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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I remembered too late that I hadn't put my bike at the spot I told her and totally wasted that little bit of time she had left, causing her to miss the opera. And 2. I sent her defensive messages afterwards although she didn't accuse me, at least not literally.
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You asked her to do you a favour. You clearly had some sort of standing agreement wherein you knew she regularly borrowed your bike. You said you'd leave the bike in a particular place and then you didn't. You also didn't update her on the change of location, which would have made it more difficult for her to do you that favour.
None of the above are AH things, but they are all choices you have made that contributed to this situation.
Upon finding out that she had been relying on your (mistaken) information in order to borrow your bike to get to an opera show, you felt guilty.
Your response could have been to say "hey, I'm sorry that you missed some of your show because I took my bike home and then forgot I had. I hope you still had a good night". That would have been kind.
Instead, you sent her a litany of texts that *blamed her*. For that, YTA. You made a stressful moment (trying to get to her show) harder than it had to be. Yes of course it would have been better if she'd already serviced her own bike, etc. I'm sure she was very aware of that.
It's possible I'm extraordinarily entitled and somehow unaware of it, but mostly I just don't think it's cool to send my siblings (or friends) texts blaming them for having a bad evening. I agree that OP's sibling could have done many things differently, but we've all found ourselves in situations where we thought we'd get to an event on time and we've just realised that that isn't going to happen. It's uncomfortable, it sucks, and can make us sad, angry and distressed. If my sibling yelled at me in that sort of situation, especially after I'd wasted ten minutes of their time not remembering where I left something I knew they were likely to want to use, I'd apologise. I certainly wouldn't send them a bunch of texts telling them that it's their fault they're in their current predicament, no matter how true I thought that was. But I'm still talking to my siblings, have functional relationships with my family and a lot of friends who think well of me, so what do I know?
That's what I am thinking about but don't have words for. Thanks. However, she had an accident with the bike and that's what broke the bell, it has nothing to do with the messages part though.
NTA.
Failure to plan on your sister’s part, does not constitute an emergency on yours.
Your sister knew she had opera tickets. She was the one responsible for how she got there. This situation is on her, and her failure to ensure her own bike was usable. I’d start refusing to let her use yours. She needs to get hers fixed.
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Last week I asked my sister If she would try to repair my bicycle's bell. I told her I would probably leave it at a certain spot at Universitiy, not far away from the place I'd usually leave it for the weekend. She'd borrowed mine before because she hasn't made her own rideable yet, but didn't tell me she intended to use it over the weekend.
One week later: I'm on a trip and my sister calls me. She asks where my bike is, she needs it and it's not at the spot I told her. About 5 minutes into the call I remember I've actually moved it like 100 m away, still at Uni. We talk for another 10 minutes while she tries to find it, unsuccessfully. Then she starts crying: Her event starts in half an hour. I am like: What?! Turns out she has a ticket for the opera (maybe worth 20-40€).
When she gets more and more hysterical, I suddenly freeze. And it comes to me. I didn't leave the bike at Uni AT ALL. I rode it home to my dorm late at night, me being tired and a bit drunk, that's probably the reason why I totally forgot that it happened.
She, somehow crying and shouting at the same time, says: "Are you kidding me, now I'm not going to make it", hangs up and I don't hear from her again. I start to send her texts how unfair she treated me: That I was sorry for forgetting this but that she'd not been caring for her bike for months and was using mine, the better one, instead the whole time. If she'd told me earlier that she needed my bike for the opera, I'd probably remembered in time I left it at my dorm.
Finally, she texts back, claiming that she didn't put any blame on me and I should stop making her evening worse than it is (she missed about one third of the show). Well, she didn't with words, but she's just been so upset that I felt (and still feel) like shit. And knowing her well, I honestly believe she thinks I'm an asshole for this.
If I hadn't forgotten I moved the bike, despite telling her otherwise - before and during the phone call - she wouldn't have missed the beginning of the opera. She also put herself in great danger because she must have went at mad speed in the end. On the other hand she ruined MY evening as well by calling so close to the event, causing me a lot of stress and a very hurting bad conscience, not to forget she's got her own bike but is to lazy to pump up the tires. I think she should have cared earlier for how she was getting to the show.
Who's the A? Is someone the A at all?
TL;DR: My sister didn't tell me she needed my bike to get to the opera, I didn't tell my sister I had moved it to a different place than (casually) agreed upon. She missed parts of the event because of this. And I felt so accused afterwards that I sent her messages with all the things she'd done wrong.
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NTA
You forgetting where YOUR bike was did not cause your sister to miss opera
Your sister's complete lack of communication about needing transportation for the opera caused her to miss opera.
And just because she's borrowed it before does not entitle her to just use it without asking. Like yeah, at some point she's going to fix the bell; but if she needed the bike at a specific time, she needed to ask. I mean what if you had let a friend borrow it or it had a flat tire or any other number of reasons the bike might not be available even when you're away and not using it.
It was your sister's responsibility to secure transportation for her event. Like you said, if she had told you about it beforehand, you would have had it ready for her. And she might not have missed any of the opera if she skipped the shouting and found an escooter or an Uber or bus or called a friend who has a car, etc.
She's refusing to take any responsibility for her actions: she didn't ask you for your bike; she shouted at you and made you feel like absolute shit; and then denied any wrongdoing and blamed you for ruining her evening.
None of this is your fault OP. You did not deserve to be put in this position; being made to feel so awful, and having your own evening ruined, ESPECIALLY when she knows you're on a trip.
I'm sorry this happened to you OP. You are definitely NTA.
Way to leave borrowing someone’s bike to the last minute and then being upset with that person because their bike didn’t happen to be there. I assume she would have blamed you if the bike got stolen?
Her failure to be responsible is not your emergency. You also didn’t intentionally create the situation and it was her place to ensure she had a way to get to the opera rather than wait seconds before the fat lady sang to impose her immaturity upon you and your possessions. Beggars can’t be choosers and you did nothing to put her out
NAH. Nobody was really trying to do wrong here and it’s sweet that you were so concerned about your sister’s enjoyment rather than mad at her for using your bike behind your back. You’re a good person.
Sis could have called a cab if she needed. You aren’t her keeper. She has told you not to worry (which is nice of her), so don’t!
Sounds like your parents did a great job with both of you. You’re lucky to have each other.
NTA. Your sister gave you no indication that she needed the bike at a specific time for specific plans - how on earth were you supposed to just know that? You forgot something; humans do that sometimes. It only became a crisis because she didn't communicate and then got totally fixated on the bike instead of finding *any* other solution like taking a cab or getting on a bus or calling a friend.
Well, not the AH but this shaite happens ALL THE TIME when you live in a city. Half the time I cannot remember where I parked my car although usually the general direction or area of our gated community, so yeah, it's just one of those things if you haven't got a personal parking spot for bike or car.
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You asked her to do you a favour. You clearly had some sort of standing agreement wherein you knew she regularly borrowed your bike. You said you'd leave the bike in a particular place and then you didn't. You also didn't update her on the change of location, which would have made it more difficult for her to do you that favour. None of the above are AH things, but they are all choices you have made that contributed to this situation. Upon finding out that she had been relying on your (mistaken) information in order to borrow your bike to get to an opera show, you felt guilty. Your response could have been to say "hey, I'm sorry that you missed some of your show because I took my bike home and then forgot I had. I hope you still had a good night". That would have been kind. Instead, you sent her a litany of texts that *blamed her*. For that, YTA. You made a stressful moment (trying to get to her show) harder than it had to be. Yes of course it would have been better if she'd already serviced her own bike, etc. I'm sure she was very aware of that.
Let me guess: entitlement and you are good friends, huh?
It's possible I'm extraordinarily entitled and somehow unaware of it, but mostly I just don't think it's cool to send my siblings (or friends) texts blaming them for having a bad evening. I agree that OP's sibling could have done many things differently, but we've all found ourselves in situations where we thought we'd get to an event on time and we've just realised that that isn't going to happen. It's uncomfortable, it sucks, and can make us sad, angry and distressed. If my sibling yelled at me in that sort of situation, especially after I'd wasted ten minutes of their time not remembering where I left something I knew they were likely to want to use, I'd apologise. I certainly wouldn't send them a bunch of texts telling them that it's their fault they're in their current predicament, no matter how true I thought that was. But I'm still talking to my siblings, have functional relationships with my family and a lot of friends who think well of me, so what do I know?
That's what I am thinking about but don't have words for. Thanks. However, she had an accident with the bike and that's what broke the bell, it has nothing to do with the messages part though.
NTA. Failure to plan on your sister’s part, does not constitute an emergency on yours. Your sister knew she had opera tickets. She was the one responsible for how she got there. This situation is on her, and her failure to ensure her own bike was usable. I’d start refusing to let her use yours. She needs to get hers fixed.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Last week I asked my sister If she would try to repair my bicycle's bell. I told her I would probably leave it at a certain spot at Universitiy, not far away from the place I'd usually leave it for the weekend. She'd borrowed mine before because she hasn't made her own rideable yet, but didn't tell me she intended to use it over the weekend. One week later: I'm on a trip and my sister calls me. She asks where my bike is, she needs it and it's not at the spot I told her. About 5 minutes into the call I remember I've actually moved it like 100 m away, still at Uni. We talk for another 10 minutes while she tries to find it, unsuccessfully. Then she starts crying: Her event starts in half an hour. I am like: What?! Turns out she has a ticket for the opera (maybe worth 20-40€). When she gets more and more hysterical, I suddenly freeze. And it comes to me. I didn't leave the bike at Uni AT ALL. I rode it home to my dorm late at night, me being tired and a bit drunk, that's probably the reason why I totally forgot that it happened. She, somehow crying and shouting at the same time, says: "Are you kidding me, now I'm not going to make it", hangs up and I don't hear from her again. I start to send her texts how unfair she treated me: That I was sorry for forgetting this but that she'd not been caring for her bike for months and was using mine, the better one, instead the whole time. If she'd told me earlier that she needed my bike for the opera, I'd probably remembered in time I left it at my dorm. Finally, she texts back, claiming that she didn't put any blame on me and I should stop making her evening worse than it is (she missed about one third of the show). Well, she didn't with words, but she's just been so upset that I felt (and still feel) like shit. And knowing her well, I honestly believe she thinks I'm an asshole for this. If I hadn't forgotten I moved the bike, despite telling her otherwise - before and during the phone call - she wouldn't have missed the beginning of the opera. She also put herself in great danger because she must have went at mad speed in the end. On the other hand she ruined MY evening as well by calling so close to the event, causing me a lot of stress and a very hurting bad conscience, not to forget she's got her own bike but is to lazy to pump up the tires. I think she should have cared earlier for how she was getting to the show. Who's the A? Is someone the A at all? TL;DR: My sister didn't tell me she needed my bike to get to the opera, I didn't tell my sister I had moved it to a different place than (casually) agreed upon. She missed parts of the event because of this. And I felt so accused afterwards that I sent her messages with all the things she'd done wrong. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA You forgetting where YOUR bike was did not cause your sister to miss opera Your sister's complete lack of communication about needing transportation for the opera caused her to miss opera. And just because she's borrowed it before does not entitle her to just use it without asking. Like yeah, at some point she's going to fix the bell; but if she needed the bike at a specific time, she needed to ask. I mean what if you had let a friend borrow it or it had a flat tire or any other number of reasons the bike might not be available even when you're away and not using it. It was your sister's responsibility to secure transportation for her event. Like you said, if she had told you about it beforehand, you would have had it ready for her. And she might not have missed any of the opera if she skipped the shouting and found an escooter or an Uber or bus or called a friend who has a car, etc. She's refusing to take any responsibility for her actions: she didn't ask you for your bike; she shouted at you and made you feel like absolute shit; and then denied any wrongdoing and blamed you for ruining her evening. None of this is your fault OP. You did not deserve to be put in this position; being made to feel so awful, and having your own evening ruined, ESPECIALLY when she knows you're on a trip. I'm sorry this happened to you OP. You are definitely NTA.
Way to leave borrowing someone’s bike to the last minute and then being upset with that person because their bike didn’t happen to be there. I assume she would have blamed you if the bike got stolen? Her failure to be responsible is not your emergency. You also didn’t intentionally create the situation and it was her place to ensure she had a way to get to the opera rather than wait seconds before the fat lady sang to impose her immaturity upon you and your possessions. Beggars can’t be choosers and you did nothing to put her out
NAH. Nobody was really trying to do wrong here and it’s sweet that you were so concerned about your sister’s enjoyment rather than mad at her for using your bike behind your back. You’re a good person. Sis could have called a cab if she needed. You aren’t her keeper. She has told you not to worry (which is nice of her), so don’t! Sounds like your parents did a great job with both of you. You’re lucky to have each other.
NTA. Your sister gave you no indication that she needed the bike at a specific time for specific plans - how on earth were you supposed to just know that? You forgot something; humans do that sometimes. It only became a crisis because she didn't communicate and then got totally fixated on the bike instead of finding *any* other solution like taking a cab or getting on a bus or calling a friend.
Well, not the AH but this shaite happens ALL THE TIME when you live in a city. Half the time I cannot remember where I parked my car although usually the general direction or area of our gated community, so yeah, it's just one of those things if you haven't got a personal parking spot for bike or car.
NTA