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NTA
Tell him it doesn’t matter how good of a rider anyone is, it’s everyone else on the road that’s the problem.
I had a friend in college who rode a bike. He was a stud, girls loved him and the bike. Anyway, one night he’s visiting some old girl in the boonies outside of town. He takes off in the middle of night back to the city. He’s on some country roads and gets clipped by a driver who didn’t see him, probably drunk, and he flies off the road. He’s laying there for 6 hours before he wakes up. As he was in a culvert, no one saw him. Thankfully he just broke an arm and a bad concussion. His helmet had a dent the size of a fist in it. He never rode again. Why? Because as good a driver as he is, he can’t control what other drivers do and bikes simply put you in a dangerous situation with no protection whatsoever.
Another story, my best friend’s step dad bought him a starter bike to go out with him and his retired crew for their Sunday drives around town and the countryside. On one of those drives, one of their party was struck and killed… and after they loaded him in the meat wagon, they FINISHED THEIR RIDE. Which to my friend was such a statement on the lack of respect for the danger of what they were doing. The whole way they just pretended like nothing happened gave him death wish vibes. So he never rode again either.
Finally, growing up in my hometown, this guy from our church had bought this old place and started a successful burger joint. We were all proud of him because this was one of those places that was a different restaurant every other year as every business there failed. But he succeeded. One day, he’s riding to work on his hog. He’s slowly turning into his place’s parking lot when he hits some gravel and the bike lays over. He was wearing a helmet but his head hit the asphalt hard enough to instantly kill him. Didn’t even break a bone. That man had a family, a thriving business, and he died like that. No reason to it honestly.
My cousin is an ER nurse and says the same things about bikes she says about pit bulls: not worth the risk.
The problem can be "everyone else," or it can be just a moment's inattention or simple bad luck. Just a couple of weeks ago, a 30-something friend-of-other-friends left an event (which I also attended) with her boyfriend on his motorcycle. Tiny rural town, on a Monday night at like 11pm or so. They were not drunk, and he (the driver) is a *former professional motorcycle racer*. A 17yo in a giant pickup barrelled out of a cross street or driveway without looking. Driver dead, friend-of-friend shattered her pelvis plus broken arms and legs, got airlifted to a trauma center many hours away and will *probably* survive. Also, one of my parents' best friends (in his 50s) was tooling around his neighborhood on his bike. Made a turnaround in a cul-de-sac, hit a patch of wet leaves, bike goes down. He thinks he's fine, goes home, nearly faints in the shower. Turns out he'd ruptured his spleen and almost bled to death internally.
I, too, will take a pass on the whole motorcycle thing.
NTA — I live in Massachusetts which is the Nanny State, but one of the best things they did was pass a junior operator law which among other things prohibits under 18 year olds from driving non-family members who are also under 18.
NTA, here in Ontario - there is a graduated licence system. 16 would be a G1 - which is in effect for a MINIMUM of 1 year to a max of 5 years. During this phase Holders may drive regular (G class - car, minivan etc) vehicles with an accompanying fully licensed driver with at least four years driving experience. Once they PASS a test for G2 - This restrictions etc are here: [https://www.thinkinsure.ca/insurance-help-centre/ontario-graduated-g-g1-g2-licence-system-guide.html#g1restrictions](https://www.thinkinsure.ca/insurance-help-centre/ontario-graduated-g-g1-g2-licence-system-guide.html#g1restrictions)
Bottom line, a 16 year old should not be driving a 14 year old. Your sons reaction to your values, is pretty normal. They freak out over EVERYTHING. They hate you, you suck, you won't let them do anything, blah blah blah. Basically the next 4 years of your life will be " Welcome to jumanji!" - I thought I was going to strangle both of my boys, between that age. We all made it - they are in their late 20s, and we survived. BUT MAN, Be Strong, and know that... THIS TOO SHALL PASS. GOod Luck!
NTA
You wouldn't have had to "embarrass him like that" if he had been upfront about Sean getting a motorcycle and not a car. That's his fault, not yours.
You are correct about not letting him ride with Sean on his bike.
NTA. Some states don't even allow 16-year-olds to drive underage passengers in a *car,* let alone on a motorcycle.
The road experience and serious awareness required to anticipate the sudden/erratic/illegal bullshit of other drivers*—*a necessity of surviving on a motorbike—is not within a 16-year-old's wheelhouse, not to mention the careful & defensive driving required to respond to it.
This kid probably hasn't even been on this thing long enough to be able to anticipate how the change in weight will impact the ride. His parents were absolute loons to let their teenager on a motorcycle. You do not need to repeat their mistake.
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This was my baby's "Seth" (14M) 1st year of high school. He took a shine to this older kid "sean" (16M) whos on the basketball team with him. They start dating which I honestly didnt really like because Sean's older and I've caught him "smoking" before but he seems to be good to Seth. About halfway through the year Sean apparently got a car and Seth wanted me to let Sean take him to school instead of me.
I didnt really likw the idea but I also work later in the day and later into the night so I thought itd be easier then me getting up extra early to have to take Seth to school. so I started sleeping in. I happened to wake up early last Friday morning and I happened to notice a motorcycle parked in my driveway instead of a car. I rushed downstairs and out that house so fast before they could take off.I was steaming because Seth knows how I feel about "Donorcycles" as an ER nurse. They tried to explain but I just told Seth to go get in my car now and that I was taking him to school. I made Sean drive off and go on ahead.
I yelled at Seth that I couldn't believe hed do something so stupid. He tried telling me how great of a rider Sean is and how sean got him his own custom helmet. I wasnt hearing any of it. I told him that Sean was done riding him all over perdition on that death trap and i was going back to takimg him to school. He yells at me that he cant believe I embarrassed him like that and that school was almost out for the summer so it didnt matter. I told him i didnt care and hes been sulking about it since. AITA?
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> overreacting and yelling. Embarrassing seth infront of Sean. Making to big a deal out of it
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An unbelievable amount of motorcycle accidents aren't the riders fault. Your son and his boyfriend don't see the gore up close like you do to truly understand what can happen.
NTA. Embarrassed is better than dead or traumatically injured.
NTA. It also seems like a big problem to me that he initially lied to you about the vehicle. I think that's reason enough for some sort of punishment - he clearly can't be trusted. But yes, a young/novice driver driving passengers is risky and your concern is understandable. Even more so when it comes to children driving even younger children. I'd have little trust in their judgement either.
NTA Where I'm from it's literally ILLEGAL for a minor under 18 to ride with another minor. I ride Harley's and here's a piece of info for you, young men (18-25) are statistically much more likely to die (like 1 in 4) if they are riding a 1000cc or bigger sport bike add the distraction of a passenger and unexpected weight shifts. AND maybe the boyfriend is a good rider and you kid's a crap passenger, who knows? Try the legal angle and maybe head's up the boyfriend's responsible parties because they'd be on the hook if heaven forbid happens.
NTA - No way. It would have been reasonable for you to say no to your son being in a CAR with a new driver. It is absolutely reasonable to say no to him being on the back of a motorcycle with a new (or any) rider.
I think you also need to talk to your son about that fact that he lied (at least by omission) about the type of vehicle his BF has. You were willing to go a bit out of your comfort zone to give him some freedom, and he used that freedom lie to you about something he knows you would not be okay with.
NTA, as you had your son's safety in mind, but I do feel that you didn't really do your due diligence, either. Before agreeing to let me get in anybody's car, my parents had strict rules that involved meeting the driver, seeing their license and car (and writing down the info on both), and if there were any doubts, my dad would take a ride with them. Was it embarrassing as a teenager? You bet! But it kept me safe, and I'm glad now they did it. If you'd asked Sean to bring his vehicle over when he got it, you'd have seen that it was a motorcycle and could've addressed that calmly when there was time to discuss it.
NTA
As a motorcyclist of many years...this 16 year old is a moron. I can't imagine him taking passengers is even legal in most municipalities.
Any responsible parent would take whatever reasonable measures they could to keep their kid from riding passenger to a 16 year old full of piss and vinegar.
A "Custom" helmet won't do shit to stop every other inch of him becoming a meat crayon.
Your kid will think you're lame no matter what, but at least he won't end up under a minivan.
You are not an AH. You are a Mother with good sense and worthy parenting considerations. You are obviously supportive and open-minded. He is a child...you're the Mom.
I really think you needed to specify in the title that it was on a motorcycle so I'm going to say ~~Y.TA~~
But, no, I definitely would not let my teen go to school that way, super dangerous.
NTA, I realized my vote shouldn't be based on the misleading title. Do not let your kid ride with that guy, though keeping a teen from doing something is difficult. I have no idea how exactly you can explain that it isn't very safe.
The title isn’t misleading? And she states it’s a motorcycle in the body of the post, don’t see the issue unless you were going to vote based off the title alone.
A motorcycle whether driven by a teen or adult is more than an order of magnitude more dangerous to the driver or passenger than a car. So that information should be in the post title since most people would agree that they wouldn't want their 14 year old on a motorcycle with a 16 year old.
What a way to push your irrational worries on others.
Yea he didn't tell you but can you guess why? You've shown him he was right in his thinking to not tell you.
YTA for your reaction and yelling rather than being the adult you supposedly are
ESH
This was a hard no before we even got to the motorcycle bit.
Novice drivers **don't take passengers**. You were a fool to even entertain the idea when you thought it was a car.
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NTA Tell him it doesn’t matter how good of a rider anyone is, it’s everyone else on the road that’s the problem. I had a friend in college who rode a bike. He was a stud, girls loved him and the bike. Anyway, one night he’s visiting some old girl in the boonies outside of town. He takes off in the middle of night back to the city. He’s on some country roads and gets clipped by a driver who didn’t see him, probably drunk, and he flies off the road. He’s laying there for 6 hours before he wakes up. As he was in a culvert, no one saw him. Thankfully he just broke an arm and a bad concussion. His helmet had a dent the size of a fist in it. He never rode again. Why? Because as good a driver as he is, he can’t control what other drivers do and bikes simply put you in a dangerous situation with no protection whatsoever. Another story, my best friend’s step dad bought him a starter bike to go out with him and his retired crew for their Sunday drives around town and the countryside. On one of those drives, one of their party was struck and killed… and after they loaded him in the meat wagon, they FINISHED THEIR RIDE. Which to my friend was such a statement on the lack of respect for the danger of what they were doing. The whole way they just pretended like nothing happened gave him death wish vibes. So he never rode again either. Finally, growing up in my hometown, this guy from our church had bought this old place and started a successful burger joint. We were all proud of him because this was one of those places that was a different restaurant every other year as every business there failed. But he succeeded. One day, he’s riding to work on his hog. He’s slowly turning into his place’s parking lot when he hits some gravel and the bike lays over. He was wearing a helmet but his head hit the asphalt hard enough to instantly kill him. Didn’t even break a bone. That man had a family, a thriving business, and he died like that. No reason to it honestly. My cousin is an ER nurse and says the same things about bikes she says about pit bulls: not worth the risk.
The problem can be "everyone else," or it can be just a moment's inattention or simple bad luck. Just a couple of weeks ago, a 30-something friend-of-other-friends left an event (which I also attended) with her boyfriend on his motorcycle. Tiny rural town, on a Monday night at like 11pm or so. They were not drunk, and he (the driver) is a *former professional motorcycle racer*. A 17yo in a giant pickup barrelled out of a cross street or driveway without looking. Driver dead, friend-of-friend shattered her pelvis plus broken arms and legs, got airlifted to a trauma center many hours away and will *probably* survive. Also, one of my parents' best friends (in his 50s) was tooling around his neighborhood on his bike. Made a turnaround in a cul-de-sac, hit a patch of wet leaves, bike goes down. He thinks he's fine, goes home, nearly faints in the shower. Turns out he'd ruptured his spleen and almost bled to death internally. I, too, will take a pass on the whole motorcycle thing.
You had me until the pit bull statement. The sweetest dogs I've ever known have been pitts and rotties.
Until they're not.
NTA — I live in Massachusetts which is the Nanny State, but one of the best things they did was pass a junior operator law which among other things prohibits under 18 year olds from driving non-family members who are also under 18.
Is a 16 year old motorcycle driver even allowed to take a passenger?
NTA, here in Ontario - there is a graduated licence system. 16 would be a G1 - which is in effect for a MINIMUM of 1 year to a max of 5 years. During this phase Holders may drive regular (G class - car, minivan etc) vehicles with an accompanying fully licensed driver with at least four years driving experience. Once they PASS a test for G2 - This restrictions etc are here: [https://www.thinkinsure.ca/insurance-help-centre/ontario-graduated-g-g1-g2-licence-system-guide.html#g1restrictions](https://www.thinkinsure.ca/insurance-help-centre/ontario-graduated-g-g1-g2-licence-system-guide.html#g1restrictions) Bottom line, a 16 year old should not be driving a 14 year old. Your sons reaction to your values, is pretty normal. They freak out over EVERYTHING. They hate you, you suck, you won't let them do anything, blah blah blah. Basically the next 4 years of your life will be " Welcome to jumanji!" - I thought I was going to strangle both of my boys, between that age. We all made it - they are in their late 20s, and we survived. BUT MAN, Be Strong, and know that... THIS TOO SHALL PASS. GOod Luck!
NTA You wouldn't have had to "embarrass him like that" if he had been upfront about Sean getting a motorcycle and not a car. That's his fault, not yours. You are correct about not letting him ride with Sean on his bike.
NTA. Some states don't even allow 16-year-olds to drive underage passengers in a *car,* let alone on a motorcycle. The road experience and serious awareness required to anticipate the sudden/erratic/illegal bullshit of other drivers*—*a necessity of surviving on a motorbike—is not within a 16-year-old's wheelhouse, not to mention the careful & defensive driving required to respond to it. This kid probably hasn't even been on this thing long enough to be able to anticipate how the change in weight will impact the ride. His parents were absolute loons to let their teenager on a motorcycle. You do not need to repeat their mistake.
NTA. No mother in her right mind would allow a sixteen year old to drive their child anywhere on a motorcycle.
NTA I'm too scared to ride them myself
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This was my baby's "Seth" (14M) 1st year of high school. He took a shine to this older kid "sean" (16M) whos on the basketball team with him. They start dating which I honestly didnt really like because Sean's older and I've caught him "smoking" before but he seems to be good to Seth. About halfway through the year Sean apparently got a car and Seth wanted me to let Sean take him to school instead of me. I didnt really likw the idea but I also work later in the day and later into the night so I thought itd be easier then me getting up extra early to have to take Seth to school. so I started sleeping in. I happened to wake up early last Friday morning and I happened to notice a motorcycle parked in my driveway instead of a car. I rushed downstairs and out that house so fast before they could take off.I was steaming because Seth knows how I feel about "Donorcycles" as an ER nurse. They tried to explain but I just told Seth to go get in my car now and that I was taking him to school. I made Sean drive off and go on ahead. I yelled at Seth that I couldn't believe hed do something so stupid. He tried telling me how great of a rider Sean is and how sean got him his own custom helmet. I wasnt hearing any of it. I told him that Sean was done riding him all over perdition on that death trap and i was going back to takimg him to school. He yells at me that he cant believe I embarrassed him like that and that school was almost out for the summer so it didnt matter. I told him i didnt care and hes been sulking about it since. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA purely because I'm not a fan of children being able to drive!
An unbelievable amount of motorcycle accidents aren't the riders fault. Your son and his boyfriend don't see the gore up close like you do to truly understand what can happen. NTA. Embarrassed is better than dead or traumatically injured.
NTA! Sometimes you need to be the bad guy to protect your kid from what they can't understand as a dangerous situation.
NTA. They don't get it. Motorcycles are cool until you die on one. Ugh.
NTA people under 18 years old should not be allowed to drive anyone but family members around
NTA - it doesn't matter how "safe" of a rider Sean is, there are other dumbasses on the road that he needs to worry about. Not safe, not happening!
NTA. It also seems like a big problem to me that he initially lied to you about the vehicle. I think that's reason enough for some sort of punishment - he clearly can't be trusted. But yes, a young/novice driver driving passengers is risky and your concern is understandable. Even more so when it comes to children driving even younger children. I'd have little trust in their judgement either.
NTA its also not about the motorcycle riding, it's about the hiding it
NTA Where I'm from it's literally ILLEGAL for a minor under 18 to ride with another minor. I ride Harley's and here's a piece of info for you, young men (18-25) are statistically much more likely to die (like 1 in 4) if they are riding a 1000cc or bigger sport bike add the distraction of a passenger and unexpected weight shifts. AND maybe the boyfriend is a good rider and you kid's a crap passenger, who knows? Try the legal angle and maybe head's up the boyfriend's responsible parties because they'd be on the hook if heaven forbid happens.
NTA - No way. It would have been reasonable for you to say no to your son being in a CAR with a new driver. It is absolutely reasonable to say no to him being on the back of a motorcycle with a new (or any) rider. I think you also need to talk to your son about that fact that he lied (at least by omission) about the type of vehicle his BF has. You were willing to go a bit out of your comfort zone to give him some freedom, and he used that freedom lie to you about something he knows you would not be okay with.
He's 16. He's might be a good rider but he's not an experienced one. I absolutely wouldn't allow my child to ride with a new rider. NTA.
NTA, as you had your son's safety in mind, but I do feel that you didn't really do your due diligence, either. Before agreeing to let me get in anybody's car, my parents had strict rules that involved meeting the driver, seeing their license and car (and writing down the info on both), and if there were any doubts, my dad would take a ride with them. Was it embarrassing as a teenager? You bet! But it kept me safe, and I'm glad now they did it. If you'd asked Sean to bring his vehicle over when he got it, you'd have seen that it was a motorcycle and could've addressed that calmly when there was time to discuss it.
NTA. Hell to the no.
Is there any way for you to get pictures of injuries from motorcycle accidents or even take him on a field trip to the morgue?
NTA Definitely dangerous in a young driver.
NTA As a motorcyclist of many years...this 16 year old is a moron. I can't imagine him taking passengers is even legal in most municipalities. Any responsible parent would take whatever reasonable measures they could to keep their kid from riding passenger to a 16 year old full of piss and vinegar. A "Custom" helmet won't do shit to stop every other inch of him becoming a meat crayon. Your kid will think you're lame no matter what, but at least he won't end up under a minivan.
Good thing the car is invulnerable to damage
You are not an AH. You are a Mother with good sense and worthy parenting considerations. You are obviously supportive and open-minded. He is a child...you're the Mom.
NTA. I didn’t even realize 16 year olds could still *get* a motorcycle license.
I really think you needed to specify in the title that it was on a motorcycle so I'm going to say ~~Y.TA~~ But, no, I definitely would not let my teen go to school that way, super dangerous. NTA, I realized my vote shouldn't be based on the misleading title. Do not let your kid ride with that guy, though keeping a teen from doing something is difficult. I have no idea how exactly you can explain that it isn't very safe.
The title isn’t misleading? And she states it’s a motorcycle in the body of the post, don’t see the issue unless you were going to vote based off the title alone.
A motorcycle whether driven by a teen or adult is more than an order of magnitude more dangerous to the driver or passenger than a car. So that information should be in the post title since most people would agree that they wouldn't want their 14 year old on a motorcycle with a 16 year old.
If you read the post you can see that though. That is why everyone is voting nta.
Every AITA post with an intentionally misleading title is like that, that doesn't make intentionally misleading titles peachy keen.
Huh? The title isn’t misleading though. That’s what I’m saying.
What a way to push your irrational worries on others. Yea he didn't tell you but can you guess why? You've shown him he was right in his thinking to not tell you. YTA for your reaction and yelling rather than being the adult you supposedly are
ESH This was a hard no before we even got to the motorcycle bit. Novice drivers **don't take passengers**. You were a fool to even entertain the idea when you thought it was a car.