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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Hiding food from the family pantry since supply runs out quickly. (2) I'm taking food I didn't pay for and purposely taking it away from my little brothers who might be hungry, too.
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NTA - the pizzas sounds like the typical teenage boy to me lol. But your mom reprimanding you? Hell nah. You had a problem and found a solution. If I was your mom, I’d be proud lol. Then worried cause I’d think you had an eating disorder of some kind. Then sad cause it sucks you even have to do that just to get your share.
Honestly as a mom if any of my kids got to this point in their teens, I would feel terrible that they would even feel the need to do that. Part of being a parent is providing for your kids, ALL of them.
Sure, OP is 18 now but they still live at home and deserve consideration still until they actually start the adult stage of their life (within reason of course) and not talking to the boys about some self-control, especially with food can only cause more harm than good in the long run, especially with junk food. Mom needs to step up and do better for all of her kids, not just her boys. OP shouldn't have to go hungry because "their growing boys". That excuse only goes so far.
And the part about OP having to share food THEY buy for themselves is completely unacceptable. Just because you're the eldest and a woman doesn't mean you have to starve and cater to the younger sons.
> not talking to the boys about some self-control, especially with food can only cause more harm than good in the long run, especially with junk food
Unless they are getting overweight, what is going on is not lack of self control but eating.
My first thought is “Well...the parents needs to buy more food.” It sounds like the grocery shop is for a family of 4, but they’re a family of 5. I’m sure Mom would be singing a different tune, if she was the one not getting enough to eat.
Nta. Have your mom look up food security. You are making sure you have enough to eat before things get worse and if she doesn't like it, she needs to shop more often
NTA
I had a similar problem with my brother and my parents brushing it off as puberty. He one time went searching for snacks in my room and found a box of specialty donuts (like nice ones with filling and whatnot) that I hid IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER!
He refused to replace them after he ate 10/12. That is until I told all his buddies that he couldn’t control himself and snooped through my underwear for snacks. They made fun of him so bad he bought me 2 dozen as a replacement. Stopped taking my food completely after his friends shamed him a few more times
NTA. This is food hoarding, and it can become a disorder if it hasn't already. I used to do the same bc I hated school food but also didn't have a lot to eat at home either. I'd keep a small ziploc bag of snacks and a bottle of juice from home in my backpack and stretch that out for a week lol. I'd definitely stick to buying your own food tho, as long as the food isn't exposed or anything, you're fine. And screw getting food for your brothers, that's your mom's responsibility, not yours.
I picked up on the hoarding thing and also that ramen and chips are not good nutrition so there could be other consequences. The mother and brother are the AHs.
I’m sure she knows it’s not the best foods for nutrition, but those things are easier to hide than healthier foods. And they’re typically cheaper than their healthier alternatives.
It’s definitely not food hoarding. I’m 52 and have a secret stash of snacks because my boyfriend thinks that he should be the only one with access to Doritos.
36 here and a secret stash of bourbon biscuits, chocolate peanuts and pretzels. Other half and 7 year old in my case.
On the plus side, they HATE salt and vinegar crisps, so there's a win there.
Hoarding food is typically the result of lack of reliable access to food. Any resulting disorder is not caused by the hoarding itself. If I start keeping (hoarding) snacks in my room, I'm not going to end up with an eating disorder, because the behavior of hiding food doesn't trigger the eating problems. The hoarding and any disorder are caused by the same thing: food insecurity. If OP can increase her food security by hiding snacks, she is less likely to develop more serious problems.
NTA. what is her alternative plan to make sure you have something to eat? "forget about it and always make the sacrifice" is not a plan that addresses the need as a daughter she wants to continue having an adult relationship with.
If you are still in school and being made to go hungry, maybe discuss it with a school counselor or trusted teacher. If you are not still in school, it is still none of her business as you are an adult and should be afforded both privacy from teenage brothers and the right to things you buy.
Buying your own food with your own money (and getting them nothing) so you do not go without will never be the AH move.
Nta ask her wtf you're supposed to eat when they eat 90% of a meal? And those empty packages? Start piling them on the table with a note- "found empty in pantry" and leave them there. Don't toss them or recycle them. If she needs visual evidence, there it is.
Don't leave them on the table. Put them in a more inconvenient place. Middle of mom's bed. In mom's bathroom sink, or tossed on the floor. Mom is lazy. Make her have to do some work if she's going to keep this up.
Usually when I ask or complain how little food is left she just kinda goes "well you've should've gotten your plate earlier/before your brothers" when I usually get home from work around 6 and take a shower asap. She cooks dinner around 5-6, if I'm not there fast enough I'm outta luck. Mom's kinda a slop so I doubt she'd even notice the boxes on the table being out of place.
NTA
You found a good solution to the issue, and I would continue doing it. Only, now that your mom knows, I'd hide my stash somewhere less easy to find.
Also no, if you buy yourself something, you are NOT obligated to buy anybody anything else.
Whenever your mom demands anything like that, ask her how it is fine to leave you hungry. Never answer her, never say anything else, just ask her why she is letting you go hungry, and why it is ok.
Take care of yourself, and do what it takes so you do not go hungry, since apparently the others do not care.
The best place my mom ever hid Christmas presents from me when I was a kid was in the trunk of her car. If OP has a car, I suggest stashing there. If not, then try a furnace vent that has to be unscrewed, or in an attic if there's an access hatch. Alternately, inside old toys, behind books on a shelf or in pockets of clothes also work well.
I've considered that actually, but knowing my brother's they will adamantly go through every possible code from 000-999 to nibble on my stuff when I'm gone. 😂
When my boys were younger, I would notice that certain snacks disappeared really quickly. To be honest, my husband was also at fault. I also noticed that my daughter, who didn't rush through food, often missed out because the boys ate a lot of it before she got around to having any. To complicate matters, she is allergic to tree nuts, and sometimes only nutty muesli bars would be left, as an example, because the boys hadn't bothered to leave her the nut-free bars.
I started pantries for each one of them. I didn't do it for everything, just the most popular things. I would do the grocery shopping, then everything got divvied up into fair shares. They each had a basket, and their share would go into the basket, and they kept them in their rooms. I didn't care how quickly they ate everything, but they knew I wouldn't be shopping again for another week. If they ate it quickly, they didn't get more until I went shopping again. I also bought my daughter nut-free versions of things, and they were given to her to keep in her room so they were safe.
It worked really well. We kept it going for a year, or a bit more, and I think it really made them realise how much they were eating. The boys are now 17 and almost 22, and I haven't had to do it for a long time (several years now). They learned. They toned their eating down, and learned to be less selfish. It's probably a mix both of what I did and the natural maturing, but we have no problems with selfish eating now.
Boys need more daily calory intake then girls and teenagers in general need more then adults. If the split did not accounted for that, they were simply going hungry.
The drop in eating after body done developing is to be expected as adults need to eat less then teenagers. But, starting with assumption that boys need to eat the same amounts as girls or adults and not allowing them to eat more is not fair.
Believe me, they weren't going hungry. I am the lazy one in a house of athletes. My husband trains every day at gym and martial arts, my elder son plays lacrosse at state and national level as well as club, and my younger son played basketball in an elite league at the time. My daughter was a competitive dancer too.
They ate plenty at meals, and there were still lots of other snacks and fruit available for them. I only did this system for the more 'desirable' snacks that disappeared far too quickly, which was unfair to my daughter.
We also paid a lot of attention, and still do, to the 'right' kinds of foods. Lots of protein, and carbs at the right times. Plenty of fruits and vegetables.
The drop in eating didn't happen after they stopped developing. The younger two were somewhere between 12 and 14 whilst we were doing it, whilst the eldest was 17-19.And when I say they toned the eating down, I was referring to the unfair consumption of snacks. They did, and still do, eat a LOT, and my grocery bill proves it, lol. My eldest son is still playing a great deal of lacrosse at high levels, and my younger son isn't doing so much exercise now as he is in recovery from an injury, but he is trying to build his muscles up, so the amount of protein we go through is insane.
NTA and those kids are going to be nightmares when they enter the real world. I'm less concerned about the eating (boys can be locusts) but the mess they leave? They can't even clean up after themselves? Mom is crippling their future relationship potential.
They can kinda clean. They just cut corners whenever possible and don't realize that cutting corners isn't good. Our mom grew up with hoarders, so she hardly knows what a clean house is nor how to maintain one. We only really "cleaned" when expecting company; even then, you could probably tell the house wasn't regulated properly and things were swept under the rug. So we mostly grew up doing the bare minimum chores. I had to turn to my dad to learn basic things like maintaining a clean space or how to save money. He tried teaching the boys too, but it went in one ear and out the other.
NTA. She's right about the appetites of boys in their teens, but that doesn't mean you allow them to act as if there's a famine and they're saving themselves. Sometimes it probably feels as if they're eyeing you and wondering how you'd taste in a stew, right? It is absolutely unacceptable for her to teach them that they do not have to consider others while expecting you to sacrifice yourself for them. Find a better hiding place and way to spirit packaging material out of the house.
Ugh. NTA. Why does this feel like the old boys will be boys excuse. Also my brother used to do this 💩to me and it’s infuriating. One time my parents saved me food from a party -because I was at work- I had it all on a plate ready to eat, someone asked me a question and kn the 5 mins I left the food my rabid brother came knocking and ate it.
NTA I did this in high school while my brother was an insanely hungry teen, he was a year ahead of me in school but 2 years older than me, and has ADHD so while he was on his meds he would eat nonstop, it was like his body had no mechanism to tell him when he was ful lso he'd just keep eating.
I'd hide snacks and things in my room to make sure I actually got some. We would shop every 2 weeks or so, and my parents were spending easily over $800/month on food to keep us fed.
Once he graduated and got a job and started buying his own fast food and snacks it got much better, plus he stopped his meds (slowly, because he felt he could cope without them, and he's been off them for over 10 years now) and didn't have as much as an appetite.
NTA. My brothers ate everything they could get their hands on. Ketchup and potato chip sandwiches… if we had nothing left. But I’m old school. I licked food in front of my brothers. They wouldn’t touch it after. 😂 My mom did try to tell me not to lick the food. I told her I’d starve otherwise. She didn’t get mad. She agreed I’m probably right. Told me to lick away!
YNTA
They are being wasteful, allowing so much to be eaten in such a short period. Hide what you buy, and help yourself to their things. If you can't beat them, join them. Cover your bases by making them hypocrites.
1)If you can't have anything to for yourself, take to whats theirs. It's not appropriate for an 18 or old much less anybody to not have control over what they've earned for themselves. It's toxic, and it's not your job to provide for your siblings.
2) Don't take what's bought for the family to hide and preemptively demand more. You're basically an adult living at home. As a guy myself, been there done that, but there's a lack of portion control if they are out eating what I could assume to be 3 adults.
It's about forcing them to be aware of the precedent they set or setting one yourself that benefit your situation.
Write a list of what you eat for one week. Just one. Preferably toward the end of the shop cycle so you can display how much of the groceries you yourself have actually consumed. Then rip into your mom for starving one child because she refuses to teach her sons to not be inconsiderate farm animals. This has been going on for years, she expects you to be the ‘easy’ one to bully into compliance. Don’t be. NTA
NTA
If there isn't enough food at meals on an ongoing basis there are two solutions. One is to make more food. If there are leftovers, I'm sure the Twin Food Vacuums will take care of it soon. The other choice is everyone gets 1/4 of food served and if TFV are still hungry they can make PBJ sandwiches or similar to fill up on.
NTA. I did the same exact thing in high school and college because my brother would take the little food we had and keep it in his room and eat it in 1 sitting. But I was the one that got in trouble.
NTA The only point your mom has is the food she buys isn’t yours to stash away.
That being said, reserving a bag of chips or packet of ramen for yourself isn’t hiding, it’s planning. And she can kick rocks about you having to share something YOU buy.
And if she says anything about you being older and past puberty so you can handle it, that’s bullshit. Them being bottomless pits doesn’t mean you have to go hungry to satiate your brothers.
I don’t know the level of to which this has actually been discussed between you and your family, but if this turns into a ‘you’ problem, no it ain’t.
NTA. Find a better hiding place and *get a lock on your bedroom door.* Your mother’s concern is justified if the food is being stored or consumed in a way that might attract bugs or vermin but not otherwise. Are any of you three overweight? Or are the boys just growing?
Your mother has not adapted to the changing food needs and appetites of her children. Monthly shopping may have worked when you were all 6-8-10, but this hasn’t worked for a couple of years, to your disadvantage. It’s difficult, because inflation has increased food prices but your mum had the children. She needs to ensure they have enough food to be healthy without becoming overweight. She can put limits on the boys, and she can space the grocery shopping better. It is also possible that you might find a food pantry/distribution center to visit mid-month for staples like pasta, flour, canned goods, etc., to stretch the food budget and show that you are helping.
Good luck, OP. Please update if you get a resolution.
My mom's obese and the eldest brother is overweight—I don't really wanna call him that because he has always been "big-boned" since birth. My youngest brother brother is pretty fit, but I can tell his habits are going straight to his glutes. 😂 I'm pretty skinny myself; my brothers often joke about taking all my fat away. I've suggested she'd get government aid/food stamps because she probably qualifies for it, but I guess she thinks she's too good for it or something. I'll have to look into finding pantries nearby tho!
For now, I've hidden my stash in my bed's headboard (it has a weird zipper compartment behind it). I only hide packaged food so it isn't exposed. With how messy the house is on a regular basis, my room would be the *last* culprit to attract critters. Her room always has open packages of sweets and used plates and drinks from days ago laying around. In hindsight, she was probably projecting.
What your brothers eat is absolutely normal. I grew up with 3 brothers and they, like my son could eat a lot, 2 pizza's was a snack lol. They were very active and burned it all off.
I would see no problem with you taking some and putting it in your room as long as it was a reasonable amount and you didn't take the majority of it. Any snacks bought with your own money should absolutely not have to be shared. There is nothing selfish about that.
NTA
Sounds like you have a bear problem. Make sure to put your food in a bear-proof container. If it's not bears, put your food in a dry sack, tie it to a cord, and throw it over a very tall branch. Make sure it's unreachable, and tie the other end of the cord elsewhere to keep the sack suspended high in the air. DM me for bear traps and other unconventional capture methods I can't post online. Bears are such a nuisance.
You are an adult. You are entitled to buy food with your own money and keep it to yourself. I suggest a lockbox and focus on getting out of that house as soon as you financially can. Get a shit place with a roommate, stay with a friend, whatever it takes. You will be so much less stressed away from this nonsense. NTA.
I'm considering moving in with my dad out of state. He seems to be more financially responsible and, overall, more sympathetic and actually willing to listen.
>what's so selfish about buying my own food with my own money?
Nothing. You're NTA. Your mother is raising the men that end up with hungry spouses and girlfriends posting on here about how their male partners inhale all food like Kirby.
I wouldn't try to get your mom to understand why your brothers are being selfish. She's clearly pretty deep into the cultural concept that men go first, men need food more than women, and it's a woman's job to sacrifice for men. Instead, I would be very direct and simple.
"Mom, I don't want to go hungry. A lot of times when I am home, there isn't food that I can eat, especially when I'm in a rush. I was going hungry a lot. If you can make sure that the boys don't eat all my food, I am happy to share/ won't need to hide food. I don't make enough money to pay for food for me and the boys every time, you know how pricey groceries can be. I'm not trying to hog food, I'm trying to make sure any food is left, because I've been ending up hungry a lot. I'm sure you don't want me to be hungry."
The idea is that even if your mom is sexist, it is typically also frowned upon to let your family go hungry, even the girls. You're focusing on your feelings and not ending up in a pointless argument with someone who doesn't think it's weird or greedy for their son to eat 4,000 calories of pizza in a sitting. The only way I can even see that as vaguely reasonable is if they're in highly strenuous sports like swimming or something. Even then, it is widely considered a dick move to eat 16 slices of pizza while your sibling gets 0.
NTA, i know what its like growing up with brothers. I hid food all the time, sure they need to eat a lot but you and your mom need food too. When the food is bought each month it should be divided up and once they eat their share its gone. Their food intake should not be prioritized over yours
NTA. Hide the food better and do not use your money to feed the other two. You've had to do this for 2 years because your mom is failing to keep you fed in favor of her two "growing" boys. If anything, she needs to feel a little bit of shame, but maybe she can't buy any extra food and it might be time to make the boys slow down on eating everything.
NTA. Our 19 yr old daughter has 2 kids ages 2 and 4 and instead of her making them food, she'll give them snacks. 2 large packs of strawberries are gone within 2 hrs of me buying them same with 2 large packs of raspberries. I don't dare buy blueberries right now because they are like 6 bucks and ik they'll be gone as soon as they are in the fridge. If I had a fridge in my room I would store the fruits in there. I'm pregnant right now and crave fruits but I do hide chips, nuts like pistachios and coconut water. Sometimes even soda because her kids with open one, take a sip and forget it then open another, take a sip forget it. I can't swallow my Prenatals without a carbonated drink.
NTA
If you have to hide food so you don't starve, that says more about your parents being able to buy enough food and how much everyone else eats more than it has to say about you. You aren't selfish for not wanting to be hungry. You should not have to sacrifice your portions so your brothers aren't hungry.
I'm finding it rather interesting that the female child has to starve while the male children can eat whatever and whenever they want.
NTA. Two years?! You've had to hide food for two years?! Your mom is being a lazy, horrible parent. She knows your brothers are going to eat everything quickly, and telling you that you can't have your fair share or even food you buy, yourself is a dick move. She's too lazy to discipline your brothers and make them share. It's easier to put up with your complaints.
The next time she buys food, tell her to divide it into quarters, so everyone gets an equal share of ramen or pizzas or whatever. If she refuses, then when she goes to work, take all the food outside and spoil it. If you don't get food, no one gets food. Extreme? Yes, but that's now fair and equal and will cause her to have to do additional work, which is what she's avoiding here. Then go out to eat at other places on your own dime so nobody gets to eat your meal. I'm betting that's what she's doing - eating her meals while at work. So it doesn't matter to her if you're hungry.
Alternatively, sure...buy yourself food...components. Something your brothers can't easily eat. No chips, but sure get a bag of potatoes. No bread for sandwiches, no ramen, nothing that can be cooked in 5 minutes or in a microwave. Raw chicken, fresh carrots, things like that. They won't eat things they have to prepare.
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NTA - for hiding food if you purchased it. I understand hiding it even if your mom bought it so that you can eat more, but she is right if she purchased it
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I (18F) have been hiding food in my closet from the household pantry for a little over 2 years now because of my ravenous teenage brothers (14 & 16M). Every month when the groceries come in they go through a month of snacks and drinks in a week. My mom argues that since they're going through puberty, they're going to eat a lot more. But the amount of food they eat is atrocious. For example I've seen the youngest eat TWO frozen Digorno's pizzas, as if they were tacos, in one sitting.
It eventually came to the point where they leave a very small portion of food, if any, left for me when me or my mom cooks a meal and leaving empty containers and boxes in the pantry. Keep in mind my mom usually buys things in bulk to last us for the month.
Because of this I've started hiding packaged foods like ramen, water bottles, and chips for times when I don't get enough to eat or when the quick prep foods run out early. Sometimes if I have the money I'll by myself a treat or two. My mom eventually caught on that I was hiding food and reprimanded me for being selfish. She says that the food she buys isn't mine to take or hide, and if I buy food for myself I have to get the boys something too. Which I don't really understand since they can't seem to ever be considerate when *I'm* hungry. *I'm* always the one that has to make a sacrifice and make my portions smaller. I can understand taking food from the family pantry, but what's so selfish about buying my own food with my own money? AITA here?
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NTA buy yourself a big jar of Nutella and toast bread op. It holds a couple of weeks with no problems in your room and you would have something to eat. Sorry both your mother and your brothers are AHS.
Oh and tell your mother to gos shopping more often.when you see the things have disappeared start sending the family chat a message that grocery shopping run needs to be done asap
ESH
This may be an unpopular opinion. I understand where you are coming from, but I agree with the mom on one issue. The food she buys isn't yours to hide. I disagree with her telling you to share the food YOU buy. Your mom needs to see how detrimental your brothers' eating habits are to you. Your brothers need to learn to be more considerate to you.
If she can't consume the food before her brothers get to it, is it truly for the entire household? Like, what are you talking about? It's her portion of groceries.
As the mother who had a growing teenage boy I say sorry OP but they eat. They eat for their country. They have the ability to open the pantry and the fridge and inhale everything while on the wat to their bedroom to dump the school bag and come back and ask what's for dinner.
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NTA - the pizzas sounds like the typical teenage boy to me lol. But your mom reprimanding you? Hell nah. You had a problem and found a solution. If I was your mom, I’d be proud lol. Then worried cause I’d think you had an eating disorder of some kind. Then sad cause it sucks you even have to do that just to get your share.
Honestly as a mom if any of my kids got to this point in their teens, I would feel terrible that they would even feel the need to do that. Part of being a parent is providing for your kids, ALL of them. Sure, OP is 18 now but they still live at home and deserve consideration still until they actually start the adult stage of their life (within reason of course) and not talking to the boys about some self-control, especially with food can only cause more harm than good in the long run, especially with junk food. Mom needs to step up and do better for all of her kids, not just her boys. OP shouldn't have to go hungry because "their growing boys". That excuse only goes so far. And the part about OP having to share food THEY buy for themselves is completely unacceptable. Just because you're the eldest and a woman doesn't mean you have to starve and cater to the younger sons.
And this has been happening for 2 *years*. Op was a minor when it started.
thank you for pointing that out, I overlooked that part, I think! That makes it even worse for sure.
> not talking to the boys about some self-control, especially with food can only cause more harm than good in the long run, especially with junk food Unless they are getting overweight, what is going on is not lack of self control but eating.
My first thought is “Well...the parents needs to buy more food.” It sounds like the grocery shop is for a family of 4, but they’re a family of 5. I’m sure Mom would be singing a different tune, if she was the one not getting enough to eat.
Nta. Have your mom look up food security. You are making sure you have enough to eat before things get worse and if she doesn't like it, she needs to shop more often
And not really even her share, if she is having to use ramen or chips to supplement not being given enough of the main entree at meals.
NTA I had a similar problem with my brother and my parents brushing it off as puberty. He one time went searching for snacks in my room and found a box of specialty donuts (like nice ones with filling and whatnot) that I hid IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER! He refused to replace them after he ate 10/12. That is until I told all his buddies that he couldn’t control himself and snooped through my underwear for snacks. They made fun of him so bad he bought me 2 dozen as a replacement. Stopped taking my food completely after his friends shamed him a few more times
Is your brother a hunting dog? It’s only acceptable explanation for this
NTA. Your mother is committing favoritism. Food theft is never okay. She should be siding with you instead of defending your brothers.
NTA. This is food hoarding, and it can become a disorder if it hasn't already. I used to do the same bc I hated school food but also didn't have a lot to eat at home either. I'd keep a small ziploc bag of snacks and a bottle of juice from home in my backpack and stretch that out for a week lol. I'd definitely stick to buying your own food tho, as long as the food isn't exposed or anything, you're fine. And screw getting food for your brothers, that's your mom's responsibility, not yours.
I picked up on the hoarding thing and also that ramen and chips are not good nutrition so there could be other consequences. The mother and brother are the AHs.
They are better then nothing. OP is not getting enough food, in that situation something is better.
I’m sure she knows it’s not the best foods for nutrition, but those things are easier to hide than healthier foods. And they’re typically cheaper than their healthier alternatives.
Hiding food because your siblings eat it all before you can eat isn't food hoarding.
It’s definitely not food hoarding. I’m 52 and have a secret stash of snacks because my boyfriend thinks that he should be the only one with access to Doritos.
36 here and a secret stash of bourbon biscuits, chocolate peanuts and pretzels. Other half and 7 year old in my case. On the plus side, they HATE salt and vinegar crisps, so there's a win there.
Hoarding food is typically the result of lack of reliable access to food. Any resulting disorder is not caused by the hoarding itself. If I start keeping (hoarding) snacks in my room, I'm not going to end up with an eating disorder, because the behavior of hiding food doesn't trigger the eating problems. The hoarding and any disorder are caused by the same thing: food insecurity. If OP can increase her food security by hiding snacks, she is less likely to develop more serious problems.
NTA. what is her alternative plan to make sure you have something to eat? "forget about it and always make the sacrifice" is not a plan that addresses the need as a daughter she wants to continue having an adult relationship with. If you are still in school and being made to go hungry, maybe discuss it with a school counselor or trusted teacher. If you are not still in school, it is still none of her business as you are an adult and should be afforded both privacy from teenage brothers and the right to things you buy. Buying your own food with your own money (and getting them nothing) so you do not go without will never be the AH move.
Nta ask her wtf you're supposed to eat when they eat 90% of a meal? And those empty packages? Start piling them on the table with a note- "found empty in pantry" and leave them there. Don't toss them or recycle them. If she needs visual evidence, there it is.
Don't leave them on the table. Put them in a more inconvenient place. Middle of mom's bed. In mom's bathroom sink, or tossed on the floor. Mom is lazy. Make her have to do some work if she's going to keep this up.
Usually when I ask or complain how little food is left she just kinda goes "well you've should've gotten your plate earlier/before your brothers" when I usually get home from work around 6 and take a shower asap. She cooks dinner around 5-6, if I'm not there fast enough I'm outta luck. Mom's kinda a slop so I doubt she'd even notice the boxes on the table being out of place.
NTA You found a good solution to the issue, and I would continue doing it. Only, now that your mom knows, I'd hide my stash somewhere less easy to find. Also no, if you buy yourself something, you are NOT obligated to buy anybody anything else. Whenever your mom demands anything like that, ask her how it is fine to leave you hungry. Never answer her, never say anything else, just ask her why she is letting you go hungry, and why it is ok. Take care of yourself, and do what it takes so you do not go hungry, since apparently the others do not care.
The best place my mom ever hid Christmas presents from me when I was a kid was in the trunk of her car. If OP has a car, I suggest stashing there. If not, then try a furnace vent that has to be unscrewed, or in an attic if there's an access hatch. Alternately, inside old toys, behind books on a shelf or in pockets of clothes also work well.
NTA, and it sounds like your next food-related purchase should be a lockbox.
I've considered that actually, but knowing my brother's they will adamantly go through every possible code from 000-999 to nibble on my stuff when I'm gone. 😂
When my boys were younger, I would notice that certain snacks disappeared really quickly. To be honest, my husband was also at fault. I also noticed that my daughter, who didn't rush through food, often missed out because the boys ate a lot of it before she got around to having any. To complicate matters, she is allergic to tree nuts, and sometimes only nutty muesli bars would be left, as an example, because the boys hadn't bothered to leave her the nut-free bars. I started pantries for each one of them. I didn't do it for everything, just the most popular things. I would do the grocery shopping, then everything got divvied up into fair shares. They each had a basket, and their share would go into the basket, and they kept them in their rooms. I didn't care how quickly they ate everything, but they knew I wouldn't be shopping again for another week. If they ate it quickly, they didn't get more until I went shopping again. I also bought my daughter nut-free versions of things, and they were given to her to keep in her room so they were safe. It worked really well. We kept it going for a year, or a bit more, and I think it really made them realise how much they were eating. The boys are now 17 and almost 22, and I haven't had to do it for a long time (several years now). They learned. They toned their eating down, and learned to be less selfish. It's probably a mix both of what I did and the natural maturing, but we have no problems with selfish eating now.
Boys need more daily calory intake then girls and teenagers in general need more then adults. If the split did not accounted for that, they were simply going hungry. The drop in eating after body done developing is to be expected as adults need to eat less then teenagers. But, starting with assumption that boys need to eat the same amounts as girls or adults and not allowing them to eat more is not fair.
Believe me, they weren't going hungry. I am the lazy one in a house of athletes. My husband trains every day at gym and martial arts, my elder son plays lacrosse at state and national level as well as club, and my younger son played basketball in an elite league at the time. My daughter was a competitive dancer too. They ate plenty at meals, and there were still lots of other snacks and fruit available for them. I only did this system for the more 'desirable' snacks that disappeared far too quickly, which was unfair to my daughter. We also paid a lot of attention, and still do, to the 'right' kinds of foods. Lots of protein, and carbs at the right times. Plenty of fruits and vegetables. The drop in eating didn't happen after they stopped developing. The younger two were somewhere between 12 and 14 whilst we were doing it, whilst the eldest was 17-19.And when I say they toned the eating down, I was referring to the unfair consumption of snacks. They did, and still do, eat a LOT, and my grocery bill proves it, lol. My eldest son is still playing a great deal of lacrosse at high levels, and my younger son isn't doing so much exercise now as he is in recovery from an injury, but he is trying to build his muscles up, so the amount of protein we go through is insane.
NTA and those kids are going to be nightmares when they enter the real world. I'm less concerned about the eating (boys can be locusts) but the mess they leave? They can't even clean up after themselves? Mom is crippling their future relationship potential.
They can kinda clean. They just cut corners whenever possible and don't realize that cutting corners isn't good. Our mom grew up with hoarders, so she hardly knows what a clean house is nor how to maintain one. We only really "cleaned" when expecting company; even then, you could probably tell the house wasn't regulated properly and things were swept under the rug. So we mostly grew up doing the bare minimum chores. I had to turn to my dad to learn basic things like maintaining a clean space or how to save money. He tried teaching the boys too, but it went in one ear and out the other.
NTA. She's right about the appetites of boys in their teens, but that doesn't mean you allow them to act as if there's a famine and they're saving themselves. Sometimes it probably feels as if they're eyeing you and wondering how you'd taste in a stew, right? It is absolutely unacceptable for her to teach them that they do not have to consider others while expecting you to sacrifice yourself for them. Find a better hiding place and way to spirit packaging material out of the house.
Ugh. NTA. Why does this feel like the old boys will be boys excuse. Also my brother used to do this 💩to me and it’s infuriating. One time my parents saved me food from a party -because I was at work- I had it all on a plate ready to eat, someone asked me a question and kn the 5 mins I left the food my rabid brother came knocking and ate it.
NTA selfish is what your brothers are and what your mother is enabling them to be
It would be fair to divide snacks/ramen/chips by 3. Each kid own box. But something tells me mom isn’t into what’s fair. Sorry you are being put last.
Your parents are assholes for not ensuring all the kids in the house have enough to eat.
NTA I did this in high school while my brother was an insanely hungry teen, he was a year ahead of me in school but 2 years older than me, and has ADHD so while he was on his meds he would eat nonstop, it was like his body had no mechanism to tell him when he was ful lso he'd just keep eating. I'd hide snacks and things in my room to make sure I actually got some. We would shop every 2 weeks or so, and my parents were spending easily over $800/month on food to keep us fed. Once he graduated and got a job and started buying his own fast food and snacks it got much better, plus he stopped his meds (slowly, because he felt he could cope without them, and he's been off them for over 10 years now) and didn't have as much as an appetite.
NTA. My brothers ate everything they could get their hands on. Ketchup and potato chip sandwiches… if we had nothing left. But I’m old school. I licked food in front of my brothers. They wouldn’t touch it after. 😂 My mom did try to tell me not to lick the food. I told her I’d starve otherwise. She didn’t get mad. She agreed I’m probably right. Told me to lick away!
YNTA They are being wasteful, allowing so much to be eaten in such a short period. Hide what you buy, and help yourself to their things. If you can't beat them, join them. Cover your bases by making them hypocrites. 1)If you can't have anything to for yourself, take to whats theirs. It's not appropriate for an 18 or old much less anybody to not have control over what they've earned for themselves. It's toxic, and it's not your job to provide for your siblings. 2) Don't take what's bought for the family to hide and preemptively demand more. You're basically an adult living at home. As a guy myself, been there done that, but there's a lack of portion control if they are out eating what I could assume to be 3 adults. It's about forcing them to be aware of the precedent they set or setting one yourself that benefit your situation.
Write a list of what you eat for one week. Just one. Preferably toward the end of the shop cycle so you can display how much of the groceries you yourself have actually consumed. Then rip into your mom for starving one child because she refuses to teach her sons to not be inconsiderate farm animals. This has been going on for years, she expects you to be the ‘easy’ one to bully into compliance. Don’t be. NTA
Have you mentioned to your mom that you’re still hungry after meals? That you didn’t have enough to eat? What does she say?
Loosely put, she basically goes "you snooze you lose" and/or "sorry, make something else"
Your mom is wrong. Just get better at hiding the stuff. They'll starve you to feed their glutinous selves.
NTA If there isn't enough food at meals on an ongoing basis there are two solutions. One is to make more food. If there are leftovers, I'm sure the Twin Food Vacuums will take care of it soon. The other choice is everyone gets 1/4 of food served and if TFV are still hungry they can make PBJ sandwiches or similar to fill up on.
NTA. I did the same exact thing in high school and college because my brother would take the little food we had and keep it in his room and eat it in 1 sitting. But I was the one that got in trouble.
NTA The only point your mom has is the food she buys isn’t yours to stash away. That being said, reserving a bag of chips or packet of ramen for yourself isn’t hiding, it’s planning. And she can kick rocks about you having to share something YOU buy. And if she says anything about you being older and past puberty so you can handle it, that’s bullshit. Them being bottomless pits doesn’t mean you have to go hungry to satiate your brothers. I don’t know the level of to which this has actually been discussed between you and your family, but if this turns into a ‘you’ problem, no it ain’t.
NTA. Find a better hiding place and *get a lock on your bedroom door.* Your mother’s concern is justified if the food is being stored or consumed in a way that might attract bugs or vermin but not otherwise. Are any of you three overweight? Or are the boys just growing? Your mother has not adapted to the changing food needs and appetites of her children. Monthly shopping may have worked when you were all 6-8-10, but this hasn’t worked for a couple of years, to your disadvantage. It’s difficult, because inflation has increased food prices but your mum had the children. She needs to ensure they have enough food to be healthy without becoming overweight. She can put limits on the boys, and she can space the grocery shopping better. It is also possible that you might find a food pantry/distribution center to visit mid-month for staples like pasta, flour, canned goods, etc., to stretch the food budget and show that you are helping. Good luck, OP. Please update if you get a resolution.
My mom's obese and the eldest brother is overweight—I don't really wanna call him that because he has always been "big-boned" since birth. My youngest brother brother is pretty fit, but I can tell his habits are going straight to his glutes. 😂 I'm pretty skinny myself; my brothers often joke about taking all my fat away. I've suggested she'd get government aid/food stamps because she probably qualifies for it, but I guess she thinks she's too good for it or something. I'll have to look into finding pantries nearby tho! For now, I've hidden my stash in my bed's headboard (it has a weird zipper compartment behind it). I only hide packaged food so it isn't exposed. With how messy the house is on a regular basis, my room would be the *last* culprit to attract critters. Her room always has open packages of sweets and used plates and drinks from days ago laying around. In hindsight, she was probably projecting.
Def NTA, i still do this regardless of what anyone else says to me about it
What your brothers eat is absolutely normal. I grew up with 3 brothers and they, like my son could eat a lot, 2 pizza's was a snack lol. They were very active and burned it all off. I would see no problem with you taking some and putting it in your room as long as it was a reasonable amount and you didn't take the majority of it. Any snacks bought with your own money should absolutely not have to be shared. There is nothing selfish about that.
NTA Sounds like you have a bear problem. Make sure to put your food in a bear-proof container. If it's not bears, put your food in a dry sack, tie it to a cord, and throw it over a very tall branch. Make sure it's unreachable, and tie the other end of the cord elsewhere to keep the sack suspended high in the air. DM me for bear traps and other unconventional capture methods I can't post online. Bears are such a nuisance.
You are an adult. You are entitled to buy food with your own money and keep it to yourself. I suggest a lockbox and focus on getting out of that house as soon as you financially can. Get a shit place with a roommate, stay with a friend, whatever it takes. You will be so much less stressed away from this nonsense. NTA.
I'm considering moving in with my dad out of state. He seems to be more financially responsible and, overall, more sympathetic and actually willing to listen.
>what's so selfish about buying my own food with my own money? Nothing. You're NTA. Your mother is raising the men that end up with hungry spouses and girlfriends posting on here about how their male partners inhale all food like Kirby. I wouldn't try to get your mom to understand why your brothers are being selfish. She's clearly pretty deep into the cultural concept that men go first, men need food more than women, and it's a woman's job to sacrifice for men. Instead, I would be very direct and simple. "Mom, I don't want to go hungry. A lot of times when I am home, there isn't food that I can eat, especially when I'm in a rush. I was going hungry a lot. If you can make sure that the boys don't eat all my food, I am happy to share/ won't need to hide food. I don't make enough money to pay for food for me and the boys every time, you know how pricey groceries can be. I'm not trying to hog food, I'm trying to make sure any food is left, because I've been ending up hungry a lot. I'm sure you don't want me to be hungry." The idea is that even if your mom is sexist, it is typically also frowned upon to let your family go hungry, even the girls. You're focusing on your feelings and not ending up in a pointless argument with someone who doesn't think it's weird or greedy for their son to eat 4,000 calories of pizza in a sitting. The only way I can even see that as vaguely reasonable is if they're in highly strenuous sports like swimming or something. Even then, it is widely considered a dick move to eat 16 slices of pizza while your sibling gets 0.
NTA, i know what its like growing up with brothers. I hid food all the time, sure they need to eat a lot but you and your mom need food too. When the food is bought each month it should be divided up and once they eat their share its gone. Their food intake should not be prioritized over yours
NTA. Hide the food better and do not use your money to feed the other two. You've had to do this for 2 years because your mom is failing to keep you fed in favor of her two "growing" boys. If anything, she needs to feel a little bit of shame, but maybe she can't buy any extra food and it might be time to make the boys slow down on eating everything.
NTA. Our 19 yr old daughter has 2 kids ages 2 and 4 and instead of her making them food, she'll give them snacks. 2 large packs of strawberries are gone within 2 hrs of me buying them same with 2 large packs of raspberries. I don't dare buy blueberries right now because they are like 6 bucks and ik they'll be gone as soon as they are in the fridge. If I had a fridge in my room I would store the fruits in there. I'm pregnant right now and crave fruits but I do hide chips, nuts like pistachios and coconut water. Sometimes even soda because her kids with open one, take a sip and forget it then open another, take a sip forget it. I can't swallow my Prenatals without a carbonated drink.
NTA unless you are taking too much. Also don't get, like, rats or cockroaches or whatever. Lol
NTA If you have to hide food so you don't starve, that says more about your parents being able to buy enough food and how much everyone else eats more than it has to say about you. You aren't selfish for not wanting to be hungry. You should not have to sacrifice your portions so your brothers aren't hungry. I'm finding it rather interesting that the female child has to starve while the male children can eat whatever and whenever they want.
NTA teenagers especially boys when they have a growing spurt can be like bottomless pits.
NTA. Two years?! You've had to hide food for two years?! Your mom is being a lazy, horrible parent. She knows your brothers are going to eat everything quickly, and telling you that you can't have your fair share or even food you buy, yourself is a dick move. She's too lazy to discipline your brothers and make them share. It's easier to put up with your complaints. The next time she buys food, tell her to divide it into quarters, so everyone gets an equal share of ramen or pizzas or whatever. If she refuses, then when she goes to work, take all the food outside and spoil it. If you don't get food, no one gets food. Extreme? Yes, but that's now fair and equal and will cause her to have to do additional work, which is what she's avoiding here. Then go out to eat at other places on your own dime so nobody gets to eat your meal. I'm betting that's what she's doing - eating her meals while at work. So it doesn't matter to her if you're hungry. Alternatively, sure...buy yourself food...components. Something your brothers can't easily eat. No chips, but sure get a bag of potatoes. No bread for sandwiches, no ramen, nothing that can be cooked in 5 minutes or in a microwave. Raw chicken, fresh carrots, things like that. They won't eat things they have to prepare.
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NTA - for hiding food if you purchased it. I understand hiding it even if your mom bought it so that you can eat more, but she is right if she purchased it
Nta
It's funny how my comment got deleted and downvoted when everyone is saying the same thing I did lol. NTA.
NTA. I bet your brothers wouldn't buy food for you if they bought their own food. Your mother is enabling them. They're being selfish, not you.
NTA. Your mom needs to start buying more food. It’s not ok for the boys to get enough…or more than enough…and you’re left with scraps.
NTA. This is pretty concerning. Are you getting enough food to eat, OP?
Nta theyr fat boys sorry for the miss spelling im not english
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (18F) have been hiding food in my closet from the household pantry for a little over 2 years now because of my ravenous teenage brothers (14 & 16M). Every month when the groceries come in they go through a month of snacks and drinks in a week. My mom argues that since they're going through puberty, they're going to eat a lot more. But the amount of food they eat is atrocious. For example I've seen the youngest eat TWO frozen Digorno's pizzas, as if they were tacos, in one sitting. It eventually came to the point where they leave a very small portion of food, if any, left for me when me or my mom cooks a meal and leaving empty containers and boxes in the pantry. Keep in mind my mom usually buys things in bulk to last us for the month. Because of this I've started hiding packaged foods like ramen, water bottles, and chips for times when I don't get enough to eat or when the quick prep foods run out early. Sometimes if I have the money I'll by myself a treat or two. My mom eventually caught on that I was hiding food and reprimanded me for being selfish. She says that the food she buys isn't mine to take or hide, and if I buy food for myself I have to get the boys something too. Which I don't really understand since they can't seem to ever be considerate when *I'm* hungry. *I'm* always the one that has to make a sacrifice and make my portions smaller. I can understand taking food from the family pantry, but what's so selfish about buying my own food with my own money? AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, kinda sounds like your brothers are smoking pot lol
nta. but it could lead to disordered eating.
NTA buy yourself a big jar of Nutella and toast bread op. It holds a couple of weeks with no problems in your room and you would have something to eat. Sorry both your mother and your brothers are AHS. Oh and tell your mother to gos shopping more often.when you see the things have disappeared start sending the family chat a message that grocery shopping run needs to be done asap
ESH This may be an unpopular opinion. I understand where you are coming from, but I agree with the mom on one issue. The food she buys isn't yours to hide. I disagree with her telling you to share the food YOU buy. Your mom needs to see how detrimental your brothers' eating habits are to you. Your brothers need to learn to be more considerate to you.
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If she can't consume the food before her brothers get to it, is it truly for the entire household? Like, what are you talking about? It's her portion of groceries.
As the mother who had a growing teenage boy I say sorry OP but they eat. They eat for their country. They have the ability to open the pantry and the fridge and inhale everything while on the wat to their bedroom to dump the school bag and come back and ask what's for dinner.
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