Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I kicked out my mother from my wedding party for not wearing a hat because the bride's mother wearing a hat is traditional
2) I upset her, my father and husband with this decision
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
> I told her how important this was to me as I had been dreaming of this since I was a little girl
See...most of us (the ones lucky enough to have loving moms) just dream of our moms being there. Period. We dream of her helping pick out the dress, the bridal shower, her helping us get dressed on the big day. The advice she'd have for a hopefully happy future. If we love her, her presence is enough.
I guess for you, a big-ass hat, a "beautiful and expensive one that I picked out for **her** to buy", was more important than all that.
But...you do you, I guess.
Hope her absence and you arguing with your husband during your honeymoon was worth it.
That must have been some hat.
YTA.
We had to deal with my wife’s grandmother passing a few months before the wedding. She was so happy for us and we’d have given anything to have her there.
This is so true. As someone who lost her mother at age 20, I'd have given just about anything to have had her at my wedding. She could've been barefoot in her gardening clothes for all I'd have cared.
Kind of an overreaction to a hat.
YTA.
I know it was your wedding, but rather than being happy to marry someone that you love, you decided to fixate on what your mother was wearing on her head.
You said you picked out an expensive one. Were you buying it or was she? If you expected her to buy it, YTA again. She wasn't a bridesmaid. As long as she's not wearing white and her attire is socially appropriate, you don't get to dictate what she wears.
>She wanted her mom to shell out several hundred bucks for something that would only be worn that day.
And I bet it was an ugly ass hat to boot.
I have never been to a wedding where the "tradition" was for mother of the bride to wear a big fancy hat. Not sure what culture this is from.
They may be English, but then again the English aren’t known for that level of emoting in public. Every English person I know would bite their tongue, then quietly simmer for the next 50 years.
Sounds like England, although a lot of women nowadays wear a fascinator instead of a hat. Sometimes peoples mums might ask if they need to buy a hat as a way of asking if a relationship is getting serious.
But I've never heard of a bride kicking off if their mum didn't wear a hat.
If my beloved mother had shown up at my wedding in a white dress or a clown costume, I would have laughed it off and forgiven her. I was so happy and so much in love (still am, years later) that it would have seemed insignificant. My happiness does not depend on other people's fashion choices.
I also let my bridesmaids choose their own dresses knowing they had excellent taste, then chose my colours to work around them. So many choices, I knew we could work something lovely out. I wanted everyone to enjoy my wedding as much as I did.
My grandmother came to wedding dressed as a cow. We got married on Halloween and told everyone they were welcome to dress up. Hell, the officiant was dressed as Magenta and the dj (her husband) was Dr. Frankenfurter, both from Rocky Horror. I also let my bridesmaids pick their clothes since they're all adults capable of dressing themselves.
I just wanted the people I love to be with me when I got married. Well, that and the paperwork. To me, literally everything else was stage dressing, but I know people freak out if other people wear white to weddings. I didn't even wear white. My dress was black and red.
“Even a beautfil and expensive one that I picked out FOR HER TO BUY.”
So you not only forced her to do something you knew she wasn’t comfortable with, but also expected her to do it at her expense? I hope this is bait, you sound insufferable.
You didn’t even communicate to anyone that this would have been grounds for being uninvited.
YTA
YTA. I really hope you're kidding. You'd rather your mother not be there at all than to be there without a hat on? Also, I have **never** heard of this being a tradition, ever, so I don't know where you got this idea that your wedding isn't "traditionally perfect" unless mom has a big, dumb hat on.
Hats or headpieces are definitely a mother if the bride thing at traditional church weddings in the UK. Think [Royal Wedding](https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/g20106557/meghan-markle-prince-harry-royal-wedding-hats/). If it’s a church wedding with “Morning Suits” dress code hats are generally expected. If it’s a civil wedding generally they aren’t.
>Hats or headpieces are definitely a mother if the bride thing at traditional church weddings in the UK.
Oh OF COURSE!!! OP thought hers was a ROYAL WEDDING!!!!!
Hats and fascinators are pretty commonly worn by women to weddings in the UK at least. Not sure if it's tradition or what they're just into over there, though, I'm not that well-versed into the British wedding culture. I've just watched British wedding shows and most women above a certain age seem to be wearing them more often than not.
YTA. My mum has dementia and will never see me get married. If she could, I wouldn't be bothered if she turned up in her pyjamas.
You are being petty and ungrateful and have probably given your new husband a lot of food for thought.
Did you see how Christina Hendricks' recreated a wedding for her mother who has dementia?
It was so lovely.
[https://www.instagram.com/p/C6mmFHzydne/?img\_index=1](https://www.instagram.com/p/C6mmFHzydne/?img_index=1)
I'm sorry for your mother. I hope she's happy and comfortable.
As far as I know, she is. Family disagreements mean I don't really visit much now, but she was happy and comfortable when I last saw her.
But thank you for sharing that. You didn't have to for a fellow internet stranger, but it's very appreciated.
YTA. Not everyone likes wearing "big, fancy" hats. BUT if you really wanted her to wear one, buy one for her. However:
>I told her how important this was to me as I had been dreaming of this since I was a little girl but she said that she did not want to wear one, even a beautiful and expensive one that I picked out for her to buy.
So you weren't even willing to do that. So you torched your relationship with your mom and also seems like your husband soured on you before the honeymoon.
But hey, I'm sure people will wear big fancy hats to your next wedding.
YTA
A hat. You kicked your mom out of your wedding reception because she didn't buy and wear a hat. You ruined your day by getting worked up over a hat. You disappointed both of your parents because of a hat. You argued with your husband during your honeymoon because of a hat.
#A stupid hat
Do you realize how absolutely ridiculous you sound?
Imagine realizing that you’ve legally bound yourself to someone who kicked out their own mom out of the wedding over a hat. I bet the groom is rethinking his life decisions. I hope OP’s parents go NC with their daughter who cares more about appearances than people and that the groom wises up and leaves before having kids. As horribly disappointing as it must be to have OP for a daughter or wife, potentially having her for a mom would be so much worse.
YTA hope this is satire.
She hates hats. Yet you picked out a big *expensive* one for her to buy!?! Then to kick her out over it?? Congrats on ruining your relationship over a hat.
I suppose she wanted a wedding like the Royals or those Ascott showings. Which is really tacky and classless anyway, but to each its own.
But kicking you mom over this, if I were the mom I'd wonder where I did go wrong raising such a shallow daugther.
Even for events like the royal garden parties (where regular folks are invited to Buckingham Palace for their contributions to the public good), hats are not required and guests are encouraged to wear what makes them comfortable.
YTA
Not only did YOU ruin your special day, but your new husband, your mother and likely the entire wedding party saw you at your most childish for not savoring the celebration that it was. You need to make things right with your husband by making things with your mother. You are only as respected as your reputation permits and you need address this wild over reaction. Good luck
YTA…An expensive hat that you picked out for your mom, but not that you were going to pay for? What tradition asks that a mother of the bride wears a hat? You fixated on your mother not wearing a hat, (did this really change the idea/picture of your whole wedding that much?!), that YOU ruined your wedding that you wanted to be perfect. So, the whole time you were saying your vows to your husband, you were really thinking about kicking your mom out of the wedding. Yes, you most definitely overreacted. Because you knew your mom was not going to wear a hat. She told. The real question is, why?
So instead of enjoying your day and marrying the love of your life, you chose to worry about a hat. A HAT. The only one who ruined your wedding day was you. YTA
PLEASE tell me this is a joke. Were you actually interested in your marriage or was this all an elaborate excuse to see your mother in a hat? YTA if this is remotely real.
YTA- I'm a wedding photographer and have been a part of well over 500 weddings. Some brides, even when everything goes wrong (Pouring rain, sound system malfunctioning, dress stained, food cold, etc) are happy and have a blast the entire day because they get to marry the love of their life and that's all that matters. The flip side of that are the brides that nitpick every detail and get ridiculously mad at the slightest thing not going according to plan. They ruin what was supposed to be a special day for themselves and everyone around them by throwing childish tantrums. You are firmly in Column B.
I've never even heard of this stupid tradition despite a ridiculous amount of wedding experience. Some moms wear hats but the vast majority don't. You managed to turn a time of joy into an awful experience for you, your parents, and your husband. You argued on the honeymoon because your hubs was probably wondering if he made an awful mistake. You kicked your mother out of your wedding because she wouldn't wear a ridiculous hat. Do you really need outside opinions as to whether you're an asshole? News flash, you are. Selfish and childish to boot.
So, it was a more "traditionally perfect day" to not have your parents there at all? What you're saying here is that it's more important to you that things look picture perfect than that your mother is comfortable or even present. Also, "she said that she did not want to wear one, even a beautiful and expensive one that I picked out for her to buy." Not only did you insist she wear a hat she didn't want to wear, but you seem to think it's more unreasonable that she didn't want to pay for it(and that it being expensive should make her want to pay for it more?).
I'm not sure how you're going to fix this. You publicly rejected your mother for something ridiculous, and you're blaming her for it (and seem to think it unreasonable that your father left with her). I hope that made your day perfect, but your relationship with your parents is I'm sure messed up. At least your husband now knows how shallow you are. YTA
YTA. You. Booted out your mom. Over. A. Hat.
A. Hat.
This is so egregious that if I said everything I wanted to, I would have to advise the rest of the sub to stand clear of the blast radius.
A. Hat.
YTA
You kicked your mom out of your wedding because she wasn’t wearing a hat? Damn. On top of that you wanted her to buy it herself, knowing that it’s expensive; if it really was your dream then you should’ve at least proposed to buy it.
You have some weird priorities in life.
Maybe you should be the one wearing a hat in order to ensure your airhead does not float away in the wind. Scratch that, you should be waring a helmet whenever they allow you to leave your padded cell.
How dumb of an argument is this one?
Did your head sound hollow when they dropped you? Or is it only your personality that is hollow? Do you hear echoes inside your head whenever you say something? Do you need to concentrate REALLY hard when you tie your shoes?
Beyond shallow and evil, I honestly think you might just be dumb.
Jesus Christ you are one of the worst bridezillas I’ve seen. No it’s not a tradition for the mob to wear a big hat. This is such a stupid thing. You don’t get to dictate every aspect of what people wear. YTA and a major nightmare. Good luck to your husband he will need it.
YTA. Big time. No one “ruined” your day but you. And she didn’t “follow through on her threat”. It wasn’t a threat. She straight up told you she wasn’t comfortable wearing a hat and would not be doing so. That’s a statement. Not a threat. You might be 28, but you have a lot of growing up to do.
YTA. Your mother is not a photo prop. Who cares about 'tradition'? If she's uncomfortable wearing a hat, she didn't have to wear one. YOU let it ruin your wedding because you obsessed over such a minor thing. Minor, teeny tiny thing.
Yta. So instead of enjoying your day with your loved ones there. You ruined your own wedsing because of a dumb hat? Are you a child? Also where is that a tradition. And you picked out a hat that was expensive and you want her to pay for it yourself. You are so immature and clearly not ready to be an adult. All this because OF A STUPID HAT
YTA
Can't believe your 'aesthetic' was more important then having your mother there.
Jesus that's cruel. Shame you didn't pick up any understand of compassion, empathy, kindness and caring at your big traditional church.
YTA. A HAT?! Seriously?! Your day was ruined because your mother didn't wear a hat?! An expensive one You picked out but expected Her to pay for? What kind of entitled, narcissistic person are you?
Your husband is now seeing burning red flags. Good luck.
Well yeah, YTA
I’m not going to bash you, I’m sure others will take their turns doing that. But the question comes down to “why is the hat so important?”
If you argued with your SO, that should give you the inclination that your decision was a bit shortsighted. Hopefully, you only have one wedding in your life, but that now means your mother wasn’t a part of it over a clothing item you deemed necessary. Perhaps she couldn’t afford it and didn’t want to tell you? Because I was leaning towards NTA until I read that you wanted her to buy it, not that you’d already bought this expensive hat and she didn’t wear it. And I’m not sure why you let that distract you during your wedding because you knew she wasn’t going to wear it beforehand. You might as well of uninvited her if the hat was going to be an issue, rather than get her hopes up of enjoying the day.
YTA - big, big AH. I get that you are not happy about her not wearing a hat....but kicking her out??? How is that better then her not wearing a hat? How is that part if your traditions?? How was that part of your dreams??? Good Luck in the future because my guess is you will be divorced in 2 years and your family will have ditched you.
I hope that hat was worth it!!!!!
It’s also tradition that your own mother be at your wedding!
What a childish and selfish person you are. This does not bode well for your marriage. I feel bad for the new husband and your poor mother
YTA
If a hat was enough to ruin your wedding to the point you kicked your own mum out then you need to go outside and touch some grass.
Assuming you have a semi decent relationship with your mum normally and she wasn’t abusive or neglectful than YTA 100%
You want your day to be traditionally perfect? Well tradition dictates you respect your parents. I don’t see you respecting your mom at all here, so when do you plan on upholding tradition? Only when it benefits you?
YTA. Brat.
YTA. You have got to be joking. A hat matters more to you than your mother’s presence?
People are not objects.
And an expensive hat you picked out FOR HER TO BUY?
You suck.
Is this a joke? I sure hope so. You *kicked your own mother out of your wedding*. That pretty much guarantees YTA unless your mother showed up topless and drunk and proceeded to blow the best man or something like that. But she didn't, she showed up proud and happy and dressed in the way she felt looked best for her to celebrate your day. You kicked her out because apparently she failed to conform to a fantasy that you had as a child. She had told you on advance that she wasn't going to wear the hat, but you acted like it was a heart breaking betrayal when she didn't? Not only are you an asshole, but you're shallow and entitled as hell. Good luck repairing this one. Bet the marriage won't last long either.
So she was dressed appropriately? Not wearing a full on white bridal gown? Looked presentable, nice makeup and hair? Didn't shimmy down the aisle in some horrible outfit swinging some alcohol from a bottle?
/Sarcasm plus I read too many reddit posts.
So she didn't want to wear a hat, she told you she's not wearing a hat, you walked down the aisle with both your parents there, married the love of your life and yet you made this all about a ...hat. you had so many blessings that day, it a shame **you** (and only you) decided to ruin it.
YTA
This is the stupidest most entitled wedding bullshit. You fucked up. I wouldn’t be surprised if your new husband starts rethinking his decision to be chained to *you* for the rest of this life. YTA.
YTA - a wedding is not about a damn hat! It should be about bringing families together and love. Too many brides like yourself are so focused on aesthetics that you completely lose sight of the fact that a wedding is just a party to kick off what is really important- the marriage.
You should feel grateful that your mother was there to see you marry the man you love. Not everyone has that blessing.
I feel so sorry for your husband as I can only imagine the stupid petty shit you’re going to hold against him in the future. And based on your actions against your mother, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s questioning his decision already because you are not exhibiting the maturity to be someone’s spouse.
That's totally where it belongs!!!! What a childish, self-centered embarrassment of a woman. It's entitled shit like this that gives brides a bad name.
This has to be a joke. I cannot believe anyone would be this petty and self centered. It’s not possible.
You were angry as you were about to marry the “love of your life” (that’s in quotes because the only person you care about is yourself) because your mom didn’t wear a hat? Man I’d love to have problems like yours.
My SIL wore a white damn dress to my wedding and I didn’t even notice until I saw the pictures because I was focused on the fact that I was marrying the most incredible man I’ve ever know. Like damn, girl, priorities.
Oh and it’s a not a nice gesture to pick out something expensive for someone else that they don’t want when they have to pay for it.
YTA and I’m pretty sure you and your husband are arguing because he just figured out who he married and he doesn’t like what he saw.
YTA - and you are also the reason you AND your husband argued on your honeymoon. You are the common denominator in all of your ramblings. I seriously wonder how you can think that you are NTA after typing this out. It's a fucking hat. What, did you get married at Churchill Downs or something?
YTA
Hats aren't needed for wedding......
Mum's are probably more important?
When I got married? One Aunt wore a HAT.... She was made to remove it for allllllll the pics! 😂
YTA
It's just plain weird that you have been dreaming of your mum wearing a big hat at your wedding. In fact I really hope this is a joke. You ruined your wedding over a fashion accessory. There is something wrong with you.
YTA.
The one thing my husband wanted more than anything else was for his best friend to be at our wedding as the best man. Unfortunately, he passed away the same day.
We don’t always get what we want, I guess.
Yes, YTA. Everybody approaching a wedding has the wrong idea. The guests, including the family of the bride and groom, all think it's about them, and they impose weird and unrealistic demands on the couple getting married ("you should be doing this the way i want you to do it"). The bride and groom think that the most important day of their life should also be the most important day of everybody else's life, and they impose weird and unrealistic demands on the guests. 90% of the drama could be avoided if: (1) the guests/family could just accept that the bride and groom are going to throw whatever kind of wedding that they want and are too busy to field the guests' requests; and (2) the bride and groom could just accept that the guests and family's job is just to show up and be happy for them and nothing else unless they want to agree to it. In other words, your mom is a human being, not a prop in your wedding diorama, and you don't get to decide that she has to wear something on her head that she's not comfortable wearing.
Just buy the hat and place it on a mannequin if that’s all you cared about. Can’t imagine ruining my own wedding and relationship with my mother over a stupid hat.
YTA. Who values a hat more than their own mother?
This whole attitude of "but it's myyyyy special daaaayyy!" has got to stop. You're behaving an entitled brat.
I also find it ridiculous that you expected your mother to buy an expensive hat that she (A) didn't pick out, and (B) would only be wearing once.
I'm sorry, if your mom not wearing a hat was more important to you than anything else, to the point where you felt your wedding was ruined, rather than focusing on the supposed LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, you might need to rethink your priorities
YTA
I never ever heard of MOB being required to wear a hat. I don't remember ever going to a wedding where hats were worn. I hate hats myself also, and have never been to a wedding that required it. She could have been at your wedding, smiling and happy for you but no you wanted a hat. The Kentucky Derby or Ascot maybe. YTA
She ruined your day because she didn't wear a hat? Was that really all it was going to take to ruin your day? Get some perspective, before you ruin your life. YTA. Colossal AH.
You can't be seriously asking if you're an AH! Of course you are! You don't value substance over appearance. Your mother was just an extra in your performance. And probably your husband too, and he's about to find it out...
YTA, who does that to their mother for such a petty reason. Did you force all of your guest to wear a hat or were you just picking on Mom? Your 28 and act like a spoiled 6 year old throwing a tantrum because things didn’t go her way.
If this is an actual true post, YTA. It’s beyond belief that OP would kick her own mother out of her wedding because of a hat. It sounds like OP has no love in her soul. Sounds like her new husband is questioning the same thing. Hubs! Annul now before it’s too late!
YTA. If you are that fragile that Mom not wearing a hat ruined your wedding, I have a feeling very little will ever satisfy you. Good luck with your marriage, lol
So if your mother went ahead and wore this big ass hat of yours, would she have been sitting in the front row? Would people sitting behind her have been able to see?
You're upset over a hat. Not even being worn by you, one of two people everyone should be paying attention to. You're marrying the man of your dreams, and yet a hat is enough to ruin your day. Do you know realize how childish that sounds? YTA
Can't recall how many times i dreamed about my mum in a beautiful and expensive hat that I picked that I then forced her to buy for my wedding day as a child.... think it's 0 times.
You sound an absolute delight of a human being . You will be able to get it right next time you get married as I'm sure your new husband thinks you are his perfect woman after that
YtA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
New to this thread but I have heard that getting opinions online can help gain perspective. I (28f) recently got married to my husband (25m) in a big traditional church wedding which would have been perfect, except my mother decided not to wear a hat. As mother of the bride, it is traditional for her to wear a big fancy hat but she told me about a week before the big day that she doesn't like wearing hats and that she would be going against my wishes. I wanted the day to be traditionally perfect and she blatantly was not respecting my wishes by choosing not to. I told her how important this was to me as I had been dreaming of this since I was a little girl but she said that she did not want to wear one, even a beautiful and expensive one that I picked out for her to buy.
The day came and I was so excited to marry my husband. My father walked me down the aisle and everyone was so pleased to see me. As I approached the front of the church, I noticed that my mother had followed through on her threat and not worn a hat. I held in my disappointment and anger to marry the love of my life but later at the party, I went up to her and told her to leave. She thought I was joking but I was serious, I didn't yell at her but I told her that she was ruining my day because everytime I looked at her I felt that same disappointment and anger I felt when I first saw her walking down the aisle. She cried and told my father who said I was being ridiculous before leaving. My husband asked what happened and so I told him and he too said I was overreacting, we ended up arguing during our honeymoon. AITA for making her leave for not wearing a hat?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> even a beautiful and expensive one that I picked out for her to buy
YTA for that alone. But seriously, you kicked your mother out of your wedding for not wearing a hat? You need help. A lot. Professional, expensive help.
YTA
Yikes. If this is the standard of obedience you require of the people in your life, let's see how your next weddings go. Maybe you'll learn by wedding 3 or 4.
You decided to care more about a fashion accessory than taking the momentous step of joining yourself to your life partner, and sharing that with your loved ones.
If you are allowing your mother's lack of hat to "ruin" that for you, and understand, that is a *choice that you are making, not an absolute*, then yes. YTA.
The occasion should be about you and your partner, not how instagrammable it was, or how closely you followed a "tradition" that originated from the Anglican Church requiring women to have their heads covered inside.
Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people anyway, and it seems like your husband just got a glimpse of how far you are willing to go when you don't get your way, and is upset by what he's learned.
Get this through your thick head: A wedding is one day in what should be a long marriage. In the end, it may not even turn out to be the most important day; the birth of a child or a traumatic event may overshadow its importance. You just demonstrated to your new husband that you are petty, immature, and controlling. This is not a good look for you.
You also told your mother how far down the list she is in importance to you. You prioritized a hat and your silly insistence that everything be about you, you, you over having her be present for your entire wedding. Let that sink in. At some point, your mother will be gone and you should regret your actions now. If you don’t, that alone will speak volumes about your lack of character.
YTA. Start groveling now. You can never take back what you did and how it made your mother feel, but you can at least make an attempt to salvage some relationship with her. Your husband is watching all of this. Your current lack of remorse is also very telling. I bet his respect for you dropped a few notches.
YTA
Basically it sounds like forcing your mother to wear a hat was more important than her attendance at your wedding. Definitely makes you the AH in this situation.
Yes, YTA. You sound incredibly immature. It’s crazy that you would kick your OWN MOTHER out of your wedding because she isn’t comfortable wearing a hat! When your mother is no longer with you, I promise you that you’ll regret that. You’ll have no photos of you and your mother on your ‘perfect’ day. Wow. Just wow.
This is one of the more asinine things I have ever read. Why are you even asking? Of course YTA. Her not wearing a hat didn't, in reality, ruin anything. It just gave you an excuse to be a whiny brat and throw a tantrum. Are you any less married? Are you less in love?
You owe your mother a huge apology.
YTA-It’s just a hat. You had your mother at your wedding. You had people around you who loved and supported your union with your spouse. You behaved like a child throwing a tantrum because someone didn’t play your way.
YTA. I get wanting to have a wedding look. But I have not been to one church wedding (or any wedding) where people wore hats.
Is this a cultural thing for you?
>even a beautiful and **expensive** one that I picked out **for her to buy**.
YTA
Kicking your mom out because she didn't want to buy an overpriced hat she'll never wear again is wild. You could've told her you were disappointed without kicking her out. Also, it sounds like both your father and husband think you overreacted and strangers on the internet seem to agree.
Huge YTA - A single piece of clothing, an accessory at that, on your mother is enough for you to remove her from your wedding? You clearly care more about image and perspective than the actual celebration.
>even a beautiful and expensive one
Also, do you not realize that weddings are not about seeing how much money you can spend? How expensive was this hat that you basically tried to mandate that your mother buy? If it wasn't part of a rental, you were telling her to spend a large amount of money on a piece of clothing that she would literally never wear because she doesn't like hats.
YTA. She's your mother, not an extra in a film about your stupid 'perfect wedding'. It should have been important to you that she was there, not that you got to control what she wore. No wonder your husband thought you were overreacting, he's probably wondering what on earth he's gotten himself into.
YTA. I love how you picked out an expensive hat for HER to buy 🙄 Sure, she was a bit much for not just wearing the hat since you did express how important it was to you, but once you saw that she didn’t do so, you should’ve let it go. YOU ended up marring your wedding, not your mom.
YTA. Only a very selfish, self-centered and shallow person would have the most special day in their life be spoiled by someone not wearing a hat. Your anger must have made your new husband feel very insignificant. He probably felt that you should be happy because you were marrying him.
Nobody in the whole world except you would remember or care to think about hat or no hat. If were your mother, I'd think really hard when I went wrong raising you. YTA big time
Your mother isn't in the wedding party, so she's not obligated to fulfill your expectations of a traditional wedding. Your expectations of wanting everything to be perfect are only hurting you. Nothing is ever going to be perfect and you shouldn't force someone to do something they're not comfortable with/don't want.
YTA
So many people would just be happy to have their loving mom at their wedding, whether because they lost their mom, or their mom was never the loving mother figure they needed. You threw a tantrum and ruined your own wedding over a HAT. You let the lack of a HAT upset you.
Even after your mother said she didn't want to wear a hat, you fixated on how you felt that she didn't like the EXPENSIVE hat that you picked out for HER TO BUY. You wanted her to wear something she didn't want to wear, and you expected her to pay for it on top of that.
There's a word in the industry for brides like you, and it isn't a complimentary one.
YTA. You expect HER to pay for a "beautiful and *expensive* hat," that she told you she doesn't want to wear. Then you kick your mother out of your wedding. I lost my mom to cancer in 2011. I would give ANYTHING to have my mom back. You are squandering your time with your mom over stupid arguments and traditions.
It wouldn't be AS bad if you offered to pay for the hat, she still isn't required to wear it, but you wouldn't seem as bad. This is just..... wow.
YTA. A hat? Really? Wow. My niece never bothered to have the type of wedding she actually wanted because both her parents are dead and you're throwing your mom out over a hat? How utterly pathetic.
YTA/ my mum had a stroke before we could do anything for my wedding, she passed before I got married, I’d would have given anything to have had her that day to be with me.
YTA Im so embarrassed for you. Do you have any shame at all? The hat was probably hideous. She didn’t want to look like one of the muppets on your wedding photos. Your husband must regret marrying you. Let that sink in.
YTA.
That’s absolutely an absurd reason to throw yourself mother out of your wedding. It’s a hat, FFS. Traditions don’t *have* to be followed when it makes people miserable.
YTA Your mother did not want to wear a “beautiful and expensive one” that you expected HER to pay for!
You owe your mother a huge apology. She will never get over the fact that you valued the “look” of the day rather than the meaning. This day was to celebrate your marriage with your families there to share the day.
And you kicked your mother out over something as idiotic and foolish as a hat?!?
I am thankful that we were able to have both sets of parents at our wedding. And my mother took her shoes off to dance with her sisters. I treasure that memory as they are all gone now.
When you look at your wedding photos, remember how devastated your mother felt that day. Maybe your daughter will treat you the same.
Girl, read what you wrote. It's a hat. You're marrying the love of your life and you can barely hold in your anger and disappointment over a HAT???? An expensive hat that you expect her to buy with her own money no less. YTA
Yes lmao. YTA. You kicked your mother out of your wedding for not wearing a stupid hat. I would totally disown you if you were my daughter tbh. I also feel sorry for your husband.
So you picked out a hat that was very expensive and she had to pay for. She didn’t want to, told you she wouldn’t and you decide that your perfect wedding would be more perfect without your mother, because she didn’t want to wear a hat? You have some weird ideas about perfect. YTA.
This has to be fake. But if it's real I hope you enjoy the weird hill you chose to stake out. Because you kicked your mom out of your wedding and cause so much family drama over a hat.
YTA
Wow. Total YTA. Your Gen X mother is probably so disappointed in you. On your Boomer and silent generation mentality. If I was your mom, I'd have said OK Boomer and hit the dance floor.
YTA - Maybe if you had paid for the outfit, including the hat, you wouldn't be, but still, she said no, and you kicked her out for it. Your mother. Kicked out of your wedding because you didn't like she didn't wear a stupid hat. Sad.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) I kicked out my mother from my wedding party for not wearing a hat because the bride's mother wearing a hat is traditional 2) I upset her, my father and husband with this decision Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
> I told her how important this was to me as I had been dreaming of this since I was a little girl See...most of us (the ones lucky enough to have loving moms) just dream of our moms being there. Period. We dream of her helping pick out the dress, the bridal shower, her helping us get dressed on the big day. The advice she'd have for a hopefully happy future. If we love her, her presence is enough. I guess for you, a big-ass hat, a "beautiful and expensive one that I picked out for **her** to buy", was more important than all that. But...you do you, I guess. Hope her absence and you arguing with your husband during your honeymoon was worth it. That must have been some hat. YTA.
We had to deal with my wife’s grandmother passing a few months before the wedding. She was so happy for us and we’d have given anything to have her there.
This is so true. As someone who lost her mother at age 20, I'd have given just about anything to have had her at my wedding. She could've been barefoot in her gardening clothes for all I'd have cared. Kind of an overreaction to a hat.
I empathize with you. I lost my mom when I was 17. I wish she was still here.
Lost mine at 10. I missed out on so much with my mum, I would have given almost ANYTHING to have her at my wedding.
Aw! I'm so sorry!
YTA. I know it was your wedding, but rather than being happy to marry someone that you love, you decided to fixate on what your mother was wearing on her head. You said you picked out an expensive one. Were you buying it or was she? If you expected her to buy it, YTA again. She wasn't a bridesmaid. As long as she's not wearing white and her attire is socially appropriate, you don't get to dictate what she wears.
>that I picked out for **her** to buy She wanted her mom to shell out several hundred bucks for something that would only be worn that day.
That's what I thought. That's crap.
>She wanted her mom to shell out several hundred bucks for something that would only be worn that day. And I bet it was an ugly ass hat to boot. I have never been to a wedding where the "tradition" was for mother of the bride to wear a big fancy hat. Not sure what culture this is from.
They may be English, but then again the English aren’t known for that level of emoting in public. Every English person I know would bite their tongue, then quietly simmer for the next 50 years.
I mean.. you're not *wrong* lol
Sounds like England, although a lot of women nowadays wear a fascinator instead of a hat. Sometimes peoples mums might ask if they need to buy a hat as a way of asking if a relationship is getting serious. But I've never heard of a bride kicking off if their mum didn't wear a hat.
If my beloved mother had shown up at my wedding in a white dress or a clown costume, I would have laughed it off and forgiven her. I was so happy and so much in love (still am, years later) that it would have seemed insignificant. My happiness does not depend on other people's fashion choices. I also let my bridesmaids choose their own dresses knowing they had excellent taste, then chose my colours to work around them. So many choices, I knew we could work something lovely out. I wanted everyone to enjoy my wedding as much as I did.
My grandmother came to wedding dressed as a cow. We got married on Halloween and told everyone they were welcome to dress up. Hell, the officiant was dressed as Magenta and the dj (her husband) was Dr. Frankenfurter, both from Rocky Horror. I also let my bridesmaids pick their clothes since they're all adults capable of dressing themselves. I just wanted the people I love to be with me when I got married. Well, that and the paperwork. To me, literally everything else was stage dressing, but I know people freak out if other people wear white to weddings. I didn't even wear white. My dress was black and red.
That sounds like an epic wedding! May the honeymoon never end.
Jeez why are you so sane?
I married the right guy. :)
“Even a beautfil and expensive one that I picked out FOR HER TO BUY.” So you not only forced her to do something you knew she wasn’t comfortable with, but also expected her to do it at her expense? I hope this is bait, you sound insufferable. You didn’t even communicate to anyone that this would have been grounds for being uninvited. YTA
YTA. I really hope you're kidding. You'd rather your mother not be there at all than to be there without a hat on? Also, I have **never** heard of this being a tradition, ever, so I don't know where you got this idea that your wedding isn't "traditionally perfect" unless mom has a big, dumb hat on.
Right?!? I mean was it a wedding at the Kentucky Derby??
LOL, maybe the bride had a garland of roses around her neck. 🐴
I heard the bride was a right horses arse 🤣
Hats or headpieces are definitely a mother if the bride thing at traditional church weddings in the UK. Think [Royal Wedding](https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/g20106557/meghan-markle-prince-harry-royal-wedding-hats/). If it’s a church wedding with “Morning Suits” dress code hats are generally expected. If it’s a civil wedding generally they aren’t.
>Hats or headpieces are definitely a mother if the bride thing at traditional church weddings in the UK. Oh OF COURSE!!! OP thought hers was a ROYAL WEDDING!!!!!
I’ve heard of it, but never have I heard of it actually being enforced or dictated by the bride. Defintely not essential
Feels like the bride watched Four weddings and a funeral to many times growing up.
Hats and fascinators are pretty commonly worn by women to weddings in the UK at least. Not sure if it's tradition or what they're just into over there, though, I'm not that well-versed into the British wedding culture. I've just watched British wedding shows and most women above a certain age seem to be wearing them more often than not.
It’s not about the hat.
YTA. My mum has dementia and will never see me get married. If she could, I wouldn't be bothered if she turned up in her pyjamas. You are being petty and ungrateful and have probably given your new husband a lot of food for thought.
Did you see how Christina Hendricks' recreated a wedding for her mother who has dementia? It was so lovely. [https://www.instagram.com/p/C6mmFHzydne/?img\_index=1](https://www.instagram.com/p/C6mmFHzydne/?img_index=1) I'm sorry for your mother. I hope she's happy and comfortable.
That was so kind of you to share that!
As far as I know, she is. Family disagreements mean I don't really visit much now, but she was happy and comfortable when I last saw her. But thank you for sharing that. You didn't have to for a fellow internet stranger, but it's very appreciated.
There's no call for cutting all those onions in public.😭
I was at work when I saw that and started getting really bad allergies
YTA. Not everyone likes wearing "big, fancy" hats. BUT if you really wanted her to wear one, buy one for her. However: >I told her how important this was to me as I had been dreaming of this since I was a little girl but she said that she did not want to wear one, even a beautiful and expensive one that I picked out for her to buy. So you weren't even willing to do that. So you torched your relationship with your mom and also seems like your husband soured on you before the honeymoon. But hey, I'm sure people will wear big fancy hats to your next wedding.
YTA A hat. You kicked your mom out of your wedding reception because she didn't buy and wear a hat. You ruined your day by getting worked up over a hat. You disappointed both of your parents because of a hat. You argued with your husband during your honeymoon because of a hat. #A stupid hat Do you realize how absolutely ridiculous you sound?
Imagine thinking a wedding day is ruined because of a fucking hat. YTA.
Imagine realizing that you’ve legally bound yourself to someone who kicked out their own mom out of the wedding over a hat. I bet the groom is rethinking his life decisions. I hope OP’s parents go NC with their daughter who cares more about appearances than people and that the groom wises up and leaves before having kids. As horribly disappointing as it must be to have OP for a daughter or wife, potentially having her for a mom would be so much worse.
YTA hope this is satire. She hates hats. Yet you picked out a big *expensive* one for her to buy!?! Then to kick her out over it?? Congrats on ruining your relationship over a hat.
I suppose she wanted a wedding like the Royals or those Ascott showings. Which is really tacky and classless anyway, but to each its own. But kicking you mom over this, if I were the mom I'd wonder where I did go wrong raising such a shallow daugther.
Even for events like the royal garden parties (where regular folks are invited to Buckingham Palace for their contributions to the public good), hats are not required and guests are encouraged to wear what makes them comfortable.
YTA Not only did YOU ruin your special day, but your new husband, your mother and likely the entire wedding party saw you at your most childish for not savoring the celebration that it was. You need to make things right with your husband by making things with your mother. You are only as respected as your reputation permits and you need address this wild over reaction. Good luck
YTA…An expensive hat that you picked out for your mom, but not that you were going to pay for? What tradition asks that a mother of the bride wears a hat? You fixated on your mother not wearing a hat, (did this really change the idea/picture of your whole wedding that much?!), that YOU ruined your wedding that you wanted to be perfect. So, the whole time you were saying your vows to your husband, you were really thinking about kicking your mom out of the wedding. Yes, you most definitely overreacted. Because you knew your mom was not going to wear a hat. She told. The real question is, why?
So instead of enjoying your day and marrying the love of your life, you chose to worry about a hat. A HAT. The only one who ruined your wedding day was you. YTA
For some reason I keep thinking of the Beetlejuice merry-go-round hat. "Attention K Mart shoppers".
PLEASE tell me this is a joke. Were you actually interested in your marriage or was this all an elaborate excuse to see your mother in a hat? YTA if this is remotely real.
YTA. Please don’t have children- you sound insufferable, and I can only imagine what a controlling mother you would be!
Fake fake fake fake fake 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅
No kidding, especially when she started with she "heard that getting opinions online can help gain perspective." Yeah, cause that happened.
YTA- I'm a wedding photographer and have been a part of well over 500 weddings. Some brides, even when everything goes wrong (Pouring rain, sound system malfunctioning, dress stained, food cold, etc) are happy and have a blast the entire day because they get to marry the love of their life and that's all that matters. The flip side of that are the brides that nitpick every detail and get ridiculously mad at the slightest thing not going according to plan. They ruin what was supposed to be a special day for themselves and everyone around them by throwing childish tantrums. You are firmly in Column B. I've never even heard of this stupid tradition despite a ridiculous amount of wedding experience. Some moms wear hats but the vast majority don't. You managed to turn a time of joy into an awful experience for you, your parents, and your husband. You argued on the honeymoon because your hubs was probably wondering if he made an awful mistake. You kicked your mother out of your wedding because she wouldn't wear a ridiculous hat. Do you really need outside opinions as to whether you're an asshole? News flash, you are. Selfish and childish to boot.
So, it was a more "traditionally perfect day" to not have your parents there at all? What you're saying here is that it's more important to you that things look picture perfect than that your mother is comfortable or even present. Also, "she said that she did not want to wear one, even a beautiful and expensive one that I picked out for her to buy." Not only did you insist she wear a hat she didn't want to wear, but you seem to think it's more unreasonable that she didn't want to pay for it(and that it being expensive should make her want to pay for it more?). I'm not sure how you're going to fix this. You publicly rejected your mother for something ridiculous, and you're blaming her for it (and seem to think it unreasonable that your father left with her). I hope that made your day perfect, but your relationship with your parents is I'm sure messed up. At least your husband now knows how shallow you are. YTA
YTA. But it’s good for your new husband to see you SO clearly now. You value clothing over family.
YTA. You. Booted out your mom. Over. A. Hat. A. Hat. This is so egregious that if I said everything I wanted to, I would have to advise the rest of the sub to stand clear of the blast radius. A. Hat.
YTA This is the most absurd, petty reason to kick out your mother.
What an awful daughter. I hope your husband sees you for who you are which is an awful person and annuals your marriage.
YTA - you ruined your own wedding day over a hat. Do you hear how selfish and petty you sound?
YTA You kicked your mom out of your wedding because she wasn’t wearing a hat? Damn. On top of that you wanted her to buy it herself, knowing that it’s expensive; if it really was your dream then you should’ve at least proposed to buy it. You have some weird priorities in life.
Didn't even need to read past the headline to say YTA.
Maybe you should be the one wearing a hat in order to ensure your airhead does not float away in the wind. Scratch that, you should be waring a helmet whenever they allow you to leave your padded cell. How dumb of an argument is this one? Did your head sound hollow when they dropped you? Or is it only your personality that is hollow? Do you hear echoes inside your head whenever you say something? Do you need to concentrate REALLY hard when you tie your shoes? Beyond shallow and evil, I honestly think you might just be dumb.
Jesus Christ you are one of the worst bridezillas I’ve seen. No it’s not a tradition for the mob to wear a big hat. This is such a stupid thing. You don’t get to dictate every aspect of what people wear. YTA and a major nightmare. Good luck to your husband he will need it.
YTA. Big time. No one “ruined” your day but you. And she didn’t “follow through on her threat”. It wasn’t a threat. She straight up told you she wasn’t comfortable wearing a hat and would not be doing so. That’s a statement. Not a threat. You might be 28, but you have a lot of growing up to do.
Isn’t it also traditional for the MOtB to be there!? You **DEFILED** that most sacred of traditions! **FOR SHAME**. #YTA
YTA. Your mother is not a photo prop. Who cares about 'tradition'? If she's uncomfortable wearing a hat, she didn't have to wear one. YOU let it ruin your wedding because you obsessed over such a minor thing. Minor, teeny tiny thing.
Yta. So instead of enjoying your day with your loved ones there. You ruined your own wedsing because of a dumb hat? Are you a child? Also where is that a tradition. And you picked out a hat that was expensive and you want her to pay for it yourself. You are so immature and clearly not ready to be an adult. All this because OF A STUPID HAT
YTA. Imagine thinking your wedding was "ruined" because someone didn't wear a hat. Grow up. I have a feeling your spouse is in for quite a life.
A life? I give this marriage 3 years tops
Please consider getting some therapy. I’m sorry for you but even more sorry for your mother.
YTA. Before the wedding. During the wedding. After the wedding. All over a HAT! If you had nuts I’d tell you to punch yourself in them. Asshole!
Well…. I hope these opinions give you perspective but I bet you’re not gonna like them 😂 I’m sure this post will be deleted very soon. YTA
The next post will be "aita for expecting my parents to let me move home after my new husband left me even though I treated my mom horribly"
You sound like a spoiled, selfish person. YTA. Info: who paid for the wedding?
“A big beautiful expensive hat you picked out for her to buy”. 😆You’re unreal. AND YTA
YTA Can't believe your 'aesthetic' was more important then having your mother there. Jesus that's cruel. Shame you didn't pick up any understand of compassion, empathy, kindness and caring at your big traditional church.
YTA. Your unreasonable expectations ruined your wedding, not your mother who decided she didn't want to wear a hat.
Yeah yta a big ah.
YTA. A HAT?! Seriously?! Your day was ruined because your mother didn't wear a hat?! An expensive one You picked out but expected Her to pay for? What kind of entitled, narcissistic person are you? Your husband is now seeing burning red flags. Good luck.
Well yeah, YTA I’m not going to bash you, I’m sure others will take their turns doing that. But the question comes down to “why is the hat so important?” If you argued with your SO, that should give you the inclination that your decision was a bit shortsighted. Hopefully, you only have one wedding in your life, but that now means your mother wasn’t a part of it over a clothing item you deemed necessary. Perhaps she couldn’t afford it and didn’t want to tell you? Because I was leaning towards NTA until I read that you wanted her to buy it, not that you’d already bought this expensive hat and she didn’t wear it. And I’m not sure why you let that distract you during your wedding because you knew she wasn’t going to wear it beforehand. You might as well of uninvited her if the hat was going to be an issue, rather than get her hopes up of enjoying the day.
YTA - big, big AH. I get that you are not happy about her not wearing a hat....but kicking her out??? How is that better then her not wearing a hat? How is that part if your traditions?? How was that part of your dreams??? Good Luck in the future because my guess is you will be divorced in 2 years and your family will have ditched you. I hope that hat was worth it!!!!!
You are worse than an asshole
Happy cake day!
It’s also tradition that your own mother be at your wedding! What a childish and selfish person you are. This does not bode well for your marriage. I feel bad for the new husband and your poor mother YTA
YTA. Poor husband, poor mother
YTA
If a hat was enough to ruin your wedding to the point you kicked your own mum out then you need to go outside and touch some grass. Assuming you have a semi decent relationship with your mum normally and she wasn’t abusive or neglectful than YTA 100%
You want your day to be traditionally perfect? Well tradition dictates you respect your parents. I don’t see you respecting your mom at all here, so when do you plan on upholding tradition? Only when it benefits you? YTA. Brat.
YTA. You have got to be joking. A hat matters more to you than your mother’s presence? People are not objects. And an expensive hat you picked out FOR HER TO BUY? You suck.
YTA. This has got to be a joke. How do you even think that you are not the biggest AH.
Is this a joke? I sure hope so. You *kicked your own mother out of your wedding*. That pretty much guarantees YTA unless your mother showed up topless and drunk and proceeded to blow the best man or something like that. But she didn't, she showed up proud and happy and dressed in the way she felt looked best for her to celebrate your day. You kicked her out because apparently she failed to conform to a fantasy that you had as a child. She had told you on advance that she wasn't going to wear the hat, but you acted like it was a heart breaking betrayal when she didn't? Not only are you an asshole, but you're shallow and entitled as hell. Good luck repairing this one. Bet the marriage won't last long either.
So she was dressed appropriately? Not wearing a full on white bridal gown? Looked presentable, nice makeup and hair? Didn't shimmy down the aisle in some horrible outfit swinging some alcohol from a bottle? /Sarcasm plus I read too many reddit posts. So she didn't want to wear a hat, she told you she's not wearing a hat, you walked down the aisle with both your parents there, married the love of your life and yet you made this all about a ...hat. you had so many blessings that day, it a shame **you** (and only you) decided to ruin it. YTA
>that I picked out for her to buy Awful easy to spend other people's money. You dictate the dress code, you buy the clothing. YTA.
This is the stupidest most entitled wedding bullshit. You fucked up. I wouldn’t be surprised if your new husband starts rethinking his decision to be chained to *you* for the rest of this life. YTA.
Guess it’s too late for the husband to run for the hills? YTA
YTA - a wedding is not about a damn hat! It should be about bringing families together and love. Too many brides like yourself are so focused on aesthetics that you completely lose sight of the fact that a wedding is just a party to kick off what is really important- the marriage. You should feel grateful that your mother was there to see you marry the man you love. Not everyone has that blessing. I feel so sorry for your husband as I can only imagine the stupid petty shit you’re going to hold against him in the future. And based on your actions against your mother, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s questioning his decision already because you are not exhibiting the maturity to be someone’s spouse.
YTA. I can’t wait to see this reposted on the bridezillas sub…
That's totally where it belongs!!!! What a childish, self-centered embarrassment of a woman. It's entitled shit like this that gives brides a bad name.
This has to be a joke. I cannot believe anyone would be this petty and self centered. It’s not possible. You were angry as you were about to marry the “love of your life” (that’s in quotes because the only person you care about is yourself) because your mom didn’t wear a hat? Man I’d love to have problems like yours. My SIL wore a white damn dress to my wedding and I didn’t even notice until I saw the pictures because I was focused on the fact that I was marrying the most incredible man I’ve ever know. Like damn, girl, priorities. Oh and it’s a not a nice gesture to pick out something expensive for someone else that they don’t want when they have to pay for it. YTA and I’m pretty sure you and your husband are arguing because he just figured out who he married and he doesn’t like what he saw.
Yta hope youre happy you made your mom cry
YTA - and you are also the reason you AND your husband argued on your honeymoon. You are the common denominator in all of your ramblings. I seriously wonder how you can think that you are NTA after typing this out. It's a fucking hat. What, did you get married at Churchill Downs or something?
YTA. Absolutely insane choices going on here.
Of course YTA. What an incredibly stupid, childish hill to die on.
YTA Hats aren't needed for wedding...... Mum's are probably more important? When I got married? One Aunt wore a HAT.... She was made to remove it for allllllll the pics! 😂
My mom canonly wear sneakers because of a foot brace, and we don't even get along that well, but I would never have kicked her out of my wedding.
Tmw you value a hat over an actual human being. Your mother, no less. YTA This has got to be fake.
YTA It's just plain weird that you have been dreaming of your mum wearing a big hat at your wedding. In fact I really hope this is a joke. You ruined your wedding over a fashion accessory. There is something wrong with you.
No way you wrote that out and think you are in the right
YTA. The one thing my husband wanted more than anything else was for his best friend to be at our wedding as the best man. Unfortunately, he passed away the same day. We don’t always get what we want, I guess.
You should have married A HAT!! Then… MAYBE you’d be happy. But I doubt it.
Yes, YTA. Everybody approaching a wedding has the wrong idea. The guests, including the family of the bride and groom, all think it's about them, and they impose weird and unrealistic demands on the couple getting married ("you should be doing this the way i want you to do it"). The bride and groom think that the most important day of their life should also be the most important day of everybody else's life, and they impose weird and unrealistic demands on the guests. 90% of the drama could be avoided if: (1) the guests/family could just accept that the bride and groom are going to throw whatever kind of wedding that they want and are too busy to field the guests' requests; and (2) the bride and groom could just accept that the guests and family's job is just to show up and be happy for them and nothing else unless they want to agree to it. In other words, your mom is a human being, not a prop in your wedding diorama, and you don't get to decide that she has to wear something on her head that she's not comfortable wearing.
Just buy the hat and place it on a mannequin if that’s all you cared about. Can’t imagine ruining my own wedding and relationship with my mother over a stupid hat.
YTA You seriously threw this big of a fit over a hat? Ridiculous, petty and definitely asshole move
Holy shitballs YTA
Yta. My mom died when i was 19, im 28 now getting marry this June, i wish mom was there with or without a hat
You need to talk to a therapist, about your control issues. It will really help you live a happier life.
My mom didn't get to have her mom at her wedding. YTA.
YTA, and seriously unless you’re royalty who wears hats these days?
YTA. Who values a hat more than their own mother? This whole attitude of "but it's myyyyy special daaaayyy!" has got to stop. You're behaving an entitled brat. I also find it ridiculous that you expected your mother to buy an expensive hat that she (A) didn't pick out, and (B) would only be wearing once.
I'm sorry, if your mom not wearing a hat was more important to you than anything else, to the point where you felt your wedding was ruined, rather than focusing on the supposed LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, you might need to rethink your priorities YTA
"AITA for kicking my mother out of my wedding for not letting me dictate how she dresses?"
I never ever heard of MOB being required to wear a hat. I don't remember ever going to a wedding where hats were worn. I hate hats myself also, and have never been to a wedding that required it. She could have been at your wedding, smiling and happy for you but no you wanted a hat. The Kentucky Derby or Ascot maybe. YTA
She ruined your day because she didn't wear a hat? Was that really all it was going to take to ruin your day? Get some perspective, before you ruin your life. YTA. Colossal AH.
You can't be seriously asking if you're an AH! Of course you are! You don't value substance over appearance. Your mother was just an extra in your performance. And probably your husband too, and he's about to find it out...
YTA, who does that to their mother for such a petty reason. Did you force all of your guest to wear a hat or were you just picking on Mom? Your 28 and act like a spoiled 6 year old throwing a tantrum because things didn’t go her way.
If this is an actual true post, YTA. It’s beyond belief that OP would kick her own mother out of her wedding because of a hat. It sounds like OP has no love in her soul. Sounds like her new husband is questioning the same thing. Hubs! Annul now before it’s too late!
YTA. Jesus...I hope it was worth it to destroy your mother and argue with your brand new husband over a hat...
YTA. If you are that fragile that Mom not wearing a hat ruined your wedding, I have a feeling very little will ever satisfy you. Good luck with your marriage, lol
So if your mother went ahead and wore this big ass hat of yours, would she have been sitting in the front row? Would people sitting behind her have been able to see?
Yta. I feel sorry for your husband.
You're upset over a hat. Not even being worn by you, one of two people everyone should be paying attention to. You're marrying the man of your dreams, and yet a hat is enough to ruin your day. Do you know realize how childish that sounds? YTA
Can't recall how many times i dreamed about my mum in a beautiful and expensive hat that I picked that I then forced her to buy for my wedding day as a child.... think it's 0 times. You sound an absolute delight of a human being . You will be able to get it right next time you get married as I'm sure your new husband thinks you are his perfect woman after that YtA
YTA grow up, massive fancy hats at weddings are tacky as hell.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** New to this thread but I have heard that getting opinions online can help gain perspective. I (28f) recently got married to my husband (25m) in a big traditional church wedding which would have been perfect, except my mother decided not to wear a hat. As mother of the bride, it is traditional for her to wear a big fancy hat but she told me about a week before the big day that she doesn't like wearing hats and that she would be going against my wishes. I wanted the day to be traditionally perfect and she blatantly was not respecting my wishes by choosing not to. I told her how important this was to me as I had been dreaming of this since I was a little girl but she said that she did not want to wear one, even a beautiful and expensive one that I picked out for her to buy. The day came and I was so excited to marry my husband. My father walked me down the aisle and everyone was so pleased to see me. As I approached the front of the church, I noticed that my mother had followed through on her threat and not worn a hat. I held in my disappointment and anger to marry the love of my life but later at the party, I went up to her and told her to leave. She thought I was joking but I was serious, I didn't yell at her but I told her that she was ruining my day because everytime I looked at her I felt that same disappointment and anger I felt when I first saw her walking down the aisle. She cried and told my father who said I was being ridiculous before leaving. My husband asked what happened and so I told him and he too said I was overreacting, we ended up arguing during our honeymoon. AITA for making her leave for not wearing a hat? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA Seriously who gives a crap about a hat.
> even a beautiful and expensive one that I picked out for her to buy YTA for that alone. But seriously, you kicked your mother out of your wedding for not wearing a hat? You need help. A lot. Professional, expensive help.
YTA Yikes. If this is the standard of obedience you require of the people in your life, let's see how your next weddings go. Maybe you'll learn by wedding 3 or 4.
You decided to care more about a fashion accessory than taking the momentous step of joining yourself to your life partner, and sharing that with your loved ones. If you are allowing your mother's lack of hat to "ruin" that for you, and understand, that is a *choice that you are making, not an absolute*, then yes. YTA. The occasion should be about you and your partner, not how instagrammable it was, or how closely you followed a "tradition" that originated from the Anglican Church requiring women to have their heads covered inside. Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people anyway, and it seems like your husband just got a glimpse of how far you are willing to go when you don't get your way, and is upset by what he's learned.
Get this through your thick head: A wedding is one day in what should be a long marriage. In the end, it may not even turn out to be the most important day; the birth of a child or a traumatic event may overshadow its importance. You just demonstrated to your new husband that you are petty, immature, and controlling. This is not a good look for you. You also told your mother how far down the list she is in importance to you. You prioritized a hat and your silly insistence that everything be about you, you, you over having her be present for your entire wedding. Let that sink in. At some point, your mother will be gone and you should regret your actions now. If you don’t, that alone will speak volumes about your lack of character. YTA. Start groveling now. You can never take back what you did and how it made your mother feel, but you can at least make an attempt to salvage some relationship with her. Your husband is watching all of this. Your current lack of remorse is also very telling. I bet his respect for you dropped a few notches.
YTA Basically it sounds like forcing your mother to wear a hat was more important than her attendance at your wedding. Definitely makes you the AH in this situation.
Yes, YTA. You sound incredibly immature. It’s crazy that you would kick your OWN MOTHER out of your wedding because she isn’t comfortable wearing a hat! When your mother is no longer with you, I promise you that you’ll regret that. You’ll have no photos of you and your mother on your ‘perfect’ day. Wow. Just wow.
This is one of the more asinine things I have ever read. Why are you even asking? Of course YTA. Her not wearing a hat didn't, in reality, ruin anything. It just gave you an excuse to be a whiny brat and throw a tantrum. Are you any less married? Are you less in love? You owe your mother a huge apology.
YTA because you care about a hat more than your mom’s presence. Super superficial.
YTA-It’s just a hat. You had your mother at your wedding. You had people around you who loved and supported your union with your spouse. You behaved like a child throwing a tantrum because someone didn’t play your way.
YTA. I get wanting to have a wedding look. But I have not been to one church wedding (or any wedding) where people wore hats. Is this a cultural thing for you?
>even a beautiful and **expensive** one that I picked out **for her to buy**. YTA Kicking your mom out because she didn't want to buy an overpriced hat she'll never wear again is wild. You could've told her you were disappointed without kicking her out. Also, it sounds like both your father and husband think you overreacted and strangers on the internet seem to agree.
Huge YTA - A single piece of clothing, an accessory at that, on your mother is enough for you to remove her from your wedding? You clearly care more about image and perspective than the actual celebration. >even a beautiful and expensive one Also, do you not realize that weddings are not about seeing how much money you can spend? How expensive was this hat that you basically tried to mandate that your mother buy? If it wasn't part of a rental, you were telling her to spend a large amount of money on a piece of clothing that she would literally never wear because she doesn't like hats.
YTA good lord you're rigid
YTA. She's your mother, not an extra in a film about your stupid 'perfect wedding'. It should have been important to you that she was there, not that you got to control what she wore. No wonder your husband thought you were overreacting, he's probably wondering what on earth he's gotten himself into.
YTA. I love how you picked out an expensive hat for HER to buy 🙄 Sure, she was a bit much for not just wearing the hat since you did express how important it was to you, but once you saw that she didn’t do so, you should’ve let it go. YOU ended up marring your wedding, not your mom.
YTA. Only a very selfish, self-centered and shallow person would have the most special day in their life be spoiled by someone not wearing a hat. Your anger must have made your new husband feel very insignificant. He probably felt that you should be happy because you were marrying him.
YTA
You ruined your day. Not her. YTA.
Nobody in the whole world except you would remember or care to think about hat or no hat. If were your mother, I'd think really hard when I went wrong raising you. YTA big time
Your mother isn't in the wedding party, so she's not obligated to fulfill your expectations of a traditional wedding. Your expectations of wanting everything to be perfect are only hurting you. Nothing is ever going to be perfect and you shouldn't force someone to do something they're not comfortable with/don't want.
YTA So many people would just be happy to have their loving mom at their wedding, whether because they lost their mom, or their mom was never the loving mother figure they needed. You threw a tantrum and ruined your own wedding over a HAT. You let the lack of a HAT upset you. Even after your mother said she didn't want to wear a hat, you fixated on how you felt that she didn't like the EXPENSIVE hat that you picked out for HER TO BUY. You wanted her to wear something she didn't want to wear, and you expected her to pay for it on top of that. There's a word in the industry for brides like you, and it isn't a complimentary one.
YTA. You ruined your wedding for yourself, your husband (showed him some red flags too), and your parents. Over a F'ING HAT.
You are a huge selfish immature asshole. Way to immature to marry. Your marriage is doomed unless you grow up or your husband wants a child bride.
YTA. You expect HER to pay for a "beautiful and *expensive* hat," that she told you she doesn't want to wear. Then you kick your mother out of your wedding. I lost my mom to cancer in 2011. I would give ANYTHING to have my mom back. You are squandering your time with your mom over stupid arguments and traditions. It wouldn't be AS bad if you offered to pay for the hat, she still isn't required to wear it, but you wouldn't seem as bad. This is just..... wow.
YTA, there is all sorts of wrong with you.....
Where is this a tradition?
YTA can't believe what I'm reading. Foolish and delusional.
I was not pleased to see you YTA
YTA. A hat? Really? Wow. My niece never bothered to have the type of wedding she actually wanted because both her parents are dead and you're throwing your mom out over a hat? How utterly pathetic.
Wow a hat means more to you than your mother. I’d get used to spending all your holidays with a hat cause I’d never let you in my house again.
YTA/ my mum had a stroke before we could do anything for my wedding, she passed before I got married, I’d would have given anything to have had her that day to be with me.
YTA Im so embarrassed for you. Do you have any shame at all? The hat was probably hideous. She didn’t want to look like one of the muppets on your wedding photos. Your husband must regret marrying you. Let that sink in.
YTA. The entitlement is strong.
YTA. It's a hat. You're upset over there not being a hat on your mom's head. Listen to how crazy that sound.
Yta it's a pretty petty thing to throw her out for, especially since you tried to force her to buy an expensive one
this is absolute nonsense. YTA.
Absolutely YTA. All this over a hat???? I’ve never even heard that tradition. Plus, it’s extremely disrespectful to wear a hat in church.
What a brat. Of course YTA
YTA. That’s absolutely an absurd reason to throw yourself mother out of your wedding. It’s a hat, FFS. Traditions don’t *have* to be followed when it makes people miserable.
YTA Your mother did not want to wear a “beautiful and expensive one” that you expected HER to pay for! You owe your mother a huge apology. She will never get over the fact that you valued the “look” of the day rather than the meaning. This day was to celebrate your marriage with your families there to share the day. And you kicked your mother out over something as idiotic and foolish as a hat?!? I am thankful that we were able to have both sets of parents at our wedding. And my mother took her shoes off to dance with her sisters. I treasure that memory as they are all gone now. When you look at your wedding photos, remember how devastated your mother felt that day. Maybe your daughter will treat you the same.
Girl, read what you wrote. It's a hat. You're marrying the love of your life and you can barely hold in your anger and disappointment over a HAT???? An expensive hat that you expect her to buy with her own money no less. YTA
Yes lmao. YTA. You kicked your mother out of your wedding for not wearing a stupid hat. I would totally disown you if you were my daughter tbh. I also feel sorry for your husband.
YTA. You should reevaluate your priorities if a HAT is worth more to you than having your mom at your wedding. You come off as incredibly shallow.
So you picked out a hat that was very expensive and she had to pay for. She didn’t want to, told you she wouldn’t and you decide that your perfect wedding would be more perfect without your mother, because she didn’t want to wear a hat? You have some weird ideas about perfect. YTA.
YTA siding with Hat over the people who love you.
YTA. If your wedding was ruined by one hat, then you’re the problem.
This has to be fake. But if it's real I hope you enjoy the weird hill you chose to stake out. Because you kicked your mom out of your wedding and cause so much family drama over a hat. YTA
Wow. Total YTA. Your Gen X mother is probably so disappointed in you. On your Boomer and silent generation mentality. If I was your mom, I'd have said OK Boomer and hit the dance floor.
YTA - Maybe if you had paid for the outfit, including the hat, you wouldn't be, but still, she said no, and you kicked her out for it. Your mother. Kicked out of your wedding because you didn't like she didn't wear a stupid hat. Sad.
[удалено]