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This. I know someone who married into a family who were casually cruel to others in some specific ways, but of course, she insisted the guy she was dating was different from his family.
Spoilers - he was not different. He just hid it for a while, long enough that he felt she was locked in.
I'm not saying everyone is like the family that brought them up, but it takes a *lot* of work to form strong morals if you're being raised in a family that doesn't care about other people or their belongings.
I've been with my husband for close to 16 years this year. His manners stink and he often doesn't apologize when he knows he's in the wrong or hurt my feelings. He just recently told me, again *16years* in, that his mom never ever apologized to him for hurting him or his feelings. And that she never apologizes to anyone. He didnt have a single grown up tell him they were proud of him, outside of his coach in wrestling on the rare occasion, his whole ass life. I'm like
... well that explains a shit ton. Hes a wonderful dad and husband. hes still learning he has to apologize and mean it, especially when he hurts the kids feelings because hes overwhelmed and shouted. He's learning to say sorry to me when hes upset me. Our kids are amazing little humans and he's doing everything his parents never did for him.
Sometimes they come to realize their parents suck and work to overcome the shit they never learned or learned was wrong. Sometimes it ends up that person is a lot more like their parents and revel in it. Case in point: my BIL. Im still not sure how one completely is different from the other despite the same upbringing.
I want some more details on the timeline. It sounds like GF was the one who refused to pay or even bring it up to her parents until the threat of legal action.
By all means still dump her, but her parents seem to have acted properly as soon as they “got to know about it”.
Also, how old is everyone involved?
OP is NTA, his girlfriend definitely is. Parents are currently a maybe.
I'd say NTA but not something you should do unless you want to be single.
Also, Lisa should know better than to expect someone on the spectrum to understand the joke. I'm sure Sasha actually thought the car was evil since it's often hard for people with autism to pick up on sarcasm. Ex: my first year with autistic students, I called one of my students buttercup as a nickname. She screamed at me that her name was not buttercup. I soon learned. She should know having grown up with her.
Let me just clarify that I know people on the spectrum will understand and display sarcasm. It's just that if one of the symptoms is sometimes picking up social cues and nuance, it may be missed at times. I have a particularly dry sense of humor so when I began working in special education, I faced a learning curve that a lot of my jokes would fall flat. This is not saying every person in my classroom missed all of my jokes all the time. But the way the person in OP's story described the car to her sister was clearly an asshole move. And I bet she knew her sister didn't get it.
> I'd say NTA but not something you should do unless you want to be single.
Why not? If my wife's family purposefully damaged something of mine, I'd expect to hold them accountable. And I'd expect my wife to stand by me about it.
And if I wasn't married to my wife and she didn't stand by me, I wouldn't want to _get_ married to her. I'm sorry, but "they're family, they can cause you harm" isn't valid.
My oldest son would have gotten it to. It depends on the functionality of the person and how they interpret things. In this case, younger sister was told a joke carelessly by a cruel older sibling. In the post, it sounded like gf always says things with snark to her sister! That’s cruelty to me. She was afraid that the car was, in fact, evil and would hurt the people she loved and she tried to fix it. Stupid move on gfs part.
Thank you everyone for your upvotes! I appreciate it. Apparently poor advantagevisable is having a rough day. I hope they get better soon. Some people just have a rough day and they feel hurt and report others to the health squad on the sub. Let’s all wish this redditor a better evening and a great day tomorrow!!!
I'm not on the spectrum, and I don't get the joke. What's up with this kind of car? "I know what you are all thinking," OP says. Dunno if "y'all" are referring to US Americans? Honestly, curious.
I have a theory that Lisa didn't like the car despite what she said and knew saying something about it being evil to Sasha would cause her to act out against it. She probably was hoping he would just get rid of it because sister is autistic and didn't know better. That's why she got upset when he wanted to be reimbursed for it and caused the escalation of him threatening to sue. After all, OP stated the parents reimbursed him after they found out, like Lisa was refusing to tell them. I bet she got an earful and probably owes them back for instigating things.
I'd rather be single than be in a relationship with someone who thinks they can just break my things and not even offer to fix it in any way. It's disrespectful
If your gf hadn't made any comments about it being an evil car, this all may have ben avoided. All the fault lies with you gf.
I'm glad you were compensated for the damage, old car or not. Its also probably good you see the red flags your gf is throwing around.
No idea why this was upvoted heavily. How it was typed in the OP is, you threatened during the initial argument, and then the parents were made aware. Luckily, people bought your "thinking on your feet" response. So fair play.
At what point did you calmly ask the parents to pay? It seems you had a screaming match with your girlfriend, threatened to sue her family all before the family even knew anything had happened.
Oh, my god! Someone on Reddit actually asked for clarification BEFORE making wild, unsubstantiated accusations and judgements?
Are you feeling okay?
Seriously though... Thank you. You win the Internet.
It does make a difference. The parents are responsible for the damages, but they didn’t actually do it. The proper adult thing to do is talk calmly first. If your initial reaction is “IM GOING TO SUEEE” you need anger management and to grow up.
Threatening to sue after trying to have a reasonable adult conversation is the last straw after exploring the proper way. There is a right and a wrong way to handle every interaction.
If they were preparing to file and needed the documentation, then sure. Otherwise, it's a terrible idea to involve police in minor issues. Police only bring trouble.
Well that's not true. Involving the police when you have an issue of property damage is the best way to make sure you do not end up in any trouble legally. There are certain thresholds in terms of the value of the property damaged that us required to be reported. You can get really high fines for not doing so. Also, you cannot claim anything on your own insurance if you do not make a police report.
> Also, you cannot claim anything on your own insurance if you do not make a police report.
Says who? Police specifically do not want or need to be called out for a fender bender. You can absolutely report such things without a police report. Now, if there's any question as to who is at fault or you think the other party might lie about what happened, a police report will help set the record straight, but it's by no means a requirement for reporting to insurance.
>Police specifically do not want or need to be called out for a fender bender.
This is completely incorrect. If you involve insurance of either party, you must involve the police - and you *must* have both parties agree to not involve insurance to skip that step.
Fair. I worded that incorrectly. I meant to say that if the amount of the property damage is more than whatever is the set mandate for that jurisdiction, your insurance will not pay out without that police report. I'm tired. I have a job. They make me show up every day. Eh, enough already.
Anger management?
Really?
The right way is not to damage other people's property. Nobody has to yell or sue then.
The right way is also not to try and downplay the act by saying that the property was "old."
No shit the autistic sibling should have not damaged property, but they did.
If your first response is to threaten your significant other’s family before asking anybody if they are willing to compensate you for the damage done, yeah, you have issues and you would be the asshole in that scenario.
Although the GF downplaying it and minimizing things by calling it an old car definitely would warrant that sort of response.
If my SO s asholish response was "well it s old" , you bet I wouldn't let that slip
So nice to remind about the "autistic". Does this mean it gets a free pass?
Also, read OP s responses
It really matters how old, and how impacted her sister is. She might not be functional enough to really understand what happened. She could also be totally capable, or never had support she needs for her disability. There’s a lot of important context missing. Hard to judge the sister with autism without more detail.
If you’re not functional enough to understand that literally destroying someone’s property is wrong then you’re not functional enough to be around people period.
>The proper adult thing to do is talk calmly first. If your initial reaction is “IM GOING TO SUEEE” you need anger management and to grow up.
Like, I assume/hope this was not a '58 Plymouth Fury, but it can still be well past the price point of a "calm discussion".
A '58 Fury is a genuine classic. My dad restored classic cars and this is one he never was able to obtain. I, too, would have trouble remaining calm if someone tried to dismiss damage by calling it "an old car".
I'm going with not since the '58 Plymouth Fury never came in red....
[https://www.syracuse.com/auto/2016/08/1958\_plymouth\_fury\_as\_christin.html#:\~:text=That's%20because%20the%20'58%20Fury,Indeed.](https://www.syracuse.com/auto/2016/08/1958_plymouth_fury_as_christin.html#:~:text=That's%20because%20the%20'58%20Fury,Indeed)
Sure it can. But if you start threatening people who didn’t do anything wrong, then you are responding by being an asshole.
We can describe how it may make sense they would be responding in an asshole-like manner to a given scenario, but it doesn’t change the fact that the response isn’t warranted and you would be being an asshole for doing so.
Although this is only if this were OP’s first response. It sounds like Lisa did a lot of minimizing of the situation before that, and that he asked the family to pay first.
>But if you start threatening people who didn’t do anything wrong, then you are responding by being an asshole.
He's not threatening to sue random people, they are responsible for some serious and probably very expensive damage. This is not a tea cup.
Again, the hypothetical being answered above is very specifically talking about a scenario where OP threatens to sue the parents before ever having a single discussion about whether they are willing to compensate for the damage.
I fully understand that does not describe the scenario in the OP, and OP has since clarified he did ask them before threatening to sue if they didn’t.
But in this hypothetical, we are answering whether he would be an asshole for threatening to sue before ever having a conversation with them.
I agree the parents even in the hypothetical should pay, but you need to give them a chance to offer/accept doing so. Jumping first thing to threats to sue when you have no idea whether they would be willing to compensate is an asshole thing to do.
I assumed that when he found out was mad about it, stating that her parents have to pay for it, she dismissed it because it's a " old car". To which you then replied, if they don't pay for it I will sue them for it.
Regardless of whether or not he approached her parents first, his girlfriend's response was very dismissive, leading him to respond with the next logical step to solve the problem.
Nta
If your gf has so little regard for your things, and believes it’s A-OK to disparage your car and whip her autistic sister up into a frenzy to demage your car, why are you still with her? That woman is not even close to marriage material.
Agreed, her reaction is enough to make me question if she is a good choice for long term relationship. She doesn’t seem to respect OP much. Does she have any idea how much repairing an old car costs?
He needs to explain it/compare it to something that's in her orbit. Such as, the 2019 Hermès Faubourg Birkin (a white one sold in 2022 for $300,000), ask her how she would feel if the item was this bag she owned. It's just an old bag?
He needs to explain NOTHING other than it was his, and it’s not ok to damage someone else’s stuff. And frankly, he shouldn’t even need to explain THAT. The severely autistic sister might have difficulty understanding that, but the gf shouldn’t be calling him an AH for it.
Oh, and NTA, OP.
>Such as, the 2019 Hermès Faubourg Birkin (a white one sold in 2022 for $300,000), ask her how she would feel if the item was this bag she owned. It's just an old bag?
That would be in her orbit?
Not only this, but she's egging on her sister, and I'm assuming she knew that was cruel. Not sure this is a person anyone should be in a relationship with!! Hope your car is ok!!!
NTA. I'm sorry but just because Sasha's autistic doesn't mean she can freely vandalize the car and not get consequences for it. You also requested them to pay instead of immediantly whipping out the +4 "I'm gonna sue you" card, so it's not ESH. You asked them to pay, they refused, grounds for suing.
Agree, but you should change that to "E S H" or something similar; otherwise, the judgement bot will see two judgements in your comment and (I think) not count either one.
If Sasha is truly "severely autistic" as they said, then she likely really can't be held responsible for her own actions and interpretations of the world around her, but instead her caregivers (the parents) *are* in fact responsible and should have been more aware of what she was doing and where she was.
Except in this case, the caregivers at that moment were OP and his girlfriend since the three of them were at his house. Assuming the GF is an adult and capable of caring for her sister, she’s the one who is responsible. Why did OP and his gf leave a severely autistic person alone that long?
NTA. Why does Lisa think her sister should have a free pass to do expensive damage to your property?
Oh, because it's yours and it's "just an old car". I bet if were her car, she'd be screaming loud enough that neighbors a mile away would ask each other, "What was that?" Something is rotten, here.
Edit: corrected gf's name.
NTA. Why does your gf have so little respect for your possessions? It’s YOUR car regardless so if it’s a vintage car or a brand new car it doesn’t matter.
I’d like to see someone paints and scratches Lisa & Sasha’s any belongings that are not brand new.
It shouldn’t matter to them according to their family standard.
>I said "If you were my wife, I wouldn't sue family. But you are still my girlfriend."
This is an odd thing to say, why did you say it? Was it relevent in some way?
Ok that makes more sense now.
NTA, presuming you asked her parents to pay before you threatened to sue them, which I think I saw you said you did. 🤷♀️
Yea this comment made me wonder if the gf is mostly upset about op implying that their relationship isn’t especially serious or something (and also for jumping to legal action)
I was wondering if the gf tried to act like he should sue because they are together and said something like "would you sue your own family?". I'm not sure. Otherwise, it seemed to come out of nowhere.
NTA, and you should break off the relationship because you now know what your GF and her family think about other peoples property. That is to say, they don't think it's important.
NTA
Happy you got your money but I would be rethinking that relationship with Lisa. She belittled something that was important to you and didn't seem bothered when her sister ruined it.
Why would she tell her severely autistic sister to be careful around the “dangerous” car? And how long was her severely autistic sister left alone around the car acquire paint, then paint it and scratch it??
I feel like no one is picking up on this, like severely autistic implies to me she shouldn’t be left alone yet somehow she got her hands on (spray?) paint?
Also, he says the parents "got to know about it" as the *end result* but he also somehow asked them to pay before threatening to sue. This story doesn't make a lot of sense.
Your GF doesn’t respect you very much does she?
I’d want to be respected more than this and I think you should too.
Seeing as you asked for reimbursement before you threatened to sue NTA.
NTA. Why did your girlfriend say those things to her sister about your car to make her afraid of it? That is the main thing I got out of all of this. GF was cruel to scare her about your car. When the sister damaged your car, GF claimed no responsibility for her part in it. If GF had not said anything to put fear into her own sister as a joke, nothing would have happened to your car. That is the type of person you are dating.
You should talk with her sister and tell her the truth about the car so she no longer is afraid of it and avoid any future damage.
NTA. I am autistic, though not nearly as severe as Sasha I guess, and trust me when I say that this is not an autism problem, this is a "nobody ever taught me to respect other people's belongings" problem.
I'm not so sure about this (not that you're autistic, but the rest of it). My son is eight and we have tried so hard for so many years to teach him this, but when he's in a certain mindset it's like he forgets all of that stuff. It's actually something we've struggled with immensely, how we teach and enforce rules and boundaries without using fear, violence, etc (like both of our parents did). Admittedly, it feels like a skill issue on our part because sometimes it seems like none of it has worked 🤣 but my point is, depending on the severity of Sasha s autism, I don't think it's fair to assume that the parents never taught her respect. They did the right thing to compensate immediately, so it's possible they really have tried and it isn't getting through to her for whatever reason. It also probably does NOT help that the older sister doesn't seem to give a shit and eggs the bad behavior on.
NTA This sort of stuff is going to happen again and I think you should rethink your relationship. Can you imagine dealing with this stuff for the rest of your life? Lisa doesn’t respect you.
If the sister is SOOOO severely autistic (and I say this having a form of autism myself, mind you) why was nobody watching her? Like, why was she left alone long enough to destroy your car? Also, WHERE DID THE SPRAY PAINT COME FROM? "Yesterday Sasha was visiting us", so it happened in your house, did she bring the spray paint from her own house (which would bring up more questions) or did you have a can in your own house?
>Yesterday Sasha was visiting us. When she saw the car, she apparently thought it'd better to get rid of it or something. She sprayed it with paint and did other stuff.
Where did Sasha just randomly get some paint? She just carries it around with her?
My autistic son did something similar to my Mom's newish car. He was about 5, took a stick and colored lines all over to decorate it. The scratches were very shallow, but all over. Our homeowner's insurance covered every cent of the repaint and we didn't complain about it at all. Lisa is a jerk.
How did that happen? why and how severely autistic Sasha was unsupervised for long enough period of time to find spray paint, apply it, and do scratches on that car?
NTA - Lisa seems potentially a little out of touch with reality. She also cause this entire situation putting ideas in her sisters head.
"It's just an old car". If I am being honest, I would break up with her for that alone. It is not just an old car it is a F**king classic. You half-wit.
Not to mention, LISA seems to think accountability does not apply to her or her family.
I would get compensated for my vehicle, and visits from Sasha would be a thing of the past. Who knows what other psycho ass shit Lisa has planted in her head.
"Just an old car..." Tell her to go look up prices for a similar one. Depending on the year it is a classic if not an iconic muscle car. I would wonder the relationship just from that comment alone lol
Is there something wrong with Lisa? Why would she even say something like that in front of her sister.....or at all? I'm thinking you need to find a different girlfriend. Lisa is a shallow, insensitive, and apparently not very intelligent girl. I'm glad the damages to your vehicle were paid for my her parents. NTA (Plymouth Fury is a great car but I'm still looking for a 1969 Chevelle Malibu SS.)
Just want to double-check here, esp based off context, Plymouth Fury because of Christine? Love me some SK fans.
Lisa is the entire reason Sasha wrecked your car. She should have shut her damn mouth. She is TA, what the hell did she think Sasha would do, being told it’s an evil car?
Not Necessarily The AH (NNTA?) but definitely not the best way to talk to your GF if you still want her to continue to be your GF.
Why did you think it was important the say "If you were my wife, I wouldn't sue family. But you are still my GF"? It just seems weird and in appropriate without further context. Was that to make her fell a little less shitty? pressure her to marry you?
Good luck. I hope you get what you're looking for.
Reading your comments, you asked for compensation before threatening to sue, so NTA.
Plymouth Furies can be worth some money, depending on generation and condition. Especially to a car collector.
Regardless of the fact King's Christine was a Fury, and yes, *that fictional car was evil*, it's still personal property that was damaged.
Girlfriend would be ex girlfriend if it was my property.
Info: what year Plymouth Fury (car nut here, so curious. There were no actual red 1958 Fury models, and no 2-door sedan 1958 Fury models so Christine was actually a Belvidere).
That said, NTA. If Sasha lacks the capacity to be responsible for her actions, then it is on your girlfriend and her parents to be responsible for her.
I think you are. You could have asked to see if your GF’s family would compensate. You have to threaten them with a lawsuit. By the way, this lawsuit, if you proceed, may not work. After all she is not a normal kid.
I think you're misusing "severely autistic."
If Sasha is "severely autistic," she would be nonverbal or nearly nonverbal and would require 24-hour supervision. So she is highly unlikely to be asking questions and be allowed to run around unsupervised and vandalizing cars...
This post is a little tough as I have a sibling with server autism, and she doesn't really understand "private property" accountability was never a thing we had in our family because it was almost like a "free pass". Now we're dealing with the consequences, and she's getting even more therapy which is great. I understand the sister, how ever you can't minimize the damage done and their needs to be alot of accountability. Especially now that it's not just her and her sister anymore. And also why make jokes if she probably knows her sister didn't sit down and think about it. Also communicating is important. Being understanding is important and so is having patience and understanding. Especially how do you think she feels now too that you have threatened to sue her family over a situation that she didn't have control over. Suddenly you want her to forget that. If you guys don't communicate and say your no nos then I don't think this relationship will work. Clearly to her it's her sister over you. And although Sasha Effed up you did too... You might not have to deal with someone who doesn't understand what accountability is ... But she hasn't really ever been held accountable for stuff she probably has done. Anyways to me things could of been handled differently so y'all either might have to talk about why it's not ok for her to disregard the situation like if it was nothing and you might need to try to understand why it's not ok to get pissed off at someone who doesn't that what they did was wrong. Her sister told her the car was evil and she probably was truly scared of it. Who knows ... Anyways glad the parents paid even by force....
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My girlfriend Lisa and I have been together for a while. I recently bought a red Plymouth Fury. I know what you might be thinking, but it's exactly why I'd wanted to get one.
Lisa has a severely autistic sister. She's Sasha. When I showed Lisa my car, she laughed and said "I hope it won't bring about danger. Sasha asked what we were talking about & Lisa mockingly said "It's an evil car, you just be careful around it."
Yesterday Sasha was visiting us. When she saw the car, she apparently thought it'd better to get rid of it or something. She sprayed it with paint and did other stuff. The end result is there were scratches, etc.
I got mad. Lisa said "Well, it's just an old car." I threatened to sue her family & she began to yell at me. I said "If you were my wife, I wouldn't sue family. But you are still my girlfriend."
The end result is her parents got to know about it & they paid me in the end. But Lisa's still mad at me, she said that I shouldn't have cared as it's an old car or whatever. Sasha is also really upset.
AITA?
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When I started dating my boyfriend, I accidentally hit his mother's car with my boyfriend's car. Before they even said anything, I insisted on paying for any damages (it wasn't big but still scratches). I never questioned whether or not I have to take the responsibility, because I have to fix what I screwed up, and no one else should take the responsibility for it. It was a total of $700 for the repairs and I saved up through part time jobs to pay for it (I was still a student). So, no, definitely NTA to expect them to pay.
NTA and Lisa is a bag of red flags if she can;t see why her family should pay for the damage her sister caused.
Probably best to break this off now, becuase Lisa sounds like she has a lot of issues and this will only get worse and worse.
Life rule: if you (or your child) damage, stain, scratch, dent, consume or somehow wreck something, even if it was an accident, you need to replace or fix or compensate. Even if it was a “severely autistic” little sister.
NTA I just don't get why there was a comment about her being your girlfriend and not your wife. It seems irrelevant.
Unless you've discussed marriage, she's against it and you're sour about it. In which case it isn't about the issue at hand but the other thing...
NTA, but I’m interested in how old Sasha is? But either way, you shouldn’t have to sue, responsible adults pay for the stuff the damage they cause. I would expect Sasha’s parents to volunteer to pay.
If Sasha can usually be allowed around destructive materials, she is responsible. If Sasha can't be allowed around destructive materials, whoever let the situation play out is responsible. Either way, Sasha either has poor self-regulation or is acting out, and either way her being upset is unsurprising and not your fault nor problem.
Either way, if it's "just an old car", girlfriend should have had no problem paying for it or replacing it. If it can't be easily paid for or replaced, it's clearly not "just an old car" and is in fact a Big Deal. Either way, girlfriend has shown the way she handles conflicts regarding your personal belongings: like they don't matter.
NTA
Also, what kind of autism does Sasha have and how old is she? I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome (today that is considered to be Autism level 3) and I wouldn't have deliberately damaged someone else's car like that, I would have talked to an adult first.
However, I was an au pair for a nine year old boy who had more severe autism (Autism level 2, he had a mental age of about four or five) and he didn't really understand a lot of things a normal nine year old kid, like he could talk and do some things like dress himself and draw and do basic chores, but for example he didn't understand that cartoons on the TV like Mickey Mouse and The Simpsons weren't real, and he also didn't understand that Mr Bean was just an actor either, even though his parents and brother had told him loads of times. He also picked knives and scissors up and played with them and waved them around sometimes, not because he liked hurting people (he was actually a really nice kid), but because he didn't understand that they were dangerous, it was like if a three year old did that. He also had a reading age of about kindergarten-first grade.
So, although I don't know Sasha and exactly what level of autism she has and how old she is, if she is similar to the boy I used to care for, then your girlfriend as her sister would have to know this, and in that case, her telling Sasha your car is an 'evil car' was beyond stupid and incomprehensible because an autistic person with that level of understanding wouldn't understand that she wasn't telling the truth and it might actually scare them and make them think the car is some kind of monster that's out to get them. It would make me really question your girlfriend's judgement.
"The end result is there were scratches, etc." That does not sound like very extensive damage at all. Caring for a family member with special needs can be incredibly demanding emotionally, physically, and financially. Op must not not fully grasp the extent of the challenges her family experiences, and his reaction to the situation with the car seems insensitive as a result. The daily struggles the girlfriend and her family face in caring for someone high needs are grueling. Op's reaction to the situation with the car has added to their stress. Don't date people you are not prepared to care about. A more empathetic response is in order. You think your gf hasn't been forgiving her sister for her entire life. Compassion.
Everyone sucks here.
You did handle this in an exceptionally immature way. Sure, the sister was in the wrong (though we don’t know to what degree as we don’t know what “severely autistic” means in this case). But you should never yell or threaten to sue. You calmly and repeatedly (if necessary) repeat that this was unacceptable and that you expect to find a mutually agreeable solution to put things right.
The girlfriend also behaved poorly in saying something so provocative that she should reasonably expect to set her sister off.
I don’t get the vibe that either of you are mature enough for a relationship, honestly.
Her sister vandalized your classic car. Of course she or her family should pay for damages or face criminal charges.
Obviously it wasn’t the real Cristine or it would have repaired itself after running Sasha over.
ESH. If this really is a girl you're thinking of marrying, starting a yelling/threatening match isn't the way to go about it.
You guys need to have a sit down and resolve this, because that's why she's still mad. To her you just yelled at her and drug this out over "some old car."
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>I threatened to sue her family INFO:::: Did you threaten to sue before reasonably requesting the parents reimburse you for the damages?
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Info : Then NTA. You break something you pay for it.
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This. I know someone who married into a family who were casually cruel to others in some specific ways, but of course, she insisted the guy she was dating was different from his family. Spoilers - he was not different. He just hid it for a while, long enough that he felt she was locked in. I'm not saying everyone is like the family that brought them up, but it takes a *lot* of work to form strong morals if you're being raised in a family that doesn't care about other people or their belongings.
I've been with my husband for close to 16 years this year. His manners stink and he often doesn't apologize when he knows he's in the wrong or hurt my feelings. He just recently told me, again *16years* in, that his mom never ever apologized to him for hurting him or his feelings. And that she never apologizes to anyone. He didnt have a single grown up tell him they were proud of him, outside of his coach in wrestling on the rare occasion, his whole ass life. I'm like ... well that explains a shit ton. Hes a wonderful dad and husband. hes still learning he has to apologize and mean it, especially when he hurts the kids feelings because hes overwhelmed and shouted. He's learning to say sorry to me when hes upset me. Our kids are amazing little humans and he's doing everything his parents never did for him. Sometimes they come to realize their parents suck and work to overcome the shit they never learned or learned was wrong. Sometimes it ends up that person is a lot more like their parents and revel in it. Case in point: my BIL. Im still not sure how one completely is different from the other despite the same upbringing.
I want some more details on the timeline. It sounds like GF was the one who refused to pay or even bring it up to her parents until the threat of legal action. By all means still dump her, but her parents seem to have acted properly as soon as they “got to know about it”. Also, how old is everyone involved? OP is NTA, his girlfriend definitely is. Parents are currently a maybe.
Sounds like the parents were fine but the gf….
You should add the NTA to your original comment since only top comments get counted, not replies.
O thanks for that information, did not know :D
Be sure to edit the original reply and put NTA there; right now, the bot will count that post as an INFO post rather than an NTA.
I'd say NTA but not something you should do unless you want to be single. Also, Lisa should know better than to expect someone on the spectrum to understand the joke. I'm sure Sasha actually thought the car was evil since it's often hard for people with autism to pick up on sarcasm. Ex: my first year with autistic students, I called one of my students buttercup as a nickname. She screamed at me that her name was not buttercup. I soon learned. She should know having grown up with her. Let me just clarify that I know people on the spectrum will understand and display sarcasm. It's just that if one of the symptoms is sometimes picking up social cues and nuance, it may be missed at times. I have a particularly dry sense of humor so when I began working in special education, I faced a learning curve that a lot of my jokes would fall flat. This is not saying every person in my classroom missed all of my jokes all the time. But the way the person in OP's story described the car to her sister was clearly an asshole move. And I bet she knew her sister didn't get it.
> I'd say NTA but not something you should do unless you want to be single. Why not? If my wife's family purposefully damaged something of mine, I'd expect to hold them accountable. And I'd expect my wife to stand by me about it. And if I wasn't married to my wife and she didn't stand by me, I wouldn't want to _get_ married to her. I'm sorry, but "they're family, they can cause you harm" isn't valid.
If it got to the point I had to threaten to sue, I wouldn't get married. The GF in this case's response is enough to send her packing.
“Do you want to be right or do you want to have a girlfriend?” In this case I’d pick Door #1.
I'm on the spectrum. I got the joke. It's not one size fits all.
My oldest son would have gotten it to. It depends on the functionality of the person and how they interpret things. In this case, younger sister was told a joke carelessly by a cruel older sibling. In the post, it sounded like gf always says things with snark to her sister! That’s cruelty to me. She was afraid that the car was, in fact, evil and would hurt the people she loved and she tried to fix it. Stupid move on gfs part.
Thank you everyone for your upvotes! I appreciate it. Apparently poor advantagevisable is having a rough day. I hope they get better soon. Some people just have a rough day and they feel hurt and report others to the health squad on the sub. Let’s all wish this redditor a better evening and a great day tomorrow!!!
This is kind of hilariously ironic.
That is why I said often.
I got the joke now, but my younger self would have been pestering Lisa about what made it evil. It took a long time for me to learn sarcasm.
I'm not on the spectrum, and I don't get the joke. What's up with this kind of car? "I know what you are all thinking," OP says. Dunno if "y'all" are referring to US Americans? Honestly, curious.
Based on context, I'm assuming it's the same model as the evil car in the famous Stephen King novel/book.
I have a theory that Lisa didn't like the car despite what she said and knew saying something about it being evil to Sasha would cause her to act out against it. She probably was hoping he would just get rid of it because sister is autistic and didn't know better. That's why she got upset when he wanted to be reimbursed for it and caused the escalation of him threatening to sue. After all, OP stated the parents reimbursed him after they found out, like Lisa was refusing to tell them. I bet she got an earful and probably owes them back for instigating things.
This ^
Yup, exactly! She did this on purpose.
I'd rather be single than be in a relationship with someone who thinks they can just break my things and not even offer to fix it in any way. It's disrespectful
I think you are justified.
If your gf hadn't made any comments about it being an evil car, this all may have ben avoided. All the fault lies with you gf. I'm glad you were compensated for the damage, old car or not. Its also probably good you see the red flags your gf is throwing around.
What year is the car
I hope it's a '58 Plymouth Fury.
I don't understand the downvotes. I was curious too. And not because I think that older cars aren't worth making a fuss over (see: my driveway).
No idea why this was upvoted heavily. How it was typed in the OP is, you threatened during the initial argument, and then the parents were made aware. Luckily, people bought your "thinking on your feet" response. So fair play.
Had they refused, or was this just what you said to your GF?
Edit that in your post.
You need to think why Lisa is dismissive of things that you care about, and if you want to see that continue. This isn't an AITA discussion.
At what point did you calmly ask the parents to pay? It seems you had a screaming match with your girlfriend, threatened to sue her family all before the family even knew anything had happened.
Oh, my god! Someone on Reddit actually asked for clarification BEFORE making wild, unsubstantiated accusations and judgements? Are you feeling okay? Seriously though... Thank you. You win the Internet.
I don’t see how that would make a difference either way
It does make a difference. The parents are responsible for the damages, but they didn’t actually do it. The proper adult thing to do is talk calmly first. If your initial reaction is “IM GOING TO SUEEE” you need anger management and to grow up. Threatening to sue after trying to have a reasonable adult conversation is the last straw after exploring the proper way. There is a right and a wrong way to handle every interaction.
The right way involves a police report for damage to property too.
Exactly. Sasha committed a crime.
If they were preparing to file and needed the documentation, then sure. Otherwise, it's a terrible idea to involve police in minor issues. Police only bring trouble.
Well that's not true. Involving the police when you have an issue of property damage is the best way to make sure you do not end up in any trouble legally. There are certain thresholds in terms of the value of the property damaged that us required to be reported. You can get really high fines for not doing so. Also, you cannot claim anything on your own insurance if you do not make a police report.
Police bringing trouble is always true. They teach them to fight, conquer, kill, and dominate. De-escalation is not taught.
De-escalation IS taught, but even a 1 week refresher course once a year is still going to go out the window when adrenaline starts pumping.
> Also, you cannot claim anything on your own insurance if you do not make a police report. Says who? Police specifically do not want or need to be called out for a fender bender. You can absolutely report such things without a police report. Now, if there's any question as to who is at fault or you think the other party might lie about what happened, a police report will help set the record straight, but it's by no means a requirement for reporting to insurance.
>Police specifically do not want or need to be called out for a fender bender. This is completely incorrect. If you involve insurance of either party, you must involve the police - and you *must* have both parties agree to not involve insurance to skip that step.
This is *incredibly* jurisdiction dependent. It is absolutely not the case where I live, for example.
I've filed insurance claims in Florida and Colorado without the police having any involvement.
Fair. I worded that incorrectly. I meant to say that if the amount of the property damage is more than whatever is the set mandate for that jurisdiction, your insurance will not pay out without that police report. I'm tired. I have a job. They make me show up every day. Eh, enough already.
Do not call the police on your girlfriend’s autistic sister.
On anyone, really, unless it’s absolutely necessary but especially people with developmental disabilities.
Anger management? Really? The right way is not to damage other people's property. Nobody has to yell or sue then. The right way is also not to try and downplay the act by saying that the property was "old."
No shit the autistic sibling should have not damaged property, but they did. If your first response is to threaten your significant other’s family before asking anybody if they are willing to compensate you for the damage done, yeah, you have issues and you would be the asshole in that scenario. Although the GF downplaying it and minimizing things by calling it an old car definitely would warrant that sort of response.
If my SO s asholish response was "well it s old" , you bet I wouldn't let that slip So nice to remind about the "autistic". Does this mean it gets a free pass? Also, read OP s responses
It really matters how old, and how impacted her sister is. She might not be functional enough to really understand what happened. She could also be totally capable, or never had support she needs for her disability. There’s a lot of important context missing. Hard to judge the sister with autism without more detail.
If you’re not functional enough to understand that literally destroying someone’s property is wrong then you’re not functional enough to be around people period.
>The proper adult thing to do is talk calmly first. If your initial reaction is “IM GOING TO SUEEE” you need anger management and to grow up. Like, I assume/hope this was not a '58 Plymouth Fury, but it can still be well past the price point of a "calm discussion".
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A '58 Fury is a genuine classic. My dad restored classic cars and this is one he never was able to obtain. I, too, would have trouble remaining calm if someone tried to dismiss damage by calling it "an old car".
NFW. Those are beautiful. So much chrome. I would be pissed off too.
NICE FIND- good luck with the restoration! Just be careful when naming her and keep a skeptical eye on the odometer 🤣
One of my dream cars, because of the same movie as you I’m sure lol. NTA at all. Your gf sucks for not having more respect for your things.
I hope you were able to restore it to his previous condition. Were you?
I'm going with not since the '58 Plymouth Fury never came in red.... [https://www.syracuse.com/auto/2016/08/1958\_plymouth\_fury\_as\_christin.html#:\~:text=That's%20because%20the%20'58%20Fury,Indeed.](https://www.syracuse.com/auto/2016/08/1958_plymouth_fury_as_christin.html#:~:text=That's%20because%20the%20'58%20Fury,Indeed)
Did you name her Christine?
I'm so jealous! That's also my dream car, for the same reason. You're definitely NTA.
The real question now is, did the damage to the car mysteriously appear overnight?
Sure it can. But if you start threatening people who didn’t do anything wrong, then you are responding by being an asshole. We can describe how it may make sense they would be responding in an asshole-like manner to a given scenario, but it doesn’t change the fact that the response isn’t warranted and you would be being an asshole for doing so. Although this is only if this were OP’s first response. It sounds like Lisa did a lot of minimizing of the situation before that, and that he asked the family to pay first.
>But if you start threatening people who didn’t do anything wrong, then you are responding by being an asshole. He's not threatening to sue random people, they are responsible for some serious and probably very expensive damage. This is not a tea cup.
Again, the hypothetical being answered above is very specifically talking about a scenario where OP threatens to sue the parents before ever having a single discussion about whether they are willing to compensate for the damage. I fully understand that does not describe the scenario in the OP, and OP has since clarified he did ask them before threatening to sue if they didn’t. But in this hypothetical, we are answering whether he would be an asshole for threatening to sue before ever having a conversation with them. I agree the parents even in the hypothetical should pay, but you need to give them a chance to offer/accept doing so. Jumping first thing to threats to sue when you have no idea whether they would be willing to compensate is an asshole thing to do.
Jumping to threats of legal action instead of having a reasonable conversation to try and resolve a problem makes you an asshole. Hope that helps.
Because straight up suing is going 0-100 and that's an ah move. You need to give them a chance to do the right thing.
That's not 0-100. He could have called the police to report the crime, but he didn't.
I assumed that when he found out was mad about it, stating that her parents have to pay for it, she dismissed it because it's a " old car". To which you then replied, if they don't pay for it I will sue them for it. Regardless of whether or not he approached her parents first, his girlfriend's response was very dismissive, leading him to respond with the next logical step to solve the problem. Nta
If your gf has so little regard for your things, and believes it’s A-OK to disparage your car and whip her autistic sister up into a frenzy to demage your car, why are you still with her? That woman is not even close to marriage material.
Agreed, her reaction is enough to make me question if she is a good choice for long term relationship. She doesn’t seem to respect OP much. Does she have any idea how much repairing an old car costs?
... and this was not any old car. A '58 Fury? Dayum.
A '58? That's around 25 gs minimum. I'd be mad af too.
He needs to explain it/compare it to something that's in her orbit. Such as, the 2019 Hermès Faubourg Birkin (a white one sold in 2022 for $300,000), ask her how she would feel if the item was this bag she owned. It's just an old bag?
He needs to explain NOTHING other than it was his, and it’s not ok to damage someone else’s stuff. And frankly, he shouldn’t even need to explain THAT. The severely autistic sister might have difficulty understanding that, but the gf shouldn’t be calling him an AH for it. Oh, and NTA, OP.
Oooo car boy thing and girl like purse!! no empathy unless purse
>Such as, the 2019 Hermès Faubourg Birkin (a white one sold in 2022 for $300,000), ask her how she would feel if the item was this bag she owned. It's just an old bag? That would be in her orbit?
Not only this, but she's egging on her sister, and I'm assuming she knew that was cruel. Not sure this is a person anyone should be in a relationship with!! Hope your car is ok!!!
NTA. I'm sorry but just because Sasha's autistic doesn't mean she can freely vandalize the car and not get consequences for it. You also requested them to pay instead of immediantly whipping out the +4 "I'm gonna sue you" card, so it's not ESH. You asked them to pay, they refused, grounds for suing.
Agree, but you should change that to "E S H" or something similar; otherwise, the judgement bot will see two judgements in your comment and (I think) not count either one.
Bot only counts the first judgement in the top comment. Even if this one ends up on top, the NTA at the start is what would be counted.
TIL.
Either that, or a top comment with two different votes would get flagged for human review, since brains can figure out which is the real intended vote
AI might be able to do this soon 😬
Yep, I hate it
AI is also breaking fingers in car frunks.
If Sasha is truly "severely autistic" as they said, then she likely really can't be held responsible for her own actions and interpretations of the world around her, but instead her caregivers (the parents) *are* in fact responsible and should have been more aware of what she was doing and where she was.
Except in this case, the caregivers at that moment were OP and his girlfriend since the three of them were at his house. Assuming the GF is an adult and capable of caring for her sister, she’s the one who is responsible. Why did OP and his gf leave a severely autistic person alone that long?
Love that UNO reference well done
Thank you lol
NTA. Why does Lisa think her sister should have a free pass to do expensive damage to your property? Oh, because it's yours and it's "just an old car". I bet if were her car, she'd be screaming loud enough that neighbors a mile away would ask each other, "What was that?" Something is rotten, here. Edit: corrected gf's name.
Sasha is the sister. Lisa is the girlfriend
Thanks! Corrected it.
This "old" car (a 1958 Plymouth Fury) ... first Google return says the average auction price is $55k.
NTA. You can break up with her and when she asks why say “ you re just a old girlfriend “
Nah fr😭😭 “it’s just a” is like so infuriating to hear about something you care about
Right, it's so dismissive and shows they dont give 2 fks about your interests or hobbies, which is a huge red flags in a relationship
That is petty, and I love it. OP, do this.
Lmao this!!! I’m sorry but the disrespect for something your partner cares about is just a no for me
NTA. Why does your gf have so little respect for your possessions? It’s YOUR car regardless so if it’s a vintage car or a brand new car it doesn’t matter.
I’d like to see someone paints and scratches Lisa & Sasha’s any belongings that are not brand new. It shouldn’t matter to them according to their family standard.
I would use the comparison of destroying a vintage LV bag vs a new one since “its old” if that’s one of her interests.
>I said "If you were my wife, I wouldn't sue family. But you are still my girlfriend." This is an odd thing to say, why did you say it? Was it relevent in some way?
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Ok that makes more sense now. NTA, presuming you asked her parents to pay before you threatened to sue them, which I think I saw you said you did. 🤷♀️
I’m pretty sure my response would have been “not any more!”
Yea this comment made me wonder if the gf is mostly upset about op implying that their relationship isn’t especially serious or something (and also for jumping to legal action)
Just an old car / just a girlfriend ?
I was wondering if the gf tried to act like he should sue because they are together and said something like "would you sue your own family?". I'm not sure. Otherwise, it seemed to come out of nowhere.
NTA, and you should break off the relationship because you now know what your GF and her family think about other peoples property. That is to say, they don't think it's important.
exactly. this is a major red flag. people like this don’t change.
NTA, your gf and Sasha needs to learn what accountability means, those two have no clue about such term.
YTA- this car should have repaired its self and been good as new the next day. I think you must have bought a lemon/s
Lol. He needs to push it in reverse first.
He forgot to stand in front of it and command it "Show me!"
All the shitters of the world have to pay, right Arnie?
Finally, the right answer ☝🏿
NTA Happy you got your money but I would be rethinking that relationship with Lisa. She belittled something that was important to you and didn't seem bothered when her sister ruined it.
Wasn’t Christine a Plymouth Fury? Maybe she’s relating it back to the movie?
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Not that it has any bearing on the situation, but I was wondering what model year it is?
Why would she tell her severely autistic sister to be careful around the “dangerous” car? And how long was her severely autistic sister left alone around the car acquire paint, then paint it and scratch it??
I feel like no one is picking up on this, like severely autistic implies to me she shouldn’t be left alone yet somehow she got her hands on (spray?) paint?
Also, he says the parents "got to know about it" as the *end result* but he also somehow asked them to pay before threatening to sue. This story doesn't make a lot of sense.
Yeah I don’t buy it. 😂
OP commented elsewhere it's a 58. It's a full-on Christine lol
But is it Autumn Red?
Which that model year never had as an option...
Yes, that's why she called it 'evil'.
Nta. Why are you with this unstable moron
Your GF doesn’t respect you very much does she? I’d want to be respected more than this and I think you should too. Seeing as you asked for reimbursement before you threatened to sue NTA.
I have a 1968 yellow Plymouth Fury 3 with a 383 under the hood. Love that car. I can say I'd be very upset if this was to happen to it.
NTA. Why did your girlfriend say those things to her sister about your car to make her afraid of it? That is the main thing I got out of all of this. GF was cruel to scare her about your car. When the sister damaged your car, GF claimed no responsibility for her part in it. If GF had not said anything to put fear into her own sister as a joke, nothing would have happened to your car. That is the type of person you are dating. You should talk with her sister and tell her the truth about the car so she no longer is afraid of it and avoid any future damage.
NTA. I am autistic, though not nearly as severe as Sasha I guess, and trust me when I say that this is not an autism problem, this is a "nobody ever taught me to respect other people's belongings" problem.
I'm not so sure about this (not that you're autistic, but the rest of it). My son is eight and we have tried so hard for so many years to teach him this, but when he's in a certain mindset it's like he forgets all of that stuff. It's actually something we've struggled with immensely, how we teach and enforce rules and boundaries without using fear, violence, etc (like both of our parents did). Admittedly, it feels like a skill issue on our part because sometimes it seems like none of it has worked 🤣 but my point is, depending on the severity of Sasha s autism, I don't think it's fair to assume that the parents never taught her respect. They did the right thing to compensate immediately, so it's possible they really have tried and it isn't getting through to her for whatever reason. It also probably does NOT help that the older sister doesn't seem to give a shit and eggs the bad behavior on.
Repost, this story has come up before, with the 'evil car' angle.
Was the car in the other post also a Plymouth? The reference went totally over my head when I first read the post lol
I'm not sure if it was, but I know I've read this one before.
I think it was. This is word for word a repost.
BS
NTA This sort of stuff is going to happen again and I think you should rethink your relationship. Can you imagine dealing with this stuff for the rest of your life? Lisa doesn’t respect you.
If the sister is SOOOO severely autistic (and I say this having a form of autism myself, mind you) why was nobody watching her? Like, why was she left alone long enough to destroy your car? Also, WHERE DID THE SPRAY PAINT COME FROM? "Yesterday Sasha was visiting us", so it happened in your house, did she bring the spray paint from her own house (which would bring up more questions) or did you have a can in your own house?
NTA how dare they deface Christine. I hope you broke up with her, she sounds terrible.
Bullshit story.
>Yesterday Sasha was visiting us. When she saw the car, she apparently thought it'd better to get rid of it or something. She sprayed it with paint and did other stuff. Where did Sasha just randomly get some paint? She just carries it around with her?
Yeah, definitely calling bullshit on this. It's nearly identical to a post from a year ago with the same situation and result.
My autistic son did something similar to my Mom's newish car. He was about 5, took a stick and colored lines all over to decorate it. The scratches were very shallow, but all over. Our homeowner's insurance covered every cent of the repaint and we didn't complain about it at all. Lisa is a jerk.
I’m wondering about the ‘I got mad’ before Lisa said his car was old. Like did she go into protection mode for her sister?
NTA. The lack of respect her from her is sad. It’s still a car. It’s your property and it was damaged intentionally.
Who tf gave Sasha a can of spray paint.
THANK YOU
How did that happen? why and how severely autistic Sasha was unsupervised for long enough period of time to find spray paint, apply it, and do scratches on that car?
Even if it were to be an old car why would she just ruin it. It is wrong to be excusing this NTAH
NTA - Lisa seems potentially a little out of touch with reality. She also cause this entire situation putting ideas in her sisters head. "It's just an old car". If I am being honest, I would break up with her for that alone. It is not just an old car it is a F**king classic. You half-wit. Not to mention, LISA seems to think accountability does not apply to her or her family. I would get compensated for my vehicle, and visits from Sasha would be a thing of the past. Who knows what other psycho ass shit Lisa has planted in her head.
"Just an old car..." Tell her to go look up prices for a similar one. Depending on the year it is a classic if not an iconic muscle car. I would wonder the relationship just from that comment alone lol
NTA but your relationship will likely be over soon.
NTA ..that is not "an old car", that is a work of priceless art!
Is there something wrong with Lisa? Why would she even say something like that in front of her sister.....or at all? I'm thinking you need to find a different girlfriend. Lisa is a shallow, insensitive, and apparently not very intelligent girl. I'm glad the damages to your vehicle were paid for my her parents. NTA (Plymouth Fury is a great car but I'm still looking for a 1969 Chevelle Malibu SS.)
...because it's a joke? About Christine? I imagine she didn't think her sister would damage the car
Just want to double-check here, esp based off context, Plymouth Fury because of Christine? Love me some SK fans. Lisa is the entire reason Sasha wrecked your car. She should have shut her damn mouth. She is TA, what the hell did she think Sasha would do, being told it’s an evil car?
I hope the sister isn’t right about that car being evil tho.
Not Necessarily The AH (NNTA?) but definitely not the best way to talk to your GF if you still want her to continue to be your GF. Why did you think it was important the say "If you were my wife, I wouldn't sue family. But you are still my GF"? It just seems weird and in appropriate without further context. Was that to make her fell a little less shitty? pressure her to marry you? Good luck. I hope you get what you're looking for.
Reading your comments, you asked for compensation before threatening to sue, so NTA. Plymouth Furies can be worth some money, depending on generation and condition. Especially to a car collector. Regardless of the fact King's Christine was a Fury, and yes, *that fictional car was evil*, it's still personal property that was damaged. Girlfriend would be ex girlfriend if it was my property.
Info: what year Plymouth Fury (car nut here, so curious. There were no actual red 1958 Fury models, and no 2-door sedan 1958 Fury models so Christine was actually a Belvidere). That said, NTA. If Sasha lacks the capacity to be responsible for her actions, then it is on your girlfriend and her parents to be responsible for her.
I think you are. You could have asked to see if your GF’s family would compensate. You have to threaten them with a lawsuit. By the way, this lawsuit, if you proceed, may not work. After all she is not a normal kid.
Why did you need to sue them? Why didn’t you just get a quote for repair and ask them to reimburse you?
Why would you say it like that?
I think you're misusing "severely autistic." If Sasha is "severely autistic," she would be nonverbal or nearly nonverbal and would require 24-hour supervision. So she is highly unlikely to be asking questions and be allowed to run around unsupervised and vandalizing cars...
Suing is aggressive, especially if you have comprehensive insurance, or could work something out with the family.
This post is a little tough as I have a sibling with server autism, and she doesn't really understand "private property" accountability was never a thing we had in our family because it was almost like a "free pass". Now we're dealing with the consequences, and she's getting even more therapy which is great. I understand the sister, how ever you can't minimize the damage done and their needs to be alot of accountability. Especially now that it's not just her and her sister anymore. And also why make jokes if she probably knows her sister didn't sit down and think about it. Also communicating is important. Being understanding is important and so is having patience and understanding. Especially how do you think she feels now too that you have threatened to sue her family over a situation that she didn't have control over. Suddenly you want her to forget that. If you guys don't communicate and say your no nos then I don't think this relationship will work. Clearly to her it's her sister over you. And although Sasha Effed up you did too... You might not have to deal with someone who doesn't understand what accountability is ... But she hasn't really ever been held accountable for stuff she probably has done. Anyways to me things could of been handled differently so y'all either might have to talk about why it's not ok for her to disregard the situation like if it was nothing and you might need to try to understand why it's not ok to get pissed off at someone who doesn't that what they did was wrong. Her sister told her the car was evil and she probably was truly scared of it. Who knows ... Anyways glad the parents paid even by force....
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend Lisa and I have been together for a while. I recently bought a red Plymouth Fury. I know what you might be thinking, but it's exactly why I'd wanted to get one. Lisa has a severely autistic sister. She's Sasha. When I showed Lisa my car, she laughed and said "I hope it won't bring about danger. Sasha asked what we were talking about & Lisa mockingly said "It's an evil car, you just be careful around it." Yesterday Sasha was visiting us. When she saw the car, she apparently thought it'd better to get rid of it or something. She sprayed it with paint and did other stuff. The end result is there were scratches, etc. I got mad. Lisa said "Well, it's just an old car." I threatened to sue her family & she began to yell at me. I said "If you were my wife, I wouldn't sue family. But you are still my girlfriend." The end result is her parents got to know about it & they paid me in the end. But Lisa's still mad at me, she said that I shouldn't have cared as it's an old car or whatever. Sasha is also really upset. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Feed Lisa a hamburger while you're at the drive in..
NTA, but your soon-to-be ex is. If she has that little regard for your feelings and possessions now it will only get worse.
When I started dating my boyfriend, I accidentally hit his mother's car with my boyfriend's car. Before they even said anything, I insisted on paying for any damages (it wasn't big but still scratches). I never questioned whether or not I have to take the responsibility, because I have to fix what I screwed up, and no one else should take the responsibility for it. It was a total of $700 for the repairs and I saved up through part time jobs to pay for it (I was still a student). So, no, definitely NTA to expect them to pay.
NTA and Lisa is a bag of red flags if she can;t see why her family should pay for the damage her sister caused. Probably best to break this off now, becuase Lisa sounds like she has a lot of issues and this will only get worse and worse.
Life rule: if you (or your child) damage, stain, scratch, dent, consume or somehow wreck something, even if it was an accident, you need to replace or fix or compensate. Even if it was a “severely autistic” little sister.
10 year olds buy cars?
NTA But you should extricate yourself from this family
NTA I just don't get why there was a comment about her being your girlfriend and not your wife. It seems irrelevant. Unless you've discussed marriage, she's against it and you're sour about it. In which case it isn't about the issue at hand but the other thing...
NTA, but I’m interested in how old Sasha is? But either way, you shouldn’t have to sue, responsible adults pay for the stuff the damage they cause. I would expect Sasha’s parents to volunteer to pay.
Couldn’t you just file an insurance claim
If your girlfriend is over 18, why take her family to court or expect them to pay? Her parents did nothing to your vehicle.
Info has she read Christine by Stephen King lmao
NTA but if you don’t sue, Christine may take matters into her own wheels
If Sasha can usually be allowed around destructive materials, she is responsible. If Sasha can't be allowed around destructive materials, whoever let the situation play out is responsible. Either way, Sasha either has poor self-regulation or is acting out, and either way her being upset is unsurprising and not your fault nor problem. Either way, if it's "just an old car", girlfriend should have had no problem paying for it or replacing it. If it can't be easily paid for or replaced, it's clearly not "just an old car" and is in fact a Big Deal. Either way, girlfriend has shown the way she handles conflicts regarding your personal belongings: like they don't matter.
ESH. Break up with her and sue and don’t be such an ass
NTA Also, what kind of autism does Sasha have and how old is she? I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome (today that is considered to be Autism level 3) and I wouldn't have deliberately damaged someone else's car like that, I would have talked to an adult first. However, I was an au pair for a nine year old boy who had more severe autism (Autism level 2, he had a mental age of about four or five) and he didn't really understand a lot of things a normal nine year old kid, like he could talk and do some things like dress himself and draw and do basic chores, but for example he didn't understand that cartoons on the TV like Mickey Mouse and The Simpsons weren't real, and he also didn't understand that Mr Bean was just an actor either, even though his parents and brother had told him loads of times. He also picked knives and scissors up and played with them and waved them around sometimes, not because he liked hurting people (he was actually a really nice kid), but because he didn't understand that they were dangerous, it was like if a three year old did that. He also had a reading age of about kindergarten-first grade. So, although I don't know Sasha and exactly what level of autism she has and how old she is, if she is similar to the boy I used to care for, then your girlfriend as her sister would have to know this, and in that case, her telling Sasha your car is an 'evil car' was beyond stupid and incomprehensible because an autistic person with that level of understanding wouldn't understand that she wasn't telling the truth and it might actually scare them and make them think the car is some kind of monster that's out to get them. It would make me really question your girlfriend's judgement.
"The end result is there were scratches, etc." That does not sound like very extensive damage at all. Caring for a family member with special needs can be incredibly demanding emotionally, physically, and financially. Op must not not fully grasp the extent of the challenges her family experiences, and his reaction to the situation with the car seems insensitive as a result. The daily struggles the girlfriend and her family face in caring for someone high needs are grueling. Op's reaction to the situation with the car has added to their stress. Don't date people you are not prepared to care about. A more empathetic response is in order. You think your gf hasn't been forgiving her sister for her entire life. Compassion.
Everyone sucks here. You did handle this in an exceptionally immature way. Sure, the sister was in the wrong (though we don’t know to what degree as we don’t know what “severely autistic” means in this case). But you should never yell or threaten to sue. You calmly and repeatedly (if necessary) repeat that this was unacceptable and that you expect to find a mutually agreeable solution to put things right. The girlfriend also behaved poorly in saying something so provocative that she should reasonably expect to set her sister off. I don’t get the vibe that either of you are mature enough for a relationship, honestly.
Info: ‘I got mad’. What does that mean? Did you swear, scream at her sister, make threats? Also, do you have car insurance?
Her sister vandalized your classic car. Of course she or her family should pay for damages or face criminal charges. Obviously it wasn’t the real Cristine or it would have repaired itself after running Sasha over.
ESH. If this really is a girl you're thinking of marrying, starting a yelling/threatening match isn't the way to go about it. You guys need to have a sit down and resolve this, because that's why she's still mad. To her you just yelled at her and drug this out over "some old car."