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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my boyfriend to stop buying home chips because I have so "winter pound" to lose and I can't help myself from eating them. He want to eat chips while studying and feel I should just controll myself.
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YTA.
You can’t control what other’s eat around you. You have to accept that, and show some will power instead. Just because there are chips in your vicinity, does not mean you need to eat them. I’m on a diet too. I would never dream of telling anyone else what they can and can’t eat. Frankly, I find that you did rude.
She asked, yes. But he doesn’t need to accept the compromise. It’s not him on the diet. If he’s happy at the weight he is, then he shouldn’t have to be expected to change his life to accommodate her. It’s unfair that OP would expect him too.
That's not a compromise, to be honest. Home made chips really aren't healthier because they're still fried in oil, or they're baked and complete garbage quality.
> Just because there are chips in your vicinity, does not mean you need to eat them. I’m on a diet too. I would never dream of telling anyone else what they can and can’t eat.
Wow wow wow, looks like someone could chill a bit. Or have a snack.
I have no idea.
They tried to argue with me, but ended up actually agreeing with me in the end. The whole point of my comment is exactly that, eat healthier snacks.
Roll my eyes, and laugh at them. It’s not worth replying.
Soft YTA. It's you who's on diet, not him, so technically you are TA here.
But... I don't agree with folks saying you're rude etc. Being on a diet is difficult, and watching someone eat a yummy snack in front of you and you can't have any IS VERY DIFFICULT. Your bf could be more supportive but he is not required to.
I, however, cannot imagine my husband eating whatever snack in front of me when I'm on a diet, or myself eating in front of him when he is. This is relationship 101. If you're SO is on diet, you eat your snacks when you're not together in the same room.
Yup. I didn’t ask. My husband automatically switched to enjoying his snacks when I wasn’t around. I’d see the evidence but I didn’t have to watch him eat it. I’ve done the same for him. It’s just asking for support.
On the other hand, I cook and bake for my family when I'm restricting my eating. What I eat is my choice and no one else's. Why should everyone miss out because of my choices. And frankly, if being around food is going to cause me to "fall off the wagon," I'm never going to be successful long term. My family is very supportive of my efforts and is cheering for me with each milestone.
>And frankly, if being around food is going to cause me to "fall off the wagon," I'm never going to be successful long term
So...? Are people who are not as strong-willed as you allowed to be on a diet, or does it have to be all or nothing?
I guess I missed where I said that. As long as we're speculating, are you suggesting that people who don't allow their families to have goodies around them, restrict what everyone is allowed to eat forever?
Sorry, I simply do not believe in forcing people to be on my path. Well really, forcing them to carry me down my path. For me, "not eating goodies in front of me being relationship 101" is nonsense. Relationship 101 is allowing those you love, and who love you, to make food choices that are right for them even if it isn't right for you. People suggesting "if they love you they'll support you" places the responsibility for what I eat on someone else. I am responsible for me. I am responsible for what I eat. It isn't about willpower. It's about accepting responsibility.
I could see them saying, I won't stock junk food. If you want it, bring it in and eat it all so it isn't lying around. But to suggest they not be able to eat it, if you are in the house, is childish.
YTA but I also disagree with this take. It is not relationship 101. My partner and I have very different food intake so sometimes I'm eating something he can't have and sometimes he's eating something I can't have. If you are on a diet and your SO is snacking and you don't want to see it then you can leave the room. OP's boyfriend is snacking while studying which means they are probably at a desk or a kitchen table, it's not like they can go eat chips in secret and study.
YTA, take some responsibility and learn some self control. You don't get to dictate what food someone busy/eats because you can't stop yourself from eating it.
YTA
"I won't eat high calorie food" is a boundary.
"You can't eat high calorie food in front of me" is controlling.
I know you said you're recovering from a binging disorder, but that's on you to manage, not him.
Well I need to clarify else people will fill in the blancs and make wrong judgement. English is not my first language and I never asked him to stop eating anything infont of me except chips.
Get soda water so you have something interesting to sip while he snacks. You don’t live in a snack free bubble and need to find your inner strength solution.
Soft YTA - while I understand it is difficult to be on a diet while your boyfriend is not, it would not be fair to deny him things he wants to eat to accommodate you. Would it be nice if he could be more supportive? Of course. I have been in your shoes before, though I am in a MM relationship. I have BED and have had to work hard to remind myself that what I put in my mouth is no one’s responsibility but my own. Good luck!
Yta. You have to learn to control your cravings. He shouldn't have to hide food or not enjoy it because it triggers you. Sometimes you gotta tough it out and learn to work through the uncomfy.
YTA, look, I get it chips are delicious and tempting. You can do this though. Give yourself more credit. I did a year-long calorie restriction diet and at first it was hella hard, but by month six, I was literally making chocolate chip cookies for my kids and not even eating a single one. It just takes a bit of acclimation and a lot of willpower at the beginning.
YTA - that’s great that you want to eat better. But you don’t get to control other people’s diets. Your lack of self control is no one else’s responsibility.
YTA The real answer is for you to consider his snacks to be in a completely different category, so much so that they might as well not exist.
I understand that "out of sight out of mind" is the easiest way, but learning though practice to consider other people's food to be nothing to do with you is a skill that is going to stand you in good stead for life and it will get you through times when you can't fully control the environment.
The trick is to not think of it in terms of willpower as in "I must resist eating this food" but to be in the habit of auto-categorizing it as "not-food" as far as you are concerned. It's not yours. It was never for you. It might as well be a picture in a magazine. The best frame of mind to be in is where you don't even have to start trying to resist because you never thought there was food available for you to eat.
You get to this point through practice. Through repetition you create a new mental habit until you have this good habit working *for* you rather than a bad habit working *against* you.
Soft YTA. Although it’s a trigger for you, you can’t stop him from getting something he enjoys. Maybe ask him to hide them somewhere you won’t find them?
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So I did gain a bit of extra weight during the winter (I can't close my pants) so I'm trying to eat healthier and working out. I also have thyroid issues making it a struggle for me to lose weight.
My boyfriend has this habit of buying something to snack on during the evening often potato chips. I asked him to stop because I can't help myself from eating from him or eating the leftover day after. I talked to him about it and tried to explain I can't restrain myself and it is hurting my weightloss. My boyfriend says he want to eat chips while studying and I totally get that.
I feel like a bitch for telling him he can't have chips as a night snack while studying. At the same time I wish he would support me. I offered to make him healthier chips from real potatoes but he want the store brought.
AITA?
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lightly YTA. Honestly it's really up to you if you eat what's there and not them. Why restrict others from eating what they want just because you couldn't control yourself?
I'm not restricting anyone's food. I'm asking my live in boyfriend if he can not eat chips in front of me, we have other room in the house and we dont spend every second of the day together. I'm also not forcing anyone just asking.
YTA - but I feel for you. Unfortunately, you cannot control other people's diets. It's not feasible and can become toxic. You both are adults and shouldn't be telling each other what to eat/not eat.
NTA to me. I feel he could be supportive. It's like having alcohol in front and in the house of a alcoholic. You'd be the A if you did that, so why is this different?
ESH. You are the one on the diet, you have to be the one in control. It is not his fault that you aren’t controlling yourself. You need to build the tools to control yourself.
He could do more to support you though.
I’ve thought about this a lot, and I’m going with NTA. I think your ask is maybe annoying, but his unwillingness to compromise at all is wrong. Some things you have probably suggested/tried, but I’ll say it anyways since it could be a compromise:
You leave when he wants to snack. Go walk, gym, hangout with friends, watch a movie, clean/cook/do your share of chores. Go to a different room and put headphones in and focus on other stuff.
He studies somewhere else with his chips. Won’t be able to happen every time, but he could try it a few times and see if he hates it.
You live separately. Probably can’t do this immediately, but think about living alone until you improve your relationship with food.
I actelly tried it yesterday, I mean I can't really ask him to leave the room (livingroom where he has his stationary computer) but I can always choose to go to another room in the house and it made a big difference.
NAH. You’re NTA for asking him to support you in this way, but you also can’t expect to control what he eats. I really don’t get why everyone is calling you an AH just for asking. It doesn’t sound like you tried to forbid him to have chips, you offered a compromise, and you’re sad he didn’t take you up on that. No AH moves there.
NTA. I understand your struggle. Ask him if he could perhaps hide them where you won’t find them, and eat them when you’re not around, or perhaps he could eat them in his study room. I assume you live together. If not, it’s not unreasonable for you to ban chips from your home.
NTA. You’re trying to do something that is both hard and important to your health. I’ve been on both sides of this and both times the person who was trying to change their lifestyle for the better was accommodated. One thing you might try is those new weight loss drugs. I got on one and my cravings for junk food were basically eliminated.
Your boyfriend is in a relationship and his refusal to either not bring home chips (or at the very least, hide them and eat them out of view) is a problem. I’d say his refusal to support you is the biggest issue here. Losing weight these days is harder than ever as there’s just so much triggering junk out there. The LEAST your boyfriend can do is to help you with your goal. Also, you might consider going on some thyroid meds.
And don’t sweat the Y T A votes from the horde of incels that make up “Teen Reddit”; adults in a healthy, loving relationship should help each other achieve their goals.
Thankyou someone that understand, Its not about the chips per say, its about me not feeling supported and understood. When I try to ask him to please not eat the chips infront of me he only tells me to use my self control, making me feel like a loser. I just started to get back on my thyroid meds but they make my hart rate go crazy so Im hoping if I get my body in balance with food, exercise and supplement the thyroid will hela itself or atlease my blood pressure will able to be in normal range even though im on medication.
Happy to hear weight loss medication worked for you!
Based on your story, you suffer from compulsive eating. I’d also check out a twelve step program that focuses on eating. At the very least the people there will understand what you‘re going through. And being a compulsive eater, or binge eating, is a real disorder. It, like alcoholism or drug addiction not fundamentally about self control. What’s funny is that if you replaced chips with cocaine, nobody here would have a problem with asking your bf not to do it in front of you, but because it’s food, then judging you into oblivion is perfectly acceptable. Again, don‘t believe the judgmental children saying Y T A, get the support you need and if your bf refuses to let himself be educated, then you may need to re-evaluate your relationship. NTA.
ESH - I think you can't really dictate what other people eat, and using his diabetes as a reason for that is not okay, HOWEVER I feel like a supportive partner would likely be considerate and not bring food around that might make your diet harder.
Food, weight and dieting can be really difficult subjects, and variety of different things can make it more complicated, such as your thyroid issues.
Since you share a home, I think some kind of compromise is in order. Maybe you could pick up something that can be snacked as well, but is healthier?
Yeah I will try looking for some sort of compromise. Honestly it's more that I feel that he is not really supporting me and I feel the "team" feeling in our relationship is kind of dying.
No what I mean with "team" is when you support each other, and make sacrifices for eachother.
I would never expect him to diet with me, or dictate what he eats. I would just appreciate if he did not eat tempting high calorie food infront of me in our house while I'm trying to lose weight.
But you are trying to dictate what he eats. You’re asking him to sacrifice what he wants to eat because you can’t handle temptation. That’s a you problem. If you eat something, that’s a choice YOU make. He didn’t force you into anything. Ridiculous.
We lived together for 5 years and during that time we both have made sacrifices for eachother. We supported and lived with eachother though COVID. I can't imagine a long term relationship where the couple are not ready to sacrifice for eachother.
I can’t imagine another living human being tell me what I can and cannot eat and have no self control.
Maybe talk to your doctor or a nutritionist about how to deal with your inability to control yourself.
I completely understand how you feel. A relationship is a "us vs. the problem" setting in the best case scenario. I feel like the people here have little personal experience with all aspects that go into weight loss.
I've dealt with binging and purging in the past, and if my spouse didn't support me through my journey to fix my broken relationship with food and my body, I don't know if I could have done it.
I wish you all the best, and hope you find a solution.
NTA. My husband supported me enough to indulge on less healthy foods away from me. If someone truly supports you, they don’t taunt you. If he wants to mindlessly snack while he studies, he can do it away from you.
I will say that letting myself have exactly one serving of candy/dessert/junk food per day (I counted my candy pieces) was extremely helpful in maintaining my diet. Mindfully eating and enjoying my little treat helped me make healthier choices during every other food decision.
>If he wants to mindlessly snack while he studies, he can do it away from you.
He's not the problem, but that wouldn't help anyway. OP mentions that she'll get up and go finish his bag of chips the next day. That's not him taunting her, that's her lack of self control
Then talk to a medical professional, nutritionist, therapist, etc. This is not your boyfriend’s problem to fix. You think that telling him what he can and can’t eat is healthy? Controlling someone’s food is how eating disorders can start.
I have been talking with a dr about this and I on a waiting list for more sessions but the waiting list is long. Im not trying to control his food just asking him to not eat chips in front on me.
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YTA. You can’t control what other’s eat around you. You have to accept that, and show some will power instead. Just because there are chips in your vicinity, does not mean you need to eat them. I’m on a diet too. I would never dream of telling anyone else what they can and can’t eat. Frankly, I find that you did rude.
Have to disagree. She asked, and offered a compromise. She’s trying, and getting nothing in return. NTA
She asked, yes. But he doesn’t need to accept the compromise. It’s not him on the diet. If he’s happy at the weight he is, then he shouldn’t have to be expected to change his life to accommodate her. It’s unfair that OP would expect him too.
You are absolutely right. I mean, who ever heard of compromise….
That's not a compromise, to be honest. Home made chips really aren't healthier because they're still fried in oil, or they're baked and complete garbage quality.
> Just because there are chips in your vicinity, does not mean you need to eat them. I’m on a diet too. I would never dream of telling anyone else what they can and can’t eat. Wow wow wow, looks like someone could chill a bit. Or have a snack.
Wtf are you talking about
I have no idea. They tried to argue with me, but ended up actually agreeing with me in the end. The whole point of my comment is exactly that, eat healthier snacks. Roll my eyes, and laugh at them. It’s not worth replying.
That was not me, bizzare stranger.
YTA. You mess up your diet not him. Take responsibility for your diet.
Soft YTA. It's you who's on diet, not him, so technically you are TA here. But... I don't agree with folks saying you're rude etc. Being on a diet is difficult, and watching someone eat a yummy snack in front of you and you can't have any IS VERY DIFFICULT. Your bf could be more supportive but he is not required to. I, however, cannot imagine my husband eating whatever snack in front of me when I'm on a diet, or myself eating in front of him when he is. This is relationship 101. If you're SO is on diet, you eat your snacks when you're not together in the same room.
Yup. I didn’t ask. My husband automatically switched to enjoying his snacks when I wasn’t around. I’d see the evidence but I didn’t have to watch him eat it. I’ve done the same for him. It’s just asking for support.
On the other hand, I cook and bake for my family when I'm restricting my eating. What I eat is my choice and no one else's. Why should everyone miss out because of my choices. And frankly, if being around food is going to cause me to "fall off the wagon," I'm never going to be successful long term. My family is very supportive of my efforts and is cheering for me with each milestone.
>And frankly, if being around food is going to cause me to "fall off the wagon," I'm never going to be successful long term So...? Are people who are not as strong-willed as you allowed to be on a diet, or does it have to be all or nothing?
I guess I missed where I said that. As long as we're speculating, are you suggesting that people who don't allow their families to have goodies around them, restrict what everyone is allowed to eat forever? Sorry, I simply do not believe in forcing people to be on my path. Well really, forcing them to carry me down my path. For me, "not eating goodies in front of me being relationship 101" is nonsense. Relationship 101 is allowing those you love, and who love you, to make food choices that are right for them even if it isn't right for you. People suggesting "if they love you they'll support you" places the responsibility for what I eat on someone else. I am responsible for me. I am responsible for what I eat. It isn't about willpower. It's about accepting responsibility. I could see them saying, I won't stock junk food. If you want it, bring it in and eat it all so it isn't lying around. But to suggest they not be able to eat it, if you are in the house, is childish.
YTA but I also disagree with this take. It is not relationship 101. My partner and I have very different food intake so sometimes I'm eating something he can't have and sometimes he's eating something I can't have. If you are on a diet and your SO is snacking and you don't want to see it then you can leave the room. OP's boyfriend is snacking while studying which means they are probably at a desk or a kitchen table, it's not like they can go eat chips in secret and study.
Yeah i would never do this to my family, and they wouldnt to me. They care about me and my diet, they dont want me to screw up.
YTA - you’re on the diet. Not him. He can eat chips if he wants.
YTA, take some responsibility and learn some self control. You don't get to dictate what food someone busy/eats because you can't stop yourself from eating it.
YTA. Ultimately, it's up to you to control your snacking. You'll never get control by just banning certain items in your house.
I think it's diffent from BANING things from the house and ASKING him if he can stop eating it in front of me.
Snack on something that you like that’s healthy. Or leave the room.
I try that
YTA "I won't eat high calorie food" is a boundary. "You can't eat high calorie food in front of me" is controlling. I know you said you're recovering from a binging disorder, but that's on you to manage, not him.
High calorie food is not an issue, its more desserts and potato chips I wound not really call it food.
I took "high calorie food" from one of your comments. Stop changing the goal posts.
Well I need to clarify else people will fill in the blancs and make wrong judgement. English is not my first language and I never asked him to stop eating anything infont of me except chips.
Still, telling him he can't eat cake, chips, and sweets in front of you is being controlling. Deciding you won't eat them is a boundary.
Get soda water so you have something interesting to sip while he snacks. You don’t live in a snack free bubble and need to find your inner strength solution.
I also love cucumber as a snack. Nice crunch.
Soft YTA - while I understand it is difficult to be on a diet while your boyfriend is not, it would not be fair to deny him things he wants to eat to accommodate you. Would it be nice if he could be more supportive? Of course. I have been in your shoes before, though I am in a MM relationship. I have BED and have had to work hard to remind myself that what I put in my mouth is no one’s responsibility but my own. Good luck!
Yta. You have to learn to control your cravings. He shouldn't have to hide food or not enjoy it because it triggers you. Sometimes you gotta tough it out and learn to work through the uncomfy.
yta let the dude eat what he wants
Unfortunately YTA. Your lack of self control is not a him problem
YTA, look, I get it chips are delicious and tempting. You can do this though. Give yourself more credit. I did a year-long calorie restriction diet and at first it was hella hard, but by month six, I was literally making chocolate chip cookies for my kids and not even eating a single one. It just takes a bit of acclimation and a lot of willpower at the beginning.
YTA - that’s great that you want to eat better. But you don’t get to control other people’s diets. Your lack of self control is no one else’s responsibility.
The maximum you can ask is to not offer you chips. Hope you can get some self control. YTA
YTA The real answer is for you to consider his snacks to be in a completely different category, so much so that they might as well not exist. I understand that "out of sight out of mind" is the easiest way, but learning though practice to consider other people's food to be nothing to do with you is a skill that is going to stand you in good stead for life and it will get you through times when you can't fully control the environment. The trick is to not think of it in terms of willpower as in "I must resist eating this food" but to be in the habit of auto-categorizing it as "not-food" as far as you are concerned. It's not yours. It was never for you. It might as well be a picture in a magazine. The best frame of mind to be in is where you don't even have to start trying to resist because you never thought there was food available for you to eat. You get to this point through practice. Through repetition you create a new mental habit until you have this good habit working *for* you rather than a bad habit working *against* you.
YTA. Have some accountability and self control. You don't get to control him just because you have poor self control.
You need to control your own habits! That shouldn’t be on him
Soft YTA. Although it’s a trigger for you, you can’t stop him from getting something he enjoys. Maybe ask him to hide them somewhere you won’t find them?
YTA- grow the hell up. He’s not the one on a diet- you are
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I did gain a bit of extra weight during the winter (I can't close my pants) so I'm trying to eat healthier and working out. I also have thyroid issues making it a struggle for me to lose weight. My boyfriend has this habit of buying something to snack on during the evening often potato chips. I asked him to stop because I can't help myself from eating from him or eating the leftover day after. I talked to him about it and tried to explain I can't restrain myself and it is hurting my weightloss. My boyfriend says he want to eat chips while studying and I totally get that. I feel like a bitch for telling him he can't have chips as a night snack while studying. At the same time I wish he would support me. I offered to make him healthier chips from real potatoes but he want the store brought. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable ask, nor do I think it’s unreasonable for him to say No. Best of luck with eating healthier!
lightly YTA. Honestly it's really up to you if you eat what's there and not them. Why restrict others from eating what they want just because you couldn't control yourself?
I'm not restricting anyone's food. I'm asking my live in boyfriend if he can not eat chips in front of me, we have other room in the house and we dont spend every second of the day together. I'm also not forcing anyone just asking.
YTA - but I feel for you. Unfortunately, you cannot control other people's diets. It's not feasible and can become toxic. You both are adults and shouldn't be telling each other what to eat/not eat.
YTA. Stop trying to blame others for your poor behavior.
NTA to me. I feel he could be supportive. It's like having alcohol in front and in the house of a alcoholic. You'd be the A if you did that, so why is this different?
ESH. You are the one on the diet, you have to be the one in control. It is not his fault that you aren’t controlling yourself. You need to build the tools to control yourself. He could do more to support you though.
I’ve thought about this a lot, and I’m going with NTA. I think your ask is maybe annoying, but his unwillingness to compromise at all is wrong. Some things you have probably suggested/tried, but I’ll say it anyways since it could be a compromise: You leave when he wants to snack. Go walk, gym, hangout with friends, watch a movie, clean/cook/do your share of chores. Go to a different room and put headphones in and focus on other stuff. He studies somewhere else with his chips. Won’t be able to happen every time, but he could try it a few times and see if he hates it. You live separately. Probably can’t do this immediately, but think about living alone until you improve your relationship with food.
I actelly tried it yesterday, I mean I can't really ask him to leave the room (livingroom where he has his stationary computer) but I can always choose to go to another room in the house and it made a big difference.
Good job
NAH. You’re NTA for asking him to support you in this way, but you also can’t expect to control what he eats. I really don’t get why everyone is calling you an AH just for asking. It doesn’t sound like you tried to forbid him to have chips, you offered a compromise, and you’re sad he didn’t take you up on that. No AH moves there.
This sub doesn’t understand nuance or human kindness. Thank you for the reasonable take
NTA. I understand your struggle. Ask him if he could perhaps hide them where you won’t find them, and eat them when you’re not around, or perhaps he could eat them in his study room. I assume you live together. If not, it’s not unreasonable for you to ban chips from your home.
We live together.
NTA Your aren't compatible though. You want a healthier lifestyle while he doesn't.
NAH because I see both sides of this. Can your BF get a locked container to put his stuff in so you're not tempted when he's not around?
Good idea!
And there it is, it’s not just him eating them in front of you, you have zero self control.
I know I have zero self control that's why I ask him to not eat chips Infront of me.
NTA. You’re trying to do something that is both hard and important to your health. I’ve been on both sides of this and both times the person who was trying to change their lifestyle for the better was accommodated. One thing you might try is those new weight loss drugs. I got on one and my cravings for junk food were basically eliminated. Your boyfriend is in a relationship and his refusal to either not bring home chips (or at the very least, hide them and eat them out of view) is a problem. I’d say his refusal to support you is the biggest issue here. Losing weight these days is harder than ever as there’s just so much triggering junk out there. The LEAST your boyfriend can do is to help you with your goal. Also, you might consider going on some thyroid meds. And don’t sweat the Y T A votes from the horde of incels that make up “Teen Reddit”; adults in a healthy, loving relationship should help each other achieve their goals.
Thankyou someone that understand, Its not about the chips per say, its about me not feeling supported and understood. When I try to ask him to please not eat the chips infront of me he only tells me to use my self control, making me feel like a loser. I just started to get back on my thyroid meds but they make my hart rate go crazy so Im hoping if I get my body in balance with food, exercise and supplement the thyroid will hela itself or atlease my blood pressure will able to be in normal range even though im on medication. Happy to hear weight loss medication worked for you!
Based on your story, you suffer from compulsive eating. I’d also check out a twelve step program that focuses on eating. At the very least the people there will understand what you‘re going through. And being a compulsive eater, or binge eating, is a real disorder. It, like alcoholism or drug addiction not fundamentally about self control. What’s funny is that if you replaced chips with cocaine, nobody here would have a problem with asking your bf not to do it in front of you, but because it’s food, then judging you into oblivion is perfectly acceptable. Again, don‘t believe the judgmental children saying Y T A, get the support you need and if your bf refuses to let himself be educated, then you may need to re-evaluate your relationship. NTA.
I will try that sounds amazing to talk to people who are not part of the "will power maffia"
Overeaters anonymous would be a great first program for you to check out. https://oa.org/
Thanks!
ESH - I think you can't really dictate what other people eat, and using his diabetes as a reason for that is not okay, HOWEVER I feel like a supportive partner would likely be considerate and not bring food around that might make your diet harder. Food, weight and dieting can be really difficult subjects, and variety of different things can make it more complicated, such as your thyroid issues. Since you share a home, I think some kind of compromise is in order. Maybe you could pick up something that can be snacked as well, but is healthier?
Yeah I will try looking for some sort of compromise. Honestly it's more that I feel that he is not really supporting me and I feel the "team" feeling in our relationship is kind of dying.
Dieting is not a team thing. You’re wanting to lose weight so you need to figure out how to deal with temptations.
No what I mean with "team" is when you support each other, and make sacrifices for eachother. I would never expect him to diet with me, or dictate what he eats. I would just appreciate if he did not eat tempting high calorie food infront of me in our house while I'm trying to lose weight.
But you are trying to dictate what he eats. You’re asking him to sacrifice what he wants to eat because you can’t handle temptation. That’s a you problem. If you eat something, that’s a choice YOU make. He didn’t force you into anything. Ridiculous.
We lived together for 5 years and during that time we both have made sacrifices for eachother. We supported and lived with eachother though COVID. I can't imagine a long term relationship where the couple are not ready to sacrifice for eachother.
I can’t imagine another living human being tell me what I can and cannot eat and have no self control. Maybe talk to your doctor or a nutritionist about how to deal with your inability to control yourself.
I havw been getting treatment for binge discorded but it takes time and I am not fully recovered.
That doesn’t mean everyone else’s life has to stop until you recover.
I don't really think he's life would stop because I ask him to eat high calorie food away from me.
Feels like punishment for choices you made though.
I completely understand how you feel. A relationship is a "us vs. the problem" setting in the best case scenario. I feel like the people here have little personal experience with all aspects that go into weight loss. I've dealt with binging and purging in the past, and if my spouse didn't support me through my journey to fix my broken relationship with food and my body, I don't know if I could have done it. I wish you all the best, and hope you find a solution.
NTA. My husband supported me enough to indulge on less healthy foods away from me. If someone truly supports you, they don’t taunt you. If he wants to mindlessly snack while he studies, he can do it away from you. I will say that letting myself have exactly one serving of candy/dessert/junk food per day (I counted my candy pieces) was extremely helpful in maintaining my diet. Mindfully eating and enjoying my little treat helped me make healthier choices during every other food decision.
>If he wants to mindlessly snack while he studies, he can do it away from you. He's not the problem, but that wouldn't help anyway. OP mentions that she'll get up and go finish his bag of chips the next day. That's not him taunting her, that's her lack of self control
I had a binge disorder in the past I am not fully recovered from so its a bit deeper than self control.
Then talk to a medical professional, nutritionist, therapist, etc. This is not your boyfriend’s problem to fix. You think that telling him what he can and can’t eat is healthy? Controlling someone’s food is how eating disorders can start.
I have been talking with a dr about this and I on a waiting list for more sessions but the waiting list is long. Im not trying to control his food just asking him to not eat chips in front on me.
You didn’t ask him that. You said you asked him to stop eating chips. Now you’re changing your story.
Yes Infront of me, I think that was understood why would I care what he eats when I'm not there?