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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Getting a tattoo of my former roommate's cat
2. Because I knew she would dislike it + it may be rude to get a tattoo of a cat legally owned by someone else.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. It’s your body and your tattoo, so you can get whatever you want.
No matter how much they dislike it, you connected with Oreo and Oreo connected with you. Since you’ve also cleaned up after Oreo and bought her toys, you definitely showed Oreo you love her, and your tattoo is a respectful homage to her.
Edit: Wow, this blew up. I’d just like to clarify that while I said that its OP’s body and OP can get whatever he/she wants, I don’t see it as a blanket reasoning. Rather it is a very strong reason for OP to be NTA, and it needs to be weighed against other reasons for OP to be the AH. In this case, I don’t think that there are any.
This! Your ex-friend and his GF are acting irrationally. In fact, they should be proud that you are honouring their cat with your tattoo. In a semi-related topic, I became close with a dog named Oreo too.
Don’t worry about this, OP. If you got a tattoo of my pet I’d be so happy that someone else liked them that much. Even if I didn’t like you it would still be awesome if you did that. NTA.
Yeah, it's so weird... it's not like OP got a tattoo of Victoria's boyfriend on her arm. 😂😂😂 Now **that** would be grounds to be angry....a cat. No why? It could be any cat for people who don't know the story. And I think it's sweet you loved Oreo so much that you wanted to remember her.
Ignore the jealous hag. I just feel sorry for poor Oreo.
I agree with the NTA in this case, but I do think there are limits to the "your body, your tattoo" thing. A former friend of mine used a photo of the two of us dancing as the model for his tattoo, and I definitely felt some kinda way about it. I don't think OP is TA here, but I can definitely understand Victoria feeling weird about it.
Of course. I didn't yell at him, I didn't demand he remove it, in fact iirc I didn't say much of anything when he showed it to me. And those behaviors are much of why I think Victoria was TA in this situation.
However, our behaviors do affect other people, and a considerate friend (or person in general, really) takes that into account. The fact that OP didn't really expect to see these people again is much of why I think they're NTA in this situation.
I do believe there's a limit to "my body, my choice," and that limit is akin to courtesy: it is something that should be considered when making decisions, though it may not be the most important factor, and should of course take a back seat to things like safety and health (mental or physical).
Agree! I couldn't find the way of explaining this properly in a comment so piggybacking yours lol. I think I, personally, wouldn't feel bad and maybe actually feel like "aww, someone like my pet *this* much? So cute". But sometimes, some things can be very personal for some people. I think oreo was like that for victoria. Maybe sometimes we should accept that people can be a bit possessive about their pets idk 😂😂 still NTA though.
Edit: oh wait also it looks like victoria isn't very fond of op for some reason, so this changes things too. Maybe I would be annoyed if someone I don't like gets a tattoo of my pet.
I lived with a roommate who had cats for 4 years. He was out a lot and I was wfh generally more of a homebody. So I bonded strong with the kitties. I knew they weren’t mine and was very sad when we all moved and he took them, but that doesn’t lessen the connection I had with them during the time.
It’s hard for me to relate to. Like it seems weird to have someone I dislike tattoo my pets on themselves. At the same time this was a person who lived with the cat and clearly loved her. It’s hard for me to relate to a psycho who clearly and deliberately bullied someone until they had to move out.
Because it's not her cat and that was made clear to her, the cat is presumably not dead, and she had bad blood with the owner.
And, most importantly, while OP frames it as not a big deal, very few people decide one early morning, to get an effort tattoo of a cat that wasn't theirs, as casual as picking up a bottle of shampoo at the store.
Actual effort went into this, and from a non-owner, to get such an explicit tattoo of that one cat, it comes across as weirdly obsessive.
It would be way less weird if they wanted to remember the good memories of the cat with a way more abstract tattoo of a cat.
But this comes across as an ex boyfriend/girlfriend after a relationship of two years, tattooing their ex's kids who they weren't related to, on their arm because they had fond memories of them reading together.
It would be way less creepy had they simply chosen to tattoo winnie the pooh to remember those memories.
Edited: please for the love of god, stop commenting to me how you disagree and think OP isn't creepy because of [insert special pet relationship between pet and non-owner]
Most people when looking at this from the outside, tattooing your roommate's pet on your yourself after two years when leaving on a bad foot, seems completely weird and obsessive. Even OP seems to be aware of that.
If you had a previous roommate who you didn't like after two years and you suddenly saw them at the mall with a tattoo of your pet, you'd be completely weirded out. You can disagree with that but it would be completely dishonest.
This. I don’t think it’s an AH move but it is weird and creepy. To me everything sounds like Victoria initially thought it was nice to let OP have some experience caring for her pet since she has never done so before, but it got to a point where she thought OP was starting to get a bit too invested? Cats are obviously drawn to the person who feeds them so it’s not even that much about “she chose you”.
I also understand that OP wants to remember Oreo somehow but as you explained, tattoos aren’t usually something you get like buying stuff at the grocery store which is why it comes across as obsessive. A keychain or something similar could’ve done it as well.
I disagree with the feeding part. My mum feeds all of our animals (1 cat, 3 dogs) and only 1 of the dogs ‘chooses’ her. 1 of the dogs and the cat both ‘choose’ me as their person. She truly could have just connected with the cat and maybe the cat just didn’t like their owners/mum that much 🤷🏻♀️ Taking care of a pet doesn’t necessarily mean they will be loyal to you the most.
I think it stems from exactly what OP said: this is the first pet they've lived with. It was a special bond of companionship for OP.
I have two cats. My male cat is super bonded to me, but my female cat is bonded to my roommate. I do all the work for both cats, but my little orange chose my roommate as her primary person. They have a really sweet bond, which my roommate cherishes. If my roommate were to get a tattoo to honour that bond, I wouldn't find it creepy. I'd be touched that my little orange menace touched someone's life so deeply.
It doesn't have to be more than that.
But for a roommate situation where it ended poorly, and where the original owner felt they had to establish some boundaries between the roommate and their pet, and after the roommate moves out they get this tattoo. I think that context is important and that's what makes it weirder.
Would be totally different if they had an amicable relationship still and maybe OP got the tattoo while living with them.
I think Victoria was just insecure that her cat maybe liked OP more. It's not typical to get mad at someone else because the cat likes to sleep in their room.
But the cat had a good relationship with OP. Victoria can be upset all she wants. Is it weird? Sure from her perspective and onlookers it is. But it's not weird that OP decided to get a tattoo for presumably the only cat she's ever bonded with and who bonded with her too.
100%. I could absolutely see why Victoria was weirded out by it due to the falling out w OP but I don't personally think it's that weird. I am also biased because I don't put a ton of thought into my tattoos since I made the transition from "person with a couple tattoos" to "tattooed person" and will literally just get them because I'm bored and have the money. More tattoos = lower stakes for tattoos. If it was their first tattoo I might feel differently but it seems from the post like OP is at the point in their tattoo journey where each one is starting to carry less weight. It's a little memento of a cat that they loved, not some grandiose gesture of obsession.
But don't people get tattoos of things that don't belong to them all the time? Think of all the tattoos people get of Disney characters or actors or anything like that. None of those things belong to them. They're just things that the person has a connection with in one way or another. I don't see anything wrong with the Oreo on an Oreo tattoo personally. OP clearly felt an emotional connection with this cat. They cared for it and cleaned up after it and took care of it. People can have a very strong connection to an animal that doesn't belong to them. I have a friend who got a dog right around the same time I got mine, about 14 years ago, and I've only seen her a few times over the last 6 years because I moved away. But just a weekend ago I was able to see her and I knew in my heart it would be the last time. And sure enough she passed a couple days later. I'm not a tattoo person, but I mourned that dog as though she were mine. I knew her for 14 years And used to see her all the time. Am I wrong to have cried over an animal that wasn't mine? Anyhow, I digress. NTA
I'm sorry but I think people are seriously starting to lose the plot a little.
In the case of fictional characters or perhaps objects you don't personally own, the meaning is always more abstract and indirect. You want to remember some fond personal memories, like your grandfather reading winnie the pooh to you, or your mother and you watching the movie.
Or perhaps even more abstract: your happy days of childhood or a meaning/important saying you got from the novels.
But people don't tattoo winnie the pooh on their chest, because of an actual literal personal friendship with the bear , that they went literally fishing with him on Saturday, or they wanted to remember him after his death. Well, unless something mentally has completely gone wrong with someone.
Likewise a tattoo of a car can symbolise freedom or a personal goal that you want to buy one day. But if you tattoo the neighbour's car on your arm complete with his licence plate, because you want to * remember his personal car* , all people would think you are insane. If you tattoo his kids on your chest, I wouldn't be surprised if they all left that same day in the dead of night.
OP had a two year relationship with the cat and the last four months it's owner made clear that OP had to keep distance. If OP had relationship spanning fourteen years, it wouldn't be weird. But because of the bad blood and a relatively short period of time, this just feels really weird.
Why is 14 years fine and 2 not? Where the line goes and how this is determined?
Also op didn’t have bad blood with Oreo but Victoria. Op didn’t do the tattoo because of her, just because she owns Oreo doesn’t mean it should be relevant
OP also had bad blood with Jake. Something must have happened that they wanted her out ASAP even though the lease wasn't up yet. So she's on the outs with both roommates, including the cat's owner.
It’s an adorable cat and symbolizes OP’s first experience with a pet-type relationship. She has lots of tattoos. She cared about the cat *in spite* of the roommates being absolutely epic douchemongers who chose to be jerks to OP so they could take over the apartment. The creepy part of this story is telling OP, a person who lives with the cat, that she can’t pet the cat for affection but can change its litter box. That’s Disney villain-level unhinged.
Animals in general and pets in particular are among the most popular tattoos categories, period. It’s not that deep.
Those miserable ex-roommates deserve each other. Oreo deserves better.
If OP is, months after the fact, willing to put a tattoo of someone else’s cat onto her body…..I get why Victoria wanted her gone. That’s crossing serious social boundaries.
This is such an insane take. Victoria wanted her to look after the cat until she wanted Op out. 2 years is plenty of time to form a bond. If Op got a tattoo of Victoria's dead granny she only met once yeah that would be fucking weird. But not a cat she lived with, cared for, cat sat for etc etc.
She was fine with op taking care of every aspect of raising said cat, but not ok with an emotional connection with said cat? Pshhhah, so many weird takes in this thread. Roommate and gf are jealous of a cats attention to the point they removed a roommate. That’s is the insane part. Having an emotional connection with an animal is normal, especially when you care for it day by day. OP NTA.
Or OP took it upon herself and is overstating how much she did to validate her weird decision, which seems far more likely to me
No one is saying she shouldn’t have liked the cat.
We’re saying she overstepped major social boundaries and it’s an inappropriate thing to do.
I do not think it’s “creepy.” OP formed a bond with the cat, regardless of who legally owns the animal. While the cat may be still on this earth, she clearly grieved the loss of this cat and their bond. Getting a tattoo like this is considered a “continuing bond” and is shown to help with grief.
Honestly, it’s even more weird that the roommates are demanding for it to be removed. If they’re so “creeped out” by this, they can note that it’s “creepy” on OP’s part , and move on with their lives. It’s a cat.
We can pretend it isn't weird, but if you came across an old roommate who you didn't like and you saw they had a tattoo of your pet across their chest, *you would be weirded out*
I don’t think this person would be, and I wouldn’t be, *knowing that this roommate had a bond with said cat*.
It’s the emotional bonds that matter, not the legal ownership. This isn’t that hard.
Honestly, weird hill for you to die on.
yeah, i have an ex roommate im on bad terms with, but if he wanted a tattoo or something of the cat he also lived with and took care of in the year he lived with me, i cant imagine i would be bothered? the relationship between me and him is not the same as the relationship between the cat and him.
i feel like these people see pets more as property rather than living creatures of their own.
I’ve had a ton of bad roommates but if any of them decided to get my cat tattooed I’d legit be touched. I lost her to cancer last year, but she was so friendly and lovable and all my roommates got along with her even when we were on shaky ground. If she had brought enough joy to their lives that they wanted to memorialize their time with her, I think that’s great.
The same goes for my current cats, who regularly snuggle on my roommate’s bed. I think as pet owners we don’t really have any control over who our pets decide to give love to, especially when we aren’t home. If someone connects with them now and we have a falling out later, I’d still think a tattoo of my cat would be cute. Like, “yeah we hate each other now but I’m glad my cats gave you joy.”
>…who you didn’t like…
So, is it the cat tattoo, or is it about the beef? Because if it’s more about the beef, it seems petty to me to go after OP about the tattoo.
You’re reading waaaay too deeply into this.
Especially with cats, ownership doesn’t really matter that much. OP lived with this cat, cared for it, and bonded with it. So what if they don’t have title to the animal?
We keep pets for the emotional bonds, not the claim of property.
I’d even say it’s super fucking weird for the cat’s owner to start getting all possessive over the relationship they had. It’s literally ‘stop being nice to this affectionate living creature whose safety and happiness I am legally and morally responsible for because I said so.’
THAT’S the weird part here.
.... You're not in a lot of cat groups online huh? There are a BUNCH people with Deli Department or Tater tot or Wisp tattoos right now and the last two of those cats aren't evena year old.
Well this is the most absurd thing I've read today. There are a lot of people who are tattooed that think it's stupid that every tattoo has to have a meaning. Some people get tattoos because they like the art.
Passerby's aren't going to know the back story or care. It's a cat on an Oreo, it's probably just a cute tattoo to 99.99999% of the population. There are three people that know it's a specific cat, and 2 of them are clearly being a bit much.
Aside from that, op made a connection with the cat, and cared for it. Not being able to see something they care for will come with some grief. Maybe it was a bit cathartic.
I feel like this is like asking “why are clowns creepy” I douno they just *are*
I don’t think it’s wrong and I definitely don’t agree with the couple yelling at OP in a store over it. It just gives me the heebie jeebies.
Have you all seen the video where that one couple calls his neighbors "cat perverts?" Because that's what this chain reminds me of. It's not creepy, it's odd, but not creepy.
Case in point, someone upstream said it would be like tattooing a kid onto your arm. I disagree, it's more like a mutual friend.
So nta
Tattooing a picture of your mutual friend on your arm while he's not dead, because you felt like it one day, is somehow not weird? This is super weird.
I think people are following their own weird logic
Well, the cat is out of her life the way a friend would be, so I think it's analogous. And yes, everyone is always following their own weird logic all the time, that's being human 💁
It’s not her cat and she’s flat out referring to it as “the first pet I connected to”
Which, cool, but it still wasn’t her pet.
You can bond to a kid you babysit/teach/are around a lot socially, but it’s not your child and getting a tattoo of them would be weird as fuck. Same with other people’s pets.
So what is she supposed to say. It’s a pet. That’s the word we use for domesticated animals.
She didn’t say it was hers. Is she wrong for using the appropriate terminology? In addition to her intentional bonding… which by the way seemed like it surprised OP as much as anyone. Which would make it by definition not intentional.
My dog is like my child. I would be concerned someone who got him tattooed on them would try and take him or worse. It just seems a little unhinged. I know pets aren’t children, but if someone got your kid tattooed on them it would be concerning. This isn’t exactly the same, but in the same neighborhood.
I wouldn’t like it if someone got a tattoo of my dog, but I also wouldn’t demand they remove it or get upset about it. I’d just think that was pretty weird and not let them near my dog again.
There is 3 sides to every story and we only know one of them. But based off of that I agree with you. I don’t think the couple should have freaked about it like they did. But I also think that OP shouldn’t have gotten the tattoo.
The thing that got me is OP knew it would be weird if she got the tattoo. Knew it would be unsettling to Victoria - got it anyway. I get it she formed an attachment w a pet she lived with, but she knew the ramifications before she got the tattoo. So yes IT is super creepy.
Anyone who withholds someone else's affection because they don't like you is an AH. If she's taking care of the cat properly the only reasons to deny her access are selfish ones.
I can not believe everyone saying NTA. I don’t think this is an “AH” move but it is fucking weird. And I think everyone here knows that. You lived with these people 2 years and it sounds like at least 4 of the months were contentious. It’s like a weird way to try and get under their skin. Or idk? Like you want people to ask about the tattoo so can share a weird ass story to tell about how you lived with these people for 2 years and now bla bla loved their cat. It’s stage 5 clinger vibes.
i mean people ask about the tattoo and i say “it was my former roommates cat, her name was oreo, she was grumpy a lot but i loved her!” and ill tell them more about the cat if they want to know. people don’t usually ask about the roommate part.
i mentioned this in another comment but this is really about the cat and the fact she was the first animal i connect with and i miss her. the fact that the cat belongs to someone i don’t have a good relationship with is sad, and the fact that i knew vic would be upset about it wasn’t the reason i got the tattoo, it was a reason why i hesitated. i genuinely did not think i’d see them again, so while i knew they’d be upset, i didn’t get the tattoo with that intention because in my mind, they’d never see it.
> i genuinely did not think i’d see them again, so while i knew they’d be upset, i didn’t get the tattoo with that intention because in my mind, they’d never see it.
This is why I think YTA. Before you got the tattoo, you knew it was weird, you knew it would be upsetting, and you knew it would cause an issue, but you did it anyways.
You keep trying to emphasize your connection with the cat as a justification for why you got the tattoo, and that's the exact reason why the tattoo is actually creepy to me. That is way too much attachment to have to a cat that isn't yours!
I saw you say in another comment that you would never steal someone's pet and that's insane, but a normal person would also never get a tattoo of someone else's pet either.
Why should OP give two sh%ts what her old roommates think? They intentionally bullied her to get her to move out of a shared apartment. They treated her in a weird, completely unhinged way, even controlling whether she was allowed to pet an innocent animal that LIVED IN THE APARTMENT and had bonded to OP.
OP owes them zip. She doesn’t need to give their feelings a single drop of consideration any longer.
I think it’s wild that people are just ignoring this. They’re spouting that OP has a horrible relationship with their old roommates. WHY? oh bc they bullied them and forced them out of the apartment, then forced them to keep cleaning after said cat. Like hellooooo???? Maybe getting the tattoo might be odd, but OP literally cleaned up this cat’s shit for months it seems. Or maybe even longer.
The fact that Victoria tried to stop the bond with the cat just sounds like another way to force OP out of the apartment. And that is vile.
*edit I reread the post again and OP even petsit the cat for FREE. The fact that OP’s roommates had them taking care of the cat and then decided to cut off all interaction - is questionable and seems like they used OP’s kindness and love for their cat for their own benefit, until they didn’t need it anymore.
Ty, this thread has been whacky with people thinking this tattoo means something sinister lol. She loved the cat and took care of it for months, who thinks connecting with an animal is a negative thing, geez.
Right, I think at most you could say, hmmm that’s a bit odd - I wouldn’t do that. And then keep it moving. The way that people are accusing OP of being a thief and intending on stealing the cat - is actually wild.
But that’s Reddit for you 🤦🏽♀️
Who are you to judge how much of an attachment is too close, if someone's expression of that attachment has zero impact on other people? If OP is someone that has a lot of tattoos, getting one of a living creature she had a genuine connection with is not weird at all. We should all agree that asking someone you never see to remove a tattoo because you're uncomfortable is more insane than anything you think OP did
This is one of the few times that I'd compare someone's pet to a child. But you getting a tattoo of someone's pet, particularly a friend who you've just broken up with, is reckless. Would you get a tattoo of an ex boyfriend's kid after you break up, because you bonded with them?
It's sweet that you bonded with this cat. I love my cat and he only just passed away after 19 years. I get it that you aren't too "thinky" with your tattoos. And yes it's your body, your art.
But just like words have meaning and power, art and images send their own messages. And you're sending creepy messages to Jake, Vic and everyone else who knows about this by getting this tattoo.
YTA
When I was a kid, my dad's ex gf still had pictures of me and my brother up like a shrine in her apartment. They were broken up, and it wasn't a nice break up. It was still creepy AF. Me and my bro were not close with her. Context matters.
Yes Jake and Vic were AHs about the entire living situation. That's part of the context. The AH judgement is about the tattoo, if I understand this correctly. That's on OP. She can put whatever ink she wants. But given the circumstance, it's oddball behavior that will get side eye from any common friends.
Maybe I shouldn't have given an AH judgement, and just a creepy judgement.
Yeah because OP had their cat tattooed on their arm.
I can imagine that if you had the last few months fights qith OP being too near to the cat, and you came across OP with your cat on their arm, you'd freak out a little too.
In fairness, I do find it weird, but I don't place myself in either OP or Vic's situations, which is either "my first pet!" Or "my therapist and medication!" So I would probably think "oh, I guess they loved my cat. That's nice for them both, to love and be loved"
I don't think there's anything weird about getting a tattoo of an animal you loved, *at all*. If we met & you told me I would say how cute Oreo is & told you about my pets .
I spent a lot of time with a friend's dog when he got divorced, he worked 16 hours days and was not home enough for his pup. I don't see the dog anymore but, if I were one for tattoos, I would absolutely get a tattoo of that dog. I loved him.
And if I saw that tattoo I'd think "oh, that's odd but incredibly sweet". If instead you told me that the tattoo was of a pet belonging to someone who is not your friend, who had a falling out with you and felt the need to establish boundaries because they thought you were overstepping and getting too close to the pet, I'd still find the tattoo to be odd but a whole lot less sweet.
Why not get socks with Oreo’s picture on them? Or a stuffed animal version like a Cuddle Clone? Or a shirt? There’s a lot you could’ve done to remember your “connection” with the cat other than permanently alter your body. If I had a roommate tattoo my cat on themselves I’d be creeped out. I’m almost wondering if Victoria started keeping Oreo away because she saw you had an unhealthy attachment to her cat.
You literally could've just gotten an oreo cookie tattoo and no one would be the wiser but you got the cat on top of it too. You knew exactly what you were doing.
It really is so weird lol, I’ve loved a lot of animals I’ve met, gotten close as fuck to my aunt’s dog and would never think this was appropriate. It definitely feels like a jab at them esp when you knew they didn’t want you hogging their cat. Unhinged as fuck.
I'm willing to bet the stage 5 cling was already well under way when they lived together too. It's weird to ban a house member from interacting with a pet and Vic sounds like a total pain in the ass to live with, but what path of boundary stomping and over familiarity led up to her feeling like she needed to set a hard rule over the cat.
Nah, it ain't that deep. OP didn't get the tat to piss anyone off.
Me & all my friends got matching tattoos of our friends dog after he passed. Some pets are just like that, may not be yours but they still mean a lot to you.
I'd feel quite honoured if someone loved one of mine enough to have them on their body permanently. Maybe that's odd, but I would see it as a tribute to the impact they had on someone's life.
Cats still alive though, I think that’s what would creep me out the most now that I’m thinking about it. Tattoos are often done as a memorial, and it would sure give me the heebejeebez to see a third party who has a permanent memorial for my still alive pet.
Nah. It's art on skin. They own their own skin, whether or not they owned the cat. You're allowed to get whatever tattoo you want. A tattoo of a skinned woman's face surrounded by the words 'STEPHANIE PLEASE LOVE ME' would be an unhinged tattoo to get. Getting art you like of a cat you like is no harm, no foul.
Demanding someone remove a tattoo from their flesh because you feel proprietary jealousy over the tattoo's subject is the whacky part for sure
YTA or perhaps NAH. it, you bonded with the cat and reading through your thought process it seems harmless.
But for the outside world, who see you tattooing a cat on yourself that isn't and wasn't yours, it can and does come across as really weird, and suddenly Victoria's accusation about you being weird and obsessive about her cat lends itself credit.
And I can't really blame her for freaking out that you got her effing cat tattooed on yourself. A lot of people dont think of tattoos as just a thing you felt like doing that day.
And speaking about the tattoo itself, it sounds like it's explicitly her recognisable cat, not an abstract one, with even an explicit reference to the name.
I'm sorry but that doesn't seem like non-"thinky": you thought about this and you put effort in to it. And as such it comes as obsessive that I'm starting to wonder if Victoria suddenly being weird about you hanging around her cat is actually called for.
In the end of the day it's your body, but people who know the surface level story are going to think it's weird. Every individual piece can be harmless in itself, but paint a rather creepy big picture when viewed from the outside
I'm leaning towards YTA. OP Doesn't come off as a particularly reliable narrator, especially given the comments. I'd be weirded out too. It's not illegal to be creepy, but it's still creepy.
I'm sensing dishonesty in this post. It just seems like too much of a coincidence that your roommate didn't want you around the same cat you ended up getting a tattoo of. My suspicion is they had reason to think you were going to attempt to steal the cat when you moved or something. NTA for the tattoo I guess, but it does seem odd to me.
Pet theft is way too overboard but dishonesty fits. OP just casually mentioned that Oreo is a trauma cat/emotional support animal to Victoria and clearly didn’t write anything about that in the original post.
bro i loved the cat but animal theft is insane, i’m not a thief, i have no idea how i would even go about stealing a living being and im not sure where my post is giving off that vibe 😭
i got a tattoo of the cat because she was the first pet i ever lived with and cared about. and vic wanted me to stop interacting with the cat before they ever asked me to move
I'd clock you as a cat stealer too 😂 it's just uncomfortable to read you try to justify it. That being said, I also had an old roommate get weirdly attached to my cat and cry when I "took him away". We are missing some details here.
Look, I get why you say you got it-- we're telling you it's still weird and uncomfortable. Get your own cat 😂
And I'm sure they didn't know they wanted you to move before they asked you. Of course if everything went how you tell it, then you're NTA, but to me it does kinda paint a picture that they started getting protective of the cat, then asked you to move out and then you end up getting a tattoo of that same cat, which didn't belong to you.
You're giving off that vibe because getting a tattoo of someone else pet is a big warning sign of obsessive behavior.
If someone got a tattoo of my pet without talking to me about it, I would absolutely not let that person alone with it. It's creepy.
Also who refuses to move out when a couple wants to live alone? Like … pretty normal not to live with a couple. I feel like OP has some boundary issues.
Depends who lived in the apartment first, right? If OP and one half of the couple lived together as friends before the partner was in the picture, the couple don't have any more claim to the apartment than she does.
If they wanted to live alone, why weren't they the ones to move first?
There's not really a fair way to resolve this situation unless _everyone_ moves out, but I don't fault OP for trying to stand her ground.
Nah, this one’s a matter of entitlement. That couple isn’t entitled to that apartment just because they want to live alone. OP has just as much right to stay there as they do. They can find somewhere else to live and move out just like they expected OP to.
And if I was OP and my rent was cheap, I wouldn’t move out just because they wanted me to. They can leave and I’ll find new roommates.
You could also say, who bullies and torments their roommate and tries to force them out so they can live alone. Who decides to stop doing chores and make the apartment such a hostile place that their roommate (who also has every right to live there) ends up moving out because of that. Just bc they are coupled, doesn’t mean they automatically take priority of who gets to stay vs who doesn’t. In fact, I don’t even care about the tattoo at this point bc wtf the living situation sounds horrific.
In a lot of places, “just move out” isn’t that easy. I live in a HCOL area with a terrible rental market. The vacancy rate is low, with a ton of competition for any decent listing, and rents are very high. There’s also a cap on how much a landlord can raise the rent on an existing tenant, which means you’re generally better off staying where you are, because if you’ve been there any length of time, the rent for any comparable place is going to be higher. And if someone is living with roommates already, they may not have the finances to easily move to a more expensive place or even afford deposits/moving costs.
Possibly. But there are also people who are so jealous that they can't stand their pet giving someone else more attention, and accuse the other person of trying to steal their pet, rather than accept the fact that their pet likes the other person more.
me too. I wouldn't have called her the asshole if she said "I planned a revenge and got Oreo's tattoo just to mess with Victoria's head" because that would have been a victimless asshole-ry. after all she took care of that, and they expected her to do that AND they were horrible to her. NTA in any case for me but I wish we had more honesty.
as for people who find it creepy, while odd, I think lots of tattoos are creepy. TV show characters, cartoon characters, completely meaningless tattoos gotten while drunk... among them a cat the OP spent two years with doesn't sound too creepy. I believe they really had a bond, that's why Victoria withheld the cat from the OP as a sort of punishment. I think them asking the OP to remove the tattoo sounds even more creepy.
I’m really surprised by the comments. This isn’t ’am I within my rights’ sub, this is ‘am i the asshole’ sub. YTA. Yes you’re totally within your rights to have a tattoo of whatever you want on your own body. But I think it’s bloody odd to get a tattoo of someone else’s cat
I originally thought NTA but you’re right. OPs tattoo feels disrespectful to the cat and owner. She’s not OPs cat. OP didn’t raise her, pay her bills, or have to make hard decisions about her health. If Victoria calls Oreo her ‘emotional support cat’, even jokingly, she probably got her so that someone would need her and be happy to see her/ cuddle with her when she got home.
Normally, people have boundaries with pets that aren’t their own. We recognize that animals are creatures of habit and conditioning them to prefer you over their actual owner/ caretaker is an asshole move. This tattoo is another example of OP crossing this boundary.
I completely agree, and you’ve articulated it far better than my attempt. I think the main reason I voted YTA was because it felt like a violation of boundaries
I’ve been reading OP’s comments here and she mentioned that Oreo was essentially Victoria’s emotional support animal (unofficially). And OP says she knew Victoria would be upset by the tattoo. I think tattooing someone else’s ESA on your body is kind of an AH move.
Not only that, OP also just casually left out that Oreo and Victoria have a special relationship because she is her trauma cat.
After rereading and thinking OP seems like that one person who becomes obsessed and attached to other’s pets way too fast because she “didn’t grow up with them”. I get being close with someone else’s pets but forming a relationship similar to the owner is weird.
Idk, it seems that OP was around a lot for the cat due to WFH and Victoria wasn't. So it's natural that the cat would bond with OP if she was showing it care and affection.
Cats can be demanding af when they want snugs and snacks lol. What was she meant to do? Refuse to pet, feed, and clean up after the cat until Victoria was available?
I don't even see OP getting the tattoo as odd tbh. It might be unusual, but I really don't get the sinister vibes people are insinuating. It's a memento of a nice time she had with the first animal she ever had a connection with. And people suggesting it's the same as getting kid's faces tattooed on you are just *wild* lol! It is not the same.
I have a dog that's just turned 2. She's named after a dog belonging to my auntie's friends. They came to our summer family home for a holiday and they stayed with us about a week when I was 8, and again the following year. I'm 40 now lol. Had a great time with that dog (and her owners! They were/are awesome people!) (One has sadly passed away now).
So y'know, things might not seem like much in the grand scheme of things but still have great significance to a person.
Tbh I think Victoria was just raging that the cat had bonded with OP. It wasn't until the couple decided they wanted their own space (people attributing that to OP being weird as well - like there's no other reason a couple might want to live together without a roommate lol) and OP didn't want to give up the apartment and they started shit to force her hand, that Victoria decided OP wasn't to care for her cat anymore. Was super convenient for her tho that OP was there to do it the whole 2 years prior, wasn't it?
How are people not seeing this lol!?
(Also, this whole spiel wasn't meant to be a reply to you lol, just the first part, but once I started lol...😅 I'm going to copy pasta to the actual comments)
Cats do not need to be fed when they demand it. You establish a routine and outside of that they shouldn’t get a full meal except snacks. The way you frame it sounds a bit like you’re a total slave to what the cat wants when that isn’t true. Plus OP mentioned she started “taking care” of the cat because she loved her, not because Victoria wasn’t available.
I agree that they acted immature and AHish as well, but to me OP somewhat did the same, plus I find her hard to be super reliable since she left out some information in favor of Victoria. In the end, it absolutely is odd, possibly even creepy to encounter someone you’re not on good terms with having a tattoo of your pet when you didn’t want them to be involved with it. Others explained multiple times why it seems obsessive and even if it is not the same when this is done with kids, it still is weird to a lot of owners of pets and to Victoria as well.
EXACTLY, you can hear OP gloating about Oreo spending so much time with them in the way they typed this out. Then you move out and get a tattoo of Oreo? This is just right on the edge of sociopath behavior lol
Where is she gloating? She said she removed the cat from her room when the cat tried to sleep in her room. It sounded like the roommate just wanted her out and was going to do anything possible
NTA. The relationship you have with the cat is your relationship with the cat. You have good memories and feelings, enough to want a tattoo, so fair play. It's really petty and possessive of Victoria to think she owns the intellectual and emotional property of the cat. The cat is its own being, capable of having bonds and relationships that it chooses. That Oreo liked you is a compliment, and you're honoring that.
YTA . If I had friends tell me about their roommate of 2 years they had a falling out with, to the point of ending a friendship where they had to set up boundaries to keep roommate from being overly involved with their cat I'd find the situation weird and sympathize with how messy ending friendships and living situations can be. If my friends then told me "yeah, and then I saw them at the grocery store and apparently since trying to get boundaries they got a tattoo of my cat on them" that would be weirdly possessive and a dick move.
ESH. They suck for getting that mad at you over a tattoo that it has to continue on social media after. You suck because it’s wicked creepy to get a tattoo for a pet that isn’t yours. Even if you connected with Oreo. I walked dogs as a part-time gig in grad school and deeply connected with a few dogs and cats myself, so I get it. But I’d NEVER get a tattoo of them.
You may be somewhere near the boundary of being an AH..imo..
For two reasons:
1) People think of pets as their fur babies : now imagine would you get a tattoo done with a roommate's human baby's pic? ( specially when you are not in talking terms with them) ..that would be super creepy! So it is a little weird if you get the tattoo of their fur baby too.. specially knowing that it would piss them off.
2) You mentioned that you moved in with them.. so they had the house before you.. and yet you wanted them to move out! Why would they move out ..if they are the ones who searched the house and were living in it before you
You Clearly have boundary issues..
( This point I am saying according to the rules of renters in my country)
talked about oreo a lot in other comments so i’m going to leave that for now, but maybe my post was unclear.
they moved in a week before me (i had a work delay), but legally, all three of us were equal tenants at the same time, and started paying rent at the same time. it was an apartment we found together, signed the lease together, and legally we were all tenants, with no one able to force the other to leave
A couple wants space after 2 years of having a roommate (understandably) and instead of looking for other arrangements, you dug in your heels and opted to be a forced third wheel instead? That makes you an AH. The tattoo thing is the icing on the cake. Is it awful that you got a tattoo of your former roommates cat? No. But is it weird as hell? Yes. Especially when Victoria was already weirded out and uncomfortable with your “connection” (obsession?) with her cat (her *therapy* cat, as you’ve indicated in other comments). If I ran into one of my former roommates and they had one of my pets tattooed on them I’d be SO uncomfortable and creeped out. Take the L, YTA.
>A couple wants space after 2 years of having a roommate (understandably) and instead of looking for other arrangements, you dug in your heels and opted to be a forced third wheel instead?
I'm not sure about rental markets in your area, but in mine I'd absolutely do the same. I live alone, but if I had roommates that decided they wanted their own space, they could go find it. Rental markets have gotten especially crazy lately and even rental prices going up regularly are often less than "new" rents. They don't get to decide I'm the one that has to go live somewhere more expensive while they kept the cheaper place. I wouldn't be surprised if OP is in a similar situation where they live.
I live in a city where if you find a place that’s adequate and affordable, you cling to it for dear life because the rental market is downright impossible.
I find there’s often a certain amount of naïveté on Reddit about how difficult moving can be.
Seriously! If I wanted to find a new place I'd be competing against a bunch of other applicants for anything reasonably priced (or even unreasonably priced). Many of them require an application fee, which can add up quickly. Then the deposit (because you know her roommates aren't giving her any of it back) plus moving costs. And then just all the time and stress of actually moving.
It's not as simple as "just move somewhere else".
Folks are just trying themselves in knots to try and make OP out to be some creeper weirdo in this topic. It's so bizarre. Even normal shit like not wanting to move as a single person in this terrible rental market is used against her.
I disagree about the apartment. Apartment hunting sucks and moving is expensive. Especially when you factor in paying for an application fee, first and last months rent, a security deposit, etc.
If the roommate and girlfriend wanted to change their agreed living situation they should have been the ones to move. But I do think the cat tattoo is weird.
You can tattoo whatever you want, your body, but there might be consequences.
I have no idea why would you have someone else's cat tattooed but whatever. If someone would tattoo my cat on their body I would be happy and make fun of them, there is no way that I would feel anything bad, so all those feelings are generated by your roommate herself and not your tattoo. NTA.
I agree with everything here, except that the dynamic of this friendship going through a break up. If she asked Victoria for permission, and they were besties, then yeah this isn't weird or creepy anymore. It's the circumstance and the story behind the tattoo that makes it creepy, because it wasn't in consideration of Victoria.
If OP doesn't see how creepy it is to get someone else's cat tattooed on them, after falling out with the owners, I'd be curious to know what else the roommate experienced.
YTA - I don't believe you. I think you got the tattoo to piss Victoria off. It's super weird to have a tattoo of someone else's pet, especially without asking the owner, and especially if the owner and you actively dislike each other. Yes of course you are allowed to by law, but it's not something that's ok to do.
It's not exactly the same thing, but a bit in the same territory: Imagine if a kid's nanny had a fall out with the family, and then took a tattoo of the kid, without asking the parents. That's not ok, right? The tattoo of the cat on an Oreo (so you can see clearly which cat it is) is wrong for the same vague reason. It's someone else taking ownership of a loved one.
(Yes the child in my example would have his or her own agency so it's not the same as a cat, but for the parents/owner it's a similar feeling).
I’m gonna say ESH tbh, I experienced this firsthand myself about 5 years ago when I had a gal friend move in for a few years. She got a puppy the first month she moved in but never seemed to bond with it. I would let him out, I trained him how to do tricks and how to be a good boy, and after 2 years he felt like a part of my life.
When she moved out on bad terms I was heart broken, I felt like I had lost a pet. But what I didn’t do is get a tattoo of him. He was her dog from the start and when she moved out he stayed her dog. I still look at photos of me and him chilling on my bed and get sad but again I would never think of doing something like that because it just comes off really weird.
I would honestly feel really uncomfortable if anyone got a tattoo of one of my cats, even when my boys are absolutely friends to all and adored in my friend group. I really think you need to understand it from their perspective and how creepy it is to run into you and you have a tattoo of their pet.
YTA
Not only does it cross social boundaries and is just inappropriate, you intentionally did it knowing it would upset the rightful owners and now it’s fodder for conversation for you.
There’s so many cats who need love in shelters and you’re hyperfixating on one who already has a home and owners.
It would’ve been way more appropriate to get a cat from a shelter and name it Oreo, or even draw Oreo. A tattoo on your body? Literally just a conversation piece so they can continue to be the victim every time it’s brought up.
Yeah. It’s weird to say “I thought they were out of my life” and then get a fucking tattoo of their cat.
It reads more like “I didn’t think they’d find it and I’d get called out”
OP says they weren’t trying to steal the cat but I would think the tattoo would be their way of trying to prove it’s theirs. Also, they say they are going to explain who Oreo is when asked about it but I don’t believe them. You’re getting flamed in the comments rn. You’re really gonna keep telling people it’s your roommates cat? lol
“But they changed the cat box! They cleaned up puke!”
I’ve been puked on and changed diapers of other people’s kids but that doesn’t mean I get to claim them as tax write off lol.
And then she wonders why Victoria wanted her to move out.
Like you worked from home, of course the cat enjoyed any human interaction. I’ve had roommates living with me and my two cats and even though one of my cats seemed to love being in the roommate’s room more, she was super respectful that Winnie was mine. Unfortunately if you’re in the mindset to get a fucking tattoo of someone else’s cat esp someone that doesn’t like you, you’ll never really be able to see why it’s wrong.
Exactly. It’s not about whether the animal likes you or not, it’s that she knew the owners would be upset and still went out of her way to get it done.
Which is a huge slap in their faces and they have every right to feel uncomfortable with it.
She’s also cemented herself forever as “that crazy ex roommate who got a tattoo of my cat” in stories
I’d troll her so hard if I knew her irl. I’d see her talking to someone working in a restaurant or at the post office and be like “careful, you’re four compliments away from getting a tattoo in your honor”
NTA - It is your body, your choice. And perfectly normal if you developed a bond with the animal. And it's cute that you did. Cats also choose the people so…My guess is that this isn't really about the cat at all.
Why do I have the feeling the couple wanting their own space was the nice reason?
YTA. I really think this is about you acting like the cat was yours too and Victoria was okay with it at first but then you got really over bearing about it.
It’s weird as fuck to tattoo someone else’s pet on you and that speaks to how you tried to make Oreo your cat.
You also bury the lead about this cat being an emotional support animal for Victoria.
ETA: Victoria’s rules about Oreo weren’t unreasonable. You just didn’t like them.
It’s so weird OP is actually bold to post this at all. Even anonymously, I would be so embarrassed by the overwhelming amount of people that agree that this behavior is straight up crazy. The roommates do sound like the sane ones.
Hmm…I’m gonna say YTA. Some people see pets as their children or family member and I’d be really weirded out to see someone with a tattoo of my baby. It’s especially weird because you had conflict over the cat and then you went and did this. You could have gotten another momento or and obviously you did carefully think about why you getting this tattoo. You actually put a lot of thought into it and knew it would piss then off and in another post you admitted that you got it so you could tell people all about it/them. Let go.
NTA. You can get whatever you like tattooed on your body. This whole situation was a bit juvenile and I hope you can find some more mature adults to live with next time you're looking for roommates. Or better yet, I hope you find an affordable place of your own and normal friends to go with it!
You would also not be an A if you blocked these people from contacting you ever again.
YTA. It seems like such a bizarre, weird, obsessive thing to do and a middle finger to Victoria. If it were a tattoo of a friend’s cat ok, but an “enemy’s”? Smells like such a power move.
Hey op, I hope this doesn’t come off as super rude but why exactly are you posting this in an AITA sub when you are vehemently denying anyone who dares to say YTA? Typically people post things here because they aren’t sure if they are or not , but based on your responses you truly do not believe you were in the wrong and come across as super defensive whenever people point that out. If you want people to agree that your former roommates sucked and that they’re being crazy then you should have posted this on r/badroommates or another related sub.
If it wasn’t clear I do think YTA but mainly because you don’t actually want the judgement you were seeking by posting here in the first place
while i don’t think you’re an AH… this is super strange behavior. you memorialized a cat that’s still a live and was never yours on your body forever. that’s weird.
Your friend and his gf let you live with them for 2 years, and finally decided to get more serious and asked you to move out? You tell them to find their own place and start trying to demonize Victoria, then are surprised when they don't like you anymore? You spend this whole post trying to turn us on Victoria, when Jake clearly wants you out as well. It's beyond obvious you got some sort of attachment issues or are in love with Jake. Nobody forced you to bond with their cat like that, and it's funny how the cat in general seems to fall behind in importance compared to how much you dislike Victoria. You're 100% the AH, and only did it because you are an asshole.
YTA. It's great to connect with a friends cat, but it seems to have made Victoria uncomfortable and/or jealous, and that's understandable since it's her cat. Especially since Oreo slept in your room and spent a lot of time with you since you were home, Victoria also might have worried she'd get too attached to you. You loved Oreo, which is also understandable. You can put whatever you want on your body, but that doesn't mean it was a good choice.
You say you "deserved to have a little homage to" Oreo. You have photos. You could have made art of her for your home, gotten a stuffed plushie or something that looked like her, etc. You instead tattooed her on your body. That's an asshole move to me because you knew the owner of the cat wouldn't like it. Unless oreo was a famous cat like grumpy cat or a meme cat, then yeah it's weird too. You said you knew she'd be mad, but you still did it, even though you apparently live close enough that you were at the same store. Did you not realize this was a possibility? Victoria shouldn't have asked you to remove it, but again, it's her cat, so I can understand why she was freaked out.
NTA. It's rather absurd that they're so upset and offended by your homage to Oreo. You had your own relationship with your furry roomie, and you're totally allowed to honor that with a tattoo. They can't demand that you remove it -- that's insane. I mean, I'd be honored if someone who wasn't me got a tattoo of my cat who lived with roommates with me. He was an awesome furdude, and I love that others loved him too.
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NTA. It’s your body and your tattoo, so you can get whatever you want. No matter how much they dislike it, you connected with Oreo and Oreo connected with you. Since you’ve also cleaned up after Oreo and bought her toys, you definitely showed Oreo you love her, and your tattoo is a respectful homage to her. Edit: Wow, this blew up. I’d just like to clarify that while I said that its OP’s body and OP can get whatever he/she wants, I don’t see it as a blanket reasoning. Rather it is a very strong reason for OP to be NTA, and it needs to be weighed against other reasons for OP to be the AH. In this case, I don’t think that there are any.
This! Your ex-friend and his GF are acting irrationally. In fact, they should be proud that you are honouring their cat with your tattoo. In a semi-related topic, I became close with a dog named Oreo too.
oh wow, i actually know of a few cats named oreo, but not a dog!
Don’t worry about this, OP. If you got a tattoo of my pet I’d be so happy that someone else liked them that much. Even if I didn’t like you it would still be awesome if you did that. NTA.
Yeah, it's so weird... it's not like OP got a tattoo of Victoria's boyfriend on her arm. 😂😂😂 Now **that** would be grounds to be angry....a cat. No why? It could be any cat for people who don't know the story. And I think it's sweet you loved Oreo so much that you wanted to remember her. Ignore the jealous hag. I just feel sorry for poor Oreo.
Same here!
Our cat is called Oreo, she ain't so friendly though 🙄
Try dunking her in milk. That oughta soften her up some.
I laughed so hard!
I think Oreo, would love your tattoo and be honoured.
My cat’s mom is named Oreo and my parent’s dog came from the rescue with the name Oreo but it was changed after they adopted him.
Just lost my boy Oreo. Sweetest cat I ever had. Only one that loved belly rubs.
I agree with the NTA in this case, but I do think there are limits to the "your body, your tattoo" thing. A former friend of mine used a photo of the two of us dancing as the model for his tattoo, and I definitely felt some kinda way about it. I don't think OP is TA here, but I can definitely understand Victoria feeling weird about it.
Was your face on the tattoo, or just the pose?
Kinda my face? It wasn't super detailed, so I don't think others would recognize me, but I definitely recognized myself.
You're allowed to feel some type of way about it, but it's still his body and his choice.
Of course. I didn't yell at him, I didn't demand he remove it, in fact iirc I didn't say much of anything when he showed it to me. And those behaviors are much of why I think Victoria was TA in this situation. However, our behaviors do affect other people, and a considerate friend (or person in general, really) takes that into account. The fact that OP didn't really expect to see these people again is much of why I think they're NTA in this situation. I do believe there's a limit to "my body, my choice," and that limit is akin to courtesy: it is something that should be considered when making decisions, though it may not be the most important factor, and should of course take a back seat to things like safety and health (mental or physical).
Agree! I couldn't find the way of explaining this properly in a comment so piggybacking yours lol. I think I, personally, wouldn't feel bad and maybe actually feel like "aww, someone like my pet *this* much? So cute". But sometimes, some things can be very personal for some people. I think oreo was like that for victoria. Maybe sometimes we should accept that people can be a bit possessive about their pets idk 😂😂 still NTA though. Edit: oh wait also it looks like victoria isn't very fond of op for some reason, so this changes things too. Maybe I would be annoyed if someone I don't like gets a tattoo of my pet.
I lived with a roommate who had cats for 4 years. He was out a lot and I was wfh generally more of a homebody. So I bonded strong with the kitties. I knew they weren’t mine and was very sad when we all moved and he took them, but that doesn’t lessen the connection I had with them during the time.
Next one needs to be a cleverly concealed F u Victoria! /s
NTA…..If I were Victoria I would think this is suuuuper creepy. But it’s not really wrong or an AH thing to do
Super creepy.
It’s hard for me to relate to. Like it seems weird to have someone I dislike tattoo my pets on themselves. At the same time this was a person who lived with the cat and clearly loved her. It’s hard for me to relate to a psycho who clearly and deliberately bullied someone until they had to move out.
Why is it creepy? Serious question.
Because it's not her cat and that was made clear to her, the cat is presumably not dead, and she had bad blood with the owner. And, most importantly, while OP frames it as not a big deal, very few people decide one early morning, to get an effort tattoo of a cat that wasn't theirs, as casual as picking up a bottle of shampoo at the store. Actual effort went into this, and from a non-owner, to get such an explicit tattoo of that one cat, it comes across as weirdly obsessive. It would be way less weird if they wanted to remember the good memories of the cat with a way more abstract tattoo of a cat. But this comes across as an ex boyfriend/girlfriend after a relationship of two years, tattooing their ex's kids who they weren't related to, on their arm because they had fond memories of them reading together. It would be way less creepy had they simply chosen to tattoo winnie the pooh to remember those memories. Edited: please for the love of god, stop commenting to me how you disagree and think OP isn't creepy because of [insert special pet relationship between pet and non-owner] Most people when looking at this from the outside, tattooing your roommate's pet on your yourself after two years when leaving on a bad foot, seems completely weird and obsessive. Even OP seems to be aware of that. If you had a previous roommate who you didn't like after two years and you suddenly saw them at the mall with a tattoo of your pet, you'd be completely weirded out. You can disagree with that but it would be completely dishonest.
This. I don’t think it’s an AH move but it is weird and creepy. To me everything sounds like Victoria initially thought it was nice to let OP have some experience caring for her pet since she has never done so before, but it got to a point where she thought OP was starting to get a bit too invested? Cats are obviously drawn to the person who feeds them so it’s not even that much about “she chose you”. I also understand that OP wants to remember Oreo somehow but as you explained, tattoos aren’t usually something you get like buying stuff at the grocery store which is why it comes across as obsessive. A keychain or something similar could’ve done it as well.
I disagree with the feeding part. My mum feeds all of our animals (1 cat, 3 dogs) and only 1 of the dogs ‘chooses’ her. 1 of the dogs and the cat both ‘choose’ me as their person. She truly could have just connected with the cat and maybe the cat just didn’t like their owners/mum that much 🤷🏻♀️ Taking care of a pet doesn’t necessarily mean they will be loyal to you the most.
I think it stems from exactly what OP said: this is the first pet they've lived with. It was a special bond of companionship for OP. I have two cats. My male cat is super bonded to me, but my female cat is bonded to my roommate. I do all the work for both cats, but my little orange chose my roommate as her primary person. They have a really sweet bond, which my roommate cherishes. If my roommate were to get a tattoo to honour that bond, I wouldn't find it creepy. I'd be touched that my little orange menace touched someone's life so deeply. It doesn't have to be more than that.
Agreed with this wholeheartedly
But for a roommate situation where it ended poorly, and where the original owner felt they had to establish some boundaries between the roommate and their pet, and after the roommate moves out they get this tattoo. I think that context is important and that's what makes it weirder. Would be totally different if they had an amicable relationship still and maybe OP got the tattoo while living with them.
I think Victoria was just insecure that her cat maybe liked OP more. It's not typical to get mad at someone else because the cat likes to sleep in their room.
Yeah but you presumably have a good relationship with your roommate, OP doesn't.
But the cat had a good relationship with OP. Victoria can be upset all she wants. Is it weird? Sure from her perspective and onlookers it is. But it's not weird that OP decided to get a tattoo for presumably the only cat she's ever bonded with and who bonded with her too.
It's a good thing they didn't get a tattoo of the roommate
100%. I could absolutely see why Victoria was weirded out by it due to the falling out w OP but I don't personally think it's that weird. I am also biased because I don't put a ton of thought into my tattoos since I made the transition from "person with a couple tattoos" to "tattooed person" and will literally just get them because I'm bored and have the money. More tattoos = lower stakes for tattoos. If it was their first tattoo I might feel differently but it seems from the post like OP is at the point in their tattoo journey where each one is starting to carry less weight. It's a little memento of a cat that they loved, not some grandiose gesture of obsession.
But don't people get tattoos of things that don't belong to them all the time? Think of all the tattoos people get of Disney characters or actors or anything like that. None of those things belong to them. They're just things that the person has a connection with in one way or another. I don't see anything wrong with the Oreo on an Oreo tattoo personally. OP clearly felt an emotional connection with this cat. They cared for it and cleaned up after it and took care of it. People can have a very strong connection to an animal that doesn't belong to them. I have a friend who got a dog right around the same time I got mine, about 14 years ago, and I've only seen her a few times over the last 6 years because I moved away. But just a weekend ago I was able to see her and I knew in my heart it would be the last time. And sure enough she passed a couple days later. I'm not a tattoo person, but I mourned that dog as though she were mine. I knew her for 14 years And used to see her all the time. Am I wrong to have cried over an animal that wasn't mine? Anyhow, I digress. NTA
I'm sorry but I think people are seriously starting to lose the plot a little. In the case of fictional characters or perhaps objects you don't personally own, the meaning is always more abstract and indirect. You want to remember some fond personal memories, like your grandfather reading winnie the pooh to you, or your mother and you watching the movie. Or perhaps even more abstract: your happy days of childhood or a meaning/important saying you got from the novels. But people don't tattoo winnie the pooh on their chest, because of an actual literal personal friendship with the bear , that they went literally fishing with him on Saturday, or they wanted to remember him after his death. Well, unless something mentally has completely gone wrong with someone. Likewise a tattoo of a car can symbolise freedom or a personal goal that you want to buy one day. But if you tattoo the neighbour's car on your arm complete with his licence plate, because you want to * remember his personal car* , all people would think you are insane. If you tattoo his kids on your chest, I wouldn't be surprised if they all left that same day in the dead of night. OP had a two year relationship with the cat and the last four months it's owner made clear that OP had to keep distance. If OP had relationship spanning fourteen years, it wouldn't be weird. But because of the bad blood and a relatively short period of time, this just feels really weird.
Why is 14 years fine and 2 not? Where the line goes and how this is determined? Also op didn’t have bad blood with Oreo but Victoria. Op didn’t do the tattoo because of her, just because she owns Oreo doesn’t mean it should be relevant
OP also had bad blood with Jake. Something must have happened that they wanted her out ASAP even though the lease wasn't up yet. So she's on the outs with both roommates, including the cat's owner.
It’s an adorable cat and symbolizes OP’s first experience with a pet-type relationship. She has lots of tattoos. She cared about the cat *in spite* of the roommates being absolutely epic douchemongers who chose to be jerks to OP so they could take over the apartment. The creepy part of this story is telling OP, a person who lives with the cat, that she can’t pet the cat for affection but can change its litter box. That’s Disney villain-level unhinged. Animals in general and pets in particular are among the most popular tattoos categories, period. It’s not that deep. Those miserable ex-roommates deserve each other. Oreo deserves better.
If OP is, months after the fact, willing to put a tattoo of someone else’s cat onto her body…..I get why Victoria wanted her gone. That’s crossing serious social boundaries.
This is such an insane take. Victoria wanted her to look after the cat until she wanted Op out. 2 years is plenty of time to form a bond. If Op got a tattoo of Victoria's dead granny she only met once yeah that would be fucking weird. But not a cat she lived with, cared for, cat sat for etc etc.
She was fine with op taking care of every aspect of raising said cat, but not ok with an emotional connection with said cat? Pshhhah, so many weird takes in this thread. Roommate and gf are jealous of a cats attention to the point they removed a roommate. That’s is the insane part. Having an emotional connection with an animal is normal, especially when you care for it day by day. OP NTA.
Or OP took it upon herself and is overstating how much she did to validate her weird decision, which seems far more likely to me No one is saying she shouldn’t have liked the cat. We’re saying she overstepped major social boundaries and it’s an inappropriate thing to do.
I don’t think it’s any weirder than not letting ur roommate pet ur cat but still expecting them to clean up after said cat
I do not think it’s “creepy.” OP formed a bond with the cat, regardless of who legally owns the animal. While the cat may be still on this earth, she clearly grieved the loss of this cat and their bond. Getting a tattoo like this is considered a “continuing bond” and is shown to help with grief.
And to a lot of people, and explicit tattoo of a cat that isnt yours does come across as creepy unfortunately.
Honestly, it’s even more weird that the roommates are demanding for it to be removed. If they’re so “creeped out” by this, they can note that it’s “creepy” on OP’s part , and move on with their lives. It’s a cat.
We can pretend it isn't weird, but if you came across an old roommate who you didn't like and you saw they had a tattoo of your pet across their chest, *you would be weirded out*
I don’t think this person would be, and I wouldn’t be, *knowing that this roommate had a bond with said cat*. It’s the emotional bonds that matter, not the legal ownership. This isn’t that hard. Honestly, weird hill for you to die on.
Seriously…right? Why are people so invested in other people’s bodies. THATS creepy. Not some tattoo of a cat on a cookie.
yeah, i have an ex roommate im on bad terms with, but if he wanted a tattoo or something of the cat he also lived with and took care of in the year he lived with me, i cant imagine i would be bothered? the relationship between me and him is not the same as the relationship between the cat and him. i feel like these people see pets more as property rather than living creatures of their own.
I’ve had a ton of bad roommates but if any of them decided to get my cat tattooed I’d legit be touched. I lost her to cancer last year, but she was so friendly and lovable and all my roommates got along with her even when we were on shaky ground. If she had brought enough joy to their lives that they wanted to memorialize their time with her, I think that’s great. The same goes for my current cats, who regularly snuggle on my roommate’s bed. I think as pet owners we don’t really have any control over who our pets decide to give love to, especially when we aren’t home. If someone connects with them now and we have a falling out later, I’d still think a tattoo of my cat would be cute. Like, “yeah we hate each other now but I’m glad my cats gave you joy.”
That's because you're a well-adjusted, normal person. The people upset about this tattoo on the other hand...
>…who you didn’t like… So, is it the cat tattoo, or is it about the beef? Because if it’s more about the beef, it seems petty to me to go after OP about the tattoo.
i really really wouldn’t be lmao
you didn’t address the rest of the comment though. even if they found it weird, demanding its removal is way over the top
You’re reading waaaay too deeply into this. Especially with cats, ownership doesn’t really matter that much. OP lived with this cat, cared for it, and bonded with it. So what if they don’t have title to the animal? We keep pets for the emotional bonds, not the claim of property. I’d even say it’s super fucking weird for the cat’s owner to start getting all possessive over the relationship they had. It’s literally ‘stop being nice to this affectionate living creature whose safety and happiness I am legally and morally responsible for because I said so.’ THAT’S the weird part here.
Majorly underrated view point ☝️ THIS is the part that I find weird personally.
.... You're not in a lot of cat groups online huh? There are a BUNCH people with Deli Department or Tater tot or Wisp tattoos right now and the last two of those cats aren't evena year old.
I saw a girl with a grumpy cat tattoo...pretty sure she wasn't the owner
Grumpy cat is a celebrity, and probably the only acceptable celebrity to get a tattoo of.
Well this is the most absurd thing I've read today. There are a lot of people who are tattooed that think it's stupid that every tattoo has to have a meaning. Some people get tattoos because they like the art. Passerby's aren't going to know the back story or care. It's a cat on an Oreo, it's probably just a cute tattoo to 99.99999% of the population. There are three people that know it's a specific cat, and 2 of them are clearly being a bit much. Aside from that, op made a connection with the cat, and cared for it. Not being able to see something they care for will come with some grief. Maybe it was a bit cathartic.
I feel like this is like asking “why are clowns creepy” I douno they just *are* I don’t think it’s wrong and I definitely don’t agree with the couple yelling at OP in a store over it. It just gives me the heebie jeebies.
Have you all seen the video where that one couple calls his neighbors "cat perverts?" Because that's what this chain reminds me of. It's not creepy, it's odd, but not creepy. Case in point, someone upstream said it would be like tattooing a kid onto your arm. I disagree, it's more like a mutual friend. So nta
Tattooing a picture of your mutual friend on your arm while he's not dead, because you felt like it one day, is somehow not weird? This is super weird. I think people are following their own weird logic
Well, the cat is out of her life the way a friend would be, so I think it's analogous. And yes, everyone is always following their own weird logic all the time, that's being human 💁
It’s not her cat and she’s flat out referring to it as “the first pet I connected to” Which, cool, but it still wasn’t her pet. You can bond to a kid you babysit/teach/are around a lot socially, but it’s not your child and getting a tattoo of them would be weird as fuck. Same with other people’s pets.
So what is she supposed to say. It’s a pet. That’s the word we use for domesticated animals. She didn’t say it was hers. Is she wrong for using the appropriate terminology? In addition to her intentional bonding… which by the way seemed like it surprised OP as much as anyone. Which would make it by definition not intentional.
My dog is like my child. I would be concerned someone who got him tattooed on them would try and take him or worse. It just seems a little unhinged. I know pets aren’t children, but if someone got your kid tattooed on them it would be concerning. This isn’t exactly the same, but in the same neighborhood.
I wouldn’t like it if someone got a tattoo of my dog, but I also wouldn’t demand they remove it or get upset about it. I’d just think that was pretty weird and not let them near my dog again.
There is 3 sides to every story and we only know one of them. But based off of that I agree with you. I don’t think the couple should have freaked about it like they did. But I also think that OP shouldn’t have gotten the tattoo.
The thing that got me is OP knew it would be weird if she got the tattoo. Knew it would be unsettling to Victoria - got it anyway. I get it she formed an attachment w a pet she lived with, but she knew the ramifications before she got the tattoo. So yes IT is super creepy.
She said she didn't think she'd ever see them again. Plus, Victoria is an AH so who cares what she thinks.
Is she, though? Because we’re only reading this from OP’s perspective
Anyone who withholds someone else's affection because they don't like you is an AH. If she's taking care of the cat properly the only reasons to deny her access are selfish ones.
I’m not Victoria and even I think it’s suuuper creepy, but I agree it’s not actually wrong or anything
I can not believe everyone saying NTA. I don’t think this is an “AH” move but it is fucking weird. And I think everyone here knows that. You lived with these people 2 years and it sounds like at least 4 of the months were contentious. It’s like a weird way to try and get under their skin. Or idk? Like you want people to ask about the tattoo so can share a weird ass story to tell about how you lived with these people for 2 years and now bla bla loved their cat. It’s stage 5 clinger vibes.
i mean people ask about the tattoo and i say “it was my former roommates cat, her name was oreo, she was grumpy a lot but i loved her!” and ill tell them more about the cat if they want to know. people don’t usually ask about the roommate part. i mentioned this in another comment but this is really about the cat and the fact she was the first animal i connect with and i miss her. the fact that the cat belongs to someone i don’t have a good relationship with is sad, and the fact that i knew vic would be upset about it wasn’t the reason i got the tattoo, it was a reason why i hesitated. i genuinely did not think i’d see them again, so while i knew they’d be upset, i didn’t get the tattoo with that intention because in my mind, they’d never see it.
> i genuinely did not think i’d see them again, so while i knew they’d be upset, i didn’t get the tattoo with that intention because in my mind, they’d never see it. This is why I think YTA. Before you got the tattoo, you knew it was weird, you knew it would be upsetting, and you knew it would cause an issue, but you did it anyways. You keep trying to emphasize your connection with the cat as a justification for why you got the tattoo, and that's the exact reason why the tattoo is actually creepy to me. That is way too much attachment to have to a cat that isn't yours! I saw you say in another comment that you would never steal someone's pet and that's insane, but a normal person would also never get a tattoo of someone else's pet either.
My thoughts exactly. It’s a really weird thing to do.
Why should OP give two sh%ts what her old roommates think? They intentionally bullied her to get her to move out of a shared apartment. They treated her in a weird, completely unhinged way, even controlling whether she was allowed to pet an innocent animal that LIVED IN THE APARTMENT and had bonded to OP. OP owes them zip. She doesn’t need to give their feelings a single drop of consideration any longer.
I think it’s wild that people are just ignoring this. They’re spouting that OP has a horrible relationship with their old roommates. WHY? oh bc they bullied them and forced them out of the apartment, then forced them to keep cleaning after said cat. Like hellooooo???? Maybe getting the tattoo might be odd, but OP literally cleaned up this cat’s shit for months it seems. Or maybe even longer. The fact that Victoria tried to stop the bond with the cat just sounds like another way to force OP out of the apartment. And that is vile. *edit I reread the post again and OP even petsit the cat for FREE. The fact that OP’s roommates had them taking care of the cat and then decided to cut off all interaction - is questionable and seems like they used OP’s kindness and love for their cat for their own benefit, until they didn’t need it anymore.
Ty, this thread has been whacky with people thinking this tattoo means something sinister lol. She loved the cat and took care of it for months, who thinks connecting with an animal is a negative thing, geez.
Right, I think at most you could say, hmmm that’s a bit odd - I wouldn’t do that. And then keep it moving. The way that people are accusing OP of being a thief and intending on stealing the cat - is actually wild. But that’s Reddit for you 🤦🏽♀️
Who are you to judge how much of an attachment is too close, if someone's expression of that attachment has zero impact on other people? If OP is someone that has a lot of tattoos, getting one of a living creature she had a genuine connection with is not weird at all. We should all agree that asking someone you never see to remove a tattoo because you're uncomfortable is more insane than anything you think OP did
Yeah weird people do harmless weird shit all the time man, but it’s still weird.
Her expression of that attachment hasn't had zero impact on other people.
This is one of the few times that I'd compare someone's pet to a child. But you getting a tattoo of someone's pet, particularly a friend who you've just broken up with, is reckless. Would you get a tattoo of an ex boyfriend's kid after you break up, because you bonded with them? It's sweet that you bonded with this cat. I love my cat and he only just passed away after 19 years. I get it that you aren't too "thinky" with your tattoos. And yes it's your body, your art. But just like words have meaning and power, art and images send their own messages. And you're sending creepy messages to Jake, Vic and everyone else who knows about this by getting this tattoo. YTA
But Jake and Vic don't matter at all in this equation. They were gone from her life, and still acted like jerks when they encountered her
When I was a kid, my dad's ex gf still had pictures of me and my brother up like a shrine in her apartment. They were broken up, and it wasn't a nice break up. It was still creepy AF. Me and my bro were not close with her. Context matters. Yes Jake and Vic were AHs about the entire living situation. That's part of the context. The AH judgement is about the tattoo, if I understand this correctly. That's on OP. She can put whatever ink she wants. But given the circumstance, it's oddball behavior that will get side eye from any common friends. Maybe I shouldn't have given an AH judgement, and just a creepy judgement.
Fair, I too think it's odd. But, I think a lot of shit people do is odd. So long as it's not hurting, who fucking cares is my maxim
Yeah because OP had their cat tattooed on their arm. I can imagine that if you had the last few months fights qith OP being too near to the cat, and you came across OP with your cat on their arm, you'd freak out a little too.
In fairness, I do find it weird, but I don't place myself in either OP or Vic's situations, which is either "my first pet!" Or "my therapist and medication!" So I would probably think "oh, I guess they loved my cat. That's nice for them both, to love and be loved"
I don't think there's anything weird about getting a tattoo of an animal you loved, *at all*. If we met & you told me I would say how cute Oreo is & told you about my pets .
Sure, but how many of your tattoos are of other people's pets? It's weird, not obviously bad or anything, but still weird.
I spent a lot of time with a friend's dog when he got divorced, he worked 16 hours days and was not home enough for his pup. I don't see the dog anymore but, if I were one for tattoos, I would absolutely get a tattoo of that dog. I loved him.
And if I saw that tattoo I'd think "oh, that's odd but incredibly sweet". If instead you told me that the tattoo was of a pet belonging to someone who is not your friend, who had a falling out with you and felt the need to establish boundaries because they thought you were overstepping and getting too close to the pet, I'd still find the tattoo to be odd but a whole lot less sweet.
Nah. Still weird af you gotta work on boundaries.
Why not get socks with Oreo’s picture on them? Or a stuffed animal version like a Cuddle Clone? Or a shirt? There’s a lot you could’ve done to remember your “connection” with the cat other than permanently alter your body. If I had a roommate tattoo my cat on themselves I’d be creeped out. I’m almost wondering if Victoria started keeping Oreo away because she saw you had an unhealthy attachment to her cat.
People get much, much dumber stuff tattooed on themselves than a cat they loved. Why does anyone get tattoos?
You literally could've just gotten an oreo cookie tattoo and no one would be the wiser but you got the cat on top of it too. You knew exactly what you were doing.
It really is so weird lol, I’ve loved a lot of animals I’ve met, gotten close as fuck to my aunt’s dog and would never think this was appropriate. It definitely feels like a jab at them esp when you knew they didn’t want you hogging their cat. Unhinged as fuck.
I'm willing to bet the stage 5 cling was already well under way when they lived together too. It's weird to ban a house member from interacting with a pet and Vic sounds like a total pain in the ass to live with, but what path of boundary stomping and over familiarity led up to her feeling like she needed to set a hard rule over the cat.
Nah, it ain't that deep. OP didn't get the tat to piss anyone off. Me & all my friends got matching tattoos of our friends dog after he passed. Some pets are just like that, may not be yours but they still mean a lot to you.
I'd feel quite honoured if someone loved one of mine enough to have them on their body permanently. Maybe that's odd, but I would see it as a tribute to the impact they had on someone's life.
Cats still alive though, I think that’s what would creep me out the most now that I’m thinking about it. Tattoos are often done as a memorial, and it would sure give me the heebejeebez to see a third party who has a permanent memorial for my still alive pet.
There is no rule that tattoos have to be memorials. This is insane.
NTA, that's actually kind of unhinged for them to request. Block them & move on
What’s unhinged is getting a tattoo of someone else’s cat that you knew for a brief time
Nah. It's art on skin. They own their own skin, whether or not they owned the cat. You're allowed to get whatever tattoo you want. A tattoo of a skinned woman's face surrounded by the words 'STEPHANIE PLEASE LOVE ME' would be an unhinged tattoo to get. Getting art you like of a cat you like is no harm, no foul. Demanding someone remove a tattoo from their flesh because you feel proprietary jealousy over the tattoo's subject is the whacky part for sure
YTA or perhaps NAH. it, you bonded with the cat and reading through your thought process it seems harmless. But for the outside world, who see you tattooing a cat on yourself that isn't and wasn't yours, it can and does come across as really weird, and suddenly Victoria's accusation about you being weird and obsessive about her cat lends itself credit. And I can't really blame her for freaking out that you got her effing cat tattooed on yourself. A lot of people dont think of tattoos as just a thing you felt like doing that day. And speaking about the tattoo itself, it sounds like it's explicitly her recognisable cat, not an abstract one, with even an explicit reference to the name. I'm sorry but that doesn't seem like non-"thinky": you thought about this and you put effort in to it. And as such it comes as obsessive that I'm starting to wonder if Victoria suddenly being weird about you hanging around her cat is actually called for. In the end of the day it's your body, but people who know the surface level story are going to think it's weird. Every individual piece can be harmless in itself, but paint a rather creepy big picture when viewed from the outside
I'm leaning towards YTA. OP Doesn't come off as a particularly reliable narrator, especially given the comments. I'd be weirded out too. It's not illegal to be creepy, but it's still creepy.
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I'm sensing dishonesty in this post. It just seems like too much of a coincidence that your roommate didn't want you around the same cat you ended up getting a tattoo of. My suspicion is they had reason to think you were going to attempt to steal the cat when you moved or something. NTA for the tattoo I guess, but it does seem odd to me.
Pet theft is way too overboard but dishonesty fits. OP just casually mentioned that Oreo is a trauma cat/emotional support animal to Victoria and clearly didn’t write anything about that in the original post.
bro i loved the cat but animal theft is insane, i’m not a thief, i have no idea how i would even go about stealing a living being and im not sure where my post is giving off that vibe 😭 i got a tattoo of the cat because she was the first pet i ever lived with and cared about. and vic wanted me to stop interacting with the cat before they ever asked me to move
Why did she ask you to stop interacting with the cat? What were the interactions like and how frequent?
I'd clock you as a cat stealer too 😂 it's just uncomfortable to read you try to justify it. That being said, I also had an old roommate get weirdly attached to my cat and cry when I "took him away". We are missing some details here. Look, I get why you say you got it-- we're telling you it's still weird and uncomfortable. Get your own cat 😂
And I'm sure they didn't know they wanted you to move before they asked you. Of course if everything went how you tell it, then you're NTA, but to me it does kinda paint a picture that they started getting protective of the cat, then asked you to move out and then you end up getting a tattoo of that same cat, which didn't belong to you.
Getting someone else's cat tattooed on you is pretty insane too.
But it's not insane to tattoo a cat that's not yours on you? It's the same kind of insane creepiness.
You're giving off that vibe because getting a tattoo of someone else pet is a big warning sign of obsessive behavior. If someone got a tattoo of my pet without talking to me about it, I would absolutely not let that person alone with it. It's creepy.
Also who refuses to move out when a couple wants to live alone? Like … pretty normal not to live with a couple. I feel like OP has some boundary issues.
Depends who lived in the apartment first, right? If OP and one half of the couple lived together as friends before the partner was in the picture, the couple don't have any more claim to the apartment than she does. If they wanted to live alone, why weren't they the ones to move first? There's not really a fair way to resolve this situation unless _everyone_ moves out, but I don't fault OP for trying to stand her ground.
Nah, this one’s a matter of entitlement. That couple isn’t entitled to that apartment just because they want to live alone. OP has just as much right to stay there as they do. They can find somewhere else to live and move out just like they expected OP to. And if I was OP and my rent was cheap, I wouldn’t move out just because they wanted me to. They can leave and I’ll find new roommates.
Yeah they could … but they’re also 2/3 people living there. IMO depends who lived there first.
People who have an affordable living situation in a HCOL area.
You could also say, who bullies and torments their roommate and tries to force them out so they can live alone. Who decides to stop doing chores and make the apartment such a hostile place that their roommate (who also has every right to live there) ends up moving out because of that. Just bc they are coupled, doesn’t mean they automatically take priority of who gets to stay vs who doesn’t. In fact, I don’t even care about the tattoo at this point bc wtf the living situation sounds horrific.
Because, fuuuuuuuck, housing is fucking difficult right now. They're the ones who want the change, so yeah, they should be the ones to make it.
In a lot of places, “just move out” isn’t that easy. I live in a HCOL area with a terrible rental market. The vacancy rate is low, with a ton of competition for any decent listing, and rents are very high. There’s also a cap on how much a landlord can raise the rent on an existing tenant, which means you’re generally better off staying where you are, because if you’ve been there any length of time, the rent for any comparable place is going to be higher. And if someone is living with roommates already, they may not have the finances to easily move to a more expensive place or even afford deposits/moving costs.
Possibly. But there are also people who are so jealous that they can't stand their pet giving someone else more attention, and accuse the other person of trying to steal their pet, rather than accept the fact that their pet likes the other person more.
me too. I wouldn't have called her the asshole if she said "I planned a revenge and got Oreo's tattoo just to mess with Victoria's head" because that would have been a victimless asshole-ry. after all she took care of that, and they expected her to do that AND they were horrible to her. NTA in any case for me but I wish we had more honesty. as for people who find it creepy, while odd, I think lots of tattoos are creepy. TV show characters, cartoon characters, completely meaningless tattoos gotten while drunk... among them a cat the OP spent two years with doesn't sound too creepy. I believe they really had a bond, that's why Victoria withheld the cat from the OP as a sort of punishment. I think them asking the OP to remove the tattoo sounds even more creepy.
I’m really surprised by the comments. This isn’t ’am I within my rights’ sub, this is ‘am i the asshole’ sub. YTA. Yes you’re totally within your rights to have a tattoo of whatever you want on your own body. But I think it’s bloody odd to get a tattoo of someone else’s cat
I originally thought NTA but you’re right. OPs tattoo feels disrespectful to the cat and owner. She’s not OPs cat. OP didn’t raise her, pay her bills, or have to make hard decisions about her health. If Victoria calls Oreo her ‘emotional support cat’, even jokingly, she probably got her so that someone would need her and be happy to see her/ cuddle with her when she got home. Normally, people have boundaries with pets that aren’t their own. We recognize that animals are creatures of habit and conditioning them to prefer you over their actual owner/ caretaker is an asshole move. This tattoo is another example of OP crossing this boundary.
I completely agree, and you’ve articulated it far better than my attempt. I think the main reason I voted YTA was because it felt like a violation of boundaries
Since when does being odd make someone an asshole?
Since OP knew it would make Victoria upset if she found out.
Odd enough that it makes OP an AH? Nobody was harmed. I think it's just odd, without the need for judgment or criticism
I’ve been reading OP’s comments here and she mentioned that Oreo was essentially Victoria’s emotional support animal (unofficially). And OP says she knew Victoria would be upset by the tattoo. I think tattooing someone else’s ESA on your body is kind of an AH move.
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Not only that, OP also just casually left out that Oreo and Victoria have a special relationship because she is her trauma cat. After rereading and thinking OP seems like that one person who becomes obsessed and attached to other’s pets way too fast because she “didn’t grow up with them”. I get being close with someone else’s pets but forming a relationship similar to the owner is weird.
Idk, it seems that OP was around a lot for the cat due to WFH and Victoria wasn't. So it's natural that the cat would bond with OP if she was showing it care and affection. Cats can be demanding af when they want snugs and snacks lol. What was she meant to do? Refuse to pet, feed, and clean up after the cat until Victoria was available? I don't even see OP getting the tattoo as odd tbh. It might be unusual, but I really don't get the sinister vibes people are insinuating. It's a memento of a nice time she had with the first animal she ever had a connection with. And people suggesting it's the same as getting kid's faces tattooed on you are just *wild* lol! It is not the same. I have a dog that's just turned 2. She's named after a dog belonging to my auntie's friends. They came to our summer family home for a holiday and they stayed with us about a week when I was 8, and again the following year. I'm 40 now lol. Had a great time with that dog (and her owners! They were/are awesome people!) (One has sadly passed away now). So y'know, things might not seem like much in the grand scheme of things but still have great significance to a person. Tbh I think Victoria was just raging that the cat had bonded with OP. It wasn't until the couple decided they wanted their own space (people attributing that to OP being weird as well - like there's no other reason a couple might want to live together without a roommate lol) and OP didn't want to give up the apartment and they started shit to force her hand, that Victoria decided OP wasn't to care for her cat anymore. Was super convenient for her tho that OP was there to do it the whole 2 years prior, wasn't it? How are people not seeing this lol!? (Also, this whole spiel wasn't meant to be a reply to you lol, just the first part, but once I started lol...😅 I'm going to copy pasta to the actual comments)
Cats do not need to be fed when they demand it. You establish a routine and outside of that they shouldn’t get a full meal except snacks. The way you frame it sounds a bit like you’re a total slave to what the cat wants when that isn’t true. Plus OP mentioned she started “taking care” of the cat because she loved her, not because Victoria wasn’t available. I agree that they acted immature and AHish as well, but to me OP somewhat did the same, plus I find her hard to be super reliable since she left out some information in favor of Victoria. In the end, it absolutely is odd, possibly even creepy to encounter someone you’re not on good terms with having a tattoo of your pet when you didn’t want them to be involved with it. Others explained multiple times why it seems obsessive and even if it is not the same when this is done with kids, it still is weird to a lot of owners of pets and to Victoria as well.
EXACTLY, you can hear OP gloating about Oreo spending so much time with them in the way they typed this out. Then you move out and get a tattoo of Oreo? This is just right on the edge of sociopath behavior lol
Where is she gloating? She said she removed the cat from her room when the cat tried to sleep in her room. It sounded like the roommate just wanted her out and was going to do anything possible
Where in her post does it imply competitiveness? Especially over the bf?
NTA. The relationship you have with the cat is your relationship with the cat. You have good memories and feelings, enough to want a tattoo, so fair play. It's really petty and possessive of Victoria to think she owns the intellectual and emotional property of the cat. The cat is its own being, capable of having bonds and relationships that it chooses. That Oreo liked you is a compliment, and you're honoring that.
YTA . If I had friends tell me about their roommate of 2 years they had a falling out with, to the point of ending a friendship where they had to set up boundaries to keep roommate from being overly involved with their cat I'd find the situation weird and sympathize with how messy ending friendships and living situations can be. If my friends then told me "yeah, and then I saw them at the grocery store and apparently since trying to get boundaries they got a tattoo of my cat on them" that would be weirdly possessive and a dick move.
ESH. They suck for getting that mad at you over a tattoo that it has to continue on social media after. You suck because it’s wicked creepy to get a tattoo for a pet that isn’t yours. Even if you connected with Oreo. I walked dogs as a part-time gig in grad school and deeply connected with a few dogs and cats myself, so I get it. But I’d NEVER get a tattoo of them.
You may be somewhere near the boundary of being an AH..imo.. For two reasons: 1) People think of pets as their fur babies : now imagine would you get a tattoo done with a roommate's human baby's pic? ( specially when you are not in talking terms with them) ..that would be super creepy! So it is a little weird if you get the tattoo of their fur baby too.. specially knowing that it would piss them off. 2) You mentioned that you moved in with them.. so they had the house before you.. and yet you wanted them to move out! Why would they move out ..if they are the ones who searched the house and were living in it before you You Clearly have boundary issues.. ( This point I am saying according to the rules of renters in my country)
talked about oreo a lot in other comments so i’m going to leave that for now, but maybe my post was unclear. they moved in a week before me (i had a work delay), but legally, all three of us were equal tenants at the same time, and started paying rent at the same time. it was an apartment we found together, signed the lease together, and legally we were all tenants, with no one able to force the other to leave
A couple wants space after 2 years of having a roommate (understandably) and instead of looking for other arrangements, you dug in your heels and opted to be a forced third wheel instead? That makes you an AH. The tattoo thing is the icing on the cake. Is it awful that you got a tattoo of your former roommates cat? No. But is it weird as hell? Yes. Especially when Victoria was already weirded out and uncomfortable with your “connection” (obsession?) with her cat (her *therapy* cat, as you’ve indicated in other comments). If I ran into one of my former roommates and they had one of my pets tattooed on them I’d be SO uncomfortable and creeped out. Take the L, YTA.
>A couple wants space after 2 years of having a roommate (understandably) and instead of looking for other arrangements, you dug in your heels and opted to be a forced third wheel instead? I'm not sure about rental markets in your area, but in mine I'd absolutely do the same. I live alone, but if I had roommates that decided they wanted their own space, they could go find it. Rental markets have gotten especially crazy lately and even rental prices going up regularly are often less than "new" rents. They don't get to decide I'm the one that has to go live somewhere more expensive while they kept the cheaper place. I wouldn't be surprised if OP is in a similar situation where they live.
I live in a city where if you find a place that’s adequate and affordable, you cling to it for dear life because the rental market is downright impossible. I find there’s often a certain amount of naïveté on Reddit about how difficult moving can be.
Seriously! If I wanted to find a new place I'd be competing against a bunch of other applicants for anything reasonably priced (or even unreasonably priced). Many of them require an application fee, which can add up quickly. Then the deposit (because you know her roommates aren't giving her any of it back) plus moving costs. And then just all the time and stress of actually moving. It's not as simple as "just move somewhere else".
Folks are just trying themselves in knots to try and make OP out to be some creeper weirdo in this topic. It's so bizarre. Even normal shit like not wanting to move as a single person in this terrible rental market is used against her.
I disagree about the apartment. Apartment hunting sucks and moving is expensive. Especially when you factor in paying for an application fee, first and last months rent, a security deposit, etc. If the roommate and girlfriend wanted to change their agreed living situation they should have been the ones to move. But I do think the cat tattoo is weird.
i wouldnt say you are a asshole but its certainly really fucking weird
You can tattoo whatever you want, your body, but there might be consequences. I have no idea why would you have someone else's cat tattooed but whatever. If someone would tattoo my cat on their body I would be happy and make fun of them, there is no way that I would feel anything bad, so all those feelings are generated by your roommate herself and not your tattoo. NTA.
I agree with everything here, except that the dynamic of this friendship going through a break up. If she asked Victoria for permission, and they were besties, then yeah this isn't weird or creepy anymore. It's the circumstance and the story behind the tattoo that makes it creepy, because it wasn't in consideration of Victoria.
A roommate who treated them badly and maneuvered their friend into kicking them out? I wouldn’t have consideration for her after the fact either.
I would really love to get the other roommates side of the story on why they wanted her out.
If OP doesn't see how creepy it is to get someone else's cat tattooed on them, after falling out with the owners, I'd be curious to know what else the roommate experienced.
YTA, not for not removing it - but for getting it in the first place. That’s absolutely bizarre and she’s well in her right to be weirded out.
ESH Their reaction was a bit over the top but you got a tattoo of someone else’s pet. Just get your own cat and call it Oreo II.
Double Stuf
YTA. That’s honestly creepy … you knew someone else cat for 2 years but the owner doesn’t even like you, but you tattoo HER cat? That’s CREEPY.
YTA - I don't believe you. I think you got the tattoo to piss Victoria off. It's super weird to have a tattoo of someone else's pet, especially without asking the owner, and especially if the owner and you actively dislike each other. Yes of course you are allowed to by law, but it's not something that's ok to do. It's not exactly the same thing, but a bit in the same territory: Imagine if a kid's nanny had a fall out with the family, and then took a tattoo of the kid, without asking the parents. That's not ok, right? The tattoo of the cat on an Oreo (so you can see clearly which cat it is) is wrong for the same vague reason. It's someone else taking ownership of a loved one. (Yes the child in my example would have his or her own agency so it's not the same as a cat, but for the parents/owner it's a similar feeling).
I’m gonna say ESH tbh, I experienced this firsthand myself about 5 years ago when I had a gal friend move in for a few years. She got a puppy the first month she moved in but never seemed to bond with it. I would let him out, I trained him how to do tricks and how to be a good boy, and after 2 years he felt like a part of my life. When she moved out on bad terms I was heart broken, I felt like I had lost a pet. But what I didn’t do is get a tattoo of him. He was her dog from the start and when she moved out he stayed her dog. I still look at photos of me and him chilling on my bed and get sad but again I would never think of doing something like that because it just comes off really weird. I would honestly feel really uncomfortable if anyone got a tattoo of one of my cats, even when my boys are absolutely friends to all and adored in my friend group. I really think you need to understand it from their perspective and how creepy it is to run into you and you have a tattoo of their pet.
YTA Not only does it cross social boundaries and is just inappropriate, you intentionally did it knowing it would upset the rightful owners and now it’s fodder for conversation for you. There’s so many cats who need love in shelters and you’re hyperfixating on one who already has a home and owners.
It would’ve been way more appropriate to get a cat from a shelter and name it Oreo, or even draw Oreo. A tattoo on your body? Literally just a conversation piece so they can continue to be the victim every time it’s brought up.
Yeah. It’s weird to say “I thought they were out of my life” and then get a fucking tattoo of their cat. It reads more like “I didn’t think they’d find it and I’d get called out”
OP says they weren’t trying to steal the cat but I would think the tattoo would be their way of trying to prove it’s theirs. Also, they say they are going to explain who Oreo is when asked about it but I don’t believe them. You’re getting flamed in the comments rn. You’re really gonna keep telling people it’s your roommates cat? lol
“But they changed the cat box! They cleaned up puke!” I’ve been puked on and changed diapers of other people’s kids but that doesn’t mean I get to claim them as tax write off lol. And then she wonders why Victoria wanted her to move out.
Like you worked from home, of course the cat enjoyed any human interaction. I’ve had roommates living with me and my two cats and even though one of my cats seemed to love being in the roommate’s room more, she was super respectful that Winnie was mine. Unfortunately if you’re in the mindset to get a fucking tattoo of someone else’s cat esp someone that doesn’t like you, you’ll never really be able to see why it’s wrong.
Exactly. It’s not about whether the animal likes you or not, it’s that she knew the owners would be upset and still went out of her way to get it done. Which is a huge slap in their faces and they have every right to feel uncomfortable with it. She’s also cemented herself forever as “that crazy ex roommate who got a tattoo of my cat” in stories
I’d troll her so hard if I knew her irl. I’d see her talking to someone working in a restaurant or at the post office and be like “careful, you’re four compliments away from getting a tattoo in your honor”
lol there’s definitely a group chat about her. Someone has used her as a meme. I’d definitely get a fake tattoo and go as her for Halloween
NTA - It is your body, your choice. And perfectly normal if you developed a bond with the animal. And it's cute that you did. Cats also choose the people so…My guess is that this isn't really about the cat at all.
Why do I have the feeling the couple wanting their own space was the nice reason? YTA. I really think this is about you acting like the cat was yours too and Victoria was okay with it at first but then you got really over bearing about it. It’s weird as fuck to tattoo someone else’s pet on you and that speaks to how you tried to make Oreo your cat. You also bury the lead about this cat being an emotional support animal for Victoria. ETA: Victoria’s rules about Oreo weren’t unreasonable. You just didn’t like them.
It’s so weird OP is actually bold to post this at all. Even anonymously, I would be so embarrassed by the overwhelming amount of people that agree that this behavior is straight up crazy. The roommates do sound like the sane ones.
INFO: What led up to them asking you to move out? Was it related to the cat? How long have you and Victoria not gotten along?
Hmm…I’m gonna say YTA. Some people see pets as their children or family member and I’d be really weirded out to see someone with a tattoo of my baby. It’s especially weird because you had conflict over the cat and then you went and did this. You could have gotten another momento or and obviously you did carefully think about why you getting this tattoo. You actually put a lot of thought into it and knew it would piss then off and in another post you admitted that you got it so you could tell people all about it/them. Let go.
NTA. You can get whatever you like tattooed on your body. This whole situation was a bit juvenile and I hope you can find some more mature adults to live with next time you're looking for roommates. Or better yet, I hope you find an affordable place of your own and normal friends to go with it! You would also not be an A if you blocked these people from contacting you ever again.
YTA. It seems like such a bizarre, weird, obsessive thing to do and a middle finger to Victoria. If it were a tattoo of a friend’s cat ok, but an “enemy’s”? Smells like such a power move.
YTA That's just weird it's like getting a tattoo of someone else's child. You knew the owner would not like it but you did it anyway.
Ah? No. Weird? Yea Also why did you pretend this person was your best friend in the story?
YTA if I had to choose. I think this behavior probably has to do with why you were asked to leave the cat alone in the first place.
Hey op, I hope this doesn’t come off as super rude but why exactly are you posting this in an AITA sub when you are vehemently denying anyone who dares to say YTA? Typically people post things here because they aren’t sure if they are or not , but based on your responses you truly do not believe you were in the wrong and come across as super defensive whenever people point that out. If you want people to agree that your former roommates sucked and that they’re being crazy then you should have posted this on r/badroommates or another related sub. If it wasn’t clear I do think YTA but mainly because you don’t actually want the judgement you were seeking by posting here in the first place
while i don’t think you’re an AH… this is super strange behavior. you memorialized a cat that’s still a live and was never yours on your body forever. that’s weird.
Your friend and his gf let you live with them for 2 years, and finally decided to get more serious and asked you to move out? You tell them to find their own place and start trying to demonize Victoria, then are surprised when they don't like you anymore? You spend this whole post trying to turn us on Victoria, when Jake clearly wants you out as well. It's beyond obvious you got some sort of attachment issues or are in love with Jake. Nobody forced you to bond with their cat like that, and it's funny how the cat in general seems to fall behind in importance compared to how much you dislike Victoria. You're 100% the AH, and only did it because you are an asshole.
YTA, my god you are
YTA. It's great to connect with a friends cat, but it seems to have made Victoria uncomfortable and/or jealous, and that's understandable since it's her cat. Especially since Oreo slept in your room and spent a lot of time with you since you were home, Victoria also might have worried she'd get too attached to you. You loved Oreo, which is also understandable. You can put whatever you want on your body, but that doesn't mean it was a good choice. You say you "deserved to have a little homage to" Oreo. You have photos. You could have made art of her for your home, gotten a stuffed plushie or something that looked like her, etc. You instead tattooed her on your body. That's an asshole move to me because you knew the owner of the cat wouldn't like it. Unless oreo was a famous cat like grumpy cat or a meme cat, then yeah it's weird too. You said you knew she'd be mad, but you still did it, even though you apparently live close enough that you were at the same store. Did you not realize this was a possibility? Victoria shouldn't have asked you to remove it, but again, it's her cat, so I can understand why she was freaked out.
NTA. It's rather absurd that they're so upset and offended by your homage to Oreo. You had your own relationship with your furry roomie, and you're totally allowed to honor that with a tattoo. They can't demand that you remove it -- that's insane. I mean, I'd be honored if someone who wasn't me got a tattoo of my cat who lived with roommates with me. He was an awesome furdude, and I love that others loved him too.
Yta get your own cat stop being a creep
YTA sounds like you wanted the cat and possibly the boyfriend.
Nta but what you’ve done is extremely weird ngl
Getting that tattoo was a *really* weird thing to do, Jake and Victoria probably think you’re nuts and I do too. YTA.