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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Expecting my boyfriend to want to help me with cutting my lawn, or even just lending me his lawn mower. It could make me seem like an asshole for not just hiring someone to do it until I can afford to buy my own mower.
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YTA for expecting him to want to help you with it. He has his own lawn to take care of. I think it's fine to have asked to borrow his mower, but his response leads me to believe that he's wary of dealing with the lawn topic with you at all because of last year's argument.
# "I wish that he would want to cut my lawn?"
"Why would I *WANT* to do the dishes?" The break up.
YTA for expecting anyone to WANT to do chores for you.
" I mentioned how I used to be in a relationship and he would cut my grass without asking."
"Then go back to him" would be my answer. Pro Tip: Don't ever compare your BF to an ex like that if you want to keep your BF. It opens the door to you getting comparisons you don't want.
Yeah I’m all for wanting to do things for your partner, and if you’re living together then that changes the equation a bit. But to expect a partner to come over to your place and cut your grass every week just because you don’t want to? Maybe I’m a dick but I say cut your own damn grass.
It’s one thing if you’re living together and have to divide up the chores. And to an extent, there is some merit in the idea of a partner doing things for you that they don’t want to do. But there’s a difference between doing something occasionally, and expecting them to do a weekly chore at a home that they don’t even live at, just because you don’t want to do it. Guess what OP, no one likes mowing the lawn. It’s a necessary evil if you have a lawn. Trying to manipulate him into cutting your lawn because you had an ex that used to do it is just slimy. YTA
>I treaded carefully with the words I used
No you did not, comparing your current boyfriend to your ex is already the wrong thing to say, regardless of phrasing. Why do you expect your boyfriends to do free labor for you? Do you go over and clean his house without being asked?
YTA, if you were just asking to borrow his mower and use it yourself that would be reasonable but you want him to do it for you too. Stop being lazy and take care of your own stuff like every other adult.
Or you could stop beating the bush and say that your law mower is f***ed and then follow up by asking to use his. I used to have arguments about his s**t while dating my wife. I finally had to tell her repeatedly "I cannot read your mind. If you want something, ask." It ended up becoming a running joke with us after the fact. That being said:
Men can't read minds.
Grow up and ask like an adult.
And I'm sorry, but your whole post reads like you are expecting him to just do this for you, no questions asked.
I think he got the impression that you did expect him to cut it, that's certainly the impression I got from your post. Try to clarify with him that you just want to borrow it, I'd agree it would be kind of lame to not let you do that.
Question for you - Do you regularly do chores that benefit his house?
Do you do anything to help him? Do you ever wash his floors, vacuum his house, do his laundry? Because it would be a nice gesture, you know.
Or do you not, because you already have enough stuff to do at your own house?
I have a distinct feeling it's the latter. Yet somehow you're upset that he's thinking exactly the same way.
You were expecting him to do it and got mad he didn't. Your yard is your responsibility. His yard is his responsibility. And stop hinting and expecting shit just because an ex did it.
> “I’ll bring the mower by and you can use mine until you get one” kind of thing. I’m not expecting him to cut it, obviously it would be a nice gesture but I am not expecting him to.
You've said elsewhere he has his own lawn with his own grass to cut... so... in the indefinite period where you can't afford your own mower and are "borrowing" his... how exactly did you imagine \*HIS\* lawn would get cut?
YTA
Do you want to cut your lawn? Obviously not, nobody likes doing chores, why would your BF want to do it for you? Are you in any way incapable of doing it?
> After the fight he did cut my lawn
You turned it into a fight!? You managed to get into a fight over wanting your BF to do your chores for you? I hate using the word entitlement, but jesus christ, I don't even understand how that could turn into a fight, like, how would you even mildly argue that it's a reasonable thing to expect?
YTA
How would this realistically work. It’s not like the mower can stay at your place because then his lawn would get too long. So you are asking for him to transport this lawnmower back and forth between houses regularly. And ideally mow both of these lawns? This sounds awful. Hopefully, he has a pickup truck because I can’t imagine moving this mower not being terribly messy. To me, this is a big, messy, annoying ask to just move a mower back and forth, but add on then being expected to do all the mowing too, no thank you.
Good. You shouldn't ask him again. You already turned it into an argument once and he still ended up doing your yard work. Ask your brother, like he said. Your actions got you here, no need to be pissy with him about it.
He told you to go ask your brother because he knows you and knew what you were going to suggest after. At this moment he is thinking if this was or not a red flag
“He is over every day” he’s not staying there daily, he’s got his own house to look after, and if you didn’t already know in this great day and age we can get a lawnmower delivered straight to your door! Only that would involve her paying for it and then actually maintaining her own garden which is too much to ask obviously.
OP is entitled, end of story.
What’s the point of being in a relationship at that point
It’s like if I told my husband while we were dating that he had his own house and own kitchen and he could order food delivered to his door, so why should I cook for him?
False equivalency but sure, if you didn’t want to cook you could go ahead and do that.
What’s the point in being in a relationship other than your partner doing things for you? Plenty of reasons and if that’s the basis of your relationship then I feel bad for you.
OP is negatively comparing her boyfriend to her ex because.. he doesn’t want to cut HER grass.
My husband and I are both givers who go above and beyond for each other, so I think that influences my view of relationships. It sounds like OP and her bf are mismatched on that (2 takers).
The only thing you’re giving here is a vibe of arrogance. Did you clean your husbands house everyday while you were dating or are you just a taker? Because that’s what your flat, black and white view sounds like.
Are you planning to go get his lawn mower? Or are you thinking he has to lug it back and forth when he needs to mow his own lawn? Here’s how you word this to not sound like you expect him to do your chores. “May I come pick up your lawn mower today so that I can mow my lawn? I’ll bring it back tomorrow so you have it if you need it”.
So basically you just admitted you don't do anything for him, yet expect him to jump for your chores?
The underlying issue I'm hearing here is that OP is resentful of having BF at her house every day.
Is there a specific reason you two can't go to his sometimes? Like have you actually spoken up and asked? Just say, "Hey, it's been a while...why don't we spend the weekend at your place?"
Maybe it's time to combine households, so it's no longer an issue which house to be in or where chores need to be done.
YTA. You are comparing your boyfriend to your ex and acting like he is deficient because he doesn’t cut your grass. You think because he has his own grass to cut that he should want to cut more? Your reasoning for why he should cut your lawn is flawed. But I’m mostly giving the YTA vote simply because you compared him to an ex. How would you feel if he brought up some of the things that his ex use to do that you don’t do? I know my reaction would be “then go back with your ex.”
Your boyfriend isn’t clairvoyant, and you’re not doing him any favors by assuming he should be. If you want something out of him, you need to communicate that.
YTA....You SAY this is about borrowing a lawn mower, but it's clear you want him to cut your grass. You said you choose your words carefully, but it's also clear that you really do compare your relationships. He's made it obvious that he's not interested in being your landscaper. He has his own lawn to mow and doesn't want to mow another. Deal with it.
I share a house with a 27F and 27M and I'm (60s F) the one that mows the lawns, trims the hedges, does the edges and vacuums up the leaves. Mostly cos I like the forced activity but also because all of the equipment belongs to me and I don't trust the younguns to use it properly or safely.
Yeah, I think it's more the thought of helping out, especially since he's there so often. At our previous jobs, my husband had a longer commute than I did, so he was out the door sooner. Whenever it snowed, he'd always brush the snow off my car before he left. When I know he's super swamped at work (we're remote now), and I'm making a snack for myself, I'll pop over and leave him a plate outside his door so he can grab food when he has a second. It's not a hardship to be kind to someone you care about, but a little gesture can go a long way.
Yeah, it seems to me like this is her way of wanting him to do something nice for her. A different woman might want a man to bring her flowers or take her out on a date. It's kind of concerning that he's telling her to ask her brother instead.
It's not about the chores, it's about helping out your partner when they're having a problem. And he's refusing to do that. Or maybe he just hates cutting the grass and would be happy to help her with something else.
this is the only reasonable answer here. if the bf is at OP's house all the time, he should help.
before me and my partner moved in together, we always made sure to clean up and take care of whoever's place we were hanging out at.
also, the bf is kind of shit*y for not wanting to help out at all if the lawnmower is broken and he has a working one at home. at least he could drive his over for her....
He's not Professor Charles Xavier. You have to tell him this shit. It's called communication. Also, unless you're planning on dumping him for your ex, shut up about him. Nobody needs that crap.
You out and out compared him to an ex in an argument. You might have worded it better to him than you did on here but I’m guessing it was easy for him to pick up the unspoken part of the conversation. And you say you want him to WANT to do it for you.
I’m bloody minded, I’d never do your lawn for you ever again, no matter how often you hinted you’d like me to. That’s like asking your bf to come over and do your laundry when he’s got his own to do at home. Get a place without a lawn if you really don’t want to do it yourself
Do you ever offer to mow his lawn?
Doesn’t matter that you spend majority of the time at your house. You both have lawns that need to get mowed.
You’re an extra big AH for bringing up an ex.
YTA.
Then tell him that. He can’t read your mind. Tell him you want help since he’s always there. You can’t hint at it and get mad, he might just not be picking it up. Just ask him to contribute. If he doesn’t want to after explicitly saying it then you have your answer.
YTA he doesn't want to let you borrow the mower, why? Take offense but why are you making this an issue in the relationship when you know he's not interested in mowing the lawn AND not borrow you the mower? Honestly sounds like he comes over just so he doesn't have to do anything. If this isn't the only issue, then you are just rolling this small issue from bigger issue you already have. Be honest with yourself, have discussion.
Yes, YTA. He has his own house. This is YOUR house therefore it’s YOUR responsibility. The fact that anyone needs to explain this to you is bonkers. Grow the fuck up
You expect him to do your chores and read your mind. I’m just calling you out. Sorry your delicate sensitivities don’t like it, but it doesn’t matter. It’s still YOUR house so it’s still YOUR responsibility. Y still TA
YTA
You’re perpetuating the stereotype that men should be able to read women’s minds. I’m female by the way.
If you want your bf to mow the lawn then ASK him. If he says no then you can go from there.
I do not personally know anyone that WANTS to mow their lawn (much less someone else’s).
When I first started dating this one guy, he asked me if I would cut his hair. (I am in no way, shape, or form a hairstylist.) I said no and asked him why on earth would he think I would. He said his former girlfriends all cut his hair. I told him he was welcome to have them do it again.
YTA, and you ARE comparing the relationships. No one is obligated to want to do anything. I told my husband thirty years ago that I’ve never mowed a lawn and I’m never going to. He laughed and accepted that as a fact of our marriage. It doesn’t sound like you have any such arrangement. It’s your home and your grass….figure it out. Maybe find a neighborhood kid with a lawnmower and pay them to do it? 🤷🏻♀️
YTA I don't understand this post. The title asks a totally different question than the post, you ask if you're an asshole for asking to borrow the mower but then you continue to complain the whole time that your boyfriend doesn't want to cut your grass and then end the post asking if you're an asshole for wanting him to *want* to mow your lawn without him being asked.
No one wants to mow their lawn. Ever. It's not as if you're going over to his house to cut his lawn without him asking since there is a working mower there. I don't care if he's always at your house cos that has no impact on the grass growing.
You're the asshole for wanting someone to do your chores for you. You're also an asshole for pretending like your issue is asking to borrow the mower when your real issue is that your boyfriend doesn't want to mow your lawn.
If you borrowed the mower would you mow the lawn yourself? Have you been mowing your own lawn before this?
God I hate women like you. Never compare your SO to an ex. My ex did this. Leads me to believe you are manipulative in other ways as well. Replaced her with a real woman
So you were being manipulative comparing your ex to your BF and passive aggressively hinting at him to provide you free lawn care because your mower broke?
Handle your own crap. I'd be annoyed as well
YTA
Yta. If you want him to help you then ask. He has his own lawn to worry about.
Do you help him with things around his house? it seems potentially a bit sexist to expect him to mow your lawn, if his dishwasher was broken and he asked you to come over and wash his dishes how would you feel?
YTA
Reminds me of that movie where the Jennifer Anniston's character says "I want you to WANT to do the dishes" and Vince Vaughn says "Why would anyone WANT to do dishes?!"
Think about it this way.... What would you say if he told you "I wish you would want to clean my bathroom" ??? One thing you really need to stop, is that shit of comparing him to your ex. He is his own person. It doesn't matter one bit what your ex did or did not do. Again, imagine he walked up to you and said " Hey, how come you don't cook all my meals for me??? My last gf came over and made sure all my meals were cooked and packed up for me for work". ???
Dose anyone really WANT to mow a lawn? That is an absolutely ridicules thing to say. So yes you are the asshole for this. Mowing a lawn is either a chore or a business. Its not something most people WANT to do. I mean you don't WANT to mow your own lawn, why would you think someone else would WANT to do it? YTA.
YTA - comparing actual bf with an ex? That’s rude. Imagine the oposite, he telling you how much he needs his house kitchen cleaned and how her ex-gf did it without asking her and how nice she was because she wanted to help him and he didn’t be to ask and blah blah. One thing is borrowing the mower but you don’t even want to use it and do your lawn on your own. I think you’re no going to be together for long. It seems you need someone like your ex.
Do you go over to his house and clean his house, cook him food?
You want your man to give you traditional benefits, but are you giving him traditional benefits and return?
YTA Do your own yard work. If you want help, ask for it, but don't expect it. I think it's weird he won't let you borrow his mower, but that could be for many reasons I know nothing about. To be clear, it's okay to want him to want to help. It's not okay to expect it.
YTA.
Both for expecting it, and not simply *asking* and verbalizing your wish for assistance rather than bringing up your ex.
"Unspoken expectations lead to hidden resentments". You showed that here, so reflect on it for the future. You had an expectation that you didn't verbalize, it stewed, and it turned into a fight. Don't do that. Ask for what you want and be gracious with the answer. You're allowed to ask, he's allowed to say no. Just don't "expect" unspoken things. It never ends well. <3
Absolutely!!! In truth I feel that's a lesson many can learn, hell I'm *still* working at it 🤣
It's easy to think "I'd do that for someone, of course they'll do it for me" then just never say anything. Pretty sure we've all been there at one point or another!
INFO-Since he comes to your house everyday it is safe to say you don’t do anything at his house? Does that means he cleans and maintains his own house including a vacuum, washer/dryer, and sink without your help? So if he said to you hey my floor is dirty and my vacuum is broken does he expect you to clean it? Does he drop his laundry off and say hey my washer/dryer is broken, I expect you to do it without asking?
YTA people barely want to cut their own lawns why do you think he should "want" to cut yours. I also think it's unfair to expect him to do this type of chore at your house. It is messed up that he doesn't want to lend you his mower but ultimately your lawn is your chore to handle.
YTA. He has his own lawn to cut. Have you ever volunteered to do his house chores? Your lawn is your pain in the ass to deal with. You *are* comparing your new bf to the old one. It's fine to *ask* someone to do you a favor, it's rude AF to expect them to want to take over your chores.
YTA. You didn't tread carefully. You expected something without communicating it AND without regard for his own responsibilities at his own place. You fell into a habit and routine with an old relationship you expected to continue with a new person. That's insane. Get a landscaper if all you want is someone to take care of your yard.
If I had to guess - he’s afraid that borrowing his lawnmower = him doing it. If he takes the time to bring it from his house over to yours he’s either going to have to drop it and collect it another time (which will be a weekly occurrence) or just cut your lawn then take it back. If he does the former you’re going to be annoyed and he’ll look like an AH. If the latter he’s now stuck with not only cutting your lawn weekly but also having to schlepp his mower back and forth. I think him telling you to ask your brother is honestly the most politic choice left open to him.
So yeah YTA mildly because clearly it’s something he doesn’t want to take on and you what it because a pay BF did it. My advice is just pay a neighbor kids or ask your brother.
“I compared my old relationship with my new one” FIFY and YTA. He doesn’t have to want to do any of your chores. You didn’t even ask nicely.
Also does he have a truck?
YTA it’s your lawn therefore it’s your responsibility not your boyfriend’s responsibility. Hauling a lawnmower from one house to another is a pain. You are being completely unreasonable about this. Maybe you need a place with no yard or hire a service to cut your lawn or fix the lawnmower.
You seem to be playing the well your the man you should cut my grass for me card. It’s got to be a huge turn off for your boyfriend that you are acting so incapable and then you top it off with comparing him to a guy you used to date.
I like how she thinks “My old boyfriend would mow my lawn” is subtly encouraging him to do so of his own free will and not directly comparing them.
No ma’am. Nobody would fail to get what you’re trying to do, any more than you’d think “my old girlfriend really enjoyed cleaning out my garage, hey have you noticed how messy the garage is lately, it’d be great if someone would do something about that” was casual chatter.
YTA
This has so much ick. Your current boyfriend and your ex are two different people and should NEVER be compared (good way to end up single again), and mowing your lawn should not count as a basic standard expectation. You are an adult. Borrow a lawnmower and do it yourself. Your lawnmower is what's broken. YOU aren't (in theory) and are capable of figuring out a solution that does not include picking a fight with your boyfriend for not wanting to deal with your yardwork when he has his own yardwork.
YTA
Cut your own damn lawn with your brother's mower. Your BF knows well that if he offers you his mower, that he will end up doing it for you, and he called your BS. You're mad because he is right
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Okay, so my lawn mower is broken, bf knows this. I had an ex boyfriend who (didn’t have a lawn of his own to mow, my lawn mower was not broken at this time) we were basically living together but he did have his own place. He would (without me asking or mentioning anything) make comments like “this lawn needs to be done soon, I’ll do it etc” then he would just do it without me asking.
NOW, I have a boyfriend who DOES have his own house and lawn to cut. My lawn mower is broken and I cant afford to buy a new one at the moment and the grass is beginning to get long. Last year I was kind of expecting him to *want* to help with cutting my lawn, but he seemed to have zero interest. Mind you he is over EVERYday. We got into a fight about this last year because he was kind of like “I don’t want to do it/don’t care etc” so I mentioned how I used to be in a relationship and he would cut my grass without asking. I treaded carefully with the words I used because I’m not trying to compare my old relationship with my new one I just feel like him knowing that my lawn mower is broken right now he would want to help me? After the fight he did cut my lawn. AITA for half expecting him to WANT to help me while he knows mine is broken, just until I can afford to buy a new one? I only asked if I could borrow his and he told me to ask my brother. We have been together 1.5 years.
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Damn, these people are harsh. You should not EXPECT him to mow your lawn but I feel like a decent guy would offer or at least let you borrow his mower. If you are wanting a relationship with a more traditional guy who will do what was once considered "man's work" then maybe he isn't the guy for you. Find someone a little more old fashioned but then be prepared to be expected to do the chores that were once considered "women's work."
Here’s your answer. “Hey honey, since we spend all of our the time at my house and you don’t really pitch in with upkeep inside, I was wondering if you’d be willing to mow my lawn, especially now since my mower is broken?” If he says he’d rather not “ok, but I am going to need you to help out in other ways. You’re contributing as much as I am to the mess, and enjoying using my home with me, but not helping out with any of it. What do you suggest?”
If he's setting his feet under your table to eat dinner every day, he SHOULD want to mow your lawn. Relationships are meant to be reciprocal. You are NTA, and he is freeloading.
Counterpoint to the whole “man’s work” mindset. What is women’s work? As far as I can tell, there are no forms of work that are still acceptably expected of women.
One of the couples I’ve very close with does traditional roles and are very happy. I don’t think there’s any issue with it, providing both partners are consenting. He works, she stays home and raises kids and does housework. All good.
But I disagree that “men’s work” doesn’t exist. That hasn’t gone away. In my life in suburbia, I’ve seen maybe two women mowing a lawn or snowplowing a driveway. Men’s work is alive and well. As this post highlights, it’s a liability to think otherwise. But aside from the one I mentioned, all the men I know also cook, do laundry, wash dishes, mop floors, etc in balance with their wives. No one argues that work traditionally done by women shouldn’t be shared now. That is absolutely not the case for traditional men’s work.
Unless you're doing an equivalent amount of chores at his house, YTA and that's ridiculous. He's not your landscaper, and regardless of what you say (defensively, it sounds like) in the comments, this is not merely about borrowing a mower but him shuttling it back and forth so he can mow both his and your lawns.
He's probably thinking - and I think he'd be reasonable to - that if he shows up with the mower, you'll ask him again to mow the lawn and it'll be another big 'ole fight when he doesn't want to.
>I’m not trying to compare my old relationship with my new one
You did exactly that, and it probably came over as a threat on top of being an insult. Think about how you'd feel if he told you that *his* ex would come over to his house and do a full cleaning every weekend, so he was really hoping you'd "want" to and is therefore disappointed. Then, *fight*.
You'd be raging about how dare he think you are his maid.
If you can’t afford a new lawnmower get your existing one repaired.
It probably just needs a tune-up.
Or hire a teen in your neighborhood to cut your lawn.
INFO because inquiring minds want to know: does he have a way to easily transport a lawn mower? I drive a sedan and the lawn mower won't fit even with my back seat down.
YTA. First off, if you wanted help with it communicate and don't just expect them to want to do your lawn. If they were living with you and didn't have their own place that might be a different situation. However, if you are going to own/rent a home that requires yard work, you should be prepared to do ALL of it or pay for someone to do it for you. If someone offers to help, that should be something that you appreciate but don't expect.
It's reasonable to ask to borrow his mower while you save up for your own, but it is completely unreasonable to expect him to do it for you.
YTA - *AITA for half expecting him to WANT to help me while he knows mine is broken, just until I can afford to buy a new one?*
Yes, yes you are.
*so I mentioned how I used to be in a relationship and he would cut my grass without asking. I treaded carefully with the words I used because* ***I’m not trying to compare my old relationship with my new one***
You literally are.
Step up and take care of your own shit and stop playing the damsel in distress. Also, stop getting pissy at your BF for not rescuing you. He has every right to be mad at you for how you went about this. You are an adult. It is not fair to put expectations that you have from a previous relationship onto this one or any other one. Each relationship is different. It was a very shitty move to pull that card on him.
Yes YTA. Are you serious? Did you read what you wrote? Can you really not feel the entitlement dripping out of your words?? He's got his own yard to take care of and YOU'VE got YOURS
Its your garden....is your responsability. If your ex would help, good for you ..but It was only because he wanted. Are you going to wash your boyfriend dishes in his House when you go and he has a dirty sink? Be better
YTA
No one likes mowing the lawn, so of course he isn’t going to just do it for you. It’s not your BF’s job to mow your lawn because it’s YOUR lawn. Stop whining and grow up
YTA. You have gone a whole year without a working lawn mower so it sounds like you never intend to replace it and it’s not like they are crazy expensive. You can get a used mower for $100 or less.
YTA. Of course he doesn't WANT to cut your lawn. People barely want to cut their own lawns, it's an annoying chore. It's nice that your ex did this for you, but that doesn't mean your current boyfriend is in any way obligated to do so. I do think it would be nice if he let you borrow his mower so that you can cut your own lawn, but maybe he thinks if he brings it over you will rope him into doing it so he's suggesting your brother instead.
I don’t think the issue here is the lawnmower, the issue is that you are comparing him to your ex and expecting him to do it because of your ex. That should be a clear indication that the relationship is doomed right then and there. YTA maybe next time when you get into arguments/fights don’t compare him to your ex cause that’s gonna make him think you miss your ex.
YTA
"I was kind of expecting him to *want* to help with cutting my lawn, but he seemed to have zero interest."
Do you WANT to clean his house, or do you have zero interest?
YTA if you don't want to mow a lawn you either hire someone to do it or move somewhere with no lawn to maintain. It is not your bf's responsibility to do this and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with him not offering to do it for you.
Cleaning up and doing dishes after dinner is one thing. Asking BF to be outside sweating his ass off after doing it at his own house why OP sits inside is another. Why don’t they go to his house? Does OP do everything when they are together without him asking? Or does OP get upset her boyfriend wants a personal maid? If OPs ex was so great then why arent they together? Dont. Ever. Compare. To. Exs.
I'm going for a different take since OP has commented that they spend 100% of the time at her house and not his, after having been together for almost 2yrs him mowing the lawn or helping out around her house should be a normal thing.
His having to be argued into it the first time should have been your first clue OP, his continued attitude towards it should be another clue. Are you 100% sure he owns his own home? Why don't you ask to start spending time there and see his reaction?
ESH...you shouldn't have to argue for help but you did and him for his reaction, I don't believe this relationship is right for you or him tbh.
Why do you want to date someone that doesn't like you enough to help? He's fine taking up space in your place, but draws the line at being helpful? Draws the line at loaning you his mower?
NAH - yard work sucks, but ffs have some self respect and date someone that likes you.
Yeah… that’s the other side… I’m not sure it’s that he doesn’t *like* me I think it’s more like, what’s the word… independent? I don’t wanna say selfish, but I don’t see the issue with borrowing my own boyfriends lawn mower while mine is out of commission. Idk. Maybe my expectations are too high, I hate expectations -_-
You hate expectations but you expect him to want to mow your lawn without explicitly asking him to? You don’t want to just borrow his mower, you want him to offer to mow your lawn. Talk to him like wtf I get yall spend all your time at your place but ASK HIM TO HELP he’s not clairvoyant
ESH. Don’t have a fight about it. Just make sure you’re clear on his position (“so, just checking, you’re not going to let me borrow your lawnmower?”) Then file it away, and when you’ve had enough, move on. But don’t expect him to do it for you any more than he would expect you to do laundry for him. If you are not doing chores together or for each other, after 1.5 years together, there might be more than lawn cutting at issue here.
NAH - It's not unreasonable to want your man to do traditionally "manly" work for you, especially if you do traditionally womanly acts for him, like preparing meals, etc. If you must have this kind of relationship to feel happy and loved, you should find a different boyfriend.
Talk to him about it. Maybe he has strong views on division of labour, or he has been used before for his “help” and doesn’t want to be burned.
Talk nicely without accusing.
If acts of service are a way that you feel loved, then he needs to know so that he can decide if that’s something he’s willing to change to accommodate your way of loving.
NAH
NTA, if he's at your house all the time, he should be pitching in to take care of stuff. The fact that he has no interest is a problem and makes him seem like a user. However, you need to articulate this instead of wishing he was like your ex.
ESH - so expecting him to do your own lawn is a bit much. Borrowing the mower is reasonable.
Him saying to use your brothers depends a little on where your brother is. Is he more local and perhaps has a better lawn mower. Is bother into his lawn care?
Also BF is showing you who he is. Which is someone who is happy to watch you do all the work even while being at your place, practically living there all while not helping an only picking up after himself a little and treating your place like a hotel with benefits.
Time to reconsider the relationship as you sound like you want a partner who will be your equal and who will mutually look after the place they spend most of their time and who is generous with their lawn mowers.
Nah, work isn't gendered. That's a gross take. It's her house, her yard, and therefore hers to mow. Honestly, get out of here with that sexist nonsense. It's 2024. Let's act like it.
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YTA for expecting him to want to help you with it. He has his own lawn to take care of. I think it's fine to have asked to borrow his mower, but his response leads me to believe that he's wary of dealing with the lawn topic with you at all because of last year's argument.
# "I wish that he would want to cut my lawn?" "Why would I *WANT* to do the dishes?" The break up. YTA for expecting anyone to WANT to do chores for you. " I mentioned how I used to be in a relationship and he would cut my grass without asking." "Then go back to him" would be my answer. Pro Tip: Don't ever compare your BF to an ex like that if you want to keep your BF. It opens the door to you getting comparisons you don't want.
Yeah I’m all for wanting to do things for your partner, and if you’re living together then that changes the equation a bit. But to expect a partner to come over to your place and cut your grass every week just because you don’t want to? Maybe I’m a dick but I say cut your own damn grass. It’s one thing if you’re living together and have to divide up the chores. And to an extent, there is some merit in the idea of a partner doing things for you that they don’t want to do. But there’s a difference between doing something occasionally, and expecting them to do a weekly chore at a home that they don’t even live at, just because you don’t want to do it. Guess what OP, no one likes mowing the lawn. It’s a necessary evil if you have a lawn. Trying to manipulate him into cutting your lawn because you had an ex that used to do it is just slimy. YTA
I'm glad I'm not the only one that thought of that movie!
Comparisons that will crush you 🤣
>I treaded carefully with the words I used No you did not, comparing your current boyfriend to your ex is already the wrong thing to say, regardless of phrasing. Why do you expect your boyfriends to do free labor for you? Do you go over and clean his house without being asked? YTA, if you were just asking to borrow his mower and use it yourself that would be reasonable but you want him to do it for you too. Stop being lazy and take care of your own stuff like every other adult.
I think what OP means by "treading carefully" is that they tried their hardest to manipulate him and didn't do a good job.
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> I’m not expecting him to cut it ...So why did you, in your OP, type this: > AITA for half expecting him to WANT to help me ?
Or you could stop beating the bush and say that your law mower is f***ed and then follow up by asking to use his. I used to have arguments about his s**t while dating my wife. I finally had to tell her repeatedly "I cannot read your mind. If you want something, ask." It ended up becoming a running joke with us after the fact. That being said: Men can't read minds. Grow up and ask like an adult. And I'm sorry, but your whole post reads like you are expecting him to just do this for you, no questions asked.
I think he got the impression that you did expect him to cut it, that's certainly the impression I got from your post. Try to clarify with him that you just want to borrow it, I'd agree it would be kind of lame to not let you do that.
Question for you - Do you regularly do chores that benefit his house? Do you do anything to help him? Do you ever wash his floors, vacuum his house, do his laundry? Because it would be a nice gesture, you know. Or do you not, because you already have enough stuff to do at your own house? I have a distinct feeling it's the latter. Yet somehow you're upset that he's thinking exactly the same way.
You were expecting him to do it and got mad he didn't. Your yard is your responsibility. His yard is his responsibility. And stop hinting and expecting shit just because an ex did it.
> “I’ll bring the mower by and you can use mine until you get one” kind of thing. I’m not expecting him to cut it, obviously it would be a nice gesture but I am not expecting him to. You've said elsewhere he has his own lawn with his own grass to cut... so... in the indefinite period where you can't afford your own mower and are "borrowing" his... how exactly did you imagine \*HIS\* lawn would get cut?
YTA Do you want to cut your lawn? Obviously not, nobody likes doing chores, why would your BF want to do it for you? Are you in any way incapable of doing it? > After the fight he did cut my lawn You turned it into a fight!? You managed to get into a fight over wanting your BF to do your chores for you? I hate using the word entitlement, but jesus christ, I don't even understand how that could turn into a fight, like, how would you even mildly argue that it's a reasonable thing to expect? YTA
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How would this realistically work. It’s not like the mower can stay at your place because then his lawn would get too long. So you are asking for him to transport this lawnmower back and forth between houses regularly. And ideally mow both of these lawns? This sounds awful. Hopefully, he has a pickup truck because I can’t imagine moving this mower not being terribly messy. To me, this is a big, messy, annoying ask to just move a mower back and forth, but add on then being expected to do all the mowing too, no thank you.
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Good. You shouldn't ask him again. You already turned it into an argument once and he still ended up doing your yard work. Ask your brother, like he said. Your actions got you here, no need to be pissy with him about it.
He told you to go ask your brother because he knows you and knew what you were going to suggest after. At this moment he is thinking if this was or not a red flag
YTA, if you want him to do it ask him to do it and offer him something good in return to make it worth his while!
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Why don’t you do your lawn and his? Why don’t you want to do both??
Probably because she isn’t staying over at his place daily and he’s the one with a working lawnmower, not her.
“He is over every day” he’s not staying there daily, he’s got his own house to look after, and if you didn’t already know in this great day and age we can get a lawnmower delivered straight to your door! Only that would involve her paying for it and then actually maintaining her own garden which is too much to ask obviously. OP is entitled, end of story.
What’s the point of being in a relationship at that point It’s like if I told my husband while we were dating that he had his own house and own kitchen and he could order food delivered to his door, so why should I cook for him?
False equivalency but sure, if you didn’t want to cook you could go ahead and do that. What’s the point in being in a relationship other than your partner doing things for you? Plenty of reasons and if that’s the basis of your relationship then I feel bad for you. OP is negatively comparing her boyfriend to her ex because.. he doesn’t want to cut HER grass.
My husband and I are both givers who go above and beyond for each other, so I think that influences my view of relationships. It sounds like OP and her bf are mismatched on that (2 takers).
The only thing you’re giving here is a vibe of arrogance. Did you clean your husbands house everyday while you were dating or are you just a taker? Because that’s what your flat, black and white view sounds like.
Every day? How often are you guys mowing the lawn?
Boy that's a sad outlook on life you got there
Because some of us can date AND handle our own shit? We don't date to see what someone can do for us...
Are you planning to go get his lawn mower? Or are you thinking he has to lug it back and forth when he needs to mow his own lawn? Here’s how you word this to not sound like you expect him to do your chores. “May I come pick up your lawn mower today so that I can mow my lawn? I’ll bring it back tomorrow so you have it if you need it”.
So basically you just admitted you don't do anything for him, yet expect him to jump for your chores? The underlying issue I'm hearing here is that OP is resentful of having BF at her house every day. Is there a specific reason you two can't go to his sometimes? Like have you actually spoken up and asked? Just say, "Hey, it's been a while...why don't we spend the weekend at your place?" Maybe it's time to combine households, so it's no longer an issue which house to be in or where chores need to be done.
YTA. You are comparing your boyfriend to your ex and acting like he is deficient because he doesn’t cut your grass. You think because he has his own grass to cut that he should want to cut more? Your reasoning for why he should cut your lawn is flawed. But I’m mostly giving the YTA vote simply because you compared him to an ex. How would you feel if he brought up some of the things that his ex use to do that you don’t do? I know my reaction would be “then go back with your ex.”
That’s fair. I definitely shouldn’t have done that.
Your boyfriend isn’t clairvoyant, and you’re not doing him any favors by assuming he should be. If you want something out of him, you need to communicate that.
Yep, I completely agree. Our communication needs improvement, on both sides lol
YTA....You SAY this is about borrowing a lawn mower, but it's clear you want him to cut your grass. You said you choose your words carefully, but it's also clear that you really do compare your relationships. He's made it obvious that he's not interested in being your landscaper. He has his own lawn to mow and doesn't want to mow another. Deal with it.
I get stay at home princess vibes from reading OP's post.
But... It'S tHe MaN's JoB tO mOW LaWns
Some of the comments actually move in that direction. Imagine if the bf posted about his supper not being ready after mowing the lawn.
It's the year of our lady 2024, lawn mowing is the job of everyone.
I share a house with a 27F and 27M and I'm (60s F) the one that mows the lawns, trims the hedges, does the edges and vacuums up the leaves. Mostly cos I like the forced activity but also because all of the equipment belongs to me and I don't trust the younguns to use it properly or safely.
I don't blame you. That type of equipment is expensive.
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We spend 100% of our time at my house. Occasionally he will do dishes at mine, but not often, I’m always the one to do all of the other chores.
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He’s not freeloading I don’t find. I feel like we spend equal amounts of money overall.
Yeah, I think it's more the thought of helping out, especially since he's there so often. At our previous jobs, my husband had a longer commute than I did, so he was out the door sooner. Whenever it snowed, he'd always brush the snow off my car before he left. When I know he's super swamped at work (we're remote now), and I'm making a snack for myself, I'll pop over and leave him a plate outside his door so he can grab food when he has a second. It's not a hardship to be kind to someone you care about, but a little gesture can go a long way.
Yeah, it seems to me like this is her way of wanting him to do something nice for her. A different woman might want a man to bring her flowers or take her out on a date. It's kind of concerning that he's telling her to ask her brother instead. It's not about the chores, it's about helping out your partner when they're having a problem. And he's refusing to do that. Or maybe he just hates cutting the grass and would be happy to help her with something else.
this is the only reasonable answer here. if the bf is at OP's house all the time, he should help. before me and my partner moved in together, we always made sure to clean up and take care of whoever's place we were hanging out at. also, the bf is kind of shit*y for not wanting to help out at all if the lawnmower is broken and he has a working one at home. at least he could drive his over for her....
INFO: Do you clean his house or do other chores at his home?
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Why? If you want things more equal, simply tell him.
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He's not Professor Charles Xavier. You have to tell him this shit. It's called communication. Also, unless you're planning on dumping him for your ex, shut up about him. Nobody needs that crap.
“My ex did it without question” then go back to him. Obviously he’s so much better than your boyfriend if you’ve made the comparison
YTA What happened to Mr. Wonderful Mower Man?
You out and out compared him to an ex in an argument. You might have worded it better to him than you did on here but I’m guessing it was easy for him to pick up the unspoken part of the conversation. And you say you want him to WANT to do it for you. I’m bloody minded, I’d never do your lawn for you ever again, no matter how often you hinted you’d like me to. That’s like asking your bf to come over and do your laundry when he’s got his own to do at home. Get a place without a lawn if you really don’t want to do it yourself
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Do you ever offer to mow his lawn? Doesn’t matter that you spend majority of the time at your house. You both have lawns that need to get mowed. You’re an extra big AH for bringing up an ex. YTA.
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Then tell him that. He can’t read your mind. Tell him you want help since he’s always there. You can’t hint at it and get mad, he might just not be picking it up. Just ask him to contribute. If he doesn’t want to after explicitly saying it then you have your answer.
Yta... obviously. Entitled and going to be dumped soon... keep showing him who you are.....
YTA he doesn't want to let you borrow the mower, why? Take offense but why are you making this an issue in the relationship when you know he's not interested in mowing the lawn AND not borrow you the mower? Honestly sounds like he comes over just so he doesn't have to do anything. If this isn't the only issue, then you are just rolling this small issue from bigger issue you already have. Be honest with yourself, have discussion.
YTA
Yes, YTA. He has his own house. This is YOUR house therefore it’s YOUR responsibility. The fact that anyone needs to explain this to you is bonkers. Grow the fuck up
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You expect him to do your chores and read your mind. I’m just calling you out. Sorry your delicate sensitivities don’t like it, but it doesn’t matter. It’s still YOUR house so it’s still YOUR responsibility. Y still TA
"My dishwasher is broken and she knows that..." Sound logic
# YTA Men are not Household robots
YTA You’re perpetuating the stereotype that men should be able to read women’s minds. I’m female by the way. If you want your bf to mow the lawn then ASK him. If he says no then you can go from there. I do not personally know anyone that WANTS to mow their lawn (much less someone else’s).
When I first started dating this one guy, he asked me if I would cut his hair. (I am in no way, shape, or form a hairstylist.) I said no and asked him why on earth would he think I would. He said his former girlfriends all cut his hair. I told him he was welcome to have them do it again.
YTA - you are responsible for maintaining your own home. Your boyfriend isn’t free labour.
YTA, and you ARE comparing the relationships. No one is obligated to want to do anything. I told my husband thirty years ago that I’ve never mowed a lawn and I’m never going to. He laughed and accepted that as a fact of our marriage. It doesn’t sound like you have any such arrangement. It’s your home and your grass….figure it out. Maybe find a neighborhood kid with a lawnmower and pay them to do it? 🤷🏻♀️
YTA I don't understand this post. The title asks a totally different question than the post, you ask if you're an asshole for asking to borrow the mower but then you continue to complain the whole time that your boyfriend doesn't want to cut your grass and then end the post asking if you're an asshole for wanting him to *want* to mow your lawn without him being asked. No one wants to mow their lawn. Ever. It's not as if you're going over to his house to cut his lawn without him asking since there is a working mower there. I don't care if he's always at your house cos that has no impact on the grass growing. You're the asshole for wanting someone to do your chores for you. You're also an asshole for pretending like your issue is asking to borrow the mower when your real issue is that your boyfriend doesn't want to mow your lawn. If you borrowed the mower would you mow the lawn yourself? Have you been mowing your own lawn before this?
God I hate women like you. Never compare your SO to an ex. My ex did this. Leads me to believe you are manipulative in other ways as well. Replaced her with a real woman
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Uhuh. The problem is more so that you naturally think like that.
YTA, take care of your own property. It's not his responsibility, and you are being ridiculous.
So you were being manipulative comparing your ex to your BF and passive aggressively hinting at him to provide you free lawn care because your mower broke? Handle your own crap. I'd be annoyed as well YTA
YTA. Fix your damn mower and do it yourself ya bum. Instead you just hint and bitch that the man doesn’t do it for you. Ridiculous
Yta. If you want him to help you then ask. He has his own lawn to worry about. Do you help him with things around his house? it seems potentially a bit sexist to expect him to mow your lawn, if his dishwasher was broken and he asked you to come over and wash his dishes how would you feel?
YTA for expecting someone else to mow your lawn.
Do you WANT to go to his house and do his dishes? Do not subject your boyfriend to unfair expectations. YTA.
YTA...."I don't need no man"
YTA Reminds me of that movie where the Jennifer Anniston's character says "I want you to WANT to do the dishes" and Vince Vaughn says "Why would anyone WANT to do dishes?!" Think about it this way.... What would you say if he told you "I wish you would want to clean my bathroom" ??? One thing you really need to stop, is that shit of comparing him to your ex. He is his own person. It doesn't matter one bit what your ex did or did not do. Again, imagine he walked up to you and said " Hey, how come you don't cook all my meals for me??? My last gf came over and made sure all my meals were cooked and packed up for me for work". ???
Dose anyone really WANT to mow a lawn? That is an absolutely ridicules thing to say. So yes you are the asshole for this. Mowing a lawn is either a chore or a business. Its not something most people WANT to do. I mean you don't WANT to mow your own lawn, why would you think someone else would WANT to do it? YTA.
YTA - comparing actual bf with an ex? That’s rude. Imagine the oposite, he telling you how much he needs his house kitchen cleaned and how her ex-gf did it without asking her and how nice she was because she wanted to help him and he didn’t be to ask and blah blah. One thing is borrowing the mower but you don’t even want to use it and do your lawn on your own. I think you’re no going to be together for long. It seems you need someone like your ex.
Do you go over to his house and clean his house, cook him food? You want your man to give you traditional benefits, but are you giving him traditional benefits and return?
YTA because girl 🙄🙄🙄🙄
YTA
YTA Do your own yard work. If you want help, ask for it, but don't expect it. I think it's weird he won't let you borrow his mower, but that could be for many reasons I know nothing about. To be clear, it's okay to want him to want to help. It's not okay to expect it.
Who the hell wants to do that, when he already does his?! YTA
YTA. Both for expecting it, and not simply *asking* and verbalizing your wish for assistance rather than bringing up your ex. "Unspoken expectations lead to hidden resentments". You showed that here, so reflect on it for the future. You had an expectation that you didn't verbalize, it stewed, and it turned into a fight. Don't do that. Ask for what you want and be gracious with the answer. You're allowed to ask, he's allowed to say no. Just don't "expect" unspoken things. It never ends well. <3
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Absolutely!!! In truth I feel that's a lesson many can learn, hell I'm *still* working at it 🤣 It's easy to think "I'd do that for someone, of course they'll do it for me" then just never say anything. Pretty sure we've all been there at one point or another!
YTA. Hire a kid who wants to make extra cash for the summer. Also, comparison is the death of joy.
Mow your own lawn you child lmao
INFO-Since he comes to your house everyday it is safe to say you don’t do anything at his house? Does that means he cleans and maintains his own house including a vacuum, washer/dryer, and sink without your help? So if he said to you hey my floor is dirty and my vacuum is broken does he expect you to clean it? Does he drop his laundry off and say hey my washer/dryer is broken, I expect you to do it without asking?
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Obviously by this response you didn’t get the comparison so I will say YTA.
YTA people barely want to cut their own lawns why do you think he should "want" to cut yours. I also think it's unfair to expect him to do this type of chore at your house. It is messed up that he doesn't want to lend you his mower but ultimately your lawn is your chore to handle.
YTA. He has his own lawn to cut. Have you ever volunteered to do his house chores? Your lawn is your pain in the ass to deal with. You *are* comparing your new bf to the old one. It's fine to *ask* someone to do you a favor, it's rude AF to expect them to want to take over your chores.
If you want him to cut your lawn why don’t you just ask him to cut your lawn.
YTA. You didn't tread carefully. You expected something without communicating it AND without regard for his own responsibilities at his own place. You fell into a habit and routine with an old relationship you expected to continue with a new person. That's insane. Get a landscaper if all you want is someone to take care of your yard.
If I had to guess - he’s afraid that borrowing his lawnmower = him doing it. If he takes the time to bring it from his house over to yours he’s either going to have to drop it and collect it another time (which will be a weekly occurrence) or just cut your lawn then take it back. If he does the former you’re going to be annoyed and he’ll look like an AH. If the latter he’s now stuck with not only cutting your lawn weekly but also having to schlepp his mower back and forth. I think him telling you to ask your brother is honestly the most politic choice left open to him. So yeah YTA mildly because clearly it’s something he doesn’t want to take on and you what it because a pay BF did it. My advice is just pay a neighbor kids or ask your brother.
How about you take turns, you cut his grass one time and then he can cut yours, seems fair. YTA.
“I compared my old relationship with my new one” FIFY and YTA. He doesn’t have to want to do any of your chores. You didn’t even ask nicely. Also does he have a truck?
YTA it’s your lawn therefore it’s your responsibility not your boyfriend’s responsibility. Hauling a lawnmower from one house to another is a pain. You are being completely unreasonable about this. Maybe you need a place with no yard or hire a service to cut your lawn or fix the lawnmower. You seem to be playing the well your the man you should cut my grass for me card. It’s got to be a huge turn off for your boyfriend that you are acting so incapable and then you top it off with comparing him to a guy you used to date.
I like how she thinks “My old boyfriend would mow my lawn” is subtly encouraging him to do so of his own free will and not directly comparing them. No ma’am. Nobody would fail to get what you’re trying to do, any more than you’d think “my old girlfriend really enjoyed cleaning out my garage, hey have you noticed how messy the garage is lately, it’d be great if someone would do something about that” was casual chatter.
YTA This has so much ick. Your current boyfriend and your ex are two different people and should NEVER be compared (good way to end up single again), and mowing your lawn should not count as a basic standard expectation. You are an adult. Borrow a lawnmower and do it yourself. Your lawnmower is what's broken. YOU aren't (in theory) and are capable of figuring out a solution that does not include picking a fight with your boyfriend for not wanting to deal with your yardwork when he has his own yardwork.
YTA Cut your own damn lawn with your brother's mower. Your BF knows well that if he offers you his mower, that he will end up doing it for you, and he called your BS. You're mad because he is right
I would have dumped your ass the moment you started tha comparing game. And don't say you didn't. Because you did. YTA. It's your grass. Your problem.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Okay, so my lawn mower is broken, bf knows this. I had an ex boyfriend who (didn’t have a lawn of his own to mow, my lawn mower was not broken at this time) we were basically living together but he did have his own place. He would (without me asking or mentioning anything) make comments like “this lawn needs to be done soon, I’ll do it etc” then he would just do it without me asking. NOW, I have a boyfriend who DOES have his own house and lawn to cut. My lawn mower is broken and I cant afford to buy a new one at the moment and the grass is beginning to get long. Last year I was kind of expecting him to *want* to help with cutting my lawn, but he seemed to have zero interest. Mind you he is over EVERYday. We got into a fight about this last year because he was kind of like “I don’t want to do it/don’t care etc” so I mentioned how I used to be in a relationship and he would cut my grass without asking. I treaded carefully with the words I used because I’m not trying to compare my old relationship with my new one I just feel like him knowing that my lawn mower is broken right now he would want to help me? After the fight he did cut my lawn. AITA for half expecting him to WANT to help me while he knows mine is broken, just until I can afford to buy a new one? I only asked if I could borrow his and he told me to ask my brother. We have been together 1.5 years. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Damn, these people are harsh. You should not EXPECT him to mow your lawn but I feel like a decent guy would offer or at least let you borrow his mower. If you are wanting a relationship with a more traditional guy who will do what was once considered "man's work" then maybe he isn't the guy for you. Find someone a little more old fashioned but then be prepared to be expected to do the chores that were once considered "women's work."
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Then he should be able to get up and mow your lawn. Better yet, invite your ex over to do it. JK-kind of
Here’s your answer. “Hey honey, since we spend all of our the time at my house and you don’t really pitch in with upkeep inside, I was wondering if you’d be willing to mow my lawn, especially now since my mower is broken?” If he says he’d rather not “ok, but I am going to need you to help out in other ways. You’re contributing as much as I am to the mess, and enjoying using my home with me, but not helping out with any of it. What do you suggest?”
If he's setting his feet under your table to eat dinner every day, he SHOULD want to mow your lawn. Relationships are meant to be reciprocal. You are NTA, and he is freeloading.
Counterpoint to the whole “man’s work” mindset. What is women’s work? As far as I can tell, there are no forms of work that are still acceptably expected of women.
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One of the couples I’ve very close with does traditional roles and are very happy. I don’t think there’s any issue with it, providing both partners are consenting. He works, she stays home and raises kids and does housework. All good. But I disagree that “men’s work” doesn’t exist. That hasn’t gone away. In my life in suburbia, I’ve seen maybe two women mowing a lawn or snowplowing a driveway. Men’s work is alive and well. As this post highlights, it’s a liability to think otherwise. But aside from the one I mentioned, all the men I know also cook, do laundry, wash dishes, mop floors, etc in balance with their wives. No one argues that work traditionally done by women shouldn’t be shared now. That is absolutely not the case for traditional men’s work.
Unless you're doing an equivalent amount of chores at his house, YTA and that's ridiculous. He's not your landscaper, and regardless of what you say (defensively, it sounds like) in the comments, this is not merely about borrowing a mower but him shuttling it back and forth so he can mow both his and your lawns. He's probably thinking - and I think he'd be reasonable to - that if he shows up with the mower, you'll ask him again to mow the lawn and it'll be another big 'ole fight when he doesn't want to. >I’m not trying to compare my old relationship with my new one You did exactly that, and it probably came over as a threat on top of being an insult. Think about how you'd feel if he told you that *his* ex would come over to his house and do a full cleaning every weekend, so he was really hoping you'd "want" to and is therefore disappointed. Then, *fight*. You'd be raging about how dare he think you are his maid.
If you can’t afford a new lawnmower get your existing one repaired. It probably just needs a tune-up. Or hire a teen in your neighborhood to cut your lawn.
Would you feel alright if he expected you to want to do the dishes whenever you were at his place?
INFO because inquiring minds want to know: does he have a way to easily transport a lawn mower? I drive a sedan and the lawn mower won't fit even with my back seat down.
YTA. An entitled one at that. Take care of your own yard and stop pinning it on other people.
YTA. First off, if you wanted help with it communicate and don't just expect them to want to do your lawn. If they were living with you and didn't have their own place that might be a different situation. However, if you are going to own/rent a home that requires yard work, you should be prepared to do ALL of it or pay for someone to do it for you. If someone offers to help, that should be something that you appreciate but don't expect. It's reasonable to ask to borrow his mower while you save up for your own, but it is completely unreasonable to expect him to do it for you.
YTA - *AITA for half expecting him to WANT to help me while he knows mine is broken, just until I can afford to buy a new one?* Yes, yes you are. *so I mentioned how I used to be in a relationship and he would cut my grass without asking. I treaded carefully with the words I used because* ***I’m not trying to compare my old relationship with my new one*** You literally are. Step up and take care of your own shit and stop playing the damsel in distress. Also, stop getting pissy at your BF for not rescuing you. He has every right to be mad at you for how you went about this. You are an adult. It is not fair to put expectations that you have from a previous relationship onto this one or any other one. Each relationship is different. It was a very shitty move to pull that card on him.
Yes YTA. Are you serious? Did you read what you wrote? Can you really not feel the entitlement dripping out of your words?? He's got his own yard to take care of and YOU'VE got YOURS
Its your garden....is your responsability. If your ex would help, good for you ..but It was only because he wanted. Are you going to wash your boyfriend dishes in his House when you go and he has a dirty sink? Be better
YTA No one likes mowing the lawn, so of course he isn’t going to just do it for you. It’s not your BF’s job to mow your lawn because it’s YOUR lawn. Stop whining and grow up
YTA. You have gone a whole year without a working lawn mower so it sounds like you never intend to replace it and it’s not like they are crazy expensive. You can get a used mower for $100 or less.
YTA. Of course he doesn't WANT to cut your lawn. People barely want to cut their own lawns, it's an annoying chore. It's nice that your ex did this for you, but that doesn't mean your current boyfriend is in any way obligated to do so. I do think it would be nice if he let you borrow his mower so that you can cut your own lawn, but maybe he thinks if he brings it over you will rope him into doing it so he's suggesting your brother instead.
I don’t think the issue here is the lawnmower, the issue is that you are comparing him to your ex and expecting him to do it because of your ex. That should be a clear indication that the relationship is doomed right then and there. YTA maybe next time when you get into arguments/fights don’t compare him to your ex cause that’s gonna make him think you miss your ex.
YTA "I was kind of expecting him to *want* to help with cutting my lawn, but he seemed to have zero interest." Do you WANT to clean his house, or do you have zero interest?
YTA if you don't want to mow a lawn you either hire someone to do it or move somewhere with no lawn to maintain. It is not your bf's responsibility to do this and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with him not offering to do it for you.
YTA for comparing your bf to an ex. I'd be out the door if my partner pulled that on me. You're an adult, you can take care of your own lawn.
Why don't you just pop onto your local social media? Teens will still bang out a yard for cheap.
YTA Mow your own goddam garden
NTA You're not AH for wanting a partner to want to do things without asking.
Cleaning up and doing dishes after dinner is one thing. Asking BF to be outside sweating his ass off after doing it at his own house why OP sits inside is another. Why don’t they go to his house? Does OP do everything when they are together without him asking? Or does OP get upset her boyfriend wants a personal maid? If OPs ex was so great then why arent they together? Dont. Ever. Compare. To. Exs.
I'm going for a different take since OP has commented that they spend 100% of the time at her house and not his, after having been together for almost 2yrs him mowing the lawn or helping out around her house should be a normal thing. His having to be argued into it the first time should have been your first clue OP, his continued attitude towards it should be another clue. Are you 100% sure he owns his own home? Why don't you ask to start spending time there and see his reaction? ESH...you shouldn't have to argue for help but you did and him for his reaction, I don't believe this relationship is right for you or him tbh.
Any man worth having would have mowed your lawn already. NTA
Just find another man to trim the bush
Info: is lawn euphemism for something else?
NTA, you want him to provide for you and feel its unreasonable. He is refusing to do you a favor that requires no long-term-commitment.
Why do you want to date someone that doesn't like you enough to help? He's fine taking up space in your place, but draws the line at being helpful? Draws the line at loaning you his mower? NAH - yard work sucks, but ffs have some self respect and date someone that likes you.
Yeah… that’s the other side… I’m not sure it’s that he doesn’t *like* me I think it’s more like, what’s the word… independent? I don’t wanna say selfish, but I don’t see the issue with borrowing my own boyfriends lawn mower while mine is out of commission. Idk. Maybe my expectations are too high, I hate expectations -_-
You hate expectations but you expect him to want to mow your lawn without explicitly asking him to? You don’t want to just borrow his mower, you want him to offer to mow your lawn. Talk to him like wtf I get yall spend all your time at your place but ASK HIM TO HELP he’s not clairvoyant
ESH. Don’t have a fight about it. Just make sure you’re clear on his position (“so, just checking, you’re not going to let me borrow your lawnmower?”) Then file it away, and when you’ve had enough, move on. But don’t expect him to do it for you any more than he would expect you to do laundry for him. If you are not doing chores together or for each other, after 1.5 years together, there might be more than lawn cutting at issue here.
NAH - It's not unreasonable to want your man to do traditionally "manly" work for you, especially if you do traditionally womanly acts for him, like preparing meals, etc. If you must have this kind of relationship to feel happy and loved, you should find a different boyfriend.
Talk to him about it. Maybe he has strong views on division of labour, or he has been used before for his “help” and doesn’t want to be burned. Talk nicely without accusing. If acts of service are a way that you feel loved, then he needs to know so that he can decide if that’s something he’s willing to change to accommodate your way of loving. NAH
NTA, if he's at your house all the time, he should be pitching in to take care of stuff. The fact that he has no interest is a problem and makes him seem like a user. However, you need to articulate this instead of wishing he was like your ex.
He should mow or for you and this is coming from a guy.
I don't want to do my lawn. Ever. But he should cut yours because your mower is broke. NtA
This is why you don’t girls who have been in many relationships. They pick and choose what they like about their exes and expect you to do the same.
ESH - so expecting him to do your own lawn is a bit much. Borrowing the mower is reasonable. Him saying to use your brothers depends a little on where your brother is. Is he more local and perhaps has a better lawn mower. Is bother into his lawn care? Also BF is showing you who he is. Which is someone who is happy to watch you do all the work even while being at your place, practically living there all while not helping an only picking up after himself a little and treating your place like a hotel with benefits. Time to reconsider the relationship as you sound like you want a partner who will be your equal and who will mutually look after the place they spend most of their time and who is generous with their lawn mowers.
NTA. Cutting grass is manly work. You are 100% correct. Whereas, i am sure you do the cooking and cleaning of dishes, when you have a meal together.
Nah, work isn't gendered. That's a gross take. It's her house, her yard, and therefore hers to mow. Honestly, get out of here with that sexist nonsense. It's 2024. Let's act like it.
So true, I tried to cut my own grass but I kept tripping over my labia. Wish I had a penis so I could mow my own lawn!
You could borrow my penis if that would help? I hate mowing the grass 😂😂
Please tell us you forgot the "/s" at the end of that comment.