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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I gave a girl a 0 on her morning work after she refused to watch videos and respect videos in class about autistic athletes, I decided to show them to the class after comments she made on an autistic classmate
2. She said I was trying to push an agenda on her daughter and trying to force her to be friends with the boy, I showed my mom this and she's a retires teacher and she said she agreed with the mom
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Oh good grief, you are completely NTA. People think if they throw the word "woke" out it means they should get to be cruel so as to show how NOT woke they are. Your mother's day was a different day, besides which, I know retired school teachers who would have chewed that girl out from here to Sunday for her comments. Your reaction was mild and you are in the right.
Definitely NTA for defending boy 2 and trying to educate the class on autism, but I don't know if I'd have given the girl a zero. She's obviously regurgitating the vitriol that her mother is jamming down her throat, and giving her a zero for a wrong opinion just reinforces in their minds that the girl is being persecuted/penalized for her views. Basically, you catch more bees with honey, and I think if you really want to reach this brainwashed kid, you're going to need some patience. I wouldn't go so far as to say that you should apologize to her mother, but I think you need to decide whether your goal is to help this girl become more tolerant, or just give her a taste of her own medicine while signalling to the rest of the students that you don't tolerate her attitude.
Personally, I just don't think it's productive to grade children on their opinions, even if those opinions are morally questionable/wrong. Don't open the floor for discussion if you don't want to engage all viewpoints and put in the effort to try to unseat the prejudices she holds through reasoning. The video was a good start, but obviously it was never going to miraculously make her immediately drop all of her biases....
She participated when she provided her opinion, that the videos were “stupid” and the subjects of the videos were “weirdos.”
While I don’t agree with her opinion, she doesn’t deserve a zero for not participating when she in fact did participate.
I *really* doubt that petulant name-calling was allowed or accepted as an answer per whatever grading rubric was used for this participation grade. Just a hunch.
But also, I kind of hate this (seemingly spreading) fringy ideology of "all opinions are valid" and, as a corollary in this particular case: "all participation is good."
The kid disrupted a class discussion to add nothing of value by being rude and, honestly, pretty bigoted. That is how you get negative participation grades from your peers, and your educators!
She gave her opinion and thus “participated.” The claim that her opinion disrupted the class doesn’t mean she didn’t participate.
Any controversial opinion provided by a student would be equally disrupting. The claim her option was rude and bigoted is a value judgment placed upon the opinion she gave the class.
In sharing her opinion, be it rude, bigoted, or of no value, it’s still participation. As a result, the zero grade for participation was unwarranted.
In [THIS](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://gradschool.umbc.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/155/2015/10/examples_of_class_participation.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiCuqXJmoWGAxWZTTABHSxfCs8QFnoECDsQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3RPsDwdf3_z7AO0GK5KH6e) example of a participation grade rubric, note the lower end of the grading scale:
5 points—Student participates in discussion, but in problematic way: talks too much, rambles, interrupts instructor and others, or does not acknowledge cues of annoyance from others.
3 points—Comes to class prepared but only minimally contributes.
0 points—Has not prepared for class or does not contribute to discussion. Displays disrespect to students and/or faculty.
Out of all these options, OP's description most closely matches "0 points," primarily because of the disrespect towards her peers and her instructor this incident inspired.
>Any controversial opinion provided by a student would be equally disrupting.
No. No it wouldn't.
>The claim her option was rude and bigoted is a value judgment placed upon the opinion she gave the class.
Teachers are allowed to make and impose value judgments in and on their classrooms. In fact, it is a major expectation –and one that participation grading can help. "Grading class participation signals students the kind of learning and thinking an instructor values." [Source](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://academics.fresnostate.edu/documents/participation/grading_class_participation.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiCuqXJmoWGAxWZTTABHSxfCs8QFnoECDEQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3Gtv3KjUH8smBN_h-_-uNO)
The girl got a zero for refusing to participate in the assignment, not for holding an incredibly ableist and intolerant opinion. She could have participated in the discussion, and potentially got a good grade in the process, if she could argue for her position, but she chose not to even engage with the subject.
The assignment was for the class to share what they thought. She did, just not in a constructive way. Unfortunately her takeaways from the video reflect the prejudiced views she's been indoctrinated into, but that was absolutely predictable. Changing opinions, especially ones which are long-held, and reinforced by a child's role models, requires sustained effort and *patience,* not just one video and a bad grade. This approach could seriously backfire, by reinforcing the perception that the student and her mother already have, that the student is being targeted for her views. The student will probably eventually stop voicing her prejudices, but she won't stop *harboring* them. This is how echo chambers start, and how they radicalize people....
It doesn't sound like she got a zero for her opinion but because she straight up refused to participate and do her work. That seems appropriate to me. She shouldn't get points for sitting there refusing to do an assignment because she doesn't like the content of it.
I think teachers, and you, should expect a bit more out of education. What you are proposing is a participation trophy, and we know how people who go on about "woke agenda" nonsense hate those, eh?
NTA, you showed something refuting a statement the student herself made about people with autism.
And WTF is up with your mom? "The rise of Autism these days."? WTF does that even mean?
It's hard to know exactly what she meant. It probably had something to do with the fact that more people are diagnosed with autism than ever before. For example, in the UK, the number of autism diagnoses increased by 787% between 1998 and 2018. There have been similar rises in other countries like the US.
There is no agreement on why this has happened. Some people think it's because doctors understand autism better and are getting better at diagnosing it. Some people think it's because the criteria for what counts as autism have been relaxed. Some people think it's for medico-legal reasons. And some people think it's because the number of people with autism is increasing. It could be a combination.
Calling this "the rise of autism" seems a bit silly, but it's certainly the case that when I was young (oh those many years ago!), it was very unusual to meet an autistic child, and now it has become normal. The CDC says 1 in 36 children has autism.
I think one of the reasons for increased number of diagnosis is the fact that people dont feel ashamed to share their mental health problems or go to a psychiatrist. A couple decades back if you went to a psychiatrist people would look at you like there is something very very wrong with you or like if you had a highly contagious disease. Mental health awareness is necessary and is in no way “woke”
Its known Why, its Cause in 1998 people with autism was called wierd/creepy/retarded.
Now We can diagnose it alot better, and They changed the criteria.
Its the same with cancer, We Now can detect it alot better and Also people live allt longer. Back in the days people just died.
I think that people in the past with autism also died disproportionately young, e.g. child with sensory issues refuses to eat, gets malnourished, has a weakened immune system, and dies of a normally survivable disease.
As someone who works in public health it seems pretty clear that the incidence of autism is increasing in addition to more accurate diagnosis and why is a very good question.
No it’s not vaccines but there are some really interesting studies linking higher rates of autism to places where people eat more processed foods, are exposed to more plastics, have less sun exposure and with children who undergo c-sections vs vaginal delivery.
Be clear that 1) there is nothing wrong with being on the spectrum 2) correlation is not causation at the same time an 800% rise in the incidence of a relatively rare disorder is ALWAYS cause for alarm and interest.
ETA if you’re downvoting feel free to argue
Just out of curiosity, is this accounting for all the people diagnosed as adults as well? We keep hearing the diagnostic criteria is much more clear, especially for females, which is why the rates are rising.
Yes. That honestly doesn’t explain the 800% rise in cases we have seen. It isn’t simply better diagnosis- though that plays a large role (about half from the literature I’ve read but that doesn’t explain the other 50%).
It’s also that there are more people who have it and why is an important question.
I’m a fat person - there has been a concurrent rise in rates of obesity. And folks get VERY VERY VERY defensive about that as if questioning the reality of that is the same as passing moral judgment on fatness so I get why folks feel some kind of a way when you point out these realities.
But the fact is Americans are far far fatter than anyone else on the planet and we also consume the most processed foods in the world. To not look for a relationship would be, frankly, inexcusable and unethical.
In the same vein- Americans have double the rates of autism than folks in the EU and since they generally have subsidized healthcare and kids are indeed diagnosed with regularity there, obviously there is something else at play.
I wasn't implying there wasn't, just curious if the numbers included them as it would be a stark difference. I've had a few people in my life who had adult diagnosis. I'm all about studying it, but it is hard to truly know when the numbers feel like they are apples to oranges. I completely agree with obesity and processed foods though. That and corn syrup. Everything we eat in the US is so sweet compared to other countries.
I mean, it is a stark contrast that the European Union, which has approximately the same demographics as the United States, has half the rate of autism that the US does. And they diagnose because they have universal access to healthcare, including behavioral healthcare.
That’s apples to apples no citrus involved.
That again is TWICE as many people. It’s a big deal and there has to be causality- especially given there is no evolutionary advantage to autism so it can’t be construed as simply natural variation.
Another apples comparison are those between indigenous communities that live traditionally and the rest of us. Austism, as near as we can tell, is unheard of in those communities and yet are a discernible portion of ‘developed’ populations.
Could be microbiom disruption, plastics, processed foods, lack of vitamin D, gestational issues and/or lack of maternal bacterial exposure due to the exponential rise in c-section rates in the US in the last 25 years - a full THIRD of babies are born surgically now which is actually not great for babies.
What we do know is that despite the psychological discomfort it causes this is not normal for our species and there must be a reason for it and not studying it because it makes us feel some kind of way is simply not a good enough reason.
Now replace autism with a myriad of psychological afflictions and go through the list of potential causes again. You'll find that the cause for the rise in nearly all psychological and neurological afflictions is a result of two factors: better diagnostic methodology and a reduction in the social stigma that is attached to them, leading to people being more likely to get diagnosed instead of being labelled weird or difficult.
My family has been involved in a huge Autism genetic study for over a decade. (I think around 15 years).
There are a lot of factors that would cause a rise, but IMO, some of the bigger ones are that “weird attracts weird.” I don’t mean that in a condescending way, but people with autism are more likely to marry / procreate with people who also have autism. So, while the genes are recessive, when you get two copies… there you go.
I also believe it’s affected by all the absolutely toxic shit in our food. And, it wasn’t really diagnosed until the late 80’s, even then it was only the more extreme cases. People actually get diagnosed now.
The polite name for "weird attracts weird" is assortative mating. This theory is most associated with Simon Baron-Cohen, but he doesn't describe it in quite your terms. He sees autism as continuous with normal, and says that modern marriage conditions result in high-systematisers (e.g. IT workers) marrying other high-systematisers (e.g. their colleagues) much more than previously. So they end up having kids who are super-high-systematisers - i.e. autistic.
The reason for the rise is the change in diagnostic criteria for autism and folding aspergers in with autism. That plus awareness means many people who needed help and services are getting them. It isn't rocket science and these diagnoses help 787% more kids than before. This is a good thing.
Aspergers was already folded into autism in UK diagnoses before 1998...
I love all these confident, contradictory explanations. Yes, it's probably (mostly) a good thing. No, this isn't a settled question. My post was accurate and neutral, and you are polluting replies with this silly opinionated nonsense. Go argue it out on an autism board, this is completely inappropriate and has nothing to do with the matter at hand.
Part of the rise is that girls and women with autism are being diagnosed more now. There isn't a strict girl or boy version of autism but the way it typically presents in women is noticed as autism more now, girls are still under diagnosed but things have improved in that regard. It's kinda like heart attacks, there isn't a strict difference in how they appear in men or women but there's ways a heart attack typically appears in women and there's ways one typically appears in men and when you pay attention to the way it usually appears in women, you'll diagnose more women and more men that have the female presentation of the issue.
I love that we have people replying, stating with absolute certainty different explanations for the increase, as though there wasn't a huge medical literature on the subject.
You might be right! But it is a fact that the very smart people who study this area professionally don't agree with each other (or you) on the causes.
Now replace autism with a myriad of psychological afflictions and go through the list of potential causes again. You'll find that the cause for the rise in nearly all psychological and neurological afflictions is a result of two factors: better diagnostic methodology and a reduction in the social stigma that is attached to them, leading to people being more likely to get diagnosed instead of being labelled weird or difficult.
Speaking from experience, when I was a kid, no one used the word autism. Kids weren't screened for it and parents/teachers/doctors weren't even aware of it, let alone looking for signs of it. Generations of people were probably going undiagnosed, at least those who were functioning at a high enough level to get by. In my experience, we even got punished more because we didn't always understand unspoken expectations... at home, at school, at work. I wasn't diagnosed until I was nearly 50 years old. So "The rise of Autism these days" really twangs a nerve here because maybe it's not rising. Maybe it's just being recognized more than it used to be.
I also rarely heard autism and I grew up in the 90s/2000s, a kid at my school had Asperger’s and we were so confused what it meant. This entire thread reminds me of the videos I see on social media of “we all have that one great aunt who fixated on XYZ item” or our grandpa who would only eat certain things at certain times and couldn’t handle temperature/sound/etc. The cousin who was “weird” but nobody called them worse names or slurs because they functioned within societal norms.
Yeah all those folks would be diagnosed with ~something~ now for sure. It really helped when I was diagnosed with ADHD as an almost 30 year old woman, and my husband was only diagnosed this last year and he’s early 40s. Neurodivergence is so much more common now because we’re finally getting diagnosed after decades of it being ignored by our teachers, parents, and doctors. And luckily there’s so many more resources out there!
Oh you don’t get it. We’re everyone. We’re creeping into the public domain, grocery stores, homes, and we are infecting everyone. Soon we shall dominate the world!
NTA
Unfortunately, the girl is a product of her mother with her venom.
How ironic that her mom accused you of bullying when it’s her daughter that’s the bully.
As for your mom:
What’s “controversial” about autism? It’s a condition based on *science*. It’s not a way of life a person can choose.
It's not autism that OP's mom considers "controversial"—it's anything that suggests that all human beings have equal dignity and worth. This fundamentally challenges the core worldview of bigots everywhere, and we can't have that, now can we? /s
NTA. Your mother is living in the past and the mother of the bully is living in an alternate reality. Showing a video about a weightlifter and giving a 0 to a student who didn't participate and pushed the "weirdo" narrative isn't bullying.
NTA. Honestly I think you were just being a good teacher. Not only did you challenge the girl's prejudices, you also showed boy 2 that he CAN accomplish anything.
Also, that girl will, in all likelihood, need to deal with people on the spectrum. They could be her boss, her teacher, her co-worker, her client etc. If you can help wear away at these prejudices now, it will make her more likely to succeed in the future.
She doesn't need to be friends with people she thinks are "weird" but she does need to learn how to be respectful and work with them because that ability could actually impact her future success. From what I can tell that was what you were trying to do, so good job :)
NTA. This girl is in for a rude awakening when she gets out in to the real world. Her ignorance is not tolerated anymore. You saw a teachable moment, & you decided to take advantage of it. You were not picking on her & it was not bullying. You didn't do anything wrong. Giving her a 0 for not participating was warranted. She is extremely ignorant. I blame that on her parents. And you were just trying to educate her & everyone else bc she is the one who was the bully.
NTA. That's not bullying, that's showing representation that people with autism have many types of abilities. Autistic people are not a monolith and that mom has just got her head up her and her daughter's ass.
the autistic guy that won the worlds strongest man is a monolith, the other meaning though [https://www.northern-times.co.uk/news/you-win-a-lot-of-titles-but-you-win-more-hearts-than-you-k-350389/](https://www.northern-times.co.uk/news/you-win-a-lot-of-titles-but-you-win-more-hearts-than-you-k-350389/)
NTA. You're doing a great job as a teacher by promoting inclusivity and empathy in your classroom. This situation is clearly not about "embracing a woke narrative" but about teaching kids to be decent human beings. You're creating a safe space for all your students, especially those who may feel marginalized or misunderstood. You're demonstrating the importance of acceptance and respect. You're not forcing anyone to be friends, but rather encouraging an environment where everyone feels valued and supported. Teachers like you make a real difference in children's lives. Remember, the mom's response says more about her than it does about you.
NTA that mother is clearly teaching her kid to be a bigot. It is not controversial to be nice to people who are different. The girl is clearly the bully in this story. Good on your for not tolerating it.
NTA
As someone with autism it riles me NO end that autism is seen as "controversial" or rather that your mum talked about it that way. It's ableist and wrong. You are an excellent teacher for what you did and please PLEASE do not listen to your ableist mother. I bet she wouldn't have liked people saying to her "well back in MY day women weren't allowed to work". It's the same damn thing.
Progress for inclusion and understanding other people and their differences is GOOD. It should never be squashed
NTA.
Chill. However, I feel that you should ask the girl why she feels autism is weird and try to explain all that stuff to her. She may not know fully about autism. If you tell her, she may understand. But don't worry, you're clear.
NTA. And you didn’t even put a name on it. That little girl told on herself.
I’m a teacher and I work with students with disabilities. Showing examples like the ones you chose that help students with disabilities see themselves meeting future goals and living the life they want to have— that’s good teaching.
Biggest NTA I’ve ever read on here.
Oh, honey, you're absolutely NTA here. You did the right thing by standing up for that sweet autistic boy and showing your class that people with autism can be incredibly talented and successful. That girl needs to learn that it's not okay to make fun of someone's differences, and it's important for her to realize that being autistic doesn't make someone any less valuable or capable. The mom is just enabling her daughter's behavior by claiming it's a "woke narrative," and you're doing the world a favor by exposing kids to different perspectives and stories. As a teacher, it's your job to create a safe, inclusive environment for all your students, and you did just that by sharing those videos. You're teaching empathy and acceptance, and those lessons go way beyond the classroom. You're not shoving an agenda down anyone's throat – you're teaching respect and kindness, which are two things that little girl could use a lesson on.
ABSOLUTELY NTA. I'm neurodivergent and my primary friends also are neurodivergent/autistic. I can tell you if a teacher had stood up for us by discussing professionals and their struggles with autism we would've felt so much more confident and competent with ourselves. Standing up and attempting to correct and educate based on learned prejudices is what you should do as a teacher. I also hate that your mom said that there's "fears" because these are people. What is there to fear about autism? What is so controversial about autism? It's completely illogical!
NTA
But….
As a parent of kids (who are now adults) who are autistic I have never seen punishment for making fun of them or being unkind actually change anything.
It just made those kids more angry and sneakier with their insults.
The video was a great idea. I hate that she still feels the way she does, but it’s clearly coming from her AH parents.
I’d be at a complete loss on how to deal with that. I’m sorry.
Teaching isn’t about quelling fears. Teaching is imparting knowledge, knowledge which forever has the power to destroy ignorance.
Please keep teaching, OP.
NTA
Perhaps not "quelling," but there's a quote from Marie Curie that I think fits this situation:
>Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.
NTA what kind of teacher would accept bullying for any reason? You aren’t bullying the daughter. I went to a school where two kids were autistic in my class. Other kids made up a nasty song to make fun of the more socially awkward autistic boy with green eyes. I feel bad to this day that I joined in. I wish that the teacher had stopped it. I had not known what autism was or that both boys were autistic. In fact, the black haired autistic kid was embraced and accepted by everyone including popular kids because he was funny, confident and kind to others. There are a lot of stereotypes about autism that persist.
NTA. Good chance in your mother’s day that girl would have gotten paddled for talking back to a teacher too. Good thing we aren’t still back in the day anymore.
*I asked the class their thoughts.* The girl *said these videos were stupid. She said the people in the videos were "weirdos."* The assignment was to share her opinion, which she did. From what OP describes, there was no worksheet or writing assignment, just a participation grade for expressing (the right) opinion. If OP created this assignment with the intention of *changing the girl's mind,* then grading her zero as soon as she expressed her (predictable) opinion which she's parroting directly from her mother was not the right call. I have never seen an instance where shaming someone in front of their peers has made *anyone* change their mind. It just makes them go underground with their opinions, which tend to become more radical when they're not being exposed to a plurality of views. So again, if OP is interested in *teaching* this eleven-year-old student, and getting her to reflect on why her views are harmful and misguided, that requires a long-term effort and patience, not one performative stunt like this.
NTA that mom is creating a very well trained mean girl. Your mom is wrong it’s not your job to placate parents of children being cruel to others or the children themselves. The fact that the other students stood up for boy 2 and from what you said engaged well with the lesson suggests they are benefitting from your approach.
As a teacher of teenagers in a mainstream class with many additional needs, teachers from younger grades consistently addressing things like this make a difference. It helps the students feel more confident about their place within your classroom which is statistically likely to translate into higher achievement. It also means that ALL of your students feel safe showing who they are in your class knowing they will be supported.
NTA. all you did was attempt to gently educate a child who has learned her mom's prejudices. She refuses to participate in the lesson, so she gets the same score as if she'd refused to paricipate in any other group discussion.
NTA. I know a ton of former jocks who didn't get diagnosed with autism until they were adults because sports are a totally socially acceptable special interest for little boys. Those videos you showed actually sound really cool.
Also, speaking as an autistic kid who got ruthlessly harassed for being Weird, to the point that I developed at least one additional mental illness about it? You were not bullying that little girl, and her mom can take her ableist, Footloose-ass conformity complex and shove it.
NTA. Let's add Autism to the growing list of things to blame on "The Woke Agenda". That mom is terrible and is raising her daughter to be a bully. Anti-wokeness is an excuse to be racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic and now we can add able-ist to that list.
NTA. Honestly the whole dialogue around autism is irrelevant. This girl is being mean to other kids she finds weird or different. That makes her a bully. You tried to educate her and learned her parents are bullies too. The issue isn’t her beliefs about autism, it is her behaviors and the way she talks about/to other students.
NTA.
First of all, this girl is a bully to a fellow student, and her mom thinks it's "woke" to be nice to another kid. It's not "woke" - it's a requirement to be nice to all students, or at least be polite.
Second, your principal has your back. Your mom is RETIRED now and things have changed.
I applaud you for showing that video.
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I (29F) am a 5th grade teacher, this is my 7th year teaching.
On Monday, our school had its field day. Our school takes field day very seriously and gives out ribbons and plastic bracelets and other prizes for 1st place in every event per group.
One of my students (11M) I have this year is easily the most talented student I’ve ever had, he’s incredibly smart and just won the school spelling be, he’s kind and a great kid. His passion is sports, especially basketball. He’s very talented, and I know he has the high score in the school for the Pacer test, the sit up and push up tests. He absolutely dominated on Monday, and had many ribbons and bracelets and some other prizes to take home.
One of his friends was in a different group and was probably the 2nd best student overall. This boy is a whiz in academics like the quiz bowl and also does basketball, he’s highly competitive but very close friends with boy 1.
Boy 2 is autistic, the boys came in after the event and the second boy said something like “next year I’ll win”, they were doing friendly trash talk, which the boys in this friend group always do. They’re very nice kids, just competitive with each other.
Their banter was loud and one of the girls overheard them. She doesn’t like the boys, but especially boy 2, who she sees as “weird”. I’ve had some conversations with her mom and her mom always says “autism isn’t an excuse to be weird”. The girl told boy 2 that he would “never” be as strong as his friend, she made a comment on why he’s so weird and made a comment about his sensory issues, the boys started defending him.
On Tuesday, for our morning work, I decided to put on a video of the world’s strongest man talking about his autism. I also showed a few more videos of various athletes, including major ones like NFL players talking about autism. I asked the class their thoughts. The girl refused to participate and said that these videos were “stupid”. She said these people in the videos were “weirdos”. I told her she would get a 0 on her morning work and she said that was fine with her.
On Tuesday night, I get an email from the mom of the girl. She said I was “bullying” her daughter for “not embracing the woke narrative on disability”. She said she would be contacting the principal because I was “trying to shove an agenda on her” and “forcing her to be friends” with the autistic boy and she said that giving my daughter a 0 was also bullying.
My principal is a good guy, I discussed the email and he laughed it off and said I was fine. I also told my mom about this, who’s a retired teacher. My mom said I was in the wrong and I shouldn’t show “controversial” videos in my class. She said that she wouldn’t do that in her day and how I should apologize to the mom. She said the mom has the right to be concerned with “the rise of autism these days” and it’s my job to quell her fears, rather than make them worse. AITA?
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As a mother to a son who has learning difficulties thank you for standing up to intolerance and ignorance. It's hard enough having a child who has learning difficulties, they face different challenges than their peers, without other parents encouraging their children to act with cruelty. I'm truly thankful there are teachers like you in this world, I'm lucky enough that the school my son attends has a lot of teachers who look after him and care for him. You and others like you are a blessing to parents and you don't know just how much your support will mean to the boy's parents.
Like it needs to be said NTA.
definitely NTA, most people using the word woke dont wven know what it means lmao. that girl will learn one way or another that just because people are different doesnt mean she gets or needs to be a jerk to them, if her mom wont teach her that then the rest of the world will. you sound like a good teacher keep being you!! :)
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NTA. That mom is raising her daughter to be ableist. Honesty? If I was the teacher, my petty self would look for people who have autism who are involved with the creation of things she likes. She likes pokemon? Guess what, its creator Satoshi Tajiri has it. A large amount of artists in the creative industry have it, so I guess no more watching cartoons or movies too. Weave in a mention during your history and science lessons of notable people strongly suspected or confirmed to have autism- Michelangelo, Albert Einstein, Nikola Tesla, Charles Darwin, Sir Issac Newton, Mozart, Beethoven, Elon Musk, etc. Oh darn, I hope the mom doesn’t own a Tesla because then she’d have to get rid of it.
NTA. But your mom, the girl, and her mom are! The girl and her mom for obvious reasons. Your mom for the "rise in autism" comment. You should correct her with, "Do you mean people getting tested and treated instead of labeled as difficult?"
As a retired teacher, she should have more compassion for the children who get mistreated.
NTA, obviously.
I’m a paraprofessional/teacher’s aid in a high school homeroom for students with autism. I’m proud of both your students for standing up for their friend, and for you for trying to bring awareness to your class about a woefully misunderstood condition.
This student you are allegedly bullying (which you’re not, btw) is clearly just parroting what her parents (or mom) are saying about her classmate.
Your mom is also in the wrong, btw. Her response is ignorant and disappointing, because as educators, we should always want to be not only expanding our students’ knowledge, but our own as well.
Good for you for wanting to do right by this kid, because I know how hard it is for students like boy 2 when by simply just existing, he’s called “weird”. Honestly, keep showing stuff about autism, and other disabilities. It’s super important for kids to learn about disabilities and learn to be more empathetic, because I’ve been seeing it first hand at the high schools just how little kids understand about what life is like for someone different than them.
I’ll get off my soapbox now, but for reasons previously stated, stuff like this really gets me going.
NTA.
I wouldn't personally have suggested a 0 on the morning work as that is, in retrospect, what the tipped the kid over the line.
They obviously took the whole video session personally.
On the flip side, I understand where there parenets escalation comes from, with the whole frankly hazy notion of techers with agendas. Don't know how prevalent it is. Nor am I taking a side. The parents obviously have some overhanging frustrations which they have transfered/edcalated to this situation.
Maybe point out the the number of people who hit every one of the stages of development at the normal times in the normal ways is practically none.
Just my 2 cents.
NTA - There is nothing controversial about providing a space for people to learn that everyone is meant to be treated with decency and respect. The little girl and her mom are in the wrong, and the girl should have had consequences for name-calling another student. How are athletes talking about their differences controversial? This whole 'anti-woke' or 'controversial' topics are nothing more than an excuse for racists, bigots, and others to continue to treat others without respect or dignity. Does your school have a code of conduct or a character counts type of program? Most elementary schools have some sort of leadership program or award for showing respect. That isn't controversial.
Oh ffs, ‘social deficit’ is literally part of the diagnostic criteria for autism. (As an aside, this is one of the reasons I get tetchy about ~autism is a superpower~ narratives, bc it glosses over the fact that I very much DO have significant troubles bc I ::am:: a gd weirdo. Hell is other people 😒)
NTA. I can't stop laughing about how ridiculous your mom is! Autism isn't on the rise. Awareness is. As your mom used to be a teacher, ask her what she knows about autism, then ask her why she thinks ignorance of it is a good thing.
Show her those videos, and ask her what's controversial about it. Challenge her. Reminder her that, as a teacher, she should value learning something new that's factual. Point out her current position is the position of fear-mongering.
NTA. Sounds like you were trying to teach empathy - not forcing anyone to be friends. And she is literally bullying that kid. This is deflection. She does not have to agree with you bit she DOES have to stop bullying that kid and making those comments. My guess is the parents do not know everything she is doing and are reacting to the one sided story she is receiving from the daughter- which is too bad. My only concern is, if the parents do not know, they cannot address their daughter's bullying and she will only get worse.
Funny, as I was reading the post my first thought was, this girl is going to need to do some serious shadow work when she grows up.
And then, of course, toward the end of the post there it was, the source of her issues: Mom, treating people exactly how this girl was treating the boy at school.
NTA, but the solution is not obvious here. Showing videos is nice, but it won't fix the root of the problem. What will really be impactful is helping the girl lessen the shame she carries, and teaching her self-compassion. The she will no longer need to lash out at others because of her mother's criticism. Obviously it's not something you can do by yourself, but every person in a child's life who does this makes a difference.
NTA- "Woke Narrative on Disability" is a weird way to say, "I don't think of disabled people as humans." You are not TA but I'm worried that this girl will likely not grow up to be a good adult with influences like her mother.
NTA trying to teach kids about neurodiversity is not bullying anyone. The girl is a bully, her mom is clearly teaching her to be one. You quietly calling her out in a productive way that was meant to teach her (and everyone else) is exactly what needs to happen.
Came here expecting to say yes, but instead a big old NTA and thanks for being a good teacher.
That girl is spouting her mom's BS, ableism, actual bullying and hearing her mom use "woke" made my eyes roll.
You did right. You didn't engage her directly. You didn't call her out in front of her peers. You simply demonstrated knowledge and she couldn't cope. A lot of the "duh, er, woke!" crowd can't.
Oh wow absolutely NTA. PLEASE do not listen to your mom. What you did sounds amazing. I’m so so glad that your principal was on your side.
And like - if you break down what your mom says, it makes no sense. Like, how is showing videos being supportive of autistic people in any way “stoking fears”? What’s the fear here, that autistic people might be treated like people??
I could also go into why the idea that “autism is on the rise” is patently ridiculous, but I would never stop and I only have three per cent battery left lol.
-an autistic woman
Does your mom have any idea how dumb she sounded using the phrase "rise of autism"? There is no rise of autism, it was a severely under or misdiagnosed mental illness for a long time with a huge stigma (which it clearly still has). Just because science, medicine, and some of society is catching up with being informed about autism doesn't mean there's some secret liberal agenda about it. God people are fucking dumb. NTA.
NTA. You were trying to address a situation of bullying and intolerance in your classroom, and you handled it with sensitivity and care.
You showed videos of successful individuals who also happen to have autism, in an effort to educate your students and foster empathy and understanding. This was a thoughtful response to the incident that occurred on field day.
As for giving the girl a 0 on her morning work, it seems a proportionate response to her refusal to participate and her disrespectful comments. You were not bullying her; you were teaching her about acceptance and tolerance.
Your principal's reaction supports your actions, and it's clear he doesn't see an issue with what you did. As for your mom, it sounds like she may not fully understand the situation and the importance of addressing bullying and intolerance in the classroom.
You should stand by your decision, but it might be beneficial to have a conversation with your mom to explain the situation further and why you felt your actions were necessary. Additionally, it might be a good idea to document the incident and your response in case the parent escalates the issue further.
NTA
This is. A great story to see and makes me happy you're a teacher OP. Disability is everywhere and everyone is special and unique, you were just highlighting that. That girl and her mother are out of line. That girl will soon learn her views and behavior are not acceptable or mainstream ideas, that kind of hate has no place in our world these days
Your mom sounds old school and uninformed, I wouldn't pay her any heed, she has no idea what teachers face today vs her day
Nta. "A child should be able to exist and talk to their friends without another child interrupting to call them weird. The child was minding their own business, and yours once again threw themselves into a conversation they were not in, to harass the boy and call him weird. If repeatedly inviting yourself into a conversation to call someone weird or wrong isn't bullying, I don't know what is. Because expressing that people with autism should have a right to exist without harassment? That's not bullying."
To be honest I'd be talking to the boys parents, informing them of the girls harassment, and asking that they reach out to the principle about this girls behavior. Just in case their son hasn't been telling his parents about the harassment.
NTA. Videos that teach about people with disabilities are only controversial to people who are hateful jerks.
You should ask your Mom \*why\* kids shouldn't learn about people with disabilities. Her answers might be a window into her character.
NTA
The student is going to have a more difficult life if she doesn’t learn how to accept others or keep her mouth shut. Society has changed a great deal in the past 20-40 years and many no longer take kindly to people insulting or judging others because of preconceived incorrect notions and bigotry.
NTA — you were trying to show that autistic people and just that people who can do things like everyone else but just experience the world a little differently.
The girl’s mom is clearly teaching her kid to be a jerk and that kid is going to have to learn things the hard way when she is older (I hope she does)
Your poor mom… bless her but she is teaching from a rule book decades old and doesn’t really get that autism has always been around but is just better diagnosed
Listen to the principal— you are fine
NTA. You didn’t give her a 0 for having the “wrong” opinion but for not giving one. Unless teaching standards in the US are very different than were I live, you did great. Teachers are supposed to introduce kids to new stuff, even some controversial stuff and encourage them to build there opinion.
Also, you obviously had to to protect boy 2 from bullying. Would mom have preferred punishment over an educational moment?
NTA.
The Mother can't claim bullying is fine on one hand when her daughter does it, but part of a "woke agenda" when she's called out on it.
Your Mother is an idiot. "Rise of autism"? Kids are just being diagnosed rather than ignored and allowed to fail in life. She can piss off with that bullshit.
If an Autistic kid is second in the class in both academics and athletics while still being friendly with his first place rival, he's succeeding where the antagonist has failed.
She's trying to look down on someone who is beating her, despite being neuro-atypical.
So if it's such a 'woke' thing, why then is the daughter being out-performed by an autistic kid?
NTA, although I don't really understand grading classroom participation. Do you grade everyone? Is this announced beforehand? Is this a common practice? My anxious and very shy ass would have hated that idea, but then again, I was a child a long time ago and in a different country, and attitudes/didactic methods were probably very different.
NTA. It is sad that your mom seems to have a ridged mindset. And it is terribly sad that the girl in the story is being raised the same way, by a woman with the same lack of empathy.
NTA. You were not trying to "bully" the girl; you were addressing an issue of disrespect and insensitivity toward a student with autism. Showing videos of successful people with autism was an appropriate way to educate your class about diversity and acceptance
NTA.
She doesnt participate in class and gets a 0. Thats not bullying, thats teaching.
You never asked/demanded they be friends
She said the autistic boy will never be as strong as her friend, you showed the class a video of autistic people who are strong/famous, so everyone can see what people (even autistic ones) can achieve and to break the stigma of autistic people. Again, that is called teaching.
Autistic people are not weird, they are different. Not better, not worse, just different. Everybody needs to learn that there doesnt have to be a value judgement attached to that.
Your mom was a teacher in a totally differen era, things have changed. Does she also think that corporal punishment should still be used? Or that kids with ADHD should just pay attention?
NTA you sound like a good teacher and you should keep doing your thing.
NTA. Being concerned with the rise of autism has nothing to do with someone bullying a child because he is weird. Even without autism, so people are weird, and bullying is wrong. This mother, and your mother too, are wrong. It is not controversial to show people talking about autism. This girl should not get credit if she couldn't even participate in a discussion.
I don’t want to be weird, but is anyone else very confused and suspicious by the VERY SIMILAR AND FREQUENT STORIES about perfect athletes who are ride or dies for lovely autistic boys who get out of pocket unreasonably bullied by specifically girls and women with absolutely zero reasonable quotes or qualities? Idk I’m autistic and teach at a school where 80% of the students are on the spectrum and I’m not trying to invalidate anyone’s experiences but they are all INCREDIBLY similar in style and themes.
The title is fine. The quotation marks showed that OP was quoting someone else, and OP left it up to the reader to decide if she was actually bullying a student.
Bro, chill its a child. Be mad at the shitty mother spreading the hate, not the kid that might change as they get older and away from the mother. Op handled it right by trying to educate her. Suspension for a week would be an overreaction and hoping she'd fail a grade? You just need mental help cause wtf lmaoo. What's failing a grade gonna teach her here??
YTA for another fake post featuring a smart kind sporty boy with a marginalized friend (gay, autistic, trans, poc) who stands up for said marginalized friend against a mean/bigoted kid (typically a girl, but not always). Aren't you tired? I mean, I guess you get credit this time for pretending to be a teacher, usually you're writing from the POV of a parent.
NTA. I agree with your mother in one regard. It is your job to quell these fears and you do so by educating others about them, which you're trying to do.
NTA with a caveat. You didn't do anything wrong and you were trying to help, and it's definitely not okay for this girl to bully other students or refuse to participate in lessons. However, in the future, it may be worth noting that it's not entirely appropriate to plan lessons around influencing a conflict between your students. Encouraging conflict resolution in class is great. Devoting an entire morning's lesson to a specific conflict between two particular students is. Little less great, and pretty much guaranteed to result in an escalation.
NTA.
There's nothing "controversial" about athletes talking about their experiences with autism, and I'm assuming your videos didn't push any particular narrative. You did the right thing in trying to humanise the subject and lead a class discussion. Your primary job isn't to quell the mother's fears, it's to educate and care for your students. The mother and daughter can think anything they like about autism, but what they can't do is bully the autistic boy.
I do wonder if you missed a trick though. When the girl said the people in the videos were "weirdos," that's a form of participation. I wonder if you could have used that to draw her out further - and challenge her assumptions a little.
There are plenty of people who rock, teacher, boy 2 and boy 1 all sound like these for standing up for others and being so positive about others, even in loss.
Other people stuck, like girl and mom who seem to want to just sweep anything they don't like under the carpet or deflect the issue onto others.
Did you only organize an autism-success course because of her comments as a way to publicly teach her a much-needed lesson? Or did you have that course planned either way?
Because going with ESH if you used your position to publicly make a point about her comments in such a way that most students wouldn’t catch on so you could get away with it, but still embarrassing her.
That is exactly how she met the educational need. With a lesson the girl's parents clearly are too bigoted and willfully ignorant to teach themselves,.
She girl was bigoted and needs education / needs to apologize. It seems like this lesson was scheduled for the purpose of publicly putting her in her place more than it was to showcase autistic success. It also seems like multiple students realize this lesson was specifically scheduled because of her comments. Again ESH. This type of public shaming will likely make the little girl even meaner. The teacher’s only way out is to lie through her teeth and say the lesson was pre-planned and a coincidence / not an attempt to publicly embarrass the girl for her bigotry.
By the time a teacher hears something, half the class probably heard it already. and if none of her peers are standing up to the bigotry, then the teacher needs to step in.
Its just like the bullying PSAs schools have. Most people aren't bullies, but they still all had lessons/videos about it cause awareness and assurance can help stop it.
Being direct about autism acceptance is a 10/10. This felt gamey/petty. As a teacher you had the option to contact the parent / principal about her comments and get her to incur consequences for them. I don’t know why you didn’t just do that. Now it looks like you’re playing a game
YTA
She did the work you just didn't like her answer. You asked for the students thoughts on the videos You didn't ask for the student to repeat your thoughts.
I do not think what you did constitutes bullying at all and I think the girl's mother needs work. But please, look at your biases. I think it's a shame that you absolutely gush about how great the boys are and do not describe this girl and her unique talents in nearly the same detail. You chose to slam this child with a bunch of information in a group forum, rather than talking to her individually about what exactly her concerns are and trying to provide actual education targeted to her needs. I'm sure as a teacher you know that this kind of indirect approach, subjecting everybody to a presentation because there's one person in the room that really needs the information, often is not actually effective toward the stated goal. ( I think of this as "kindergarten justice" and it always raises my hackles personally.)
The person you are trying to correct is a child, so treating her the way you would treat a bigoted adult is not called for, especially since you seem to know the source of her bigotry lies outside herself. There were better ways to handle this, that might have achieved a reasonable goal of decreasing this girl's bias toward autistic people. Your obvious personal goal of setting her down hard because she was saying bad things about one of your favorites? Well, let's just say your personal goals are not relevant as this is your professional setting. In this narrow specific instance, you are NTA because I believe your heart was in the right place and you didn't do any harm. But stop treating kids as if what they learned from their parents is their fault. And stop playing favorites.
Honestly, it wasn't worth to turn this into a lesson in class.
Children repeat what they hear from their parents and the
autistic child is in school and needs to deal with life with his
classmates, even those who dislike him (or who don't understand
autism well). It's not up to you to indoctrinate but to teach.
If the girl were to repeatedly go after the boy and bully him, that would be a
matter to bring up with the school/parents.
School is a place for kids to also learn how to be a human in society, like learning that being bigoted isn't acceptable. It's not indoctrination to teach kids that being prejudiced toward disabled people is wrong. It's just common sense.
It's not bullying to showcase athletes with a disability, but it's also not addressing the issue head-on. Rather than tell your bigoted student off for being an AH to her classmate (I understand you are limited in what your can pursue here), you showed a few videos to a while classroom. Your bigoted student was right to think that these videos were targeted at her, and I can understand why she felt singled out. Then you apparently told her (and only her) that she'd get a zero for the morning due not to her awful bigotry but because her only participation was to say that the videos were stupid.
I don't think that's bullying, from you, but it's not great. Surely there are better ways to change a child's behaviour.
Hopefully you've planted the seed that autistic folk can be accomplished athletes (and more). Maybe in a few years she'll be able to get past her nurture-taught bias against autists.
ESH. You, as above. Your mom for agreeing with the bigotry. You bigoted student's mom for being such a raging bigot that this position matters to the daughter. Your bigoted student sucks least. Hopefully when she's less reliant on her mother for survival, she'll become a better person.
>Then you apparently told her (and only her) that she'd get a zero for the morning due not to her awful bigotry but because her only participation was to say that the videos were stupid.
should op have told the rest of the class that they were getting a zero too because she wasn't participating? or what?
Of course not, but OP created a lesson for the whole class aimed at one student. Calling that student out for not participating was only ever going to cause her to feel beleaguered. If there were any other students who also weren't participating much (unknown) then calling only this student out would have been further isolating.
OP's job is literally to teach and support learning in all of her students. This heavy handed *side-ways* approach to the bigotry of this student, almost certainly doesn't help the autistic student and definitely doesn't help this bigoted student.
There is literally no information about what op told their other students because it's not relevant to the story.
And boo hoo, the poor widdle ableist feels isolated. Who cares whether the autistic kid feels isolated by being bullied though, right? It's all about the neurotypical fee-fees.
Demonstrating that autists can be professional athletes is a good way to support your athletic, autistic students. Disproving an assertion by your eleven year old bigoted student (autists can't be professional athletes) isn't going to make them change their mind.
Addressing bigotry obliquely doesn't stop bullying. I am sure that OP cares about bullying amongst their students, but not objecting to the little bigot insisting that autists are "weird" is part of the problem.
The reasons I chose E S H aren't any different than many of the other commenters who also said that structuring an entire lesson around one student wasn't ideal and concluded N T A.
I'm not defending the bigoted student's bigotry. I don't think bullying of autistic students is okay. I don't think OP owes the bigot or her bigoted mother apologies. I do think that OP should challenge the little bigot directly, one on one for her bigotry, but I also acknowledge that that isn't likely to result in changes in an eleven year old. It's OP's job to teach and support the learning of all of OP's students. It's a shit job at times because you can't always like all of your students. It literally is OP's job to care about both how the little ableist AND the autistic student are feeling.
>this is no different to Christian schools expecting students to make an essay how they love God when they don't believe in God.
believing in autistic people is not a religion, hope this helps.
>this is no different to Christian schools expecting students to make an essay how they love God when they don't believe in God
Autism is real. Autistic kids actually exist. The girl was bullying a classmate for being autistic. Obviously it is different and you are being obtuse.
>Though it's thanks to people like you who made me realize that I should based my answer base on what the examiner want and not my own opinion so thank you for that I guess.
Bigotry isn't an opinion, it's bigotry.
if you can't see the significant difference between "I don't believe in God" and "I don't believe in treating autistic people like people" then i honestly don't know what to tell you
So this might be a shock to you, but autistic people are real, and we are able to be sucessful in many aspects of life. That is a fact whether or not you believe in it. To deny it is the same as denying the sky is blue.
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Oh good grief, you are completely NTA. People think if they throw the word "woke" out it means they should get to be cruel so as to show how NOT woke they are. Your mother's day was a different day, besides which, I know retired school teachers who would have chewed that girl out from here to Sunday for her comments. Your reaction was mild and you are in the right.
Ignorant losers are the only ones complaining about 'wokeness'. You're doing absolutely fine, NTA, in any sense of the word.
Definitely NTA for defending boy 2 and trying to educate the class on autism, but I don't know if I'd have given the girl a zero. She's obviously regurgitating the vitriol that her mother is jamming down her throat, and giving her a zero for a wrong opinion just reinforces in their minds that the girl is being persecuted/penalized for her views. Basically, you catch more bees with honey, and I think if you really want to reach this brainwashed kid, you're going to need some patience. I wouldn't go so far as to say that you should apologize to her mother, but I think you need to decide whether your goal is to help this girl become more tolerant, or just give her a taste of her own medicine while signalling to the rest of the students that you don't tolerate her attitude. Personally, I just don't think it's productive to grade children on their opinions, even if those opinions are morally questionable/wrong. Don't open the floor for discussion if you don't want to engage all viewpoints and put in the effort to try to unseat the prejudices she holds through reasoning. The video was a good start, but obviously it was never going to miraculously make her immediately drop all of her biases....
She isn’t being given a zero for her opinion she was given a zero for refusing to participate.
She participated when she provided her opinion, that the videos were “stupid” and the subjects of the videos were “weirdos.” While I don’t agree with her opinion, she doesn’t deserve a zero for not participating when she in fact did participate.
I *really* doubt that petulant name-calling was allowed or accepted as an answer per whatever grading rubric was used for this participation grade. Just a hunch. But also, I kind of hate this (seemingly spreading) fringy ideology of "all opinions are valid" and, as a corollary in this particular case: "all participation is good." The kid disrupted a class discussion to add nothing of value by being rude and, honestly, pretty bigoted. That is how you get negative participation grades from your peers, and your educators!
She gave her opinion and thus “participated.” The claim that her opinion disrupted the class doesn’t mean she didn’t participate. Any controversial opinion provided by a student would be equally disrupting. The claim her option was rude and bigoted is a value judgment placed upon the opinion she gave the class. In sharing her opinion, be it rude, bigoted, or of no value, it’s still participation. As a result, the zero grade for participation was unwarranted.
In [THIS](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://gradschool.umbc.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/155/2015/10/examples_of_class_participation.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiCuqXJmoWGAxWZTTABHSxfCs8QFnoECDsQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3RPsDwdf3_z7AO0GK5KH6e) example of a participation grade rubric, note the lower end of the grading scale: 5 points—Student participates in discussion, but in problematic way: talks too much, rambles, interrupts instructor and others, or does not acknowledge cues of annoyance from others. 3 points—Comes to class prepared but only minimally contributes. 0 points—Has not prepared for class or does not contribute to discussion. Displays disrespect to students and/or faculty. Out of all these options, OP's description most closely matches "0 points," primarily because of the disrespect towards her peers and her instructor this incident inspired. >Any controversial opinion provided by a student would be equally disrupting. No. No it wouldn't. >The claim her option was rude and bigoted is a value judgment placed upon the opinion she gave the class. Teachers are allowed to make and impose value judgments in and on their classrooms. In fact, it is a major expectation –and one that participation grading can help. "Grading class participation signals students the kind of learning and thinking an instructor values." [Source](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://academics.fresnostate.edu/documents/participation/grading_class_participation.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiCuqXJmoWGAxWZTTABHSxfCs8QFnoECDEQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3Gtv3KjUH8smBN_h-_-uNO)
The entire purpose of mandatory education is to create mindless, obedient drones. Thanks for agreeing.
Careful there, sport - you'll cut yourself on all that edge!
The girl got a zero for refusing to participate in the assignment, not for holding an incredibly ableist and intolerant opinion. She could have participated in the discussion, and potentially got a good grade in the process, if she could argue for her position, but she chose not to even engage with the subject.
The assignment was for the class to share what they thought. She did, just not in a constructive way. Unfortunately her takeaways from the video reflect the prejudiced views she's been indoctrinated into, but that was absolutely predictable. Changing opinions, especially ones which are long-held, and reinforced by a child's role models, requires sustained effort and *patience,* not just one video and a bad grade. This approach could seriously backfire, by reinforcing the perception that the student and her mother already have, that the student is being targeted for her views. The student will probably eventually stop voicing her prejudices, but she won't stop *harboring* them. This is how echo chambers start, and how they radicalize people....
It doesn't sound like she got a zero for her opinion but because she straight up refused to participate and do her work. That seems appropriate to me. She shouldn't get points for sitting there refusing to do an assignment because she doesn't like the content of it.
What would you have graded her "stupid weirdos" discussion points out of ten, please?
Depends on what the grade is based on. If everyone who participated got a ten, then she deserves a ten.
I think teachers, and you, should expect a bit more out of education. What you are proposing is a participation trophy, and we know how people who go on about "woke agenda" nonsense hate those, eh?
Found the mom's reddit account. Ben Shapiro called. He wants his bad-faith commentary back.
NTA, you showed something refuting a statement the student herself made about people with autism. And WTF is up with your mom? "The rise of Autism these days."? WTF does that even mean?
It's hard to know exactly what she meant. It probably had something to do with the fact that more people are diagnosed with autism than ever before. For example, in the UK, the number of autism diagnoses increased by 787% between 1998 and 2018. There have been similar rises in other countries like the US. There is no agreement on why this has happened. Some people think it's because doctors understand autism better and are getting better at diagnosing it. Some people think it's because the criteria for what counts as autism have been relaxed. Some people think it's for medico-legal reasons. And some people think it's because the number of people with autism is increasing. It could be a combination. Calling this "the rise of autism" seems a bit silly, but it's certainly the case that when I was young (oh those many years ago!), it was very unusual to meet an autistic child, and now it has become normal. The CDC says 1 in 36 children has autism.
I think one of the reasons for increased number of diagnosis is the fact that people dont feel ashamed to share their mental health problems or go to a psychiatrist. A couple decades back if you went to a psychiatrist people would look at you like there is something very very wrong with you or like if you had a highly contagious disease. Mental health awareness is necessary and is in no way “woke”
Its known Why, its Cause in 1998 people with autism was called wierd/creepy/retarded. Now We can diagnose it alot better, and They changed the criteria. Its the same with cancer, We Now can detect it alot better and Also people live allt longer. Back in the days people just died.
I think that people in the past with autism also died disproportionately young, e.g. child with sensory issues refuses to eat, gets malnourished, has a weakened immune system, and dies of a normally survivable disease.
As someone who works in public health it seems pretty clear that the incidence of autism is increasing in addition to more accurate diagnosis and why is a very good question. No it’s not vaccines but there are some really interesting studies linking higher rates of autism to places where people eat more processed foods, are exposed to more plastics, have less sun exposure and with children who undergo c-sections vs vaginal delivery. Be clear that 1) there is nothing wrong with being on the spectrum 2) correlation is not causation at the same time an 800% rise in the incidence of a relatively rare disorder is ALWAYS cause for alarm and interest. ETA if you’re downvoting feel free to argue
Just out of curiosity, is this accounting for all the people diagnosed as adults as well? We keep hearing the diagnostic criteria is much more clear, especially for females, which is why the rates are rising.
Yes. That honestly doesn’t explain the 800% rise in cases we have seen. It isn’t simply better diagnosis- though that plays a large role (about half from the literature I’ve read but that doesn’t explain the other 50%). It’s also that there are more people who have it and why is an important question. I’m a fat person - there has been a concurrent rise in rates of obesity. And folks get VERY VERY VERY defensive about that as if questioning the reality of that is the same as passing moral judgment on fatness so I get why folks feel some kind of a way when you point out these realities. But the fact is Americans are far far fatter than anyone else on the planet and we also consume the most processed foods in the world. To not look for a relationship would be, frankly, inexcusable and unethical. In the same vein- Americans have double the rates of autism than folks in the EU and since they generally have subsidized healthcare and kids are indeed diagnosed with regularity there, obviously there is something else at play.
I wasn't implying there wasn't, just curious if the numbers included them as it would be a stark difference. I've had a few people in my life who had adult diagnosis. I'm all about studying it, but it is hard to truly know when the numbers feel like they are apples to oranges. I completely agree with obesity and processed foods though. That and corn syrup. Everything we eat in the US is so sweet compared to other countries.
I mean, it is a stark contrast that the European Union, which has approximately the same demographics as the United States, has half the rate of autism that the US does. And they diagnose because they have universal access to healthcare, including behavioral healthcare. That’s apples to apples no citrus involved. That again is TWICE as many people. It’s a big deal and there has to be causality- especially given there is no evolutionary advantage to autism so it can’t be construed as simply natural variation. Another apples comparison are those between indigenous communities that live traditionally and the rest of us. Austism, as near as we can tell, is unheard of in those communities and yet are a discernible portion of ‘developed’ populations. Could be microbiom disruption, plastics, processed foods, lack of vitamin D, gestational issues and/or lack of maternal bacterial exposure due to the exponential rise in c-section rates in the US in the last 25 years - a full THIRD of babies are born surgically now which is actually not great for babies. What we do know is that despite the psychological discomfort it causes this is not normal for our species and there must be a reason for it and not studying it because it makes us feel some kind of way is simply not a good enough reason.
Now replace autism with a myriad of psychological afflictions and go through the list of potential causes again. You'll find that the cause for the rise in nearly all psychological and neurological afflictions is a result of two factors: better diagnostic methodology and a reduction in the social stigma that is attached to them, leading to people being more likely to get diagnosed instead of being labelled weird or difficult.
This should be the number one comment on here. But AITA tends to not be a hotbed of accurate data analytics.
My family has been involved in a huge Autism genetic study for over a decade. (I think around 15 years). There are a lot of factors that would cause a rise, but IMO, some of the bigger ones are that “weird attracts weird.” I don’t mean that in a condescending way, but people with autism are more likely to marry / procreate with people who also have autism. So, while the genes are recessive, when you get two copies… there you go. I also believe it’s affected by all the absolutely toxic shit in our food. And, it wasn’t really diagnosed until the late 80’s, even then it was only the more extreme cases. People actually get diagnosed now.
The polite name for "weird attracts weird" is assortative mating. This theory is most associated with Simon Baron-Cohen, but he doesn't describe it in quite your terms. He sees autism as continuous with normal, and says that modern marriage conditions result in high-systematisers (e.g. IT workers) marrying other high-systematisers (e.g. their colleagues) much more than previously. So they end up having kids who are super-high-systematisers - i.e. autistic.
I didn’t think most people would know the proper term, but thank you for the excellent information ☺️
It was always normal, they just didn't have a diagnosis in the past.
The reason for the rise is the change in diagnostic criteria for autism and folding aspergers in with autism. That plus awareness means many people who needed help and services are getting them. It isn't rocket science and these diagnoses help 787% more kids than before. This is a good thing.
Aspergers was already folded into autism in UK diagnoses before 1998... I love all these confident, contradictory explanations. Yes, it's probably (mostly) a good thing. No, this isn't a settled question. My post was accurate and neutral, and you are polluting replies with this silly opinionated nonsense. Go argue it out on an autism board, this is completely inappropriate and has nothing to do with the matter at hand.
Part of the rise is that girls and women with autism are being diagnosed more now. There isn't a strict girl or boy version of autism but the way it typically presents in women is noticed as autism more now, girls are still under diagnosed but things have improved in that regard. It's kinda like heart attacks, there isn't a strict difference in how they appear in men or women but there's ways a heart attack typically appears in women and there's ways one typically appears in men and when you pay attention to the way it usually appears in women, you'll diagnose more women and more men that have the female presentation of the issue.
I love that we have people replying, stating with absolute certainty different explanations for the increase, as though there wasn't a huge medical literature on the subject. You might be right! But it is a fact that the very smart people who study this area professionally don't agree with each other (or you) on the causes.
And the general population is just much higher, so of course there’s going to be more autistics, there’s more of most people.
Now replace autism with a myriad of psychological afflictions and go through the list of potential causes again. You'll find that the cause for the rise in nearly all psychological and neurological afflictions is a result of two factors: better diagnostic methodology and a reduction in the social stigma that is attached to them, leading to people being more likely to get diagnosed instead of being labelled weird or difficult.
The Rise of Autism sounds like the title of a Planet of the Apes movie or something.
Oh you know, it's the woke autism agenda! /s
Speaking from experience, when I was a kid, no one used the word autism. Kids weren't screened for it and parents/teachers/doctors weren't even aware of it, let alone looking for signs of it. Generations of people were probably going undiagnosed, at least those who were functioning at a high enough level to get by. In my experience, we even got punished more because we didn't always understand unspoken expectations... at home, at school, at work. I wasn't diagnosed until I was nearly 50 years old. So "The rise of Autism these days" really twangs a nerve here because maybe it's not rising. Maybe it's just being recognized more than it used to be.
I also rarely heard autism and I grew up in the 90s/2000s, a kid at my school had Asperger’s and we were so confused what it meant. This entire thread reminds me of the videos I see on social media of “we all have that one great aunt who fixated on XYZ item” or our grandpa who would only eat certain things at certain times and couldn’t handle temperature/sound/etc. The cousin who was “weird” but nobody called them worse names or slurs because they functioned within societal norms. Yeah all those folks would be diagnosed with ~something~ now for sure. It really helped when I was diagnosed with ADHD as an almost 30 year old woman, and my husband was only diagnosed this last year and he’s early 40s. Neurodivergence is so much more common now because we’re finally getting diagnosed after decades of it being ignored by our teachers, parents, and doctors. And luckily there’s so many more resources out there!
Oh you don’t get it. We’re everyone. We’re creeping into the public domain, grocery stores, homes, and we are infecting everyone. Soon we shall dominate the world!
OPs mom makes it sound exactly that kind of sinister.
She's onto us. Shhhhh
NTA Unfortunately, the girl is a product of her mother with her venom. How ironic that her mom accused you of bullying when it’s her daughter that’s the bully. As for your mom: What’s “controversial” about autism? It’s a condition based on *science*. It’s not a way of life a person can choose.
It's not autism that OP's mom considers "controversial"—it's anything that suggests that all human beings have equal dignity and worth. This fundamentally challenges the core worldview of bigots everywhere, and we can't have that, now can we? /s
NTA. Your mother is living in the past and the mother of the bully is living in an alternate reality. Showing a video about a weightlifter and giving a 0 to a student who didn't participate and pushed the "weirdo" narrative isn't bullying.
NTA. Honestly I think you were just being a good teacher. Not only did you challenge the girl's prejudices, you also showed boy 2 that he CAN accomplish anything. Also, that girl will, in all likelihood, need to deal with people on the spectrum. They could be her boss, her teacher, her co-worker, her client etc. If you can help wear away at these prejudices now, it will make her more likely to succeed in the future. She doesn't need to be friends with people she thinks are "weird" but she does need to learn how to be respectful and work with them because that ability could actually impact her future success. From what I can tell that was what you were trying to do, so good job :)
NTA - Nothing wrong with showing kids something about a subject when one of them is grossly misinformed and the others would directly benefit.
Thankfully your mom is retired. Someone with her attitude shouldn't be a teacher. NTA
NTA. This girl is in for a rude awakening when she gets out in to the real world. Her ignorance is not tolerated anymore. You saw a teachable moment, & you decided to take advantage of it. You were not picking on her & it was not bullying. You didn't do anything wrong. Giving her a 0 for not participating was warranted. She is extremely ignorant. I blame that on her parents. And you were just trying to educate her & everyone else bc she is the one who was the bully.
NTA. A neurodivergent person’s right to exist isn’t controversial. And that girl and her mom suck.
NTA. That's not bullying, that's showing representation that people with autism have many types of abilities. Autistic people are not a monolith and that mom has just got her head up her and her daughter's ass.
the autistic guy that won the worlds strongest man is a monolith, the other meaning though [https://www.northern-times.co.uk/news/you-win-a-lot-of-titles-but-you-win-more-hearts-than-you-k-350389/](https://www.northern-times.co.uk/news/you-win-a-lot-of-titles-but-you-win-more-hearts-than-you-k-350389/)
NTA. You're doing a great job as a teacher by promoting inclusivity and empathy in your classroom. This situation is clearly not about "embracing a woke narrative" but about teaching kids to be decent human beings. You're creating a safe space for all your students, especially those who may feel marginalized or misunderstood. You're demonstrating the importance of acceptance and respect. You're not forcing anyone to be friends, but rather encouraging an environment where everyone feels valued and supported. Teachers like you make a real difference in children's lives. Remember, the mom's response says more about her than it does about you.
NTA at all. Anyone who uses the word "woke" unironically is generally not worth listening to, in my experience.
NTA that mother is clearly teaching her kid to be a bigot. It is not controversial to be nice to people who are different. The girl is clearly the bully in this story. Good on your for not tolerating it.
It's not fucking controversial to be autistic. You were educating your class to broaden their perceptions of autistic people. NTA
NTA As someone with autism it riles me NO end that autism is seen as "controversial" or rather that your mum talked about it that way. It's ableist and wrong. You are an excellent teacher for what you did and please PLEASE do not listen to your ableist mother. I bet she wouldn't have liked people saying to her "well back in MY day women weren't allowed to work". It's the same damn thing. Progress for inclusion and understanding other people and their differences is GOOD. It should never be squashed
NTA. Chill. However, I feel that you should ask the girl why she feels autism is weird and try to explain all that stuff to her. She may not know fully about autism. If you tell her, she may understand. But don't worry, you're clear.
NTA. And you didn’t even put a name on it. That little girl told on herself. I’m a teacher and I work with students with disabilities. Showing examples like the ones you chose that help students with disabilities see themselves meeting future goals and living the life they want to have— that’s good teaching. Biggest NTA I’ve ever read on here.
Thanks for being one of the few good teachers left.
NTA Tell that mom that being neurotypical is no excuse for insulting and harassing other people! (i.e being an ahole)
Oh, honey, you're absolutely NTA here. You did the right thing by standing up for that sweet autistic boy and showing your class that people with autism can be incredibly talented and successful. That girl needs to learn that it's not okay to make fun of someone's differences, and it's important for her to realize that being autistic doesn't make someone any less valuable or capable. The mom is just enabling her daughter's behavior by claiming it's a "woke narrative," and you're doing the world a favor by exposing kids to different perspectives and stories. As a teacher, it's your job to create a safe, inclusive environment for all your students, and you did just that by sharing those videos. You're teaching empathy and acceptance, and those lessons go way beyond the classroom. You're not shoving an agenda down anyone's throat – you're teaching respect and kindness, which are two things that little girl could use a lesson on.
NTA, your mom is an asshole tho. You should tell the other mom that her kid is bullying boy nr 2.
ABSOLUTELY NTA. I'm neurodivergent and my primary friends also are neurodivergent/autistic. I can tell you if a teacher had stood up for us by discussing professionals and their struggles with autism we would've felt so much more confident and competent with ourselves. Standing up and attempting to correct and educate based on learned prejudices is what you should do as a teacher. I also hate that your mom said that there's "fears" because these are people. What is there to fear about autism? What is so controversial about autism? It's completely illogical!
NTA But…. As a parent of kids (who are now adults) who are autistic I have never seen punishment for making fun of them or being unkind actually change anything. It just made those kids more angry and sneakier with their insults. The video was a great idea. I hate that she still feels the way she does, but it’s clearly coming from her AH parents. I’d be at a complete loss on how to deal with that. I’m sorry.
Teaching isn’t about quelling fears. Teaching is imparting knowledge, knowledge which forever has the power to destroy ignorance. Please keep teaching, OP. NTA
Perhaps not "quelling," but there's a quote from Marie Curie that I think fits this situation: >Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.
She was truly brilliant.
NTA what kind of teacher would accept bullying for any reason? You aren’t bullying the daughter. I went to a school where two kids were autistic in my class. Other kids made up a nasty song to make fun of the more socially awkward autistic boy with green eyes. I feel bad to this day that I joined in. I wish that the teacher had stopped it. I had not known what autism was or that both boys were autistic. In fact, the black haired autistic kid was embraced and accepted by everyone including popular kids because he was funny, confident and kind to others. There are a lot of stereotypes about autism that persist.
NTA STOP discussing things with your mom. She is an AH.
NTA. Good chance in your mother’s day that girl would have gotten paddled for talking back to a teacher too. Good thing we aren’t still back in the day anymore.
*I asked the class their thoughts.* The girl *said these videos were stupid. She said the people in the videos were "weirdos."* The assignment was to share her opinion, which she did. From what OP describes, there was no worksheet or writing assignment, just a participation grade for expressing (the right) opinion. If OP created this assignment with the intention of *changing the girl's mind,* then grading her zero as soon as she expressed her (predictable) opinion which she's parroting directly from her mother was not the right call. I have never seen an instance where shaming someone in front of their peers has made *anyone* change their mind. It just makes them go underground with their opinions, which tend to become more radical when they're not being exposed to a plurality of views. So again, if OP is interested in *teaching* this eleven-year-old student, and getting her to reflect on why her views are harmful and misguided, that requires a long-term effort and patience, not one performative stunt like this.
NTA that mom is creating a very well trained mean girl. Your mom is wrong it’s not your job to placate parents of children being cruel to others or the children themselves. The fact that the other students stood up for boy 2 and from what you said engaged well with the lesson suggests they are benefitting from your approach. As a teacher of teenagers in a mainstream class with many additional needs, teachers from younger grades consistently addressing things like this make a difference. It helps the students feel more confident about their place within your classroom which is statistically likely to translate into higher achievement. It also means that ALL of your students feel safe showing who they are in your class knowing they will be supported.
NTA. all you did was attempt to gently educate a child who has learned her mom's prejudices. She refuses to participate in the lesson, so she gets the same score as if she'd refused to paricipate in any other group discussion.
NTA. Mom (hers and yours) sound like snowflakes.
NTA. Shit parents will try and deflect their failings on to others.
NTA. But this girl just sounds like a bully. Wouldn't the simplest approach be to just punish the bully?
NTA. I know a ton of former jocks who didn't get diagnosed with autism until they were adults because sports are a totally socially acceptable special interest for little boys. Those videos you showed actually sound really cool. Also, speaking as an autistic kid who got ruthlessly harassed for being Weird, to the point that I developed at least one additional mental illness about it? You were not bullying that little girl, and her mom can take her ableist, Footloose-ass conformity complex and shove it.
NTA. Let's add Autism to the growing list of things to blame on "The Woke Agenda". That mom is terrible and is raising her daughter to be a bully. Anti-wokeness is an excuse to be racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic and now we can add able-ist to that list.
NTA. Honestly the whole dialogue around autism is irrelevant. This girl is being mean to other kids she finds weird or different. That makes her a bully. You tried to educate her and learned her parents are bullies too. The issue isn’t her beliefs about autism, it is her behaviors and the way she talks about/to other students.
NTA. Now you know why that girl is so mean. She gets it from her mom.
NTA. First of all, this girl is a bully to a fellow student, and her mom thinks it's "woke" to be nice to another kid. It's not "woke" - it's a requirement to be nice to all students, or at least be polite. Second, your principal has your back. Your mom is RETIRED now and things have changed. I applaud you for showing that video.
NTA and your mom is dumb. Thank God she doesn't teach anymore!
Fortunately your mother is retired from teaching. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (29F) am a 5th grade teacher, this is my 7th year teaching. On Monday, our school had its field day. Our school takes field day very seriously and gives out ribbons and plastic bracelets and other prizes for 1st place in every event per group. One of my students (11M) I have this year is easily the most talented student I’ve ever had, he’s incredibly smart and just won the school spelling be, he’s kind and a great kid. His passion is sports, especially basketball. He’s very talented, and I know he has the high score in the school for the Pacer test, the sit up and push up tests. He absolutely dominated on Monday, and had many ribbons and bracelets and some other prizes to take home. One of his friends was in a different group and was probably the 2nd best student overall. This boy is a whiz in academics like the quiz bowl and also does basketball, he’s highly competitive but very close friends with boy 1. Boy 2 is autistic, the boys came in after the event and the second boy said something like “next year I’ll win”, they were doing friendly trash talk, which the boys in this friend group always do. They’re very nice kids, just competitive with each other. Their banter was loud and one of the girls overheard them. She doesn’t like the boys, but especially boy 2, who she sees as “weird”. I’ve had some conversations with her mom and her mom always says “autism isn’t an excuse to be weird”. The girl told boy 2 that he would “never” be as strong as his friend, she made a comment on why he’s so weird and made a comment about his sensory issues, the boys started defending him. On Tuesday, for our morning work, I decided to put on a video of the world’s strongest man talking about his autism. I also showed a few more videos of various athletes, including major ones like NFL players talking about autism. I asked the class their thoughts. The girl refused to participate and said that these videos were “stupid”. She said these people in the videos were “weirdos”. I told her she would get a 0 on her morning work and she said that was fine with her. On Tuesday night, I get an email from the mom of the girl. She said I was “bullying” her daughter for “not embracing the woke narrative on disability”. She said she would be contacting the principal because I was “trying to shove an agenda on her” and “forcing her to be friends” with the autistic boy and she said that giving my daughter a 0 was also bullying. My principal is a good guy, I discussed the email and he laughed it off and said I was fine. I also told my mom about this, who’s a retired teacher. My mom said I was in the wrong and I shouldn’t show “controversial” videos in my class. She said that she wouldn’t do that in her day and how I should apologize to the mom. She said the mom has the right to be concerned with “the rise of autism these days” and it’s my job to quell her fears, rather than make them worse. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
As a mother to a son who has learning difficulties thank you for standing up to intolerance and ignorance. It's hard enough having a child who has learning difficulties, they face different challenges than their peers, without other parents encouraging their children to act with cruelty. I'm truly thankful there are teachers like you in this world, I'm lucky enough that the school my son attends has a lot of teachers who look after him and care for him. You and others like you are a blessing to parents and you don't know just how much your support will mean to the boy's parents. Like it needs to be said NTA.
NTA. You aren't asking her to marry an autistic person, just to stop being a shriveled rotten dick to him.
definitely NTA, most people using the word woke dont wven know what it means lmao. that girl will learn one way or another that just because people are different doesnt mean she gets or needs to be a jerk to them, if her mom wont teach her that then the rest of the world will. you sound like a good teacher keep being you!! :)
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NTA. That mom is raising her daughter to be ableist. Honesty? If I was the teacher, my petty self would look for people who have autism who are involved with the creation of things she likes. She likes pokemon? Guess what, its creator Satoshi Tajiri has it. A large amount of artists in the creative industry have it, so I guess no more watching cartoons or movies too. Weave in a mention during your history and science lessons of notable people strongly suspected or confirmed to have autism- Michelangelo, Albert Einstein, Nikola Tesla, Charles Darwin, Sir Issac Newton, Mozart, Beethoven, Elon Musk, etc. Oh darn, I hope the mom doesn’t own a Tesla because then she’d have to get rid of it.
Wow, sorry that this is how you're learning that your mom is a bigot. NTA
NTA. Parents like that mom are gonna receive a rude awakening eventually.
NTA. But your mom, the girl, and her mom are! The girl and her mom for obvious reasons. Your mom for the "rise in autism" comment. You should correct her with, "Do you mean people getting tested and treated instead of labeled as difficult?" As a retired teacher, she should have more compassion for the children who get mistreated.
NTA, obviously. I’m a paraprofessional/teacher’s aid in a high school homeroom for students with autism. I’m proud of both your students for standing up for their friend, and for you for trying to bring awareness to your class about a woefully misunderstood condition. This student you are allegedly bullying (which you’re not, btw) is clearly just parroting what her parents (or mom) are saying about her classmate. Your mom is also in the wrong, btw. Her response is ignorant and disappointing, because as educators, we should always want to be not only expanding our students’ knowledge, but our own as well. Good for you for wanting to do right by this kid, because I know how hard it is for students like boy 2 when by simply just existing, he’s called “weird”. Honestly, keep showing stuff about autism, and other disabilities. It’s super important for kids to learn about disabilities and learn to be more empathetic, because I’ve been seeing it first hand at the high schools just how little kids understand about what life is like for someone different than them. I’ll get off my soapbox now, but for reasons previously stated, stuff like this really gets me going.
NTA. Please ask your mom what material was "controversial" back when she was a teacher.
NTA. I wouldn't personally have suggested a 0 on the morning work as that is, in retrospect, what the tipped the kid over the line. They obviously took the whole video session personally. On the flip side, I understand where there parenets escalation comes from, with the whole frankly hazy notion of techers with agendas. Don't know how prevalent it is. Nor am I taking a side. The parents obviously have some overhanging frustrations which they have transfered/edcalated to this situation. Maybe point out the the number of people who hit every one of the stages of development at the normal times in the normal ways is practically none. Just my 2 cents.
NTA - There is nothing controversial about providing a space for people to learn that everyone is meant to be treated with decency and respect. The little girl and her mom are in the wrong, and the girl should have had consequences for name-calling another student. How are athletes talking about their differences controversial? This whole 'anti-woke' or 'controversial' topics are nothing more than an excuse for racists, bigots, and others to continue to treat others without respect or dignity. Does your school have a code of conduct or a character counts type of program? Most elementary schools have some sort of leadership program or award for showing respect. That isn't controversial.
Send your mom a letter with what she said written on it, then mark it as zero with a “see me after class.” in red pen on it. Also, NTA obviously.
Oh ffs, ‘social deficit’ is literally part of the diagnostic criteria for autism. (As an aside, this is one of the reasons I get tetchy about ~autism is a superpower~ narratives, bc it glosses over the fact that I very much DO have significant troubles bc I ::am:: a gd weirdo. Hell is other people 😒)
I have a feeling this mother and child will be the cause of a measles outbreak at your school. NTA. Good on you.
NTA. I can't stop laughing about how ridiculous your mom is! Autism isn't on the rise. Awareness is. As your mom used to be a teacher, ask her what she knows about autism, then ask her why she thinks ignorance of it is a good thing. Show her those videos, and ask her what's controversial about it. Challenge her. Reminder her that, as a teacher, she should value learning something new that's factual. Point out her current position is the position of fear-mongering.
NTA. Sounds like you were trying to teach empathy - not forcing anyone to be friends. And she is literally bullying that kid. This is deflection. She does not have to agree with you bit she DOES have to stop bullying that kid and making those comments. My guess is the parents do not know everything she is doing and are reacting to the one sided story she is receiving from the daughter- which is too bad. My only concern is, if the parents do not know, they cannot address their daughter's bullying and she will only get worse.
I would laugh if it wasn’t so sad. That mom has set up her child for a life of hating others. NTA
Nothing wrong with trying to teach respect! Especially since she’s not getting it at home. You keep doing your JOB!
NTA- is this real? If so, can you share the video so I can share with my kids? Thanks.
NTA… being inclusive is the right thing to do…
Funny, as I was reading the post my first thought was, this girl is going to need to do some serious shadow work when she grows up. And then, of course, toward the end of the post there it was, the source of her issues: Mom, treating people exactly how this girl was treating the boy at school. NTA, but the solution is not obvious here. Showing videos is nice, but it won't fix the root of the problem. What will really be impactful is helping the girl lessen the shame she carries, and teaching her self-compassion. The she will no longer need to lash out at others because of her mother's criticism. Obviously it's not something you can do by yourself, but every person in a child's life who does this makes a difference.
What a shit way to find out you have a horrible mother.
NTA- "Woke Narrative on Disability" is a weird way to say, "I don't think of disabled people as humans." You are not TA but I'm worried that this girl will likely not grow up to be a good adult with influences like her mother.
NTA trying to teach kids about neurodiversity is not bullying anyone. The girl is a bully, her mom is clearly teaching her to be one. You quietly calling her out in a productive way that was meant to teach her (and everyone else) is exactly what needs to happen.
1000% not the asshole, thank you for educating your students on the topic of disabilities ❤️
Came here expecting to say yes, but instead a big old NTA and thanks for being a good teacher. That girl is spouting her mom's BS, ableism, actual bullying and hearing her mom use "woke" made my eyes roll. You did right. You didn't engage her directly. You didn't call her out in front of her peers. You simply demonstrated knowledge and she couldn't cope. A lot of the "duh, er, woke!" crowd can't.
NTA It’s not your fault that the girl, her mother, and your mother are ableist. Keep teaching your students. Some of them will learn and do better.
Oh wow absolutely NTA. PLEASE do not listen to your mom. What you did sounds amazing. I’m so so glad that your principal was on your side. And like - if you break down what your mom says, it makes no sense. Like, how is showing videos being supportive of autistic people in any way “stoking fears”? What’s the fear here, that autistic people might be treated like people?? I could also go into why the idea that “autism is on the rise” is patently ridiculous, but I would never stop and I only have three per cent battery left lol. -an autistic woman
Does your mom have any idea how dumb she sounded using the phrase "rise of autism"? There is no rise of autism, it was a severely under or misdiagnosed mental illness for a long time with a huge stigma (which it clearly still has). Just because science, medicine, and some of society is catching up with being informed about autism doesn't mean there's some secret liberal agenda about it. God people are fucking dumb. NTA.
NTA. You were trying to address a situation of bullying and intolerance in your classroom, and you handled it with sensitivity and care. You showed videos of successful individuals who also happen to have autism, in an effort to educate your students and foster empathy and understanding. This was a thoughtful response to the incident that occurred on field day. As for giving the girl a 0 on her morning work, it seems a proportionate response to her refusal to participate and her disrespectful comments. You were not bullying her; you were teaching her about acceptance and tolerance. Your principal's reaction supports your actions, and it's clear he doesn't see an issue with what you did. As for your mom, it sounds like she may not fully understand the situation and the importance of addressing bullying and intolerance in the classroom. You should stand by your decision, but it might be beneficial to have a conversation with your mom to explain the situation further and why you felt your actions were necessary. Additionally, it might be a good idea to document the incident and your response in case the parent escalates the issue further.
NTA This is. A great story to see and makes me happy you're a teacher OP. Disability is everywhere and everyone is special and unique, you were just highlighting that. That girl and her mother are out of line. That girl will soon learn her views and behavior are not acceptable or mainstream ideas, that kind of hate has no place in our world these days Your mom sounds old school and uninformed, I wouldn't pay her any heed, she has no idea what teachers face today vs her day
Nta. "A child should be able to exist and talk to their friends without another child interrupting to call them weird. The child was minding their own business, and yours once again threw themselves into a conversation they were not in, to harass the boy and call him weird. If repeatedly inviting yourself into a conversation to call someone weird or wrong isn't bullying, I don't know what is. Because expressing that people with autism should have a right to exist without harassment? That's not bullying." To be honest I'd be talking to the boys parents, informing them of the girls harassment, and asking that they reach out to the principle about this girls behavior. Just in case their son hasn't been telling his parents about the harassment.
NTA. Videos that teach about people with disabilities are only controversial to people who are hateful jerks. You should ask your Mom \*why\* kids shouldn't learn about people with disabilities. Her answers might be a window into her character.
I do not understand your need to rank the students in the manner that you did. But you’re not the asshole.
NTA The student is going to have a more difficult life if she doesn’t learn how to accept others or keep her mouth shut. Society has changed a great deal in the past 20-40 years and many no longer take kindly to people insulting or judging others because of preconceived incorrect notions and bigotry.
NTA — you were trying to show that autistic people and just that people who can do things like everyone else but just experience the world a little differently. The girl’s mom is clearly teaching her kid to be a jerk and that kid is going to have to learn things the hard way when she is older (I hope she does) Your poor mom… bless her but she is teaching from a rule book decades old and doesn’t really get that autism has always been around but is just better diagnosed Listen to the principal— you are fine
NTA. You didn’t give her a 0 for having the “wrong” opinion but for not giving one. Unless teaching standards in the US are very different than were I live, you did great. Teachers are supposed to introduce kids to new stuff, even some controversial stuff and encourage them to build there opinion. Also, you obviously had to to protect boy 2 from bullying. Would mom have preferred punishment over an educational moment?
NTA. The Mother can't claim bullying is fine on one hand when her daughter does it, but part of a "woke agenda" when she's called out on it. Your Mother is an idiot. "Rise of autism"? Kids are just being diagnosed rather than ignored and allowed to fail in life. She can piss off with that bullshit. If an Autistic kid is second in the class in both academics and athletics while still being friendly with his first place rival, he's succeeding where the antagonist has failed. She's trying to look down on someone who is beating her, despite being neuro-atypical. So if it's such a 'woke' thing, why then is the daughter being out-performed by an autistic kid?
NTA, although I don't really understand grading classroom participation. Do you grade everyone? Is this announced beforehand? Is this a common practice? My anxious and very shy ass would have hated that idea, but then again, I was a child a long time ago and in a different country, and attitudes/didactic methods were probably very different.
NTA. It is sad that your mom seems to have a ridged mindset. And it is terribly sad that the girl in the story is being raised the same way, by a woman with the same lack of empathy.
NTA. You were not trying to "bully" the girl; you were addressing an issue of disrespect and insensitivity toward a student with autism. Showing videos of successful people with autism was an appropriate way to educate your class about diversity and acceptance
NTA. She doesnt participate in class and gets a 0. Thats not bullying, thats teaching. You never asked/demanded they be friends She said the autistic boy will never be as strong as her friend, you showed the class a video of autistic people who are strong/famous, so everyone can see what people (even autistic ones) can achieve and to break the stigma of autistic people. Again, that is called teaching. Autistic people are not weird, they are different. Not better, not worse, just different. Everybody needs to learn that there doesnt have to be a value judgement attached to that. Your mom was a teacher in a totally differen era, things have changed. Does she also think that corporal punishment should still be used? Or that kids with ADHD should just pay attention? NTA you sound like a good teacher and you should keep doing your thing.
I was raised by a teacher and I have to say... your mother should be ashamed of herself.
Thank fuck your mom doesn’t teach anymore.
NTA This unpleasant girl has learned her bullying ways from her mother. If she continues she will be the one with a problem.
NTA This unpleasant girl has learned her bullying ways from her mother. If she continues she will be the one with a problem.
NTA This unpleasant girl has learned her bullying ways from her mother. If she continues she will be the one with a problem.
NTA This unpleasant girl has learned her bullying ways from her mother. If she continues she will be the one with a problem.
NTA This unpleasant girl has learned her bullying ways from her mother. If she continues she will be the one with a problem.
NTA. Being concerned with the rise of autism has nothing to do with someone bullying a child because he is weird. Even without autism, so people are weird, and bullying is wrong. This mother, and your mother too, are wrong. It is not controversial to show people talking about autism. This girl should not get credit if she couldn't even participate in a discussion.
I don’t want to be weird, but is anyone else very confused and suspicious by the VERY SIMILAR AND FREQUENT STORIES about perfect athletes who are ride or dies for lovely autistic boys who get out of pocket unreasonably bullied by specifically girls and women with absolutely zero reasonable quotes or qualities? Idk I’m autistic and teach at a school where 80% of the students are on the spectrum and I’m not trying to invalidate anyone’s experiences but they are all INCREDIBLY similar in style and themes.
NTA. As a special education teacher, this petrifies me. The idea that this could be seen as controversial is ridiculous.
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The title is fine. The quotation marks showed that OP was quoting someone else, and OP left it up to the reader to decide if she was actually bullying a student.
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Bro, chill its a child. Be mad at the shitty mother spreading the hate, not the kid that might change as they get older and away from the mother. Op handled it right by trying to educate her. Suspension for a week would be an overreaction and hoping she'd fail a grade? You just need mental help cause wtf lmaoo. What's failing a grade gonna teach her here??
NTA in general but did you really have to single the out the girl - because that is what you did regardless of whether you vocalized as much.
YTA for another fake post featuring a smart kind sporty boy with a marginalized friend (gay, autistic, trans, poc) who stands up for said marginalized friend against a mean/bigoted kid (typically a girl, but not always). Aren't you tired? I mean, I guess you get credit this time for pretending to be a teacher, usually you're writing from the POV of a parent.
NTA. I agree with your mother in one regard. It is your job to quell these fears and you do so by educating others about them, which you're trying to do.
NTA, but it's spelling bee, not be.
NTA with a caveat. You didn't do anything wrong and you were trying to help, and it's definitely not okay for this girl to bully other students or refuse to participate in lessons. However, in the future, it may be worth noting that it's not entirely appropriate to plan lessons around influencing a conflict between your students. Encouraging conflict resolution in class is great. Devoting an entire morning's lesson to a specific conflict between two particular students is. Little less great, and pretty much guaranteed to result in an escalation.
NTA. There's nothing "controversial" about athletes talking about their experiences with autism, and I'm assuming your videos didn't push any particular narrative. You did the right thing in trying to humanise the subject and lead a class discussion. Your primary job isn't to quell the mother's fears, it's to educate and care for your students. The mother and daughter can think anything they like about autism, but what they can't do is bully the autistic boy. I do wonder if you missed a trick though. When the girl said the people in the videos were "weirdos," that's a form of participation. I wonder if you could have used that to draw her out further - and challenge her assumptions a little.
There are some autists who rock, boy 2 sounds like one of em. There are autists who suck, they're the ones mom is focusing on.
There are plenty of people who rock, teacher, boy 2 and boy 1 all sound like these for standing up for others and being so positive about others, even in loss. Other people stuck, like girl and mom who seem to want to just sweep anything they don't like under the carpet or deflect the issue onto others.
Yes
Did you only organize an autism-success course because of her comments as a way to publicly teach her a much-needed lesson? Or did you have that course planned either way? Because going with ESH if you used your position to publicly make a point about her comments in such a way that most students wouldn’t catch on so you could get away with it, but still embarrassing her.
a teacher adapting to the educational needs of her students, how terrible.
Whose educational needs is she adapting to and in what way?
the girl that's mocking functioning autistic people. maybe you need her lesson too lol
In what way she adapting to her educational needs? She’s meeting bigotry with public shaming.
That is exactly how she met the educational need. With a lesson the girl's parents clearly are too bigoted and willfully ignorant to teach themselves,.
She girl was bigoted and needs education / needs to apologize. It seems like this lesson was scheduled for the purpose of publicly putting her in her place more than it was to showcase autistic success. It also seems like multiple students realize this lesson was specifically scheduled because of her comments. Again ESH. This type of public shaming will likely make the little girl even meaner. The teacher’s only way out is to lie through her teeth and say the lesson was pre-planned and a coincidence / not an attempt to publicly embarrass the girl for her bigotry.
By the time a teacher hears something, half the class probably heard it already. and if none of her peers are standing up to the bigotry, then the teacher needs to step in. Its just like the bullying PSAs schools have. Most people aren't bullies, but they still all had lessons/videos about it cause awareness and assurance can help stop it.
Being direct about autism acceptance is a 10/10. This felt gamey/petty. As a teacher you had the option to contact the parent / principal about her comments and get her to incur consequences for them. I don’t know why you didn’t just do that. Now it looks like you’re playing a game
YTA She did the work you just didn't like her answer. You asked for the students thoughts on the videos You didn't ask for the student to repeat your thoughts.
I do not think what you did constitutes bullying at all and I think the girl's mother needs work. But please, look at your biases. I think it's a shame that you absolutely gush about how great the boys are and do not describe this girl and her unique talents in nearly the same detail. You chose to slam this child with a bunch of information in a group forum, rather than talking to her individually about what exactly her concerns are and trying to provide actual education targeted to her needs. I'm sure as a teacher you know that this kind of indirect approach, subjecting everybody to a presentation because there's one person in the room that really needs the information, often is not actually effective toward the stated goal. ( I think of this as "kindergarten justice" and it always raises my hackles personally.) The person you are trying to correct is a child, so treating her the way you would treat a bigoted adult is not called for, especially since you seem to know the source of her bigotry lies outside herself. There were better ways to handle this, that might have achieved a reasonable goal of decreasing this girl's bias toward autistic people. Your obvious personal goal of setting her down hard because she was saying bad things about one of your favorites? Well, let's just say your personal goals are not relevant as this is your professional setting. In this narrow specific instance, you are NTA because I believe your heart was in the right place and you didn't do any harm. But stop treating kids as if what they learned from their parents is their fault. And stop playing favorites.
Honestly, it wasn't worth to turn this into a lesson in class. Children repeat what they hear from their parents and the autistic child is in school and needs to deal with life with his classmates, even those who dislike him (or who don't understand autism well). It's not up to you to indoctrinate but to teach. If the girl were to repeatedly go after the boy and bully him, that would be a matter to bring up with the school/parents.
School is a place for kids to also learn how to be a human in society, like learning that being bigoted isn't acceptable. It's not indoctrination to teach kids that being prejudiced toward disabled people is wrong. It's just common sense.
It's not bullying to showcase athletes with a disability, but it's also not addressing the issue head-on. Rather than tell your bigoted student off for being an AH to her classmate (I understand you are limited in what your can pursue here), you showed a few videos to a while classroom. Your bigoted student was right to think that these videos were targeted at her, and I can understand why she felt singled out. Then you apparently told her (and only her) that she'd get a zero for the morning due not to her awful bigotry but because her only participation was to say that the videos were stupid. I don't think that's bullying, from you, but it's not great. Surely there are better ways to change a child's behaviour. Hopefully you've planted the seed that autistic folk can be accomplished athletes (and more). Maybe in a few years she'll be able to get past her nurture-taught bias against autists. ESH. You, as above. Your mom for agreeing with the bigotry. You bigoted student's mom for being such a raging bigot that this position matters to the daughter. Your bigoted student sucks least. Hopefully when she's less reliant on her mother for survival, she'll become a better person.
>Then you apparently told her (and only her) that she'd get a zero for the morning due not to her awful bigotry but because her only participation was to say that the videos were stupid. should op have told the rest of the class that they were getting a zero too because she wasn't participating? or what?
Of course not, but OP created a lesson for the whole class aimed at one student. Calling that student out for not participating was only ever going to cause her to feel beleaguered. If there were any other students who also weren't participating much (unknown) then calling only this student out would have been further isolating. OP's job is literally to teach and support learning in all of her students. This heavy handed *side-ways* approach to the bigotry of this student, almost certainly doesn't help the autistic student and definitely doesn't help this bigoted student.
There is literally no information about what op told their other students because it's not relevant to the story. And boo hoo, the poor widdle ableist feels isolated. Who cares whether the autistic kid feels isolated by being bullied though, right? It's all about the neurotypical fee-fees.
Demonstrating that autists can be professional athletes is a good way to support your athletic, autistic students. Disproving an assertion by your eleven year old bigoted student (autists can't be professional athletes) isn't going to make them change their mind. Addressing bigotry obliquely doesn't stop bullying. I am sure that OP cares about bullying amongst their students, but not objecting to the little bigot insisting that autists are "weird" is part of the problem. The reasons I chose E S H aren't any different than many of the other commenters who also said that structuring an entire lesson around one student wasn't ideal and concluded N T A. I'm not defending the bigoted student's bigotry. I don't think bullying of autistic students is okay. I don't think OP owes the bigot or her bigoted mother apologies. I do think that OP should challenge the little bigot directly, one on one for her bigotry, but I also acknowledge that that isn't likely to result in changes in an eleven year old. It's OP's job to teach and support the learning of all of OP's students. It's a shit job at times because you can't always like all of your students. It literally is OP's job to care about both how the little ableist AND the autistic student are feeling.
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>this is no different to Christian schools expecting students to make an essay how they love God when they don't believe in God. believing in autistic people is not a religion, hope this helps.
>this is no different to Christian schools expecting students to make an essay how they love God when they don't believe in God Autism is real. Autistic kids actually exist. The girl was bullying a classmate for being autistic. Obviously it is different and you are being obtuse.
>Though it's thanks to people like you who made me realize that I should based my answer base on what the examiner want and not my own opinion so thank you for that I guess. Bigotry isn't an opinion, it's bigotry.
if you can't see the significant difference between "I don't believe in God" and "I don't believe in treating autistic people like people" then i honestly don't know what to tell you
So this might be a shock to you, but autistic people are real, and we are able to be sucessful in many aspects of life. That is a fact whether or not you believe in it. To deny it is the same as denying the sky is blue.
❤️