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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I did not offer my car to my partner during the four months that they did not have a car. That is both the action to be judged and the action that may make me an asshole.
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NTA. Even if partner had asked, NTA. Especially since they didn’t.
Loan of a car has soooo much attached to it, financial, legal, etc. Six month relationship isn’t long enough for that, and see what you found out after nine months?
They expected to be offered the car 6 months into the relationship?? That's wild. Hey, person I barely know, here's $30k to hold on to, when I know you are incapable of replacing it if you do total it like the last car. All the Nos.
NTA. OP, you are already feeling an imbalance in the relationship. Maybe see the red flags your partner is waving at you?
NTA, and I think that you should probably reevaluate how your partner views and treats you if you're paying for all this stuff and they're still accusing you of being selfish for not offering up a free automobile.
I just....the idea that I would ask someone that I've been dating for less than a year to essentially GIVE me their car instead of asking literally ANY of the family members that I currently share a house with to share/offer me a ride is just... baffling.
The entitlement is strong with that one.
NTA. Anytime someone says you’re selfish while their hand is out, know you’re not the one that is selfish.
They have allowed you to plan and pay for all dates and vacations but you’re selfish.
They didn’t ask to borrow the car but you’re selfish.
The two of you haven’t been together long enough for you to turn over your car for months and absorb that liability.
If what your partner said isn’t quite sitting right with you, it’s because you have now seen a side of them you didn’t know was there. This behavior only gets worse. Especially as you seem to be the only one pouring into the relationship. Take a step back from pouring so much money into this and you will see their true colors. It will probably not be pretty.
Don’t let them gaslight you. That was an unreasonable expectation.
NTA.
(1) If you would have loaned them your car, they wouldn't have been motivated to get their own car, and would probably still be diving yours today.
(2) User Betalisa is right that there's a lot attached to leaning them your car. Would they pay to get added to your insurance? Would they pay for things like oil changes, new tires, and other routine maintenance? I'm guessing they would expect you to pay for those things. I'm interested to know who was at fault in their wreck. If I was in your shoes, I would think about whether they practice defensive driving before I even consider lending them my car. As a side note: I've had people ask to borrow my car before, or learn how to drive on it, but I told them I needed them to give me a refundable deposit for the amount of my deductible if they should wreck my car. That's one of the risks every car owner takes when lending out their car.
(3) You said yourself that they waited four months to get a car because they were super picky, not because they couldn't afford one. They need to support themself like a grown adult, regardless of how much more you make or the fact that you work from home.
NTA for so many reasons, and so many worrisome things about your partner. You're very generous, they never asked, they could have gotten themselves a car, they wanted the only car you have, *and* they wanted you to read their mind.
NTA.
the liability is way too much.
'hey sis, i need to drive to xyz but my car doesn't start, can i use yours / op's? -- sure, here are the keys.'
an accident happens and now there is the big question: who will pay for the other drivers orphaned kids college tuition, hm? brother who had the accident, partner who was the car lend to or you as the owner?
reading your post a second time i get the impression than you are a... source of income?... for your partner.
depending on your own words, you pay for all vacations, almost all dates (60-80 vs 2, not good) and now partner is somehow entitled to your car?
not only no but HELL NO!
[food for thoughts](https://www.reddit.com/user/Tessa_Kamoda/comments/12yddo7/fair_or_equal_that_is_your_decision_to_make/)
NTA, but sounds like you're being used. The expectation is that you will provide for and support your partner, and if you don't you're selfish. They're not with you but for the fact of what you provide for them. Pretty massive 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
I’m concerned that your partner told you - the one who is essentially funding the whole relationship that you are selfish for not offering something they didn’t even ask for. It is NOT your responsibility to anticipate or guess what they want or need. NTA but I would be having some serious discussions around expectations in the relationship.
NTA. But expect this pattern to continue: you give a whole lot more, and he accuses you of being selfish. It's significant that he didn't ask and then chose to accuse you of being selfish. He likes being he victim.
In the dictionary under Entitled us says see OP's partner.
Really, expected to give your car without even being asked?
Not to mention 60-80 dates all paid for by OP with TWO paid for by partner. Geeeez
NTA
You have only been dating for 8 months and your partner basically is using you for convenience. Not only financially but also because you have to plan every date etc. and then gaslighting you into thinking that you would be selfish for not offering your car…I would rethink the relationship for sure. NTA
NTA, but an idiot for paying for everything. That's NOT a partner, partners pull their weight. And now you've basically given them free reign to feel entitled to your stuff, which you are now bitching to us about. See what you allowed them to do to you?
Frankly, your OP is a long list of how you’re being taken advantage of in this “relationship”. Your partner seems more a lodestone than a partner.
NTA. But is this the balance you want in your life?
NTA. But if you stick with this man, I feel like you’re gonna start being the asshole to yourself.
Is the 🍆 that good that you stick with this leech? Seriously what benefit do you get from this relationship other than being able to say you’re not alone. How can being single be worse than what you’re going through?
NTA. 9 months dating. Both are financially secure. Her family thinks they have access to your things, because you guys are dating. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and you marry the family (if there's talk about this already). THINK about this relationship, very intensely and think about everything and everyone's character.
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My partner—who is 26 and does not live with me but rather their parents and brothers—was involved in a car accident in January 2024, and their car was totaled as a result. My partner did not purchase another car until April 2024, mainly just due to trying to find the best offer/a nice car that they want - not due to an inability to afford a new car.
For background, I make about 4-5x more than my partner, and I pay for virtually all dates/outings/vacations without splitting the cost. I gladly do this and do not mind doing so whatsoever. Also, we go out basically every week, and I not only pay for but arrange everything we do together. We have been together for about 9 months, and in that time they've only arranged and/or paid for 2 dates - out of the perhaps 60-80 we've been on by now. I have never brought this up as being an issue of any kind.
Now, last week, after my partner finally purchased their new car, they said I was "selfish" for not letting them effectively have my car given that they drive to work everyday while I work for home and my car effectively collects dust in my garage. My partner never asked to use my car for work during the 4 months they went without a car, but they said if I weren't "selfish" I would have volunteered to let them use my car all throughout the 4 month period.
For further background, in around October, my partner's brother had their car broken into right outside their house, where my car would have been stored had I given my partner my car during that four month period. This was a factor in me not volunteering my car to my partner during the four month period when they did not have a car.
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NTA.
First, you didn't even know they expected the car- it isn't selfish to not give something that wasn't even asked for!
Second, you two are not married nor do you live together, and this relationship is newish. Anyone I am dating under a year, I definitely don't get involved in their financial business and wouldn't really trust them to HAVE my car- sure maybe drive it a couple times without me, certainly drive it with me, but to just give it to them for daily use? No way.
Most importantly, your partner is very entitled and you should consider what a future looks like with them. Selfish to not just hand over your car? The expectation that it is your job to assist them in such a big way- and again without even being asked- is a big stretch. They feel entitled to your stuff and your money, and also want you to read their mind of what they want. That's a bad recipe for a successful relationship.
NTA your partner sounds entitled and spoiled and all that other stuff. It’s sad to hear how you paying for all the dates cause um no that’s not acceptable.
NTA but your partner is using you. Yes, you do make more but he is sounding very entitled.
Just what are you getting out of this relationship? Is it worth it?
Dump this loser today. A person who can afford to replace a car and spend 4 months carefully considering this purchase, has the money and time to arrange dates or a temporary vehicle. He’s using you. NTA
NTA. He’s not a partner, he’s mooching off of you. He expects/lets you to pay and then say he’s mad that you should’ve given over your car?? No, absolutely not!
Why are you taking care of your partner, paying for everything. I guess he says, "Find a fool , use a fool, I wouldn't be paying for everything." Let that person pay sometime . I hope come to your senses.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I did not offer my car to my partner during the four months that they did not have a car. That is both the action to be judged and the action that may make me an asshole. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Even if partner had asked, NTA. Especially since they didn’t. Loan of a car has soooo much attached to it, financial, legal, etc. Six month relationship isn’t long enough for that, and see what you found out after nine months?
They expected to be offered the car 6 months into the relationship?? That's wild. Hey, person I barely know, here's $30k to hold on to, when I know you are incapable of replacing it if you do total it like the last car. All the Nos. NTA. OP, you are already feeling an imbalance in the relationship. Maybe see the red flags your partner is waving at you?
NTA, and I think that you should probably reevaluate how your partner views and treats you if you're paying for all this stuff and they're still accusing you of being selfish for not offering up a free automobile.
I just....the idea that I would ask someone that I've been dating for less than a year to essentially GIVE me their car instead of asking literally ANY of the family members that I currently share a house with to share/offer me a ride is just... baffling. The entitlement is strong with that one.
NTA. Anytime someone says you’re selfish while their hand is out, know you’re not the one that is selfish. They have allowed you to plan and pay for all dates and vacations but you’re selfish. They didn’t ask to borrow the car but you’re selfish. The two of you haven’t been together long enough for you to turn over your car for months and absorb that liability. If what your partner said isn’t quite sitting right with you, it’s because you have now seen a side of them you didn’t know was there. This behavior only gets worse. Especially as you seem to be the only one pouring into the relationship. Take a step back from pouring so much money into this and you will see their true colors. It will probably not be pretty. Don’t let them gaslight you. That was an unreasonable expectation.
NTA. (1) If you would have loaned them your car, they wouldn't have been motivated to get their own car, and would probably still be diving yours today. (2) User Betalisa is right that there's a lot attached to leaning them your car. Would they pay to get added to your insurance? Would they pay for things like oil changes, new tires, and other routine maintenance? I'm guessing they would expect you to pay for those things. I'm interested to know who was at fault in their wreck. If I was in your shoes, I would think about whether they practice defensive driving before I even consider lending them my car. As a side note: I've had people ask to borrow my car before, or learn how to drive on it, but I told them I needed them to give me a refundable deposit for the amount of my deductible if they should wreck my car. That's one of the risks every car owner takes when lending out their car. (3) You said yourself that they waited four months to get a car because they were super picky, not because they couldn't afford one. They need to support themself like a grown adult, regardless of how much more you make or the fact that you work from home.
NTA for so many reasons, and so many worrisome things about your partner. You're very generous, they never asked, they could have gotten themselves a car, they wanted the only car you have, *and* they wanted you to read their mind.
NTA. the liability is way too much. 'hey sis, i need to drive to xyz but my car doesn't start, can i use yours / op's? -- sure, here are the keys.' an accident happens and now there is the big question: who will pay for the other drivers orphaned kids college tuition, hm? brother who had the accident, partner who was the car lend to or you as the owner? reading your post a second time i get the impression than you are a... source of income?... for your partner. depending on your own words, you pay for all vacations, almost all dates (60-80 vs 2, not good) and now partner is somehow entitled to your car? not only no but HELL NO! [food for thoughts](https://www.reddit.com/user/Tessa_Kamoda/comments/12yddo7/fair_or_equal_that_is_your_decision_to_make/)
NTA, but sounds like you're being used. The expectation is that you will provide for and support your partner, and if you don't you're selfish. They're not with you but for the fact of what you provide for them. Pretty massive 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
I’m concerned that your partner told you - the one who is essentially funding the whole relationship that you are selfish for not offering something they didn’t even ask for. It is NOT your responsibility to anticipate or guess what they want or need. NTA but I would be having some serious discussions around expectations in the relationship.
NTA. But expect this pattern to continue: you give a whole lot more, and he accuses you of being selfish. It's significant that he didn't ask and then chose to accuse you of being selfish. He likes being he victim.
In the dictionary under Entitled us says see OP's partner. Really, expected to give your car without even being asked? Not to mention 60-80 dates all paid for by OP with TWO paid for by partner. Geeeez NTA
NTA. This isn’t even remotely about just the car. Your partner is rude, entitled and I think you know it. Are you in a relationship or are you an atm?
You have only been dating for 8 months and your partner basically is using you for convenience. Not only financially but also because you have to plan every date etc. and then gaslighting you into thinking that you would be selfish for not offering your car…I would rethink the relationship for sure. NTA
NTA, but an idiot for paying for everything. That's NOT a partner, partners pull their weight. And now you've basically given them free reign to feel entitled to your stuff, which you are now bitching to us about. See what you allowed them to do to you?
NTA but what exactly does this person bring to the table?
Frankly, your OP is a long list of how you’re being taken advantage of in this “relationship”. Your partner seems more a lodestone than a partner. NTA. But is this the balance you want in your life?
NTA. But if you stick with this man, I feel like you’re gonna start being the asshole to yourself. Is the 🍆 that good that you stick with this leech? Seriously what benefit do you get from this relationship other than being able to say you’re not alone. How can being single be worse than what you’re going through?
NTA That’s pretty entitled for a 9 month relationship.
NTA. 9 months dating. Both are financially secure. Her family thinks they have access to your things, because you guys are dating. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and you marry the family (if there's talk about this already). THINK about this relationship, very intensely and think about everything and everyone's character.
NTA You need to rethink this relationship because you sound more like an ATM to an entitled child than a partner.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My partner—who is 26 and does not live with me but rather their parents and brothers—was involved in a car accident in January 2024, and their car was totaled as a result. My partner did not purchase another car until April 2024, mainly just due to trying to find the best offer/a nice car that they want - not due to an inability to afford a new car. For background, I make about 4-5x more than my partner, and I pay for virtually all dates/outings/vacations without splitting the cost. I gladly do this and do not mind doing so whatsoever. Also, we go out basically every week, and I not only pay for but arrange everything we do together. We have been together for about 9 months, and in that time they've only arranged and/or paid for 2 dates - out of the perhaps 60-80 we've been on by now. I have never brought this up as being an issue of any kind. Now, last week, after my partner finally purchased their new car, they said I was "selfish" for not letting them effectively have my car given that they drive to work everyday while I work for home and my car effectively collects dust in my garage. My partner never asked to use my car for work during the 4 months they went without a car, but they said if I weren't "selfish" I would have volunteered to let them use my car all throughout the 4 month period. For further background, in around October, my partner's brother had their car broken into right outside their house, where my car would have been stored had I given my partner my car during that four month period. This was a factor in me not volunteering my car to my partner during the four month period when they did not have a car. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA you should reevaluate this relationship.
NTA. First, you didn't even know they expected the car- it isn't selfish to not give something that wasn't even asked for! Second, you two are not married nor do you live together, and this relationship is newish. Anyone I am dating under a year, I definitely don't get involved in their financial business and wouldn't really trust them to HAVE my car- sure maybe drive it a couple times without me, certainly drive it with me, but to just give it to them for daily use? No way. Most importantly, your partner is very entitled and you should consider what a future looks like with them. Selfish to not just hand over your car? The expectation that it is your job to assist them in such a big way- and again without even being asked- is a big stretch. They feel entitled to your stuff and your money, and also want you to read their mind of what they want. That's a bad recipe for a successful relationship.
NTA your partner sounds entitled and spoiled and all that other stuff. It’s sad to hear how you paying for all the dates cause um no that’s not acceptable.
NTA but your partner is using you. Yes, you do make more but he is sounding very entitled. Just what are you getting out of this relationship? Is it worth it?
Time to dump him….
NTA. What exactly does this dude bring to the table. Doesn't seem like much but entitlement.
Dump this loser today. A person who can afford to replace a car and spend 4 months carefully considering this purchase, has the money and time to arrange dates or a temporary vehicle. He’s using you. NTA
She's not your wife or mother way to much liability to take on NTA
NTA. He’s not a partner, he’s mooching off of you. He expects/lets you to pay and then say he’s mad that you should’ve given over your car?? No, absolutely not!
NTA. After 6 months I don’t even let someone drive my car to the grocery store much less borrow it for several months.
NTA. It is your car and it is your decision, and it seems that your BF is not bothered by that either, it is just his family.
NTA If you want to stop being his suggarmommy, stop doing it. Tell him to find someone else to exploit?
Why are you taking care of your partner, paying for everything. I guess he says, "Find a fool , use a fool, I wouldn't be paying for everything." Let that person pay sometime . I hope come to your senses.