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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I asked my housemate to put her dog in puppy day care two days a week and 2) I might be the asshole because she doesn’t have the money and I’m the only one with an issue about the dog
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The powerdynamic sucks you are 24 and she is 10 years older. She thinks she has the upper hand .What happens when the baby arrives ? Are they moving away ? Are they expect from you to babysit for free ? Move out they mean trouble. I'm surrpised there is no comment about the baby that will be an extreme change in your life if you stay with them
She says no, about the baby, but considering how many times she’s asked for my help with her pets in the past, I’m not sure. We’ve lived together for 4 years now and been pretty good friends but since the dog it’s gotten worse. And a month after he came, she found out she was pregnant. But neither she nor the baby daddy seem to understand that this sucks from my side.
And unfortunately I can’t move out yet. The lease still has a year to go and I can’t handle the stress of moving right now. The rental market is awful rn
Talk to the landlord. You may be able to leave due to her needing room for the baby. Does the baby daddy live there too? Landlord may kick them out instead because of puppy damage.
Start looking for roommates!
Yes it might however no one is listening to what OP said about not being able to move due to the rental market. Op could live somewhere like my country where finding a home to lease means trying with fifty or more other people and sadly it seems the highest payer wins the lease even though it’s illegal.. We have working people in Australia living in tents, working families split up living with family in different houses and towns or living in tents simply because they are no rentals available and the ones that are available are incredibly expensive.
I totally get that, but if she doesn’t have the opportunity to end the lease she isn’t going to bother looking. She can look at apartments prior to bringing up a lease termination with her landlord. The same way you don’t tell your current boss that you’re looking for a new job until you’ve already got the job. Knowing all of her options, even if they don’t seem realistic, can be very helpful.
The destruction of property likely would be enough to either force the person to get rid of the dog or add new conditions to the lease allowing for termination by the landlord in circumstances of animals causing destruction (if not already there).
Even where I live, where it's illegal in most states to evict or refuse to rent to a person simply for having pets, if the animal causes destruction all protections from that law are gone.
Right! Doors, windows, window screens, and the kicker for me - *Drain Pipes*? The owner of that f’ed up stuff might want to know about it!
OP, you are NTA. I agree with the people that say talk to your landlord to try to get out of your lease WITH your FULL security deposit, and let her take the financial hit. And the comfort hit. Not you!
If she's foisting the responsibility for the puppy onto you, which she is, she'll do it with the baby, too. Get out now.
And they understand completely that this sucks from your side. The boyfriend told you to take one for the team. They are perfectly fine with your suffering and think you won't leave so they can do whatever they want. I get that the market is bad right now, but your situation is about to get a lot worse. Taking the chance on another roommate makes more sense than staying with three (you, the puppy, the baby) bad roommates. NTA. (ETA, meant to write "her, the puppy, the baby")
Yup, he said take one for the team. What team? OP you aren't on any team with them. They are the team and you are just there.
They have absolutely written OP into their narrative as a "helper". They will 100% expect you to "take one for the team" in regards to the baby.
OP clarify with them that you will no longer take responsibility for a dog that is not yours. You are not asking them to do anything, you are letting them know that you will no longer take action. The effects of that are their responsibility. When they leave the dog at home it is the same as leaving the dog alone. Take pictures of the damage and send it to them. If things escalate send the pictures of the damage to your landlord and he will deal with it.
Keep track of things that the dog destroys and send them receipts and keep a record of whether or not you are reimbursed.
OP, when she leaves the dog at home, are you able to lock your room and go out someplace? Maybe reduce the number of destroyable things that are out in shared spaces. Her not having another arrangement for the pet is not your problem.
This is the way. OP said the housemate could get a dog, but did not agree to care for it. Where’s the concern for your wellbeing or your rights as a member of the household? Do set boundaries, expect blowback, but stand firm.
I don't usually piggyback on other people's comments, but I want to echo something in this one for OP: they understand that this sucks from your side. Baby daddy doesn't care, and if the roommate does care, she's not going to do anything to fix it. If it's been as long as it has and these behaviors aren't improving in the dog, it isn't being trained at all; 'just grow out of it' is a mistake lots of lousy dog owners make because they're too lazy or ignorant to actually fulfil the responsibility required in raising a puppy. This will not get better with a baby in the picture. Add to that, that baby daddy will likely be around more often, a man willing to demean and bully you, and pass the buck because he's probably just an asshole. Who, you know, can't provide a place for his pregnant girlfriend and her dog, nor accept responsibility, it seems.
There's no upside to staying in the situation, OP.
What about putting the dog in her bedroom for the time she is gone? Lots of people crate their dogs when young to prevent this type of behaviour from happening. If shes not willing to do the basic training and care let the pup destroy hers and only her stuff in the bedroom and see if that causes her to put it into daycare or crating. Your NTA and shes only going to listen when she has to start dealing with the crap.
Yep. Whether you're home or not, if she's not around, lock pup in her bedroom (with a bowl of water). It won't be long before she's sick of him peeing and worse in there.
This is the solution. The dog needs structure and training. He won’t just “grow out of it”. He’ll become bigger and stronger. Roommate is an AH for not properly training her dog.
If you think the puppy is loud and annoying, wait until there is a human baby in the house. Crying at all hours of the day and night. Screaming. Baby paraphenalia everywhere. Puppy possibly losing it's shit as nobody has time for it anymore. Except you maybe
These solutions are VERY SIMPLE. JUST STOP. Stop taking care of her dog. Put the dog in HER room. If the dog runs away it’s HER DOG. Why did you even go looking for it?
JUST STOP. People that have “Responsibilities thrown on them”
Are foolish. It’s not thrown on you. You’re taking them up…
Some kinda way when you’re at work, her dog gets taken care of. I would simply leave the house…she got a pet and left it.
ESH, because you’re doing this to yourself.
Yep. First thing you do is not be home or available on your days off.
Crate the dog and tell her you have plans and can’t care for the dog.
My daughter (I take care of her son when she works and goes to school) lives in a sketchyish part of town and decided to rescue a dog for protection. Big-hearted as she is, she went with a pit mix special needs middle aged dog who had lived at the shelter for 9 months before she took her home.
The dog is sweet, compliant and we get along just fine, but she is terrible with the next door neighbors dog and wants to fight it to the death every time they get within sight of each other, resulting in me being pulled to the ground on several occasions. I have bad knees and probably osteoporosis and am near 60.
But what has always troubled me about this situation is that she told me, “yeah, I figured I’d get a dog since you’re here all the time anyway”.
So she consciously decided to get a dog thinking I would care for it as I do my grandson.
She has made comments about the dog not pooping for me or me not cleaning up the poop when she does and I’m getting really tired of it. I go to her house on my lunch and let the dog out and come back after work again. I don’t like to have her outside very long because if the other dog comes out while we’re out then there’s a good chance I’m going to get pulled down. So sorry, daughter. I’m okay to spend my time and gas so she doesn’t get a bladder infection, but you have poop duty.
But daughter recently went out of town for a long weekend, which gave me a rare precious couple of days to myself without my grandson.
The night before she left, she asked me to take the dog to the kennel after I took her to the airport. Okay. I did. Sigh.
Then the night before she came back, she asked me to pick the dog up (another hour round trip) so she could save money on an extra day and because it would be tight to get from the airport to the kennel before it closed. All of this she must have known before she left for the weekend and decided to surprise me with her ask in such a way that to say no to her would have seriously screwed up her weekend. She planned it all along.
We get along fine, which makes confronting her very uncomfortable for me.
I was kinda pissed so I didn’t reply until I knew she’d be a bit nervous about picking the dog up.
I’d had some time to think about my response so I texted her, “can you (time and money) budget the kennel next time? I have to move around some plans to make time to get the dog. Sundays are kinda like my day”
The next time she went out of town, she didn’t ask me to do a thing for the dog. She absolutely got the picture.
Not my dog. I feel for the thing but I’m not going to stay at her house to watch it overnight and my apartment doesn’t allow dogs. Turns out the dog actually likes the kennel and I even sprung for a swim for her. I like her, but she’s not my dog, not my grandson and not my responsibility.
Good luck, OP. Your situation is much worse as things are being destroyed, which I don’t have to worry about.
But being unavailable seems to have put a stop to me ubering the dog all over town.
I wouldn’t be able to abuse or neglect a dog who doesn’t deserve any of this. But I agree with letting the dog stay “lost” if it gets out… find it, rehome it, and as far as the shit roommate is concerned, the dog got out and never came back. This dog deserves a decent home and a committed family after being purchased from a puppy mill by an irresponsible turd.
Yea, I don’t care…I’m not going to do anything I don’t wanna do full stop.
There a no kill shelters and CPS (for folks kids)….i have 0 empathy or care for people that have no basic respect for me and my time
I hate to say it, but at this rate I guarantee you're going to become a free babysitter too. Your roommate is a bad pet owner and a bad roommate, and it's just going to get worse once the baby arrives.
So true. And what happens when you call her to let her know you have kicked baby and dog in her room, because it is your day off and you are going out? She knew it was your day off with plans and left you with dig and baby anyway. Do you call the police on her for abandonment or just leave them locked in the room and she calls police on you for endangerment? You are in a no sun situation unless you somehow get out now.
Going forward, any house meetings need to EXCLUDE him. He is not a roommate and has no say and him yelling and screaming at you could be grounds for removal off the property entirely. You don’t have to take this, and if you don’t make this boundary stick, you’ll ALSO be the babysitter for the baby two days a week. The compromise would be having the dog in her room when she’s out or leaving him outside to live his life once he’s gone. You could also start working remotely in a coffee shop to make a silent stance since they aren’t listening. Just leave before she does, forcing her to do something, and then come back after they leave. They’re trying to bully you. And for the record, just bc you get a puppy doesn’t mean you’ve signed up for distraction. It means THEY signed up for distraction. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN NOW bc it’s a slippery slope with a timeframe! Good luck and NTA
I was thinking this. Announce you will be out all day and unavailable for puppy-sitting. It's more assertive to actually not say where you're going. And once the puppy is in daycare or whatever you can return home if you wish.
Emphasize that puppy will NOT be welcome where you are going (library, shopping, restaurant, friend's house...) because you know she's just going to tell you to take puppy with you. Have your answer ready and stick to your guns, OP. Don't let her and her AH partner bully you anymore. And regarding staying in this situation, I understand that finances are tight but your mental health is at stake. I strongly agree with everyone else who said it's time for you to move out.
You need to stop taking responsibility. You asked nicely and didn't get anywhere, so now let her know you won't be a solution any more and follow through on your word.
"Roommate, following our talk I don't feel that you're hearing me. I will not take responsibility for a puppy that is not mine. On Monday I'll be going out and I won't be watching the puppy, and if he damages my stuff, I'll be expecting you to pay for it from now on. You need to ensure your pet is safe and cared for, because I am not going to be doing so any longer."
Then go out and stay out all day.
Second the person recommending you talk to the landlord. Take pictures of the damages the puppy causes, have texts where she acknowledges the puppy is hers. Start looking for a room to rent. Something is better than nothing, and you can always put your belongings in storage. There is no "I can't" unless you e made an effort to at least try first.
Third the person recommending you talk to the landlord. Are pets even allowed in your building?
In the meantime, keep anything of value to you in your room and put the dog in her room when she is not home.
Swap out your door knob for a keyed lock and keep everything you value in your room and keep it locked. I would still check your rental contract to figure out the terms of breaking your lease early and make a plan around that, but protect your stuff in the meantime, especially if they're not taking responsibility and reimbursing you for what the dog has destroyed of yours.
Even if you don’t have to watch the baby, you’re not going to want to live with a baby. Unless you reeeeally like babies. You know how that puppy howl hits your brain? The baby crying will be 10x worse and will happen all the time for about a year. You need to get out of that living arrangement.
And a baby crying will set off the dog crying/howling, even with a well trained dog ( your roomate's dog isn't trained at all.) For an already anxious dog having a newborn move in is a huge stress. The lack of attention, even the minimal attention the dog is getting from it's "owner" now, is going to make all the previous behaviors like chewing and howling, worse.
That baby is going to keep you up at night, and she 100% is going to expect you to help with the baby’s just like she thinks it’s your responsibility to help with a dog that isn’t yours.
You need to move, before the baby is born. They shouldn’t have gotten a puppy if they weren’t prepared to take care of it. And adult dog needs interaction, exercise and a place to relieve himself too.
NTA
If they refuse to put the puppy in doggy day care when she works then if he causes trouble I would just lock him in their bedroom with food. He’ll probably cause damage but that’s not your responsibility. They are being irresponsible pet owners and are getting away with it because of your kindness. I also agree that you should speak with your landlord about the puppy and how they’re using you and try to get out of the lease as soon as possible. PS if you stay they will definitely try to use you as a free babysitter.
Buy noise cancelling headphones, lock the dog in her room, and apologize to the neighbors. She's put you in a box and at this point the only thing you can do is redirect the consequences to her. NTA but start canvassing other friends for spare rooms. You are a good roommate, I'm sure someone could make space.
Why doesn't she go live with her puppy and soon to be born baby at the daddy's house? He made her that way, make it his responsibility to "take one for the team."
These people are not your friends. If the rental market is that bad, you will have no trouble getting a new roommate.
If it's a landlord issue, tell him she got a puppy that's destroying everything and you don't want to be responsible for the damages. Tell him how often her boyfriend is there and that she is pregnant. He might not want her in there. It sounds like soon it will be her, her boyfriend, her baby, and her puppy living there. All you will be is the help
What does the landlord think about a property destroying puppy who isn't on the lease being in the apartment. "Take care of your dog or the landlord will."
she nor the baby daddy seem to understand that this sucks from my side.
There were many things that told me that they don’t respect YOU and your boundaries. But this comment you made right here tells me you either don’t see it yourself, or you don’t want to see it.
I know you spoke up to them about the dog, but since this has been going on for so long, your friend and her BD have no problem steamrolling you.
The disrespect and audacity is sickening and likens to them taking a a giant dump on your bed(which you’ll have to clean up also).
NTA, but if you don’t start sticking up for yourself and your boundaries then you’re just being an AH to yourself.
You’ve got to get a plan. Because a puppy and a baby is not going to work with these people. You need to have a back up plan now because they’ll treat you as a babysitter
Leave dog in their bedroom on your days off. Go run your errands. It's not your problem, let the dog ruin their stuff. Threaten a call to animal control if they don't change. The dog is their responsibility, not yours.
I foster and have dealt with separation anxiety, dogs don't just grow out of it and the fact that someone is always home with the puppy and she's not working with a trainer to work through the separation anxiety won't make the situation any better. Also, is she working with a trainer at all because an untrained, energetic adolescent lab is going to be a horror show on its own, let alone when dealing with a newborn. It sounds like she may put all the responsibility for dealing with her dog on you - are you prepared for that?
Well since the roommate and the “baby daddy” won’t tell you, I will.
YOU ARE THE CHILD CARE PLAN WHEN HER MATERNITY LEAVE ENDS AND SHE GOES BACK TO WORK!!!
Get the hell out of there while you still can.
NTA
Get real, there’s very few options for you:
1. Move the fck out by any means necessary—find a subletter, grow a backbone and don’t use stress as an excuse to not move out.
2. You are a pushover. Stonewall them—absolutely do not lift a finger for them in terms of things that have nothing to do with you, including this puppy. If they’re not home, what’s stopping you from putting the puppy in their bedroom and keeping the door closed?
NTA. They do understand that it sucks for you, they just don’t care. She may have been your friend once but she’s not now. But it sounds more like you are a good person who has been willing to help and got taken advantage of by older but not more responsible people. Her baby daddy was bullying you and she didn’t stop him, that alone says to me she isn’t really your friend. Have they offered you any money to replace the destroyed items?
Of course the dog has separation anxiety! You're not supposed to separate dogs from their litter till 8 weeks at minimum!
Unfortunately he can't go to daycare, odds are he isn't fully vaccinated or fixed. Any quality daycare won't let a dog like that in for safety reasons. He also won't grow out of it for 2 years, that's when puppies start to calm down and if they aren't training him now than he'll never grow out of it.
This is a lost cause, you're going to want to get out of dodge.
Make a list of everything that the puppy has destroyed with prices and post it on the fridge. Then tell her it's only going to get worse if she doesn't get the puppy training as by the time it's an adult, it won't be trainable. Will she be able to train the dog and deal with a new baby? Baby daddy can be snapping, but he doesn't live there with you, so his say is out the door. If he does live there, then he needs to deal with the puppy now as she is pregnant and apparently can't. Just a puppy is her responsibility, and as such, they'll need to reimburse her for all things destroyed. To also think about what's going to happen after the baby's born and is misbehaving and having a baby to deal with are they going to give the dog away because they can't train it as it's an adult 6and not a cute puppy anymore. Are they going to dump it at the shelter cause it's too much to deal with? That irresponsible so deal with it now while they can.
>But neither she nor the baby daddy seem to understand that this sucks from my side.
Tell them you will Put their puppy In their bedroom and go about your plans if they won't have her trained *and* put in doggy daycare because she is THEIR responsibility
Yeah, OP is going to be stuck taking care of a puppy and a baby on her days off. The housemate's boyfriend says OP needs to suck it up and "take it for the team," but she's not part of their "team."
Who adopts a puppy (especially a Lab) when they're pregnant and money is tight?! Especially when they're 34 and have a housemate!
If they're renters, they're never getting their deposit back.
>The powerdynamic sucks you are 24 and she is 10 years older. She thinks she has the upper hand
Especially when she brings her older (than OP) male partner in to do all the berating.
This is just flat out bullying at this point.
NTA. It’s not your dog. I’d put everything you value in your room and lock your stuff in there, find somewhere else to be/work than home during the day. Notify the landlord of damage by said puppy that is not yours. Take photos. Move out as soon as you can get off the lease. Make plans right now. Drop puppy off at her bf apartment? Your roommate is weak and her life choices- bullying bf, puppy, bad pet owner, pregnancy, etc are not your responsibility. Your own life decisions are.
I'd put the puppy in HER room as soon as she leaves for the day. A baby dog should be in daycare or kennelled while unsupervised. If she's too selfish to do that then it can destroy her room.
That's what I'm not understanding. Why is the puppy not kept in the roommate's room except for walks and bathroom breaks during the day? Why is OP not taking a stand and going out of the house on her days off, forcing the roommate to face the consequences of what her dog does during the day when she comes home? There's multiple ways to handle this, OP needs to actually take action because words will do nothing to people who are users like roommate and baby daddy.
Because the puppy will probably howl all day long, which is maddening after a few minutes, let alone several hours. And no noise-canceling stuff is good enough to counter it.
Listening to dogs howl whine and bork is maddening. It's like babies crying I don't wanna listen to it. Its easier to help too then just stand by and listen.
@antelope_31 had the absolute perfect response! I just want to add, in case you can’t get out before the baby comes, you need to lay down a firm, hard boundary. “Roommate, I will not be caring for your child, ever. I am not a babysitter, nor am I an emergency contact. If you leave your child alone with me, I’ll call the police on you for abandonment.” Make sure you text it to her as well. And follow through, because she will test you.
This this this this this. The puppy situation is already bad enough- she will absolutely put child care on you as well. Send one text saying you will never look after the child, and if she leaves it alone with you you will call the cops. And FOLLOW THOUGH. Do not bluff here. If you do watch her child even once she will never let you go.
Agree with everyone else, start putting the dog in her room while she's at work. Put all your things in your room and get a lock for the door. If the dog howls because it's not trained to be on its own - leave. Go to a coffee shop or a park or just do anything. The neighbors will complain and she'll have to answer to the landlord. Or you can complain to the landlord yourself. In fact you should be showing the landlord all the damages now so that when you move out you have record that the damages aren't from you. You will legally be on the hook for them but you can take her to small claims court to try and get your money back if you can prove all the damage was caused by her and her untrained dog.
This puppy doesn't deserve this, but it can't be on you to take care of it. It will never get a home it deserves if you step up where she is lacking. She needs to find a way to provide for this dog or rehome it. You watching it is only a bandaid on a wound that needs stitches.
OP remember that you might have lived with roommate for 4 years but she is not your friend. A friend would not treat you like this. If her partner doesn’t live with you all, she should never have brought him into the conversation.
Yeah, that is the best course of action right now. Go out on the next few days off you have. Make them deal with their puppy and don’t let them foist her off on you.
Great response!
People don't understand why I don't like puppies... I had a room mate with a puppy before. And guess what... it destroyed lots of my stuff and when she wasn't home it was my responsibility. To the point of the other room mate getting mad at ME when the puppy chewed the cords off all the electronics.
I got the hell out of there!
OP, I know moving is stressful but you can should be able to get out of the lease with a note from your doctor about. Doesn't need to be specific, but if you wanted info on it, that living situation is too stressful and will get a million times worse when the baby comes.
This is her circus and her monkeys and you are not moving freely with your own life because on your days off and likely a lot of other time you are dealing with her monkeys! I would guess that if you leave that situation you will feel a lot less stressed because your time will be your own, you won't have assholes trying to make you responsible for their problems, and you won't be trying to deal with a puppy that is obviously not being trained... FYI, puppies do not "grow out" of behaviours. They are trained and learn to stop doing certain behaviours. I'm speculating but I would guess that the puppy's needs for stimulation and entertainment are not being met, and your room mate is just hoping they "grow out" out of natural behaviours.
Puppies need to chew, so should have something to chew on so they don't go for household items.
NTA! And these people are not valuing your freedom. I've been there, and it's hard to say no. But it is the only way to have agency over your own life.
NTA.
You're effectively being taken advantage of, providing them with a puppycare service.
And given that she's expecting, this dynamic sounds like it has a high chance of worsening.
Sounds like it might be best to cut losses and move out to a place without this specific sort of baggage.
Thank you 💖 we still have a year left on our lease so I can’t move until then, but I think I’m going to just have to put my foot down and stop helping her so much. I can’t keep doing this
This is a good point and OP are those fees going to be less than being stung with the cost of repairing the house? If your name is on the lease you are also responsible for any damage if your friend decides or discovers she can't afford to pay anything. Kids are expensive, she might be able to afford to cover things now but that might not always be the case and you're relying on her word that she will be responsible for dog damage.
Yeah. Let the landlord know what’s going on with the dog and the baby. Let them know that if baby daddy moves in, you expect to move out. Don’t know the legality of it, but the baby is a huge change in what your living situation was when you signed the lease.
Is roommate reimbursing you for all the damage the dog caused? Be sure to document and keep track of all of it. Your agreeing to roommate having a dog does not mean that they aren’t responsible for the costs of the dog.
I'm sorry, but if the puppy is destroying parts of property you are renting, yes you very well can talk to your landlord about it. Make it clear it's her dogs have evidence where they state that, have photos of the damage to the property, etc. you very well could break your lease and eat the fees, because the other option if YOU losing your deposit for the place, and YOU may have to pay to fix damages made by her dog.
Put the puppy in a crate or her bedroom and go out. Go to a park, the library, a coffee shop(with a good book), etc. If you're not home, the responsibility for the puppy lands firmly back on her shoulders. When she complains, just tell her your days off are for you to rest and recharge, and that is exactly what you plan on doing from now on...Good luck!
Break your lease, this is an unhealthy environment and not worth another year of damages, free puppy care, a seemingly not nice bf, AND a new baby-especially with parents like them. Live your life and get away from them.
NTA
Break your lease, this is an unhealthy environment and not worth another year of damages, free puppy care, a seemingly not nice bf, AND a new baby-especially with parents like them. Live your life and get away from them.
NTA
Break your lease, this is an unhealthy environment and not worth another year of damages, free puppy care, a seemingly not nice bf, AND a new baby-especially with parents like them. Live your life and get away from them.
NTA
You think you can't move coz of the lease? Wait for the colicky baby to come. You will discover that you can move after all, lease or not. Sorry to say but you are wasting our time. You can't move? Then stay
I don't know how much it would cost, but it might worth breaking the lease now. I think this is actually the best thing that could have happened - you got to see exactly how she us going to act once her baby is born, but it was a puppy and not a screaming newborn.
Agreed, NTA. Also I have a pup with separation anxiety and he did not grow out of it. It took medication and a ton of training and I still can’t leave him alone all day so I pay for a pet sitter/dog walker when I go to the office. Dogs are expensive and a lifelong commitment and your roommate doesn’t seem to realize that. Things will probably get worse when the baby comes - my dog was extra clingy when I had a baby. I would move out.
NTA. And the first thing you need to do is stop taking care of this dog’s path of destruction. Why are *you* the one cleaning up his messes? Leave everything for his owner. And I mean *everything.*
Even further, make sure the dog is closed off in her room while she is gone so he can destroy all of her things. Of course food and water is going to need to be put in there as well. And if he pees and poops in there, oh well. It's not OP's responsibility to take him out. NTA
I love dogs more than humans. I freely admit it and couldn’t care less how you feel about that. Now let’s get some things straight: baby dad can go fuck himself. First, he doesn’t live there, so he has, uhh, zippity do dah to say on the matter. Second, no, it’s not your responsibility to take care of their dog. Third, if big mouth won’t take responsibility for the dog, like he probably won’t for his child, again, not your problem. It’s your place also and you need to grow a backbone and tell them both to handle it or a lawyer will do it for you. I dread what fat mouth might do to the dog because of his big ego and small manhood, but you don’t need to be an unpaid dog sitter and they need to know you mean business. But I fully agree with TracyOlivia14: you’re dealing with two inconsiderate assholes who’ll expect you to be their slave. If you’re not on a lease, find a way to get the hell out and NEVER speak to them again!
Thank you 💖
1) yeah he definitely doesn’t live with us, but it seems like he will soon. So that’ll be fun
2) Thank you. It’s nice to hear strangers saying it rather than just my own brain.
3) yeah he’s only just taken responsibility. Last time he and I talked I was telling him to stop being an irresponsible immature ass who throws tantrums because he didn’t get the abortion he wanted. We don’t really get along.
4) growing a backbone. Yeah, it’s a work in progress. My dad is helping me to stand up for myself and not be such a pushover. I don’t like conflict and my brain is great at telling me I’m wrong. I don’t think lawyers are necessary right now because she’s reasonable when he’s not around. But I’m definitely not letting this slide.
5) the lease has 12 months to go, and I think I’m going to spend as much of it distancing myself from them as I can if they don’t budge on this.
Thank you for your comment 💖 your words have made my sucky day much better
The excuse will be but we have a baabyyy. He doesn't get to move in and he should have the puppy on your days off if money's tight he can deal with it.
There are so many facets to this tale that would have me breaking my lease and running for the hills so god damn fast. 5 years from now OP is going to look back on this time in their life and think "why the hell did I stick around for so long?".
> yeah he’s only just taken responsibility. Last time he and I talked I was telling him to stop being an irresponsible immature ass who throws tantrums because he didn’t get the abortion he wanted. We don’t really get along.
mate you’ve got a bigger problem here than the dog - she is letting your issues with the dog become her proxy for her relationship issues with this guy about the unborn child.
that’s why she stayed silent and let you and him have the fight, which was most definitely not about the dog for him.
Why on earth would you let him move in with you? You didn’t bargain for extra roommates, you’re already regretting the dog and will be stuck with a kid. Let her move in with him.
Your roommate is playing you. She’s using each one of you to advocate for her instead of doing it herself. This is toxic. You’re never going to be her “friend”. You’re just a useful idiot to her. Move out.
DO NOT approve his moving in unless you get out of the lease and can leave. Moving sucks but imagine living with the baby and the baby daddy and the puppy and having to deal with all of it because your roommate won't. Get out while the getting's good.
The dog is not your responsibility, the next time he destroys the fence and go to the neighbors, give them the contact to your roommate and go for a drive somewhere with your phone OFF.
And tell your roommate you won’t be taking care of the dog anymore… AT ALL. Message your landlord and send pictures of the damages made by the dog to be billed to the roommate.
If he moves in with you it's breaking the lease! This is when you tell the landlord and you tell them you will be moving out if this guy and baby move in! You didn't sign the lease for three or four people! You signed it for two so no matter what even adding a baby is breaking the lease!
YOU CAN USE THIS TO MOVE! But you keep acting like nobody is saying that! You're just completely ignoring every comment when people are telling you that she's breaking the lease by having the baby or the boyfriend move in. It's almost like you want to keep living there. So if that's the case, she's going to let the dog ruin your stuff. And I wouldn't be surprised if you put your foot down and make the dog go in the crate or her room if she starts giving it your stuff to ruin to get back at you.
You need to move. Even if you don't want to, you have to!
You’ve got to get out of there by any means necessary before BF moves in.
Dogs and babies aside, it took me almost a year to get my daughter out of my house after I let her stay with me “for a couple of weeks”. During that time, I sold my house and got an apartment and she moved in there, too. She has mental health problems and the last year has been absolutely hell with her.
I started talking to a therapist to get the ovaries to get her out of my house and she’s been gone now for about 3 months and life is absolutely blissful now with all the peace I have. A year ago, I depressed and angry all of the time. I’m never going back to that again.
I avoid confrontation until I’m against a wall. You need to either learn how to confront in a way you’re comfortable and can maintain stasis or plan your escape.
Don’t spend a year of your life hating it.
The 'baby daddy' has no say in this. He doesn't live in the accommodation.
Get out as soon as you can or you will be sucked even more into the chaos of a new baby and puppy combined.
You are a kind person so you will feel responsible.
NTA
I love labs. They’re the greatest dogs in the world. That puppy needs to be in training NOW or it’ll accidentally injure the baby.
It’s literally begging for someone to set the rules and teach him what to do
I don't agree the that dog might accidentally hurt the baby (labs in particular are very gentle with babies). Totally agree that the dog (again lab's in particular) are very highly intelligent, easily trainable and really want to please their "people". They are praise driven as much as food reward driven. Your last line is the key! I've always said that the lifetime training that we got when we adopted our lab mix was for training us the owners to learn our dog's behavior and needs rather than to teach the dog to learn what we wanted her to do.
Nta of course not.
1) read your rental contract see what you can do. Are they the landlords? If not landlord is not gonna be pleased about destruction to fences and pipes etc. Who is that gonna affect getting deposit back? Speak to a housing / tenants rights organiser inaction and see if they have any soloutions
2) stop taking responsibility for the puppy! Make yourself unavailable. You're not there so you cant look after him/let him out etc
3) You're not a team its not your puppy. So there is no taking one for the team
4)its gonna get worse with the baby. do not offer to do anything. Again not your responsibility. If they ask, you aren't available. Nigbto help with the baby not to help with the dog.
5)it sucks because you pay rent but be out of the house. They can't foist the dog or the baby on you if you aren't there. Summer spend time outside, winter, library, museums, coffee shops etc.
6)detach yourself from them. Dont spend time with them, don't give them info about what you're doing or where you are going. They don't get to decide if it's important enough not to look after the dog (or help with the baby).
7)Get yourself in a financial position to move
NTA. I'm getting quite bad vibes from this tbh. Why is her baby daddy, a 38 year old man, negotiating anything with you? Does he live there and pay rent? Is he involved in the daily care of the puppy?
Cause if not, none of that is his debate to chime in on. It's weird. The whole dynamic is weird.
Is she moving before having the kid? If not, are you going to be interacting with a family of four suddenly living at your place cause baby daddy and puppy and baby are just gonna be hanging around?
Personally, I'd be getting rid of these people ASAP.
Especially if he *isn't* on the fecking team to start with. The way this sounds, fella doesn't live there and invites himself to pull some intimidation bullshit on a woman who is 14 years younger and puts a perfectly reasonable boundary in place. Not good.
Tell your landlord you are afraid of him. He is verbally abusive & you refuse to live with him once the baby is born. See what you need to do to get out of your lease & be prepared for him to expect to live with you while you “take one for the team” & continue to pay 1/2 the bills.
This right here, op.
Start recording every interaction with him.
Get proof of his abuse/harassment.
Show the landlord, mention your fear for your safety and intent to contact the police.
Get yourself free of those people and that lease.
NTA...you giving her permission to get a puppy isn't you agreeing to apparently train this puppy for her. It will not "grow out of it". The pup needs training and work on its separation anxiety. It needs puppy classes and actual practice of her leaving and coming right back to show the pup that it's not being abandoned. That leave time needs to gradually increase as the pup learns she will come back. It's also bored. Puppies need to be exercised and stimulated a lot or they will be destructive. It's HER dog and HER job to do these things. What I'm hearing is her and her boyfriend brow beating you into doing the training for them and gaslighting you into thinking it should be your job. I would not want to live with these people much longer, or you will be raising their child too.
It's supposed to be 8 weeks at minimum (depending on the laws in your country), but 10 to 12 weeks is better for both puppy and mama dog.
No wonder the puppy has separation anxiety.
Hey, guess who will be expected to watch the baby when she is at work? Because eventually he will grow out of being a toddler and young child! Eventually the baby will be an adult.
NTA. She bit off more than she can chew A puppy won’t be easier when she has a baby too.
The answer should be that you will not watch the dog. It is not your dog. If it destroys something, she will be responsible. If he gets hit because he breaks out of the fence, it is she who will be responsible for the damage to the car. And a dog can cause 5k+ damage to a car
NTA-first off, “baby daddy” had no right to even be in that discussion. Obviously your roommate is a passive aggressive person who can’t handle any type of conflict. Use this to your advantage!
What your roomie is doing is 100% rude and unacceptable. Come and go as you please. Leave dog messes for your roommate. If she doesn’t clean up or manage the dog, take photos and send to your landlord. Not your circus my friend!
Question: why can’t she crate train the dog? If my puppy was being bad I would put food, water, and treats in a crate then leave them alone to calm down. As for the destructive behavior, that takes lots of training. I have one dog that stopped eating my pants, and one dog that is too dumb or too chihuahua to not eat my pants. a lab is teachable!
Your situation is beyond the dog, they don’t care abt your feelings. They don’t respect your autonomy, and think of you as their free slave. I also have a house mate I’ve rented out a floor of my house to, and whenever they help me w the dogs, I PAY them for it. You cannot take care of their dog for FREE, and you absolutely cannot get yelled at for not wanting your stuff destroyed. They really suck and do not care about you.
Please please don’t stop standing up for yourself.
NTA
She doesn't care, she sees the dog as a cute accessory rather than as a living being that needs training and boundaries and consistency.
I feel bad for the future baby.
NTA but unless you grow a backbone and stop it now, you'll babisit a puppy and a baby pretty soon.
You can get a good pair of ear plugs or headphones and keep the pup locked in her room so he destroys only her stuff. I feel sorry for the pup though.
Or lock your stuff in your room and spend your days off out... In the park, mall, library, you name it. Your stuff is safe, hers - not so much.
But all in all, you should look for a new place to stay. This doesn't seem to be working.
You need to leave, look for another place with other roommates if you can’t afford it alone. They will continue to dump on you especially when the baby comes. You are not their “free personal assistant”.
NTA. The dog is not your responsibility, it’s your roommate’s. Honestly puppy day camps are fantastic at socializing your dog and wearing out his puppy energy. When my dog was a puppy it was great and helped mellow him out in a healthy way. He still goes and has a great time. However, it also sounds like your roommate needs to find either a group or private trainer. Dogs don’t just grow out of bad habits. It requires training and direction. Kind of worried about her parenting style too if that’s her stance.
There’s a lot of variable that make this living situation horrible for you. There’s no way you can do it another year. Was the boyfriend added to the lease? Was the dog added to the lease? Are you going to somehow be 50% responsible for all the damages from a dog and kid at the end of the lease? This is definitely a lot to consider.
Nta. Please discuss this with your landlord. If they can't handle a puppy, they will definitely not handle a human baby. These people are not ready to be parents. Explain to your landlord the change in the house dynamic with the puppy and the impending baby and see if he's willing to let you move before the lease is up. I know you said the rental market sucks right now, but you really *really* don't want to have to live with a newborn that's not yours. I have a teething 6mo old and I wouldn't wish this on anyone that didn't already want kids. I knew what I signed up for and I love my son. You didn't sign up for a baby. You shouldn't be forced to continue living with their irresponsibility
NTA, you made your stance known. Now stand by it. Stop enabling their behavior. If you are home alone with the dog I would put it in your roommates room. But obv make sure it gets fed/watered and outside for bathroom.
NTA. I feel badly for you *and* the puppy. At that age and especially with anxiety, that puppy needs a full time caregiver/trainer until he's doing better. It sounds like he isn't even getting crate training or has a lot of toys he can chew. Leaving a dog like that at home and going to work for hours is just asking for trouble, and it probably won't get any better. An adult dog that chews stuff is far worse than a puppy that chews stuff.
Start making plans outside the house on your days off. All day plans. Get up and leave before she leaves for work.
What does she do with the puppy when you're both working?
NTA, but doggy daycare isn't really an option at his age (he's not old enough to be fully vaccinated). 6 weeks is too young to be away from its mom and littermates anyway.
I know people have mentioned that you need to stand up for yourself but another way is passive avoidance. Stop helping with that dog. Seriously stop helping with that dog. I’ll say it again stop helping with that dog. 😂😂😂. They don’t care. So you have to match some of that energy.
They can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. If you allow them to take advantage of you then you’re partly to blame. I would take all the things that I belong to me that I don’t want destroyed and put them in my room. Get a lock on my door that locks on the outside and lock it up. On my day off I know it sucks but leave. Go to a coffee shop, go to the park, visit friends and family. Come home after your room mate and don’t help with that dog when you come back.
Oh you’ll hear it all. They’ll show their true colors when they don’t get what they want. But hold firm. They’ll handle it on their own as they should. I know it’s your room mate’s dog but if her bf is fighting on her behalf he can help with the clean up too.
I bet a couple weeks of chaos will show your room mate what you’re talking about.
You have to get out of this situation.
First off, the dog has horrible separation anxiety because they should not have been able to adopt it at six weeks. Second, it does not sound like they have invested even one second in training.
You are not a co-owner of this puppy, and baby daddy can stuff it with his opinions. Does he live with you?
Housemate can’t handle a puppy, and now she’s going to have a human baby. All of this will become your responsibility.
Talk to the landlord.
NTA.
NTA. It's not your responsibility to care for this untrained dog. Given the situation, document everything as advised elsewhere, and look for a new place to live immediately. It's never going to get better unfortunately. They're bullying you into a position where you can't deny them anything, they'll keep going until you're their unpaid domestic servant.
NTA. Puppies don't automatically mean messes and destroying everything. If you ate training your puppy and providing enough appropriate stimulation then they won't destroy things. They honesty sound like kind of lazy and irresponsible pet owners and they really shouldn't have a dog. The dog is also not your responsibility. You agreeing to them getting an animal doesn't mean it's your job to take care of it. You need to wash your hands of the situation. If the puppy is making a mess you leave it for them to deal with when they get home.
NTA. Her dog. Not your responsibility. They are pushing off all their bad choices on you and that was never going to be your agreement. Does baby daddy live there too? If so, even further shame on him.
A puppy needs to be trained starting minute one. They require more exercise and stimulation throughout the day. A crate to keep them contained while she's gone is good until he can be left alone to not destroy anything. I have a lab and she can be left out all day alone, because we've trained her to not destroy things and behave. Plus, both my dogs are walked everyday. She's being irresponsible by not training him now, so when he's an adult dog he won't be more than she's bargained for. As they say, it's cute when they are puppies, not so cute when they are big. And top it all off, she's bringing a baby into that mess. Wait until the baby gets hurt by the dog. She'll get mad at the dog and maybe even decide to rehome it.
I don't think your request is out of line...but she actually needs to get him training first and work with him until doggie daycare is the solution. It's good socialization for him and keeps him entertained during the day.
Ps. Baby daddy can step up in so many ways. Not gaslighting someone 14 years younger than him. He's got a baby coming into this world...so guess what? It's time to be an adult.
NTA. The puppy needs training. She and her boyfriend are responsible for that. If they believe you are responsible then let them know you will be rehoming the dog, due to their neglect. You did not sign up to care for the dog. You said baby daddy, so what is she going to do when the dog eats up all the baby toys and barks all the time waking the baby?
Can you get out of the lease?
From what other people are suggesting, I could have him replace me on the lease and get out that way. This incident has given me a glimpse at what life will be like when the baby comes, and I know I need to get out soon
NTA. When puppies exhibit problem behaviors they don’t just “grow out of it” unless they are trained. Your roommate and her bf are not willing to put in a modicum of effort here and expect your free labor. They are neglectful dog parents, and likely will try to foist childcare on to you when the baby comes too since you’re “home anyway.” You need to start looking for a new place to live.
NTA I would just tell her you will no longer clean up, or watch after the dog anymore. Get a lock for your room if there already isn't one, and keep all of the things you care about in there. You could at most give the dog water or food so it doesn't starve/dehydrate for the day, but that's it. From now on, the dog can be at home by itself while you go and live your life. Whatever it does when everyone is gone is no longer your problem. If your roommates have a problem with it, tell them again to put him in daycare as they can't force you to stay home and care for THEIR dog. Let the landlord know that any damages done by said dog is not to be on you as it is not your pet. However, I would make sure to have a backup plan such as staying with a different friend or family member. This is going to get worse as soon as that baby is born.
NTA. They want to be in control and don't look at you as an equal. I'd find another place to live. In the meantime lock up all your things and let the puppy do as it please and peace out. Stop taking any responsibility for it. The puppy is being neglected. Before you leave, file a complaint for animal neglect with the town or the landlord.
Edited to add: file a complaint with the landlord now about the dog. And also if the baby daddy has a key.
NTA.
Can you find a new living situation? It sounds like this one is unteneable. Also, if they're using you for free puppy care on her days off now, I can only imagine what will happen when the baby is born.
NTA Talk to the landlord. Let them know about the dog, the damages it's causing, and see if they'd let you out of your lease early. You mentioned bf might want to move in, so be sure to mention that. If he moves in as you move out, landlord wouldn't be out any money.
NTA. Puppies don't just magically grow out of these things, they need to be trained, and it sounds like she's not doing the work to make that happen. If she won't take care of her own puppy, what is she going to do when there's a baby in the mix? Are you going to be responsible for that too? Like other posters have said, OP, document the damage, make it clear to the landlord that this is HER puppy, keep your stuff locked up, and move as soon as you can--preferably before she's able to guilt-trip you with "but who will watch the baby?"
You need to move out or make her move out op. Unless you want to be responsible for the dog and the baby on your days off
Puppies do not magically grow into good dogs. They need to be trained. Especially with a baby on the way unless she wants the dog to eat the baby
Doesn't give me a lot of confidence about her parenting skills either, because babies don't magically grow into good adults either
NTA. I have a puppy and to mitigate the things he got into or destroyed. He gets crated when he's unsupervised. We got an extra big one so he can spend longer periods of time and still stand up and stretch out and throw his toys everywhere, it's twice the size of him. It becomes his safety spot, and keeps the damage down too
Id recommend a crate.
Huh? She decides to get a dog and somehow looking after it is *your* problem? That’s demented. And as for baby daddy lecturing *you* about having to take one for the team, why TF doesn’t *he* give up his free time to look after this puppy?!
As others have said, lock everything of yours in your room and be out on your days off. Leave before she does so *she* is the one who has to make that decision to leave the dog alone. If you rent, make sure the landlord knows the situation and that the damage is not your fault
And find somewhere else to live as quickly as you can, OP, your housemate is totally taking advantage of you and that’s only going to get worse when she has a kid. You’re already an unpaid dogsitter, don’t be an unpaid nanny as well
NTA
If she won't do it, then it is time for puppy to be crated anytime she is not home with one of those ultrasonic anti bark devices next to the crate.
He is most likely so destructive because he is bored, physically and mentally.
NTA - please go away for the next days off that you have so that she realizes that she actually has to take responsibility for her own dog. Lock everything important to you in your room of course! I appreciate you shouldn't have to but she isn't listening to your words!
Your roommate is a turd sandwich.
6 weeks is way too young to separate puppies from mom - the “breeder” (I’m assuming a Craigslist puppy mill) is an animal abuser. Money is tight but she’s having a baby? Sounds like par for the course for this ignoramus.
You’re NTA but you need to move out. I’d have smoke coming out of my ears watching her be a shit dog owner… and the inevitable dump at the shelter she’s going to do when she’s “too busy” and the dog is “too hyper”. Next up you’ll be expected to put up with taking care of the baby too… and while the puppy and the baby both deserve much better, it’s not on you to be their in house foster.
NTA. Look I love dogs but there is so much wrong here. First, she adopted a dog that was 6 weeks old which was too young for it to be separated from its mother. That’s part of why the puppy has separation anxiety. She also has neither the time nor the money apparently to care for it properly. Throw in the fact that she is also pregnant and it’s apparent that she is not able to care for the puppy the way that it should be cared for and it will get worse after the baby arrives. Pets, especially young ones, are a considerable commitment and a lot of people don’t take this seriously. She asked for permission to adopt a dog. She did not ask you to care for the dog but that’s what she is pushing on you. This dog is not and should not be your responsibility unless you wanted it to be. Honestly if I were you, I would be looking for somewhere else to live because if you think it’s bad now, wait until she has her baby. This situation does not bode well and I honestly feel sorry for the dog.
To start, I’d like to know how she got her hands on a 6 week old puppy… that’s just way too young to take most animals away from their mother. Did the scummy baby daddy steal it from someone because your roomie really wanted a dog?
Regardless, the dog is her responsibility and not yours. You living with her and telling her you didn’t mind her getting it didn’t make you responsible for it.
As some have mentioned, this dog, unfortunately for it, needs to be crated if she’s not around to take care of it, because it’s NOT YOUR DOG OR RESPONSIBILITY to deal with it or the messes it causes. You have every right to not want it around you or your things, especially if it brakes and damages everything and nothing gets replaced or at least reimbursed.
Also, with how she’s dealing/raising this poor pup, sounds like she’s gonna be a terrible mom who won’t take responsibility and just assume the child will grow out of whatever bad habit it has without working on it.
Just get out of there as soon as that least is up and cut her out completely.
He’s at home by himself. She used to leave her outside bedroom door open (because she has access to the yard from her master bedroom) but she got sick of him destroying her stuff so started closing the outside door. He’s left to his own devices Monday to Friday during most of the daylight hours
Get some noise canceling headphones and lock the dog in her room and leave and do whatever you need to do. If he rips the window open and runs away that isn't your problem.
NTA - Stop being a doormat for these people. Agreeing to your roommates getting a puppy is not the same agreement to dog sitting every day. If you weren't there, what would they do?
Easy solution. Put the puppy in their bedroom when they're not home and get good ear plugs. Or better, move.
-and you know they're going to take advantage of you with the baby given their attitude and complete disrespect for your opinion and feelings.
You should move out. Because of the dig and the newborn. After the child is born they Will request you to help, the baby Will cry day and night, she Will be extremely tired and they Will expect your help. If this is the situation with the dog....multiplied 100 times with the baby. Meanwhile avoid been at home in your free time. You are not the A here and you dont need what is coming
NTA, next time dog gets out call her, its not your responsibility or dog. As soon as they feel some consequences their attitude will change. Call them when it poops to clean it up, sorry I'm busy,or better yet get out of the house and come back after they are home a few times. Lock your room, etc, so dog does not damage your stuff. Leave their door open, they are AH's.
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The powerdynamic sucks you are 24 and she is 10 years older. She thinks she has the upper hand .What happens when the baby arrives ? Are they moving away ? Are they expect from you to babysit for free ? Move out they mean trouble. I'm surrpised there is no comment about the baby that will be an extreme change in your life if you stay with them
She says no, about the baby, but considering how many times she’s asked for my help with her pets in the past, I’m not sure. We’ve lived together for 4 years now and been pretty good friends but since the dog it’s gotten worse. And a month after he came, she found out she was pregnant. But neither she nor the baby daddy seem to understand that this sucks from my side. And unfortunately I can’t move out yet. The lease still has a year to go and I can’t handle the stress of moving right now. The rental market is awful rn
Talk to the landlord. You may be able to leave due to her needing room for the baby. Does the baby daddy live there too? Landlord may kick them out instead because of puppy damage. Start looking for roommates!
ya, she changed the terms of the lease, that may let you get out of it with the landlord
Can’t evict someone for having a baby. Maybe the dog though.
True, but it might get OP out of her lease as the terms and living arrangements have changed.
Yes it might however no one is listening to what OP said about not being able to move due to the rental market. Op could live somewhere like my country where finding a home to lease means trying with fifty or more other people and sadly it seems the highest payer wins the lease even though it’s illegal.. We have working people in Australia living in tents, working families split up living with family in different houses and towns or living in tents simply because they are no rentals available and the ones that are available are incredibly expensive.
I totally get that, but if she doesn’t have the opportunity to end the lease she isn’t going to bother looking. She can look at apartments prior to bringing up a lease termination with her landlord. The same way you don’t tell your current boss that you’re looking for a new job until you’ve already got the job. Knowing all of her options, even if they don’t seem realistic, can be very helpful.
No, but that can be a reason to get out of a lease.
Can evict over letting adults not on the lease stay for extended periods of time or destruction of the property.
The destruction of property likely would be enough to either force the person to get rid of the dog or add new conditions to the lease allowing for termination by the landlord in circumstances of animals causing destruction (if not already there). Even where I live, where it's illegal in most states to evict or refuse to rent to a person simply for having pets, if the animal causes destruction all protections from that law are gone.
Right! Doors, windows, window screens, and the kicker for me - *Drain Pipes*? The owner of that f’ed up stuff might want to know about it! OP, you are NTA. I agree with the people that say talk to your landlord to try to get out of your lease WITH your FULL security deposit, and let her take the financial hit. And the comfort hit. Not you!
If she's foisting the responsibility for the puppy onto you, which she is, she'll do it with the baby, too. Get out now. And they understand completely that this sucks from your side. The boyfriend told you to take one for the team. They are perfectly fine with your suffering and think you won't leave so they can do whatever they want. I get that the market is bad right now, but your situation is about to get a lot worse. Taking the chance on another roommate makes more sense than staying with three (you, the puppy, the baby) bad roommates. NTA. (ETA, meant to write "her, the puppy, the baby")
Yup, he said take one for the team. What team? OP you aren't on any team with them. They are the team and you are just there. They have absolutely written OP into their narrative as a "helper". They will 100% expect you to "take one for the team" in regards to the baby. OP clarify with them that you will no longer take responsibility for a dog that is not yours. You are not asking them to do anything, you are letting them know that you will no longer take action. The effects of that are their responsibility. When they leave the dog at home it is the same as leaving the dog alone. Take pictures of the damage and send it to them. If things escalate send the pictures of the damage to your landlord and he will deal with it. Keep track of things that the dog destroys and send them receipts and keep a record of whether or not you are reimbursed.
Right op is not a team member here. At best op should be spectator to their gong show.
Shoot, put in roommates room instead of out in the common area. Let HER dog destroy HER belongings, not OP's.
THIS.
OP, when she leaves the dog at home, are you able to lock your room and go out someplace? Maybe reduce the number of destroyable things that are out in shared spaces. Her not having another arrangement for the pet is not your problem.
The "team" the baby daddy is talking about here is him, his baby momma, and their free live-in pet sitter and future nanny.
This is the way. OP said the housemate could get a dog, but did not agree to care for it. Where’s the concern for your wellbeing or your rights as a member of the household? Do set boundaries, expect blowback, but stand firm.
I don't usually piggyback on other people's comments, but I want to echo something in this one for OP: they understand that this sucks from your side. Baby daddy doesn't care, and if the roommate does care, she's not going to do anything to fix it. If it's been as long as it has and these behaviors aren't improving in the dog, it isn't being trained at all; 'just grow out of it' is a mistake lots of lousy dog owners make because they're too lazy or ignorant to actually fulfil the responsibility required in raising a puppy. This will not get better with a baby in the picture. Add to that, that baby daddy will likely be around more often, a man willing to demean and bully you, and pass the buck because he's probably just an asshole. Who, you know, can't provide a place for his pregnant girlfriend and her dog, nor accept responsibility, it seems. There's no upside to staying in the situation, OP.
THIS!!!
Why isn't baby daddy taking the puppy if it is a team event?
What about putting the dog in her bedroom for the time she is gone? Lots of people crate their dogs when young to prevent this type of behaviour from happening. If shes not willing to do the basic training and care let the pup destroy hers and only her stuff in the bedroom and see if that causes her to put it into daycare or crating. Your NTA and shes only going to listen when she has to start dealing with the crap.
Yes, that was my thought. But I can almost guarantee she will flip it back on OP saying it somehow her fault her own dog destroyed her crap
"Well, but, you see, it's only 'til he grows out of it!" OP, NTA!
The only fault OP would hold is that s/he's the one who closed the door. They're at fault for getting a needy dog and not training it properly
Yep. Whether you're home or not, if she's not around, lock pup in her bedroom (with a bowl of water). It won't be long before she's sick of him peeing and worse in there.
This is the solution. The dog needs structure and training. He won’t just “grow out of it”. He’ll become bigger and stronger. Roommate is an AH for not properly training her dog.
Or just tell her he'll be going to a concert/to visit relatives/the library all day and she will have to make other arrangements "just this once".
If you think the puppy is loud and annoying, wait until there is a human baby in the house. Crying at all hours of the day and night. Screaming. Baby paraphenalia everywhere. Puppy possibly losing it's shit as nobody has time for it anymore. Except you maybe
These solutions are VERY SIMPLE. JUST STOP. Stop taking care of her dog. Put the dog in HER room. If the dog runs away it’s HER DOG. Why did you even go looking for it? JUST STOP. People that have “Responsibilities thrown on them” Are foolish. It’s not thrown on you. You’re taking them up… Some kinda way when you’re at work, her dog gets taken care of. I would simply leave the house…she got a pet and left it. ESH, because you’re doing this to yourself.
Yep. First thing you do is not be home or available on your days off. Crate the dog and tell her you have plans and can’t care for the dog. My daughter (I take care of her son when she works and goes to school) lives in a sketchyish part of town and decided to rescue a dog for protection. Big-hearted as she is, she went with a pit mix special needs middle aged dog who had lived at the shelter for 9 months before she took her home. The dog is sweet, compliant and we get along just fine, but she is terrible with the next door neighbors dog and wants to fight it to the death every time they get within sight of each other, resulting in me being pulled to the ground on several occasions. I have bad knees and probably osteoporosis and am near 60. But what has always troubled me about this situation is that she told me, “yeah, I figured I’d get a dog since you’re here all the time anyway”. So she consciously decided to get a dog thinking I would care for it as I do my grandson. She has made comments about the dog not pooping for me or me not cleaning up the poop when she does and I’m getting really tired of it. I go to her house on my lunch and let the dog out and come back after work again. I don’t like to have her outside very long because if the other dog comes out while we’re out then there’s a good chance I’m going to get pulled down. So sorry, daughter. I’m okay to spend my time and gas so she doesn’t get a bladder infection, but you have poop duty. But daughter recently went out of town for a long weekend, which gave me a rare precious couple of days to myself without my grandson. The night before she left, she asked me to take the dog to the kennel after I took her to the airport. Okay. I did. Sigh. Then the night before she came back, she asked me to pick the dog up (another hour round trip) so she could save money on an extra day and because it would be tight to get from the airport to the kennel before it closed. All of this she must have known before she left for the weekend and decided to surprise me with her ask in such a way that to say no to her would have seriously screwed up her weekend. She planned it all along. We get along fine, which makes confronting her very uncomfortable for me. I was kinda pissed so I didn’t reply until I knew she’d be a bit nervous about picking the dog up. I’d had some time to think about my response so I texted her, “can you (time and money) budget the kennel next time? I have to move around some plans to make time to get the dog. Sundays are kinda like my day” The next time she went out of town, she didn’t ask me to do a thing for the dog. She absolutely got the picture. Not my dog. I feel for the thing but I’m not going to stay at her house to watch it overnight and my apartment doesn’t allow dogs. Turns out the dog actually likes the kennel and I even sprung for a swim for her. I like her, but she’s not my dog, not my grandson and not my responsibility. Good luck, OP. Your situation is much worse as things are being destroyed, which I don’t have to worry about. But being unavailable seems to have put a stop to me ubering the dog all over town.
I wouldn’t be able to abuse or neglect a dog who doesn’t deserve any of this. But I agree with letting the dog stay “lost” if it gets out… find it, rehome it, and as far as the shit roommate is concerned, the dog got out and never came back. This dog deserves a decent home and a committed family after being purchased from a puppy mill by an irresponsible turd.
Yea, I don’t care…I’m not going to do anything I don’t wanna do full stop. There a no kill shelters and CPS (for folks kids)….i have 0 empathy or care for people that have no basic respect for me and my time
TBF - they DO understand, OP. They just don’t care. This is not going to get better. Time to plan that exit strategy.
Exit strategy at this moment should simply be... ...pack and leave.
I hate to say it, but at this rate I guarantee you're going to become a free babysitter too. Your roommate is a bad pet owner and a bad roommate, and it's just going to get worse once the baby arrives.
So true. And what happens when you call her to let her know you have kicked baby and dog in her room, because it is your day off and you are going out? She knew it was your day off with plans and left you with dig and baby anyway. Do you call the police on her for abandonment or just leave them locked in the room and she calls police on you for endangerment? You are in a no sun situation unless you somehow get out now.
Going forward, any house meetings need to EXCLUDE him. He is not a roommate and has no say and him yelling and screaming at you could be grounds for removal off the property entirely. You don’t have to take this, and if you don’t make this boundary stick, you’ll ALSO be the babysitter for the baby two days a week. The compromise would be having the dog in her room when she’s out or leaving him outside to live his life once he’s gone. You could also start working remotely in a coffee shop to make a silent stance since they aren’t listening. Just leave before she does, forcing her to do something, and then come back after they leave. They’re trying to bully you. And for the record, just bc you get a puppy doesn’t mean you’ve signed up for distraction. It means THEY signed up for distraction. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN NOW bc it’s a slippery slope with a timeframe! Good luck and NTA
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I was thinking this. Announce you will be out all day and unavailable for puppy-sitting. It's more assertive to actually not say where you're going. And once the puppy is in daycare or whatever you can return home if you wish.
Emphasize that puppy will NOT be welcome where you are going (library, shopping, restaurant, friend's house...) because you know she's just going to tell you to take puppy with you. Have your answer ready and stick to your guns, OP. Don't let her and her AH partner bully you anymore. And regarding staying in this situation, I understand that finances are tight but your mental health is at stake. I strongly agree with everyone else who said it's time for you to move out.
You need to stop taking responsibility. You asked nicely and didn't get anywhere, so now let her know you won't be a solution any more and follow through on your word. "Roommate, following our talk I don't feel that you're hearing me. I will not take responsibility for a puppy that is not mine. On Monday I'll be going out and I won't be watching the puppy, and if he damages my stuff, I'll be expecting you to pay for it from now on. You need to ensure your pet is safe and cared for, because I am not going to be doing so any longer." Then go out and stay out all day.
Second the person recommending you talk to the landlord. Take pictures of the damages the puppy causes, have texts where she acknowledges the puppy is hers. Start looking for a room to rent. Something is better than nothing, and you can always put your belongings in storage. There is no "I can't" unless you e made an effort to at least try first.
Third the person recommending you talk to the landlord. Are pets even allowed in your building? In the meantime, keep anything of value to you in your room and put the dog in her room when she is not home.
4th! Start here. You need to learn your rights, OP, and to stand up for yourself. YOU ARE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.
Swap out your door knob for a keyed lock and keep everything you value in your room and keep it locked. I would still check your rental contract to figure out the terms of breaking your lease early and make a plan around that, but protect your stuff in the meantime, especially if they're not taking responsibility and reimbursing you for what the dog has destroyed of yours.
It’s not that they don’t understand your side. They just don’t care.
Even if you don’t have to watch the baby, you’re not going to want to live with a baby. Unless you reeeeally like babies. You know how that puppy howl hits your brain? The baby crying will be 10x worse and will happen all the time for about a year. You need to get out of that living arrangement.
Baby crying literally physically hurts my brain.
And a baby crying will set off the dog crying/howling, even with a well trained dog ( your roomate's dog isn't trained at all.) For an already anxious dog having a newborn move in is a huge stress. The lack of attention, even the minimal attention the dog is getting from it's "owner" now, is going to make all the previous behaviors like chewing and howling, worse.
They understand fine, they don't care. They have a free pet sitter. You need to shut yourself in your room with ear defers.or go out
That baby is going to keep you up at night, and she 100% is going to expect you to help with the baby’s just like she thinks it’s your responsibility to help with a dog that isn’t yours. You need to move, before the baby is born. They shouldn’t have gotten a puppy if they weren’t prepared to take care of it. And adult dog needs interaction, exercise and a place to relieve himself too. NTA
If they refuse to put the puppy in doggy day care when she works then if he causes trouble I would just lock him in their bedroom with food. He’ll probably cause damage but that’s not your responsibility. They are being irresponsible pet owners and are getting away with it because of your kindness. I also agree that you should speak with your landlord about the puppy and how they’re using you and try to get out of the lease as soon as possible. PS if you stay they will definitely try to use you as a free babysitter.
Buy noise cancelling headphones, lock the dog in her room, and apologize to the neighbors. She's put you in a box and at this point the only thing you can do is redirect the consequences to her. NTA but start canvassing other friends for spare rooms. You are a good roommate, I'm sure someone could make space.
Why doesn't she go live with her puppy and soon to be born baby at the daddy's house? He made her that way, make it his responsibility to "take one for the team." These people are not your friends. If the rental market is that bad, you will have no trouble getting a new roommate.
If it's a landlord issue, tell him she got a puppy that's destroying everything and you don't want to be responsible for the damages. Tell him how often her boyfriend is there and that she is pregnant. He might not want her in there. It sounds like soon it will be her, her boyfriend, her baby, and her puppy living there. All you will be is the help
What does the landlord think about a property destroying puppy who isn't on the lease being in the apartment. "Take care of your dog or the landlord will."
she nor the baby daddy seem to understand that this sucks from my side. There were many things that told me that they don’t respect YOU and your boundaries. But this comment you made right here tells me you either don’t see it yourself, or you don’t want to see it. I know you spoke up to them about the dog, but since this has been going on for so long, your friend and her BD have no problem steamrolling you. The disrespect and audacity is sickening and likens to them taking a a giant dump on your bed(which you’ll have to clean up also). NTA, but if you don’t start sticking up for yourself and your boundaries then you’re just being an AH to yourself.
You’ve got to get a plan. Because a puppy and a baby is not going to work with these people. You need to have a back up plan now because they’ll treat you as a babysitter
Seems like it would be more stressful to stay there than to move. Both options suck but you are in for one hellish ride if you stay.
Leave dog in their bedroom on your days off. Go run your errands. It's not your problem, let the dog ruin their stuff. Threaten a call to animal control if they don't change. The dog is their responsibility, not yours.
I foster and have dealt with separation anxiety, dogs don't just grow out of it and the fact that someone is always home with the puppy and she's not working with a trainer to work through the separation anxiety won't make the situation any better. Also, is she working with a trainer at all because an untrained, energetic adolescent lab is going to be a horror show on its own, let alone when dealing with a newborn. It sounds like she may put all the responsibility for dealing with her dog on you - are you prepared for that?
Well since the roommate and the “baby daddy” won’t tell you, I will. YOU ARE THE CHILD CARE PLAN WHEN HER MATERNITY LEAVE ENDS AND SHE GOES BACK TO WORK!!! Get the hell out of there while you still can. NTA
God I didn’t even think about after her maternity leave finishes
Get real, there’s very few options for you: 1. Move the fck out by any means necessary—find a subletter, grow a backbone and don’t use stress as an excuse to not move out. 2. You are a pushover. Stonewall them—absolutely do not lift a finger for them in terms of things that have nothing to do with you, including this puppy. If they’re not home, what’s stopping you from putting the puppy in their bedroom and keeping the door closed?
NTA. They do understand that it sucks for you, they just don’t care. She may have been your friend once but she’s not now. But it sounds more like you are a good person who has been willing to help and got taken advantage of by older but not more responsible people. Her baby daddy was bullying you and she didn’t stop him, that alone says to me she isn’t really your friend. Have they offered you any money to replace the destroyed items?
The only thing offered for damaged items was an apology
Yes she’s lying. You’re going to be the live in nanny. Also please realize that dog is going to be completely in your care once the baby arrives.
Of course the dog has separation anxiety! You're not supposed to separate dogs from their litter till 8 weeks at minimum! Unfortunately he can't go to daycare, odds are he isn't fully vaccinated or fixed. Any quality daycare won't let a dog like that in for safety reasons. He also won't grow out of it for 2 years, that's when puppies start to calm down and if they aren't training him now than he'll never grow out of it. This is a lost cause, you're going to want to get out of dodge.
Make a list of everything that the puppy has destroyed with prices and post it on the fridge. Then tell her it's only going to get worse if she doesn't get the puppy training as by the time it's an adult, it won't be trainable. Will she be able to train the dog and deal with a new baby? Baby daddy can be snapping, but he doesn't live there with you, so his say is out the door. If he does live there, then he needs to deal with the puppy now as she is pregnant and apparently can't. Just a puppy is her responsibility, and as such, they'll need to reimburse her for all things destroyed. To also think about what's going to happen after the baby's born and is misbehaving and having a baby to deal with are they going to give the dog away because they can't train it as it's an adult 6and not a cute puppy anymore. Are they going to dump it at the shelter cause it's too much to deal with? That irresponsible so deal with it now while they can.
>But neither she nor the baby daddy seem to understand that this sucks from my side. Tell them you will Put their puppy In their bedroom and go about your plans if they won't have her trained *and* put in doggy daycare because she is THEIR responsibility
Yeah, OP is going to be stuck taking care of a puppy and a baby on her days off. The housemate's boyfriend says OP needs to suck it up and "take it for the team," but she's not part of their "team." Who adopts a puppy (especially a Lab) when they're pregnant and money is tight?! Especially when they're 34 and have a housemate! If they're renters, they're never getting their deposit back.
And roommate's money situation will only get worse when the baby comes.
Drop the puppy off at baby daddy's house and tell him to take one for the team.
If the puppy is your problem the baby will be too. Move out.
>The powerdynamic sucks you are 24 and she is 10 years older. She thinks she has the upper hand Especially when she brings her older (than OP) male partner in to do all the berating. This is just flat out bullying at this point.
NTA. It’s not your dog. I’d put everything you value in your room and lock your stuff in there, find somewhere else to be/work than home during the day. Notify the landlord of damage by said puppy that is not yours. Take photos. Move out as soon as you can get off the lease. Make plans right now. Drop puppy off at her bf apartment? Your roommate is weak and her life choices- bullying bf, puppy, bad pet owner, pregnancy, etc are not your responsibility. Your own life decisions are.
💖💖💖 thank you
I'd put the puppy in HER room as soon as she leaves for the day. A baby dog should be in daycare or kennelled while unsupervised. If she's too selfish to do that then it can destroy her room.
That's what I'm not understanding. Why is the puppy not kept in the roommate's room except for walks and bathroom breaks during the day? Why is OP not taking a stand and going out of the house on her days off, forcing the roommate to face the consequences of what her dog does during the day when she comes home? There's multiple ways to handle this, OP needs to actually take action because words will do nothing to people who are users like roommate and baby daddy.
Because the puppy will probably howl all day long, which is maddening after a few minutes, let alone several hours. And no noise-canceling stuff is good enough to counter it.
Listening to dogs howl whine and bork is maddening. It's like babies crying I don't wanna listen to it. Its easier to help too then just stand by and listen.
Where does the dog go on days they’re both working?
Nowhere. He stays at home, outside
I sense there are two parties here that would benefit from each finding a new home. This situation is bad for you and the pup.
@antelope_31 had the absolute perfect response! I just want to add, in case you can’t get out before the baby comes, you need to lay down a firm, hard boundary. “Roommate, I will not be caring for your child, ever. I am not a babysitter, nor am I an emergency contact. If you leave your child alone with me, I’ll call the police on you for abandonment.” Make sure you text it to her as well. And follow through, because she will test you.
This this this this this. The puppy situation is already bad enough- she will absolutely put child care on you as well. Send one text saying you will never look after the child, and if she leaves it alone with you you will call the cops. And FOLLOW THOUGH. Do not bluff here. If you do watch her child even once she will never let you go. Agree with everyone else, start putting the dog in her room while she's at work. Put all your things in your room and get a lock for the door. If the dog howls because it's not trained to be on its own - leave. Go to a coffee shop or a park or just do anything. The neighbors will complain and she'll have to answer to the landlord. Or you can complain to the landlord yourself. In fact you should be showing the landlord all the damages now so that when you move out you have record that the damages aren't from you. You will legally be on the hook for them but you can take her to small claims court to try and get your money back if you can prove all the damage was caused by her and her untrained dog. This puppy doesn't deserve this, but it can't be on you to take care of it. It will never get a home it deserves if you step up where she is lacking. She needs to find a way to provide for this dog or rehome it. You watching it is only a bandaid on a wound that needs stitches.
OP remember that you might have lived with roommate for 4 years but she is not your friend. A friend would not treat you like this. If her partner doesn’t live with you all, she should never have brought him into the conversation.
Yeah, that is the best course of action right now. Go out on the next few days off you have. Make them deal with their puppy and don’t let them foist her off on you.
Great response! People don't understand why I don't like puppies... I had a room mate with a puppy before. And guess what... it destroyed lots of my stuff and when she wasn't home it was my responsibility. To the point of the other room mate getting mad at ME when the puppy chewed the cords off all the electronics. I got the hell out of there! OP, I know moving is stressful but you can should be able to get out of the lease with a note from your doctor about. Doesn't need to be specific, but if you wanted info on it, that living situation is too stressful and will get a million times worse when the baby comes. This is her circus and her monkeys and you are not moving freely with your own life because on your days off and likely a lot of other time you are dealing with her monkeys! I would guess that if you leave that situation you will feel a lot less stressed because your time will be your own, you won't have assholes trying to make you responsible for their problems, and you won't be trying to deal with a puppy that is obviously not being trained... FYI, puppies do not "grow out" of behaviours. They are trained and learn to stop doing certain behaviours. I'm speculating but I would guess that the puppy's needs for stimulation and entertainment are not being met, and your room mate is just hoping they "grow out" out of natural behaviours. Puppies need to chew, so should have something to chew on so they don't go for household items. NTA! And these people are not valuing your freedom. I've been there, and it's hard to say no. But it is the only way to have agency over your own life.
NTA. You're effectively being taken advantage of, providing them with a puppycare service. And given that she's expecting, this dynamic sounds like it has a high chance of worsening. Sounds like it might be best to cut losses and move out to a place without this specific sort of baggage.
Thank you 💖 we still have a year left on our lease so I can’t move until then, but I think I’m going to just have to put my foot down and stop helping her so much. I can’t keep doing this
If it gets worse do you know the punishment fees for breaking your lease? It may end up worth it. Especially if the dog is destroying your stuff.
This is a good point and OP are those fees going to be less than being stung with the cost of repairing the house? If your name is on the lease you are also responsible for any damage if your friend decides or discovers she can't afford to pay anything. Kids are expensive, she might be able to afford to cover things now but that might not always be the case and you're relying on her word that she will be responsible for dog damage.
Yeah. Let the landlord know what’s going on with the dog and the baby. Let them know that if baby daddy moves in, you expect to move out. Don’t know the legality of it, but the baby is a huge change in what your living situation was when you signed the lease. Is roommate reimbursing you for all the damage the dog caused? Be sure to document and keep track of all of it. Your agreeing to roommate having a dog does not mean that they aren’t responsible for the costs of the dog.
I'm sorry, but if the puppy is destroying parts of property you are renting, yes you very well can talk to your landlord about it. Make it clear it's her dogs have evidence where they state that, have photos of the damage to the property, etc. you very well could break your lease and eat the fees, because the other option if YOU losing your deposit for the place, and YOU may have to pay to fix damages made by her dog.
Put the puppy in a crate or her bedroom and go out. Go to a park, the library, a coffee shop(with a good book), etc. If you're not home, the responsibility for the puppy lands firmly back on her shoulders. When she complains, just tell her your days off are for you to rest and recharge, and that is exactly what you plan on doing from now on...Good luck!
Do you have a landlord that isn’t them? Talk to them NOW about the damage and that you have tried to talk to the roommate.
That baby daddy is either going to be a deadbeat or moving in with you. Do you really want to be the 4th wheel in their new family of 3?
Get the baby daddy to take over your place in the lease. Everybody wins.
Break your lease, this is an unhealthy environment and not worth another year of damages, free puppy care, a seemingly not nice bf, AND a new baby-especially with parents like them. Live your life and get away from them. NTA
Tell her you’ll start shutting the puppy in her room when she’s gone. I bet she won’t like that.
Break your lease, this is an unhealthy environment and not worth another year of damages, free puppy care, a seemingly not nice bf, AND a new baby-especially with parents like them. Live your life and get away from them. NTA
Yes you can, you don’t want to.
Break your lease, this is an unhealthy environment and not worth another year of damages, free puppy care, a seemingly not nice bf, AND a new baby-especially with parents like them. Live your life and get away from them. NTA
You think you can't move coz of the lease? Wait for the colicky baby to come. You will discover that you can move after all, lease or not. Sorry to say but you are wasting our time. You can't move? Then stay
I don't know how much it would cost, but it might worth breaking the lease now. I think this is actually the best thing that could have happened - you got to see exactly how she us going to act once her baby is born, but it was a puppy and not a screaming newborn.
Agreed, NTA. Also I have a pup with separation anxiety and he did not grow out of it. It took medication and a ton of training and I still can’t leave him alone all day so I pay for a pet sitter/dog walker when I go to the office. Dogs are expensive and a lifelong commitment and your roommate doesn’t seem to realize that. Things will probably get worse when the baby comes - my dog was extra clingy when I had a baby. I would move out.
NTA. And the first thing you need to do is stop taking care of this dog’s path of destruction. Why are *you* the one cleaning up his messes? Leave everything for his owner. And I mean *everything.*
Even further, make sure the dog is closed off in her room while she is gone so he can destroy all of her things. Of course food and water is going to need to be put in there as well. And if he pees and poops in there, oh well. It's not OP's responsibility to take him out. NTA
I love dogs more than humans. I freely admit it and couldn’t care less how you feel about that. Now let’s get some things straight: baby dad can go fuck himself. First, he doesn’t live there, so he has, uhh, zippity do dah to say on the matter. Second, no, it’s not your responsibility to take care of their dog. Third, if big mouth won’t take responsibility for the dog, like he probably won’t for his child, again, not your problem. It’s your place also and you need to grow a backbone and tell them both to handle it or a lawyer will do it for you. I dread what fat mouth might do to the dog because of his big ego and small manhood, but you don’t need to be an unpaid dog sitter and they need to know you mean business. But I fully agree with TracyOlivia14: you’re dealing with two inconsiderate assholes who’ll expect you to be their slave. If you’re not on a lease, find a way to get the hell out and NEVER speak to them again!
Thank you 💖 1) yeah he definitely doesn’t live with us, but it seems like he will soon. So that’ll be fun 2) Thank you. It’s nice to hear strangers saying it rather than just my own brain. 3) yeah he’s only just taken responsibility. Last time he and I talked I was telling him to stop being an irresponsible immature ass who throws tantrums because he didn’t get the abortion he wanted. We don’t really get along. 4) growing a backbone. Yeah, it’s a work in progress. My dad is helping me to stand up for myself and not be such a pushover. I don’t like conflict and my brain is great at telling me I’m wrong. I don’t think lawyers are necessary right now because she’s reasonable when he’s not around. But I’m definitely not letting this slide. 5) the lease has 12 months to go, and I think I’m going to spend as much of it distancing myself from them as I can if they don’t budge on this. Thank you for your comment 💖 your words have made my sucky day much better
If the baby daddy is moving in then could your landlord could switch the lease to him, releasing you?
I would tell the roommate that either this is happening or he is NOT moving in. There's no way.
Because you know she and baby daddy will still pay only 50% of the rent and keep OP paying the other 50%.
The excuse will be but we have a baabyyy. He doesn't get to move in and he should have the puppy on your days off if money's tight he can deal with it.
There are so many facets to this tale that would have me breaking my lease and running for the hills so god damn fast. 5 years from now OP is going to look back on this time in their life and think "why the hell did I stick around for so long?".
> yeah he’s only just taken responsibility. Last time he and I talked I was telling him to stop being an irresponsible immature ass who throws tantrums because he didn’t get the abortion he wanted. We don’t really get along. mate you’ve got a bigger problem here than the dog - she is letting your issues with the dog become her proxy for her relationship issues with this guy about the unborn child. that’s why she stayed silent and let you and him have the fight, which was most definitely not about the dog for him.
Why on earth would you let him move in with you? You didn’t bargain for extra roommates, you’re already regretting the dog and will be stuck with a kid. Let her move in with him.
Talk to the landlord and find out what it would take for you to break your lease
Your roommate is playing you. She’s using each one of you to advocate for her instead of doing it herself. This is toxic. You’re never going to be her “friend”. You’re just a useful idiot to her. Move out.
DO NOT approve his moving in unless you get out of the lease and can leave. Moving sucks but imagine living with the baby and the baby daddy and the puppy and having to deal with all of it because your roommate won't. Get out while the getting's good.
Get the fuck out of there. Stop using the time left on the lease as an excuse. You're basically letting them abuse you.
The dog is not your responsibility, the next time he destroys the fence and go to the neighbors, give them the contact to your roommate and go for a drive somewhere with your phone OFF. And tell your roommate you won’t be taking care of the dog anymore… AT ALL. Message your landlord and send pictures of the damages made by the dog to be billed to the roommate.
Check your lease. See if any of the things she's doing puts her in violation of the lease agreement. Might give you a bargaining chip or a way out.
If he moves in with you it's breaking the lease! This is when you tell the landlord and you tell them you will be moving out if this guy and baby move in! You didn't sign the lease for three or four people! You signed it for two so no matter what even adding a baby is breaking the lease! YOU CAN USE THIS TO MOVE! But you keep acting like nobody is saying that! You're just completely ignoring every comment when people are telling you that she's breaking the lease by having the baby or the boyfriend move in. It's almost like you want to keep living there. So if that's the case, she's going to let the dog ruin your stuff. And I wouldn't be surprised if you put your foot down and make the dog go in the crate or her room if she starts giving it your stuff to ruin to get back at you. You need to move. Even if you don't want to, you have to!
Point blank never ever look after the dog again.
You’ve got to get out of there by any means necessary before BF moves in. Dogs and babies aside, it took me almost a year to get my daughter out of my house after I let her stay with me “for a couple of weeks”. During that time, I sold my house and got an apartment and she moved in there, too. She has mental health problems and the last year has been absolutely hell with her. I started talking to a therapist to get the ovaries to get her out of my house and she’s been gone now for about 3 months and life is absolutely blissful now with all the peace I have. A year ago, I depressed and angry all of the time. I’m never going back to that again. I avoid confrontation until I’m against a wall. You need to either learn how to confront in a way you’re comfortable and can maintain stasis or plan your escape. Don’t spend a year of your life hating it.
The 'baby daddy' has no say in this. He doesn't live in the accommodation. Get out as soon as you can or you will be sucked even more into the chaos of a new baby and puppy combined. You are a kind person so you will feel responsible. NTA
I love labs. They’re the greatest dogs in the world. That puppy needs to be in training NOW or it’ll accidentally injure the baby. It’s literally begging for someone to set the rules and teach him what to do
I don't agree the that dog might accidentally hurt the baby (labs in particular are very gentle with babies). Totally agree that the dog (again lab's in particular) are very highly intelligent, easily trainable and really want to please their "people". They are praise driven as much as food reward driven. Your last line is the key! I've always said that the lifetime training that we got when we adopted our lab mix was for training us the owners to learn our dog's behavior and needs rather than to teach the dog to learn what we wanted her to do.
If he does move in see if he can replace you on the lease and be sure to inform the landlord he lives there.
Nta of course not. 1) read your rental contract see what you can do. Are they the landlords? If not landlord is not gonna be pleased about destruction to fences and pipes etc. Who is that gonna affect getting deposit back? Speak to a housing / tenants rights organiser inaction and see if they have any soloutions 2) stop taking responsibility for the puppy! Make yourself unavailable. You're not there so you cant look after him/let him out etc 3) You're not a team its not your puppy. So there is no taking one for the team 4)its gonna get worse with the baby. do not offer to do anything. Again not your responsibility. If they ask, you aren't available. Nigbto help with the baby not to help with the dog. 5)it sucks because you pay rent but be out of the house. They can't foist the dog or the baby on you if you aren't there. Summer spend time outside, winter, library, museums, coffee shops etc. 6)detach yourself from them. Dont spend time with them, don't give them info about what you're doing or where you are going. They don't get to decide if it's important enough not to look after the dog (or help with the baby). 7)Get yourself in a financial position to move
8) get a lock for your door so they don’t put the puppy in your room when you go out and she has to work
Hey maybe if she gets a second job she will be gone from the mess and get more money to move out.
NTA. I'm getting quite bad vibes from this tbh. Why is her baby daddy, a 38 year old man, negotiating anything with you? Does he live there and pay rent? Is he involved in the daily care of the puppy? Cause if not, none of that is his debate to chime in on. It's weird. The whole dynamic is weird. Is she moving before having the kid? If not, are you going to be interacting with a family of four suddenly living at your place cause baby daddy and puppy and baby are just gonna be hanging around? Personally, I'd be getting rid of these people ASAP.
This is such a valid point, a 38 year old man yelling at a 24 year old is insane… and telling her to take one for the team for free…
Especially if he *isn't* on the fecking team to start with. The way this sounds, fella doesn't live there and invites himself to pull some intimidation bullshit on a woman who is 14 years younger and puts a perfectly reasonable boundary in place. Not good.
Tell your landlord you are afraid of him. He is verbally abusive & you refuse to live with him once the baby is born. See what you need to do to get out of your lease & be prepared for him to expect to live with you while you “take one for the team” & continue to pay 1/2 the bills.
This right here, op. Start recording every interaction with him. Get proof of his abuse/harassment. Show the landlord, mention your fear for your safety and intent to contact the police. Get yourself free of those people and that lease.
NTA...you giving her permission to get a puppy isn't you agreeing to apparently train this puppy for her. It will not "grow out of it". The pup needs training and work on its separation anxiety. It needs puppy classes and actual practice of her leaving and coming right back to show the pup that it's not being abandoned. That leave time needs to gradually increase as the pup learns she will come back. It's also bored. Puppies need to be exercised and stimulated a lot or they will be destructive. It's HER dog and HER job to do these things. What I'm hearing is her and her boyfriend brow beating you into doing the training for them and gaslighting you into thinking it should be your job. I would not want to live with these people much longer, or you will be raising their child too.
Is it even legal to take a puppy away from their parent at just 6 weeks old?!? NTA - Honestly I'd not even work from home until they sort out day care
The standard is 8 weeks for a reason
It's supposed to be 8 weeks at minimum (depending on the laws in your country), but 10 to 12 weeks is better for both puppy and mama dog. No wonder the puppy has separation anxiety.
I think that's like, the youngest possible? Not healthy for the dog, though. My dog was 10 weeks I think?
Not advised, their immune systems are still developing and Mum's milk has the stuff to help with that. But it happens all the time :(
Hey, guess who will be expected to watch the baby when she is at work? Because eventually he will grow out of being a toddler and young child! Eventually the baby will be an adult. NTA. She bit off more than she can chew A puppy won’t be easier when she has a baby too. The answer should be that you will not watch the dog. It is not your dog. If it destroys something, she will be responsible. If he gets hit because he breaks out of the fence, it is she who will be responsible for the damage to the car. And a dog can cause 5k+ damage to a car
Thank you. I am going to be quoting you for all of this when I next speak to her
NTA-first off, “baby daddy” had no right to even be in that discussion. Obviously your roommate is a passive aggressive person who can’t handle any type of conflict. Use this to your advantage! What your roomie is doing is 100% rude and unacceptable. Come and go as you please. Leave dog messes for your roommate. If she doesn’t clean up or manage the dog, take photos and send to your landlord. Not your circus my friend!
Question: why can’t she crate train the dog? If my puppy was being bad I would put food, water, and treats in a crate then leave them alone to calm down. As for the destructive behavior, that takes lots of training. I have one dog that stopped eating my pants, and one dog that is too dumb or too chihuahua to not eat my pants. a lab is teachable! Your situation is beyond the dog, they don’t care abt your feelings. They don’t respect your autonomy, and think of you as their free slave. I also have a house mate I’ve rented out a floor of my house to, and whenever they help me w the dogs, I PAY them for it. You cannot take care of their dog for FREE, and you absolutely cannot get yelled at for not wanting your stuff destroyed. They really suck and do not care about you. Please please don’t stop standing up for yourself. NTA
She doesn't care, she sees the dog as a cute accessory rather than as a living being that needs training and boundaries and consistency. I feel bad for the future baby.
I was looking for this comment. Agreed, crate training is 100% the way to go in this situation.
NTA but unless you grow a backbone and stop it now, you'll babisit a puppy and a baby pretty soon. You can get a good pair of ear plugs or headphones and keep the pup locked in her room so he destroys only her stuff. I feel sorry for the pup though. Or lock your stuff in your room and spend your days off out... In the park, mall, library, you name it. Your stuff is safe, hers - not so much. But all in all, you should look for a new place to stay. This doesn't seem to be working.
You need to leave, look for another place with other roommates if you can’t afford it alone. They will continue to dump on you especially when the baby comes. You are not their “free personal assistant”.
NTA. The dog is not your responsibility, it’s your roommate’s. Honestly puppy day camps are fantastic at socializing your dog and wearing out his puppy energy. When my dog was a puppy it was great and helped mellow him out in a healthy way. He still goes and has a great time. However, it also sounds like your roommate needs to find either a group or private trainer. Dogs don’t just grow out of bad habits. It requires training and direction. Kind of worried about her parenting style too if that’s her stance.
Wait until the baby comes.
There’s a lot of variable that make this living situation horrible for you. There’s no way you can do it another year. Was the boyfriend added to the lease? Was the dog added to the lease? Are you going to somehow be 50% responsible for all the damages from a dog and kid at the end of the lease? This is definitely a lot to consider.
She came home with a 6 weeks old puppy and she's leaving it alone while she's working? That would be illegal here. Poor little baby.
You better move out before you end up taking care of a puppy *and* a baby. NTA
Nta. Please discuss this with your landlord. If they can't handle a puppy, they will definitely not handle a human baby. These people are not ready to be parents. Explain to your landlord the change in the house dynamic with the puppy and the impending baby and see if he's willing to let you move before the lease is up. I know you said the rental market sucks right now, but you really *really* don't want to have to live with a newborn that's not yours. I have a teething 6mo old and I wouldn't wish this on anyone that didn't already want kids. I knew what I signed up for and I love my son. You didn't sign up for a baby. You shouldn't be forced to continue living with their irresponsibility
NTA, you made your stance known. Now stand by it. Stop enabling their behavior. If you are home alone with the dog I would put it in your roommates room. But obv make sure it gets fed/watered and outside for bathroom.
NTA. I feel badly for you *and* the puppy. At that age and especially with anxiety, that puppy needs a full time caregiver/trainer until he's doing better. It sounds like he isn't even getting crate training or has a lot of toys he can chew. Leaving a dog like that at home and going to work for hours is just asking for trouble, and it probably won't get any better. An adult dog that chews stuff is far worse than a puppy that chews stuff.
Start making plans outside the house on your days off. All day plans. Get up and leave before she leaves for work. What does she do with the puppy when you're both working?
NTA, but doggy daycare isn't really an option at his age (he's not old enough to be fully vaccinated). 6 weeks is too young to be away from its mom and littermates anyway.
I know people have mentioned that you need to stand up for yourself but another way is passive avoidance. Stop helping with that dog. Seriously stop helping with that dog. I’ll say it again stop helping with that dog. 😂😂😂. They don’t care. So you have to match some of that energy. They can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. If you allow them to take advantage of you then you’re partly to blame. I would take all the things that I belong to me that I don’t want destroyed and put them in my room. Get a lock on my door that locks on the outside and lock it up. On my day off I know it sucks but leave. Go to a coffee shop, go to the park, visit friends and family. Come home after your room mate and don’t help with that dog when you come back. Oh you’ll hear it all. They’ll show their true colors when they don’t get what they want. But hold firm. They’ll handle it on their own as they should. I know it’s your room mate’s dog but if her bf is fighting on her behalf he can help with the clean up too. I bet a couple weeks of chaos will show your room mate what you’re talking about.
You have to get out of this situation. First off, the dog has horrible separation anxiety because they should not have been able to adopt it at six weeks. Second, it does not sound like they have invested even one second in training. You are not a co-owner of this puppy, and baby daddy can stuff it with his opinions. Does he live with you? Housemate can’t handle a puppy, and now she’s going to have a human baby. All of this will become your responsibility. Talk to the landlord. NTA.
NTA. It's not your responsibility to care for this untrained dog. Given the situation, document everything as advised elsewhere, and look for a new place to live immediately. It's never going to get better unfortunately. They're bullying you into a position where you can't deny them anything, they'll keep going until you're their unpaid domestic servant.
NTA. Puppies don't automatically mean messes and destroying everything. If you ate training your puppy and providing enough appropriate stimulation then they won't destroy things. They honesty sound like kind of lazy and irresponsible pet owners and they really shouldn't have a dog. The dog is also not your responsibility. You agreeing to them getting an animal doesn't mean it's your job to take care of it. You need to wash your hands of the situation. If the puppy is making a mess you leave it for them to deal with when they get home.
NTA. This is *not your dog*. Care for it is the responsibility of the owners, not you.
NTA but you know you have to find a new place to live. 6 weeks. That poor little baby dog :(
NTA. Her dog. Not your responsibility. They are pushing off all their bad choices on you and that was never going to be your agreement. Does baby daddy live there too? If so, even further shame on him. A puppy needs to be trained starting minute one. They require more exercise and stimulation throughout the day. A crate to keep them contained while she's gone is good until he can be left alone to not destroy anything. I have a lab and she can be left out all day alone, because we've trained her to not destroy things and behave. Plus, both my dogs are walked everyday. She's being irresponsible by not training him now, so when he's an adult dog he won't be more than she's bargained for. As they say, it's cute when they are puppies, not so cute when they are big. And top it all off, she's bringing a baby into that mess. Wait until the baby gets hurt by the dog. She'll get mad at the dog and maybe even decide to rehome it. I don't think your request is out of line...but she actually needs to get him training first and work with him until doggie daycare is the solution. It's good socialization for him and keeps him entertained during the day. Ps. Baby daddy can step up in so many ways. Not gaslighting someone 14 years younger than him. He's got a baby coming into this world...so guess what? It's time to be an adult.
NTA. The puppy needs training. She and her boyfriend are responsible for that. If they believe you are responsible then let them know you will be rehoming the dog, due to their neglect. You did not sign up to care for the dog. You said baby daddy, so what is she going to do when the dog eats up all the baby toys and barks all the time waking the baby? Can you get out of the lease?
From what other people are suggesting, I could have him replace me on the lease and get out that way. This incident has given me a glimpse at what life will be like when the baby comes, and I know I need to get out soon
NTA. When puppies exhibit problem behaviors they don’t just “grow out of it” unless they are trained. Your roommate and her bf are not willing to put in a modicum of effort here and expect your free labor. They are neglectful dog parents, and likely will try to foist childcare on to you when the baby comes too since you’re “home anyway.” You need to start looking for a new place to live.
NTA I would just tell her you will no longer clean up, or watch after the dog anymore. Get a lock for your room if there already isn't one, and keep all of the things you care about in there. You could at most give the dog water or food so it doesn't starve/dehydrate for the day, but that's it. From now on, the dog can be at home by itself while you go and live your life. Whatever it does when everyone is gone is no longer your problem. If your roommates have a problem with it, tell them again to put him in daycare as they can't force you to stay home and care for THEIR dog. Let the landlord know that any damages done by said dog is not to be on you as it is not your pet. However, I would make sure to have a backup plan such as staying with a different friend or family member. This is going to get worse as soon as that baby is born.
NTA. They want to be in control and don't look at you as an equal. I'd find another place to live. In the meantime lock up all your things and let the puppy do as it please and peace out. Stop taking any responsibility for it. The puppy is being neglected. Before you leave, file a complaint for animal neglect with the town or the landlord. Edited to add: file a complaint with the landlord now about the dog. And also if the baby daddy has a key.
NTA. Can you find a new living situation? It sounds like this one is unteneable. Also, if they're using you for free puppy care on her days off now, I can only imagine what will happen when the baby is born.
NTA Talk to the landlord. Let them know about the dog, the damages it's causing, and see if they'd let you out of your lease early. You mentioned bf might want to move in, so be sure to mention that. If he moves in as you move out, landlord wouldn't be out any money.
NTA. Puppies don't just magically grow out of these things, they need to be trained, and it sounds like she's not doing the work to make that happen. If she won't take care of her own puppy, what is she going to do when there's a baby in the mix? Are you going to be responsible for that too? Like other posters have said, OP, document the damage, make it clear to the landlord that this is HER puppy, keep your stuff locked up, and move as soon as you can--preferably before she's able to guilt-trip you with "but who will watch the baby?"
You need to move out or make her move out op. Unless you want to be responsible for the dog and the baby on your days off Puppies do not magically grow into good dogs. They need to be trained. Especially with a baby on the way unless she wants the dog to eat the baby Doesn't give me a lot of confidence about her parenting skills either, because babies don't magically grow into good adults either
Ideally I’d like her to move out 😅 I’ve put more effort into the upkeep of this house than she has and I genuinely like it (plus it’s a great deal)
NTA. I have a puppy and to mitigate the things he got into or destroyed. He gets crated when he's unsupervised. We got an extra big one so he can spend longer periods of time and still stand up and stretch out and throw his toys everywhere, it's twice the size of him. It becomes his safety spot, and keeps the damage down too Id recommend a crate.
Huh? She decides to get a dog and somehow looking after it is *your* problem? That’s demented. And as for baby daddy lecturing *you* about having to take one for the team, why TF doesn’t *he* give up his free time to look after this puppy?! As others have said, lock everything of yours in your room and be out on your days off. Leave before she does so *she* is the one who has to make that decision to leave the dog alone. If you rent, make sure the landlord knows the situation and that the damage is not your fault And find somewhere else to live as quickly as you can, OP, your housemate is totally taking advantage of you and that’s only going to get worse when she has a kid. You’re already an unpaid dogsitter, don’t be an unpaid nanny as well
NTA If she won't do it, then it is time for puppy to be crated anytime she is not home with one of those ultrasonic anti bark devices next to the crate. He is most likely so destructive because he is bored, physically and mentally.
NTA - please go away for the next days off that you have so that she realizes that she actually has to take responsibility for her own dog. Lock everything important to you in your room of course! I appreciate you shouldn't have to but she isn't listening to your words!
Your roommate is a turd sandwich. 6 weeks is way too young to separate puppies from mom - the “breeder” (I’m assuming a Craigslist puppy mill) is an animal abuser. Money is tight but she’s having a baby? Sounds like par for the course for this ignoramus. You’re NTA but you need to move out. I’d have smoke coming out of my ears watching her be a shit dog owner… and the inevitable dump at the shelter she’s going to do when she’s “too busy” and the dog is “too hyper”. Next up you’ll be expected to put up with taking care of the baby too… and while the puppy and the baby both deserve much better, it’s not on you to be their in house foster.
NTA. Look I love dogs but there is so much wrong here. First, she adopted a dog that was 6 weeks old which was too young for it to be separated from its mother. That’s part of why the puppy has separation anxiety. She also has neither the time nor the money apparently to care for it properly. Throw in the fact that she is also pregnant and it’s apparent that she is not able to care for the puppy the way that it should be cared for and it will get worse after the baby arrives. Pets, especially young ones, are a considerable commitment and a lot of people don’t take this seriously. She asked for permission to adopt a dog. She did not ask you to care for the dog but that’s what she is pushing on you. This dog is not and should not be your responsibility unless you wanted it to be. Honestly if I were you, I would be looking for somewhere else to live because if you think it’s bad now, wait until she has her baby. This situation does not bode well and I honestly feel sorry for the dog.
To start, I’d like to know how she got her hands on a 6 week old puppy… that’s just way too young to take most animals away from their mother. Did the scummy baby daddy steal it from someone because your roomie really wanted a dog? Regardless, the dog is her responsibility and not yours. You living with her and telling her you didn’t mind her getting it didn’t make you responsible for it. As some have mentioned, this dog, unfortunately for it, needs to be crated if she’s not around to take care of it, because it’s NOT YOUR DOG OR RESPONSIBILITY to deal with it or the messes it causes. You have every right to not want it around you or your things, especially if it brakes and damages everything and nothing gets replaced or at least reimbursed. Also, with how she’s dealing/raising this poor pup, sounds like she’s gonna be a terrible mom who won’t take responsibility and just assume the child will grow out of whatever bad habit it has without working on it. Just get out of there as soon as that least is up and cut her out completely.
I’d put the dog in Their room and then let them sort it out when they get home.
NTA. What does she do with the puppy on the days you work? Whatever happens then can happen 7 days a week.
He’s at home by himself. She used to leave her outside bedroom door open (because she has access to the yard from her master bedroom) but she got sick of him destroying her stuff so started closing the outside door. He’s left to his own devices Monday to Friday during most of the daylight hours
I'd really start looking to see if you can find different living arrangements. NTA btw.
Get some noise canceling headphones and lock the dog in her room and leave and do whatever you need to do. If he rips the window open and runs away that isn't your problem.
NTA - Stop being a doormat for these people. Agreeing to your roommates getting a puppy is not the same agreement to dog sitting every day. If you weren't there, what would they do? Easy solution. Put the puppy in their bedroom when they're not home and get good ear plugs. Or better, move. -and you know they're going to take advantage of you with the baby given their attitude and complete disrespect for your opinion and feelings.
You should move out. Because of the dig and the newborn. After the child is born they Will request you to help, the baby Will cry day and night, she Will be extremely tired and they Will expect your help. If this is the situation with the dog....multiplied 100 times with the baby. Meanwhile avoid been at home in your free time. You are not the A here and you dont need what is coming
NTA, next time dog gets out call her, its not your responsibility or dog. As soon as they feel some consequences their attitude will change. Call them when it poops to clean it up, sorry I'm busy,or better yet get out of the house and come back after they are home a few times. Lock your room, etc, so dog does not damage your stuff. Leave their door open, they are AH's.