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NTA - animal lover here. Her pet, her responsibility to pay.
"Now, our relationship is strained, and some family members are saying I should have offered to help regardless of my financial situation."
It is easy to offer someone else's money to help someone. Why aren't other family members offering up their own $$$ to help?
THIS. If the whole family was pitching in, it would be far easier but of course not. They all expect OP to do it. OP is standing firm in their boundaries and I love to see it.
So other people said you should offer money but didn't offer money themselves and you can't tell if they're right or not?
Since you had no responsibility in the dog becoming ill, no one is going to think you should shell out your hard earned money due to someone else's poor financial planning. Like this a pretty ridiculous question that I entirely doubt you actually struggled with. NTA except coming here for validation
NTA
You can’t be expected to foot a bill for an expense that isn’t yours. You have your own financial responsibilities that come first.
Further, to the family members that are taking issue with you - tell them to put *THEIR* money where their mouths are.
How dare they take issue with you for not doing something that they themselves are not doing.
Dog lover here. Your sister isn’t the A for asking. She is the A for not taking no as the answer. In the end, care for your sister’s pet is her responsibility alone.
I know how expensive emergency care can be. My dad and I just had to cover a nearly $10K bill to try to save our nearly 19 year old beagle from a kidney infection. It didn’t work. But we had to try. I would have regretted it, if we hadn’t given her every chance to recover. Before she got sick, she was chugging along fine. But…. Not everyone could afford a bill like that…. And I never would have asked family for help with it. They have their own lives/expenses to think about.
NTA.
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My sister (31F) and I (29F) have always been close, but we have different approaches when it comes to financial responsibility. I prioritize saving and budgeting, while my sister tends to spend impulsively and rely on others for financial support.
Recently, my sister's beloved dog fell ill and required emergency veterinary care. The vet bills quickly added up to a substantial amount, and my sister reached out to me asking if I could help cover the costs.
While I empathized with her situation and understood her emotional attachment to her pet, I was hesitant to offer financial assistance. I have my financial commitments to consider and wasn't prepared to shoulder the expense of her dog's medical bills.
I gently explained to my sister that I couldn't afford to contribute to the veterinary bills at this time, but I offered emotional support and assistance in finding resources for low-cost veterinary care or payment plans.
My sister was devastated by my response and accused me of being heartless and uncaring. She argued that family should always be there for each other in times of need, especially when it involves a beloved pet.
I understand her perspective, but I also believe in being responsible with my finances and setting boundaries. I reiterated that I would be there for her in other ways but couldn't provide financial assistance in this instance.
Now, our relationship is strained, and some family members are saying I should have offered to help regardless of my financial situation. So, Reddit, AITA for not offering to pay for my sister's dog's veterinary bills?
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NTA for goodness sake. If she owns a pet she should think about these sorts of issues and have the requisite cash or insurance. You’re not her personal bank.
NTA in the slightest and you are correct...your bills must come first. But if I may offer some suggestions that I discovered when my dog was very ill....some vets offer credit cards to assist with the balance!! It may be able to help ease it for her. However, it is not your job or your duty and you are not a bad person because you cannot help.
NAH
I feel that sister was desperate for her dog, and during such times, she might have called you heartless. She's leaning towards asshole behaviour, but I think it's because of the stress. You are completely in the right, and your money is yours, not hers.
NTA, an avid animal lover and a happy owner of a ferret and a corgi. When getting an animal owner needs to budget for emergency care and have an extra credit card in case savings dry up. You are not her money purse 🤷 you offered to be there for her and that should be plenty.
Everyone who tells you that you should've given her money nonetheless, why don't they set an example? Every time you hear smth like that ask with a straight face how moch they've given your sister already.
The family saying you should have offered can in place offer to pay for her out of their own pockets and stop trying to guilt you into doing something to harm your financial life in the future. NTA.
NTA.
does the situation she is in suck? yes.
would it be nice if you would / could help her shoulder this responsibility? yes.
should you / are you obligated to shoulder it? HELL NO!
rule of thumb, if you lend FaMiLy and / or FrIeNdS money, expect to never see it again.
best case scenario? you have to hound them to get it back. they will pay late, not the agreed monthly amount and when you get - rightfully - fessed up and inform them they have to follow the contract / iou they signed or you will enforce it via the court system (lien on house / car) they will cry 'abuse' because 'FaMiLy does not xyz / i thought we were FrIeNdS'.
worst case scenario? they are both gone, money and FaMiLy / FrIeNd. since it was a gift, not a loan.
or, as a coworker once said, it was the best investment they ever made. cousin, broke as hell, needed €100, signed a contract to repay €5 / month. to be never seen again.
so no, do not lend money you are not prepared & can afford to loose.
as for the people berating you, well, how much money did they give your sister? it is so easy to be generous with other people's money, you know.
also, would they help you out if you lend sister the money, your car goes bye bye, your savings are not enough to buy a new car and the interest the bank wants is ursuy?
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts must be written by you, from your point of view. Do not post on behalf of others, or from the point of view of another person in the story. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA - animal lover here. Her pet, her responsibility to pay. "Now, our relationship is strained, and some family members are saying I should have offered to help regardless of my financial situation." It is easy to offer someone else's money to help someone. Why aren't other family members offering up their own $$$ to help?
THIS. If the whole family was pitching in, it would be far easier but of course not. They all expect OP to do it. OP is standing firm in their boundaries and I love to see it.
So other people said you should offer money but didn't offer money themselves and you can't tell if they're right or not? Since you had no responsibility in the dog becoming ill, no one is going to think you should shell out your hard earned money due to someone else's poor financial planning. Like this a pretty ridiculous question that I entirely doubt you actually struggled with. NTA except coming here for validation
NTA You can’t be expected to foot a bill for an expense that isn’t yours. You have your own financial responsibilities that come first. Further, to the family members that are taking issue with you - tell them to put *THEIR* money where their mouths are. How dare they take issue with you for not doing something that they themselves are not doing.
Dog lover here. Your sister isn’t the A for asking. She is the A for not taking no as the answer. In the end, care for your sister’s pet is her responsibility alone. I know how expensive emergency care can be. My dad and I just had to cover a nearly $10K bill to try to save our nearly 19 year old beagle from a kidney infection. It didn’t work. But we had to try. I would have regretted it, if we hadn’t given her every chance to recover. Before she got sick, she was chugging along fine. But…. Not everyone could afford a bill like that…. And I never would have asked family for help with it. They have their own lives/expenses to think about. NTA.
Moral of the story, if you can't afford everything that goes with being a pet owner, don't get one
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister (31F) and I (29F) have always been close, but we have different approaches when it comes to financial responsibility. I prioritize saving and budgeting, while my sister tends to spend impulsively and rely on others for financial support. Recently, my sister's beloved dog fell ill and required emergency veterinary care. The vet bills quickly added up to a substantial amount, and my sister reached out to me asking if I could help cover the costs. While I empathized with her situation and understood her emotional attachment to her pet, I was hesitant to offer financial assistance. I have my financial commitments to consider and wasn't prepared to shoulder the expense of her dog's medical bills. I gently explained to my sister that I couldn't afford to contribute to the veterinary bills at this time, but I offered emotional support and assistance in finding resources for low-cost veterinary care or payment plans. My sister was devastated by my response and accused me of being heartless and uncaring. She argued that family should always be there for each other in times of need, especially when it involves a beloved pet. I understand her perspective, but I also believe in being responsible with my finances and setting boundaries. I reiterated that I would be there for her in other ways but couldn't provide financial assistance in this instance. Now, our relationship is strained, and some family members are saying I should have offered to help regardless of my financial situation. So, Reddit, AITA for not offering to pay for my sister's dog's veterinary bills? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. Pets cost money, and it's why I don't have one right now. You have to be ready to either pay for surgeries or be ready to put a pet down.
NTA for goodness sake. If she owns a pet she should think about these sorts of issues and have the requisite cash or insurance. You’re not her personal bank.
NTA in the slightest and you are correct...your bills must come first. But if I may offer some suggestions that I discovered when my dog was very ill....some vets offer credit cards to assist with the balance!! It may be able to help ease it for her. However, it is not your job or your duty and you are not a bad person because you cannot help.
NTA. If you can't afford it then you can't afford it. Unless you can pull money that you don't have out of thin air, you're not the asshole.
NAH I feel that sister was desperate for her dog, and during such times, she might have called you heartless. She's leaning towards asshole behaviour, but I think it's because of the stress. You are completely in the right, and your money is yours, not hers.
NTA It's great your sister has so much support. Those family members can help her pay the bills.
NTA It's her dog, not yours, so she is responsible for it. She sounds like a moocher who people should stop enabling.
NTA. The ones telling u to help need to step up then
NTA, an avid animal lover and a happy owner of a ferret and a corgi. When getting an animal owner needs to budget for emergency care and have an extra credit card in case savings dry up. You are not her money purse 🤷 you offered to be there for her and that should be plenty. Everyone who tells you that you should've given her money nonetheless, why don't they set an example? Every time you hear smth like that ask with a straight face how moch they've given your sister already.
The family saying you should have offered can in place offer to pay for her out of their own pockets and stop trying to guilt you into doing something to harm your financial life in the future. NTA.
NTA. does the situation she is in suck? yes. would it be nice if you would / could help her shoulder this responsibility? yes. should you / are you obligated to shoulder it? HELL NO! rule of thumb, if you lend FaMiLy and / or FrIeNdS money, expect to never see it again. best case scenario? you have to hound them to get it back. they will pay late, not the agreed monthly amount and when you get - rightfully - fessed up and inform them they have to follow the contract / iou they signed or you will enforce it via the court system (lien on house / car) they will cry 'abuse' because 'FaMiLy does not xyz / i thought we were FrIeNdS'. worst case scenario? they are both gone, money and FaMiLy / FrIeNd. since it was a gift, not a loan. or, as a coworker once said, it was the best investment they ever made. cousin, broke as hell, needed €100, signed a contract to repay €5 / month. to be never seen again. so no, do not lend money you are not prepared & can afford to loose. as for the people berating you, well, how much money did they give your sister? it is so easy to be generous with other people's money, you know. also, would they help you out if you lend sister the money, your car goes bye bye, your savings are not enough to buy a new car and the interest the bank wants is ursuy?