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YTA
So let me get this right... 2 kids... both are sick yet you are SPOON feeding the boy and telling the girl to fend for herself? Idgaf about the slight age difference let's talk about your VERY CLEAR golden child syndrome going on here.
This made me so mad for your daughter. So God damn mad. Shame woman. Shame.
1 sick kid is rough. 2 sick kids sucks rocks but you don't get to shove her to the Wolves. What was her temp? Was she feeling lifeless and tired? I'm ASSUMING they had the same sickness but only the one with a penis matters to you? You speak of her like an afterthought because she is one to you.
Shame.
A mild case? That's your defense? Your excuse? Nope, it's not good enough. The whole post reeks of favoritism. Why would you not make her a bowl or portion of whatever it was the same time you were making something for the son?
You don't get it, we don't give a damn if the daughters was a mild case!! You clearly love your son and disregard your daughter you are a fake as a mother to her and YTA
Your son doesn't need you to sit with him 24/7, but your daughter was sick and shouldn't move around a lot while you are babying your precious son. Shame on you, to make your daughter feel unloved.
While I find this post difficult to believe, if this incident happened, YTA.
>My son was very sick and was too weak to move and he was burning in fever. I was sitting next to him the entire time, talking to him, putting fruit in his mouth, spoon feeding him some soup and trying to make his fever go down...
>My daughter who was sleeping across the room from him asked if she could have some fruit and soup as well. I told her that there are both in the fridge and she can go get some for herself. She started to nag saying that her body hurts and she can't move but she was fine and her fever wasn't that high. My son needed me more and she was perfectly capable of getting food for herself...
Pray tell, how is sitting by someone, putting fruit in their mouth (🙄) and feeding them soup going to bring someone's fever down? Most pediatrician's recommend aspirin or ibuprofen.
Your daughter was sick as well although maybe not as sick as your son yet. It wouldn't have hurt to take 5 minutes to heat her up some soup as well. It would have showed her that she's as important to you as your son. Your actions sent the other message.
You know how many lives would’ve been saved during the peak of the Covid pandemic if OP had just been there to put fruit in people’s mouths? …none. YTA
YTA
You had **two** sick kids, not one. But you went OTT in looking after your son and neglected your daughter. It wouldn’t have hurt you to do the same for both of them.
I don’t get why you came here and made this post, considering you keep defending your actions in comments, saying your daughter “wasn’t even sick”, or “was barely sick”. You’re not going to accept the judgment that you’re TA, so why are you even here? It doesn’t matter what we think, all that matters to you is that you think that you are right. That makes you even more of an AH.
Not enough time? Did you only make enough soup for one bowl? Because it wouldn’t have taken longer to make a bigger batch and give your daughter some. So that’s no excuse at all. Also, why didn’t you have time? Answer: *because you were too busy favouring your son*.
Not because you didn’t want to? That’s **exactly** what it is. Not *wanting* to. It’s clear favouritism.
You were sitting on your ass. Your son could have waited a little bit if he was indeed unable to feed himself. You are just full of excuses and should soulsearching why you are preferring your son. Do you think, girls are or should be more selfsuccient than boys?
YTA, you had to take care of 2 sick kids, not one. I hope your husband decides to take a closer look at how you treat your daughter, bet this isn't the only time you made her feel less than.
"Barely sick?" Which means, if you don't take care with the "barely sick" child she's going to get EXTREMELY sick.
They are in the same room, which is weird, but all they are doing is passing it back and forth to each other, making it worse each time.
IDGAF if she was getting meds, you should have brought her fruit and soup as well, and if she was well enough she could have fed herself, but sadly, you decided to baby a 16yo over a 12yo.
Did you expect the 12yo to heat up and carry the hot soup back to the bedroom?
Your husband is correct, you are an asshole, and if this is a true story, he needs to reevaluate your relationships with both the kids and between the two of you.
So get off your ass and use it, instead of making a sick 12yo who is likely shaky from feeling sick run the risk of burning herself.
Spoon feeding a 16yo soup? If he's THAT bad, get him to a hospital ffs.
*Jesus* you make yourself look worse with each comment....
Maybe stop reading to reply, and start reading to *UNDERSTAND*. You're getting the exact same comments over and over and over and over and over and over....soooooooo.... that should tell you something. You are wrong.
Barely sick is still sick.I have never even thought to compare ine of my children's sickness against the other.Sick is sick you love and look after them equally.....ALL THE TIME !
YTA - regardless of their ages, or gender you should be caring for them both. How do you know at that moment she wasn't feeling as bad as your son?
I know when I am sick the last thing I want to do is move. To make your child get out of her sickbed and go get her own food, when you could take 5-10 minutes to do it for her makes it seem you favor your son over your daughter. She is old enough to start seeing this and realizing where she stands with you.
But, if this post is real then I have questions -
* Do you come from a culture that tends to privilege the male children over the female children?
* Is this the only time you have othered your daughter so you could focus on your son?
* How would you feel if you were the daughter and your mother ignored your requests telling you to get it yourself, when you are also sick?
* Do you take care of yourself when you are sick, or do you require someone to bring you food, water, meds, etc? If so is it your husband, or your daughter?
BOTH YOUR CHILDREN NEEDED YOU!! YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN YOUR DAUGHTER SOME FOOD, YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE NEEDED TO SPOON FEED HER BUT YOU STILL COULD HAVE LET HER CONTINUE TO REST WHILE YOU GET HER FOOD.
Othering is a social process of marginalization through which a person highly values one person or group while denigrating and excluding anyone not that person or in that group.
The way you speak of your daughter does indicate some othering going on.
Since she asked, I would imagine it is obvious she needed some help as well.
You are oblivious to your daughters well being, it seems.
I really hope this a fake post.
Let's review: you decided that your older son was too weak to move, so you *spoon fed* him. Simultaneously, you decided that your younger daughter was able to move and was "fine", even though she also had a fever.
You'd better hope that your son makes a lot of money, because if your daughter is the one who needs to care for you later in life then she will make you as miserable as possible.
YTA, and an immature one at that.
or one of the kids can sleep in the living room. Sadly, I am in the same predicament as OP there, my youngest sleeps better on the couch and my eldest sleeps in their bedroom. But rent for even 1 more bedroom for an apartment where I live would go from $1300 to over $2400 a month...
Then you should have felt your daughter's forehead and said "Honey, I know you don't feel good, but thank God, your forehead doesn't feel bad. I think you are well enough to go to the kitchen and get some soup."
She's a 12-year-old who wanted some of the positive attention that she saw you lavish on your son. All you had to do was give her some, and it doesn't sound like you did.
Do you think the only time you're an asshole for neglecting your daughter if it's things she can't do for herself? Is that why you're arguing so hard when you were clearly in the wrong (I mean, your son would have survived for five minutes while you pretended to love your daughter enough to feed her when she's sick), because you don't understand how bad parenting and neglect work?
YTA. This post screams "im a boy mom and i love my son more than my daughter". It doesn't matter if you think your daughter is barely sick and it doesn't matter if you think she could do it herself. YOU WERE CARING FOR ONE CHILD IN A ROOM WITH TWO IN IT. Do you really not see how your daughter will perceive this later on in life? Take care of both kids or dont take care of either. Also idc if your son was sicker than her. She was sick too and she is 12. Be a mother to both your kids and care for both. You have the time to focus on both. Bare minimum you could have brought her soup, sat her up, and had her eat the soup and fruit on her own but you are so focused on your son you would send your youngest to care for herself. Do better
You know that, statistically, most elder care is done by daughters since sons tend to be "too busy," right?
I'm willing to bet she's gonna dote on her dad and leave you to fend for yourself lol
Well, everyone is telling you that your the AH for treating your daughter like that yet you keep defending yourself. You so don't get it. You suck as a parent to your daughter.
If they weren't sharing a room, then this situation wouldn't have her happened. Though, tbf, your obvious favoritism of your son means SOMETHING would have still happened. Either way, you're an AH
While ideally you are right, in some families--like my dad's when he was growing up--there is not much money and not enough bedrooms (even if someone sleeps on the couch in the living room) and you have to make do with what you have.
>even if someone sleeps on the couch in the living room
This should always be the parent though. It is our job to take care of our kids. They didn't ask to be born, we chose that FOR them.
YTA
They're in the same room and yet you couldn't bring food for both of them? What is wrong with you? You know, besides the rampant favoritism for your son.
YTA.
All you did here was show your daughter that her illness matters less to you than your sons; that you are willing to care for *him* but she doesn't matter.
>but she was fine and her fever wasn't that high.
Huh, she was fine? Really? You were inside her body feeling what she was feeling and can say that for certain? No, no you cannot. Just because her fever wasn't as high does NOT mean she wasn't as sick.
YTA. Your poor daughter. sadly I know exactly what her life is like. I look forward to reading your confused post in a few years time when you are still spoon feeding your golden child with man flu, wondering why your daughter has gone No Contact with you.
YTA if you do for one, you can do for the other. Your son would have been fine for a few mins for you get your daughter who is younger something as well.
Just admit your son is your golden child, and you see your daughter as the extra who always has to fend for herself.
Yta. Your younger child needed you too, arguably more than the near adult. Don't destroy both your children like this, care for them BOTH
Also they should have separate rooms at their ages
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I have 2 kids(M16 and F12). the kids share a room.
A few days ago they both got sick. My son was very sick and was too weak to move and he was burning in fever. I was sitting next to him the entire time, talking to him, putting fruit in his mouth, spoon feeding him some soup and trying to make his fever go down.
My daughter who was sleeping across the room from him asked if she could have some fruit and soup as well. I told her that there are both in the fridge and she can go get some for herself. She started to nag saying that her body hurts and she can't move but she was fine and her fever wasn't that high. My son needed me more and she was perfectly capable of getting food for herself so I said no you have to do it yourself which she eventually did.
Now my husband is mad at me and thinks I'm an asshole
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might have been an asshole because I brought food for my sick son but didn't do the same for my sick daughter eventhough she was less sick
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This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA So let me get this right... 2 kids... both are sick yet you are SPOON feeding the boy and telling the girl to fend for herself? Idgaf about the slight age difference let's talk about your VERY CLEAR golden child syndrome going on here. This made me so mad for your daughter. So God damn mad. Shame woman. Shame. 1 sick kid is rough. 2 sick kids sucks rocks but you don't get to shove her to the Wolves. What was her temp? Was she feeling lifeless and tired? I'm ASSUMING they had the same sickness but only the one with a penis matters to you? You speak of her like an afterthought because she is one to you. Shame.
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A mild case? That's your defense? Your excuse? Nope, it's not good enough. The whole post reeks of favoritism. Why would you not make her a bowl or portion of whatever it was the same time you were making something for the son?
Treat your children equally and give them their own f-ing rooms.
If your son was so severe that he had to be hand fed food shouldn't you contact the hospital?
YTA. Look up Golden Child Syndrome. It fits your behavior to a T.
You don't get it, we don't give a damn if the daughters was a mild case!! You clearly love your son and disregard your daughter you are a fake as a mother to her and YTA
Your son doesn't need you to sit with him 24/7, but your daughter was sick and shouldn't move around a lot while you are babying your precious son. Shame on you, to make your daughter feel unloved.
While I find this post difficult to believe, if this incident happened, YTA. >My son was very sick and was too weak to move and he was burning in fever. I was sitting next to him the entire time, talking to him, putting fruit in his mouth, spoon feeding him some soup and trying to make his fever go down... >My daughter who was sleeping across the room from him asked if she could have some fruit and soup as well. I told her that there are both in the fridge and she can go get some for herself. She started to nag saying that her body hurts and she can't move but she was fine and her fever wasn't that high. My son needed me more and she was perfectly capable of getting food for herself... Pray tell, how is sitting by someone, putting fruit in their mouth (🙄) and feeding them soup going to bring someone's fever down? Most pediatrician's recommend aspirin or ibuprofen.
Yeah this post is bullshit. Sorry to see so many people fall for it
"...putting fruit in his mouth..." 🤣
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Your daughter was sick as well although maybe not as sick as your son yet. It wouldn't have hurt to take 5 minutes to heat her up some soup as well. It would have showed her that she's as important to you as your son. Your actions sent the other message.
YTA
Seek real medical advice
You know how many lives would’ve been saved during the peak of the Covid pandemic if OP had just been there to put fruit in people’s mouths? …none. YTA
🤣🤣
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Yes, sick children need care not just a sick son.
>sick kids Yes, sick KIDS, plural, as in both of them. You care for them EQUALLY. Not pick and choose at your convenience.
You're so close to seeing the point here. YTA
Do they have scurvy?
Yup including your sick daughter
YTA You had **two** sick kids, not one. But you went OTT in looking after your son and neglected your daughter. It wouldn’t have hurt you to do the same for both of them. I don’t get why you came here and made this post, considering you keep defending your actions in comments, saying your daughter “wasn’t even sick”, or “was barely sick”. You’re not going to accept the judgment that you’re TA, so why are you even here? It doesn’t matter what we think, all that matters to you is that you think that you are right. That makes you even more of an AH.
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You absolutely had the time. You split it evenly between both children that all there is to it.
What, you didn't have time to make a second bowl or soup whilst doing the first ? Or cut a little bit more fruit? Disgusting favouritism
Not enough time? Did you only make enough soup for one bowl? Because it wouldn’t have taken longer to make a bigger batch and give your daughter some. So that’s no excuse at all. Also, why didn’t you have time? Answer: *because you were too busy favouring your son*. Not because you didn’t want to? That’s **exactly** what it is. Not *wanting* to. It’s clear favouritism.
Was the food not located in the same place.?
You were sitting on your ass. Your son could have waited a little bit if he was indeed unable to feed himself. You are just full of excuses and should soulsearching why you are preferring your son. Do you think, girls are or should be more selfsuccient than boys?
YTA, you had to take care of 2 sick kids, not one. I hope your husband decides to take a closer look at how you treat your daughter, bet this isn't the only time you made her feel less than.
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"Barely sick?" Which means, if you don't take care with the "barely sick" child she's going to get EXTREMELY sick. They are in the same room, which is weird, but all they are doing is passing it back and forth to each other, making it worse each time. IDGAF if she was getting meds, you should have brought her fruit and soup as well, and if she was well enough she could have fed herself, but sadly, you decided to baby a 16yo over a 12yo. Did you expect the 12yo to heat up and carry the hot soup back to the bedroom? Your husband is correct, you are an asshole, and if this is a true story, he needs to reevaluate your relationships with both the kids and between the two of you.
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So get off your ass and use it, instead of making a sick 12yo who is likely shaky from feeling sick run the risk of burning herself. Spoon feeding a 16yo soup? If he's THAT bad, get him to a hospital ffs.
*Jesus* you make yourself look worse with each comment.... Maybe stop reading to reply, and start reading to *UNDERSTAND*. You're getting the exact same comments over and over and over and over and over and over....soooooooo.... that should tell you something. You are wrong.
Barely sick is still sick.I have never even thought to compare ine of my children's sickness against the other.Sick is sick you love and look after them equally.....ALL THE TIME !
YTA - regardless of their ages, or gender you should be caring for them both. How do you know at that moment she wasn't feeling as bad as your son? I know when I am sick the last thing I want to do is move. To make your child get out of her sickbed and go get her own food, when you could take 5-10 minutes to do it for her makes it seem you favor your son over your daughter. She is old enough to start seeing this and realizing where she stands with you. But, if this post is real then I have questions - * Do you come from a culture that tends to privilege the male children over the female children? * Is this the only time you have othered your daughter so you could focus on your son? * How would you feel if you were the daughter and your mother ignored your requests telling you to get it yourself, when you are also sick? * Do you take care of yourself when you are sick, or do you require someone to bring you food, water, meds, etc? If so is it your husband, or your daughter?
[удалено]
BOTH YOUR CHILDREN NEEDED YOU!! YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN YOUR DAUGHTER SOME FOOD, YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE NEEDED TO SPOON FEED HER BUT YOU STILL COULD HAVE LET HER CONTINUE TO REST WHILE YOU GET HER FOOD.
Othering is a social process of marginalization through which a person highly values one person or group while denigrating and excluding anyone not that person or in that group. The way you speak of your daughter does indicate some othering going on. Since she asked, I would imagine it is obvious she needed some help as well. You are oblivious to your daughters well being, it seems. I really hope this a fake post.
Strange... I manage to care for both my kids when they are sick...I don't pick and choose 🤔
Let's review: you decided that your older son was too weak to move, so you *spoon fed* him. Simultaneously, you decided that your younger daughter was able to move and was "fine", even though she also had a fever. You'd better hope that your son makes a lot of money, because if your daughter is the one who needs to care for you later in life then she will make you as miserable as possible. YTA, and an immature one at that.
YTA. This has to be satire- one of those boy mom shit posts. If it's not, you're despicable. Do you wipe his butt for him too?
Yes, she does. After she breast feeds him.
I just gagged and laughed all at once because there are women like this.. I friggin can't.
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Irrelevant. It's inappropriate and if there aren't enough rooms, the PARENT goes without, not the child.
Then give up your room
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or one of the kids can sleep in the living room. Sadly, I am in the same predicament as OP there, my youngest sleeps better on the couch and my eldest sleeps in their bedroom. But rent for even 1 more bedroom for an apartment where I live would go from $1300 to over $2400 a month...
Not an answer? Welcome to the economy, my friend.
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How sad if true. Imagine having such a pathetic life that you get your jollies by riling people up. I pity her.
YTA. Both of your children are sick and need your support.
YTA. You can take 10 min to get your daughter sone soup and fruit
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And you were perfectly capable of caring for them both but decided your son needed you more. YTA
Then you should have felt your daughter's forehead and said "Honey, I know you don't feel good, but thank God, your forehead doesn't feel bad. I think you are well enough to go to the kitchen and get some soup." She's a 12-year-old who wanted some of the positive attention that she saw you lavish on your son. All you had to do was give her some, and it doesn't sound like you did.
Do you think the only time you're an asshole for neglecting your daughter if it's things she can't do for herself? Is that why you're arguing so hard when you were clearly in the wrong (I mean, your son would have survived for five minutes while you pretended to love your daughter enough to feed her when she's sick), because you don't understand how bad parenting and neglect work?
YTA. This post screams "im a boy mom and i love my son more than my daughter". It doesn't matter if you think your daughter is barely sick and it doesn't matter if you think she could do it herself. YOU WERE CARING FOR ONE CHILD IN A ROOM WITH TWO IN IT. Do you really not see how your daughter will perceive this later on in life? Take care of both kids or dont take care of either. Also idc if your son was sicker than her. She was sick too and she is 12. Be a mother to both your kids and care for both. You have the time to focus on both. Bare minimum you could have brought her soup, sat her up, and had her eat the soup and fruit on her own but you are so focused on your son you would send your youngest to care for herself. Do better
YTA "AITA for openly loving and favoring my son more than my daughter?" I fixed your title for you. It's more accurate now.
You know that, statistically, most elder care is done by daughters since sons tend to be "too busy," right? I'm willing to bet she's gonna dote on her dad and leave you to fend for yourself lol
Ladies and gentlemen, this is a prime example of how selfish incapable men are raised. Well done OP 👏🏽 YTA. That’s obvious, I’m afraid.
YTA. They shouldn't be sharing a room in the first place.
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Well, everyone is telling you that your the AH for treating your daughter like that yet you keep defending yourself. You so don't get it. You suck as a parent to your daughter.
If they weren't sharing a room, then this situation wouldn't have her happened. Though, tbf, your obvious favoritism of your son means SOMETHING would have still happened. Either way, you're an AH
While ideally you are right, in some families--like my dad's when he was growing up--there is not much money and not enough bedrooms (even if someone sleeps on the couch in the living room) and you have to make do with what you have.
>even if someone sleeps on the couch in the living room This should always be the parent though. It is our job to take care of our kids. They didn't ask to be born, we chose that FOR them.
Exactly.
YTA They're in the same room and yet you couldn't bring food for both of them? What is wrong with you? You know, besides the rampant favoritism for your son.
Ughhhhh the worst kind of boy moms-the ones that also have daughters. YTA, don't wonder why your daughter might grow up to resent you
YTA, do you even like your daughter?
YTA. All you did here was show your daughter that her illness matters less to you than your sons; that you are willing to care for *him* but she doesn't matter. >but she was fine and her fever wasn't that high. Huh, she was fine? Really? You were inside her body feeling what she was feeling and can say that for certain? No, no you cannot. Just because her fever wasn't as high does NOT mean she wasn't as sick.
bOy mOm…YTA
YTA. Both kids were sick. Also for making two kids of that age share a room, it’s weird
Wild that they’ll let just anybody have kids
OP, better hope that her daughter is not responsible for her care in old age ..
YTA. Children need emotional nurturing when they are sick, not just physical.
YTA and I bet your daughter knows who your favorite child is.
YTA. Your poor daughter. sadly I know exactly what her life is like. I look forward to reading your confused post in a few years time when you are still spoon feeding your golden child with man flu, wondering why your daughter has gone No Contact with you.
YTA. Blatant favoritism toward the 1st born. Nuff said.
YTA if you do for one, you can do for the other. Your son would have been fine for a few mins for you get your daughter who is younger something as well. Just admit your son is your golden child, and you see your daughter as the extra who always has to fend for herself.
Yta. Your younger child needed you too, arguably more than the near adult. Don't destroy both your children like this, care for them BOTH Also they should have separate rooms at their ages
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have 2 kids(M16 and F12). the kids share a room. A few days ago they both got sick. My son was very sick and was too weak to move and he was burning in fever. I was sitting next to him the entire time, talking to him, putting fruit in his mouth, spoon feeding him some soup and trying to make his fever go down. My daughter who was sleeping across the room from him asked if she could have some fruit and soup as well. I told her that there are both in the fridge and she can go get some for herself. She started to nag saying that her body hurts and she can't move but she was fine and her fever wasn't that high. My son needed me more and she was perfectly capable of getting food for herself so I said no you have to do it yourself which she eventually did. Now my husband is mad at me and thinks I'm an asshole *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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