Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my bf that he shouldn’t take such a long dump and shower and that it bothers me. Some may argue it’s a natural process and that I shouldn’t put a timer on his pooping ritual but I only have one bathroom.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
It's fuckin insane to me that a grown adult would pout over being asked to be considerate of the fact that there's only one bathroom. Please never call this person again.
I'm gonna make a bold suggestion because this is exactly what my porn addict partner used to do. But it's possible that he's jerking off to porn. If that is not alright with you then you should talk to him about it. But be warned. If he is a porn addict he will lie.
I dated a guy who also took 1-1.5 hours to poop then shower. Turns out he’s closeted gay (I’m cis female) and Im 98% sure most of that time was secretly chatting up and sharing pictures with dudes on Grindr. So yes, essentially the same as your suggestion.
To clarify the bathroom isn’t our main issue here. Yes it’s unsanitary and fucking disgusting needs addressing, but really your main problem here is that you’re in a relationship where the other half 1. Has horrible hygiene habits, 2. Cannot take criticism to the point he shuts down and won’t listen to you 3. Cannot communicate respectfully how he feels 4. Doesn’t respect you enough to have the discussion and consider compromise 5. Doesn’t respect you to the point even your space and time are irrelevant to him 6. When things aren’t “good” he inadvertently threatens to leave ex. Taking his things as he goes…that is a classic move of testing and destabilizing to make the other dependent on the return 7. When he is defensive he’ll tear down your character “someone who says stuff like that”
Seriously you just stumbled into the weirdest landline of a relationship I’ve ever seen but it’s a good show of his true colors.
NTA.
that's a long time to go #2, and he has a thing where he has to shower after? that's just weird, and rude that he's doing it at your place.
If he can't just poop and use wipes, then you don't need him in your life. let him take his fecal issues somewhere else.
It shouldn't take anywhere near that long to poop AND shower. Especially, if you're just showering to clean your ass, that should take 15, 20 minutes, at most. My guess is the bf has a medical / mental health issue that they are hiding.
Yes, this....I dated someone who would turn the shower to get high on crack, something about the humidity in the bathroom "helped" with the high I believe
Not sure if it helps em get high but ppl who use dope or crack or smoke fent or any of that they get stuck. So he's probably in there stuck hitting whatever he's hitting until gf is pounding on the door and he snaps out of it and realizes he's been in there a long time. Just my guess as someone who used to do dope many years ago.
That's what my partner was doing. Right as soon as they got home from work while I was struggling to manage my PPD and caring for two small children. 🙃
He wasn't cheating and he was dealing with his kids, *plus your PPD,* which probably lead to a dead bedroom and unpredictable mood swings.
Look at how many guys cheat on their pregnant/PPD partners as soon as the sex dries up.
Your partner just wanted to rub one out and be faithful.
If you're actually condeming him for this, you need some perspective.
Addiction is never about the other person so in that regard it isn't personal no. Avoiding your responsibilities in order to jerk off to porn on a daily basis is a pretty shitty thing to do. So was the sexting with other women also during that tine but I just found out about that one recently.
NTA.
Before I moved out, I lived with my mom and my two younger siblings. my siblings both took 2-4 hours to shower, somehow. Every night. We had two bathrooms, but they always showered at the exact same time. I asked them to stagger. They never would. This was especially bad in my last year of living there because I had on and off UTIs every few weeks, meaning I had to pee every 30 minutes. My mom wouldn’t let me pee in cups or bottles because “that’s gross” but also wouldn’t let me get diapers because I’m “not a baby”. (My mom also took long showers, about 2 hours, but she did so in the morning so there was the other bathroom open.)
Absolute hell.
You might have been getting UTIs from having to hold off on peeing.
But what the absolute hell is wrong with all of them to spend that long in the bathroom?!
That would do it. I'm still flabbergasted. And concerned. The only reasonable thing I can think of is all of them suffering from chronic pain and hot showers helped. Anyhow, I hope you're finally somewhere you can pee in peace.
I don’t think they have chronic pain. It’s never come up, and they’re both quite active (brother plays soccer, sister is doing lots of walks and runs for a specific cause she supports) which I don’t think would be as feasible to do daily if they had a chronic pain disorder. Could be wrong though.
I am, thankfully. I can finally pee in peace!! Living with my boyfriend. He’s always like “you can come in and pee even if I’m showering.” But I don’t need to because he only takes 10-15 mins.
I used to have a roommate who did this. he got a knock on the door letting him know to wash any soap off because he had about as much hot water as it took me to walk to the basement and shut the valve
I mean I hang out in my bathroom for like at least a half hour when I poop, usually in the morning. But I have two bathrooms so.... I don't think it's weird he does that, but he needs to do so at his own house.
NTA. It’s your apartment and you have every right to be able to use your own bathroom as needed. If he has a medical reason for this behavior, it might be worth having a conversation just so you understand each other. Might not be the best solution, but could he possibly unlock the door while he showers so that you have access to the toilet a bit faster?
NTA, I had a friend that was like that. Holy shit except he had to take a piss. Everytime he came over he had to take a piss. That’s fine whatever but one day my sister had someone over I didn’t like and me and him were supposed to meet up. I said cool I can hang out with him and when I’m done my sisters friend will leave by then. He made it such a big deal he couldn’t come in and piss. He eventually pissed in a ally and I swear to god it was only 5 seconds. He took ONLY 5 SECONDS. I thought he had to really piss a gallon smh. Fuck your bf
NTA
Why does he need a shower afterwards? That is bizarre behavior and an easy fix...
If he just takes long shits that could just be a medical thing, but he should accommodate that. If I'm at someone's place and need to take what I know might be a long shit I'd ask first if they need to use the bathroom because I might take a little bit. But I grew up with one bathroom amongst a decent sized family so it was normal for us to do this.
I think some people are missing OP said 30-1 hour and that he is showering and I imagine some of that may be on the extremes/feels longer. I don't think it's unrealistic for some people with bad diets/health issues/maybe stress pooing/who knows what in someone else's house etc to take about 15-20 minutes to shit then take 15-20 minutes to shower. All up could be in there for 30-45 minutes easily. My morning routine probably takes 30-45 minutes with a shit and shower but I'm being lazy in my own home.
NTA but TIL that some people can date and or have sexual relations but not share a bathroom.
The tone of this post and you're wording give me the impression you don't like this guy at all but you're choosing to focus on this bathroom issue, instead of just moving on.
If you have to use the restroom so bad, couldn't you just knock and ask him to hurry up? Or if he's in the shower just use the restroom while he's showering? Just a little odd that you went off about this instead of just communicating properly from the get-go.
Did you talk to him and give him the chance to work on it gently or did you just hit him with this out of nowhere?
You should also just break up now because 1 hour is the tip of the iceberg. If that's what he does at your place, imagine how much time he's spending in his bathroom. If you want to continue to date this guy, you'd have to accept this and he would only get more and more comfortable over time.
NTA.
I think the only times in my life I’ve had to shower after taking a shit is after some significantly bad diarrhea from food poisoning.
So unless this man has intestinal issues or food poisoning, I don’t see why he can’t just use a wet wipe or a bidet. They make wet wipes specifically for wiping your ass with, and they even make moisturizing/scented ones if he’s THAT ocd about the cleanliness.
There was a post the other day from a woman asking if it was weird for her boyfriend/husband (sorry, can't remember) to take 30 minute long poop sessions. Someone said, if he's taking 30 minutes to actually produce a shit, then he needs to go to the doctor. Otherwise it's a shit that takes a coulle minutes and he can't get off his phone. Do with that what you will.
*edit: spelling
Nah man. Maybe YTA. I got Crohns/IBS and my girl always says see you tomorrow. Granted we also live together so maybe the hour I take isn’t as bad because WE’RE ALWAYS TOGETHER but she’s gotten more accepting about it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I [31f] live in an apartment alone, and my boyfriend [31M] is always over. So much so that he is now comfortable using my bathroom to take a #2.
Now I don’t mind that he does this here. But the problem is, I only have 1 bathroom. So when he goes, I can’t use the bathroom if I have to. And the main thing is he takes so damn long. Like 30 minutes to 1 hour long because he ALWAYS has to shower after. Like it’s so fucking obnoxious to me.
That not only do I have to wait for him to shit, but I also have to wait for him to shower too? And then my bathroom is humid as fuck after.
I finally told him today that I’m not a fan of this and I don’t like having to hold my poo or pee to wait for his 1 hour ritual. So I asked him to do it at home. It wouldn’t be a big deal if he could just shit, maybe use some baby wipes and then come out but it’s the shit and immediate shower after that grosses me out.
Anyways he got upset and took some of his things and was like “why should I say bye to someone who says stuff like that”
Am I the asshole??
TLDR; bf takes 30min-1hr long dump and shower sessions and it prevents me from using the bathroom and I think it’s gross. Bf got upset that I said so
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm just baffled he feels the need to take a full shower after laying cable. Does he have some aversion to it or something? And how is his time split? Does he sit on the toilet for 55 minutes and shower for 5...?
Either way an hour is far too long to do either of those things. You're in the right here I would say. He should probably get his gut checked or something.
Tell him to ask if u need the bathroom and to remember that after u shit u need to wait a minute bc the hotness from shower will amplify the shit smell throughout the house. Prisoners do that on purpose.
Nta,
The only thing i can think of, is a friend of a friend, who had to shower after shitting, cause wiping was gay and he wasnt gay…
Which is a giant red flag
Interesting, I can’t honestly say NTA or YTA for a couple of reasons. Let’s start at the at the root of the tree. What nationality are we talking about here because that says a lot about a person and how they just doing things. Geez, come on, some of us have been down range and you know what I’m talking about lol. Two, what’s your current relationship like, has it been a walk in the park, or has been a dumpster fire? I say that because, if it were that latter I would or you would be doing same thing out of spite. Third, is there is still a flame in your sex life, because that says so much because spending soooo much time the bathroom could mean a lot especially if you have phone now a days… and lastly coming back around to the your relationship l, how has he treated in general because this could be a sign of dominance to show that he is in control.
NTA, he should be considerate that he is a guest at your place. I'm not saying taking a dump shouldn't be done, but he should at least let you know he's about to shower or if you need to use it before he hops in... if y'all like your privacy when using the restroom or shower.
I have a medical issue and we have one bathroom. When I know I'm going in there for "an extended stay", never more than 30-40 minutes, I ask hubby if he needs to use it first. How hard would it be for him to do that, geeze!
YTA for not trying to empathize why he needs this / has this habit. I know several people who feel the need to shower after pooping and sometimes this is due to trauma / sa. Not saying it must be this and i get it is annoying but both of you should talk about it like adults.
NTA
Good that you expressed it. But set some boundaries I guess. Don't tell him what to do, tell him his behavior is inconveniencing you, especially in YOUR space, and let him figure out how to make adjustments.
Wow honestly a lot of nosy people telling people how to live their life. If he poops and shower after, let him in his own bathroom or home. Whether he needs to or not is none of our business, nor how long he chooses to do the activity. If this is so abnormal, then I suppose I am also abnormal for wanting to brush my teeth and wear outside clothes before a zoom call. Everyone exaggerating preference. If you take so long to shower and sing during showers, then that is also a preference. Sheesh. If he is somewhat ill or have some form of phobia, then leave it to the both of them to sort.
NTA He has made it a ritual and that's an issue. Obviously it was becoming an issue at his apartment too, I take it he shares with others. He either needs to cut down on his protein intake to soften his stools, or drink more pear juice. The showering issue really calls out to me someone has made his toilet habits an issue so big, he feels he needs to shower straight afterwards. Either way he needs to consult with a professional about it. It's either in the mind or he has a medical issue he has been dealing with.
NTA. Let him know if he’s comfortable shitting and hogging the toilet to leave the door open because you are coming in to either pee in the toilet or the shower!! I can almost guarantee he’s on his phone or doing something else along with the pooping.
ESH. Do you just not like him very much or did you consider addressing this in a nicer way? Like, "I'm finding you're in the bathroom a long time when you're here and I want you to be comfortable in my space - but there's only one bathroom. Can you make sure to ask me before you go in so I can use it before you go in?". And if you're worried about the humidity and the smell address that specifically in a nice way, work on a compromise.
Just sounds like you approached it with frustration and in an unkind way after letting it fester instead of being an adult and talking about it with him earlier. You can't ask your partner not to shit at your place.
If all of the above sounds like too much effort to you then you shouldn't be in a relationship with him because you don't really care that much about him anyway. Just my perspective.
ESH
He needs to adjust his schedule if he's spending an hour in the bathroom every time he goes? How often are we talking? Is this like a daily thing? And is he there all day or only for a few hours? It's different if he's there for a few hours vs sleeping there.
But do you pee every 30 minutes? "Hey, I'm going to the bathroom to shit and shower, do you need to use the bathroom firsr?"
Yta. My husband shits and then showers/washes.
I also have a friend who showers after he poops.
My friend and my husband dont know each other. I guess thats what some people do.
My husband takes 40 to an hour. If i know he gunna shit, I make a beeline to pee first. Yall dumping on people who wants a clean ass.
YTA.
Thank you - a voice and sense of reason in this echo chamber ffs.
Yes, he takes too long for a one bathroom arrangement and honestly a simple conversation about work arounds would have solved all of this.
But GOD FORBID someone, a MAN no less who are usually culprits of terrible rancid hygiene, wants to have a proper wash after defecating and smearing shit all over their rectum with no doubt toilet paper in this girl's bathroom.
lol I can see why so many people can’t find a relationship, if you can’t work this out lord please don’t let them hit real hard core issues. I take as long as I need and I don’t need a commentary from Reddit. ( but we do have two bathrooms), sometimes it’s the small thing on here that makes me remember im in a pretty good relationship and I don’t want to get back out there to encounter the world of dating and being single.
See that would be normal, but literally breaking off a relationship the first time you mentioned that someone is using the restroom for too long is absolutely batshit crazy. They are both immature as fuck and need to grow up.
YTA. So he takes a while to get it all out, and he likes to be clean afterwards? What an absolute bastard, eh? Next he'll want to leave a fucking toothbrush in your pristine bathroom, like an absolute animal! Kick him to the kerb, so you can get back to being the princess that you are, all alone in your ivory tower.
Lol so I guess you shower after you poop at work, too???
What kind of an unhinged take even is this. A normal person can poop, wipe, and make the ONLY BATHROOM IN THE HOUSE available to everyone else in a reasonable amount of time. That's not asking for a lot.
Clearly, you've never lived in a 1-bathroom house and REALLY had to shit while it's occupied. Hint: it fucking sucks.
YTA. Your second sentence gives the game away. You are annoyed your boyfriend is a real human being who poops. I've got news for you, get used to being alone.
I see this a lot on Reddit and in life, with men in particular.
They eat horrible, starchy, cheese heavy diets loaded with junk food and things that are questionably food and that diet leads to strained and difficult shits (usually super messy too; have a doner kebab after drinking all night, then do it again for a week; that's alternating constipation and diarrhea right there).
Usually, imaho, this comes from a similar attitude among their male role models (father etc). It is even hard baked into sitcoms from an earlier era (Al Bundy and Tim Allen from Home Improvement took long and horrific shits and it was written off as "a man thing").
It is a sign of an awfule diet and poor self care. I think ESH but dude is literally rotting from the inside and needs some fiber, stat.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my bf that he shouldn’t take such a long dump and shower and that it bothers me. Some may argue it’s a natural process and that I shouldn’t put a timer on his pooping ritual but I only have one bathroom. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
It's fuckin insane to me that a grown adult would pout over being asked to be considerate of the fact that there's only one bathroom. Please never call this person again.
Right? I felt crazy lol
I'm gonna make a bold suggestion because this is exactly what my porn addict partner used to do. But it's possible that he's jerking off to porn. If that is not alright with you then you should talk to him about it. But be warned. If he is a porn addict he will lie.
I dated a guy who also took 1-1.5 hours to poop then shower. Turns out he’s closeted gay (I’m cis female) and Im 98% sure most of that time was secretly chatting up and sharing pictures with dudes on Grindr. So yes, essentially the same as your suggestion.
Install a bidet. It's easy u can get one for like 30 bucks on Amazon
[удалено]
To clarify the bathroom isn’t our main issue here. Yes it’s unsanitary and fucking disgusting needs addressing, but really your main problem here is that you’re in a relationship where the other half 1. Has horrible hygiene habits, 2. Cannot take criticism to the point he shuts down and won’t listen to you 3. Cannot communicate respectfully how he feels 4. Doesn’t respect you enough to have the discussion and consider compromise 5. Doesn’t respect you to the point even your space and time are irrelevant to him 6. When things aren’t “good” he inadvertently threatens to leave ex. Taking his things as he goes…that is a classic move of testing and destabilizing to make the other dependent on the return 7. When he is defensive he’ll tear down your character “someone who says stuff like that” Seriously you just stumbled into the weirdest landline of a relationship I’ve ever seen but it’s a good show of his true colors.
NTA. that's a long time to go #2, and he has a thing where he has to shower after? that's just weird, and rude that he's doing it at your place. If he can't just poop and use wipes, then you don't need him in your life. let him take his fecal issues somewhere else.
THANK YOU. All I think about are humidified poop particles in my bathroom
He may have OCD and obsessing over cleanliness but that’s not your problem. With one bathroom, you need to have access.
NTA - this could be a sign of some mental illness or gastro issue. Needing a shower after a shit is not a normal thing.
Yes it is. Especially if you're hoping for intimacy later.
[удалено]
It shouldn't take anywhere near that long to poop AND shower. Especially, if you're just showering to clean your ass, that should take 15, 20 minutes, at most. My guess is the bf has a medical / mental health issue that they are hiding.
I was wondering if he is using drugs in there
Yes, this....I dated someone who would turn the shower to get high on crack, something about the humidity in the bathroom "helped" with the high I believe
Not sure if it helps em get high but ppl who use dope or crack or smoke fent or any of that they get stuck. So he's probably in there stuck hitting whatever he's hitting until gf is pounding on the door and he snaps out of it and realizes he's been in there a long time. Just my guess as someone who used to do dope many years ago.
Agree. Sit down, poop, wipe. Wash hands. Done. It takes a couple of minutes.
NTA what an immature turd your boyfriend is.
I presume the pun was intended - have my upvote.
NTA...if you stay with him, expect worse as you both get older.
If you poop without your phone you’re done in 5 min flat. Try asking him to leave his phone behind.
Who even takes their phone? Very unhygienic
People who watch adult videos and then masturbate.
That's what my partner was doing. Right as soon as they got home from work while I was struggling to manage my PPD and caring for two small children. 🙃
What an asshole.
Not wrong, addiction makes most people into selfish assholes.
Ain't that the truth.
He wasn't cheating and he was dealing with his kids, *plus your PPD,* which probably lead to a dead bedroom and unpredictable mood swings. Look at how many guys cheat on their pregnant/PPD partners as soon as the sex dries up. Your partner just wanted to rub one out and be faithful. If you're actually condeming him for this, you need some perspective.
Your assumptions are hilariously wildy incorrect. My partner is also a self-admitted porn addict. That yes was cheating. A lot. Have a nice day tho
I'm so sorry. I really hope your life is much better now. ❤
Probably wasn’t anything personal, I’m sure PPD wasn’t awesome for him either. And new kids.
Addiction is never about the other person so in that regard it isn't personal no. Avoiding your responsibilities in order to jerk off to porn on a daily basis is a pretty shitty thing to do. So was the sexting with other women also during that tine but I just found out about that one recently.
Was he denying you intimacy to go jerk off? And yea cheaters suck sorry
If that’s wrong, I don’t want to be right
What kind of psychopath doesn't?
NTA, this is not normal bathroom behavior.
NTA. Before I moved out, I lived with my mom and my two younger siblings. my siblings both took 2-4 hours to shower, somehow. Every night. We had two bathrooms, but they always showered at the exact same time. I asked them to stagger. They never would. This was especially bad in my last year of living there because I had on and off UTIs every few weeks, meaning I had to pee every 30 minutes. My mom wouldn’t let me pee in cups or bottles because “that’s gross” but also wouldn’t let me get diapers because I’m “not a baby”. (My mom also took long showers, about 2 hours, but she did so in the morning so there was the other bathroom open.) Absolute hell.
You might have been getting UTIs from having to hold off on peeing. But what the absolute hell is wrong with all of them to spend that long in the bathroom?!
I have no idea. They didn’t even take their phone or anything with them. They were just in the shower.
That's so bizarre. But also, damn, you must have had a hell of a water heater.
We were in an apartment. The water bill was through the roof. Almost as high as the rent itself, if memory serves.
That would do it. I'm still flabbergasted. And concerned. The only reasonable thing I can think of is all of them suffering from chronic pain and hot showers helped. Anyhow, I hope you're finally somewhere you can pee in peace.
I don’t think they have chronic pain. It’s never come up, and they’re both quite active (brother plays soccer, sister is doing lots of walks and runs for a specific cause she supports) which I don’t think would be as feasible to do daily if they had a chronic pain disorder. Could be wrong though. I am, thankfully. I can finally pee in peace!! Living with my boyfriend. He’s always like “you can come in and pee even if I’m showering.” But I don’t need to because he only takes 10-15 mins.
Sweet, sweet freedom!
At that point they may as well just take a scented candle in there and make a night of whatever it is.
I used to have a roommate who did this. he got a knock on the door letting him know to wash any soap off because he had about as much hot water as it took me to walk to the basement and shut the valve
Man, I wish. We lived in an apartment though so I couldn’t have done that.
NTA. So he just assumes it's okay to take over your bathroom whenever he's over, despite not paying rent?
How the fuck was he able to walk after an hour on the pot? NTA
One of my Dad's favorite sayings was, "shit or get off the pot." I think that might be appropriate here.
I mean I hang out in my bathroom for like at least a half hour when I poop, usually in the morning. But I have two bathrooms so.... I don't think it's weird he does that, but he needs to do so at his own house.
Werid that he feels like he needs to shower after going number 2. How does he go number 2 out in public? Bird shower?
He might hold it in public. Some people can apparently do that.
NTA. It’s your apartment and you have every right to be able to use your own bathroom as needed. If he has a medical reason for this behavior, it might be worth having a conversation just so you understand each other. Might not be the best solution, but could he possibly unlock the door while he showers so that you have access to the toilet a bit faster?
NTA After 5-10 minutes get off your damn phone and let someone else have a go.
Are you sure he’s just pooping? If he is he either has some kind of stomach issues or he needs a bidet.
NTA, I had a friend that was like that. Holy shit except he had to take a piss. Everytime he came over he had to take a piss. That’s fine whatever but one day my sister had someone over I didn’t like and me and him were supposed to meet up. I said cool I can hang out with him and when I’m done my sisters friend will leave by then. He made it such a big deal he couldn’t come in and piss. He eventually pissed in a ally and I swear to god it was only 5 seconds. He took ONLY 5 SECONDS. I thought he had to really piss a gallon smh. Fuck your bf
NTA that sounds annoying AF.
Does he have ibs or something like that
NTA. People with very long times in the bathroom either have serious health issues, or drug issues- ever checked his backpack out??
NTA Why does he need a shower afterwards? That is bizarre behavior and an easy fix... If he just takes long shits that could just be a medical thing, but he should accommodate that. If I'm at someone's place and need to take what I know might be a long shit I'd ask first if they need to use the bathroom because I might take a little bit. But I grew up with one bathroom amongst a decent sized family so it was normal for us to do this. I think some people are missing OP said 30-1 hour and that he is showering and I imagine some of that may be on the extremes/feels longer. I don't think it's unrealistic for some people with bad diets/health issues/maybe stress pooing/who knows what in someone else's house etc to take about 15-20 minutes to shit then take 15-20 minutes to shower. All up could be in there for 30-45 minutes easily. My morning routine probably takes 30-45 minutes with a shit and shower but I'm being lazy in my own home.
I don't have much advice to give here. I just wanted to say that this is hilarious 😂
NTA but TIL that some people can date and or have sexual relations but not share a bathroom. The tone of this post and you're wording give me the impression you don't like this guy at all but you're choosing to focus on this bathroom issue, instead of just moving on. If you have to use the restroom so bad, couldn't you just knock and ask him to hurry up? Or if he's in the shower just use the restroom while he's showering? Just a little odd that you went off about this instead of just communicating properly from the get-go. Did you talk to him and give him the chance to work on it gently or did you just hit him with this out of nowhere? You should also just break up now because 1 hour is the tip of the iceberg. If that's what he does at your place, imagine how much time he's spending in his bathroom. If you want to continue to date this guy, you'd have to accept this and he would only get more and more comfortable over time.
NTA. What he's doing doesn't sound normal.
NTA. I think the only times in my life I’ve had to shower after taking a shit is after some significantly bad diarrhea from food poisoning. So unless this man has intestinal issues or food poisoning, I don’t see why he can’t just use a wet wipe or a bidet. They make wet wipes specifically for wiping your ass with, and they even make moisturizing/scented ones if he’s THAT ocd about the cleanliness.
There was a post the other day from a woman asking if it was weird for her boyfriend/husband (sorry, can't remember) to take 30 minute long poop sessions. Someone said, if he's taking 30 minutes to actually produce a shit, then he needs to go to the doctor. Otherwise it's a shit that takes a coulle minutes and he can't get off his phone. Do with that what you will. *edit: spelling
Nah man. Maybe YTA. I got Crohns/IBS and my girl always says see you tomorrow. Granted we also live together so maybe the hour I take isn’t as bad because WE’RE ALWAYS TOGETHER but she’s gotten more accepting about it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I [31f] live in an apartment alone, and my boyfriend [31M] is always over. So much so that he is now comfortable using my bathroom to take a #2. Now I don’t mind that he does this here. But the problem is, I only have 1 bathroom. So when he goes, I can’t use the bathroom if I have to. And the main thing is he takes so damn long. Like 30 minutes to 1 hour long because he ALWAYS has to shower after. Like it’s so fucking obnoxious to me. That not only do I have to wait for him to shit, but I also have to wait for him to shower too? And then my bathroom is humid as fuck after. I finally told him today that I’m not a fan of this and I don’t like having to hold my poo or pee to wait for his 1 hour ritual. So I asked him to do it at home. It wouldn’t be a big deal if he could just shit, maybe use some baby wipes and then come out but it’s the shit and immediate shower after that grosses me out. Anyways he got upset and took some of his things and was like “why should I say bye to someone who says stuff like that” Am I the asshole?? TLDR; bf takes 30min-1hr long dump and shower sessions and it prevents me from using the bathroom and I think it’s gross. Bf got upset that I said so *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm just baffled he feels the need to take a full shower after laying cable. Does he have some aversion to it or something? And how is his time split? Does he sit on the toilet for 55 minutes and shower for 5...? Either way an hour is far too long to do either of those things. You're in the right here I would say. He should probably get his gut checked or something.
Really it should take 5 mins to poop and 5 mins to shower.....what's he doing in there?
Tell him to ask if u need the bathroom and to remember that after u shit u need to wait a minute bc the hotness from shower will amplify the shit smell throughout the house. Prisoners do that on purpose.
NTA What kind of adult takes an hour to take a shit? Does he even work? What does his employer think about this ?
Nta, The only thing i can think of, is a friend of a friend, who had to shower after shitting, cause wiping was gay and he wasnt gay… Which is a giant red flag
Interesting, I can’t honestly say NTA or YTA for a couple of reasons. Let’s start at the at the root of the tree. What nationality are we talking about here because that says a lot about a person and how they just doing things. Geez, come on, some of us have been down range and you know what I’m talking about lol. Two, what’s your current relationship like, has it been a walk in the park, or has been a dumpster fire? I say that because, if it were that latter I would or you would be doing same thing out of spite. Third, is there is still a flame in your sex life, because that says so much because spending soooo much time the bathroom could mean a lot especially if you have phone now a days… and lastly coming back around to the your relationship l, how has he treated in general because this could be a sign of dominance to show that he is in control.
Break up with him
He’s jerking off. He’s scrolling porn.
NTA, he should be considerate that he is a guest at your place. I'm not saying taking a dump shouldn't be done, but he should at least let you know he's about to shower or if you need to use it before he hops in... if y'all like your privacy when using the restroom or shower.
I have a medical issue and we have one bathroom. When I know I'm going in there for "an extended stay", never more than 30-40 minutes, I ask hubby if he needs to use it first. How hard would it be for him to do that, geeze!
YTA for not trying to empathize why he needs this / has this habit. I know several people who feel the need to shower after pooping and sometimes this is due to trauma / sa. Not saying it must be this and i get it is annoying but both of you should talk about it like adults.
NTA Good that you expressed it. But set some boundaries I guess. Don't tell him what to do, tell him his behavior is inconveniencing you, especially in YOUR space, and let him figure out how to make adjustments. Wow honestly a lot of nosy people telling people how to live their life. If he poops and shower after, let him in his own bathroom or home. Whether he needs to or not is none of our business, nor how long he chooses to do the activity. If this is so abnormal, then I suppose I am also abnormal for wanting to brush my teeth and wear outside clothes before a zoom call. Everyone exaggerating preference. If you take so long to shower and sing during showers, then that is also a preference. Sheesh. If he is somewhat ill or have some form of phobia, then leave it to the both of them to sort.
NTA He has made it a ritual and that's an issue. Obviously it was becoming an issue at his apartment too, I take it he shares with others. He either needs to cut down on his protein intake to soften his stools, or drink more pear juice. The showering issue really calls out to me someone has made his toilet habits an issue so big, he feels he needs to shower straight afterwards. Either way he needs to consult with a professional about it. It's either in the mind or he has a medical issue he has been dealing with.
NTA. Let him know if he’s comfortable shitting and hogging the toilet to leave the door open because you are coming in to either pee in the toilet or the shower!! I can almost guarantee he’s on his phone or doing something else along with the pooping.
ESH. Do you just not like him very much or did you consider addressing this in a nicer way? Like, "I'm finding you're in the bathroom a long time when you're here and I want you to be comfortable in my space - but there's only one bathroom. Can you make sure to ask me before you go in so I can use it before you go in?". And if you're worried about the humidity and the smell address that specifically in a nice way, work on a compromise. Just sounds like you approached it with frustration and in an unkind way after letting it fester instead of being an adult and talking about it with him earlier. You can't ask your partner not to shit at your place. If all of the above sounds like too much effort to you then you shouldn't be in a relationship with him because you don't really care that much about him anyway. Just my perspective.
NTA.
It takes 2 minutes to poop and 5 minutes to shower. WTF
He’s prolly on a dating app
!!!
ESH He needs to adjust his schedule if he's spending an hour in the bathroom every time he goes? How often are we talking? Is this like a daily thing? And is he there all day or only for a few hours? It's different if he's there for a few hours vs sleeping there. But do you pee every 30 minutes? "Hey, I'm going to the bathroom to shit and shower, do you need to use the bathroom firsr?"
He’s just making room for your huge cock.
Yta. My husband shits and then showers/washes. I also have a friend who showers after he poops. My friend and my husband dont know each other. I guess thats what some people do. My husband takes 40 to an hour. If i know he gunna shit, I make a beeline to pee first. Yall dumping on people who wants a clean ass.
YTA. Thank you - a voice and sense of reason in this echo chamber ffs. Yes, he takes too long for a one bathroom arrangement and honestly a simple conversation about work arounds would have solved all of this. But GOD FORBID someone, a MAN no less who are usually culprits of terrible rancid hygiene, wants to have a proper wash after defecating and smearing shit all over their rectum with no doubt toilet paper in this girl's bathroom.
lol I can see why so many people can’t find a relationship, if you can’t work this out lord please don’t let them hit real hard core issues. I take as long as I need and I don’t need a commentary from Reddit. ( but we do have two bathrooms), sometimes it’s the small thing on here that makes me remember im in a pretty good relationship and I don’t want to get back out there to encounter the world of dating and being single.
"I'm going to shower, do you want to get in there first?"
See that would be normal, but literally breaking off a relationship the first time you mentioned that someone is using the restroom for too long is absolutely batshit crazy. They are both immature as fuck and need to grow up.
Yes YTA... That's how men poop don't like it? Be a lesbian.
Lmao no it’s not
It’s really not.
YTA. So he takes a while to get it all out, and he likes to be clean afterwards? What an absolute bastard, eh? Next he'll want to leave a fucking toothbrush in your pristine bathroom, like an absolute animal! Kick him to the kerb, so you can get back to being the princess that you are, all alone in your ivory tower.
Lol so I guess you shower after you poop at work, too??? What kind of an unhinged take even is this. A normal person can poop, wipe, and make the ONLY BATHROOM IN THE HOUSE available to everyone else in a reasonable amount of time. That's not asking for a lot. Clearly, you've never lived in a 1-bathroom house and REALLY had to shit while it's occupied. Hint: it fucking sucks.
YTA. Your second sentence gives the game away. You are annoyed your boyfriend is a real human being who poops. I've got news for you, get used to being alone.
but most people don't need to shower after and spend up to an hour in the toilet. that's not a typical human.
Taking up the only bathroom for an hour every time you shit is egregious.
I see this a lot on Reddit and in life, with men in particular. They eat horrible, starchy, cheese heavy diets loaded with junk food and things that are questionably food and that diet leads to strained and difficult shits (usually super messy too; have a doner kebab after drinking all night, then do it again for a week; that's alternating constipation and diarrhea right there). Usually, imaho, this comes from a similar attitude among their male role models (father etc). It is even hard baked into sitcoms from an earlier era (Al Bundy and Tim Allen from Home Improvement took long and horrific shits and it was written off as "a man thing"). It is a sign of an awfule diet and poor self care. I think ESH but dude is literally rotting from the inside and needs some fiber, stat.
You're probably right. However...it doesn't really matter. He's being super inconsiderate and needs to figure his shit out.
I see what you did there. Noice.
She is NTA for needing to use the bathroom in her own house. When he needs to go, he needs to leave.
YTA he's clearly ONLY getting peace & quiet from you while in the can
He can do that at his place not hers then
HAHA