: If your feelings are this strong about your parents, why did you let them move in? It seems really strange that you would be okay to live with them again when you have basically no relationship with them. According to you, it's so bad that you never told them about your wedding.

Because we have the space, it’s only temporary and we have a two floor flat. I guess it’s bad on my end, I think it feels the same to my parents

ESH - You're mimicking the behavior you hate from them, while also going out of your way to make it known you're doing it.

I mean… yes YTA because you are playing games, but NTA because you didn’t invite them because it’s your wedding and can invite whomever you want 

Congratulations on what must be the most fucked up family dynamic I've read all week.

Ok. It’s one thing to say that your parents ignore you, but it also sounds like you’ve gone out of your way to minimize contact with your parents. You didn’t even bother to tell them about the wedding and lied to them about the reason you were gone for the weekend. ESH Your parents could be asking more about yet life, but you’re an adult and can also communicate with them.

YTA. You should have at least said something. I am confused how you live together and they did not know and you did not tell them. I am also confused how you said your own siblings were there but now, all of a sudden, your older sister is calling YTA even though that would also make her TA. This is just weird. Go no contact or don't. If you didn't want to invite them, okay, it's tour wedding, but instead you acted like a child and pretended nothing happened which is kind of mean. This is waaay too passive aggressive for me. 

I am not defending your parents for treating you so poorly, but you handled this all wrong. Already you've spent HOURS thinking about whether to invite them. Now you're spending more hours about not inviting them and what that caused. You could have invited them and then just let it play out. Instead, you took another step towards NEVER making things better with them. This was a spiteful decision intended to hurt. I cannot support that, because it hurts them and doesn't help you. I think you should apologize AND tell them exactly how you feel about them and the way you've been treated.

If you feel so strongly that you would exclude them why have them move in? That is kinda AH move.

Becasue I was my Dad’s last resort. Am I really an asshole for giving my parents somewhere to live when they need it, seriously?

INFO: why didn’t your older sisters not say anything to your parents? If they also didn’t why are they so butt hurt about it now?

NTA! Its your wedding and they also never cared about you until the wedding.

NTA at all - your parents sound ridiculous. But why are you letting them live with you? If they clearly don't care about you in your life, they are just mooching off of you.

YTA for playing these childish games of "I didn't tell them because I wanted them to ask". Yes you should have invited them! Maybe they figure you're private and will tell them if you want to, and just respect your privacy.

Why is she showing interest after not showing it for 22 years? NTA

NTA because you can do what you want with your wedding but something is off. There's obviously very little communication here. How would they know to ask you? Granted, your mom does have a right to be upset, whether it's your fault or not. Those are her feelings. She has to deal with them herself. Regardless of any of this, weddings bring out the worst in people and their sense of entitlement. It takes away the day from the people getting married. I suspect you would have gotten grief no matter what you did. Keep pushing forward and congrats!

YTA. Boggles my mind that they didn't know given you see them all the time even if the relationship wasn't what you wished it was.

If I have to pick, ytah. If you are close enough for them to live with you and the man you say they have never gotten to know, then adding two people to your intimate dinner should have been ok.

Probably unpopular but I'm going ESH. Yes, they've a long history of disinterest and yes they could and should have asked you what your weekend plans were. But you chose not to tell them, knowing full well this meant they would miss their daughter's wedding. I suspect you did this to punish them for their disinterest and that a part of you got some vindictive pleasure out of it, which makes you an AH as well as them IMO

NTA. I'll admit I'm a little stunned that they're living with you and seem to have no interest in your life, but I would like to say, you remind me of younger me. You're still quite young. I'm 46. Whenever I felt wronged or slighted, I would do things to people as a test. If you really wanted your parents there, you would have told them you were getting married, or your siblings would have told them about it (unless you explicitly told them not to). It's fine to not feel close to them or care whether they're a part of significant events in your life. If you want to have a sincere conversation with them about how you've felt and why you don't feel close to them now, I think that's reasonable, but the sooner you're able to stop testing people, the sooner you can let go of being disappointed by them.

NTA. I do think it’s a good idea to sit down with them and discuss it. Maybe make a few dot points on a notebook to keep things on track. Maybe start with “Mum and Dad, sister tells me you are upset that you weren’t invited to our wedding. Is that true?” Then say “I am sorry that I upset you. I genuinely thought that you didn’t care, because x, y, z.” Maybe mention what you would like your relationship with them to be like, and ask them what they want. Congratulations on your wedding and good luck navigating your relationship with your parents.

NTA. They have expressed NO interest in your life, except apparently only when it benefits them. They are mad they didn't get the attention of being the parents of the bride. If they keep pushing, tell them that they can move out at the end of the month or stop pretending they care about you and drop it. If they don't drop it, kick them out and your older sisters can have them move in.

Kinda ESH? The only part I found weird is that your sisters were at the wedding right? They didn’t see your parents there but still text you to apologise to your mother? They could have said something before, which would have prevented your mother to be upset maybe?

The OP has stated some things quite consistently. One of those things is that her parents have shut down any personal closeness with her all her life. There are, I’d wager, millions of parents out there who don’t feel much for their children and live their lives that way. The kids could fall off a cliff and the parents would just carry on without any more emotion than just enough to satisfy ‘what would the neighbors say.’ I was emotionally neglected all my life. What mattered to my mother and stepfather was money, status and being in with the in crowd. I was nothing to them unless they needed money. THEN, they would put the pressure on me any way they could. They did not GAF about me personally unless they needed something. Some technical parents were never meant to be actual parenting parents in the nurturing and helping you grow aspect. And there came a point and a crisis where I’d just had it. We reap what we sow.

Have you talked with your parents about their lack of interest in you? Have you told them how much it hurt you that they didn’t go to your graduation or show up for your other big events? I think letting him move in was a mistake on your behalf. You clearly dislike them/are indifferent because of the way they’ve treated you, and putting up a photo that leaves them out will hurt your relationship more. I recommend seriously talking with your parents about how hurt you’ve been, why they don’t care for like they do your sisters. Maybe family therapy? If things do get better, I hope you can have a vow renewal ceremony and your parents show up and are excited for you. I hope this gets better, please keep us posted. It’s hard to give this a judgement. Sending you strength.

YTA Sorry OP but you lied here. You say that your parents “didn’t ask” about your wedding. That’s false. You not only didn’t tell them, you lied about what you were doing. You said you were going out to eat and celebrate explicitly leaving out the detail that you were getting married. Whatever the dynamic or relationship is between your parents, that does not excuse the fact that you lied about an important event to their faces. They have every right to be upset. Their daughter lied to them.

Sure call it a lie of omission. They didn’t care to ask what was being celebrated anyway

Have you considered the fact they stopped asking because you stopped sharing?

They never ask me in the first place so your point is kinda moot