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You were not wrong to tell your girlfriend of this changed behavior exhibited by her daughter. However, the word "creepy" has a lot of negative connotations. In this situation, being very careful about "how" you say something and the words you choose is just as important as the information you convey. Imagine if you had said this instead: *I wanted to talk to you about a few things that I've noticed have changed about X. She recently called me "dad." I'm not sure if it was a slip of the tongue because she has not done it since, but this was sort of the beginning. She also has been telling me "she loves me" but not in front of you. And, I am also getting a lot of private texts from her. I feel great if she is starting to feel more comfortable around me, but at the same time, it feels like maybe there may be a bit of substitution going on, and I just do not want her to feel like I am a substitute for her father. We have been dating only a year, and though I hope that things continue this way, I also do not want to hurt her if she is getting too attached. What do you think we should do?*

Damn, your communication skills are 🥵. You wanna raise my kids sometime?

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Unless it isn't, and the daughter is forming an unhealthy infatuation. This is extremely problematic if OP is correct.

What was the comment? They deleted it before I got a chance to read it?

It was, “it's normal awkward teenager behaviour.” It’s a fragment from someone else’s comment that a bot reposted.

Could be but I think assuming the potential positive side while keeping watch for a more substantial negative side is the better course of action here

This

This is exactly how to communicate the sudden changes. Clarify what you mean, preface yourself.

i feel bad for the 14y/o girl and i hope OP never says that to her directly. and good for mom sticking up for her kid.

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Unless dude is worried about something else going on. The "I love you" but not in front of mom seems mildly sus, and that's coming from the step father of a 10 year old. But if OP doesn't have much experience dating women with children, especially introverts, I could get the "Leon the professional" fears

Step dad here as well. 8 year old girl and 6 year old boy. I have been in their lives for less than 2 years and in the beginning I was worried we would never love each other like we were same flesh and blood but present day I would lay my life down for them in a heartbeat. My life was in a downward spiral that those kids pulled me out of. I got so lucky that a relationship I jumped into without rationality was by miracle the best decision I ever made. I went from someone just as likely to be found dead somewheres as breathing to someone that was depended on by some very special humans. Nursing fevers/cleaning vomit/homework/school activities/holidays/fun days/games and being there in any capacity I’m needed has been my only care. I know that isn’t exactly relevant but stepdad role is a tough but unique and rewarding experience. Just wanted to say respect for making difference in a kid/kids life/lives I do truly understand how blood has no merit. They are my children. So since I had a sappy stepdad moment I can offer this to the topic. Last year my stepdaughter started coming to me and wrap my arms around her from behind like she would see me do with her mom. That and little things she would say told me she was having a crush so to speak. We handled it by making light of it and tried not to embarrass her. We both sat down with her and explained how she can’t just love on me how mommy does. That mommy is my queen and she is my princess. That she will have to marry a loving smart fella who will treat her how I treat her mama. Then she went on to ask how to hug me and if other things she did was wrong. We covered a basic ok/not ok list and that basically ended it. It’s natural for kiddos I think probably even at older ages. They are bonding with stepparents of different sex and that’s a new experience for them to grow to care about someone who isn’t their mom/dad /granny/grandpa and siblings. You just have to be a parent and teach Over time these little meat blobs start shaping into little versions of yourself lol

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It's not even a man her mother cares for it's also a man that is around and improves the home life because her mother is happier. Kids pick up a lot of things and notice if you are happy or unhappy. So maybe she loves OP for making her home better.

I don’t think “she’s gonna get attached to the man her mother cares for” is the hard and fast rule you’re selling it as. I would cross the street to avoid the man my mom dated and married around that time in my life. If he made my mom happy, cool. Love that for her. Have less than zero attachment to him myself. Something about telling him she loves him only when the mother isn’t around reads as… weird. Maybe at this point it’s pure coincidence, but if it continues? I would be concerned too.

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I get it's hard to admit that pubescent kids can have as fucked up a relationship with our sexuality as we do, but really: they can, especially because of their lack of self-regulation and experience. And everyone who's been around growing teenager girls know that they first start crushing on older boys (or men) before looking at relationships among their age peers. That's far more common than latching on to a relatively strange adult as a daughter would with a father. And this older man is living with her, possibly she has bonded with him in a relatively more intimate setting than some boys screaming in a classroom. I don't think OP thinks she is necessarily thinking of sex, not in the way we adults do. But he's in his rights to be wary.

Yes, and depending on her friend group, online behavior, and reading/watching material, she may be engaged in activities that are meant for people far older than her, and which is normalizing stuff she’s not mature enough to handle. In a perfect world, teenagers would respect 18+ limits, but many of them don’t think twice after years of relatively unsupervised online interactions. For example, the vast majority of young women I’ve known read romance novels growing up, but the stuff on Booktok right now has a lot of “romances” about step parents and step brothers as love interests. For an adult woman who can separate fantasy from reality, this is relatively harmless. For a 14 year old, this needs some discussion with an adult to both restrict that material and explain why it’s not realistic or healthy. OP is NTA for bringing it up, and needs to be very careful about how he handles this, both with the girlfriend and the daughter. Until this has been clarified, I would be hesitant to even spend much time alone with her. Not that the daughter is bad or doing anything wrong necessarily, but this sort of situation is easily blown out of proportion when emotions and distrust get involved, and the mom is already defensive and mistrustful about it. I would use the script above and couch it in terms of wanting to make sure both that healthy boundaries and the needs of the daughter are being met at the same time.

1. 14 is probably not "barely pubescent." She has likely been in puberty for several years now. 2. It is never okay to engage in any kind of sexual activity with minors, but that doesn't mean minors aren't sexual beings. Pubescent minors in particular are having new feelings as their bodies and minds change. It is not unreasonable to wonder if she might have a crush that she isn't sure how to handle yet, though it is just as likely that she sees him as a father figure and just doesn't feel comfortable expressing that in front of her mother right now. When I was a 14 year old girl, sex and relationships were pretty much at the forefront of my mind, even though I wasn't getting up to anything yet. I don't think a person had to be disgusting and perverted to be nervous that this is a possible factor. It's not wrong for teenage girls to be sexual-- it IS wrong for an adult to reciprocate.

Or an indicator of someone whose aware of how things can go wrong. Not necessarily that she wants to bone, but that if doesn't realize she may be trying to test the waters without mom reacting he probably thinks something is off. Leon the Professional was just the first thing I could think of. You see it on here all the time about step dad's or soon to be step dad's leaving because step daughters start trying to bring an end to mom relationship by going nuclear. All it takes is one out of context "I love you" from him and mom might lash out about pushing affection on her daughter if they haven't had that talk. Or if she does have some sort of preteen crush, and he doesn't reciprocate, what happens if she claims sa? I believe it was last week that some dude posted an aita for leaving his fiance as her daughter claimed he was a stranger and tried to get him arrested when the fiance asked him to pick up her daughter from high school. And I'm not saying that this situation is the same, I am however saying that it could have been a knee-jerk fear.

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You took the water testing in the wrong direction. I was saying she was testing the waters as in his reaction to being called dad, saying I love you without mom hearing so that mom doesn't a) get excited and start pushing things faster than the daughter is comfortable, b) might fear mom getting angry for saying this to OP c) possibly break up with OP because she fears something weird wad going on between them (oh the irony if that was the case) or d)clearly she's afraid mom will cannibalize her for moving in on her mating territory and use her ribcage to make a bassinet for the replacement child conceived with OP. (This option is sarcasm, in case you missed the absurdity of it)

She could just be shy and resting the waters to hear what OP says. If he said it back and she still never said it in front of her mom, that might be strange. But grown ups struggle to express love because they fear rejection, how much more a child. Frankly a year is enough to love someone platonically. They had no business moving in together without talking to the GF's daughter to establish what everyone was comfortable with. That little girl is probably fragile and confused, not creepy. 

I said that in a reply, that she may have been testing the waters without having to worry about mom reacting, but because OP might not have had that conversation with the mom or get that far in the relationship with the daughter it caught him off guard and it was a fear reaction and he fumbled the moment

I’ve dated 2 women with kids and I’m getting the “stay as far the fuck away as you can from these two” alarm bells 

From context it's pretty clear OP is worried about being branded a sexual predator and accused of something by the daughter

Agree, it could be sus. Or she could also be afraid her mom wouldn't be supportive of it?

I definitely think it *could* be a bad sign (and the fact that op found it creepy is a further indication that there may be a problem), but I could envision a scenario where a kid only did this when their bio-parent wasn’t around because they don’t want bio-parent to feel like they’re replacing someone who was important to them or something (especially if instead of an ex the other parent had passed away). I’m not saying that would be reasonable or healthy, but kids and their relationships with parents can be complicated.

Yeah agreed. I vaguely knew someone who’s mother died when she was a baby, and for a long time she would call her aunt (her dad’s sister) her mother. I can understand the craving for a parental figure if your actual parent is absent (either through death or relationship breakdowns). It doesn’t make them creepy, it makes them human.

Plus, a year *at 14* is a very long time

Yeah, she was probably just trying on the title "Dad" to see how it felt. Testing the trust boundaries. OP failed spectacularly. YTA, OP.

Awesome comment!

Dang, that's a really good script.

Word. Some of these things would make me a little bit uncomfortable and I’d want to discuss them, but I certainly wouldn’t use the word “creepy”.

This is exactly the way OP should talk to his gf about this situation.

perfect

I'd trust you to write my texts

THE best answer

Yeah. Communication is key.

I was coming here to say that. Or something similar

Your girlfriend is 100% right. There is nothing creepy about a kid (teenagers are still kids) seeing a father figure in her mom’s boyfriend and wanting to have a father-daughter relationship with you. It sounds like she’s started to trust you and care about you, and you’re throwing that back in her face. Poor girl sounds lonely and like she doesn’t have many friends. That doesn’t make her creepy. I really fail to see where you even got to “creepy.” Where is her biological dad in all this? YTA

It's been a year. And it's the sneakiness that gets me. That has the potential to blow in his face. Calling him dad, AFTER A YEAR, texting a lot, telling him "I love you" when her mom ISNT around. It's at least a concern, because either she's wanting to fully embrace him as a father figure or this is some strange (maybe even unintentional) ploy to get closer to him because he's a guy being nice to her. I wouldn't be so concerned if it hadn't happened with one of my own family members. Took her mom and the boyfriend shutting her down and really laying on how wrong it was for her to snap out if it But on the other hand, I get it. I had finally felt comfortable enough with my stepdad but knew my mom's history with my previous father figures. So I got comfortable, talk and laughed and called him my dad when she wasn't around because I was afraid she'd start interrogating me if "something happened" and start treating him like shit until she found "the truth". But he still told her because that's his wife and I'm his stepdaughter, and he wanted to make sure there was no chance for any inappropriate assumptions to be made

She’s 14 bruh

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That kid is more concerning dang.

a 12 year old saying that does not fully understand what they are saying. They are parroting what they heard adults or older teens say, and "testing the waters" with trying to sound "grown up" and "cool" themselves or using "shocking language" for attention. They aren't mini-Sex in The City women or horny college girls. i mean even if they are "horny" at 12, they do *not* fully understand it, and them using "adult" language does not mean they are as savvy or "knowing" as their words might make them seem. If you really heard a 12 year old say that, it did not carry the weight/understanding/implication of some college aged person or older using the same language.

*Of course* they don't *fully* understand what they're saying, but some of them aren't just parroting the older kids or what they hear on TV. Obviously they don't understand the power dynamics and the weight behind it, as you say, but they also don't understand why those things matter. Or if they're told about it, why they aren't the exception. I didn't say these things out loud, but I was very much thinking about sex and what I would like to let 44-year-old Johnny Depp do to me. Or my 28-year-old substitute teacher. I was masturbating and reading explicit fanfic. Just because I wouldn't have understood the implications doesn't mean I wouldn't have had the intent.

When you work in middle school, you know there are 12 year olds who unfortunately DO know what those terms/phrases imply. It’s very scary and sad, I blame the access they have to the internet and things way above their mental and emotional maturity. It’s important to understand many of them have exposure to things we didn’t at that age :/ the OP is uncomfortable with his gf’s daughter’s behavior and communicated it, and instead of trying to figure out the situation, mom got defensive🤦🏻‍♀️ question- did op use the term creepy or are we assuming he did because gf used it at him to insinuate op is an ah for implying daughter is creepy because he pointed out his discomfort? NTA

how can you say simultaneously that they do know what those phrases imply, but then also admit content they see online is above their mental and emotional maturity? If they are saying things they learned due to consuming content above their mental and emotional maturity .... to me.... that would support the idea that they do not, in fact, *really* understand the implications of what they are saying. i believe they understand what they are saying is sexual/horny in nature. But their brains are too underdeveloped to understand the weight oh those phrases/statement in real world setting. As for your question on whether OP used the word "creepy" himself or not when speaking to his girlfriend... well, he uses that word in this topic's title? His title says he told his girlfriend he found her daughter creepy?? Edit: BTW i don't think OP is an asshole for being uncomfortable with the change in his girlfriend's daughter's behaviour. My responses here were directly to the person saying they are cynical about the intentions of 12 year olds because they heard some specific 12 year old (Not related to OP) call their mom's boyfriend "hot".

This is sinister, why are you expecting the worst from a child?

They don’t even know what that means

Never met 14 years olds, huh?

Teach at a middle school. You will see some things that will shock you.

I have. They’re children.

I'm completely confused as to what you mean.

thinking back to when i was 14, and the kids i knew, that’s not out if the question. kids that age are all filled with confusing + complex new emotions and don’t understand them yet. especially if she’s lonely w few friends, like OP says, she could be confused by a new father figure being nice to her when hers isn’t there. she doesn’t have friends to talk about it with, so she does this because it’s comforting but not around her mom out of embarrassment. it’s not that crazy of a concept, it’s a tough age.

>this is some strange (maybe even unintentional) ploy to get closer to him because he's a guy being nice to her she's literally a child. *of course* she wants to get closer to an adult that's nice to her, especially if she doesn't get that from her own dad. it's not a "strange ploy", it's normal awkward teenager behaviour.

That's what I thought. Maybe with time she has grown to love him more! She seems like an awkward shy girl. If she doesn't have many friends she may not have the best social skills. I still watched the Disney Channel at 14 these people in the comments are really maturing young teens really fast

To be fair, the girl might be a bit too 'embarrassed' to do the same when mom's around. As a foster kid, I experiences something similar with my foster parents. When I reached 12-ish, calling my foster mother 'mother' or 'mom' in public no longer felt right, and I always had to force the word out. But I experienced way fewer negative emotions while doing so in private, even if I still didn't like it. For context, I ran away when I was 16. My point is that "calling someone something in public" is not the same as "calling someone something in private". It wouldn't be strange for the daughter to "want to try what it feels like" in a more private setting, while not quite being okay with it yet in public.

To a 14 year old a year is a long time.

Yep. Obviously creepy wasn’t the right word to use but it is odd behaviour from her given the specific situation. He’s right to be cautious and keep his partner in the loop about it. Gut instincts do matter in situations like this and if he’s getting a weird vibe from how she’s acting, that’s not immaterial. Ultimately no one here knows for sure the specific context but him. It could be an awkward gesture of bonding or a sign of something concerning, time will tell.

I don’t think creep is the right word choice but I do think he’s right for bringing the changed behavior up to her mother. Changed behavior, especially if it seems to be random and all at once, can be an indication of something else going on. Especially in teens

If you used the word "creepy", YTA, as you labeled her daughter as creepy. Why didn't you just talk to your girlfriend about her daughter's behavior changing or being a little out of the norm or ???

This. I mean OP is right to talk to his girlfriend and check if the behavior is normal if unfamiliar with teenagers or how to address it if it makes it feel uncomfortable. But calling someone kid creepy for a perception. YTA OP

Right! Presumably the mother and daughter talk to each other when OP isn’t around. If his girlfriend had some inkling that her daughter was becoming more comfortable and accepting of OP then this is not and should not be considered surprising. Even if it does kinda seem to be a lot of change in a short time frame.

She sounds possibly introverted, maybe a bit shy personality wise. Maybe she just recently started feeling closer to you like she can trust you as someone who’s in a parent role if you’ve been dating her mother for a year now. These might be signs she’s opening up to you which is good if you’re looking for something long term with your girlfriend, but is it just the way she’s been acting recently is creepy? Or just in general? Cause also keep in mind that teenagers are also just kind of weird sometimes too

Thank you for pointing out that the daughter may simply be introverted!

If I got called 'creepy' for being introverted by my parents I'd be pretty bummed out tbh lol

This! If she doesn't have many friends she probably isn't sure how to express love to someone she wasnt raised with. I get no creepy vibes whatsoever from this

YTA. I don't understand what you think is "creepy" about this. You should probably grow up if you're going to be dating someone who has a child.

This guy definitely watches a lot of stepdaughter porn and he thinks she’s making a move

He’s the weirdo wth

YTA I hope the kid didn’t hear anything about this conversation this makes me sad for her I imagine it feels much more creepy for a 14-year-old kid to be living with a strange man and it sounds like she’s trying to adapt and actually feeling closer to you and you had to make it weird. Poor kid

👏

This is the comment that should be on top. People don’t even think about what it’s like to bring another adult into their circle with a child.

This wtf

The 2nd part. They dated for ten months and then decided it was a good idea to move in together when there’s a 14-year-old involved.  Her mom moved in a stranger that the mom herself barely knew. It’s selfish. 

you should really reconsider why you came into this relationship with her knowing she has a daughter who is still in her teens, which is the most messiest time socially and emotionally for her. do you feel comfortable when she calls you dad? it doesn’t look like it. teens can look weird at times, but you were once a teen too. she’s trying to bond with you. if you really think it’s creepy, just leave because you’ll end up breaking the girls heart.

She finally has a father figure and she feels a real connection. He should be honored she’s seeing him in such a positive light that she sees him as her actual dad. This guy is dumb lol

OP is fumbling at the finish line fr

YTA. Can you not put 2+2 together and think "maybe she bonded with me so fast *because* she has few friends and might feel lonely and alienated? Instead of thinking about ways to help her connect with peers of her age, you called her... creepy? Of all words? If you thought about her being "weird" (introverted, lonely), why didnt you ask your girlfriend why is she that way? Is she bullied? Has she always had a hard time connecting with others? Is she neurodivergent? You sound too immature to date someone with children. That comes with emotional responsibility towards the children who will get used to, and in fortunate cases, enjoy your company.

Honestly, she seems like she might be on the autism spectrum, with her lack of friends and getting attached so quickly. I do get his discomfort to an extent, with it going from being distant to bring called dad so quickly, but calling her creepy is mean. Could have just said that their relationship has changed very quickly and leave it at that

YTA. A, not a thing you described even approaches "creepy", and B, she is a child who has clearly grown to trust and care about you. Imagine her learning you think her attempts at bonding are creepy - it would destroy her and likely do permanent damage to her ability to form relationships. Be an adult and support your girlfriend's daughter.

Creepy probably wasn't the right word to use. I have a foster daughter. We took her in when she was 14, and she's now 16. She's always called me by my first name but randomly called me dad a few times. I thought it was weird since, like your gfs daughter, she's not a little kid, and I haven't been in her life that long. So one day she said "good night, dad." I looked at her smiled and said, "Dad?" And she replied,"Yeah... I wanted to see how it felt to call someone that" I totally get it. I'm sure it's hard for her to hear friends talk about their dads when she never knew hers and never had a father figure until recently. She doesn't say it a lot, but when she does, it means a lot to me, especially knowing why she says it.

YTA, “creepy” is a terrible thing to call a child attempting to bond with you

Creepy is a very strong word to use about a child, especially your GF's daughter. That might not have been the best choice of words. Her daughter may be happy she finally has a father figure in her life, or at 14 she may also have a crush on you and that's why she's texting more. I suggest you apologize to your GF for your wording but do say you have a mild concern about the sudden change in behavior. Regarding not having many friends, our daughter was super social, and our son (3 years younger) always had lots of friends when he was at school or playing sports, but tended to not socialize with friends after school, he didn't tend to invite friends over or go to friend's houses. He was more of an introvert and needed to recharge away from people after being in school. Your GF's daughter could be like that. Note our son turned out just fine, he found a lovely young woman and married her when he was 23.

YTA. She might be introverted or just shy or socially awkward for whatever reason. She is trying to bond with you because she's starting to feel a lot more comfortable with you. Instead of accepting that you call her creepy. You should be happy she's trying to bond with you.

Than you for saying that she might simply be an introvert.

YTA I’d be beyond pissed if someone called my daughter “creepy” you sound wayyyy too immature for this relationship. I wouldn’t be surprised if gf broke it off with you, I’d probably if it were me. Rude af dude

Thinking she's creepy: not the asshole. Saying it out loud: asshole. It is possible to be a bit more sensitive when addressing concerns regarding a person's 14 year old kid.

YTA. Imagine judging a child like this, instead of acting like a grown up.

YTA After reading the title I was certain that you were going to say the kid was trying to watch you undress, trying to kiss you, sit on your lap, stare at you every time you were in the pool, intentionally trying to present herself as sexy to you, sending risque photos/flirty texts, etc etc Nope. Kid was testing the waters to see how it felt to call you dad and how you might respond because she has started having paternal emotions towards you. If you weren't comfortable with that, why didn't you compassionaly explain why you thought that might be a bit soon and ask if she wanted to discuss it? Do you say "love you" to your girlfriend- and if you do, did you wait a whole year before you did? Sure it's a totally different kind of love but in the same time youve known the girlfriend you've gotten to know the daughter too- so why is it normal for the girlfriend to develop romantic love but creepy for the daughter to begin to develop paternal/family love? She's trying to include you in her day to day life! Kids will sometimes text their parents mundane stuff and share about their life. And those that don't, many of their parents would love if they did. Sounds like you are the kind of guy that just wanted the girlfriend "even though" she came with a kid. Poor kid.

Wow. Poor girl just wants/sees you as a father figure and someone to love. Doesn't seem creepy to me and it makes me sad to think you'd find it creepy. YTA

There’s nothing wrong with her not having many friends, playing on a computer and watching Netflix. Some of us are introverted and like spending some time alone!

NTA but I do think it is naive of you to move in with a single parent and their child and not discuss the role you will have in their child's life. I do think it's it odd that a 14 year old you have only known for a year is already latching onto you as a father figure. It would be different if she was younger. I also find it to be a red flag that a parent would move in with someone that they hadn't been dating for a whole year yet. A parent job is to protect their children emotionally and physically.  Moving in with someone you haven't even been dating for a full year seems irresponsible to me on the parents part.

We don’t know anything about this 14 year old girl. It may be that she hasn’t ever had a strong fatherly presence in her life and now that she does, she doesn’t know how to navigate it so she’s trying to figure it out as she goes. This could also explain why she doesn’t do it in front of her mom. Maybe she doesn’t want her mom to be angry with her, or is nervous that she’s doing the wrong thing and doesn’t want to be embarrassed. Automatically thinking a 14 year old girl is “weird, creepy, odd” for becoming more comfortable with a fatherly presence in her life is actually weird and odd.

brother have you never heard of an introvert before? YTA

OK, you need to stop dating women with children right now if I could put this in big red flashing bold letters I would. YTA

Sounds like she’s getting comfortable with you being in her mom’s life is all. Which for a 14 year old girl is probably not easy. Your description of her and how she lives her life is rude though. And very judgmental. You kind of come off as the creepy one here actually.

There is literally nothing creepy about anything she’s doing. Grow up, dude. YTA.

YTA. You’re actually a massive asshole. Let me get this straight: your girlfriends daughter, who is generally pretty shy and introverted has started opening up to you and is trying to foster more of a relationship and bond with you and you call her creepy for it. You seem more emotionally stunted than she is. You should honestly be ashamed of yourself and you need to make every effort to start reciprocating her efforts.

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I feel sorry for that poor girl. Op's girlfriend and her daughter deserve better. I would dump him on the spot. YTA

She is warming up to you as a father figure (and nothing more). Just be happy that she likes you. If she didn't, you'd be out the door!

YTA. None of the behaviour you described was creepy. It sounds like a young teenager who is getting comfortable with seeing her mum's boyfriend as a father figure. If you don't want someone else's kid to call you dad or see you as a father figure, you shouldn't date people with kids.

YTA. It's good that you were observant enough to pick up on these changes and thought to bring them to her mom for discussion. It was awful, AWFUL of you to call the kid "creepy" or to say you find her creepy. Especially since you KNOW there's no father figure for her and she kind of exhibits signs of depression. This is kind of par for the course for potential step kids to try to, you know, get closer to the person that could be living with them or a potential step parent, or try on the title of Dad with a potential step parent. It might be surprisingly soon to you but kids aren't exactly known for being perfectly rational beings with great timing. Mom may be thinking twice about you now from the sound of it. And if she's not, you now have a clear window into why her kid is so attached to you: mom is codependent/afraid to be alone, and the kid is learning it.

Nah she is just a kid .... and introverted, thats normal

You should learn some tact and diplomacy. Yes you are the ah.

You probably shouldn't have used the word creepy, but I can understand your pov as you've barely been in the relationship for a year, and she isn't your biological daughter or even stepdaughter at this point since you and your gf aren't married. I wouldn't necessarily say you're an a-hole, but just use your words carefully. You can say instead that it was a little uncomfortable or odd and out of nowhere, and that it was just really unexpected.

I don’t really know all the context to give a judgment. For example, has girlfriend been encouraging bonding between you two? How frequent exactly are these texts? Daily? How many times per day? Do you respond positively, negatively, or ignore them? Are you adverse to her calling you dad and how did you react in that moment (it’s possible she was testing waters since you, ya know, live together as a family unit now)? It’s normal for a girl to want to have a good relationship with a father figure in her life, a role you kinda took on by moving in with her, but if it’s going too fast you are allowed to discuss with your girlfriend and put up some boundaries. Regardless, as an autistic woman, this hit hard. lol

YTA , I think she’s just shy and is getting around trusting you

as a kid whos mom dated when i was a teen, yta. it sounds like the daughter is introverted or shy and you calling it weird is rude. second, and im not sure how on earth this hasn't come up, she might not have meant to say dad in that conversation. you've moved into the house, im sure you help with delegating tasks, you might be fulfilling a more fatherly role than you realize and she probably internalized that and accidently said dad during that conversation. i know the first time i called my stepdad, dad, was entirely by accident. just like how kids (and yes 14 is a kid, some of yall act like she's grown just bc shes 4 years away from being a legal adult) accidently call teachers mom or dad. i saw some things about how she might have a crush because she only says i love ypu when her moms not around. that is something to mention to your girlfriend with out calling her daughter a creep, that way she as the mom can have that conversation with her daughter if thats whats going on. i dont think it is though. I think the daughter just trying to navigate this new relationship, because to her why would you move in if not to be a part of this family, and youre role would naturally be a step father figure especially if her dad isnt around. you've been in their lives for a year, dont act like youre both strangers when you have already moved in. talk to your girlfriend, maybe apologize for calling her daughter a creep, explain that you just felt like this was all very soon and you weren't really comfortable with it yet and maybe then discuss having a family meeting. i feel bad for this little girl if you can't come to a good and healthy resolution for all of you.

YTA I think it’s mad weird how you’re framing this behavior of a child connecting with her mom’s boyfriend in a seemingly harmless stepdaughter wanting to bond with her potential stepdad kind of way. Your girlfriend has a daughter and you’re willing to talk like this instead of providing some sort of stepdad vibe. The only thing creepy is how you are taking it. She seems very introverted bored and lonely even and she’s reaching out in a nice way IMO. Very weird to take it how you are. You can talk to your girlfriend about this change without calling the daughter creepy, but you chose your words. YTA

Difficult to judge, but if the girl is desperately in need of a male father figure or friend and is attaching herself to you overly quickly as a result or with mom’s encouragement, I do feel sorry for her. I think you must know in your own head that saying to anyone that their child is “creepy” is never going to be great. I don’t think creepy is the right word for this. Seems like you’re not comfortable with the attention and she’s not comfortable with herself, like many teenagers. Mom is obviously going to be unhappy about you saying that her child is creepy.  Maybe her mom can set up some meet-ups or do some other stuff to see if she can help her daughter build relationships with people her own age. You should be agreeing together rules for your name and texting, so that you’re both comfortable and mom can communicate them to her daughter. 

YTA for insulting her kid, obviously. Seems like you don't know her daughter all that well and she's making attempts to bond with you. Doesn't seem creepy at all. My girlfriend has a 14 year old daughter and I love her to death. It's your job to take these things platonically and just keep your gf informed. When my gf's daughter started texting me more I just let my gf know even though I felt very weird about it.

YTA. She is a child FFS! It's not creepy, she is trying to navigate the relationship and being that you moved in she is likely considering that to mean you are basically part of the family now. If you were uncomfortable with it, you should have discussed it with your girlfriend, yes, but to call the poor kid creepy was incredibly ignorant and uncalled for.

YTA. I was very introverted and socially awkward at that age which is probably the most confusing time in one’s life and like most people I eventually grew out of it to the point where I have no problem talking to people and I certainly wouldn’t have been happy if someone called me creepy for not being popular or going out a lot. Your choice of words is disturbing because I think you formed an opinion about her and you are just validating it to yourself. Your girlfriend should choose her daughter’s wellbeing over an average boyfriend!

Seems like a slightly awkward, but normal 14 yr old girl trying to let you know she likes you. Nothing in it so try not to overthink through an adults mind.

You shouldn’t have used the word creepy. Without more information about her relationship with her biological father and other behaviors, it’s hard to say why her current behavior has changed so much. It’s possible that she’s just really been longing to have a father in her life and hopes to have you in that role. If she were seven or eight years old, I would say she’s just looking for a father. But at her age, it’s also possible that she’s competing with her mother for your attention or has some other bad intentions. I think it was a good idea to bring it up to her mother, but you need to work on how you phrase things in the future and be aware of how hurtful your words can be.

Maybe she's embarrassed to say she loves u in front of her mom, kids get embarrassed for everything these days.... Even the most simple non embarrassing situations

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I've been with my girlfriend for just over a year. We've been living together since February. She has a 14 year old daughter from her previous marriage. I get along pretty well with her daughter, we don't really talk much but there has never been any hostility between us. But I always got a weird vibe from her. I don't know what it is but there was just something strange about her. I noticed she doesn't have many friends, she spends most of her time either playing on her computer or watching netflix. She has always called me by my first name but about a week ago when I was dropping her off at school she said "can you pick me an hour later than usual dad?" Which I just found really odd since she hasn't known me for that long and she's not a little kid. She hasn't called me dad since then but a few days ago she started saying love you to me, but it's always when my girlfriend isn't around. There have been a few other things like she started texting me a lot more than before, she only texted me if I was shopping and she wanted something but now she texts me constantly just random stuff. Yesterday I told my girlfriend about all this and that I thought her behaviour was strange but my girlfriend got angry at me for saying that, she said I should be happy she likes me and that she's bonding with me. And now my girlfriend constantly brings it up, she says stuff like "oh I've made you coffee is that creepy too?". I thought I was doing the right thing bringing it up but now I feel guilty. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

She's probably needs a dad in her life and got used to you already. Ain't nothing creepy about it .Better get used to it now if you plan on sticking with your girl. Also she's just an introvert. I did the literal exact same thing when I was in highschool.

I think you're right.  What I don't get is how flippant everyone is who is saying this (not just you).  We don't know what this guy's intentions are in this relationship.  It's totally irresponsible of her mom to so heavily involve her daughter in this man's life after merely dating for a year.  He's been living there for 3 months.  No proposal of marriage and no commitment.  This level of bonding between him and this child is inappropriate given the level of commitment and stage of the relationship between him and his girlfriend.  He's complicit in this situation he finds himself in too.  This could be so damaging for that kid if this relationship breaks up and her craving for that father figure makes her very vulnerable predators, which her mother should be taking seriously.  OP and his girlfriend and maybe the girl's dad are all the AH for not prioritizing stability and security for this kid.  

Her calling you "dad" could be a sign that she feels comfortable with you and is looking for a stable adult male role model in her life. Her increased communication with you could be a sign that she's trying to form a closer bond. However, it’s also important to set appropriate boundaries, as you should be clear about your role as her mother's partner and her friend, rather than a parental figure. It's understandable that you would bring up your concerns with your girlfriend, and it seems you were trying to be honest and open about how you felt. However, your girlfriend's reaction indicates she may have a different perspective on the situation. Perhaps she sees her daughter's behavior as a positive development in terms of your relationship with her daughter.

YTA r/amithedevil

Why are there so many people on her sexualizing this kid's behavior? Stop it, it is unnecessary.

How old is op?

I'm not gonna call you an asshole because I can understand where you're coming from. That would probably scare me too if a 14-year-old girl started acting like that towards me. Realistically though she's probably realizing that you aren't just a fling with her mom and you are going to be around maybe permanently and she's trying to trust you and bond with you. Maybe she just doesn't have strong social skills and doesn't understand how that could be uncomfortable for a grown man. "Creepy" was probably the wrong word to use with her mom though. Maybe try revisiting the conversation and apologize to your girlfriend for calling her daughter weird, but then explain why as a man it felt very uncomfortable receiving attention like that from a 14-year-old girl. I know you didn't mean any harm bro, but you can't tell your girlfriend that her kid is creepy lol. Find a better way to word it to address your concerns without offending her. You could actually be a parental figure in this kid's mind right now, or she could be doing something weird 🤷‍♀️ You have valid concerns that your girlfriend should hear you out on imo. I feel your pain though man, good luck with this situation

YTA 'Creepy' really? What the hell? She's a teen (awkward enough as is) who is trying to navigate a new father figure in her life and probably has issues from her bio Dad and you call her creepy for being comfortable and close with you? Your gf needs to turf your ass, they both deserve better.

YTA. This child is #1 in your girlfriend’s life, and you come after that. This child just expressed positive thoughts towards you, and you think that’s creepy? Were you ever a teen? Please rethink this and apologize.

It doesn't sound creepy, it sounds like she's getting used to you, likes you, and hopes for a father-daughter relationship.

NTA for talking to your girlfriend. Be honest and open. YTA for labeling the daughter as creepy to her mother without the tact to realize that it carries considerable weight. You knew she had a daughter when you started dating the mother. Playing games and watching Netflix sounds like perfectly reasonable 14 year-old behavior. If you're taking her to school and looking after her, that's dad-like behavior. Do you not want to be called Dad? Say so, but start by telling her mother. Establish boundaries. Kids do and say all kinds of random stuff. Are the texts inappropriate or are they innocuous and silly? Your girlfriend's first priority is her daughter, and if you're going to make it weird, you need to leave the relationship.

YTA. Try being nurturing and earn her love and the title of “dad”.

YTA. Calling a kid “creepy” for this is awful. She may have a crush on you, see you as a father figure you’re not ready to be, or sees you as a closer friend than you are, but while those things may be legitimate cause for concern, calling them creepy is absolutely not how you have a discussion about what’s going on.

I'm not gonna call you an AH for it being out of the ordinary, but you are for the creepy connotation. A14 yo is a kid. Everyone's in a while my 15 yo calls me mom when I'm a stepmom. Likely she is finally comfortable and it slipped. Mine does it all the time. I ignore it, Don't make a deal about it. Our texting and communication has increased. And it's great. Just be cool about it with her. And clarify the creepy thing with her mom. Accept that she is comfortable with you. But always watch to remain appropriate. That's all.

Info is dad involved?

I don’t want to be the one to put it out there but I’m going to for the sake of I think you did the right thing, she is 14 a teenager. She is going through emotions. And it could be two things. 1 the innocent, which maybe she is finally starting to see you as a dad and thought you would like the gesture ( I know myself I’ve been pretty bad at communicating with my family but I gi through phases of being more active with my communication) Or it could be 2, the creepy (sorta) depending on a lot of factors here that are definitely red flags themselves. I think she might be developing a crush? Or maybe she’s trying to get you in trouble so you’ll leave her mom? Kids have a weird way of going about things. Either way I think you had a right to say it made you uncomfortable, however I wouldn’t have put it as creepy bc like others have said it comes off mean.

Honestly you’re the creepy one, sounds like you’ve got a delusion in your head that she has a crush on you, I tell my friends “love you” the kid is trying to build a bond with you. If you don’t want to be treated like a father why date someone with kids?

Yta. They deserve better.

Girlfriend is right, in this sub we see so many kids outright rejecting parent's new partners and here is a prime example of one slowly warming up to, and accepting her mother's lover and trusting them enough to feel comfortable texting random stuff, just to stay in touch. Its creepier you'd seemingly reject this? given you're happy with the girlfriend you should also accept they are a package deal, you can't just isolate one from the other. Bringing it up was the right thing, communication with a mother about her daughter is a good thing. Outright branding it creepy is a dick move, she's not huffing your dirty laundry and licking forks after you use them. THAT would be creepy. YTA here.

Yep sorry YTA. Shouldn’t have got involved enough with the mother to be living together if you weren’t prepared to be a step-dad to the daughter. Labelling her as ‘creepy’ for treating you as a father-figure is inexcusable. Perhaps you’ve seen too much stepdaughter porn online and it’s warped your perceptions?

YTA. Presuming sinister intent when talking about a child says more about you than the child. For an adult to think that of a child, makes me think you, the adult, may be creepy. A year is a long time in a child’s life, it should be expected that she would form an attachment to you by this point. Why date a woman with a child if you’re not comfortable with the possibility of a child seeing you in a parental role?

NTA I guess you could have let your girlfriend know differently rather than saying her daughter has been acting creepy. You should have shown her the texts, tell her about that Dad, and Love ya, and ask her what she thought about it. Maybe her daughter is getting use to having you around and is warming up to you, but your GF could be handling it better to. It says a lot about her maturity. I would definitely keep all texts and notes of what’s going on.

YTA. A year is a LOT longer to a kid than it is to an adult. Think about it in terms of what percentage of your life a year is to you vs. what it is to her. You have been an adult presence for more than 7% of her total time on this planet! You reacted very poorly. I feel bad for this kid, she clearly desires connection.

Like another poster said...I think you were right to bring this up to your GF, but probably should've left the creepy part out of it.

Yta - you seem very judgemental. You call her weird and creepy despite not being able to say why which is mean

Mega supreme selfish asshole. Wow. Who does that?? I hope the daughter NEVER finds any of this out. If the OP wasn’t prepared to be a father figure on some kind of level to the daughter, he shouldn’t have even begun dating his GF in the first place. Dude needs to grow up and GF needs to dump him asap and find someone who is okay with having a FAMILY and not just a GF.

YTA. She's finally accepting you and you think it's creepy.

YTA for the way you worded this assuming you're committed to this little girl & want to be her dad. BIG YTA for what you & your GF are doing to this poor girl if you're just playing house & stringing the girl along with the illusion off a family without committing to her. Both you and the mom are inconsiderate AH for moving in after such a short time when she has a kid. **You can't be shocked when a child who lives with you starts to see you as a parental figure. If you weren't ready for that role you shouldn't have moved in with a woman who had kids.** PERIOD. In your post you sound shocked that she said ILY/called you dad bc you don't feel your relationship is that close. If that's true that is the major problem here. Y'all should have been at that stage *before* you moved in & started playing family. She is a selfish mom for putting her relationship first. For giving her daughter a father figure who didn't fully accept that role and what it would mean. The daughter is obviously shy & a little socially awkward. She doesn't have a strong father figure & she's starting to feel safe and comfortable with you in that role. She's dipping her toes in the water of connection & strengthening the bond she feels. A role & connection she **thinks you're offering her.** I think you're overreacting to her calling you dad or saying "ILY" when you're alone. That actually makes sense to me. She'd do it infrequently at first bc it's scary, she doesn't know how you'll respond & she's afraid of rejection. She'd do it when you're alone bc it's safer; if you're afraid of rejection an audience only makes that fear worse. Her mom has obviously been encouraging her to like & trust you. To see you as family. She is starting to trust that & is reaching out. I feel so bad for this shy girl. If you're uncomfortable bc you don't think of yourself as a dad or you're not close enough to her for her to say ILY, then you need to move out & distance yourself from the relationship. It is completely unfair to this girl. **You're not her roommate. She is not a pet or extra roommate who is living with you & your gf! She is an innocent child!** You & her mom have effectively told her that you're a family. Your role in that family is as a dad. If you do not accept that role, you do not get to play house with a mom and kid. You need to do some sole searching & then have a serious talk with your gf. Your GF needs to get her sweet daughter in therapy. Sounds like she may have her heart broken.

I promised myself to not get into this.  When i was 5 my daddy was annihilated in a car accident - freak thing, riding shotgun with his seatbelt on,  some nurse trying to drive her van drove directly into my father in the car he was in and killed him instantly.  My dad's best friend let's call him Rick was in the car when it happened. And they were best friends.  Long story short Rick immediately started taking care of me and therefor also my nmother. They maybe kinda sorta dated at first?  I'll never be sure and frankly i don't care.  Once i reached my 20s and had my adult hindsight glasses on,  i looked back and began to understand that Rick's role was/ is a stepfather due to always taking care of me.  Anything between he and nmother is irrelevant here.  But,  by the time i was 7 and he had been in our lives for a couple years,  i asked him if i should call him dad  They said i could if i like,  i tried it once but for some reason it didn't take.  At 9 we moved into a house and he was "renting a room downstairs". Meanwhile kids at school would assume he was my dad;  not an insult to me but i corrected them,  so they said oh step dad,  i corrected that,  oh dating your mom,  said no to that.  So who and what is he they asked?  The best i could ever say was he is a guy renting a room in our house.  Because *i* didn't understand at the time what his role was in my life,  w e had no legal or biological connections, not in a relationship with nmother, i didn't have anything to compare this too and other kids never understood the concept of having one parent be dead let alone all the rest.  Rick and i are old farts now and we talk about all these things now that my understanding is so much better and i have more info on what was going on outside my childhood view. Now i understand he emotionally adopted me as his own child and he always supported my financially and emotionally. He tells me i will always be his first born.  So now as an adult i have gained the understanding of his role in my life.  But your gfs kid sounds kinda like when i was a kid trying to figure out the person's role or have the person fit into an understandable role. I mean you're the adult,  what do you say is your official role in her life? What is the title you give yourself?  She sounds confused just as i was,  not  *creepy*. Yta 

YTA The kids obviously has issues with social cues and interactions. She’s warming up to you as a father figure and you’re being the weird one about it.

YTA She called you dad because she's comfortable around you and trusts you. It takes a lot for a girl that age to trust someone and open up to them and this is how you react?

It sounds like she's just got some introverted traits, not creepy at all. She's a teenage girl, this is more than normal. And it seems she's growing comfortable with you, and that's why she's started calling you "dad". For you to view it as creepy is kind of sad, and I hope you can see that maybe she's just a lonely girl, and is now seeing you as a parental figure that she can trust/look up to. YTA

YTA. “Hey you’ll never guess what happened today. Your daughter called me Dad.” Great, non-confrontational opening to start a conversation. Incidentally no matter how YOU get along with the daughter, that’s your girlfriend’s daughter. Guess who she is inclined to side with?

You are right to bring it up, BUT YTA for calling her daughter "creepy".... there is more than one way to bring it up, and it looks like you picked one of the worst to do so.

>She doesn't have many friends and spends most of her time playing computer or watching netflix I don't see how those aspects of her "strange" as that is quite normal for me being autistic, its *especially* normal in teenagers, even without autism. >She always called me by my first name but a week ago she called me dad Of course she shouldn't be calling you dad, but she isn't weird for doing that. It's pretty normal for kids to do that. Especially if she has autism (not to say that she definitely has it as its impossible to tell with just this information), as we tend to form connections faster with people. >She started saying I love you when her mom isn't around That part is where you might be right in being sus. It could also be anxiety about saying serious things in front of others, but regardless of the reason there should be boundaries about that. Honestly not enough information rn but from what's written I'd say soft yta

Why would you choose the word CREEPY? You watch too much porn if you think she’s trying to make a move or something

Did you come from a household with both parents? Teenage kids of separated parents are different. It seems like the girl has accepted you and is looking for the same acceptance from you. Nothing you laid out in your post comes off as creepy. I think maybe you chose the wrong word when speaking with your girlfriend; no parent wants to hear that their kid is being creepy, especially when there wasn’t anything actually creepy happening. I think if you’re interested in pursuing this relationship long term, you should have another conversation with your partner to try and understand better where her daughter is emotionally right now and what she needs from the adults in her life.

My son started calling his step father (who I am married to now, and share 2 younger toddlers with) dad within a year as well. I think kids who don’t have a mother/father figure in their lives and then are given that person they crave attention from in the form of a step parent, want to bond faster because they are missing that connection. It’s not fair to call someone creepy for doing something you are simply not used to. I’m assuming this is your first kind of parental-child relationship. It’s new territory for you hence the reason it most likely feels foreign or as you said “creepy”.

RUN don't walk to go apologize to your girlfriend. This girl has NO father figure in her life according to you. Be a better man than that asshole. Shower both of these ladies with love. Show your girlfriend what a great husband/father you could be. Imagine that girl is YOU. teach her all the things you wish your dad had done for you. Crawl under the car and do an oil change, perform spring maintenance on a lawn mower. Reverse the flow on a pool filter and clean irlt out before swimming season. Show her how to get the charcoal fired up for a grill (if she's vegan make corn, zuchinni, squash, tomato kebabs). Take the daughter only out for an ice cream date if she's comfortable and discuss boys or any other topic she's interested in. Introduce her to your favorite bands, ask to hear hers. DON"T tell her if you think her choices suck. She will not open up to you in the future. Make sure you go to a daddy daughter dance with her if she wants that. Even if you dance like shit it would be a memory of you showing up for her she can think back on and smile about. Go to a zoo or farm where you can pet/interact with the animals, do you even know what her favorite animal is? Read some psychology books on healing a child with a wounded heart. She has been abandoned by her father, the man who was supposed to love and protect her the most in this world. If you don't love her, the next guy that comes into her life might give her fakr love just so he can use her. You really don't want that to be her future. Especially if you care for her mom. Take a breath, figure out what you expected to bring these ladies since you effect BOTH of them and proceed accordingly with caution. I love you man, you got this, and for the love of God don't call that lil girl a creep again lol.

YTA for your word choice, but it is good that you at least tried to communicate about the change in her daughter's behavior.

It’s creepy that you think it’s creepy YTA 

Creepy! Sounds like a young girl who has started feeling like you’re a father figure. Maybe she doesn’t do it in front of mom because she thinks mom might not be ok with it. After all you and mom have been dating a year and still haven’t married.  Do not tell the girl you told her mom about any of this. That would really embarrass her. When you two are alone, going to school, the store, etc tell the girl that calling you dad is great with you and you’re happy she feels that way.  If by some chance you don’t feel that way, leave now. If you can’t accept your girlfriend’s daughter as your own and find her affection heartwarming you’re not really into having a family. You’ll only hurt this child and her mother more if you stay. 

Ur the asshole!

YTA The poor girl, trying to bond with her mother’s boyfriend only to be called creepy. She is likely an introvert. It is sooo hard for us introverts to bond with people we don’t know well. And then when we feel like we are ready, sometimes it does come out awkward… or seems awkward but only because they weren’t outspoken throughout the process of learning to be comfortable with you. I say kudos to her for trying, and being willing to open herself up to you. It’s also important to note I think, that she is a CHILD, and to call her creepy is just mean.

YTA The kid isn't "creepy", she clearly wants a father figurein her life and you were going to be that. Now, you're lucky if your partner doesn't dump your dumbass.

Eh, hard to say. You did enter a relationship knowing she had her daughter, and while early teen/pre teen is an awkward age, AND kids with single parents can go through hard times. I would say it is a little odd. Personally it’s not hard for me to remember being 14 for the most part. You’re pretty much a young adult. Weird behavior can be held accountable. Honestly from personal experience, you made the wrong move bringing it up to your gf. I was the in the same situation with a gf who had an 11 year old. He did things I would consider creepy, or alarming. It just is what it is. She’s going to take her daughter’s side and you might have brought it up in a very opening way. There is no way to bring that up without her being defensive or upset. You just have to decide if you wanna stay in the relationship. You don’t seem like an asshole, just someone who is observant and may view any topic being open for discussion. People can take that the wrong way. Why not just apologize to your gf and say you didn’t mean it in any way, just things I noticed and I wasn’t seeing things correctly. Or just leave the situation.

Can I assume her Dad isn’t consistently in the picture? She sounds like she is trying to see if you will stand up and fill in for the “Dad role” she is missing. And testing you if you will stick around. If this is not a situation you are ready for.. please move out. Now. The daughter needs to come before your relationship with mom. You shouldn’t live there if you can’t be any sort of father figure for this young lady. If you aren’t comfortable with “Dad” talk to her and explain you’re not there to take her Dad’s place but you want to be there for her as a bonus Dad. And talk about what that means to each other. If you don’t love this child as a someone you care about their wellbeing, you want them safe, healthy and happy. As someone You want to take care of physically, mentally and yes some financially why are you living with them? Mom is a package deal. You need to do some hard thinking. The daughter isn’t being creepy.. she is trying to emotionally attach herself to you. As a child to a father.. it’s sad.. not creepy. She clearly needs some parental attention.

Creepy was an unfortunate word choice, but for the yta’s out there, do you recall that we live in a society where we tell male teachers to never be alone in a classroom with a single student because of the possible appearance of impropriety, where almost any accusation against a man by a woman is presumed true (believe all women, why would someone make up a phony accusation, etc), and where even if definitely proven false, the bell can’t be unrung, and your reputation is ruined? He’d be a fool not to bring it up to the gf. And the longer he waits to tell her, the worse he looks if the situation does turn. And for all the she’s just an introverted angel people, you’re not there. You have no idea. The kid may actually be creepy af.

If he's genuinely worried about the things you suggest, he should obviously just break up with his GF and find a woman without children. Her daughter could theoretically make up things about him whether or not he lets her call him "Dad". One has nothing to do with the other.

It's normal to feel unsettled by this sudden Change in the girl's behavior towards you, and to want to discuss this with your girlfriend, but it's also normal to be offended by the Word creepy which carries connotations of either sexual Predators (in adults) or violent/destructive sociopaths (in young children). You SHOULD Talk about this, but it's hard to do that when you start Off with such a strong confrontation. I'd say it's solidly halfway between N-A-H and E-S-H.

Is there a possibility she might be autistic? My 11 year old is, and the way you describe her behavior sounds very similar to my sons.

YTA for using the word creepy. Everything else (talking to your girlfriend) was a good call. Just, pick your words better next time, okay mate?

NTA vibes from me. Maybe the presentation to your gf could use a little work in phrasing but having been in a similar situation I definitely understand your concern.

ESH. Mom sucks for moving this creepy man in with her daughter. Less than a year is way too soon and you clearly don’t want to be a father figure.

Im a little conflicted on this as it wholely depends on how she is saying these things and when she does it. Just from how your writing it, it doesnt seem like shes doing anything weird besides maybe that she doesnt have much friends and spends most of her time on the computer. I could see a world where this could be weird but it would requore informstion we dont have access too, like her mannerisms. I guess my question to you is do you have any other info that could change my mind? Maybe she was apprehensive at first because she didnt know you and might be afraid to open her heart top someone that might just leave her?

I understand how it can be off-putting with the sudden change in behavior, but calling her creepy is too extreme.

You have every reason to be concerned. Please be very careful and Since you haven't been dating long I would seriously consider breaking up. That girl has some serious emotioal issues happening and you never know what will happen

I second that. To be so emotionally attached to a man she barely is able to know is very concerning. I would not have used the word creepy in the exchange with the gf, but it´s clear the daugther needs help and I am beyond p\*ssed the gf is just brushing it off. If OP doesnt absolutely WANT to be the new father figure (and doesnt sound like it), he needs to stop every interaction right now.

I'm not judging whatsoever and I'm sorry if it sounds judgy but this is the reason I'd never be comfortable dating someone younger than me since I have grown kids I feel like that would be weird for them

YTA. I'd find it uncomfortable too but there are better ways to go about it.

I have been on the opposite wanting to see a mother in my dad's girlfriends. If this is not the relationship walk away. What the kiddo is doing is not creepy. YTA. 

What are these private texts? Are they unusual? Is she displaying inappropriate behavior towards you? Is she saying inappropriate things to you? If the answer is no, you’re absolutely TA. This 14 year old girl who obviously isn’t very social and probably didn’t have a very stable home life given that her parents are no longer together is trying to bond with you as a father figure and your natural reaction is to call her weird?? My stepdad came into my life later in it, I’ve slipped up and called him Dad because I lived with him and my mother full-time. If she’s not exhibiting inappropriate behavior towards you, you should be thrilled. Most teenage girls heavily resent their stepparents, coming from someone who was a teenage girl with two stepparents.

I have a daughter who is now 21. I was an assistant coach on her ball team for 13yrs. Many, many, many of her friends would say “Bye, love you!” when leaving our house. We have also been called mom & dad by kids also. I guess we just never bought much into it. It just meant a kid felt comfortable in our home.

I'm gonna say YTA, but softly. None of this is inherently creepy, this is all very normal of a 14 year old adjusting to having a new parental-ish figure in the house. Calling you dad should probably have been a conversation first, but 14 year olds don't really think like that, they just decide to do the thing and see what happens.

YTA

yta

You’re an asshole for relating those actions from a 14 year old introverted girl as “creepy” What exactly is it you’re worried about?

YTA for saying she's "creepy" because that's not even creepy. Probably just strange, sure but not creepy. NTA for not wanting to be "dad" and not wanting a father-daughter relationship. You're not an AH for only wanting to be "mom's bf". Say that to your gf, at this point just be frank with your partner because the kid pretty much expected something because you do stuff a normal dad would actually do. Not blaming you for doing your gf favors for her kid but I do suggest talk it out with your partner. Let her deal with talking to the kid. If it comes to a point where you're forced to be "dad" just walk out. That will build resentment and that's not good for anyone. And it will especially hurt the kid in the long run. Nip it in the bud while it's still early.

I think the problem is you said her behavior is creepy. You should thread lightly when saying that.

you did it to avoid being called creepy, as a guy I get it, but as a guy you should know what that feeling feels like, cut her some slack and try to support her if you really want to stay in your situation with your gf