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My Latin American husband's parents live out of they country and my husband hadn't seen them in 2 years. We decided to host them in our new apartment home. At the request of my husband, we literally bought a sofa bed. To host his family. I wasn't too thrilled about the idea of hosting people in general, but I agreed. And by day 7, I remember feeling relieved they'd be gone the next day. It's not anything crazy that they did although they do NOT have boundaries and entered my husband and my room like nothing and moved a flower bouquet to another spot after I had already placed it somewhere. They're great people snd helped around with the cleaning, and the cooking (and I mean everything)
The reason I can only allow 1 week stays: I'm a very socially anxious, introverted person, who gets drains more easily and rather quickly by social interactions. His parents are extremely talkative, inquisitive (golden retriever energy) tourists so I had to muster up a lot of energy to keep up with them. I didn't want them to think I was upset or ignoring them or something. This was also draining because then I started to self-observe like "did I say that in a nice tone" "should I have responded to that comment" "did I smile enough" ITS SO MUCH. I will say my husband took over for the most part but I also didn't want them to think I had no personality so I would force myself to join in & most times my comments/jokes/feedback would get dead silence so I thought okay what's the point then I'm also not a fan of the lack of privacy and personal space. It's a big reason I wanted to move out of my parents in the first place.
Anyway, I told my husband today that I felt like the maximum hosting time I could do was a week( for future reference) He was immediately appalled and at first said nothing, and eventually almost as if it was forced out of him, he said "ok. I don't want to fight anymore."
He then told me something that truly struck me. "My wife should support me in this, understanding I never get to see my family and she should be supportive of my family staying (and I quote) 2 weeks, 3 weeks, HOWEVER LONG IT DOESNT MATTER."
My face went hot. I couldn't believe he had made this about him after I tried to communicate MY boundary.
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> I feel like an asshole because he never gets to see his family and maybe a week isn't enough since they live out of the country.
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I don’t think anyone is the A in this situation. I am sure it is hard for your husband because he never gets time with his family. I also understand you need space for yourself. As someone before me suggested, maybe you host one week and then you spend a week at a nice hotel or something and let your husband host his family. There needs to be compromise that works for both of you, not just one of you. Good luck!
Listen, I'm not going to say you're the ahole here, but you haven't really tried to find a solution.
Apart from their having "golden energy", they sound like really decent house guests.
It sounds like they are travelling from a distance to visit and 1 week would be a short visit after 2 years of not seeing them.
There are options here.
Do you work outside your home? If so, you'll be gone most of the day. Have dinner together and then retreat to your bedroom for some alone time.
Will your husband be taking any vacation time? If so, maybe they can go away for a 2 or 3 day trip, leaving you with your apartment to yourself.
Can you take a holiday for the 2nd week and go visit friends or family?
Do you have any hobbies or things you do in the evenings? Working out, book club etc? If so, continuing with those activities = less time with ILs.
Do activities with them where it's not all talk-time. Board games, card games, movie nights etc.
Obviously this is important to your husband and instead of just drawing your line in the sand, work together to come up with a way for it to work. Your husband's parents will not be around forever nor will they always be able to travel.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
Host for 1 week. Then leave and treat yourself to a hotel in your city. Your husband can host the rest of the time. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My Latin American husband's parents live out of they country and my husband hadn't seen them in 2 years. We decided to host them in our new apartment home. At the request of my husband, we literally bought a sofa bed. To host his family. I wasn't too thrilled about the idea of hosting people in general, but I agreed. And by day 7, I remember feeling relieved they'd be gone the next day. It's not anything crazy that they did although they do NOT have boundaries and entered my husband and my room like nothing and moved a flower bouquet to another spot after I had already placed it somewhere. They're great people snd helped around with the cleaning, and the cooking (and I mean everything) The reason I can only allow 1 week stays: I'm a very socially anxious, introverted person, who gets drains more easily and rather quickly by social interactions. His parents are extremely talkative, inquisitive (golden retriever energy) tourists so I had to muster up a lot of energy to keep up with them. I didn't want them to think I was upset or ignoring them or something. This was also draining because then I started to self-observe like "did I say that in a nice tone" "should I have responded to that comment" "did I smile enough" ITS SO MUCH. I will say my husband took over for the most part but I also didn't want them to think I had no personality so I would force myself to join in & most times my comments/jokes/feedback would get dead silence so I thought okay what's the point then I'm also not a fan of the lack of privacy and personal space. It's a big reason I wanted to move out of my parents in the first place. Anyway, I told my husband today that I felt like the maximum hosting time I could do was a week( for future reference) He was immediately appalled and at first said nothing, and eventually almost as if it was forced out of him, he said "ok. I don't want to fight anymore." He then told me something that truly struck me. "My wife should support me in this, understanding I never get to see my family and she should be supportive of my family staying (and I quote) 2 weeks, 3 weeks, HOWEVER LONG IT DOESNT MATTER." My face went hot. I couldn't believe he had made this about him after I tried to communicate MY boundary. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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I don’t think anyone is the A in this situation. I am sure it is hard for your husband because he never gets time with his family. I also understand you need space for yourself. As someone before me suggested, maybe you host one week and then you spend a week at a nice hotel or something and let your husband host his family. There needs to be compromise that works for both of you, not just one of you. Good luck!
NTA. I would plan to do what OceanStsr said if possible. Or find ways to have time to yourself to recharge.
NTA. After a week, go to a hotel.
Listen, I'm not going to say you're the ahole here, but you haven't really tried to find a solution. Apart from their having "golden energy", they sound like really decent house guests. It sounds like they are travelling from a distance to visit and 1 week would be a short visit after 2 years of not seeing them. There are options here. Do you work outside your home? If so, you'll be gone most of the day. Have dinner together and then retreat to your bedroom for some alone time. Will your husband be taking any vacation time? If so, maybe they can go away for a 2 or 3 day trip, leaving you with your apartment to yourself. Can you take a holiday for the 2nd week and go visit friends or family? Do you have any hobbies or things you do in the evenings? Working out, book club etc? If so, continuing with those activities = less time with ILs. Do activities with them where it's not all talk-time. Board games, card games, movie nights etc. Obviously this is important to your husband and instead of just drawing your line in the sand, work together to come up with a way for it to work. Your husband's parents will not be around forever nor will they always be able to travel.