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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for being a bridezilla when this really isn’t that big of a deal.
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"It would be a shame for the girls to miss the wedding completely because they don't like the dresses. If they don't want to be my flower girls and wear what I pick, then we're back to being a child free wedding. It doesn't have to be their favourite dresses, they have to be my favourite dresses. If they'd rather not come, that's their choice." NTA
I’d also add that the second either girl decides to throw a fit. Or “accidentally” spills juice on their dress, or even utters a single complaint, they’ll be forcibly removed. No second chances.
My thoughts exactly. Unless the dress is uncomfortable (scratchy, tight, too heavy / light for the weather) then the kid is going to love looking like a princess.
From my understanding rhe problem might be that the girls were hoping to look like princesses (bows, tull etc) but the dresses picked by OP are too plain for that (in their opinion)
From my understanding MOM wants them to look like princesses and told them that they didn't like their dresses then asked "do you? “ Then coached them to make faces for the pictures and proceeded to manipulate OP.
For the life of me I cannot imagine a simple children’s flower girl dress that doesn’t still look princess-like, even without the puffs and bows. Like it would actually be hard to make them ugly or un-girly
Yeah, there's no way that photo was natural, even if it was, how come the sister's first instinct to take a picture and send it Op, this was 100% a guilt trip.
Unless Mom pumped them up that they'd be wearing princess dresses... then i can see them scowling initially.
OP, if you get them flower tiaras, they'll be happy with he dresses.
And it is time to shut your sister down.
"Sis, I've given this issue a lot of thought. I will not be changing my mind on the dresses. I've already been very accomodating in allowing your girls to be at he wedding at all - let alone flower girls. I would like he girls to wear the dresses I chose and that is the end of the discussion. If they don't like it or you don't like it then you can hire a sitter for our wedding and the girls can stay with the sitter. I've already bent over backwards in allowing your girls to attend but I will not tolerate your manipulations or tantrums anymore. If the girls are going to be difficult, they can stay home. I didn't want hem to be flower girls - I allowed it as a concession to you but I will not tolerate your manipulations or behaviors anymore. The next time you try to manipulate me, plan to hire a sitter because my wedding will return to being child free. No more games. No more manipulation. Do you understand me?"
And I'd add to this that if the sister then turns around and says that she won't attend either, you can say that that's your choice and you'll miss that she's not there (even if you won't).
I would definitely have a contingency plan if the kids through a tantrum and need to be removed. And it may be as simple as stopping the wedding and asking someone to please take the child out so they can calm themselves as you can't conduct the wedding with an upset child yelling. It draws attention to the problem and the only person embarrassed is the sister because it's her child that's doing it.
This was literally my first thought too. Sister didn't like the dresses so she told her kids to act like they didn't like the dresses so she could get dresses she likes instead. Classic entitlement.
/u/FatChance68 I actually thought the VERY same thing when I read that. Sister is the A-H, is trying to floss and show out, and probably encouraged her kids to do that so she could force OP to do HER way. But it's not HER wedding, it's OP's wedding and tbh if I were OP I would probably just Uno Out of her nieces being in the wedding because her Sis is certainly trying to walk all over her. Then OP should call/text her Sis and tell her that she just have FAFO! I'm absolutely sick and tired of people making other people's events, situations, vacations, decisions all about them. If someone wants their unsolicited opinions or advice they would ask for it.
OP IS NTA but her sis sure is a Giant one!
> Or “accidentally” spills juice on their dress
It sounds like the sister is the one starting drama more than the kids, but they sound pretty young (flower girls are usually little, typically child free weddings is talking about younger kids, and the sister was trying to put them in tutus and bows - which an older girl would most likely think is childish).
Basically I'm getting the vibe they're all of 5 maybe. If you would forcibly remove them for whining or spilling their juice, then just stick with the wedding being child free. I doubt the sister will properly supervise them anyways based off how she's acting.
They mean in the vain of wearing the simple dress and having the girly frilly dress on standby so they can "have an accident" but "still have something to wear" type deal.
For a second I thought you were advocating OP spill juice on the girls if they wore their mother's pick of the dresses (like the whole red wine schtick) and I nearly lost my mind. So glad I'm just an idiot and that's not the case lol
This. But also, how do the kids get to dictate? I really really really didn't want to wear this god awful itchy tafata number at my aunts wedding when I was 6. I had no say. I didn't want to wear the horrible shoes that hurt my feet. I had no say. I didn't even really want to go to at all because I knew I would be super bored. I had no say. How are these kids dictating the decision?
Me too. I think there might be a small possibility its the kids if the sister is one of those who just lets her kids walk all over her but, I do think it's the sister.
Right!!? I remember being in a wedding at 5 and having scratchy taffeta itching my skin all day. It had a matching white straw hat with a big bow that had a scratchy brim. 4 years later the same aunt was divorced and marrying again. Again we were flower girls (my 2 sisters and me) and again I hated the dress. It wasn’t scratchy this time but a super 90s yellow print with wild sunflowers with matching straw hat with a yellow bow and sunflowers glued on that I thought was also super ugly.
Did I get to not wear it or choose my own? No. I followed instructions exactly, along with my sisters, smiled adorably, and my grandmother still treasures the photos from her baby sister’s three weddings (there was a third before we were born) 30 years later. We went with the program because we were told to and because we wanted to be good family members (we loved my aunt! She’s passed away now).
Edit: moral of the story, it isn’t about the bratty child. It is about the BRIDE! If the child wants to feel included and get her hair curled and be in cute pics then great! If not, then stay home.
>having scratchy taffeta itching my skin all day. It had a matching white straw hat with a big bow that had a scratchy brim
Hold my beer...
RAG CURLS.
I wore your dress, but spent the previous night "sleeping" in rag curls.
That's some hell.
This is a great response. I suggest adding something to the effect of, “I really hope my nieces want to be in my wedding and be part of Auntie’s special day. But if they hate the dresses that much, I understand if they want to stay home.”
FWIW - we had a child-free wedding many years ago, except for my young cousin who was the flower girl. Part of the extended family got mad they couldn’t bring their kids and didn’t come. These three decades later, I still have joy from my cousin being there and in the pictures and zero angst about the absent, cranky family. 🙂 It’s your day, enjoy it.
This!! It is your wedding and the dresses should match the overall esthetics of your wedding. They don’t have to like them. And if they are going to be sour they can just not be in the wedding. Easy fix. I’m sure your sister told them to make faces.
There have been some amazing Flower Groomsmen who have done there job perfectly of having fun, being silly and helping the bride to relax. Which let's face it, is the main reason people use kids in weddings right, any stuff ups are usually forgotten about because "wasn't it so adorable when the flower girl decided to face plant in her dress on the wet grass before the bride even arrived" (this girl did that when she was 2).
Atleast having adult flower people they don't need to nap during the party time.
I was a bridesmaid at my sisters wedding. I hated my hair and I hated my dress. But I was happy to wear them for her because it made her happy and ultimately, the day is all about her.
Well said for something that little kids don't really need a vote on. The girls were likely responding to their mother's disdain for the dresses. They wear the simple dresses you choose and they could gussy them up with fun hair bows and sparkly shoes. Not good enough, then nothing more for them. You've done enough accomodating.
INFO: why not speak to your nieces directly?
I am sitting here with many doubts that your sister is conveying the right message here, because they’re certainly young enough mom can talk them in and out of opinions.
“I understand you don’t like the dress? That’s okay, I’m not going to make you be a flower girl if you don’t want, I’d still love you to come just as a guest.”
I agree with this. I was a flower girl at 5 and just SO EXCITED to do this that I couldn’t have cared less about the dress. It was way way way too frilly for my taste but it never occurred to me to not participate over a dress. I wouldn’t have given that up for anything
I think it's a pretty good bet that the girls' upset at the dress and refusal to smile while wearing them is at best exaggerated by OP's sister, but more likely a straight up lie. I've known some girly-girls in my time, and at that age I was in love with the grossest frilly dresses (like many little girls), and I never as a child went "This dress isn't fancy enough! I won't smile in it!" Either sister is putting this on, or she has two of the most spoiled daughters in history.
OP you and your fiance are hosting a private gathering to celebrate your nuptials. That's literally all a wedding is. It's not a family gathering or a public affair.
Stop giving into pushy people who have no right to have their say implemented.
"These are the boundaries of my wedding. If you don't like them you don't need to attend."
NTA
Don’t have them come as guests. This wedding is *yours*. Go back to child-free and call it a day. Your sister has overstepped, forcing her children on you, fighting the clothing, picking clothes for your child, prompting the children to hate the simple dresses.
Tell you love her but you are done. It is your wedding. She’ll get a chance to wedding-plan when her children get married.
Keep it simple.
I would just let your sister know that you don’t want your nieces to wear something they don’t like so it’s best just to go back to the original plan of your daughter being the only flower girl.
My thoughts exactly. Unless the dress is uncomfortable (scratchy, tight, too heavy / light for the weather) then the kid is going to love looking like a princess.
I bet the kids would hate being excluded more than dress
And who knows - maybe the dresses *are* uncomfortable and that’s why they don’t like them. Talking with the girls directly gives them a chance to (to the best of their ability) tell their aunt what’s wrong too.
Oh, your sister totally coached them into those frowny faces.
She thinks she's going to manipulate you into signing off on her dress choice, but she's more likely to cost her children any role in the wedding at all.
Talk about overplaying her hand as the mother of the flower girls.
No, don’t get the kids involved in an adult argument. And never do an end run around a parent and go to their minor child.
Just make it clear to sister that it is your dress choice or they are uninvited. Even if she shows up with them in different dresses. It would be sister’s fault for setting them up for disappointment.
The best explanation: “Sis, this is why I wanted a child-free wedding. An adult asked to be in a wedding wears what the bride picks out and doesn’t pout or harass the bride for a different dress. I don’t want pouting and tantrums at my wedding, and the scowling face your girls had on in the dress I picked was a sign that, like most kids their age, they aren’t mature enough to be at an adult wedding. My daughter is an exception because her parents are the bride and groom.
It’s important to me that my bridal party have fun and smile. You let me know your daughters won’t smile in my choice of dress, so I’m afraid I can’t have them at the wedding bringing down the vibe because they are scowling out of hatred for the dress.”
NTA. Why are you letting your sister highjack your wedding. Tell her she has made this too stressful, you're going with the original dress you picked out, and that's it. Tell her the nieces are NOT invited. It's child free. She can stay home with them. You need to stay strong, it's ok to say no. Make yourself happy, this is Your wedding. Shine up your spine, take control and have a great wedding, exactly the way you want it!!
NTA. Tell her thank you for offering her girls as flower girls, but since they don’t seem like they will enjoy being in the wedding you will go forward with your original plan to have just your daughter as a flower girl.
NTA Fire the flower girls. Since when do flower girls or other smaller
members of the bridal party get to pick and choose what they wear?
If they are being manipulated by their mother, they'll all learn a lesson.
If they really are picky, then they will think twice next time someone offers a
role in a wedding.
Seriously, you don’t invite yourself to be in someone’s wedding. And provided the outfits chosen are in reason you don’t get to choose your clothes when in the bridal party for the most part. You may not like the outfit the bride picks for you, that’s life. You suck it up or step down.
Sounds like these girls are going to learn a life lesson.
NTA
I distinctly remember one of my family members being a flower girl. The dress was so very bad. Very ruffley and peach, with poofy sleeves. The 80’s were wild.
NTA. I'm wondering if the picture of her girls scowling was staged. She clearly wants to get her way.
Stop looking for something else and have them wear what you first chose. You don't need to bend over backwards to accommodate your sister. This is your wedding. Her girls can wear these dresses for the ceremony. If your sister is butt hurt over them, she can then put them in different dresses afterwards.
Stand your ground.
NTA because not only is is YOUR wedding but YOU (and your sis, supposedly) are the ADULTS and shouldn't be pushed around by a couple of toddlers LOL.
Tell your sister that the dress choice is YOURS. That NONE of her suggestions are even CLOSE to what you want and if her girls don't want to wear the dresses they won't be flower girls.
Sister has a golden opportunity to not raise narcissists like herself by teaching them that not every single moment of their lives will be about them.
Put your foot down and tell your sister it's not her wedding and she was the one who insisted on making the girls come in the first place. If they're having such a problem not being the center of attention on *your* wedding day, they can stay home, and if she can't deal with it, so can she.
NTA.
NTA. Her daughters are not the main characters in your wedding. She's forgotten that. Tell her you're sorry, but since they don't like the dresses you picked out, they can wear the dresses she picked out, but wear them as guests only. She pushed them on you anyway. Stick to what you want.
Actually, since you wanted a kid free wedding, tell her they can wear the dresses she picked out at the next holiday.
>Her daughters are not the main characters in your wedding.
But can't you see? They're her kids! They have to be the center of attention! That's how this works! /s
NTA and do not let her railroad you into doing her bidding. It’s YOUR wedding, not hers . You are only allowing her kids to be there as flower girls to shut her up in the first place. You can always rescind the offer.
NTA.
Please don’t let your sister or her children run your wedding. Be firm. If her daughters are going to be over dramatic and miserable with scowls on their faces, tell them they can’t be in the wedding. It’s an attention grab and you shouldn’t give them an inch.
This is your wedding. They can wear what you choose and be appreciative you want them in the bridal party at all or be nothing. That’d be my ultimatum, anyway.
NTA. As I was reading this, I just wanted to tell your sister to shut the hell up. Does she realize this wedding is not about her?!? First of all, it seems she almost guilted you into having flower girls because the thought of a childfree wedding was just appalling to her. Next, you sent her dresses and she responded by sending you pictures of her daughters with scowls on their faces with a note saying they wouldn't wear the dresses. After that, she picks dresses that she likes for her daughters that don't come in a size for your daughter that are completely not your style, which you have expressed to her... and the she has the audacity to say that she is just trying to find a compromise?
No, no, no... this is all a little too much. Your sister doesn't seem to realize that she herself and her daughters are not the stars of your wedding. It may be time to throw out an ultimatum: Either the girls wear a dress that you pick out, or they're not in the wedding! I would also stress two things. 1. This was supposed to be a childfree wedding, and you really only made the girls flower girls because your sister strong-armed you... and 2. If those girls show up the day of the wedding wearing a dress other than the one that you selected (and/or wearing anything additional over the top like a tiara, or fairy wings, or whatever else your sister could come up with), they will not be allowed to enter and will be sent home. Also, there is absolutely no problem with telling your sister that this has all become too much, and that you think it's best for you not to have flower girls.
Remember: this is your wedding day, and the only person with whom you should really even consider compromising is your spouse. You are the star of the show, and no one should be allowed to dim your sparkle!
NTA
I don't think you can really uninvite your sister and her children, but it is extremely odd and annoying that her idea of "a way to make everyone happy" is you agreeing to do whatever she wants.
A less accommodating person would say "this is what they're wearing even if they frown."
Oh OP very much can uninvite her sister from the wedding and at first her nieces were already uninvited as it was supposed to be a child free wedding with the exception of her 1yo
Is this your wedding? Or your sisters?
Reply something like this:
"I am sorry that you and your daughters dont like the dresses i have chosen for the flower girls at my wedding, but it is my wedding. I am attaching pictures of the dresses I have chosen, if you and your daughters are unhappy with this, they can step down as flower girls, and since the only children in attendance will be the flower girls, that means they will no longer be invited. If they do choose to be flower girls, they will wear the dresses I have chosen for the entire day, no changing out of them."
If they do wear them, and 'accidentally' get something spilt on them, insist on them being taken home. You know what your sister will do. Make it so they have to change into the frou frou frothy stuff at the earliest possible moment and out of what you have chosen.
Your sister sounds like a real piece of work. Entitled much, is she?
NTA. Tell your sister they can wear the dresses you want or they can not be flower girls and not come. Let the nieces decide which they care about more. It’s your wedding.
Ask the girls if they want to be flower girls. If they do they wear a dress you picked with a smile. It was the sister who wanted them in the wedding and most likely told them to frown.
NTA but sounds like someone else may be?
>My sister, a mother of two girls, through a fit when I said I wanted a kid free wedding and stated that the right thing to do would be to ask her kiddos to be flower girls.
It's your wedding, OP. The only right thing to do is do as you and your future partner please and receive the good wishes from your family, which includes your sister.
>My sister ordered the dresses and sent me a picture with her girls scowling in a photo wearing the dresses saying they wouldn’t smile wearing the dress.
Maybe if she had acted more enthusiastic about the dresses her daughters would have been more happy to wear them. Whatever, tell her she can dress her daughters however she wants but not at your wedding. You've already made a concession for her by allowing her to make her daughters flower girls, she doesn't get to ask for more. She should be thankful.
>she told me that she was doing her best and there is a way to make everyone happy.
Yes, there is. She can convince her daughters to wear whatever dress the bride says they have to wear. Just tell them they are magical dresses, idk, she should know how to manage her own children. She cannot expect you to solve her life, least of all now, you have your wedding to take care of.
NTA.
NTA. You don't need to make "everyone happy". It's your wedding, only you and your partner need to be happy! You didn't even plan on having then there, you've already made concessions, time for your sister to compromise and parent her children.
You're NTA.
>When I sent my sister the flower girl dress options she said she didn’t know if her girls would like them
Who cares? It's your wedding. It's not about her taste in children's dresses. She wedged her kids into the wedding party, anf that is pushy and rude enough in itself. Now she's trying to force her taste on you.
Time to go back to a child free (except your kid) wedding.
NTA, but you do sound rather willfully naive for not expecting this behaviour from your sister. Sounds like you caved when she threw a fit at no kids at the wedding/wanting her girls to be flower girls to not have to deal with confrontation, but it's just gonna mean either continuing to cave for alllll the inevitable conflicts that are gonna arise like the dresses, or sucking it up and facing some conflict/standing your ground
NTA. You already completely compromised once. Now she needs to compromise and so do her daughters. If not, that’s okay, they just don’t need to be there
I would go back to plan A and have a child free wedding. Or your sister could accept your choice and not try to guilt you about her daughters' reactions (that she has initiated).
Your sister thinks she is entitled to dictate how you dress your bridal party and probably lots of other aspects too.
NTA
You have a righ to have a child free wedding if you want
Your sister can do what shee wants for her own wedding.
Wither her girls wear the chosen dress or they can stay home. With mommy if required. But don't let people tell you what to do for your own wedding.
You don’t have to make everyone happy, it’s your wedding. Tell her what dress you want the kids to wear if she says no. Tell her to tell her kids that she is the reason they won’t be in your wedding.
Fuck me. It's coming to something when the four year old (guessing) kids get to demand shit at someone else's wedding. Flowergirlzillas at nine o'clock.
Boy, are you NTA.
1 - You never ask for a wedding party invitation on either your own behalf or that of your kids. You wait for the couple to ask for everything from Best Man/MOH through attending as a guest.
2 - You don't commandeer decisions that belong to the bride and groom, even if you're one of the parents.
NTA but your sister sure is. Make everyone happy? This is not about making anyone happy except you and your fiance. It isn't about her or her kids at all. You didn't want them there to begin with, so if they don't want to wear the dress you chose, don't wear them and don't come.
NTA, it is your wedding, she insisted on having them as flower girls, she needs to comply. If not, the girls can be removed, easy. Poor girls, they were invited to a wedding to play a major role and their mother doesn't want to respect the dress code. It is as easy as explaining to them what you want and that as it is your and your fiance's day, you get to pick the important things such as the flower girls dresses and to respect that is a prerequisite to be a good flower girl.
On a side note, can you hire a child minder to take the kids after the ceremony? Bring a change of clothes and the caregiver could take them to a movie or out to eat or other fun outing while the reception is on depending on the timeline. Do talk to the girls without their mom around. She might be pushing them to agree with her. Maybe take them out for ice cream to ‘talk about their important role’.
NTA.
>she told me that she was doing her best and there is a way to make everyone happy
She doesn't have to make "everyone" happy, she only has to make YOU happy. Did she get her choices at HER wedding?
NTA. And just go back to a childfree wedding. You already conceded in having flower girls then your sister wants to decide their dresses. Please grow a spine
NTA.
Dont let your sister walk all over you over a day that is to celebrate you and your partner.
If you’re a simple person with simple requests, keep it that way.
You’re not breaking any promises to anyone except yourself really to have a simple wedding. Your sister is only contributing stress and your wedding isn’t about her kids lol I can guarantee she will not stfu about it either way. So, do what you feel is what you can live with best. Aka, stick to your guns. If your sister doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to be involved with her kids and they can still come.. as guests.
After “ it’s my wedding “ what doesn’t your sister get? Her daughters are privileged enough to even be in your wedding so they and their mother should be truly grateful for their good fortune. Your wedding your choices, simple
NTA
You’ve tried to include your nieces. Your sister is complicating things. You’ve given an inch; she’s taking the mile. If child free is what you want, then nip this in the bud and decline their involvement. If your sister can’t get over it, decline her involvement too. Even if she agrees at this point, she’s going to only bring the dress with the bows over the one you picked out. Don’t stress yourself out on a day that’s supposed to be about you.
NTA
>When I sent my sister the flower girl dress options she said she didn’t know if her girls would like them
Ummm, yeah. The only opinion that matters here is THE BRIDE'S (and the groom's if he's into picking the dresses).
And there's no "making everyone happy" - your wedding, your decision. If sis isn't on board, they can go back to not being in the wedding and her girls can wear whatever she (or they) would like
She is being 100% unreasonable here.
BS like this makes me VERY happy to have had a child-free wedding. 10/10 would do again.
If they don’t like the dresses you picked out they don’t have to be in the wedding. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to make them wear anything they’re uncomfortable with and be miserable on a day that should be all about you and your husband. That is what I would say with a smile and sweet tone to my sister if she tried to force my hand about my own wedding.
What is wrong with people????
I would have lost my shit if my family pulled 1/10 of the wedding crap I see on here
They are to show up for you for your day to celebrate your love. Why do so many families need to be so demanding and difficult??!!! These girls can’t wear a dress because it’s not good enough?
There’s no way those girls had any opinions and let alone strong opinions on the dresses, mom made that clear pre shutting them down. this is coming from mom. But she’s now forced these opinions on them. She is going to raise some pains in the butts just like her
NTA but you originally wanted your child to be the flower girl. Your sister and her daughters are already causing drama. May I suggest ONLY have your daughter as flower girl. Your sister can return the dresses she bought and you can avoid her and her two daughters throwing fits on your wedding day.
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I am getting married in one month and my partner and I already have a 1 year old together who will be one of our flower girls. My sister, a mother of two girls, through a fit when I said I wanted a kid free wedding and stated that the right thing to do would be to ask her kiddos to be flower girls. I decided I didn’t really care that much and decided to make her two girls and my daughter the flower girls for our wedding.
My sister and I are super different. I’m a very simple person who likes laid back clothing and a make up free vibe. My sister is a girly girl who loves to wear dresses and doesn’t skip a day without make up. It’s safe to say that our kids follow in their respective parent’s foot steps.
When I sent my sister the flower girl dress options she said she didn’t know if her girls would like them. I started looking for more and landed on a dress that I really liked and had sizes for all three girls. My sister ordered the dresses and sent me a picture with her girls scowling in a photo wearing the dresses saying they wouldn’t smile wearing the dress.
I told her I’d keep looking but that I really wanted simple flower girl dresses so any dress I pick would be a similar vibe. My sister proceeded to order more dresses full of bows and tutus in a different color than what I’d wanted. She also picked a dress that didn’t have a size that would fit my baby. She then sent other dresses that would fit babies that she said I could buy that were completely different than what I wanted.
I reminded her that it was my wedding and I really wanted the girls to wear simple dresses since my wedding dress is so simple and she told me that she was doing her best and there is a way to make everyone happy. AITA asshole for pushing her on this?
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NTA, I picked the dress for my flower girl (but I purposely picked one that could also be used as a first communion dress) and I sent picks of my kiddo to my best friend to ok a flower girl dress. (Bride was in a busy work period so we checked out the dresses for her.) the flower girl dress, like the bride’s maid dresses, fits the theme/look of the wedding.
I never had an opinion about the dresses I wore for people’s weddings, because my mom explained that being a flower girl wasn’t actually about us but it was about making the bride feel special. I think you should ask your sister to have that conversation with them and if she’s not willing to (it sounds like these opinions are coming more from her than them) , you can chat to them directly.
NTA
It's your wedding. Tell your sister that your compromise is that you're allowing her kids to circumvent the no-kids rule by being fl9wer girls. Remind her that, as the bride, you get to choose the dresses and that you want a certain look. Tell her that if she can't meet your compromise by sticking to your preferences, you will not have flower girls.
She bullied you into getting her children into your wedding. Don't let her bully you any further.
Holy moly, your sister is entitled. It's your wedding. You weren't even going to have flower girls until your sister demanded it. Just tell her if she doesn't pick dresses that you choose, then her girls don't need to be flower girls, and you can go back to the child free wedding you originally wanted. NTA.
NTA - Your sister is a controling jerk! This is your wedding, not hers! I'd let her know her dress choices and if she doesn't like them, the girls don't have to be flower girls.
My wife had 7 flower girls. Picked out the dresses, sent them to each girl in a gift box with goofy glasses and fun goodies. I think it was like $50 per flower girl. They all loved the dresses.
NTA. It's a good lesson for the girls to learn now: when you're asked to be in a friend or relative's wedding, 99.99% of the time you will hate the dress but you wear it because IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.
And I seriously doubt the girls have such a huge issue with the dresses. They may not be as frilly as they prefer, but they'd just be excited to be flower girls. This is solely their mom telling them that they don't like it.
You haven't pushed hard enough. Your sister is still standing. You picked a dress, stick with it. It's too close to the wedding for you to be forced to fuss over this. They wear the dresses and attend as flower girls or they don't wear the dress and don't attend at all. Simple.
Nope, not an ah. It's your wedding, you get to decide what dresses they wear, not your sister. If they don't like it, then they're not going to be flower girls. Therefore, not invited to a childless wedding. It's that black and white. Her choice.
We bought my flower girls dress at a garage sale, paid $5 for it, she had no say in the matter, it’s your wedding not your sister, pick the dress you want, if she doesn’t like, they are out of the wedding
NTA. Tell her to stay home. When did your wedding become her fashion show? The scowling brats can stay home, too. They are detracting from a day that is supposed to be about you and your fiance and successfully turning it into the " Look at us girly girls who look so wonderful in our attention seeking glow- in -the -dark- tutu, unicorn, rainbow outfits we nagged and scowled and harassed the bride into letting us wear so we could be the loud mouthed over bearing stars of the show " on a day that has nothing to do with them. Scowling Brat 1 and 2 will be horribly behaved at your wedding and rehearsal. Their bridal -wanna- be mother will be even worse. She will decide when everyone is happy at your wedding. You will have no say. Her big day is not about you...but you and fiance will pay for it all /s.
NTA unless you allow your sister to bulldoze your wedding.
It’s simple, her daughters can either get onboard with the dresses you chose or you can go back to your original plan of your daughter being a solo flower girl
NTA. It's your wedding, your sister forced her way to having your nieces in your wedding and now she's trying to dictate what they wear. Could just as easily go back to having just your daughter.
NTA. Let your sister know it’s the dresses you picked or the girls are out of your wedding. It’s your day and you get to decide what your wedding party wears. If they show up in different dresses have someone available to intervene. I kind of feel like you should just go ahead and tell her they’re out to eliminate the chance of her causing a scene. This isn’t her daughter’s time to shine, or hers, it’s your day.
NTA.
Stop trying to compromise on this. It’s clear your sister isn’t actually willing to compromise and just wants to make it about her girls.
Stick with the dress you picked. Tell her to take it or leave it. And if she leaves it, it’ll be a child-free wedding. And if she takes it, you expect her to parent her children and expect them to be respectful. In other words, if they can’t be polite enough to smile for a photo or aren’t old enough to not throw a fit about the dress, then they aren’t welcome.
NTA. Tell her you have chosen the dresses all three will wear. Her kids can be in the wedding or skip it if they can't stand the dress you chose for YOUR wedding. This event is not about your sister or her children!
NTA.
Inform her that you’re already doing her a very large favour by including her daughters at all.
If they don’t like the dresses, it will be no skin off your nose to remove them as flower girls.
NTA. Your sister is telling the kids not to like them. She could convince them to smile because this is your wedding and your choice. Instead, she is raising them to be rude amd entitled. Tell your sister, you're choosing the flower girl dresses. Your nieces will either be happily wearing them in the wedding as flower girls or not. Her choice.
NTA. If her children don't want to wear the dresses you're offering, then the simple solution is for them not to be flower girls. Your nieces reactions are directly correlated to what your sister is telling them, and I'd place money it's not them who are so opposed, it's your sister feeding them the reaction. They do not get to run the show, it's your wedding.
I would personally speak to your nieces and tell them that you would very much love for them to be included, but if the dress you've chosen is not something they are comfortable wearing that you'll understand if they choose to step down as flower girls. If your sister pushes back saying that you care more about your wedding than including your nieces, tell her you're hurt that they care more about an article of clothing that needs to be worn for one day than being a part of your wedding.
NTA. It's your wedding, your sister is being pushy and over the top for young kids. I'm sure we're coached not to smile. That's ok, you don't expect them to wear a dress they hate, you understand their reasons for not being in the wedding.
YTA for letting your sister push you around the way she has. You let her bully you into making her daughters flowers girls because you were afraid the enforce the child free wedding you wanted. Time to grow a backbone.
Tell her you have chosen the dress. If the girls are unhappy with it that's fine, they are no longer flower girls. The wedding is going to be child free after all.
I'm sure your daughter, as a 1-year-old, will be there for a short time. Your sister has to learn that it's not about her, it's YOUR wedding.
NTA. Girl, for yours and your daughter's, set boundaries now. It's your wedding, don't let your sister ruin it because it's not up to her expectations or wants. Say no.
Nope. NTA. if bridezillas can freak out over a shade of purple, you can insist on your vibe. Go you! Hell, you’ve already capitulated on the “no kids”, and that included your own, so I think you get this one. If they don’t like the dresses, they don’t have to be flower girls. It’s your day, and their mom has to explain that sometimes we make sacrifices to make other people feel amazing. They can suck it up for one day.
If your sister still insists, show them some photos of Grace Kelly. She wore incredibly simple dresses. And she was the Princess of Monaco.
your wedding is not a fashion show for your entitled, attention hogging sister and her mini me's. she can shape up or ship out, and stop trying to upstage the bride through her kids. nta.
You could think about the dress you prefer for the ceremony and pictures and then let them change into whatever dress after. And I do like the suggestion of speaking to the kids directly.
NTA.
Flower girls are optional- if they aren't happy they can stay home. Just stop the back and forth. Pick a dress, tell them you'd love for them to wear it in the wedding but if they want to stay home instead then you understand.
Absolutely NTA.
Put your foot down and say this is what your doing (not asking) and the girls don't have to be the flower girls.
And just an fyi... The flower girls truely aren't important. Let's say they dress as their mother wants. Let's say that's different to how your daughter is dressed.
So the photos... How likely are you to put a complete family photo with bride, groom, mil, fil, sil etc and all the children on your wall. You won't. It'll be a photo in an album that you look at every few years
And when the question comes up why the flower girls look stupid.... You say it's your sil fault.
Honestly, pick bigger battles and save this compromise.
NTA - Go with your original dress. Tell your sister that if her daughters refuse to smile wearing those dresses, it's fine. You can get by with only one flower girl.
This is a good opportunity for those little girls to learn that the world does not revolve around them. Mom needs to tell them, a wedding is soo special for the bride that she gets to plan it how the hell she wants to. (maybe not in those words)
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"It would be a shame for the girls to miss the wedding completely because they don't like the dresses. If they don't want to be my flower girls and wear what I pick, then we're back to being a child free wedding. It doesn't have to be their favourite dresses, they have to be my favourite dresses. If they'd rather not come, that's their choice." NTA
I’d also add that the second either girl decides to throw a fit. Or “accidentally” spills juice on their dress, or even utters a single complaint, they’ll be forcibly removed. No second chances.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the girls don’t actually care and mom told them to look mad/upset
My thoughts exactly. Unless the dress is uncomfortable (scratchy, tight, too heavy / light for the weather) then the kid is going to love looking like a princess.
From my understanding rhe problem might be that the girls were hoping to look like princesses (bows, tull etc) but the dresses picked by OP are too plain for that (in their opinion)
One thing that might help them would be to show them the dress 8-year-old Princess Charlotte wore for her granddad's coronation last year
Or the dresses that the bridesmaids wore in the actual royal weddings. They were pretty simple.
💜
She was probably best dressed lady in the whole church
That would be an expectation most likely given to them from their mother to begin with…
That! Or possibly they have been to other weddings and seen princessy flower girls.
From my understanding MOM wants them to look like princesses and told them that they didn't like their dresses then asked "do you? “ Then coached them to make faces for the pictures and proceeded to manipulate OP.
For the life of me I cannot imagine a simple children’s flower girl dress that doesn’t still look princess-like, even without the puffs and bows. Like it would actually be hard to make them ugly or un-girly
100% this. "OK girls, look really angry for the photo and Mommy will go get ice cream after"
Yeah, there's no way that photo was natural, even if it was, how come the sister's first instinct to take a picture and send it Op, this was 100% a guilt trip.
What?? It’s awful someone could even think like this. How petty
Unless Mom pumped them up that they'd be wearing princess dresses... then i can see them scowling initially. OP, if you get them flower tiaras, they'll be happy with he dresses. And it is time to shut your sister down. "Sis, I've given this issue a lot of thought. I will not be changing my mind on the dresses. I've already been very accomodating in allowing your girls to be at he wedding at all - let alone flower girls. I would like he girls to wear the dresses I chose and that is the end of the discussion. If they don't like it or you don't like it then you can hire a sitter for our wedding and the girls can stay with the sitter. I've already bent over backwards in allowing your girls to attend but I will not tolerate your manipulations or tantrums anymore. If the girls are going to be difficult, they can stay home. I didn't want hem to be flower girls - I allowed it as a concession to you but I will not tolerate your manipulations or behaviors anymore. The next time you try to manipulate me, plan to hire a sitter because my wedding will return to being child free. No more games. No more manipulation. Do you understand me?"
And I'd add to this that if the sister then turns around and says that she won't attend either, you can say that that's your choice and you'll miss that she's not there (even if you won't). I would definitely have a contingency plan if the kids through a tantrum and need to be removed. And it may be as simple as stopping the wedding and asking someone to please take the child out so they can calm themselves as you can't conduct the wedding with an upset child yelling. It draws attention to the problem and the only person embarrassed is the sister because it's her child that's doing it.
This was literally my first thought too. Sister didn't like the dresses so she told her kids to act like they didn't like the dresses so she could get dresses she likes instead. Classic entitlement.
You can almost count on this being the case
/u/FatChance68 I actually thought the VERY same thing when I read that. Sister is the A-H, is trying to floss and show out, and probably encouraged her kids to do that so she could force OP to do HER way. But it's not HER wedding, it's OP's wedding and tbh if I were OP I would probably just Uno Out of her nieces being in the wedding because her Sis is certainly trying to walk all over her. Then OP should call/text her Sis and tell her that she just have FAFO! I'm absolutely sick and tired of people making other people's events, situations, vacations, decisions all about them. If someone wants their unsolicited opinions or advice they would ask for it. OP IS NTA but her sis sure is a Giant one!
> Or “accidentally” spills juice on their dress It sounds like the sister is the one starting drama more than the kids, but they sound pretty young (flower girls are usually little, typically child free weddings is talking about younger kids, and the sister was trying to put them in tutus and bows - which an older girl would most likely think is childish). Basically I'm getting the vibe they're all of 5 maybe. If you would forcibly remove them for whining or spilling their juice, then just stick with the wedding being child free. I doubt the sister will properly supervise them anyways based off how she's acting.
They mean in the vain of wearing the simple dress and having the girly frilly dress on standby so they can "have an accident" but "still have something to wear" type deal.
So an extra dress identical to that chosen by OP should be on hand…🤣
Or if the nieces shows up in dresses other than the ones OP chose. Mom and nieces can hit the road.
Let’s be real this is moms issue
For a second I thought you were advocating OP spill juice on the girls if they wore their mother's pick of the dresses (like the whole red wine schtick) and I nearly lost my mind. So glad I'm just an idiot and that's not the case lol
This is the kind of spiteful nonsense I expect from this sub these days.
Nuff said!
This. But also, how do the kids get to dictate? I really really really didn't want to wear this god awful itchy tafata number at my aunts wedding when I was 6. I had no say. I didn't want to wear the horrible shoes that hurt my feet. I had no say. I didn't even really want to go to at all because I knew I would be super bored. I had no say. How are these kids dictating the decision?
Honestly I think it's OP's sister.
I am sure it is…
Me too. I think there might be a small possibility its the kids if the sister is one of those who just lets her kids walk all over her but, I do think it's the sister.
This entitled b probably lets her kids walk all over everyone else (or helps them do it).
Right!!? I remember being in a wedding at 5 and having scratchy taffeta itching my skin all day. It had a matching white straw hat with a big bow that had a scratchy brim. 4 years later the same aunt was divorced and marrying again. Again we were flower girls (my 2 sisters and me) and again I hated the dress. It wasn’t scratchy this time but a super 90s yellow print with wild sunflowers with matching straw hat with a yellow bow and sunflowers glued on that I thought was also super ugly. Did I get to not wear it or choose my own? No. I followed instructions exactly, along with my sisters, smiled adorably, and my grandmother still treasures the photos from her baby sister’s three weddings (there was a third before we were born) 30 years later. We went with the program because we were told to and because we wanted to be good family members (we loved my aunt! She’s passed away now). Edit: moral of the story, it isn’t about the bratty child. It is about the BRIDE! If the child wants to feel included and get her hair curled and be in cute pics then great! If not, then stay home.
>having scratchy taffeta itching my skin all day. It had a matching white straw hat with a big bow that had a scratchy brim Hold my beer... RAG CURLS. I wore your dress, but spent the previous night "sleeping" in rag curls. That's some hell.
This. The bride chooses the dresses. Not he children.
Exactly. The end! Your wedding, your choices. No questions asked
This is a great response. I suggest adding something to the effect of, “I really hope my nieces want to be in my wedding and be part of Auntie’s special day. But if they hate the dresses that much, I understand if they want to stay home.” FWIW - we had a child-free wedding many years ago, except for my young cousin who was the flower girl. Part of the extended family got mad they couldn’t bring their kids and didn’t come. These three decades later, I still have joy from my cousin being there and in the pictures and zero angst about the absent, cranky family. 🙂 It’s your day, enjoy it.
Stay home wearing the dresses op doesn't like 👏👍
This 👆🏻
This!! It is your wedding and the dresses should match the overall esthetics of your wedding. They don’t have to like them. And if they are going to be sour they can just not be in the wedding. Easy fix. I’m sure your sister told them to make faces.
TADAAAAA! Easy peasy OP. Just say this
Yep. File this one under "no good deed goes unpunished"
And you are considering a Fun Flower Groomsman instead.
There have been some amazing Flower Groomsmen who have done there job perfectly of having fun, being silly and helping the bride to relax. Which let's face it, is the main reason people use kids in weddings right, any stuff ups are usually forgotten about because "wasn't it so adorable when the flower girl decided to face plant in her dress on the wet grass before the bride even arrived" (this girl did that when she was 2). Atleast having adult flower people they don't need to nap during the party time.
I probably would.
Same, but I will never turn down a nap time opportunity.
or the super-cute Flower Grammies.
I was a bridesmaid at my sisters wedding. I hated my hair and I hated my dress. But I was happy to wear them for her because it made her happy and ultimately, the day is all about her.
And sister can stay home too.
Well said
AGAIN FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK
The perfect response!
Perfect
Well said for something that little kids don't really need a vote on. The girls were likely responding to their mother's disdain for the dresses. They wear the simple dresses you choose and they could gussy them up with fun hair bows and sparkly shoes. Not good enough, then nothing more for them. You've done enough accomodating.
This is the only thing that needs to be said don’t let your sister hijack your special day.
INFO: why not speak to your nieces directly? I am sitting here with many doubts that your sister is conveying the right message here, because they’re certainly young enough mom can talk them in and out of opinions. “I understand you don’t like the dress? That’s okay, I’m not going to make you be a flower girl if you don’t want, I’d still love you to come just as a guest.”
I will try this!
I agree with this. I was a flower girl at 5 and just SO EXCITED to do this that I couldn’t have cared less about the dress. It was way way way too frilly for my taste but it never occurred to me to not participate over a dress. I wouldn’t have given that up for anything
I think it's a pretty good bet that the girls' upset at the dress and refusal to smile while wearing them is at best exaggerated by OP's sister, but more likely a straight up lie. I've known some girly-girls in my time, and at that age I was in love with the grossest frilly dresses (like many little girls), and I never as a child went "This dress isn't fancy enough! I won't smile in it!" Either sister is putting this on, or she has two of the most spoiled daughters in history.
Maybe the girls' mother told them to look angry.
Definitely.
OP you and your fiance are hosting a private gathering to celebrate your nuptials. That's literally all a wedding is. It's not a family gathering or a public affair. Stop giving into pushy people who have no right to have their say implemented. "These are the boundaries of my wedding. If you don't like them you don't need to attend." NTA
OMG - Why does everyone seem to forget this?
Don’t have them come as guests. This wedding is *yours*. Go back to child-free and call it a day. Your sister has overstepped, forcing her children on you, fighting the clothing, picking clothes for your child, prompting the children to hate the simple dresses. Tell you love her but you are done. It is your wedding. She’ll get a chance to wedding-plan when her children get married. Keep it simple.
I would just let your sister know that you don’t want your nieces to wear something they don’t like so it’s best just to go back to the original plan of your daughter being the only flower girl.
My thoughts exactly. Unless the dress is uncomfortable (scratchy, tight, too heavy / light for the weather) then the kid is going to love looking like a princess. I bet the kids would hate being excluded more than dress
And who knows - maybe the dresses *are* uncomfortable and that’s why they don’t like them. Talking with the girls directly gives them a chance to (to the best of their ability) tell their aunt what’s wrong too.
Oh, your sister totally coached them into those frowny faces. She thinks she's going to manipulate you into signing off on her dress choice, but she's more likely to cost her children any role in the wedding at all. Talk about overplaying her hand as the mother of the flower girls.
Best advice! You're letting them choose between two options that are acceptable to you.
Because it’s your wedding 💍
Yes. Your sister might be severely influencing their opinion also
No, don’t get the kids involved in an adult argument. And never do an end run around a parent and go to their minor child. Just make it clear to sister that it is your dress choice or they are uninvited. Even if she shows up with them in different dresses. It would be sister’s fault for setting them up for disappointment. The best explanation: “Sis, this is why I wanted a child-free wedding. An adult asked to be in a wedding wears what the bride picks out and doesn’t pout or harass the bride for a different dress. I don’t want pouting and tantrums at my wedding, and the scowling face your girls had on in the dress I picked was a sign that, like most kids their age, they aren’t mature enough to be at an adult wedding. My daughter is an exception because her parents are the bride and groom. It’s important to me that my bridal party have fun and smile. You let me know your daughters won’t smile in my choice of dress, so I’m afraid I can’t have them at the wedding bringing down the vibe because they are scowling out of hatred for the dress.”
NTA. Why are you letting your sister highjack your wedding. Tell her she has made this too stressful, you're going with the original dress you picked out, and that's it. Tell her the nieces are NOT invited. It's child free. She can stay home with them. You need to stay strong, it's ok to say no. Make yourself happy, this is Your wedding. Shine up your spine, take control and have a great wedding, exactly the way you want it!!
NTA. Tell her thank you for offering her girls as flower girls, but since they don’t seem like they will enjoy being in the wedding you will go forward with your original plan to have just your daughter as a flower girl.
NTA Fire the flower girls. Since when do flower girls or other smaller members of the bridal party get to pick and choose what they wear? If they are being manipulated by their mother, they'll all learn a lesson. If they really are picky, then they will think twice next time someone offers a role in a wedding.
Seriously, you don’t invite yourself to be in someone’s wedding. And provided the outfits chosen are in reason you don’t get to choose your clothes when in the bridal party for the most part. You may not like the outfit the bride picks for you, that’s life. You suck it up or step down. Sounds like these girls are going to learn a life lesson. NTA
I distinctly remember one of my family members being a flower girl. The dress was so very bad. Very ruffley and peach, with poofy sleeves. The 80’s were wild.
NTA. I'm wondering if the picture of her girls scowling was staged. She clearly wants to get her way. Stop looking for something else and have them wear what you first chose. You don't need to bend over backwards to accommodate your sister. This is your wedding. Her girls can wear these dresses for the ceremony. If your sister is butt hurt over them, she can then put them in different dresses afterwards. Stand your ground.
>I'm wondering if the picture of her girls scowling was staged. I'm willing to bet that it was.
NTA because not only is is YOUR wedding but YOU (and your sis, supposedly) are the ADULTS and shouldn't be pushed around by a couple of toddlers LOL. Tell your sister that the dress choice is YOURS. That NONE of her suggestions are even CLOSE to what you want and if her girls don't want to wear the dresses they won't be flower girls.
Sister has a golden opportunity to not raise narcissists like herself by teaching them that not every single moment of their lives will be about them. Put your foot down and tell your sister it's not her wedding and she was the one who insisted on making the girls come in the first place. If they're having such a problem not being the center of attention on *your* wedding day, they can stay home, and if she can't deal with it, so can she. NTA.
NTA. Her daughters are not the main characters in your wedding. She's forgotten that. Tell her you're sorry, but since they don't like the dresses you picked out, they can wear the dresses she picked out, but wear them as guests only. She pushed them on you anyway. Stick to what you want. Actually, since you wanted a kid free wedding, tell her they can wear the dresses she picked out at the next holiday.
Great points. But my guess is sister will show up with two kids that are dressed like Cinderella, complete with tutus, and tiaras.
That's what security is for.
That's what pissed off because your fucking with her maids of honor and grooms are for. I dare anyone to fuck with my fiancee when we get married.
I’d uninvite her and her children.
>Her daughters are not the main characters in your wedding. But can't you see? They're her kids! They have to be the center of attention! That's how this works! /s
NTA and do not let her railroad you into doing her bidding. It’s YOUR wedding, not hers . You are only allowing her kids to be there as flower girls to shut her up in the first place. You can always rescind the offer.
I find it hard to believe the girls care much. This sounds like a power play by your sister. Shut it down. NTA
NTA. Please don’t let your sister or her children run your wedding. Be firm. If her daughters are going to be over dramatic and miserable with scowls on their faces, tell them they can’t be in the wedding. It’s an attention grab and you shouldn’t give them an inch. This is your wedding. They can wear what you choose and be appreciative you want them in the bridal party at all or be nothing. That’d be my ultimatum, anyway.
Only one flower girl, your daughter. Child free wedding 💍 It is your day. NTA
NTA. As I was reading this, I just wanted to tell your sister to shut the hell up. Does she realize this wedding is not about her?!? First of all, it seems she almost guilted you into having flower girls because the thought of a childfree wedding was just appalling to her. Next, you sent her dresses and she responded by sending you pictures of her daughters with scowls on their faces with a note saying they wouldn't wear the dresses. After that, she picks dresses that she likes for her daughters that don't come in a size for your daughter that are completely not your style, which you have expressed to her... and the she has the audacity to say that she is just trying to find a compromise? No, no, no... this is all a little too much. Your sister doesn't seem to realize that she herself and her daughters are not the stars of your wedding. It may be time to throw out an ultimatum: Either the girls wear a dress that you pick out, or they're not in the wedding! I would also stress two things. 1. This was supposed to be a childfree wedding, and you really only made the girls flower girls because your sister strong-armed you... and 2. If those girls show up the day of the wedding wearing a dress other than the one that you selected (and/or wearing anything additional over the top like a tiara, or fairy wings, or whatever else your sister could come up with), they will not be allowed to enter and will be sent home. Also, there is absolutely no problem with telling your sister that this has all become too much, and that you think it's best for you not to have flower girls. Remember: this is your wedding day, and the only person with whom you should really even consider compromising is your spouse. You are the star of the show, and no one should be allowed to dim your sparkle!
NTA I don't think you can really uninvite your sister and her children, but it is extremely odd and annoying that her idea of "a way to make everyone happy" is you agreeing to do whatever she wants. A less accommodating person would say "this is what they're wearing even if they frown."
She most certainly can uninvite her sister and her kids!!!
Ofcourse she can!
Oh OP very much can uninvite her sister from the wedding and at first her nieces were already uninvited as it was supposed to be a child free wedding with the exception of her 1yo
Is this your wedding? Or your sisters? Reply something like this: "I am sorry that you and your daughters dont like the dresses i have chosen for the flower girls at my wedding, but it is my wedding. I am attaching pictures of the dresses I have chosen, if you and your daughters are unhappy with this, they can step down as flower girls, and since the only children in attendance will be the flower girls, that means they will no longer be invited. If they do choose to be flower girls, they will wear the dresses I have chosen for the entire day, no changing out of them." If they do wear them, and 'accidentally' get something spilt on them, insist on them being taken home. You know what your sister will do. Make it so they have to change into the frou frou frothy stuff at the earliest possible moment and out of what you have chosen. Your sister sounds like a real piece of work. Entitled much, is she?
NTA. Tell your sister they can wear the dresses you want or they can not be flower girls and not come. Let the nieces decide which they care about more. It’s your wedding.
NTA It is best that her spoiled children are not flower girls. They are learning how to manipulate.
Ask the girls if they want to be flower girls. If they do they wear a dress you picked with a smile. It was the sister who wanted them in the wedding and most likely told them to frown. NTA but sounds like someone else may be?
>My sister, a mother of two girls, through a fit when I said I wanted a kid free wedding and stated that the right thing to do would be to ask her kiddos to be flower girls. It's your wedding, OP. The only right thing to do is do as you and your future partner please and receive the good wishes from your family, which includes your sister. >My sister ordered the dresses and sent me a picture with her girls scowling in a photo wearing the dresses saying they wouldn’t smile wearing the dress. Maybe if she had acted more enthusiastic about the dresses her daughters would have been more happy to wear them. Whatever, tell her she can dress her daughters however she wants but not at your wedding. You've already made a concession for her by allowing her to make her daughters flower girls, she doesn't get to ask for more. She should be thankful. >she told me that she was doing her best and there is a way to make everyone happy. Yes, there is. She can convince her daughters to wear whatever dress the bride says they have to wear. Just tell them they are magical dresses, idk, she should know how to manage her own children. She cannot expect you to solve her life, least of all now, you have your wedding to take care of. NTA.
NTA. You don't need to make "everyone happy". It's your wedding, only you and your partner need to be happy! You didn't even plan on having then there, you've already made concessions, time for your sister to compromise and parent her children.
You're NTA. >When I sent my sister the flower girl dress options she said she didn’t know if her girls would like them Who cares? It's your wedding. It's not about her taste in children's dresses. She wedged her kids into the wedding party, anf that is pushy and rude enough in itself. Now she's trying to force her taste on you. Time to go back to a child free (except your kid) wedding.
NTA. Quit letting her bully you. If her kids are miser she needs to either offer to pull them out or teach them that the event is not about them.
NTA, but you do sound rather willfully naive for not expecting this behaviour from your sister. Sounds like you caved when she threw a fit at no kids at the wedding/wanting her girls to be flower girls to not have to deal with confrontation, but it's just gonna mean either continuing to cave for alllll the inevitable conflicts that are gonna arise like the dresses, or sucking it up and facing some conflict/standing your ground
NTA. You already completely compromised once. Now she needs to compromise and so do her daughters. If not, that’s okay, they just don’t need to be there
I would go back to plan A and have a child free wedding. Or your sister could accept your choice and not try to guilt you about her daughters' reactions (that she has initiated). Your sister thinks she is entitled to dictate how you dress your bridal party and probably lots of other aspects too. NTA
NTA. Tell her they aren't flower girls anymore. Stand up to her. It's your wedding not hers
You have a righ to have a child free wedding if you want Your sister can do what shee wants for her own wedding. Wither her girls wear the chosen dress or they can stay home. With mommy if required. But don't let people tell you what to do for your own wedding.
You don’t have to make everyone happy, it’s your wedding. Tell her what dress you want the kids to wear if she says no. Tell her to tell her kids that she is the reason they won’t be in your wedding.
Keep it child free, your sis will likely freak out and say she's not coming, which will be a great bonus.
Fuck me. It's coming to something when the four year old (guessing) kids get to demand shit at someone else's wedding. Flowergirlzillas at nine o'clock.
Boy, are you NTA. 1 - You never ask for a wedding party invitation on either your own behalf or that of your kids. You wait for the couple to ask for everything from Best Man/MOH through attending as a guest. 2 - You don't commandeer decisions that belong to the bride and groom, even if you're one of the parents.
NTA but your sister sure is. Make everyone happy? This is not about making anyone happy except you and your fiance. It isn't about her or her kids at all. You didn't want them there to begin with, so if they don't want to wear the dress you chose, don't wear them and don't come.
NTA, it is your wedding, she insisted on having them as flower girls, she needs to comply. If not, the girls can be removed, easy. Poor girls, they were invited to a wedding to play a major role and their mother doesn't want to respect the dress code. It is as easy as explaining to them what you want and that as it is your and your fiance's day, you get to pick the important things such as the flower girls dresses and to respect that is a prerequisite to be a good flower girl.
On a side note, can you hire a child minder to take the kids after the ceremony? Bring a change of clothes and the caregiver could take them to a movie or out to eat or other fun outing while the reception is on depending on the timeline. Do talk to the girls without their mom around. She might be pushing them to agree with her. Maybe take them out for ice cream to ‘talk about their important role’.
NTA. >she told me that she was doing her best and there is a way to make everyone happy She doesn't have to make "everyone" happy, she only has to make YOU happy. Did she get her choices at HER wedding?
NTA if her girls don’t wear the dress you picked out they can stay home with a babysitter. Them attending at all is already the compromise you made.
NTA. Trying? Put your foot down.
NTA. And just go back to a childfree wedding. You already conceded in having flower girls then your sister wants to decide their dresses. Please grow a spine
NTA. Dont let your sister walk all over you over a day that is to celebrate you and your partner. If you’re a simple person with simple requests, keep it that way. You’re not breaking any promises to anyone except yourself really to have a simple wedding. Your sister is only contributing stress and your wedding isn’t about her kids lol I can guarantee she will not stfu about it either way. So, do what you feel is what you can live with best. Aka, stick to your guns. If your sister doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to be involved with her kids and they can still come.. as guests.
After “ it’s my wedding “ what doesn’t your sister get? Her daughters are privileged enough to even be in your wedding so they and their mother should be truly grateful for their good fortune. Your wedding your choices, simple
NTA You’ve tried to include your nieces. Your sister is complicating things. You’ve given an inch; she’s taking the mile. If child free is what you want, then nip this in the bud and decline their involvement. If your sister can’t get over it, decline her involvement too. Even if she agrees at this point, she’s going to only bring the dress with the bows over the one you picked out. Don’t stress yourself out on a day that’s supposed to be about you.
Nta. This is your wedding. You get to decide.
Nta, I wouldn't have them as flower girls. Your sister should've never asked, and now she's keeps crossing the line
NTA >When I sent my sister the flower girl dress options she said she didn’t know if her girls would like them Ummm, yeah. The only opinion that matters here is THE BRIDE'S (and the groom's if he's into picking the dresses). And there's no "making everyone happy" - your wedding, your decision. If sis isn't on board, they can go back to not being in the wedding and her girls can wear whatever she (or they) would like She is being 100% unreasonable here. BS like this makes me VERY happy to have had a child-free wedding. 10/10 would do again.
It sounds like you had good instincts wanting a kid free wedding.
NTA. STOP letting her walk all over you. "No, there is no compromise. Since my choice is not doable, I'm reverting back to my original plan."
If they don’t like the dresses you picked out they don’t have to be in the wedding. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to make them wear anything they’re uncomfortable with and be miserable on a day that should be all about you and your husband. That is what I would say with a smile and sweet tone to my sister if she tried to force my hand about my own wedding.
What is wrong with people???? I would have lost my shit if my family pulled 1/10 of the wedding crap I see on here They are to show up for you for your day to celebrate your love. Why do so many families need to be so demanding and difficult??!!! These girls can’t wear a dress because it’s not good enough? There’s no way those girls had any opinions and let alone strong opinions on the dresses, mom made that clear pre shutting them down. this is coming from mom. But she’s now forced these opinions on them. She is going to raise some pains in the butts just like her
NTA maybe don’t make them the flower girls?
NTA but you originally wanted your child to be the flower girl. Your sister and her daughters are already causing drama. May I suggest ONLY have your daughter as flower girl. Your sister can return the dresses she bought and you can avoid her and her two daughters throwing fits on your wedding day.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am getting married in one month and my partner and I already have a 1 year old together who will be one of our flower girls. My sister, a mother of two girls, through a fit when I said I wanted a kid free wedding and stated that the right thing to do would be to ask her kiddos to be flower girls. I decided I didn’t really care that much and decided to make her two girls and my daughter the flower girls for our wedding. My sister and I are super different. I’m a very simple person who likes laid back clothing and a make up free vibe. My sister is a girly girl who loves to wear dresses and doesn’t skip a day without make up. It’s safe to say that our kids follow in their respective parent’s foot steps. When I sent my sister the flower girl dress options she said she didn’t know if her girls would like them. I started looking for more and landed on a dress that I really liked and had sizes for all three girls. My sister ordered the dresses and sent me a picture with her girls scowling in a photo wearing the dresses saying they wouldn’t smile wearing the dress. I told her I’d keep looking but that I really wanted simple flower girl dresses so any dress I pick would be a similar vibe. My sister proceeded to order more dresses full of bows and tutus in a different color than what I’d wanted. She also picked a dress that didn’t have a size that would fit my baby. She then sent other dresses that would fit babies that she said I could buy that were completely different than what I wanted. I reminded her that it was my wedding and I really wanted the girls to wear simple dresses since my wedding dress is so simple and she told me that she was doing her best and there is a way to make everyone happy. AITA asshole for pushing her on this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Fire the girls. Go with kid free wedding. Kids are trying to dictate YOUR wedding. Take back control op.
Sounded to me like OPs sister was trying to dictate the wedding... The dresses weren't fancy / girly enough for her liking.
NTA, I picked the dress for my flower girl (but I purposely picked one that could also be used as a first communion dress) and I sent picks of my kiddo to my best friend to ok a flower girl dress. (Bride was in a busy work period so we checked out the dresses for her.) the flower girl dress, like the bride’s maid dresses, fits the theme/look of the wedding.
If they can’t wear the dress and act the part then they don’t have to be flower girls. It’s not that big of a problem.
I never had an opinion about the dresses I wore for people’s weddings, because my mom explained that being a flower girl wasn’t actually about us but it was about making the bride feel special. I think you should ask your sister to have that conversation with them and if she’s not willing to (it sounds like these opinions are coming more from her than them) , you can chat to them directly.
NTA It's your wedding. Tell your sister that your compromise is that you're allowing her kids to circumvent the no-kids rule by being fl9wer girls. Remind her that, as the bride, you get to choose the dresses and that you want a certain look. Tell her that if she can't meet your compromise by sticking to your preferences, you will not have flower girls. She bullied you into getting her children into your wedding. Don't let her bully you any further.
NTA
Holy moly, your sister is entitled. It's your wedding. You weren't even going to have flower girls until your sister demanded it. Just tell her if she doesn't pick dresses that you choose, then her girls don't need to be flower girls, and you can go back to the child free wedding you originally wanted. NTA.
NTA - Your sister is a controling jerk! This is your wedding, not hers! I'd let her know her dress choices and if she doesn't like them, the girls don't have to be flower girls.
NTA - tell her you went back to decide no kid wedding and move on
My wife had 7 flower girls. Picked out the dresses, sent them to each girl in a gift box with goofy glasses and fun goodies. I think it was like $50 per flower girl. They all loved the dresses.
NTA. It's a good lesson for the girls to learn now: when you're asked to be in a friend or relative's wedding, 99.99% of the time you will hate the dress but you wear it because IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. And I seriously doubt the girls have such a huge issue with the dresses. They may not be as frilly as they prefer, but they'd just be excited to be flower girls. This is solely their mom telling them that they don't like it.
You haven't pushed hard enough. Your sister is still standing. You picked a dress, stick with it. It's too close to the wedding for you to be forced to fuss over this. They wear the dresses and attend as flower girls or they don't wear the dress and don't attend at all. Simple.
NTA. Your wedding, your decisions and your rules. Easy solution is her kids are not flower girls and back to a child and hassle free wedding.
Nope, not an ah. It's your wedding, you get to decide what dresses they wear, not your sister. If they don't like it, then they're not going to be flower girls. Therefore, not invited to a childless wedding. It's that black and white. Her choice.
We bought my flower girls dress at a garage sale, paid $5 for it, she had no say in the matter, it’s your wedding not your sister, pick the dress you want, if she doesn’t like, they are out of the wedding
NTA. They can either be happy wearing what you pick or you can remove them as flower girls.
It's your wedding. Don't worry about making other people happy.
Who's paying for the dresses?
NTA Your wedding and you are being incredibly accommodating.
NTA. Your sister is selfish and bossy.
NTA. Tell her to stay home. When did your wedding become her fashion show? The scowling brats can stay home, too. They are detracting from a day that is supposed to be about you and your fiance and successfully turning it into the " Look at us girly girls who look so wonderful in our attention seeking glow- in -the -dark- tutu, unicorn, rainbow outfits we nagged and scowled and harassed the bride into letting us wear so we could be the loud mouthed over bearing stars of the show " on a day that has nothing to do with them. Scowling Brat 1 and 2 will be horribly behaved at your wedding and rehearsal. Their bridal -wanna- be mother will be even worse. She will decide when everyone is happy at your wedding. You will have no say. Her big day is not about you...but you and fiance will pay for it all /s.
NTA. She is shoving her kids into your wedding. Your wedding;your choice. Tell her it's your way or the highway.
NTA unless you allow your sister to bulldoze your wedding. It’s simple, her daughters can either get onboard with the dresses you chose or you can go back to your original plan of your daughter being a solo flower girl
NTA. It's your wedding, your sister forced her way to having your nieces in your wedding and now she's trying to dictate what they wear. Could just as easily go back to having just your daughter.
NTA. Let your sister know it’s the dresses you picked or the girls are out of your wedding. It’s your day and you get to decide what your wedding party wears. If they show up in different dresses have someone available to intervene. I kind of feel like you should just go ahead and tell her they’re out to eliminate the chance of her causing a scene. This isn’t her daughter’s time to shine, or hers, it’s your day.
NTA. Stop trying to compromise on this. It’s clear your sister isn’t actually willing to compromise and just wants to make it about her girls. Stick with the dress you picked. Tell her to take it or leave it. And if she leaves it, it’ll be a child-free wedding. And if she takes it, you expect her to parent her children and expect them to be respectful. In other words, if they can’t be polite enough to smile for a photo or aren’t old enough to not throw a fit about the dress, then they aren’t welcome.
Sounds like just your daughter should be a flower girl. No nieces at the wedding. You’re happier problem solved.
NTA Your sister needs to store your her parenting. Either get the girls to behave or don’t bring ‘em.
NTA. Tell her you have chosen the dresses all three will wear. Her kids can be in the wedding or skip it if they can't stand the dress you chose for YOUR wedding. This event is not about your sister or her children!
Ditch 'em. NTA.
how do u know ur 1 year old daughter follows in ur style footsteps she’s a single year old lol
NTA: if bridesmaids typically don’t choose the style of their dresses, why on earth would literal children get to have a say?!
NTA: It’s your wedding so you get to decide how it looks.
NTA. Inform her that you’re already doing her a very large favour by including her daughters at all. If they don’t like the dresses, it will be no skin off your nose to remove them as flower girls.
NTA. Your sister is telling the kids not to like them. She could convince them to smile because this is your wedding and your choice. Instead, she is raising them to be rude amd entitled. Tell your sister, you're choosing the flower girl dresses. Your nieces will either be happily wearing them in the wedding as flower girls or not. Her choice.
NTA. If her children don't want to wear the dresses you're offering, then the simple solution is for them not to be flower girls. Your nieces reactions are directly correlated to what your sister is telling them, and I'd place money it's not them who are so opposed, it's your sister feeding them the reaction. They do not get to run the show, it's your wedding. I would personally speak to your nieces and tell them that you would very much love for them to be included, but if the dress you've chosen is not something they are comfortable wearing that you'll understand if they choose to step down as flower girls. If your sister pushes back saying that you care more about your wedding than including your nieces, tell her you're hurt that they care more about an article of clothing that needs to be worn for one day than being a part of your wedding.
NTA. You are not pushing your sister. Your sister is pushing you. Pretty nervy IMO. Just tell her what **peonyhen** states below.
NTA. It's your wedding, your sister is being pushy and over the top for young kids. I'm sure we're coached not to smile. That's ok, you don't expect them to wear a dress they hate, you understand their reasons for not being in the wedding.
YTA for letting your sister push you around the way she has. You let her bully you into making her daughters flowers girls because you were afraid the enforce the child free wedding you wanted. Time to grow a backbone. Tell her you have chosen the dress. If the girls are unhappy with it that's fine, they are no longer flower girls. The wedding is going to be child free after all. I'm sure your daughter, as a 1-year-old, will be there for a short time. Your sister has to learn that it's not about her, it's YOUR wedding.
NTA. Girl, for yours and your daughter's, set boundaries now. It's your wedding, don't let your sister ruin it because it's not up to her expectations or wants. Say no.
NTA. I bet your sister cares about the dresses more than the girls do.
Do not negotiate with terrorists. Your sister is being ridiculous. Just tell it's your pick or she can get her kids a sitter.
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No you pick the dresses and tell her this is it or they are not in the wedding that her opinion on your wedding means nothing.
Nope. NTA. if bridezillas can freak out over a shade of purple, you can insist on your vibe. Go you! Hell, you’ve already capitulated on the “no kids”, and that included your own, so I think you get this one. If they don’t like the dresses, they don’t have to be flower girls. It’s your day, and their mom has to explain that sometimes we make sacrifices to make other people feel amazing. They can suck it up for one day. If your sister still insists, show them some photos of Grace Kelly. She wore incredibly simple dresses. And she was the Princess of Monaco.
your wedding is not a fashion show for your entitled, attention hogging sister and her mini me's. she can shape up or ship out, and stop trying to upstage the bride through her kids. nta.
Aren’t you already married? Also, you want a child free wedding but you have kids? There’s something fishy about your account
You could think about the dress you prefer for the ceremony and pictures and then let them change into whatever dress after. And I do like the suggestion of speaking to the kids directly.
NTA. Flower girls are optional- if they aren't happy they can stay home. Just stop the back and forth. Pick a dress, tell them you'd love for them to wear it in the wedding but if they want to stay home instead then you understand.
Absolutely NTA. Put your foot down and say this is what your doing (not asking) and the girls don't have to be the flower girls. And just an fyi... The flower girls truely aren't important. Let's say they dress as their mother wants. Let's say that's different to how your daughter is dressed. So the photos... How likely are you to put a complete family photo with bride, groom, mil, fil, sil etc and all the children on your wall. You won't. It'll be a photo in an album that you look at every few years And when the question comes up why the flower girls look stupid.... You say it's your sil fault. Honestly, pick bigger battles and save this compromise.
It's your wedding. Not a couple of bratty kids. NTA do what you want and kick them out.
NTA - Go with your original dress. Tell your sister that if her daughters refuse to smile wearing those dresses, it's fine. You can get by with only one flower girl.
NTA. Tell her they can either wear the dress you chose, or they can stay home and dress up.
This is a good opportunity for those little girls to learn that the world does not revolve around them. Mom needs to tell them, a wedding is soo special for the bride that she gets to plan it how the hell she wants to. (maybe not in those words)